WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.639 --> 00:00:06.679 So I'm reflecting my birthday. It happened last Saturday. I 2 00:00:06.719 --> 00:00:10.519 returned fifty six, and this is called fifty plus. And 3 00:00:10.560 --> 00:00:15.839 the education, you know, never ends, it shouldn't. I learned 4 00:00:15.839 --> 00:00:18.719 stuff all the time, and I wanna talk about you 5 00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:21.839 at home, so you are I'm one of those folks 6 00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:23.000 who doesn't forget nothing. 7 00:00:23.199 --> 00:00:24.280 I remember everything. 8 00:00:25.519 --> 00:00:28.399 I'm gonna treat you, and I learned some lessons this 9 00:00:28.519 --> 00:00:31.519 birthday that I would share with you. And it is 10 00:00:31.519 --> 00:00:35.359 almost like a h audio diary for myself that later 11 00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:37.039 we'll see if it gets better or worse as I 12 00:00:37.039 --> 00:00:47.960 get older. So I went into my birthday depressed and 13 00:00:48.039 --> 00:00:56.079 not happy. I went into my birthday with nobody do 14 00:00:56.159 --> 00:00:56.759 anything for me. 15 00:01:03.520 --> 00:01:04.200 That was a trip. 16 00:01:06.799 --> 00:01:12.319 I went into my birthday kind of being invited to 17 00:01:12.599 --> 00:01:17.760 someone else's birthday same day as mine. I'm not gonna 18 00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:19.439 say names right then we can think all the names 19 00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:22.840 protect the innercent is that the names are important. I'm 20 00:01:22.840 --> 00:01:24.560 just trying to get them. These are the points are 21 00:01:24.560 --> 00:01:30.439 more important. So I'm going into this birthday party situation 22 00:01:31.560 --> 00:01:35.680 that someone who normally takes me out for my birthday 23 00:01:35.719 --> 00:01:39.120 to celebrate did not offer some of my birthday this year, 24 00:01:39.560 --> 00:01:41.519 just kind of. I still don't understand why, but I'm 25 00:01:41.519 --> 00:01:43.799 not gonna say anything to that person because it won't. 26 00:01:47.079 --> 00:01:53.319 Well do anything was done is done. 27 00:01:54.200 --> 00:02:00.640 But as you onto another birthday for a person who 28 00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:06.519 didn't want to celebrate, this almost falls into what's going 29 00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:07.760 on these days with people. 30 00:02:07.959 --> 00:02:09.080 I'm noticing. 31 00:02:10.240 --> 00:02:15.800 This person was so adamant about throwing a party for 32 00:02:15.879 --> 00:02:20.479 this other person, She picked the restaurant, all this, every 33 00:02:20.520 --> 00:02:33.039 thing was, everything was clear to her and this person 34 00:02:33.080 --> 00:02:37.560 who I love also which her birthday, was just not 35 00:02:37.560 --> 00:02:42.199 not excited. She really didn't wan't do anything, but because 36 00:02:42.199 --> 00:02:45.719 they made it a family affair, she was gonna come 37 00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:51.039 out to do it, to get to do it. And 38 00:02:51.120 --> 00:02:53.080 so I thought it was really funny going back to me, 39 00:02:56.800 --> 00:02:59.520 M this, these people know I'm going through a lot 40 00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:03.000 right now, and when they were going through something similar, 41 00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:06.319 I made sure I was there for them and you know, 42 00:03:06.360 --> 00:03:08.560 what do you need and how can I make things 43 00:03:08.680 --> 00:03:15.240 easier for you? And I don't get that always back. No, 44 00:03:20.520 --> 00:03:22.479 I don't think it's anything deliberate to hurt me. I 45 00:03:22.479 --> 00:03:25.159 don't think so it's not. I don't think it's that 46 00:03:26.879 --> 00:03:29.159 think it's at the place into the whole worldview. 47 00:03:28.759 --> 00:03:29.240 Right now too. 48 00:03:29.240 --> 00:03:33.000 If everybody's in their own orbits, right, it's the Payan Olympics. 49 00:03:33.319 --> 00:03:36.039 Everybody has their What I'm going through is way more 50 00:03:36.159 --> 00:03:37.680 point of what about's going through. And I you know 51 00:03:37.719 --> 00:03:44.199 what's funny is I'm so into my situation that I 52 00:03:44.280 --> 00:03:45.800 kind of get it. Cause you're caught up in your 53 00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:49.080 situation bringing a way to how serious or whatever it 54 00:03:49.159 --> 00:03:50.439 is are or intensive it is. 55 00:03:57.280 --> 00:04:00.159 The rest of the outside world kind of dissolves. 56 00:04:02.280 --> 00:04:08.280 And it's easy to do. But I know for me, 57 00:04:08.319 --> 00:04:14.080 I'm always still trying. It's not that overpowered my life 58 00:04:14.159 --> 00:04:16.439 and my friendships and family ships. I still try to 59 00:04:16.480 --> 00:04:18.720 be there for my friends and family if they're going 60 00:04:18.759 --> 00:04:24.040 through something. I'm not always it's not always equal. I 61 00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:26.000 don't always get all I'm time, but I try my best. 62 00:04:26.040 --> 00:04:30.480 That's always something I'm always trying to do. So I 63 00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:32.519 can understand you're going through something, you're in the middle 64 00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:36.720 of it, you just like but it just it's fighting. 65 00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:39.560 But so it falls into that. So you're trying to 66 00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:41.399 plan this birthday and think or somebody who doesn't even 67 00:04:41.439 --> 00:04:45.279 really want it, it's begrudgingly doing it. Meanwhile, this personal 68 00:04:45.319 --> 00:04:50.000 over here who really wants something done for them and 69 00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:57.360 got doing any of them. They're you know, social media, 70 00:04:57.639 --> 00:05:02.160 big big deal. So I did get a million messages. 71 00:05:03.279 --> 00:05:10.279 It's a medium. So think about Facebook, which is really funny. Facebook. Well, 72 00:05:10.319 --> 00:05:14.120 let's you know, somebody's birthday is coming up and they 73 00:05:14.279 --> 00:05:16.199 used to actually you prompts like you were just want 74 00:05:16.199 --> 00:05:18.920 to just press the prompt and just and then just 75 00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:22.279 post on their page and so like if you got 76 00:05:22.319 --> 00:05:24.920 a should a good friend of mine, I totally get it. 77 00:05:24.920 --> 00:05:28.639 It's just like heybody, James, heybody, James. Get it. 78 00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:31.639 But it's the ones that I that I were fractual 79 00:05:31.759 --> 00:05:36.079 friends and there's no extra. I got some that did extra, 80 00:05:36.759 --> 00:05:38.160 but like the rest of you're like some of them 81 00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:41.160 like there's no extra, but I got a few, but 82 00:05:41.199 --> 00:05:52.000 I did. So I'm breaking up to that. There's what 83 00:05:52.120 --> 00:05:56.639 else side? Now it's telling me the story later on 84 00:05:56.639 --> 00:06:00.399 my birthday. We know it's like get the claw and 85 00:06:00.399 --> 00:06:03.879 they put this coloss together. You know there's one for 86 00:06:04.439 --> 00:06:06.360 the other birthday person and one for me. 87 00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:07.720 How you chill? 88 00:06:07.839 --> 00:06:11.680 Well, I society, I decided could do hers first and 89 00:06:11.720 --> 00:06:14.519 then do yours and try I forget what And I'm 90 00:06:14.519 --> 00:06:16.319 sitting and I know that they're not trying to hurt 91 00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:17.000 my feelings. 92 00:06:17.199 --> 00:06:19.360 But I mean that's that they're just not. I mean, 93 00:06:19.399 --> 00:06:20.360 I really believe they're not. 94 00:06:22.120 --> 00:06:25.000 But to hear on your birthday, no matter who is 95 00:06:25.079 --> 00:06:29.319 from or why, that someone's choosing someone else over you 96 00:06:29.519 --> 00:06:40.199 first is it's still a bitter pill to swallow. Okay, 97 00:06:41.319 --> 00:06:43.199 But I was supposed to just take it and smile 98 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:45.800 and go okay, and you have many more I understand, 99 00:06:46.600 --> 00:06:50.800 which I did. I didn't start nothing again, what's done 100 00:06:50.920 --> 00:06:53.839 is done. I can't change people's actions or feelings. 101 00:06:54.920 --> 00:07:00.480 If you that's how you feel, how you feel that conclusion, 102 00:07:00.519 --> 00:07:03.399 how are you getting that conclusion? So I know I 103 00:07:03.560 --> 00:07:07.319 do about that. I got a one now. One thing 104 00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:07.560 I did. 105 00:07:07.720 --> 00:07:12.319 I got a wonderful, wonderful video from my daughter and grandchildren, 106 00:07:12.839 --> 00:07:16.759 second daughter and grandchildren, two grand babies that warmed my heart. 107 00:07:17.920 --> 00:07:22.120 And I will give this daughter points because she is 108 00:07:22.279 --> 00:07:25.399 I'm a long distance grandparent, so she has stepped up 109 00:07:26.040 --> 00:07:27.839 in the department of try and make sure we have 110 00:07:27.879 --> 00:07:28.560 a relationship. 111 00:07:31.519 --> 00:07:32.160 She really have. 112 00:07:36.279 --> 00:07:39.800 So I don't want this to be all bad or sad, 113 00:07:39.839 --> 00:07:41.519 but like so, this is a good part. It's like 114 00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:45.600 it said, it wore my heart. I cried happy tears. 115 00:07:48.160 --> 00:07:50.519 It was very sweet moment that that was really sweet, 116 00:07:50.560 --> 00:08:02.279 and I was like, okay, so I'm wack it some juice. 117 00:08:02.879 --> 00:08:09.839 So that was very sweet. So we get to the 118 00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:14.720 destination now not really giving it away either. Again, it's 119 00:08:14.720 --> 00:08:17.639 just it was an area of town that was very 120 00:08:17.680 --> 00:08:22.439 ironic for them to bring me to, which almost made 121 00:08:22.480 --> 00:08:23.040 things worse. 122 00:08:23.439 --> 00:08:26.160 But it's like, but I was like, that's interesting. 123 00:08:26.439 --> 00:08:32.600 So we go. Everybody gets their food. Well, first of all, everybody, 124 00:08:32.840 --> 00:08:36.879 so everybody's we're ordering food, mean the birthday or other 125 00:08:36.919 --> 00:08:41.840 birthday person order one pancake each because we wanted we 126 00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:44.519 each wanted this this oat pancake. It just it sounded 127 00:08:44.559 --> 00:08:46.320 so good. I didn't want a whole set of pancakes. 128 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:46.840 That's what I want. 129 00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:53.320 But apparently a lot of folks are our party. 130 00:08:54.480 --> 00:09:00.440 You want know we ordered first or a pancakes. 131 00:09:02.759 --> 00:09:06.000 Ally, I'm being tall, so I ordered it was one 132 00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:12.559 pancake or some tear tops. So I'm being told. We're 133 00:09:12.559 --> 00:09:18.799 both being told we can't mary pancakes. Like, okay, they're 134 00:09:18.799 --> 00:09:24.679 out there out of pancake batter or something. We're fine. Said, well, 135 00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:26.639 we'll give you French toast. I'm not a French toest person, 136 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:28.919 I hate French toast, and I just I should have 137 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:31.720 said fucking no, thank you, but I just but I 138 00:09:31.799 --> 00:09:34.519 was like, okay, I thought we'd a couple of slices. Fine, 139 00:09:34.519 --> 00:09:36.159 whenever it's a whole different thing, and they acknowledge them 140 00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:37.799 a whole of you know, we know it's not pancakes, 141 00:09:37.879 --> 00:09:44.200 it's not French are different things. So I see them 142 00:09:44.240 --> 00:09:50.679 start bringing food out. People have pancakes. I was like, 143 00:09:52.879 --> 00:09:58.639 we're the birthday people. Should we get first crack at 144 00:09:58.720 --> 00:09:59.960 the last of the batter. 145 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:06.519 I guess not. And the grip panted person I both 146 00:10:06.519 --> 00:10:07.600 said it. We both kind of agreed. 147 00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:10.200 So the rest of people got there, You'll get their pancakes. 148 00:10:10.240 --> 00:10:14.279 So for us, wait, wait, so they bring out the 149 00:10:14.320 --> 00:10:18.080 other birthday person's French tous, just a huge French house, says. 150 00:10:18.200 --> 00:10:21.000 We thought it was just gonna be a little piece 151 00:10:21.080 --> 00:10:28.679 or something whatever. There's too much. We could have split 152 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:37.720 with those plates ourselves through Jews. But I'm sitting here 153 00:10:37.919 --> 00:10:45.399 waiting for my paint to come out, waiting waiting my guy, 154 00:10:45.679 --> 00:10:48.919 my guy down the road, down the down the table 155 00:10:49.360 --> 00:10:53.759 was like, he noticed I had no food, Like, I 156 00:10:53.799 --> 00:10:54.919 don't know if I don't know where is, I don't 157 00:10:54.960 --> 00:10:55.399 know no food. 158 00:10:55.679 --> 00:10:59.559 I didn't get served. I know on my birthday, first 159 00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:01.759 I can't have what I want, and then I'm not 160 00:11:01.799 --> 00:11:03.000 getting served. 161 00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:05.559 It was like this is and I didn't go crazy. 162 00:11:05.679 --> 00:11:08.000 I didn't go wild. I didn't try to ruin the moment. 163 00:11:08.039 --> 00:11:11.000 Everybody's like Ginger being so calm. I'm like, I've come 164 00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:17.080 to a point these days when shit happens, because when 165 00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:23.440 as what happens so much, I mean, I don't do 166 00:11:23.440 --> 00:11:24.720 you ever feel this way? Just so you just feel 167 00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:28.559 like what the fuck you just you don't even know? 168 00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:30.120 And it push it was all so hot as it 169 00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:33.080 was like in the nineties. It was like I don't 170 00:11:33.080 --> 00:11:35.679 have the energy to fight people, but I do want now. 171 00:11:35.720 --> 00:11:39.440 I want those now. Not a principle to matter is 172 00:11:39.559 --> 00:11:48.759 I want them to serve me. The French toast. We're 173 00:11:48.799 --> 00:11:51.519 waiting and wait so that everybody's eating, and of course 174 00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:52.679 I know how. 175 00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:55.399 I want your food. I want my food. It's a say, 176 00:11:55.399 --> 00:11:57.080 it's principal to matter. I want my food. 177 00:11:58.559 --> 00:12:01.039 The apologize it didn't make it somehow, I need to 178 00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:03.720 make a second one, all right, so I get my 179 00:12:03.759 --> 00:12:06.799 food again. I don't like French toast. I ate like 180 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:08.639 a couple pieces of it, and I basically threw it, 181 00:12:08.639 --> 00:12:09.919 but they probably like, what the fuck? 182 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:11.639 I didn't want it. I ain't take it home. 183 00:12:11.639 --> 00:12:13.159 I'm not gonna was gonna eat it later. I'm like, 184 00:12:13.200 --> 00:12:19.799 soggy brand that does nothing for me. I wanted a pancake. Oh, 185 00:12:20.879 --> 00:12:22.559 I was like whatever. I just had some tear toops, 186 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:24.279 but I barely ate anything because I was like, why 187 00:12:24.279 --> 00:12:26.759 am I hungry? Later, I had a drink when I 188 00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:29.600 was there after the drink was good. So then we 189 00:12:29.679 --> 00:12:31.799 go up to the place for this place for veganized cream. 190 00:12:31.840 --> 00:12:34.960 I didn't want vegan ice cream. I don't want that either. 191 00:12:35.759 --> 00:12:36.000 H oh. 192 00:12:36.039 --> 00:12:38.120 The ham zucchini takes a really good cheers. That place 193 00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:41.720 eight those eight bunch of those. So anyway, that's it. 194 00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:43.799 I mean, we kind of hung out. Then we went 195 00:12:43.879 --> 00:12:46.480 to Denny's at dinner. I had a freebie of Denny's 196 00:12:51.919 --> 00:12:54.759 that was that was nice. The guy that gave me 197 00:12:54.799 --> 00:12:58.399 a hug. That was kind of funnel situation. Went to 198 00:12:58.440 --> 00:13:07.039 your record store. I got some records I want right well, 199 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:12.240 I ordered pancakes. It was free with my grand slam 200 00:13:12.480 --> 00:13:15.200 left the pancakes in my friend's car, so I said, 201 00:13:15.399 --> 00:13:16.519 I still haven't had pancakes. 202 00:13:17.240 --> 00:13:21.000 Go to have pancakes my birthday there, I adam. 203 00:13:21.279 --> 00:13:26.080 I guess that was not meant to be apparently, so 204 00:13:26.559 --> 00:13:31.960 that day was okay. It was so hot, but just 205 00:13:32.120 --> 00:13:39.080 that it was like so hot, it's the hottest day 206 00:13:39.120 --> 00:13:39.480 of the week. 207 00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:46.919 That was weird too, And I got. 208 00:13:48.519 --> 00:13:51.399 Kind of a I got a gift, but it was 209 00:13:51.440 --> 00:13:54.200 like they didn't know me very well. I was it 210 00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:55.679 was very nice on to give me something, cause I 211 00:13:55.679 --> 00:13:59.840 got that some chocolates, and then. 212 00:14:01.320 --> 00:14:01.679 That's it. 213 00:14:01.759 --> 00:14:03.480 I mean, I didn't get like been had no gifts 214 00:14:03.519 --> 00:14:06.639 for anybody else. I got one card to mail. That's it. 215 00:14:06.919 --> 00:14:09.320 No cars or anybody else. Now I usually get us 216 00:14:09.559 --> 00:14:10.960 just get a lot of you get a lot of cars. 217 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:13.919 That's gone. And I realized how the fuckers getting cards 218 00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:15.039 are dead, So I guess that's it. 219 00:14:15.080 --> 00:14:15.879 They're not here anymore. 220 00:14:17.440 --> 00:14:19.519 My friend Ue comes out of town, didn't come out 221 00:14:19.559 --> 00:14:22.279 of town because he's having issues money issues. 222 00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:24.919 Uh, so that that didn't happen. 223 00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:27.879 But my other friend, like I said, name, who said, 224 00:14:28.360 --> 00:14:29.679 I went to you out for your birthday. 225 00:14:29.960 --> 00:14:32.399 It's on some mother's day. 226 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:36.759 So we went and the food was good, so we 227 00:14:37.080 --> 00:14:40.480 went so he was his presence were very thoughtful to me. 228 00:14:40.639 --> 00:14:43.840 They were very very thoughtful. I was like he put 229 00:14:43.919 --> 00:14:47.519 we always he always puts work into my presence, and 230 00:14:47.559 --> 00:14:50.240 so I appreciate him completely, like he treated me the 231 00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:53.960 way I should be treated. And we had good laughs. 232 00:14:54.039 --> 00:14:57.960 Break up by sprinkles cupcakes. I came home and talked 233 00:14:58.000 --> 00:14:59.799 to my brother, fell out. I really getting some presents 234 00:14:59.799 --> 00:15:02.120 to you. They were nice, he went. He went on 235 00:15:02.159 --> 00:15:03.600 my wish that'ds, which is so smart. One of my 236 00:15:03.600 --> 00:15:05.879 wish that's got a couple of things that I wanted. 237 00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:08.879 I'm happy. So I said, it was a mixed bag. 238 00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:15.519 Not made very phone calls, not that may texts. There 239 00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:19.879 are people who actually left. I've not heard from at all. 240 00:15:20.559 --> 00:15:26.919 I have a friend, you have my say names. I 241 00:15:27.039 --> 00:15:38.799 hope he's okay. I'm gonna do a message for him tomorrow. 242 00:15:38.840 --> 00:15:40.559 But I got heard from him in a couple of months, 243 00:15:40.679 --> 00:15:43.000 like okay, normally get back. You can ask me at 244 00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:45.919 some point. You don't talk every day, but I'm calling 245 00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:47.080 you tell you. I want to tell you some stuff. 246 00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:49.320 You know, I'm going through some things and I want 247 00:15:49.320 --> 00:15:51.120 to talk to you because we talked to each other 248 00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:57.279 about going through something and I have not heard from him, 249 00:15:57.879 --> 00:16:01.200 so I gotta check on him. But yeah, some folks, 250 00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:03.279 I'm saying, I'm sad they didn't. They didn't check any 251 00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:10.120 check on me or sady birthday or anything. Now I'm 252 00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:15.519 learning some stuff. So I think part of it is 253 00:16:19.320 --> 00:16:31.080 society's changing, and the pandemic was part of that. People 254 00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:32.960 are just I just I just did a blog post 255 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:40.919 that's coming out about self cares are always it. I 256 00:16:40.919 --> 00:16:43.679 think people will say, what you should do for yourself, 257 00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:47.039 Go check yourself somewhere, go get a massage, go do this. 258 00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:52.519 It's like, but I want you. I want to I 259 00:16:52.559 --> 00:16:54.919 want to hang out with you, and I would love 260 00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:56.919 for you to make me feel better in that moment. 261 00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:00.120 And I guess you can. 262 00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:04.880 Look for that anymore because I have friends who look 263 00:17:04.960 --> 00:17:06.720 to me for me to make them feel better. So 264 00:17:06.759 --> 00:17:09.519 I do my best to do that. So okay, I mean, 265 00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:11.880 I feel like that's part of my friendship, right. You know, 266 00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:16.359 when you're down, I help pick you up and there's 267 00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:19.319 a good time. But apparently it's not the same for me. 268 00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:21.519 I have a couple of friends who said who are 269 00:17:21.559 --> 00:17:22.960 like that, They're like that, But for a majority of 270 00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:24.720 I'm like you know, it's I don't. I don't have that. 271 00:17:25.079 --> 00:17:26.680 I don't have this support system like I used to. 272 00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:29.960 It's it's really it's total as window like. It's really 273 00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:32.240 it's there are folks who care about me, of course, 274 00:17:32.279 --> 00:17:34.240 but they just want to they only want to join 275 00:17:34.319 --> 00:17:37.599 in when it's fine. I'm okay, nothing really majors going 276 00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:52.119 on from afar. They'll happily message me on social media 277 00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:58.079 for on a DM or whatever, but then nothing after that. 278 00:17:59.079 --> 00:18:02.680 And I think I asked a question about this and 279 00:18:02.759 --> 00:18:05.160 another show where I was like, where is the compassion? 280 00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:06.119 I I don't. 281 00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:06.480 I don't know. 282 00:18:06.519 --> 00:18:07.279 I don't know where it is. 283 00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:13.039 And I'm learning and being an adult. One of the 284 00:18:13.119 --> 00:18:15.279 lessons I'm learning as I get older. I see why 285 00:18:15.319 --> 00:18:20.039 older people feel left alone. I remember, I remember, I 286 00:18:20.079 --> 00:18:21.799 there's a couple of times I went to I'll die 287 00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:26.559 digress for a second. But I have been to family 288 00:18:26.599 --> 00:18:30.440 get together as in the past where granny or grandpa 289 00:18:30.640 --> 00:18:32.440 or a great uncle are just sitting in a corner, 290 00:18:32.559 --> 00:18:36.599 sitting there. No one's talking to them. Everybody's talking around them, 291 00:18:37.279 --> 00:18:39.599 all the younger people. And I'm like, I see what 292 00:18:39.640 --> 00:18:44.079 I feel. Invisible just wither away cause it's like there's 293 00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:47.079 nobody talking to them, and I don't talk to older 294 00:18:47.119 --> 00:18:48.559 I don't talk to older people. I'm like, what you 295 00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:52.200 guys talking about, let's laugh, talk about it. I've always 296 00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:54.359 been that way. I love talking to hearing stories. But 297 00:18:54.440 --> 00:18:58.839 I'm noticing that that really does happen. And it was 298 00:18:58.920 --> 00:19:02.039 one point, yes say, well, I'm guess because I did this. 299 00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:05.039 I'm recording this where everybody was talking and I was 300 00:19:05.079 --> 00:19:08.759 just saying about myself, just sitting there. I was like, 301 00:19:09.000 --> 00:19:12.440 I am not that important. That's that, And that's actually 302 00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:15.880 a good lesson to learn. I'm not that important, and 303 00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:20.480 I always talk honesty and stuff on here, and that's 304 00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:23.240 what that's That's a that's a bitter pill to swallow, 305 00:19:23.880 --> 00:19:30.400 but it's a very humbling thing to realize that there 306 00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:33.440 are people who like you, and there are people who 307 00:19:33.480 --> 00:19:36.920 love you on some level, and the levels are all 308 00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:43.799 various levels, but you're just not that important. Of course, 309 00:19:43.880 --> 00:19:45.759 when you die or say major it happens to you, 310 00:19:45.799 --> 00:19:47.240 then they're the ones crying the most. 311 00:19:48.119 --> 00:19:49.680 I've learned that story. 312 00:19:50.200 --> 00:19:52.920 But I'm like, but it's just that you are important 313 00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:56.319 enough that you're part of this, you're part of something 314 00:19:56.359 --> 00:20:01.279 of theirs, but it's that extra They just don't They 315 00:20:01.359 --> 00:20:04.240 just don't have it in them for you, and you 316 00:20:04.359 --> 00:20:07.680 have to like be an adult and put your pants 317 00:20:07.720 --> 00:20:10.640 on and smile and go, Okay, I guess that's it. 318 00:20:12.039 --> 00:20:17.519 But you can't. I mean, I I know some folks. 319 00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:20.880 They will go and talk to people and like, why 320 00:20:20.960 --> 00:20:23.480 don't you demand Like why aren't you being this wady 321 00:20:23.799 --> 00:20:26.240 against big fights. I don't like drama, so I'm like, 322 00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:29.400 I don't want that either, So I know for me, 323 00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:31.640 but for me as I'm just not not wanting dramas. 324 00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:34.720 It's kind of like, but I don't want to force 325 00:20:36.200 --> 00:20:40.519 someone to think a certain way. You should want to 326 00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:43.839 think that way, and if you don't, then it just 327 00:20:43.880 --> 00:20:47.039 tells me. In the collection we have, not everybody loves 328 00:20:47.079 --> 00:20:50.920 you the same intensities you love them. Not everybody is 329 00:20:51.000 --> 00:20:56.519 into you. It's the same way you're into them, they're not. 330 00:20:57.079 --> 00:20:59.839 There's a lot of lopsided relationships. 331 00:21:01.400 --> 00:21:02.079 They just are. 332 00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:07.920 And whether it's good or bad or whatever. I'm learning 333 00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:10.440 that more and once I get older it's like, oh, Okay, 334 00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:17.400 they like me for this or we're good on this, 335 00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:20.920 but not on everything. I wouldn't go to them for nothing. 336 00:21:22.039 --> 00:21:24.000 I would go to them for a lunch or dinner, 337 00:21:24.119 --> 00:21:28.559 have some laughs. We both like this particular group or movie. 338 00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:32.599 So I have a friend who who is like, they 339 00:21:32.599 --> 00:21:34.200 don't know what's going on my life. Really we don't. 340 00:21:34.200 --> 00:21:37.000 We don't have a chance to really talk. So they're 341 00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:39.039 actually just regular and they're like, well, we should go 342 00:21:39.119 --> 00:21:41.440 through it. And then they're suggesting all these concerts and 343 00:21:41.519 --> 00:21:44.680 things in the future like this year, and I'm like, 344 00:21:46.440 --> 00:21:48.559 I did tell you. I just have a sixty six 345 00:21:48.559 --> 00:21:53.880 thousand dollars credit bill bill for this roof. And I 346 00:21:53.960 --> 00:21:55.799 thought I told you at some point, I still got 347 00:21:55.839 --> 00:21:58.400 to fix the inside of my house. It's almost every 348 00:21:58.440 --> 00:22:00.960 penny I'm making is just going back into this house. 349 00:22:01.440 --> 00:22:01.599 Right. 350 00:22:01.599 --> 00:22:04.200 I'm in that season that happens sometimes were just like 351 00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:06.880 you're in You're either you're in a health season or 352 00:22:06.880 --> 00:22:09.119 a house season or a car like you just you 353 00:22:09.240 --> 00:22:13.799 going through stuff. But I ask some younger people that 354 00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:16.519 I with, who I don't know if they get it. 355 00:22:16.599 --> 00:22:19.079 They just they just like, I want to do this 356 00:22:19.119 --> 00:22:19.839 with you. We should do it. 357 00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:22.079 And I have to find and I have to find 358 00:22:22.119 --> 00:22:23.720 way to politely say. 359 00:22:23.559 --> 00:22:24.799 No and have time. 360 00:22:24.839 --> 00:22:26.279 I just been learning. I'm to say nothing. I just 361 00:22:26.279 --> 00:22:29.839 don't respond anymore. There may times I literally just ignore it. 362 00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:31.200 I don't know if that's right or wrong. 363 00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:33.519 But this I don't. I don't have a bandwad anymore. 364 00:22:34.119 --> 00:22:36.359 But why am I I feel like I'm thinkingbou anybody else's. 365 00:22:36.079 --> 00:22:37.079 Feelings or about mine. 366 00:22:37.599 --> 00:22:39.759 I was like, I just go and I know two 367 00:22:39.759 --> 00:22:41.720 wrongs make a right, But sometimes I'm just like, I 368 00:22:41.759 --> 00:22:45.200 don't have the energy trying to figure out how do 369 00:22:45.319 --> 00:22:48.880 I say this? You know that I can't plan anything 370 00:22:48.920 --> 00:22:52.240 in the future right now because of these ten things. 371 00:22:52.319 --> 00:22:54.319 I feel like I figured I'm repeating myself over again. 372 00:22:55.839 --> 00:22:59.200 And then you know, this person does like I said, 373 00:22:59.240 --> 00:23:02.000 there's a couple of them get to knitty great details, 374 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.000 but they know these couple of things because we met 375 00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:08.480 up a few weeks ago, and I'm like, I told. 376 00:23:08.240 --> 00:23:08.839 You what's going on. 377 00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:11.480 I was like, right now, I can't do this, and 378 00:23:11.839 --> 00:23:17.440 I just it's right now, my life isn't my own, 379 00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:20.880 and that's it, and we gotta find tiny car up. 380 00:23:21.640 --> 00:23:24.720 It's I am fine, tiny, I am fine time here 381 00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:26.960 and there for things, but like it's not really my own. 382 00:23:27.720 --> 00:23:30.920 I'm in the middle of something that's very serious. And 383 00:23:30.960 --> 00:23:32.759 then I take care of that. No one just gonna 384 00:23:32.799 --> 00:23:36.400 take care for me. I gotta do it involved with 385 00:23:36.440 --> 00:23:39.960 the people and so it's not just about me. 386 00:23:41.640 --> 00:23:42.440 And I. 387 00:23:42.559 --> 00:23:44.279 But as I said, I don't go off on people 388 00:23:44.319 --> 00:23:46.279 and try to. But I did have this one incident 389 00:23:46.440 --> 00:23:47.519 that it was kind of funny. 390 00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:49.519 Today. I mean, it's the day after my birthday. 391 00:23:49.559 --> 00:23:52.440 Is I'm recording this, I'm so kind of celebrating my 392 00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:56.920 birthday to day and one of my people in my circle, 393 00:23:57.400 --> 00:24:00.519 you were just you were just think I didn't hear 394 00:24:00.519 --> 00:24:02.880 from at all, and I didn't hear from on social media. 395 00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:06.559 I didn't hear anywhere. So and I know this. 396 00:24:06.559 --> 00:24:08.359 Person's in their own world right now, but it was 397 00:24:08.480 --> 00:24:11.319 kind of funny. It was like I hear and they 398 00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:14.640 actually in our group text was like tell your mom 399 00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:16.880 howny Mother's Day. And the other person in the text 400 00:24:16.920 --> 00:24:18.279 are like telling them how he Mother's Day? 401 00:24:18.440 --> 00:24:22.920