Speaker 1: You are now listening to soft core history.
Speaker 2: You unlock this door with the key of imagination.
Speaker 3: Beyond it is another dimension, a dimension of sound, a
dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into
a land of both shadow and substance of things and ideas.
You've just crossed over into the twilight Zone.
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to softcore History. Spooky Month, Halloween,
horror Nites, whatever Dan wants to call it, oooky moth.
Dan likes Halloween Horrnites, Halloween hornits. Because you went to Orlando.
Speaker 2: University, I was a big universal fan.
Speaker 1: Yeah is that? What is that a thing? There?
Speaker 2: Is that? It is?
Speaker 1: Okay? I didn't have eighteen parks next to my college. Yeah,
most people don't. Yeah, it's it's very night heavy. I'm
your host as always, by the way, Jake Goldman, I'm
joined as always too by Dan ri Chester and Rob Fox.
Speaker 2: Missouri wishes they had theme parks. There's not a theme
park in Missouri.
Speaker 1: We were the original location for disney World. It got
denied who Walt Disney. Walt Disney was like, first Missouri,
let's try that out. And then he showed up and
was like Saint Louis Riverfront, is where he wanted to
put it, and Saint Louis said no because ab wanted
to sell beer there, and Walt was like, this is
for children, and they were like, yeah, that's why we
want to sell beer though.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, We're like, we just have a feeling that being
at your park is gonna need me, need everyone to drink.
And they were like and Disney was like no, so
he moved it to Florida.
Speaker 2: I will say Star Wars LAMB was awesome, but it
made it even better having booze.
Speaker 1: Oh I bet yeah, I haven't been to it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now they sell booze everywhere there. It's stupid.
Speaker 2: Oh, the entire place is ransacked with booze.
Speaker 1: Got drunk?
Speaker 2: You got trunk of the Cantino? Yeah, the on moss
Isley That's a fucking legiti ass place to get drunk.
And then I went on the Millennium Falcon. That's amazing.
You know, I'll never top it. One day.
Speaker 1: I'll have to get out to Florida and check it out. Yeah,
been a while since you been there. I feel I
know it's so weird. I just need to get back
out there and see some family, but maybe.
Speaker 2: Catch a game.
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, I would love to catch a game that's
Texas Florida. Well, I don't want to be topical topical here,
but yeah, yeah, no it was good. Actually. So I
was out in Lake Way earlier and uh, I went,
there's a convenience store out there that does not sell beer.
It is a full gas station convenience store. They do
not sell beer.
Speaker 2: It's an old school Pennsylvania. Yeah, I'm like, what the
fuck gas station? Why do they not sell beer here?
I was like driving at halftime of the game last night.
I stopped there and they're like, no, we don't sell
beer here. Like I was the idiot for asking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how they treat you in the East Coast too,
when you're in like Pennsylvania, Maryland, You're like, where's the
whatever the blue law? Yeah, fucking dumb ass, motherfucker. What
do you think? I I don't know if I can
keep this up, you will, Okay, Fine, do the episode? Okay?
Speaker 2: Fine?
Speaker 1: So yeah, speaking of Florida, I have a couple of
stories I wanted to talk to you guys about. I've
been reading a lot about Florida lately. I have a
couple of things first that are just generally spooky that
I just wanted to share with you before I got
into the actual episode.
Speaker 2: Okay, so your own personal ghost encounters.
Speaker 1: No, nothing personal. I don't have anything interesting happening to
me ever, But so I'm right there with you, Bud.
I know it's it's pretty brutal, but just surviving. So
one of the first things I've been reading this book
called Saltwater Cowboy. It's about people that were smuggling marijuana
like into the US through this shitty little town called
Everglades City in southwest Florida.
Speaker 2: And they're just ripping off cocaine.
Speaker 1: Cowboys they kind of were. This is a self written biography.
I do like this man, the Saltwater Cowboys sounds like
something asinine that like Texans would call their pirates. Yeah, yeah,
it would make me want a punch of texts in
the face. Oh that's not a pirate.
Speaker 2: We called him Saltwater Cowboys.
Speaker 1: Derek Queen's different here. Saltwater pirates are different here. The
Saltwar Cowboys should fuck them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, it's very it does sound very Texas. But
the reason they were called Saltwater cowboys, and this is
a true horrifying thing.
Speaker 1: So they would meet. They ran up front as a
crab trapping operation out of Everglade City. Good front. I
feel like, yeah, I mean fantastic. No one's going up
on a crab boat and be like are these all
the crabs?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you sure you don't got any more crabs in there?
But so they go out to the middle of the
golf of Mexico and there's no one out there. There's
no one patrolling the middle of it. No, So there
would be these people that would come up from like Venezuela,
not Venezuela, Colombia, in like giant freighters, right, And they
were smuggling all of the marijuana that got into the
US on cattle boats, so like boats transporting cattle. Okay.
Speaker 2: The problem was.
Speaker 1: That when they packed the marijuana on the boat, they
would always pack it on first, because you.
Speaker 2: Want to hide it inside the boat, right, right, cattle hold.
Speaker 1: Inside the hay and everything else. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You
want the cows to be enough of a decoy. They
smell like shit, right, You're not gonna smell the weed
through all the cowshit and everything else, right, And so
they pack all the weed in there, and they pack
the cows on there. The problem with the middle of
the Gulf of Mexico is that you can't unload cows,
so naturally cows being the least valuable thing on that boat. Yeah,
in the nineteen seventies.
Speaker 2: All of the cows were cattle prodded into the middle
of the ocean to drown. Oh my god, every time
they unloaded marijuana.
Speaker 1: And at no point was anyone like, hey, Jim, another
forty cows just washed up on shore.
Speaker 2: Brave yard of cows. That's exactly.
Speaker 1: This operation was called Saltwater Cowboys because they were like
they told the Columbian guys to be like, you guys
can't do this anymore, right, they're dead cows washing up
in like Tampa and like Naples and shit.
Speaker 2: And like that's actually why the University of South Florida
is in the bowls.
Speaker 1: It is the bulls, that's right. It's not because of
the long standing cattle farming. It's it's all the washed
the dead cow cows. Yeah, yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 2: So it's uh yeah, it's named after dead cows they
found on the beach or in Gasparilla.
Speaker 1: That'd be sick though, that would be hilarious, Like if
their mascot was just a ghost cow.
Speaker 2: Also, the salt water is going to preserve the meat. Well, yeah,
that's true.
Speaker 1: It's basically just jerky washing up on shore at that point.
Speaker 2: And you're hammered at Gasparilla dressed like a pirate. I
can't think of a better snack.
Speaker 1: Actually, you know what, it's not jerky, it's it's straight
up pastrami, like full cow pastrami, just salted, salted and pickled.
The fuck.
Speaker 2: No, that's definitely pistrami. Like, yeah, just salt.
Speaker 1: You're brining it, yeah too, which is even better. So
like you brine it, you salt curate. Then it washes
up and dries in the Florida sun. Yeah, like that's
secondary business. You open up a deli, that's probably really good.
That's good meat, I gotta say. Also, compared to Florida,
just randomly comparing here, your beef prices are fucking nuts here.
By your I mean mine are beef price compared to Florida,
what like cheaper, way cheaper? Holy shit, dude.
Speaker 2: And they're not cheap here.
Speaker 1: No, no, everything's gone happen, but beef in general's fucked Yeah, dude,
it's so nuts. Yeah, that was one of the stories
I wanted to tell you, and then I just thought
it was funny that alligator literally just means full lizard
in Spanish. It means the lizard like it's a borrow word,
so like it means like I don't know the actual
pronunciation of it, but it's like they get at like
and I gets.
Speaker 2: That and like that sounds French. Though, yeah again two accents.
You know this, Yeah, that's true. No, but it just
means I've been working online. Yeah, what you got? What
you got in the roster? There?
Speaker 1: Big guy or the oh? Yeah, I feel like he
does a good t R a good bully anyway. I
don't know if you can extend beyond bully because I
really can't.
Speaker 2: For the motive. I don't have Teddy in the arsenal,
I have some other Okay, you got Boston, fack you
you do a Boston Who are the You're the go
to Boston on this not that much different than Philly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I.
Speaker 2: Guess I should probably get it into my episode. Then
that's not the point of the show. It's not. It's
why we don't grow. But that's fine. We love our fans.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're here for us. It's been tough not growing
with you guys lately. It's it's really hard, been putting
in so much work and honestly, kind of your lack
of effort. I feel like I've been written an episode
in a while. I'm being honest. You guys have really
been covering yeah the way constantly like Harry the Ship,
can you do this one for me? Can you do
that one?
Speaker 2: This one? I gotta go do stuff on a vacation
from Jake a lot of vacation.
Speaker 1: Today's episode is actually a pretty interesting one that I
found while researching cults just in my off time. Yeah,
I say, as a hobby that generally your normal Jake googling. Well,
I was gonna do an episode on the Order like
French name here, the Order of Templar Solar. It was
just like this Quebecian death cult, which was hilarious, the
Sun Templars that the Order of the Sun. Okay, yeah,
they definitely you would be such a good person to
frame for like a weird political killing, just because they
would check your digital history. I'd be like he was
into some fucked up shit.
Speaker 2: Dog.
Speaker 1: I really don't want to like explain how accurate that
is like the second something anything relevant happens with, like
a shooting, Like.
Speaker 2: He watched Beyond Majestic twelve times.
Speaker 1: He watches it and then recommends it to people at bars.
I've recommended Beyond Majestic. I was actually I was out
of Buddy's house and we were all we're all friends.
We're talking about the Epsteine files and stuff, and his
wife's kind of like, let's not get on this. Yeah,
I'm like, actually, have you ever seen Beyond Majestic. It's
about Draco reptilians and how they like harness our negative energy.
Oh my god, He's like, what, Like I could just
tell I opened up something I shouldn't have.
Speaker 2: Jake threw it on before we went to the bar. Yeah,
he was like to get high. Here's a pre game. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, man, watch the truth. Then we'll
get drunk after that's I think that's just like, well,
at that point, you're not being political anymore, so you
kind of she kind of monkey paw wished that into existence. Okay, guys,
let's not talk about politics. Like, all right, well I
got this for you. What's political about an island in
the middle of the Bahamas. Nothing? Nothing, really, I don't
think so it can't be political if there were no
laws there, that's true. I mean, if you own the island,
it's not really like a crime.
Speaker 2: That's why you can actually kill somebody on the cruise
ship island. And that's all this This.
Speaker 1: Is a terrible take that me and my friends came
up with. But actually the whole purpose of the island
was that so rich people could say the N word
without looking over their shoulder, and the kids just happened
to be a byproduct. Yeah, what else could we do here? Yeah,
Like but now first they were just like doing beer
pong and stuff. They're just yeah, they're just like screaming
the N word and screaming unlimited pow.
Speaker 2: It's just like, dude, no one's going to care. Man,
just rip it, rip it, let's kill go.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But this is a Texas, Florida connection that I
kind of stumbled upon. And there's not a lot about
this cult one, which is awesome. Like, no one really
knows about this cult except for a handful of people
that we saw the name of it.
Speaker 2: We're like, wait a minute, and.
Speaker 1: Then two, it is so influential for no reason other
than like I'm just gonna get into it, so let's
do it. Yeah, if you were to be dropped into Estero,
Florida in the current day, you wouldn't find that much
surprising about it. Like it's Sarah, Florida's just this small
suburb outside of Fort Myers Beach. It's a high cost
of living city, just inland from Fort Myers, southwest coast
of Florida, not too far from where the old crab
people were that were going up and picking up weed
from the dead cowbots. Okay, yeah, but uh, However, Astaro
is also the home of a very little known cult
that had significant influence not only in Lee County, Florida,
but also in central Texas. Today, we're gonna talk about
a guy named Cyrus Tied. He's a botified, insane person
that created one of the least talked about cults in
the late eighteen hundreds. Oh, Cyrus is a good cult name.
Cyrus is a great Cyrus is the name of the
cult founder. I know that's when saying that's a good
cult leader name. Yeah, for sure. The name of the
cults is the Correshions. Think about that, yep, yep, yeah,
So we'll get it right into that. Yeah, so Cyrus
Ted was born October eighteenth, eighteen thirty nine and Trout Creek,
New York. First off, I just like say, there's nothing
spooky about law and order. So I don't think anything
spooky happened in Waco. No, nothing once. No, it's just
atf Duncan dude. Back to Blue Dog, Yeah, dude, fucking
thin blue line, bin blue line. They were just playing.
Speaker 2: Capture the flag. Yeah out there they got.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen that footage man of them getting
the flag up? I mean when I play it in
like a highlight reel on the fourth of July at
the parties, I throw, certainly, yeah, but not not recently,
not since the fourth July.
Speaker 2: It's so weird. The guy was just like, we did
it for you, Janet, We did it Ruby Ridge too.
Speaker 1: Baby, let's go.
Speaker 2: I think I was technically there. What my parents said,
they drove by Waco while the branch Davidian was on fire.
No way, So I was like one or two.
Speaker 1: That's awesome. Interesting, just you and a coincidence.
Speaker 2: You and David Krish just two ships in the night. Yeah,
visiting my aunt in Dallas.
Speaker 1: Okay, that sounds suss.
Speaker 2: I don't believe that. Yeah, the fuck, why are they
flying in Austin? Yeah, no, unless the flight was waiting,
but yeah, then driving to Dallas.
Speaker 1: There's no way the flight to Austin was cheaper from then.
Not back then, but back then too.
Speaker 2: I have questions for my parents. I have a lot
of questions escaping.
Speaker 1: Perhaps, I think that your mom and dad much like
that Alamo ghost of the guy who pieced out of
the Alamo, right, the one guy who was like, I
think I'm gonna go before the battle started. It seems
good now his ghost like haunts the road back to
San Antonio's like chain to it. He's trying to get
back because he feels like he's a coward and a failure.
When your parents pass, they will haunt the road out
of Way thirty five, Yeah, trying to get back to
the fort they left.
Speaker 2: It is one of the deadliest roads in America. That
stretch of I thirty five is pretty dangerous. Also, a
lot of children trafficked.
Speaker 1: You know, every time, I'm sorry every time you like
look at people complained about traffic, They're like, oh, it's
a pile up. Where was it? They're like, oh, it
was a twenty And it's like Oh, yep, that makes sense. Yeah,
it's because it's an interstate. Every interstate. I feel like
every interstate's dangerous, except for the ones not near populated areas.
Like oh yeah, the stretch from I seventy five down
to Orlando between Okaala, that's one of the most dangerous
places in the world. Like the stretch from Beaumont to Houston,
that's one of the most dangerous stretches in the world,
like because they're all populated. Did not like driving from
Dallas to Houston direct the one time I did it.
That's a terrible drive. Yeah, it's also boring. Yeah, it's
more boring than anything. Hated it. It's like, hey man,
what's cool? Oh lagrange neat the way. This is mainly
what this weekend reminded me of because I went somewhere,
is that, like, God, I just don't want to go
anywhere anymore.
Speaker 2: That's so true.
Speaker 1: I just the people with wonder lust psychopath.
Speaker 2: You went trade play what I have nowhere to be.
I'll tell you what. I'm like, a ghost tied to
my apartment.
Speaker 1: Financially, we don't know that you're alive.
Speaker 2: To be fair, you could just be apparition in here. Yeah,
that's true.
Speaker 1: It like there could just be Dan's bodies in the
bedroom and has been for weeks, and I just keep
showing up, and Jake just keeps showing both keep showing up. Everything.
Speaker 2: No one's told me I died.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're Bruce Wilsons.
Speaker 2: Less and less people talk to me, So I wonder
if that's a sign.
Speaker 1: I think right now you can't confirm your alive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you also don't know if we're alive, which
is even crazier for you.
Speaker 1: I don't feel alive. I feel I feel pain.
Speaker 2: There's a fifth dimension. It's time.
Speaker 1: Wait, that's the fourth one. Anyway, this asshole Cyrus died.
He was born in Trout Creek, New York, and while
we don't know a ton about his upbringing, we do
know a couple of things. After Trout Creeky grew up
in Utica, New York, and after leaving school at age eleven,
like most children I guess back then did, he went
to work on the Erie Canal as a driver of animals,
pulled boats along the shore. So he went from like
I don't need all this math. I'm a whip some cattle. Yeah, yeah,
classic eighteen hundreds his normal eighteen hundred stuff.
Speaker 2: We know his parents' names.
Speaker 1: We don't know much about them, but we do know
he has one distant relative. His name is Joseph Smith.
Oh so it's in the family. Love it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course the hats involved in this colt rats. Yeah,
did he look into a hat. He did not look
into a hat.
Speaker 1: No, different, He had a way dumber way of getting
his prophecy, which is amazing.
Speaker 2: We'll get to you later. So, yeso Smith was kind
of a g though he at least died believe in
what he did. He definitely fought for it.
Speaker 1: Yet Tartan feathered and moved like six different times.
Speaker 2: He got attacked many times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, someone mobs after that terrible uh.
Speaker 2: He done in Illinois though, right, Yes.
Speaker 1: He died just over the river in Illinois, I believe
after that, after they kicked him out of the state
of Missouri, after that horrible uh Mormon church shooting or
whatever that happened a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, someone tweeted,
like Christianity is they're more under attack, and someone was like,
I don't think you know the history of the Mormons.
They've always kind of yeah, yeah, like there's a reason
they have such a stronghold in Utah. It's because that's
the oldest people were not moved. Yeah, they're like nobody
else is coming. No, it's this water, this pool of
water that you can't drink, this big lake. Yeah, this
is where we're gonna go. I guess. Yeah, dude, fucking Mormons, man,
they are just beat a shit throughout history. They're the
real jaw was truly no one wanted them, Yeah, I guess.
After leaving school to drive animals, he then went back
to school to study a serious art, medicine, you know,
because mid eighteen hundreds, medicine people are super legit. Anyone
could do it.
Speaker 2: Really. I often refer to medicine as an art. Yeah,
it was certainly not a science.
Speaker 1: He claimed himself as an eclectic physician as well. So
I want you to think about what medicine was in
eighteen fifty nine, and then think of a guy that
calls himself eclectic on top of that. Yeah, like the
shit that was already happening back then was like, oh,
you got like a headache, let's put a leech on
your ball sack.
Speaker 2: Yep, that's medicine. Yeah, so what he was doing. It
worked a lot.
Speaker 1: I mean it made you think less about your headache
when you're thinking about that ball sack, that ball sack Leach.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Uh, someone wanted to marry him.
Speaker 2: So he has a wife and he has a kid
in eighteen fifteen, nine and eighteen sixty and then he
opens up a medical practice in Utica.
Speaker 1: Uh. He was also known for obviously being a whack
ado by today's standards, but like back then standards, like
I said, and then they were like this guy's fucking weird. Yeah.
His big focus was alchemy actually yep. So he was
just basically like trying to turn anything he could into gold.
Speaker 2: He's rumpel still skin essentially. Yes.
Speaker 1: His science experiments basically just involved him electrocuting the shit
out of stuff though, So he was kind of in
the I'm not like gonna figure it out through like
mixing stuff together, right, I have this new tool called
electricity magic as far as I know. Yeah, so we're
gonna zap shit until something turns gold. This will have
to happen.
Speaker 2: This is where the hats come into play, much like
the prestige.
Speaker 1: Where do you think gold plates come from? What if
he sent normal plates turn them into gold. He electrocute them,
but he sent them back in time like a couple decades.
Here's my question. One day, are we gonna have is
alchemy actually gonna work? Can't we? When should we be
able to lab make gold?
Speaker 2: At some point you would think with aa meet now
I feel like lab grown.
Speaker 1: Then the alchemists are gonna have the last laugh. They'd
be like I told you we could turn anything into gold.
That's a laugh that's been like ten thousand years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's I mean, that's like they were like, see, we
were right the whole time, Like, well you weren't. Really,
that's the guy that's like the doom scroller. That's like
when society does eventually collapse whenever it does, like see
I told you yeah, so okay, you were right? Now
what yeah? All right? Cool? Or like it's like when
any any uh fan is like I told you that
guy was because I saw about James Franklin that it's
like he was never gonna win a championship there, and
it's like, well, that's most coaches at any place in
any level of sports.
Speaker 2: Ninety nine point nine point nine nine nine nine nine.
People don't what a bold claim. Yes, uh, I think
there's but four active, five active. I don't think it's
that many.
Speaker 1: I think it's three or four, it's it might be
three now I think it's three. It's what Dabbo Kirby,
Kirby and Ryan. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's nuts. Wow,
you did it.
Speaker 2: You nailed it. There's one hundred and thirty four.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, there's one hundred and thirty four coaches in
the Division one asshole. We will talk about James.
Speaker 2: Frank The James Franklin think is so stupid. This is
the dumbest firing I've seen it in a while.
Speaker 1: Sorry, we don't need to get two topic. Fine off, Mike,
We're gonna go bananas talking about that. But anyway, he
is essentially the electricity version of a pyro. In the
autumn of eighteen sixty nine, during an experiment, he was
badly shocked, he electrocuted himself, and he passed out. During
his being passed out, Cyrus reported relaxation at the back
part of his brain a peculiar buzzing tension at the
front of his forehead, which literally he gave himself an
electrical body.
Speaker 2: More or less.
Speaker 1: Oh really, like, yeah, he pretty much like he gave
himself way too high, short circuited. Yeah, he went Cuckoo's
nest on himself. I love that on accident.
Speaker 2: So uh. But during that time, he also claimed his
soul left his body and he witnessed a woman whom
he perceived as his mother and bride. If you want
to unpack that.
Speaker 1: His soul or did he astral project I think, well,
I don't think they had astral projection back. What is
like your soul leaving your body, but astral projection, really
that's kind of one in the same right. I think
astral projection was probably a thing people thought of back then.
I don't know if they called it astral projection, but
I guarantee you there was like some that feels like
something Hindus have been thinking they could do for five
thousand years. Well, I guess what I'm saying is like
more so in modern or like early America, like they
would just call it like I was soul dancing, Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I was soul sprinting to another part of the realm,
Like you know, they weren't like it was astral projection. Yeah. Actually,
I'm probably so wrong about that too, with all the
like there was a lot of chance shit, there was,
I mean there was a lot of say seances were
really big back then in the eighteen sixties, Mary Todd
Lincoln was doing them constantly. Jake, Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2: You want to go to the Monroe Institute and learn
how to astro project, Dude, I got nothing going on.
Speaker 1: Need to go to the Monroe Institute. That's the best
part about it. So all you need is two or
one ping pong ball and some headphones, like over your
headphones that play white noise, and a flashlight. You cut
that ping pong ball on half, you put it over
your eyes, and then you listen to the white noise,
and then that starts you to understand like how to
like really disassociate, just get in with the frequencies.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you like you like you turn off all the
stimulation in your head and then you like just become
one with the universe. You unplug yourself.
Speaker 1: Is like the tapes, right, it's the like they have
like tapes that teach you how to astral project and
there's something with the sound.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's like fifty of them or something, right, Yeah,
I did we do an.
Speaker 1: Episode that I did.
Speaker 2: Did you. I don't know if you were a part
of it.
Speaker 1: I must have been out that week, yeah, I think you.
Speaker 2: You were sick. Yeah, it must have been so.
Speaker 1: Yeah. He sees this woman who he claims is his
wife and his bride at the same time, even though
he had or his wife and his mother, even though
they are both very real people.
Speaker 2: But right, it's like.
Speaker 1: The perfect I guess like woman, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, oh, it's the caringness of my mother
with the vagina of my wife.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, God. But she tells him to spread
the word on the true nature of our cellular cause
magan cosmogany I causmogany, causmogany. That's a good fake science word.
Oh it's so fake science y and we'll get right
into it soon. And to bridge the gap between science
and religion. He was like the unteenthed dude that was like, actually,
science just proves God exists. This was I feel like
we can learn a lot about how we currently look
at AI and stuff like that by going back to
the mid to late nineteenth century and looking at how
they viewed science, bridging the spiritual and the physical. Essentially,
because they were like it was so new and they're
like it could do anything. I mean, yeah, like what
science was like fixing the God of the gaps? Right, yeah,
it was just like okay, like it wasn't for all,
like most scientific experiments were like what you think of
when you think of like a scientific experiment like cartoony wise,
it's like shit exploding, like wizzy shit shit flowing around
like like I think, I think the prestige really nails it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty much. It's like a Tesla ball where you
put your hand on it, your hair stands up the
right hold on? Is this true?
Speaker 1: At rockh It just said Mecha Hitler something about that?
Is he still self training that thing?
Speaker 2: Who can keep up? Who can keep up? But uh, God,
certainly not Rock, No, Crock certainly can't.
Speaker 1: Not what you're getting speaked all the time. But yeah, dude,
I mean like straight up. He was also like the
last thing that's really important to know about this vision
was that not only was he going to help bridge
the gap between like science and God, and you know,
he was going to teach everybody about cellular at cosmogany.
Speaker 2: He was the Messiah of course. Well right, yeah, and dude,
imagine creating a religion where you're not the savior.
Speaker 1: I'm just a guy.
Speaker 2: I'm just a dude.
Speaker 1: Any religion and any government, I really want everyone to
ask themselves when they look at how they're formed, like,
did the people that created this benefit the most from it?
Like any government class I've ever had is like, Okay,
so wait, Plato created the gold and silver and copper casts.
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, which one was he?
Speaker 1: Oh he was gold? Well, no way.
Speaker 2: He created it.
Speaker 1: I mean you gotta give him some credit, right.
Speaker 2: I mean, every everyone's always dipping their pen in, you know,
they're always like, yeah, i gotta get a taste for
me since I'm you know, the revolutionary.
Speaker 1: Interesting that than didn't snap himself, that's what a That's
what a what a good person would have done.
Speaker 2: That's what a good purple guy would have done. Yeah,
he would have snapped himself out of existence. Rob loves
to bring up fan of Rob's a big Fanos guy,
huge Thanos guy.
Speaker 1: It's the only movies I've seen in the last eight years.
It's my only frame of reference.
Speaker 2: Well, also banches of She is the other one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And much like in banchees Of inaser And when
Colin Farrell's character. I don't even know the name of
them in that. Actually I do know Colin Ferrell's name.
It's Patrick cool Pathrick. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So Cyrus awakes and he vows to applies applies scientific
knowledge to redeem humanity from the lady that told him.
Speaker 1: To do so, right, Mom wife, Yes, mom, wife told him.
He promptly changed his name to Koresh, which is Hebrew
for Cyrus. Okay, so that would explain why the other
gentleman probably adopted that last name. The other gentleman also
adopted the last name Krash, which is Hebrew for Cyrus,
but Cyrus is also translated from or translates to shepherd. Yeah,
so very classically like messiotic, right right right. When he
told his wife and family about his newfound belief system
and name change, they reacted just like Joseph Smith's wife,
What the fuck are you talking? Right? Oh?
Speaker 2: My god, get a job. They thought he was insane. Yeah,
they were like, hey, cyrus h Koresh, maybe, what the
fuck are.
Speaker 1: You talking about? It's the equivalent of like, because this
sounds like it was in a way like his hobby.
So imagine like your dad comes upstairs from the basement,
and he's like the model trains told me I was God.
Speaker 2: I'm actually not only the conductor of that small village
down there, I'm the conductor of the entire universe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so if you.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't mind bowing down to me as I stoles my
greatness And everyone's honestly like, I don't think we're that
with the way AI works out, we're not very far
away from this shit happening all the time. Again, it's
honestly better than him buying a motorcycle for his midlife crisis.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, that's just because he wants to meet God.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude starts throwing on the leathers. Yeah yeah, no helmet, gang,
no helmet. You gotta have as many visions as you
can in this in this ephemeral life we live, and just.
Speaker 1: A regrettable trip to Twin Peaks.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, Waco another Waco connection, Yeah, a lot of Yeah,
there's only like three Waco stories.
Speaker 1: And that's we got two of them right here in
this episode. Two. Oh wait, and the third one is
Baylor football. No good Waco stories, I guess Chip and
Joe inne gains, except don't they have like a tumultuous
like love life as well.
Speaker 2: I don't know. You're talking, of course with Baylor football
that they finally gotten in an out burger and that's
what they used to recruit kids.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yes, talk about like thinking that's gonna win
some kid from like California, that's a wide receiver.
Speaker 2: It's like, yo, we got in and out here.
Speaker 1: Cool?
Speaker 2: You got money? Uh yeah, yeah, oh cool? Yeah.
Speaker 1: All I need is enough money to buy eight million
in and out burgers, and I'll come eat this in
and out every fucking day.
Speaker 2: I will do commercials for it.
Speaker 1: So yeah, they basically his family basically told him like,
you're nuts, were not. We love you, Yeah, go do
your thing. We're gonna be here at home and believe
it or not. He basically, instead of rationalizing or debating
his ideals, he left town and he started espousing his
new beliefs to basically anyone who would listen. Kind of
fell off on the whole being a good husband thing.
He's no time for that.
Speaker 2: The wife and kids basically kind of did their own
thing until the wife died in like eighteen eighty five
or whatever. Sure, sure s yeah, but uh he would
call actually help those kids out by leaving them.
Speaker 1: I think so. I mean, absent fathers make.
Speaker 2: The best people. Lights a fire under their ass. Yeah,
you got to prove something.
Speaker 1: Iron sharpens iron.
Speaker 2: Also, if he's this nuts, him sticking around is actually
bad for the kids.
Speaker 1: I honestly that's probably true. I mean the guy literally
electrocuted himself so bad he almost lobotomized himself and thought
of a.
Speaker 2: New Really you actually do?
Speaker 1: I think mean to sort of moneyball the stats on
absentee fathers, right, like, oh, all these homes with absentee
fathers are worse off? How many of them shouldn't have
been there? I do want to know that, because there's
if you are and if you are a dad who
leaves the family, chances are you're such a piece of
shit that it's not it's not.
Speaker 2: Better that you You would have dragged the kids down.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. How many absentee fathers, like, you know,
there's at least one that's like but you know it
made them stronger?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: I yeah, Like there's definitely like a nod they talked
themselves into.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like I'm actually doing the right thing. Yeah,
And so Rob think about your own life. M hm,
would you leave in Courtney and your kids actually be
and that positive.
Speaker 1: Have you ever considered that you're being really selfish by
staying with your family? I am currently right now. Yeah,
I kind of opened a door here. I cannot wait
to see Courtney tomorrow. Yeah, after you tell her what
I told you. Yeah, yeah, I'll let her know. Yeah,
like Jake said, I should leave the entire family. Well,
when I come home like three celterers deep after the weekend,
I had, She's gonna be like, yeah, maybe that's maybe
that is for the best.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I saw how you behaved in the football game.
Are you cordial?
Speaker 1: I was honestly fine. My buddy, we were leaving and
we were right next to the Alabama band and this
Alabama band member had like gotten up and left it
like we're leaving the game we had lost, and the
French his like trumpet was sitting right there. And my buddy,
whose birthday I was, was like take it, just take it.
And I turned to him and I was like, you
know what if we're still in college.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's gone. It's in my shirt, it's gone. Yeah,
no questioning me to bail him out of prison in Missouri.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I was like, dude, I'm thirty nine. I can't.
I can't now, but I told him. I was like,
if I was, if we were twenty, I would do it.
And he's like, fucking know you would.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you were twenty, that's going up in your
room and you're gonna tell people about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if that's in your house now. And you're like, oh, yeah,
I stole it from Alabama person at a game. Oh, like,
was that when you were in college? You're like, no,
it was three weeks ago. Yeah, no, I stole a
child's very expensive instrument three weeks ago.
Speaker 2: It's probably more expensive than you think. And it's like
grand theft.
Speaker 1: Oh a hundred percent. It's a felony.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine how much like a college level
for like someone in a band like Alabama's like, that's
a nice trumpet. Yes, and it's the kids who traveled,
so it's like their best band members probably.
Speaker 2: Yeah, easy, dude, Oh my god, yeah. I uh so.
Speaker 1: I was at the Florida Texas game and my favorite
thing I said the entire time I was trying to
find clever ways to talk shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Uh mattsau rancho Is mid got so many people
upset Ah, that's funny, dude.
Speaker 1: People were like I said that in the bathroom, like
I'd go on the storm and like matsol Ranchro's mid people.
Speaker 2: You're crazy, You're crazy.
Speaker 1: You know it's funny. Do you remember from our time
at TFM. The ut newspaper published an article about that. No,
I don't. It was like p guoke and this idiot
freshman wrote an article about how people should need a
Mattel Rancho because it's mediocre Mexican food made by white people.
Didn't look into it at all, just assumed that Matt
must have been a white person.
Speaker 2: That's so bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's been around for like eighty years.
Speaker 1: It's like very clearly been owned by Mexicans the entire
fucking time. Yeah, it's fine food, Like it's not personally
it's a good environment. Yeah, it's it's a it's a
vibe the environment. It's it's a vibe food good. It
seems like the kind of place the people from King
of the Hill would go for, like good Mexican food. Yeah,
but because it's actually authentic though too, and they like
up the interior.
Speaker 2: It's much better when you go with a group of
like ten plus.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, it's all so yeah, he would call let's
get back to this guy, Cyrus. He would call his
belief system Kristianity. Boy was it fun.
Speaker 2: So I want to get into the core tenants of Korshianity.
Speaker 1: You Christian? So yeah, I'm a Korestionian Christian. You say
it weird Koreshian question. They were called Koreshians. Co in
there just people, I can just say it quick, yeah, Coror.
Speaker 2: That's a Cajun man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I believe your.
Speaker 2: No. One's telling the ocasion guy that he's not what
he's saying he is. So this guy Syrus denounced the
idea first and maintenant. He denounces the idea that Earth
revolved around the Sun. Instead pioneered his own theory of
the universe known as cellular cause Magan, I can't say
it cellular cosmo goan cosmogani that cosmogony. That's good enough,
thank you. According to this theory, you're gonna love this.
The Earth is a concave sphere and what that means
I'm gonna do my best to explain and like what
the greater implications of that are, but basically, imagine the
Earth is like a big hollow ball. And uh, Cyrus said,
we all live on the inside of the ball instead
of the outside of the ball. Okay, so like hollow
earth theory, but we're inside. We're all inside of the
hollow earth, and there's nothing outside of the hollow earth.
So like we're all just.
Speaker 1: Walking around like.
Speaker 2: Like ants on the inside of a bowl.
Speaker 1: I liked it. Someone was just like, go on, Sky's fake.
Well a lot of people were like, please continue. I
like the cunt of your jip.
Speaker 2: So the sky, the sun, the moon, and all the
stars projection no, even better.
Speaker 1: So they're not out and outer space. Obviously, they're in
the middle of the ball. There's a core. They're the
core of the ball, like a light bulb in the
center of a snow globe. And if you dig down,
Tide said, you're not digging towards like the center of
the earth like you think you would be. You're actually
digging outward toward the outer part of the shell, which
is just metal. Like it's like a metal eventually, like
God has made us, has put the entire universe. So
like you basically believed the shell was like one hundred
miles thick made of layers of rocks, then minerals like diamonds.
Like so it's like dirt, rocks, minerals, metal, and that's
where everything came.
Speaker 2: He's not he's not super wrong.
Speaker 1: He's not the wrongest. Yeah yeah, yeah, Like he's right
that those things are all in there, and you do
get to like I guess liquid metal at the very
you to a hot core yeah yeah yeah, but like
not in his model, there's no hot core because that's
it would be cold right right the outside and the
heat is in the middle, right, Yeah, beyond the shallow
there's nothing. There's no space, there's no universe. The entirety
of the universe is contained within the inside of the earth,
which I fucking love that. It's like, no, it's all here, baby,
it's all red and the way you need it where
it is funny, like people don't it's something like you
just don't think about gets talked about a lot because
why would you. It's not really like important to history.
It's more maybe important to like the history of psychology.
But people today are always like there's people you know
you could find meaning or they're desperate for meaning. But
like there's a reason Colts popped off in the eighteen
hundreds and nineteenth and even like all the way up
to pre twentieth century. Is that there were a lot
of people who were like, oh, I need to make
sense of the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there were cults in the year zero. Yeah, there's
always been cold.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Actually that's the thing. People have always been desperate
to get the real answer.
Speaker 2: I would say, like any sort of like.
Speaker 1: What paradigm shift in humanity like really spurs them off too,
because like when you see the like a perfect example,
we had so many cults pop up right when COVID happened,
like twenty two old.
Speaker 2: Really.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one of the biggest ones is called out the
Twin Flames cult. The entire cult operated on Zoom like
they were that's awesome. They were getting people to do like, uh,
they were forced this is so insane, but they were
doing like forced top surgeries on people and shit like
that and bottom surgeries. They were making people transition because
it started as a dating service and they ran out
of like women and men like in the right proportions.
So they'd be like, oh, actually.
Speaker 2: Jeremy, you're a woman. I don't know if you were
kind of a funny little gag it's a crazy like
would you do over covid? I got a breast implants,
I got top.
Speaker 1: Surgery talk me into being a woman so I could
marry the the man that doesn't have a partner. Yeah. Yeah,
like that's that was all done over Zoom though through
the short straw on my Zoom meeting.
Speaker 2: It's a weird time, Jake, it still exists.
Speaker 1: That's the craziest part.
Speaker 2: Used to have Zoom hangouts. Yeah, it actually it wasn't
really that prevalent here in Texas. We were out at
the bars like two weeks later, went out. Yeah, we
just didn't go to work when the best part with
the boomers. One night they told us the world shut down,
and then we went out two weeks three weeks later. Yeah,
it was pretty fun. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So, like I said, inside the shell where we live
was the entire universe, the air, the Sun, and the moon,
the stars all tucked inside, floating around. He said the
Sun was a giant.
Speaker 2: Battery because he loves electricity, So that makes God include that.
God include that.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like this electromagnetic generator that gave
off light and heat, and the moon is one side
and the Sun is the other so so basically his
idea of the like the day tonight cycle is like
a play set, like the set on a plane. It's like, ooh,
turn the thing around its moon time now. He even
described the negative and positive polls and said that what
we saw is the sunrise and sunset were reflections bouncing
around inside the hollow earth, so like the sun was
always in the same spot, but like the hollow earth
just played tricks on us. Oh he's a tricky devil,
that hollow earth.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's tough. Basically all of this is just.
Speaker 1: Like the same implication of flat earth though, like why
why is this important?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: So central I think the real issue with this or
not issue, but like the predominant like thing that made
this a drawing force for a lot of people to
be like, yes, I want to learn more about this,
Like you said, they're like I'm trying to make sense
of the world, and we're learning about all these heavenly
bodies and the eighteen hundreds more and more things were
being discovered in space. Yeah yeah, and we're seeing comments
and things like that. Check is just going Nate bananas tech.
Speaker 2: Yeah, steam engines. When was the steam steam engine actually
got as.
Speaker 1: Steam engine was the late seventeen early eighteen hundreds, I
think yeah, so like, yeah, things are picking up then.
I definitely industrializing way faster. I don't think people people
like now don't really realize how fucking freak a steam
engine was to human beings when it started.
Speaker 2: Do you have context for that? I actually don't understand
that either.
Speaker 1: Like how they were just like what do you mean this?
It's like just imagine tomorrow you woke up and you
like stepped out into a steampunk universe. Okay, that was.
Speaker 2: The like level of like what the fuck, everything's different.
We could do that now, everything's different, Okay, so like
things can move on their own basically, Yeah, like engines,
things like that. Yeah, basically Okay, the idea that like
an automaton could exist basically yeah, yeah, that's pretty crazy.
I guess that's kind of where we're at with like, wait,
I can just put myself in a video and I'm
like fighting a dragon. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's also by the way, we you'll remember Jake from
being on this episode. We did that dinosaur episode when
they discovered the dinosaurs. Before that, people would just assume
that all life on Earth had been fairly static the.
Speaker 2: Bone War episode.
Speaker 1: Wait what they thought all life on Earth?
Speaker 2: Like just what.
Speaker 1: Do you mean everything that existed pretty much always existed?
Oh like there was nothing before or nothing after. Like
this is what we're yeah, this is bose. Birds were
always these birds, those dogs, I mean as those dogs.
That makes sense everything because like if you look at
like and Eve and God created all of it, right.
We discovered dinosaurs basically at the same time that Darwin
was doing his ship. Oh, the first dinosaur bones were
found around as Darwin. It does kind of make me
a little bit of a si qui bono who benefits
the dinosaurs clearly? No, I actually uh guessed the other
day that it was actually big train okay, because they
kept they kept finding them when they were digging like
train tunnels and like digging out for like train tracks
and ship.
Speaker 2: Like. Our working theory was the Chinese told just this
old wives tale.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, my theory. My theory was that this train
CEO is to keep getting approval for their digging. We're like,
look at all this cool ship we're finding when we're digging. Yeah,
that makes total sense.
Speaker 2: It's like, dude, look bones, Yeah, with these big ass
bones that makes sense. Well, I want to hear the
Chinese theory though it was just a China. He's fucking
with us, like, oh, there's these giant wizards. Yeah, yeah,
don't so.
Speaker 1: Some butts sow some deer bones together at night. I
also love the fact that like whenever they were putting
to like people tried to put together dinosaur skeletons all
the time.
Speaker 2: It was just so wrong.
Speaker 1: Yeah most of the times, like, yeah, this thing like
had dumb fucking arms. Yeah, looked like an idiot.
Speaker 2: The only person who gets it right is Nickcage.
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the flat earth the same thing. Like everyone's freaking out
because the world is changing. And if you limit the
idea that space is actually just oh yeah, it's always
been inside. It's super limited. Everything is finite. Guess what
you get to be like part of the highest part
of the throne, right right? You are God's special baby,
don't worry. Yeah, you're still special. God created this special though, right, No,
not as special as the Messiah, but it's still very special.
So we had hollower theory obviously come from this guy.
But he's got some other fun stuff too. So he
claimed the souls that souls reincarnate. He's a big reincarnation
like that. Yeah, everyone likes that.
Speaker 2: I want to believe that.
Speaker 1: Who doesn't.
Speaker 2: I don't. I want to come back, do you? Eh?
Speaker 1: What if it's nonlinear, I'm fine with that. Yeah, I
guess you wouldn't know.
Speaker 2: I don't want an existence of nothing ness. Who says
there's nothing ness?
Speaker 1: After Dan thinks you get bored in heaven. I would
get bored in Heaven. I get like, oh, it's eternal
bliss good.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just floating for like ever, just playing a harp.
No thanks, sons like a bad heaven if you can
get restless. It's not that that sounds like it might
actually be like long con Hell, Yes, like it's the
good place is literally yeah, like it's like, wait a minute.
Speaker 2: The devil is a trickster. That's right, dude. Yeah, he
just like Hell's actually just heaven.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I would just lean into. I would just lean
into just thinking if I start suspecting I was in Hell,
I would just be like, oh no, this is great
and just like be like, well, there's got to be
a place worse than here, so fucking I'm just eating
the what they say, like it was like a frozen
yogurt shop everything. Yeah, but like oh no, yeah, instead
of being on fire, I have to eat frozen yogurt.
Speaker 2: No, I hate it.
Speaker 1: Please don't please stop.
Speaker 2: That's just a play on like how humans will never
be happy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in general, it's like you can have basically every amenity,
but oh it's not ice cream, it's frozen yogurt. Oh
you can't swear.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but the the only frozen yogurt flavors mint.
Speaker 1: That I actually like that, So mint, I just get
there's no chocolate chip, it's just mint. I can live
with it. I used to know somebody that thought like
heaven was It was like their idea of heaven was
the most like corporal thing or like corporeal whatever like
physical thing I could think of, which is like, oh,
like you're you're in your perfect body and like you
can eat all you want and never gain weight and
all this stuff. It's like, why would heaven be all
this earthly shit Like that makes no sense. Heaven is
like doing the sins.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like now you get to do all the
shit you didn't want to missed out on.
Speaker 1: And yeah, actually turns something like welcome to this buffet
of wet pussies and also a real buffet, and you
can just do whatever you want.
Speaker 2: And just switch it that ship like chip for Jones. Dude,
you just go to those spaghetti right back in.
Speaker 1: Those teenagers, like, hey, congratulations on never having gay sex
on earth. Here is a line of twinks.
Speaker 2: Do what you want. No, because you won. It's over. Yeah,
like you got you, you did it. Good job, you resisted.
Speaker 1: That's the funniest vertion of heaven is you get there
and you can do all the sins.
Speaker 2: It's actually just little Saint James Island. Yeah, yeah, just
right up there? What was that?
Speaker 1: Heaven?
Speaker 2: Just like heaven? Yes?
Speaker 1: Was what of us? Just a slob? Like what it
sounds like it?
Speaker 2: Yikes?
Speaker 1: How do you? How do you come back from that?
You get up there?
Speaker 2: It's like, man, fuck these Oh no, yeah, oh no,
it's like that up there. Oh my god, you can
do what else? They're like, actually it's chill.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: The ultimate twist is God's a pedophile. Oh god, we've
been monetized. I'm sure. Oh Mary, come on, dude, she
was twelve.
Speaker 1: True different times a thousand different thousand years ago. Man,
you're getting tossed in twelve. Youre getting your ship tossed
in at twelve for sure.
Speaker 2: I mean this kid to be fair, like this guy
was driving cattle at eleven.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a hard job. He just cattle pulling boats. Yeah,
this cattle. We're not having a good time. No, everyone
had a hard job. So he thought he was the
seventh Messiah in a line of reincarnation. So like Adam, Moses, Elijah,
Jesus was the sixth one, and he was of course
the same.
Speaker 2: Ah, yeah, sorry, Jesus, you're number six. Cuck to Jesus. Yeah,
all the great ones do though. That's kind of a
power movee. Mohammad did it, Yeah, Mohammad did. Oh, that's
just Issa. That's just Issa.
Speaker 1: That is like a funny thing too that humans always do.
There and me, like, dude, who's the next Who's the
next Michael Jordan, Who's the next Nick Saban? Who's the
next Jesus Christ?
Speaker 2: It's Cyrus Ted Yeah, who etecuted himself in his basement. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: He didn't go flip tables at the church or like
get a group of followers to like believe in like
self love and individual divinity. He just executed.
Speaker 2: He just like the next Jesus Christ would actually just
be like, I don't want your life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guarantee you.
Speaker 2: Like, no Jesus, No Jesus figure is gonna be like,
actually only I can fuck everybody. Yeah, no, Jesus is
doing Also know, Jesus figure, he's gonna be like, I
want to get crucified again.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know I did that seemed bad.
Speaker 2: Also, let me just not do that.
Speaker 1: My favorite joke is that like aliens, they're like, why
don't we ever see aliens? It's like they came down
right when they were doing the whole.
Speaker 2: So, oh wait that nice guy.
Speaker 1: Oh we gotta get out quarantine, quarantine, We gotta get
out of here. Man put a put a blanket around it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So he thought all great spiritual figures were parts of
one divine lineage that ended with him. Of course, he
was both God and man, the final messenger before the
new age of cosmic truth. Tide said God was both
male and female, perfectly balanced. Sure. Yeah, he believed the
divine female principle had appeared to him in a vision.
Speaker 2: God was a Hermaphedite.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the male and female both right, This is
actually a bit progressive as far as like six pick.
Speaker 2: Enough if you can kind of bend it into your vagina.
Speaker 1: Or you can make a little vagina out of it
like a blue animal. Yeah, you ever think of that flexibility? Yeah,
it's good. You're thinking wrong though, I think you're one.
I think you're just gonna you need to if you
want to do it right, you need to have a
high pussy and a low set cock.
Speaker 2: Well, the cocks below the pussy, so it's just like
kind of banana curves into it. What.
Speaker 1: Oh, so you can do it for yourself. Yeah, because
you don't want to push it down. No, that's weird.
It doesn't work. No, But if you pushed it up right,
So if it's long enough, yeah, that's gonna be uncomfortable
pushing it down like that, you can't do it. Yeah,
pussy's gotta be above the cock.
Speaker 2: I agree with that, and maybe like slightly to the left,
so you had to adjust for the curve.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. That's also a good point because God
clearly jerks it enough to make the curve happen.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to jerk it. If he's fucked himself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well then there would be no curve.
Speaker 2: That's the only reason there's bends and penises masturbation. Is
that true? Of course?
Speaker 1: It is the amount of kegels you would have to
do if you were able to fuck yourself. I mean,
that's just gonna be the loosest thing on earth.
Speaker 2: Wait, can you fix that though? If I stop masturbating,
will my penis just get straighter?
Speaker 1: Actually, you need to jerk with the other hand. There
it is, you jerk with the others. Get adjust Yeah,
the problem is you're not living a balance life. Your
life lacks balance.
Speaker 2: Dan a lot of imbalances with my lifting, Yeah, because
of the injuries. But it's the I mean, with the
injury preventing you from straightening your dick by drinking with
another hand. It is my left shoulder.
Speaker 1: See unbalanced life? Do you could also jel g at
an angle? Okay, we getting into jelkin No, I'm just
saying at an.
Speaker 2: Angle that's the scariest part of this episode.
Speaker 1: Jolking works is the funniest part. Joking absolutely works. Everyone
should try it. You've been joking?
Speaker 2: Who hasn't joked?
Speaker 1: Okay? I did learn about it when I was like
fourteen and definitely tried it A couple of times. Yeah,
I think I'm just playing with my dick. Yeah, I
think I'm just drinking. Yeah, look that up at home.
This is not on that episode. What jelkin is do that?
It's Middle Eastern. Actually, jelk is a Middle Eastern word.
From what I've heard, that makes sense. I mean, if
it's j e l k, that is Middle Eastern or
jelly s q. I mean, yeah, that's Middle Eastern as fuck,
very Middle Eastern.
Speaker 2: Cholk just sounds like a alternative to milk. You getting
on the jolking table. M there's joking machines too, there's
julking machines. But you could go to HB right now
and grab like a carton of jelk.
Speaker 1: Oh, for sure, that's like an almond, like a nut
milk all some time of oat milky. Yeah yeah, actually,
you know it's funny. Is I hate this that this
happened like people, I hate what people do. It is
all the time. But like the Simpsons predicted, I saw
something in the store the other day that was actually
from the Simpsons. That's like a joke, and I was like,
that's weird. Malk wait what milk a alka? It's like
fake milk, like their school was so poor they had
to give them milk instead of milk. And then I
did the store the other day there was milk and
a Okay, I forgot what it was, but it's literally
it was milk. Oh, dude. I saw something very similar,
like almost ripomanny like where it's just like this drink
called alkalo. Have you seen this shiit? No, it's called
it's it looks like a carton of marlbor rats. The packaging, well,
that's awesome. It's non carbonated malt beverage like eight percent
that's just fermented sugarcane. And it's so The reviews on
this shit are so funny, dude, like it'll I went
on like the ABC liquor reviews for it.
Speaker 2: And it was like five stars. Tastes like shit could
absolutely slam. It would not recommend. Yeah, five star rating. Listen, Rob,
we're only five years in. Imagine if we've done this
show for twenty years by that time, we'll predict a
lot of things. Yes, a thousand percent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. Speaking, I will just one little side
quest one lasstle sie quest here speaking of malt liquor
or whatever. My dad was texting me the other day
weird stuff, like not weird stuff's telling me he texted
me something weird in the middle of getting malt liquor. Now,
he goes, you're I forget how it came up. He goes, Yeah,
your mom's nickname when we were dating was mad Dog,
And I was like, why, sir, why father? Would that
be the thing that she would be called. It's like, uh,
it was after the mad Dog twenty twenty. I guess
she drank a lot of ad dog.
Speaker 2: You don't want your mom to be referred to as mad.
Speaker 1: So I am a little worried about my mother's body
count personal history better than your grandma's nickname throat goat,
because if you are in the mid seventies to mid
eighties drinking MD twenty twenty, you're only making mistakes.
Speaker 2: I think if you're any decade drinking a lot of
mad Dog twenty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Only. Well that's the whole Louis c. K bit where
he's talking about you know your mother, but you don't
really know your mother. Yeah, never want to You don't
want to know about her actual life.
Speaker 1: Well that the thing is, you know your mother, you
don't know so like my children, they know their mom,
but they don't know Courtney Campbell.
Speaker 2: They don't know the whore before their mother. Yikes. Yeah, dude,
I just I'm not saying specifically Cordon. I'm saying all
of our moms, right.
Speaker 1: That's why I said yikes, because I had to reflect
for a moment, and now I'm like, shit, I don't
like doing that. Reflections.
Speaker 2: Terrible everyone at home right now. You know we're a
male dominant audience.
Speaker 1: Do your mom grow up in Florida?
Speaker 2: Yeh? Think about what your mom was like, dude, Okay,
think about this though.
Speaker 1: My mom almost grew up in South Florida, Okay, but
lived in Central Florida instead. I want you to think
about what grow.
Speaker 2: I think it's better that she was in Central Florida.
Speaker 1: I think it, yes, because she was telling me a
story about how she went back. She grew up like
born in Hollywood, Florida, which is just the.
Speaker 2: Beginning of South Florida.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like she moved when she was like seven
or whatever, up to Okawa and then she came back
a few years later and like these twelve year old kids,
we're all doing cocaine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna say, imagine your mom and the
age in Miami.
Speaker 1: Don't don't you remember the most one of the most
infinite things we ever couldn't post on TFM, which was
that high school chick after Florida State one, just like
I'll suck a dick if I'll suck somebody's dick if
Florida State wins the National Championship game. And she was
just posting pictures of her open mouth like with come
in it. Oh gross. It was on social media. People
kept sending it to us, and we were like, yeah,
we can't write this up. It is crazy the amount
of stuff that did get sent to us that we
weren't allowed to post, Like it's just like, you know,
that's a crime for you to send this to us, right, Yeah.
I was happy to not have to write about it
and very unhappy to have had to see it.
Speaker 2: I like the stuff we covered up that we never posted.
For prominent athletes. Yeah, like one mister Texas golfer. Wait,
you you want to expose this person or you want
to do it off Mike Lator. No, University of Texas.
You can figure it out. It's not Scotti Scheffler. Oh
oh yeah, oh that guy.
Speaker 1: He was a lot. He was a lot bigger when
we were.
Speaker 2: When we were around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. So getting back to just some of
these core tenets of this terrible religion this guy made
when he got electrocuted. Uh, one of the actual good
things he did. He was super progressive, so he believed
because that God was man and woman, he thought men
and women were spiritually equal and they should share leadership.
He created a ruling council and their commune called the
Planetary Court, which was made up entirely of women. So
he one woman for each planet. Okay, yeah, so nine
chicks seven seven okay, yeah seven.
Speaker 2: Back then, of course he was the sun. Well right,
because I'm he's never not going to be right top.
Wait is it nine?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 2: Do we still count Pluto?
Speaker 1: It's like it's eight?
Speaker 2: Now it's eight? Now? Yeah? I thought it just might
be nine to men. Did it get demoted? Demoted? I
thought it came back. I think it depending Pluto. Really,
make up your mind. You can call it nine.
Speaker 1: I'll call it nine. I'll count Pluto.
Speaker 2: Why not.
Speaker 1: Despite all the talk about equality, he insisted on strict
celibacy for his inner circle.
Speaker 2: So he pulled a little reverse card he.
Speaker 1: Uh said that sex drained all vital life energy and
prevented immortality, which is a big deal in this religion
as well, Like immortality is very much a thing.
Speaker 2: It's a cult where you can't fuck. The inner circle
did not fuck at all, which if you start doing
the math, they're not even him. No, what's even the
point of having a cult. That's why this guy sucks.
But maybe this means he's Legit kind of made me
think that Jesus, that's like if he's not like but
I think he got the libido shocked out of him.
Speaker 1: That also might be he.
Speaker 2: Might have like castrated himself somehow chemically cast well, I
guess electrically castrated himself.
Speaker 1: Like I think he just fucked himself up so bad. Yeah,
Like because like it's kind of similar with like, what's
the guy from the people that all killed themselves with
the juice in Jim Jones Heaven's Gate? Ye, Heaven's Gate?
No wait, yeah it's Heaven's Gate. They were they drink
cid juice as well and they all die.
Speaker 2: Wow. Way didn't be on original guys, I know.
Speaker 1: But what flavor aid for flavor flavorid for Jim Johnes
everybody caught us out for that because they were it
wasn't cool Aid, It's flavor Yeah. It's so it's like
a sugar drinking dissolve value.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: That really set Flavor Aid back the same way that
the Oklahoma City bombing set Ryder.
Speaker 2: Truck back quite a bit, did it really?
Speaker 1: That's I guess it wouldn't be Rider Truck had a
completely rebrand. That's nuts, Like they had to change the
colors of their trucks.
Speaker 2: Oh that, I mean, I guess that makes sense because
you'd see that and be like, oh god, this building's
going to blow up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2: You know what, Colt did not sit back the company
Anita Silverware.
Speaker 1: No one even knows that was tied to a Colt.
It was the cult. It was the entire cult just
made it was just yeah, that's because look, for the
last ten years, people have gotten anything wrong. Pivot to video,
you pivot to silverware. Always pivot to silverware, Always pivot
to silver war cutlery. Maybe honestly, I would say cups
like I'm kind of a klutz. I've broken so many glasses, Like.
Speaker 2: I mean, wait till you look into red solo.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's comm commy. Shit, you don't want to know
what the red soil, what the red solo cups were
for originally for jelk. Yeah yeah. The highest members, though,
of the community were completely solidate. Some couples in lower
ranks could be married, but sex was only allowed for reproduction,
ever for pleasure. Well they're just Catholic at that point. Yeah,
but it's weird that, like the circles were allowed to
I guess it's good recruiting, but you got to think, like,
if your inner circle doesn't fuck, you're not growing as
a cult. Like you never have a you don't have
a tighter inner circle. Ever, you're inner circle and gets smaller. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I thought you said Courtney wasn't Catholic. She's not. Okay, Yeah,
that's interesting.
Speaker 1: I impose those rules, gotcha?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Got it? Ah fucker monthly, frontly and ever so bluntly.
It's crazy that this podcast has as many hosts as
it does.
Speaker 1: Children now Yeah, yeah that one or I like, I
also go with, uh, what was it?
Speaker 2: Fuck?
Speaker 1: Quarterly orderly and ever so shortly.
Speaker 2: That's fantastic, happily badly.
Speaker 1: And only in the I can't rhyme anymore. Uh, He
also believed, of course, that he would be the person
to usher and his chosen people into a state of
immortality and everything else that comes with that armageddon, surviving it,
all of it. He would be the first immortal, and
he'd be the one to prove it. He would help
save everybody by creating communal living groups basically arcs, living arcs,
right right. It's kind of wild and none of us
got rapture the other day, you.
Speaker 2: Know, I was thinking about that. I was kind of bummed.
Speaker 1: I was like, he had no shot, but yeah, us too, is.
Speaker 2: It's not really a Catholic thing though.
Speaker 1: Like it's not and we really had no shot either. Yeah,
it's not.
Speaker 2: It's very certainly not Jewish. It's very evangelical at best, Honestly.
Speaker 1: No Catholics, no Mormons, no Jews. It's got to be
like Pentecostals. I think they could suffer some like Lutherans,
you know what I mean, Yeah, like they could live
with that hold their nose Presbyterians.
Speaker 2: But a Catholic.
Speaker 1: It's not even in our book. I think it's to
the point now where I feel like, well, there's like
two forms of like looking at Catholicism. One is the
form that's been going on for a while. But evangelicals,
which is like they look at us like fucking they
look at us like some combination of Mormons and Jews
essentially right like weirdos, but also like ancient and creepy.
And then there's and then there's the other side now,
which is like people are getting super into it because
it is like an aesthetically like badass religion and people
are like, oh too.
Speaker 2: The architecture really brings us that.
Speaker 1: But I think, you know what I think the gateway is.
I think it's Crusader beams.
Speaker 2: Isn't the gateway?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah to trad cat like, it's definitely it's that
for sure, because like, yeah, King Baldwin names are getting
everybody into it. Yeah, get them hyped. Well, there's a
lot of just like dog shit horrible like right wing
probably from Pakistan, like influence through accounts who just have
like a templar in their profile pick or whatever, blah
blah blah. It's it's a weird thing. Like you know,
as a kid, I was always like, yeah, you want
to be like the three hundred guy. You want to
be the dude that's out there like a fucking glory.
I was never like for God, Yeah, yes, it's pretty sweet.
I guess if you higher cause, higher purpose in your
own like nation is higher purpose though country country anymore?
Though that's weak, dude, country great. I think we got
to bring back patriotism.
Speaker 2: Not on a political way, no, just like, dude, this
place is cool. Let's make this place cool. Like let's
hold up, what if we made it great? Yeah, making
the United States great again? But if we made the
US great again MUSCA twenty twelve was great.
Speaker 1: I think really what we all want is W CW
and WO type.
Speaker 2: That's patriotism.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like just like we want how the rest of
the world will suck it the the DX Yeah, that's it,
Like we need like that, we need old. Well, we're trying, Jake.
Speaker 2: I think Olympic Man's in office right now, triple h.
Speaker 1: We're going for it. See that photo where it's like
every single person this photo has been stunned on by
that's insane, dude.
Speaker 2: Trump's in the Hall of Fame.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, bro. In eighteen ninety four, Teez followers began
to congregate in a small Florida town called Astero. He
had set up some shop in like Chicago and stuff
like that. But sure, everyone, believe it or not, was
beating the fuck out of him. People's husbands were suing
him because they're like, my wife's not fucking me no more.
They were like getting him to court for it is
a legal issue. In the eighteen hundred.
Speaker 2: Eighteen sixties, there's absolutely you could probably put someone in
a fucking noose for that. Like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so he was getting beat up and like getting
sued to oblivion. He couldn't afford anything anymore, like because
he was getting like called into court so much. So
he's like, we got to move to Florida, it's more temperate.
And they pick Astero, which I talked about at the
top of the show, and they named it New Jerusalem.
The colony was extensively landscaped and bedecked with numerous exotic
tropical plants. Super pretty. The Golden Age of the Koreshian Unity,
which is the name of the like group, I guess
the Koreshian Unity. Sure in Astero was from nineteen oh
three to nineteen oh eight. They had over two days
going for a while. Dude, he ran long, bro, Yeah,
it is fifty years at this point.
Speaker 2: That's so early though the last following like practicing Koreshion
died in nineteen sixty one. They didn't even get the hoop.
At least Jim Jones Colt got to play ball. I
mean they were like Jim Jones cult.
Speaker 1: I think might have existed at the same time as
Koreshions finally died off, which is nuts if you think
about it.
Speaker 2: That's like the game of basketball didn't exist.
Speaker 1: When they were bucking. Not when they were bucking.
Speaker 2: No, yes it did.
Speaker 1: It was in the eighteen nineties. Yeah, it was definitely
there then.
Speaker 2: I don't know if they knew what it was. Probably
not in Florida.
Speaker 1: I think it kind of spread fast. College basketball started
not long after that. I swear to god, that's pretty cool.
Speaker 2: It's got to come from Kansas, of all places.
Speaker 1: It's pretty gross. Like a Canadian from Kansas. Yeah, it
wasn't Nate Smith a Canadian. Yeah, yeah he was, Yeah,
but he had to leave. They kicked me. The first
intercollegiate call it bass game was February ninth, eighteen ninety five,
between University of Minnesota School of Agriculture and something called
Hamline and uh Sick. Minnesota Egg won nine to three.
Speaker 2: That's sick, dude, yeah. Three. Well, they didn't have holes
in the bottom of the basket. They just let the
clock run.
Speaker 1: Well, they got them.
Speaker 2: You had to get the ladder out and it actually
made a shot.
Speaker 1: The first game using the modern five player rule was
between University of Chicago and Iowa and eighteen ninety six.
Speaker 2: And there's no way they could figure out how to
bounce the ball at that point. Well, the ball was
actually just a cattle head.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't talk about that.
Speaker 2: They kept washing up on the shores.
Speaker 1: They were washing up, man. So the Golden Age of
the korshn Era was in from nineteen oh three to
nineteen oh eight, then over two hundred and fifty residents
and incorporated the town. Its territory embraced like or encompassed
something around one hundred and ten square miles in southwest Florida,
a lot of open land. Uh So, the Correshian city
New Jerusalem was the fifth largest area of any city
in the United States at the time. He had the
fifth largest city by area in the US. Good lord, yeah,
I mean it's kind of like the same way like
Jacksonville's like the largest area right right, right, it's like
that city ain't all that.
Speaker 2: It's like just yeah, they got a lot of shit.
They're not doing anything with Jacksonville. I love Jacksonville.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like, Beach is beautiful, jacks Beach is fun,
it's pretty. I'm more of a Saint Augustine.
Speaker 2: Beach is actually the first bars that I would get
kicked out of.
Speaker 1: Yeahhet tossed. I saw some bambacuet get tossed from Harpos
this weekend. It was really funny.
Speaker 2: That's awesome. What was he doing?
Speaker 1: Yeah, just yelling at a bouncer. No, he was like oh,
and he was like tried to turn around to the
bouncer that didn't kick him out, and the bouncer who's
a college kid from Bazoo. It was just like got
kicked out. Bro, fucking sorry, get out of here, that's
the right answer. Yeah, it was so funny. I was
going into a Salty Dog last weekend and I was
like the third person in my group of friends to
hand my card over to get in with ID. He's like,
all right, are you off from the nineteen huh? Or
like all y'all nineteen birthdays? Like all your birthdays started
with nineteen yeah, it's like, you can all come in.
I'm done checking these. It's like you're all from the
nineteen hundreds. You are more than fine. Just go inside.
It's like fuck off.
Speaker 2: But also probably from like two thousand and two. No,
he's definitely like born after nine to eleven.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So they had one hundred and ten square miles,
fifth largest city in the country. They built extensively. They
had established a bakery, a general store, concrete works, power plant,
and World College of Life, so they had a college
at the time. They also had their own printing press
and newspaper. But you got it, gotta have a media wing. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, they were getting the word out. But again they
didn't grow, Like the max they ever hit was like
four hundred, which is nuts, but they were thriving. They
had a huge situat Like if he would have just
let more people fuck, yeah, like for fun, you would
have had more accidental babies.
Speaker 1: Like that's the thing. If you cut people off from
fucking entirely, you only have purposeful babies, Right, you need
accidental baby.
Speaker 2: Do you do?
Speaker 1: Also, what's stop in a follower from be like no,
I was on purpose, We're trying for a baby that's
I'm sure probably someone said that it's not get in trouble. Yeah,
it's like it's on purpose. Yeah, we're trying for that one.
It's a blessing.
Speaker 2: Like Jim, you've been trying for months. I think you
need to give up. I think there's a problem with
your penis. No, no, no, God wills it.
Speaker 1: Once they had began to thrive, however, Cyrus thought, hey,
fuck it, let's really get this thing going and get
involved with Lee County politics, which everybody in Lee County loved.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm sure the scientologists are quite involved in Clearwater politics.
Speaker 2: The difference between them very much so.
Speaker 1: Actually the Scientologists own Clearwater, right, you can't like go
there and have fun. Quite frankly, it's not nearly what
it used to be. But obviously, up until probably the nineties,
any major Catholic city Boston, Saint Louis, Chicago, New York, like,
you better believe what the archbishop said fucking mattered.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it's weirdly, very very influential for we're
on behalf of the Church of Scientology.
Speaker 1: Who Pam BONDI really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's taking some She's got a lot of donors
that are in the Church of Scientology.
Speaker 1: Taking some Xenu money for sure.
Speaker 2: I mean, if there's money to take, like, let's be
real that they're gonna take it. I'm not if I'm.
Speaker 1: Running grift, I'm not turning away Xenu. They got the most, No,
they got a lot.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: And also they're actually, I feel like the easiest ones
to fuck over, yeah, because they're not They're not gonna
be like, hey, what the fuck? Oh you want us
to come look at you? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we're Chilley Misscabbage at yeah, like you haven't
seen her.
Speaker 1: And God knows, they're so blackmailable right back that it's
it's just like they will find out your shit just
as fast as you find out, right, So it's they're
all their shit, I mean, their entire philosophy. Also, like
the worst case scenario for them blackmailing a person is
is if the person, like the person could just be like,
you know what, you know what, release the text messages
or like show them that I fun my secretary, show
him and watch what happens to you to you, Like,
all you can really do is embarrass me.
Speaker 2: You guys have a slave boat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can do a lot fucking more than embarrass.
Speaker 2: You think you'd be wrong. They just send Tom Cruise
to your house.
Speaker 1: I think they probably just send David Misscavage and he
fucking form tackles you and beats you to a poll.
David's savage is tiny though, and also old at this point.
Speaker 2: But he's old at this point.
Speaker 1: The funniest thing in the world though, Like true the
counts of David Misscavage, Like everyone talks about this.
Speaker 2: He is a.
Speaker 1: Mean, angry man, a little angry man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that tackles people when he's mad at them. It's
a thing he does. But Cruise is going to smooth you.
You know, he's gonna talk your ear off. Oh yeah,
he's gonna win you over, honestly. He Yeah, Cruise has
got the acting David Misscavage never could. Like, that's why
Cruise is the guy. It's like who David Missavage wishes
he could be. Are we about to see a renaissance
for Tom Cruise? Renass when did he go? I mean
he's gonna I think he might just start transfer into
like more serious roles instead of action movies. Oh yeah,
I think it's his next career space. But where can
he go after space? He's gonna win an Oscar. He
needs to get his Oscar, definitely, So I'm just gonna
write that role for him. Tom Cruise is like Bryce Harper, right,
without a ring. He's not making the Hall of Fame
without an Oscar.
Speaker 1: He's yeah, but you recognize the talent, organize the wasted talent. Uh, certainly,
Tom Cruise like if he doesn't get an Oscar, though,
the further away we get from his acting career, the
less people are gonna give a ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's like, did James Sene ever win an Oscar?
Speaker 1: No? Yeah, like James Deen, kids don't really give a
fuck about him now. No, Like if you're a filmy, yeah,
sure must be to do win oscars. Honestly, you think
I think when I posted a Jimmy Stewart impression to
Instagram and anyone gives a fuck. No, I think everyone knows
exactly who that is. That's Oscar winner James Stewart, that
he's doing. So I was on the idea. I was like, yeah,
he's the second most famous actor of his era.
Speaker 2: Anyway, these guys they start pulling shit. They try to
run a bunch of candidates unsuccessfully. The political machine in
Lee County does not like this. They're all congregating for
whatever reason outside of a convenience store. This most Florida
story I've ever heard. So all of them, the corressions,
and it was a publics back then as well. Yeah,
it was basically.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're just all outside of essentially Lee County's publics
in nineteen oh six, and they get into a brawl.
People don't know this, but back in the day before
they change, the publics was public ce Weglixy.
Speaker 2: Boom. That is some fucking nineteen o six ass grocery
store though. Yeah, pigli Wigly, public Cityglixe, tom Sum Yeah,
stupid names for things. God.
Speaker 1: Uh, the political machine in the correstionions getting a big
ass brawl though, while trying to break things up. Uh
korrash cyrus teed whatever we're calling them right now, He goes.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you want to fight them too.
They're all, you know, kind of pent up, pent up aggression.
They're keep obviously, they're keeping their seed. They fucking go for.
Speaker 1: They believe in what they're doing too, because the last
one lived was one hundred years after the inception of
the COLT.
Speaker 2: So like they're believers for sure.
Speaker 1: The leader, though, he gets pistol whipped by the sheriff
right the fucking face. Yeah. Yeah, the Cheff's like deserves
Schriff's looking at him. I'm guessing he's coming over like, hey, everybody,
let's stop. Chriff's like, you know what, we could really
nip this in the bud. That's just sad to hear. Yeah,
he pistol whips him in the head. Should have shot him,
you know. I think that's what the Romans or the
Jews thought with Christianity as well, like we can nip
this in the bud and then we can parlay it
into a better religion later to control everybody. But yeah,
so they pistol whip him. He suffers from pretty big
complications in his brain. He basically is never the same
again after getting pistol lipped.
Speaker 2: So I thought he got pistol whipped and it knocked
sense back into him like.
Speaker 1: He did a Tracy Morgan or just Tracy Morgan.
Speaker 2: Yeah, any movie where you get hit over the head
with a frying pan and you're no longer a sleeper.
Speaker 1: So yeah, no, that's true. That's how The Rain in
Canada ended. Yeah, whacked in the head. Oh no, I
guess it would be a reverse bucy, wouldn't it. Yes, yeah,
he got He was like a big no helmets on motorcycles, guy, Yeah,
went nuts Ofthlisberger too, right, big Ben. He'd right around
naked and Pittsburgh on his motorcycle.
Speaker 2: No helmet, no helmet.
Speaker 1: He was rot dog in the street. That's right, like
he could like only he could. Uh. He would die
two years later, not being the same ever again, Set's
followers initially expected his resurrection after which three days. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Actually he beats jes the ceiling and takes them two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're not wrong. They expected to be the
next day. He was to prove his immortality, he always
sold his followers when I die, I'm gonna get sucked up,
because it's not death. He framed it as like a
spiritual He's like Virgin Mary, she goes up. Yeah, just
whip floats up. So what they did, of course, they
put him in a bath hub outside in the Florida sun.
Let him sit out there so God could get right
to him, you know, suck him in. Which, okay, we
are once again the real full circle of this is
brind meat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, at least a salt water you know, yeah, you
could keep forever.
Speaker 1: Human pistrami, what's pickled pork?
Speaker 2: Pickle?
Speaker 1: Is there a meat where like you pickled because human?
You know, long pig? Is there a Is there a
pickled like pork butt like a pork pistrami situation?
Speaker 2: Not?
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess like not from our people obviously,
right right R Yeah, I would imagine there's some sort of.
Speaker 2: German thing' no.
Speaker 1: No, I wouldn't know. The closest thing I'm thinking to
cure pork is just bacon. Bacon, Yeah, okay, that's probably it.
But here's the thing. I was trying to wrap my
head around this. So they thought he was going to ascend,
and all the followers would too, So all that's up.
If they're ascending, they're going to the center of the ball. Right,
there's just a big battery there. What is heaven for them?
Like you hang out on the battery. It's actually an
eight M party. It's electronica. He's like no, no, no, like
Sandstorm starts playing. Actually, people don't know this Absa is
the center of the earth. Yeah, yeah, it's just a
floating island in the middle of the sky. So they
basically kept his body in this bath hub for like weeks,
and it smelled so bad that like it was causing
such a ruckus basically in town that like the health
inspector came in. It was like, you're burying this body.
Get this out of here right now.
Speaker 2: This is disgusting. Like you guys shut it down. Yeah,
you provide services for not just your stupid part of
the town, but like the entire town too. You have
a bakery store, Like, you have to close this, you
have to bury this.
Speaker 1: The fact that even in nineteen oh six, you're like
this is a health violation. Yeah, this is disgusting. They're
like okay, fine, so they bury him. Once he's buried,
then he rises and he's pissed. Actually, a flood happened
and the ocean took him, so they called that the
get like they were like, no, that was God taking them.
That was his essention. He as sended to prove them wrong.
You got them wrong. They made the claim. They've made
the claim. Yeah, you must prove them wrong. That's how
their satisfactions happened.
Speaker 2: But they have evidence it happened.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they have evidence. They have evidence of something happening
that they're claiming is the thing they want to happen.
They they've made the claim, proved them wrong to their
proved me wrong. They got the fucking set up. Yeah,
our boys sended proved me wrong. You can't change my
mind prove me wrong. Okay, uh yeah. Basically once the
body went away, though, they all kind of knew they
were playing make them ups. At that point they started
to decline the last remaining follower.
Speaker 2: If you're in too deep, though, you might as well
just keeping you're going to keep going If I spend
my formative years like believing in something like what, I'm
forty fifty sixty now, why am I going to stop?
Are they tax exempt?
Speaker 1: There's a reason, absolutely not. They were not.
Speaker 2: There was three hundred of them. There's no that would
be a reasonab to like keep going.
Speaker 1: Actually, I've been looking into starting a tax exempt status
for why.
Speaker 2: Don't we just make software history a religion. We do
meet in the same place every week. Yeah, we have a.
Speaker 1: Follower, and at this point you can do religious like broadcast.
It doesn't have to be in person. I don't think anymore.
We're doing sermon right now, brother, yep. Every time I
pick up this mic. It's like Church Lord, but the
hand of yeah, the last sorry, I did Black Church.
Actually I need to do Catholic Lord. And in the
name of the softcore in the history and the Holy
Dan's Apartment, we will raise you. We gotta think of
some is there it is, uh yeah, the last remaining guy,
he decided that what was left of the colony, it
was about three hundred and fifty acres of land. He
sold it to the state of Florida in nineteen sixty one,
marking the end of the corression era pauling his death
in nineteen the last follower's death, the site became known
as and this is still a very nice park, the
Koreshian State Historic Site now kh krush And State Park. Okay, yeah, so.
Speaker 2: They set aside money for that to happen. What do
you mean, like for it to be maintenance like as
it grew up. Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, they deeded the land to Florida and it was
all maintained really nicely by them. So like Florida just
kind of took it over once the last guy died.
And it's like a really nice botanical park. Now, oh
you can go to it. So what is that? How's
that all tie in with her boy David Koresh? How
does it do that?
Speaker 2: Does it or they just share a name?
Speaker 1: No, it does. Oh yeah, it very much ties in.
So someone was doing a book on Colts and immortality
and like he learned about this guy cyrus T because
a big part of the cult was like, hey, you'll
live forever if you live in the hollow earth with me,
and he was doing a story about that. I was like, whoa,
that's weird. That's weird that, Like he changed his name
to Koresh. That's so strange. So, uh, I didn't actually
know that. I thought his name was Korsh.
Speaker 2: No, it changed it, Like I didn't know that either.
Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, I thought his name was David Krush. I'm
not sure if it was like not his name or
at some point someone in his family or him changed
his last name to Koresh. So yeah, but so he
was like, man, that's weird. So he was like he
learned about it through a book, Like he heard about
a book about all this guy cyrus Ted's writings.
Speaker 2: But you can't really find it. It's a self published
book and there was only Amazon. Yeah, you can't kn't
kid it on Amazon like it's it's not in a
lot of places. So at the time there were only
a few hundred copies in circulation, and there were only
eight libraries that had the book. So in those eight
they were all buried in archives, like, they were not
out on shelves. No one's like yeah, So they were
like looking around to try and figure out what libraries
have it. One of the libraries, one of the eight,
was the Waco McLennan County Public Library. This person then
traveled to the Waco McLennan County Public Library to see
the copy for themselves. When they looked over the book,
they realized that the underlined portions of this book by
like all the teachings of Cyrus teed were all the
underlined portions were word for word, bar for bar, the
same sermons that David Koresh was giving. Oh my god,
Dave is actually the ones that was underlying all the texts.
Speaker 1: It was it was his pen It was get this.
So they looked up who the last person to check
out the book was. It was the president of the
branch Davidians. It was this woman named Lois Rooden. Okay,
So like he was checking it out be like yeah
fuck yeah, like this line he had her go get
it though, yeah, like he's like I don't want to
be right yead, So like he was just going like
you can like apparently line up, Like oh, if you
look at this recording, it is no change word for word.
Plagiarization of this guy who believed in the Hollow Earth.
Speaker 2: So like this nut job in Florida led to the
assaults and like the sie John Wakers, So he was
the original Dark Web intellectual where he would take other
people's work and just regurgitate it.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to level that up real quick.
What cult leader isn't that? Yeah?
Speaker 2: What cult leader doesn't have source material?
Speaker 1: Because like even this guy right, like he's still like
oh Jesus and Elijah and all these people, like there
is no cult. It sucks, Like I like cults that
are their own thing, like make it up completely. But
like like Scientology, right, Scientology is a perfect cult really
in my mind because like one they've grown like crazy
and like whoa, how'd you do that?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: It was made up by a fucking sci fi rider, right,
But he.
Speaker 2: Used to do drugs in the desert with one of
the Ulster Crowley, well not well Crowley, and but also
uh one of the main guys from NASA.
Speaker 1: Jack Parsons. Yeah, no, the fact that rockets get into
the sky. I don't know if he ever met Crowley.
I think he might might have read Crowley. They they
ran in the same circles. I don't know, actually Crowley.
I think I hated Hubbard if I'm correct, Yeah, I
think probably hated it.
Speaker 2: We did a Crowley episode. You weren't there, though, No,
I must have missed it. Did you talk about the
soul Biscuits, the soul Biscuits, the sacrament yeah, Cracker Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I think so gross, but yeah no. So I just
really like this one because there's a clear Florida Central
Texas connection. David Koresh is a fucking loser obviously, like
he's he was fucking fiddling kids, right right right. But
I didn't know that either. He was definitely assaulting them kids. Bro.
Speaker 1: He wasn't Catholics, so no one cared to talk about it. Yeah,
the way that there are constantly sex scandals from like
Evangelicals and Baptists and stuff. But the thing is, there's
no cool Da Vinci code fun narrative to have from
it the same way. The amount of arguments I've had
it's been like, you know, like frats get shipped for
sexual assault and stuff like that, which is not wrong,
Like it happens there for sure. But I'm just like, yeah,
there's never gonna be a dorm rape in the news ever.
Speaker 2: Oh you mean like the most common form of sexual
assault that happens on campuses, Yeah, the ones indoors.
Speaker 1: It's just a dude, it's just where's the where's the
fun narrative? Where are the clicks? Yeah? Where anything like that?
It's only fun. Yeah, but it's it's literally it'll be
sports teams or fraternities. It's the only two that that
are like boom, let's do it. We had a we
had a guy in my fraternity. He assaulted his girlfriend.
Yeah we kicked him out promptly. But yeah, the Alligator
did this long article about the case and all this,
and there's like bold words. He was a member of
the Yeah, you know, it's just like Jesus, guy's like,
come on, but I mean, I mean, I guess it's relevant.
It gets the clicks, right, but you know, it's true,
it's not a it's not a it's like it's like
just asking questions without even asking the question, you know
what I mean. Yeah, it's it's like, dude, how many
fucking domestic assaults were there this ye were just one? Yeah,
it's well they're all doing it. Yeah, that was fun
that week too. Being on campus. It's like, oh, you
guys are the I won't be wearing letters this week.
Just woo duckdown.
Speaker 2: Good good week to be a lower tier, middle tier
whatever you wanna call it, fraternity right right, yeah, baby,
bottom tier boys here. But uh yeah, that's that's my
little story for this week.
Speaker 1: What you guys learn. I learned that electricity is the
key to salvation, always.
Speaker 2: Always has been. Yeah, well yeah, we had that guy
that tried to make a mechanical Jesus remember yes, oh
I did forget about that guy.
Speaker 1: I love that dude.
Speaker 2: That's it's so like I love the eighteen hundreds for
people on that level, a great time. If I had
to go back in time, I think the eighteen hundreds
would suffice. It'd be fun.
Speaker 1: Are you going pre your post Civil War pre pre
pre okay, gotta go. I you definitely want to be
like I want to feel the tension. I think I'm
going Gilded Age like turning the century kind of. Yeah,
that's not bad. I I do love that.
Speaker 2: Like the middle of the nineteenth century was just people
that are I sent everyone was twelve years old, like
it's like or not twelve, maybe like seven.
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna mix stuff in the bathtub and see
what happens. That's science, Like that's crazy to me, like
the kid that was making potions and yeah, class like
joking around. The funny thing about Dan, you're going back
to pre so war. Is that very quickly you'll find
out how okay you are with a slave doing stuff
for you. Yeah, I think because at one point some
slave is just gonna be working to wear and give
you like a drink, Like you'll order a black coffee
and you'll be like, well, what am I supposed to
do about this right now? I mean, I just I'm
trust trying to get a coffee.
Speaker 2: Listen, I'll join an abolition group, but yeah, I'll have
the coffee.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to turn it away. You just made it.
I didn't even know it was here, Like I didn't
even know it was here. That's the same thing that's
with AI, though, it's like everyone everyone, this ship's so
bad for the environment, like all this stuff, theater, everyone's
using that.
Speaker 2: Dude, Oh bitch, everyone's wine and I won't use it.
Speaker 1: But then you go, you know, you're too lazy to
even google something, so you chat GPT.
Speaker 2: It's super Google. It's super Google. Yeah, stupid. I hate AI,
I will say.
Speaker 1: So. I was working at this like ad agency, right,
like every single fucking kid is using this ship like
everyone's job if you're not doing like hard data or.
Speaker 2: Like I'm applying to jobs right now, and I guarantee
no HR person's looking at my resumes.
Speaker 1: It's all going through a system. Yeah, it's crazy. It's
all all going through AI.
Speaker 2: So some data center needs all the water from California
to look turn your resuce weird.
Speaker 1: What's weird to me about the water thing is like, okay, yeah,
put it by an ocean because it shouldn't matter if
it's saltwater fresh water.
Speaker 2: Right, I don't know if it's cool, but the salt
can sal This saltwater's corrosive as fun.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah yeah that makes sense, trust me. I just
know that happen to know that. Yeah, like no, no, relevance.
Speaker 2: I just can't imagine a huge data center next to
a town is good for the town.
Speaker 1: No, dude, are you kidding? It's like everyone's electricity goes
up tenfold if you have a data center for AI.
Speaker 2: I'm not like a five G guy, but I can't
imagine all these things are good next to a population
of humans.
Speaker 1: You know, I was thinking, what if, like Republicans suck
and Democrats suck, and like technology sucks, and like what
if we should just return to nature? And I'm gonna
do it? By Ted hard Pass, Yeah, I will say
it's probably it's probably the equivalent of having like a
coal plant in your town. You're like, what's making jobs?
Everyone's richer, But then it's just it's got a cough
twenty years later.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, well yeah. The saracha plant when it caught fire,
like I think everyone in the neighbor town was just crying, oh,
because it's like being pepper sprayed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just funny. That's funny. That's that's you did
it to yourself kind of stuff. That's like you caused
this to yourself, and that's a fun consequence. I think
the consequence of like, hell, it goes away. You're only
getting peper sprayed for one a day. That's not real pollution. No,
that's that's an accident. Yeah, when the fucking like, but
it is funny to have a robot sucking the ground dry, Yeah,
drinking all the water like a robot. Dude. I was
in fucking quick trip the other day and I was
so annoyed that, like, it's just like, how dog shit
the future is because I was like trying to get
out and it's not like this little Star Wars droid
that was cleaning the floors was in my way, okay,
and it had eyes, it had a face, it had
a face, and I was just like, God damn it,
the future is so fucking gay.
Speaker 2: I'd out of my fucking that's.
Speaker 1: The worst part.
Speaker 2: It's not even the fact that it's gonna be awful.
It's just lame. Yeah, my episode's on.
Speaker 1: I'm breaking character you guys have, Like, you guys are
way further at here the most places, Like, Okay, I
live in a normal city, like a normal town now,
like a Chick fil A's don't have robots.
Speaker 2: No, we don't have fucking we don't have pilotless cars.
I don't play golf at Jimmy Clay or Roy Kaiser
all the time now like once a week at least.
And it's right next to the Wimow factory, and it's
very dystopian when I have to drive and there's twelve
windows on the way. No, dude, that's so fucking weird.
And I know, I know it's only inevitable that it's
going on. My car is gonna get smoked by one,
and I'm gonna get out on my car and just
be like, Dame, I can't contact anyone. No, you're gonna
like take a p it's probably gonna QR code or something.
It's probably just gonna take off and like flip me off. Dude.
It's probably gonna assume you. It's like, we don't make mistakes.
Speaker 1: You made a mistake humans like you rear ended me,
fucking clinker.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be so racist against the box.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Way, I look at that floor cleaning robot the
way I think a racist looks like a Mexican.
Speaker 2: You should have kicked, dude, Yeah, you should like a
soccer ball. I will say.
Speaker 1: Also, like everything that's like automated that's replaced a job
has been just more terrible, Like you mentioned quick trip.
Speaker 2: I was at a circle K the other day.
Speaker 1: It's not good at their jobs. You know, only have
the like the thing you put all your items in.
It just tells you how much you owe. Yeah, no
one knows how to use that shiit No, no one
knows how to use that ship. Everywhere I go where
there's self checkout is way more the fucking backed up
than it was when it was. Just like a nice
kid with a learning disability, that's your grocery.
Speaker 2: Right right right, Like that kid that requires no computing
power like fucking crushed it.
Speaker 1: Well because he technically still has more computing power than
whatever the fuck is like trot out, Yeah exactly. It's
like he's like, oh, this is like messed up sometimes.
Speaker 2: So I noticed that's gonna be sad when they replace
the Walmart greaders, the robot, the disability kids and the
old people. The old people as well.
Speaker 1: We welcome.
Speaker 2: No, it's it's a dangerous, dangerous dangers.
Speaker 1: You just want something to do every day, so you'd
be a Walmart greeter. That's noting.
Speaker 2: They also didn't save up for retirement. That's gonna be me.
That's on them, huh, that's gonna be me. That's on
them for not to say that's me. Yeah, that's my future.
Speaker 1: I think they just wanted something to do. I mean,
sister Jean died because she didn't she retired, She didn't
go to Walmart.
Speaker 2: She was one hundred and six and she officially retired
from Loyal.
Speaker 1: Like two weeks before that. Yeah, I mean, body was
just like, I got nothing to live for. If you
don't have anything to live, I mean, having a reason
to live is really at a certain point, all that
keeps keeps you going.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's why when I do retire, I will
You always just need something to look forward to tomorrow.
So what I will be doing is incessantly sports gambling
with my retirement money. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think of it like, well, your kids are already
out of the house. Yeah, no consequence to them. If
I hit like seventy five, I'm not giving a shit.
Speaker 1: No more like seventy five. Fuck it man, double like
triple cheese burgers. I'm gonna get fat as fuck, like
so fat. Actually, at a certain point, fat old people
live longer than skinny old people. There is there is
a threshold of age where if you are past that
it's better to be overweight than like I don't know,
I would I would.
Speaker 2: Agree with that, Like what there's just more nutrients available
around to you. Like also are just get gas to
the gills, get yoked at.
Speaker 1: Age, get Actually, I guarantee you I know why the
overweight thing is the way it is. Cushion, you don't
break as easy.
Speaker 2: And think about that all that patting, Think about how
fragile old people are.
Speaker 1: Like, oh my, my grandma fell down our our fucking
hundred old houses like outdoor, like to down to the
street like concrete stairs, had to have surgery for a
broken leg or something. That she was in her eighties mentally,
never the same after that, just because she had to
go under Anstyes, you get a fucking oh that's the
scariest thing too. Man, you can't do anestesia once you
get old, Like you're not coming.
Speaker 2: Back in the way. I wonder how that old guy
that was collected oil, that Mark Sanchez beat the fuck
out of hell he's gonna hold up. He wouldn't.
Speaker 1: He's so he was only sixty nine. Like that's old,
that's old whole, but it's not crazy like my grandma's
like eighty five, it's not. There's a huge difference between
sixty nine and eighty five. One's old ones elderly, right, Yeah,
for sure. I oh, I forgot to ask who's hitler?
Speaker 2: Uh, probably Mark Sanchez because he got stabbed three times
and arrested.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Mark Sanchez is Yeah, it's Mark Sanchez for sure.
How do you get stabbed and it's your fault?
Speaker 2: Dude. The ESPN update for that was the funniest shit
in the world. Is like, Mark Sanchez stabbed? What? Who
would stab this guy? Mark Sucha's arrested in his own
stabbing kit while doing wind sprints, Like he's one.
Speaker 1: Of us, essentially, just Mark Sanchez arrested for doing cocaine wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this isn't even topical. This is funny forever.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, that's just funny for funny, like the fact
that he was doing wind sprints, that is that is
any one of my friends, like move your truck last time,
like one of the last times I hung out with
all my boys. They literally did windsprints against each other,
drunk a shit outside of a fogo to child.
Speaker 2: You can't park here, man, you can't park here.
Speaker 1: The way I would not want to wanted to have
done that this week. I like, if one of my
buddies was a fucking dust each other, let's fucking go,
I would have been like, are you fucking kidding me?
I checked at one point because I was walking so
much and drinking so much and just like zen in
zen out for the whole fucking day. I was like,
one of my resting heart rate is today? What was it?
It was a hundred.
Speaker 2: That's high. Yeah, that's a high rest IM's gonna die.
Speaker 1: Yeah, very so. My normal resting heart rate is like
sixty five to seventy. Yeah, it's like it's very healthy.
But that day it was nothing but steps, standing in
the sun, drinking all day, more stab siggs, no siggs,
but carrying giant ass coolers and shit like that.
Speaker 2: Definitely some zins zins.
Speaker 1: Oh, I actually told you zin ins and out for
like twelve hours. Yeah, it was, I mean, but I
also like my circles were like doubled up on the
fucking watch. Dude. I have to say, I hope you guys,
I notice you guys haven't noticed this, But uh, i'm't
puffed on anything. No you quit, I quit. I've been
like non no nicotine cold Turkey for like I notice
its anything but and fifty like one hundred and eighty days,
got y'all. I went on a boys trip to uh,
what's the one in North Carolina, the good golf course, Pinehurst.
I went to Pinehurst, buddy mine lives up there, and
we were, you know, just drinking and golfing all weekend.
And the hangover I had from vaping as much as
I had been, Yeah, I just can't do this today
like you do Tobacco Road as well. We didn't actually
golf and Hurst like the course. We we went there
and checked it Pinehurst has he went to the resort.
We went to the resort, We golfed a little little
mini golf thing, and then we just played a lot
of courses around town. Because Pinehurst do so like Tobacco Roup.
We didn't play Tobacco No, No, we played a.
Speaker 2: Very ironic though. If you gave up tobacco Tobacco Road, yeah,
I would be Yeah, no that that hangover maybe, like
I can't touch it today. And then I was like, man,
I don't think I can do this anymore. Yeah, Like I.
Speaker 1: Took another puff and I felt like shit, I was
I don't think I can do it anymore.
Speaker 2: I just haven't.
Speaker 1: I'm very like if I drink, I like it a lot,
And if I'm working, like at my day job, I
need it just to stay like flocked in or whatever.
But if it's like a weekend, Honestly, if if it
like during the day, I have like one to two
maybe like it's it's very it's very something I only
need to use if I'm doing certain things. If it
sounds like an addict to me, he only has if
his wife offers, if he needs it. Yeah, I was
pro justifying fucking ship.
Speaker 2: What.
Speaker 1: No, dude, you're an addict and you have a problem,
you shoul come on down to the West Hollywood h
the West Hollywood meeting room.
Speaker 2: We're gonna do some theme level readings. You can do
some cleaning up. But yeah, no, that was our show.
I guess your tobacco addiction, your masturbation addiction is a
masturbation addiction is bad. Pornography addiction. There's a couple. Are
they porn here yet?
Speaker 1: Yes? They did.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, there's no pornhub.
Speaker 1: You upload your fucking driver's license, are you kidding? Well no,
I mean you just can't get on porn hub. That
means you can't get on anything. Yeah, there's a couple
like no, no, they're going down.
Speaker 2: There's like nothing left you.
Speaker 1: Can sold j O to like Reddit and ship and uh.
Also like uh, there's still some sites that work, but
not many dive deep. For those, there's like an only
fans like work around site that you can get.
Speaker 2: But every other week something goes down. It's like, I
just like we lost when I moved such and such
site when I moved to Florida, Like they just drop
the hammer on porn Hub and like everyone on the
dock that I worked, I.
Speaker 1: Was like, do you see the see what the fucking did?
Like seeing the blue collar reaction of porn being like
made out lot is very the dudes who are this,
dudes who are also like fu game of Crayats and
then it's like, all right, well you just lost your porno.
Speaker 2: You lost it, dude. Listen. They go to meetings too.
We're all in Hollywood. We're joined by Theo Vaughn and
Luis k.
Speaker 1: THEO Vaughan picked the Gators to beat Texas, so he
clearly knows ball. I mean I picked the Gears.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But he goes with these maidens to talk to
his boys about not jerking off. That's a fucking cool miss.
Speaker 1: Same with Luis k. That's weird as hell, man.
Speaker 2: Just just keeping you and your boys accountable, like that's
the crazy. Just texting each other like, hey, you didn't
look at porn this week, did you?
Speaker 1: That's weird.
Speaker 2: Like that's weird. Do you guys want to start a
group chat?
Speaker 1: That's weird? We have a group chat we've never once been.
Don't ever text me you make guys eight days clean?
Don't fucking ever text that ship out of there. Well,
it doesn't like Mike Johnson Texas kid. Yes, Mike Johnson's
accountabil a buddy as his fucking child.
Speaker 2: I think we should have account of builded buddies. We'll
talk college football.
Speaker 1: And not jacking. Is what if your trigger was being
asked if you had master But you can be fine
if you joke, Joe, that's different to please the wife,
but it is against God. You're trying to redefine God's
image for your penis. That's true, I mean, but that's
all there. Yeah, I don't master, bit I juke like
I don't come anymore by myself. I've just made my
dick giant. Yeah, that would be the most.
Speaker 2: Perfect, like anti masturbatory thing. Though I always have a
coquering on. It's like your wedding ring. I don't mind
a cockering. You just keep it on twenty you're not
supposed to, but just makes it.
Speaker 1: Like keep that blood, keeps the blood in there.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Then you bump into a wall and it hurts.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Well I don't know what else to talk about, honestly,
I mean I could talk about myself.
Speaker 2: Are Patreon of course? Oh patreon dot com slash sophomore
History two additional episodes drops Wednesday Friday. At this point,
four years of Evergreen content.
Speaker 1: Plus extra episodes on the twenty dollars tier, including.
Speaker 2: A football slash ports show.
Speaker 1: Yep, I was on that once.
Speaker 2: Yeah you are on that. Yeah, you're part of the show.
Speaker 1: What do you talk? Of course you come up every
week somehow. Well shit, uh, I guess that's it for Jojo. Yeah, thanks, Jake, Yeah,
it was great to be here. Great to be here
this week, as I am every week. Well, Rob Fox
and the and reges round, Jake Goldman, you just got
sawt served