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Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, hold on, come on, this is

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nock Abuse No More with your host doctor and evangelists

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Nil Rich, help you to admit what you feel in

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order to.

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Speaker 2: Heal from the effect of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings

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do magic. How y'all doing on this Wednesday morning? This

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is February the twenty fifth of twenty twenty. I pray

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that you have had a blessed and wonderful week so far,

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and that the remainder of this week will continue to

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be stress free, narcissistic free, abuse free. But if not,

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we're gonna be talking about a few things today.

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Speaker 3: Again.

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Speaker 2: My name is doctor ko Rich with nark Abuse No More,

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where we're here to help you admit what you feel

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in order to heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse, because.

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Speaker 3: Your feelings do matter, Yes they do.

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Speaker 2: But before we go on with today's podcast, I would

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like to invite you to visit us on our website

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at www dot rc n A r C Abuse No

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More dot Net.

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Speaker 3: That's narc na arc Abuse.

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Speaker 2: No More dot Net and we're gonna be adding more

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things on to our website as the time goes by. Also,

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I'm in the process of writing a book about narcissism.

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Hopefully that'll be out within the next year or so.

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But we definitely want you to be able to be

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not abuse no more. We want you to be narcissistic free,

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free from abuse. And so today we are talking about

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the scapegoat. The scapegoat. Now you might have heard that

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term in families when you there's a scapegoat.

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Speaker 3: Well, we're gonna talk about that.

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Speaker 2: If you are a scapegoat, you might be part of

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a narcissistic.

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Speaker 3: Crew.

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Speaker 2: On your job, you might have somebody that's so overlord,

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there's a narcissist on your job. You may have someone

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even at your church that's you may be the scapegoat.

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But also this happened in the dynamics of families, family systems,

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where when you're dealing with a narcissist, then you have

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a person that is the scapegoat. And so escapegoat in

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a narcissistic family comes with a variety of different traits

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where we know that narcissists never take the blame for

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anything that they do. And so therefore you have this

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family system, this family dynamics where uh, where this person,

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this one individual in this family is basically the blame.

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The blame is placed on them for everything that goes

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wrong in order to protect the narcissist ego. Yes, the

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narcissist ego, and so you might be dealing with different

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kinds of traits for its constant criticism, gas lighting, double

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standards compared to others in the family. UH want they

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want you to be the target of basically emotional neglect

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from the family. Where the family is supposed to come

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together and try to support one another. Well, when you're

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dealing with a narcissist in the family, the scapegoat does

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not get that support. So I want to give you

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some traits that you may be dealing with a narcissistic

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individual in your family. You might be dealing with a

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narcissistic family, or you might be dealing with people where

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there's a narcissist and then there's a bunch of flying monkeys.

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But you are made to be the scapegoat in the family. Now,

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you might ask where does the term scapegoat come from. Well,

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in the Bible, the scapegoat is first mentioned with regards

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to being the one that was that took on the

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sins of the community. So this particular animal was let

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out into the wile in order to carry the whole

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sins of.

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Speaker 3: Whatever Israel did.

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Speaker 2: So, rather than take the burden themselves, God had them

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to have a scapegoat that would take on the sins

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of the community. And we know that Jesus became the

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scapegoat where he took on the sins of the world,

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even though he had not committed any sin. He was

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the scapegoat and he took on the sins I mean

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the sins of the world. And so families, when you're

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dealing with families or any type of organization, even they

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single out one person to take on the blame of

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everything that goes wrong in that particular organization or that

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particular family. Rather than look at themselves, they point at

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the scapegoat to say, well, you're the blame. If it

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wasn't for you, you did this, you did that, instead

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of where the blame actually needs to go. And so

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this encourages this function within the family because everyone pretends

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as if there are right when when in actuality, the

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narcissists of that family is causing the problems, but blaming

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it on the scapegoat.

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Speaker 3: The scapegoat tends to be the one who.

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Speaker 2: Is real, the that's genuine out of all of them,

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that tells the truth about the things that goes on,

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the defects that's in the family.

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Speaker 3: They don't support it.

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Speaker 2: They actually tell what it is, but then the family

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gas likes them to make them think or make others

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think that the reality of what the scapegoat.

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Speaker 3: Is saying or feel is unreal.

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Speaker 2: And so actually the you know, different sources how actually

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said that the scapegoat is the healthiest member of the family.

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But the family blames the scapegoat, which is the opposite

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is true, they escapegoat. You might not understand, well, why

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is it that I'm always being blamed the scapegoat. The

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family wants to keep the secrets, They want to hide

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the truth. But the thing is, the scapegoat wants to

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get from up under the rug. The scapegoat does not

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want to keep hiding the truth. The scapegoat is saying

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there is a problem and it needs to be dealt with. However,

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when the scapegoat actually speaks up and speaks out, the

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family will come against the scapegoat and make the scapegoat

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or others feel like it's the scapegoat that's the problem.

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When there's an internal source that's actually the problem, and

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it's actually the narcissists. So I want to just give

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you some signs. We're gonna go over some signs that

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you are possibly a scapegoat.

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Speaker 3: And if any of this is you, then you know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you know what you're dealing with. Number One, you

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are You are the whistleblower. You are the whistleblower. You

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the one that exposed the secrets, and somehow it turned

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out that you became the problem instead of the actual

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prompt problem. So your desire is to speak the truth.

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Your desire is not to pose a threat to the family,

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but expose its dysfunction so.

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Speaker 3: That it can get better.

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Speaker 2: However, you're often the one that's where the family is

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good at hiding the dysfunction and brushing it up under

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the rug. You're the one that's saying, no, we need

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to deal with this.

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Speaker 3: You know, I'm tired of pushing things under the rug.

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This is what you're saying.

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Speaker 2: I'm tired of pushing things under the rug, so therefore

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I want to deal with it. However, the family, because

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they're walking on eggshells around the narcissists, they don't want

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to deal with the issues at hand, and so therefore

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the problem keep growing and growing and growing without anyone

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actually dealing with it and calling a spade a spade,

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all right, So basically you're saying, you know what, I'm

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tired of the issues that's going on.

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Speaker 3: We need to deal with this issue.

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Speaker 2: We've been walking around this narcissist on eggshells and now

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it's time to deal with it, and the others in

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the family don't want to do so.

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Speaker 3: Number two, you are.

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Speaker 2: You are constantly blamed and criticized. You're constantly blame and criticized.

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Speaker 4: You.

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Speaker 2: You're blamed for the families dysfunction. You're blamed for the

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mistakes of the family. You're blamed for the emotions of

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the family. You are your mistakes are highlighted while everyone

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else's is overlooked or pushed up under the rug. Now,

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the narcissists will make you feel like, hey, because you

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made a mistake, that, oh, that's the reason one of

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the it is instead of realizing, you know, the thing is,

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everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, but somehow the narcissists

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never look at the mistakes that they make. So therefore

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they will shift the blame and target and constantly criticize

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the person who's the scapegoat of the family. Another thing is,

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when you are a scapegoat, you are punished for telling

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the truth. Your family will rebuke you for telling the truth.

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They may abandon you, they may go silent on you.

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That's their way of trying to punish you for not

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going along with the status quo everyone is normally when

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it comes to narcissists, they're trying to walk on eggshells.

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They're trying to have peace, so therefore they don't want

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to expose anything. They don't want to talk about what

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the obvious truths are. So therefore they'll blame you for

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not keeping your mouth silent. They'll blame you for speaking

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up about it. They'll blame you for actually drawing attention

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to it. When an actuality, they should be trying to

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confront the truth themselves in order for there to be

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a way of solving it.

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Speaker 3: And if the thing is, if there's.

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Speaker 2: Problems and no one is actually dealing with it, but

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everyone is blaming the escapegoat, then guess what.

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Speaker 3: Nothing gets fixed.

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Speaker 2: Another thing, when you are the scapegoat of the family.

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When you are the scapegoat, you're also labeled as basically,

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you're the black sheep of the family because they consider

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you the one that's rebellious.

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Speaker 3: You're the one that's flawed.

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Speaker 2: You're the one that's pouring out the family toxic dynamics.

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Speaker 3: So it's you're the black sheep.

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Speaker 2: So basically everyone gets along with everybody in the family

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because they're all going along with a dysfunction. Okay, so

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when you have the dysfunctional families, you have clusters of

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dysfunction that gets to get the other and they all

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get along with the exception of you.

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Speaker 3: You're the black sheep. You're the one that don't go

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along to.

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Speaker 2: Get along, And regardless of how many issues you may

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be dealing with, no one deals with the issues that

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are actually contributing to the family's dysfunction, and that is

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the narcissists. Next, your family blames you for their shortcomings.

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They blame you for their shortcomings, so they refuse to

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examine the poor behavior that's causing a freezy in the family.

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And so therefore they point to you and pretend that

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you are the only issue that's going on in the family,

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and therefore you're the one that's stirring up problems you're

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the one that's causing issues.

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Speaker 3: Now. The thing is is.

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Speaker 2: That in their little land of illusions or delusions, should

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I say they're all as well, when in actuality they

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are dealing with issues. Even when the escapegoat removes themselves

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from the dynamics of the family, they are still not happy.

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Speaker 3: Okay, they're still not happy.

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Speaker 2: When the escapegoat decides, you know what, I'm fitshing, Okay,

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you want to have means escapegoat, Well, I'm fitsing to

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remove myself.

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Speaker 3: From the equation. They're still not content. They're still not content.

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Speaker 2: They still want someone to blame because without the scapegoat,

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then it forces them to actually have to.

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Speaker 3: Deal with themselves. Next, we have the gas lighting.

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Speaker 2: The gas lighting the distortion where the family denies your reality.

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They denies that there are situations that they need to

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deal with and so therefore they make you doubt the reality,

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the memories, the perceptions. They make you want. They want

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you to doubt everything, so they distort the truth about

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what's taking place within the family. It is easy for

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them to escapegoat.

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Speaker 3: You rather than deal with reality.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna take another well, we're gonna take our first

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quick break. We're gonna take our first quick break.

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Speaker 3: And we'll be back in just a moment. I like

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this song.

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Speaker 2: It's called God Favors Me by Hezekiah Walker, and it

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talks about you know, people ruin, trying to ruin your reputation,

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and because we're gonna talk about that next when we

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come back, ruin your reputation, say things about you that's

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not true. And this is what often happens in the

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dynamics of a narcissistic family that has a narcissism involved,

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is instead of taking responsibility, they will ruin the reputation

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of the scapegoat.

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Speaker 3: We'll be back in just a moment.

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Speaker 5: This is my testimony everybody, how God favored me my enemies.

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Speaker 6: And if God for me, he'll do the same thing

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for you. Don't worry about your hat is.

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Speaker 7: Your haters can't do nothing with your Listen to your work,

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love his patience, Love us kids, love us felt moment

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when it's junior war.

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Speaker 6: I had a whole lot of people in.

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Speaker 8: My life.

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Speaker 6: Who abused my love. They manipulated it and took the

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strength of it and tried to misuse it. But I

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can't help it but to give God glory Today when.

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Speaker 9: I think about all our hals, and I still came

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out and went inside. I don't know about you, but

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I know that He favored me because my enemies.

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Speaker 5: They did try singing y'all, but they couldn't triumphal from me.

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Because great is he that is in me, that he

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that's in the world.

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Speaker 6: That's what they did. That's not that's what they did.

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They told a whole lot of lines. But God saved me.

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Speaker 4: My character is my integrety.

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Speaker 6: He put it with my fault with not the for

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the cop from my God faith. I spoke mye and prosperity.

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I even spoke us. He saved with me. They're whispering

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about me. They can spy it against you. And they

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told a whole lot.

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Speaker 9: A thaking my charactery, my thinking.

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Speaker 6: You say me, it would not fall, not for me,

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but customs. I see, I speak my spity, and I speak.

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Speaker 8: Out stop.

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Speaker 6: Whiskey. They conspice. They told their lights. I want to God.

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Speaker 9: Facing hes my character, it's my intimity. Everything was interested,

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but he faded me. I promised him that I wouldn't

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come from minds.

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Speaker 6: My father was going through and.

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Speaker 9: I spoke light and I spoke PASMERICI and I smoke.

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Speaker 10: Hell see he.

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Speaker 6: Say say not exact. I don't know what you're going through,

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but I don't want you to know. To know you

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got in your trial, in your test, in your heart tague.

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Speaker 9: Don't worry, attack.

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Speaker 6: Your character, attack your intemany.

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Speaker 10: Don't nor.

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Speaker 6: Touch a lama. Encourage the person next to you.

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Speaker 3: Tell him my.

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Speaker 10: God, Tell him my God, I should say, tell you

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weak say and.

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Speaker 2: That is Hezekya Walker, God favors me. All right, So

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we're talking about we're talking about scapegoats, escapegoats of families.

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You may be escapegoat of your job, you may be

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escapegoat and some other organization, but you're you're the scapegoat.

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That means you're taking on the sins or the blame

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or everything that goes wrong in this particular unit, and

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people are attaching it to you when you're the one

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that's actually telling the truth about the situation. When you're

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dealing with those that are narcissistic in a family, and

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you have the narcissists and their flying monkeys, they make

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you feel ashamed or guilty.

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Speaker 3: So you have possibly.

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Speaker 2: Had a sense of a low sense of self worth

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because of the unjust treatment that you have had within

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this narcissistic unit, and so this could prove this could

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try to make you overcompensate trying to be the people

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pleaser at times because you don't want to be the scapegoat.

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But the thing is is that even when times when

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you're trying to rise above the situation, you find yourself

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still dealing with this type of abuse from this family

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unit or whatever organization that you are dealing with, you

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bury the burden of trying to be the one that's

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always trying to mend fences, always trying to repair what's broken.

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Speaker 3: And when you try to tell the truth.

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Speaker 2: About what's broken, those that are narcissistic, those that are

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the flying monkeys of the narcissists, whether it's the family

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unit or any other type of organization or unit, they

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will not accept it. Another thing, when you are when

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you are an scapegoat, you feel you can sometimes feel

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as if something is internally wrong with you, that you

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are unworthy, that you are not deserving of love, that

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you are not deserving of attention, you're not deserving of affection,

307
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when in actuality, there's nothing wrong with you. It is

308
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hiding that the dysfunction, the toxicity that's taking place within

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the unit, being blamed for everything within unit, when it's

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actually there is a narcissist in the unit that is

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causing the issues, and most of the time it's covertly okay,

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But those within the unit know that there's an issue

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with the narcissists okay, even though they may not name

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it as a narcissist, they actually know, but they have

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deceived themselves into thinking that is the person whom they've

316
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deemed as the scapegoat. Again, should the scapegoat leave the

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dynamic of that particular dysfunctional unit, then they are at

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that point forced to deal with themselves.

319
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Speaker 3: They'll still try to blame the scapegoat.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's because the scapegoat that whatever is going on,

321
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But the scapegoat has actually left the situation decided, you know,

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I'm going to remove myself from this situation. And they

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still are not happy. They still can't face the truth

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about their disfunct.

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Speaker 3: Another thing, when you're when you are a.

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Speaker 2: Scapegoat, you you will not receive any credit, You will

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not receive any praise. And it's fine, you know, your

328
00:23:14,079 --> 00:23:19,000
your family will sometimes or the unit will downplay your accomplishments.

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You will not be uh praise for your achievements in

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life unlesson is something that can help them to look good.

331
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So if it's something that makes them look good, they

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00:23:30,759 --> 00:23:33,640
want to take credit. You know, it's because of me

333
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:37,640
that this person achieved this and this person achieved that.

334
00:23:37,799 --> 00:23:41,160
Mind you, you're you're way past the age of being

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a child and you're way into your adult years and

336
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you have achieved those things with the help of God.

337
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But a lesson the narcissistic unit can take credit for it.

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Speaker 3: You won't get any credit for what you have achieved.

339
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And so therefore you you're working even harder to.

340
00:24:01,759 --> 00:24:05,839
Speaker 2: Try to prove yourself that I am worthy, I'm lovable,

341
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,039
I've done I've achieved this and accomplished this, And they

342
00:24:09,079 --> 00:24:12,359
will never give you the credit for anything unless it

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00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:19,039
is something that makes them look good. Another thing, when

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you are the the.

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Speaker 3: The black sheep, or should I say the scapegoat.

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Speaker 2: When you're the scapegoat of the unit, whether it's a

347
00:24:29,039 --> 00:24:33,400
family unit or other, you are constantly walking on egg

348
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,720
shells because you you are anticipating that there's gonna be

349
00:24:37,759 --> 00:24:42,480
something that blows up again. Okay, some kind of attack,

350
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,359
some kind of punishment, something that blows up. So you're

351
00:24:46,559 --> 00:24:52,720
constantly walking on egg shells around this this, this unit,

352
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rather it's the family unit or other. And let me

353
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:56,920
just say this, No one should have to walk on

354
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egg shells. It is better for for you if you

355
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:05,480
decide that this would bring peace to you. It is

356
00:25:05,559 --> 00:25:10,920
better to be around others who value you, those who

357
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:15,799
appreciate you, those who love you, those who care for you,

358
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,880
those that uplift your spirits, rather than to.

359
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 3: Deal with this function.

360
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Speaker 2: Now, one thing that a dysfunctional unit will do is

361
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:29,160
when you have a support system, they will talk about

362
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:33,279
your support system. They will try to downplay your support system.

363
00:25:33,519 --> 00:25:36,640
They will try to criticize your support system. They will

364
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:40,480
try to make you feel as if you're not worthy

365
00:25:40,599 --> 00:25:43,880
of having anyone to love you because you're not dealing

366
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:48,519
with their toxicity. They try to make you feel as if,

367
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:54,079
unlesson you're dealing with their toxic behavior, that something is

368
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:58,960
wrong with you or anybody who would care for you,

369
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,160
or love you, or treat you with dignity and respect.

370
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:06,480
They hate the idea that the scapegoat can find others

371
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:12,519
to fill in that space or that void, or even

372
00:26:12,799 --> 00:26:17,720
that area where they would have normally been but because

373
00:26:17,839 --> 00:26:22,279
of their behavior and their toxicity, then they have a

374
00:26:22,319 --> 00:26:25,960
hard time dealing with some others that would not do

375
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:27,279
or treat.

376
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,559
Speaker 3: You the same way.

377
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 2: And the thing is, you deserve to have others that

378
00:26:34,319 --> 00:26:38,759
will support you, love you, care for you, not be

379
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:44,920
demeaning or devaluing, belittlinging or criticizing you. You have that

380
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:50,079
right as a human being to have people that genuinely

381
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,079
care for you and love you. No one deserves to

382
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,440
be abused, And if you are in an abusive situation,

383
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,799
then it's up to you to decide. You know what,

384
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,200
I'm either tired of it, I'm done with it, or

385
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,240
you have to be the one that made the choice

386
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:06,960
to say, you know what.

387
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,160
Speaker 3: I deserve better.

388
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 2: We're gonna take another quick break and we'll be back

389
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,559
in just a moment.

390
00:27:16,519 --> 00:27:16,839
Speaker 8: M hm.

391
00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 11: Out of the shadows, foul for the gallows.

392
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 4: The de man won't him to love him, Colin Rise of.

393
00:27:34,839 --> 00:27:35,400
Speaker 8: Rise of.

394
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:42,519
Speaker 12: Six feet, I thought it was over it loves it

395
00:27:42,599 --> 00:28:02,440
afraid device of a savior, Lies of lies of.

396
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:10,559
Speaker 10: B up to dis ship, come just will.

397
00:28:12,319 --> 00:28:12,640
Speaker 8: Just s.

398
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:15,839
Speaker 10: You'll stay.

399
00:28:20,799 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 11: Now that you saved me, I see because you gave

400
00:28:24,279 --> 00:28:34,480
me the son of a Bible, A printer a pilot.

401
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 10: I want to shine it, never see it.

402
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:44,559
Speaker 4: I learn about the power. You never believe it.

403
00:28:44,759 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 10: Bob, there's pot.

404
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:08,759
Speaker 6: Ship something.

405
00:29:20,799 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 4: I thought that I was too fucking herb itthing not done. Yeah,

406
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:34,279
I'm the one who ducked this gray Would.

407
00:29:34,119 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 8: You called me name?

408
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:41,799
Speaker 4: You called my name? I thought that I was too

409
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:51,359
fucking herb it did not doe. Yeah, I'm the one

410
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:55,000
who ducked this crowd. Would you call.

411
00:29:56,599 --> 00:30:09,079
Speaker 8: You called me this bed?

412
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 5: Be?

413
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 13: Dump the ship.

414
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:45,559
Speaker 8: Up, dustuputting costs, still cast it down, and it's done.

415
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:59,799
Speaker 3: And that is Lauren Diegel, still rolling stones. Rise up.

416
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,839
Speaker 2: I love that, and I like the phrase rise up.

417
00:31:16,079 --> 00:31:20,920
And this is what the scapegoat does. The scapegoat rises up.

418
00:31:21,799 --> 00:31:25,359
The scapegoat tells it like it is. The scapegoat says,

419
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:25,960
you know where you.

420
00:31:26,039 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 3: All can keep hiding this dysfunction. But I'm gonna I'm

421
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:31,279
gonna rise up.

422
00:31:31,799 --> 00:31:35,079
Speaker 2: I'm not I'm not gonna keep taking a blame for

423
00:31:35,279 --> 00:31:39,920
everything that this narcissist is doing or the flying monkeys.

424
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:46,039
And so it can also cause uh trouble with connecting

425
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:51,759
with siblings. They may treat you in a different manner

426
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,799
because of the rest of the family or are consider

427
00:31:55,839 --> 00:32:02,960
you a troublemaker and therefore discredit or disrespect you and

428
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:07,039
in return, because of what they have uh come to

429
00:32:07,279 --> 00:32:13,519
realize as the family norm basically and therefore.

430
00:32:13,319 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 3: Confirming that you are this escapegoat.

431
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:16,359
Speaker 1: You know.

432
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 3: The the thing is is that.

433
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 2: You don't have to You know, someone can make you

434
00:32:25,839 --> 00:32:28,640
uh uh or they can treat you as a scapegoat,

435
00:32:29,359 --> 00:32:34,519
but you don't have to internalize it. So if you're

436
00:32:34,559 --> 00:32:37,319
dealing with low self esteem, you know, you feel that

437
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:38,799
you're unlovable.

438
00:32:38,839 --> 00:32:40,759
Speaker 3: Get counseling, Get counseling.

439
00:32:41,599 --> 00:32:44,319
Speaker 2: Uh. You know, the word of God lets us know

440
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:49,240
that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. And in John

441
00:32:49,319 --> 00:32:52,599
three point sixteen it says for God so loved the

442
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,319
world that he gave us only be gotten son, that

443
00:32:55,359 --> 00:32:58,400
whosever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

444
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,599
They mean that Jesus gave his life for you. It

445
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,519
doesn't matter what other people say. And yes, as a

446
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:13,920
human being, we tend to internalize the thoughts of others

447
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:18,400
or the comments of others. But guess what, when we

448
00:33:18,559 --> 00:33:25,400
learn to detach from that, then you become a healthier individual.

449
00:33:26,039 --> 00:33:30,759
And so therefore don't seek out others that will treat

450
00:33:30,839 --> 00:33:34,480
you the same way as you were dealing with in

451
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:40,480
your family dynamic. If you break away or separate or say,

452
00:33:40,559 --> 00:33:42,599
you know what, I'm not dealing with y'all with this,

453
00:33:42,839 --> 00:33:45,079
You know I see y'all. There are certain times or

454
00:33:45,079 --> 00:33:46,680
whatever the case may be, I the way you decide

455
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,519
to do it, low contact, no contact, whatever the case

456
00:33:49,599 --> 00:33:54,200
may be, make sure that you try to have individuals

457
00:33:54,279 --> 00:33:57,079
in your life that will not treat you in the

458
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:03,720
same toxic manner as you're getting from wherever family unit

459
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,039
or whatever other unit that is.

460
00:34:07,559 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 3: Basically emotionally abusing you.

461
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:15,320
Speaker 2: You may try to overcompensate by trying to be perfect,

462
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,199
and that's something that we can't do. We only made

463
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:22,599
perfect through Christ. But when you're trying to be perfect

464
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:28,679
for this toxic, toxic unit, it's impossible. They will always

465
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:32,480
find something to make you feel as if you're in

466
00:34:32,519 --> 00:34:36,119
a deficit, as if you're in a negative, as if

467
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:39,719
you got to be fixed, as if something's wrong with you.

468
00:34:42,679 --> 00:34:46,440
We teach people how to treat us by what we

469
00:34:46,599 --> 00:34:50,360
allow them to do to us. And so therefore, when

470
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:55,639
you understand that you deserve better, that you deserve to

471
00:34:55,679 --> 00:34:59,559
be loved. You deserve to be valued. You deserve to

472
00:34:59,679 --> 00:35:04,360
have caring people around you, deserve to have people appreciate

473
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what you have to offer in the relationship. When you

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say to yourself that I am somebody, I am lovable,

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I deserve love, and I deserve to be treated with

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dignity and respect, then it helps you that much, that

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much more to be able to choose healthy relationships and

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00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,679
detach from the toxic ones.

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Speaker 3: All right, we are a body here.

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Speaker 2: I pray it. Today's podcast has been a blessing to

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00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:45,159
you and that you will know that your feelings, your

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feelings do matter.

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Speaker 3: Your feelings absolutely do matter. This is doctor kl Richard.

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Speaker 13: No I coulbuse no more until next times.

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Speaker 3: Tosssssssssssssssss