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Speaker 1: You were listening to a pleasure podcast. For more from

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our sex podcast collective, visit pleasure Podcasts dot com.

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Speaker 2: My job today is hosting the Holly Randall Unfiltered Podcast.

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My name is Keelie Rankin and I am interviewing the

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one and only, extraordinary beautiful Holly Randall. Holly Randall is

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an erotic photographer and director. She is also a visionary

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and entrepreneur, a second generation Playboy photographer, an incredible storyteller,

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and an all around badass goddess woman. So everybody, let's

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welcome Holly.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm excited to be here. I've always

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wanted to be on this show. This is amazing. Who

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would have guest?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 3: But seriously, guys, So yeah, we decided to do a

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flip the script thing. If you're wondering, like, why is

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Holly sitting here? And why does somebody who sort of

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looks like Holly but not exactly sitting in that seat?

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We decided to flip the script today and Kili's going

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to interview me. And I am very excited about this

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because we're covering my favorite topic, which is me.

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Speaker 2: It's our favorite topic as well. Hollie, you are an

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incredible woman.

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Speaker 3: Listen, it's everybody's favorite. Tu.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you truly are an incredible woman. You have

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done incredible things, and everyone that knows you loves you.

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Everyone in the industry loves you. Everyone that comes on

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this show loves you. You make people feel important and

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well taken care of and loved, and when you shoot them,

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they look beautiful. You have done incredible things. So I

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wonder if you can actually just tell everybody, in case

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they don't already know, what are the awards that you

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have actually won in this industry, because it's it's, you know,

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pretty incredible.

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Speaker 3: Well, there actually aren't that many, so it won't take

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me long to get through them. I have. I only

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won my first Avian Award two years ago, and I

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got inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame, which obviously

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was wonderful. I do feel like they did it because

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I complained about it on this podcast for years until

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I think they were if. I like, well, someone just

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give Holly that trophy, so she shuts up, so then

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I got it squeaky reel, it gets the grease. And

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then I collaborate a movie that I produced called Broken

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Butterfly with Jeffrey John Hart, my amazing friend and director,

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one Best featurette at AVN and at x BIZ last year,

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so that was amazing, and then the year previous to that,

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the other movie that we did together, Hopeless, one Best

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featurette at XPIZ. Otherwise I have one Best Photography sete

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to expis twice, I think, And in terms of like

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the big, big adult industry awards, I think that's it.

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Speaker 2: But you also just won the Podcast Award.

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Speaker 3: Oh well, so I didn't win an award, but so

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what I got was there was the podcast Pantheon. It's

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a book. It's a collective of the one hundred and

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one most impactful and like culturally significant podcasts in the world,

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and right my podcast was in there, which definitely feels

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like a massive win to me, huge because I was

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like alongside this American Life and Cereal and all of

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these kind of massive shows that I would never think

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that anybody would ever say in the same breath. So

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that was that was really cool. But my podcast has

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never actually won like an award. It's coming, you never know,

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you never know. I mean every year I get nominated

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for AVINA Best Podcast Award, and every year I lose.

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Speaker 2: So I was thinking about preparing for interviewing you, which

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I feel incredibly honored that you chose me. It's really

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a privilege to be sitting up here. I'm not really

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sure how I got here, but here I am. But

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this morning I was in Santa Monica and I was

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walking down the beach and or I guess, like along

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the strip, and I'm wearing a very bright like farm

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rio sweater, so it's like loud and kind of obnoxious.

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And I look over and I make eye contact with

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this man riding his bike next to another person down

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down the way, and turns out is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh,

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And I thought, Wow, what are the chances coming here

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to interview you, to come on this podcast to talk

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about sex and porn and all of these incredible like

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fantasy body spaces, which is really what I think of porn,

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as it's like this fantasy and porn, and here is

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the man who embodies that so fully, like Arnold Schwarzenegger

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is the ultimate like phantom see.

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Speaker 3: Body person out there. And I thought it was.

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Speaker 2: Such such an interesting kind of like oh men, of

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like yeah, this is supposed to happen today, like we're

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supposed to have this conversation and really jump into these things.

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And it started me thinking, like when you think about

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porn and you think about filming porn, and you think

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about like the fantasy space, how do you hold that

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inside of yourself? Like how do you make sense of

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it all? How do I make sense of porn?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Like where do you hold it in terms of

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like what is it?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 3: What are you selling?

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Speaker 2: What is sex? Like?

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Speaker 3: I mean I think like for me, it's so much

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less of an enigma than it is for most people.

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I think a lot of other people put more thought

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into it than I do, simply because I grew up

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around it. So it's so it was never like a

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taboo topic for me. It was something that's always been

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a part of my life, even like before I actually

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got into the industry. So yeah, I don't know, it's

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just something that never held like that mystery to me.

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Speaker 2: Really.

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Speaker 3: I mean it did because obviously my parents didn't show

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me their work when I was a kid, But it

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was just something that like I always knew was around.

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I knew that they did it. I mean for me,

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I mean, porn is any other form of entertainment, it's

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it's entertainment and it's sexual, and it's very explicitly sexual,

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it's not suggestive, and it's something that people like to

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watch to sometimes expand their sexual horizons. Most of the

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time just to jerk off, which is also turned on

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fun yeah, which is also great. Like this is something

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that people need. I think one of the things is

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that so many people forget that, you know, one of

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the most basic drives of the human race is to procreate, right,

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and you can only do that by having sex. So,

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like people's sexual drive, whether it's repressed or stagnant or raging,

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is like a massive part of like who we are

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in our identity, and so many people are raised to

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you know, kind of push that aside, to be ashamed

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of it, compartmentalize it, and so.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, it just always makes.

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Speaker 3: Me sad and surprises me that people have to almost

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like put so much thought into like what is porn?

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Like people don't really sit around and go, like what

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are video games? What is Instagram?

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Speaker 2: You're just saying, right, not in the way that like

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the industry takes so much heat, yes for.

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Speaker 3: What it actually is.

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Speaker 2: Yes, there's just so much heat constantly coming to the

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people who work in the adult industry and people who

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are part of it. Over the years, how have you

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dealt with that, Like do you feel the criticisms or

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after twenty seven years, is it kind of just rolls

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off your back?

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean I think like because again, I was

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raised in a family where, you know, my parents were pornographers, right,

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so I never face a family stigma, which I think

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is the biggest issue for most people, right like what

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are my parents going to think? Exactly what are like

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my you know, my friends going to think? And it

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was always like a part of my identity and like

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a part of you know, who my family was growing up.

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So I didn't have that problem, right, which was very

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hard helpful I think. Also, honestly, I have the advantage

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of being a woman and being a woman behind the camera.

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I mean, we all know I ventured a little bit

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into new modeling. Yeah we're going to get into that. Well,

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we'll get into but that was never my intention, and

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I always to say behind It was always to say

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behind that, why was that? Because that's just where I

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feel like I belong. The only fancing was an accident,

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which we can go get to it. Well, maybe we're

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going to get into it right now, but so so yeah.

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So I think also because I'm a woman, you know,

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that's unexpected from most people, right, A female pornographer, A

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beautiful female pornographer that was young too, I mean, how

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old are you when you started?

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Speaker 2: Twenty and yeah, very young. Yeah, to be bossing people around,

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telling them what to do, where to put their legs.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so yes, So I think that also shields me

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from a lot of criticism because I think people maybe

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feel like, oh, well, because she's a woman, she couldn't

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possibly be exploitative, which is not true. I know a

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lot of women that are exploitative. And then I don't know.

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I think also because I live in Los Angeles, which

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is a pretty like open, you know, city with more

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progressive I don't face that stigma so often. Certainly has happened.

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I mean I've seen it happen more like in business's

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that's where the stigma affects me the most, Like I

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try and branch out. Yeah, I mean I've been denied insurance,

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I've been denied credit cards when I try to, Like

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the most common thing is when I try to find

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a location to shoot in if it's poorn people are

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like absolutely not, And why is that? Why are people

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anti Well, there's two reasons, and one of them I

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totally get. They don't want their home associated with adult

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like sometimes a lot of these places will also do

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like weddings, and they don't want people who might be

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considering renting their house for a wedding. I see it,

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and like, my sister got gang banged number thirteen, right,

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which I which.

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Speaker 2: But it's like you were watching my sister game being

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number thirteen, but it's just like the yeah, okay, interesting,

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I know.

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Speaker 3: And then the other reason is people generally just don't

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want you, like coming on their couch, yeah, right, when

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jizzing on their throw pillows, right, which I totally understand,

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which makes sense, Like no one even wants that happening,

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Like an airbnbaer in a hotel, No, we don't want

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to know about those, right, but that happens in your

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airbnb nobody's films.

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Speaker 2: This, yes, right, exactly exactly. That's fascinating.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, I think like business stuff right when I'm

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trying to branch out and do other things getting sponsors

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for this podcast, A lot of people don't want to

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sponsor this podcast because of the nature of the content

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that I do, even before I found this podcast studio,

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and we only talk about the industry here, right, Nobody

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gets naked, nobody has sex.

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Speaker 2: Nobody's coming in here. No one's coming in here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, well you might be out there. But you know,

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I do look great today.

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Speaker 2: You do look great. Thank you.

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Speaker 3: I got my hair make done because I was like,

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we're gonna talk about me.

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Speaker 2: I'm a look good. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I would go to various studios and they were like, oh,

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your show's about the adult industry. We don't want you

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in here, And.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, literally, why we're just sitting here talking and

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even like just the discussion of the industry now, So

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that's where I see most of the stigma really is

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in the professional realm.

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Speaker 2: Right, And I think of like porn as being this

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really important part of society. I mean, it allows us

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consumers to view people who are willing to take that

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risk to put themselves on camera and to be all

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day at a shoot and have sex and let other

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people view them. I mean, it's a really important part

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that we can all get to see. I'm curious, like

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how you think of sex and porn in society. Do

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you see it like if it were to disappear tomorrow,

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what do you think it would take away from society?

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Speaker 3: I think would be a serious problem because if people

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aren't able to release, like their sexual you know, satisfy

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their sexual needs, release their sexual attention through some form

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of entertainment, that is, you know, maybe detached from actually

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being with another person, which you know, for some people

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is just safe. For most people's just convenient. I think

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that would that could be a problem. I mean, you look,

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you look at the countries that have outlawed porn, and

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you see the most amount of.

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Speaker 2: Violence against women in those countries. Right.

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Speaker 3: So, yeah, the more important to try to repress people's

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sexual drives, the more it comes out in other not

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healthy ways, right, harmful ways, harmful waves, obspredatory ways. Yes,

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so I think that it plays a very important role

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in our society, but people don't want to think about

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it or talk about it, mostly like in the United States,

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you know, like America consumes the most amount of porn,

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but like hates it the most.

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Speaker 2: Right, we have such a problem with that people taking

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their clothes off, or people enjoying themselves.

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Speaker 3: And just sex in general.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: I often think sometimes there's also this part of our

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society that doesn't want to think that women enjoy sex, yes,

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that we're carnivorous, or we could we could want all

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of these things. So it's like we're just going to

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pretend that's not happening because women couldn't possibly desire sex

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in that way.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, and that also plays into the whole

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like question about don't you think women are degraded and

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victimized in the porn industry? Right?

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Speaker 2: And what do you how do you respond to that?

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Speaker 3: Ah, that question makes me so bad, I mean literally

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for the reason that you just said. Because when you

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say that, first of all, you're instantly grouping all women

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into one one little fish bowl, right, right, right, all

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women are the same, right, and your whole industry is

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the same, not right thing at it, it's like a

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whole industry, right, And you're also taking away like women's

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personal preferences and agency. So you're saying women are victims, right,

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We're always victims because like, if were engaging in you know,

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sexual activities on camera, we must have been forced into it.

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Speaker 2: Must have been right because possibly an exactly.

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Speaker 3: Exactly, so like so there you're painting women as the victim,

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which is like my first thing. And then yeah, you're

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taking away like their their agency and their independence and

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suggesting that women couldn't make these decisions on their own,

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and also that women couldn't be sexual creatures, which is

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completely untrue. Women can be just as sexual, if not

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more so than men. It's a spectrum. And if women

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are sexual and they enjoy being exhibitionists and they want

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to put themselves out there, they should be able to

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do so. And you never hear people lamenting about like

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the men in the industry, you know, you never get

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people going like, oh, those poor men, there's such victims.

284
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R you know, the porn industry. It's always the women, right,

285
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The women are always the weaker sex. And so yeah,

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that question makes me very mad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I can totally understand. And I think it's

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like oftentimes, you know, industries have these ideas that go

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along with them, Like as a therapist, there's this idea

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that like every therapist is fucked up and they're just

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like went to therapy school to try and fix themselves,

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aren't you. It's trying to fix myself, aren't you. I mean,

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we all little fucked up. I mean, that's like the

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funny thing when you start to lean into that question, yeah,

295
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is like, who's not like a little you know, got

296
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a little something wrong in their brain? I mean, we

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all do on different levels. But there's the stigma attached

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to the porn industry that like women gravitate towards it

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because they have no other, you know, nothing else and

300
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they have to have the money and someone talked them

301
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into it. And I feel like, actually, you've been a

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huge part by having women come on the show and

303
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talk that are you know, performers saying like no, I

304
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chose this, I want this, I enjoy this, like this

305
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is fun for me, and you're bringing that to life,

306
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which I think is probably why you made it into

307
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that book about you know, the podcasts and the top

308
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on hundred and one podcast because you really are breathing

309
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life into that place. So no one has to walk

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around with that holding that stigma.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, I mean, And that was literally like the

312
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whole reason I started this show. I didn't expect it

313
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to do as well as it did, and I'm like

314
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so massively grateful for it. But you know, I just

315
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always felt that the way that people viewed the adult

316
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industry and its specifically sex workers was just so inaccurate,

317
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and they just did. And I always thought to myself,

318
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I'm like, God, if they just knew them, right, if

319
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they just like spent like a day on set with them,

320
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like they would see what awesome people they are. And

321
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also they're just like regular people, so I like everybody else. Ye,

322
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So I was like, I just want and maybe I'll

323
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do this show and they'll sit down and we'll talk

324
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like regular people and people can see like who they

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are and they can be humanize and they can see

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that like they're you know, human beings with a career

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that maybe is a little bit unusual.

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Speaker 2: Right, right, unusual, but base and pleasure right right, It's

329
00:17:01,879 --> 00:17:07,799
like this pleasure space, enjoying sex, enjoying all those pieces,

330
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shedding shame.

331
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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think it's changed so much too, because

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the way that like the porn industry actually just is

333
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structured now has changed so much. So you know there,

334
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I mean, I know a lot of women that are

335
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very sexual that would love to do porn, but they

336
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don't do it simply because they're afraid of the stigma.

337
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They're afraid of what their family will think, they're afraid

338
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of losing the opportunity to you know, pursue a different

339
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career later on. I mean, when you enter the porn industry,

340
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you don't have to just think about the fact that

341
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like you're having sex on camera and you know, STDs

342
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and you know, maybe like lack of intimacy and all

343
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these other kinds of things. You have to also think about,

344
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like the way that society is now going to view

345
00:17:47,799 --> 00:17:52,400
you for the rest of your life. Right, And it's

346
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very unfair, right, you know, like just because somebody's a

347
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sex worker doesn't mean that they could also like be

348
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a wonderful nurse. In fact, there's like a lot of

349
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correlation between the two. There's a lot of like giving

350
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and caring and absolutely body awareness and all of that

351
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:10,519
between the two, right, So you know, I mean I've

352
00:18:10,559 --> 00:18:13,039
always felt that the stigma surrounding the porn industry is

353
00:18:13,079 --> 00:18:16,920
more damaging than the porn industry itself. It's the way

354
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,880
that like people see you afterwards, and it's just comes

355
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from such a place of misunderstanding and personal shame about sex.

356
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And that's what I hope is starting to change. And

357
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I feel like it's starting to change because now women

358
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have so much more agency over.

359
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Speaker 2: Their career, right, Right, with Only Fans.

360
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Speaker 3: It's funny. I had a meeting with the people at

361
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Only Fans the other day and I can't remember how

362
00:18:41,599 --> 00:18:43,480
it came up, but I said to them, I'm like,

363
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you guys know that you changed the entire adult industry right,

364
00:18:47,599 --> 00:18:49,359
like completely, And they.

365
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Speaker 2: Were like.

366
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Speaker 3: It was just like funny, because what can you.

367
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Speaker 2: Say to that?

368
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,160
Speaker 4: But it was just it was this moment where I

369
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was just like, what do you guys think about that,

370
00:18:59,279 --> 00:19:02,599
you know, like having changed our industry so and do

371
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,880
you think changed for the better or do you think

372
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,799
there's like give and take or I think there's a

373
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little bit of.

374
00:19:07,319 --> 00:19:09,079
Speaker 3: Give and take, but I think mostly for the better.

375
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,200
I think the fact that the power and independence financial

376
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,440
independence lies in the hands of the creators is so

377
00:19:16,559 --> 00:19:19,480
much better because that makes for a better working environment.

378
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,880
I've noticed that since Only Fans started, like brands have

379
00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:27,480
really changed the way that they treat talent, right because

380
00:19:27,519 --> 00:19:30,400
now they see like the talent has all the power,

381
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,839
you know, and they can't treat them like a disposable thing,

382
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,599
right and they have to respect them, and now like

383
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:41,960
the talent are the marketing machine that they need. And

384
00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:45,000
a lot of people come in now with the idea

385
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:49,079
of they're literally like marketing geniuses and they're like, but

386
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:50,880
I'm going to have sex and that's going to be

387
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,559
my avenue. But like all they think about is they're

388
00:19:54,599 --> 00:19:58,079
so focused on data, ab testing and like all this

389
00:19:58,319 --> 00:20:01,519
kind of shit that you know, most people wouldn't associate

390
00:20:01,599 --> 00:20:02,880
with a porn star.

391
00:20:02,839 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 2: Right that they're actually thinking about these things, that they're

392
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:09,799
managing their whole image in order to become successful and

393
00:20:09,839 --> 00:20:12,599
to survive in this industry, because you've seen it change

394
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:16,079
so much, I mean, right with your parents and starting

395
00:20:16,079 --> 00:20:20,400
with like DVDs and VHSS and shifting into free porn

396
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:25,200
and now OnlyFans. And I'm imagining a lot of money

397
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,960
came out of directing, which is what you were predominantly

398
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,480
doing for so many years.

399
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:37,160
Speaker 3: Is that new No, Okay, I wish directing paid very little,

400
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,720
like compared to what talent made. I mean, I definitely

401
00:20:40,759 --> 00:20:45,839
made less than talent. It's funny because you to be

402
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:49,519
a director and to really stick to the job and

403
00:20:49,559 --> 00:20:52,119
continue to do it, you have to actually like really

404
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,160
love it because it's a lot of work for not

405
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,920
that much money compared to like the mainstream industry, especially

406
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,200
like they get a lot of right. I mean, I

407
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,920
remember when I did my Playboy TV show. I'd never

408
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,960
been on like a big professional set like that before,

409
00:21:07,079 --> 00:21:10,559
with such a massive crew that really, you know, followed

410
00:21:10,799 --> 00:21:13,400
the protocol that most mainstream sets do. There were like,

411
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,519
I don't know, like seven different producers. I was like,

412
00:21:16,519 --> 00:21:18,640
I thought there was only one producer. You know.

413
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 2: That just shows my naivity about the whole industry. By

414
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,920
the way, I'm not associated or faili with Hollywood, so oh.

415
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,039
Speaker 3: Yeah, but there's like an executive producer, there's a line producer,

416
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:30,680
there's like a story producer. There's like all these people

417
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:35,079
that take care of a very specific part of the job,

418
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:39,079
which is great, and make sure that everything is executed well.

419
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:42,359
And also they're like, you know, bigger budgets, bigger, just

420
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:46,640
bigger overall and need more attention. As a director and porn,

421
00:21:47,519 --> 00:21:49,960
you're not just the director. You also have to be

422
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,720
the producer. You also have to be the bookkeeper. You

423
00:21:52,799 --> 00:21:55,960
also have to be sometimes the stylist. You also have

424
00:21:56,039 --> 00:22:00,839
to like you know, organize the schedule maybe sometimes like

425
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,160
plan locations. Like I mean, it depends on your budget

426
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,359
and what you have. But I have done everything. I've

427
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,240
been the pa, I mean, I've wiped up, come off

428
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:11,640
the couch.

429
00:22:11,839 --> 00:22:12,359
Speaker 2: I don't care.

430
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 3: It needs to get done, you know, right.

431
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 2: So it was like a startup is like everyone's playing

432
00:22:17,519 --> 00:22:20,319
every role at any moment, just like who need hands

433
00:22:20,319 --> 00:22:20,640
on deck?

434
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 3: Let's go, Yes, But you never get out of that

435
00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:25,559
startup role. You just just live in the startup.

436
00:22:25,599 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 2: You're just living in it.

437
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,119
Speaker 3: It's a lot of work directing porn, and I think

438
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,440
a lot of people don't realize how much work it is.

439
00:22:32,839 --> 00:22:35,319
Speaker 2: So when you're on set and you're filming, are you

440
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,440
just behind then the camera? Like filming with the camera?

441
00:22:38,519 --> 00:22:39,839
Is that what you were mainly? Oh?

442
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,599
Speaker 3: Yeah, I forgot to throw in. I was also the

443
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,759
photographer and the videographer and sometimes the editor too. Right well,

444
00:22:45,759 --> 00:22:47,359
because photos are your main your love.

445
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:51,279
Speaker 2: I love photos when we're in a studio, beautiful photos everywhere.

446
00:22:51,319 --> 00:22:52,799
I'm guessing most of them are yours.

447
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, They're all mine, except for the one of my

448
00:22:54,759 --> 00:22:57,039
mom in the seventies, which obviously idea.

449
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know they're beautiful. You're an incredible photographer. Most

450
00:23:00,519 --> 00:23:01,640
people may not know about you.

451
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,880
Speaker 3: Actually, no, it kind of makes me sad now, like

452
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,720
this podcast has dominated my career so much, which I'm

453
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,599
so grateful for. But yeah, I feel like a lot

454
00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:12,400
of people don't know that I actually am a.

455
00:23:12,319 --> 00:23:17,400
Speaker 2: Photographer, right, yeah, an incredible photographer, which is hard to do. Yeah,

456
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:17,799
thank you.

457
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,559
Speaker 3: So yeah, it would again depend on the budget. I

458
00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:23,759
mean I came from a world. I came from a

459
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:28,119
very small budget world. So I shot camera as well

460
00:23:28,799 --> 00:23:29,599
and I directed.

461
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,559
Speaker 2: What does a small budget like, what does that look like?

462
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 3: I mean sometimes I would only get like the three thousand,

463
00:23:38,519 --> 00:23:40,480
thirty five hundred for a shoot, Oh.

464
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,640
Speaker 2: My gosh, and like really small budget.

465
00:23:42,759 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, and like the talent, like the female talents like

466
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:50,319
a thousand dollars, like male talents like eight hundred dollars.

467
00:23:51,039 --> 00:23:55,079
Speaker 2: That is like eight hundred dollars. Yeah, I just begging

468
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,160
people to come to work for you, like you know,

469
00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:57,759
I don't know.

470
00:23:57,839 --> 00:24:00,279
Speaker 3: I always pay people their rates. I would do two

471
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,599
scenes back to back, okay, and then I would shoot

472
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,279
something from my website as well, like a solo okay.

473
00:24:05,279 --> 00:24:06,839
But I had to make that dollar. I had to

474
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,960
stretch that dollar wow, you know, like it was and

475
00:24:10,039 --> 00:24:12,480
you know I had to feed people too, like.

476
00:24:12,759 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 2: All the things that happened on a set, like you're

477
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,119
responsible for yeah, all this stuff, so all those things,

478
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,039
so you know it would be like me and one assistant,

479
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:20,279
I would just do everything.

480
00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:23,200
Speaker 3: And then as I you know, got further along in

481
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,839
my career and companies like I mean really like Twisti's

482
00:24:27,039 --> 00:24:29,079
was the one that like gave me the really started

483
00:24:29,079 --> 00:24:31,279
giving me like a great gave me like a first

484
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:36,079
real budget that was like good that I could hire

485
00:24:36,319 --> 00:24:38,319
more people to do stuff for me.

486
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:39,319
Speaker 2: Were you when that happened?

487
00:24:40,039 --> 00:24:43,559
Speaker 3: I mean, this was like I don't know, five six

488
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,519
years ago. I mean I worked for Twisties for like

489
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,799
I don't know, like fifteen years, but there was a

490
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:54,599
time towards like the end of my career, so I

491
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,880
don't know, it was like the last seven years of

492
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,839
me shooting for them or something like that. I don't

493
00:24:59,839 --> 00:25:02,359
know that they because they went through a lot of changes,

494
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,759
right that they just suddenly one day they were like,

495
00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:09,400
we're going to give you a real budget, and we're

496
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,000
going to like change the way that we do things,

497
00:25:12,039 --> 00:25:14,480
and we're going to give you all of these tools

498
00:25:14,519 --> 00:25:17,519
to really be able to produce fantastic content. We're going

499
00:25:17,599 --> 00:25:19,559
to give you less work, but we're going to give

500
00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:22,640
you more money to do that. Work, which was like amazing,

501
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,279
and so then I was able to get like that's

502
00:25:25,319 --> 00:25:28,480
when I actually hired Jeff, who you know, directs all

503
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,079
the movies that we produced together, because they gave me

504
00:25:31,079 --> 00:25:34,319
a budget for a steadicam operator and I was like, yes, yes,

505
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,000
But again, because of the stigma of porn, I had

506
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,240
a hard time finding somebody that was okay shooting an

507
00:25:40,279 --> 00:25:43,799
adult wow. And even when we first start, this is

508
00:25:43,839 --> 00:25:45,759
so funny, and Jeff has talked about this, so I

509
00:25:45,799 --> 00:25:48,640
know I can be open about this. But when he

510
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,119
first started working for me, because you know, he came

511
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,720
from mainstream, right, he was like, Okay, I'll shoot the

512
00:25:54,759 --> 00:25:56,960
teas part at the beginning, right, and this was just

513
00:25:57,039 --> 00:26:01,359
the solos, but when the girl masturbased, I leave. Oh,

514
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:05,319
So he would shoot the teas part and then he

515
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,640
would like pack up and go, and then I'd have

516
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,920
to shoot the solo masturbation part, and the model would

517
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,799
usually be like where's he going, and I'm like, well,

518
00:26:13,839 --> 00:26:16,119
he doesn't want to be around for that part, and

519
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:19,680
they'd be kind of like okay, right. Or the worst

520
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,599
part was if for some reason we were doing things

521
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,759
in reverse, which would we would do sometimes like say

522
00:26:24,799 --> 00:26:26,160
if I don't know. We had to get out of

523
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:29,359
a location earlier. And you know, we don't shoot sound

524
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:30,880
when we're doing the teas part because it's a slow

525
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,319
motion they put music over it. But we shoot sound

526
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,359
during the masturbation. So like if we shot the masturbation

527
00:26:36,599 --> 00:26:40,200
before the teas, then we'd be done with sound and

528
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:43,440
then people could be packing up right while I'm shooting

529
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,440
while we're shooting the teas because the sound doesn't matter.

530
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,599
So like in those cases, he'd like have to go

531
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:52,200
in the other room while we shoot the masturbation and

532
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,960
then come back in and then shoot. This is really awkward. Obviously,

533
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,400
over time he just stay yeah, and now he just

534
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,440
shoots everything. Don't care. But at the beginning, you know,

535
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:06,000
we had to like work around these parameters that he had.

536
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Speaker 2: Well, it's so interesting, is like this the levels in

581
00:29:46,359 --> 00:29:49,759
which shame permeates like into our society around sex. And

582
00:29:49,799 --> 00:29:52,119
I know, like working with clients on day to day basis,

583
00:29:52,119 --> 00:29:54,640
which is what I primarily do. I don't interview people

584
00:29:55,039 --> 00:29:59,960
like beautiful Holly, you know, sex or the shame part,

585
00:30:00,079 --> 00:30:02,960
and sex is such a such a huge part of

586
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,960
like what gets in the way of people actually enjoying

587
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:11,359
their bodies, enjoying their partners. And I'm so curious for you, Holly,

588
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,240
if you will, like do you still experience any shame

589
00:30:14,279 --> 00:30:16,880
around sex or your body or do you feel like,

590
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,480
now that you've seen it all, been around it all,

591
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,359
like that's just sort of passed through you.

592
00:30:22,359 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 3: No, I don't think so. It's kind of funny. I

593
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,160
almost feel ashamed of how vanilla I am.

594
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 2: Oh interesting, Yeah, like you're supposed to be.

595
00:30:32,839 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, And I used to be like way more

596
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,480
into like BDSX, but.

597
00:30:38,599 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 2: You had a boyfriend that was like yeah, And I

598
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:41,279
like to be.

599
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 3: Like tied up and spanked and that kind of stuff, right,

600
00:30:43,519 --> 00:30:45,920
Not that I don't enjoy these things every once in

601
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,160
a while, but you know, like I'm older, I'm a mom,

602
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:54,400
so I you know, my sexual escapades have you know,

603
00:30:55,119 --> 00:30:58,839
mellowed out a little bit more so. But yeah, I

604
00:30:58,839 --> 00:31:01,480
would say that, like I don't think I mean, look,

605
00:31:01,519 --> 00:31:05,079
I think I had like, not necessarily shame, but uncertainty

606
00:31:05,279 --> 00:31:08,079
around sex when I was younger, just because I was younger, right,

607
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,279
and you're certady like, am I doing it right?

608
00:31:10,319 --> 00:31:10,839
Speaker 2: Do I look?

609
00:31:11,039 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, like you're just uncertain about everything, right, And so

610
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:19,079
sex was obviously like a part of that. I also

611
00:31:19,079 --> 00:31:23,000
had a very terrible drinking problem, and I would usually

612
00:31:23,039 --> 00:31:25,799
always be wasted when I was drinking. And when I

613
00:31:25,839 --> 00:31:28,559
was drinking, yes that too, but I would always be

614
00:31:28,559 --> 00:31:30,200
like wasted when I was having sex. So then when

615
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,599
I got sober, like learn have.

616
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:33,799
Speaker 2: Sex as a thing. Sex.

617
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,839
Speaker 3: So yeah, but yeah, I mean I wouldn't say I

618
00:31:36,839 --> 00:31:39,440
wouldn't say shame. And I will say that modeling nude

619
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:41,160
really made me feel a lot more comfortable about my

620
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,039
body in a where I was modeling again into in

621
00:31:44,039 --> 00:31:45,759
the way that I wasn't really before.

622
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so curious. Yeah, because for so long you

623
00:31:48,319 --> 00:31:52,119
were behind the camera, right taking beautiful pictures of people.

624
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,799
What made you? I know, there was the leak, there's

625
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,480
the website leak of get their photos that went live,

626
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,319
but it could have ended there and right, So tell

627
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,480
us about the journey into.

628
00:32:03,359 --> 00:32:07,160
Speaker 3: Well, I think, you know, I saw obviously, like how

629
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,839
the spike, the monetization spike, right, because I doubled down

630
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,319
when those photos leaked, and I just put them on

631
00:32:14,359 --> 00:32:17,680
my website. Now, I mean they leaked on my website, thankfully,

632
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,000
so I just kept them up because I was like,

633
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,720
it's too late, may as well promote it now, right,

634
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:28,039
And so I realized that this was something that, you know,

635
00:32:28,559 --> 00:32:30,119
could make I think there was a part of me

636
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,119
that always felt like there was no way I was

637
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,599
hot enough to do that, you know what I mean,

638
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:38,759
Like all the girls that I shot were young and

639
00:32:38,839 --> 00:32:41,720
beautiful and perfect bodies, and I never felt like I

640
00:32:41,799 --> 00:32:47,960
was in that category. So and then it was slow, really,

641
00:32:48,039 --> 00:32:51,640
I mean I started posting nudes on like my snapchat

642
00:32:51,839 --> 00:32:54,359
here and there because they could be deleted in twenty

643
00:32:54,359 --> 00:32:56,240
four hours, so I felt like I could take it back.

644
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think honestly, like, ultimately it was fun

645
00:32:59,319 --> 00:33:01,359
for you, Like there was something fun about it. I

646
00:33:01,359 --> 00:33:02,279
can see in your eyes.

647
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, there was for sure, also like a little bit

648
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:06,359
of fear.

649
00:33:06,519 --> 00:33:09,839
Speaker 2: But and I fear mostly like what people would say,

650
00:33:09,839 --> 00:33:12,400
like would people be critical or.

651
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:17,039
Speaker 3: I think like fear that you know, I couldn't take it,

652
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,599
like I knew I couldn't take it back. I mean obviously,

653
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,880
like I didn't work about my family, that didn't matter.

654
00:33:22,359 --> 00:33:26,680
But I think probably like fear about you know, dating, right,

655
00:33:26,759 --> 00:33:29,039
because like that's always a thing. Like I know a

656
00:33:29,039 --> 00:33:32,440
lot of sex workers have a hard time. Female sex

657
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:36,640
workers specifically have a hard time finding a male partner

658
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,519
that accepts what they do. So I'm sure that that

659
00:33:40,119 --> 00:33:42,039
occurred to me. I know it occurred to me.

660
00:33:42,119 --> 00:33:44,039
Speaker 2: You're like, it's okay if I'm in an adult industry

661
00:33:44,119 --> 00:33:46,079
but over here behind the camera. But if I'm in

662
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,400
front of the camera, maybe someone won't love me. I

663
00:33:48,599 --> 00:33:51,519
think I'm marriage material.

664
00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 3: Right, And I think ultimately it was the you know,

665
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,519
probably a big part of it. I know a big

666
00:33:56,519 --> 00:33:59,160
part of it was the acceptance that my boyfriend had

667
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:01,480
around it. Who is now my husband, right, because those

668
00:34:01,519 --> 00:34:04,839
leaked when you guys just started dating more. Yeah, we

669
00:34:04,839 --> 00:34:07,279
were pretty new into our relationship. He had not moved

670
00:34:07,319 --> 00:34:12,320
in with me yet, yeah, and he was okay with it,

671
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:17,199
and I was kind of surprised by that. Answer, So

672
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,000
that made me feel more comp He.

673
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 2: Was like, well, you're beautiful, of course, like people probably

674
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:22,000
love seeing you.

675
00:34:22,159 --> 00:34:24,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he just like he didn't. I mean, that's

676
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,320
what's so great about him too, is he has like

677
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,039
and that's the thing that attracts me the most to men,

678
00:34:29,159 --> 00:34:32,119
is he's an enormous amount of self confidence. So he's

679
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,679
not worried about anything, and he trusts me, and he's

680
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:39,159
just like he doesn't really worry that much about what

681
00:34:39,199 --> 00:34:39,920
other people think.

682
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:43,840
Speaker 2: It's not like he doesn't care. And that's you know,

683
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:45,480
that means a lot. Has he been.

684
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:51,519
Speaker 3: Encouraging your actually yes, so I you know, was like

685
00:34:51,559 --> 00:34:55,159
I said, posting like nudes here and there, like on Snapchat.

686
00:34:55,559 --> 00:34:57,599
And I think where I realized that like this was

687
00:34:57,599 --> 00:35:00,880
an avenue that I should probably follow was we were

688
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:05,920
in Italy and the airline went on strike and so

689
00:35:06,039 --> 00:35:09,000
like our flights got canceled. Was Italy, I mean, they're

690
00:35:09,039 --> 00:35:11,760
always striking. Yeah, So it was going to cost us

691
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:15,960
like twenty five hundred dollars to come back, and I

692
00:35:16,079 --> 00:35:19,880
was like, maybe I could raise this money with my titties.

693
00:35:20,639 --> 00:35:24,119
And I did that this great and I.

694
00:35:24,079 --> 00:35:25,280
Speaker 4: Was like okay, and.

695
00:35:25,199 --> 00:35:27,519
Speaker 2: I obviously passed. How quickly did you raise the ball

696
00:35:27,599 --> 00:35:31,039
like in to day And You're like, I could have

697
00:35:31,079 --> 00:35:32,199
been doing this the whole time.

698
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think I knew that, but I

699
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:36,119
was like, I don't. I don't want to like go,

700
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:37,960
I want to dip my toe and I want to

701
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,559
really go all the way in. And then and then

702
00:35:41,559 --> 00:35:43,559
we kind of talked about it, and he was like, look,

703
00:35:43,599 --> 00:35:46,079
he's like and then I think I told him. I'm like, Okay,

704
00:35:46,119 --> 00:35:48,199
I think I might want to start, like because I

705
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,639
had my only fans, but I was only putting up

706
00:35:50,679 --> 00:35:52,800
like behind the scenes and like sets that I had

707
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,519
shot and like letting people see the stuff my work,

708
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,800
right yeah, which no one gave a shit about. I

709
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,280
could not sell that like twenty four dollars a month,

710
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,199
Like no one cared about the stuff I was producing, right,

711
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,119
They just wanted to see me naked. Oh yeah, well,

712
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:09,679
which is just sort of made me a little sad

713
00:36:11,159 --> 00:36:12,960
because I feel like my work's a lot better than

714
00:36:13,199 --> 00:36:13,679
me naked.

715
00:36:13,679 --> 00:36:14,159
Speaker 2: But whatever.

716
00:36:15,119 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 3: And he actually was the one who said he's like

717
00:36:17,199 --> 00:36:19,320
he's like, okay, you know, if you want to do this,

718
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:22,880
He's like, then let's like do something. Let's do it. Well,

719
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,280
he's like, you're posting these shitty pictures of you and

720
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,480
the ball out. Yeah, funny because you're the photographer.

721
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:30,079
Speaker 5: But he called you out well because I was just

722
00:36:30,079 --> 00:36:32,559
doing like amateur pictures on my phone in the bathroom,

723
00:36:32,599 --> 00:36:35,480
because I wasn't like trying to make it professional because

724
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,320
I wasn't committing to it, right.

725
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:40,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, you were just yeah, yeah, you were floating around.

726
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 3: So he was like, so why don't we like, why

727
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,840
don't we go get like a really nice hotel room

728
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:45,760
and you get some nice lingerie and I'll shoot some

729
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,760
stuff of you? And why is he also a photographer?

730
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 2: No? Okay, not at all. How'd that go? Were you

731
00:36:51,039 --> 00:36:51,920
really critical of him?

732
00:36:52,079 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 5: Hey?

733
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 2: You know I gave him a lot of pointers. Yeah,

734
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,719
let's put it that way. My husband's a photographer. Whenever

735
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,119
he takes pictures of I take pictures of him, it's like,

736
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,400
we don't even you didn't even do it, yeah, because

737
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,079
he's too critical. So yeah, yeah, yeah, he's not your

738
00:37:04,079 --> 00:37:05,639
photographer anymore? Is that he?

739
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 3: I mean, he never really was going to be. But

740
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,159
you know, he was like, let's let's get a hotel room,

741
00:37:11,159 --> 00:37:12,880
and he's like, why don't you give your fans like

742
00:37:13,159 --> 00:37:16,679
something nice of you, Like, let's like do something that

743
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:18,599
looks better than the crap you've been shooting. And I

744
00:37:18,639 --> 00:37:21,760
was like, okay, all right, he's on board.

745
00:37:22,159 --> 00:37:22,800
Speaker 2: And so we did.

746
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,079
Speaker 3: And actually that was really great for our sex life

747
00:37:26,079 --> 00:37:29,840
because he like, I've been lingerie and you know, and

748
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,440
he'd be and then afterwards like, you know, yeah, have

749
00:37:32,519 --> 00:37:33,440
some fun, great sex.

750
00:37:33,559 --> 00:37:33,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

751
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 3: So it was actually like it was cool because it

752
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,719
was a new way for us to like explore our

753
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,079
intimacy and our relationship in a way that like we

754
00:37:41,119 --> 00:37:42,440
hadn't done it before, right.

755
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 2: And I also imagine too, like when you're in front

756
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,000
of the camera, when I watch you there, you do

757
00:37:46,079 --> 00:37:49,199
step into these characters and these roles. It's incredible. I mean,

758
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:51,760
your only fans is incredible. Like you're you're a dom,

759
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:53,960
You're a sub, You're I feel like I saw you

760
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,239
it was like a pirate Wench outfits. But I thought

761
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,239
I was like, oh, she's like a pirate today, you know.

762
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,119
I mean, you really step into these roles. And I imagine,

763
00:38:02,639 --> 00:38:06,199
like when I think about what helps couples have more

764
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:09,320
fun sex, it's sort of like stepping into that fantasy space,

765
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,719
which is what porn helps people do. It is like

766
00:38:12,079 --> 00:38:15,320
step into that fantasy space. And so I wonder if, like,

767
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,280
as you stepping into your body and trying on lingerie

768
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,280
and these different characters, Yeah, if it really allows you

769
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:22,440
to be that.

770
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 3: Role, yeah, absolutely, because I never really wear like lingerie

771
00:38:26,559 --> 00:38:29,079
in my regular life. I would never like put stalking

772
00:38:29,199 --> 00:38:31,880
your on and stuff, like you know, it's sexy under there.

773
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:34,599
I'm like, what am I wearing?

774
00:38:34,639 --> 00:38:35,280
Speaker 2: I don't even know.

775
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 3: It's just a new All my brows are new because

776
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:42,239
like they don't show through clothes. I have nice laingderie,

777
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,840
but I like never wear it that often except for

778
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,199
people on your only fanis well, right, But I mean

779
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,159
I don't wear it like day to day. It's usually

780
00:38:49,159 --> 00:38:52,960
like lumpy, right, your nipples are like laced and it's

781
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:57,400
not kind of scratchy. But yeah, yeah, but you like.

782
00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,280
Speaker 2: It because you enjoy wearing it, and so we put

783
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:01,280
it on. I do.

784
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:02,800
Speaker 3: But I have to say, like at the beginning, I

785
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:06,920
felt embarrassed. I felt like this is not right. I

786
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,400
should not be wearing this. Somebody else should be wearing this,

787
00:39:09,599 --> 00:39:12,239
Like this doesn't feel like the person that I am,

788
00:39:12,519 --> 00:39:16,679
Like I'm making too much of myself, I don't belong

789
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,800
in this lingerie, like I should be behind the camera

790
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:22,920
and jeans and a T shirt. So it was it

791
00:39:23,039 --> 00:39:25,000
was hard, it was weird.

792
00:39:25,079 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 2: And has that pivoted you feel like you're owning it

793
00:39:28,519 --> 00:39:32,000
more now, definitely owning it more now though, I mean

794
00:39:32,039 --> 00:39:35,400
I still my core, like feel like I belong behind

795
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,880
the camera honestly, and when people ask me, because you.

796
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,199
Speaker 3: Love being behind the camera, I do, Yeah, I do.

797
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:44,639
I think it's just like I'm a lot more passionate

798
00:39:44,639 --> 00:39:49,199
about that because that's for me, like that creative thing

799
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:52,039
that I get to to mold, I don't.

800
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,599
Speaker 2: Know, versus being like the exhibitionists or getting the attention

801
00:39:55,119 --> 00:39:56,119
or being seen.

802
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 3: But it's weird though, because I love attention. Yeah, Like

803
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,800
I don't get me wrong, I'm not like a modest

804
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:08,079
person like I like attention, love me please. Yeah. I

805
00:40:08,079 --> 00:40:11,119
don't know. Maybe it's because like for so many years

806
00:40:11,519 --> 00:40:13,719
my role was on the other side, and it's like

807
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:18,079
strange to step into that. And I think maybe also too,

808
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:23,000
I hold the role and the place of like sex

809
00:40:23,039 --> 00:40:25,880
workers and porn stars for me honestly, like on such

810
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:28,639
a pedestal because I respect them so much. For you,

811
00:40:28,679 --> 00:40:31,559
know what they've sacrificed and what they do and the

812
00:40:31,639 --> 00:40:34,000
things literally that they can do with their bodies.

813
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:35,079
Speaker 2: It's hard work.

814
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:40,519
Speaker 3: Yeah. And also like I've also always kept sort of

815
00:40:40,519 --> 00:40:45,159
a boundary, like a personal professional boundary between me and

816
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:50,800
other performers, Like you know, I never date talent. I

817
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,000
you know, always ask them if I need to like

818
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:58,280
change clothes, like I don't. I respect and have really

819
00:40:58,280 --> 00:40:58,960
strong boundaries.

820
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,079
Speaker 2: And that's one thing I've actually really noticed about you

821
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,280
and I really respect about you, is like you're so open,

822
00:41:05,559 --> 00:41:10,000
like you are just this like open, playful person, but

823
00:41:10,079 --> 00:41:13,039
you have very clear boundaries, which makes you very safe.

824
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:13,920
Thank you.

825
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't know, maybe I feel like I

826
00:41:17,039 --> 00:41:21,519
am crossing that line by showing your body by doing that.

827
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm not.

828
00:41:22,679 --> 00:41:26,760
Speaker 3: Like, so I'm actually doing my first This is an

829
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:31,039
exclusive everybody, because actually if you watch this when it

830
00:41:31,039 --> 00:41:33,920
comes out on YouTube, this would have already happened. But

831
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:38,559
I'm doing my first shoot with my very good friend

832
00:41:38,599 --> 00:41:41,039
Cherie de Ville, and we're going to shoot together. We're

833
00:41:41,079 --> 00:41:43,719
not going to do any don't get excited. I'm not

834
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:44,880
going to have sex with her.

835
00:41:45,039 --> 00:41:46,119
Speaker 2: But we're going to die, you know.

836
00:41:46,199 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 3: Of I mean, I never know, but yeah, we're just

837
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,800
going to shoot like sexy photos together, which I have

838
00:41:55,199 --> 00:41:58,840
never done. Wow, And I people have asked me about that,

839
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:00,960
and I always felt like that was crossing the line.

840
00:42:01,039 --> 00:42:04,960
Like that feels like now I'm stepping into territory where

841
00:42:05,079 --> 00:42:10,079
I'm blurring the line between like you know, director, producer,

842
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:12,920
and talent. And that's something that is I think a

843
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,239
very sensitive topic in our industry because there's a lot

844
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,920
of directors that do blur that line, and I never

845
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:19,159
want to be one of those people.

846
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:22,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, it makes people feel uncomfortable or there's a power dynamic,

847
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,760
that power but Sheri's idea. She came to you and

848
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:28,480
oh yeah, no, it was her idea.

849
00:42:28,559 --> 00:42:30,679
Speaker 3: She like talked me. How long did it take?

850
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 2: Just like one conversation she talked to you into her

851
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,000
Has she been working on you for a while.

852
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 3: No, I think it was one conversation, but it was.

853
00:42:37,039 --> 00:42:39,119
It's just funny because actually we had a meeting and

854
00:42:39,119 --> 00:42:40,679
we were talking about what we were going to do

855
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,079
and she was like, Okay, what are you willing to do?

856
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:45,639
And this and that, and I almost feel like she

857
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,039
was like pushing my boundaries a little bit. She's like,

858
00:42:48,079 --> 00:42:50,239
so you're cool with us doing like a JI together, right,

859
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,760
I'm like no, and she's like, well, we'll see on

860
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:54,039
the day.

861
00:42:54,039 --> 00:42:54,639
Speaker 2: On stet.

862
00:42:56,480 --> 00:43:01,840
Speaker 3: Oh my god is a total role reverse right right,

863
00:43:02,119 --> 00:43:05,880
and nobody can out dirty talk Cherie Deville Like that's impossible.

864
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,800
So that feels very intimidating to me as well. Yeah,

865
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:11,320
so maybe I get to play a little bit of

866
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,800
like the subspace. You can just go into that line.

867
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,119
I think we're going to do a dynamic where she's

868
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:20,280
like the stronger one and I'm the more like innocent Like,

869
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:25,280
oh goodness, yeah.

870
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,000
Speaker 2: I don't know. We'll see how it goes. This is

871
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,760
going to be great. Everyone's going to tune in for sure.

872
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:28,519
It'll be fun.

873
00:43:28,599 --> 00:43:32,559
Speaker 3: I love her so much and you know, I trust

874
00:43:32,639 --> 00:43:36,920
her obviously, but uh yeah, it's just something I've never

875
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:40,079
done before. So it's very exciting.

876
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:46,039
Speaker 2: It is. I'm also like totally nervous. Yeah, nervous, just

877
00:43:46,079 --> 00:43:48,480
that you'll feel uncomfortable. What do you think you're nervous about?

878
00:43:48,599 --> 00:43:51,199
Speaker 3: I think that and again like it's again, it's like

879
00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:53,880
that that line. Just nervous about the line what we

880
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:57,559
feel like I've always like so adamantly put myself in

881
00:43:57,639 --> 00:43:59,519
the space where I'm on this side of the camera

882
00:43:59,559 --> 00:44:01,119
and you were on that side of the camera, and

883
00:44:01,199 --> 00:44:06,119
like the two shall not meet, and that's happening now.

884
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:09,199
Speaker 2: You know, you have a story if I remember about

885
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,880
being a kid, like as a child, like you'd never

886
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:12,679
felt sexy.

887
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:18,079
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, no, yeah, no, I was not popular in

888
00:44:18,119 --> 00:44:24,199
school at all, and I was so I humble brag here.

889
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,719
I skipped first grade right right, And I was already

890
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,880
young for my grade because my birthday September. You know this,

891
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:33,519
we have the same birthday for those of you who

892
00:44:33,519 --> 00:44:36,559
don't know. Yes, yes, so I was young already, right,

893
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,800
and so like I was really young. Now I'm like

894
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,599
almost like a year and a half younger than which

895
00:44:43,639 --> 00:44:46,440
is people big, big difference, right.

896
00:44:46,599 --> 00:44:47,119
Speaker 2: Yeah.

897
00:44:47,159 --> 00:44:51,559
Speaker 3: So I always felt, you know, out of place at school.

898
00:44:51,679 --> 00:44:55,039
I always felt, you know, I was emotionally less mature

899
00:44:55,159 --> 00:44:58,239
than other kids, and so that was that was kind

900
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:00,119
of hard. I also just have like an over were

901
00:45:00,159 --> 00:45:02,639
all sort of hard time like connecting I think with

902
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:08,320
people in general anyways. But yeah, no, I you know,

903
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:11,000
I didn't know how to dress. I had like an

904
00:45:11,079 --> 00:45:13,400
overbite and buck teeth. I did not know what to

905
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:16,039
do with my hair. My hair was my hair is

906
00:45:16,039 --> 00:45:20,639
hard to deal with. I don't always have Ricardo, But yeah,

907
00:45:20,679 --> 00:45:23,360
so I always looked like you know, I didn't. I

908
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:28,920
looked nerdy and like stupid, and boys did not like

909
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,039
me and I definitely did not feel sexy.

910
00:45:32,159 --> 00:45:34,199
Speaker 2: And did you would you have crushes on kids when

911
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:37,079
you're like boys when you were Yeah, yeah, crush hard,

912
00:45:37,119 --> 00:45:38,960
but then they never were interested.

913
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean yeah, there was tons of unrequited crushes.

914
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:47,400
Like I think I've told this story of the Valentine's

915
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:48,159
Story with my dad.

916
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:51,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a great story that you should definitely tell

917
00:45:51,199 --> 00:45:52,599
it for people.

918
00:45:52,679 --> 00:45:53,800
Speaker 3: That's gonna make me cry.

919
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:57,079
Speaker 2: Oh, I have tissues over here.

920
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,159
Speaker 3: Ricardo said, it's waterproof messcare.

921
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:00,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we're about to find out.

922
00:46:00,559 --> 00:46:02,239
Speaker 3: We'll see.

923
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:02,480
Speaker 2: So.

924
00:46:02,599 --> 00:46:05,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, so there was this boy named Francisco in school

925
00:46:05,199 --> 00:46:07,480
that I had a big crush on, and it was

926
00:46:07,559 --> 00:46:11,679
Valentine's Day and we all made our own like personal

927
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:14,679
Valentine's Day mailboxes, like at a cardboard that we would

928
00:46:14,679 --> 00:46:17,000
take to the edge of our desks. It's so funny

929
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:20,920
because I think about the way that like teachers treated

930
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,039
kids back then and the way we do it now,

931
00:46:23,079 --> 00:46:27,320
Like how we know so much more about mental health

932
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,639
and how to like not make kids feel ostracized and

933
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:33,400
less than and all that kind of stuff. But you know,

934
00:46:33,679 --> 00:46:38,639
back at mob we didn't know that stuff. So anyways,

935
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,719
we made Valentine's and then it was like, okay, go

936
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,480
and drop the Valentine's off in the mailbox of whoever

937
00:46:44,559 --> 00:46:47,400
you want to give the Valentines too. And I like

938
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:51,400
didn't get any Valentines. I got like one from the teacher,

939
00:46:52,039 --> 00:46:54,000
and like one from like that kid in class that

940
00:46:54,119 --> 00:46:57,719
just makes the Valentine's for everybody. And I remember him

941
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:02,280
walking with a Valentine's card towards my desk and by

942
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:04,480
my desk, and it was one of those moments in

943
00:47:04,519 --> 00:47:09,320
the movies where it's like slow motion. He likes me,

944
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,960
like he's gonna put the Valentin's card in my box,

945
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,800
and he walked past it and put in somebody else's

946
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:20,960
box and that was like crushing for me.

947
00:47:21,599 --> 00:47:23,320
Speaker 2: Baking came home and I.

948
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:25,880
Speaker 3: Cried and I told my dad and I started getting

949
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:29,599
secret Admira letters after that, and you know, I didn't

950
00:47:29,639 --> 00:47:31,519
know who it was from, and it was they were

951
00:47:31,559 --> 00:47:35,480
just really sweet, like I think you're really beautiful, sorry,

952
00:47:36,519 --> 00:47:39,440
and I like watch you. I think you're really special.

953
00:47:40,079 --> 00:47:41,760
And it was always like who the fuck is writing

954
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:43,800
me these letters? I mean, but you know, it was

955
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:45,039
like it meant so much to me. I was like,

956
00:47:45,039 --> 00:47:48,639
there's someone out there the things I'm like special and beautiful.

957
00:47:48,679 --> 00:47:50,920
I'm like I have to send you. Yeah, like there's

958
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:52,880
some boy out there, you know, And I was like

959
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,800
who is it? But like, oh my god, it was

960
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:56,840
like this big mystery. And then I found out I

961
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:57,119
was right.

962
00:47:57,119 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 2: That Yeah, yeah, he really wanted you to feel special

963
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:05,559
and know that you were beautiful. Yeah he was a

964
00:48:05,599 --> 00:48:09,920
special guy. Yeah, you have nothing but great things to

965
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:10,679
say about him.

966
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:12,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I miss him a lot.

967
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:14,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

968
00:48:14,679 --> 00:48:18,760
Speaker 3: It's funny, like when I think about my childhood, I

969
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:22,039
have so many memories with my dad. Now with my

970
00:48:22,079 --> 00:48:24,440
mom necessarily, I mean I love my mom, but like

971
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:29,840
all of like my my like special childhood memory moments

972
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:30,599
are with my father.

973
00:48:31,199 --> 00:48:33,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, where you felt special. I just have these like

974
00:48:33,679 --> 00:48:38,360
beautiful memories. Yeah. I want to talk about dicks or something. Yeah,

975
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:43,039
let's go to dicks. That's a great pivot down dicks.

976
00:48:42,599 --> 00:48:47,440
Why we say that? Whenever I get said dicks, Well,

977
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,679
I think about sometimes how people see themselves as sexual

978
00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:53,519
beings are not, and it can be so directly related

979
00:48:53,559 --> 00:48:55,760
to like, as we're starting to find crushes, like what

980
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,480
do we think our peers think of us? And we

981
00:48:58,519 --> 00:49:01,400
actually could pivot into dicks from this conversation I'm thinking

982
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:04,760
not in my head, but I imagine like and for

983
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,159
so many people out there, because very few people were

984
00:49:07,159 --> 00:49:09,760
like the popular kids that were getting attention, like most

985
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,400
people were not. Yeah, and then how do we feel

986
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:14,559
going forward, Like I don't get to have these things,

987
00:49:14,599 --> 00:49:16,519
Like you're almost telling yourself like I don't get to

988
00:49:16,519 --> 00:49:20,480
be that sexy, beautiful, wanted woman, desired women on camera

989
00:49:21,159 --> 00:49:26,639
because I'm not pretty enough, you know, which, Yeah, it's

990
00:49:26,679 --> 00:49:30,599
a shame that we internalize all of these things. And again,

991
00:49:30,679 --> 00:49:32,880
I think that's what porn helps us do, is to

992
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:35,559
like step out and see other ways that people are behaving,

993
00:49:35,679 --> 00:49:38,280
the ways people are doing things. I'm like, you can

994
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:39,519
do it too, you know.

995
00:49:40,039 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 3: And the great thing about the porn industry is that,

996
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:44,639
I mean especially now, but like it's always been like

997
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:49,159
so inclusive. Yeah, and maybe not even necessarily within like

998
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:52,719
the mainstream industry, like within the group of people that

999
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:55,400
maybe like walk the red carpet at the Avian Awards

1000
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:58,559
or whatnot. But especially when the Internet came along and

1001
00:49:58,599 --> 00:50:02,159
it opened up, you know, the ability for fans to

1002
00:50:02,159 --> 00:50:05,039
look for the thing that they actually want to actually want,

1003
00:50:05,079 --> 00:50:07,800
as opposed to like whatever they got in a magazine.

1004
00:50:08,519 --> 00:50:12,559
You saw that, Like, people love all different kinds of things,

1005
00:50:12,639 --> 00:50:16,480
bodies of all different shapes and sizes, and it didn't

1006
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:19,360
always have to be like this stick thin, like blonde

1007
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:23,119
girl with like big tids, right, you know. And so

1008
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,239
I've always felt that, and I always feel like the

1009
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:28,360
porn industry has been like one step ahead of like

1010
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:32,199
mainstream in terms of like being inclusive, you know. Is

1011
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,559
we're kind of going down that path of trying to

1012
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,800
make everybody feel like they're all worthy human.

1013
00:50:39,519 --> 00:50:41,679
Speaker 2: Being, right, that there's a place for them, there's a

1014
00:50:41,679 --> 00:50:45,360
place for their pleasure that they're Yeah, absolutely, well, I

1015
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:47,360
do think about though. We're going to talk about dicks

1016
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,800
for a second, because I think this is important to

1017
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:53,760
talk about. It's like the dicks that we see on porn.

1018
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,000
And I can't tell you. I mean, I specialize in

1019
00:50:57,039 --> 00:50:59,519
male performance struggles, and so inevitably I end up in

1020
00:50:59,519 --> 00:51:02,480
a conversation with pretty much every man about like what

1021
00:51:02,519 --> 00:51:07,000
they see on porn and how they feel about themselves,

1022
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:09,679
like that they're not they're not big enough, They're not

1023
00:51:09,679 --> 00:51:11,679
gonna be able to do it for their partner. So

1024
00:51:12,119 --> 00:51:14,320
if you were to give advice, because I think, truly

1025
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:15,960
you may be one of the best people to be

1026
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,960
giving advice to people about sex, what would you say

1027
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:20,840
to someone if they came to you and said, like,

1028
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:24,280
I'm worried I'm not big enough or i feel like i'm.

1029
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:28,599
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, that's such a huge, you know, thing

1030
00:51:28,679 --> 00:51:32,760
by or maybe not so huge, sorry, it's a siny thing.

1031
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,000
It's just like, you know, it's a thing by by

1032
00:51:35,159 --> 00:51:38,119
which a lot of men measure their like masculinity and

1033
00:51:38,159 --> 00:51:42,920
their worth right is their their penis size. And obviously,

1034
00:51:43,039 --> 00:51:47,159
like the dicks that you see in porn are like exaggerated,

1035
00:51:47,199 --> 00:51:50,639
you know, porn is a fantasy. It's sometimes almost a

1036
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:53,679
caricature of people. Like you know, it's like the same

1037
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:56,039
reason that like the guys who play in the NBA

1038
00:51:56,119 --> 00:51:58,400
are tall, you know what I mean, and like they

1039
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:00,519
just like it makes them easier for them to shoot

1040
00:52:00,519 --> 00:52:03,360
the hoop right, shoot the ball into the hoop. Well,

1041
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:07,280
and porn guys a big dicks because it's easier to

1042
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:09,199
shoot it, Like they think that's.

1043
00:52:09,119 --> 00:52:10,920
Speaker 2: So important for people to understand.

1044
00:52:11,039 --> 00:52:13,360
Speaker 3: It's very hot. Yeah, I mean it's very so. I

1045
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:16,719
mean if you're shooting like two bodies together, right and

1046
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:19,760
you need so what porn stars have to do is

1047
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:22,920
they you do something called opening up to camera, and

1048
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:24,960
that's so that you can see the penetration because that's

1049
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:28,159
what people want to see. So you know, we normally

1050
00:52:28,199 --> 00:52:31,440
have sex like this right facing like no or like

1051
00:52:31,519 --> 00:52:34,719
hip to hip corn stars have to like, oh, like

1052
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:37,559
guys have to kind of have sex sideways, oh, interest,

1053
00:52:37,599 --> 00:52:39,639
so that like you can see the penetration.

1054
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:41,800
Speaker 2: Wow, And you can't even really see that from I mean,

1055
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:43,599
I'm going to go look next time I'm watching.

1056
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,360
Speaker 3: Look, you'll if you start to look, you'll see it. Okay,

1057
00:52:46,159 --> 00:52:48,519
they open up the camera and they go kind of

1058
00:52:48,559 --> 00:52:50,960
sideways and they like pull the girl's butt to the

1059
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:53,440
side and they kind of like fight sideways, right, so

1060
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:55,800
the camera can see so we can see exactly. Now,

1061
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:58,880
if you have a shorter penis, your dick is going

1062
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,199
to keep popping out out of the whole while you're

1063
00:53:01,199 --> 00:53:03,719
trying to do that. So it literally needs to be

1064
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:07,239
longer so it can go just to go back and forth,

1065
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:12,679
you know, withdraw and insert itself again without popping out,

1066
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,800
and that you can kind of bend your tick enough

1067
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:17,119
so that people can see the penetration.

1068
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,320
Speaker 2: It's not actually that it's necessarily more pleasurable or like

1069
00:53:20,400 --> 00:53:21,280
more preferred.

1070
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:24,760
Speaker 3: It's just that it's easier to get. It's literally like

1071
00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:28,079
it is very hard to shoot a guy with a

1072
00:53:28,159 --> 00:53:31,719
smaller penis in porn and get the penetration, especially if

1073
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:33,840
the girl like has a big ass I forget and

1074
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:36,199
you're never getting that forget it. You're never ever going

1075
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:39,960
to get that shot. Like it's not happening. So that's

1076
00:53:40,079 --> 00:53:42,599
that's a huge reason why. And then of course, like again,

1077
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:47,599
like porn is a fantasy, we're selling an over inflated

1078
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:53,559
you know, moment of sex to people, and you know,

1079
00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:57,400
just like I get enhancements to their bodies because this

1080
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:59,760
is a product that they're selling. It's the same with

1081
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:04,079
the men. So most men do not look like that.

1082
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:06,519
Most men do not have dicks that big. I've had

1083
00:54:06,559 --> 00:54:11,360
sex with a lot of men, and like maybe three

1084
00:54:11,400 --> 00:54:15,280
of them, not even like two of them had that large,

1085
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:20,239
you know, So and that didn't mean that like I

1086
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:24,480
only had two good experiences. I mean, that's ridiculous. I

1087
00:54:24,519 --> 00:54:27,320
asked this question actually of women porn stars who come

1088
00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:30,320
on my show all the time, because obviously, like they

1089
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:34,360
have sex with these large penis rights constantly, and you know,

1090
00:54:34,639 --> 00:54:38,039
almost all of them say that they prefer a more

1091
00:54:38,119 --> 00:54:44,400
average size because the amazing there it is. However, porn

1092
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:48,639
star's average size is not necessarily the average, Like the

1093
00:54:48,679 --> 00:54:50,960
average male penis size is what five and a half inches?

1094
00:54:51,079 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 2: Is that, right, I don't actually even know.

1095
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:55,599
Speaker 3: I think I think it is. I think it is,

1096
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,039
and I think most porn stars think seven.

1097
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:03,440
Speaker 2: It is average. So interesting, But I think people who

1098
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:06,880
gravitate to porn like a lot of sex and probably

1099
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:09,760
more categorized into that like size queen category where they

1100
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,719
want to be filled up. They really enjoy that. We're

1101
00:55:12,719 --> 00:55:17,079
not every woman is going to like intimacy penetration to

1102
00:55:17,199 --> 00:55:21,440
have that really big filled up feeling. Some are, absolutely,

1103
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:24,079
but there's a lot of people who are not, Like

1104
00:55:24,119 --> 00:55:25,159
they don't actually.

1105
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:27,679
Speaker 3: Care and like having sex with a really large penis

1106
00:55:27,679 --> 00:55:29,519
on a consistent basis. You know, we talk about like

1107
00:55:29,599 --> 00:55:33,039
vacation dick and boys, right, dick like that painful?

1108
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:36,159
Speaker 2: Right? Yeah, And there's like we pull out the Enjoy

1109
00:55:36,199 --> 00:55:38,880
eleven and we use it, but then we have like

1110
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:42,519
sex after, which is like, you know, because for people

1111
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:44,719
don't know what the enjoy leven it is is like

1112
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:47,079
this gin you know, the enjoy life. Yes, yeah, it

1113
00:55:47,159 --> 00:55:51,360
was ginormous. Still though it's like so huge, right, but

1114
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,440
it's like if you use that a little bit oftentimes

1115
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:55,199
it's like, well, at least for me, I'm like okay,

1116
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:57,280
like a couple of minutes and I'm good, like go

1117
00:55:57,400 --> 00:55:59,000
back to you know, regular.

1118
00:55:59,199 --> 00:56:02,679
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I think also too, so many men think

1119
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:07,000
that sex is about penetration, and it's not just about penetration.

1120
00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:10,760
Speaker 2: Tell us, and I tell us more, I tell us everything.

1121
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:14,039
Speaker 3: Well, I mean women in general, I find, you know,

1122
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:16,599
for play is really important to us, right because there's

1123
00:56:16,599 --> 00:56:22,639
a lot of there's a lot of like mental excitement

1124
00:56:22,719 --> 00:56:26,199
that goes into having sex. I think, honestly, that's why

1125
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:29,880
I enjoyed being in that BDSM relationship with that guy

1126
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:32,440
for a period of time, because there was a lot

1127
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:36,480
of like play, you know, like mental play, and like

1128
00:56:36,519 --> 00:56:39,400
I remember, you know, one of the things that like

1129
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:41,719
I found so hot was he used to like tie

1130
00:56:42,039 --> 00:56:44,639
my hands up to this strap that came down from

1131
00:56:44,639 --> 00:56:47,639
the ceiling and he just leave me standing there naked,

1132
00:56:48,039 --> 00:56:50,199
tiede and he just sit there and soak a cigarette

1133
00:56:50,199 --> 00:56:52,480
and like look at me, you know what I mean,

1134
00:56:52,559 --> 00:56:56,280
and just like it. And it felt very like like

1135
00:56:56,320 --> 00:57:01,960
this thing on display and he's just time and you know,

1136
00:57:02,039 --> 00:57:03,280
the anticipation is.

1137
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:07,920
Speaker 2: Building, objectifying you in a connected objectified yes, like he

1138
00:57:08,039 --> 00:57:10,280
was probably looking at your eyes and looking at your

1139
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:12,440
body and he was checking in with you, right, all, yes,

1140
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:14,039
it's consensual.

1141
00:57:13,719 --> 00:57:15,880
Speaker 3: Yes, right. He was actually the first person that I

1142
00:57:16,039 --> 00:57:20,320
ever met that presented a boundary list, a boundary checklist.

1143
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,360
I had never seen one before. This is before we

1144
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:26,239
started doing it. And in like the Vanila porn, it's

1145
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:29,960
always existed. In like kinkporn, like kink dot com has

1146
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:34,199
been doing this forever, so any like extreme fetish porn,

1147
00:57:34,199 --> 00:57:37,480
if they were above board, they had these checklists because

1148
00:57:38,199 --> 00:57:44,000
when you're bound and gagged and you are not happy,

1149
00:57:44,519 --> 00:57:47,000
you need to like be able to express that, right,

1150
00:57:47,079 --> 00:57:49,400
So like they have to do a lot of they

1151
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:52,039
have to be really careful. But in you know, in

1152
00:57:52,159 --> 00:57:54,920
regular porn, we just never really thought about that until

1153
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:56,840
like the Me Too movement, and then we were like oh,

1154
00:57:56,920 --> 00:57:59,880
maybe probably it might be a good idea. But yeah,

1155
00:57:59,880 --> 00:58:02,119
he was the first person that ever present. He remember

1156
00:58:02,159 --> 00:58:04,199
he gave me like a boundary checklist and you actually

1157
00:58:04,239 --> 00:58:06,639
filled it out, Like no, because I thought it was

1158
00:58:06,639 --> 00:58:09,159
so weird. You were like, why are you giving this

1159
00:58:09,199 --> 00:58:11,960
to me? I was so I was first of all

1160
00:58:12,079 --> 00:58:14,239
taken by surprise, but I also feel like I was

1161
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:17,239
uncomfortable because he was asking for a level of communication

1162
00:58:17,599 --> 00:58:21,079
that I had never been asked before, and I think

1163
00:58:21,119 --> 00:58:22,960
it made me think about things that I had never

1164
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,679
thought about before. And I think back then like I

1165
00:58:25,719 --> 00:58:29,960
don't know, I wasn't like ready to communicate on that level.

1166
00:58:30,119 --> 00:58:32,440
Speaker 2: Did you know what most of the stuff was because

1167
00:58:32,519 --> 00:58:34,920
you had already been in like the adult industry area.

1168
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,079
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there was probably some stuff in there

1169
00:58:37,119 --> 00:58:38,880
that I that I didn't know. I can't remember off

1170
00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:40,599
the top of my head, but there probably was, because

1171
00:58:40,599 --> 00:58:43,800
there's some pretty specific fetish to right right right unless

1172
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:45,400
you work in that great industry.

1173
00:58:45,519 --> 00:58:45,559
Speaker 1: No.

1174
00:58:45,599 --> 00:58:46,840
Speaker 2: I remember when I went to see a pro dom

1175
00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:48,480
and I got a list like that, and I was like,

1176
00:58:48,599 --> 00:58:51,199
I don't I had to. I was like researching half

1177
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:54,000
of the terms. Yeah, I've been working in the you know,

1178
00:58:54,039 --> 00:58:55,559
a sex therapist, for I think at that point it

1179
00:58:55,639 --> 00:58:56,639
was like twelve years.

1180
00:58:56,440 --> 00:58:58,400
Speaker 3: And I'm like, but I don't even know what these

1181
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:02,639
these things are. Yeah, then yeah, I was just so

1182
00:59:03,079 --> 00:59:06,320
I think like that whole mental you know, that like

1183
00:59:06,599 --> 00:59:07,880
those mental games that we used.

1184
00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:10,280
Speaker 2: To play, and that's you know, so that's what you're

1185
00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:12,880
also considering for play, which I think is really important

1186
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:15,719
for people to know. It's not just outer course, not

1187
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:20,239
just fingering and kissing and boob sucking, like it's it's

1188
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:21,159
more than that.

1189
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:28,239
Speaker 3: So could you feeling wanted, feeling like very keenly desired,

1190
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:32,880
the anticipation of the event, Like if you see any

1191
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:37,719
of these movies that are mostly focused on like a female,

1192
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:41,519
it's pleasure like point of view. There's almost always this

1193
00:59:42,159 --> 00:59:46,119
build up from the man until the event. Like they

1194
00:59:46,159 --> 00:59:49,559
don't generally just like whip their dick out, throw some

1195
00:59:49,639 --> 00:59:51,880
spit on, just stick at it and everyone's happy. You know,

1196
00:59:52,039 --> 00:59:55,599
there's like a whole thing that that leads up to it.

1197
00:59:55,719 --> 00:59:58,320
And I think that that's what women really enjoy, and

1198
00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:01,440
I think that men lose sight of that, probably because

1199
01:00:01,559 --> 01:00:03,880
there's no sex education. We don't talk about this kind

1200
01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:07,760
of stuff, and people just watch you know, a quick

1201
01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:10,960
step brother stuck in the dryer clip on porn up

1202
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:15,639
and they're like, that's what sex should be, and it's like, yeah, right,

1203
01:00:15,719 --> 01:00:20,320
it's not. Actually like porn is generally created let's let's

1204
01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:23,760
be real porn for the most part, not allborn is

1205
01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:28,400
generally created for the male gaze, right, And most guys

1206
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:33,519
are like, who has time to masturbate for like forty

1207
01:00:33,559 --> 01:00:37,199
five minutes? I mean, there's gooning, and that's a whole

1208
01:00:37,239 --> 01:00:39,480
other thing, but generally you want to like kind of

1209
01:00:39,519 --> 01:00:42,559
get in and out, So there's not necessarily going to

1210
01:00:42,599 --> 01:00:45,960
be like such a strong, like a long build up,

1211
01:00:46,079 --> 01:00:48,320
like a storyline like that kind of stuff. Like there's

1212
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:51,760
the things that guys like, they collect the data, they

1213
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:56,079
know that they reproduce that. So don't get your sex

1214
01:00:56,239 --> 01:00:58,639
education from porn, right, which I think is so.

1215
01:00:58,719 --> 01:01:01,119
Speaker 2: Important to be talking about as a woman that works

1216
01:01:01,159 --> 01:01:02,920
in the industry or anybody who works in the industry,

1217
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:04,559
because I think that is where a lot of people

1218
01:01:04,719 --> 01:01:08,119
are getting all of their information from, especially at a

1219
01:01:08,239 --> 01:01:11,639
very very young age, and then there's nowhere for anybody

1220
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,960
to go because there is no actual real education around

1221
01:01:16,039 --> 01:01:20,039
like what is pleasure it's like zero education on that,

1222
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,679
which is just such a shame I think. And I

1223
01:01:22,719 --> 01:01:24,679
think what also happens for a lot of men is

1224
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:26,480
like when you actually start to talk to them about

1225
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:30,159
their pleasure, they don't always even really know where it

1226
01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:33,480
is because they've been so conditioned to coming so quickly, like, oh,

1227
01:01:33,559 --> 01:01:35,960
I just pull up porn, I jack off to ejaculate.

1228
01:01:35,960 --> 01:01:38,280
That's why I'm here. I'm here to just ejaculate. They're

1229
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,880
not actually there to enjoy the whole experience. And so

1230
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:42,519
I think a lot of times too, when women come

1231
01:01:42,559 --> 01:01:44,639
in and say, hey, babe, like I want to slow

1232
01:01:44,679 --> 01:01:46,599
this down. I want you to seduce me, I want

1233
01:01:46,639 --> 01:01:48,480
you to objectify me, I want you to show me.

1234
01:01:48,519 --> 01:01:51,800
I was saying, men don't even know where to go

1235
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:55,360
with that because they themselves have never explored like if

1236
01:01:55,440 --> 01:01:57,440
I was to slow it down and to let sex

1237
01:01:57,519 --> 01:02:00,400
be more of a part of my life, what would

1238
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:03,639
I want, Like if I was to backway and say like, yeah, yeah,

1239
01:02:03,639 --> 01:02:05,119
the orgasm is there, that's great.

1240
01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,320
Speaker 3: Sure, that's a part of it, but it's just like

1241
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:08,360
the orgasm.

1242
01:02:08,159 --> 01:02:10,800
Speaker 2: Is the end of the song. It's the journey, not

1243
01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:14,960
the destination, right, And for some people that orgasm is

1244
01:02:15,079 --> 01:02:17,679
so so so critically important to their erotic life. And

1245
01:02:17,719 --> 01:02:20,400
for other people, like they don't even care. Yeah, people

1246
01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:23,199
are like, I don't need to come, It's no big deal, right, Yeah.

1247
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:26,360
Speaker 3: And sex is such a it's so interesting to see too,

1248
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:30,519
you know, with the way that all the different fetishes

1249
01:02:30,559 --> 01:02:32,639
that people have and all the different ways that people

1250
01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:35,239
explore sex, and it's that's one of the most fascinating

1251
01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:37,480
things about my job. Yes, well, that's my question to

1252
01:02:37,519 --> 01:02:40,760
you is what do you think turns people on? They're everything.

1253
01:02:40,920 --> 01:02:44,320
There's literally like nothing out there that like I have

1254
01:02:44,559 --> 01:02:49,159
not like seen or heard like somebody being into amazing.

1255
01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:51,920
I mean, okay, let's also clarify it should be legal

1256
01:02:52,079 --> 01:02:55,280
and consensual and all that kind of stuff, right, But yeah,

1257
01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:57,920
I mean there's there's one of my favorite things used

1258
01:02:57,920 --> 01:03:01,159
to be is I used to go to Clips for Sale,

1259
01:03:01,199 --> 01:03:04,159
which is like a very back in its day, it

1260
01:03:04,280 --> 01:03:08,880
was like the only clips store that people use. I

1261
01:03:08,920 --> 01:03:10,960
could never figure it out. It was always so complicated

1262
01:03:11,039 --> 01:03:13,760
for me. But if you were like heavy into fetish

1263
01:03:13,840 --> 01:03:15,400
and yeah, I don't even what is clips first Sale?

1264
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:16,480
Speaker 2: A website?

1265
01:03:16,559 --> 01:03:19,559
Speaker 3: Okay, is a website? Okay, But like back in like

1266
01:03:19,679 --> 01:03:21,679
I don't know, like twenty years ago, it was like

1267
01:03:22,519 --> 01:03:25,880
that's where like you could find all your fetish got stuff,

1268
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:27,840
that's where you went. Yeah, and it was huge. I

1269
01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:30,000
think it's still like pretty big, but back in the day,

1270
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:32,000
it was like that was the place, the place. So

1271
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:34,639
you just go and you look at the categories there

1272
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:38,840
and it's there's like there's like hair washing, there's you know,

1273
01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:43,840
but balloon popping, my favorite, the pie in the face.

1274
01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:47,679
I mean, just like anything that you can possibly think

1275
01:03:47,719 --> 01:03:51,199
of like was there. And it's just so interesting, like

1276
01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:52,559
all these different things that.

1277
01:03:53,079 --> 01:03:56,440
Speaker 2: Turn people on. I know, it's amazing. It's a spectrum.

1278
01:03:56,800 --> 01:04:00,039
It is definitely a spectrum for sure. Yeah, so that

1279
01:04:00,239 --> 01:04:06,599
may be potentially more difficult question for you. You have

1280
01:04:06,880 --> 01:04:09,840
very very little criticism of your Let's just go with

1281
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:13,000
your mom right now. Everyone has wonderful things to say

1282
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:16,599
about her. She did it well. She lifted women up

1283
01:04:16,639 --> 01:04:19,320
in a way that I think a lot of women needed, Yeah,

1284
01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:21,719
which was rare in that time, and she was in

1285
01:04:21,760 --> 01:04:25,599
an industry that was predominantly male dominated. I'm curious, like,

1286
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:29,400
do you have any criticisms like of her that.

1287
01:04:29,519 --> 01:04:33,400
Speaker 3: You How long do we have I don't know.

1288
01:04:33,519 --> 01:04:33,960
Speaker 2: You tell me.

1289
01:04:35,199 --> 01:04:36,760
Speaker 3: I mean, look, okay, So first of all, I will

1290
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:39,400
say that she is the reason that I'm in the

1291
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:41,360
place that I'm in today. Like let's be real, like

1292
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:44,480
I wrote in to the industry on her coattails, like

1293
01:04:44,559 --> 01:04:46,039
I would not be where I am today if it

1294
01:04:46,119 --> 01:04:47,000
wasn't for Susan Randall.

1295
01:04:47,119 --> 01:04:48,880
Speaker 2: Like that's no joke.

1296
01:04:50,119 --> 01:04:55,039
Speaker 3: So you know, she really, you know, helped. She taught

1297
01:04:55,119 --> 01:04:57,719
me everything that I knew. Maybe not lighting and stuff

1298
01:04:57,719 --> 01:05:00,440
because she doesn't know how to operate that specif, but

1299
01:05:00,519 --> 01:05:02,639
she knew what she wanted. Posing was a big part

1300
01:05:02,679 --> 01:05:04,519
of it. I learned like all of my posing, my

1301
01:05:04,599 --> 01:05:08,039
cropping from her. How to treat models, you know, really

1302
01:05:08,079 --> 01:05:11,960
important that girls always felt safe and sexy and cared for.

1303
01:05:12,239 --> 01:05:15,840
Like it shocked me that there were photographers out there

1304
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:19,159
that would like make girls cry on a regular basis,

1305
01:05:19,599 --> 01:05:23,320
And that was like, okay, how could you get I

1306
01:05:23,519 --> 01:05:26,800
don't know, because it's just like I mean, my mom

1307
01:05:26,960 --> 01:05:28,639
used to always say, and she was so right. She's like,

1308
01:05:28,719 --> 01:05:31,440
your only your pictures are only as good as your

1309
01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:34,119
model feels. And that's true. Like if you make a

1310
01:05:34,199 --> 01:05:36,840
girl feel like shit, like you're not gonna get the

1311
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:39,719
end product. That you want. So if she shows up late,

1312
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:43,480
if she's a pain in the ass, he's still nice to.

1313
01:05:45,039 --> 01:05:45,079
Speaker 4: You.

1314
01:05:45,119 --> 01:05:47,760
Speaker 3: Don't hear her again? Would you still going to be nice? Right?

1315
01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:49,639
You try and get the best version of yeah, Because

1316
01:05:49,639 --> 01:05:50,960
if I like take her into the corner and I

1317
01:05:51,119 --> 01:05:52,800
yell at her, you're like, what the fuck am I

1318
01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:54,639
going getting nothing out of the day? I may as

1319
01:05:54,639 --> 01:05:56,719
well to send her home. And I've actually found that

1320
01:05:56,880 --> 01:06:00,519
often girls who were I was told were divas difficult

1321
01:06:00,559 --> 01:06:03,719
by other people, were actually fine with me because I

1322
01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:06,599
treated them with respect, respecting them, and I gave them

1323
01:06:06,639 --> 01:06:09,800
the things that they needed, and I communicated with them

1324
01:06:10,079 --> 01:06:12,800
and I checked in with them, which is something that

1325
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:14,039
they didn't get from other people.

1326
01:06:14,119 --> 01:06:17,000
Speaker 2: You're just such a badass, Holly's way, just a badass.

1327
01:06:17,760 --> 01:06:18,320
I'm just kidding.

1328
01:06:19,519 --> 01:06:22,079
Speaker 3: So, yeah, those are like some really important things that

1329
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:24,800
she taught me. And you know, kind of coming up

1330
01:06:24,880 --> 01:06:26,639
in the porn industry, I came up and you know

1331
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:29,719
what I call like the Sue's bubble, right like we

1332
01:06:30,719 --> 01:06:34,559
had a very controlled set, only worked with you know,

1333
01:06:34,679 --> 01:06:40,840
her crew members, and never really deviated from that when

1334
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:45,360
I started branching out of my own because once like

1335
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:48,159
the Internet came along and videos started to really become

1336
01:06:48,239 --> 01:06:50,360
streaming started to become like a big thing. My mom

1337
01:06:50,480 --> 01:06:52,360
just did not want to shoot video because she was

1338
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:54,719
a photographer. She didn't want to go there. I saw

1339
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:56,760
where the future was, she didn't want to go there.

1340
01:06:56,960 --> 01:06:59,679
So I started fighting with her and I went off

1341
01:06:59,679 --> 01:07:02,440
on my own and I started like shooting for Adam

1342
01:07:02,519 --> 01:07:04,400
Neve was the first company that I shot for on

1343
01:07:04,480 --> 01:07:08,480
my own, and then Twisty's actually, and then I started

1344
01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:11,119
to kind of like see how other sets worked. But

1345
01:07:11,280 --> 01:07:14,320
I definitely was like very protected in the beginning.

1346
01:07:14,960 --> 01:07:17,199
Speaker 2: So all these stories that you know, when people probably

1347
01:07:17,239 --> 01:07:19,119
weren't going to fuck with you because they knew your

1348
01:07:19,159 --> 01:07:21,280
mom right right, and your mom is this bulldog yees

1349
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:23,599
come after you, Yes, suck with me.

1350
01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:26,639
Speaker 3: I mean there are performers to this day that like

1351
01:07:27,199 --> 01:07:30,679
people are afraid of who treat me very well because

1352
01:07:30,719 --> 01:07:33,000
of like who my mom was. Like I don't I

1353
01:07:33,159 --> 01:07:35,480
know that, Like I don't take that for granted, yeah,

1354
01:07:35,679 --> 01:07:37,280
but I will say that, like one of the things

1355
01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:43,079
that I struggled with when I was kind of like

1356
01:07:43,239 --> 01:07:47,760
coming into my own and coming up in the industry

1357
01:07:48,280 --> 01:07:50,679
was she started to get like kind of competitive with me.

1358
01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:54,159
Oh interesting, She felt strange to me, right, yeah, because

1359
01:07:54,199 --> 01:07:56,480
I was like, I'm your daughter, Like why are you

1360
01:07:57,119 --> 01:07:58,280
my success is our success?

1361
01:07:58,519 --> 01:07:58,679
Speaker 2: Right?

1362
01:07:58,880 --> 01:08:01,760
Speaker 3: Like how why are you like becoming like jealous of me?

1363
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:04,239
And like why are you like becoming competitive with me?

1364
01:08:04,360 --> 01:08:07,880
And it got like it got you know, difficult, and

1365
01:08:07,920 --> 01:08:09,679
I would like talk to my dad about it, and

1366
01:08:10,639 --> 01:08:13,679
I mean and it wasn't until I think, really like

1367
01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:16,920
in the last ten years or something, that I started

1368
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:19,880
to see like where she was, because she was like

1369
01:08:20,199 --> 01:08:24,039
coming to the end of her career, right, and she

1370
01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:29,239
had always her identity was like being Sue's randall right,

1371
01:08:29,319 --> 01:08:33,119
and that was like her personality and everything about her

1372
01:08:33,319 --> 01:08:35,920
was built around that. And I think like with the

1373
01:08:36,000 --> 01:08:38,319
way that like technology was advancing and the way the

1374
01:08:38,359 --> 01:08:42,479
adult industry was changing, and she wasn't moving along with that,

1375
01:08:43,359 --> 01:08:45,319
and she was starting to feel like left behind. Like

1376
01:08:45,439 --> 01:08:47,920
that's a really hard thing, right, And I don't think

1377
01:08:47,960 --> 01:08:50,720
I understood or appreciated that at the time, because I

1378
01:08:50,840 --> 01:08:53,159
was young and I just wanted to be successful and

1379
01:08:53,279 --> 01:08:56,039
I was just like I wasn't like thinking about things

1380
01:08:56,079 --> 01:08:58,960
from her perspective, and I was just thinking about myself

1381
01:08:59,399 --> 01:09:02,079
and like how could I be successful and how could

1382
01:09:02,079 --> 01:09:04,800
I get out from under her shadow, which i'd always

1383
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:08,880
been so so yeah, I think I was really inconsiderate

1384
01:09:09,039 --> 01:09:11,279
of what she was going through at the time.

1385
01:09:11,279 --> 01:09:13,760
Speaker 2: Where you guys like actually spark like would you yeah, oh.

1386
01:09:15,439 --> 01:09:18,079
Speaker 3: Yeah, And then like I really branched off and started

1387
01:09:18,119 --> 01:09:19,920
just doing my own thing, and then she you know,

1388
01:09:20,119 --> 01:09:22,520
pretty much ended up retiring and now she's like so

1389
01:09:22,720 --> 01:09:25,000
proud of me, you know, like everything that I do,

1390
01:09:25,359 --> 01:09:27,159
like she's so proud of me, and that that isn't

1391
01:09:27,239 --> 01:09:32,039
there anymore. But I think I really didn't appreciate how

1392
01:09:32,159 --> 01:09:37,520
hard it is to like once you start to lose

1393
01:09:37,560 --> 01:09:39,479
that part of your life and like who are you

1394
01:09:39,720 --> 01:09:42,279
right if your whole identity has been wrapped around like

1395
01:09:42,439 --> 01:09:45,239
I am this character, I am this photographer, I do

1396
01:09:45,359 --> 01:09:48,079
these things, and then the industry moves on without you.

1397
01:09:48,399 --> 01:09:52,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're like it's and it's fun to see

1398
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:56,119
your daughter like thriving in it at the same time.

1399
01:09:56,399 --> 01:09:58,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think I just wasn't kind or considerate

1400
01:09:59,039 --> 01:10:02,720
of her feelings. So that's that's definitely like on me,

1401
01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:06,119
And it's it's actually kind of sad now because it

1402
01:10:06,239 --> 01:10:08,800
used to be that I was Susan Randall's daughter, and

1403
01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:11,760
that's all anybody knew me as right, And I wasn't

1404
01:10:11,880 --> 01:10:14,039
like my own person, and people were always comparing me

1405
01:10:14,159 --> 01:10:17,319
to her. And now like people don't even know who

1406
01:10:17,359 --> 01:10:19,800
she is anymore. Like a lot of the younger girls

1407
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:21,960
are like, who's Susan Randall? But they know who I am?

1408
01:10:22,840 --> 01:10:26,159
And that's like that actually kind of like makes me sad,

1409
01:10:26,880 --> 01:10:30,359
you know, because she really was like somebody who came

1410
01:10:30,479 --> 01:10:33,680
up in a world where it was really hard for women.

1411
01:10:34,079 --> 01:10:36,199
Speaker 2: You know, really hard, really really hard.

1412
01:10:36,479 --> 01:10:40,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I had to say, you know, I look

1413
01:10:40,479 --> 01:10:43,079
my mom, and anybody who's worked with my mom will say, like,

1414
01:10:43,159 --> 01:10:45,359
my mom can be a bully, like she can she

1415
01:10:45,479 --> 01:10:49,760
can be not nice. She always wants to be the

1416
01:10:49,840 --> 01:10:52,119
one in power and like, you know, the center of

1417
01:10:52,159 --> 01:10:54,399
attention and like that kind of thing. She like that

1418
01:10:54,520 --> 01:10:56,039
just at work, or she liked that at home. She's

1419
01:10:56,119 --> 01:10:59,600
like that just in general. And I remember complaining about that,

1420
01:10:59,720 --> 01:11:03,079
I think, to like Andrew Richardson of Richardson Magazine, and

1421
01:11:03,079 --> 01:11:04,520
he said saying to me that, like I really like

1422
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:07,319
never forgotten. He goes, yeah, but you don't understand the

1423
01:11:07,439 --> 01:11:09,600
world and which your mother came up in Like you

1424
01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:12,680
have no idea what that was, like, like the misogyny

1425
01:11:13,359 --> 01:11:16,640
in that world, the way that like women were not

1426
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:19,479
allowed into this boy's club, and your mom had to

1427
01:11:19,920 --> 01:11:23,560
navigate that, and she had to become like this person

1428
01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:26,680
like almost like this, you know, this bully person, this

1429
01:11:27,119 --> 01:11:30,119
this strong woman who could just like bulldoze her way

1430
01:11:30,199 --> 01:11:32,319
through like the Hugh Hefners and the Larry Flints and

1431
01:11:32,319 --> 01:11:34,880
the Bob Guccioni's of the world, you know, And she

1432
01:11:35,000 --> 01:11:39,279
had to create like these walls and this persona and

1433
01:11:40,279 --> 01:11:41,920
you know, like that's just who she is. But like

1434
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:45,119
look at what she accomplished with that. And I was like, I,

1435
01:11:45,479 --> 01:11:47,039
you know, accomplished and changed.

1436
01:11:47,079 --> 01:11:49,520
Speaker 2: I mean, she changed the industry because she was there

1437
01:11:49,680 --> 01:11:53,399
and able to like prop respect women in the way

1438
01:11:53,479 --> 01:11:57,039
that they deserve to be respected where it wasn't happening before.

1439
01:11:57,319 --> 01:11:59,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think I and I just when he

1440
01:11:59,399 --> 01:12:02,840
said that, I was, you know, I didn't think about that,

1441
01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:06,079
Like I didn't appreciate it, Like I didn't think about

1442
01:12:06,199 --> 01:12:08,159
how hard it was for her back then, and how

1443
01:12:08,319 --> 01:12:12,199
like brave she was right, you know, to like you know,

1444
01:12:12,359 --> 01:12:15,119
to tell Larry Flint to like go fuck himself. Like

1445
01:12:15,359 --> 01:12:18,079
everyone's scared of Larry Flint. She was the only person

1446
01:12:18,159 --> 01:12:21,520
like who was not. So it gave me like a

1447
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:24,600
new found respect for her. You know, I think it's

1448
01:12:24,600 --> 01:12:26,920
always the way, right when you get older, you suddenly

1449
01:12:27,000 --> 01:12:29,560
start to backing. You're like, that makes sense your mom

1450
01:12:29,680 --> 01:12:33,079
in a different light, You're like, oh, the talent was

1451
01:12:33,159 --> 01:12:35,520
actually hard. All of this was hard, and you did

1452
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:37,760
the best that you could with what you were given, right,

1453
01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:40,279
and you had things a lot harder than I did. So,

1454
01:12:40,640 --> 01:12:42,720
like it definitely gave me like a new found respect

1455
01:12:42,760 --> 01:12:42,960
for her.

1456
01:12:43,479 --> 01:12:45,479
Speaker 2: Right. Well, I know we're both moms, which we haven't

1457
01:12:45,479 --> 01:12:47,920
even touched on in the whole over hour that we've

1458
01:12:47,960 --> 01:12:50,159
been talking about, but I think about that often. People

1459
01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:52,760
say that when you have children you realize like how

1460
01:12:52,840 --> 01:12:54,319
hard it is. And we're both You have a five

1461
01:12:54,399 --> 01:12:55,760
year old, I have a four and a half year old,

1462
01:12:55,800 --> 01:12:59,119
and we are in the muck of it. Yeah, screaming

1463
01:12:59,159 --> 01:13:01,359
bloody murder. The other morning, I wanted to dance to

1464
01:13:01,439 --> 01:13:03,479
a song and my son was just screaming buddy murder

1465
01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:05,560
at me, and I was like, oh God, how do

1466
01:13:05,720 --> 01:13:08,239
any parents, not only my mother, but like all of

1467
01:13:08,359 --> 01:13:10,800
us make it through? You know, it suddenly opens the

1468
01:13:10,880 --> 01:13:12,520
world up to this space.

1469
01:13:13,199 --> 01:13:16,439
Speaker 3: Well, and also like they didn't have the knowledge and

1470
01:13:16,520 --> 01:13:18,880
the tools and the education that we have now, right.

1471
01:13:19,079 --> 01:13:21,399
You know, when I was pregnant, I watched like I

1472
01:13:21,479 --> 01:13:24,279
took the Big Little Feelings Workshop, you know what I mean,

1473
01:13:24,520 --> 01:13:26,920
Like I read no bad kids, Like I.

1474
01:13:27,800 --> 01:13:30,319
Speaker 2: All this information that I had to like help me

1475
01:13:30,520 --> 01:13:34,960
navigate through developmental leaps and the changes in what they're

1476
01:13:35,000 --> 01:13:35,439
going through.

1477
01:13:35,520 --> 01:13:37,920
Speaker 3: And you bad kids, You then have an app that

1478
01:13:38,039 --> 01:13:39,920
can literally tell you your kid is going to be

1479
01:13:39,920 --> 01:13:44,359
a shithead this week because they're entering into like this phase. Yeah,

1480
01:13:44,520 --> 01:13:47,960
I mean it's crazy, you know. So, like what we

1481
01:13:48,119 --> 01:13:51,199
have now to work with is just like so different

1482
01:13:51,279 --> 01:13:52,520
than what our parents had.

1483
01:13:52,720 --> 01:13:56,039
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Yeah, they were just like archaically trying to make

1484
01:13:56,079 --> 01:13:59,720
it through and survive. And this society was changing at

1485
01:13:59,720 --> 01:14:01,920
the same too, because we were becoming so much more

1486
01:14:02,119 --> 01:14:05,399
insular into our homes, not having so much like community

1487
01:14:05,520 --> 01:14:08,840
around us. But they, you know, didn't have any of

1488
01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:09,960
the tools like we have.

1489
01:14:10,119 --> 01:14:11,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, and not to mention the fact that my parents

1490
01:14:12,119 --> 01:14:14,960
like moved across the world right here, right, so they

1491
01:14:15,119 --> 01:14:18,560
left their family behind and came over there to start

1492
01:14:18,600 --> 01:14:19,279
all over again.

1493
01:14:19,359 --> 01:14:23,720
Speaker 2: And yeah, so like they didn't have that support, right, Yeah, yeah,

1494
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:28,880
so incredible. Well I'm curious, Holly, what brings you joy today?

1495
01:14:29,279 --> 01:14:31,640
I think you know what I'm going to say. Let's see.

1496
01:14:32,319 --> 01:14:38,760
Speaker 3: I mean my daughter, come on, yeah, she is rad

1497
01:14:39,920 --> 01:14:42,600
It was her. We just had celebrated her fifth birthday

1498
01:14:42,720 --> 01:14:47,479
Chuck E cheese yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know,

1499
01:14:47,760 --> 01:14:48,439
she's just like.

1500
01:14:50,399 --> 01:14:52,720
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I just I just watch her sometimes

1501
01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:55,439
and I'm like, God, she's just like me. You made her.

1502
01:14:55,760 --> 01:14:57,000
I know that too.

1503
01:14:57,279 --> 01:14:59,039
Speaker 3: Like I think about, like, God, I made you and

1504
01:14:59,079 --> 01:15:02,520
you like this perfect little, beautiful child, Like how did

1505
01:15:02,600 --> 01:15:03,000
I do that?

1506
01:15:04,880 --> 01:15:06,479
Speaker 2: And I just, you know, I see so much of

1507
01:15:06,560 --> 01:15:08,279
myself and her. She's so much like me.

1508
01:15:09,119 --> 01:15:12,279
Speaker 3: And I see her, you know, dancing and like dressing

1509
01:15:12,359 --> 01:15:14,399
up and stuff, and I just like I see myself

1510
01:15:14,479 --> 01:15:16,680
and her like at that age. And it makes you,

1511
01:15:17,479 --> 01:15:20,079
you know, look back at makes you kind of re

1512
01:15:20,239 --> 01:15:25,000
experience like that your childhood again, and you know, gives

1513
01:15:25,039 --> 01:15:29,199
you hope for humanity, also fills you with a tremendous

1514
01:15:29,239 --> 01:15:32,479
amount of fear because like where the world is going.

1515
01:15:32,800 --> 01:15:36,319
Like I remember a friend of mine told me when

1516
01:15:36,680 --> 01:15:41,439
I was pregnant. He said, it's going to be the happiest,

1517
01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:45,800
the most wonderful experience and also the most terrible, terrifying

1518
01:15:45,840 --> 01:15:49,760
experience of all time. You're going to experience the most

1519
01:15:49,880 --> 01:15:54,880
intense moments of joy and the most paralyzing moments of fear.

1520
01:15:55,720 --> 01:15:57,840
And I was like, yeah, yeah, for the rest of

1521
01:15:57,880 --> 01:15:59,800
your life. By the way, it doesn't end when they

1522
01:15:59,840 --> 01:16:00,439
turn eighteen.

1523
01:16:00,720 --> 01:16:02,199
Speaker 2: Did you know you always wanted to be a mother?

1524
01:16:02,760 --> 01:16:07,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no I did. I you know, like my

1525
01:16:07,279 --> 01:16:09,239
family and I are really close. I'm really close to

1526
01:16:09,319 --> 01:16:13,039
my siblings. That was never like a question in my mind.

1527
01:16:13,600 --> 01:16:17,920
And actually so I was married before, and I was

1528
01:16:18,079 --> 01:16:20,600
very unhappy in the marriage, and I stayed in the

1529
01:16:20,640 --> 01:16:24,359
marriage for a while because I thought. That makes me

1530
01:16:24,479 --> 01:16:26,840
laugh now, because I was like thirty two and I

1531
01:16:26,920 --> 01:16:29,520
was like, I'm too old to thought over right, no

1532
01:16:29,560 --> 01:16:33,239
one's gonna love me at thirty two. A lot of

1533
01:16:33,279 --> 01:16:35,000
women carry that though, I can't tell you. I mean,

1534
01:16:35,439 --> 01:16:38,520
come into my office and they're like they feel desperate. Yeah,

1535
01:16:38,600 --> 01:16:40,960
I'm thirty, I haven't found a partner. I really want

1536
01:16:41,439 --> 01:16:42,640
a child. What do I do?

1537
01:16:43,359 --> 01:16:43,760
Speaker 2: Thirty?

1538
01:16:44,119 --> 01:16:46,800
Speaker 3: Like Jesus, But you know, at the time, like feels

1539
01:16:46,960 --> 01:16:50,479
you feel so old, right, and so I stayed because

1540
01:16:50,720 --> 01:16:53,880
you know, I thought that I would never find anybody else,

1541
01:16:53,880 --> 01:16:55,680
and I really wanted kids, and I knew that he

1542
01:16:55,760 --> 01:16:58,399
would be even though like I wasn't and he wasn't

1543
01:16:58,479 --> 01:17:00,680
like a bad husband by the way, Like he wasn't

1544
01:17:00,680 --> 01:17:02,800
a bad guy at all. I just didn't love him, yeah,

1545
01:17:03,000 --> 01:17:03,840
and I couldn't.

1546
01:17:04,039 --> 01:17:05,960
Speaker 2: I tried to make myself love him, and I couldn't

1547
01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:06,119
do it.

1548
01:17:07,760 --> 01:17:10,840
Speaker 3: And so I just thought like, Okay, well he's gonna

1549
01:17:10,840 --> 01:17:13,399
be a good dad, so like we can just have

1550
01:17:13,720 --> 01:17:15,560
kids and it's okay, I don't have to love him.

1551
01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:20,000
I've never really loved anybody before anyhow, so like, what

1552
01:17:20,279 --> 01:17:23,279
is that it spoiled you? It was too perfect. People

1553
01:17:23,399 --> 01:17:25,840
like always say like you know, you'll know love when

1554
01:17:25,880 --> 01:17:27,840
you see it, and that had never happened to me.

1555
01:17:28,399 --> 01:17:30,039
So I was like, maybe it's just like not meant

1556
01:17:30,119 --> 01:17:34,359
for me, and we can just have this transactional relationship

1557
01:17:34,399 --> 01:17:36,399
where like he can be a good father and I

1558
01:17:36,479 --> 01:17:38,239
can work and I'll make all the money and like

1559
01:17:38,359 --> 01:17:42,960
that'll be fine. And then you know, obviously we split up.

1560
01:17:43,039 --> 01:17:46,439
And it was the moment that I finally came to

1561
01:17:46,560 --> 01:17:49,920
terms with like, actually, maybe I could be happy and okay,

1562
01:17:50,720 --> 01:17:53,359
spending the rest of my life not ever becoming a

1563
01:17:53,439 --> 01:17:56,560
mother and being childless, and I could live a happy

1564
01:17:56,640 --> 01:17:58,800
and fulfilling life like that. And when I had that

1565
01:17:59,560 --> 01:18:01,520
moment of clarity, that's when I was like, well, then

1566
01:18:01,600 --> 01:18:03,840
what the fuck am I doing here? And that's when

1567
01:18:04,119 --> 01:18:06,600
I was able to finally walk away, leave the relationship.

1568
01:18:08,079 --> 01:18:11,800
And then I met my husband, and then it was like,

1569
01:18:12,359 --> 01:18:15,560
you know, the first man like i'd ever like truly

1570
01:18:15,600 --> 01:18:17,520
fallen in love with. And we've been together for almost

1571
01:18:17,560 --> 01:18:19,880
ten years and I still feel like the same way,

1572
01:18:19,960 --> 01:18:22,439
which is crazy to me. I get bored of guys

1573
01:18:22,479 --> 01:18:27,039
in like a year, but that hasn't happened with him.

1574
01:18:27,279 --> 01:18:30,640
And then I started to feel like, okay, you know,

1575
01:18:30,880 --> 01:18:33,680
maybe I maybe I want a kid again.

1576
01:18:33,720 --> 01:18:35,560
Speaker 2: Maybe it could happen. But at that point I was

1577
01:18:35,600 --> 01:18:37,760
in the late thirties. Yeah, and you were like, okay, no,

1578
01:18:37,840 --> 01:18:39,479
I'm not going to have a kid. I'm okay with that.

1579
01:18:39,640 --> 01:18:41,960
But then it came back once you met the person.

1580
01:18:42,239 --> 01:18:44,239
Speaker 3: Yeah. And the thing is is that and he's actually

1581
01:18:44,279 --> 01:18:46,680
a little bit younger than me. He's like two and

1582
01:18:46,760 --> 01:18:49,920
a half years younger than me, and he definitely wanted kids,

1583
01:18:50,600 --> 01:18:54,840
but He knew that I was older and that there

1584
01:18:55,079 --> 01:18:57,600
was a possibility that I wouldn't be able to have kids,

1585
01:18:58,439 --> 01:19:01,960
and so when I would ask him about whether or

1586
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:05,199
not he wanted children, he would never actually really give

1587
01:19:05,279 --> 01:19:07,439
me a straight answer, and he would say like, well,

1588
01:19:07,600 --> 01:19:09,920
I love our life together as it is, babe, and like,

1589
01:19:10,399 --> 01:19:12,279
sure it would be great, but if we don't, like

1590
01:19:12,439 --> 01:19:15,119
we'll have a wonderful life together. I love you, and

1591
01:19:15,279 --> 01:19:17,359
it was He's like, I'm staying for you, and if

1592
01:19:17,399 --> 01:19:19,279
we happen to have a kid, great, right, And like,

1593
01:19:19,479 --> 01:19:21,920
you know, that's another moment when I realized which a

1594
01:19:22,000 --> 01:19:24,760
great man he was, because like, yes, he wanted kids,

1595
01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:27,479
but he didn't want to put pressure on me to

1596
01:19:27,560 --> 01:19:29,479
feel like I had to have a child to make

1597
01:19:29,560 --> 01:19:33,640
him love me, you know, like he he did not ever.

1598
01:19:34,039 --> 01:19:36,439
I knew that he did, but he never admitted to

1599
01:19:36,520 --> 01:19:38,920
it because he never wanted to will admit to it, Yes,

1600
01:19:39,720 --> 01:19:42,279
will now we have a kid? He was like yeah, no, yeah,

1601
01:19:42,640 --> 01:19:44,720
I couldn't have seen our life without it, like this

1602
01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:47,560
is our family. But he didn't he knew like how

1603
01:19:48,600 --> 01:19:50,880
devastated I would feel. And as a woman, like you

1604
01:19:51,079 --> 01:19:53,800
feel like you know, society makes you feel especially if

1605
01:19:53,800 --> 01:19:55,239
you want kids. If you want kids and you can't

1606
01:19:55,279 --> 01:19:57,319
have them, and it makes you feel like you know

1607
01:19:57,399 --> 01:19:59,640
a certain way about yourself if you can't have children.

1608
01:19:59,680 --> 01:20:01,159
And I think he didn't want to put that on me,

1609
01:20:01,960 --> 01:20:04,720
so he never, you know, kind of pushed that. So

1610
01:20:04,760 --> 01:20:08,840
then when I got pregnant at forty, that was like

1611
01:20:08,920 --> 01:20:12,640
a really insane magical moment. Yeah, yeah, it was all

1612
01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:14,279
meant to be. Yeah, if you.

1613
01:20:14,479 --> 01:20:18,880
Speaker 2: Could have been anything else other than what you are,

1614
01:20:19,279 --> 01:20:21,479
what would you have done? Like would you be stay

1615
01:20:21,479 --> 01:20:22,039
at home mom?

1616
01:20:22,239 --> 01:20:25,159
Speaker 3: Would you know? Okay, so God's out greenso okay, okay,

1617
01:20:25,359 --> 01:20:27,840
so no there, but like what would you what would

1618
01:20:27,840 --> 01:20:29,319
you have done? I mean the other thing I was

1619
01:20:29,399 --> 01:20:32,119
studying to be was a teacher. Okay, I thought, I,

1620
01:20:32,399 --> 01:20:34,399
you know, I'll be an English teacher. That was my

1621
01:20:34,800 --> 01:20:39,600
major college and I like teaching and I love literature,

1622
01:20:39,760 --> 01:20:43,159
and so yeah, I was like college professor. That's probably,

1623
01:20:43,199 --> 01:20:45,199
honestly what I would be doing. Could you see yourself

1624
01:20:45,239 --> 01:20:47,119
doing that? Or yeah?

1625
01:20:47,399 --> 01:20:51,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, okay, for all the people who have those

1626
01:20:52,279 --> 01:20:54,279
naughty teacher fantasies, yes I.

1627
01:20:54,319 --> 01:20:54,680
Speaker 1: Do have it.

1628
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:56,479
Speaker 3: I have a few sets like that because people do

1629
01:20:56,640 --> 01:20:59,279
really like that. Yeah, they do for sure. People really

1630
01:20:59,399 --> 01:20:59,560
like that.

1631
01:21:00,319 --> 01:21:02,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, the power. I mean, we all spend so much

1632
01:21:02,359 --> 01:21:04,319
time in school. I mean, at some point I think

1633
01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:07,199
we all have somewhere inside of us a teacher that

1634
01:21:07,239 --> 01:21:07,880
we had a crush on.

1635
01:21:08,720 --> 01:21:08,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1636
01:21:10,640 --> 01:21:15,239
Speaker 2: So my final question for you is what is your

1637
01:21:15,279 --> 01:21:17,840
wish for the adult industry and for all the people

1638
01:21:17,960 --> 01:21:18,560
who work in it.

1639
01:21:19,079 --> 01:21:22,840
Speaker 3: Honestly, my wish is that being in the adult industry

1640
01:21:22,920 --> 01:21:25,680
and choosing this life doesn't affect you in a negative

1641
01:21:25,680 --> 01:21:26,800
way for the rest of your life.

1642
01:21:27,079 --> 01:21:28,279
Speaker 2: That's what I wish. The stigma.

1643
01:21:28,319 --> 01:21:30,680
Speaker 3: I wish the stigma would go away, because you know,

1644
01:21:30,800 --> 01:21:33,039
some people come into the adult industry thinking that's what

1645
01:21:33,119 --> 01:21:35,159
they want and it's not what they want. Yeah, it's

1646
01:21:35,159 --> 01:21:37,000
not the life for them, which is fine, and then

1647
01:21:37,000 --> 01:21:38,600
they try to move on, they try to do something

1648
01:21:38,640 --> 01:21:40,479
else with their life and they're blocked from it.

1649
01:21:40,760 --> 01:21:42,880
Speaker 2: Right, maybe like a lawyer or a person trying to

1650
01:21:42,880 --> 01:21:44,319
be a lawyer. They go to law school and they're like, Aah,

1651
01:21:44,319 --> 01:21:46,319
turns out I don't want to be a lawyer. Yeah, exactly,

1652
01:21:46,760 --> 01:21:47,640
you can easily.

1653
01:21:47,960 --> 01:21:49,640
Speaker 3: No one's ever going to be like you can have

1654
01:21:49,760 --> 01:21:52,439
this job because you went to law school, right, you know,

1655
01:21:53,760 --> 01:21:56,319
And I just you know, that just makes me sad.

1656
01:21:56,359 --> 01:21:58,840
And also like, you know, the stigma that I see

1657
01:21:59,119 --> 01:22:02,960
with you know, people want to start families. One of

1658
01:22:03,039 --> 01:22:07,199
the saddest things I won't say her name, but very

1659
01:22:07,359 --> 01:22:11,039
very famous porn star who has a kid, was telling

1660
01:22:11,119 --> 01:22:14,359
me about how she doesn't go to any of her

1661
01:22:15,000 --> 01:22:19,079
like school activities like recitals and stuff like that because

1662
01:22:19,119 --> 01:22:22,399
she doesn't want people to see her and associate her

1663
01:22:22,800 --> 01:22:26,000
with her child, because she doesn't want to put that

1664
01:22:26,640 --> 01:22:28,960
stigma onto her child and she wants her child to

1665
01:22:29,039 --> 01:22:31,840
have a normal life and not be associated with her.

1666
01:22:32,479 --> 01:22:35,840
And that broke my whole heart because like you can't

1667
01:22:35,960 --> 01:22:39,359
go and like watch your parent do a parent things,

1668
01:22:39,520 --> 01:22:42,920
do a parent thing, be in like do a ballet recital,

1669
01:22:43,079 --> 01:22:44,600
like anything like that.

1670
01:22:45,039 --> 01:22:47,239
Speaker 2: Like and I was just like, yeah, it's heartbreaking. That

1671
01:22:47,800 --> 01:22:48,199
kills me.

1672
01:22:48,720 --> 01:22:50,760
Speaker 3: And you know even for me now, like my daughter's

1673
01:22:50,800 --> 01:22:53,439
in a public school now and you know, they're constantly

1674
01:22:53,600 --> 01:22:56,279
like going for like parent volunteers and I'm like, have

1675
01:22:56,439 --> 01:23:00,840
you done it yet, No, because I'm afraid. I'm afraid

1676
01:23:00,840 --> 01:23:02,720
that if I do it. Like first of all, they

1677
01:23:02,760 --> 01:23:05,279
do background checks now, which I don't think is a

1678
01:23:05,359 --> 01:23:08,119
bad thing. Yeah, right, but they do a background check

1679
01:23:08,159 --> 01:23:09,359
on me, They're gonna know what I do.

1680
01:23:09,680 --> 01:23:13,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know. And I just feel like, when you playdates,

1681
01:23:13,239 --> 01:23:16,960
do you disclose? Like no, okay, so do you like

1682
01:23:17,000 --> 01:23:18,479
if you're out of play dates? I don't know if

1683
01:23:18,520 --> 01:23:20,079
they know, you don't know. I don't know.

1684
01:23:20,439 --> 01:23:23,600
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll find out. I feel like from the might,

1685
01:23:24,439 --> 01:23:26,560
but no one's ever brought it up to me. Yeah,

1686
01:23:27,319 --> 01:23:30,119
so what do you guys talk about kids?

1687
01:23:30,680 --> 01:23:30,920
Speaker 2: Kids?

1688
01:23:31,199 --> 01:23:31,399
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1689
01:23:31,439 --> 01:23:33,520
Speaker 2: I did it? Silly? I should I go to those

1690
01:23:33,520 --> 01:23:34,840
play dates? You just talk about kids.

1691
01:23:34,840 --> 01:23:37,239
Speaker 3: We just talk about it. We don't talk about anything else.

1692
01:23:37,520 --> 01:23:39,239
Speaker 2: But no one's like, what do you do for work, colleague?

1693
01:23:39,239 --> 01:23:42,439
Speaker 3: I say, like marketing. Marketing is okay, okay, you just

1694
01:23:42,760 --> 01:23:45,520
try to make it like really boring. Yeah, but yeah,

1695
01:23:45,760 --> 01:23:50,439
I yeah, I'm afraid to like like there was a

1696
01:23:50,560 --> 01:23:53,960
role for like they wanted a photographer, a class photographer. Yeah,

1697
01:23:54,319 --> 01:23:56,279
and you know, at first my husband was like, oh,

1698
01:23:56,319 --> 01:23:59,399
you should do that. I'm like, I can't, like think

1699
01:23:59,439 --> 01:23:59,800
about it.

1700
01:24:00,920 --> 01:24:01,680
Speaker 2: It sucks.

1701
01:24:02,199 --> 01:24:04,960
Speaker 3: Right, I'm a great photographer. I'm great with kids. Like,

1702
01:24:05,119 --> 01:24:08,680
I'm not weird, I'm not creepy, like I'm a good mother,

1703
01:24:08,960 --> 01:24:11,840
Like I'm a regular person. But if I go and

1704
01:24:11,960 --> 01:24:14,239
I like take you know what I mean, and like

1705
01:24:14,319 --> 01:24:17,640
a mom finds out, I don't even want to invite

1706
01:24:17,680 --> 01:24:20,680
that conversation, you know, so I just stay away.

1707
01:24:21,079 --> 01:24:23,560
Speaker 2: It's really tough. I mean, you know, but we'll have

1708
01:24:23,640 --> 01:24:25,359
to come back here in like five years when our

1709
01:24:25,439 --> 01:24:28,960
kiddos are a little bit older. Yeah, and maybe at

1710
01:24:28,960 --> 01:24:32,920
that point you've had some like on camera experiences. I

1711
01:24:32,920 --> 01:24:35,520
don't know. We'll see where your where your world goes,

1712
01:24:36,439 --> 01:24:38,880
and we'll revisit all of these topics. Yeah, it'd be

1713
01:24:38,960 --> 01:24:40,960
really fun enough. So you can only be interviewed by

1714
01:24:41,000 --> 01:24:44,239
someone named Keiley going correctly, That's correct. There's not that

1715
01:24:44,359 --> 01:24:47,880
many of us out there, really a very small population.

1716
01:24:48,439 --> 01:24:53,399
So well, Holly, this has been amazing. I know everyone

1717
01:24:53,760 --> 01:24:57,279
love love love learning about you. Thank you for being

1718
01:24:57,359 --> 01:25:01,199
so raw and vulnerable. And I didn't say this before

1719
01:25:01,239 --> 01:25:02,600
to Holly, but this is the first time I've ever

1720
01:25:02,720 --> 01:25:05,119
hosted a podcast, so.

1721
01:25:06,640 --> 01:25:11,479
Speaker 3: Yay to me, I was like, oh shit, but.

1722
01:25:11,600 --> 01:25:13,720
Speaker 2: This was really wonderful and I know everyone's gonna love

1723
01:25:13,960 --> 01:25:15,880
learning about it, and personally for me, I just want

1724
01:25:15,920 --> 01:25:17,640
to say too, Like a lot of the questions I

1725
01:25:17,760 --> 01:25:20,079
asked were because I sit with so many people who

1726
01:25:20,159 --> 01:25:23,920
have these questions. I have these questions myself as well,

1727
01:25:24,439 --> 01:25:27,840
and about society and the porn industry. So thank you

1728
01:25:27,920 --> 01:25:30,880
for answering them. I think it's tremendously helpful. I love

1729
01:25:31,000 --> 01:25:34,560
everything that you do. Keep doing it. It's wonderful. So

1730
01:25:34,800 --> 01:25:37,520
thank you for being you. Thank you well. Can you

1731
01:25:37,760 --> 01:25:40,680
tell everybody where they can find me online? Yes? Yes,

1732
01:25:40,920 --> 01:25:43,239
so I think I introduced myself a little bit before,

1733
01:25:43,279 --> 01:25:45,840
but I am a sex and relationship coach. I specialize

1734
01:25:45,880 --> 01:25:48,680
in male performance struggles, which is how Holly and I met.

1735
01:25:49,520 --> 01:25:51,479
Actually when I was pregnant. I wasn't even out of

1736
01:25:51,600 --> 01:25:56,239
being pregnant twenty twenty one. I was on the podcast.

1737
01:25:56,359 --> 01:25:58,439
You can go back and listen to that. But the

1738
01:25:58,520 --> 01:26:00,279
best place to fight me is my website, which is

1739
01:26:00,439 --> 01:26:03,760
Keeleankin dot com k E E L E y R

1740
01:26:03,840 --> 01:26:07,720
A N k I N and that has everything you

1741
01:26:07,760 --> 01:26:09,920
need to find me. And then also I'm on Instagram

1742
01:26:09,960 --> 01:26:12,920
which is Keiley Rankin Intimacy Coach, and.

1743
01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:17,039
Speaker 3: You guys can find me on Instagram on Twitter at

1744
01:26:17,119 --> 01:26:21,119
Holly Randall. Go to hollylinks dot com for access to

1745
01:26:21,279 --> 01:26:24,800
all of my platforms, and join my Patreon if you

1746
01:26:24,880 --> 01:26:27,920
want to support this podcast, and in fact, we're going

1747
01:26:28,000 --> 01:26:31,239
to do some Patreon only questions. I think we are

1748
01:26:31,680 --> 01:26:34,520
in a separate segment which you would be able to

1749
01:26:34,560 --> 01:26:36,800
watch if you were a Patreon member, But if you're not,

1750
01:26:37,039 --> 01:26:41,720
then bummer for you. Go to patreon dot com slash

1751
01:26:41,800 --> 01:26:43,800
Holly Randall and filter it if you want to change that,

1752
01:26:43,960 --> 01:26:47,119
which you should. And uh yeah, thank you so much

1753
01:26:47,199 --> 01:26:50,600
for interviewing me, Thank you guys for listening, Thank you

1754
01:26:50,680 --> 01:26:50,880
guys

1755
01:26:50,920 --> 01:26:53,479
Speaker 2: For your support, and we'll see you on the next one.