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Speaker 1: Now for an hour of comedy, brought to you by

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RCA Victor world leader in radio first and recorded music

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first in television by Chesterfield, the only cigarette that combines

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mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste, The cigarette that brings you

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Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, and by the makers of

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anison for fast relief from the pains of headaches, neurritis

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and euralgia. In thirty minutes, you'll hear Duffy's Tavern. But

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now it's radio's newest transcribed comedy show, The Magnificent Montague.

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The Magnificent Montague starring Marty Wallis do an actor like

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Edwin Montague, the magnifict Montague of the Shakespearean Theater. Christmas

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was just another day backstage, but today is uncle good Heart,

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hero of an afternoon radio program. Christmas has become a

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major event. Much to his disgust. The Montague apartment is

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flooded with gifts from his grateful listeners. Lilly Boy and

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his wife and Agnes the Maid have spent the entire

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morning trying to break a path through the jam packed

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living room. Somewhere in the living room, the phone.

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Speaker 2: Rings, Agnes, Ergnes, Yeah, honey.

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Speaker 3: Will you please answer the phone.

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Speaker 4: I'm trying to. I just can't find it.

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Speaker 3: Did you look behind the totem pole those eskimos sending.

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Speaker 2: I'm behind the totem poles the way Here it is

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in the dog sled. Hello, Yeah, this is Uncle goodhearts

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American Express. Oh no, look look we're full of poled

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it for a while, will you?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Hang on to it?

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Speaker 6: What was that?

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Speaker 2: A little something for Uncle Goodhop from the Elks in Lyndale, Minnesota?

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Speaker 3: Really?

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Speaker 7: What was it?

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Speaker 4: An elk.

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Speaker 3: And elk?

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Speaker 8: Well, the least we can do is send it back

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with a nice note to that Elks lodge, say.

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Speaker 4: I got a great idea.

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Speaker 9: What is it?

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Speaker 4: Let's keep it and send him back to the Elks.

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Speaker 3: Oh, Agnes stopped being ridiculous.

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Speaker 2: Oh brother, One day with Montague and them Elks will

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all be odd fellows.

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Speaker 3: Agnes, won't you try and get along with my husband?

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Speaker 2: Don't worry about us, honey, we have a perfect understanding.

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Speaker 4: We hate each other, Agnes.

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Speaker 3: Do you know how he feels about it?

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Speaker 8: The magnificent molecule of the theater sinking to playing Uncle

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Goodhart on radio. I thought all these gifts from listeners

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would get a rise out of it.

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Speaker 2: Don't give up, how honey, without Corny dishes out on

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his program, somebody must send him a time bomb.

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Speaker 8: Look at all these Christmas cards. How will I ever? Oh,

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here's a letter for you. Special delivery for me.

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Speaker 4: Must be a bite.

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Speaker 2: Let me see. It's for my sister Helen and Hutchinson, Kansas.

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Listen to this, dear rag. The whole family's down with measles,

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except our son Junior. We got to get him out

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of the house, so we're sending him under you. She kidding.

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Speaker 3: That's wonderful.

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Speaker 4: We've never had a child in our home for Christmas, Honey?

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Speaker 2: Are you out of your mind? A ten year old

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kid in this house with Montague? He's too young, Togo.

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Speaker 3: As I could explain, I.

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Speaker 4: Will do it. It says.

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Speaker 2: He will arrive Friday on the Super corn Huskers six

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o five six oh five New York Times Grand Central Station.

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Speaker 3: Agnes, that's today, honey.

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Speaker 2: I'll pack my grip, pick up the kid at the station,

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take him out to Jersey to pond Miles and spend Christmas.

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Speaker 8: There, Oh, Agnes, Christmas without you. Oh, I think Edwin

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is up.

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Speaker 10: Here?

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Speaker 4: Come the Elk calling it's mate.

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Speaker 11: Let's get that dog set away from the front of

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his door too late, Edwin, You all right, all.

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Speaker 12: Right, quite outside of the fact my legs have broken around.

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Speaker 10: I never walk again.

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Speaker 4: I'm tiptop.

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Speaker 12: Will you please untangle me from this dog harness?

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Speaker 10: Somebody do something, mush mush.

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Speaker 12: An idea. If I ever again the use.

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Speaker 10: Of my right foot again, I know just where I'm

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going to put it. Do something now, we.

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Speaker 8: Don't act like a babe baby, ed we eat your breakfast, no.

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Speaker 12: Appetite anyway, I've got to get to the radio station

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for my broadcast.

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Speaker 3: Why did you look over today's Uncle good Heart script?

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Speaker 12: What do you think? Killed by appetite? All your hair

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on the radio is jingle bells? Jingle bells?

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Speaker 8: You mean they have Uncle good Heart involved in Christmas

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already already, already, there had been dashing through the snow

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since April.

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Speaker 3: When everybody loves this season.

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Speaker 10: I tell you live.

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Speaker 12: If I hear I am dreaming of a white Christmas

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once more, I'm going to personally horse grip Berlin.

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Speaker 3: Oh, she's packing.

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Speaker 12: Packing, my fond is the dreams have come true? She's

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been drafted.

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Speaker 3: No, she's just leaving for the holidays.

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Speaker 10: You won't be with us this Christmas without Agnes. Har

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there is a Santa.

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Speaker 8: Oh here she comes to say goodbye, Agnes the dog slamming.

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Speaker 3: Agnes. Agnes.

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Speaker 4: Are you all right? Oh my ankle?

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Speaker 3: Edwin do something poor?

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Speaker 12: Is he?

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Speaker 5: Agnes?

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Speaker 4: Far down and go boom.

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Speaker 10: Let you see your little footage.

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Speaker 4: You're distance your monster.

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Speaker 3: Here, honey, let.

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Speaker 8: Me lift you ed when she may be hurt, she

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may a jingle bell.

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Speaker 10: How can you I look for my broadcast?

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Speaker 5: I am dreaming of a while, Chris, Oh.

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Speaker 4: Uncle good heart, how can I ever thank you?

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Speaker 10: No, No, Rocco, you talk to police in and let

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me open up my pool.

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Speaker 12: Room again, your pops, Uncle good heart, a roco, my boy.

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Now you must worked to win back the respect to

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the families whose kids you let hang around.

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Speaker 10: Your pool room.

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Speaker 12: Naturally they're a little peeved after all. You dip teach

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the little takes how to steal cars.

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Speaker 10: You encourage them to rob candy stores.

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Speaker 12: You taught them how to roll drunks, all rock All

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parents are funny.

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Speaker 10: That way, Oh uncle good heart, it was my only

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way out.

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Speaker 12: I guess I'm just no good No, oh no, there's

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a wide streak of goodness in.

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Speaker 10: You if you do what you tell me, you're going

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to do. Scouts down a good hearts this Christmas.

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Speaker 12: There's going to be a Christmas tree on a snooker table,

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and I'm hanging holly on the slap machines.

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Speaker 10: And free pool for the kids all day Christmas.

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Speaker 12: Oh Roco, here are the keys back to your pool room?

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Oh no, into the sun and life.

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Speaker 1: So ends another episode of Uncle good Heart, brought to

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you by Shalamar Soap.

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Speaker 5: And here is.

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Speaker 1: Uncle good Heart with his thought for the day.

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Speaker 12: When your Christmas tree sets your house on fire, and

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no fire trucks answer the bell when the firemen do

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come five hours late, won't you step up and say, Noel.

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Speaker 9: You're off here, mister Montague.

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Speaker 12: Eureka, I did it again without getting ill cracker jack show,

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mister Montague as our director.

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Speaker 9: Wasn't it cinsa ah?

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Speaker 4: That was a low ploser?

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Speaker 10: Shut up?

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Speaker 12: Oh the answer.

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Speaker 9: I suppose we'll see you at the Christmas party.

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Speaker 10: See you at what party?

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Speaker 9: Our sponsor?

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Speaker 10: Shut him.

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Speaker 9: Our soap is giving a little celebration. It's just an

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office party. We rolled back the desks, open a.

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Speaker 10: Few bottles, ink, no doubt.

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Speaker 9: Be good for you to show up, mister Montague. The

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top money men of the company will be there.

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Speaker 10: The warden is letting them out for the.

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Speaker 13: It's really jolly, mister Montague. Mister Montague, I don't want

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this to come as a surprise to you, but I

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promised my kids they could call you up Christmas morning

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to wish you as cinsa cinsa.

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Speaker 12: Should that unfortunate event happen, I can only promise that

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my Christmas greeting to them will make them old before

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they're tie. I assure you their hair will turn white

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before the receiver falls from their stricken little hand.

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Speaker 13: Mister Montague, I don't think you like children.

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Speaker 12: Give this man six silver dollars the box of sticker.

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Speaker 13: But mister Montague, what is Christmas without children?

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Speaker 10: Paradise.

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Speaker 1: We'll be back with a magnificent molecule in just a moment.

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Now here's a word from our caa victor. Can you

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imagine what it would cost if for Christmas this year

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you were to buy your family season tickets to one

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hundred sports events, one hundred musical concerts a thousand shows.

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That would be mighty expensive. But there is a simple

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and inexpensive way to give your family season tickets to

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all this fine entertainment for this year and the years

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to come. Give them the finest possible Christmas present a

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beautiful new RCA Victor Television, radio and phonograph combination. When

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you do, you'll be giving ringside orchestra tickets for our

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CAA Victor million Proof television is matchless. Its excellence has

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been proven in over a million homes. And for music

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and radio listening, your family will hear the best through

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the finest tone system in RCA Victor history, the famous

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golden throat Ris must give your family the surprise of

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their lives and the fun of a lifetime. Give a

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handsome RCA Victor million Proof combination. See them tomorrow at

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your RCA Victor dealers, and I'll back to the magnificent Moteru.

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Having aired his tender feelings about children on Christmas, he

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is on his way home from his broadcast. But Agnes

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and Lily have problems of their own.

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Speaker 2: Honey, please get me a cratch, anything, but I gotta

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get out of here.

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Speaker 3: Agnes, you just sit there.

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Speaker 8: If the doctor said you cannot stand on that angle

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for at least a week, Oh no.

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Speaker 4: I have you juniors do in at six oh five?

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What am I going to do about him?

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Speaker 8: Agnes Junior is going to spend the holidays here with us?

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Oh no, Edward will be crazy about Junior, and when

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he sees you're sick, you'll probably try and mother you.

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Speaker 4: Like one of them animals that devour their young.

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Speaker 8: An please, I'll get it, Edwin, I have a wonderful

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surprise for you.

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Speaker 12: Hello, Lily, what oh Agnes's leg is broken? Lily, that

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is a wonderful surprise.

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Speaker 4: Hello mother, Edwind.

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Speaker 3: Don't take your coat off.

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Speaker 8: You have to rush right down to Grand Central station

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to meet a train.

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Speaker 12: Oh no, Lily, not your mother. No, it can't be it.

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Why it's too warm out?

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Speaker 3: Too warm out?

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Speaker 12: Yes, she said it would be a cold ey be

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while she ever came here.

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Speaker 3: Again, No, no, Edwin, now relax.

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Speaker 8: Agnes's sister is sending her ten year old son Junior

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to spend Christmas with us.

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Speaker 2: Excuse me, I have a fake note in the oven.

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Speaker 10: Don't get up well, Agnes. So this is your new strategy.

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Speaker 12: You found you couldn't drive me crazy by yourself, so

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you're calling up reinforcements.

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Speaker 3: Edwin, I want Junior here for Christmas.

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Speaker 8: Christmases all our lives have been spent in dingy dressing

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rooms or in strange cities on tour. Just once, I

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want to get a tree and toys and spend Christmas

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as it's meant to be spent.

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Speaker 3: With a child.

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Speaker 10: Lily, stop that blubbering.

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Speaker 12: You sound like mar Perkins being dragged behind a truck.

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Speaker 10: Along the road to life.

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Speaker 12: What is there about Christmas that brings out all this horrible, nauseating,

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miserable sentiment?

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Speaker 4: Calabay and bless us, all said tiny timph.

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Speaker 12: Oh, Lily, it might be a good idea to have

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a tree this year. And I know just what I'm

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going to hang from the top branch.

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Speaker 4: Dead the hallsware thralls of holly time.

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Speaker 3: I've never asked you for anything before.

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Speaker 10: All right, all right, I'll go and pick up Junior away.

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Speaker 3: How would you know him?

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Speaker 10: Well, he's related to Agnes, isn't it.

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Speaker 12: How many kids can there be at Grand Central Station

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with two heads us?

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Speaker 3: How Willie know it's your nephew?

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Speaker 4: All the way?

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Speaker 2: Helen always does it. She puts a tag mark Junior

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around his neck.

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Speaker 3: He's on the super corn Husker. Do you in at

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six oh five.

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Speaker 10: The Super corn Husker death.

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Speaker 5: Where is nice? Stay?

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Speaker 14: I can please? Arriving on tracks the Children's bark from

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Nest Stilven.

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Speaker 9: Bar Farthers, Mild black.

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Speaker 14: Harmers, Gambling, Blackfield and Fallsburgh.

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Speaker 10: That's a big help.

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Speaker 12: Good course in fiction would probably put the railroads back

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on their feet again. Oh there's the information desk.

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Speaker 6: Me.

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Speaker 10: Yes, sir, you give me some information about the train.

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Speaker 6: Well if I can't, the railroad's been paying me for

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nothing for thirty seven years.

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Speaker 12: Oh no, look, milking, All I want is some information.

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Speaker 10: How what do you want to know?

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Speaker 7: Son?

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Speaker 12: Just what track does the super corn Husker arrive on?

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It's due any second, Super Cornhusker.

274
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Speaker 4: Let me look at the schedule, super cheap. That wouldn't

275
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,440
be it woulded No, No, let.

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Speaker 10: Me see, let me see at least I meant to

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name you Moon look bing.

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Speaker 5: In the ollow time.

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Speaker 9: I'd be panting for more.

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Speaker 7: The train is drew Hi, here we are lad, super

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00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:09,000
connask girl?

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Speaker 10: Oh that come in about an hour ago? An hour ago? Please?

283
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,920
Speaker 14: A young boy has been found is tag around? That

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00:17:18,799 --> 00:17:23,559
junior is being held at the travelers A junior?

285
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Speaker 10: Where's that? Yes?

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Speaker 12: Sir, yes, sir? Can I help you I've come to

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claim Junior.

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Speaker 14: Thank heavens, Junia, here he comes kill your Yeah.

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Speaker 12: This gentleman here has come for you.

290
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Speaker 4: You cann't.

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Speaker 12: Well. He has one thing in his favor. He didn't

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walk in on all four he Look, Junior, I've come

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00:18:03,599 --> 00:18:04,519
to take you home.

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Speaker 6: Oh yeah, my aunt's supposed to pick me up.

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Speaker 12: Please, Julia, Junior, your auntie couldn't come for you.

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00:18:17,839 --> 00:18:19,480
Speaker 10: She's had a bad accident.

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Speaker 6: She got shot where his New York game was just

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00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,440
like please say she wish please.

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00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:32,200
Speaker 12: Obviously obviously a product of progressive education. Look, Junior, I'll

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take you to your aunt.

301
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Speaker 10: Let's go.

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Speaker 4: But the joke's over. You could take off the up.

303
00:18:40,839 --> 00:18:41,680
Speaker 10: What the bush?

304
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:43,400
Speaker 4: The whiskers deard.

305
00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:46,839
Speaker 12: Bab Look, Junior, my little man, if you make one

306
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,640
more reference to my beard, I will twist the features

307
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,359
of your little face back into human.

308
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:59,880
Speaker 4: Form along chipping. We touch you today.

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00:19:00,079 --> 00:19:03,759
Speaker 10: Let's go. Let's go and stay close to me so

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00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:09,880
they won't notice you're not on a leash. Touchet.

311
00:19:10,759 --> 00:19:13,359
Speaker 4: That's French, you know. I read that in a book.

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00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,240
My father had hidden his desk.

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00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,559
Speaker 10: Just a typical healthy American boy.

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00:19:20,759 --> 00:19:24,160
Speaker 6: Hurry up, okay, here we are at the newsstand.

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Speaker 4: Get me a comic book.

316
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,359
Speaker 9: Never mind, never.

317
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,920
Speaker 6: Mind, I run out of comic book's on a train,

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00:19:30,519 --> 00:19:33,160
spent over thirty minutes since I've seen a comic book.

319
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,319
Speaker 3: I'm getting stale.

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00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:35,640
Speaker 4: Do you hear me? Stale?

321
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,079
Speaker 14: Stale?

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00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 10: Now, dear little man, I am not going to buy

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00:19:40,039 --> 00:19:41,160
you any comic books.

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00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:42,720
Speaker 4: You're kidding.

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00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:44,440
Speaker 5: I am not kidding.

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Speaker 10: I am not going to buy you any comic books.

327
00:19:48,319 --> 00:19:50,519
You ain't, I ain't.

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00:19:51,839 --> 00:19:54,400
Speaker 4: Okay, you asked for it. Here it comes o.

329
00:20:05,279 --> 00:20:11,559
Speaker 10: I'll push the eyeballs back in your head. I'll get

330
00:20:11,599 --> 00:20:12,599
you a comic book.

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00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,640
Speaker 4: Gee, you're a nice man.

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00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:20,319
Speaker 12: What crimes I must have perpetrated in my lifetime to

333
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:21,039
deserve this?

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00:20:21,839 --> 00:20:24,599
Speaker 10: All right, Junior? What comic book? Do you want?

335
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,920
Speaker 4: Anything with blood and girls on a cover?

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00:20:28,839 --> 00:20:32,519
Speaker 10: Yeah? That's some real gory one't they. We'll take these.

337
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 4: Take hold it just a minute.

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00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,079
Speaker 6: How did does Peter Rabbit book get in here? It

339
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,799
scares me keep me up at night.

340
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:43,920
Speaker 10: We'll throw it into the ash can, but don't let

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00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:44,559
go of it.

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Speaker 4: Okay, but face, get me some candy to eat on

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00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:52,119
the way over.

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00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 10: No candy, no candy, no candy. And that's final.

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00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 4: Okay, stand back await.

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00:21:03,039 --> 00:21:04,799
Speaker 10: All right, all I pick out some candy.

347
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 6: I find candy very relaxing and it clears up my complexion.

348
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 4: Okay, candy, here's the money, big spender.

349
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 10: Let's find a cab and get home.

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Speaker 12: Oh.

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00:21:21,799 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 6: I finally get to New York, and you are gonna

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00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,039
coop me up in some tenement.

353
00:21:25,279 --> 00:21:28,279
Speaker 10: No story, Bob, we are going home.

354
00:21:28,759 --> 00:21:30,640
Speaker 4: But I want to see all them famous sights in

355
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,720
New York. I don't want to waste a minute.

356
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Speaker 12: And we'll pass the Apostate building. You can see the

357
00:21:34,839 --> 00:21:35,920
Statue of Liberty.

358
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Speaker 3: Nah.

359
00:21:37,319 --> 00:21:40,640
Speaker 6: I want to see the real landmarks, the places I

360
00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:42,319
dreamed about all my life.

361
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Speaker 3: This is what New York means to me.

362
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Speaker 6: I want to see that that's a guard store where

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00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:52,279
they bumped off Dutch shilts, the little house with the

364
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picket fence where might have incorporated hung out, the bothershop.

365
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,640
Speaker 4: Where they got legs diamond. I want to sit in

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this same chair, my dear boy.

367
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,119
Speaker 12: If I am sure of nothing else, I am sure

368
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of this. You will sip someday in a chair. And

369
00:22:13,079 --> 00:22:15,599
here is my favorite hope, that this good right hander

370
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,680
mine will be the one that pulls the switch.

371
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Speaker 4: Okay, okay, so no sight seeing. I'll settle for Roseman.

372
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:23,599
I was walking along.

373
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Speaker 2: Look, honey, you're gonna start playing with that electric train.

374
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Speaker 4: You'll have it busted before Junior gets here.

375
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:48,160
Speaker 3: I'm so excited. Doesn't the Christmas tree look lovely? What

376
00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:51,359
are they getting back from the station? There they are?

377
00:22:52,799 --> 00:22:53,079
Speaker 10: Edwin?

378
00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:56,160
Speaker 3: Hello, Well, where's.

379
00:22:55,960 --> 00:23:00,160
Speaker 12: Junior back in the hall? He's carving his initials on

380
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,440
our neighbor's dog.

381
00:23:04,559 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 5: In here.

382
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:12,279
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, okay, hello Junior. High a babe like this?

383
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 10: Here's a nephew, Agnes. What's wrong?

384
00:23:18,079 --> 00:23:20,839
Speaker 2: Nothing except I never seen this boy before in my life.

385
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 4: You got the wrong kid, but an Agnes. My aunt's

386
00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:29,079
name is Flora Belle, Edwin, what have you done?

387
00:23:29,559 --> 00:23:34,640
Speaker 10: Talk of and snacked? Let's not read our head?

388
00:23:34,839 --> 00:23:37,599
Speaker 4: Why smooth, chump whiskers. I got a hand of to you.

389
00:23:37,599 --> 00:23:39,440
You pulled it off like clockwhite.

390
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,599
Speaker 10: I'm taking you right back to the station.

391
00:23:42,079 --> 00:23:44,079
Speaker 4: You are jump I'm worth ten geez?

392
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:44,920
Speaker 10: Shut up.

393
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,839
Speaker 6: My Flora Belle's probably got New York crawling with cops

394
00:23:47,839 --> 00:23:50,359
looking for you. And with that chinch rubbery you ain't

395
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,240
hard to describe.

396
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 3: It would do something?

397
00:23:56,559 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 4: Take it back easy, honey.

398
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,400
Speaker 10: Please let me think how quiet now.

399
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,440
Speaker 4: Here's how we work. You keep me hold up here

400
00:24:02,519 --> 00:24:05,200
till the heats off. See then you send a ransom note,

401
00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:07,799
no handwriting. You cut the letters out of the newspapers.

402
00:24:08,839 --> 00:24:11,599
Speaker 10: What is this creature? He makes Dyllinger look like a

403
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:12,440
choir boy.

404
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 4: What about my nephew? He's probably say don't touch it,

405
00:24:19,079 --> 00:24:21,279
but it's probably the police. Why just put a handkerchief

406
00:24:21,319 --> 00:24:22,160
over on my piece and.

407
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 8: As hello, who or Agnes?

408
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:35,799
Speaker 3: She's hurt her ankle, she can't come to the phone. What, yes,

409
00:24:36,079 --> 00:24:38,240
I'll tell her, thank you?

410
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,400
Speaker 8: What is it your sister, It wasn't the mes those

411
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,400
They took your nephew off the train in time.

412
00:24:44,079 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 12: Hell, that takes care of one. I'm taking wolf boy back.

413
00:24:48,559 --> 00:24:53,319
Speaker 10: To the station with the police. Lily. It may mean jail,

414
00:24:53,519 --> 00:24:57,119
it may even mean the chair, but anything, rather than

415
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,519
have this thing to say her.

416
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 12: House is man, Come on, scarface, let's go tell your whiskers.

417
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 4: We could pull this off.

418
00:25:05,039 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 9: Owl.

419
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,279
Speaker 3: So I just know something's happened to Edwin. Our Betty's

420
00:25:19,279 --> 00:25:19,759
in jail.

421
00:25:19,839 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 4: Honey.

422
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,559
Speaker 2: Any minute, I'm expecting a phone from the police begging

423
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:24,000
us to take him off their hands.

424
00:25:26,279 --> 00:25:28,440
Speaker 3: Oh, Edwin, you're safe.

425
00:25:28,599 --> 00:25:30,359
Speaker 4: We was all set to back your cake with a

426
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:30,960
file in it?

427
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,279
Speaker 10: Please? Haven't I had enough for one day?

428
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:34,559
Speaker 12: Oh?

429
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, Edwin? Sit down? Oh wait wait, I'll turn off

430
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:38,599
for Christmas tree lights?

431
00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:39,519
Speaker 10: Leave them on?

432
00:25:39,799 --> 00:25:43,279
Speaker 5: Dear, what happened?

433
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,839
Speaker 10: I took him back to the Traveler's aid desk. His aunt,

434
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:47,720
Flora Bell was there.

435
00:25:48,039 --> 00:25:48,960
Speaker 3: Did you look worried?

436
00:25:49,519 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 10: Not until she realized she had him back. I don't care.

437
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:59,279
She gave me her card. Flora Bell Withers lives Crosstown.

438
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:01,319
What a kid?

439
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 3: Oh you are right, Edwin. It would have been terrible

440
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:04,279
for you.

441
00:26:04,599 --> 00:26:07,880
Speaker 7: Yea, what is it?

442
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,079
Speaker 12: Ed He wanted to see the cigar store wear. Dutch

443
00:26:11,079 --> 00:26:12,799
shirts were pumped off.

444
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:14,960
Speaker 5: Imagination.

445
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:19,279
Speaker 10: I know, right, little fellow, you know spoke French? You know,

446
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:28,000
really ill? My good letter, Edwin.

447
00:26:28,079 --> 00:26:30,519
Speaker 3: Why don't you rest in your den until we get dinner?

448
00:26:30,559 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 10: Ready? Quiet around here, Corey for dinner?

449
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:35,519
Speaker 12: There?

450
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 15: Who hello, Missus Withers, Missus Clorobell Withers.

451
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 10: Well, this is Edwin Montague. Heah, yes, the man you

452
00:26:55,519 --> 00:27:01,200
thought kidnapped your nephew. Miss with us. I was thinking,

453
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,319
since I called you so much anxiety, the.

454
00:27:04,319 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 12: Least I can do is to take Junior off your

455
00:27:06,279 --> 00:27:14,839
hands for Christmas. Yes or no, I'm not drunk?

456
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,440
Speaker 10: Oh, thank you?

457
00:27:16,519 --> 00:27:20,079
Speaker 12: Well, after all, we have a tree, an electric trade,

458
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,519
and what is Christmas without children?

459
00:27:24,559 --> 00:27:29,559
Speaker 10: Many Christmas? Dingle bell, dingle bell.

460
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 1: Now here's a word from a very good friend of yours.

461
00:27:48,839 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 7: This is Bob Hope. Can we steal a second?

462
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,279
Speaker 1: Say, Bob, did you notice there's a new Chesterfield poster

463
00:27:53,319 --> 00:27:54,079
of you around town?

464
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:54,319
Speaker 12: Yeah?

465
00:27:54,319 --> 00:27:55,680
Speaker 7: I saw him in a drug star the other day.

466
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:56,799
I'm dressed up as Santa Claus.

467
00:27:56,839 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 15: Yeah.

468
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,079
Speaker 1: And you're holding a carton of Chesterfields with a picture

469
00:27:59,079 --> 00:28:01,319
of being you know who who dressed up as Santa Claus.

470
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,480
And you're saying for Christmas gifts. Here's the answer, Yep,

471
00:28:04,519 --> 00:28:05,640
Crosby for Christmas.

472
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 6: Bob.

473
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,440
Speaker 1: Seriously, why did they make Crosby Papa Santa Claus and

474
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the Christmas cart instead of you?

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00:28:09,839 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 10: Well?

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00:28:10,039 --> 00:28:14,599
Speaker 7: Hi, By tradition, Santa Claus is no man, yes, always

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00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:15,640
carrying a sack full.

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00:28:17,799 --> 00:28:19,759
Speaker 1: Well, in all fairness to Being Bob, I must say

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00:28:19,759 --> 00:28:21,480
it's a very attractive gift and is.

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00:28:21,519 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 7: Packed with two hundred of those always milder Chesterfields, which

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00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,200
make as fine a gift as anyone could give or

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00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,039
anyone could get. And folks if you want to prove that,

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00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,720
just for yourself, make that Chesterfield mildness test. Open them,

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00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,240
smell them, compare them, and smoke them.

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00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:39,519
Speaker 12: Chesterfield, Chesterfield always been first place that milder mild to

486
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,319
that cone ever liasen.

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00:28:41,119 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 7: After taste, So open a pack, give him a smell.

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00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:46,119
Speaker 12: Then you welcome.

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00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 7: See you Tuesday night, folks for Chesterfield.

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00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,039
Speaker 1: Join us again next Friday, same time, same station, for

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00:28:53,119 --> 00:28:57,079
another transcribed visit with a magnificent Montague starring Malti Wooe,

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00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:00,640
created and directed by Matt Hiken, Written by Matt Hicken

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00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,920
and Billy Friedberg. Anne Seymour was Lilly Bow and Kurt

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00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:07,680
Calton was Agnes. Also heard in Tola's cast were Arnold Stang,

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00:29:07,799 --> 00:29:11,000
Johnny Gibson, Art Carney, and John Griggs. Now this is

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00:29:11,039 --> 00:29:14,799
Don Pardo saying stay tuned for Duffy's Tavern, which follows

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00:29:14,839 --> 00:29:15,400
immediately