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<v Speaker 1>The train home. The station was quiet, not empty, but quiet,

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<v Speaker 1>the way places are late at night, when most people

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<v Speaker 1>have gone home, and the ones who remain are waiting

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<v Speaker 1>for something they cannot name. I stood on the platform

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<v Speaker 1>with my hands in my coat pockets and looked down

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<v Speaker 1>the tracks. And the tracks went on and on into

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<v Speaker 1>the dark, two sildered lines that caught the station lights

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<v Speaker 1>and held them like rivers of light flowing into nowhere.

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<v Speaker 1>I did not remember coming to the station. I did

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<v Speaker 1>not remember leaving the house. I only knew that I

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<v Speaker 1>was here, standing on the platform, and that the night

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<v Speaker 1>was cool, and the air smelled of rain and old wood,

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<v Speaker 1>and that I was tired in the way that is

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<v Speaker 1>not about the body, but about the soul. Tired in

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<v Speaker 1>the way that makes you want to sit down and

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<v Speaker 1>close your eyes and let the world go on without you.

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<v Speaker 1>For a while. A train came. I heard it before

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<v Speaker 1>I saw it, a low rumble that grew into a

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<v Speaker 1>hum and then into a roar. And then the train

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<v Speaker 1>was there, pulling into the station with a sound of

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<v Speaker 1>brakes and breath. It was an old train, the kind

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<v Speaker 1>with wooden seats and wide windows and a bell that

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<v Speaker 1>rang when the doors opened. The lights inside were warm

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<v Speaker 1>and yellow, and through the windows I could see rows

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<v Speaker 1>of empty seats, each one lit by its own small light.

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<v Speaker 1>I stepped on. The train was warm inside, and the

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<v Speaker 1>seats were soft, and the air smelled of polished wood

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<v Speaker 1>and something faintly sweet, like cinnamon or old book. I

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<v Speaker 1>sat down by the window and looked out at the platform,

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<v Speaker 1>and the doors closed behind me with a gentle sigh,

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<v Speaker 1>and the train began to move. It pulled out of

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<v Speaker 1>the station, slowly, gathering speed, and the platform slid away

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<v Speaker 1>and disappeared, and the lights of the town fell behind us,

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<v Speaker 1>and we were in the countryside, moving through the dark.

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<v Speaker 1>The fields were black and shapeless, but the sky above

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<v Speaker 1>was full of stars, more stars than I had seen

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<v Speaker 1>in years, and the moon was high and bright, and

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<v Speaker 1>the train moved through all of it like a dream.

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<v Speaker 1>I did not know where the train was going. I

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<v Speaker 1>had not bought a ticket, I had not asked any one.

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<v Speaker 1>I had simply stepped on the way you stepped into

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<v Speaker 1>a river because the water is there, and because your

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<v Speaker 1>feet are tired, and because sometimes you just need to

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<v Speaker 1>be carried. The first stop came without warning. The train slowed,

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<v Speaker 1>and the brakes whispered, and we pulled into a small

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<v Speaker 1>station with a green roof and a wooden sign. I

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<v Speaker 1>looked out the window and felt my chest tighten cuneon, thinking,

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<v Speaker 1>in this one of the stand not really going to

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<v Speaker 1>my school, I'm probably just really happily like a toe back.

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<v Speaker 1>I made it believe this manacal exta tree, one of

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<v Speaker 1>the school I had gone to as a child, with

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<v Speaker 1>the red brick walls and the tall windows and the

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<v Speaker 1>playground behind it. It looked exactly as I remembered it,

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<v Speaker 1>exactly the way it had been forty years ago. The

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<v Speaker 1>swings were still there, swaying slightly in the wind, and

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<v Speaker 1>the basketball hoop was still there, and the door to

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<v Speaker 1>the main building was still painted the same shade of blue.

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<v Speaker 1>A light was on in one of the windows, and

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<v Speaker 1>I could almost see myself sitting at a desk, bent

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<v Speaker 1>over a book, not knowing that one day I would

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<v Speaker 1>be on a train looking back at it all. The

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<v Speaker 1>train moved on, the school slid away and disappeared, and

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<v Speaker 1>the dark fields returned, and the stars turned slowly overhead.

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<v Speaker 1>I sat back in my seat and watched the world

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<v Speaker 1>go by. The second stop was a cafe, not just

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<v Speaker 1>any cafe, but the cafe on Maple Street, where I

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<v Speaker 1>had spent countless evenings in my twenties, sitting at the

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<v Speaker 1>table by the window with a cup of coffee and

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<v Speaker 1>a book, watching the rain fall on the street outside.

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<v Speaker 1>The cafe was still there, and the table by the

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<v Speaker 1>win window was still there, and the sign above the

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<v Speaker 1>door still said the Wren in the same gold letters

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<v Speaker 1>on the same green background. The lights inside were warm,

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<v Speaker 1>and I could see people sitting at the tables, talking softly,

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<v Speaker 1>their faces blurred by the glass. I wanted to stop.

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to go inside and sit at my old

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<v Speaker 1>table and order a coffee and stay there until morning.

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<v Speaker 1>But the train was already moving, pulling away from the platform,

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<v Speaker 1>and the cafe slid past the window and was gone.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was moving again, carried forward by something I

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<v Speaker 1>could not see and did not understand. The third stop

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<v Speaker 1>was the park, the park where I had taken walks

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<v Speaker 1>with my father when I was small, where we had

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<v Speaker 1>fed the ducks and sat on the bench by the

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<v Speaker 1>pond and watched the clouds move across the sky. The

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<v Speaker 1>park was quiet, now empty of people, but the bench

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<v Speaker 1>was still there, and the pond was still there, and

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<v Speaker 1>the ducks were still there, sleeping on the water with

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<v Speaker 1>their heads tucked under their wings. A street lamp cast

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<v Speaker 1>a circle of yellow light on the grass, and in

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<v Speaker 1>that light I could see the path we had walked,

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<v Speaker 1>worn into the earth by years of footsteps, mine and his.

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<v Speaker 1>The train moved on, the park disappeared, the dark returned,

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<v Speaker 1>and I sat in my seat and felt something I

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<v Speaker 1>had not felt in a long time. I felt held.

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<v Speaker 1>I felt carried. I felt like the train knew where

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<v Speaker 1>I needed to go, even if I did not. More

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<v Speaker 1>stops came and went the library where I had read

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<v Speaker 1>my first book, the corner where I had my kiss,

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<v Speaker 1>the bridge over the river where I had stood as

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<v Speaker 1>a teenager and looked at the water and wondered what

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<v Speaker 1>my life would become. Each stop was a memory, solid

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<v Speaker 1>and real, preserved in the amber of the night, like

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<v Speaker 1>insects and stone. I looked at each one, and each

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<v Speaker 1>one looked back at me, and there was no sadness

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<v Speaker 1>in it, only a kind of warmth, the warmth of

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<v Speaker 1>knowing that all those moments had happened, that they were mine,

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<v Speaker 1>that they were real. The train began to slow again.

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<v Speaker 1>This time it was different, This time. The slowing was

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<v Speaker 1>not the slowing of a stop, but the slowing of

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<v Speaker 1>an ending, of a journey coming to its natural close.

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<v Speaker 1>I looked out the window and saw a street. I

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<v Speaker 1>recognized my street, the street I lived on, with the

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<v Speaker 1>old oaks and the stone wall and the mail box.

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<v Speaker 1>At the end of the drive, the train stopped, the

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<v Speaker 1>doors opened. I stood up and walked to the door

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<v Speaker 1>and stepped off, and the train waited behind me, warm

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<v Speaker 1>and glowing. And then the doors closed, and it pulled away,

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<v Speaker 1>silent and smooth, disappearing into the night like a dream.

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<v Speaker 1>Waking up, I stood on the platform and looked at

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<v Speaker 1>my house. It was there, exactly where it had always been,

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<v Speaker 1>with the porch light on and the curtains drawn, and

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<v Speaker 1>the garden dark and still. I walked up the path,

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<v Speaker 1>and the grass was cool under my shoes, and the

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<v Speaker 1>air smelled of roses and night air, and the front

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<v Speaker 1>door was unlocked, the way I always left it. I

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<v Speaker 1>went inside. The house was quiet and warm, and everything

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<v Speaker 1>was exactly as I had left it, the coat on

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<v Speaker 1>the hook, the book on the table, the cup in

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<v Speaker 1>the sight. I walked through the dark rooms without turning

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<v Speaker 1>on the lights, guided by moonlight and memory. And I

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<v Speaker 1>came to the bedroom and the bed was there, and

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<v Speaker 1>the covers were pulled back, and the pillow was soft.

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<v Speaker 1>I lay down. The bed held me warm and close,

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<v Speaker 1>and the house held me quiet and sure, and the

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<v Speaker 1>night held me dark and endless and full of stars.

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<v Speaker 1>I closed my eyes and I was home. I had

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<v Speaker 1>always been home. The train had brought me back the

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<v Speaker 1>way trains do, the way life does, always circling, always returning,

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<v Speaker 1>always bringing you to the place where you belong. I slept.

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<v Speaker 1>I slept in my own bed, in my own house,

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<v Speaker 1>on my own street, in the town where I had

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<v Speaker 1>grown up and fallen in love and become who I was.

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<v Speaker 1>I slept and the night was gentle, and all was

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<v Speaker 1>well