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Speaker 1: Hello, and good morning, Susan. How are you doing today?

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Speaker 2: I'm great? How are you?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely excited to have a conversation with you because I

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wanted this book when I was a teenager. I think

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there would have been better communication skills between me and

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my parents.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I hear that a lot. Thanks for having.

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Speaker 1: Me absolutely and coming through the book. I really want

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to ask a kind of an innocent question in the

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way of is the reason why there's a disconnection between

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a lot of teens and parents is because parents are

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vicariously living through the teen.

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Speaker 2: I think that could be part of it. I think

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that one of the biggest things is that parents didn't

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grow up talking about feelings and emotions, and kids now

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do do that, and they talk about their mental health,

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how they feel, and so parents like shy away from that,

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and then there's like a disconnect.

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Speaker 1: I agree with you on that, because you're right because

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when I was a kid, it was always get up,

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brush the root off your knees, let's get moving.

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Speaker 2: Yah ah. Yeah. And kids want to talk about, oh,

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I had a bad day and I don't feel so well,

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you know, and parents are the bucket up or they

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maybe ignore it if it has to do the ceilings.

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They're just uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: But what about those parents and grandparents whose grandson his

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biggest day of his life so far as graduating high

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school and he says nothing during the celebration. It's like,

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oh my god, I've got one of those.

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Speaker 2: Oh where the are you saying? The teenager was quiet?

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Speaker 1: Yep, yep, not no reason to get excited, nothing going forward.

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Speaker 2: I mean it might be something to check into of,

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like how is his mental health and what is the

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reason for his quietness. It's really about asking him like

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are you quite because you know you're down? Is there

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something wrong? I mean, graduating college can be seen as

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this great, incredible milestone, but it can also be super

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scary because it means I've got to move out. I've

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got to figure out what my next plan is. It

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is at college? You know?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because landing his first job has changed his personality.

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I mean, it's amazing when when we asked him, I said,

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how was the first day? And he says, I really

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like it. It's like, you've got to be kidding me.

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This is amazing to us.

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Speaker 2: I think that's great. It's great.

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Speaker 1: What you've created here is a roadmap toward connectedness. I mean,

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so many adults don't really know how to get into this,

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and you, in your own way, have put it in

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a language where people can go, Okay, I can create

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a solution here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I really looked at you know, we hear that,

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we don't hear the word connectedness enough, and then really,

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in relationships, I think that's what we're all looking for

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from teens with their parents, their couples. I see it

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all the time. People want that emotional closeness where they're accepted,

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they feel like they matter, where they feel like, you know,

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somebody has their back, they can reach to them no

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matter what.

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Speaker 1: I love the way that you give us examples of

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how to do a volley conversation in the way of

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asking those questions and then questioning the answers with more

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compassion than basically being critical.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I think you know, we don't get lessons

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in how to communicate and our parents for our models, right,

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and so I think we really need to learn how

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to communicate well. And the best time to do that

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is when our kids are young, you know, so they

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can learn for long term in their future relationships.

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Speaker 1: You know what you bring up a really interesting thing

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about communicating. I bet if I sent a text to people,

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they would have better communication skills with me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well we do. We communicate by texting a lot,

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which is like lacking of emotion, and so you know,

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we need more in person communication. Really understand how to communicate.

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Speaker 1: In this day and age. I guess when I was

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younger as well, a teen, I didn't understand what a

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lifelong relationship was and what it was about. I mean

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to have a friend for twenty five thirty years that

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teens don't think like that. They think about spur of

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the moment. How do we invest in their ideas in

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the way of saying, right now, you're at a seed

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point in your life, you're going to blossom into something beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I think it is hard for a teenager to

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see beyond tomorrow. Ye. And I don't think that that's

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changed because I remember that myself and just like everything

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feels horrible in the moment, like it's you know, a disaster,

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and then soon you figure out it's going to change.

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I think it's I think it's just about maturity.

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Speaker 1: Tackling negative self talk. I mean, you really do dig

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into this by giving us lessons that we can learn

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you know, pause, acknowledge the thought, stand up for yourself.

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I mean, you give us these ideas.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and they do work. I do want to be

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encouraging about that. I work all the time with people

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with negative self talk. I would think it's like number

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you know, in the top five things that people do

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to themselves that can really have a negative outcome. We do.

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We talk to ourselves all day long, and so we

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really need to listen to what we're saying because it

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drives our behavior and our interactions with others.

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Speaker 1: You know. As an instructor, my students are always willing

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to not start a project another and I would hate

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to be a teacher right now in a real physical

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city school. But as an instructor, I deal with the

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older people in the way that they'll listen, but they

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don't get started. What is it about creativity that people

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will not jump into it and go for it. Is

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it the fear of failure?

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Speaker 2: It could be, yeah, I mean again, I think it's

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about examining for each individual, like what causes you to procrastinate?

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What causes you not to start something? But a lot

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of it can be fear of failure or just like

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when it is creativity about Hey, somebody else is going

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to see what I'm creating and are they going to

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approve of it?

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Speaker 1: Now? One of the things that I've been accused of

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my entire life codependency. But you you have chapters in

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here about attachment. You've got secure attachment, you've got anxious attachment,

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and you've also got disorganized attachment. Is that important or

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is that a connection?

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Speaker 2: I think it's important, I really do. I think it's

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important to kind of know what our attachment style is

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and then who if you know, if we're a couple,

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like who our partner is and what their attachment style is.

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I think it's important. I think it gives good information.

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Speaker 1: Have the roles of moms and dads changed these days

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with dads staying home?

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Speaker 2: I mean I don't know about that. With dads staying home,

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you mean like as a like a stay.

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Speaker 1: At home dad, Yeah, exactly, exactly.

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Speaker 2: No, I think it's kind of anything goes as far

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as it's because both parents are tending to you know,

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tend to work and then you know, some work from home.

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I think both parents are more involved if you know

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the parents are married. It definitely feels that way of

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what I'm seeing in my office.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because I always ran to my mother first, because

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then she'd say, go ask your father. Oh hell no,

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I'm not going to go ask dad anything. No way,

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I'm not going to do it. You put focus on

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problem solving, and I you know, I guess you know,

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you never think of your team having something that could

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backfire on them and what the reaction is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, if if there's

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one thing to remember, it's just listen to understand and

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jump into their emotional experience instead of jumping to problem solving.

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That's just one of the biggest things I hear teens

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talk about is they're always telling me, you know, what

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I should do, and they don't listen to me.

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Speaker 1: Communication is essential, and you've got four communication tendencies in

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here that really open up the imagination and the heart.

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Passive communication, aggressive communication, even passive aggressive. I mean, you

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really break down communications.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's kind of fun to see, like, hey,

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I think we all kind of fall into one at

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different times, you know, and to just go, oh, yeah,

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I just was passive aggressive. I guess that.

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Speaker 1: But does it become a throwaway when we.

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Speaker 2: Talk like that, No, not at all. I think if

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we're like learning, you know, like, hey, that's on me.

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I was being passive aggressive. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Where can people go to find out more about you,

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especially this book and other things that you're involved in,

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especially the My Sister Live Project.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so to order the book, it's available at all

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bookstores wherever you can find books. To find out about me,

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that's Susankasso dot com. And for the Limb Project, which

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I'm the mental health director of and the advisor on

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the film My Sister Live, you can go to the

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Limbproject dot org and live is spelled liv.

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Speaker 1: Wow. I just love where your heart is and I

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love the way that you're being so open with your

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communications in the way of helping not only parents but

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teens as we work together and grow together as a community.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: Well, please come back to this show anytime in the future.

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The door is always going to be open for you.

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Speaker 2: I would love to thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: Will you'd be brilliant today?

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, you two. Thanks