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Speaker 1: Oh my god, please, I am begging you just ten seconds? Please?

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Can you just not fall over for ten seconds? That's

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all it will take for us to get to the couch.

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I swear we can do it. I know we can,

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just a few more steps. Oh my gosh, we actually

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made it. I honestly did not think that we were

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going to. I really thought you were going to drop

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like a sack of rocks and take me down with you. Yeah,

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it's called lying. I do it a lot, And so

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do you like when you tell me, oh, no, you're

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not gonna get that drunk, You're only gonna have a

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few drinks and then sober up before driving yourself home.

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In fact, you're really good at that kind of lying,

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since I absolutely believed you up until you were leaning

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against me and yelling in my ear that you wanted

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to go home so you could put some fuzzy socks

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on your hands because they were cold. Not that drunk,

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Not that drunk. You were absolutely that drunk, Yes you were.

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You were yelling in my ear the entire way home,

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and I could smell how drunk you were. Your breath

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smelled like artificial fruit and vodka. Decided to use your

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mouth as a wedding venue, and then invited all their friends, rum, fireball,

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and club soda to the reception. If you want the

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honest truth, you still kind of smell like someone mixed

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a bag of sour gummy worms with hard lemonade. Yeah,

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no problem, I just thought you'd like to know. Oh,

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shut up, my breath does not smell that bad. I

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mean it doesn't. Right, didn't even have much, and that

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was like hours ago. Hey, if fireball does not smell

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that bad, there are like way worse things to smell like.

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I mean, yeah, but after a party like that, I'd

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say I smelled better than most people did on their

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way out. Oh, absolutely, I saw them. Those two were

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a mess, But knowing them, what else could we have expected?

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A then tears to both of us. Escaping that absolute mess,

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We got out of there exactly at the right time.

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I'd say, I got a call on the way home,

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and I genuinely don't know who it was, but I

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know that they were at the party, and I heard

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fire alarms in the background. I didn't hear too much

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of what they were saying, but from the sound of it,

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they dropped their phone into a pool or something. Yeah,

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I feel bad, but I'm more curious about where they

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found a pool. We were nowhere near a pool. The

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only thing I could think of is that they filled

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the bathtub for some reason, which why I guess. Sure,

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anything is possible, But honestly, if they thought that leaning

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over a bathtub full of water while making a drunken

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phone call was a good idea, then sucks to suck.

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That's on them. I'm sure we'll hear all about it tomorrow. Hell,

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I'm sure we'll hear about a lot of stuff tomorrow. However,

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until then, I plan on fully enjoying the calm before

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the storm while sleeping off the memory of me singing

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sexy back like a damn banshee. Yes it was that bad.

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Quit trying to tell me it wasn't. Yes, it was, Yes,

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it was, absolutely it was. But I appreciate your support.

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Oh my god, yes it was. But I'm not gonna

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argue with you anymore about it. Okay, let's just agree

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to disagree, but know that deep down I'm right good.

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I'm glad we can agree kind of anyway. Are you

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doing all right? I think you'll be okay if I

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head out. No, do you need something you want some

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water or something to eat. Oh no, are you gonna

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be sick? What? Why do you need me to stay

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with you? I mean, I love hanging out with you

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and all, but it's just not really hanging out if

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I'm sitting on the couch and you're asleep on your bed. Hey,

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real quick for me, define wanting to sleep with me?

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Oh oh oh oh okay, right you meant like literally

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sleep and cuddle. Sure, sure, ah, but just sleep in

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cuddle that's what you meant, right, Okay, just making sure

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that's what you meant. Huh No, that's that's totally what

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I thought you meant. I yeah, I knew that that's

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what you meant. I don't think so. I have to

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run some errands on the other side of town tomorrow,

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and I'll have to leave early so I can be

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the traffic and be back before. Oh come on, don't

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look at me like that. I have to wake up

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early tomorrow. I can't stay here. Stop it. Do not

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give me the sad puppy eyes. Yes, I know I'm

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weak for the puffy eyes. That's why I'm telling you

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to quit. Oh fine, you win? Is that what you

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want to hear? Yes, I'll stay here and we can

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go to bed together. Are you happy now? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,

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quit your cheering. Okay, let's just go to bed. I

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still have errands to run tomorrow, and I'd like to

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get some sleep before I have to get up and

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be a responsible member of society. Do you still need

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help walking? Okay? All right, I'm gonna take that as

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a yest. Here, lean on me. I got you. Okay,

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here we go. Do you want to change before we

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go to bed or are you sleeping in that? That's

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what I figured. As nice as you look in that outfit,

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it looks pretty uncomfortable. Yeah, it looks really good on you.

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I feel like everyone looked at you for a bit

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too long tonight. Fair enough. Looking good is nice and all,

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but nothing is better than changing out of all of

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that to put on something comfy. Agreed, That's why I

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went with something comfortable this time. Yeah, go ahead and change.

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I'll turn around. Go ahead and change so we can

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sleep and cuddle. Sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah, just hurry up.

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You know I'm not going to help you change your

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clothes because you're practically naked. Or did you forget that already?

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You say you're drunk, not stupid, I say that you're

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drunk and stupid. In the end, who's truly to say

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which one of us is right? Hey, no need to

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throw stuff around. Just because you know I'm right, doesn't

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mean you need to launch an attack and throw your

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hoodie at me. No, you know what, I won't give

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you the sweatshirt back. In fact, I think I'm gonna

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wear it. Yes I am. If you're gonna make me

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stay here and cuddle you to sleep, I get to

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call DIBs. I'm wearing a comfy hoodie to bed. I'd

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say it's a fair trade. Well that's the only deal

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I'm gonna cut you, so take it or leave it?

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Final offer. Uh huh, yep, that's what I thought you'd say.

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Now hurry up and finish getting dressed. I'm tired and

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I want to go to bed. What do you mean

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you're having trouble? How can you possibly be having trouble

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putting on pajamas of all things? It's just a shirt

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and some pants. I mean, it is just a shirt

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and some pants. What is taking you so long? Seriously?

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Are you okay? Do you need help? Seriously? Still? How

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is a shirt giving you this much trouble? Ah? Here,

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hands it over. Maybe there's something wrong with Oh no, hey,

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I think I found the problem. Yeah, the problem is

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that this is not a shirt. These are pants. Yeah,

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it's the really you look at them, That's exactly what

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I was telling you. Those are pants. Serious, How did

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you even confuse them for a shirt? Listen, Even if

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you do have a shirt in the exact same pattern,

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I feel that you should have figured it out at

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some point, specifically when you were trying to put them

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over your head. Did you genuinely not notice? What the

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would you quit throwing your clothes at me? Your aim

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is horrible anyway, It doesn't matter. If mine's just as bad,

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yours is still worse. Yeah, well, just shut up. It

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doesn't need to make sense. Both of us have equally

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awful aims, but yours is still infinitely more awful than mine,

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because it just is. Because I said so, because I

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know everything, past, present, and future. Okay, but seriously, are

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you dressed yet? Like? Please? My head is starting to hurt,

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and I think my legs are planning to betray me

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within the next few seconds. And while I'm sure i'd

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have a lovely time sleeping on the ground cuddling with

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you in your bed sounds borderline euphoric right now. Finally,

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did you manage to put your clothes on right this?

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You know, I almost wasn't gonna say anything, but you

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look way too happy with yourself right now, which is

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pretty funny since your pants are backwards and your shirt

151
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isn't side out. But at this point, with how drunk

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you are, I honestly think that's probably the best you

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can do. Yes, I'm proud of you. Now let's go

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to bed before either of us has to pick each

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other up off the ground. Okay, I don't think we

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have the strength to carry each other to bed at

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this point. My arms feel like jelly. I may probably

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have just as much structural stability, all right. Then, after

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you scoot over a bit so I could get in

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and toss me one of those pillows. Thanks. Having trouble

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getting comfortable, I figured usually when you're this drunk, you're

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just out like a light. I guess you're just in

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a cuddly mood. Huh, Come here, lay your head on

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my chest. Ow. I said to lay your head down,

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not try to impale your chin through my rib cage. Fine,

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whatever you say, just lay down and go to bed woche. Damn,

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you really are feeling cuddly? Huh? What am I your

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teddy bear? Oh? Really? My favorite Blushi really the only

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one you need? Oh God, you're so freaking cute. I

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said that you look cute. Why are you so surprised

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I've told you that you're cute before. I don't really

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think there's a difference. Saying that you look cute and

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you are cute. It's the same thing, aren't they. Well

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what's the difference then? Okay, so you're saying that look

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cute it's just about how you look, while saying are cute?

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Is everything about you? Okay? Got it? Well I mean both. Yeah,

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really you are cute and you look cute. Of course

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I do. You're absolutely adorable because you're the cutest person

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I've ever seen. And I because I love you, as

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you know, more than a friend. Yes, really, I love you.

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I love you and I want to be with you.

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Of course I do. I mean how could I not

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love you? You are everything to me. We've been best

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friends for so long, and through all these years, I've

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realized more and more how much I wouldn't be able

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to live without you. I don't know how I could

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live without you, because there's no one in this world

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that could replace you. Do you really mean that? Is

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it just the alcohol talking? Really, you're being honest with me?

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Oh my gosh. Okay, So then we are absolutely going

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on a date tomorrow. We're gonna sleep in and once

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we're not hungover, we're gonna go on a date and

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it's gonna be the best date that we've ever been on,

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and we're gonna do cute couple of stuff and it's

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gonna be fantastic. Kiss you if you want to, We

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can kiss as much as you want. I'd be more

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than willing to kiss you until forever, until the heat

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death of the universe. We can definitely kiss you mean

199
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right now, listen. As nice as that sounds, I want

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our first kiss to be when we're both sober. Also,

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just what do you take me for? If we're gonna

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go on a date, We have to do this properly. First,

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we go on a date, and then we can kiss after.

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I mean, we can kiss as much as you want

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after that, but let me at least pretend to be

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patient enough to take this slow. Just one kiss on

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the cheek, Yeah, I can do that, but just one Okay,

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how is that good? Yeah, I'm glad. Oh my goodness,

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I'm so happy right now. I don't think I can

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take any more excitement. My heart might just explode into confetti.

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Let's just go to bed for now. Of course, come here,

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snuggle closer to me again. Fair warning, though, I'm not

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gonna let you go. Remember i'm your favorite plushy, and

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I'm all yours for the cuddling a sleep. Well, okay,

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we have a huge day tomorrow. I can't wait to

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wake up next to you.