WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:09.960 Horizon Talk Radios and Talk Radio Talk Radio the Deal 2 00:00:10.039 --> 00:00:15.320 with the Real Issues. Emailers online at Journalist dot com, 3 00:00:15.359 --> 00:00:20.160 and you can skype at Freedom Talk Radio One. Tune 4 00:00:20.199 --> 00:00:24.120 in to the UK's new online talk show. For more details, 5 00:00:24.199 --> 00:00:29.719 go to Horizon Talk Radio dot WordPress dot com. 6 00:00:29.760 --> 00:00:32.920 Well, hello and welcome to the show. It's Andy Pitcher 7 00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:38.039 for the new setup of Horizon Talk Radio. Today. We've 8 00:00:38.079 --> 00:00:43.359 got an excellent guest, Fast Rogero. He's got a book 9 00:00:43.960 --> 00:00:50.039 and it's on Amazon, and we'll get into that in 10 00:00:50.079 --> 00:00:54.240 a second. I'll just read a quick bio. It's it's 11 00:00:54.280 --> 00:00:59.320 Foost So first, a Ragio professional career spans the most 12 00:00:59.359 --> 00:01:03.320 forty years, is diversified and compelling, and it has consistently 13 00:01:03.759 --> 00:01:07.879 established an exciting cut and edge counseling programs in its 14 00:01:07.879 --> 00:01:12.599 pursuit of professional excellent and the personal life enhancement is published, 15 00:01:12.680 --> 00:01:17.200 researched or for clinical training and the therapist. He's worked 16 00:01:17.239 --> 00:01:20.040 in settings that have included clinics for deaf children, prisons 17 00:01:20.040 --> 00:01:24.920 and nurse and homes, substance aboose centers, impatient facilities, and 18 00:01:25.719 --> 00:01:31.480 as the president of the Community Psychological Center and Banger, Pennsylvania. 19 00:01:31.640 --> 00:01:35.359 In that capacity, developed the processed way of life counseling 20 00:01:35.439 --> 00:01:39.920 program has developed it into a formal text presented book 21 00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:45.640 called Fix Yourself Handbook, and it says, on radio guest 22 00:01:45.719 --> 00:01:48.120 list help your listeners become strong enough to live in 23 00:01:48.159 --> 00:01:52.000 the new normal. Wellder the COVID nineteen virus. So let's 24 00:01:52.040 --> 00:01:56.560 see how COVID and fixing yourself sort of all comes 25 00:01:56.599 --> 00:02:00.319 into the handbook. You know, to Fix Yourself Handbook. Welcome 26 00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:06.239 to the show. Forced This isn't my best area of expertise, 27 00:02:06.319 --> 00:02:12.719 but I do know that you know, through spiritual and 28 00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:18.680 sort of empowering yourself. I mean I kind of describe 29 00:02:18.719 --> 00:02:22.639 it as a bit like you're praying, but you're not 30 00:02:22.719 --> 00:02:25.879 kind of praying. You may be hoping for something better 31 00:02:25.919 --> 00:02:30.479 to happen, but if you don't spare yourself on. I 32 00:02:30.520 --> 00:02:33.599 know sometimes people are rock button, especially if they're in 33 00:02:33.639 --> 00:02:36.280 prison or they've got health problems. You rock bottom, But 34 00:02:36.599 --> 00:02:40.000 I think it's that spirit you need to get you 35 00:02:40.039 --> 00:02:44.039 through this. I won't carry on, but I'll be there 36 00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:47.199 for questions. Just tell us a bit about yourself and 37 00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:49.439 then a bit about the book, and we'll see where 38 00:02:49.439 --> 00:02:52.159 that takes us. 39 00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:56.479 Great Andy, thanks for inviting me on and as far 40 00:02:56.520 --> 00:02:59.479 as I'm concerned, I've been counseling for about four decades, 41 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:04.120 all different kinds of settings. So I've been in private 42 00:03:04.120 --> 00:03:10.439 practice now for about thirty years, and everything from individual, family, marriage, 43 00:03:10.439 --> 00:03:13.800 substance abuse, all that kind of stuff. And the last year, 44 00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:16.319 like everyone else, we've been dealing with the effects of 45 00:03:16.360 --> 00:03:20.039 the of the COVID virus and isolation and depression and 46 00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:23.039 alcoholism and all those things that are that are that 47 00:03:23.080 --> 00:03:24.479 are cropping up because of that. 48 00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:33.240 Yeah. Absolutely. In one of your bits I've read, I 49 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:40.479 think I agree that most people that I'll explain it 50 00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:42.599 in a different way. Yeah, most people do this. They 51 00:03:42.680 --> 00:03:45.080 get them in the morning. What's the time, I'm running late, 52 00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:47.199 the kids got to go to school. I'm running to 53 00:03:47.319 --> 00:03:50.319 the bus stop or the taxi rank or getting in 54 00:03:50.360 --> 00:03:53.199 my car and there's traffic on the highway and it's 55 00:03:53.240 --> 00:03:55.560 you know, it's not not letting me through, and you 56 00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:00.599 know they're forever pressuring themselves and they need to slow down, basically, 57 00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:05.639 don't they, Because yeah, it just makes sense. 58 00:04:07.960 --> 00:04:10.039 Well, that's the first thing I tell everyone to do 59 00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:11.479 is slow down a little. But you're not going to 60 00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:13.759 make any changes, and you're not even going to be 61 00:04:13.800 --> 00:04:16.639 able to think about making changes until you slow down 62 00:04:16.639 --> 00:04:18.480 and let your brain do some you know, let it, 63 00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:20.160 let it do what it's supposed to do. 64 00:04:23.399 --> 00:04:25.560 And of course, you know, if you've got any problems, 65 00:04:26.120 --> 00:04:28.079 you do need to be brutally honest with yourself. 66 00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:33.319 Yeah, that's that's the you know, those are the things 67 00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:35.600 I talk about in the beginning of the book. Slow 68 00:04:35.680 --> 00:04:38.199 down a bit so you can understand what's going on 69 00:04:38.360 --> 00:04:41.399 around you, take life off autopilot, stop just doing the 70 00:04:41.439 --> 00:04:44.399 same thing over and over again, and then ask yourself 71 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:47.759 what's not working, what needs to change in your life, 72 00:04:47.800 --> 00:04:50.800 how you can make things better. And that requires a 73 00:04:50.879 --> 00:04:53.040 lot of honesty in people. You know, we don't always 74 00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:54.759 like to be honest. We like to be comfortable. We 75 00:04:54.959 --> 00:04:57.600 have to be protected. But you know, you be honest 76 00:04:57.639 --> 00:05:00.839 with yourself, then you get the rate in information about 77 00:05:00.839 --> 00:05:02.959 what has to change. Then you can go from there. 78 00:05:05.959 --> 00:05:09.319 Yeah. I guess a lot of people when it comes 79 00:05:09.319 --> 00:05:11.600 to these problems. Just another point at the beginning of 80 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:17.360 the book, people's emotions get involved, I think as well, 81 00:05:17.399 --> 00:05:20.480 too much, because I mean, if you've got like a 82 00:05:20.519 --> 00:05:23.560 health problem and you know you don't know how to 83 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:25.959 deal with it. The first thing you're going to think 84 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:28.560 of is the pain or I'm not going to make it, 85 00:05:28.639 --> 00:05:32.319 you know, and that's going to get in the way 86 00:05:32.319 --> 00:05:35.560 of actually thinking about the positive side of that way. 87 00:05:35.600 --> 00:05:37.680 You know, Okay, I might get an operation, I might 88 00:05:37.720 --> 00:05:41.240 get better and yeah, So emotion versus thought is going 89 00:05:41.319 --> 00:05:44.079 to be a big problem for a lot of people. 90 00:05:47.279 --> 00:05:49.519 Well, I talk about that all time in the book 91 00:05:49.560 --> 00:05:52.839 and all the counseling I do. People get emotional and 92 00:05:52.879 --> 00:05:57.959 then they start reacting and then they stop thinking. And 93 00:05:58.040 --> 00:06:00.000 you know, with whatever you're going to do in life, 94 00:06:00.079 --> 00:06:02.319 if you have to have a plan for it, so 95 00:06:02.720 --> 00:06:06.519 you just make things work out. And if you're emotional, 96 00:06:06.600 --> 00:06:09.160 then you're reacting to things and it's hard to gather 97 00:06:09.240 --> 00:06:12.439 all the right facts. So I just tell people you 98 00:06:12.480 --> 00:06:15.319 can get your emotions into it later, but get your 99 00:06:15.319 --> 00:06:18.319 emotions into it based on the facts. Get the facts first, 100 00:06:18.600 --> 00:06:20.480 have a plan to move forward. And that's what my 101 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:23.879 people did through the virus. I said, Okay, let's take 102 00:06:23.920 --> 00:06:27.040 our emotions out of it, stop worrying about things. Let's 103 00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:29.439 get a plan to get you moving forward. And those 104 00:06:29.480 --> 00:06:31.160 that did that came through this fine. 105 00:06:36.040 --> 00:06:40.959 Yeah, and a lot of this when you're going through 106 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:42.879 that you know. I mean it's the fears of problem 107 00:06:42.879 --> 00:06:47.319 as well, and the anger, you know, because you wouldn't minute. 108 00:06:47.360 --> 00:06:51.519 You're beating yourself up because you know, you think it's 109 00:06:51.519 --> 00:06:53.959 your own fault, don't you. So that's part of the 110 00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:56.079 emotions feeling anger, I guess. 111 00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:03.000 Absolutely, you know. And uh again I've been telling people 112 00:07:03.000 --> 00:07:06.319 for years, stop worrying about it. You know, the hardest 113 00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:10.120 part of going in anything that seems difficult is worrying about, uh, 114 00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:12.680 what's going to happen before you get there. Once we're 115 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:14.639 in it, once you're stuck in it, then you're then 116 00:07:14.639 --> 00:07:17.240 you have to go into action. People then start doing 117 00:07:17.240 --> 00:07:19.040 what they have to do, but it's all this worry 118 00:07:19.079 --> 00:07:22.279 about it before time, and that almost paralyzes you. You 119 00:07:22.360 --> 00:07:25.360 start thinking about what could possibly happen, and how it 120 00:07:25.399 --> 00:07:27.920 could go wrong, and what you're going to lose, all 121 00:07:27.959 --> 00:07:30.399 those kinds of things, and then before you know it, 122 00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:34.079 you stop doing anything because you're so uh taken taken 123 00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:36.279 up by your worry. It's just you know, again, have 124 00:07:36.360 --> 00:07:39.839 a plan, go slow, think about what you're doing, uh, 125 00:07:39.879 --> 00:07:42.399 and then you know, gradually look at take it one 126 00:07:42.439 --> 00:07:44.600 step at a time, and then work your plan. 127 00:07:48.519 --> 00:07:56.279 So well, Uh, what's the word. What would you say 128 00:07:56.319 --> 00:07:59.120 to people? Then from sort of the you know, obviously 129 00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:02.680 we've gone for the early bits of it, which is, 130 00:08:03.319 --> 00:08:05.639 you know, don't worry, get the facts and all that 131 00:08:05.680 --> 00:08:09.519 and make a plan. What's the next step after that. 132 00:08:16.240 --> 00:08:18.079 Well, what we're going to do now is we're coming 133 00:08:18.120 --> 00:08:22.240 through hopefully we're coming through this virus. The the antidotes 134 00:08:22.279 --> 00:08:24.519 are out the virus. You know, the shots are there. 135 00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:28.439 We're going to hopefully cure people of this. Then it's rebuilding. 136 00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:31.600 Then it's getting back out there and being social again. 137 00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:35.840 It's taking care of finances and whatever else you weren't 138 00:08:35.879 --> 00:08:37.559 being able to you weren't able to take care of. 139 00:08:37.679 --> 00:08:40.200 For some people, it's going to be dealing with physical problems. 140 00:08:40.480 --> 00:08:42.960 But again, it's just like going through the virus. If you, 141 00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:46.120 I keep telling people, try to talk to yourself using 142 00:08:46.200 --> 00:08:49.519 positive language. This is a hard thing that we went through. 143 00:08:49.559 --> 00:08:52.879 It doesn't seem very positive. But in order to move forward, 144 00:08:53.320 --> 00:08:55.559 and it's just what you said, if you're having the surgery, 145 00:08:55.600 --> 00:08:58.200 you've got to be thinking of what you're capable of doing. 146 00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:00.759 Take it one step at a time and will you 147 00:09:00.879 --> 00:09:04.600 will rebuild your life. But if you keep thinking negative 148 00:09:04.639 --> 00:09:07.240 and talking negative, then that's the way you're going to 149 00:09:07.320 --> 00:09:09.360 you're gonna behave well. 150 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:13.960 On an example, for the Corona virus. I mean, you know, 151 00:09:14.039 --> 00:09:18.399 I'm I've been doing radio on Freedom Talk Radio. Well 152 00:09:18.440 --> 00:09:21.320 just change the name. Actually that's what it's a new platform. 153 00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:27.080 But I was helping people in different mental health hospitals, prisons, 154 00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:30.039 just to kind of give them a voice, inspire them 155 00:09:30.120 --> 00:09:33.320 to talk out. But so I was kind of really 156 00:09:33.399 --> 00:09:37.600 strong and well learned in different aspects of that kind 157 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:40.799 of life. But you know, when this out of the 158 00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:44.960 blue bomb hit us, this coronavirus, I was as weakened 159 00:09:44.960 --> 00:09:52.039 as petrified March last year, twenty twenty as anybody was. 160 00:09:53.080 --> 00:09:56.639 So what I'm saying is these shocks can hit the 161 00:09:56.679 --> 00:10:01.000 strongest people or the weakest. They don't, you know, define 162 00:10:01.039 --> 00:10:04.000 who you are. And I'm telling you, you know, last year, 163 00:10:04.039 --> 00:10:07.639 for four weeks, I must have walked around like a zombie. 164 00:10:07.879 --> 00:10:11.559 You know, shock a bit like an accident where you've 165 00:10:11.559 --> 00:10:15.519 seen something terrible or you know something's gone really wrong. 166 00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:19.159 And for four weeks, I don't know what we did. 167 00:10:19.240 --> 00:10:20.919 I don't know how we got through the four weeks. 168 00:10:20.919 --> 00:10:23.720 But then what we had to do and we'll say, 169 00:10:23.799 --> 00:10:28.000 well they're talking about testing trace, that must be a 170 00:10:28.039 --> 00:10:31.080 good thing. Then they talk about something else, and then 171 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:34.440 it turned into vaccines maybe on the horizon. And so 172 00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:37.360 a little bit by little bit, step by step, you 173 00:10:37.399 --> 00:10:40.320 had to give yourself hotly stressful all this. You really 174 00:10:40.360 --> 00:10:45.120 do have to give yourself hope and small steps for sure. 175 00:10:48.039 --> 00:10:50.799 Well you do, and you try not to listen to 176 00:10:50.879 --> 00:10:53.200 negative things. I mean, if you're going to listen to 177 00:10:53.240 --> 00:10:56.159 the media, then you want to learn, try to let 178 00:10:56.279 --> 00:10:58.919 what the facts are, what's the CDC saying, what's the 179 00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:01.039 World Health organ to say, and saying what are the 180 00:11:01.080 --> 00:11:03.440 good things you can do to help move this forward. 181 00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:05.759 But if you're going to follow the shock media and 182 00:11:06.360 --> 00:11:09.279 all those people that love to you know, bring the 183 00:11:09.399 --> 00:11:12.519 drama along, because people get hooked into that and they 184 00:11:12.519 --> 00:11:15.320 get obsessed hearing that those people are going to lead 185 00:11:15.320 --> 00:11:18.120 you in the wrong direction. You know, I've been telling people, 186 00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:20.279 you know, turn the televisions off when it comes to 187 00:11:20.320 --> 00:11:25.159 the virus. Turn you know, the radio is off unless 188 00:11:25.200 --> 00:11:28.240 you're listening to something like we're doing right now where 189 00:11:28.279 --> 00:11:30.080 you're going to push it. Where we're trying to push 190 00:11:30.120 --> 00:11:32.480 people forward. We're trying to give them a little bit 191 00:11:32.519 --> 00:11:35.279 of hope, but to you know, keep reporting deaths, and 192 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:37.480 we keep reporting that this isn't going to happen, and 193 00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:39.600 we don't you know, there's going to be a collapse 194 00:11:39.639 --> 00:11:41.600 of this, and you know, we don't even know any 195 00:11:41.679 --> 00:11:44.399 of that. Later, you know, what we know is things 196 00:11:44.399 --> 00:11:47.000 are going to be redefined, and you know the world 197 00:11:47.080 --> 00:11:51.039 has been through this kind of stuff before, and we'll come. 198 00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:57.159 When I was younger, I was very, very nervous to 199 00:11:57.240 --> 00:11:59.919 take that vaccine, the first one to the second one 200 00:12:00.039 --> 00:12:04.279 in two weeks. And how I got myself when it 201 00:12:04.399 --> 00:12:08.480 was a day before it starts. You started thinking, wearing, sweating, 202 00:12:08.519 --> 00:12:11.480 what if. And even on the day when they first 203 00:12:11.480 --> 00:12:14.960 give you the shot, your body feels cold inside and 204 00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:18.679 you started just for a few seconds. It's a bit 205 00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:22.320 like when they give you some doctors give you medicines 206 00:12:22.360 --> 00:12:24.919 to do something to your heart, and it really feels 207 00:12:25.200 --> 00:12:29.480 like that. But you know, five minutes later after sitting down, hey, hey, 208 00:12:30.120 --> 00:12:34.000 I had no side effects whatsoever. And I'm unhealthy. I mean, 209 00:12:35.480 --> 00:12:37.799 if you know what I mean, I'm not as healthy 210 00:12:37.799 --> 00:12:43.519 as most people. So I'm unhealthy. And there was no 211 00:12:43.559 --> 00:12:47.600 problem with the fires of acting whatsoever. So people need 212 00:12:47.639 --> 00:12:50.840 to do exactly what you say and what the book says. 213 00:12:51.679 --> 00:12:54.000 You know, fix yourself really, isn't it. 214 00:12:54.759 --> 00:12:59.080 You just got to follow the fact, you know. You 215 00:12:59.120 --> 00:13:02.240 know a lot of these side effects are really that's 216 00:13:02.279 --> 00:13:04.519 telling your body that you're healthy. The body is trying 217 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:07.679 to fight off a foreign substance, which is what the 218 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:10.360 body's supposed to do. Once the body gets used to 219 00:13:10.399 --> 00:13:13.399 it and understands that it's in there to do its job, 220 00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:16.200 then the body will stop trying to fight it. And 221 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:18.399 that's what we're finding a lot with that second dose 222 00:13:18.440 --> 00:13:22.600 of the of the Maderna vaccine. So you know, again 223 00:13:22.639 --> 00:13:24.360 it's like you said, I've never been a guy for 224 00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:26.600 vaccines either. You know, why put all this stuff in 225 00:13:26.639 --> 00:13:28.840 your body. I don't get flu shots. I'm pretty healthy. 226 00:13:29.279 --> 00:13:32.399 But you know, it is a no brainer. There's a pandemic. 227 00:13:32.480 --> 00:13:35.559 This thing kills people, so we're going to do that, 228 00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:39.519 you know. But again, if it's interesting with all the 229 00:13:39.559 --> 00:13:42.120 people I know who took their emotions out of this 230 00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:46.559 and stopped reacting and stopped listening to all the negativity, 231 00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:49.240 their lives, they said didn't change that much. Okay, they 232 00:13:49.240 --> 00:13:51.519 had to stay home, but it wasn't like they put 233 00:13:51.559 --> 00:13:53.279 him in a hospital or a prison. They were in 234 00:13:53.320 --> 00:13:56.919 their own homes where everything that they want is their 235 00:13:56.919 --> 00:14:00.559 families were there, you know. So I mean you can 236 00:14:00.600 --> 00:14:02.720 still go out, you have to wear a mask, you 237 00:14:02.759 --> 00:14:05.559 can't gather in places, but it's not like you're in 238 00:14:05.559 --> 00:14:08.840 a prison. We're just not looking at the positive parts 239 00:14:08.840 --> 00:14:12.000 of this. What we did is to try to stay 240 00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:15.519 healthy and stay alive, and we'll come through this. Like 241 00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:18.759 you said, you hopefully come off lockdown in April. We're 242 00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:21.720 just you know, we went down now in Pennsylvania. Here 243 00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:24.759 in the United States, we're coming up a bit again because. 244 00:14:24.519 --> 00:14:27.799 Everyone's around there on the internet and because of a 245 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:33.039 had vaccine publish. It's the early days, the worries about 246 00:14:33.480 --> 00:14:36.200 you know, you can't touch this from Walmart, as you 247 00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:38.879 can't touch this from the postman, you can't touch this 248 00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:43.519 from the bin collection. So we got into that habit 249 00:14:43.600 --> 00:14:46.279 and I don't know what you want to call it, 250 00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:50.159 but even now we know it's not that bad now, 251 00:14:50.200 --> 00:14:53.519 you know, because the facts are saying you can't get 252 00:14:53.799 --> 00:14:55.879 the virus from letters, and you can't get it from 253 00:14:55.879 --> 00:15:02.279 this and that. But we're still psychologically trapped INSI But because. 254 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:04.600 Are some of the things we doing. Uhh. When our 255 00:15:04.639 --> 00:15:06.879 emotions get into it, we start looking at things we 256 00:15:06.879 --> 00:15:09.120 shouldn't look out, like in the beginning of this where 257 00:15:09.399 --> 00:15:12.679 someone went on the computer and all the news reports 258 00:15:12.679 --> 00:15:15.360 and said, you better really take care of paper products. 259 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:17.879 And then we couldn't find toilet paper. Of all things. 260 00:15:17.879 --> 00:15:20.320 Here we are in a in a pandemic, and what 261 00:15:20.360 --> 00:15:24.039 people thought was important was toilet paper. That's how that's 262 00:15:24.039 --> 00:15:27.799 how far it can go, so you know. Uh. And 263 00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:29.600 then of course once they bought it all, then there 264 00:15:29.639 --> 00:15:32.080 was none to be had, and people were you know, 265 00:15:32.679 --> 00:15:37.000 trying to find something these paper products because everyone else 266 00:15:37.159 --> 00:15:40.840 bought them all up. That's what happens when we get emotional. Uh. 267 00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:42.879 You know. But when we think, and we think with 268 00:15:42.919 --> 00:15:45.519 the facts and we stay working as a team, things 269 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:47.679 usually work out. 270 00:15:48.639 --> 00:15:51.480 I might be asking you a silly question that we should. 271 00:15:51.159 --> 00:15:53.600 For somebody the come something we don't have, and those 272 00:15:53.639 --> 00:15:56.200 are all just, you know, not good ways to be. 273 00:15:56.440 --> 00:15:59.600 I always tell people that make yourself strong, know what 274 00:15:59.639 --> 00:16:00.840 you want inside. 275 00:16:01.360 --> 00:16:01.440 Uh. 276 00:16:01.799 --> 00:16:04.360 Make sure that you you're you know, your world around 277 00:16:04.440 --> 00:16:06.480 you is good. You like what you've created, You like 278 00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:09.480 the world you live in. First, like yourself. 279 00:16:09.799 --> 00:16:09.919 Uh. 280 00:16:09.960 --> 00:16:12.679 You know then that that goes into that love yourself stuff, 281 00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:15.519 and then you could start getting into love. But love 282 00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:18.720 does not have to be this emotional dance that we 283 00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:23.440 make it and and make ourselves crazy. You know, if 284 00:16:23.480 --> 00:16:26.279 you love someone, it should be a nice, simple affection 285 00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:28.519 and you you like to be around them. Your emotion 286 00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:31.840 shouldn't be dancing all over the place. You can't make decisions, 287 00:16:31.879 --> 00:16:34.399 you're going too fast. Your stomach feel is in knots. 288 00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:37.399 That's not that's not love. That's just that's just emotion 289 00:16:37.600 --> 00:16:40.159 taking over. And and you know when when when you 290 00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:42.480 really love someone, it's like you said with your wife, 291 00:16:42.519 --> 00:16:45.519 you put that person first and you do things for 292 00:16:45.559 --> 00:16:48.200 them and and and you think things through. And if 293 00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:50.879 you do, if you approach love like everything else I'm 294 00:16:50.919 --> 00:16:53.840 talking about, it's a much easier way to live. But 295 00:16:53.960 --> 00:16:56.440 this emotional stuff where we beat each other up and 296 00:16:56.600 --> 00:16:59.559 lead us. We look for someone that's uh, that has 297 00:16:59.600 --> 00:17:03.000 something that you know, metaphysical stuff. You know, love is 298 00:17:03.039 --> 00:17:07.000 really a function of the spirit inside you, not your heart, 299 00:17:07.119 --> 00:17:09.680 not your brain. You know, it's it's a spirit. It's 300 00:17:09.720 --> 00:17:13.640 it's an unconditional giving kind of a thing. And again, 301 00:17:13.720 --> 00:17:16.039 we we don't understand it that way. We we have 302 00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:19.480 this hallmark kind of a definition of love where it's 303 00:17:20.200 --> 00:17:22.319 it's a function of the heart. You know, again, look 304 00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:24.400 at the facts. The heart pumps blood. That's what the 305 00:17:24.400 --> 00:17:27.359 heart does. Uh, you know, the brain looks for facts. 306 00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:28.839 Love really comes out of medica. 307 00:17:30.480 --> 00:17:34.200 That's so sure. Why are we beating ourselves up? You know, 308 00:17:34.440 --> 00:17:36.400 why don't you get to know the person before you 309 00:17:36.519 --> 00:17:40.799 judge them? Kind of thing? You know, we build wolves 310 00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:43.200 apace if you don't want to again, you. 311 00:17:46.759 --> 00:17:48.839 Know, we're and we're in the begin looks like we're 312 00:17:48.839 --> 00:17:51.559 in the beginning of this conversation. We got to go slow. 313 00:17:51.559 --> 00:17:53.759 If there's any place in the world you want to 314 00:17:53.799 --> 00:17:56.160 go slow, it's with love. You know, get to know 315 00:17:56.200 --> 00:17:58.920 the person, make the person your friend first, be a 316 00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:02.240 friend to that person, and go slow, and everything's going 317 00:18:02.319 --> 00:18:04.160 to show itself. And then you're really going to see 318 00:18:04.200 --> 00:18:06.799 if this you and this person are a fit and 319 00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:09.519 if you're not, and you've gone slow, usually you can 320 00:18:09.559 --> 00:18:12.480 part as friends. But we go so fast because it 321 00:18:12.519 --> 00:18:14.599 feels so good and we can't get enough of it. 322 00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:16.920 And you know, in two or three weeks we've just 323 00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:20.720 you know, we're planning our future with this person. You know, 324 00:18:20.920 --> 00:18:23.759 i'd go slow, take your time, make that one part 325 00:18:23.799 --> 00:18:25.839 of your life, not the main part of your life. 326 00:18:26.200 --> 00:18:28.160 If it's going to take off and be something that 327 00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:32.000 you really really think is important and can work, then 328 00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:34.519 start putting more into it. But in the initial two 329 00:18:34.599 --> 00:18:37.759 or three months, take your time, go slow and think 330 00:18:37.799 --> 00:18:40.240 about what's going on here. Look for the red flags. 331 00:18:40.240 --> 00:18:41.039 If there aren't any. 332 00:18:41.079 --> 00:18:47.119 Great Yeah, I mean I must have known I was different. 333 00:18:47.240 --> 00:18:50.599 And I don't know if you call it lucky, do 334 00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:54.319 you call it compatible? But I don't know. I met 335 00:18:54.359 --> 00:18:58.480 my wife in ninety one in October. It was my 336 00:18:58.559 --> 00:19:02.000 birth stay in the late part of October ninety one. 337 00:19:02.599 --> 00:19:07.720 We married in February ninety two, twenty six, and March 338 00:19:07.799 --> 00:19:13.240 twenty twenty one. She's another room. So yeah, we rushed it, 339 00:19:13.319 --> 00:19:17.599 but I think her hearts took over her head to 340 00:19:17.640 --> 00:19:21.680 start with. And then you know, you get married, reality 341 00:19:21.720 --> 00:19:25.240 sets in and you know, I don't really know you 342 00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:28.000 do a hang. I just married you, you know, and 343 00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:32.119 it's but that was kind of fun because your heart 344 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:36.200 taken over for me anyway was good. It was That 345 00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:38.640 was the best part of it. And then getting to 346 00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:42.599 know people. I suppose wasn't as good to start with, 347 00:19:42.759 --> 00:19:50.480 but then, yeah, you get more for life anyway, don't you. 348 00:19:50.480 --> 00:19:52.839 You're doing it even if you go slow, you still 349 00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:54.960 have all the time in the world for the excitement 350 00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:57.279 and all that stuff of the heart. And then you 351 00:19:57.400 --> 00:20:01.240 know you're doing it with the person. And for some 352 00:20:01.319 --> 00:20:03.000 people it's going to take a couple of years. Some 353 00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:05.920 people may go be able to do that as you have. 354 00:20:07.079 --> 00:20:09.680 But you know, you know, I for me, I like 355 00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:11.799 to go a little slower, and my wife and I 356 00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:15.079 took our time, and you know, and now it's you know, 357 00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:18.319 we've been you know, we're together all these years and 358 00:20:18.359 --> 00:20:21.039 it's still a romance. It's still I still look forward 359 00:20:21.079 --> 00:20:23.200 to going, you know, leaving the office and going home 360 00:20:23.240 --> 00:20:25.400 and being with her. So when you can have that 361 00:20:25.519 --> 00:20:28.319 longevity and it feels good all the time, well that's 362 00:20:28.359 --> 00:20:29.920 a real nice way to live life. 363 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:33.240 Yeah, when we first met, I mean this might sound silly, 364 00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:38.000 but this was our way of doing it. Even though 365 00:20:38.079 --> 00:20:41.839 we didn't have children. For seven years, we had many 366 00:20:41.880 --> 00:20:45.480 holidays or breaks away from each other even though we 367 00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:47.759 were married. I know it sounds silly to most, but 368 00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:51.599 I think people also need the space, you know, as well. 369 00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:56.079 As the the being togetherness and looking forward to going on. 370 00:20:56.559 --> 00:21:02.640 You need a better space too in the early days anyway. 371 00:21:03.759 --> 00:21:05.720 Well, I think you do. I think even as you're 372 00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:08.240 married a little while, it's nice to take an afternoon 373 00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:10.799 and do something separately, because when you know you miss 374 00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:14.279 each other, you come back and you're kind of rejuvenated 375 00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:17.480 and ready to go again. You know. Again, that's taking 376 00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:20.599 it slow. That's that's taking your time, and you do 377 00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:23.359 things for yourself and you do things for the relationship. 378 00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:26.759 I've always advised that to people, don't be with each 379 00:21:26.759 --> 00:21:29.200 other twenty four to seven. Uh, you know, spend a 380 00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:31.920 little time a part and have a few interests that 381 00:21:32.319 --> 00:21:33.400 you know that are your own. 382 00:21:35.400 --> 00:21:40.319 Okay, what have you done for other people? Then? Have 383 00:21:40.359 --> 00:21:43.839 we helped people in prisons and you know that kind 384 00:21:43.880 --> 00:21:46.519 of environment institutions? 385 00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:52.240 Well, I started really a nearly part of my career. 386 00:21:52.279 --> 00:21:55.519 I was working in a substance abuse facility just to 387 00:21:55.519 --> 00:21:58.599 come out of graduate school, and I got an offer 388 00:21:58.799 --> 00:22:01.200 to just go into the in for a few hours 389 00:22:01.240 --> 00:22:06.599 a week and do some interviews and help them diagnose people. 390 00:22:06.680 --> 00:22:10.599 So I went in and it felt good. You know, 391 00:22:10.680 --> 00:22:13.319 it was a place that needed people like me to 392 00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:16.359 be there and do something. So and I went in 393 00:22:16.680 --> 00:22:19.680 This is in eighty four and I stayed till eighty nine, 394 00:22:20.519 --> 00:22:23.200 so it was five years. And you know, the way 395 00:22:23.240 --> 00:22:25.240 you help people there, first of all, is just to 396 00:22:25.599 --> 00:22:28.160 help them understand that they're not Most of them are 397 00:22:28.200 --> 00:22:30.279 not bad people. You have you have your people that 398 00:22:30.319 --> 00:22:33.079 are just you know, they're just evil people. But for 399 00:22:33.119 --> 00:22:35.799 the most part, people are in prison because they made 400 00:22:35.839 --> 00:22:39.279 a mistake or they had a bad breaker. They just 401 00:22:39.359 --> 00:22:43.680