Speaker 1: Safe would be knocking doctor Raffi out because he heads in,
looks at Nia and throws up No, oh my god,
I'm so sorry. It's just there's a lot of work
to do.
Speaker 2: Little Steampunk is just sitting there, just lovingly staring at
his wife's lovely tit that has just fed all of
his children. And then Raffi, Raffy Safey snake fu kuntast
comes in and is like, so you're extreme. You got
to cut it all off, you fat fucking Let.
Speaker 3: Me tell you why I knew doctor Raffi was fucking
full of shit. Yeah, he was on those tatas like
fly on poop. He wasted zero time on that. And
I believe while he was touching her boobies, he he
whispered in he said, I'll buy you. I'll buy you
if you have sex with me.
Speaker 1: He Hi, Hello, and welcome to another brand spanking new
episode about television. That's long for Pat TV. I'm Dylan.
Speaker 3: That's Pat Ah great to be here.
Speaker 1: Uh, that's Ruby.
Speaker 4: Hij Hi Pat.
Speaker 1: How are you doing good?
Speaker 3: Doing great? Hey? Warning shot, be careful when you ask
someone how they're doing oh my god, yeah, because sometimes
they'll give you an answer uh, today, I an acquaintance.
I said, how's your summer going? She goes, not good.
Now this is where you have to make a choice.
Is there going to be a follow up question or
you just move on? And said, oh, I'm.
Speaker 1: Sorry there's oh. I said, you know, hang on a second.
I had never thought of that, because obviously you have
to follow up, but shutting it down with I'm so
sorry to hear that is a beautiful little parachute.
Speaker 3: Thank you. I did not take that parachute. I did
not pull that cord. I said, what's going on in
your summer? And she responded, and you should always know
when you're talking to a wacky person that she could
take you on a journey through crazy town.
Speaker 1: Not just a journey, but but time wise, it's going
to be a long one.
Speaker 3: Oh, I had.
Speaker 1: Story wise, I don't think that much happened, but it'll
take forever.
Speaker 3: I had to extricate myself out of this conversation like
a Seal sixteen member, like, get out of there, because
she was not reading body language that I am done
listening to this. So I said, why is her summer
going back? I said, my squirrel died? Yeah, oh, your
squirrel died. You got a squirrel as a pet? Yeah, Samantha.
I loved her.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you. Samantha wasn't all hers. Samantha belonged to
outside well, and she just fed it out.
Speaker 3: So we got into that and I said, well, how well.
I found Samantha with a bunch of her brothers and
sisters when she was a little baby, and I raised her.
But I realized I had to let her back out
into the wild, so I did. And then one day
I'm looking out my window and Samantha's standing there saying, Mommy,
let me back in, and I did, and then she
lived with me. So I'm like, you lived with a squirrel.
Speaker 1: Wow? I love squirrels. No, I'd love them. I think
they're just the cutest, gosh darn things. I really do well.
Speaker 4: They terrorize our dogs.
Speaker 1: Oh, Ruby hate squirrels.
Speaker 4: No, I I death become them, truly.
Speaker 1: Squirrels one of one of the very few. And this
is bad TV. We're here to talk about the valley.
But one of the few traditions that our father passed
on to us children is well, not to me. I
I you know, I would shoot an animal to eat it.
But I wouldn't do this, but Ruby and Dad have
a rich tradition of pelting squirrels off of telephone wires
with apples that have fallen.
Speaker 3: Be careful, Ruby, Peda listens. They do, they do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And here's the thing, Peta, if your squirrels want
to use the power lines for transportation, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 4: We can share the space.
Speaker 1: Not for torture, not for what they What they.
Speaker 2: Will not do is turn my backyard into gitmo or
I will pelt them.
Speaker 1: And they really I love squirrels, but some of them
do have a mean streak. Some of them are just,
let let's call spade a spade. Some of them are
bullies and they'll look down and they will antagonize in
the most cowardly way. Oh look this this thing can't climb.
Oh look this thing doesn't have wings. And when I
chatter at it, it gets very animated. I'm going to keep
doing that all morning. It's like that's a bulb. Yeah,
you're at your right about asking people how they're doing.
Because I remember when Cezy and I were going through
fertility issues. Allah Kristin and Luke, but definitely not Allah
Kristin Luke because Luke's weird and he eats off of
dinner plates. We'll get to it. Somebody asked me how
I was doing I just started breaking down tears this
This poor man was like, how you doing it? And
I was just like boom tears.
Speaker 3: This woman cried too, Yeah, like, oh god, well pivot,
pat pivot.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So anyways, five stars kind Words join us the
patret Pivot, Bad Pivot, patreonarcom size another podcast. Network four
The Real Housewives of Mahammi yummy.
Speaker 3: I can't wait to break that down with you guys.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it should be fun.
Speaker 3: I think k Casey's coming on next week to break
that break the second episode down that we do.
Speaker 1: I think that'll be fun. I'll be fun and go
follow Ruby Substack. So let's get into this episode. This
was a real one, real dark. Yeah, this was a
real one. Rubs. Why don't you give us your rottenhouse
and or bumps? First?
Speaker 2: Okay, I didn't love Okay, I liked so as to
say Jax is back, thank you. I wanted more drama
on my screen. Also, we learned today I guess he's
not coming back for season three.
Speaker 4: Do you think that was stick?
Speaker 1: Did we learn that today.
Speaker 3: I think he'll well he really wasn't on this season either.
Speaker 1: Well, he was dealing with a cocaine addiction.
Speaker 3: True. I think we'll see him next year.
Speaker 1: I put dealing and yeah, big time air quotes.
Speaker 4: Of course, right, right, exactly. I thought that this was so.
Speaker 2: I've been watching old vander Pump Rules as my comfort,
and so I'm into their married now in the show.
This man has been this man his whole life. And
I don't have I'm losing any ounce of anything I
have for sadness, for that, for Brittany new paragraph, Jason fallen,
He's fallen from grace in my eyes. He's broken my heart.
He has made me cry myself to sleep. And Jill
remains the best part of the show every time she's
on the screen. And who is Jill is Kristin and
Luke's dog Dylan.
Speaker 4: You love Jill?
Speaker 1: No, I don't like Jill.
Speaker 3: Isn't it spelled with a G? No?
Speaker 1: I don't care ja or g Okay.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna say seventy one bum.
Speaker 1: I don't like people synonymous with their their dogs. It's like,
leave it. I don't leave it. Give it the house
you want to go next? Yeah, sure, sorry to the
dog owners out there. You know, you talk about a
comfort show, you know what I watched for comfort to
kind of validate my interstate with Collage Baby. I put
on Midsomar and I was just like, this child will
watch this. I don't care, this child will be in
the room for the and it still remains. I love
ori Astra. It's just a dog shit movie.
Speaker 3: I totally disagree. I love that.
Speaker 1: I hate that movie so much.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's so bad, Pat, I never would have suspected
that from you.
Speaker 4: That's that's interesting.
Speaker 3: Well, Dylan got me into the director because he came
over here and watched whatever his first offering was. I
liked that one too, about the cult thing. That was
a nice little twist at the end. And then Midsummer
was the second one, and I thought it was amazing.
Speaker 1: You know, we talked about we talk Jordan Pool. Everybody's
Jordan Pool. Jordan Pool. Here's this guy over over here
just doing amazing things, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: He did the Witch too, No, that's uh as.
Speaker 1: Anyways, Also Dexter, we've been watching Dexter. Let me get
to the Valley, Okay, sure, Jason has I don't think
I've ever seen.
Speaker 5: A O my god, what a call that.
Speaker 3: That's all I could think when he was at that
tattoo shop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she will.
Speaker 3: Divorce him for a storyline. Oh yeah, okay, she's that Yeah,
she's that cold and calculated and he's just that much
of a p U S S.
Speaker 1: Y To my god, what what an absolute just what
I'm not even gonna I can't even come up with
the word. But that made me sad for men everywhere
Jackson Brittany. That was real.
Speaker 3: That was very real.
Speaker 1: Five pots.
Speaker 3: That was her essentially saying, you are a fucking cocaine head.
And I'm gonna I'm gonna say it five times at
the last five minutes of this episode. Your cocaine head,
Your cocaine head.
Speaker 1: God. When she said you're a narcissist. So what you're
going through pales in comparison to what I'm going through
because I'm a human being who actually feels emotion. That
was real.
Speaker 3: That that was real, and that's stung. And then she said,
you're not even taking your bipolar medication. I had not
I did not know he was diagnosed with bipolar.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we got a lot of to get into
my pots are five. Although last thing I'll say really
quickly is dark Auspepian. We'll get to him. No, he
should be thrown in Alligator Alcatraz.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, it's not jail, because jail, because jail is
too nice, and so I just really quick.
Speaker 1: Man should be thrown fuck Alligator Alcatraz. Just a live
puddle of gators. Okay, what a disgusting human being.
Speaker 3: When Jeffy Moub comes and says they'll give you a
free like check of your engine, Yeah, okay, you're taking
that free. Uh. Their job is to find as many
things wrong with your car as possible.
Speaker 1: Well we're talking about a car and not a postpartum woman.
But anyways, robes go ahead.
Speaker 2: No, no, yeah, no, but really quickly to to doctor RAFFI.
If you make it out of the puddle of gators,
I'll be waiting, Okay, I'll be waiting with a with
a snake. And I saw a very scary AI video
of like five thousand anacondas in a river. I'll put
you there when you're when you're done with the gators.
What you said to that woman was horrific. Nia is
more beautiful than any woman that has ever touched your body?
Speaker 1: And don't don't all have a snake, doctor Hufsepian, Well,
not an antecontod We've talked about Anta Kontis before. They're
dumb creatures. They're stupid, stupid idiots that eat too much
and they can't move. Go ahead.
Speaker 3: Oh, I was gonna say, just because we spent so
much time at the top of the show talking about
a bunch of other stuff, I'm gonna say this season
needed a comic relief. I think they hoped that Jasmine
and Zach would provide that. They did not. They failed epically.
Uh and at some point in about two weeks into filming,
and Brava doesn't have to pay me for these production notes.
They should have cast two more couples. That's what this
season needed. It did not have this. I give this
season a zero across the board. And this is what
you'd consider a sophomore slump.
Speaker 1: Real Life, Real Live Wire, Real Renegade, just coming out
of the gates with a season long rotten hells. I mean,
not even done with.
Speaker 3: Disease because Jason is such a pussy and I absolutely
enjoyed that tattoo shop footage that's right next to where
I get my haircut at Supercuts. That's the tattoo shop.
Speaker 1: Me and Ruby got our tattoos at that that.
Speaker 3: Same place to shop.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Studio City Tattoo.
Speaker 3: Let's go all right, all right, four rotten, all right.
Speaker 1: Aaron Ruby sent us the TikTok video of the AI
in a kinda we cannot watch it right now, we
are far too behind. So Aaron and Jesse is that
they're in a picture sitting on each other's laps, and
Michelle's like, oh, look you have two dads, but not really.
Speaker 3: Well, I actually have the transcript hairtel. So Michelle, we're
at her place and she's sharing the highlights of that
trip to Hawaii with her beloved Isabella, and she points
at the photo and she says, look at your dad
and that other guy that told everyone your mommy was a.
Speaker 1: Whore, right, look at your dad who throws weird and
that guy who said I was a whore.
Speaker 3: I'm really sorry.
Speaker 2: I don't mean to just really quickly digress in this.
Its not political at all, but I saw a very
good video of did you guys see jd Vance And
somebody put like the sound of heels click clacking as
he was running in like a very normal way, but
it just and the caption is like, why does he.
Speaker 4: Run like this?
Speaker 2: And it was a callback to Aaron's throw. I thought
it was hilarious.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, no, Peter Teel has gotten that ass. Peter
Tiele is detonated in there. Okay, uh Nia and Danny
house shopping in Sherman Oaks really quickly. I want to
talk about people that have four under four. How do
you have that?
Speaker 3: Four under four? Oh? Four kids under four hundred square feet?
Speaker 1: No, four kids under the age of four.
Speaker 4: Oh, they have twins?
Speaker 3: Yeah, twins. Okay, they have the oldest one. Then they
had twins and now they're.
Speaker 1: And you want another one? Why would you want four?
Speaker 3: Maybe they're need plan informing a rock band.
Speaker 4: M They're also they're quite religious, so I think there's
a god element to it.
Speaker 1: I think three is the more sacred number than four is.
I think four is a weird numble number number four.
Speaker 3: We have a couple of parent friends that have four.
Speaker 1: Rush was a three piece, right.
Speaker 3: That was a three piece?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, either way, it's not going to matter because
what they what they were, you could.
Speaker 1: Do rush, you you could do anything.
Speaker 4: No, they won't there's four doing.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk Yeah, let's talk about real estate.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, okay. So Jasmine is working this open house
and she's hoping to find Darkseide, Danny and Nia their
dream home. I want to say this about.
Speaker 1: Their twelve hundred square foot dream home there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was nice. It was a step up from
a tool shed you can buy at home depot. Uh.
Reality TV people I've found have two other occupations, and
there are only two outside of being on a reality
t TV show or having it in your rear view mirror.
What are those two occupations?
Speaker 1: Real estate agent and well, I'm stuck between two. You
either go into cannabis or alcohol, or you're just an
influencer OnlyFans. Okay, yeah, real to her only fans.
Speaker 3: That's where you end up. That's it. That's all there is.
That's all there is.
Speaker 1: Jacks, if he was smart, would starting only fans. So
would Sandoval.
Speaker 3: God, I heard what's Charlie Sheen Sax. That's in the
news because she's breaking up with her husband this week.
Carmen Electron, Denise Rich. Does she make a million dollars
a month on her own?
Speaker 1: Probably?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I believe she does.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's crazy. People be making bookoo bugs on a I.
Speaker 3: Know, but I know how men think, Like they sign
up to see her naked and then they unsubscribe. It's
kind of like us.
Speaker 1: No, they don't. They think that they have an into
digital relationship with these people because they're two hundred and
fifty dollars direct message for uh labia pictures are fulfilled
and they're like, oh my god, this is my friend.
Speaker 2: Also, Denise Richards was like the it girl for so
many of those people that need friends in the nineties.
So like she will get bots to make her a
million dollars a month to.
Speaker 1: Wild things and undercover brother. That's a one two pound ship,
Denise Richards. It's like, whoa starship trooper.
Speaker 3: That's where she came, this old guy, you know.
Speaker 4: What I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, all right, So thousand is beautiful. It is
thirteen hundred square feet real estate. I would say in
Los Angeles is maybe dumber than even Britney's hits. It's
just it's the dumbest thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's should be on a T shirt.
Speaker 1: It's so goddamn dumb. Me and Cease went to an
open house down the street from us. It was eight
hundred fifty thousand dollars, and we were like, okay, let's
take a look what Samantha the squirrel couldn't live here
now and she's dead. She didn't even move around a lot.
Speaker 3: Where's the laundry room. Oh it's over the oven.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, and you want eight you want more than
eight hundred thousand dollars for that. You've got to be kidding.
Speaker 3: Well, you can move to Santa Clarita.
Speaker 1: Oh, we're coming, baby, I have to.
Speaker 3: I've often wondered people from Santa Clarita clearly must be
watching this show. I assume they don't have that area
blacked out so they get to hear what a piece
of shit. Of course the.
Speaker 1: Area blacked out. That place does not have really any frequency. Yeah,
they don't have anything. Still, everyone's balding. I thought the
five G was supposed to fuck us up. The lack
of it is fucking them up. Go ahead, roops.
Speaker 2: Seeing this house made me want to live in Santa Clarita.
Speaker 4: This was sad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was that one sink. One sink, no his
and hers. And also I believe the one sink was
in a half bath down the hall from the master bedroom.
It looked like Mike do it. So let's get to
Sheena's house. This is this is what we've been waiting for. Okay,
we get to Sheena's house for a little swim with
Summer Moon, who, fun fact, was in Sheena's womb when
her father was splashing himself all over the San Fernando Charley.
Speaker 3: You know, and God forbid. She brings this up on
the final season of Vanda Pump Rules because it actually
would have been a good storyline. So right, you know why, boss, it's.
Speaker 1: So funny because there was a season post scandabal where
the hypocrisy is just I mean for Brock to come
over to Tom and just be like just her night.
Speaker 3: You know, you got sick what you want? Ladies, mind,
you can't do that. Also, Sena was in the news
and this is laughable. Ruby, I'm sure you're on top
of this. She went after Lisa vander Pump said, Lisa
took advantage of her at her lowest moment to make
a TV empire, and you were complicit in that, Sina.
You wanted to be famous, that's the deal with the devil.
You were twenty eight, you weren't nineteen. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: What is taking How does that? What does that look like?
Taking advantage of?
Speaker 2: She she was alleging that because she had a fully
formed frontal lobe and was fucking someone's husband that somehow
it was Lisa vander Pump's fault that that became exploited
on TV and made her millions of dollars and very
very famous.
Speaker 4: And she tried to say that wasn't fair and wasn't okay.
Speaker 1: I just an just not an awful person like Jack's
just boring and vap, run of the mill, vappie.
Speaker 3: The kids call him basic.
Speaker 1: Ugh, my god. But yeah, if you haven't seen it
in the Rags Brock, was.
Speaker 3: She was pregnant?
Speaker 1: Yeah, just just but cheating with multiple people right that.
Speaker 3: I don't know. Ruby's the expert here. I will not
buy that book. I'll just listen to her on Juicy
Scoop if she goes on there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if Shina does have a book, there's more, there's
cheaper kindling to find. But I think a good kind
of ritual would just be to purchase it, help her
out a little bit and then just I don't know,
cook spam with it or something.
Speaker 2: You know, she doesn't have a neck on the book
because it's too photoshopped. She photoshopped it so much, she
doesn't have a neck.
Speaker 1: Hey, Pat, that's pretty crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is, all right.
Speaker 1: Let's get to Janet.
Speaker 3: Oh, well, she's upset that Kristen is defending dark side Danny,
and Sena is quick to add that Kristin always latches
onto the popular girl of the season and takes her
side no matter what.
Speaker 1: What popular girl are we talking? Okay, but on this seat, Like,
are there any popular girls on the valley?
Speaker 4: I think there are who she's alleging.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, because she's pretty. So Janet doesn't know
where she stands with me and Danny. We do. You
called her husband a sexual criminal, so I think you
don't stand well with them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, wobbly, you are on your non dominant foot
and that foot is injured.
Speaker 4: That's how you're standing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're on one of those skyscraper cranes that
all the dudes from the twenties used to sit on
with their lunch pails. Oh yeah, yeah, you're out there.
Yeah great. Grave photos really really kind of encapsulates the
bravery of the industrial America.
Speaker 3: You know, they should show at least one photo of
one of those dummies falling through.
Speaker 1: A yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, because Jerry just kind of
slapped him in the chest pushing him.
Speaker 2: We have ads on the subways here of like BMX
bikers who I don't know who. They are telling kids
it's cool to stay alive and ride inside because now
kids get on the top of subways and then they
kill themselves on accident. So it's like the bravery of
those guys on the crane, right, and now what we have,
they'd be proud I think of what happened.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've sot too, and I'm proud as well. So
let's get to Kristin and Luke. I would like to
talk about these dinner trays for a moment.
Speaker 3: Hold on before we get there. So to set the scene,
we have both Luke and Kristen with their little dinner
trays from the nineteen eighties, and then we have their
two fucking mutts sitting there at their knees looking like
they're waiting for a money shot.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I love dogs, as the audience knows that, but dogs
should not be comfortable sitting right next to you. As
I said in a very disgusting way looking for a
money shot.
Speaker 1: Right right right, get out of here, and you got
to give it to peorn actresses. I mean, can you
imagine feigning enthusiasm for something so awful? I mean, it's
really acting. Let me think about that. That's crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, i'd argue some of they really overact, you know, yeah,
the ones that are really.
Speaker 1: Excited about Oh yeah, sorry rubs.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's okay.
Speaker 1: So I want to talk about these dinner trades because
you know, I feel so guilty because I have to
be here working but my job is so fun and
my wife is at home doing something that is so
hard but you just don't get paid for it. So anyways,
I just wanted to express my guilt externally real quick.
So I know I'm a hater. I understand that these
dinner trays are practical. There's something so synchronized with the
weirdo that is Luke. These dinner trays. They're weird. Who
is eating on dinner trays? The fact that Luke is
eating on a dinner trade, it was just like the
stars aligned. It was so bananas to me. It was
odd realby dinner trays.
Speaker 2: You guys, I did not know that they were eating.
I didn't even notice that they were eating on anything
that wasn't a plate. I didn't even fucking see them.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you got to rewind, were you guys of
the generation, because you'd have a dinner trace the stand
up ones, not the ones that rest on your lap,
and it was like a CHACOUTI spread. Uh yeah, you'd
pull them out and the whole family be sitting in
front of the TV.
Speaker 1: Mom had a beautiful set of kind of Russian nesting
doll TV dinner plates for us. We rarely used them,
but it's nice to have. Now. You just kind of
lean over and slop shit into your mouth and it
falls on the floor and you get ants. So Janet
rolls over what Jax rolls over with an orchid. One
of the most shining examples of stay dressed when you
got the most pussy is Jax Taylor. That's right, this
man's fashion has not Yeah well, but also yeah two thousand.
Speaker 3: And five, say the haircut in the attire is the
year that the dude scored the most.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Jack's is still very much in that era.
Speaker 2: Go ahead, ribs, No, I was just saying the hair
and his outfits are of that era. And as I'm
watching it right now, it's it's sad and it's awful.
Speaker 1: So his golden goose sneakers, like, hey, buddy, your kid
needs that money. You shouldn't be swimming four hundred dollars
on sneakers that are gross. I don't even know if
he has them, but I would assume he does. So
they get to throwing Brittany under the bridge. Kristen corrects
it to the bus and Jack says, well, whether it's
the bus or the ridge, I don't want to throw
her under it. He is very dumb. But he's also
on lots of drugs, so allegedly, So it's a really.
Speaker 3: Kind of sounds clearly like he's on drugs, does it?
Oh my god? It drives me nuts because you know,
I'm formally a pill head, and so it's the same
kind of deal. They put the same shit in the
pills that they do on the cocaine to kind of
make more of it. Yeah, and it makes you sound congested.
He sounded congested throughout the entire season during interviews. During
doing scenes, he picks at his nose, content like, you know,
clearing it up.
Speaker 1: I have a deviated septum.
Speaker 3: Well, he should get that work done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's one of those things where you're like,
can I live with it? Because you got to break
my nose.
Speaker 3: You know, he's had his nose broken.
Speaker 1: That's a good point, all right. So it's crazy what
a massive narcissist he is. Everything they talk about revolves
around him. He says, I'm glad I didn't ruin the surprise.
I haven't seen my son. It's just all about him.
It's like, hey, buddy, these two people just got engaged,
like spread the topics.
Speaker 3: It was multiple scenes this episode of his very various
TV fake friends offering him advice on how to better
his life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Luke's idea was really good. You could turn your
cruises room into a panic room that Brittany can have
like a satellite viewing into. That was a really good idea.
Luke is fucking weird. Just see him eat in that
chick in Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's weird.
Speaker 2: No, you guys are weird for focusing so much on
their eating habits.
Speaker 4: Has that.
Speaker 1: Let's get to the Wolf Cubs. Very very cute moment
from The Wolf Cubs. I love Nia is so lovely.
She's probably because she is with we'll get to Nia
in a little bit, you don't.
Speaker 3: We head over to Valley Glenn at that James May photos.
Speaker 1: Yes, we get to the James A few notes on this.
Speaker 3: If you'd like to see the final product, yes, some
head on over to that website. Yeah, pick with the
there's a great pick of Luke holding a guitar. It
looks especially amateur.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty tough.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: The everything looks like it was canvaed by somebody like there.
And I know they're graphic t's, but it literally looks
like you have a stock photo of a racially ambiguous
person and then they just put a canva transparent graphic over.
I'm like Christin selling T shirts.
Speaker 3: Well, okay, so they on the website it describes.
Speaker 1: The brand as a La.
Speaker 3: Origins brand of T shirts and comfortable, where to Look
Neat or some shit like that. Anyway, what the business is,
yea is it's a.
Speaker 1: Chat GPT brand slogan if I've ever heard one.
Speaker 3: It's a white label T shirt company that drops chips.
Speaker 1: Yeah for sure.
Speaker 3: Okay, so it's not a fashion company.
Speaker 1: No, it's not. So Jax calls to scream about ring
camera codes and we cut to Brittany in her OTF
and I don't want to keep parking on it. I
know that I sound like an asshole and a pig,
just the dumbest tits man.
Speaker 3: No, there would call her.
Speaker 1: Over her head.
Speaker 3: I mean, you.
Speaker 2: Could not convince me that she could not keep the
three of us afloat easily in a body of water. Yeah,
oh yeah, honestly, Pat same, and it wouldn't be to
stay alive.
Speaker 4: Oh is that insane?
Speaker 1: Zach big? Like? Is he a big guy?
Speaker 3: Jack's five eleven?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: Oh, Zach, I think is pretty tall.
Speaker 1: He looks big. He looks like a big boy. All right. Anyways,
let's get to Zach and Jack's Zach? Sorry Jack?
Speaker 3: What Jesse visits Jackson?
Speaker 1: Jesse and and Jacks? My bad?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I looked because I know where this is. It's
right off of Laurel Canyon. They described it on the
show or some story that I read because I was
trying to find out where he lived. It's pretty easy.
It's scary. You can find out where these people live
their actual address. He lives right on Laurel Canyon. Yeah, yeah,
and it's six thousand dollars a month.
Speaker 4: I don't know what to say, other than good job Jacks.
Speaker 3: God must have been that. Uh was that reality show
he was on last year? Is it by the Villains?
Speaker 4: Is it by the Polls House?
Speaker 3: Ci Villains? Is the Pops by the Popeyes?
Speaker 1: Oh god? Oh my god. No, So Jax doesn't know
how Britney is moving so fast? Again, we do? You
threw a table at her and you have a very
violent addiction to cocaine.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't want to besparch the man, but he
definitely was up all night doing cocaine.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and he always wears the You know, We've
talked about lots. There's a litany of mistakes and awful
behavior from jackx Taylor. I don't think he's done anything
worse than wearing the Jacks, creating the Jacks bar and
restaurant logo, and then wearing it all the time.
Speaker 3: Clearly part of the deal he made with that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 3: Call him investor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's some of the ugliest hats I've ever seen
in my life. But it's hard for him to only
see his kid. When Brittany says, and you know, tough buddy,
But that's kind of the way the cookie crumbles when
you do what you did. So, I know it's tough, but.
Speaker 3: Now I was disinterested in what Jack's had to say. Hey,
I was more interested in where Jesse's at with his life,
his update on the divorces. Apparently some paperwork was filled
out incorrectly. So uh yeah, so.
Speaker 1: Shit eating grin on pat right now.
Speaker 3: I just this guy is such a loser. We learn
his finances aren't great. Turns out, spending ten grand a
month on wine and not selling a house for fifteen months,
I can put a real strain on the purse strings.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, some people would say it blows a hole in them.
Speaker 2: So the fact that Michelle has just said I won't
pay any more of it, sorry, is I mean, it's beautiful.
Speaker 3: I do want to know this because sometimes these people
say things and you're like, okay, that that doesn't happen
in reality. Apparently he took out a three hundred thousand
dollars loan. Did you hear that? Okay, what bank? Because
I'd like to know what bank just gave you a
three hundred thousand dollar loan?
Speaker 1: He you know what he probably did. He probably walked
into like speedy checks on like Librea and Olympic and
was like, listen, I'm the biggest mark you're ever gonna have.
I need three hundred thousand dollars and they're like, okay,
it's gonna be a seventy one percent interest, and he's like, fine.
Speaker 4: Make it seventy five.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So oh boy, it's gonna be fun seeing
him broke. I don't. I honestly, there's no way he's
gonna maintain a reality or real estate career.
Speaker 1: Stay married, people, stay marry. Treat your wives like such
shit that they hate you and want to divorce you. Okay,
let's get to doctor Rovi Hoffsepian can I can.
Speaker 2: I just say it so my it's bolded here in
underline and this is true. We get to doctor fuckface
cunt ass of Sapien with Nia and Danny, and then
I just have a bunch of quotes where he says
things and then it just says dash cunt, fucking bitch
ass cunt. Yeah, like his he comes in, let's hear
what areas are bothersome? Is it everything you should never
speak ever at all.
Speaker 1: I don't know if hoff set In is the Smith
of Armenia, but uh, I think I went to school
with his daughter, possible, possible.
Speaker 3: His office is on Rodeo Drive, the exact place you
do not want to go in and get any work done.
Speaker 1: No, where do you want to get work done. You
probably want to get it done on will Sure.
Speaker 3: Oh no, no no, there's plenty of good doctors you
can get out in like fucking see me Valley, like.
Speaker 2: The be there.
Speaker 3: Huh yeah. Yeah. So when I went in this is
twenty five years ago, to get my double chin removed.
I go in there and my consultation was like I go,
They go, what do you know? What's what's that? I go, Well,
this double chin. I starve myself to death. I still
get this fucking double chin. My friends, my best friends,
my nickname is no Neck because I don't have a
neck because I just my it's a big fat neck,
you know. Anyway, what can we do? And they said, uh, well,
we should probably start working on your cheeks because there's
a lot of fat there too. Oh oh, I didn't
even have a problem.
Speaker 1: With that until you mentioned it. How much were were
you out of there for?
Speaker 3: You're not going to believe this. So this is twenty
five years ago. I put dollars it was forty two
hundred changed my life.
Speaker 1: What did they do? Did they cut it all off
or did they suck it out?
Speaker 3: They suck out underneath your chin, but they also remove
the fat pack that's in there that collects the fat
when you eat. It's called buckle fat. And they went
in through the back of my ears and pulled my
fat out of my cheeks too.
Speaker 1: Were you you were out right?
Speaker 3: Yeah? And then I went to write eight in my roommate,
let me get some Thrifties ice cream in there.
Speaker 1: I don't know how I feel about that amount of
anethesians in Siame Valley. I would want to be. I
would want to be at least at the Beverly Center.
That sounds snobby, but.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Just really quickly.
Speaker 2: While we're talking about doctors that say things because they
should be more careful with their words, Pat has not
forgotten his cheek fat. I had to get a bunch
of knee surgeries when I was an athletic child, and
this was actually seventeen years ago, and as I was
leaving and would have.
Speaker 1: Been on the women's national team. I mean, she was
that good? Is that right?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: She was really really good. Well, she was I believe
she was at least going to go to college for it.
But you know acls double ac L.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I know, no, like two years
with this lovely, lovely doctor who really was lovely and
he was a great doctor. And then as I was leaving,
he said, I came to him as a young athlete,
and I was leaving him as a robust young woman.
And in the two years I had gotten I mean,
I'd gained probably fifty five pounds.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean it was robust, was and you
were hearing fatty yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Well robust is often a euphemism.
Speaker 4: For what did you hear?
Speaker 1: Yeah, small, you came in here an athletic young woman,
and you're leaving a fucking mac truck. Good luck, good luck.
So doctor Roffie heads and he looks at Nea really quickly. Though.
Nia is so beautiful and her husband is a steampunk midget.
Yeah no, he's not. He's not. He's not, he's not.
He's just and I don't mean to flame, you know what,
I need to be more sensitive. There are short guys
out there, Lucky for you, though you're in your era. Okay,
nobody gives a fuck about guys. Anymore.
Speaker 3: I think they do. She will divorce them eventually, Mary
a tall man, and she will not live in Santa Clita.
Speaker 1: Well he is, I mean he's super steampunk. I mean
he's got these freaking these Blacksmith sunglasses on his v neck,
and he's got these rip jeans and these these Chelsea
boots and I'm just like, what is going.
Speaker 3: On here, Dylan, he's a voiceover artist, all right. I
want to say this about him because it's hard to
figure out how this works. She was Miss America. This
is quite a gat Yeah. I think he makes her
feel safe. Yeah, where's he gonna go?
Speaker 1: Safe? Would be knocking doctor Raffi out because he heads in,
looks at Nia and throws up. No, oh my god,
I'm so sorry. It's just there's a lot of work
to do. It's insane how gorgeous she looks like. Her
boobs look fucking sick as fuck. You know what I'm
talking about.
Speaker 2: I mean, the little little steampunk is just sitting there,
just lovingly staring at his wife's lovely tit that has
just fed all of his children. Yeah, and then Raffi,
Raffy's safey snake fuck Kuntdash comes in and is like,
so you're extreme. You got to cut it all off,
you fat fucking Let.
Speaker 3: Me tell you why I knew, doctor RAFFI was fucking
full of shit. Yeah, when he said, do you mind
if I touch them? Uh, he was on those tatas
fly on pool. He wasted zero time on that. And
I believe while he was touching her boobies, he he
whispered in her ear. He said, I'll buy you. I'll
buy you a house if you have sex with me.
Speaker 1: You ever heard of Morton's. You can't afford it right now,
can you? All right?
Speaker 3: Whartons Jesus was last note? I did look up the
business sixty reviews, fifty nine five stars, yeah, one three,
And doesn't you see that little slide there where it
should just peek at the five star, just that little
three star right there.
Speaker 1: Just yeah, we know that pin. So let's get to
Studio Tattoo, Studio City Tattoo, where Ruby and I got
our tattoos of our beloved Saber who passed away in
a tragic drowning accident. This is the bitchest cuckiest thing
Jason has ever done. And that is saying something, because
that's all he really is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's there, get a ring tattoo under his wedding
rings when he's out on the town and he forgets
it at home, Uh, it will still be there for
all the ladies that are fighting to get to him,
presumably because he doesn't want Janet to ever think she
doesn't own his balls, because he's a pussy pussy puss
trying to cat. I'm sorry, where is it, Cat Amazons Azalia?
Speaker 1: I think, Well, you know she had that one live
performance where she freestyled fire Man, fire Man. You know
what I'm talking about? That tank the career pretty much.
Ub Do you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 4: No, I do not.
Speaker 1: You don't showing out? Well, Rubes, First, how's your tattoo?
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 1: Is it good? Is it getting worn?
Speaker 4: My tattoo is incredible And even if it was getting
Warren Studio City tattoo gives you lifetime. Go get your touch.
Speaker 1: On trick stopt.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know what you think that tattoo conveys
to strangers, But Jason thinks that this tattoo might think people.
People might think he's a rough guy. That's what it's
not mine. A tattoo. Tattoo sating on your chest. That's uh,
that's a tattoo that people start questioning.
Speaker 1: Well, let's take a listen to this. I can't believe
you guys never heard this.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 1: Tiger molds. Tiger molds, molt really.
Speaker 6: Start can't victor bitch and did like, don't like this, win.
Speaker 4: Win win now, window win now your.
Speaker 6: Coaches gimmage.
Speaker 1: That's get around. Whoa, that's pretty crazy. Huh. Oh my god,
Taia maw, taia maw. I don't think she said a
fucking single thing. I mean, not one word, just noises.
Speaker 3: That's why she's not around anymore.
Speaker 1: That's why she's not around anymore.
Speaker 3: Okay, so he's basic. Janet's basic. It's all basic.
Speaker 1: This made me want to throw up when she goes,
I've never heard you say the F word before. Do
you guys have people under the floorboards that are living
right now?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 2: This was when this came out of her mouth and
then they laughed. I thought to myself, and this is
your husband is gay. I don't think that you two
have ever actually had sex, and if you have, do
it better. The fact that you've never heard him say
the effort ever have you? Has he stubbed a toe.
What is his reaction when things go wrong? What is
his curse word?
Speaker 1: It's not so bananas. But the crazy thing about this
is that they chalk this up to, you know, this
has sick these two puppies. Are they chalk it up to,
we're doing this to double down on our eternal lover
and dying love and are and dying commitment to one another.
And that's not what it's about at all. It's about
winning a reality TV row. Is that the word row?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's why they're doing it. They're doing it
to win an argument. I mean, am I off base there?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: They're so into this storyline.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're the only people into this storyline. No one
else gives a shit. And by the way, I'd say
this to any listeners or fans of the Valley that
want her off the show. She absolutely will not be
off the show. She's horrible and that's what they want.
Speaker 1: Well, listen, I feel for Janet because she's getting a
lot of online abuse and and you know, we've we've
you know, been on the side of the you know,
the wrong side of that. I mean, the other day
somebody wrote the semite is balding. I mean, my god,
so I get it. Yeah it was me. But also, Janet,
don't be so awful and people will you know, there's
there will still be time but to be awful where
the audience will still have your back.
Speaker 3: Jack's actually mastered that for several years.
Speaker 1: Well not anymore. Let's get to Nia and Kristen. I
know Kristin likes Nia. I think she may want to
slit her throat when she's talking about fourth kid or
lightpo in front of her, you know what I mean.
It's yeah, it's a little tough.
Speaker 3: Daniel is well sorry, I did want to move on
for so Nia it's her bad back or a fucking kid. Yeah,
and she wants to look like Danny with his Greek
god body A direct quote from her before she spends
money on new milk jugs. I think she needs a
fucking eye exam.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's he the god of Roly Polly's j is
fucking christ Man?
Speaker 3: What is she seeing that we're not?
Speaker 2: I bet you when he's shirtless after he doesn't drink
for like probably four days, he's pretty cut.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I also think that Kristin and Luke living in
a home with nothing no art, not one thing that
I've seen on the walls except for a massive piece
that says do it for the plot is good for them.
Speaker 1: Yep. All right, so let's get to the real stuff.
Speaker 5: This was udly.
Speaker 1: Jack's head's over. Brittany is telling the nanny to take
the child away.
Speaker 4: Can I Can I say something?
Speaker 1: Yep?
Speaker 4: And I mean this. Zulie is one of the best people.
Speaker 2: In Cruse's life, and I believe that her and Brittany
together have basically been parenting this child because she's been
around since he was very, very little. And I just
want to take a moment for Zuli because cruz really
seems to like Zulie is crazy.
Speaker 1: And I say, you know, I feel protective of Zulia.
I don't really like the way that Britney speaks to Zuli.
Speaker 2: I think that Zuli understands Brittany is really stressed out,
and Zuli probably like always talks to her friends on
her way home about how fucking crazy Jax is and
how the girl needs to leave him.
Speaker 4: And now she's like, good for you, Brittany.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I want Brittany to think that she was
better than Zuli in any way, shape or form, because
Brittany is addicted to beans and bad men. So like, what.
Speaker 6: Her?
Speaker 1: Yeah, her, she has stupid tits. She opens her fridge.
There there are so many sauces in there.
Speaker 4: It was insane.
Speaker 1: Holy shit. At the end of the day, like corn
is corn. You can only put so many sauces on it.
You know what I'm talking about? All right?
Speaker 3: So the shot fired was how many's annexts?
Speaker 4: Are you?
Speaker 3: Yes that, I was like, whoa, We're gonna go there? WHOA? Okay,
hopefully calling the father of your son a drug addict.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well when his response, pat is I've never taken any ever. Yeah,
you know, I think that's why we do these things.
Speaker 1: No, she really reads him? Is that right? Is it?
The is that it?
Speaker 4: H And he she looks like he's going to Easter service.
Speaker 1: Yes he does. He looks like he's going to a
egg hunt.
Speaker 3: I've had a lot of friends with dependency problems on drugs.
One friend in particular, whose shall remained nameless. I literally
watched Cocaine because I've never been into cocaine. I just
it doesn't do it for me. But this particular person
basically destroyed his entire life with his addiction to cocaine
rolling it into his forties. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're
we're a powerful drug.
Speaker 1: We're we're. We can get there pretty easily. We get
into oh well, Jack's Jacks refers to his son as medicine. Again,
that's not what I take your point, but like, it's
such an uncanny thing to say, right, because the child's
a child, not a prescription. Right. So the fact that
he's said it multiple times and he's landed on this
thing like it sounds good and I'm gonna keep saying
it is really really disturbing. And then we get to
the alimonyum medical bill, and this is nasty. Uh, this
is going to be a brutal divorce. He loves his son,
but he just doesn't think that he can argue anymore.
It's amazing. Jack's rope is pretty short. He's like, you
know what, I love cruise, but I can't do this.
I've got fucking impressionable twenty one year olds to destroy
it with my cock.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this was every male in the seventies, actually, right,
you know, right, you give me a little too much lip.
I'm moving to Florida. I'll drop a Christmas card off
once a year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: When he sits down seemingly exasperated and says, every time
I come over here, you're.
Speaker 4: Just mean to me.
Speaker 3: I was like, you know.
Speaker 2: He and again when there was a beautiful moment in
this screaming match when he was like, you can't expect
me to give you custody and then pay bills, and
she goes, what.
Speaker 4: Do you think support is?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's amazing. Well she it really balls out and
ends with the kind of tearing of trauma that he
cannot experience compared to her.
Speaker 3: There was one other line that was really important. She
had said that it's something that as a man with
nerve endings, you'd never want to hear. Said, I don't
want our son to be like you. Yeah, yeah, that
is uh that means you failed. Oh yeah, yeah, sorry,
I just want to get there.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 4: She followed it up with and you should want the
same thing.
Speaker 1: Oh brutal, and Pat and I were talking about it
before the MIC's heated up, like it's so important to
have good relationships with your children because it's so hard
to be a parent. Like, think of all the sacrifice.
I mean, not that Jack's made its under sacrifices, but
even for Jackson was probably pretty tough to bring Cruise up.
Who's now three or four? Now, Like, what did you
do all that all those years for? Like it's all
old fucking waste.
Speaker 3: This is me just talking out of my ass. I
don't think he did a lot of child rearing, and
I think they hired is it Zulia? And I think
it was probably the bulk of the child care was
on those two and he was out doing whatever.
Speaker 1: The he wanted to do. Honestly, gross pick Get in
the comments let us know what you thought about the episode.
Five stars, kind of board showing us to patreon dot
com Slash another podcast network for real Housewives of My Yummy.
We love you guys very much. Have a great rest
of your week. I'm doing Say goodbye, pat say goodbye,
and Ruby bye bye.
Speaker 6: He is