Speaker 1: Live is Pet Life Radio.
Speaker 2: Let's Talk Pets.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Human Animal Connection show, where we believe
we can communicate with all animals. Join us as we
explore the thirty three principles and healing methods of the
Human Animal Connection. As animal lovers, we know that you
share our commitment to making the world a kinder place
for all creatures. Together, let's embrace the transformative healing power
of the Human Animal Connection.
Speaker 2: Hello everyone, Welcome to the Human Animal Connection. I know
you're going to really be delighted by this show. This
is going to be some really interesting information. I know
a lot of these things you will have thought about before,
but there's some new ways that we're going to be
talking about, some things about making your life more harmonious
and more peaceful with dogs. And I am going to
be talking with Jesse Sternberg and he is the author
of Enlightened Dog Training book I've been devouring, got lots
of highlights all through the book. It's really a delightful
book that I totally recommend. And as fans of the
Human Emal Connection, you're going to recognize some of the
concepts are very similar and in some important ways, some
differences so we're going to explore that becaus as continuous learners,
we'll always want to find out if is there something
new that we can use. So Jesse, thank you so
much for being with us.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you for that introduction. And I thought this
is going to be fun.
Speaker 2: Definitely going to be fun. Now I know you start,
you've been in this business. We're working with dogs for
a couple of decades, three decades. You started out in
doggie daycare, and I think you learned a lot by
all the dogs that wanted to come and be with you,
and you learn what it's like to have not only
a little pack, but a very big pack.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and to be responsible for them in a different
way than just being with them adds a whole other
level of insight communication, dog training.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Well, we're really interested in peaceful approaches to
working with dogs. I know that's something that you've really
perfected and developed and you know, had to work with
in an environment when you have a whole bunch of
dogs in in your in your in your space that
you're responsible for. And we're also very interested in the
ways that pack energy affects dogs. So what are some
of your thoughts about the pros and cons of dogs
together in a space.
Speaker 3: Wow, the pros are the vibe is amazing. Yeah, when
when they feel safe and when they feel protected, then
the peacefulness begins and that is so great. There needs
to be a protector and a provider for them to
have that switch that they flip on m and order. Yeah, yeah,
I know. So this is like this sounds great, but yeah,
who do they? Who do you think they expect and
want to have that role?
Speaker 2: Well that would be me, right, it's you.
Speaker 3: And so the caution here is everything I tell you.
Once you hear it, you're going to go Okay, Now,
now I got to go do that.
Speaker 2: Because that's yeah.
Speaker 3: But we want to keep the peace, and this is
sort of this is the duality of it. We want
to keep the peace and there's two really easy ways
to do that with dogs with a pac mentality that
I discovered. One is to provide a territory protection.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: So they all every dog. I've never met a dog
that didn't get excited or you know, silly at the
front door. Right. Same with this, the same concept with
the windows. It's the same concept with when somebody's coming
home or going away. I kind to bucket all of
this into territory. Okay, Well, the territory ought to be respected.
It ought to be for the safety of our pack.
You know, somebody needs to be sheriff and governed, which
means whatever is outside, it's not exciting, not scary.
Speaker 2: Contrary to canine belief.
Speaker 3: What usually happens in because that's that's like a computer
program that's going on in your dog's head. Protect the territory,
alert master. Right, Well, what's happening is they've been making
alerts for like the last seven years, and we have
been communicating words instead of with actions.
Speaker 2: So not speaking their language. They're communicating in their doggy
language world, and we're making a mistake of communicating the
human world.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're confusing them with the wrong flavor of phraise
a positive reinforcing. They start to think that we like
them barking, and we like we like them jumping up
and you know, scratching on us a little bit if
they're excited, and so they actually think we like when
they do that because yeah, we're too afraid of a confrontation.
Speaker 2: Yeah we don't want to fight, but when they're there,
that's double edged sort of everything, Right, right, that's why I.
Speaker 3: Have this idea of this character that they want us
to be is the peaceful version of being the alpha.
Speaker 2: Okay, so this is so wonderful because you've really reclaimed
the word alpha, which has been kind of misused for
a while by.
Speaker 3: It's been Yeah, thank you, I'm trying. That's my it's
my modus operandi.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you were reclaiming the word alpha. There's been
some tremendous misunderstanding and some really bad practices under the
guise of the understanding of alpha, which is really not correct.
If we look at wolves, for example, you know the
alpha neess, that's the most harmonious character in the pack, right,
that is the eldest, the wisest, the smartest, the you know,
the softest in a way in the sense that this
one is not going to waste energy on having a
snarl over nothing. Energy is very valuable and.
Speaker 3: Way bigger fish to fry, because he's got his eye
on the territory and he's got his mind on the
next meal, and he's got his mind on the safety
of every creature. And that level of consciousness is very
similar to your domestic dogs consciousness.
Speaker 2: Yes, and so that's what they're looking for from us.
So when they're you know, the Amazon person or whoever
comes to the door and they go running, barking, lunging,
you know, making a big display and we get all
mad and all this other stuff, that's they don't they
think we're participating in that, you know, upsetness. Oh, something
terrible is happening. We all have to make noise.
Speaker 3: Now, right. So my viewpoint of looking at that is
we're adding chaos to their chaos. And so as a leader,
you're no respect. That's like a beta move.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: The alpha move would be to offer some protection, offer
some guidance, which usually just looks like, hey, the doors
the hot zone, move away from it, and I know
that you've got strong feelings, but sit it out bringing
it up.
Speaker 2: Okay, So we need to be in a peaceful state.
If we are going to expect them to be in
a peaceful state.
Speaker 3: Totally, they're they are going to reflect us.
Speaker 2: So that's what really, what they're looking to us for
is some guidance.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, speaking of guidance, little dog giving some guidance out there. Yes,
so somebody, somebody just arrived, the maintenance guy just got here. Yeah,
so I think that's so fascinating that you are taking
back the understanding of what true alpha nature is. It's
not about being the biggest bully on the playard. It's
really about being the wisest, most protective in a harmonious way.
So they're looking to us to take on some of
this role. I guess that is what you're saying, so
they can relax a little bit. They don't always have
to be.
Speaker 3: Exactly that's That's exactly what it does, is it takes
the edge that's that they have on them assuming the
role of protector and not really in like the animal
role kingdom kind of world, but in like the human
box created world. Then their senses aren't set up to
process it, and they need our They need us on
the team to play our role on the team.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we need to be a little better at
the human naturedness in order to help them have a Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's just another level everybody's really everybody is as good
as they are going to be. Everyone's the best version
of them that they're being. But this level of looking
at it from the lens of Oh, I kind of
get what my dog's thinking about. I kind of get
I kind of get that it's possible to you know. Oh,
so alpha's also set set the rules hm hmm okay,
and they set the rules around what they're providing. Mm
hmm okay. So you're the peaceful Alpha provides provides the
resource of the food. And it's really satisfying to work
for food. Yes, expense of being pro proud, Yes, excellent.
Speaker 1: Z to.
Speaker 3: Cut that corner and we all do it. And I
cut that corner too when I invest in that, And
I switch food time around into a seven minute exercise
where work is being done. Work meaning the dog is concentrating,
and I'm leading it and I'm supporting it for its decisions,
not for its behaviors visions right, and I start to
communicate to it like an alpha. So here's here's like,
for the safety of our pack, I need you to
stay here, and I'm going to run out to the
mailbox and I'm going to come back, but don't move.
I'm not going to tell you, well, who doesn't want
to have that? Who has that? And who doesn't want
to have that? Similarly, all right, well done job. How
do you come with me or walk to the corner store.
I'm not going to go and get at least just
stay with me, okay, dad, boom, like you're walking with
a toddler. So there's that connection. And then when you
get to the store, it's like, okay, you know that
play we practice where you lie down and you don't
move run the play boom okay. And so it's totally
possible to enrich all of your moments of the day
where you're connecting to your dog and aunt and just
like really realizing that that's what they're craving from you.
Most of these dogs, a border Collie, a lab, a
Golden retriever, their job is to stay down and wait
and wait for you to tell them to go do something.
And they're waiting okay, exciting times. So doing a little
bit of this with your food and you know, putting
the food ball on the ground and doing what I
would call an alpha claim, which is where you just
stand over top of it. And this is where the
one time where you would stare at them because you
were having a challenge. Hey, this is mine as des ours,
but it's not time to take it yet.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: What ends up happening is there's like a total honor
code and the doll okay okay, and it stands up
and it moves backwards, and then it sits down and
lies down. Yep, it's being respectful right working, he's waiting,
he's processing that desire. A lot of dogs can't handle
any any of their desires, any of their fears. They
act them out by jumping, scratching, barking, not listening, being bad.
So my approach here is, I know I'm going to
have so much power of influence in the relationship with
you that I'm still connected to you when you have
strong feelings. Okay, that's when I'm going to leave you.
Speaker 2: Yes, Okay, Well that's really wonderful. Do you have a
sentence that I underlined in your book and I'm going
to tell you what it is, and we're gonna take
a little break. Can you're gonna explain it because I
love it. You said, no dog thinks he's misbehaving, and
I think that's a wonderful statement. We're going to take
a short love break, and when you come back, I
want you to tell us all about that. We'll be
right back in just a moment.
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Speaker 1: Hey friends. If you like what you're hearing and want
to learn more, check out doctor Joseph's book The Human
Animal Connection, Deepening Relationships with Animals and ourselves, or visit
the website The Humananimalconnection dot org to book an online consultation.
Thank you for loving animals. Now back to the show.
Speaker 5: Let's Talk Pets on Petlifradio dot com.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to the Human Animal Connection podcast where I'm
speaking with Jesse Sternberg, and he is the author of
Enlightened Dog Training, Become the Peaceful Alpha your Dog needs
and respects. And he's also going to tell us he's
got a new workbook out, so he'll tell us about
that at the end of our podcast here, So before
we went on the break, we were talking about a
wonderful sentence you have in your books that says, no
dog thinks he's misbehaving. And I think as humans, we
are convinced that they know they're bad and that they
know they're misbehaving. So what are your thoughts about that?
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, in the moment where we're convinced that they
know they're bad, they're reacting to our mood. They're anticipating,
and they can read the room, they can read the moment.
But in the moment where they're you know, in the
hour before that, when you were outside doing whatever you
were doing and your dog, your puppy was shredding the
toilet paper roll and recorating, he was in he was
just following his bliss. What was he doing wrong?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So from their point of view, the thing that
drives you crazy was probably a lot of fun for them.
Speaker 3: Well that's there, that exactly, That's the key, and so
we have to be when we are totally consistent in
our responses. That's like so, so you know, that's an
individual thing because it's not always going to be as
cute as the puppy doing that. It could be more realistically,
you're kind coming home from work and your dog is
so excited to see you. You haven't put anything down,
and it's jumping up and scratching you, and it's adding
stress to your stress instead of just a soft landing.
So it's always like he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong.
He's missing you. He is coming towards you, and he
is saying, give me attention, and usually he's getting it. Yeah,
he's not doing anything wrong there. And so both situations
is a step back moment. It's always a slow to
it's always alpha to be responding with the appropriate tempo,
appropriate timing. Ah, if I'm catching myself not being in
loving comedy land like grating below that, because my responsors
are always going to be more patient and and different there.
If I'm if I'm crabby and I haven't had my coffee,
very slow to respond, Yeah, yeah, I'm very slow and
I'm more patient. I take more of an aloof standpoint.
I'm not gonna I'm not going to positively reinforce something right, So.
Speaker 2: A lot of people may not realize that they're positively
reinforcing when the dog is jumping and barking and being
kind of highly energized, and you're responding in a harsh
shirt or intense way. Back the dog thinks, Okay, well
we're playing this. It's working. I wanted attention, I'm getting it.
Speaker 3: Primus under all of this is it's our actions that
do the talking. Ah, it's an alpha's actions that have
the power, so that when he speaks, he's already got
the Orhi. They already have the merit from their actions,
their wise powerful actions. So there's nothing to challenge. It's
just it makes sense. Okay, we'll do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Well we have you know, our latest rescue.
He's wonderful dog. He was living in a house with
twelve dogs. He has passed his therapy dog tests. His
name is Harry. He's a wonderful guy except when I
leave the house. And when I leave the house, he
decides that the garbage can is his. And we have
one of those garbage cans, so supposedly dog proofs with
the latch that the dog can't get in, and he's
watched us wave our hand over it, so he waves
his head over it, gets the garbage can open, and
turns it on his side. And has his way with us.
Speaker 3: Oh, it sounds like he's not anxious that you're leaving.
He's just an opportunity seeker and he's clever. He just
goes and takes it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he just you know, I think he has
himself a royal good time.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: I love when dogs are like that. If a dog,
I'd be like that too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, now you're gone, You're gone.
Speaker 3: I maybe clean it up for my master.
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, what's that? That's the way the mice will play,
so yeah, yeah wild yeah. Well so yeah, we haven't
we haven't gotten. We haven't been able to change that yet.
Any tips on a dog who has a fun time
with the garbage can when I'm gone.
Speaker 3: Well, the obvious is that it is kind of fun
for you. Also, not when I come home, when you
come home. But it's a mixed it's a mix, like
there's mixed on it. It's like when Bubba choose my
remote control when I'm gone and I'm on like my
sixth remote control, maybe because there's a little bit of
grease from my thumb.
Speaker 2: On it, oh doubt.
Speaker 3: And it's a chewe toy for him. I come home
and I find it funny. I don't tell him I
find it funny, but right like I do find it.
It's like dogs are supposed to be your man's like friend,
like they're right living with your companion. It's on me.
I left it out after four times. They should figure
out put it in the drawer, right right? Okay, so haven't.
Speaker 2: We haven't figured out the garbage thing yet. So it's
a work in progress. But Harry's a wonderful bog. He
does great therapy work. He's wonderful with teenagers. He works
with teenagers who are dealing with anxiety, and he just
lays down with them and settles them down. In thirty seconds.
They go from you know, a nine to a two.
Speaker 3: Explain that to me just a little bit like when
his job kicks in. He just walks up to them
and lays down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean he can sense. He'll we have a circle.
We sit in a circle, and he'll say hello to everyone,
but he knows who needs him the most and he
will just lay down for them. And he's big, and
Harry seventy pounds of fur, and he's irresistible and they just,
you know, just move into that state of just wanting
to cuddle with him, or pet him, or move into
his vibe. You know, his vibe takes over, which is
so sweet and wonderful. And that's of course when the
Amazon guy comes, it's a completely different dog.
Speaker 3: Oh I love that. I love that. So I actually
do this similar thing, and I do it on social media.
I'm not sure if your listeners know or if you know,
but I have a huge guard dug. He's like one
hundred pounds dogo Argentina. He's pure white. Wow, he's two
years old. I've been raising him since he was seven
and a half weeks on social media, wow he is.
He looks like the Lebron James of pitbulls. He looks
so big and strong. People used to be terrified to him,
but now he's so he's just he kind of lumbers
and he's calm. And I can see a mile away
when somebody is just kind of gazing at huh. I
get my phone out and I slowly let Bubba like
meander up to that person. Before you know it, that
person is just oh, eating off the frequency. Yes, yes,
and That's what I'm doing on social media. And yes,
it's really cute.
Speaker 2: It's adorable, I know. Well yeah, and That's one of
the things that we helped the kids understand is that
that all these feelings that they have, all these emotions,
these are just energy states. And we teach them how
to recognize it in the dogs and give it rate it,
give them a number. What is what is Harry right now?
Is he a four? Is he a six? And you know,
within one lesson they are like within one point of accuracy.
You know, almost all kids within one or two points
still agree on the numbers. And then we help them
understand they can do that with their own emotions. They can.
They can. And so let's say, for example, Harry's six.
Or Sophia was my little rescue. She is twenty five pounds,
little schuaha. She was a feral dog. She used to
scare grown men when they when I first got her,
and they would come to the house, like maintenance workers
or whatever. I'd have to have her strapped to my
waist or they wouldn't come in. So she and now
she's a therapy dog. She's wonderful. And so we'll ask them,
you know, well what I Sophia right now? They'll say, well,
she's a five, Okay, what are you? And they say, well,
I'm a five. Oh, isn't that interesting? Okay, so let's
see what happens. We'll do one of our little meditation techniques,
one of our calming techniques that we do in less
than thirty seconds, and then we say, what's Sophia now?
And she said, well, she's a three. Oh, interesting, where
do you? I'm a three? And so they begin to
see the connection between our emotional state and the dog's
emotional state, and also just the realization that they're not
at the mercy of that emotional state, that they have
a choice. They can choose to go to a more
peaceful state, and that gives them more emotional flexibility in
their lives.
Speaker 3: So I love that. Okay, let me let me just
flavor something here. When yeah, to make the right decision,
make a good decision. Usually what that means is they
decided to restrain their restrain their bad behavior and go
into a calming position on their own, which would be
I recommend offering gratitude emotion for the positive reinforcer, not excitement,
not it's thank you, thank you. Yeah, it's a totally
different flavor a reinforcer. And now you've got a dog
that's programmed two make good decisions that you like.
Speaker 2: Wow, I love that. Yeah. I mean I remember when
I was I had to become a dog trainer because
we had a prison program and we couldn't afford a
dog trainer, so I had to become a dog trainer.
So and was always like good talky, good tucky.
Speaker 3: Okay, that was always yeah, that's like I know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so what you're offering is something very very different.
You're offering thank you. And I love that because when
when I say thank you, I have to really feel
it first of all, because dogs know when we're lying.
We can't fake it thank you. Yeah, they know the difference.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, bingo, this takes a little bit of.
Speaker 2: That's lovely. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: One of the things I also underline any book that
I really love is your three versions of calm, you know,
looking that the dog is looking to see am I.
Calm is my person, Calm is the environment calm. I
love that. I love the simplicity of that and the
recognition that maybe one of those three elements is missing
in any given moment of intensity. So tell us more
about that. I love that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, all right, all right, So what you're speaking
to is dogs have actions that they make called calming signals,
and one example would be like yawning or raising the pop. Okay,
so when they make these, and they're making them all
the time, like all the time, all day long. When
they make these, we can get we can just think, Okay,
is it because the dog is stressed out because something
in the environment is going on, like outside of the house,
Is the dog stressed out because I'm stressing the mountain,
or you know, is it an other situational So it's
just a way to quickly diagnose what your dog's communicating
to you, which is I'm trying to Hey, I'm trying
to calm myself down. Yeah, either you're the problem or
could you help me?
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And by the way, it's like if it's not one
of these three things, it's one of these three things.
So just like scan yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So just if there's something going on that isn't clearly
isn't working for both of you, take a look and
see is there something outside in the environment or inside
in the environment. Maybe is there something else happening in
the house that's disturbing or is it something that we're
doing that's unconscious that we may not realize that we're like,
I know when I if I'm I try not to
do this, but you know, it happens. Right, I'm running
late and I'm rushing to get out the door, and
that energy. None of my dogs, none of my three
dogs like that. They're all like, okay, what is it,
Let's get out of the way. Oh she's rushing now,
you know. And I remind it when I see them
do that, I realize, Okay, I'm putting them through way
too much. I need to slow down. You know. It's like, okay,
I'm three minutes later. What's the difference.
Speaker 3: It's the best at that level. It's like the best
reflection for yourself.
Speaker 2: Right right, It's really they really are our mirrors. They
really well let us know if we're out of sink.
And but I love also what you're saying about having
the dog make their own decisions. It's so wonderful when
instead of the old version, which is we don't neither
of us agree with the old alpha version, which should
make your dogs do something that you want, versus the
notion where the dog chooses to do something because they
understand and because it's feels good. So tell us, tell
us more about that decision making process for ducks.
Speaker 3: Okay, well this is really cool. I say this in
the book. Anytime I'm establishing a like a like an
etiquette that I want them to offer me in my
territory or around my food, those are the two things
that are providing and protecting. So it makes a lot
of sense anytime that those come out, feelings will spike,
and when spike, behaviors follow. And so the decision would
be self regulate. And what that looks like is getting
up and walking away, getting up and yawning, going for
whatever it is, you know, like the sandwich I put down,
but catching yourself and coming back. And so I'm into
that moment. I'm locked into all the moments because i
want to be the best version of my dog's peaceful
alpha that I can possibly be. They're getting a good
version of me as the day goes on, as my
consciousness boots up and expands, and I'm doing little activities
to tease that out so I can be the best me.
I'm meditating, breathworking, gratitude, journaling, whatever the routine is. Then
I'm keeping my dog commer around things that would otherwise
be upsetting or irritating for them. And I'm getting ahead
of that by giving them a gym class workout, by
giving them a yoga class, hypnotic sequence obedience training, and
I'm thoughtful in terms of how I'm teaching them to
sit and how to down, and I'm taking obedience to
a performance level, because when I interact with Bubba in
the world, my ferocious looking butterfly, there's a way for
me to have him behave that sets everybody at ease.
Oh yeah, And I don't need to in a toxic
alpha way command him to go into let's just say
a sin. If he's scared or excited, what I want
to do is prepare him so that he's already had
a mind body workout already had, you know. And then
if he gets scarcers, I can guide him a little
bit away from what's scaring him, guide the new, have
him help him digest the moment of whatever's going on.
Speaker 2: Fabulous. Yeah, well, I have a feeling that you like threes.
I like threes too. And you also have a section
of the book where you talk talking about these three
experiences that for a dog, it can either be pleasant, unpleasant,
or tranquil.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, tranquility is like where nature's state is.
That's like when I'm walking through the forest in the
morning and three bunnies go across and there's sitting there.
When I'm not there, the bunnies are tranquil. Okay, So
that's the flavor of emotion that nature provides for itself.
It is. It's kind of like a safety feeling. It's
a feeling of relaxation, of expansion, nourishing, of being rested
or resting. It's the feeling of or non meditators are
just like somebody who is the feeling of like brain
not talking, Yeah, the feeling of being satisfied, yeah, peaceful,
And then in that state all kinds of cool stuff emerges.
You start to tune in and connect to this environment.
Speaker 2: Yes, beautiful, beautiful. Well, I know that you talk about
the different ways that we can communicate using the Secret
Language of dogs in your book, and just we're just
about a time, but I just want to ask you
one last question. Are you someone that believes in telepathic
animal communication?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, all right, so we'll have to do a whole
other show just on that sounds good. Yeah, I've been
speaking with Jesse Sternberg and he's the author of Enlightened
Dog Training, How to become the Peaceful Alpha your dog
needs and respects. And I know you have a new
workbook out. Tell us about your new workbook.
Speaker 3: Hey, so this workbook is on Amazon under Jesse. It's
it's a branded with the Peaceful Alph up there, but
it's the dog training workbook for humans, all right.
Speaker 2: So this is everything that you need to know, you
human to make things better with your dog. So this
has been really delightful. And how can people find you online?
Speaker 3: Online? They can find me at my website Peacefulalpha dot com.
Speaker 2: Wonderful. Well, Jesse, thank you so much. Before we leave,
is there any message maybe that you have from Bubba
to give to our audience, anything that Bubba would like
to say before we go?
Speaker 3: Worthy?
Speaker 2: Oh there he is, Hia.
Speaker 3: Actually, when you look at that, when you see that,
uh huh, that's how he is when I leave the
house and come home. That's how he is when I
bring food out. That's what a normal tranquil state is.
Speaker 2: Wonderful. Well, we can learn from dogs and we can
help them too, not like that with raccoons. Yeah, yeah,
all right, well, thank you Jesse. I'm sure we'll have
you on again, because I know we've just scratched the
service here at the Human Animal Connection. We'll see you
next time.
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