Speaker 1: The Magnificent Montcule, stirring Marty Wolle Yes, it's the Magnificent Monlegule.
Speaker 1: The Saturday Night Transcribe feature on NBC's All Star Festival
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Speaker 1: Allow the Magnificent Lautagule. Although Edwin the Magnificent Molegule left
Speaker 1: the States to become Uncle good Heart, here off an
Speaker 1: Afternott Radio, for he has remained a member and the
Speaker 1: moving force of the Proscenium Club. That's stalwart organization of
Speaker 1: Shakespearean actors who live in an unemployed world of their
Speaker 1: own all year long. The Proscenium Club waits for their
Speaker 1: one big event, their annual Fourth of July picnic and
Speaker 1: outing at Shakespeare Grove.
Speaker 2: It is the morning of the great event.
Speaker 1: In the Boticu apartment, his wife Lily and Agnes the
Speaker 1: maid are making up lunch baskets.
Speaker 2: Agnes is very happy.
Speaker 6: Have you got the mustard, mustard, mustard? Have you got
Speaker 6: the pickles, pickles, pickles? Have you got the elish wellish rellish?
Speaker 7: Have you got that ragness?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 9: Honey?
Speaker 7: Oh do you have a lunch basket almost packed?
Speaker 2: What a picnic?
Speaker 6: Look at this food, fried chicken, potato, salad, deviled eggs,
Speaker 6: chocolate cake, boieah, those ants are gonna.
Speaker 7: Live oh everything looks so wait egg news. Why, honey,
Speaker 7: I just remembered Edwin hates deviled eggs, So what little
Speaker 7: spoiled the picnic for him?
Speaker 5: What picnic?
Speaker 7: Isn't that lunch for the Prosinium Club Fourth of July picnic?
Speaker 9: Are you kiddness?
Speaker 7: Is the my picnic? Your picture?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 7: My social club?
Speaker 6: The unattached girls of East thirty seventh Streets throwing one.
Speaker 7: Dear, I thought that lunch was.
Speaker 6: I don't worry, I'll fix in one right now. Oh good,
Speaker 6: have I got the poison? Poison poisons? The r snake,
Speaker 6: ar snake, ar snake?
Speaker 7: Why'd you come along with us?
Speaker 2: Honey?
Speaker 6: Please don't trap me into one of those outdoor memorial services.
Speaker 6: The Proscenium Club calls a picnic.
Speaker 7: But was great fun that picnic with Edwin's old actor friend.
Speaker 6: Fun with those stuffy old actors.
Speaker 7: Because you know on the picnic they're very informal.
Speaker 6: Oh they're a real fun loving bunch of madcaps, sitting
Speaker 6: around under the trees with their spats on buttons.
Speaker 5: Miss.
Speaker 6: You know, there's always swimming, now, that's worth saying. The
Speaker 6: swimming suit says, old foggies, climb into it.
Speaker 7: May be a little conservative and old fashion.
Speaker 6: Whatever it is, it's the only place you can still
Speaker 6: see a double breasted bath and sit with a belt
Speaker 6: in the back. Oh, come now an the campfire with
Speaker 6: those long, dull recitations from Shakespeare. And then your husband
Speaker 6: takes over with his annual rendering of hamlets. Soilloquy. I
Speaker 6: can still hear the voice ringing through the woods. It
Speaker 6: really gets them at Moss last year, two hundred moose
Speaker 6: came running looking for me.
Speaker 7: Oh, it won't be the same without you.
Speaker 6: Now, honey, I'm all set to go. The unattached girls
Speaker 6: of East thirty seventh Street. The entertainment committees land up
Speaker 6: a boat ride up to Bear Mountain. The invitation says,
Speaker 6: campfire songs.
Speaker 7: And dancing dancing at Bear Mountain.
Speaker 6: Oh, then you all have dates dates those girls you
Speaker 6: can Who are you going to dance with the bears?
Speaker 7: I guess, oh.
Speaker 2: Brailer bears.
Speaker 6: Get aload of my club. There'll be on early hibernation
Speaker 6: this year.
Speaker 7: Oh, I come along to the Passonium Club picnic with us.
Speaker 7: Agnes Edwin will be Oh, I hear him.
Speaker 6: He now comes the warming of the magnificent mined Use.
Speaker 8: Time are y go on your shoulda Agnes her good
Speaker 8: morning the mor Edwin, Dad, you look lovely this morning,
Speaker 8: the live.
Speaker 6: Good morning, mister Montague gad.
Speaker 7: Oh, Now when Agnes is very attractive this morning?
Speaker 5: Attractive?
Speaker 8: They must she always wear those curlors in her hair
Speaker 8: when she's trying to attract lightning.
Speaker 6: Look who's talking about beauty? The face with the hanging gardens.
Speaker 7: Oh, please stop, both of you.
Speaker 6: It's so nice to have a man around the house,
Speaker 6: and we're stuck with a monster.
Speaker 8: Ah independence dare this is the beginning of the fourth
Speaker 8: Must we have a maid who talks as if she'd
Speaker 8: just finished.
Speaker 5: The fifth.
Speaker 7: Answer?
Speaker 8: Bring in Edwin's breakfast, breakfast my morning, tussle with Tomay.
Speaker 7: Or start picking on her. You have a big day
Speaker 7: in front of you. Right after your radio broadcast this afternoon,
Speaker 7: we're going to the Proscenium Club and your picnic.
Speaker 8: Yesterday tonight around the campfire, with all my faithful friends
Speaker 8: at the stage around me, I can forget for a
Speaker 8: moment that I the magnificent money you deserted. The Yeta
Speaker 8: for radio from Hamlet to Uncle good Heart is five
Speaker 8: times a week.
Speaker 2: I a rug and.
Speaker 8: Peasants slave mind My offense's ranco, youthy, conscience villainy, I
Speaker 8: am my chief.
Speaker 9: What do you want with your eggs? Ham? I mean,
Speaker 9: what do you want with your eggs? Ham? Stop at
Speaker 9: the town.
Speaker 5: I missed that tongue of yours.
Speaker 2: Ever slept, it would have hit.
Speaker 5: The ground.
Speaker 10: Edwin.
Speaker 7: Don't feel Sodd'll you about going into radio tonight? When
Speaker 7: you give your annual reading of hamlets soliloquy, you'll again
Speaker 7: be the magnificent molecule. Don't you think you'd better rehearse it?
Speaker 8: I rehearse hamlets to the guirl A shame on you delay.
Speaker 2: I know that I know the back of my own hand.
Speaker 5: To be or not to be? That is the problem.
Speaker 7: That is the question.
Speaker 5: That is the question, whether it is safe on.
Speaker 8: In the mind, to no blu in the mind, no
Speaker 8: blow in the mind, to suffer the arrows and slings,
Speaker 8: swings and arrows of courageous possum, outrageous fortune, outrageous fortune.
Speaker 8: Ought to take arms against the pack of trouble, a
Speaker 8: sea of trouble, a mess of travel, a.
Speaker 5: Mess of trouble.
Speaker 8: That is fine fire today to sleep, to sleep, but
Speaker 8: chance to wait, per chance to dream, perchance.
Speaker 7: To dream, perchance.
Speaker 11: That's not.
Speaker 5: What go on.
Speaker 2: To sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream.
Speaker 8: Hey, there's the love, bra Edwin.
Speaker 5: And you thought I didn't remember it.
Speaker 6: Mister money, you sure know it like the back of.
Speaker 9: Your own hand.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 6: It must have been wearing gross for fifty years.
Speaker 8: Excuse be An for exposing your delicate brain to culture. Hereafter,
Speaker 8: with you in the room, we will only quote from
Speaker 8: the racing pall.
Speaker 7: Oh, never mind, Agnes said, when you sounded wonderful, they'll
Speaker 7: cheer you at the campfire tonight. Now, I've got to
Speaker 7: get things ready for the Picnica.
Speaker 5: Ed I'm not going.
Speaker 6: Edwin.
Speaker 7: Well, you have mister Prescinium Club Fourth of July picnic
Speaker 7: in your home.
Speaker 5: I know, but this year I can't face it. Edward.
Speaker 5: The club never found out I've deserted their ranks for
Speaker 5: the Gold Radio. I'm not going.
Speaker 7: It's a mockery when the Passenian Picnic is more than
Speaker 7: just a group of Shakespearean actors having an outing.
Speaker 5: I know, it's the fourth of July.
Speaker 7: It's more than just the date of the signing of
Speaker 7: the Declaration of Independence. It's where we first met and
Speaker 7: the day.
Speaker 2: It was signed.
Speaker 10: Fire Lily, Now I remember we.
Speaker 8: Did meet at a Presidium Club picnic.
Speaker 7: I was in the Gagatti's at the time and came
Speaker 7: to the picnic with one of the fellows in the show,
Speaker 7: and I was.
Speaker 5: Playing King Dere. Now what girl did I bring?
Speaker 7: Please? Remember we sat next to each other at the campfire,
Speaker 7: singing the big song of that year. Now, what was it?
Speaker 6: Marching to Georgia?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: I like mister for that.
Speaker 5: No Kennel ration for you tonight?
Speaker 7: Oh what a picnic that was? You were at me
Speaker 7: all day? Are you?
Speaker 5: How you ran from me? How are you acting so coy?
Speaker 5: You played so.
Speaker 6: Hard to get you, We're so hard to take.
Speaker 5: Please?
Speaker 7: These are our memories, oh Edwin. We must go to
Speaker 7: that picnic, lily.
Speaker 8: We'll find that same tree we carved our initials in
Speaker 8: that little brook you carried me across lay, the same tree,
Speaker 8: the same brook, same moon, the same two people.
Speaker 5: You and I young robbers.
Speaker 9: Who are.
Speaker 6: I'm just trying to help you recapture that mad moment?
Speaker 7: Oh yes, we were mad.
Speaker 6: Mad you must have done not.
Speaker 8: When we see that little tree again where we carved
Speaker 8: our initials, something new is going to be hanging from.
Speaker 7: It, and man, and you're going to the picnic, ed me.
Speaker 8: And I promise to kiss the moonlight from a certain
Speaker 8: beautiful lady.
Speaker 7: If a certain handsome and dashing gentleman is there to
Speaker 7: carry a certain lady across the brook again, how can
Speaker 7: I refuse?
Speaker 5: I'm going to be there.
Speaker 7: I'm going to be there.
Speaker 6: I'm going to be stick.
Speaker 5: I'll help me alive.
Speaker 7: Late to your broadcast, and we all have to get
Speaker 7: ready for the picnic.
Speaker 8: I'll pick you and Agnes up right after my broadcast.
Speaker 7: Oh, Edwin, Agnes can't go on the picnic with us.
Speaker 5: She can't.
Speaker 7: No, she's going up the river with her friends.
Speaker 5: I knew it. The Kala Committee is back.
Speaker 7: I know Edwin. Agnes has an outing of her own
Speaker 7: to go to for the first time. She won't be
Speaker 7: with us.
Speaker 8: Shakespeare, Grove and No, Agnes, this is really going to
Speaker 8: be a picnic.
Speaker 5: Goodbye.
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Speaker 1: When thoughts of the picnic on his mind, he is
Speaker 1: just finishing his uncle good Heart radio program.
Speaker 8: Listen, Come Ronald, All fun loving boys celebrate the Fourth
Speaker 8: of July. Some shoot firecrackers, some light the skyrockets you
Speaker 8: rubbled like to blow open bank.
Speaker 5: Say, dear listens, this is just an example of the
Speaker 5: trouble you can get into on fourth of July. That
Speaker 5: is why your.
Speaker 8: Uncle Goodheart has been urging you to spend the fourth
Speaker 8: of July.
Speaker 5: At home see from accidents, and you will live.
Speaker 8: Once again to greet the new day with your eyes
Speaker 8: high into the sun.
Speaker 1: And so ends another episode of Uncle Goodheart. And now
Speaker 1: stand by us, we announced the lucky winners of the
Speaker 1: Uncle Goodheart Letter Writing Conference.
Speaker 2: A prize winning letter on.
Speaker 1: The subject how I would spend the fourth of July
Speaker 1: at home with Uncle Goodhart was written in by mister
Speaker 1: and Missus Stonewall for two of Hemlock Hill, Tennessee. Mister
Speaker 1: and Missus Potuu are on their way to New York,
Speaker 1: all expenses paid to fulfill their heart's desire. They will
Speaker 1: spend the fourth of July in the happy home of
Speaker 1: Uncle Goodheart.
Speaker 4: Okay, you're off.
Speaker 8: The air, mister montagu good show.
Speaker 5: Oh that was abute? How do I keep out of jail?
Speaker 2: Ask our director?
Speaker 4: Mister Sinja had a lot of heart.
Speaker 2: To it, didn't it, Sinza three?
Speaker 11: That would they will do?
Speaker 9: There?
Speaker 5: Shot? Yes, Springer?
Speaker 2: What is he mumbling about?
Speaker 8: I distinctly heard the announcers as I think about someone
Speaker 8: winning a contest about the fourth of July. Oh, you
Speaker 8: mean the how I would spend by fourth of July
Speaker 8: and uncle good hearts, Oh.
Speaker 5: How I would spend by what with whom? Sinza?
Speaker 2: Didn't you explain?
Speaker 7: You tell him?
Speaker 5: Sinza?
Speaker 11: Dear well, you see, mister Montague, the people who won
Speaker 11: the contest get to spend fourth of July in your house.
Speaker 10: Don't hit me, Sinza.
Speaker 8: My home is not a one night stand but drooling
Speaker 8: idiots dragged in from the interlands by flugel soap.
Speaker 11: Yeah, but mister Montague, mister and missus Pettu won the
Speaker 11: contest in good faith.
Speaker 3: That was a national contest.
Speaker 4: The federal government have lost, guaranteeing a prize.
Speaker 8: Good Let the government be their host. Let the said blairhouse.
Speaker 8: Miss Montague, this will mean trouble for.
Speaker 5: You, and use the word loosely.
Speaker 8: I'm going out on a picnic today, a montacule.
Speaker 5: You can't go out.
Speaker 7: You've been campaigning for people to stay.
Speaker 4: Home on the fall.
Speaker 11: We announced the winner would spend the fourth of July
Speaker 11: with you and get everything they mentioned in the letter.
Speaker 5: Get everything they mentioned. Where's the letter? Read it? Go off?
Speaker 11: It says round about sundown, Ma and I would climb
Speaker 11: into our Sunday go to meet and clothes and show
Speaker 11: up at dear Uncle Goodheart's diggings. Yee Ma would give
Speaker 11: Uncle Goodheart's wife her own recipe for Southern Dixie gulash,
Speaker 11: which dear Aunt Goodheart would start cooking for dinner.
Speaker 4: Yea.
Speaker 11: Then we would all sit around the fireplace, singing, gossiping,
Speaker 11: and playing the melodeon, and just to sitting and listening
Speaker 11: to Uncle Goodheart's homie philosophy. Yea, din, mister and missus
Speaker 11: Stonewall put two.
Speaker 5: That's all mister it is?
Speaker 11: Yeah?
Speaker 8: Oh no, you think I'm tell you about pother do
Speaker 8: a sharecroppers villa. Mister Montague, you have a contract.
Speaker 5: I must go to my picnic.
Speaker 7: Mister Montague.
Speaker 4: They're coming in by bus after two days a knife riding.
Speaker 7: They'll be dead tired.
Speaker 11: They're probably falling sleep.
Speaker 5: Can't see it.
Speaker 8: Cousins there, when you get them all that bus, I
Speaker 8: want you to take them to sight see tight thing.
Speaker 11: In this heat, they won't make it fine.
Speaker 8: And you arrived my apartment with them at six o'clock
Speaker 8: when I opened the door, I want them to fall
Speaker 8: in out cold.
Speaker 7: If there was any other way, I think this is.
Speaker 6: A fine time to tell me to cancel my picnic.
Speaker 6: I got to write to lift too.
Speaker 5: I did.
Speaker 8: I told you were expecting, Missus Peto.
Speaker 7: I think it's shameful getting those people tired just so
Speaker 7: we can walk out on them.
Speaker 5: And what did you want me to do? Sit around
Speaker 5: all night with them? Hog calling?
Speaker 7: They kill them?
Speaker 8: Come blessings and the pattoos come in cinsa water, water fall, nursing.
Speaker 8: That's the water Cinsare you all right?
Speaker 11: I'm dehydrated walking walking in?
Speaker 5: That's easy, old man.
Speaker 8: There where are the patoos?
Speaker 6: Right here?
Speaker 11: Mister and missus Pattoo? This is Uncle good Heart.
Speaker 4: Howdy, it's Uncle good Heart?
Speaker 2: Yeah? What's that?
Speaker 11: That's the rebel yell, mister Montague. He does it every
Speaker 11: ten minutes. My ear drums went on the third one.
Speaker 8: Oh sinsor you're shocked, you're for a go.
Speaker 4: Uncle good Heart begging your pardon, sir. But it gives
Speaker 4: me great pride to present the little lady who I'm proud,
Speaker 4: might have proud or say, is my wife?
Speaker 6: Mma well land, if last week anyone was to tell
Speaker 6: me how he lived only yog and meet y'all, I
Speaker 6: want to say.
Speaker 4: You're just jes you get a b alright, she's a
Speaker 4: little loose in the lift.
Speaker 5: Well, where do we start?
Speaker 9: Uncle?
Speaker 8: I guess you're kind of tired.
Speaker 10: If you'd like to lie down, the beds are all.
Speaker 4: Uncle good Heart, But if you don't mind, I'll just
Speaker 4: stand stand. Been riding on a bus two days of
Speaker 4: free nights. I'm kind of saddle sore.
Speaker 5: If you get what I mean.
Speaker 9: I'll get them on crown.
Speaker 6: Why do Chelsea Fana come up to him on the
Speaker 6: box and this stranger set him all past?
Speaker 9: All right?
Speaker 5: She does take off?
Speaker 7: Did theos all?
Speaker 5: Why? Uncle good Heart? Don't tell me?
Speaker 4: This pretty little heifer sidling up to us is your wife,
Speaker 4: Andy good Heart?
Speaker 8: Yes, the pretty little heifer is by wife, the miss Pattoos.
Speaker 7: Welcome to New York and welcome to our home. I
Speaker 7: do declare.
Speaker 6: I thought when we left that little Mason Dixon and I,
Speaker 6: we left hospitality behind.
Speaker 9: And here y'all talk, I keep knows on order.
Speaker 4: Well, what are you women folks standing around?
Speaker 7: For get in the kitchen?
Speaker 6: Well, I got the beat out of elk. Stay here.
Speaker 4: This is Agnes well well, and am I half on
Speaker 4: the honor of meeting the fair daughter of your family?
Speaker 8: Mighty beautiful, I'm beautiful, my dear mister pittou, do declar
Speaker 8: you are stretching Southern.
Speaker 5: Shivelry to the breakhead. Pois, this is agnes.
Speaker 4: I made your maid got one of those. Huh your
Speaker 4: abe Lincoln took ours away?
Speaker 5: What are your plans? Uncle?
Speaker 8: Right now, I'm see you personally firing on Fort Sumter
Speaker 8: and started the whole wall over here?
Speaker 2: What are you?
Speaker 4: Women? Folks stand around here gassing for I'm hungry. My
Speaker 4: stomach's hollering. Send it down, boys, send it down. You're
Speaker 4: all gonna eat on a patoons tonight, just like I
Speaker 4: said in our letter, Mma, fetch me.
Speaker 5: The suitcase suitcase.
Speaker 10: Yes, we've brung our own victuals.
Speaker 4: Hey, missus, goodheart. In this suitcase, we got all the
Speaker 4: makings for MMA's Dixi goulash.
Speaker 2: It's shocked full.
Speaker 4: Of hogjowls, ton of greens, how many grits? Fat back
Speaker 4: Chitling's black eyed peas, And for flavoring a couple of
Speaker 4: squirrel hairs. Careful when you open it up, honey. Then
Speaker 4: riding on top of the bus for two days might
Speaker 4: be a little high.
Speaker 5: What's the matter, uncle? You look a little green? Love
Speaker 5: your rids.
Speaker 4: Can't wait to wrap your gums around.
Speaker 5: He tell us, missus, how to make it.
Speaker 7: Mma, let's goes.
Speaker 6: Okay, you don't mind if I eat the suitcase?
Speaker 5: Get Agnes.
Speaker 4: Now, let's sit down by the fireplace, like we said
Speaker 4: in the letter, and sing some of them oldies, but goodies.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm afraid I.
Speaker 4: You blue wrench mountains up Virginny on the trail.
Speaker 2: Of the Lord.
Speaker 4: Now that was a meal, How about it, missus goodheart?
Speaker 4: There's still one squirrel head left?
Speaker 7: No, thank you?
Speaker 5: Why honey, you.
Speaker 4: Didn't taste enough to keep a ball? We were crawling?
Speaker 5: Hey, whatever it did happen to Uncle good Heart?
Speaker 4: He swallowed one mouthful and took off like a hound
Speaker 4: dog dipped in turpentine.
Speaker 5: Don't explain it to him, emmy.
Speaker 7: He'll be out in the it of Agnes. Will you
Speaker 7: clear the table?
Speaker 2: Clare it?
Speaker 6: I wouldn't touch it.
Speaker 5: Here's uncle. Excuse me, excuse me.
Speaker 8: I'm still a little shaky, Lily, you would you step
Speaker 8: out here?
Speaker 2: What is it that, Lily?
Speaker 8: We've got to get them to sleep, Edwin.
Speaker 7: After that meal they put down, they can only stay
Speaker 7: awake another few minutes, Lily.
Speaker 5: We've got to put them to sleep.
Speaker 7: We'll do your hamlet soliloquy that hasn't missed yet.
Speaker 5: Look I saw him yawn. I'll go back mighty tired
Speaker 5: after that meeting. But out here take this easy chair,
Speaker 5: just sick into it.
Speaker 6: Usually after dinner, Stonewall usual just sets around, sucking on
Speaker 6: his teeth with his belt or and his stomach.
Speaker 7: Just a growl and the growl.
Speaker 5: Say how about another song?
Speaker 4: Camp down?
Speaker 8: Wait you just relax. Let me read you by philosophy,
Speaker 8: like you said to your letter. Have we hear a
Speaker 8: writer called Shakespeare?
Speaker 4: Shakespeare can't say that I have, but Am Mayor she
Speaker 4: was a high school teacher in Hemlock Hills, Am may
Speaker 4: you have a hell Shakespeare?
Speaker 7: No, but I weed the heap of reading out his robots.
Speaker 8: All right, Agnes, when you play the melode in the
Speaker 8: studio said.
Speaker 5: Just like we're asked for in the letter.
Speaker 8: Go ahead, Agnes, stand by with the pillows.
Speaker 10: Little mighty putty, isn't it, Am may.
Speaker 7: Whoa I do declare?
Speaker 5: I'm alright there.
Speaker 8: Remember relax, my dear mister missus patul Let me read
Speaker 8: you hamlets to the gay watch out, uncle lell Women in.
Speaker 5: The room listen, listen to be or not to be.
Speaker 5: That is the question, party.
Speaker 8: My party, whether it is noble in the mind to
Speaker 8: suffer the slings and arrows are rageous? Fortune to sleep,
Speaker 8: to sleep, the chance to dreams already?
Speaker 6: Congratulations, that's a new record.
Speaker 5: Let's call it.
Speaker 7: No, no, let's make sure they're asleep.
Speaker 8: Mister Petou, missus Patou, hit the maid, the lunch baskets
Speaker 8: on the picnic here, and let's.
Speaker 7: Go hurry out and coming.
Speaker 10: May is the old goat and his wife gone.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I thought we'd be hung up with him forever.
Speaker 9: Yea god.
Speaker 4: I Now let's celebrate the fourth as it should be celebrated, missus.
Speaker 4: But if you'll take my arm, we'll go out and
Speaker 4: get load dead. It's a glorious fourth in July.
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Speaker 1: Night Transcribe feature on NBC's All Star Festival of Comedy, Music,
Speaker 1: Mystery and Drama, brought to you by Alison for Fast
Speaker 1: Relief from pain of headache neurritis in Euralgia and by
Speaker 1: RCA Victor world leader in radio, first and recorded music,
Speaker 1: and first in television. The Magnificent Montague was written by
Speaker 1: Nat Hiking and Billy Friedberg. Anne Seymour was Lily Pert
Speaker 1: Calton was Agnes. Also heard tonight for Art Conney, Johnny Gibson,
Speaker 1: John Griggs and Anne potoniac Jack Ward was at the organ.
Speaker 1: This is Don Pardo speaking