Speaker 1: Hello everybody. This is Stephanie Wilder Taylor. Welcome to my
podcast Drunkish, very loosely based on the book Drunkish, which
I wrote a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: Ah, it's my place where I get to talk about sobriety,
interview my friends, interview other sober influencers and people, and
today is no different. But before I tell you who
my guest is, please go follow me on YouTube at
Drunkish podcast or also rate me on whatever your podcast
app is.
Speaker 2: Give me five stars, you know. Be sweet.
Speaker 1: All right, today I'm super excited. I had a great
conversation with my guest, Sarah Kaufman Bradstreet. She is the
host of the podcast No More Wasted Days, where she
talks all about alcohol free living, sort of like what
we're doing here. Also, she's a sober mentor and you
can find her on her website, No More Waste Day
Days dot co.
Speaker 2: Let's go and I am here with Sarah. Hi, Hi,
thank you so much for having me on.
Speaker 3: I'm excited, of course. Long time no talk, Yeah right,
just last week.
Speaker 2: Speak behind the Curtain.
Speaker 1: I just did your podcast, which you heard about in
the intro, No More Wasted Days and now you're doing
my podcast, yep, because we're going to hear your whole story.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm excited to get into it.
Speaker 1: So okay, what I mean, hmm, let's I like to
start at the beginning. Tell me about your your drinking,
your drinking career.
Speaker 3: My drinking career, and my drinking career really didn't start
until like my twenties.
Speaker 2: Oh I was what was that, I said, Oh, oh yeah, right,
I know.
Speaker 3: So I drank in high school I and I did
drink in college, so it probably more started like when
I was eighteen and started going to like the keg
parties where you could pay you know, some random guy
some dollars and then you got your red solo cup
and you could drink out of the keg. And I
feel like that's when drinking became more regular for me,
because in high school it was just too hard to
get alcohol for me, Like I was like, this is
kind of a pain. I did smoke weed and I
was a total stoner in high school. That was easier
to get because all you had to know was know
somebody who knew a dealer. So it was like, I
guess I was a little backwards and getting into the
alcohol scene, and then it just slowly progressed, like it
became weekend drinking and always binge drinking in college, which
now looking back, should have been my sign, like I
would binge drink, I would definitely have brown outs from
the night. I don't remember major blackouts in college. And
then when I graduated from college became a teacher, is
it's like my drinking just progressed, which you would think
it would be the opposite, but instead it became like, Okay,
I was a music teacher, so I would get done
with the musical performance, and it would be like grab
the pe teacher, and let's go to the bar to
celebrate that I'm done. And I'd call in sick to
work the next day because I drank too much at
the bar celebrating. And then I met my now husband,
and we loved to drink together like that. That was
the thing we did from the get go, and making martinis,
drinking beer, drinking wine, drinking it all. And I don't
want to blame it on Ryan, because I know it
was progressing anyway, and both of us just progressed as
drinkers just until we finally quit, and we actually quit
drinking together. I'd say that the only time I was
sober during our whole relationship before we quit when I
was forty, was when I was pregnant with my twins.
And during that time, everybody's going like, oh, you could
have one glass of wine. Did you know you can
have one glass of wine? And I'm like, yeah, I know,
but I don't want one glass of wine, Like, who
who wants one glass of wine? I kept thinking that
to people. I was like, it's like these people don't
know how drinking works. And I was also really afraid
that I would have one glass of wine and I
would want more because I knew I was that kind
of drinker already, although I would never tell you I
had a drinking problem during any of that time. And
then I actually quit drinking because my husband said, you know,
I don't I don't think I can keep drinking the
way we've been drinking. I'm I think I'm gonna quit.
Like he was very like I'm going to quit, and
I was like, what the hell, that's not okay, and.
Speaker 1: Didn't feel like that felt like it came out of nowhere.
Speaker 3: It actually did not, Because we would talk about quitting.
He would talk about quitting when he was sober. I
would talk about quitting when I was drunk. Every time
I was drunk, I was slurred speech, telling Ryan like
I think I'm an alcoholic. I think I have a
drinking problem, and he's saying, no, you're not, you don't
have a problem, You're fine.
Speaker 2: Like at that, he's enabling me.
Speaker 3: Then and then when we were sober, he would be
saying like, I think I gotta quit drinking, like I'm
hungover all the time, like it's really impeding on work.
And I was like, no, well, we gotta do we
gotta get better at drinking, like we have to become
better at moderating and being more responsible because I was
really like this is this is who I am, except
when I was drunk, So when he said it, I
was angry, but I was also kind of like think,
thank goodness, like one of us is finally saying enough
is enough, because it's like one of us had to
do it, and I knew I was going to go
along with them because we were drinking.
Speaker 2: After you had your kids.
Speaker 3: Was this, oh gosh, our kids were eight, because I
think I had Yeah, So.
Speaker 1: So you were sober when you were pregnant which I
think is a really common thing for women. Oh yeah, right,
it's like and then when you get pregnant. I've said
this many times, even on this podcast, but I think
for some women it's kind of a mind fuck because
you have no trouble quitting drinking when you're pregnant, so
then you go, yeah, well then I'm fine. Yeah, like
it's not a problem or a problem.
Speaker 3: Like I didn't even miss it when people would say, like,
you could have a glass of wine, Like part of
me was like, why would I want that, That's not
how alcohol works. But another part of me was like,
I don't want, like it doesn't sound good to me
right now. And so I was really just like, oh,
I have no problem. And even after I was trying
to nurse and failing, but I was like, oh, okay,
so I can't drink right now, and that's kind of
a pain in the ass because I was looking forward
to it, but I was like okay, Like it was
still easy to stay on the mission and I would
be like it was because I was a mom and
I knew I had to be responsible. But then once
I was done trying to nurse, it all went back
to the drinking.
Speaker 2: That it was before did it get worse?
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, for me, after I had my daughter,
I definitely think I was drinking more. And also I
think because, but did you go back to work right away?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I did?
Speaker 1: Okay, See, I think for me, I didn't go back
to a job. And I had been working, you know,
like a lot of hours, and I was like in
TV and I had sort of an identity, and then
all of a sudden, I had a baby and I
was just home all day and the lines got very
blurred of like.
Speaker 2: When you start drinking, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It just felt like I was trying to kind of
get back to my old self. But maybe I'll start
a blog, you know. But I would imagine if you
go back to work, your life gets back. But then
that I'm so curious, tell me more about that, because
now you will you have to go back to your job,
but you also have twins at home, so that sounds hard.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I definitely at that point my drinking was
lower than it was at the end, and I was
I'm trying to remember, I was not working. I was
working part time for like the first two years that
they were kids, that they were born kids babies, but yeah, babies.
And then I think probably when they were two or three,
I took a full time job as a choir teacher,
and I kept my drinking much more under control then.
But then I became part time and I only taught
two days a week, and that's when my drinking really
picked up because Tuesday it was now Friday. And my
husband and always worked from home. He's an entrepreneur and
had his own business, and I was a beach Body
coach working working the multi level market scene. So I
was like, oh my gosh, yeah right, So I was like,
I can build this other business. And I can and
I say business and quotation marks now, but I can
build this other business and make it make enough other podcasts.
So how I know how you do that? I was
a beach Body coach. I started in twenty fifteen, and
I will say I was making money from Beach Body
until they dissolved last year, but I wasn't working the
business anymore by twenty twenty. I was just kind of
letting little checks come in still here and there, and yeah,
but it did. Beach Body did allow me to leave
my teaching job. It allowed me to build no more
ways to days because it gave me that space, but
it also created this like they would talk to us
in training and say, and figure out your five pillars.
What are the five things that you're going to show
off on social media about you that make you look
fun and make people want to be attracted to you?
Because there's millions of beach body coaches. And I was like, well,
I'm going to be the lady who drinks beer. That's
my personality. I drink beer and I work out all
the time and look at me, I'm so fit. So
I was totally glamorizing alcohol for the world to see.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love that so much though, but
it's really smart, actually it was.
Speaker 3: And then all of a sudden I quit. And I
was like, well, what the hell do I say? Because
I was still a beach body coach and at that
time my business was doing well, and I was like, well,
I'm not going to quit this. And that's when I
started being like, well, I know how to lead people
in a workout challenge. Why don't I see if some
people want to do Sober October with me? Like and
this was just a just for fun. I was six
months sober. I think at the time, and obviously that's
enough time to be sober and be like, come along
with me.
Speaker 2: I know all the answers. So I was like, come
do this challenge with me.
Speaker 3: I'll make a Facebook group and I started leading like
friends and family through challenges. So it was kind of like,
I don't want to say Beach Body morphed into no
More Wasted Days because I treat no more Wasted days
so much differently. And I'm also not trying to tell
people that they can also build a business just like
me and make millions of.
Speaker 2: Dollars, so there's not that side.
Speaker 3: But it definitely allowed me to shift my identity and
I started changing my story on Beach Body to to
like I'm working out without a hangover. Like I bet
you didn't know this story about me. I was always
doing my workouts and showing them to all of you,
and I was terribly hungover and felt like shit, and
now I'm not, and so it all just kind of
shifted and morphed.
Speaker 1: You know, I think. I mean, I feel so many
similarities with you. I feel your story because of my
whole having written sippy cups and being like the drinking
mom and then having to go like uh oh uh,
never mind, I quit drinking and wondering if that would
really affect not my business, but yeah, but like my brand,
you know, because I was the person who really embraced
like I love to drink, nothing wrong with that, like
and especially moms drinking it's cool. So I could see
you being like beach body, like we care about our body,
but also we could drink beer like we're fun and
then happy to be like uhh yeah, so I'm not
doing that, but yeah, a little too far. But also
I I there's something and I don't I don't know
if it's just like uh, if it's us, or if
it's just like addicty personalities, but I I have kind
of for a long time before I found out that
how harmful MLMs are. But I always thought that would
be very cool.
Speaker 2: Like I thought it.
Speaker 1: Would be a great easy money maker to sell Stella
and Dot. That was my thing to remember that one yep,
I was like, how great is this? So at one
point I was working at this show and I had
a friend do a Stella and Dot party at my house.
I saw no problem with it. I was just like
I invited all these people who worked for me to
my house to do like this friend's jewelry party, and
they all apparently felt pressured to buy overpriced jewelry.
Speaker 3: You're like, it's great, though, coun and I'm going to
get discounts on my jewelry and now you can.
Speaker 2: Do a party and do the same thing.
Speaker 1: I thought it was the greatest thing. And I was
always like, oh my god, this is going to be
my new way to make like a ton of money.
So I could just and I feel like with you too,
I'm very whatever I do, I get very all in.
It is a very all or nothing. We're drinking or
we're not drinking, or we're trying to quit drinking, or
we're celebrating the fact that we drink. Right is it's
still a mindset?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
Speaker 3: I always say like addicts are the all or nothing people.
And when you quit drinking, you have to go all
in on not drinking, Like you can't waver on it,
because if you waver and you've got the mindset that
we have, you're going to go right back to old patterns.
But if you are like I, I'm alcohol free now,
this is what I do.
Speaker 2: I'm very passionate about it.
Speaker 3: Like it's kind of how I've I've done everything, and
I can't say it's like the healthiest mindset, but it's
actually gotten me a lot of great places, So.
Speaker 1: I think, and would you say this is true as well?
That one thing that we say, like in twelve Step
is I wish you desperation, because I feel like you
really have to want to quit drinking. To quit drinking,
because and I I'm speaking for all people who eventually
quit drinking or who want to quit drinking. You know,
moderating is impossible, but we will fight to the death
to be able to moderate until usually something has to happen,
something has to it has to be proven to us that,
like I just can't drink, so now I gotta go
all in the other way. And did you have a
moment like that or was it more like your husband's
moment and you came along for the ride, or.
Speaker 3: I didn't have like the quintessential rock bottom that people
to talk about. I can look back at my drinking
and see so many moments where I'm like, that should
have been a rock Bottom'm like I broke my toe
and had absolutely no recollection of how it happened. I
did that at my husband's fortieth birthday. I didn't quit
drinking for two more years. Like that was the night
where I was a morning where I was texting friends
going did you see me fall?
Speaker 2: Like my toe is so swollen?
Speaker 3: Like I have a friend who's a nurse that was
at the party taking a picture and she's like, oh, yeah,
that's broken, and I was like what can I do?
Speaker 2: She's like nothing, and.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, And I'm just like, Okay,
that should have been a sign I'm going to keep
on drinking. And it just I think it had to
just be all the compiled things for me. Like we
I always tell people we went on a cruise two
months before we quit drinking one month maybe, and I
bought that it was a beach body cruise, and I
bought us the drink package, which is really expensive, and
like I told my husband, like we got to show
this cruise, like we're gonna We're gonna make our money back.
And we drank from morning till night. Like we drank
so much on that cruise. I look back at it
now and I'm like, I don't even know how we survived,
and but we did. We had very high tolerance, I guess,
and then came back from the cruise, and I was
ready to keep that party going, and I think Ryan
was like, oh, we got to stop, Like we're just like,
let's try to keep drinking. And at the time, I
was teaching two days a week, and so I guess,
like sometimes I tell people my rock bottom was that,
but it was just I mean, and it was just
compiled so many things, and I think I had to
step back and take a break to see how bad
it really was. And when Ryan said, like, I'm quitting,
I thought I'll do thirty days, and I thought we'd
make it seven. But I told myself, I'll do thirty days,
because a person who has a drinking problem cannot quit
for thirty days. Like it was still I was still
going to prove to myself that I didn't have a
drinking problem. And then during that thirty days, I still
didn't say I had a drinking problem. I didn't say
I had a drinking problem until I was like two
years alcohol free. It was probably when I was like, oh,
I think I was just a little bit of an alcoholic,
Like I just had a little bit of a drinking
problem during that time, but I had to step away
to go, oh my god. All these moments were terrible
moments for you, and you were just push like, acting
like they were normal. But I surrounded myself with people
who drink the way I did, so it felt normal.
Speaker 1: So when before, right before you quit, did you go
through the phase that a lot of us go through
where you're like, Okay, I really am going to try
to regulate, because it sounds to me like you hit
a point. I'm more things in common. I feel like
because I went through my I'm going to moderate, and
I tried so hard, and then towards the end, I
was just like, screw it. Moderating's too hard, So I'm
just going to drink as much as I want. Yeah,
that's pretty much been you a cruise, right. So but
before that were you were you doing the Okay, I'm
not going to drink on the weekends or I'm not
going to drink.
Speaker 3: Drink Oh yeah, Like I was like, I'll only drink
on Friday and Saturday, and on Friday I will have
two drinks and on Saturday I will have three. Like
I was very much like if I can stay in
these I was never able to do that, but I
would do like twenty one day cleanses and be like, Okay,
well this is an eating thing, but no, you can't
drink alcohol while you do it. And I would tell
myself like, well, you don't drink alcohol while you do
those obviously, but I thought about alcohol the whole time,
Like alcohol was the hardest part of those cleanses for me,
where I was just like, oh my god, when are
we gonna be done so I can just have a
glass of wine. But oh yeah, I would be like
I will only have wine on Tuesday and Friday, Like
I'll give myself one week night and just I'll only
drink wine and beer. That was one I was really
trying to be, like, I just won't do the hard
alcohol anymore. I won't do shots. If I don't do shots,
then there's no problem. Like so many rules and so
many breaking the rules. It was so exhausting.
Speaker 1: I was watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the other
night and right now Sutton is you know, was being
checked for her drinking a bunch last season. So this
season she's like, I'm not really drinking, but that doesn't
mean wine for her.
Speaker 2: That just means I'm.
Speaker 1: Not having tequila and I'm not having vodka, and it's
just funny as a as an alcoholic to just go
all right, we'll see how that works out. That is
just not yet worked for anybody that I know to
be like I'm just not going to drink hard alcohol.
But it sounds good in theory, and it usually does
work for a while where you're like, oh, I'm not
getting totally hammered, but then eventually you do.
Speaker 2: So this is interesting.
Speaker 1: Your your quitting story is interesting to me because it
sounds like you did not do twelve step. You were
just like, I'm gonna go I'm just going to quit
drinking for thirty days. That's which is a little bit
like a one day at a time, like I'm gonna
do I can do this for thirty days. And then
when you made it thirty days, what happened?
Speaker 2: Oh I just knew.
Speaker 3: But first I was enjoying it, which was at first
for me. I was reading a lot of quit lit
like I was immersing myself in the alcohol free world,
and I was finally seeing it and I was like,
oh my gosh, like other people do this. This is
not just me having all these thoughts, these questions, And
I was like okay, and I also got to thirty days,
and I was like, there is no way I can
go back to drinking and handle myself. Like I knew
I wasn't quote unquote fixed yet, so I was like,
go to sixty. And then I got to sixty and
I felt this. At that point, I felt more just
like I'm doing so good and this is becoming so easy,
and not having hangovers was amazing, and not feeling the guilt,
like I didn't realize how much guilt and shame I
carried around over my drinking.
Speaker 2: So then it was like, set the goal at one hundred.
Speaker 3: But once I hit one hundred, I pretty much knew
I just wasn't drinking anymore.
Speaker 2: What about Ryan? How is he? How is Oh? I
feel like he just quit.
Speaker 3: I always tell him that, I'm like what that Like
you just were like, I'm gonna quit. I don't need
to count days. I don't need to like, I'm just
done with alcohol. And He'll always be like, well, also,
you were so excited about it and you talk about
it so much through no More Waste to days that
it's like, obviously I have that piece of it. But
he was not actually feeling like I was like, oh,
my god, I'm so creative without alcohol, I'm so much funnier,
I'm have so much energy. And he was kind of like,
I'm not having any of that, Like what, no.
Speaker 2: Pink for that guy.
Speaker 3: No. And I was riding the pink cloud for like years,
just like look at me, everybody. We have to do
because we have to.
Speaker 1: We have to be all about it, talking about it,
reading about it, like I had to be blogging about it,
like constantly talking about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it was really like I just have to
immerse myself in this world and be like this is amazing.
Speaker 2: And it was. I mean it was. It is.
Speaker 3: I don't want people to think I just did that
because it's like, well, this was my way to lie
to myself, because I mean, I just I love being
alcohol free. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made,
apart from like marrying Ryan and having our kids.
Speaker 1: That so, but okay, So you get to like a
hundred days and then you're like, well, no, I'm better
not drinking. This is this is okay at that, but
you still don't go like, yeah, what you know? And
I'm interested and I feel like this is worth a
conversation about. I feel there's a lot of different ways
to quit drinking.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I did it through twelve Step, but that's just because
that was a way to get support and that for me,
that was a way to really immerse myself.
Speaker 2: Like it.
Speaker 1: I never had this thing of like I love that
it's a program and there's all these rules, because I'm
a rebel at heart no matter what.
Speaker 2: I'm sure you saw that in my book.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is probably bullshit, but that was
my way cause I was I wasn't I didn't ever,
I wasn't working an actual job. So for me, it
was like, oh, I didn't know sober people, and now
I can be around a bunch of sober women. I
can like be talking about sobriety.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It was very very helpful to me. But yet I
still I didn't like the word alcoholic. There were a
lot of things that I was like, okay, yeah, but
that's not really me. And for me too, it took
me a good solid year before I was like, no,
I am no different than anybody else who quits drinking,
Like I needed to quit drinking. And then for me,
embracing that a word, it was it was a process
like I would say it because I was in a meeting,
you know, but I didn't. I wasn't convinced. I was
just like, this is what I'm doing because I am
better when I'm not drinking, and I'm not really safe drinking.
Speaker 2: But I was like, I don't know why we have
to call ourselves like alcoholics.
Speaker 1: And also I kind of bought into a little bit,
and I'm wondering how you feel about this, the whole
idea of like surrendering. I don't want to like surrender
because that I'm giving away my power and like I
am nontrol. But at some point I think I realized,
but I'm not in control of my drinking when I drink.
So if I continue to not drink, and that just
means I surrender to the idea that I can drink safely,
and I can stop trying to fight it in my mind.
I can stop trying to be like but maybe someday
it'll work out for me, or maybe maybe in a
year I'll be able to handle it. The idea of
surrender for me was looking back at my drinking history.
And one of the things about like twelve step is
it gives you some tools to write about to look
at your drinking right and in looking at my drinking
honestly and kind of going back and going did you
fuck up at work because you were hungover? Or did
you have fights with your husband because you were drunk
for no other reason that you're drug. Once I was
able to look at that, I was like, oh, okay,
I can surrender to the idea and now I can
freely use the A word without problem. But I'm wondering
if for you, if that was part of it, if
you were like, Okay, I'm alcohol free, but I don't
want to like label myself or I don't want to
be like never again or you know what was that
well and one changed for you.
Speaker 3: I definitely didn't. I didn't want to say alcoholic because
I didn't want to.
Speaker 2: I didn't want it.
Speaker 3: I felt like if you were an alcoholic, that you
had to tell everybody, like anytime I was just in
any room, I'd have to be like and just so
everybody knows I'm an alcoholic, like like it's just the
ideas we have. And I was like, oh, I don't
want to do that. So I was like, I'm not
going to go to a meeting. And I was like
because then I'll have to stand up with the meeting
and be like, Hi, I'm Sarah and maybe I'm an alcoholic,
and I like, I don't think they'll like that. And
I also was very turned off by the god thing.
And I have a lot of pep on social media,
and for me, that that's and I totally get like
now I'm like, oh, I would benefit so much from
AA or just any of the meetings, and it's like, oh,
that looks like such a cool thing to me now,
but as a person curious, it looked like the scariest
thing in the world.
Speaker 2: The surrendering.
Speaker 3: I was totally like, I'm not because I'm stronger than alcohol,
which I still use that phrase, but I definitely surrendered it.
Like like you say, I can't moderate, I can't moderate anything.
And now I look at myself and I'm like, oh,
well uh. And I remember it like six months. I
was so pissed when I figured out I couldn't moderate,
Like I think that's when I left the Pink Cloud
for a moment, and I was like, oh, I can't
ever drink again, because I will always go back to
the way I was drinking before, and I'm always like, well,
maybe when I'm eighty and I don't have as many responsibilities,
maybe then, but then I'm always like, no, why would
I want to do it? Then either like it's it's
I just can't manage myself. And I was also smoking
weed still, so I felt very much like if I
went to an AA meeting, they would be like, well,
you got to quit that too, and I'd be like, oh, well, no,
I moderate this, which that turned into a hole I
don't moderate it, and to hear about this, yeah, I
had to. Yeah, I had to quit smoking weed. When
I finally realized like, oh, you are doing all the
same shit you did with alcohol, Like I was making
rules that I was breaking.
Speaker 2: I was ashamed.
Speaker 3: And it's so much more a hidden thing that it
felt okay to hide it. Like my drinking was out
there for the world, my weed smoking was not. And
I actually started smoking weed more when I quit drinking,
because before that it was, Yeah, it was just like
a thing I did when I was drunk. Really, I
would feel like, oh, I smoke some weed when I'm drunk,
but I would never just smoke some weed, And then
it kind of turned into like, oh, look at me
when I smoke weed. I'm super projective. I do all
these chores when I'm high. It's because I was paranoid
and I would just be like, I got to move,
I got.
Speaker 2: To do things.
Speaker 3: And then it just it finally turned into this whole
like you're not really sober, which was a word I
didn't want to claim for a long time.
Speaker 2: I wanted to be alcohol free. I liked that.
Speaker 3: That felt really good and I was really proud of myself,
and I think you should be. And then finally I
started meeting all these other sober women who were badasses,
like I was like, I want to be them, and
I just want to be totally free from substances. And
I think weed gets this whole, like it's a plant medicine,
that's all these things. And I was like, okay, we're
done with that. And that took me right now. I
meet like a year and five months weed free. But
I did another stint where I was like almost a
year and then I totally was like fuck this and
went back to it. And that one's been the harder
one for me. And I think it's because it's the
last thing, like I've dabbled in caffeine free, but no,
I'm not doing that, like, but we'd free I was like,
I got it, I got to ditch it. So it
just I feel like it all took me a while,
and I feel like there was a lot of me
pushing against AA, which I'm now I'm like, I have
nothing against AA. I think it's I think it has
helped so many people, and I have now met so
many people who have done it and they're like, yeah,
you take what works and you leave the rest, Like, yeah,
I don't do the prayers either when I'm there and
I don't do this, and I don't do this part,
but I do this part, And I'm like, oh, I
didn't know you could do that well.
Speaker 1: Because it feels like there's a lot of rules and
it feels like a big group think where if you're
not doing it the way you're supposed to be doing it,
you can't do it. Yeah, And I felt that way
at the beginning a lot and had a bad attitude,
I guess you would say, but I've always had a
bad attitude, so that was no surprise. I have people
that knew me way back when that were like, I'm
very surprised you stayed sober because I.
Speaker 2: Was pissed all the time.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I don't want to do that,
and then people were like, well then don't.
Speaker 3: Nobody cares like people at the meetings were like, you
don't have to do that part, then.
Speaker 2: Don't do it.
Speaker 1: Because I would complain and go, well, I'm on my
this step, but then I have to there's all this writing.
Speaker 2: And I met this.
Speaker 1: Guy, really great guy named John who sadly passed away
during my first year of sobriety. But he was so
cool and funny and he was like a comedy writer
and I really liked him. And I remember complaining to him,
I'm supposed to be doing this step work and I
have to do all this writing and he was like, no,
you don't. And I was like, what, well, my sponsor
says I do. And he's like, here's this work. He
showed me this worksheet and base it's your your fourth
step is you write down resentments, and and all of
these people around me were like writing, like filling notebooks,
and I was just like Jesus Christ. I'm like, I
didn't go to college for a reason. I didn't want
to do like more schoolwork, you know. And he's like, here,
write one line, I'm mad at my father because of this,
and then you figure out your part later. And I
was like, oh, that's all I have to do and
he's like yeah, and I was like, well, how many
do I have to do?
Speaker 2: And he goes, I don't know, there's no rule. There's
no rules.
Speaker 1: There's literally no rules, and I went, oh, okay, and
ever since then I was like okay, yeah.
Speaker 3: So it's like it totally is the rebellious mindset. Like
I had to tell myself I'm a rebel because I'm
not drinking.
Speaker 2: Now look at me.
Speaker 3: All these other people are drinking, but I'm not, so
that makes me the black sheep. Like I had to
turn my thinking around that way. But even what you
say too, of like you have that was one I
was like, oh my god, you have to make amends
with people, and that means you have to get on
the phone. And I don't do phone calls, like fuck that,
Like Nope, not gonna do it. And I would and
now I look and I'm like, that's not even what
it means. Like there's all these ways you can do it,
and it is a like a step I've done. And
that's one of the things too, because people will be like,
you know, if you haven't done the twelve steps, then
you're a dry drunk. And I'm like, I have actually
done so much work, but kind of went the the hard.
Speaker 2: Way to get to it.
Speaker 3: Like I was just kind of finding it all myself
and being like, how do you how do you do
this part now? And how do you do this part?
And I find that it would have been a little
easier if I wouldn't have been such a like I
was so dead said I was raised Catholic, and I
was like, this is going to be like Catholic church
and I'm not doing that.
Speaker 2: No, no, thank you.
Speaker 3: And now I know there's all these other ways to
do it too, like there's smart recovery and dharma recovery
and a million in online communities.
Speaker 2: So I was just think it's hard.
Speaker 1: And you know, when I quit drinking, there wasn't all
of those There weren't all those alternatives. So I wasn't
going to go to rehab. I just didn't feel like
I had a bad enough problem. You know, I wasn't
drinking that much. I didn't need to be talks. So
I was just like, I don't know what to do,
and I had a friend who was summer who was like,
let me take you to a meeting. You know, I'd
had a lot of sort of bad feelings about meetings
in the past, but I was like, all right, I
don't have a better idea, and it turned out that
I needed it. But like I said, I've kind of
fought a lot of those rules.
Speaker 2: Along the way.
Speaker 1: But now it's we're in Our society has so many
sort of options for being alcohol free, so many ways
to say it, and so many kind of ways to
do it, and ways to hang out with other people
that don't drink, and now we have a big mocktail trend,
you know.
Speaker 3: So yeah, and everybody makes an alcohol free version now
of their thing.
Speaker 1: Yes, Like yeah, So when you quit the weed, though,
were you almost feeling that raw feeling of just like,
oh god, now I have nothing?
Speaker 2: Yeah, edge off.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, And I quit weed in gosh, September twenty
twenty four, somewhere I have the actual start date. And
then I was having terrible anxiety. I was having a
shitty year, was what was happening? But I was I
was having terrible anxiety, and I was like, Okay, you
know what I should do?
Speaker 2: I should also ditch.
Speaker 3: Caffeine because that is probably the anxiety is probably nothing
wrong with my brain that could be like helped with
a low dose of an antidepressant, Like I can hack this.
So I was like, Okay, I've already quit weed. That
was helping a little bit. Don't give up on the weed.
You're gonna You're gonna hit a year on that. That
was kind of ideal, like I'm going to do this
for a year. And then I was like, I'll ditch
caffeine too. So then I was just raw dog in life.
Trump won his second election and I was like, oh
my god, like three days into caffeine free, and I
was like, what the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 1: And yeah, I need to drink that day, all of us.
Speaker 3: And I'm texting a friend who's like ditched caffeine meth
alcohol and I'm like, oh my god, and he's like,
you should have a cup of coffee and I'm like,
fuck no, this is the hardest part of the withdrawals,
and I know it is, and so I'm like oh,
And I was so like numb or me. I don't
want to say numb, because I was still fine, but
I was just like bored. I and that's the wrong
word too, because I was very busy, but I was
just like nothing was fun.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, I'm never gonna laugh really.
Speaker 3: Hard again, which is also silly because I was, but
it was just like, it's very exciting.
Speaker 1: Although yeah, I've I still sometimes feel that way sometimes
when I go through a little blog, right, I'm like, oh, well,
I haven't raughed really hard or I haven't been like
super happy.
Speaker 2: But I feel like.
Speaker 1: You and I have a similar personality that way. We
like to we like to feel our highs.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I need them a lot. I'm like I
usually make a new business or like do a new.
Speaker 1: Thing, and then you're like, yeah, no, I don't do
any of these things, so I don't get to quit.
Speaker 2: There's nothing to quit. Really.
Speaker 3: I know. I did bring caffeine back in, but it's
like because I was kind of like, oh my god,
I don't do anything fun and like, and it did
turn out that I did actually, just I needed a
low dose of an antidepressant.
Speaker 2: It really helped me good.
Speaker 3: And I think that was kind of the hurdle the
whole time, like I'd been searching for like I had
terrible anxiety when I was a drinker, and I didn't
recognize it because I would just drink and I would
go away for a moment, and then I would have
terrible anxiety and I thought it was the hangovers. And
it helped so much when I quit drinking. When I
quit drinking, I feel like my anxiety. I didn't have
issues for like a good four years, and I was like,
I fixed it. Look, I'm amazing. And then it came
back because you know Perry, menopause and all that exciting stuff.
And when it came back was when I was ditching
weed also, and I was like, I'll go back to
smoking weed.
Speaker 2: That seemed to help.
Speaker 3: Like I was always just trying to hack it, and
that's kind of become my thing now with people. I'm like,
have you thought about talking to a doctor about any
of this? Like I mean, and I do think that
ditching all of these things was really important for me
because I needed to know that, Okay, well, this is
your brain with nothing, and it's not working the way
you need it to work. Like you can't have panic
attacks while you're just sitting on your couch at home,
Like that's not normal. We need to fix it. So I,
but it took my sober brain to get me there.
It just took me like a really long time. Sometimes
I look and I'm like, oh my god, it took
you like so long to realize this. And I'm like, well,
that's just how it works.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I think you and I probably also have this
in common. I always want the shortcut, Like it's such
bad news to me to think like, oh, if I
want to feel relaxed, I have to like do yoga
or go to the gym, or go for a lot
take or take a bath with rose petals. I'm like, fuck,
I could just take a pill right, so much quicker exactly,
not realizing like what goes along with that for me,
you know what I mean. Like when I discovered like
I dealt with anxiety too, and I thought when I
first got a prescription of my own for xanax, I
just thought, oh my gosh, like this is the answer. Yeah,
Like how has this been hidden from me for so long?
Like this is such an amazing feeling, Like this is
how people feel they just don't have anxiety. I saw
nothing wrong with the idea of like, well that's what's
been missing, just being on a being on xanax like
that was going to be fine, and I didn't realize, like, oh,
and then I developed a dependency very quickly, and then
I ran out of xanax and then I had a
full blown panic attack and didn't know what was happening
to me. And I was in the fetal position, unable
to like make a phone call or have a conversation.
I was full panic, and I was like, oh, well
there's a downside, Like I guess.
Speaker 2: I'm still drinking when that happened. No, no, no, no,
I was. I had.
Speaker 1: I was like a few weeks maybe after I'd had
my twins. Okay, so pre pre sobriety. But I was
given xanax, loved it, then went to a doctor. Then
was told, you need to go to a psychiatrist and
have this properly. You know, subs not subscribe prescribed to
you subscribed. So I went to a doctor and I
don't If you read my book, you might remember this part.
I didn't realize i'd gone to a addiction specialist, but
I went walked in there. He took my insurance and
was his office was close by, and I walked in
there and I was like, hey, so I have like
postpartum anxiety. I've been taking some xanx. It really works
for me, and he was like, okay. I think he
did not ask me, like if I have substance abuse.
I probably did not mention anything about how much I drank.
So then I started taking the xanax like just regularly,
like every day, a dose in the morning and a
dose at night. And I did that all the way
until I quit drinking. As soon as I quit drinking,
I was like, well, actually, I had already gone down
to one pella day because I didn't like the fact
that I had to take the Xanax to like feel okay,
So I.
Speaker 2: Was kind of trying on my own.
Speaker 1: But I still definitely took a full milligram of Xanax
every night before BET. When I quit drinking, I had to.
I was like, uh, I don't feel great about I'm
on Xanax, which is an addictive medication. I'm dependent on it,
So that's what I started tight trading off of that,
but I was yeah, then the sugar ramped up and
then but the point is I really thought, well, Xanax
is very much helping me.
Speaker 2: This is how I'm functioning.
Speaker 1: It was really bad news to me that I was
going to have to like do writing and talk about
my feelings and like go to the gym. And I
was like, God, that's.
Speaker 3: Going to take forever to feel better, right, and like
all of those things are not in an immediate payoff.
Like I do all of those things still.
Speaker 2: I do. I do my workouts the way I'm supposed to.
Speaker 3: I do my I do my meditations like I always
tell people, my meditations are my non negotiable and I
write down my gratitudes and I know they all work
because when I stopped doing it now I start feeling
like shit.
Speaker 2: But I'm just always like, oh, I have to do
this the rest of my life now.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, well, it's better than drinking and being hungover,
and I'm like okay, but yeah, it's like you have
to learn how to adult all over again in like
the proper way that we weren't actually, well, we probably
weren't taught because my parents weren't like, oh, you know,
move your body every day for your mental health. That's
not My parents don't talk mental health period. So it
was like, oh, this is all news to me, like
the practicing gratitudes and it is exhausting, but it does
become easier. I want people to know that, Like you
just kind of get to the point where like now
I lay down in bed and I'm like, do your
gratitude's quick as you drift off to a sleepy time,
and I'm like, okay, Like it works and it does
help so much so.
Speaker 1: And it's actually easier than trying to regulate your drinking
and having that out so much all the time and
then feeling like shit in the morning. Like all of
the things that I'm saying just seemed like bad news
to me because it was like, well, I rather just
have my wine at night. It's not the easier way, though,
it's just not.
Speaker 3: No, and you're you know, you're hiding you're drinking, or
some people are, and it's like you're feeling guilty about it.
I never feel guilty that I practiced some gratitudes that
I did a work out, Like I'm never like, oh
my gosh, I shouldn't tell people about this.
Speaker 2: Right right, well, except that it just might annoy them.
Speaker 3: I know they might be like, oh stop, and I'll
be like, no, it's okay. My life is still I
still feels hard, but I don't drink anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm still sometimes a bit like, trust me, I'm not
like that enlightened, I promise.
Speaker 3: And then you're like, oh, but I've also done work
so I can step back and analyze my bitchiness. And
then you're like, okay, wait, no, I'm not going to
talk to you about that either.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Okay, So tell me what life is
like right now? Are you? Do you still teach?
Speaker 1: Or is the podcast full time? Okay?
Speaker 2: Yeah, podcast is full time.
Speaker 3: I run No More Wasted Days full time, and within
that I help people reevaluate their relationship with alcohol because
it's what I needed, Like, I needed that reevaluation period
and to step back and do a thirty day break
or a one hundred day break is what I help
people with right now. So coaching, you have a website, yes,
find it's No More Wasted Days dot co You couldn't
get the calm when it happened. But and then I'm
on social media, and all of my social media handles
are no underscore, more underscore, wasted underscored days.
Speaker 2: No More Wasted Days was taken.
Speaker 3: So but you can you'll probably find me if you
just search No More Wasted Days and then besides that,
my husband and I have moved out into western Washington
to a peace property that we bought like in twenty
twelve for glamping, and we decided we should build our
own house, which was totally a drunken idea where we
were around the fire pit on the land and I
told my husband, like, we don't need someone to build
our house. I bet they make kits and we'll have
it delivered.
Speaker 2: And we'll do it.
Speaker 3: And we joke so much about that now, like our
sober selves, like we're we built our own house and
we did it all and we vlog about it.
Speaker 2: So that's like my other job. My jobs are not
very typical. I love it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's super fun. And then I always think
of you and Lynnette. Though when I'm like building my
own house, I'm like, this makes me look like a
real go getter and I am a no getter deep deep,
deep down, and.
Speaker 2: I feel it.
Speaker 1: I feel your no gutterness. But I'm the same way.
People are always like, You're really not such annoying.
Speaker 3: I know, and it's like okay, and I'm like, but
so I'm a I'm a house builder, and which that
I'm always like guys, I just show up on the
build and my husband says, this is your little task.
Speaker 2: Don't touch anything else. So is the vlog?
Speaker 1: Can we find that from No More Wasted Days dot
co as well?
Speaker 3: Actually that's called one Foot Off the Grid, so I
love that title.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's all just on YouTube.
Speaker 3: Basically we do TikTok and Instagram, but our YouTube flog
is where it's at. But I love for people to
check that out. And it's fun. It's not a boring blog.
I feel like we're funny in it. We tell them
that's what she said jokes during the build.
Speaker 1: Okay, well I'm gonna go. I'm gonna look that up.
Everybody else should. To Sarah Kaufman Bradstreet, it's been so
good having you. Love this interview, and uh, why don't
have you back sometime?
Speaker 2: Oh that would be awesome. That would be super fun
talk about some topic.
Speaker 1: Okay, thanks everybody for listening. Go look up Sarah's stuff
and I will see you next week.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's dodging, lie, it's good.
Speaker 2: It's good. A jutty deal in life.