1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: Hello everybody. This is Stephanie Wilder Taylor. Welcome to my 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:08,839 podcast Drunkish, very loosely based on the book Drunkish, which 3 00:00:08,839 --> 00:00:10,439 I wrote a couple of years ago. 4 00:00:10,519 --> 00:00:10,720 Speaker 2: Now. 5 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:14,599 Speaker 1: Ah, it's my place where I get to talk about sobriety, 6 00:00:14,679 --> 00:00:19,640 interview my friends, interview other sober influencers and people, and 7 00:00:19,679 --> 00:00:23,839 today is no different. But before I tell you who 8 00:00:23,879 --> 00:00:28,039 my guest is, please go follow me on YouTube at 9 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:34,679 Drunkish podcast or also rate me on whatever your podcast 10 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:35,479 app is. 11 00:00:35,719 --> 00:00:38,399 Speaker 2: Give me five stars, you know. Be sweet. 12 00:00:38,719 --> 00:00:41,759 Speaker 1: All right, today I'm super excited. I had a great 13 00:00:41,799 --> 00:00:46,320 conversation with my guest, Sarah Kaufman Bradstreet. She is the 14 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,000 host of the podcast No More Wasted Days, where she 15 00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:53,320 talks all about alcohol free living, sort of like what 16 00:00:53,359 --> 00:00:57,320 we're doing here. Also, she's a sober mentor and you 17 00:00:57,399 --> 00:01:00,000 can find her on her website, No More Waste Day 18 00:01:00,159 --> 00:01:01,759 Days dot co. 19 00:01:02,799 --> 00:01:23,879 Speaker 2: Let's go and I am here with Sarah. Hi, Hi, 20 00:01:24,159 --> 00:01:25,560 thank you so much for having me on. 21 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:29,719 Speaker 3: I'm excited, of course. Long time no talk, Yeah right, 22 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,159 just last week. 23 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:32,239 Speaker 2: Speak behind the Curtain. 24 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 1: I just did your podcast, which you heard about in 25 00:01:35,599 --> 00:01:39,879 the intro, No More Wasted Days and now you're doing 26 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,319 my podcast, yep, because we're going to hear your whole story. 27 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:46,879 Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm excited to get into it. 28 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: So okay, what I mean, hmm, let's I like to 29 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:55,040 start at the beginning. Tell me about your your drinking, 30 00:01:55,159 --> 00:01:56,640 your drinking career. 31 00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,959 Speaker 3: My drinking career, and my drinking career really didn't start 32 00:02:01,159 --> 00:02:02,519 until like my twenties. 33 00:02:02,959 --> 00:02:07,359 Speaker 2: Oh I was what was that, I said, Oh, oh yeah, right, 34 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:08,280 I know. 35 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:12,159 Speaker 3: So I drank in high school I and I did 36 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,719 drink in college, so it probably more started like when 37 00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:18,240 I was eighteen and started going to like the keg 38 00:02:18,319 --> 00:02:21,319 parties where you could pay you know, some random guy 39 00:02:21,719 --> 00:02:24,080 some dollars and then you got your red solo cup 40 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:27,479 and you could drink out of the keg. And I 41 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:31,120 feel like that's when drinking became more regular for me, 42 00:02:31,199 --> 00:02:34,800 because in high school it was just too hard to 43 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,759 get alcohol for me, Like I was like, this is 44 00:02:37,879 --> 00:02:40,280 kind of a pain. I did smoke weed and I 45 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,919 was a total stoner in high school. That was easier 46 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,199 to get because all you had to know was know 47 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,960 somebody who knew a dealer. So it was like, I 48 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,599 guess I was a little backwards and getting into the 49 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:58,000 alcohol scene, and then it just slowly progressed, like it 50 00:02:58,039 --> 00:03:03,319 became weekend drinking and always binge drinking in college, which 51 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,879 now looking back, should have been my sign, like I 52 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:09,199 would binge drink, I would definitely have brown outs from 53 00:03:09,199 --> 00:03:13,680 the night. I don't remember major blackouts in college. And 54 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:18,400 then when I graduated from college became a teacher, is 55 00:03:18,479 --> 00:03:20,759 it's like my drinking just progressed, which you would think 56 00:03:20,759 --> 00:03:23,759 it would be the opposite, but instead it became like, Okay, 57 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,599 I was a music teacher, so I would get done 58 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,719 with the musical performance, and it would be like grab 59 00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:29,680 the pe teacher, and let's go to the bar to 60 00:03:29,719 --> 00:03:32,280 celebrate that I'm done. And I'd call in sick to 61 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,080 work the next day because I drank too much at 62 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:37,039 the bar celebrating. And then I met my now husband, 63 00:03:37,719 --> 00:03:41,719 and we loved to drink together like that. That was 64 00:03:41,759 --> 00:03:45,319 the thing we did from the get go, and making martinis, 65 00:03:45,479 --> 00:03:50,000 drinking beer, drinking wine, drinking it all. And I don't 66 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,479 want to blame it on Ryan, because I know it 67 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:57,080 was progressing anyway, and both of us just progressed as 68 00:03:57,159 --> 00:04:01,479 drinkers just until we finally quit, and we actually quit 69 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,599 drinking together. I'd say that the only time I was 70 00:04:04,639 --> 00:04:08,560 sober during our whole relationship before we quit when I 71 00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:11,400 was forty, was when I was pregnant with my twins. 72 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,240 And during that time, everybody's going like, oh, you could 73 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:16,879 have one glass of wine. Did you know you can 74 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,879 have one glass of wine? And I'm like, yeah, I know, 75 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,759 but I don't want one glass of wine, Like, who 76 00:04:22,959 --> 00:04:25,360 who wants one glass of wine? I kept thinking that 77 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,240 to people. I was like, it's like these people don't 78 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,879 know how drinking works. And I was also really afraid 79 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,560 that I would have one glass of wine and I 80 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,439 would want more because I knew I was that kind 81 00:04:35,519 --> 00:04:38,160 of drinker already, although I would never tell you I 82 00:04:38,199 --> 00:04:41,120 had a drinking problem during any of that time. And 83 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:44,920 then I actually quit drinking because my husband said, you know, 84 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,480 I don't I don't think I can keep drinking the 85 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,079 way we've been drinking. I'm I think I'm gonna quit. 86 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,399 Like he was very like I'm going to quit, and 87 00:04:52,439 --> 00:04:57,079 I was like, what the hell, that's not okay, and. 88 00:04:57,199 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: Didn't feel like that felt like it came out of nowhere. 89 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,399 Speaker 3: It actually did not, Because we would talk about quitting. 90 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,519 He would talk about quitting when he was sober. I 91 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:10,639 would talk about quitting when I was drunk. Every time 92 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,759 I was drunk, I was slurred speech, telling Ryan like 93 00:05:15,439 --> 00:05:17,720 I think I'm an alcoholic. I think I have a 94 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:22,000 drinking problem, and he's saying, no, you're not, you don't 95 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,600 have a problem, You're fine. 96 00:05:23,639 --> 00:05:25,199 Speaker 2: Like at that, he's enabling me. 97 00:05:25,519 --> 00:05:28,439 Speaker 3: Then and then when we were sober, he would be 98 00:05:28,519 --> 00:05:30,879 saying like, I think I gotta quit drinking, like I'm 99 00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:34,240 hungover all the time, like it's really impeding on work. 100 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:36,839 And I was like, no, well, we gotta do we 101 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:40,759 gotta get better at drinking, like we have to become 102 00:05:40,959 --> 00:05:45,439 better at moderating and being more responsible because I was 103 00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:48,399 really like this is this is who I am, except 104 00:05:48,439 --> 00:05:51,720 when I was drunk, So when he said it, I 105 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:55,199 was angry, but I was also kind of like think, 106 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,160 thank goodness, like one of us is finally saying enough 107 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,959 is enough, because it's like one of us had to 108 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,720 do it, and I knew I was going to go 109 00:06:03,759 --> 00:06:06,120 along with them because we were drinking. 110 00:06:06,759 --> 00:06:08,519 Speaker 2: After you had your kids. 111 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 3: Was this, oh gosh, our kids were eight, because I 112 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,360 think I had Yeah, So. 113 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 1: So you were sober when you were pregnant which I 114 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,560 think is a really common thing for women. Oh yeah, right, 115 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,240 it's like and then when you get pregnant. I've said 116 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,800 this many times, even on this podcast, but I think 117 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:27,120 for some women it's kind of a mind fuck because 118 00:06:27,639 --> 00:06:30,240 you have no trouble quitting drinking when you're pregnant, so 119 00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:33,600 then you go, yeah, well then I'm fine. Yeah, like 120 00:06:33,639 --> 00:06:35,680 it's not a problem or a problem. 121 00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:38,279 Speaker 3: Like I didn't even miss it when people would say, like, 122 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:39,959 you could have a glass of wine, Like part of 123 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,879 me was like, why would I want that, That's not 124 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,360 how alcohol works. But another part of me was like, 125 00:06:45,399 --> 00:06:47,639 I don't want, like it doesn't sound good to me 126 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,959 right now. And so I was really just like, oh, 127 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:55,480 I have no problem. And even after I was trying 128 00:06:55,519 --> 00:06:59,959 to nurse and failing, but I was like, oh, okay, 129 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,480 so I can't drink right now, and that's kind of 130 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,800 a pain in the ass because I was looking forward 131 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,199 to it, but I was like okay, Like it was 132 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:12,199 still easy to stay on the mission and I would 133 00:07:12,279 --> 00:07:14,720 be like it was because I was a mom and 134 00:07:14,759 --> 00:07:18,160 I knew I had to be responsible. But then once 135 00:07:18,319 --> 00:07:20,560 I was done trying to nurse, it all went back 136 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:21,959 to the drinking. 137 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,680 Speaker 2: That it was before did it get worse? 138 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:28,240 Speaker 1: I mean yeah, for me, after I had my daughter, 139 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,639 I definitely think I was drinking more. And also I 140 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,519 think because, but did you go back to work right away? 141 00:07:36,319 --> 00:07:36,959 Speaker 2: Yeah? I did? 142 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: Okay, See, I think for me, I didn't go back 143 00:07:39,639 --> 00:07:43,439 to a job. And I had been working, you know, 144 00:07:43,519 --> 00:07:44,879 like a lot of hours, and I was like in 145 00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:47,519 TV and I had sort of an identity, and then 146 00:07:47,519 --> 00:07:49,959 all of a sudden, I had a baby and I 147 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,600 was just home all day and the lines got very 148 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,079 blurred of like. 149 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 2: When you start drinking, you know what I mean. 150 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,839 Speaker 1: It just felt like I was trying to kind of 151 00:08:00,839 --> 00:08:03,680 get back to my old self. But maybe I'll start 152 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:07,759 a blog, you know. But I would imagine if you 153 00:08:07,839 --> 00:08:10,519 go back to work, your life gets back. But then 154 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,920 that I'm so curious, tell me more about that, because 155 00:08:14,399 --> 00:08:16,480 now you will you have to go back to your job, 156 00:08:16,519 --> 00:08:19,160 but you also have twins at home, so that sounds hard. 157 00:08:19,879 --> 00:08:23,279 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I definitely at that point my drinking was 158 00:08:23,439 --> 00:08:26,240 lower than it was at the end, and I was 159 00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:28,879 I'm trying to remember, I was not working. I was 160 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,559 working part time for like the first two years that 161 00:08:32,639 --> 00:08:37,399 they were kids, that they were born kids babies, but yeah, babies. 162 00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:41,039 And then I think probably when they were two or three, 163 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,000 I took a full time job as a choir teacher, 164 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:49,919 and I kept my drinking much more under control then. 165 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,000 But then I became part time and I only taught 166 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,840 two days a week, and that's when my drinking really 167 00:08:56,879 --> 00:08:59,559 picked up because Tuesday it was now Friday. And my 168 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:02,440 husband and always worked from home. He's an entrepreneur and 169 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,600 had his own business, and I was a beach Body 170 00:09:05,639 --> 00:09:10,440 coach working working the multi level market scene. So I 171 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,720 was like, oh my gosh, yeah right, So I was like, 172 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:17,240 I can build this other business. And I can and 173 00:09:17,279 --> 00:09:20,000 I say business and quotation marks now, but I can 174 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,399 build this other business and make it make enough other podcasts. 175 00:09:23,399 --> 00:09:26,879 So how I know how you do that? I was 176 00:09:26,919 --> 00:09:32,080 a beach Body coach. I started in twenty fifteen, and 177 00:09:32,159 --> 00:09:34,600 I will say I was making money from Beach Body 178 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,120 until they dissolved last year, but I wasn't working the 179 00:09:38,159 --> 00:09:40,799 business anymore by twenty twenty. I was just kind of 180 00:09:40,879 --> 00:09:45,919 letting little checks come in still here and there, and yeah, 181 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,000 but it did. Beach Body did allow me to leave 182 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,200 my teaching job. It allowed me to build no more 183 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,200 ways to days because it gave me that space, but 184 00:09:56,039 --> 00:09:59,200 it also created this like they would talk to us 185 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,919 in training and say, and figure out your five pillars. 186 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,159 What are the five things that you're going to show 187 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,279 off on social media about you that make you look 188 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,000 fun and make people want to be attracted to you? 189 00:10:10,039 --> 00:10:13,200 Because there's millions of beach body coaches. And I was like, well, 190 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,480 I'm going to be the lady who drinks beer. That's 191 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:19,480 my personality. I drink beer and I work out all 192 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:22,159 the time and look at me, I'm so fit. So 193 00:10:22,519 --> 00:10:27,840 I was totally glamorizing alcohol for the world to see. 194 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,759 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love that so much though, but 195 00:10:30,799 --> 00:10:34,039 it's really smart, actually it was. 196 00:10:34,159 --> 00:10:35,639 Speaker 3: And then all of a sudden I quit. And I 197 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,600 was like, well, what the hell do I say? Because 198 00:10:37,639 --> 00:10:39,279 I was still a beach body coach and at that 199 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,960 time my business was doing well, and I was like, well, 200 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,600 I'm not going to quit this. And that's when I 201 00:10:45,639 --> 00:10:48,279 started being like, well, I know how to lead people 202 00:10:48,879 --> 00:10:51,639 in a workout challenge. Why don't I see if some 203 00:10:51,639 --> 00:10:54,159 people want to do Sober October with me? Like and 204 00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:57,240 this was just a just for fun. I was six 205 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,840 months sober. I think at the time, and obviously that's 206 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,120 enough time to be sober and be like, come along 207 00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:03,440 with me. 208 00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:07,639 Speaker 2: I know all the answers. So I was like, come 209 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:08,840 do this challenge with me. 210 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 3: I'll make a Facebook group and I started leading like 211 00:11:12,399 --> 00:11:15,200 friends and family through challenges. So it was kind of like, 212 00:11:15,799 --> 00:11:18,399 I don't want to say Beach Body morphed into no 213 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,879 More Wasted Days because I treat no more Wasted days 214 00:11:21,919 --> 00:11:24,759 so much differently. And I'm also not trying to tell 215 00:11:24,799 --> 00:11:26,759 people that they can also build a business just like 216 00:11:26,799 --> 00:11:27,679 me and make millions of. 217 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 2: Dollars, so there's not that side. 218 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 3: But it definitely allowed me to shift my identity and 219 00:11:35,159 --> 00:11:38,039 I started changing my story on Beach Body to to 220 00:11:38,159 --> 00:11:41,279 like I'm working out without a hangover. Like I bet 221 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,240 you didn't know this story about me. I was always 222 00:11:43,279 --> 00:11:45,080 doing my workouts and showing them to all of you, 223 00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:48,600 and I was terribly hungover and felt like shit, and 224 00:11:48,639 --> 00:11:52,240 now I'm not, and so it all just kind of 225 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,120 shifted and morphed. 226 00:11:54,519 --> 00:11:59,159 Speaker 1: You know, I think. I mean, I feel so many 227 00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:02,679 similarities with you. I feel your story because of my 228 00:12:02,799 --> 00:12:06,240 whole having written sippy cups and being like the drinking 229 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,799 mom and then having to go like uh oh uh, 230 00:12:09,919 --> 00:12:12,639 never mind, I quit drinking and wondering if that would 231 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:17,200 really affect not my business, but yeah, but like my brand, 232 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:19,879 you know, because I was the person who really embraced 233 00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:22,759 like I love to drink, nothing wrong with that, like 234 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,799 and especially moms drinking it's cool. So I could see 235 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,200 you being like beach body, like we care about our body, 236 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,240 but also we could drink beer like we're fun and 237 00:12:33,279 --> 00:12:36,000 then happy to be like uhh yeah, so I'm not 238 00:12:36,039 --> 00:12:40,320 doing that, but yeah, a little too far. But also 239 00:12:40,639 --> 00:12:42,960 I I there's something and I don't I don't know 240 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,240 if it's just like uh, if it's us, or if 241 00:12:45,279 --> 00:12:51,799 it's just like addicty personalities, but I I have kind 242 00:12:51,799 --> 00:12:53,720 of for a long time before I found out that 243 00:12:53,879 --> 00:12:56,799 how harmful MLMs are. But I always thought that would 244 00:12:56,799 --> 00:12:57,519 be very cool. 245 00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:58,919 Speaker 2: Like I thought it. 246 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 1: Would be a great easy money maker to sell Stella 247 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,240 and Dot. That was my thing to remember that one yep, 248 00:13:06,039 --> 00:13:09,120 I was like, how great is this? So at one 249 00:13:09,159 --> 00:13:11,879 point I was working at this show and I had 250 00:13:11,879 --> 00:13:14,480 a friend do a Stella and Dot party at my house. 251 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,120 I saw no problem with it. I was just like 252 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:21,320 I invited all these people who worked for me to 253 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:25,039 my house to do like this friend's jewelry party, and 254 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,960 they all apparently felt pressured to buy overpriced jewelry. 255 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,519 Speaker 3: You're like, it's great, though, coun and I'm going to 256 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,279 get discounts on my jewelry and now you can. 257 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,960 Speaker 2: Do a party and do the same thing. 258 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,799 Speaker 1: I thought it was the greatest thing. And I was 259 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,639 always like, oh my god, this is going to be 260 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:43,799 my new way to make like a ton of money. 261 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,879 So I could just and I feel like with you too, 262 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,799 I'm very whatever I do, I get very all in. 263 00:13:50,639 --> 00:13:54,679 It is a very all or nothing. We're drinking or 264 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,639 we're not drinking, or we're trying to quit drinking, or 265 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,399 we're celebrating the fact that we drink. Right is it's 266 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,200 still a mindset? 267 00:14:02,519 --> 00:14:03,159 Speaker 2: Oh yeah. 268 00:14:03,279 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 3: I always say like addicts are the all or nothing people. 269 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,960 And when you quit drinking, you have to go all 270 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,200 in on not drinking, Like you can't waver on it, 271 00:14:13,279 --> 00:14:15,759 because if you waver and you've got the mindset that 272 00:14:15,799 --> 00:14:19,200 we have, you're going to go right back to old patterns. 273 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,320 But if you are like I, I'm alcohol free now, 274 00:14:22,559 --> 00:14:23,440 this is what I do. 275 00:14:23,879 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 2: I'm very passionate about it. 276 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 3: Like it's kind of how I've I've done everything, and 277 00:14:28,879 --> 00:14:31,320 I can't say it's like the healthiest mindset, but it's 278 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,120 actually gotten me a lot of great places, So. 279 00:14:34,399 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 1: I think, and would you say this is true as well? 280 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:41,360 That one thing that we say, like in twelve Step 281 00:14:41,679 --> 00:14:45,200 is I wish you desperation, because I feel like you 282 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,480 really have to want to quit drinking. To quit drinking, 283 00:14:48,799 --> 00:14:53,080 because and I I'm speaking for all people who eventually 284 00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,679 quit drinking or who want to quit drinking. You know, 285 00:14:56,879 --> 00:15:00,960 moderating is impossible, but we will fight to the death 286 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,759 to be able to moderate until usually something has to happen, 287 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:08,159 something has to it has to be proven to us that, 288 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,279 like I just can't drink, so now I gotta go 289 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,039 all in the other way. And did you have a 290 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,720 moment like that or was it more like your husband's 291 00:15:17,159 --> 00:15:19,759 moment and you came along for the ride, or. 292 00:15:20,639 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 3: I didn't have like the quintessential rock bottom that people 293 00:15:24,279 --> 00:15:26,639 to talk about. I can look back at my drinking 294 00:15:26,799 --> 00:15:28,879 and see so many moments where I'm like, that should 295 00:15:28,879 --> 00:15:31,000 have been a rock Bottom'm like I broke my toe 296 00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:34,720 and had absolutely no recollection of how it happened. I 297 00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:37,120 did that at my husband's fortieth birthday. I didn't quit 298 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,960 drinking for two more years. Like that was the night 299 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,399 where I was a morning where I was texting friends 300 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:43,879 going did you see me fall? 301 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,159 Speaker 2: Like my toe is so swollen? 302 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 3: Like I have a friend who's a nurse that was 303 00:15:47,759 --> 00:15:49,840 at the party taking a picture and she's like, oh, yeah, 304 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,320 that's broken, and I was like what can I do? 305 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 2: She's like nothing, and. 306 00:15:53,639 --> 00:15:57,679 Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, And I'm just like, Okay, 307 00:15:58,399 --> 00:16:00,960 that should have been a sign I'm going to keep 308 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:05,080 on drinking. And it just I think it had to 309 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,799 just be all the compiled things for me. Like we 310 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:12,759 I always tell people we went on a cruise two 311 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:16,159 months before we quit drinking one month maybe, and I 312 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,480 bought that it was a beach body cruise, and I 313 00:16:19,559 --> 00:16:22,960 bought us the drink package, which is really expensive, and 314 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,840 like I told my husband, like we got to show 315 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,559 this cruise, like we're gonna We're gonna make our money back. 316 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,080 And we drank from morning till night. Like we drank 317 00:16:31,159 --> 00:16:33,240 so much on that cruise. I look back at it 318 00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:37,120 now and I'm like, I don't even know how we survived, 319 00:16:37,759 --> 00:16:40,320 and but we did. We had very high tolerance, I guess, 320 00:16:40,759 --> 00:16:43,759 and then came back from the cruise, and I was 321 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,639 ready to keep that party going, and I think Ryan 322 00:16:46,799 --> 00:16:50,200 was like, oh, we got to stop, Like we're just like, 323 00:16:50,399 --> 00:16:52,240 let's try to keep drinking. And at the time, I 324 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:56,080 was teaching two days a week, and so I guess, 325 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,759 like sometimes I tell people my rock bottom was that, 326 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,559 but it was just I mean, and it was just 327 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,160 compiled so many things, and I think I had to 328 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,839 step back and take a break to see how bad 329 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:11,079 it really was. And when Ryan said, like, I'm quitting, 330 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:13,640 I thought I'll do thirty days, and I thought we'd 331 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,559 make it seven. But I told myself, I'll do thirty days, 332 00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:19,880 because a person who has a drinking problem cannot quit 333 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,640 for thirty days. Like it was still I was still 334 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,319 going to prove to myself that I didn't have a 335 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:28,920 drinking problem. And then during that thirty days, I still 336 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,799 didn't say I had a drinking problem. I didn't say 337 00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,400 I had a drinking problem until I was like two 338 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,279 years alcohol free. It was probably when I was like, oh, 339 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,359 I think I was just a little bit of an alcoholic, 340 00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,559 Like I just had a little bit of a drinking 341 00:17:41,599 --> 00:17:45,720 problem during that time, but I had to step away 342 00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:48,160 to go, oh my god. All these moments were terrible 343 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,279 moments for you, and you were just push like, acting 344 00:17:51,319 --> 00:17:53,920 like they were normal. But I surrounded myself with people 345 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,160 who drink the way I did, so it felt normal. 346 00:17:57,759 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: So when before, right before you quit, did you go 347 00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:04,359 through the phase that a lot of us go through 348 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:06,559 where you're like, Okay, I really am going to try 349 00:18:06,599 --> 00:18:09,759 to regulate, because it sounds to me like you hit 350 00:18:09,799 --> 00:18:13,400 a point. I'm more things in common. I feel like 351 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,480 because I went through my I'm going to moderate, and 352 00:18:15,559 --> 00:18:18,359 I tried so hard, and then towards the end, I 353 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,960 was just like, screw it. Moderating's too hard, So I'm 354 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,480 just going to drink as much as I want. Yeah, 355 00:18:23,559 --> 00:18:26,400 that's pretty much been you a cruise, right. So but 356 00:18:26,519 --> 00:18:29,559 before that were you were you doing the Okay, I'm 357 00:18:29,599 --> 00:18:31,240 not going to drink on the weekends or I'm not 358 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,039 going to drink. 359 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,079 Speaker 3: Drink Oh yeah, Like I was like, I'll only drink 360 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:38,279 on Friday and Saturday, and on Friday I will have 361 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,119 two drinks and on Saturday I will have three. Like 362 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,119 I was very much like if I can stay in 363 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,000 these I was never able to do that, but I 364 00:18:47,039 --> 00:18:51,319 would do like twenty one day cleanses and be like, Okay, 365 00:18:51,319 --> 00:18:54,519 well this is an eating thing, but no, you can't 366 00:18:54,559 --> 00:18:57,160 drink alcohol while you do it. And I would tell 367 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,279 myself like, well, you don't drink alcohol while you do 368 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:04,519 those obviously, but I thought about alcohol the whole time, 369 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,880 Like alcohol was the hardest part of those cleanses for me, 370 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:11,240 where I was just like, oh my god, when are 371 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,839 we gonna be done so I can just have a 372 00:19:12,839 --> 00:19:14,960 glass of wine. But oh yeah, I would be like 373 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,640 I will only have wine on Tuesday and Friday, Like 374 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:22,559 I'll give myself one week night and just I'll only 375 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,240 drink wine and beer. That was one I was really 376 00:19:25,319 --> 00:19:27,400 trying to be, like, I just won't do the hard 377 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,960 alcohol anymore. I won't do shots. If I don't do shots, 378 00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:34,359 then there's no problem. Like so many rules and so 379 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,640 many breaking the rules. It was so exhausting. 380 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,079 Speaker 1: I was watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the other 381 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:46,160 night and right now Sutton is you know, was being 382 00:19:46,279 --> 00:19:49,400 checked for her drinking a bunch last season. So this 383 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,880 season she's like, I'm not really drinking, but that doesn't 384 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,400 mean wine for her. 385 00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:56,119 Speaker 2: That just means I'm. 386 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 1: Not having tequila and I'm not having vodka, and it's 387 00:19:59,039 --> 00:20:02,319 just funny as a as an alcoholic to just go 388 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,839 all right, we'll see how that works out. That is 389 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,599 just not yet worked for anybody that I know to 390 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,039 be like I'm just not going to drink hard alcohol. 391 00:20:10,079 --> 00:20:13,680 But it sounds good in theory, and it usually does 392 00:20:13,759 --> 00:20:16,319 work for a while where you're like, oh, I'm not 393 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,839 getting totally hammered, but then eventually you do. 394 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,799 Speaker 2: So this is interesting. 395 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,279 Speaker 1: Your your quitting story is interesting to me because it 396 00:20:26,319 --> 00:20:28,880 sounds like you did not do twelve step. You were 397 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,319 just like, I'm gonna go I'm just going to quit 398 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:36,000 drinking for thirty days. That's which is a little bit 399 00:20:36,039 --> 00:20:37,920 like a one day at a time, like I'm gonna 400 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,799 do I can do this for thirty days. And then 401 00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:43,400 when you made it thirty days, what happened? 402 00:20:44,039 --> 00:20:45,079 Speaker 2: Oh I just knew. 403 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:49,079 Speaker 3: But first I was enjoying it, which was at first 404 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:51,319 for me. I was reading a lot of quit lit 405 00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:54,319 like I was immersing myself in the alcohol free world, 406 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,839 and I was finally seeing it and I was like, 407 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,759 oh my gosh, like other people do this. This is 408 00:20:59,799 --> 00:21:04,119 not just me having all these thoughts, these questions, And 409 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,000 I was like okay, and I also got to thirty days, 410 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,559 and I was like, there is no way I can 411 00:21:09,599 --> 00:21:13,440 go back to drinking and handle myself. Like I knew 412 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,119 I wasn't quote unquote fixed yet, so I was like, 413 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,920 go to sixty. And then I got to sixty and 414 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,079 I felt this. At that point, I felt more just 415 00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:26,160 like I'm doing so good and this is becoming so easy, 416 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,960 and not having hangovers was amazing, and not feeling the guilt, 417 00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,720 like I didn't realize how much guilt and shame I 418 00:21:33,839 --> 00:21:35,559 carried around over my drinking. 419 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,400 Speaker 2: So then it was like, set the goal at one hundred. 420 00:21:38,519 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 3: But once I hit one hundred, I pretty much knew 421 00:21:41,039 --> 00:21:42,519 I just wasn't drinking anymore. 422 00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:45,640 Speaker 2: What about Ryan? How is he? How is Oh? I 423 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,000 feel like he just quit. 424 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,960 Speaker 3: I always tell him that, I'm like what that Like 425 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,000 you just were like, I'm gonna quit. I don't need 426 00:21:51,039 --> 00:21:54,519 to count days. I don't need to like, I'm just 427 00:21:54,559 --> 00:21:57,279 done with alcohol. And He'll always be like, well, also, 428 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,359 you were so excited about it and you talk about 429 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,920 it so much through no More Waste to days that 430 00:22:03,039 --> 00:22:06,440 it's like, obviously I have that piece of it. But 431 00:22:06,839 --> 00:22:09,039 he was not actually feeling like I was like, oh, 432 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,359 my god, I'm so creative without alcohol, I'm so much funnier, 433 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,440 I'm have so much energy. And he was kind of like, 434 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,279 I'm not having any of that, Like what, no. 435 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,559 Speaker 2: Pink for that guy. 436 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,720 Speaker 3: No. And I was riding the pink cloud for like years, 437 00:22:23,799 --> 00:22:26,559 just like look at me, everybody. We have to do 438 00:22:26,799 --> 00:22:28,000 because we have to. 439 00:22:28,279 --> 00:22:31,079 Speaker 1: We have to be all about it, talking about it, 440 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,200 reading about it, like I had to be blogging about it, 441 00:22:34,279 --> 00:22:36,839 like constantly talking about it. 442 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,839 Speaker 3: Yeah, And it was really like I just have to 443 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:45,400 immerse myself in this world and be like this is amazing. 444 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:47,279 Speaker 2: And it was. I mean it was. It is. 445 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,559 Speaker 3: I don't want people to think I just did that 446 00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:51,880 because it's like, well, this was my way to lie 447 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,759 to myself, because I mean, I just I love being 448 00:22:54,799 --> 00:22:58,880 alcohol free. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made, 449 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,680 apart from like marrying Ryan and having our kids. 450 00:23:02,079 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 1: That so, but okay, So you get to like a 451 00:23:05,839 --> 00:23:08,480 hundred days and then you're like, well, no, I'm better 452 00:23:09,079 --> 00:23:13,119 not drinking. This is this is okay at that, but 453 00:23:13,279 --> 00:23:17,079 you still don't go like, yeah, what you know? And 454 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,160 I'm interested and I feel like this is worth a 455 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:25,119 conversation about. I feel there's a lot of different ways 456 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:25,839 to quit drinking. 457 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:27,079 Speaker 2: You know. 458 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,440 Speaker 1: I did it through twelve Step, but that's just because 459 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,839 that was a way to get support and that for me, 460 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,920 that was a way to really immerse myself. 461 00:23:35,039 --> 00:23:35,359 Speaker 2: Like it. 462 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:39,400 Speaker 1: I never had this thing of like I love that 463 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,880 it's a program and there's all these rules, because I'm 464 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,279 a rebel at heart no matter what. 465 00:23:43,599 --> 00:23:45,599 Speaker 2: I'm sure you saw that in my book. 466 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,799 Speaker 1: I was like, this is probably bullshit, but that was 467 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,640 my way cause I was I wasn't I didn't ever, 468 00:23:52,799 --> 00:23:56,599 I wasn't working an actual job. So for me, it 469 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,799 was like, oh, I didn't know sober people, and now 470 00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:02,839 I can be around a bunch of sober women. I 471 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,640 can like be talking about sobriety. 472 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:06,119 Speaker 2: You know. 473 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,559 Speaker 1: It was very very helpful to me. But yet I 474 00:24:09,759 --> 00:24:14,200 still I didn't like the word alcoholic. There were a 475 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,319 lot of things that I was like, okay, yeah, but 476 00:24:16,599 --> 00:24:19,440 that's not really me. And for me too, it took 477 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,319 me a good solid year before I was like, no, 478 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,960 I am no different than anybody else who quits drinking, 479 00:24:26,039 --> 00:24:30,720 Like I needed to quit drinking. And then for me, 480 00:24:31,079 --> 00:24:36,039 embracing that a word, it was it was a process 481 00:24:36,079 --> 00:24:38,079 like I would say it because I was in a meeting, 482 00:24:38,319 --> 00:24:41,799 you know, but I didn't. I wasn't convinced. I was 483 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,079 just like, this is what I'm doing because I am 484 00:24:44,079 --> 00:24:46,920 better when I'm not drinking, and I'm not really safe drinking. 485 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:48,839 Speaker 2: But I was like, I don't know why we have 486 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,359 to call ourselves like alcoholics. 487 00:24:51,519 --> 00:24:54,599 Speaker 1: And also I kind of bought into a little bit, 488 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,240 and I'm wondering how you feel about this, the whole 489 00:24:57,279 --> 00:25:01,240 idea of like surrendering. I don't want to like surrender 490 00:25:01,319 --> 00:25:03,640 because that I'm giving away my power and like I 491 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:07,680 am nontrol. But at some point I think I realized, 492 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,799 but I'm not in control of my drinking when I drink. 493 00:25:13,039 --> 00:25:16,880 So if I continue to not drink, and that just 494 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:21,039 means I surrender to the idea that I can drink safely, 495 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,440 and I can stop trying to fight it in my mind. 496 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,759 I can stop trying to be like but maybe someday 497 00:25:27,839 --> 00:25:30,279 it'll work out for me, or maybe maybe in a 498 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,160 year I'll be able to handle it. The idea of 499 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:38,079 surrender for me was looking back at my drinking history. 500 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,759 And one of the things about like twelve step is 501 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:45,079 it gives you some tools to write about to look 502 00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:48,799 at your drinking right and in looking at my drinking 503 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,359 honestly and kind of going back and going did you 504 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,160 fuck up at work because you were hungover? Or did 505 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,640 you have fights with your husband because you were drunk 506 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,960 for no other reason that you're drug. Once I was 507 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,880 able to look at that, I was like, oh, okay, 508 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,640 I can surrender to the idea and now I can 509 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:12,200 freely use the A word without problem. But I'm wondering 510 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,200 if for you, if that was part of it, if 511 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,480 you were like, Okay, I'm alcohol free, but I don't 512 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,880 want to like label myself or I don't want to 513 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,000 be like never again or you know what was that 514 00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,559 well and one changed for you. 515 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,759 Speaker 3: I definitely didn't. I didn't want to say alcoholic because 516 00:26:28,799 --> 00:26:29,720 I didn't want to. 517 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:30,599 Speaker 2: I didn't want it. 518 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,400 Speaker 3: I felt like if you were an alcoholic, that you 519 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,839 had to tell everybody, like anytime I was just in 520 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,720 any room, I'd have to be like and just so 521 00:26:36,759 --> 00:26:40,960 everybody knows I'm an alcoholic, like like it's just the 522 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,279 ideas we have. And I was like, oh, I don't 523 00:26:43,319 --> 00:26:44,799 want to do that. So I was like, I'm not 524 00:26:44,839 --> 00:26:46,839 going to go to a meeting. And I was like 525 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,599 because then I'll have to stand up with the meeting 526 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,799 and be like, Hi, I'm Sarah and maybe I'm an alcoholic, 527 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,720 and I like, I don't think they'll like that. And 528 00:26:55,079 --> 00:26:58,519 I also was very turned off by the god thing. 529 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,119 And I have a lot of pep on social media, 530 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,559 and for me, that that's and I totally get like 531 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:07,200 now I'm like, oh, I would benefit so much from 532 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:11,599 AA or just any of the meetings, and it's like, oh, 533 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,000 that looks like such a cool thing to me now, 534 00:27:14,039 --> 00:27:19,640 but as a person curious, it looked like the scariest 535 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:20,200 thing in the world. 536 00:27:20,319 --> 00:27:21,279 Speaker 2: The surrendering. 537 00:27:21,559 --> 00:27:24,480 Speaker 3: I was totally like, I'm not because I'm stronger than alcohol, 538 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,920 which I still use that phrase, but I definitely surrendered it. 539 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:33,480 Like like you say, I can't moderate, I can't moderate anything. 540 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,000 And now I look at myself and I'm like, oh, 541 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,359 well uh. And I remember it like six months. I 542 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,720 was so pissed when I figured out I couldn't moderate, 543 00:27:42,839 --> 00:27:44,880 Like I think that's when I left the Pink Cloud 544 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,480 for a moment, and I was like, oh, I can't 545 00:27:48,519 --> 00:27:52,680 ever drink again, because I will always go back to 546 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,640 the way I was drinking before, and I'm always like, well, 547 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,279 maybe when I'm eighty and I don't have as many responsibilities, 548 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,880 maybe then, but then I'm always like, no, why would 549 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:06,039 I want to do it? Then either like it's it's 550 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:11,160 I just can't manage myself. And I was also smoking 551 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,039 weed still, so I felt very much like if I 552 00:28:14,079 --> 00:28:15,960 went to an AA meeting, they would be like, well, 553 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:20,079 you got to quit that too, and I'd be like, oh, well, no, 554 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,400 I moderate this, which that turned into a hole I 555 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:27,359 don't moderate it, and to hear about this, yeah, I 556 00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,119 had to. Yeah, I had to quit smoking weed. When 557 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,319 I finally realized like, oh, you are doing all the 558 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,759 same shit you did with alcohol, Like I was making 559 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,119 rules that I was breaking. 560 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:37,799 Speaker 2: I was ashamed. 561 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,720 Speaker 3: And it's so much more a hidden thing that it 562 00:28:41,799 --> 00:28:45,160 felt okay to hide it. Like my drinking was out 563 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,480 there for the world, my weed smoking was not. And 564 00:28:48,559 --> 00:28:52,480 I actually started smoking weed more when I quit drinking, 565 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,759 because before that it was, Yeah, it was just like 566 00:28:55,799 --> 00:28:58,079 a thing I did when I was drunk. Really, I 567 00:28:58,079 --> 00:28:59,960 would feel like, oh, I smoke some weed when I'm drunk, 568 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,960 but I would never just smoke some weed, And then 569 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:04,720 it kind of turned into like, oh, look at me 570 00:29:04,759 --> 00:29:08,039 when I smoke weed. I'm super projective. I do all 571 00:29:08,119 --> 00:29:11,680 these chores when I'm high. It's because I was paranoid 572 00:29:12,039 --> 00:29:13,440 and I would just be like, I got to move, 573 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:13,720 I got. 574 00:29:13,759 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 2: To do things. 575 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 3: And then it just it finally turned into this whole 576 00:29:19,519 --> 00:29:22,319 like you're not really sober, which was a word I 577 00:29:22,359 --> 00:29:24,640 didn't want to claim for a long time. 578 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 2: I wanted to be alcohol free. I liked that. 579 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,720 Speaker 3: That felt really good and I was really proud of myself, 580 00:29:30,759 --> 00:29:33,319 and I think you should be. And then finally I 581 00:29:33,359 --> 00:29:37,359 started meeting all these other sober women who were badasses, 582 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,680 like I was like, I want to be them, and 583 00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,880 I just want to be totally free from substances. And 584 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,160 I think weed gets this whole, like it's a plant medicine, 585 00:29:47,279 --> 00:29:50,039 that's all these things. And I was like, okay, we're 586 00:29:50,039 --> 00:29:53,319 done with that. And that took me right now. I 587 00:29:53,359 --> 00:29:55,559 meet like a year and five months weed free. But 588 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,200 I did another stint where I was like almost a 589 00:29:58,279 --> 00:30:02,279 year and then I totally was like fuck this and 590 00:30:02,519 --> 00:30:05,480 went back to it. And that one's been the harder 591 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,039 one for me. And I think it's because it's the 592 00:30:07,119 --> 00:30:10,880 last thing, like I've dabbled in caffeine free, but no, 593 00:30:11,079 --> 00:30:14,960 I'm not doing that, like, but we'd free I was like, 594 00:30:15,039 --> 00:30:16,839 I got it, I got to ditch it. So it 595 00:30:17,079 --> 00:30:20,039 just I feel like it all took me a while, 596 00:30:20,279 --> 00:30:21,680 and I feel like there was a lot of me 597 00:30:22,839 --> 00:30:26,079 pushing against AA, which I'm now I'm like, I have 598 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,319 nothing against AA. I think it's I think it has 599 00:30:29,359 --> 00:30:32,160 helped so many people, and I have now met so 600 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,759 many people who have done it and they're like, yeah, 601 00:30:34,839 --> 00:30:37,200 you take what works and you leave the rest, Like, yeah, 602 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,119 I don't do the prayers either when I'm there and 603 00:30:39,519 --> 00:30:41,200 I don't do this, and I don't do this part, 604 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:42,799 but I do this part, And I'm like, oh, I 605 00:30:42,839 --> 00:30:45,119 didn't know you could do that well. 606 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,720 Speaker 1: Because it feels like there's a lot of rules and 607 00:30:47,759 --> 00:30:50,720 it feels like a big group think where if you're 608 00:30:50,759 --> 00:30:53,680 not doing it the way you're supposed to be doing it, 609 00:30:54,039 --> 00:30:57,000 you can't do it. Yeah, And I felt that way 610 00:30:57,039 --> 00:31:01,200 at the beginning a lot and had a bad attitude, 611 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,079 I guess you would say, but I've always had a 612 00:31:03,079 --> 00:31:06,079 bad attitude, so that was no surprise. I have people 613 00:31:06,119 --> 00:31:08,759 that knew me way back when that were like, I'm 614 00:31:09,119 --> 00:31:11,640 very surprised you stayed sober because I. 615 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 2: Was pissed all the time. 616 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,400 Speaker 1: I was like, well, I don't want to do that, 617 00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:17,440 and then people were like, well then don't. 618 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,839 Speaker 3: Nobody cares like people at the meetings were like, you 619 00:31:21,839 --> 00:31:23,160 don't have to do that part, then. 620 00:31:23,079 --> 00:31:23,680 Speaker 2: Don't do it. 621 00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:25,839 Speaker 1: Because I would complain and go, well, I'm on my 622 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,319 this step, but then I have to there's all this writing. 623 00:31:28,359 --> 00:31:29,559 Speaker 2: And I met this. 624 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:34,599 Speaker 1: Guy, really great guy named John who sadly passed away 625 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:38,960 during my first year of sobriety. But he was so 626 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:41,559 cool and funny and he was like a comedy writer 627 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:46,839 and I really liked him. And I remember complaining to him, 628 00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,960 I'm supposed to be doing this step work and I 629 00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,000 have to do all this writing and he was like, no, 630 00:31:52,119 --> 00:31:55,240 you don't. And I was like, what, well, my sponsor 631 00:31:55,359 --> 00:31:58,400 says I do. And he's like, here's this work. He 632 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:02,599 showed me this worksheet and base it's your your fourth 633 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:07,319 step is you write down resentments, and and all of 634 00:32:07,359 --> 00:32:10,720 these people around me were like writing, like filling notebooks, 635 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,160 and I was just like Jesus Christ. I'm like, I 636 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,400 didn't go to college for a reason. I didn't want 637 00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,759 to do like more schoolwork, you know. And he's like, here, 638 00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:23,640 write one line, I'm mad at my father because of this, 639 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,359 and then you figure out your part later. And I 640 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,640 was like, oh, that's all I have to do and 641 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,960 he's like yeah, and I was like, well, how many 642 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:31,599 do I have to do? 643 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,799 Speaker 2: And he goes, I don't know, there's no rule. There's 644 00:32:33,839 --> 00:32:34,519 no rules. 645 00:32:35,079 --> 00:32:38,920 Speaker 1: There's literally no rules, and I went, oh, okay, and 646 00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:42,400 ever since then I was like okay, yeah. 647 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 3: So it's like it totally is the rebellious mindset. Like 648 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,079 I had to tell myself I'm a rebel because I'm 649 00:32:49,119 --> 00:32:49,680 not drinking. 650 00:32:51,079 --> 00:32:51,960 Speaker 2: Now look at me. 651 00:32:52,039 --> 00:32:54,640 Speaker 3: All these other people are drinking, but I'm not, so 652 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,920 that makes me the black sheep. Like I had to 653 00:32:57,039 --> 00:32:59,519 turn my thinking around that way. But even what you 654 00:32:59,559 --> 00:33:01,720 say too, of like you have that was one I 655 00:33:01,799 --> 00:33:04,640 was like, oh my god, you have to make amends 656 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,119 with people, and that means you have to get on 657 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:10,160 the phone. And I don't do phone calls, like fuck that, 658 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,400 Like Nope, not gonna do it. And I would and 659 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,240 now I look and I'm like, that's not even what 660 00:33:15,279 --> 00:33:18,960 it means. Like there's all these ways you can do it, 661 00:33:19,079 --> 00:33:23,079 and it is a like a step I've done. And 662 00:33:23,119 --> 00:33:24,880 that's one of the things too, because people will be like, 663 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:26,599 you know, if you haven't done the twelve steps, then 664 00:33:26,599 --> 00:33:28,799 you're a dry drunk. And I'm like, I have actually 665 00:33:28,799 --> 00:33:33,920 done so much work, but kind of went the the hard. 666 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:34,920 Speaker 2: Way to get to it. 667 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,359 Speaker 3: Like I was just kind of finding it all myself 668 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,160 and being like, how do you how do you do 669 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,039 this part now? And how do you do this part? 670 00:33:41,799 --> 00:33:44,759 And I find that it would have been a little 671 00:33:44,759 --> 00:33:47,680 easier if I wouldn't have been such a like I 672 00:33:47,839 --> 00:33:49,960 was so dead said I was raised Catholic, and I 673 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,799 was like, this is going to be like Catholic church 674 00:33:51,799 --> 00:33:52,559 and I'm not doing that. 675 00:33:52,839 --> 00:33:54,000 Speaker 2: No, no, thank you. 676 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,319 Speaker 3: And now I know there's all these other ways to 677 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,359 do it too, like there's smart recovery and dharma recovery 678 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,599 and a million in online communities. 679 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,200 Speaker 2: So I was just think it's hard. 680 00:34:04,279 --> 00:34:07,160 Speaker 1: And you know, when I quit drinking, there wasn't all 681 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,400 of those There weren't all those alternatives. So I wasn't 682 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,400 going to go to rehab. I just didn't feel like 683 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,440 I had a bad enough problem. You know, I wasn't 684 00:34:15,519 --> 00:34:17,840 drinking that much. I didn't need to be talks. So 685 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,599 I was just like, I don't know what to do, 686 00:34:22,039 --> 00:34:23,840 and I had a friend who was summer who was like, 687 00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,079 let me take you to a meeting. You know, I'd 688 00:34:26,119 --> 00:34:29,360 had a lot of sort of bad feelings about meetings 689 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,320 in the past, but I was like, all right, I 690 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,079 don't have a better idea, and it turned out that 691 00:34:34,199 --> 00:34:37,320 I needed it. But like I said, I've kind of 692 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:39,639 fought a lot of those rules. 693 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:40,079 Speaker 2: Along the way. 694 00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:44,760 Speaker 1: But now it's we're in Our society has so many 695 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:48,440 sort of options for being alcohol free, so many ways 696 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:51,280 to say it, and so many kind of ways to 697 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,519 do it, and ways to hang out with other people 698 00:34:54,519 --> 00:34:58,440 that don't drink, and now we have a big mocktail trend, 699 00:34:59,000 --> 00:34:59,199 you know. 700 00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:04,280 Speaker 3: So yeah, and everybody makes an alcohol free version now 701 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:06,159 of their thing. 702 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:11,480 Speaker 1: Yes, Like yeah, So when you quit the weed, though, 703 00:35:13,039 --> 00:35:16,559 were you almost feeling that raw feeling of just like, 704 00:35:16,639 --> 00:35:18,079 oh god, now I have nothing? 705 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:19,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, edge off. 706 00:35:19,519 --> 00:35:25,400 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, And I quit weed in gosh, September twenty 707 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,400 twenty four, somewhere I have the actual start date. And 708 00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:33,519 then I was having terrible anxiety. I was having a 709 00:35:33,519 --> 00:35:37,320 shitty year, was what was happening? But I was I 710 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:40,079 was having terrible anxiety, and I was like, Okay, you 711 00:35:40,119 --> 00:35:40,880 know what I should do? 712 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,159 Speaker 2: I should also ditch. 713 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:45,400 Speaker 3: Caffeine because that is probably the anxiety is probably nothing 714 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,079 wrong with my brain that could be like helped with 715 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,800 a low dose of an antidepressant, Like I can hack this. 716 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,199 So I was like, Okay, I've already quit weed. That 717 00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,719 was helping a little bit. Don't give up on the weed. 718 00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:59,519 You're gonna You're gonna hit a year on that. That 719 00:35:59,559 --> 00:36:01,239 was kind of ideal, like I'm going to do this 720 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,760 for a year. And then I was like, I'll ditch 721 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,800 caffeine too. So then I was just raw dog in life. 722 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,440 Trump won his second election and I was like, oh 723 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,440 my god, like three days into caffeine free, and I 724 00:36:14,559 --> 00:36:16,360 was like, what the fuck am I doing? 725 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,079 Speaker 1: And yeah, I need to drink that day, all of us. 726 00:36:20,079 --> 00:36:23,639 Speaker 3: And I'm texting a friend who's like ditched caffeine meth 727 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,840 alcohol and I'm like, oh my god, and he's like, 728 00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:28,719 you should have a cup of coffee and I'm like, 729 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,480 fuck no, this is the hardest part of the withdrawals, 730 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,199 and I know it is, and so I'm like oh, 731 00:36:34,599 --> 00:36:40,039 And I was so like numb or me. I don't 732 00:36:40,039 --> 00:36:42,880 want to say numb, because I was still fine, but 733 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:47,000 I was just like bored. I and that's the wrong 734 00:36:47,039 --> 00:36:49,000 word too, because I was very busy, but I was 735 00:36:49,119 --> 00:36:50,679 just like nothing was fun. 736 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:54,920 Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, I'm never gonna laugh really. 737 00:36:54,639 --> 00:36:57,960 Speaker 3: Hard again, which is also silly because I was, but 738 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:01,199 it was just like, it's very exciting. 739 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:07,079 Speaker 1: Although yeah, I've I still sometimes feel that way sometimes 740 00:37:07,119 --> 00:37:10,360 when I go through a little blog, right, I'm like, oh, well, 741 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:12,679 I haven't raughed really hard or I haven't been like 742 00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:13,800 super happy. 743 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:14,599 Speaker 2: But I feel like. 744 00:37:14,599 --> 00:37:16,920 Speaker 1: You and I have a similar personality that way. We 745 00:37:17,039 --> 00:37:19,960 like to we like to feel our highs. 746 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,920 Speaker 2: Yes, and I need them a lot. I'm like I 747 00:37:23,039 --> 00:37:25,880 usually make a new business or like do a new. 748 00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:27,719 Speaker 1: Thing, and then you're like, yeah, no, I don't do 749 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,360 any of these things, so I don't get to quit. 750 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:31,840 Speaker 2: There's nothing to quit. Really. 751 00:37:32,599 --> 00:37:35,840 Speaker 3: I know. I did bring caffeine back in, but it's 752 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,199 like because I was kind of like, oh my god, 753 00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:42,519 I don't do anything fun and like, and it did 754 00:37:42,599 --> 00:37:45,480 turn out that I did actually, just I needed a 755 00:37:45,519 --> 00:37:47,280 low dose of an antidepressant. 756 00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,239 Speaker 2: It really helped me good. 757 00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:51,280 Speaker 3: And I think that was kind of the hurdle the 758 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,239 whole time, like I'd been searching for like I had 759 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,679 terrible anxiety when I was a drinker, and I didn't 760 00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,119 recognize it because I would just drink and I would 761 00:37:59,119 --> 00:38:00,719 go away for a moment, and then I would have 762 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,639 terrible anxiety and I thought it was the hangovers. And 763 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:07,280 it helped so much when I quit drinking. When I 764 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,800 quit drinking, I feel like my anxiety. I didn't have 765 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,599 issues for like a good four years, and I was like, 766 00:38:12,639 --> 00:38:15,199 I fixed it. Look, I'm amazing. And then it came 767 00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:19,039 back because you know Perry, menopause and all that exciting stuff. 768 00:38:19,679 --> 00:38:22,920 And when it came back was when I was ditching 769 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,159 weed also, and I was like, I'll go back to 770 00:38:25,199 --> 00:38:25,800 smoking weed. 771 00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:26,679 Speaker 2: That seemed to help. 772 00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:28,760 Speaker 3: Like I was always just trying to hack it, and 773 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,119 that's kind of become my thing now with people. I'm like, 774 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,599 have you thought about talking to a doctor about any 775 00:38:35,679 --> 00:38:37,760 of this? Like I mean, and I do think that 776 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,519 ditching all of these things was really important for me 777 00:38:40,679 --> 00:38:43,679 because I needed to know that, Okay, well, this is 778 00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:47,199 your brain with nothing, and it's not working the way 779 00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,559 you need it to work. Like you can't have panic 780 00:38:49,599 --> 00:38:51,599 attacks while you're just sitting on your couch at home, 781 00:38:51,679 --> 00:38:56,039 Like that's not normal. We need to fix it. So I, 782 00:38:56,079 --> 00:38:58,880 but it took my sober brain to get me there. 783 00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:01,280 It just took me like a really long time. Sometimes 784 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,360 I look and I'm like, oh my god, it took 785 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,840 you like so long to realize this. And I'm like, well, 786 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:08,320 that's just how it works. 787 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,880 Speaker 1: Sometimes I think you and I probably also have this 788 00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:17,079 in common. I always want the shortcut, Like it's such 789 00:39:17,199 --> 00:39:19,400 bad news to me to think like, oh, if I 790 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,480 want to feel relaxed, I have to like do yoga 791 00:39:22,599 --> 00:39:24,440 or go to the gym, or go for a lot 792 00:39:24,679 --> 00:39:27,559 take or take a bath with rose petals. I'm like, fuck, 793 00:39:27,599 --> 00:39:32,039 I could just take a pill right, so much quicker exactly, 794 00:39:32,079 --> 00:39:35,400 not realizing like what goes along with that for me, 795 00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:38,519 you know what I mean. Like when I discovered like 796 00:39:38,639 --> 00:39:41,840 I dealt with anxiety too, and I thought when I 797 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:46,039 first got a prescription of my own for xanax, I 798 00:39:46,159 --> 00:39:50,440 just thought, oh my gosh, like this is the answer. Yeah, 799 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:53,280 Like how has this been hidden from me for so long? 800 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,199 Like this is such an amazing feeling, Like this is 801 00:39:56,199 --> 00:39:59,199 how people feel they just don't have anxiety. I saw 802 00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:02,800 nothing wrong with the idea of like, well that's what's 803 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,239 been missing, just being on a being on xanax like 804 00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:09,639 that was going to be fine, and I didn't realize, like, oh, 805 00:40:09,679 --> 00:40:13,239 and then I developed a dependency very quickly, and then 806 00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,239 I ran out of xanax and then I had a 807 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:18,119 full blown panic attack and didn't know what was happening 808 00:40:18,119 --> 00:40:20,639 to me. And I was in the fetal position, unable 809 00:40:20,679 --> 00:40:22,719 to like make a phone call or have a conversation. 810 00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:26,039 I was full panic, and I was like, oh, well 811 00:40:26,079 --> 00:40:28,159 there's a downside, Like I guess. 812 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,840 Speaker 2: I'm still drinking when that happened. No, no, no, no, 813 00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:33,719 I was. I had. 814 00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:37,599 Speaker 1: I was like a few weeks maybe after I'd had 815 00:40:37,639 --> 00:40:44,960 my twins. Okay, so pre pre sobriety. But I was 816 00:40:45,039 --> 00:40:49,280 given xanax, loved it, then went to a doctor. Then 817 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,719 was told, you need to go to a psychiatrist and 818 00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:56,719 have this properly. You know, subs not subscribe prescribed to 819 00:40:56,760 --> 00:41:00,159 you subscribed. So I went to a doctor and I 820 00:41:00,199 --> 00:41:02,599 don't If you read my book, you might remember this part. 821 00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:07,679 I didn't realize i'd gone to a addiction specialist, but 822 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,159 I went walked in there. He took my insurance and 823 00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:12,199 was his office was close by, and I walked in 824 00:41:12,199 --> 00:41:14,519 there and I was like, hey, so I have like 825 00:41:14,639 --> 00:41:19,039 postpartum anxiety. I've been taking some xanx. It really works 826 00:41:19,079 --> 00:41:21,960 for me, and he was like, okay. I think he 827 00:41:22,039 --> 00:41:24,559 did not ask me, like if I have substance abuse. 828 00:41:24,639 --> 00:41:27,760 I probably did not mention anything about how much I drank. 829 00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:32,280 So then I started taking the xanax like just regularly, 830 00:41:32,559 --> 00:41:34,639 like every day, a dose in the morning and a 831 00:41:34,639 --> 00:41:36,960 dose at night. And I did that all the way 832 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,559 until I quit drinking. As soon as I quit drinking, 833 00:41:39,599 --> 00:41:43,320 I was like, well, actually, I had already gone down 834 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,920 to one pella day because I didn't like the fact 835 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:50,000 that I had to take the Xanax to like feel okay, 836 00:41:50,039 --> 00:41:50,360 So I. 837 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:51,800 Speaker 2: Was kind of trying on my own. 838 00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,519 Speaker 1: But I still definitely took a full milligram of Xanax 839 00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,440 every night before BET. When I quit drinking, I had to. 840 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:01,679 I was like, uh, I don't feel great about I'm 841 00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:05,559 on Xanax, which is an addictive medication. I'm dependent on it, 842 00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:08,760 So that's what I started tight trading off of that, 843 00:42:09,039 --> 00:42:13,519 but I was yeah, then the sugar ramped up and 844 00:42:13,559 --> 00:42:19,480 then but the point is I really thought, well, Xanax 845 00:42:19,599 --> 00:42:20,840 is very much helping me. 846 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,599 Speaker 2: This is how I'm functioning. 847 00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:26,639 Speaker 1: It was really bad news to me that I was 848 00:42:26,679 --> 00:42:29,239 going to have to like do writing and talk about 849 00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:33,039 my feelings and like go to the gym. And I 850 00:42:33,119 --> 00:42:34,320 was like, God, that's. 851 00:42:34,119 --> 00:42:37,719 Speaker 3: Going to take forever to feel better, right, and like 852 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:41,480 all of those things are not in an immediate payoff. 853 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,559 Like I do all of those things still. 854 00:42:43,639 --> 00:42:46,519 Speaker 2: I do. I do my workouts the way I'm supposed to. 855 00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:49,920 Speaker 3: I do my I do my meditations like I always 856 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:53,800 tell people, my meditations are my non negotiable and I 857 00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:57,400 write down my gratitudes and I know they all work 858 00:42:57,440 --> 00:42:59,280 because when I stopped doing it now I start feeling 859 00:42:59,320 --> 00:42:59,639 like shit. 860 00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,320 Speaker 2: But I'm just always like, oh, I have to do 861 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:04,480 this the rest of my life now. 862 00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:08,679 Speaker 3: And I'm like, well, it's better than drinking and being hungover, 863 00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,400 and I'm like okay, but yeah, it's like you have 864 00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:15,239 to learn how to adult all over again in like 865 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:19,199 the proper way that we weren't actually, well, we probably 866 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,880 weren't taught because my parents weren't like, oh, you know, 867 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,159 move your body every day for your mental health. That's 868 00:43:24,199 --> 00:43:28,679 not My parents don't talk mental health period. So it 869 00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:31,559 was like, oh, this is all news to me, like 870 00:43:31,599 --> 00:43:36,159 the practicing gratitudes and it is exhausting, but it does 871 00:43:36,199 --> 00:43:38,880 become easier. I want people to know that, Like you 872 00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:40,440 just kind of get to the point where like now 873 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:41,960 I lay down in bed and I'm like, do your 874 00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:46,159 gratitude's quick as you drift off to a sleepy time, 875 00:43:46,599 --> 00:43:50,199 and I'm like, okay, Like it works and it does 876 00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:53,000 help so much so. 877 00:43:53,039 --> 00:43:56,960 Speaker 1: And it's actually easier than trying to regulate your drinking 878 00:43:57,079 --> 00:43:59,119 and having that out so much all the time and 879 00:43:59,119 --> 00:44:01,960 then feeling like shit in the morning. Like all of 880 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,960 the things that I'm saying just seemed like bad news 881 00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:06,719 to me because it was like, well, I rather just 882 00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:10,360 have my wine at night. It's not the easier way, though, 883 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:11,039 it's just not. 884 00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,960 Speaker 3: No, and you're you know, you're hiding you're drinking, or 885 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:18,800 some people are, and it's like you're feeling guilty about it. 886 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,800 I never feel guilty that I practiced some gratitudes that 887 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:24,559 I did a work out, Like I'm never like, oh 888 00:44:24,599 --> 00:44:26,280 my gosh, I shouldn't tell people about this. 889 00:44:26,679 --> 00:44:29,360 Speaker 2: Right right, well, except that it just might annoy them. 890 00:44:29,679 --> 00:44:31,920 Speaker 3: I know they might be like, oh stop, and I'll 891 00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,639 be like, no, it's okay. My life is still I 892 00:44:33,679 --> 00:44:36,960 still feels hard, but I don't drink anymore. 893 00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:39,960 Speaker 1: I'm still sometimes a bit like, trust me, I'm not 894 00:44:40,119 --> 00:44:41,760 like that enlightened, I promise. 895 00:44:42,199 --> 00:44:44,039 Speaker 3: And then you're like, oh, but I've also done work 896 00:44:44,039 --> 00:44:46,559 so I can step back and analyze my bitchiness. And 897 00:44:46,559 --> 00:44:48,639 then you're like, okay, wait, no, I'm not going to 898 00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:49,599 talk to you about that either. 899 00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,480 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Okay, So tell me what life is 900 00:44:53,559 --> 00:44:55,519 like right now? Are you? Do you still teach? 901 00:44:55,639 --> 00:44:58,360 Speaker 1: Or is the podcast full time? Okay? 902 00:44:58,559 --> 00:45:00,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, podcast is full time. 903 00:45:00,119 --> 00:45:02,840 Speaker 3: I run No More Wasted Days full time, and within 904 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:07,000 that I help people reevaluate their relationship with alcohol because 905 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,599 it's what I needed, Like, I needed that reevaluation period 906 00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:13,239 and to step back and do a thirty day break 907 00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:15,199 or a one hundred day break is what I help 908 00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:19,039 people with right now. So coaching, you have a website, yes, 909 00:45:19,079 --> 00:45:23,000 find it's No More Wasted Days dot co You couldn't 910 00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:27,400 get the calm when it happened. But and then I'm 911 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,280 on social media, and all of my social media handles 912 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:34,840 are no underscore, more underscore, wasted underscored days. 913 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:36,880 Speaker 2: No More Wasted Days was taken. 914 00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:41,679 Speaker 3: So but you can you'll probably find me if you 915 00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:45,000 just search No More Wasted Days and then besides that, 916 00:45:45,159 --> 00:45:48,840 my husband and I have moved out into western Washington 917 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,280 to a peace property that we bought like in twenty 918 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,760 twelve for glamping, and we decided we should build our 919 00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:58,239 own house, which was totally a drunken idea where we 920 00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:00,079 were around the fire pit on the land and I 921 00:46:00,079 --> 00:46:03,000 told my husband, like, we don't need someone to build 922 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:05,480 our house. I bet they make kits and we'll have 923 00:46:05,559 --> 00:46:07,320 it delivered. 924 00:46:07,119 --> 00:46:07,800 Speaker 2: And we'll do it. 925 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,119 Speaker 3: And we joke so much about that now, like our 926 00:46:10,199 --> 00:46:13,920 sober selves, like we're we built our own house and 927 00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,239 we did it all and we vlog about it. 928 00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:19,119 Speaker 2: So that's like my other job. My jobs are not 929 00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:21,239 very typical. I love it. 930 00:46:21,679 --> 00:46:24,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's super fun. And then I always think 931 00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:26,880 of you and Lynnette. Though when I'm like building my 932 00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:28,480 own house, I'm like, this makes me look like a 933 00:46:28,599 --> 00:46:33,079 real go getter and I am a no getter deep deep, 934 00:46:33,119 --> 00:46:34,159 deep down, and. 935 00:46:34,159 --> 00:46:34,800 Speaker 2: I feel it. 936 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:38,360 Speaker 1: I feel your no gutterness. But I'm the same way. 937 00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,360 People are always like, You're really not such annoying. 938 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:44,320 Speaker 3: I know, and it's like okay, and I'm like, but 939 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,760 so I'm a I'm a house builder, and which that 940 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:49,920 I'm always like guys, I just show up on the 941 00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:53,280 build and my husband says, this is your little task. 942 00:46:53,559 --> 00:46:57,000 Speaker 2: Don't touch anything else. So is the vlog? 943 00:46:57,039 --> 00:46:59,360 Speaker 1: Can we find that from No More Wasted Days dot 944 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:00,000 co as well? 945 00:47:00,679 --> 00:47:03,719 Speaker 3: Actually that's called one Foot Off the Grid, so I 946 00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:04,599 love that title. 947 00:47:05,159 --> 00:47:07,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's all just on YouTube. 948 00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:10,760 Speaker 3: Basically we do TikTok and Instagram, but our YouTube flog 949 00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:13,360 is where it's at. But I love for people to 950 00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:16,000 check that out. And it's fun. It's not a boring blog. 951 00:47:16,039 --> 00:47:19,119 I feel like we're funny in it. We tell them 952 00:47:19,159 --> 00:47:21,199 that's what she said jokes during the build. 953 00:47:22,159 --> 00:47:24,880 Speaker 1: Okay, well I'm gonna go. I'm gonna look that up. 954 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:29,960 Everybody else should. To Sarah Kaufman Bradstreet, it's been so 955 00:47:30,119 --> 00:47:34,360 good having you. Love this interview, and uh, why don't 956 00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:35,280 have you back sometime? 957 00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:37,679 Speaker 2: Oh that would be awesome. That would be super fun 958 00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:38,599 talk about some topic. 959 00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:42,480 Speaker 1: Okay, thanks everybody for listening. Go look up Sarah's stuff 960 00:47:42,559 --> 00:47:43,840 and I will see you next week. 961 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:47,920 Speaker 3: I mean, it's dodging, lie, it's good. 962 00:47:48,639 --> 00:48:01,920 Speaker 2: It's good. A jutty deal in life.