Speaker 1: Hello, and good morning, Susan. How are you doing today?
Speaker 2: I'm great? How are you?
Speaker 1: Absolutely excited to have a conversation with you because I
wanted this book when I was a teenager. I think
there would have been better communication skills between me and
my parents.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hear that a lot. Thanks for having.
Speaker 1: Me absolutely and coming through the book. I really want
to ask a kind of an innocent question in the
way of is the reason why there's a disconnection between
a lot of teens and parents is because parents are
vicariously living through the teen.
Speaker 2: I think that could be part of it. I think
that one of the biggest things is that parents didn't
grow up talking about feelings and emotions, and kids now
do do that, and they talk about their mental health,
how they feel, and so parents like shy away from that,
and then there's like a disconnect.
Speaker 1: I agree with you on that, because you're right because
when I was a kid, it was always get up,
brush the root off your knees, let's get moving.
Speaker 2: Yah ah. Yeah. And kids want to talk about, oh,
I had a bad day and I don't feel so well,
you know, and parents are the bucket up or they
maybe ignore it if it has to do the ceilings.
They're just uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But what about those parents and grandparents whose grandson his
biggest day of his life so far as graduating high
school and he says nothing during the celebration. It's like,
oh my god, I've got one of those.
Speaker 2: Oh where the are you saying? The teenager was quiet?
Speaker 1: Yep, yep, not no reason to get excited, nothing going forward.
Speaker 2: I mean it might be something to check into of,
like how is his mental health and what is the
reason for his quietness. It's really about asking him like
are you quite because you know you're down? Is there
something wrong? I mean, graduating college can be seen as
this great, incredible milestone, but it can also be super
scary because it means I've got to move out. I've
got to figure out what my next plan is. It
is at college? You know?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because landing his first job has changed his personality.
I mean, it's amazing when when we asked him, I said,
how was the first day? And he says, I really
like it. It's like, you've got to be kidding me.
This is amazing to us.
Speaker 2: I think that's great. It's great.
Speaker 1: What you've created here is a roadmap toward connectedness. I mean,
so many adults don't really know how to get into this,
and you, in your own way, have put it in
a language where people can go, Okay, I can create
a solution here.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I really looked at you know, we hear that,
we don't hear the word connectedness enough, and then really,
in relationships, I think that's what we're all looking for
from teens with their parents, their couples. I see it
all the time. People want that emotional closeness where they're accepted,
they feel like they matter, where they feel like, you know,
somebody has their back, they can reach to them no
matter what.
Speaker 1: I love the way that you give us examples of
how to do a volley conversation in the way of
asking those questions and then questioning the answers with more
compassion than basically being critical.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I think you know, we don't get lessons
in how to communicate and our parents for our models, right,
and so I think we really need to learn how
to communicate well. And the best time to do that
is when our kids are young, you know, so they
can learn for long term in their future relationships.
Speaker 1: You know what you bring up a really interesting thing
about communicating. I bet if I sent a text to people,
they would have better communication skills with me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well we do. We communicate by texting a lot,
which is like lacking of emotion, and so you know,
we need more in person communication. Really understand how to communicate.
Speaker 1: In this day and age. I guess when I was
younger as well, a teen, I didn't understand what a
lifelong relationship was and what it was about. I mean
to have a friend for twenty five thirty years that
teens don't think like that. They think about spur of
the moment. How do we invest in their ideas in
the way of saying, right now, you're at a seed
point in your life, you're going to blossom into something beautiful.
Speaker 2: Oh, I think it is hard for a teenager to
see beyond tomorrow. Ye. And I don't think that that's
changed because I remember that myself and just like everything
feels horrible in the moment, like it's you know, a disaster,
and then soon you figure out it's going to change.
I think it's I think it's just about maturity.
Speaker 1: Tackling negative self talk. I mean, you really do dig
into this by giving us lessons that we can learn
you know, pause, acknowledge the thought, stand up for yourself.
I mean, you give us these ideas.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they do work. I do want to be
encouraging about that. I work all the time with people
with negative self talk. I would think it's like number
you know, in the top five things that people do
to themselves that can really have a negative outcome. We do.
We talk to ourselves all day long, and so we
really need to listen to what we're saying because it
drives our behavior and our interactions with others.
Speaker 1: You know. As an instructor, my students are always willing
to not start a project another and I would hate
to be a teacher right now in a real physical
city school. But as an instructor, I deal with the
older people in the way that they'll listen, but they
don't get started. What is it about creativity that people
will not jump into it and go for it. Is
it the fear of failure?
Speaker 2: It could be, yeah, I mean again, I think it's
about examining for each individual, like what causes you to procrastinate?
What causes you not to start something? But a lot
of it can be fear of failure or just like
when it is creativity about Hey, somebody else is going
to see what I'm creating and are they going to
approve of it?
Speaker 1: Now? One of the things that I've been accused of
my entire life codependency. But you you have chapters in
here about attachment. You've got secure attachment, you've got anxious attachment,
and you've also got disorganized attachment. Is that important or
is that a connection?
Speaker 2: I think it's important, I really do. I think it's
important to kind of know what our attachment style is
and then who if you know, if we're a couple,
like who our partner is and what their attachment style is.
I think it's important. I think it gives good information.
Speaker 1: Have the roles of moms and dads changed these days
with dads staying home?
Speaker 2: I mean I don't know about that. With dads staying home,
you mean like as a like a stay.
Speaker 1: At home dad, Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2: No, I think it's kind of anything goes as far
as it's because both parents are tending to you know,
tend to work and then you know, some work from home.
I think both parents are more involved if you know
the parents are married. It definitely feels that way of
what I'm seeing in my office.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I always ran to my mother first, because
then she'd say, go ask your father. Oh hell no,
I'm not going to go ask dad anything. No way,
I'm not going to do it. You put focus on
problem solving, and I you know, I guess you know,
you never think of your team having something that could
backfire on them and what the reaction is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, if if there's
one thing to remember, it's just listen to understand and
jump into their emotional experience instead of jumping to problem solving.
That's just one of the biggest things I hear teens
talk about is they're always telling me, you know, what
I should do, and they don't listen to me.
Speaker 1: Communication is essential, and you've got four communication tendencies in
here that really open up the imagination and the heart.
Passive communication, aggressive communication, even passive aggressive. I mean, you
really break down communications.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's kind of fun to see, like, hey,
I think we all kind of fall into one at
different times, you know, and to just go, oh, yeah,
I just was passive aggressive. I guess that.
Speaker 1: But does it become a throwaway when we.
Speaker 2: Talk like that, No, not at all. I think if
we're like learning, you know, like, hey, that's on me.
I was being passive aggressive. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Where can people go to find out more about you,
especially this book and other things that you're involved in,
especially the My Sister Live Project.
Speaker 2: Okay, so to order the book, it's available at all
bookstores wherever you can find books. To find out about me,
that's Susankasso dot com. And for the Limb Project, which
I'm the mental health director of and the advisor on
the film My Sister Live, you can go to the
Limbproject dot org and live is spelled liv.
Speaker 1: Wow. I just love where your heart is and I
love the way that you're being so open with your
communications in the way of helping not only parents but
teens as we work together and grow together as a community.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Well, please come back to this show anytime in the future.
The door is always going to be open for you.
Speaker 2: I would love to thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Will you'd be brilliant today?
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, you two. Thanks