WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:06.639 The B flat Trombone by Samuel Hopkins Adams. Three men 2 00:00:06.759 --> 00:00:10.039 sat in the Cosmic Club discussing the question what's the 3 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:14.480 matter with Jones? Waldemar, the oldest of the confres, was 4 00:00:14.519 --> 00:00:17.879 the owner and at times the operator, of an important 5 00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:22.079 and decent newspaper. His heavy face wore the expression of 6 00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:27.160 good humored power characteristic of the experienced and successful journalist. 7 00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:32.799 Beside him sat Robert Bertram, the club idler, slender, and 8 00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:39.520 languidly elegant. The third member of the conference was Jones himself. Average. 9 00:00:39.640 --> 00:00:43.679 Jones had come by his nickname inevitably. His parents had 10 00:00:43.719 --> 00:00:46.359 fordoomed him to it when they furnished him with the 11 00:00:46.399 --> 00:00:52.159 initials A V R. E as preface to his birthright 12 00:00:52.240 --> 00:00:57.960 of j for Jones, his character apparently justified the chance concomitants. 13 00:00:58.920 --> 00:01:02.880 He was, so to speak, a composite photograph of any thousand, 14 00:01:02.920 --> 00:01:07.040 well conditioned, clean living Americans between the ages of twenty 15 00:01:07.040 --> 00:01:12.719 five and thirty. Happily, his otherwise commonplace face was relieved 16 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:17.840 by the one unfailing characteristic of composite photographs, large deep 17 00:01:17.879 --> 00:01:21.760 set and thoughtful eyes. Otherwise he would have passed in 18 00:01:21.840 --> 00:01:25.680 any crowd, and nobody would have noticed him pass. Now 19 00:01:25.719 --> 00:01:28.719 at twenty seven, he looked back over the five years 20 00:01:28.719 --> 00:01:32.040 since his graduation from college and wondered what he had 21 00:01:32.079 --> 00:01:34.840 done with them, and at the four previous years of 22 00:01:34.920 --> 00:01:38.159 undergraduate life, and wondered how he had done so well 23 00:01:38.200 --> 00:01:41.159 with those, and why he had not, in some manner 24 00:01:41.680 --> 00:01:46.120 justified the parting words of his favorite professor. You have 25 00:01:46.159 --> 00:01:50.599 one rare faculty, Jones. You can, when you choose, sharpen 26 00:01:50.680 --> 00:01:54.959 the pencil of your mind to a very fine point. Specialize, 27 00:01:55.000 --> 00:02:00.640 my boy, specialize. If the recipient of this admins had 28 00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:05.439 specialized in anything, it was in life. Having twenty five 29 00:02:05.519 --> 00:02:08.240 thousand a year of his own, he might have continued 30 00:02:08.280 --> 00:02:12.879 in that path indefinitely, but for two influences. One was 31 00:02:12.919 --> 00:02:16.159 an eruptive craving within him to take some part of 32 00:02:16.199 --> 00:02:20.319 the dynamic activities of the surrounding world. The other was 33 00:02:20.360 --> 00:02:23.800 the freak will of his late and little lamented uncle, 34 00:02:24.120 --> 00:02:27.240 from whom he had his present income and his future 35 00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:33.479 expectations of some ten millions. Adrian van Rape and Edgerton had, 36 00:02:33.960 --> 00:02:37.439 as Waldemar once put it, one into the mayor's chair 37 00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:39.919 with a good name and come out with a block 38 00:02:39.960 --> 00:02:44.400 of ice stock in a will whose cynical humor was 39 00:02:44.400 --> 00:02:49.120 the topic of its day. Mister Edgerton jeered posthumously at 40 00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:52.879 the public which he had despoiled, and promised restitution of 41 00:02:52.919 --> 00:02:58.360 a sort through his heir. Therefore, he had written, I 42 00:02:58.520 --> 00:03:01.919 give and bequeath to the Seine ed Adrian van Rapen 43 00:03:02.240 --> 00:03:06.319 Edgerton Jones, the residue of my property, the principle to 44 00:03:06.360 --> 00:03:08.960 be taken over by him at such time as he 45 00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:12.719 shall have completed five years of continuous residence in New 46 00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:17.039 York City. After such time the virus of the metropolis 47 00:03:17.039 --> 00:03:20.120 will have worked through his entire being. He will squander 48 00:03:20.120 --> 00:03:24.919 his unearned, undeserved fortune, thus completing the vicious circle and 49 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:28.599 returning the millions acquired by my political activities in a 50 00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:32.800 poisoned shower upon the city for which, having bossed, bullied, 51 00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:36.639 and looted it, I feel no sentiment other than contempt. 52 00:03:37.639 --> 00:03:42.039 And now, remarked Waldemar in his heavy rumbling voice, you 53 00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:46.039 aspire to disappoint that good old man. It is only 54 00:03:46.120 --> 00:03:49.759 human nature, you know, said average Jones. When a man 55 00:03:49.800 --> 00:03:52.919 puts a ten million dollar curse on you and suggests 56 00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:55.960 that you haven't the backbone of a shrimp, you you 57 00:03:56.919 --> 00:04:02.960 naturally yearn to prove him a liar, supplied Bertram. Exactly. Anyway, 58 00:04:03.319 --> 00:04:06.800 I've no taste for dissipation, either moral or financial. I 59 00:04:06.840 --> 00:04:10.879 want action, something to do. I'm bored in this infernal city, 60 00:04:11.719 --> 00:04:17.199 the wail of the unslaked Romanticist, commented Bertram. Romanticism nothing 61 00:04:17.279 --> 00:04:20.759 protested the other. My ambitions are practical enough, if I 62 00:04:20.759 --> 00:04:25.399 could only get them stirred up. Exactly. Boredom is simply 63 00:04:25.480 --> 00:04:30.040 romanticism with a morning after thirst. You're panting for romance, 64 00:04:30.079 --> 00:04:34.279 for something bizarre. Egypt and Saint Petersburg and Buenos Aires 65 00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:38.439 and Samoa have all become commonplace to you. You've overdone them. 66 00:04:38.839 --> 00:04:41.439 That's why you're back here in New York, waiting with 67 00:04:41.519 --> 00:04:44.720 stretched nerves for the adventure of life to cat creep 68 00:04:44.839 --> 00:04:48.040 up from behind and toss the lariat of rainbow dreams 69 00:04:48.040 --> 00:04:53.560 over your shoulders. Waldemar laughed, Not a bad diagnosis. Why 70 00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:56.759 don't you take up a hobby, mister Jones, What kind 71 00:04:56.759 --> 00:05:00.720 of hobby? Any kind? The club is full of hobby writers. 72 00:05:01.399 --> 00:05:03.639 Of all people that I know, they have the keenest 73 00:05:03.639 --> 00:05:07.680 appetite for life. Look at old Denishow. He was a 74 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:11.600 misanthrope until he took to gathering scabs. Fenton over There 75 00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:14.720 has the finest collection of circus posters in the world. 76 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:20.279 Bellardinge's house is a museum of obsolete musical instruments. De 77 00:05:20.399 --> 00:05:23.480 Gay collects venomous insects from all over the world. No 78 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:28.160 harmless ones need apply. Terra Barry has a mania for 79 00:05:28.240 --> 00:05:32.360 old railroad tickets. Some are really very curious. I've often 80 00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:34.759 wish I had the time to be a crank. It's 81 00:05:34.759 --> 00:05:39.959 a happy life. What line would you choose, asked Bertram languidly. 82 00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.920 Nobody has gone in for queer advertisements yet, I believe, 83 00:05:44.439 --> 00:05:47.439 replied the older man if one could take the time 84 00:05:47.480 --> 00:05:50.759 to follow them up. But it would mean all one's leisure. 85 00:05:52.160 --> 00:05:55.519 Would it be so demanding a career? Said average Jones, 86 00:05:55.560 --> 00:06:00.319 smiling decidedly. I once knew a man who gave away 87 00:06:00.360 --> 00:06:03.759 twenty dollars daily on clues from the day's news. He 88 00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:08.040 wasn't bored for lack of occupation. But the ordinary run 89 00:06:08.079 --> 00:06:10.639 of advertising is nothing more than an effort to sell 90 00:06:10.680 --> 00:06:16.000 something by yelling in print, objected Average Jones. Is it well, 91 00:06:16.079 --> 00:06:20.240 perhaps you don't look in the right place. Waldemar reached 92 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:23.000 for the morning's copy of The Universal and ran his 93 00:06:23.040 --> 00:06:26.519 eye down the columns of classified matter. Hark to this, 94 00:06:26.680 --> 00:06:30.720 he said, and read, is there any work on God's 95 00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:32.920 Green Earth for a man who has just got to 96 00:06:33.000 --> 00:06:38.480 have it? Or this? Wanted a venerable looking man with 97 00:06:38.560 --> 00:06:42.279 white beard and medical degree, good pay to write applicant? 98 00:06:42.920 --> 00:06:47.480 What's that? Asked Average Jones with awakened interest. Only a 99 00:06:47.560 --> 00:06:50.519 quack medical concern looking for a stall to impress their 100 00:06:50.519 --> 00:06:55.240 come ons, explained Waldemar. Average Jones leaned over to scan 101 00:06:55.319 --> 00:06:58.480 the paper in his turn. Here's one, said he and 102 00:06:58.600 --> 00:07:03.839 read wanted performer on a B flat trombone, can use 103 00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:08.560 it once, apply with instrument after one pm, three hundred East, 104 00:07:08.600 --> 00:07:14.000 one hundredth Street. That seems ordinary enough, said Waldemar. What's 105 00:07:14.040 --> 00:07:17.959 it doing in a daily paper? There must be technical 106 00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:22.519 publications or journals, you know, for this sort of demand. 107 00:07:22.720 --> 00:07:26.879 When Average's words come slow, you've got him interested, commented Bertram. 108 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:33.279 Sure sign. Nevertheless, he's right, said Waldemar. It is rather misplaced. 109 00:07:34.759 --> 00:07:36.879 How is this for one that says what it means? 110 00:07:36.879 --> 00:07:41.439 Said Bertram. Wanted at once a brass howitzer and a 111 00:07:41.480 --> 00:07:44.839 man who isn't afraid to handle it, missus Ann Cullen 112 00:07:45.079 --> 00:07:49.879 Peer nineteen and a half, East River, the woman who 113 00:07:49.959 --> 00:07:53.720 is fighting the barge combine, explained Waldemar. Not so good 114 00:07:53.720 --> 00:07:58.480 as it looks she's bluffing. Anyway, I'd like a shy 115 00:07:58.560 --> 00:08:02.680 at this business, declared averag Jones, with sudden conviction. It 116 00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:06.279 looks to me like something to do. Make it a business, 117 00:08:06.279 --> 00:08:09.839 then advise Waldemar, if you care really to go in 118 00:08:09.920 --> 00:08:12.399 for it. My newspaper would be glad to pay for 119 00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:16.519 information such as you might collect. We haven't time, for example, 120 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:20.480 to trace down fraudulent advertisers. If you could start an 121 00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:23.959 enterprise of that sort, you'd certainly find it amusing and 122 00:08:24.040 --> 00:08:28.319 at times perhaps even adventurous. I wouldn't know how to 123 00:08:28.439 --> 00:08:33.120 establish it, objected average Jones. The newspaper owner drew a 124 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:35.919 rough diagram on a sheet of paper and filled it 125 00:08:35.960 --> 00:08:40.919 with writing, crossing out and revising liberally divided upon his 126 00:08:41.080 --> 00:08:47.879 pattern into lines. The final draft said, have you been stung? Thousands? 127 00:08:47.919 --> 00:08:52.200 Have thousands? Will be? They're laying for you? Who the 128 00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:58.000 advertising crooks? A Jones adviser can protect you against them 129 00:08:58.600 --> 00:09:02.759 before spending your money. Call on him advice on all subjects. 130 00:09:02.759 --> 00:09:08.360 Connected with newspaper, magazine or display advertising. Free consultation to 131 00:09:08.440 --> 00:09:12.639 persons unable to pay, call or write in closing postage. 132 00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:18.000 This is on the level, advisor. Do you expect me 133 00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:21.080 to blight my budding career by a poisonous pun like that? 134 00:09:21.759 --> 00:09:26.000 Demanded average Jones with a wry face. It may be 135 00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:29.679 a poisonous pun, but it's an arresting catchword, said waldemar 136 00:09:29.799 --> 00:09:33.960 unmoved single column about fifty lines will do in nice 137 00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:37.679 open style, caps in lower case and blackface type for 138 00:09:37.720 --> 00:09:41.200 the name and title. Insert twice a week in every 139 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:46.559 New York and Brooklyn paper. Isn't it a little blatant? 140 00:09:46.919 --> 00:09:53.000 Suggested bertram with lifted eyebrows. Blatant repeated its inventor. It's 141 00:09:53.120 --> 00:09:56.799 more than that. It's howlingly vulgar. It's a riot of 142 00:09:56.840 --> 00:10:00.960 glaring yellow. How else would you expect to catch the pue? 143 00:10:01.679 --> 00:10:04.360 Suppose then I do burst into flame to this effect, 144 00:10:04.879 --> 00:10:09.679 query the prospective adviser. A Aprey, as we proudly say, 145 00:10:09.720 --> 00:10:14.279 after spending a week in Paris, Aprey, oh plenty of things. 146 00:10:14.840 --> 00:10:18.360 You hire an office, a clerk, two stenographers, and a 147 00:10:18.399 --> 00:10:21.360 clipping expert, and prepare to take care of the work 148 00:10:21.360 --> 00:10:26.399 that comes in, you'll be flooded, promised Waldemar. And between 149 00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:29.919 times I'm to go skipping about, chasing long white whiskers 150 00:10:29.919 --> 00:10:35.039 and brass howitzers and b flat trombones. I suppose until 151 00:10:35.080 --> 00:10:38.159 you get your work systematized, you'll have no time for skipping. 152 00:10:38.840 --> 00:10:41.879 Within six months, if you're not sandbagged or jailed on 153 00:10:41.960 --> 00:10:45.759 fake libel suits, you'll have a unique bibliography of swindles. 154 00:10:46.519 --> 00:10:48.720 Then I'll begin to come and buy your knowledge to 155 00:10:48.799 --> 00:10:52.919 keep my own columns clean. The speaker looked up to 156 00:10:52.919 --> 00:10:55.519 meet the gaze of an iron gray man with a harsh, 157 00:10:55.559 --> 00:11:01.840 sallow face. Excuse my interrupting, said the newcomer. Just one question, Waldemar. 158 00:11:02.320 --> 00:11:07.519 Who's going to be the nominee? Linder Lynder surely not. 159 00:11:08.200 --> 00:11:12.399 Why his name hasn't been heard? It will be his 160 00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:16.759 federal job. He resigns in two weeks, his record will 161 00:11:16.840 --> 00:11:20.240 kill him. What record? You and I know he's a grafter, 162 00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:23.840 but can we prove anything His cork has always handled 163 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:27.480 all the money? Wasn't there an old scandal? A woman 164 00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:33.120 case asked the questioner, vaguely that Washington Man's wife too old. 165 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:36.639 Linder would deny it. Flatly, and there would be no witnesses. 166 00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:39.840 The woman is dead, killed by his brutal treatment of her, 167 00:11:39.879 --> 00:11:42.440 they say. But the whole thing was hushed up at 168 00:11:42.480 --> 00:11:45.519 the time by Lynder's pull, and when the husband threatened 169 00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:48.799 to kill him, Linder quietly set a Commissioner of insanity 170 00:11:48.840 --> 00:11:51.720 on the case and had the man put away. He's 171 00:11:51.799 --> 00:11:57.080 never appeared since. No, that wouldn't be politically effective. The 172 00:11:57.120 --> 00:12:01.840 gray man nodded and walked away, musing. Egbert, the traction boss, 173 00:12:02.279 --> 00:12:06.519 explained Waldemar, We're generally on opposite sides, but this time 174 00:12:06.559 --> 00:12:10.399 we're both against Linder. Egbert wants a cheaper man for mayor. 175 00:12:10.759 --> 00:12:13.320 I want a straighter one, and I could get him 176 00:12:13.360 --> 00:12:16.879 this year if Linder wasn't so well fortified. However, to 177 00:12:16.919 --> 00:12:20.320 get back to our project, mister Jones, get back to 178 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:23.440 it they did with such absorption that, when the group 179 00:12:23.480 --> 00:12:27.279 broke up several hours later, Average Jones was committed by 180 00:12:27.320 --> 00:12:30.440 plan and wrote to the new and hopeful adventure of 181 00:12:30.519 --> 00:12:34.720 life in the great human hunt, which has ever been 182 00:12:34.799 --> 00:12:37.559 and ever shall be, till the last bird flies into 183 00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:41.519 the last light. Some call it business, some call it art, 184 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:44.200 some call it love, and a very few know it 185 00:12:44.240 --> 00:12:47.960 for what it is, the very mainspring of existence. The 186 00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:51.679 path of the pursuer and the prey often run obscurely parallel. 187 00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:56.240 What time the Honorable William Lender matured his designs on 188 00:12:56.279 --> 00:12:59.840 the Mayoralty, Average Jones sat in a suite of offices 189 00:13:00.039 --> 00:13:05.039 Astra Court, a location which Waldemar had advised as being central, 190 00:13:05.639 --> 00:13:10.279 expensive and inspirational of confidence, and considered with a whirling 191 00:13:10.320 --> 00:13:15.000 brain the minor woes of humanity. Other people's troubles had 192 00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:17.960 swarmed down upon him in answer to his advertised offer 193 00:13:17.960 --> 00:13:23.200 of help as Sparrow's flocked of scattered breadcrumbs. Mostly these 194 00:13:23.200 --> 00:13:26.120 were of the lesser order of difficulties. But for what 195 00:13:26.240 --> 00:13:29.720 he gave in advice and help, the adviser took payment 196 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:34.159 in experience and knowledge of human nature. Still, it was 197 00:13:34.200 --> 00:13:37.159 the hard, honest study and the helpful toil which held 198 00:13:37.200 --> 00:13:40.360 him to the task, rather than the romance and adventure 199 00:13:40.480 --> 00:13:44.360 which he had hoped for and Waldemar had foretold. Until 200 00:13:44.440 --> 00:13:46.960 in a quiet street in Brooklyn, of which he had 201 00:13:47.039 --> 00:13:50.639 never so much as heard, there befell that which first 202 00:13:50.679 --> 00:13:55.519 of many events justified the prophetic Waldemar and gave Average 203 00:13:55.600 --> 00:13:58.240 Jones a part in the greater drama of the metropolis. 204 00:13:59.120 --> 00:14:01.679 The party of the set second part was the Honorable 205 00:14:01.679 --> 00:14:06.240 William Linder. Mister Linder sat at five p m. Of 206 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:10.320 an early summer day, behind lock and bolt, the third 207 00:14:10.360 --> 00:14:13.440 floor front room of his ornate mansion on Brooklyn's Park 208 00:14:13.519 --> 00:14:18.240 Slope was dedicated to peaceful thought. Sprawled in a huge 209 00:14:18.320 --> 00:14:21.600 and softly upholstered chair at the window, he took his 210 00:14:21.679 --> 00:14:24.919 ease in his house. The chair had been a recent 211 00:14:24.960 --> 00:14:29.720 gift from an anonymous admirer, whose political necessities, the honorable 212 00:14:29.759 --> 00:14:33.240 mister Linder idly surmised, had not yet driven him to 213 00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:38.159 reveal his identity. Its occupants. Stretched his shoeless feet, as 214 00:14:38.279 --> 00:14:41.799 was his custom, upon the broad window sill, flooded by 215 00:14:41.799 --> 00:14:45.240 the seasonal warmth of sunshine. The while he considered the 216 00:14:45.360 --> 00:14:50.759 ripening mayoralty situation, he found it highly satisfactory in the 217 00:14:50.879 --> 00:14:55.600 language of his inner man. It was a cinch. Below, 218 00:14:55.679 --> 00:15:00.759 in Cannard Street, a solitary musician plotted, his pretzel shaped 219 00:15:00.759 --> 00:15:04.240 brass rested against his shoulder. He appeared to be the 220 00:15:04.279 --> 00:15:08.240 scout of one of those prevalent and melancholious German bands 221 00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:12.360 which under Brooklyn's easy ordinances are privileged to draw echoes 222 00:15:12.399 --> 00:15:16.399 of the past, writhing from their forgotten recesses. The man 223 00:15:16.440 --> 00:15:20.879 looked slowly about him, as if appraising potential returns. His 224 00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:24.480 gravid glance encountered the prominent feet in the third story 225 00:15:24.519 --> 00:15:28.440 window of the Lender mansion, and rested. He moved forward 226 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:32.440 opposite the window. He paused. He raised the mouthpiece to 227 00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:35.720 his lips, and embarked upon a perilous sea of notes, 228 00:15:36.039 --> 00:15:38.879 from which the tutored ear might have inferred that once 229 00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:44.519 popular ditty egypt Love of music was not one of 230 00:15:44.639 --> 00:15:50.159 Honorable William Linder's attributes. An irascal temper was. Of all 231 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:53.480 the instruments, the B flat trombone possesses the most nerve 232 00:15:53.559 --> 00:15:57.600 jarring tone. The master of the mansion leaped from his 233 00:15:57.679 --> 00:16:00.840 RESTful chair, where his feet had or of the coping. 234 00:16:00.919 --> 00:16:04.360 His face now appeared far out. He leaned and roared 235 00:16:04.399 --> 00:16:08.320 at the musician below. The brass throat blared back at him, 236 00:16:08.600 --> 00:16:12.200 while the soloist, his eyes closed in the ecstasy of art, 237 00:16:12.559 --> 00:16:16.519 brought the verst part of his selection to an excruciating conclusion, 238 00:16:16.960 --> 00:16:20.919 half a tone below pitch before the chorus. There was 239 00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:24.480 a brief pause for effect. In this pause, from mister 240 00:16:24.559 --> 00:16:27.960 Linder's open face, a voice fell like a falling star. 241 00:16:29.720 --> 00:16:33.720 Although it did not cry excelsior, its output of vocables 242 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:36.799 might have been mistaken by a casual ear for that 243 00:16:36.919 --> 00:16:41.360 clarion call. What the honorable mister Linder actually shouted was 244 00:16:42.000 --> 00:16:46.279 get the hell out of here. The performer upturned a 245 00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:50.320 mild and vacant face. What you say, he inquired in 246 00:16:50.360 --> 00:16:55.200 a softly teutonic accent. The Honorable William Lender made urgent 247 00:16:55.279 --> 00:17:00.759 gestures like a brakeman, go away, move on. The musician 248 00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:04.880 smiled reassuringly. I already got paid for this, he explained. 249 00:17:06.279 --> 00:17:09.279 Up went the brass to his lips again. The tonal 250 00:17:09.319 --> 00:17:12.359 stairway which leads up to the chorus of Egypt rose 251 00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:18.240 in raspy wailfulness. It culminated in an excessive, unendurable, brazen shriek, 252 00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:22.480 and the Honorable William Lender experienced upon the undefended rear 253 00:17:22.519 --> 00:17:25.720 of his person the most violent kick of a lifetime 254 00:17:26.079 --> 00:17:29.759 not always devoted to the arts of peace. It projected 255 00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:33.240 him clear of the window sill. His last visible vision 256 00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:36.319 was the face of the musician, the mouth of surdly 257 00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:40.799 hollow and pursed above the suddenly removed mouthpiece. Then an 258 00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:46.039 awning intercepted the politician's flight. He passed through this, penetrated 259 00:17:46.039 --> 00:17:49.160 a second and similar stretch of canvas shading the next 260 00:17:49.200 --> 00:17:52.920 window below, and lay placid on his own front doorsteps, 261 00:17:53.279 --> 00:17:56.559 with three ribs caved in and a variegated fracture of 262 00:17:56.599 --> 00:18:00.400 the collarbone. By the time the descent was ended, the 263 00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:03.640 German musician had tucked his brass under his arm and 264 00:18:03.799 --> 00:18:07.480 was hurrying in panic down the street, his ears still 265 00:18:07.559 --> 00:18:11.160 ringing from the concussion which had blown the angry householder 266 00:18:11.160 --> 00:18:14.400 from his own front window. He was intercepted by a 267 00:18:14.440 --> 00:18:20.720 running policeman. Where was the explosion, demanded the officer. Explosion, 268 00:18:21.319 --> 00:18:23.599 I heard a noise in the large house on the corner, 269 00:18:24.079 --> 00:18:28.920 replied the musician dully. The policeman grabbed his arm. Come 270 00:18:28.960 --> 00:18:31.880 along back, you for a witness. Come on, you and 271 00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:36.400 your horn. It is not a horn, exclaimed the German patiently. 272 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:41.319 It's iss a B flat trombone. Along with several million 273 00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:45.680 other readers, Average Joan followed the lender bomb outrage through 274 00:18:45.720 --> 00:18:50.480 the scandalized headlines of the local press. The perpetrator declared. 275 00:18:50.519 --> 00:18:54.400 The excited journals had been skillful. No clue was left. 276 00:18:55.240 --> 00:18:58.839 The explosion had taken care of that. The police, with 277 00:18:58.920 --> 00:19:02.400 the characteristic stoopidity of a corps of former truck drivers 278 00:19:02.400 --> 00:19:06.440 and bartenders, decorated with brass buttons and shields, and without 279 00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:12.119 further qualification dubbed detectives, vacillated from theory to theory. Their 280 00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:15.960 putty and pasteboard fantasies did not long survive. The honorable 281 00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:20.680 William Lenders return to consciousness and coherence. An inside job, 282 00:19:20.759 --> 00:19:23.680 they had said. The door was locked and bolted, mister 283 00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:26.759 Linder declared, and there was no possible place for an 284 00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:32.160 intruder to conceal himself clockwork. Then how would any human 285 00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:35.240 being guess what time to set it for, demanded the 286 00:19:35.240 --> 00:19:39.319 politician in disgust. When I never know myself where I'm 287 00:19:39.359 --> 00:19:42.200 going to be at any given hour of any given day. 288 00:19:43.759 --> 00:19:47.000 Then that Dutch horn player threw the bomb, propounded the 289 00:19:47.039 --> 00:19:51.680 head of the detective bureau ponderously, of course, tossed it 290 00:19:51.759 --> 00:19:55.519 right up three stories, and kept playing his infernal trombone 291 00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:58.119 with the other hand all the time you ought to 292 00:19:58.200 --> 00:20:03.079 be carrying a hod Nevertheless, the police hung tenaciously to 293 00:20:03.119 --> 00:20:06.920 the theory that the musician was involved, chiefly because they 294 00:20:06.960 --> 00:20:10.440 had nothing else to hang to. The explosion had been 295 00:20:10.599 --> 00:20:14.720 very localized, the room not generally wrecked, but the chair, 296 00:20:14.759 --> 00:20:17.200 which seemed to be the center of the disturbance, and 297 00:20:17.240 --> 00:20:19.920 from which the Honorable William Lender had risen just in 298 00:20:19.960 --> 00:20:23.480 time to save his life, was blown to pieces, and 299 00:20:23.559 --> 00:20:26.000 a portion of the floor beneath it was much shattered. 300 00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:30.319 The force of the explosion had been above the floor downward, 301 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:34.599 not up through the flooring, as to murderously inclined foes. 302 00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:38.559 Mister Linder disclaimed knowledge of any The notion that the 303 00:20:38.599 --> 00:20:42.160 trombonus had given a signal he derided as in old 304 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:46.519 sleuth pipe dream. As time went on and clues came 305 00:20:46.599 --> 00:20:50.039 to nothing, the police had no greater concern than quietly 306 00:20:50.119 --> 00:20:54.319 to forget, according to custom, a problem beyond their limited powers. 307 00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:58.079 With the release of the German musician, who is found 308 00:20:58.119 --> 00:21:00.720 to be simple minded to the verge of hat witlessness, 309 00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:04.880 public interest waned, and the case faded out of current print. 310 00:21:06.359 --> 00:21:09.200 Average Jones, who was much occupied with a pair of 311 00:21:09.240 --> 00:21:14.319 blackmailers operating through faked photographs about that time, had almost 312 00:21:14.359 --> 00:21:17.519 forgotten the lender case. When one day, a month after 313 00:21:17.559 --> 00:21:21.359 the explosion, Waldemar dropped in at the Astro court offices, 314 00:21:22.559 --> 00:21:26.079 he found a change Jones, much thinner and finer than 315 00:21:26.119 --> 00:21:29.400 when eight weeks before he had embarked on his new 316 00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:33.880 career at the newspaper owner's insistence. The young man's color 317 00:21:33.960 --> 00:21:37.200 was less pronounced, and his eyes, though alert and eager, 318 00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:41.440 showed rings under them. You have found the work interesting, 319 00:21:41.480 --> 00:21:47.200 I take it, remarked his visitor, rather drawled average Jones appreciatively. 320 00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:51.559 That was a good initial effort running down the opium 321 00:21:51.559 --> 00:21:55.559 pill mail order enterprise. It was simple enough as soon 322 00:21:55.559 --> 00:21:59.480 as I saw the catchword in the wanted line. Anything 323 00:21:59.559 --> 00:22:01.880 is easy to a man who sees it, returned the 324 00:22:01.880 --> 00:22:06.200 older man sententiously. The open eye of the open mind. 325 00:22:06.319 --> 00:22:08.960 That has more to do with real detective work than 326 00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:13.599 all the deduction and induction and analysis ever devised. It 327 00:22:13.720 --> 00:22:16.400 is the detective part that interests me most in the game. 328 00:22:16.759 --> 00:22:19.359 But I haven't had much of it yet. You haven't 329 00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:23.960 run across any promising ads lately, have you, Waldemar's wide, 330 00:22:24.039 --> 00:22:27.640 florid brow wrinkled. I hadn't thought or dreamed of anything 331 00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:31.799 for a month, but this infernal bomb explosion. Oh the 332 00:22:31.880 --> 00:22:38.000 lender case, you're personally interested politically, it makes Linder's nomination 333 00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:43.759 certain persecution, attempted assassination. He becomes a near martyr. I 334 00:22:43.799 --> 00:22:46.039 am almost ready to believe that he planted a fake 335 00:22:46.119 --> 00:22:49.519 bomb himself and fell out of a third story window 336 00:22:49.559 --> 00:22:52.960 to carry out the idea. That's pushing realism rather far, 337 00:22:53.079 --> 00:22:58.319 isn't it, Waldemar laughed. There's the weakness unless we suppose 338 00:22:58.359 --> 00:23:01.839 that he under reckoned the charge of a explosive. They 339 00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:06.000 let the musician go, didn't they? Yes, there was absolutely 340 00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:08.440 no proof against him, except that he was in the 341 00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:13.519 street below. Besides, he seemed quite lacking mentally. Mightn't that 342 00:23:13.559 --> 00:23:17.559 have been a sham? Alienists of good standing examined him. 343 00:23:18.119 --> 00:23:20.759 They reported him just a shade better than half witted. 344 00:23:21.480 --> 00:23:24.359 He was like a one idea child, his whole being 345 00:23:24.440 --> 00:23:27.519 comprised in his ability and ambition to play his B 346 00:23:27.720 --> 00:23:33.319 flat trombone. Well. If I needed an accomplice, said average Jones, thoughtfully, 347 00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:36.079 I wouldn't want any better one than a half witted man. 348 00:23:36.519 --> 00:23:40.960 Did he play well? Atrociously? And if you know what 349 00:23:41.039 --> 00:23:44.599 a soul shattering blare exudes from a b flat trombone, 350 00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:51.440 mister Waldemar lifted expressive hands. Within average jones overstocked mind, 351 00:23:51.559 --> 00:23:56.039 something stirred at the repetition of the words b flat trombone. 352 00:23:56.640 --> 00:24:00.039 Somewhere they had attracted his notice in print, and some 353 00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:04.319 they were connected with Waldemar. Then, from amidst the hundreds 354 00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:07.680 of advertisements with which in the past weeks he had 355 00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:11.599 crowded his brain, one stood out clear. He had voiced 356 00:24:11.640 --> 00:24:14.519 the desire of an unknown gentleman on the near border 357 00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:17.920 of Harlem for the services of a performer upon that 358 00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:22.720 semi exotic instrument, one among several. It had been cut 359 00:24:22.720 --> 00:24:25.599 from the columns of the Universal on the evening which 360 00:24:25.640 --> 00:24:29.720 had launched him upon his new enterprise. Average Jones made 361 00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:33.200 two steps to a bookcase, took down a huge scrap 362 00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:36.920 book from an alphabetized row, and turned the leaves rapidly. 363 00:24:38.279 --> 00:24:41.680 Three hundred east one hundredth You won't mind, will you, 364 00:24:41.839 --> 00:24:46.599 he said to Waldemar. If I leave you unceremoniously recall 365 00:24:46.680 --> 00:24:51.640 the forgotten engagement, asked the other, rising, Yes, No, I 366 00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:54.680 mean I'm going to Harlem to hear some music. Thirty 367 00:24:54.680 --> 00:24:59.400 fourth the nearest station, isn't it? Thanks so long? Waldemar 368 00:24:59.480 --> 00:25:02.240 rubbed his head thoughtfully as the door slammed behind the 369 00:25:02.279 --> 00:25:06.079 speeding adviser. Now what kind of tune is he on 370 00:25:06.119 --> 00:25:09.240 the track of, I wonder, he mused. I wish it 371 00:25:09.279 --> 00:25:11.920 hadn't struck him until I'd had time to go ovill 372 00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:15.960 Lender business with him. But while Waldemar rubbed his head 373 00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:19.559 in cogitation, and the Honorable William Lender in his Brooklyn 374 00:25:19.559 --> 00:25:23.720 headquarters breathed cheerily out of respect to his creaking rib, 375 00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:29.400 Average Jones was following fate northward three hundred East one 376 00:25:29.440 --> 00:25:32.599 hundredth Street. Is a house decrepit with the disease of 377 00:25:32.599 --> 00:25:36.960 the aged. Its windowed eyes are roomy, its SAgs backward 378 00:25:37.039 --> 00:25:40.680 on narl joints. All its poor old bones creak when 379 00:25:40.680 --> 00:25:44.839 the winds shake it. To Average Jones, inquiring gaze on 380 00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:49.119 this summer day, it opposed the secrecy of a senile indifference. 381 00:25:49.960 --> 00:25:53.000 He hesitated to pull at its bell knob lest by 382 00:25:53.039 --> 00:25:56.440 that act he should exert this eruptive force, which might 383 00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:00.400 bring all the frail structure rattling down in ruin. When 384 00:26:00.440 --> 00:26:03.799 at length he forced himself through the summons, the merest 385 00:26:03.839 --> 00:26:08.240 ghost of a tinkle complained petulantly from within against his violence. 386 00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:12.200 An old lady came to the door. She was sleek 387 00:26:12.279 --> 00:26:16.000 and placid, round and comfortable. She did not seem to 388 00:26:16.039 --> 00:26:19.599 belong in that house at all. Average Jones felt as 389 00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:22.160 if he had cracked open one of the grisly locust 390 00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:26.039 shells which clung lifelessly to tree trunks, and had found 391 00:26:26.039 --> 00:26:31.039 within a plump and prosperous beetle. Was an advertisement for 392 00:26:31.160 --> 00:26:34.480 a trombone player inserted from this house. Ma'am? He inquired 393 00:26:35.519 --> 00:26:40.119 long ago, said she am? I too late, then much? 394 00:26:40.799 --> 00:26:44.359 It was answered nearly two months since. I have never 395 00:26:44.920 --> 00:26:48.559 said the old lady with conviction, seen such a frazzled 396 00:26:48.599 --> 00:26:52.880 lot of folks as B flat trombone players. The person 397 00:26:52.920 --> 00:26:58.519 who inserted the advertisement has left a month since. Could 398 00:26:58.519 --> 00:27:02.400 you tell where he went? Left no address? His name 399 00:27:02.480 --> 00:27:07.119 was Telford, wasn't it, said Average Jones. Strategically might be, 400 00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:10.720 said the old lady, who had evidently formed no favorable 401 00:27:10.759 --> 00:27:15.039