Speaker 1: Sometimes in life, you might have a problem and not
even know it. It might not be until someone says, dude,
you have a problem, that you realize you had a problem,
and now all of a sudden you're trying to solve
a problem you never even knew existed. Heesh, well, in
the first ever Alabel Storytime episode recorded on the road,
because I clearly don't know how to properly take a vacation,
I bring you the vegetable detective. Let's get into it.
Hell Ol, story Time is really not a glory time.
I have a standing. You'll be fine. Follow the whole storyline. Hellol,
story Time, might you live at least one time time.
This is the story of having a problem and not
even knowing you had a problem. Duncan was one of
such people. He had a problem. He just didn't know it.
As far as he was concerned. Everything was just peachy.
But things weren't peachy. Well, maybe rotten peachy, but they
certainly weren't peachy. Peachey. You there, someone called running up
to Duncan. Don't move, stay right where you are. Duncan
had no idea who this kid was, nor had he
ever seen the younger and much shorter boy who was
following behind trying to keep up. Young man, Are you okay?
Said the older of the two boys, putting his hand
on Duncan's shoulder. Duncan wondered why this boy had called
him young man when they were quite obviously the same age.
Uh I think I'm okay, answered Duncan, and then am
I okay? The older boy didn't answer, but instead started
giving instructions to the younger boy. Simon, please try to
keep up. We haven't much time. Now, lay out this
blanket and help me lower this young man to the
ground before he falls down and makes everything worse. Duncan
was now very curious as to what was happening. Clearly
these two kids knew something he did not. Is everything okay, guys,
he asked, as the two kids scrambled to get things ready,
Ready for what Duncan still didn't know. Very good sign.
Now you take this arm and i'll take the other.
Remember lower him very gently. We must take care not
to let any of us arms our legs crack off.
This young man looks quite breakable right now, does he not.
With Duncan lying on his back, the older boy pulled
out a flashlight. And showing it right in Duncan's eyes.
Duncan instinctively held up his hand to shield himself from
the bright light. The older boy acted like this was
worrisome behavior. After the flashlight came a series of other
weird instruments, skin pinching, pinchy clamps, ear tugging, ear tuggers,
and toenail tapping nail tappers, just to name a few guys.
Could one of you please tell me what's going on?
The older boy gasped, young man, are you being serious
right now? Do you really not know? Is your condition
so bad that you actually can't even feel it? Duncan
wanted to say, feel what, But then he began wondering
if maybe he was feeling a bit strange, He probably
wouldn't be lying on his back in the middle of
the sidewalk with someone checking his ear love looseness if
he was feeling fine. The older boy started asking him
about everything he'd eaten over the past few days. Duncan
obliged and told him everything he could remember. He could
tell from the look on the older boy's face that
he didn't believe him. Young man, I noticed you didn't
mention one vegetable Duncan winked at the two boys. Yeah,
I don't know about you guys, but I, for one,
do not really like vegetables. I mean, my parents do
their best, but I've gotten pretty good at picking them
out of my food. The older boy was shaking his head.
The younger boy, Simon turned and asked, what is it, Detective.
The older boy kept shaking his head. Simon, it would
seem this young man has vegetable sneaking parents of the
highest caliber, Class five, I would presume, probably highly skilled.
Duncan wasn't sure what any of this had to do
with his parents. Was he lying ill on the sidewalk
because of something his parents had done? Was this because
he avoided eating vegetables? His parents had always warned him
he would someday regret not eating his vegetables. Class five parents,
what does that mean? You? Please tell me what's going on.
The older boy put his hand on Duncan's shoulder, like
a doctor about to deliver bad news. Young man. The
reason you're feeling the way you're feeling right now, the
reason you look the way you look, the reason your
toenails sounded like a banjo when we tapped on them
is because your parents have been feeding you vegetables without
you even knowing it, and presumably a lot of vegetables.
Duncan felt rattled. He felt confused. It was like his
world had just been flipped upside down. No, that can't be,
But how my parents wouldn't do that? And besides, aren't
vegetables supposed to make people feel good? This got a
good laugh out of both Simon and the boy so
far only known as the Detective. Did you hear that, Simon?
We've got a believer over here. I wonder what other
things his parents have him Believing that kids need more
sleep than grown ups, that exercise does a body good.
Simon had one of his own, that using too much
toilet paper can clog a toilet. Duncan and the other
kid just looked at each other. Actually, Simon, that one
is very real. Grown ups are not making that one up.
Responsible toilet paper used it just no joke. Duncan should
have had so many questions, but instead of asking why,
or how or what he should even do next, there
was only one thing he wanted to know. So why
do they call you the detective? The older boy snapped
his fingers and Simon pulled out two glass jars out
of a bag. Both jars were filled with red pasta sauce.
Simon then removed the lids and handed the jars to
the older boy. The detective knelt down next to Duncan,
holding both jars next to his face. Tell me, young man,
do you notice any differences between these two jars of sauce.
Duncan looked closely. The first jar of sauce expires on
September third, and the second one says best eaten before
October fourteenth. The detective had not noticed the jars had
expiration dates written on them, and this was not what
he had been going for. Well, other than that, they
both looked the same, answered Duncan. The detective snapped his
fingers again, this time Simon and pulled out a blindfold
from his bag and used it to cover the detective's eyes.
Simon took the jars, switched them around a few times,
and then handed them back to the detective. The detective
sniffed the sauces in both jars and then handed one
of them back to Simon. Pulling the blindfold off, he
started talking to Duncan again. Both jars do have the
same sauce except for one tiny difference. The one I
just handed back to my assistant has something hidden somewhere inside.
While the detective was explaining this to Duncan, he was
also fishing around inside the jar with a spoon. Upon
pulling the spoon out, Duncan asked, what is that tiny
little thing you found there? The detective smiled, This young
man is a mushroom, a finely chopped mushroom, the kind
of mushroom parents just love trying to hide inside their
past the sauces. This here is the reason why you
feel like you're slowly falling apart. And this is why
they call me the detective, the vegetable Detective. I help
kids like you fight back against common vegetable crimes, crime
that are unfortunately committed far too often by parents like yours.
Duncan was impressed. This detective guy clearly knew what he
was talking about. It basically just sniffed a tiny mushroom
out of a big jar of sauce. So, Detective, what
am I supposed to do about this? Will I still
be able to walk? The older boy threw out his hand.
Please call me Alistair. No, actually, maybe you should call
me the Detective. I think I like that better. Wait, no,
maybe just Alistair unless Alistair the Vegetable Detective isn't too
much of a mouthful for you. Duncan decided that, in
his condition, Alistair the Vegetable Detective was too much of
a mouthful at this rate. Who knew if he'd still
be speaking tomorrow. He was feeling stranger by the minute,
though it probably didn't help that he'd been lying on
a hard sidewalk for the last twenty minutes. Young Man,
you've unknowingly been eating vegetables, and judging by how terrible
you look, I'm guessing it's been a lot of vegetables.
If you're able to make it home tonight, which in
your condition would surprise me. I don't want you to
say anything your parents. They mustn't know that you were
onto them. All I want you to do is hide
the vegetables, all the vegetables. If you can do that,
it might not be too late for you. Allister the
Vegetable Detective snapped his fingers again, and Simon handed him
a roll of tape, which he used to reinforce Duncan's
legs to his Torso no need to resk having one's
legs possibly coming loose. With all those vegetables coursing through
their system, Duncan went home and immediately did what he'd
been instructed to do. Not a vegetable was left behind. Duncan,
would you like some supper? Sweety pie, his mother asked.
But not only had his mother made pasta sauce for dinner,
she'd also prepared it before he had hidden all the vegetables.
Who knew what might be hiding inside that sauce. Thanks? Mom,
But I might just head to bed early tonight. I'm
feeling a little strange. You see, perhaps something I ate.
Duncan's mother put her hand on his forehead to check
his temperature. Will you look okay, Duncan? This, of course
I am like exactly the kind of thing a vegetable
sneaking parent would say. But Duncan's let well that night,
knowing he had won that round, and for the entire week,
he remained vigilant, checking all of his food carefully for
any signs of vegetables. But nothing could have prepared him
for the surprise of finding Alistair, the vegetable detective, and
his assistant Simon, hiding under Duncan's table one day, Duncan
down here. How these two had managed to sneak under
the table without Duncan or either of his parents noticing,
was anyone's guess, Duncan, I thought you said you were
going to hide the vegetables. You look absolutely terrible, like
just awful. Duncan bent down and whispered lovely to see
you too. And I did get rid of all the vegetables.
I haven't had a vegetable and close to a week.
Duncan sat back up and pretended to eat his meal
like everything was normal. Duncan, were you just saying something
to your socks my socks, yes, just reminding them that
they still smell very much like socks. Can't have the
sticking up this lovely dinner you made, mom. Duncan took
another bite of his past up before he got interrupted again.
Duncan down here, We need to see what you're eating. Alistair,
the vegetable detective held out a glass vial, which he
was expecting Duncan to use to provide him with a
sample of his dinner, but it seemed like his parents
weren't looking. Duncan quietly spooned some of the sauce into
a vial under the table, Duncan, were you just trying
to feed some of your dinner to your pants? Feed
my pants? Uh? Well, I noticed my pants haven't had
that much to eat today. Can't be easy for them
watching me grow up and not spill so much food
on them anymore. Duncan was relieved when that awkward meal
was over. He found the detective and his assistant waiting
for him down in the basement. Alistair was studying something
under a microscope. Well, Simon, who didn't appear to have
anything better to do, was trying to balance a ping
pong ball on his nose. Duncan would tooke, use you long,
get over here, made Duncan look at something under a microscope.
I don't know what this is. What am I supposed
to be looking at? Whatever it was, it was very small,
one might even say microscopic. This, my friend, is a zucchini,
said Alistair. A zucchini found in the sample of your
dinner that you were just eating. So I'm going to
ask you once again, did you or did you not
hide the vegetables? Duncan swore that he had. Alistair was
now looking more serious than ever then this can only
mean one thing. Your parents have a secret stash, a
secret vegetable stash. Young man. These people are good, too good.
I can see now why you look so absolutely terribly
stupendously rottenly awful. Like what a miserable looking kid you are.
Duncan was getting a little tired of hearing this. He
knew he had a problem that he didn't before. No,
he had, he just didn't know what to do about it. Allister,
isn't there anything else I can do? I just want
to feel norm again. Alistair snapped his fingers and Simon
handed the detective a bag of sugar. Duncan, if you
can't get rid of the vegetables, then you're just gonna
have to neutralize them, neutralize them. Duncan wanted to know.
That's right, Simon, tell him what it means to neutralize something.
Simon looked like he wished he hadn't just been asked
to do that. Neutralizing something means like, you know, so,
like you know how there are cows that can be melked,
and like there's a moon in the sky, but at
the same time, not every cave has a bear. Well, yeah,
that's basically what it means. Alistair was shaking his head
like a teacher whose students never listened to him. Duncan,
you're basically gonna use the sugar to cancel out all
the bad things the vegetables have been doing to you.
All you're gonna do is sneak some of this stuff
into everything, and I mean everything. The more sugar, the better.
These vegetables won't even know what hit him. Simon was grinning, Yeah,
those vegetables will be all like, oh no, my evil powers.
What's happening to my evil powers? Duncan started grinning too.
He was ready to show those vegetables that there was
a new sheriff in town, a sheriff who was ready
to stand up to evil. The next week, Duncan did
as he had been instructed to do. He started sneaking
sugar into everything. Pasta, sauce, rice, casserole, pizza, hamburgers, you
name it. He was adding sugar to it, and he
was surprised at how easy it was to do. No
wonder his parents had gotten away with this for so long.
But all the while, Duncan kept wondering when he'd start
feeling and looking like a normal kid. He was doing
everything he was supposed to be doing, but it almost
felt like he was still getting worse. He decided to
mention this to the vegetable Detective. Was it possible his
parents were on to him? Had they been doing something
else without him knowing? What if they had found a
way to sneak in a new kind of vegetable, like
some kind of super vegetable that was so powerful even
sugar would be no match for it. When the vegetable
Detective down Duncan, this time, Duncan was lying back down
on the sidewalk again. Allister, Simon, it's not going well.
My friends, my parents, they're just too good at this, Allister.
The Vegetable Detective put his hand on Duncan's shoulder like
he had that very first day, but this time he
did not look as worried. Duncan, maybe you don't feel
it yet, but my goodness, are you ever starting to
look better? Wow? Are you seeing this? Simon? Simon hadn't
actually been paying attention. He was too busy trying to
make an acorn fall from a tree using a mind power.
Oh yeah, it looks a million times better. The sugar
is definitely helping. Now, let's get back to that acorn
over there. It felt nice to hear this, but Duncan
still wondered why he felt worse than ever. Just keep
doing what you're doing, Duncan encouraged, Alister, you look great
and soon you'll be feeling great too. But that wasn't
the same message Duncan received when he got home. Oh my, Duncan,
you look absolutely terrible. Are you f feeling okay? The truth,
of course, was that Duncan was not feeling okay. After
looking in a mirror, he saw for himself. Yoo, says,
I look so absolutely terribly stupendously rottenly awful. Like what
a miserable looking kid I am right now, Duncan looked
very much like how he felt his mother. Trying to
be helpful, or so, she appeared. Handed Duncan a drink.
Try some of this smoothie I made. I think it
will help you feel better. Duncan was nervous. It felt
like a trick. Nice try, mom, But oh, just drink
the smoothie, Duncan. It's good for you, Yes, mommy. Duncan
closed his eyes and shugged the entire thing down. The
last movie he remembered drinking had been loaded with so
many berries it tasted like a sugary super drink. Yet
this movie tasted different. His mother had been up to something,
and Duncan knew it, but rather than try to hide it,
Duncan was surprised that his mother just came rite out
and told him about all the vegetables she had tossed
into the blender. Duncan could feel himself getting furious, but
then he noticed something else. That drink had been packed
with spinach, and yet somehow it didn't even taste all
that bad. Actually, it tasted pretty good. The other thing
he noticed was that he was already feeling a bit better,
like somehow the smoothie packed with vegetables was making him
feel better and not worse. Duncan took another look in
the mirror. He could see that he was already starting
to look better too. He might even say he looked
great if it weren't for the tiny flecks of spinach
stuck in his teeth. Duncan was now realizing the problem
he'd been told he had that he didn't know he had,
wasn't actually a problem at all. He'd been feeling fine
this whole time, and alistair and Simon were no different
than any other kid trying to come up with excuses
as to why they shouldn't eat their vegetables. Duncan felt
his stomach rumble. It was nearing supper time, and he
found himself looking forward to some of his mother's healthy cooking.
He still wasn't thrilled about having to eat vegetables, but
he was okay with his mother finding ways to cleverly
sneak in the good stuff without him knowing. So, Mom,
what's for dinner? Some of that healthy sauce you make? Actually, Dear,
I know this is going to sound a little strange,
but I haven't been able to stop thinking about sugar like.
I don't know why, but for some reason I seem
to have developed quite the sweet tooth this week. So
for supper, I was thinking it might be fun to
have some vanilla cake. Hope you're okay with that the end.
That's the story, And here is your question of the week.
On a scale of one to ten, how good are
you at detecting unwonted ingredients in your food? Thanks to Duncan,
Alistair and Simon, and shout out to the following listeners.
Hunter and Milo from North Vancouver, Lola from Pennsylvania, Maya
and Tobin Wagner from Santa Monica, California. M J. Nally
from Indiana, broke Aylworth from the USA, Devin, Anya and
Jaden from Los Angeles, California, Luca and Dallas from Atlanta, Georgia.
And I'mmara and Soraya from Lansing, Michigan. I'll have more
next time, but until then, thanks for listening and I'll
catch you on the next one.