Speaker 1: Since we're feeling emotional, how about justin Wilsham.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm here, guys.
Speaker 3: I will handle all of your emotional needs. Let me
Speaker 3: compensate for your lack of feelings.
Speaker 4: I do like that you bring in a box of
Speaker 4: Kleenex with you every time in case.
Speaker 3: Yes, just in case We've taught you don't know, is
Speaker 3: that's just what I walk around Like women carry Stanley cups.
Speaker 2: I carry a box of Kleenex.
Speaker 4: We've talked about the term tiger moms before, right, and
Speaker 4: there's a new study that specifically says that tiger moms
Speaker 4: may have some benefits along with the negatives that everybody
Speaker 4: would kind of assume an overbearing mother might have. So
Speaker 4: this parenting style is it was Actually it came out
Speaker 4: in a book in twenty eleven about the called the
Speaker 4: Hymn of the Tiger Mom, and a tiger mom for
Speaker 4: anybody who doesn't know, is somebody who's very focused on
Speaker 4: their kids academic achievements and being disciplined and obedient. And
Speaker 4: that what they found this was a study that came
Speaker 4: out of China, and they found that parents whose mom,
Speaker 4: how did they put it, were the mother was the
Speaker 4: dominant presence in regards to academic decisions as how they
Speaker 4: said it multiple times in that exact same way, which
Speaker 4: was interesting to me, and that in those cases the
Speaker 4: kids performed better academically and all of that was good,
Speaker 4: except for their emotional state was maybe not so hot,
Speaker 4: like they didn't have emotional intelligence, like almost like what
Speaker 4: I interpreted was that they were becoming robots.
Speaker 3: They were very good at achieving tasks.
Speaker 1: And I guess it means I guess the question is
Speaker 1: to what end? I think a lot of people had
Speaker 1: the mother figure be the driver when it came to
Speaker 1: academic success to a point, right, I mean a tiger mom.
Speaker 1: I think about tiger moms is you have to be
Speaker 1: a plus plus students. You know, the GPA is the
Speaker 1: four point six. You also know how to play the
Speaker 1: cello and speak Mandarin. Yeah, like that to me as
Speaker 1: a tiger mom. My family, my mom was both my
Speaker 1: parents were very much into education. My dad was a teacher,
Speaker 1: but it was my mom who was the academic disciplinarian
Speaker 1: of like, you better come home with the honor roll
Speaker 1: or else, you know, you don't get food for a week.
Speaker 1: Not really, but she was definitely the disciplinarian in that regard.
Speaker 3: See, my dad was, but it was also maybe it's
Speaker 3: because my parents were divorced, So my step mom was
Speaker 3: the sweet one and my dad was. Anytime I had
Speaker 3: less than a bee he was. He was all over me,
Speaker 3: like it was micromanaging everything about my life and borderline
Speaker 3: making me miserable.
Speaker 2: So it was worth it for me just.
Speaker 1: To maintain a fun to be a step mom. Like
Speaker 1: you get to be the fun one.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 3: But here's the thing, Like it's I don't think so,
Speaker 3: because I think there's this like stereotype of like evil
Speaker 3: step mother. But my my stepmom has always been like
Speaker 3: the sweetest person in the world. So the people that
Speaker 3: I've known that have stepped into that role, they find
Speaker 3: it to be more challenging than fun. Yeah, like very rarely, Like, well, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm a step mom because you want the.
Speaker 1: Kids to listen to you, but you don't want to
Speaker 1: be You can't be. You don't have the jurisdiction to
Speaker 1: be the disciplinarian.
Speaker 2: I bet you would, Yeah, you would.
Speaker 3: You would probably wallow in that lack of response, like
Speaker 3: you would find you would walk the fine line between
Speaker 3: between being mom and like.
Speaker 1: In that lack of responsibility you would pretty much in
Speaker 1: a nutshell, and I appreciate I feel seen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's almost the tattooed Yeah, it really is wallowing.
Speaker 3: It really is.
Speaker 4: You know what I would love to see. And I
Speaker 4: don't know if it's been around long enough to even
Speaker 4: discuss that, but.
Speaker 3: That what uh, what a.
Speaker 4: Tiger momed kid kid of a tiger mom, how they
Speaker 4: would behave as an adult, how they would Because we've
Speaker 4: said this before, Generationally, we go through different phases of
Speaker 4: what our what our parenting style would be based on
Speaker 4: what our parents were. Sometimes it's sort of an homage
Speaker 4: to the way they did it. Other times it's complete
Speaker 4: distancing from the way that you were raised.
Speaker 3: So a lot of that.
Speaker 4: But I'd be curious to see what studies would be
Speaker 4: done about these these people.
Speaker 3: The tiger mom concept predates twenty eleven. It just got
Speaker 3: its label, and I would venture a guess that we
Speaker 3: all could agree that it really is going to ultimately
Speaker 3: boil down to the perception of the child, right like
Speaker 3: in my experience, what I've seen his parents who were
Speaker 3: like I thought my parents, like I would say my
Speaker 3: parents are great, like I had a great experience with
Speaker 3: my parents, but when I tell people about my childhood,
Speaker 3: they're like, I think you might have been abused, Like,
Speaker 3: I think that there was some really not cool stuff
Speaker 3: that was going on.
Speaker 4: In that context, though, how aware were you of the
Speaker 4: way other your friends were parented? I mean, was that
Speaker 4: were you conscious about that the differences that I wasn't either.
Speaker 1: I don't they think that the way it's done in
Speaker 1: their house is the way it's done.
Speaker 4: The one friend I had that I knew anything about
Speaker 4: his parenting, how he was parented, was that his parents
Speaker 4: slept in different bedrooms. I mean, that's the only and
Speaker 4: he's the only one. I didn't know if anybody was beaten.
Speaker 4: I don't know if anybody's parents got a divorce or were,
Speaker 4: you know, had affairs. I didn't know any of that
Speaker 4: stuff except that one guy and I.
Speaker 3: Had one family that would have Domino's pizza every Friday,
Speaker 3: and I was so jealous because my dad was such
Speaker 3: a cheap skate. We hardly ever ate out unless it
Speaker 3: was like your birthday. We're brothers, and so I was like,
Speaker 3: and I would find every excuse to go over to
Speaker 3: their house on Friday if I could, just so I
Speaker 3: can enjoy some pizza.
Speaker 2: And some soda.
Speaker 3: You that's so weird guys at dinners about ready right,
Speaker 3: I show up at five point thirty.
Speaker 1: Did you, guys have conversations or conflicts with your wives
Speaker 1: when you decided to have kids raise kids in terms
Speaker 1: of how you wanted to raise them, Like, did you
Speaker 1: come into the relationship thinking that the way that you
Speaker 1: were raised was the way you wanted to raise your
Speaker 1: kids And was that a difference of opinion with your wives?
Speaker 3: Yes, for me, it was big time. My wife doesn't
Speaker 3: believe in consequences. They make her feel bad, and I
Speaker 3: think that they're the best way to teach anyone anything.
Speaker 1: So is that something you came to a compromise with.
Speaker 2: Nope, it was a lot of fighting.
Speaker 3: But you talked about it before kids.
Speaker 2: Uh huh. I don't know the conversation we had about
Speaker 2: it before kids.
Speaker 3: As I said, the one thing that I think is
Speaker 3: going to be important when we decide to have kids
Speaker 3: is that we can't undermine each other in front of
Speaker 3: the kids. That we have to present a united front
Speaker 3: in front of them. And she wholeheartedly forgot that conversation
Speaker 3: by the time we had children, like it was constant.
Speaker 3: And then there was also this is my own bs,
Speaker 3: I think. But there was also this element of she
Speaker 3: felt like she had to be the stereotypical mom, even
Speaker 3: though I was the one that was home with them
Speaker 3: most of the time, and so she would talk to
Speaker 3: me in ways like you're just a dad, You're babysitting
Speaker 3: the kids, and it would drive me up an effing wall.
Speaker 3: She fell for the sitcom trope of dad's or dominant.
Speaker 3: And then my BS that I was mudding the waters
Speaker 3: and messing it up is that I was sitting there
Speaker 3: thinking like I'm not I'm great at this, like, and
Speaker 3: I will not be treated otherwise, right Like, so it
Speaker 3: just like compounded.
Speaker 1: In nice you you were projecting all of that. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: because you're so focused on being a great dad that
Speaker 1: you were constantly questioning yourself and everything she said you
Speaker 1: read into that, yes or.
Speaker 3: Well what the part that would make me angry was
Speaker 3: when it was so far out of left field. The
Speaker 3: biggest fight we've had in our marriage was about my
Speaker 3: older son getting earaches, and he told her that I
Speaker 3: didn't care.
Speaker 2: He's like, well did you.
Speaker 3: Tell your dad about this? This is when I was working
Speaker 3: on the morning show, so I'd go to bed at
Speaker 3: seven o'clock. So at between seven and nine, that's when
Speaker 3: all complaints with management were lodged in her suggestion box
Speaker 3: ears and so she told me the next day. She's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm just worried because he said you don't care about
Speaker 3: him oo And I said, and I said, I literally said, bs, no,
Speaker 3: no way, no way. And she's like, well, he's got
Speaker 3: an earache and my niece and my niece had eaches
Speaker 3: and then she became hearing impaired, and so that was
Speaker 3: very sensitive to her. I was insensitive to that. I'm like,
Speaker 3: that's not what's happening here. And I got mad at
Speaker 3: her because I'm like, you're acting like I don't know
Speaker 3: what I'm doing. And I was here all day.
Speaker 2: I go, you were not. I go.
Speaker 3: The kid was running around the pool having fun, like
Speaker 3: wrestle around with his buddies, and then mom comes home and.
Speaker 2: They go, oh, I have above me.
Speaker 3: I need hugs and kisses from mommy. Who doesn't I
Speaker 3: wanted hugs and kids is from RG. She's my wife,
Speaker 3: so everybody wants kisses from.
Speaker 2: Her and hugs and kisses.
Speaker 1: And the way started off with an earache and ended
Speaker 1: with sex. Kiss that he wanted sex before seven wasn't sex.
Speaker 3: I just wanted affection, not to be ridiculed for being,
Speaker 3: in her perspective, a subpar father who didn't care.
Speaker 2: About his son.
Speaker 4: You know, Justin uses sex to get love. I know,
Speaker 4: yeast so weird.
Speaker 3: It creeps me out.
Speaker 2: Sex.
Speaker 1: We just kind of came up with an idea about
Speaker 1: I'm so.
Speaker 3: Sorry to Gary and maybe all the listeners.
Speaker 1: Well Justin came up.
Speaker 3: Well, I kind of pitched it. I don't know if
Speaker 3: it would be my idea. You came in and closed
Speaker 3: it out. We were talking about that like nature videos,
Speaker 3: and you had some takes on a nature video that
Speaker 3: a friend of mine had seen that we're interesting, And
Speaker 3: I said I would be more interested in watching you
Speaker 3: narrate nature videos than say, Snoop doggating.
Speaker 1: A chimpanzee in a rape with a frog. And I
Speaker 1: was saying, how do we know that that was not consensual?
Speaker 4: Some of that stuff needed to be said off the air.
Speaker 4: I could argue all Justin Justin comes in and talks
Speaker 4: about parenting issues with us, and this I think is
Speaker 4: an interesting I was worried because it's interesting, because it's
Speaker 4: it's so much more prevalent now than it would have
Speaker 4: been I think during our correct times.
Speaker 3: And I think because you so, what we're talking about
Speaker 3: is that there was this like I didn't postage it's
Speaker 3: not with us right now. There's this post online where
Speaker 3: a mom was complaining about the fact that she was
Speaker 3: putting together her kid's birthday party and one of her
Speaker 3: kid's closest friends couldn't go to the birthday party because
Speaker 3: they had a game of retball soccer as we call
Speaker 3: it here in the States.
Speaker 2: This was in England, and.
Speaker 3: So I just thought it was interesting because they were
Speaker 3: having this debate within this article about should you prioritize
Speaker 3: your friends over your extracurriculum activities, And my knee jerk
Speaker 3: reaction was like, well, like at first, I was like, well,
Speaker 3: it's not the extracurricular activity, it's the teammates, right.
Speaker 2: Like you, you.
Speaker 1: Also have a team that you are accountable to me,
Speaker 1: you're committed.
Speaker 2: To as a parent.
Speaker 3: That's why I like my kids being involved in team sports. Yes,
Speaker 3: it teaches them like an obligation, take.
Speaker 1: Your friend to lunch or have a play date with
Speaker 1: them another day, bring them the gift and the whole thing.
Speaker 4: And you also as a parent of the birthday child,
Speaker 4: have to understand that if your kid has a birthday
Speaker 4: during whatever blank season, right that I mean for our kids,
Speaker 4: when they were both playing Ayso soccer, that meant Saturday
Speaker 4: mornings or early afternoons were off limits for parties in
Speaker 4: the afternoon, five o'clock, seven o'clock whatever.
Speaker 2: That's fine.
Speaker 4: You know your kid's not gonna be playing soccer at
Speaker 4: that time.
Speaker 1: But my birthday was on still is. They have my
Speaker 1: Jack July third. So my mom when she would have
Speaker 1: birthday parties for me, would always do it on like
Speaker 1: July tenth or June.
Speaker 3: Twenty fifth or whatever kids.
Speaker 1: In town exactly.
Speaker 3: And I there's a part of me that I don't
Speaker 3: understand the idea of the birthday being that important, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean? I was witness sure, maybe you
Speaker 3: know what to your point there is there was some
Speaker 3: moment I do I hate him all the easter bunny Wow,
Speaker 3: I want to just lie. I want to line them
Speaker 3: up and put them on your nature show. I I
Speaker 3: had this moment when I think I was eleven or twelve.
Speaker 2: I wanted to have my friends over.
Speaker 3: For pizza, and so I asked my dad, I go
Speaker 3: can I have my friends over for pizza for my birthday?
Speaker 2: And my dad goes, oh, is that still a thing
Speaker 2: for you?
Speaker 3: Like, I can't think he thought he was done hosting
Speaker 3: birthday parties.
Speaker 2: You never know that's true.
Speaker 3: Maybe I don't know, but it was just but I
Speaker 3: think I'm coming at it from that perspective because I
Speaker 3: was like, well, I'm not asking for like a big thing.
Speaker 3: I just want three of my buddies to come over
Speaker 3: and have some pizza and we're going to play some
Speaker 3: video games. And I was planning to pay for the
Speaker 3: pizza like that was because I had a job and
Speaker 3: so I but I just thought it always stuck to
Speaker 3: it stuck in my head that he was like, oh,
Speaker 3: that's still the thing, like because I remember thinking like, oh,
Speaker 3: maybe I shouldn't have birthday parties anymore? And is that
Speaker 3: why birthdays aren't important to me? When is your birthday
Speaker 3: justin January twenty fourth?
Speaker 1: Will you make a note of that somewhere?
Speaker 3: Well, we can't do something. She can't even do it.
Speaker 2: She has the idea the question, and know Gary.
Speaker 3: He's a responsible one.
Speaker 1: You do you want to know what the definition of
Speaker 1: responsibility is? I do the ability to respond, oh he is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty much.
Speaker 3: Did you just like pretty much the definition Like you
Speaker 3: just took the conjunction of the words.
Speaker 1: Gary somebody who has a great ability to respond the things.
Speaker 1: He's a very responsible person, except if it's a broken door,
Speaker 1: then I'll bets her off. But if I need something
Speaker 1: to remember or if I want to remember something, he's
Speaker 1: one of the people that is the responsible person. So
Speaker 1: I think that when we want to have a pizza
Speaker 1: party for justin January twenty fourth, he'll be the wonder remond.
Speaker 2: Please don't do that. I don't want to know what's happening.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, Well we make him pay for it, right, Yeah,
Speaker 4: he's going to job.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what, I'm bored. I'm bored for that
Speaker 2: bit for my birthday, I.
Speaker 3: Say, you, guys, we're going to tell the story every year.
Speaker 2: I can't wait. It's gonna be a thing he told
Speaker 2: me on the idea. I'm in. I'm all for it. See.
Speaker 3: I will even put it in my calendar.
Speaker 1: I will risk I will you show you my ability
Speaker 1: to recess just so.
Speaker 2: You don't have to bring a lunch that day. That's
Speaker 2: why you're putting it in your calendar. I think this
Speaker 2: year it's.
Speaker 3: On a Saturday in twenty twenty six, if I'm not mistaken,
Speaker 3: but I'm hoping it's Friday for you guys.
Speaker 1: Yours would be it's on a fourth. It's on a Saturday,
Speaker 1: so it's still a thing for you.
Speaker 3: I love it.
Speaker 2: It's so great.
Speaker 3: Thank you justin as always, I.
Speaker 2: Wish I could return the sentiment.
Speaker 3: I really truly wish I could say thank you every
Speaker 3: other week.
Speaker 2: I would be open to say thank you, but.
Speaker 3: And it was just hagging there. It was what the
Speaker 3: fact that you do it day in the week. It
Speaker 3: was only because I had to do a choir show
Speaker 3: for my kids and we did the quest calendar, like
Speaker 3: all right, it's okay.
Speaker 2: It is a thing for me
Speaker 3: Who was a big boy.