Speaker 1: This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio App. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy
Speaker 1: Walls Show on AM six forty Live everywhere on the
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio App. I am going to dig into the dms
Speaker 1: on Instagram now because so many people have sent me
Speaker 1: so many relationship questions this week. Thank you very much.
Speaker 1: If you want to send me any questions, you just
Speaker 1: go to at doctor Wendy Walsh on Instagram send me
Speaker 1: a DM. I will always keep your identity private, all right,
Speaker 1: Dear doctor Wendy. Is it a red flag if my
Speaker 1: boyfriend still talks to his ex every day?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Well, let's talk about what a red flag is. A
Speaker 1: red flag, in my opinion, means that you're seeing that
Speaker 1: somebody probably doesn't have the ability to have an emotionally intimate, committed,
Speaker 1: secure relationship with you. If he is still in an
Speaker 1: emotional attachment with his X, and if they're talking every day,
Speaker 1: they're still in a relationship. They may not be having sex,
Speaker 1: they're still in a relationship. If he is involving you
Speaker 1: with it, and if there's been a long time since
Speaker 1: their breakup. Let's say it's been an ex from five
Speaker 1: years ago, and they're just friends because they work together
Speaker 1: or whatever, and you're invited out to dinner with them whatever.
Speaker 1: That's different. But if he has a private communication with
Speaker 1: this person, yes, this is a red flag. It says
Speaker 1: he has split his secure base into two her and you,
Speaker 1: So I would talk to him about it. It's okay
Speaker 1: to set a boundary with something like that. Oh here
Speaker 1: comes a hard one. Dear doctor Wendy, we have been
Speaker 1: dating for five years and my boyfriend says he's still
Speaker 1: not ready for marriage. Am I wasting my time? Well,
Speaker 1: the answer is it sounds like I am gonna guess
Speaker 1: wild guess here that you're giving him all the benefits
Speaker 1: of marriage, so he does not need to get married,
Speaker 1: and if he needed to get married, he would, So
Speaker 1: you need to pull back. I don't care what it
Speaker 1: is you're doing. Are you housekeeping for him? Are you
Speaker 1: living with them? Are you doing the dishes? Are you
Speaker 1: having sex with him? Those are wife duties, not girlfriend duties.
Speaker 1: If you want to be married and you've expressed it,
Speaker 1: begging for it doesn't work. You've got to pull back
Speaker 1: on everything you're giving. And yes, if you're living together,
Speaker 1: go get your own place. See how quickly he wants
Speaker 1: to get married. Just saying, you don't sit around and
Speaker 1: wait for somebody to have a state of readiness. Okay.
Speaker 1: In fact, the sad thing is many women wait for
Speaker 1: a man to have a state of readiness. Then he
Speaker 1: hits his state of readiness and breaks up with her
Speaker 1: and goes and finds a wife. It's the craziest thing.
Speaker 1: Happens all the time. So don't hang in there. That's
Speaker 1: all I'm saying my opinion. Hey, it's just my opinion.
Speaker 1: You don't have to do whatever I say. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying I have a lot of life experience. Dear doctor, Wendy,
Speaker 1: my girlfriend gets angry when I hang out with my friend.
Speaker 1: Is this controlling behavior? Well? I need a lot more
Speaker 1: information here. Who are these friends? Are they all single?
Speaker 1: Are you going to night clubs? Are there single women?
Speaker 3: There?
Speaker 1: Is there alcohol involved? Are you doing it frequently? I mean,
Speaker 1: they are all these extenuating circumstances that would help me
Speaker 1: answer this question. Ladies, A guy has a right to
Speaker 1: go hang out with the boys. He needs supportive male friendships.
Speaker 1: If they're doing something fun like playing video games, going
Speaker 1: to tinker with cars, going to golf together, something healthy,
Speaker 1: going to the gym, going to watch a sports at
Speaker 1: a sports bar. Let it go. He needs that. If
Speaker 1: he's going to nightclubs with single guys and there's girls there, no,
Speaker 1: not okay, because that's what a nightclub is. It's a
Speaker 1: hunting ground for a new mate. So it depends what
Speaker 1: he's doing with his friends, how often he's doing with
Speaker 1: his friends. If the friends are supportive of your relationship.
Speaker 1: Some friends are not supportive. They're trying to pull him
Speaker 1: away from it, all right, you know the difference, right,
Speaker 1: all right, we have time for a couple more. Oh,
Speaker 1: this is a good one. Dear doctor Wendy. I found
Speaker 1: out that my husband has a secret bank account. What
Speaker 1: should I do? Get the bank account number? Please get
Speaker 1: as much information as you possibly can. You know, a
Speaker 1: few years ago I had this woman on my show,
Speaker 1: and she runs an investment company and they invest in
Speaker 1: high end divorces. And one of the things she said
Speaker 1: is that divorce happens two to four years before anybody
Speaker 1: files for divorce. In other words, the beginning of the
Speaker 1: divorce happens in two ways. Women tend to get in
Speaker 1: great shape and get plastic surgery and say that they're
Speaker 1: just doing it for themselves to feel better, but actually
Speaker 1: they're testing their worth in the mating marketplace. And men
Speaker 1: start to stash money, They put things into secret bank accounts,
Speaker 1: they put things into family members' names, They do all
Speaker 1: kinds of things to be ready for the mating marketplace
Speaker 1: because resources are a great way to showcase mate value
Speaker 1: for males, and youth and fitness and beauty is the
Speaker 1: way that women showcase make values to men. So this
Speaker 1: woman who was a guest on my show a few
Speaker 1: years ago, said that if you suspect the divorce is
Speaker 1: in the offing, the most important thing you could do
Speaker 1: is take his briefcas does anyone ever carry a briefcase anymore?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Go into his papers when he's sleeping
Speaker 1: and take screenshots. Just photograph every single document. She was
Speaker 1: telling stories about having to hire private detectives to find
Speaker 1: the money because it was so well hidden during divorce cases,
Speaker 1: and she said the best way to find it is
Speaker 1: sometimes with phone bills because people always visit their money,
Speaker 1: so wherever their calling is important, and also even food delivery.
Speaker 1: They found some phone bill and they were able to
Speaker 1: see that it was a food delivery company like a
Speaker 1: door Dash, and then they were able to get the
Speaker 1: address of where it went to, and then from there
Speaker 1: they were able to figure what bank was near that Airbnb.
Speaker 1: It was crazy. She's like a full detective finding the money.
Speaker 1: So yeah, secret bank accounts something that's something to talk
Speaker 1: about if you're married and you're sharing resources, and especially
Speaker 1: if you're raising his kids. I would want to find
Speaker 1: out about that, Dear doctor Wendy. My partner says that
Speaker 1: they don't believe in monogamy. Should I try an open
Speaker 1: relationship or move on? It's hard for me to answer
Speaker 1: that because I don't know you. I don't know what
Speaker 1: your sexual psychology is, I don't know what your values are.
Speaker 1: But I will say this, when we try to be somebody,
Speaker 1: we're not just to please somebody else. We're usually never
Speaker 1: happy in the end. And so if you're only doing
Speaker 1: it for that person, I would say don't do it.
Speaker 1: If you are just open to experimentation and you want
Speaker 1: to try it, but I always say that's all fun
Speaker 1: and games until somebody falls in love. It's not the
Speaker 1: easy route, and it is the vast my minority of
Speaker 1: people who can safely emotionally entertain conscious non monogamy. It
Speaker 1: is certainly not for everybody. It is not for the masses.
Speaker 1: If you want to do it for you, do it
Speaker 1: for you. If you're doing it for your partner, not
Speaker 1: a great idea. All right, When we come back, I
Speaker 1: want to talk about what healthy love is and how
Speaker 1: I came to a place where I finally understood how
Speaker 1: to have the skills needed to create healthy love. You're
Speaker 1: listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM
Speaker 1: six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 3: AM six.
Speaker 1: Forty Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1: You know, I spent a lot of years in my
Speaker 1: early adulthood life and even middle age asking myself, what
Speaker 1: is healthy love? Will I ever find healthy love? Believing
Speaker 1: that it is something that you just stumble upon and
Speaker 1: that it's all about luck. And after a few years
Speaker 1: of therapy that came after many years of many bad relationships.
Speaker 1: I remind everybody I do not blame the men whom
Speaker 1: I had terrible, painful, toxic, abandoning, abusive relationships with. I
Speaker 1: blame me. I blame me because although I need to
Speaker 1: learn to forgive myself, because it's largely unconscious, we all
Speaker 1: have this model for love in our unconscious that says
Speaker 1: this treatment's okay, or that it's normal. And I do
Speaker 1: want to say one thing. If you're somebody out there
Speaker 1: who is in a relationship that doesn't make you happy,
Speaker 1: If the strongest feeling you have is confusion, which is
Speaker 1: what I had, then that's not love. It's not a
Speaker 1: secure attachment. And so finally seeing a therapist and spending
Speaker 1: years and reading books and going to graduate school and
Speaker 1: learning about attachment theory, I was able to, step by
Speaker 1: step literally change who I was attracted to, be able
Speaker 1: to take in care, be able to feel loved and
Speaker 1: deserving of love. I learned how to express my emotions.
Speaker 1: I learned how to be honest and not ever hide
Speaker 1: my feelings. But I also learned how to express them
Speaker 1: in a very non defensive way. You know, when people
Speaker 1: have an early in life when they're not allowed to
Speaker 1: express themselves, when they try to practice later in life.
Speaker 1: They say things like in a really angry or defensive way.
Speaker 1: It's almost like they don't feel safe saying it, so
Speaker 1: they better say it extra strong. When you have emotional intelligence,
Speaker 1: you've learned the skills. When you have a secure relationship,
Speaker 1: you can just say things in a calm way, you know.
Speaker 1: Maya Angelou once said, the best love is the one
Speaker 1: that makes you a better person without changing you into
Speaker 1: someone other than yourself. I spend a lot of time
Speaker 1: trying to be somebody else for other people, trying to
Speaker 1: well quiet my light and my voice because I knew
Speaker 1: I was very talkative. I didn't know I was an
Speaker 1: external processor and that's just how I am. I didn't
Speaker 1: know that there would be a man out there one
Speaker 1: day who had a very talkative mother who would find
Speaker 1: that normal and cool. And I remember seeing Julio, like
Speaker 1: just a few months into it, and we would go
Speaker 1: for really long walks because it was during COVID, and
Speaker 1: he said to me one time, you and I can
Speaker 1: walk for an hour and I don't have to say
Speaker 1: a word. It's such a relief. He found his listener.
Speaker 1: He's a great listener, which is great. Of course, we
Speaker 1: do have lots of debates and lots of conversation, and
Speaker 1: it is a lot of back and forth, But I
Speaker 1: want to talk about what healthy love really is for
Speaker 1: those of you who haven't created yet created it yet
Speaker 1: for yourself. Healthy love means that we are all responsible
Speaker 1: for our own happiness. It is not someone's job to
Speaker 1: make us happy. Happiness is an inside job, and it
Speaker 1: starts with us. For instance, if Julio does a few
Speaker 1: little things around the house that bother me, like leaving
Speaker 1: his drawers open, I know I've told you this story before,
Speaker 1: I say to myself, whose problem is this? Is this
Speaker 1: his problem or mine? I'm not going to make it
Speaker 1: his problem because it's obviously not a problem for him
Speaker 1: unless I nag him and yell at him and drive
Speaker 1: him crazy about leaving his drawers ajar or I could
Speaker 1: just go close him and solve my own problem. Make
Speaker 1: myself happy, right, make yourself happy first. The other thing
Speaker 1: is we're also not responsible for somebody else's happiness. I
Speaker 1: had a lot of grumpy partners in my life, and
Speaker 1: I felt like I had to be their cheerleader. I
Speaker 1: had to be the happy one. But this is not
Speaker 1: your job. They should come into the relationship with their
Speaker 1: own baggage stuffed with joy and happiness, because they're going
Speaker 1: to need to open those suitcases from time to time.
Speaker 1: We are only responsible for ensuring that we are a
Speaker 1: whole person, that we have a healthy sense of identity,
Speaker 1: that we are high functioning, that we have self esteem.
Speaker 1: And by the way, self esteem doesn't mean, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I like myself, I'm s so perfect, I'm so confident.
Speaker 1: Self esteem means I'm good enough and some days I
Speaker 1: make mistakes because I'm human, and I can forgive myself
Speaker 1: and I hope you can forgive me. That's called healthy
Speaker 1: self esteem. I also learned about what a secure attachment
Speaker 1: feels like. I'm in it now, and I'm so glad
Speaker 1: I'm in it, so that I can describe it to you,
Speaker 1: because for many decades I only had insecure attachments with people.
Speaker 1: So butterflies in your stomach should be a short, fleeting
Speaker 1: thing at the beginning. Long term butterflies in your stomach
Speaker 1: are a roller coaster. This is not love highs and
Speaker 1: lows and worry about abandonment, and then huge highs and
Speaker 1: then back to lows again. If you're crying or feeling angry.
Speaker 1: A lot of the time. This is not love. This
Speaker 1: is re enacting your childhood trauma. As I was using
Speaker 1: a new object the guy I was dating as a
Speaker 1: replacement for what happened before. When somebody says hey, she
Speaker 1: won't say I love you, or he won't allow us
Speaker 1: to have relationship definition, or they don't believe in PDAs,
Speaker 1: that's not love. Right. Love is people who naturally touch
Speaker 1: each other, who feel quite comfortable being defined as being
Speaker 1: part of a couple, and being able to use their
Speaker 1: words to express love. Healthy love does not feel like
Speaker 1: a roller coaster. It feels safe. It feels like peace,
Speaker 1: It feels like trust. It allows you to be you,
Speaker 1: it allows your voice. I will say that healthy love
Speaker 1: isn't exciting, but it is far from boring. It is
Speaker 1: a soft pillow to fall into where one feels safe.
Speaker 1: And that's what I hope for all of you when
Speaker 1: we come back. I have a very fascinating author of
Speaker 1: a book that I keep mispronouncing the name of. Listen
Speaker 1: to me. Let's see if I can get through it
Speaker 1: when we come back. But I'm going to get through
Speaker 1: the whole book because I can't wait to finish it.
Speaker 1: It's so good you're.
Speaker 3: Listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM
Speaker 3: six forty.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My
Speaker 1: next guest is an entrepreneur, an investor, and an author.
Speaker 1: His new book is called Homo am I going to
Speaker 1: say it right, idiot idiot idiots again? I'm being an idiot?
Speaker 1: Can you say it for me? Cizari?
Speaker 2: Homo Idiotic goes like a play on Homo sapiens and
Speaker 2: homo economics. I think that we are all homodiogicals, not
Speaker 2: homeless obdience.
Speaker 1: Let's go with the subtitle Why we Are Stupid and
Speaker 1: what we could do about it? Jasari Petrashic, How did
Speaker 1: I do ye? Originally from Poland? Now I talk about
Speaker 1: cognitive biases a lot the brains shortcut that we do
Speaker 1: so that the brain, sometimes in trying to save fuel,
Speaker 1: makes wrong decisions. Is this book about why we're stupid
Speaker 1: and what we can do about it? Kind of about
Speaker 1: cognitive biases?
Speaker 2: Yes, it's a big part of that, but not the
Speaker 2: only part. So cognitive biases are part of the psychological
Speaker 2: dimension of our stupidity. But there's also biological and sociological
Speaker 2: and institutional.
Speaker 1: Okay, so how are we biologically stupid?
Speaker 2: Biologically? It's actee quite complex. It's from how we are
Speaker 2: wired in terms of that amigdala part of our brain
Speaker 2: that prioritizes actions to whatever is dangerous, moving, flashy, whatever,
Speaker 2: makes cautious but not precise decisions. Prefrontal cortekes makes better decisions.
Speaker 2: But we use it sparingly. We use it only when
Speaker 2: we really think. Most of the decisions our daily life
Speaker 2: we use you know, using amygdala and other things. But
Speaker 2: biology also is about testosterone. You know, testosterone makes us
Speaker 2: slightly more stupid. So here's the question whether the men
Speaker 2: are more stupid than the woman.
Speaker 1: It depends which IQ test you're using, But I can
Speaker 1: tell you with the WAYS test there's a greater range.
Speaker 1: Men have a greater range of intelligences on those scores.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but but do you know that almost seventy percent
Speaker 2: of men do not wash their hands after using public
Speaker 2: toilet and only half of that women.
Speaker 1: Oh, I have to tell you, Jasari that when COVID happened,
Speaker 1: and I watched men walking out of men rooms shaking
Speaker 1: their hands and wringing them because they were wet. I
Speaker 1: was just doing the touchdown cheer. Is this what it
Speaker 1: takes a pandemic to get those guys to wash their hands? Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you one biological error that we
Speaker 1: often make. So when I talk a lot about the
Speaker 1: science of love and the science of relationships on this show,
Speaker 1: you know, we smell somebody's pheromones who might be a
Speaker 1: good biological match for us because immune systems give off
Speaker 1: a certain kind of scent, and if somebody has a
Speaker 1: disparate a different immune system, we will find them more
Speaker 1: sexually attractive. But that doesn't mean you can have a
Speaker 1: compatible marriage. So there's another way that biologically we make mistakes. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you mentioned some other ways that we're making mistakes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's sociology. So how the society works. So basically,
Speaker 2: the society sadly makes us stupid. And this is an
Speaker 2: incredible thing because the society made us originally very very
Speaker 2: smart and very for example, less violent than we used
Speaker 2: to be and allowed us to specialize, et cetera. So
Speaker 2: society has put us to tremendous point of possession of
Speaker 2: strength and mental strength as well. However, very I would
Speaker 2: say in the last few hundred years, the society has
Speaker 2: rather negative impact on our orata is encouraging our adiocy.
Speaker 2: Why which way because because of the of the concept
Speaker 2: of conformity. So basically we would do anything to conform
Speaker 2: with society, which means that we make a lot of
Speaker 2: recipt decisions just to conform. So for example, there was
Speaker 2: just from innocent things such as you know, there was
Speaker 2: this experiment in nineteen fifties when they were asking people
Speaker 2: to show they were showing them three lines and one
Speaker 2: was obviously shorter, one was obviously longer, and one was
Speaker 2: exactly the same.
Speaker 1: Life amazing.
Speaker 2: Continue, it's amazing, right, and people, you know, normally in
Speaker 2: the control group, ninety nine percent of people pointed out
Speaker 2: correctly which is longer, which is shorter. But then when
Speaker 2: six people before them were telling wrong answer, but they
Speaker 2: very consistently because they were all accomplasses of the person
Speaker 2: who designed the study, then like thirty six percent of
Speaker 2: people also gave wrong answer.
Speaker 1: That's amazing, which is one of the reasons in our
Speaker 1: criminal justice system why it's so easy to get somebody
Speaker 1: to admit to a crime they might not even have committed,
Speaker 1: because you have enough cops in the room and they'd
Speaker 1: say there are other witnesses they're certing to think, well,
Speaker 1: maybe I did do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, informity with conformative of society is is kind of
Speaker 2: forced upon us. Think about it. In the old days,
Speaker 2: it actually was a matter of survival because because if
Speaker 2: you were different from society, if you didn't conform, you'd
Speaker 2: be left behind, and a single person without the tribe,
Speaker 2: without the group, would die, right like in their primitive society.
Speaker 2: So that's why it's so deeply wired in us that
Speaker 2: we all the time want to conform with the society.
Speaker 1: We want to fit in. You know, I have been
Speaker 1: accused of being a bit of a vanguard and a
Speaker 1: maverick and a big mouth and not going along with
Speaker 1: the crowd. And it has to do with the fact
Speaker 1: that I, by my dad was in the navy, we
Speaker 1: moved a lot. By the time I graduated high school,
Speaker 1: I'd gone to ten different schools. So I always felt
Speaker 1: like an outsider and never felt a need to conform
Speaker 1: because I knew it only be there year anyway. And
Speaker 1: as a result it has sustained me. I've gotten a
Speaker 1: little bit of trouble, okay, but for the most part,
Speaker 1: my big mouth that goes against the grain. That's a
Speaker 1: truth teller goes uh uh ah, No, that's not right.
Speaker 1: Why are we following that? But now in today's time,
Speaker 1: you know, we have a society where we have a
Speaker 1: government who's practicing kind of authoritarian ways. That's going to
Speaker 1: make people conform even more, isn't it.
Speaker 2: Yes, Basically people think that whatever is legal or blessed
Speaker 2: by society is moral. So we we do not have
Speaker 2: many security wolves and do not have many switches that
Speaker 2: you know, we will do as a society really bad
Speaker 2: things if the society is blessing us.
Speaker 3: Yes, So if.
Speaker 2: The society tells that this, you know, you can shoot
Speaker 2: at people in this way, you can do those atrocious things.
Speaker 2: You can you can torture, you will do it because
Speaker 2: society gives you the permission.
Speaker 1: This is so frightening. We have to go to a break.
Speaker 1: When we come back, I want you to talk about
Speaker 1: some practical, actionable strategies so that we can make smarter
Speaker 1: decisions as individuals. My guest is the author of Homo
Speaker 1: idiot idiootesis are you're right? Idioticis? It's idiot idioticus idioticalus
Speaker 1: Homo idiotic is why we are stupid and what we
Speaker 1: can do about it. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy
Speaker 1: Wall Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 3: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Chazari
Speaker 1: Petras petrass seek. Oh my god, I got to learn
Speaker 1: how to speak Polish. Chazari. I'm just gonna call you Tazari.
Speaker 2: That's perfect.
Speaker 1: A brilliant entrepreneur, investor, and author. He is actually the
Speaker 1: owner of a leading AI company that predicts human behavior.
Speaker 1: That's where you got all this information. All right, you
Speaker 1: mentioned earlier that we will follow the crowd because it's
Speaker 1: basic survival. We will make all kinds of biological, intellectual,
Speaker 1: and social mistakes. What can we do about it? How
Speaker 1: can we walk to our own drum?
Speaker 2: So there's there's many, many strategies, right, So one of
Speaker 2: the one of the critical important ones is the mindset.
Speaker 2: So basically the mindset is it's what you have cultivated. Right,
Speaker 2: you didn't follow the crowd because you knew that you
Speaker 2: are different, that you travel with your family who is
Speaker 2: in the navy, right, that you had strong values. You
Speaker 2: you didn't mind if somebody called you something that you
Speaker 2: didn't like, and that that that's the whole point. The
Speaker 2: mindset is the most important thing. So for example, just
Speaker 2: to give you, since you mentioned the Navy, the mindset
Speaker 2: of the navy so stupid. It is about also tolerating
Speaker 2: things we should we should not tolerate. Just to give
Speaker 2: you an example from the navy. In the nineteen sixties,
Speaker 2: both US Navy and Soviet Navy had series of tragic accidents.
Speaker 2: Basically they lost a lot of Navy navies sorry SAPs.
Speaker 2: And Russians just just went about this normally, while Americans decided, no,
Speaker 2: you have a mindset that you will not tolerate any
Speaker 2: any small difficulties, any small deficiencies, not no bed days
Speaker 2: in the office, nothing. Since that, they have never lost
Speaker 2: a boat, whereas the Russians have lost I think eight
Speaker 2: or nine state of the art nuclear submarines. It's all
Speaker 2: about the mindset, the mindset, the mindset that it's okay
Speaker 2: to be different, yes, but it's also it is being
Speaker 2: vigilant and and not tolerating stupidity, not being not allowing
Speaker 2: yourself to you know, to well, I will not listen
Speaker 2: to it, I will or react to it without thinking
Speaker 2: I will, you know, I will not. I will not
Speaker 2: be using my brain much.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 1: You mentioned also at the beginning of this that you know,
Speaker 1: in my case, for instancece I was always the outsider.
Speaker 1: Is that I could also tolerate if people didn't like me,
Speaker 1: because I knew I wouldn't be there that long necessarily.
Speaker 1: But I think we all have to be able to
Speaker 1: tolerate the feeling of shame every once in a while
Speaker 1: because they could be wrong, you know, and they'll try
Speaker 1: to shame us into all these kinds of behaviors, and
Speaker 1: we have to be the one to go uh uh ah.
Speaker 1: I don't think that makes sense. And so as an individual,
Speaker 1: we could certainly do that, all right, What else can
Speaker 1: we do to make smarter decisions?
Speaker 2: So feeding yourself with different information sources, so basically, you know,
Speaker 2: not reading biased press, just trying to access information from
Speaker 2: baff political sides, different journals, just not being in the
Speaker 2: eco jumber. This is this is critical. This is important. Traveling, right,
Speaker 2: meeting people from different cultures is really really helping because
Speaker 2: you can't understand different perspectives. You know, when I went
Speaker 2: to China, I spoke to the people there. You know,
Speaker 2: I had a very Western and Western focused philosophy. I
Speaker 2: wasn't taught much about the fact that we as Europeans
Speaker 2: went to China in early nineteen hundreds and we quelled
Speaker 2: their rebellion there. We killed thousands of people, we burned
Speaker 2: their glorious palace, summer palace, et cetera. They still remember it.
Speaker 2: We don't, right.
Speaker 1: And also, I do want to say that in a
Speaker 1: collectivist culture, like many Asian cultures, there's far less mental
Speaker 1: illness because sometimes our brain doesn't do well with too
Speaker 1: much freedom. But we like literally get confused, and it's
Speaker 1: very secure to know, like this is the hopey way,
Speaker 1: this is the way we do it. Okay, I don't
Speaker 1: have to think there. You mentioned trials.
Speaker 2: Basic things go ahead. Yeah, Other basic things are such
Speaker 2: simple things like fitting yourself. So basically, bad quality food
Speaker 2: or insufficient food create visible reduction. Make you right. There's
Speaker 2: those studies that malnutrition can cause fifteen percent fifteen points
Speaker 2: it reduction.
Speaker 1: But not just childhood nutrition.
Speaker 2: We're talking about it was a childhood this one was
Speaker 2: childhood nutrition. There was another study down on a big
Speaker 2: group of I think eight graders in US where they
Speaker 2: were feeding groups with different things, and the group that
Speaker 2: was eating mostly fast food had twenty percent lower results
Speaker 2: cognitive results.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's amazing. That's amazing.
Speaker 2: That's a very basic thing. So so whatever you feed yourself,
Speaker 2: you know, literally and figuratively, he really impacts your humanity.
Speaker 1: And you mentioned feeding your brain different information sources, you know.
Speaker 1: I do try to listen to a range of opinions
Speaker 1: with my podcasts and television, et cetera. And I deliberately
Speaker 1: make a point sometimes when I'm driving and it's a
Speaker 1: long drive, I'll be like, you know what, I'm going
Speaker 1: to give my hour to the other side. Let me
Speaker 1: see how they're doing this story. And I'm always shocked
Speaker 1: that there are a few things they say I agree with,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wait a minute, maybe I'm a centralist.
Speaker 2: And that's beautiful because this allows us to have free
Speaker 2: expression and freedom of speech, and that is very important,
Speaker 2: so that we can discuss the differences rather than you know,
Speaker 2: shout at each other.
Speaker 1: And oh, one more before we go.
Speaker 2: One more, one more for you to remember for all
Speaker 2: those people who are thinking about the cognitive decline while
Speaker 2: they are getting older. There is a study which shows
Speaker 2: a twenty one year old study, so they would follow
Speaker 2: with people for twenty one years when they discovered that
Speaker 2: partner dancing is off the charts in terms of prevention
Speaker 2: of the dementia. Forget cross puzzles, forget playing chess, forget
Speaker 2: playing golf, like nothing compares with partner dancing.
Speaker 1: Okay, my jaw just fell on the table because in
Speaker 1: August I got married to a Dominican man who taught
Speaker 1: me to salsa dance. And now we go to all
Speaker 1: the family parties and I'm salsa dancing with my blonde
Speaker 1: hair and blue eyes and he's working me.
Speaker 2: So you'll be in great physical and mental shame. You
Speaker 2: We are all todays.
Speaker 1: Well ya, little review. Feed your brain, different information sources.
Speaker 1: Feed your brain healthy vegetables and lean proteins. Travel the
Speaker 1: world so you can learn about different cultures and take
Speaker 1: up some partner dancing. Wow. Okay, where can people get
Speaker 1: the book?
Speaker 2: It's available on pre sale from Amazon. Its official launch
Speaker 2: date is twenty second of June, so you can you
Speaker 2: can get it on probably two days later.
Speaker 1: Oh great, you're going to send me a copy because
Speaker 1: I want to read every word of it.
Speaker 2: Yes, I will.
Speaker 1: Homo IDIOTICUS idiot IDIOTICUS homo IDIOTICUS subtitle why we are
Speaker 1: stupid and what we can do about it? Jasai, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for being with us. What a treat.
Speaker 1: You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI
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