Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, hold on, come on, this is
nock Abuse No More with your host doctor and evangelists
Nil Rich, help you to admit what you feel in
order to.
Speaker 2: Heal from the effect of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings
do magic. How y'all doing on this Wednesday morning? This
is February the twenty fifth of twenty twenty. I pray
that you have had a blessed and wonderful week so far,
and that the remainder of this week will continue to
be stress free, narcissistic free, abuse free. But if not,
we're gonna be talking about a few things today.
Speaker 3: Again.
Speaker 2: My name is doctor ko Rich with nark Abuse No More,
where we're here to help you admit what you feel
in order to heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse, because.
Speaker 3: Your feelings do matter, Yes they do.
Speaker 2: But before we go on with today's podcast, I would
like to invite you to visit us on our website
at www dot rc n A r C Abuse No
More dot Net.
Speaker 3: That's narc na arc Abuse.
Speaker 2: No More dot Net and we're gonna be adding more
things on to our website as the time goes by. Also,
I'm in the process of writing a book about narcissism.
Hopefully that'll be out within the next year or so.
But we definitely want you to be able to be
not abuse no more. We want you to be narcissistic free,
free from abuse. And so today we are talking about
the scapegoat. The scapegoat. Now you might have heard that
term in families when you there's a scapegoat.
Speaker 3: Well, we're gonna talk about that.
Speaker 2: If you are a scapegoat, you might be part of
a narcissistic.
Speaker 3: Crew.
Speaker 2: On your job, you might have somebody that's so overlord,
there's a narcissist on your job. You may have someone
even at your church that's you may be the scapegoat.
But also this happened in the dynamics of families, family systems,
where when you're dealing with a narcissist, then you have
a person that is the scapegoat. And so escapegoat in
a narcissistic family comes with a variety of different traits
where we know that narcissists never take the blame for
anything that they do. And so therefore you have this
family system, this family dynamics where uh, where this person,
this one individual in this family is basically the blame.
The blame is placed on them for everything that goes
wrong in order to protect the narcissist ego. Yes, the
narcissist ego, and so you might be dealing with different
kinds of traits for its constant criticism, gas lighting, double
standards compared to others in the family. UH want they
want you to be the target of basically emotional neglect
from the family. Where the family is supposed to come
together and try to support one another. Well, when you're
dealing with a narcissist in the family, the scapegoat does
not get that support. So I want to give you
some traits that you may be dealing with a narcissistic
individual in your family. You might be dealing with a
narcissistic family, or you might be dealing with people where
there's a narcissist and then there's a bunch of flying monkeys.
But you are made to be the scapegoat in the family. Now,
you might ask where does the term scapegoat come from. Well,
in the Bible, the scapegoat is first mentioned with regards
to being the one that was that took on the
sins of the community. So this particular animal was let
out into the wile in order to carry the whole
sins of.
Speaker 3: Whatever Israel did.
Speaker 2: So, rather than take the burden themselves, God had them
to have a scapegoat that would take on the sins
of the community. And we know that Jesus became the
scapegoat where he took on the sins of the world,
even though he had not committed any sin. He was
the scapegoat and he took on the sins I mean
the sins of the world. And so families, when you're
dealing with families or any type of organization, even they
single out one person to take on the blame of
everything that goes wrong in that particular organization or that
particular family. Rather than look at themselves, they point at
the scapegoat to say, well, you're the blame. If it
wasn't for you, you did this, you did that, instead
of where the blame actually needs to go. And so
this encourages this function within the family because everyone pretends
as if there are right when when in actuality, the
narcissists of that family is causing the problems, but blaming
it on the scapegoat.
Speaker 3: The scapegoat tends to be the one who.
Speaker 2: Is real, the that's genuine out of all of them,
that tells the truth about the things that goes on,
the defects that's in the family.
Speaker 3: They don't support it.
Speaker 2: They actually tell what it is, but then the family
gas likes them to make them think or make others
think that the reality of what the scapegoat.
Speaker 3: Is saying or feel is unreal.
Speaker 2: And so actually the you know, different sources how actually
said that the scapegoat is the healthiest member of the family.
But the family blames the scapegoat, which is the opposite
is true, they escapegoat. You might not understand, well, why
is it that I'm always being blamed the scapegoat. The
family wants to keep the secrets, They want to hide
the truth. But the thing is, the scapegoat wants to
get from up under the rug. The scapegoat does not
want to keep hiding the truth. The scapegoat is saying
there is a problem and it needs to be dealt with. However,
when the scapegoat actually speaks up and speaks out, the
family will come against the scapegoat and make the scapegoat
or others feel like it's the scapegoat that's the problem.
When there's an internal source that's actually the problem, and
it's actually the narcissists. So I want to just give
you some signs. We're gonna go over some signs that
you are possibly a scapegoat.
Speaker 3: And if any of this is you, then you know.
Speaker 2: Okay, you know what you're dealing with. Number One, you
are You are the whistleblower. You are the whistleblower. You
the one that exposed the secrets, and somehow it turned
out that you became the problem instead of the actual
prompt problem. So your desire is to speak the truth.
Your desire is not to pose a threat to the family,
but expose its dysfunction so.
Speaker 3: That it can get better.
Speaker 2: However, you're often the one that's where the family is
good at hiding the dysfunction and brushing it up under
the rug. You're the one that's saying, no, we need
to deal with this.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm tired of pushing things under the rug.
This is what you're saying.
Speaker 2: I'm tired of pushing things under the rug, so therefore
I want to deal with it. However, the family, because
they're walking on eggshells around the narcissists, they don't want
to deal with the issues at hand, and so therefore
the problem keep growing and growing and growing without anyone
actually dealing with it and calling a spade a spade,
all right, So basically you're saying, you know what, I'm
tired of the issues that's going on.
Speaker 3: We need to deal with this issue.
Speaker 2: We've been walking around this narcissist on eggshells and now
it's time to deal with it, and the others in
the family don't want to do so.
Speaker 3: Number two, you are.
Speaker 2: You are constantly blamed and criticized. You're constantly blame and criticized.
Speaker 4: You.
Speaker 2: You're blamed for the families dysfunction. You're blamed for the
mistakes of the family. You're blamed for the emotions of
the family. You are your mistakes are highlighted while everyone
else's is overlooked or pushed up under the rug. Now,
the narcissists will make you feel like, hey, because you
made a mistake, that, oh, that's the reason one of
the it is instead of realizing, you know, the thing is,
everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, but somehow the narcissists
never look at the mistakes that they make. So therefore
they will shift the blame and target and constantly criticize
the person who's the scapegoat of the family. Another thing is,
when you are a scapegoat, you are punished for telling
the truth. Your family will rebuke you for telling the truth.
They may abandon you, they may go silent on you.
That's their way of trying to punish you for not
going along with the status quo everyone is normally when
it comes to narcissists, they're trying to walk on eggshells.
They're trying to have peace, so therefore they don't want
to expose anything. They don't want to talk about what
the obvious truths are. So therefore they'll blame you for
not keeping your mouth silent. They'll blame you for speaking
up about it. They'll blame you for actually drawing attention
to it. When an actuality, they should be trying to
confront the truth themselves in order for there to be
a way of solving it.
Speaker 3: And if the thing is, if there's.
Speaker 2: Problems and no one is actually dealing with it, but
everyone is blaming the escapegoat, then guess what.
Speaker 3: Nothing gets fixed.
Speaker 2: Another thing, when you are the scapegoat of the family.
When you are the scapegoat, you're also labeled as basically,
you're the black sheep of the family because they consider
you the one that's rebellious.
Speaker 3: You're the one that's flawed.
Speaker 2: You're the one that's pouring out the family toxic dynamics.
Speaker 3: So it's you're the black sheep.
Speaker 2: So basically everyone gets along with everybody in the family
because they're all going along with a dysfunction. Okay, so
when you have the dysfunctional families, you have clusters of
dysfunction that gets to get the other and they all
get along with the exception of you.
Speaker 3: You're the black sheep. You're the one that don't go
along to.
Speaker 2: Get along, And regardless of how many issues you may
be dealing with, no one deals with the issues that
are actually contributing to the family's dysfunction, and that is
the narcissists. Next, your family blames you for their shortcomings.
They blame you for their shortcomings, so they refuse to
examine the poor behavior that's causing a freezy in the family.
And so therefore they point to you and pretend that
you are the only issue that's going on in the family,
and therefore you're the one that's stirring up problems you're
the one that's causing issues.
Speaker 3: Now. The thing is is.
Speaker 2: That in their little land of illusions or delusions, should
I say they're all as well, when in actuality they
are dealing with issues. Even when the escapegoat removes themselves
from the dynamics of the family, they are still not happy.
Speaker 3: Okay, they're still not happy.
Speaker 2: When the escapegoat decides, you know what, I'm fitshing, Okay,
you want to have means escapegoat, Well, I'm fitsing to
remove myself.
Speaker 3: From the equation. They're still not content. They're still not content.
Speaker 2: They still want someone to blame because without the scapegoat,
then it forces them to actually have to.
Speaker 3: Deal with themselves. Next, we have the gas lighting.
Speaker 2: The gas lighting the distortion where the family denies your reality.
They denies that there are situations that they need to
deal with and so therefore they make you doubt the reality,
the memories, the perceptions. They make you want. They want
you to doubt everything, so they distort the truth about
what's taking place within the family. It is easy for
them to escapegoat.
Speaker 3: You rather than deal with reality.
Speaker 2: We're gonna take another well, we're gonna take our first
quick break. We're gonna take our first quick break.
Speaker 3: And we'll be back in just a moment. I like
this song.
Speaker 2: It's called God Favors Me by Hezekiah Walker, and it
talks about you know, people ruin, trying to ruin your reputation,
and because we're gonna talk about that next when we
come back, ruin your reputation, say things about you that's
not true. And this is what often happens in the
dynamics of a narcissistic family that has a narcissism involved,
is instead of taking responsibility, they will ruin the reputation
of the scapegoat.
Speaker 3: We'll be back in just a moment.
Speaker 5: This is my testimony everybody, how God favored me my enemies.
Speaker 6: And if God for me, he'll do the same thing
for you. Don't worry about your hat is.
Speaker 7: Your haters can't do nothing with your Listen to your work,
love his patience, Love us kids, love us felt moment
when it's junior war.
Speaker 6: I had a whole lot of people in.
Speaker 8: My life.
Speaker 6: Who abused my love. They manipulated it and took the
strength of it and tried to misuse it. But I
can't help it but to give God glory Today when.
Speaker 9: I think about all our hals, and I still came
out and went inside. I don't know about you, but
I know that He favored me because my enemies.
Speaker 5: They did try singing y'all, but they couldn't triumphal from me.
Because great is he that is in me, that he
that's in the world.
Speaker 6: That's what they did. That's not that's what they did.
They told a whole lot of lines. But God saved me.
Speaker 4: My character is my integrety.
Speaker 6: He put it with my fault with not the for
the cop from my God faith. I spoke mye and prosperity.
I even spoke us. He saved with me. They're whispering
about me. They can spy it against you. And they
told a whole lot.
Speaker 9: A thaking my charactery, my thinking.
Speaker 6: You say me, it would not fall, not for me,
but customs. I see, I speak my spity, and I speak.
Speaker 8: Out stop.
Speaker 6: Whiskey. They conspice. They told their lights. I want to God.
Speaker 9: Facing hes my character, it's my intimity. Everything was interested,
but he faded me. I promised him that I wouldn't
come from minds.
Speaker 6: My father was going through and.
Speaker 9: I spoke light and I spoke PASMERICI and I smoke.
Speaker 10: Hell see he.
Speaker 6: Say say not exact. I don't know what you're going through,
but I don't want you to know. To know you
got in your trial, in your test, in your heart tague.
Speaker 9: Don't worry, attack.
Speaker 6: Your character, attack your intemany.
Speaker 10: Don't nor.
Speaker 6: Touch a lama. Encourage the person next to you.
Speaker 3: Tell him my.
Speaker 10: God, Tell him my God, I should say, tell you
weak say and.
Speaker 2: That is Hezekya Walker, God favors me. All right, So
we're talking about we're talking about scapegoats, escapegoats of families.
You may be escapegoat of your job, you may be
escapegoat and some other organization, but you're you're the scapegoat.
That means you're taking on the sins or the blame
or everything that goes wrong in this particular unit, and
people are attaching it to you when you're the one
that's actually telling the truth about the situation. When you're
dealing with those that are narcissistic in a family, and
you have the narcissists and their flying monkeys, they make
you feel ashamed or guilty.
Speaker 3: So you have possibly.
Speaker 2: Had a sense of a low sense of self worth
because of the unjust treatment that you have had within
this narcissistic unit, and so this could prove this could
try to make you overcompensate trying to be the people
pleaser at times because you don't want to be the scapegoat.
But the thing is is that even when times when
you're trying to rise above the situation, you find yourself
still dealing with this type of abuse from this family
unit or whatever organization that you are dealing with, you
bury the burden of trying to be the one that's
always trying to mend fences, always trying to repair what's broken.
Speaker 3: And when you try to tell the truth.
Speaker 2: About what's broken, those that are narcissistic, those that are
the flying monkeys of the narcissists, whether it's the family
unit or any other type of organization or unit, they
will not accept it. Another thing, when you are when
you are an scapegoat, you feel you can sometimes feel
as if something is internally wrong with you, that you
are unworthy, that you are not deserving of love, that
you are not deserving of attention, you're not deserving of affection,
when in actuality, there's nothing wrong with you. It is
hiding that the dysfunction, the toxicity that's taking place within
the unit, being blamed for everything within unit, when it's
actually there is a narcissist in the unit that is
causing the issues, and most of the time it's covertly okay,
But those within the unit know that there's an issue
with the narcissists okay, even though they may not name
it as a narcissist, they actually know, but they have
deceived themselves into thinking that is the person whom they've
deemed as the scapegoat. Again, should the scapegoat leave the
dynamic of that particular dysfunctional unit, then they are at
that point forced to deal with themselves.
Speaker 3: They'll still try to blame the scapegoat.
Speaker 2: Well, it's because the scapegoat that whatever is going on,
But the scapegoat has actually left the situation decided, you know,
I'm going to remove myself from this situation. And they
still are not happy. They still can't face the truth
about their disfunct.
Speaker 3: Another thing, when you're when you are a.
Speaker 2: Scapegoat, you you will not receive any credit, You will
not receive any praise. And it's fine, you know, your
your family will sometimes or the unit will downplay your accomplishments.
You will not be uh praise for your achievements in
life unlesson is something that can help them to look good.
So if it's something that makes them look good, they
want to take credit. You know, it's because of me
that this person achieved this and this person achieved that.
Mind you, you're you're way past the age of being
a child and you're way into your adult years and
you have achieved those things with the help of God.
But a lesson the narcissistic unit can take credit for it.
Speaker 3: You won't get any credit for what you have achieved.
And so therefore you you're working even harder to.
Speaker 2: Try to prove yourself that I am worthy, I'm lovable,
I've done I've achieved this and accomplished this, And they
will never give you the credit for anything unless it
is something that makes them look good. Another thing, when
you are the the.
Speaker 3: The black sheep, or should I say the scapegoat.
Speaker 2: When you're the scapegoat of the unit, whether it's a
family unit or other, you are constantly walking on egg
shells because you you are anticipating that there's gonna be
something that blows up again. Okay, some kind of attack,
some kind of punishment, something that blows up. So you're
constantly walking on egg shells around this this, this unit,
rather it's the family unit or other. And let me
just say this, No one should have to walk on
egg shells. It is better for for you if you
decide that this would bring peace to you. It is
better to be around others who value you, those who
appreciate you, those who love you, those who care for you,
those that uplift your spirits, rather than to.
Speaker 3: Deal with this function.
Speaker 2: Now, one thing that a dysfunctional unit will do is
when you have a support system, they will talk about
your support system. They will try to downplay your support system.
They will try to criticize your support system. They will
try to make you feel as if you're not worthy
of having anyone to love you because you're not dealing
with their toxicity. They try to make you feel as if,
unlesson you're dealing with their toxic behavior, that something is
wrong with you or anybody who would care for you,
or love you, or treat you with dignity and respect.
They hate the idea that the scapegoat can find others
to fill in that space or that void, or even
that area where they would have normally been but because
of their behavior and their toxicity, then they have a
hard time dealing with some others that would not do
or treat.
Speaker 3: You the same way.
Speaker 2: And the thing is, you deserve to have others that
will support you, love you, care for you, not be
demeaning or devaluing, belittlinging or criticizing you. You have that
right as a human being to have people that genuinely
care for you and love you. No one deserves to
be abused, And if you are in an abusive situation,
then it's up to you to decide. You know what,
I'm either tired of it, I'm done with it, or
you have to be the one that made the choice
to say, you know what.
Speaker 3: I deserve better.
Speaker 2: We're gonna take another quick break and we'll be back
in just a moment.
Speaker 8: M hm.
Speaker 11: Out of the shadows, foul for the gallows.
Speaker 4: The de man won't him to love him, Colin Rise of.
Speaker 8: Rise of.
Speaker 12: Six feet, I thought it was over it loves it
afraid device of a savior, Lies of lies of.
Speaker 10: B up to dis ship, come just will.
Speaker 8: Just s.
Speaker 10: You'll stay.
Speaker 11: Now that you saved me, I see because you gave
me the son of a Bible, A printer a pilot.
Speaker 10: I want to shine it, never see it.
Speaker 4: I learn about the power. You never believe it.
Speaker 10: Bob, there's pot.
Speaker 6: Ship something.
Speaker 4: I thought that I was too fucking herb itthing not done. Yeah,
I'm the one who ducked this gray Would.
Speaker 8: You called me name?
Speaker 4: You called my name? I thought that I was too
fucking herb it did not doe. Yeah, I'm the one
who ducked this crowd. Would you call.
Speaker 8: You called me this bed?
Speaker 5: Be?
Speaker 13: Dump the ship.
Speaker 8: Up, dustuputting costs, still cast it down, and it's done.
Speaker 3: And that is Lauren Diegel, still rolling stones. Rise up.
Speaker 2: I love that, and I like the phrase rise up.
And this is what the scapegoat does. The scapegoat rises up.
The scapegoat tells it like it is. The scapegoat says,
you know where you.
Speaker 3: All can keep hiding this dysfunction. But I'm gonna I'm
gonna rise up.
Speaker 2: I'm not I'm not gonna keep taking a blame for
everything that this narcissist is doing or the flying monkeys.
And so it can also cause uh trouble with connecting
with siblings. They may treat you in a different manner
because of the rest of the family or are consider
you a troublemaker and therefore discredit or disrespect you and
in return, because of what they have uh come to
realize as the family norm basically and therefore.
Speaker 3: Confirming that you are this escapegoat.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: The the thing is is that.
Speaker 2: You don't have to You know, someone can make you
uh uh or they can treat you as a scapegoat,
but you don't have to internalize it. So if you're
dealing with low self esteem, you know, you feel that
you're unlovable.
Speaker 3: Get counseling, Get counseling.
Speaker 2: Uh. You know, the word of God lets us know
that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. And in John
three point sixteen it says for God so loved the
world that he gave us only be gotten son, that
whosever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
They mean that Jesus gave his life for you. It
doesn't matter what other people say. And yes, as a
human being, we tend to internalize the thoughts of others
or the comments of others. But guess what, when we
learn to detach from that, then you become a healthier individual.
And so therefore don't seek out others that will treat
you the same way as you were dealing with in
your family dynamic. If you break away or separate or say,
you know what, I'm not dealing with y'all with this,
You know I see y'all. There are certain times or
whatever the case may be, I the way you decide
to do it, low contact, no contact, whatever the case
may be, make sure that you try to have individuals
in your life that will not treat you in the
same toxic manner as you're getting from wherever family unit
or whatever other unit that is.
Speaker 3: Basically emotionally abusing you.
Speaker 2: You may try to overcompensate by trying to be perfect,
and that's something that we can't do. We only made
perfect through Christ. But when you're trying to be perfect
for this toxic, toxic unit, it's impossible. They will always
find something to make you feel as if you're in
a deficit, as if you're in a negative, as if
you got to be fixed, as if something's wrong with you.
We teach people how to treat us by what we
allow them to do to us. And so therefore, when
you understand that you deserve better, that you deserve to
be loved. You deserve to be valued. You deserve to
have caring people around you, deserve to have people appreciate
what you have to offer in the relationship. When you
say to yourself that I am somebody, I am lovable,
I deserve love, and I deserve to be treated with
dignity and respect, then it helps you that much, that
much more to be able to choose healthy relationships and
detach from the toxic ones.
Speaker 3: All right, we are a body here.
Speaker 2: I pray it. Today's podcast has been a blessing to
you and that you will know that your feelings, your
feelings do matter.
Speaker 3: Your feelings absolutely do matter. This is doctor kl Richard.
Speaker 13: No I coulbuse no more until next times.
Speaker 3: Tosssssssssssssssss