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Speaker 1: Twelve. It had no value to him other than it

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gave him something to do all day long. The summer

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had been an unmercifully and overbearingly hot one. The coal shaft,

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even several feet under the ground, provided none of its

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typical cooling, and the trees that surrounded the hole where

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he lived gave their usual shade, but they also seemed

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to enclose him in a cell where no breezes were permitted. Everywhere,

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whether above or below ground, seemed to be trying to

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deprive him of breath that he didn't have to struggle for.

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Moving about to try and find even a temporary acceptable

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existence was a constant and exhausting chore. But lying perfectly

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still while he tried to wait the worst out only

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afforded him the opportunity to lie in a wash of

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his own sweat and smell the ever growing stink coming

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from his damp body. It was at the pool where

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he had come up with the idea. The pool had

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supplied him with water every day for more than fifteen years.

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The pool was also a draw to the animals that

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he snared each day for his daily meal. He would

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not have survived a week, much less more than fifteen

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years without it, and aside from the coal shaft, it

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was about the only thing he could think of to

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be thankful for. But it was small, not so much

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larger than a pot that his mother always used for

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making soap, in large enough to give him ample water,

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but small enough that it wasn't so much of a

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job for him to break all the ice away with

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the rifle barrel when it froze over. A few times

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each winter, in just bare feet and trousers, he went

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again to the pool with the sole purpose of lying

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on his stomach in the leaves and splashing water on

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his face every time he grew warm. He expected to

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be there all day and possibly well into the evening.

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It was much too warm to think about eating something

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directly off the fire. He did not recognize the man

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staring back at him. He knew who he was, because

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he just knew, but he did not recognize him. With

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sweat inching down the sides of his face, Reuben continued

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to gaze at the surface of the water. So far

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as he knew, it was the first time that he

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had looked upon his own image since before leaving the

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battlefield in Maryland. It was a shocking and disturbing ghost

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of a man that stared back at him. His first

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thought had been accusingly of this place and what it

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had done to him, the man looking back from the

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surface of the pool, with his long and matted gray

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hair and beard, the sunken cheeks and the vacant eyes,

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the deep lines and crevices marking a once smooth and

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fair face. This place had he done this to him.

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It had isolated him and ravaged him little by little

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over the past decade and a half. But then he

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thrust his hand into the water so that he could

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splash some one into his face in order to cool

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it and to make the other man disappear. He didn't

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ever want to see him again. But the heat displaced

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for just a moment, and droplets of water falling from

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his beard. He thought about this place and knew that

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he had been wrong earlier. This place had not done

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these terrible things to him. This place had sheltered him

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and provided for him. It had taken him in even

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knowing that he was an embarrassment and a disappointment. He

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was a coward, a coward that had betrayed the trust

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of the men that he had sworn to stand beside,

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and that had stood beside him. He was a man

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that had turned his back on all that he had

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been taught growing up about honor and faithfulness, and still

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this place had won welcomed him. When he had sat

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weeping on so many nights over the loneliness his heart

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felt for the one who had said that she would

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love him forever. This place had offered him warmth and

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a dry place to lay as the tears dried and

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sleep finally came. Blaming what he had seen on anything

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other than himself was just as cowardly as running from

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the battlefield had been. It was he who had brought

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all of this about to himself, and the blame could

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be laid nowhere else but at his own feet. If

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he had stayed, like all those thousands who had been

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just as scared as he had been, had stayed, then

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perhaps he would have died as he had been afraid

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of doing. But at least he would have rested in

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peace and rested honorably instead of enduring a living death

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each day. And now the days would be worse now

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that he knew what he looked like, not pleasing to

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behold neither inside nor outside anymore. It was the heat

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that pulled him from his dark thoughts. He had changed.

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The image on the surface of the pool had proven that,

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but the heat had not, and it was still stifling.

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He lay still, aside from the splashing of water onto

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his face every couple of minutes, and he forced his

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mind to become empty. It seemed there were no good

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thoughts left to be had in this world. Then it

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occurred to him to how relaxing it would be if

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he could just sit down in the pool, like he

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had in the place that was walled out large enough

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for him to swim a little in back home when

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he had been a child. He opened his eyes and

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allowed all the gold and purple specks brought on by

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the bright white sun to disappear. The pool as it

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sat was much too small to get in, and even

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if he could, it would not be a relaxing way

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of reclining. But if the pool were enlarged a bit,

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that would be altogether different. He reached his hand over

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the edge and grasp a handful of sodden dirt and

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moss that seemed to be forming the rim, and was

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surprised at how easily it pulled away with just a

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tug from his hand. He was sure that farther away

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from the water, the ground would be less inclined to

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let go, But he wasn't intent on fashioning a lake,

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so he gave no worry to what might be. Handful

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After handful, he pulled and threw across the pool into

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the surrounding trees, and then abruptly stopped. The water had

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become murky and cloudy as a result of his ministrations.

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He heaved himself up from the ground and went back

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to the coal shaft. He should have thought earlier to

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fill his canteen with clean water before doing as he had.

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There was a trickle from the spring a few yards

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up from the pool, but it was harder to fill

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the canteen from there. He would allow the water to

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settle and clear, and then he would plenish his water

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supply and began again. The following afternoon. He had enlarged

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the pool in width and length enough to sit in

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it comfortably, but it was still too shallow. Well, that

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was the bad news. The good news was that digging

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out the death could be done while sitting in the

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cool water. Sitting in the water came almost to the

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tops of his thighs. Lying on his back, it barely

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reached his hips. But it was cooler in the water

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no matter how he was positioned, and he made no

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great efforts to grab handfuls of leaves or muck from

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the bottom. He would extract a handful and toss it

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over the side, and then use his fingertips to drizzle

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the water over his chest. After a couple of minutes,

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he would pull a bit more up and toss it away.

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The rubon was not on a mission. He was content

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and labored only in the pool when he felt the urge. However,

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just as he was about to let go of a handful,

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a glitter caught his eyes attention, and he clamped down

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hard with his fingers before it could be thrown into

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the foliage. Perhaps it had been part of a brightly

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colored leaf that had tumbled down during the fall of

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the year and somehow managed to avoid the right process.

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Perhaps it had been the shell of something like a

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crawdad or a snail that had caught the light just so.

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But when his fingertip flicked away all the slimy debris,

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what was left was a nugget made of pure gold.

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The size of a musket's mini ball. Most would have

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examined and adored it for a moment, and then replaced

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it securely on the bank before plunging both hands up

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to the elbows back into the muck in search of

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more Reuben Miller wasn't like most people, though. He washed

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it thoroughly so he could admire it and all its splendor,

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and then he tossed it over onto his trousers, where

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it rolled off into the leaves. He reminded himself to

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make sure and relocate it before he left for the evening.

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He very much wanted to see how it glittered and

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brightened when illuminated by the firelight. He continued to deepen

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the pool, but only whenever the mood struck him. He did, however,

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take glances through the muck before simply throwing it into

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the trees and scrub it. Became something to do, and

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that was something he hadn't had in a long while.

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Over the following two weeks, the pool grew deeper, and

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his comfort level in the pool was considerably higher, and

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one of the two bowls that he had carved years

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ago now held more than two pounds of gold nuggets. Chips, flakes,

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and dust. He didn't have a pan of any kind,

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so the usual method of extracting gold, specks and dust

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from the mud wasn't available to him. But the other

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bowl was. Each evening before leaving the pool, he would

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fill the bowl full of mud and then return it

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to the coal shaft, where he would empty the black

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contents onto the rocks that surrounded his firepit to dry,

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and the next morning he would scrape the dried material

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from the rocks into his palm, and with the tip

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of his knife, he would separate the dirt from the gold.

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It was a tedious and mind numbing exercise, but he

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had nowhere to go, and he was in no hurry

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to build up his riches. Others would have torn down

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half the hardwood ridge to collect more, but others had

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things they could spend the wealth on in places that

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they could go to spend the wealth, and Reuben hadn't either.

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To Ruben, collecting the gold was the same as whittling

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or bird watching, just a new way of filling in

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the hours between when he awoke and when he laid

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down again. He was thankful for finding the gold, but

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not for the same reasons that others would have been.

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On occasion before he could stop it from happening. His

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mind would wonder, and he would begin to think of

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all that he could do with his newfound wealth. Not

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a large one, because the years had taught him how

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very little he needed to be sheltered and comfortable, but

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a fine house somewhere with a porch that caught the

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rising sun. He wouldn't mind having one of those on

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a lot with grass, and a picturesque town somewhere, a

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town with an eatery that served meals on tables with

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white tablecloths and kept plenty of cool buttermilk chilling in

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the spring house. He didn't think that he would ever

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want to prepare another meal for himself if it could

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be helped. But not that being wealthy made and want

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to have people serving him. He was just tired of

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killing and cooking his own food. A piece or two

201
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of fried chicken a couple of times a week wouldn't

202
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go down badly either, and skewered robins and woodpeckers roasted

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over a coal fire were not the same thing. Owning

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more than one pair of pants and two shirts per

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year wouldn't be bad. Sometimes it seemed as if his

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clothes didn't even need him in them to stand up

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on their own. Pants that weren't full of holes all

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the time would be nice. He was always dripping rabbit

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or possum blood as he prepared a supper for cooking,

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and the blood always managed to fall on the parts

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of his pants where his bony legs showed through pants

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that covered his legs entirely all the time. Well, he

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wouldn't feel awkward walking to the cafe and pants like

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that once every couple of weeks. Walking down to the

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barbering shop would be something to look forward to and

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not minding sitting on the bench and waiting his turn,

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because other men would be there and they would be

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telling stories about how well a particular pair of dogs

219
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had worked during a quell hunt, or whether red worms

220
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or night crawlers had been the preferred bait. On their

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last visit to the river to do some fishing for

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blue channel catfish, he would make sure that he had

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located into one of those towns that had a center,

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one of those places right in the middle of town

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where they had a nice little stage or platform built,

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and sometimes during the warm months when the weather was agreeable,

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folks would go up on it and play music and

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have singings. He had heard from some that he had

229
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served with that there were towns like that, and back

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in Marion, the Seilers each spring would straighten their place

231
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up and throw a barn dance, and that was fun.

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But he'd never seen a singing right in the middle

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of town before. He'd heard lots of singing, but it

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had always been in a church house, and they do

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more than frown on dancing there. All of that had

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an undeniable appeal, but it would never come to pass.

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And Reuben thought, as he stared at the goal that

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was slowly sifting through his fingers, you have to go

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to a town like that before you can live in

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a town like that, And going anywhere was out of

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the question. He couldn't leave this place until he knew

242
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for sure that the war was indeed finally over with,

243
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,360
and he would never know that if he never left

244
00:14:07,399 --> 00:14:11,240
this place. It was a bit of a snake eating

245
00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:14,879
its own tail sort of affair. And even if he

246
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,000
did somehow discovered that there had been a secession to

247
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,679
the fighting and that everyone had shaken hands and made up,

248
00:14:22,159 --> 00:14:24,600
he would never know if a man was just looking

249
00:14:24,639 --> 00:14:28,120
at him wrong, or was eyeballing him to identify him.

250
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:32,279
He was safe here, and he was secure here, but

251
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:36,600
he was also trapped here. Thinking any way other than

252
00:14:36,679 --> 00:14:41,159
permanent residence here was just foolishness that gained him nothing

253
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:46,360
other than sadness. Besides, what good would it do him

254
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,759
to go to a town like he had conjured up?

255
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,759
Even if he could get there and set up housekeeping.

256
00:14:52,639 --> 00:14:55,759
All the money he could carry might buy him something

257
00:14:55,879 --> 00:14:59,039
to wear other than rags, and it might put good

258
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,440
food in his belly. But when he went back home afterwards,

259
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,000
he would be walking alone, and the house would be

260
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:09,120
dark when he arrived there. Those things would not bring

261
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,799
him happiness. The one thing that would was days and

262
00:15:12,919 --> 00:15:16,720
days of walking away and probably mourning over an empty

263
00:15:16,759 --> 00:15:20,279
grave if she remembered him at all. That was a

264
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,919
new thought. He shook the gold dust from his hand

265
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,039
back into the crude bowl and sat back to ponder

266
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,759
all these years with nothing for companionship save his own thoughts,

267
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:37,360
And still he could have a new one now and again. Well,

268
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,600
that took him by surprise. Of late, he had begun

269
00:15:40,679 --> 00:15:43,279
to think that he had used up all his allotment

270
00:15:43,399 --> 00:15:47,639
of original thoughts. And while the revelation was heartening, the

271
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:52,240
subject was less so, simply because not a day in

272
00:15:52,279 --> 00:15:54,960
more than fifteen years had passed that he had not

273
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,840
thought of her and all that was to have been

274
00:15:58,679 --> 00:16:00,919
it did not mean that she had passed her time

275
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:05,840
in the same way. It was a sobering and dreadful notion,

276
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:10,279
but one he could not blame her for. Old Man

277
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:14,799
Whitlow remarried two weeks after his Eynez took her last breath,

278
00:16:15,279 --> 00:16:17,960
But he and Story were to have been different from

279
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:22,000
those around them. What they had formed was stronger than

280
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,919
log chains. At least that was the way he had

281
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:28,200
always thought of the bond. She had been young and

282
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,639
beautiful when he had walked away to fight in a

283
00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:34,240
war that neither of them truly understood, and while there

284
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,320
were deep concerns on both of their parts, it was

285
00:16:37,399 --> 00:16:40,720
her hope and his intention to walk that same road

286
00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:44,440
back to her one day. But because he had not

287
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,679
done that, had he had the right to expect her

288
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,720
to grow old and maybe not so beautiful while she

289
00:16:50,799 --> 00:16:55,200
waited alone. Nothing had ever pleased Reuben so much as

290
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:59,360
seeing Starry smile. It was her happiness that made him happy.

291
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:03,000
Shouldn't he be sitting in his burrow, hoping that she

292
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,039
found a way to be happy, after finally realizing that

293
00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:10,440
he was never coming back to her. No, he said aloud,

294
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,519
storry is to be happy, but only because I am

295
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:17,599
near to her. That was the vow that we made

296
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:21,119
to each other. Never once have I forsaken her or

297
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,519
forgotten to think of her in all these many years.

298
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:28,279
I know Story better than any one. I know she

299
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,519
has kept her promise and has done the same. No

300
00:17:31,599 --> 00:17:36,200
one was ever so true as story. Reuben felt better

301
00:17:36,319 --> 00:17:45,039
after reminding himself of that fact. Thirteen the musky dines

302
00:17:45,079 --> 00:17:47,559
were ripening in The basket that he had woven from

303
00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:51,519
oak splits and lined with fur was nearly full, but

304
00:17:51,599 --> 00:17:54,279
he flung it aside and threw himself into the nearest

305
00:17:54,279 --> 00:17:57,200
depression in the ground, and he held his breath as

306
00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,680
he listened. The horse that he had heard was close,

307
00:18:01,599 --> 00:18:04,079
not a few trees away and loping down the ridge,

308
00:18:04,079 --> 00:18:07,440
but close enough to hear. At least, he believed the

309
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,000
sound to have come from a horse. He listened intently

310
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,960
for a repeat of the sound. If he heard it again,

311
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,880
he was almost sure that he would be able to

312
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:21,559
verify his assessment. Or stand corrected. He just needed to

313
00:18:21,599 --> 00:18:25,599
hear it again to know there was a sound. Or

314
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,480
he thought that maybe he had heard something he wasn't

315
00:18:28,559 --> 00:18:31,960
sure about the latest possible noise, And then it reached

316
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:36,079
his ears again. The horse sound, not the possible other thing.

317
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,480
It was almost definitely the sound a horse makes when

318
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:44,799
it screams, either from terror or pain. Some don't know

319
00:18:44,839 --> 00:18:48,440
that horses can scream, but they can. He had heard

320
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,640
them do it often enough when he had still been

321
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:54,559
in the ranks. The horses are tough and strong, just

322
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:57,480
like men are tough and strong, but both will scream

323
00:18:57,559 --> 00:19:01,599
under the right circumstances. He had heard the screams of

324
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,759
both often enough, and the screaming had been one of

325
00:19:04,799 --> 00:19:08,759
the deciding factors in his decision to run away. He

326
00:19:08,839 --> 00:19:12,319
began to listen even harder, not for the sound again,

327
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,440
so as to identify it. He now knew what he

328
00:19:15,519 --> 00:19:18,240
had heard. Now he needed to hear it again so

329
00:19:18,319 --> 00:19:21,960
he could know where it was coming from. Sounds here

330
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:26,079
bounce off trees and stone and the ridges themselves. Yet

331
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:29,240
to listen closely else the sounds would send you off

332
00:19:29,279 --> 00:19:32,759
in all directions. Owing to how noises swirl around here,

333
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,920
it fell on his ears again, only softer and weaker, perhaps,

334
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,160
but enough that Reuben thought he knew from where now.

335
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:46,039
The leaves made no sound as he walked. Today had

336
00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:48,079
been the first day that he had awoken out of

337
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,759
the past six that it hadn't been raining. It hadn't

338
00:19:51,759 --> 00:19:54,519
been a heavy downpour all of that time, but it

339
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,480
had been steady and constant. He had been afraid that

340
00:19:58,599 --> 00:20:01,240
all the rain might have washed the musky dines from

341
00:20:01,279 --> 00:20:03,880
their vines, but it was still early enough in the

342
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,559
season that they held on strong. It was why he

343
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,480
had rushed to pick them up as soon as he

344
00:20:09,519 --> 00:20:12,480
had seen that the rain had stopped. He used to

345
00:20:12,519 --> 00:20:14,920
pick them every year as a boy for his mother

346
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:20,799
to make jelly, just as he did with blackberries and crabapples. Obviously,

347
00:20:20,839 --> 00:20:24,039
he couldn't preserve the ones he picked now in any way,

348
00:20:24,839 --> 00:20:27,440
but they were sweet and good for eating straight from

349
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,200
the basket, so long as it was done in moderation.

350
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:34,640
Enough would induce scours, and he neither wanted or needed that.

351
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,880
The sound of the distressed animal came to him again,

352
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,920
and it was unmistakably weaker than before, but he believed

353
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:47,200
himself to still be walking in the correct direction. It

354
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:51,000
made sense the direction he was traveling. The sounds he

355
00:20:51,079 --> 00:20:53,720
was curious about were leading him toward the road that

356
00:20:53,799 --> 00:20:56,839
he sometimes watched as he sat with his back against

357
00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:00,839
a tree. If a horse was to be anywhere near here,

358
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,400
it was logical that it would be in the proximity

359
00:21:03,559 --> 00:21:07,160
of the road. There was no certainty. He was simply

360
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,279
guessing about things as each tidbit of information revealed itself.

361
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:14,000
But since he now believed he knew exactly where the

362
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:17,119
horse was, Reuben felt that he could walk a little

363
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:21,440
faster and with less caution. He wanted to see what

364
00:21:21,599 --> 00:21:24,319
was going on. It had been a very long time

365
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:28,200
since anything of note had occurred. This must have been

366
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,240
how I felt as a sprout when the traveling side

367
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,559
shows would come through and my father would take me

368
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:37,559
to see them, he thought. It took a few moments

369
00:21:37,599 --> 00:21:40,599
to decipher what he was looking at. The jumble that

370
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:45,039
filled his eyes was disorganized and messy and not immediately discernible.

371
00:21:46,079 --> 00:21:49,240
The horse screamed again. It was a weak scream, and

372
00:21:49,279 --> 00:21:52,079
there would be very few more unless something was done

373
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:55,640
in quick order. The other sound that he had heard

374
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,680
came again, also, and it was weaker than that of

375
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:03,720
the animal, several somethings needed doing, or all would be

376
00:22:03,759 --> 00:22:07,640
silent soon. Reuben inched up a few feet for a

377
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,119
better look and sat down on the wet leaves while

378
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,720
he took it all in and gave what was before

379
00:22:12,759 --> 00:22:17,160
him some thought. All the days of constant rain had

380
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,079
done more than prevented Reuben from going out to pull

381
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,759
wild fruit from vines. He supposed that he might have

382
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,839
considered a few of the hardship's people that lived in

383
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,960
the real world might be struggling through at the same time,

384
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,599
if he had given any time to thinking about it.

385
00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:36,119
But he had not done that. He tried hard not

386
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,240
to think about the world that he was no longer

387
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,160
part of if it could be avoided. So among all

388
00:22:42,279 --> 00:22:44,960
things that he had not considered as he sat by

389
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:48,240
his fire during those days of constant rain was the

390
00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:51,680
beating the roads were taking because of the current conditions.

391
00:22:53,079 --> 00:22:57,480
The road just yards below him had suffered greatly. It

392
00:22:57,599 --> 00:23:00,759
never had been used heavily, so it was prepared for

393
00:23:00,799 --> 00:23:04,799
the assault. The once mediocre road was now little more

394
00:23:04,839 --> 00:23:09,200
than a winding brown strip of bog and slop. Maybe

395
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,079
the wagon had been too heavily laden, or had been

396
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,680
loaded improperly, or had been trying to take the slightly

397
00:23:15,759 --> 00:23:21,240
more than gradual curve too quickly. Reuben neither knew nor cared.

398
00:23:22,279 --> 00:23:24,599
All that was certain was that a few yards away

399
00:23:24,759 --> 00:23:27,279
a wagon was more off the road than it was

400
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,440
on it, and a chubby, balding fellow of advancing years

401
00:23:31,559 --> 00:23:34,799
was trapped underneath it, and the horse that pulled it

402
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:38,039
was too exhausted from fighting the mud to regain its feet.

403
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,000
The horse was still in the harness, but it was

404
00:23:42,039 --> 00:23:44,599
on his knees and sliding more to its side with

405
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:48,599
each passing minute. A rear wheel had slid, and now

406
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,279
the older man was wedged between it and the mud.

407
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,400
He was flat on his back, and the strength of

408
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,640
his arms were all that was keeping the wheel from

409
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,759
pinning him. Worse, his strength was failing, would soon be

410
00:24:00,799 --> 00:24:05,119
gone completely, and if a man of even nominal strength

411
00:24:05,279 --> 00:24:07,519
was to pull back on the wheel, even just a

412
00:24:07,559 --> 00:24:10,880
couple of inches, the older man could slide his bulbous

413
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:15,039
body out of harm's way. Then the horse could be loosed,

414
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:17,920
and it might not stand up instantly, but the wagon

415
00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:20,680
was going to continue to slide, and the animal would

416
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,680
be left free to wallow and thrash as it liked

417
00:24:23,759 --> 00:24:28,599
until it was able to again stand. Reuben saw how

418
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,759
all of this could be done with only a few

419
00:24:30,799 --> 00:24:34,079
moments of effort. He rubbed his chin and then thrust

420
00:24:34,079 --> 00:24:37,480
his hands into his trouser pockets as he strolled down

421
00:24:37,519 --> 00:24:42,400
to the wreckage. The man under the wagon actually started

422
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,759
crying when he saw Reuben walk up and stand beside

423
00:24:45,799 --> 00:24:49,240
the wheel. The older man couldn't wipe the tears from

424
00:24:49,319 --> 00:24:51,839
his eyes without turning loose to the wheel, and that

425
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,279
couldn't happen. He would have immediately been in worse shape

426
00:24:55,319 --> 00:24:58,720
than he was already in the tears of hope and

427
00:24:58,839 --> 00:25:02,680
joy rolled down his dirt round cheeks. I've never been

428
00:25:02,759 --> 00:25:06,039
happier to see a man in my entire life. I

429
00:25:06,079 --> 00:25:08,720
don't know how or why you happened up just now,

430
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,000
and now I'm eternally grateful that you did. The older

431
00:25:12,039 --> 00:25:16,440
man wheezed out. The voice was strained and barely above

432
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,720
a whisper, but still Reuben flinched and took a half

433
00:25:19,799 --> 00:25:23,680
step backwards. It had been the first voice he had

434
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:29,119
heard other than his own in almost sixteen years. Why

435
00:25:29,759 --> 00:25:33,240
why are you so glad to see me? Reuben said softly,

436
00:25:33,319 --> 00:25:37,640
and slowly. The man tried chuckling, but the wagon slid

437
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,559
another inch and cut off just that much more air

438
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,319
that he needed. As you can clearly see, I've gotten

439
00:25:44,319 --> 00:25:48,960
myself into rather a spot of bother. My wagon threatened

440
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,680
to sidle into the ditch as we began the curve.

441
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,200
I was doing my best to keep it pushed up

442
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,519
the hill while Jake kept pulling forward. And I think

443
00:25:57,559 --> 00:26:01,000
we were doing well until I slipped and fell. I

444
00:26:01,039 --> 00:26:04,119
hollered when I did, and it startled poor Jake. And

445
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,079
you can see what has become of us. We've been

446
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,440
here for some time and are more than ready to

447
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,599
be free of the situation. Now that you are here,

448
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,960
perhaps we can remedy all of this before long. The

449
00:26:16,039 --> 00:26:20,480
old man said, Oh, you mean that we could if

450
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:26,440
I help you, Ruben said, A dark, confused expression clouded

451
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:30,480
over the man's face when he heard Reuben's words. Why

452
00:26:30,599 --> 00:26:33,960
I do not understand you have to help me. I

453
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:38,519
will surely die if you don't. The older man said, yes,

454
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,160
you surely will, but no, I do not have to help. You.

455
00:26:43,039 --> 00:26:47,079
Always be accurate with your words. Less than that leads

456
00:26:47,079 --> 00:26:52,200
to misunderstandings. My father taught me that Now do be

457
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,279
hushed for a time. It has been a while since

458
00:26:55,319 --> 00:26:59,000
I've looked at shop goods. I much desire to see

459
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,559
what the world is claimed for these days, Ruben said,

460
00:27:02,599 --> 00:27:04,799
as he turned toward the back of the wagon and

461
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:09,400
what used to be the road. The wagon contains nothing

462
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:13,720
but women's clothing. It is what I deliver. Stores order

463
00:27:13,799 --> 00:27:17,240
them from the catalogs, and I deliver them. I'm just

464
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,799
over at Hamilton making a delivery. Anyone there can vouch

465
00:27:20,839 --> 00:27:24,880
for me, the older man said. I have no need

466
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,839
of others to aid me in making up my own mind.

467
00:27:28,279 --> 00:27:30,519
And I told you to be quiet for a while,

468
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,160
Ruben said, before he disappeared from the old man's view.

469
00:27:35,599 --> 00:27:38,400
The old man hollered when the wagon grown and shifted

470
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:42,799
as Ruben climbed up into the bed. Get hell. I

471
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:47,519
cannot breathe, he managed to utter. Ruben heard him, but

472
00:27:47,559 --> 00:27:50,680
he kept looking through the parcels and the wagon. A

473
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,599
wooden box under the seat held a fry pan, a

474
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:57,000
couple of tin cups, and a small assortment of utensils.

475
00:27:58,079 --> 00:28:01,119
Ruben fastened the latch securely on the box and allowed

476
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:03,240
it to fall over the side of the wagon into

477
00:28:03,279 --> 00:28:06,839
the mud. Obviously, the man had been telling the truth

478
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:10,039
about what he did for a living. There was naught

479
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,200
in the wagon aside from ladies where the wagon jiggled

480
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:17,599
when Rubin jumped over the side onto the road, and

481
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,279
the man squealed from the fright it gave him. If

482
00:28:21,319 --> 00:28:24,240
it's money that you're looking for, there's none among my

483
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:27,039
things in the wagon. I have eight dollars in my

484
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,640
coat pocket, which you are more than welcome to if

485
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,720
you will assist me, the older man said in a

486
00:28:32,799 --> 00:28:37,400
hurried fashion. The money could be mine whether I assist

487
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,359
you or not, but I have no need of eight dollars,

488
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,160
Ruben said, as he walked by the man and headed

489
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:47,559
toward the front of the wagon. The old man listened

490
00:28:47,759 --> 00:28:50,880
as the less than helpful Samaritan pulled something from the

491
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:54,480
wagon's seat. He knew what it was being, as there

492
00:28:54,519 --> 00:28:58,000
was only one item up there. Ruben held the rifle

493
00:28:58,039 --> 00:29:02,279
out at arm's length and studied it. The shiny brass

494
00:29:02,279 --> 00:29:06,400
plate on the shoulder stock red given with sincere appreciation

495
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:12,880
to William Sanders' honored friend and hero. Well, this is

496
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:17,599
a fine piece of workmanship. My father owned the same make,

497
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,880
but it wasn't near as nice as this one. How

498
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,680
did you come by a weapon so nice as this one?

499
00:29:24,119 --> 00:29:27,920
Would you be William Sanders, Ruben asked as he walked

500
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,319
back to the man lying on the ground. The man

501
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,960
tried twice before he was able to manage making himself heard.

502
00:29:36,039 --> 00:29:38,960
I am William Saunders, and that rifle was given to

503
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:43,079
me as a gesture of appreciation and gratitude some years back.

504
00:29:43,839 --> 00:29:45,759
It is all that I own, and it is dear

505
00:29:45,799 --> 00:29:48,519
to me, not because of what it is, but because

506
00:29:48,519 --> 00:29:52,519
of the people who gifted it to me. Saunders said, Well,

507
00:29:52,519 --> 00:29:55,640
the writing says that you are an honored friend and hero.

508
00:29:56,079 --> 00:30:00,200
How did you manage to become that? Ruben asked, It's

509
00:30:00,279 --> 00:30:05,440
not important, Sanders said. Saunders's face was turning shades of

510
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,920
red and purple as he continued to struggle to keep

511
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,440
the full weight of the wagon wheel from bearing down

512
00:30:10,519 --> 00:30:15,160
upon him. Now, you just lied to me, or you

513
00:30:15,319 --> 00:30:18,599
lied earlier. You said this rifle was dear to you

514
00:30:18,759 --> 00:30:21,000
and that it was the only thing that you possessed.

515
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,920
You would have not have said that if it was

516
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,759
a mere trifle, and they would not have gifted this

517
00:30:26,799 --> 00:30:29,960
to you for no reason. I would be interested in

518
00:30:30,039 --> 00:30:33,759
hearing how one becomes a genuine hero, not to mention

519
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:38,680
an honored one at that, Reuben said, if you insist

520
00:30:38,759 --> 00:30:42,000
on hearing. I was in a town in Kentucky several

521
00:30:42,079 --> 00:30:46,279
years ago. I had not long been started in this profession,

522
00:30:46,319 --> 00:30:49,279
where I traveled so much. I was making ready to

523
00:30:49,359 --> 00:30:53,319
depart when the chaos began over a calamity that had begun.

524
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,839
Some younger boys were doing nothing more than playing at

525
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,920
mischief when they managed to set the schoolhouse on fire.

526
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,920
Everyone was rushing for buckets of water when it was

527
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,440
discovered that some of the youngest girls had opted to

528
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,759
eat their noon meal indoors that day, and by the

529
00:31:09,799 --> 00:31:14,640
time anyone realized this, the building was burning greatly. No

530
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,640
one knew exactly what should be done, and parents were

531
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,200
running in from the town very much in a panic.

532
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:24,559
For years before taking on my current profession, I had

533
00:31:24,599 --> 00:31:28,279
been an apprentice to a blacksmith, and being so near

534
00:31:28,359 --> 00:31:31,119
to the extreme heat was something I was familiar with.

535
00:31:32,079 --> 00:31:33,960
I ran at the door of the school and forced

536
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,119
my way insight, and it was fortunate and that I

537
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,400
found all three girls in short order, and they were alive.

538
00:31:41,359 --> 00:31:43,799
One clung to my neck, and while I carried the

539
00:31:43,839 --> 00:31:46,240
other two back to the door, into the fresh air

540
00:31:46,279 --> 00:31:49,599
in safety. That is all there is to the story,

541
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:53,680
Saunders said. Reuben looked at the man under the wagon,

542
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:57,200
and then again at the rifle. Believe me when I

543
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,680
say this to you, for there is no jest of

544
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,920
any kind in my words. What you did was a

545
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,200
fine thing, and you are indeed deserving of their affection.

546
00:32:07,119 --> 00:32:09,559
You should have been honored, and you should feel pride

547
00:32:09,599 --> 00:32:13,839
in the action that you took that day. Reuben said, well,

548
00:32:14,039 --> 00:32:16,720
of honor you just as greatly if you will help

549
00:32:16,759 --> 00:32:20,359
me today. I own very little much of worth, but

550
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,440
all that I have is yours. If you will only

551
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:27,079
assist me for a moment, Sanders said, all that you

552
00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:29,799
have can be mine, whether I choose to dirty my

553
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:33,880
hands or not. Aside from a fry pan and this rifle,

554
00:32:34,319 --> 00:32:37,160
you have nothing I desire or need. That is not

555
00:32:37,279 --> 00:32:39,599
why I've decided to let you lay there and accept

556
00:32:39,599 --> 00:32:44,000
whatever the fates decree. I live a rather isolated life,

557
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,039
and perhaps only by an innocent slip of the tongue,

558
00:32:47,559 --> 00:32:50,039
you will one day relate the story of your salvation

559
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,880
to someone. Now that I cannot allow, William Sanders, I'm

560
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,440
going to take your fry pan and this rifle, along

561
00:32:57,599 --> 00:33:01,200
with your possible bag and horn of powder. But before

562
00:33:01,279 --> 00:33:04,759
I leave, I will wish you a speedy and painless passing.

563
00:33:05,519 --> 00:33:08,200
You deserve better than to die in the mud. You

564
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,640
did a great and fine thing back then, and I

565
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:14,359
hope that golden crown full of stars await you. I

566
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,240
do not think you will wait long before you see it.

567
00:33:17,319 --> 00:33:22,079
Ruben said, So you truly are going to take from

568
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:25,480
me my few meager possessions and then leave me to die.

569
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:30,079
Sanders asked, yes, I am. I wish it were not so,

570
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:34,400
but it is how it must be, Ruben said. Sanders

571
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,000
was struggling more and more for each breath, but he

572
00:33:37,079 --> 00:33:40,039
was also angry, though he was trying to mask it

573
00:33:40,119 --> 00:33:44,440
with confusion. I do not understand why must it be

574
00:33:44,559 --> 00:33:47,640
this way. If the roles were reversed and I had

575
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:49,920
found you in this position, I would have helped you

576
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:54,039
all that I could. Sanders said, I have no doubt

577
00:33:54,079 --> 00:33:56,400
that your words are true ones, and I believe that

578
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,400
no matter who was dying in the Mud, you would

579
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:02,279
attempt to assist them. But I am not you. If

580
00:34:02,319 --> 00:34:04,519
I help you, then one day it will get out

581
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,759
that I did, and it will become known that I exist.

582
00:34:08,119 --> 00:34:10,880
Maybe it will be of no consequence, but I cannot

583
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:15,079
afford to take that chance. If I pilfer through your

584
00:34:15,159 --> 00:34:18,800
wagon extensively and then you are found, it will appear

585
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,960
that some manner of road agent fell upon you, and

586
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,800
the search for me will begin and will not likely end.

587
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:29,760
I can't have that happening either. The same would happen

588
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,960
if I did the merciful thing and ended your suffering quickly,

589
00:34:33,679 --> 00:34:36,039
your body would be found and the hunt would begin.

590
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,679
And if I leave you as I found you, your

591
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:42,079
death will be marked as an unfortunate accident, and that

592
00:34:42,119 --> 00:34:45,280
will be the end of it. Likely you will receive

593
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,320
a proper burial out of it, as someone travels this

594
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:52,400
road every couple of days. Reuben said this before he

595
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:57,119
turned to walk once more into the trees. Well you

596
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:01,039
do meet one kindness, Sanders asked, Will you do me

597
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:06,480
just one and what would that be? Reuben asked, will

598
00:35:06,519 --> 00:35:09,320
you remove the tact from my good horse Jake, so

599
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,440
that he might gain his footing and rise again. He's

600
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,199
a good horse and has done nothing to earn a needless,

601
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:19,679
suffering death. Sanders said, you are right. He is just

602
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:22,639
an animal that does not deserve this. But when you

603
00:35:22,679 --> 00:35:25,760
were found but your animal is not, then it will

604
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,239
be assumed that someone saw your misfortune as an easy

605
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:33,360
opportunity to steal your horse. Men who still horses are

606
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,119
looked upon less favorably than those who would leave you

607
00:35:36,159 --> 00:35:39,199
to die in the mud. I'm sorry, but for my

608
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,480
own sense of well being, I'm afraid that poor old

609
00:35:42,599 --> 00:35:46,440
Jake must suffer the same fate as his master. My

610
00:35:46,559 --> 00:35:49,079
life would be upended if I were to supply either

611
00:35:49,159 --> 00:35:52,519
of you with help. Good day, William Sanders, it was

612
00:35:52,559 --> 00:35:55,599
an honor to meet you. We will not see each

613
00:35:55,599 --> 00:36:00,280
other again, Reuben said, just before he disappeared into the tree.

614
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,760
Reuben forced himself not to look back at the wreckage

615
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,920
he had walked away from. In the days to come,

616
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,159
he would just adamantly force himself not to return to

617
00:36:11,199 --> 00:36:14,039
the point on the hardwood ridge from where he could

618
00:36:14,079 --> 00:36:18,400
see the road. Curiosity would grip him with iron like

619
00:36:18,559 --> 00:36:21,719
hands on occasion and beg him to go and see

620
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:25,440
if the bodies had yet been removed, or did they

621
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,800
still remain drying, even as the mud was drying around them.

622
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,519
He would not return to that place, not even to

623
00:36:32,559 --> 00:36:35,760
look from a distance. To do so would give him

624
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:39,280
the opening he needed to begin second guessing the decision

625
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,599
that he had made. He would not allow himself to

626
00:36:42,599 --> 00:36:45,840
do that either. He had done what needed to be

627
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:49,760
done in the name of self preservation. No man could

628
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:53,639
be condemned for doing that, not by his peers, and

629
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,840
certainly not by himself. He regretted having to make the

630
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,159
choice and the way that he had made it, but

631
00:37:00,199 --> 00:37:02,440
that did not mean that his decision had been the

632
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,920
wrong one. He regretted the way that he had chosen

633
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:09,199
to do many things during the past sixteen years, but

634
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,280
he was content in that he believed all those choices

635
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:17,239
to have been the correct ones. Many regret decisions they make,

636
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,199
and few can say that all they made had been

637
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:29,159
the right decision. He could say this fourteen The meat

638
00:37:29,199 --> 00:37:31,400
tasted better than any he had eaten in a very

639
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:35,480
long time. It had only been a yearling dough, small

640
00:37:35,599 --> 00:37:38,000
enough for him to have managed on to his shoulders

641
00:37:38,079 --> 00:37:40,119
so that he could move nearly a mile from where

642
00:37:40,119 --> 00:37:42,559
he had shot it before beginning to dress it out

643
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,840
lest someone nearby had heard the gun go off, but

644
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,000
still large enough to provide him with several days worth

645
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,639
of meat. The rifle that had once belonged to William

646
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:56,280
Sanders not only appeared fine to the eye, but it

647
00:37:56,400 --> 00:38:00,320
also shot accurately, and Reuben, having been a batter than

648
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:04,400
average marksmen in his younger days, used a quality firearm

649
00:38:04,519 --> 00:38:08,079
to bring down the deer in short order. It took

650
00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:10,039
the better part of the day for him to cook

651
00:38:10,039 --> 00:38:12,599
all the meat so that it wouldn't go bad, and

652
00:38:12,679 --> 00:38:16,639
to prepare the hide for stretching while it cured. Now

653
00:38:16,679 --> 00:38:19,239
the days could go on as usual, but now there

654
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:22,320
was meat set aside in case the snares fell on

655
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,360
hard times for a day or two, and at night

656
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,239
he would have a sizeable fur to drape over himself

657
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,760
while he slept. Compared to the way that he had

658
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:35,239
been getting by for more than sixteen years, he was

659
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:39,119
now enjoying being in the lap of luxury, far from

660
00:38:39,159 --> 00:38:41,920
what the kings of the countries are accustomed to, but

661
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:45,000
for someone who had spent almost half his life living

662
00:38:45,079 --> 00:38:48,480
underground in a coal vein, it was a marked step up.

663
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:52,280
He cut another of the ribs loose from the dough's

664
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:55,800
cage and sat back in his chabby rendition of a

665
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:59,440
chair to savor it. He had read as often as

666
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:02,119
he could when he had been a young man, before

667
00:39:02,159 --> 00:39:04,800
the war had changed him as it had changed no other.

668
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,400
A few hundred miles to the west, and then across

669
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:12,639
the Mississippi, or as the Algonquin Indians called it, the

670
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:16,599
Father of Waters. From there it would be a journey

671
00:39:16,599 --> 00:39:19,920
across the plains, and then his eyes would behold the rockies,

672
00:39:20,159 --> 00:39:23,880
just as Lewis and Clark had seen them. Surely no

673
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,119
one so far west would be apt to recognize him,

674
00:39:27,679 --> 00:39:30,679
And until he reached that place where east was indeed

675
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:34,159
separated from the west, he could be cautious and keep

676
00:39:34,159 --> 00:39:38,519
only to himself. Then he could disappear into those mountains.

677
00:39:39,159 --> 00:39:42,239
There he would be isolated as he was now, but

678
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,159
he would have the freedom to move about, hunt and

679
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:48,679
explore as he wished, maybe even build a small proper

680
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:53,800
cabin to live in, begin to once again live. Existing

681
00:39:54,159 --> 00:39:57,760
was what he was doing now, existing until the inevitable

682
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,639
time that he no longer did the he would already

683
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:04,400
be buried. This place that he thought of as a

684
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:09,159
sheltering and providing home was really just a tomb a grave.

685
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:13,039
They hadn't filled in yet, and each day that he

686
00:40:13,119 --> 00:40:15,800
awoke he found himself a little more dead than he

687
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,440
had been the day before. But it would not have

688
00:40:18,559 --> 00:40:21,280
to continue, not if he was in a place like

689
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:25,320
the Rockies. Anytime that he liked, he could eat elk

690
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,079
liver for supper, and then go and rinse the grease

691
00:40:28,119 --> 00:40:30,840
from his fingers in the clear, cool streams that were

692
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:34,800
full of trout. He could live there unmolested by the locals,

693
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:36,639
because he would make it clear to them that he

694
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:40,000
was only one man there to abide, with no intentions

695
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:43,119
of settling anything. For those that they had thought were

696
00:40:43,119 --> 00:40:46,599
to follow him, they would leave him alone, and he

697
00:40:46,639 --> 00:40:49,480
would do the same with them. And then, one day,

698
00:40:49,519 --> 00:40:52,320
when the winters pained his bones too much to stay,

699
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,679
he would continue moving west until he felt the warm

700
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:59,079
spray of an ocean in his face. He had never

701
00:40:59,079 --> 00:41:03,079
seen an ocean, only read about them. Some He thought

702
00:41:03,079 --> 00:41:05,719
it would be pleasurable to take up residence where the

703
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:08,280
water in front of him was so vast that the

704
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:12,400
far bank could not be seen. Perhaps hire himself on

705
00:41:12,519 --> 00:41:15,440
as part of a crew that sailed great ships across

706
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:19,079
the oceans to places that had never been written about.

707
00:41:19,599 --> 00:41:21,880
Perhaps he would even be one of those who chased

708
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:25,800
after a whale. He had seen drawings of the men

709
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:29,320
that worked on those ships, and from those depictions, it

710
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,920
appeared as if each and every one of them were

711
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:35,519
in the same boat as he was, or similar enough

712
00:41:35,639 --> 00:41:39,039
so that it didn't matter. He had to assume that

713
00:41:39,119 --> 00:41:41,159
some of the men that did that type of work

714
00:41:41,199 --> 00:41:43,719
were doing so because it had been a calling or

715
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:47,519
a lifelong dream, but the majority could easily have been

716
00:41:47,599 --> 00:41:51,760
marked as men who were escaping life. It's what he

717
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,239
would be doing if he set foot on a deck

718
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,800
and made his mark in the captain's ledger book. It

719
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,880
was such an easy way to fade into the backdrop

720
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:03,360
that he couldn't have been the first to do it.

721
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,840
He was only more or less thirty six years of age,

722
00:42:08,599 --> 00:42:10,760
and this life he had been living for more than

723
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:14,159
a decade and a half had made him strong of limb,

724
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:18,360
and deep winded. Once shown what his duties were, Reuben

725
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:22,400
believed himself as capable as any man, likely more so

726
00:42:22,599 --> 00:42:25,920
than most. In fear of holding his own in any

727
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,519
work didn't reside within him, but close quarters with men

728
00:42:29,559 --> 00:42:32,280
for months or perhaps years at a time would be

729
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:37,559
a situation to overcome. He remembered how loud and harsh

730
00:42:37,679 --> 00:42:40,239
the man that had been trapped underneath the wagon had

731
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:43,679
sounded when he spoke. It wasn't the man's voice or

732
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:46,880
tone that Reuben had found off putting. It had been

733
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:50,079
that he had spoken at all. He wondered if he

734
00:42:50,119 --> 00:42:52,920
could grow used to the constant chatter of men again.

735
00:42:53,639 --> 00:42:56,239
It had taken years to grow accustomed to the quiet.

736
00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:00,679
What would happen if he could not adjust to the opposite.

737
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,360
There would be no running away once he put to sea.

738
00:43:04,039 --> 00:43:06,440
And hadn't it been the noise that had compelled him

739
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:09,159
to run and find this sanctuary in the first place,

740
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,920
But that had been a different sort of noise altogether.

741
00:43:13,679 --> 00:43:16,679
Wouldn't that make a difference. It would have to, wouldn't it.

742
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:20,519
On board a ship there were bound to be the

743
00:43:20,599 --> 00:43:25,119
occasional butting of heads, differences of opinion that couldn't be ignored,

744
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,360
just a fraying of nerves for no reason other than

745
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:32,280
close confinement and constantly doing the same labors that had

746
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:36,360
been done since leaving port. Those were bound to grow

747
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:40,199
into heated arguments and even the swinging of fists periodically.

748
00:43:40,639 --> 00:43:43,320
But no matter what, it wouldn't be the same assault

749
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,559
on his senses that had caused him to flee the battlefield,

750
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,719
men left and right, day after day wouldn't be screaming

751
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,960
and dying because of what heinous pieces of flying burning

752
00:43:55,039 --> 00:43:59,320
lead had done to their bodies. Always, always, there was

753
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:02,800
the sound of musket fire and cannon fire, and above

754
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,719
it all were the voices ordering men to rush toward

755
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:09,559
it and even into it. That would not be on

756
00:44:09,639 --> 00:44:12,000
a ship. And at the end of the day, when

757
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,400
the labors were suspended for a few hours, while the

758
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:18,239
men were crawling into their box or gathering around a

759
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,840
table to play cards for match sticks, he could again

760
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,440
slink away and do as he had done on the

761
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:28,519
battlefield and go where the noise wasn't, find a place

762
00:44:28,559 --> 00:44:30,639
to sit on the deck while he heard naught but

763
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,280
the sails snapping as they filled, and the waves lapping

764
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:37,280
at the sides of the ship. And from that place

765
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,320
he would be able to lay his head back and

766
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,760
see the stars as they were meant to be seen,

767
00:44:43,079 --> 00:44:46,280
not through the branches of trees, and certainly not from

768
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,000
a hole in the ground, as a burrowing animal might

769
00:44:49,039 --> 00:44:53,239
see a larger world that surrounded his home. There on

770
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,239
deck of a ship, he could be himself, while connected

771
00:44:56,280 --> 00:45:00,320
to humanity, or at least a version of it. People

772
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,480
would be just a few steps away if he wished

773
00:45:02,519 --> 00:45:05,679
to talk, but that would only happen when he'd had

774
00:45:05,679 --> 00:45:09,039
his fill of looking at the starry sky, and from

775
00:45:09,079 --> 00:45:11,840
that place, as he ventured from one side of the

776
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:14,679
world to the other, he could wonder and hope that

777
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,639
his own story happened to have been unable to sleep

778
00:45:18,079 --> 00:45:21,920
and was herself looking up at the same time. There

779
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:25,519
would be a barely measurable satisfaction in knowing that they

780
00:45:25,559 --> 00:45:28,639
had at least connected again, if only by both of

781
00:45:28,679 --> 00:45:32,800
them taking a glance up at the same time. Could

782
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:36,719
a contentment or peace be found halfway around the world

783
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:40,559
that could not be found here, he wondered. At first

784
00:45:40,639 --> 00:45:44,239
he thought yes, but as he considered it deeper, he

785
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,920
was near certain that content and peaceful were feelings that

786
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:51,400
would never be afforded him. Being on the deck of

787
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,000
a ship and feeling the warm spray on his face

788
00:45:54,119 --> 00:45:56,920
might seem like all that was necessary to finally be

789
00:45:57,039 --> 00:46:00,679
at peace, but it would never happen, And even wishing

790
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:03,320
when he knew full well that it was nothing aside

791
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,280
from a wasted wish, and it made him hate his

792
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:11,599
reality even more. Once the infinite wisdom of the universe

793
00:46:11,639 --> 00:46:14,599
had shown him the pair of choices that lay before him,

794
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:18,800
and he had chosen at a different place, on a

795
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,159
different day, and at a different age. He might have

796
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:25,400
chosen otherwise, but the choice had indeed been made, and

797
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:29,519
the die was cast. Now the dealing with the aftermath

798
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:33,000
was all that remained, and it would remain each day

799
00:46:33,079 --> 00:46:35,400
until there were no more days to be granted him.

800
00:46:36,599 --> 00:46:38,960
He could run to whoever he chose, and no one,

801
00:46:39,039 --> 00:46:42,840
in no thing was stopping him from doing so. Once

802
00:46:43,039 --> 00:46:45,760
he had run, had run away from a thing that

803
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:49,639
had been successful. Now he was just as free to

804
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:51,920
run as he had been then. But he could no

805
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,719
longer run away from this thing that he was becoming

806
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,760
hateful of. He could only run to hate it in

807
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:01,079
a new place, a place that it likely wouldn't be

808
00:47:01,199 --> 00:47:06,039
so accommodating. Reuben realized that while his mind had wandered

809
00:47:06,079 --> 00:47:09,239
and realizations were being made known to him, he had

810
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,920
forgotten to chew. How long had he been sitting there

811
00:47:13,039 --> 00:47:15,880
thinking with a mouthful of meat, He did not know.

812
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,039
What he did know was that he had lost his

813
00:47:19,159 --> 00:47:22,679
desire to taste or swallow it. He threw the meat

814
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,320
covered bone that he was holding into the fire and

815
00:47:25,559 --> 00:47:29,000
spit the mouthful into the flames to follow it. He

816
00:47:29,119 --> 00:47:33,400
was sinking quickly into that place again, that bad place

817
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:37,000
where it seemed that light could never enter, that place

818
00:47:37,039 --> 00:47:40,000
where the darkness didn't take away your sight. It was

819
00:47:40,039 --> 00:47:42,760
the place where the darkness covered you and seeped into

820
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:46,000
you by way of your pores, and squeezed until you

821
00:47:46,119 --> 00:47:50,280
felt your soul dying. He had been there before on

822
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:54,440
numerous occasions. In fact, knowing that he would not die

823
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,480
when he went there brought no relief. It was still

824
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:01,079
a horrible thing to go through. The worst was knowing

825
00:48:01,119 --> 00:48:05,280
that he invited himself to go each time, things he

826
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:09,239
could have avoided or denied himself for the passage ticket.

827
00:48:09,679 --> 00:48:12,440
But for all the heart sick he had felt and

828
00:48:12,559 --> 00:48:16,320
was feeling now, sometimes it was worth all the pain.

829
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:21,000
Sometimes this place really got its claws into him, and

830
00:48:21,079 --> 00:48:24,159
his despise of this place became almost more than he

831
00:48:24,199 --> 00:48:29,079
could contain. But it wasn't this place, this rather small

832
00:48:29,159 --> 00:48:31,280
opening in the earth, where he had lived for so

833
00:48:31,519 --> 00:48:34,440
very long, and his hatred of it had sent him

834
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:38,760
to those dark depths. It was the wondering about the

835
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:42,239
what ifs, and the memories of what was that took

836
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:45,679
him there? If he were a stronger man, he could

837
00:48:45,679 --> 00:48:49,800
stop himself from imagining and remembering. He could go each

838
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:52,360
day and collect a supper from a snare, and he

839
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,559
could spend all day sorting sand from gold and add

840
00:48:55,599 --> 00:48:59,280
another half pound to his collection. He could do these

841
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:03,199
things and would have ceased to live. Oh, he would

842
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:07,960
still be alive, but not like everyone else. Admittedly he

843
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,239
was nothing like anyone else. But to give up his

844
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:13,159
ability to imagine a life different than the one he

845
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:16,199
now lived, or recall those moments that he was so

846
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:19,920
fond of, just so that the pain would not follow afterwards,

847
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:24,480
he would not do. Other men had times of imagining

848
00:49:24,559 --> 00:49:27,920
themselves to be different than they presently were, and they

849
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:31,719
were also permitted to relive moments dear to them. He

850
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,599
would not give those things up. He would not further

851
00:49:34,679 --> 00:49:38,199
separate himself from the whole of mankind just to avoid

852
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:42,440
the darkness. He shouldn't have to do that, should he.

853
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:47,119
He had already given up so very much. The pain

854
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:50,079
and the darkness did not come while he was sitting

855
00:49:50,119 --> 00:49:52,719
on the deck of a ship, or tending a fire

856
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:55,840
in a proper fireplace in a cabin within the Rockies

857
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:59,679
or bitter Root or Teton mountain ranges. And it did

858
00:49:59,679 --> 00:50:03,079
not as he sat beside a small quiet pond holding

859
00:50:03,239 --> 00:50:08,079
Storry Henderson's hand. It came when he opened his eyes

860
00:50:08,199 --> 00:50:10,800
and looked around and saw that he was still only

861
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,920
one step removed from the animals that live in burrows

862
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:18,800
like he lived. That was when the darkness overwhelmed him.

863
00:50:19,199 --> 00:50:21,719
And when he saw the ragged assortment of sticks covered

864
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:25,079
with skins of animals that served as his bed, And

865
00:50:25,119 --> 00:50:27,159
when he saw the only fry pan that he had

866
00:50:27,199 --> 00:50:30,079
stolen from a dying man, And when he saw his

867
00:50:30,199 --> 00:50:34,000
long fingernails with dirt wedge under them, that was when

868
00:50:34,039 --> 00:50:36,760
he knew that he would never again know the touch

869
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:40,000
of story, would never again hear how she was looking

870
00:50:40,039 --> 00:50:43,760
forward to spending the remainder of her life beside him.

871
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:47,480
That was when the darkness fell like a cold, sodden

872
00:50:47,599 --> 00:50:57,000
blanket upon him, and the pain began. Fifteen just before

873
00:50:57,039 --> 00:50:59,440
the small bell that hung by the thin wire above

874
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,480
the door began and appeal, that was when it happened.

875
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:07,559
Utilitarian type knives that anyone who worked on a farm

876
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:10,679
a running trap lines might be able to make use

877
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:14,239
of had arrived earlier in the day, wrapped securely in

878
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:18,440
old brown paper to ward off rust and prevent Nixon's

879
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:22,440
scratches during their journey from the manufacturer to the various

880
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:26,719
stores and shops that had ordered them. Her father liked

881
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:31,639
knives of all shapes and sizes, always had, so he

882
00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:35,599
was as usual excitedself when they finally offloaded from the wagon.

883
00:51:36,599 --> 00:51:39,159
He had been waiting anxiously for some time for them

884
00:51:39,199 --> 00:51:43,039
to finally arrive. She had waited just as long for

885
00:51:43,119 --> 00:51:45,920
some curtain linen by the bolt to get to the store,

886
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:49,360
but he couldn't have cared less about that. It was

887
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:52,000
the knives that he wanted to unwrap and clean up

888
00:51:52,079 --> 00:51:55,000
so that they shone like mirrors in his display case.

889
00:51:56,199 --> 00:51:59,280
He did as he normally did when new stock that

890
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:03,360
he had been answer awaiting finally arrived. He tore open

891
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:06,000
the boxes like a man on a mission, and through

892
00:52:06,079 --> 00:52:09,280
anything other than what he was waiting on to wherever

893
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:13,440
it chose to land. It was his store. Maggie simply

894
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:17,159
worked there. She was his daughter and saw timore of

895
00:52:17,199 --> 00:52:19,719
the daily running of the place than even he was

896
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:23,400
aware of. But picking up and disposing of the papers

897
00:52:23,639 --> 00:52:26,199
that products had been wrapped in was a chore for

898
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:30,119
someone of lesser rank than the owner. She had just

899
00:52:30,199 --> 00:52:33,679
finished filling the wooden keg with fifteen pounds of flour

900
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,440
so that the customers could weigh out as much as

901
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:40,400
they wanted or had funds to purchase. It was her

902
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:43,159
intention to gather up all the old papers after she

903
00:52:43,239 --> 00:52:46,039
had moved the keg to its customary position on the

904
00:52:46,079 --> 00:52:49,400
table in the center of the room. She didn't like

905
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:53,679
those greasy papers littering the hardwood floor that she scrubbed

906
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:57,000
and waxed at least once a week. She kept the

907
00:52:57,039 --> 00:53:00,639
floors too nice and shiny for disorder, toy from her

908
00:53:00,639 --> 00:53:04,239
hard work. As soon as she felt her foot slide

909
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,960
on one of the papers, she immediately wished that she

910
00:53:07,039 --> 00:53:09,679
had replaced the lid on the keg before moving it,

911
00:53:10,079 --> 00:53:14,800
or tidied up the papers. At least one slip, one

912
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:18,920
misplaced step, and for a moment, a fifteen pound cloud

913
00:53:19,039 --> 00:53:22,039
hung in the air, and then it didn't any longer.

914
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:25,719
It would be many years before Maggie Neil heard the

915
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:29,000
word gravity and what it meant, but in that small

916
00:53:29,079 --> 00:53:32,920
store that afternoon, she understood just how cruel that same

917
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:36,880
gravity could be. The keg rolled away from her and

918
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:40,320
across the room as she sat coughing out puffs of flour,

919
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:44,880
and that was when the door opened. Storry immediately whipped

920
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:47,280
out a handkerchief from her sleeve and began to fan

921
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:49,440
the air with it to try to disperse some of

922
00:53:49,519 --> 00:53:53,159
the haze. She wasn't dressed as finally as she had

923
00:53:53,199 --> 00:53:55,719
been when Maggie had last seen her, but she was

924
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:59,400
still just as elegant looking. There was something about the

925
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:02,880
way and which Story carried herself that made her all

926
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:05,719
the time appear a bit more put together than any

927
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:09,760
of those around her. But despite her lady like ways,

928
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,639
she could not refrain from laughing out loud. When she

929
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:15,880
finally saw Maggie sitting on the floor, covered head to

930
00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:22,039
toe with white flower, she looked like a living snowman. Story. Well,

931
00:54:22,079 --> 00:54:24,960
I've seen to come at a bad time, Story said,

932
00:54:25,599 --> 00:54:27,880
I will leave and come back when your hands aren't

933
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:31,159
so quite full. Well, if you leave now, I will

934
00:54:31,159 --> 00:54:34,159
never allow you back inside this store again. Now, hurry

935
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:36,559
up and lock that door before anyone comes in and

936
00:54:36,599 --> 00:54:41,039
sees me in this condition. Maggie said, it wasn't that

937
00:54:41,159 --> 00:54:45,679
Story kept giggling and sometimes just outright belly laughing. It

938
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:48,119
was the fact that she never once tried to hide

939
00:54:48,159 --> 00:54:51,559
the fact that she thought all of this was deliciously funny.

940
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:55,519
Once Maggie had stood up and his story began using

941
00:54:55,559 --> 00:54:58,400
the broom to sweep the majority of the flower off

942
00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:02,239
of her, it begins. It's starkly evident that Maggie's cheeks

943
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:06,280
were terribly red underneath all the white. Maggie was sweeping

944
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:08,920
up all the flour on the floor while Story poured

945
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:11,000
them each a cup of coffee from the pot on

946
00:55:11,039 --> 00:55:14,239
the woodstove. Now try not to shake your head back

947
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:17,400
and forth as you speak, dear, it looks like snow

948
00:55:17,519 --> 00:55:20,639
falling off the cedar boughs during a stiffed wind each

949
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:23,480
time you do that, Story told her when they had

950
00:55:23,519 --> 00:55:27,360
taken seats on the stools behind the counter. Now, don't

951
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:29,599
you think that you should unlock the door in case

952
00:55:29,639 --> 00:55:33,239
someone comes in and wants to buy something? Starry asked,

953
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:37,039
you haven't heard anyone trying the door since you've been here,

954
00:55:37,079 --> 00:55:39,760
have you? No one comes in this time of day.

955
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:42,360
It's the time of day when usually I can get

956
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:45,880
the most done because I'm alone. Maggie said, Well, I

957
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:49,320
came in at this time of day. Storry said, well,

958
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:52,760
I was talking about regular people. You aren't regular people.

959
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:57,239
Maggie said, well, I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed

960
00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:00,119
to feel about what you just said, Story told her.

961
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:04,480
Maggie didn't try explaining what she had meant. She figured

962
00:56:04,559 --> 00:56:08,800
Story already knew and was just making polite conversation. And

963
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:11,480
by the way, why are you in the store. What

964
00:56:11,559 --> 00:56:14,280
are you doing back in Hamilton? I figured you'd be

965
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:19,320
too busy running Baltimore alongside your husband, Maggie said, me

966
00:56:19,519 --> 00:56:23,760
and Baltimore Oil and Water. My husband adored that town,

967
00:56:23,800 --> 00:56:27,000
but it was always too busy for me. There is

968
00:56:27,039 --> 00:56:29,400
an awful lot to do there, and it seems as

969
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:32,400
if there's always something new to look at. But no

970
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:36,000
matter what, I always felt rushed at whatever I was doing.

971
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:41,280
Starry said, you said that your husband adored Baltimore. Did

972
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,880
something sour him to the town or does he just

973
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:47,079
have no reason now to return to it? Maggie asked,

974
00:56:48,199 --> 00:56:51,000
if he'd had his wish, Paul would never have stepped

975
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:54,880
outside of Baltimore's city limits. Again, Paul was having a

976
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:57,800
supper with some men that he did business with, and

977
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:01,159
then came home afterwards, complaining that something that he had

978
00:57:01,159 --> 00:57:04,719
eaten had not agreed with him. That wasn't the first time,

979
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:08,159
and Paul did everything that he did at a full run,

980
00:57:08,519 --> 00:57:11,920
and he never stopped to even slow down. Eating included.

981
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:16,119
He had what my father would have called a nervous disposition.

982
00:57:17,039 --> 00:57:20,519
He was even that way with his affections. So even

983
00:57:20,559 --> 00:57:24,119
if I were not particularly longing for such things, it

984
00:57:24,159 --> 00:57:27,880
was over with rather quickly. But that night, when he

985
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:31,119
returned to our home, he really didn't look at all well.

986
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:34,719
We called the doctor, and the man stayed by Paul's

987
00:57:34,719 --> 00:57:39,039
bedside with diligence all through the night as he steadily worsened,

988
00:57:39,719 --> 00:57:42,800
but nothing, it seemed, could be done to save him.

989
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:46,239
That was three months ago. Our daughter is back in

990
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:49,800
mary and being cared for by my mother. She is

991
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:52,880
just learning to walk now. Well. I had to return

992
00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:55,639
to Baltimore to settle some affairs and see to the

993
00:57:55,679 --> 00:57:59,239
selling of our home. I will surely miss Paul, but

994
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:01,960
maryn is home again, and I will take comfort and

995
00:58:02,039 --> 00:58:05,239
no small amount of pleasure in raising my daughter there.

996
00:58:05,559 --> 00:58:09,280
Storry said, I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

997
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,599
I'm sure it has been terrible for you. Maggie said,

998
00:58:12,639 --> 00:58:16,559
as she patted the woman's hand. I would imagine that

999
00:58:16,639 --> 00:58:19,239
there will be a few moments of deep grief to

1000
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:22,880
come my way yet, But honestly, I have not had

1001
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:27,360
time to indulge myself with sorrow or pity. Too many

1002
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:30,599
things needed to be seen to. Ruby had to be

1003
00:58:30,679 --> 00:58:34,280
taken care of, and Paul's business affairs did as well.

1004
00:58:35,079 --> 00:58:38,360
The men that Paul dealt with were very kind and sympathetic,

1005
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:41,719
but once he had been buried, then the demands began.

1006
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:46,679
They liked Paul, that business was uppermost on their minds,

1007
00:58:46,679 --> 00:58:50,239
and I had to wade into that immediately. I had

1008
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:53,320
a fair understanding of what all Paul did because I

1009
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:56,519
helped him with certain parts of his work. It was

1010
00:58:56,599 --> 00:58:59,559
his opinion that the more work I did that that

1011
00:58:59,719 --> 00:59:02,000
was just so much less that needed to be done

1012
00:59:02,039 --> 00:59:06,000
by someone who required payment for their work. And if

1013
00:59:06,039 --> 00:59:08,000
I were doing the work, then it would be done

1014
00:59:08,039 --> 00:59:11,960
from my home. If something needed attention, a trip to

1015
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,760
an office or a delay until the following day would

1016
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:18,519
not be necessary. So because of that knowledge, I have

1017
00:59:18,679 --> 00:59:21,519
been able to keep the business functioning and intend to

1018
00:59:21,599 --> 00:59:25,400
keep doing so. Story said, but you're going to do

1019
00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:29,760
it for Marion. Maggie said, why that's correct. Baltimore is

1020
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:32,320
a fine place, but I wished to raise Ruby where

1021
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:35,920
I was raised. She is scarcely overyear old, and it

1022
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:39,000
is awful that she grew up never knowing her father.

1023
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:41,079
So I want her to know the rest of her

1024
00:59:41,159 --> 00:59:44,760
family to make up for that. Story said, and you

1025
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:49,000
named her Ruby, Maggie said, I did. She is my

1026
00:59:49,159 --> 00:59:52,159
precious jewel, the one I was certain that I would

1027
00:59:52,199 --> 00:59:57,159
never have. Story said, she being your jewel is not

1028
00:59:57,239 --> 00:59:59,920
why you named her as you did, is it, Maggie

1029
01:00:00,079 --> 01:00:04,000
ask Story took a sip of her cold coffee and

1030
01:00:04,039 --> 01:00:07,880
made a face stealed for the taste. Now she drank

1031
01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:11,760
all that remained in the cup. We never discussed it.

1032
01:00:12,159 --> 01:00:14,880
We knew that we wanted a family, two or three

1033
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:17,800
children running around and getting under foot all the time,

1034
01:00:18,199 --> 01:00:20,800
but we never went so far as to consider names.

1035
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:23,920
Now I will never know if he thought about the subject,

1036
01:00:24,119 --> 01:00:26,719
but I always knew that our first child would be

1037
01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:30,480
named after him. Ruben is a fine name for a

1038
01:00:30,559 --> 01:00:33,960
boy that would have grown into a kind and strong man,

1039
01:00:34,239 --> 01:00:38,360
just like his father Ruby, because she would be precious

1040
01:00:38,639 --> 01:00:41,760
just like her father. But he was taken from me

1041
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:45,239
before those names could be given to our children. She

1042
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:47,840
was my first, and I was determined to name her

1043
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:51,800
as I had always planned. Paul was very fond of

1044
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:54,159
our daughter, but he never had a thought one way

1045
01:00:54,239 --> 01:00:56,719
or the other about what she should be named. So

1046
01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:59,320
I was happy, and I suppose he was content with

1047
01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:04,480
my choice. Story said, by naming her as you did,

1048
01:01:05,079 --> 01:01:08,559
is that not a constant, painful reminder of something maybe

1049
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:13,559
best left in the past, Maggie asked, Everything, in some

1050
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:17,920
way is a reminder some things refused to be left behind.

1051
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:22,079
Paul was a fine man, but being such a contrast

1052
01:01:22,199 --> 01:01:26,119
made him the biggest reminder. The memories that are so

1053
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:29,679
treasured by me couldnt be seen as clearly where I

1054
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:33,840
was and had been for these past two years. So

1055
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:36,159
I'm going back to where they are vivid, and it

1056
01:01:36,239 --> 01:01:39,480
is there that I will raise their namesake. I will

1057
01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:42,039
tell my daughter often about her father, so that in

1058
01:01:42,079 --> 01:01:45,400
some ways she will know him, But in my heart,

1059
01:01:45,679 --> 01:01:49,679
I will always wish that different blood flowed through her veins,

1060
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:54,400
Story said. The women sat in silence for a time.

1061
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:57,840
Neither of them made a move to refill the cups.

1062
01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:01,400
Will you ever come by and see me again? Maggie

1063
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:04,679
asked as she unlocked the door. I do hope so.

1064
01:02:05,079 --> 01:02:07,920
I would like that very much, Maggie, But I think

1065
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:10,880
my traveling days are over with for a long while.

1066
01:02:11,320 --> 01:02:14,079
At least I hope that they are. For now. I

1067
01:02:14,199 --> 01:02:18,440
just want to raise my daughter. Story said you sadden me,

1068
01:02:18,639 --> 01:02:21,679
story good night, more than anyone I have ever met.

1069
01:02:21,719 --> 01:02:25,880
You saddened me, Maggie said as she opened the door. Well,

1070
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:29,079
I sadden myself. If I should learn the secret to

1071
01:02:29,159 --> 01:02:32,079
putting it away from myself, I will share the secret

1072
01:02:32,199 --> 01:02:35,239
with you, though I fear that the secret does not exist,

1073
01:02:35,599 --> 01:02:39,920
Storry said as she wrapped her arms around Maggie. Into

1074
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:44,280
her ear, Storry whispered to the shopkeeper, you think at

1075
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:47,440
the time that moment you create her of importance, But

1076
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:50,519
one day you will realize that those memories of those

1077
01:02:50,599 --> 01:02:54,159
moments are the most important things in the world. Some

1078
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:57,199
days they are all that sustain you, and without them

1079
01:02:57,239 --> 01:03:02,239
you would surely fall from this world into the known blackness.

1080
01:03:02,239 --> 01:03:05,880
Maggie quickly closed the door and rushed herself behind the counter.

1081
01:03:06,719 --> 01:03:08,840
She did not want to own the memory of the

1082
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:18,039
sad woman driving away all alone. Sixteen. He shivered and

1083
01:03:18,119 --> 01:03:23,159
shook racking tremors rattled his entire body almost without end

1084
01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:27,320
unless he focused and gripped himself tightly, but they came

1085
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:30,400
again almost as soon as the last episode had stopped,

1086
01:03:31,719 --> 01:03:35,519
cold as he had never experienced, had him in its clutches.

1087
01:03:36,039 --> 01:03:38,719
He forced his teeth together and bent down hard as

1088
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:41,599
he tried to become one ferocious knot of limb and

1089
01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:46,559
flesh and sinew. The fire was dying. He squirmed and

1090
01:03:46,639 --> 01:03:50,960
writhed himself nearer to what remained, but felt no additional warmth.

1091
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:55,320
After having done so, he was hugging himself beneath the

1092
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:58,840
furs that he had covered himself with. Maybe had helped

1093
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:02,679
a little, though he wasn't sure. The last thing he

1094
01:04:02,719 --> 01:04:05,159
wanted to do was force an arm out from under

1095
01:04:05,199 --> 01:04:08,320
his fur blanket. But if the fire were not improved,

1096
01:04:08,639 --> 01:04:10,599
he had no idea what he would do when it

1097
01:04:10,679 --> 01:04:14,039
finally went out. There was no way that he would

1098
01:04:14,079 --> 01:04:17,480
survive the process of starting a new one. He wasn't

1099
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:20,239
all that sure that he would survive with the existing one,

1100
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:23,800
but still it remained that he needed to do something

1101
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:28,559
before it was too late. With teeth chattering and clacking

1102
01:04:28,599 --> 01:04:33,039
together in a soft, pitiful whimpering, escaping him. He reached

1103
01:04:33,039 --> 01:04:35,679
out and pulled his chair closer, and then tipped it

1104
01:04:35,679 --> 01:04:39,760
over to fall upon the small flames. The additional heat

1105
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:42,840
was not immediately felt, but the sound of wood crackling

1106
01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:45,039
and popping as the fire began to eat it it

1107
01:04:45,360 --> 01:04:48,559
reassured him, and he clutched it himself again under the

1108
01:04:48,639 --> 01:04:51,519
hides of those animals that he had killed over the years.

1109
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:55,360
There was an infinite amount of coal left to be

1110
01:04:55,480 --> 01:04:58,199
chipped away from the walls, but he did not know

1111
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:01,280
if he could stand, much less swing a heavy, cold

1112
01:05:01,360 --> 01:05:05,519
steel rifle barrel with any strength, and for a moment

1113
01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:08,960
he did not concentrate on the new warmth the blazing

1114
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:12,280
wood was providing. He thought instead of what he was

1115
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:14,719
going to do when his chair had become nothing more

1116
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:19,000
than ashes. He would still be without strength, and would

1117
01:05:19,079 --> 01:05:22,159
still be without stamina, and the room would begin to

1118
01:05:22,199 --> 01:05:26,400
grow cold again. He peeked out from under his furs,

1119
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:29,280
and he saw the two pouches stowed under his bed.

1120
01:05:30,079 --> 01:05:32,960
There was more than five pounds of gold nuggets and

1121
01:05:33,119 --> 01:05:37,000
dust and flakes in each one. Now he would gladly

1122
01:05:37,039 --> 01:05:39,480
have given both just to be warm again and to

1123
01:05:39,519 --> 01:05:41,920
be sipping a cup of hot tea like his mother

1124
01:05:42,119 --> 01:05:46,400
used to make. His body shook violently again with chills,

1125
01:05:46,719 --> 01:05:50,880
and he groaned. It had started just as a minor

1126
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:53,679
itch somewhere in the back and down toward the bottom

1127
01:05:53,719 --> 01:05:57,119
of his throat. No matter how often he swallowed, he

1128
01:05:57,239 --> 01:06:00,880
just couldn't seem to tame it. It wasn't worrisome, it

1129
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:05,599
was just extremely annoying. The emptiness of his life had

1130
01:06:05,639 --> 01:06:09,400
become something of a routine, and things that changed that

1131
01:06:09,559 --> 01:06:14,559
simple routine were annoyances to him. He had become extremely

1132
01:06:14,599 --> 01:06:20,039
intolerant of annoyances. It had only been his better nature

1133
01:06:20,239 --> 01:06:23,320
that had prevented him from eating three of the potatoes

1134
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:26,360
that he had snitched from the bin beside the smokehouse

1135
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:30,000
of the farmstead a few miles down the way last fall.

1136
01:06:31,079 --> 01:06:34,079
The potatoes were good when fried in the dripplings from

1137
01:06:34,119 --> 01:06:37,400
the meat that he was roasting, good enough that he

1138
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:40,400
could have eaten two a night instead of just one,

1139
01:06:40,960 --> 01:06:43,159
and good enough that it had been a struggle to

1140
01:06:43,239 --> 01:06:47,360
lay three of them by untouched. He had saved the

1141
01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:49,719
ones with the most eyes so that he could plant

1142
01:06:49,719 --> 01:06:53,079
his own hills, and by his count, he should have

1143
01:06:53,159 --> 01:06:56,840
thirteen the plant if he ended up being fortunate, he

1144
01:06:56,840 --> 01:07:00,719
would harvest potatoes of his own from six to seven hills.

1145
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:04,679
He was hoping that the wildlife left him that many

1146
01:07:04,920 --> 01:07:10,480
unmolested or destroyed. The animals that were around ate most anything,

1147
01:07:10,599 --> 01:07:12,719
but for some reason they were not so fond of

1148
01:07:12,760 --> 01:07:15,960
potato vines, and he hoped that worked in his favor.

1149
01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:20,280
It was cool out first thing that morning, perhaps a

1150
01:07:20,320 --> 01:07:23,519
bit early in the year for setting tater hills, but

1151
01:07:23,639 --> 01:07:27,400
he decided to risk it. He had long ago figured

1152
01:07:27,480 --> 01:07:30,119
out that trying to hide or make his planting seem

1153
01:07:30,199 --> 01:07:34,360
invisible did him no good. The animals around eventually found

1154
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:38,400
them anyway. Now he tried to put whatever he planted

1155
01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:41,559
where they could catch the most sunlight. It wasn't the

1156
01:07:41,599 --> 01:07:44,360
easiest thing to do, given how deep he was in

1157
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:48,159
the trees. He only had two potato slips left to

1158
01:07:48,199 --> 01:07:50,360
bury when he had wiped the dirt from the side

1159
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:54,119
of his nose and frowned. He realized as he was

1160
01:07:54,159 --> 01:07:56,679
wiping the dirt away that when he had pressed a

1161
01:07:56,719 --> 01:07:59,400
finger against his nose so that he could blow it

1162
01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:02,639
and clear away the obstructions, that it had been the

1163
01:08:02,679 --> 01:08:06,440
third time he had done that that morning. He thought

1164
01:08:06,440 --> 01:08:09,079
about the itch deep down in his throat, and he

1165
01:08:09,159 --> 01:08:13,159
knew what lay ahead of him. Days, perhaps many as

1166
01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:15,920
eight or ten of them, he would be blowing his

1167
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,840
nose and coughing, and all the time feeling as if

1168
01:08:18,840 --> 01:08:21,439
he needed to swallow, but knowing that it was going

1169
01:08:21,479 --> 01:08:25,399
to hurt. Each and every time. His eyes would swell

1170
01:08:25,479 --> 01:08:28,399
nearly shut, and he might even have a fever some

1171
01:08:28,520 --> 01:08:31,800
of the time. He had been fortunate in that he

1172
01:08:31,840 --> 01:08:34,560
had only taken the coal three or four times in

1173
01:08:34,600 --> 01:08:37,439
the nearly seventeen years that he had been living as

1174
01:08:37,479 --> 01:08:41,479
he was, he sort of half smiled. He was fortunate

1175
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:45,079
in that he hadn't died during the first year that

1176
01:08:45,199 --> 01:08:48,640
damn tooth episode had tried its best to do him in. Also,

1177
01:08:48,880 --> 01:08:53,079
after he had been here a while, he nodded to himself,

1178
01:08:53,359 --> 01:08:56,000
and if the rotten tooth hadn't killed him, then the

1179
01:08:56,079 --> 01:08:59,720
dang spring coal wasn't likely to either. He didn't suppose.

1180
01:09:01,199 --> 01:09:03,880
He knew that he would probably be uncomfortable for a

1181
01:09:03,920 --> 01:09:06,800
few days, but it would pass. It didn't make a

1182
01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:08,880
lot of sense to him to worry about what was

1183
01:09:08,920 --> 01:09:12,119
going to happen. What made sense was getting the rest

1184
01:09:12,159 --> 01:09:15,560
of his potatoes planted. While he still felt reasonably well,

1185
01:09:16,039 --> 01:09:18,439
and then go and fill his canteens to the brim

1186
01:09:18,520 --> 01:09:22,359
with fresh water. Actually, he would need to fill them

1187
01:09:22,399 --> 01:09:25,920
a couple of times. He needed to water his plantings

1188
01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:29,880
before he went and put himself to bed. And maybe

1189
01:09:30,039 --> 01:09:32,640
with enough warm rest he could beat the most of

1190
01:09:32,680 --> 01:09:37,239
the sickness before it started. That was his hope. Anyway,

1191
01:09:38,279 --> 01:09:41,960
He drank two large mouthfuls of fresh water after adding

1192
01:09:42,039 --> 01:09:45,960
cold to the fire. The additional heat was near, immediate

1193
01:09:45,960 --> 01:09:49,399
and satisfying. And wrapped in his furs, he closed his

1194
01:09:49,439 --> 01:09:52,039
eyes and tried to remember if his mother had always

1195
01:09:52,079 --> 01:09:55,720
said starve a cold and feet of fever, or feed

1196
01:09:55,800 --> 01:09:59,720
of cold and starve a fever. He couldn't recall which

1197
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:03,840
way that pearl of wisdom had gone. Either way, he

1198
01:10:03,920 --> 01:10:07,800
wanted nothing to eat. Earlier, before he had gone outside,

1199
01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:10,479
he had cut himself an ice sized piece of meat

1200
01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:14,000
that he had roasted a few days prior. He managed

1201
01:10:14,039 --> 01:10:17,359
to swallow one mouthful, but threw the rest away. It

1202
01:10:17,439 --> 01:10:20,960
had tasted of iron or copper. He had thought that

1203
01:10:21,039 --> 01:10:23,560
his meat had gone bad, but now he knew that

1204
01:10:23,680 --> 01:10:26,399
it was the way everything tasted when you have a cold.

1205
01:10:27,840 --> 01:10:31,560
Remembering that taste had been enough whichever way the old

1206
01:10:31,640 --> 01:10:35,039
saying went, he wasn't eating anything else for a while.

1207
01:10:36,640 --> 01:10:39,600
Just before he closed his eyes, he reminded himself that

1208
01:10:39,720 --> 01:10:42,000
while he still felt like it, he should break off

1209
01:10:42,039 --> 01:10:44,600
a few days supply of coal so that he would

1210
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:48,000
have it when he really was feeling poorly. He told

1211
01:10:48,119 --> 01:10:49,840
himself that he would do it as soon as he

1212
01:10:49,880 --> 01:10:52,199
awoke from the short nap that he was going to take.

1213
01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:55,560
And Reuben fell asleep and did not wake again for

1214
01:10:55,680 --> 01:11:00,560
nearly seven hours. Years in this place had taught him

1215
01:11:00,600 --> 01:11:05,399
to avoid making idiotic mistakes. Taking that nap before all

1216
01:11:05,560 --> 01:11:07,720
was done that needed to be done had been a

1217
01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:11,560
huge one. It felt like morning, but through the hole

1218
01:11:11,640 --> 01:11:14,239
that served as an entrance, he could see that the

1219
01:11:14,279 --> 01:11:18,840
sun was nearly set. The fire was low, too low.

1220
01:11:19,399 --> 01:11:21,600
He had slept too long, and now the payment was

1221
01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:25,600
due for his indulgence. He swung his legs over the

1222
01:11:25,640 --> 01:11:28,319
side of what he called his bed and then sat there,

1223
01:11:28,399 --> 01:11:31,680
hugging himself with one arm while he used his free

1224
01:11:31,720 --> 01:11:34,840
hand to rub vigorously at his knees, which were throbbing.

1225
01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:38,000
And he coughed, and it hurt down deep in his

1226
01:11:38,199 --> 01:11:40,640
chest and in his back, and he wanted to have

1227
01:11:40,720 --> 01:11:43,119
coughed something up so that he could spew it from

1228
01:11:43,119 --> 01:11:46,720
his mouth. He believed that he would feel better if

1229
01:11:46,760 --> 01:11:50,199
something were pulled from inside him and thrown away, but

1230
01:11:50,239 --> 01:11:54,239
nothing came up. His knees and elbows hurt like the

1231
01:11:54,359 --> 01:11:57,279
joints had rusted solid, and each movement to break them

1232
01:11:57,279 --> 01:12:01,319
free caused them to scream in horror and act. He

1233
01:12:01,439 --> 01:12:05,640
never stood up, at least not completely in a crouds

1234
01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:08,880
the way he had seen some elderly men walk. He

1235
01:12:08,920 --> 01:12:11,520
made his way to the fire ring and slowly added

1236
01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:14,760
a few fist sized nuggets of coal to the small fire.

1237
01:12:16,039 --> 01:12:18,560
The pieces he added were dribs and drafts that he

1238
01:12:18,560 --> 01:12:22,079
had dropped over time. There was no supply ready at

1239
01:12:22,119 --> 01:12:25,800
hand to draw from. Coal was everywhere, and it dawned

1240
01:12:25,840 --> 01:12:29,640
on him that he had none to burn. The chills

1241
01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:33,159
came upon him as he watched the flames grow and intensify.

1242
01:12:33,920 --> 01:12:36,880
He should have given thought to later that night or tomorrow,

1243
01:12:37,319 --> 01:12:40,079
but instead he shuffled back to his bed and pulled

1244
01:12:40,119 --> 01:12:42,479
all the skin blankets that he had made from it

1245
01:12:42,840 --> 01:12:47,640
and wrapped himself in them in cocoon form. He lowered

1246
01:12:47,720 --> 01:12:51,359
himself to the ground and laid by his fire. Even

1247
01:12:51,439 --> 01:12:55,239
with the makeshift blanket pulled tightly around him, he worked

1248
01:12:55,279 --> 01:12:58,560
until his knees were nearly to his chest. He had

1249
01:12:58,600 --> 01:13:01,000
no idea of curling him so into a knot what

1250
01:13:01,159 --> 01:13:04,039
helped retain body heat, but it was what he felt

1251
01:13:04,079 --> 01:13:07,199
like he needed to do. He coughed and did not

1252
01:13:07,319 --> 01:13:09,399
cover his mouth, as he had been talked to do,

1253
01:13:10,039 --> 01:13:13,359
and he did not care. His hands were too busy

1254
01:13:13,399 --> 01:13:18,439
holding the skins closed tightly around his body. Somehow, amidst

1255
01:13:18,520 --> 01:13:21,800
the shivering and coughing, he began to drift off into sleep.

1256
01:13:22,600 --> 01:13:24,880
He could feel the fire against his face, but it

1257
01:13:24,920 --> 01:13:28,479
didn't seem to be providing any heat. He felt it,

1258
01:13:28,800 --> 01:13:31,800
but he could not feel it. The fire burned brightly

1259
01:13:31,840 --> 01:13:35,399
as he fell deeper and deeper into the black, but

1260
01:13:35,439 --> 01:13:40,199
the fire diminished with each passing minute. When he awoke,

1261
01:13:40,439 --> 01:13:43,760
he felt miserable, still, even more so than he had

1262
01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:47,239
when the tooth had acted up. Now he felt no

1263
01:13:47,479 --> 01:13:50,079
heat upon his skin trying to worm its way in,

1264
01:13:50,840 --> 01:13:54,720
only cold in his bones working its way out. He

1265
01:13:54,760 --> 01:13:58,359
opened his eyes and concentrated on clearing his vision so

1266
01:13:58,439 --> 01:14:02,439
that he could acknowledge what he might see. The flickers

1267
01:14:02,479 --> 01:14:04,960
now and then of orange and red in the depths

1268
01:14:04,960 --> 01:14:07,279
of the fire. Ring could be spotted, but there were

1269
01:14:07,279 --> 01:14:11,279
no flames. The fire was all but gone now, and

1270
01:14:11,319 --> 01:14:13,680
he wondered if it might not be easier to just

1271
01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:16,199
go back to sleep and allow the life within him

1272
01:14:16,239 --> 01:14:20,039
to go out as the fire was going to He

1273
01:14:20,159 --> 01:14:22,680
lay there and tried to will himself back to sleep.

1274
01:14:23,079 --> 01:14:25,319
But the more he tried, the more the try and

1275
01:14:25,399 --> 01:14:28,920
kept him alert to what he was attempting. A shout

1276
01:14:28,960 --> 01:14:32,119
that hurt his mind echoed within his head, and over

1277
01:14:32,159 --> 01:14:34,520
and over it yelled at him and would not be

1278
01:14:34,680 --> 01:14:39,359
quieted until it had been accepted. You dishonored your father

1279
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:42,560
and your family's name by giving up and running away.

1280
01:14:43,239 --> 01:14:45,279
You will not do it a second time by running

1281
01:14:45,279 --> 01:14:50,760
from life. Each in every move instigated sharp and prickly

1282
01:14:50,920 --> 01:14:54,399
cold shivers to run the length of his body. The

1283
01:14:54,399 --> 01:14:58,239
more he moved, the colder he became. But he moved

1284
01:14:58,279 --> 01:15:01,920
and continued to until he was standing, and he wavered,

1285
01:15:02,119 --> 01:15:05,159
but he did not fall. He tried to take a

1286
01:15:05,199 --> 01:15:07,960
deep breath, but it only induced a series of coughing

1287
01:15:08,039 --> 01:15:10,520
spells that made him bend at the waist and grip

1288
01:15:10,560 --> 01:15:15,039
at his knees until it had subsided. Breathing shallow now,

1289
01:15:15,399 --> 01:15:17,880
he slid his feet along the dirt floor until he

1290
01:15:17,960 --> 01:15:20,680
stood and stared down at the rifle barrel that he

1291
01:15:20,800 --> 01:15:23,800
used as a miner would use a pick axe. He

1292
01:15:23,840 --> 01:15:27,159
knew it well. He knew how heavy it was, knew

1293
01:15:27,199 --> 01:15:30,199
it would feel many times heavier in his current condition,

1294
01:15:30,760 --> 01:15:34,119
and he knew it would be ungodly cold. In his hands,

1295
01:15:35,560 --> 01:15:38,359
he swung the length of steel with the same precision

1296
01:15:38,439 --> 01:15:41,159
and strength that a tot might swing one of his

1297
01:15:41,159 --> 01:15:45,000
father's tools. At first, it seemed as if he would

1298
01:15:45,039 --> 01:15:48,840
be ineffective. The steel seemed to merely bounce off the wall.

1299
01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:52,640
But though his vision was blurred and the racking cough

1300
01:15:52,760 --> 01:15:56,640
came continually to suddenly halt his work, he kept swinging,

1301
01:15:57,720 --> 01:16:01,399
with his nose running freely and sometimes weeping from the

1302
01:16:01,439 --> 01:16:04,399
shuddering pain in his joints and the lack of progress

1303
01:16:04,439 --> 01:16:08,560
he thought himself to be making. He kept swinging, and

1304
01:16:08,640 --> 01:16:11,760
then the steel barrel simply fell from his hands, and

1305
01:16:11,800 --> 01:16:14,399
he was only too aware that he could not grasp

1306
01:16:14,560 --> 01:16:18,199
or lift it again. There was no such thing as

1307
01:16:18,279 --> 01:16:21,159
bending over to grab the fragments of coal that he

1308
01:16:21,199 --> 01:16:23,840
had chipped from the wall, And then tossing them over

1309
01:16:23,880 --> 01:16:27,359
near the fire. He was too exhausted and too light

1310
01:16:27,439 --> 01:16:31,359
headed to bend, was to fall, and there was no

1311
01:16:31,479 --> 01:16:36,279
strength for lifting and tossing. Lacking grace, he fell to

1312
01:16:36,319 --> 01:16:38,479
the dirt floor and began to collect all that he

1313
01:16:38,600 --> 01:16:42,279
managed to loosen from the wall. Slowly he gathered the

1314
01:16:42,279 --> 01:16:46,399
pieces into a pile, always aware that the fire was

1315
01:16:46,479 --> 01:16:49,239
dying just as surely as he felt like he was.

1316
01:16:49,680 --> 01:16:52,600
He tried to hurry, but it did not seem possible

1317
01:16:52,640 --> 01:16:57,479
to go any faster. Crawling and worming his way across

1318
01:16:57,560 --> 01:17:02,159
the dirt, Reuben laid hard fought coal upon what remained

1319
01:17:02,199 --> 01:17:05,439
of his fire, and sat there on his knees, watching

1320
01:17:05,479 --> 01:17:09,039
the flames as they began to grow. He held his

1321
01:17:09,199 --> 01:17:12,399
trembling hands near to them and felt the heat, and

1322
01:17:12,399 --> 01:17:16,199
his back shivered from chills, but his hands were warm.

1323
01:17:16,800 --> 01:17:19,319
He wanted to sleep, but he would not until he

1324
01:17:19,359 --> 01:17:23,199
had finished his work. He had done differently earlier, and

1325
01:17:23,279 --> 01:17:27,039
it had nearly been his undoing. He crawled back and

1326
01:17:27,119 --> 01:17:30,359
forth from the wall to the fire ring, bringing pieces

1327
01:17:30,359 --> 01:17:33,640
of coal with him each time, and when finished he

1328
01:17:33,800 --> 01:17:36,479
was amazed and gladdened by the size of the pile.

1329
01:17:36,680 --> 01:17:40,439
His efforts had produced. He would have never thought that

1330
01:17:40,560 --> 01:17:43,159
he had produced as much as he had. And he

1331
01:17:43,199 --> 01:17:46,399
wrapped himself once more in his blanket of first and

1332
01:17:46,439 --> 01:17:49,199
positioned himself so that the pile of coal could be

1333
01:17:49,239 --> 01:17:53,119
reached without getting up. He wanted to drink of water,

1334
01:17:53,159 --> 01:17:55,399
and knew that he should drink some just for the

1335
01:17:55,439 --> 01:18:00,199
health benefits, but he wanted to sleep even more. The

1336
01:18:00,279 --> 01:18:03,319
chills were still there, but now they weren't so violent

1337
01:18:03,399 --> 01:18:06,439
as they had been, and the cough still gripped him

1338
01:18:06,479 --> 01:18:09,439
suddenly and out of nowhere, but it had begun producing

1339
01:18:09,479 --> 01:18:13,880
mouthfuls of slimy, thick substances that he gladly spat to

1340
01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:17,920
the floor. The furs were soft and tender when he

1341
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:21,359
rubbed his running nose with them, much softer than a

1342
01:18:21,439 --> 01:18:25,479
shirt sleeve. The blanket, made of pelts and hides, was

1343
01:18:25,560 --> 01:18:28,800
catching the heat of the fire and retaining it. He

1344
01:18:28,880 --> 01:18:32,720
closed his eyes and breathed evenly and slowly, and then

1345
01:18:32,760 --> 01:18:34,359
he knew nothing else.