Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, this is not abuse
no More with your host, doctor and evangelist tell Rich,
help you to admit where you feel in order to
take you from the effects of narcissistic abuse. How y'all
doing today on this lovely Wednesday morning, This is no ok,
abuse no More with your host, doctor and evangelist kl Rich.
On this January the fourteenth of twenty twenty six. I
pray that you've had a blessed, stress free, narcissistic free,
abuse free weeks so far, and not the remainder of
this week will continue to be so as well.
Speaker 2: But if not, we're gonna be talking about a few
things today.
Speaker 3: Yes we are.
Speaker 2: We are talking about We are talking about today nine
signs of verbal abuse. Nine signs of verbal abuse, and
we're getting this valuable information from this valuable information today
from very well Health dot com very well Health dot com. Now,
just to let you know before we begin, we have
this podcast every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at ten am
Eastern Standard time, nine a m.
Speaker 3: Central and that.
Speaker 2: Is on SoundCloud, I Heard Radio, Spotify, Spreaker, Google Play,
I heeart Radio, that's what a radio is, iTunes and
other various platforms, So you have variety of different platforms
that you can listen to this particular podcast on I
pray that your week has been stressed free, narcissistic free,
abuse free.
Speaker 3: But if not, we're gonna be talking about that.
Speaker 2: So we know that, and if you don't know, we
know that abuse comes in various forms. Oftentimes, the obvious
signs of abuse, it we know is when we see
like a black eye or broken bone, or some body
parts blue and black, and so we see that obviously.
But there are other types of abuse, and one of
those is verbal abuse, verbal abuse, verbal abusing. So today
we wanted to go into what is verbal abuse because
many times when you're dealing with narcissists, you're going to
encounter some type.
Speaker 3: Of verbal abuse. So what is verbal abuse?
Speaker 2: Verbal abuse is a type of emotional abuse. It's emotional
abuse where people they may not use their fists, but
the words. You know, there used to be a saying
that sticks and stones may break my bones, but words
will never harm me.
Speaker 3: But words do hurt.
Speaker 2: So these people use their words, Okay, they use their
words to control the other person, to dominate the other person,
to manipulate the other person. It also involves yelling, on threats,
gas lighting, a shameful, demeaning comments.
Speaker 3: That are critical that are unkind you.
Speaker 2: When you're dealing with someone that's verbally abusive, they tend
to use accusations, humiliation, isolation. So these are some of
the things that you may encounter when you're dealing with
a verbal abuser under the umbrella of narcissism. Narcissism, So
we're gonna talk about nine things that pertains to verbal
abuse so that you will know if you are being
verbally abused. And let me just say this because I
want to make sure that we're clear on something. Many
times people think that they have to take abuse, But
you do not have to take abuse from anyone just
because your blood related, just because they're in your work environment,
your school environment, wherever it is. You do not have
to take abuse.
Speaker 3: We are all we all have the right.
Speaker 2: To be treated with dignity and respect. Dignity and respect
and so on an upcoming podcast, we're gonna talk about
your bill of rights as an individual, okay, because you
do have your own personal bill of rights, but we're
gonna talk about today the number one thing is name calling.
Name calling, so oftentimes when you are dealing with someone
that is abusive, they want to try to break you down.
They want to dominate you, manipulate you, control you. They
want to devalue you. They want to demean you.
Speaker 3: They want to lower your self esteem.
Speaker 2: They want you to feel bad about who you are
as an individual. And one of those things they do
is name call, So they will call you things to
make you feel bad about yourself. You sometimes you may
have heard appearing in the store, or call their child stupid,
or you just like you're no good daddy or something
like that. So these are things that can cause a
person's self esteem to diminish, especially when you are dealing
with this even as a child. And while many people
have suffered from abuse, it doesn't mean that they have
the right to cause.
Speaker 3: Harm to someone else.
Speaker 2: And this is why we often talk about when when
you're dealing with cognitive dissonance, you know that someone you
know who the person is or what they're doing to you,
but then you have another opinion, well it's because of this,
and it's because of that. So then you have trauma
bonding with this particular individual because you're empathizing due to
the pain that they have gone through. But the thing
is is hurt people do not have the right to
hurt other people. So just because you have gone through abuse,
and you may have gone through some psychological issues that
may have caused some damage in your life, does not
mean that you have the right to do it to
someone else. So we definitely don't want to be the
recipients of someone else's bad history because your is not
your fault what someone did to them.
Speaker 3: However, they can choose to change who they are and
how they respond to other people. Number two gas lighting.
Gas lighting.
Speaker 2: We keep getting this word gas lighting, and basically, again,
gaslighting happens when a person go out of their way.
Speaker 3: To make you doubt your reality.
Speaker 2: They make you feel confused, they make you feel incompetent,
They make you question your sanity.
Speaker 3: Cause you to possibly be having sanity.
Speaker 2: You know, so you're dealing with someone that they know
that they're doing harm to you, but they will make
you feel as if it's all just in your head
and that they're not really doing the harmful damage that
they are.
Speaker 3: They make you feel as if you can't.
Speaker 2: Trust your own judgment, can't trust your own thoughts.
Speaker 3: You can't have your own belief system.
Speaker 2: Because they make you question everything about yourself.
Speaker 3: This is called.
Speaker 2: Gaslighting, and this is another form of verbal abuse. Number three.
The next one we know is an obvious one, yelling
and screaming. Yelling and screaming when someone raises their voice
at you. When you see someone that is always yelling
and screaming, they think that a lot of times they
think that it helps their point to become valid. The
louder they get, the more valid their argument is. And
is actually the opposite, because if you are an articulate person,
you don't have to yell and scream at someone to
get your point across. Now, people, they may tend to disagree,
and you can disagree with someone without having to scream
and yell. Now, you often see this when it comes
to little children. Okay, they're they're fighting, they're trying to
get their way, and therefore they may yell and scream.
But as adults, you should be able to have self control,
self control where you do not have to yell and
scream in order to get a point across. Now, when
you're dealing with verbal abusers, this is exactly what you're
going to experience. You're going to experience that sense of
yelling and screaming because they're trying to gain control over you.
They're trying to intimidate you. They're trying to belive you,
they're trying to demean you. So therefore they're gonna yell
and scream at you to try to intimidate you and
cause fear on the inside of you. Number four. When
you're dealing with verbal abusers, they often criticize you. Okay,
can be directly or indirectly. They may say things, even
in the form of a joke that is not so funny,
all right. They may disguise it as a joke, and
then they'll make you feel like another way of gas
like you, make you feel like, oh, well, everyone else thought.
Speaker 3: It was funny, so why didn't you.
Speaker 2: Well, why would you think it's funny if it's at
your expense?
Speaker 3: All right, So they will.
Speaker 2: Criticize you, call you names, make you think it's a
term of endearment when there's nothing endearing about it, and
a lot.
Speaker 3: Of times you will find it.
Speaker 2: They criticize you because they feel insecure themselves.
Speaker 3: Come on, now, they are insecure themselves, so they're gonna.
Speaker 2: Try to nickpick and criticize you. In areas where they
feel basically incompetent themselves.
Speaker 3: Number five shame or humiliation. Shame on humiliation.
Speaker 2: So when an abuser wants to make you feel bad
about yourself, they will publicly or privately.
Speaker 3: Try to shame you.
Speaker 2: They want you to be a shame of your looks
or your intelligence, or some other characteristics about yourself. They
will try to shame you. And when you're dealing with
these type of people, one of the things that is
best not to do is not to allow them to
whatever they say, to penetrate on the inside of you,
the permeat on inside of you, because you know who
you are, so you want to For example, when you
wash a car, you use rain x if you're familiar
with the with the product rain x rain ax, you
put on the windows and then when water, when the
rain starts, it repels off of the car shield I
mean the car window instead of actually just staying in place,
and that way you're able to see better. Well, you
need that type of repellent when it comes to people
who are trying to abuse you.
Speaker 3: Abuse in any form is wrong.
Speaker 2: Okay, Rather it's physical, verbal, emotion, sexual, spiritual, financial, whatever
type of abuse. Abuse in all of its forms is
wrong and you do not have to be subject to
anyone's abuse.
Speaker 3: We're going to take a quick break and we'll be
back in just a moment.
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Speaker 6: When I fall I found when I found you, I
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told you all of those good bath When I found you,
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Speaker 6: You are found ball.
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Speaker 6: For when I found you, I found my freeing.
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Speaker 6: When that found you, I don't the cause for the
law in the found and the disturbs at from the bar.
Speaker 7: The found from gain Lever, I don't true sounds crazy
south w bree and fall.
Speaker 5: You are.
Speaker 6: My home.
Speaker 7: For anymore.
Speaker 8: When not found found the skull with a stone with
the found f the reads and despot with a fend.
I need my finally.
Speaker 6: Found in the.
Speaker 5: Found, I found the fat in the found me, I found.
Speaker 2: Fuck in the found, and that is I found you
by bb whining I love that song, all right, all right,
So we are talking about signs of verbal abuse, signs
of verbal abuse, and verbal abuse is harmful just like
any other type of abuse.
Speaker 3: It is harmful.
Speaker 2: Again, I spoke on the before we went into break
about the old school saying that sticks and stones may
break my bones, but words will never harm me.
Speaker 3: Well, yes, words do harm.
Speaker 2: They do a lot of harm, and it can cause
you to oftentimes excel where someone is helping you and
praising you, and even if they're critically not critically, if
they're giving you constructive criticism, it can help you to
become a better person in whatever area you're trying to
succeed in, or it can do just the opposite. You know,
the Bible lets us know that life is in the
power of the tongue. Okay, so we know life and
death is in the power of the tongue. So if
you're speaking life to someone, then it can it produces life.
Speaker 3: But if you're.
Speaker 2: Speaking death with someone, then they can also do that
as well. Number six threats. Threats, any type of threat
is verbal abuse.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: If you're having to threaten someone to gain control, to manipulate,
to dominate, them, then you are.
Speaker 3: An abuser of many the many of these narcissists.
Speaker 2: They love to threaten you, and that's their way of
trying to control you, trying to dominate you. And I
want to just say this, make sure that people are
clear on this. You do not have to take abuse,
especially you know, if you're a Christian, you do not
have to take abuse from someone just because you feel like, well,
I have to deal with this because I'm a Christian.
Speaker 3: No, you don't. The Bible lets us know to guard
our hearts, to guard our hearts.
Speaker 2: All right, So if someone is not treating you properly,
then you have to be the one to guard your heart.
That means that I'm not going to allow people to
treat me any kind of way.
Speaker 3: We teach people how to treat us by what we
allow them to do to us.
Speaker 2: Okay, So if you're allowing this abuse to go on
and on, then guess what you're giving.
Speaker 3: Okay to say, you.
Speaker 2: Know what, I'm gonna keep dealing with this. I'm gonna
keep allowing this. And you don't and sometimes you just
don't know that you're even letting someone have the okay,
but you know what the thing is is that once
you know, then you can say, Okay, I'm going to
do better.
Speaker 3: I'm going to do better. So you definitely want to make.
Speaker 9: Sure where did they come from? All Right, we ain't
having that, okay.
Speaker 2: But the thing is is that you don't want to
have someone that's going to be constantly abusing you.
Speaker 3: You can say no to abuse, all right, all right,
all right.
Speaker 2: So the next thing when we're talking about abuse number
seven is isolation and control of the realm of verbal
abuse is a way to separate you from your support system.
One thing when it comes to abusers, rather it's physical
abusers or our emotional abuse, there's whatever type of abuse.
They often want to separate you from those with whom
are going to give you the support that you need
to possibly get out of that relationship. So they don't
like people that are gonna tell you know what, you
don't have to deal with that abuse, you need to
get out of that situation because it's bad for you.
They want to control and dominate, So therefore they're gonna
have a problem with certain people, for as friends or
family members are those who are gonna support you and
let you know, hey, you don't have to take this abuse.
Another thing is they will often isolate you to make
you feel like no one is even on your side. Okay,
we talk about I'm not sure if I spoke about
it this year on this on this podcast, but triangulation
where they're like, you think about this triangle. They're at
the top, you're to the right, and the other everyone
else is to the left, And so they want you
to feel that everyone else is on their side and
not on yours. So they will try to also prevent
you from seeing your friends and family members or coworkers
or peers. They will even encourage you to quit school,
quit your job to be able to have total dominance
over you. They will even go as far as and
not allow you to have bank accounts. They want to
control the finances because they feel like if I control
the money, then I can control the individual. So therefore
that is another form of abuse. They will tell you, hey,
you can't go here, you can't go there, you can't
wear this, you can't wear that, you cannot hang with.
Speaker 3: This person, you cannot hang with that person. You can't
go to school, you can't go to work.
Speaker 2: This is a part of the verbal abuse up under
isolation and control, you do not have to allow yourself
to take this type of abuse.
Speaker 3: Let me just say something because I want to make
mention of the hot line I did. I have not
mentioned it on this year, but I want to make
sure that I mention it.
Speaker 2: For let me get the information for the abuse hotline
Abuse Hotline dot I believe it's dot org. But let
me go ahead and make sure to get that because
you need to know that if you're in a situation,
that you can get out of that situation and you
don't have to stay in an abusive situation. So let
me let me get this information in front of me,
and if I don't get it right now, then I'm
gonna make sure to put it on the next one
because you don't want to be involved in any type
of situation where you're being abused. The National Domestic Violence
Hotline is one eight hundred seven ninety ninety safe. There's
one eight hundred seven nine safe. The hot line is
a twenty four our confidential service for survivors, victims, and
those affected by domestic violence, intimate partner violence.
Speaker 3: And relationship abuse.
Speaker 2: All right, so you definitely have someone you can talk
to if you're dealing with elder abuse, and we're gonna
be talking about that as well. You can call one
A sixty six five five two four four six four
press the number three to report any type of abuse, neglect,
or exploitation of an elder adult, or someone with a disability. Okay,
because we want to make sure that no one, rather
it's a child, rather it's an elderly individual. Whoever you are,
no one, excuse me, no one deserves to be abused.
Speaker 3: Okay, So we want to say no to abuse. All right.
Speaker 2: So when you when you're dealing with verbal or should
I say verbal abuse, you're also dealing with blame and accusation.
Speaker 3: Is blame and accusation, So.
Speaker 2: Who wants to Who wants to ever be in a
situation where you are blamed for something that you did
not do? Okay, But one thing that abusers love to do,
they love to blame you for things. They will definitely
blame you for any and everything that they can possibly
blame you for. So this is something that you have
to be careful of. It is another sign of verbal
abuse when that person tries to accuse you. Maybe they're
accusing you of lying or cheating or doing something or
looking at someone is another way to control you by
making you be insecure. So if you're constantly being accused of.
Speaker 3: Having an affair or lying or stealing or.
Speaker 2: Cheating or something like that, then it causes you to
have self esteem issues because you're always on walking on eggshells,
not knowing when this person is gonna come out of
another bag of accusations on you.
Speaker 3: And that is emotional abuse, okay. A verbal abuse is another.
Speaker 2: Way of trying to trigger you, and therefore they're making
you get into an argument or is it? You know
the things escalate where you're arguing over something that you
did not even do. All right, we're gonna take another
quick break and we'll be back in just a moment.
Speaker 3: A moment in the world, it's just me and you.
Speaker 6: I feel so low.
Speaker 3: Because I don't know what to do.
Speaker 7: Now. What if I you.
Speaker 9: The wrong thing to do?
Speaker 3: I'm so afraid, afraid I'm disappointing you.
Speaker 10: So need to talk to you.
Speaker 11: And ask you for your guidance, especially today.
Speaker 9: Would my life be so cloudy? Guide me untill I should?
Speaker 11: I could.
Speaker 10: My home Sandry, I say, I'm old Berna, how they
must thief?
Speaker 9: Gonna lest.
Speaker 7: So cry out?
Speaker 9: Crying out.
Speaker 12: All you know the wall who they fall on your sody.
Speaker 7: Talk to you and ask you for your guidness espectin
lly today when my word seems so croudy.
Speaker 13: The anc antionpen, Oh yeah it shall do.
Speaker 12: So show me hard to do it, Joway. Don't then
make the same stand.
Speaker 7: Cover bother.
Speaker 12: You will be.
Speaker 6: And thou me the way.
Speaker 7: I shot to make sure hand and me. I don't
want anything.
Speaker 9: I'm talking you.
Speaker 7: And ask you all your gut its.
Speaker 11: Shilling a day, susn't end the coming lot you can
guide me through.
Speaker 6: That's why.
Speaker 7: I omen up my I'm hot, my heart, my father,
the news.
Speaker 6: Just keep us single qua from you.
Speaker 9: Oh I'll I'll love it of shell Jill. You you're
the love of my son. The captain of my sea
needed one from you.
Speaker 10: That's why I.
Speaker 12: Man my.
Speaker 2: And that is opened up my heart by Yolanda Adams.
Speaker 3: All right, so one more, one more sign of emotional
or verbal abuse. Everbal abuse involved emotional manipulation.
Speaker 2: Emotional manipulation, so they use tactics to try to control
your your behavior, your emotions, your thoughts. Then this is
not for your own good, but for their own self interest.
You might see them do things like they act like
they're the martyr. Okay, they they they've been slaying at
the state just for you.
Speaker 3: They will act as if when they trying to.
Speaker 2: Demean or devalue that they were oh, they were just joking,
or they're just teasing.
Speaker 3: And then even if when you confront them about it.
Speaker 2: They will flip the script and try to make you know,
blame shift and make it seem as if you're the
problem and not the behavior that they did.
Speaker 3: You might find it they give you the silent treatment.
Speaker 2: And let me just say that, when you're dealing with
someone that's an abuser, congratulate that silence.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna put like this. Congratulate that silence, because.
Speaker 2: That means that you're not dealing with them, all right,
and that's not always a bad thing, all right. They
try to invalidate you and your experiences and your emotions.
So if you feel like you're gonna get a self
esteem boost from these these verbal abusers, think again, because
it would just be the opposite. Another thing is they
will make you feel guilty for things that you're not
even you have even done, or things that you are
not guilty of. Okay, One thing that you when you're
dealing with these emotional manipulators. They will never take responsibility
for their actions. There's always someone else's fault. It's your fault,
it's a cat's faulest dog's fault. There's always someone else's
fault except for them.
Speaker 3: One thing is another thing.
Speaker 2: Be careful of them threatening to even commit suicide, because
that's also a form of manipulation. They will sometimes say, oh,
I'm gonna kill myself because they want you to stay
in that abusive situation. But the thing is, make sure
that if you get out of it, make sure you
get out as safely as possible. Okay, do not allow
their threat of suicide to keep you from getting out
of a dangerous situation. By all means, do it as
safely as possible. They will twist the narrative to suit
their own interest.
Speaker 3: So whatever they may have done or whatever the.
Speaker 2: Truth is, believe me, they're gonna twist the truth to
make it seem as if they're the one that's being victimized.
And last, but not least, they're gonna use your insecurities
against you.
Speaker 3: And I love to read you your Miranda rights.
Speaker 2: You have the right to remain silent anything that you
say can, and we'll be used against you in the court,
in the court of the narcissists.
Speaker 3: Okay, So when you are dealing with the narcissists, do
not tell them anything personal. Anything you tell them, they'll
try to use it against you. Okay. It could be
I went and got my cat some litter, and they'll
try to use it against you. Okay.
Speaker 2: Be careful when you talk to these emotional abusers, these
verbal abusers, because they're not looking out for your own
best interests. And one more thing, last, but not least,
make sure you're careful of when you take gifts from
these people. They love to look as if they're the
gift giver of all times, and they they will love
bomb you because it's called love bomb. They loving you baby.
If you know this, if you know thise some things,
you will notice that when you were when you're taking
gifts from them, you really have to be careful because
if you don't say, do, think or act in the
way that they think you should, then you're gonna see
the bomb at the end of that particular of gifting season.
So it's called love bombing where they do acts of kindness,
but in actuality it's not kind at all, and you
will feel like you're obligated, You'll feel trapped, you will
feel as if you know what, I owe them something,
because that's what they want. They give these gifts because
they want you to feel as if you're indebted to them.
They want to feel as if they want you to
think they're the nicest, the kindness, the sweetest and most
giving person, when it's.
Speaker 3: Actually something underneath that.
Speaker 2: So if you're getting all these extraordinary gifts, or they're
giving you things all the time or doing things all
the time, is often because there's something underneath it. And
even though they're not verbally telling you this, and you
can guarantee that when you're dealing with the nars is,
they're not doing it out of the kindness of their heart,
is often something behind it.
Speaker 3: All right, all right, we are up out of here.
Speaker 2: I pray today's podcast has been a blessing to you
and that you would know your feelings they do matter.
Speaker 1: This is doctor kl rich Or Norck Abuse Now more
until next time.