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<v Speaker 1>If you know the show and you know me, you

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<v Speaker 1>know I love Seinfeld. And one of my favorite Seinfeld

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<v Speaker 1>episodes is when George is in a meeting and a

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<v Speaker 1>guy makes a snarky comment and George thinks of the

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<v Speaker 1>perfect response later and goes to great links to set

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<v Speaker 1>up the opportunity to be able to use his comeback

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<v Speaker 1>that he thought of later, and then you know, oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>the jerk stores all out of you was the end result. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>my next guest knows what it's like to second guess yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>and she has actually written a book about destroying our

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<v Speaker 1>self doubt and learning to trust our opinions. Doctor Helen McKinnon,

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the show.

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<v Speaker 2>Andy, thank you for having me.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, let's talk about second guessing. What exactly are we

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<v Speaker 1>doing when we second guess ourselves?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, let me start with the opposition of second guessing ourselves.

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<v Speaker 2>We are all inborn with the ability to listen to

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<v Speaker 2>ourselves and not second guess ourselves, and second guessing ourselves

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<v Speaker 2>comes from a lack of practice growing up listening to

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<v Speaker 2>our own feelings or thoughts or ideas of what we

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to do. It is simply a lack of practice

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<v Speaker 2>where the child because of circumstances, not people being around

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<v Speaker 2>parenting that might dismiss or minimize the feeling, not because

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<v Speaker 2>we're going to criticize parents, but because they were parented

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<v Speaker 2>that way. When the child doesn't get enough reinforcement for

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<v Speaker 2>how they feel and what they observed, it's tense or

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<v Speaker 2>what they want to do, the child walks away second

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<v Speaker 2>guessing themselves and goes into young adulthood or adulthood not

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<v Speaker 2>with the confidence of how to read themselves and know

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<v Speaker 2>what to say or do, but they flip into reading

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<v Speaker 2>first their parents and then other people for what to feel,

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<v Speaker 2>what to do, and what to say.

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<v Speaker 1>So a lot of times that's so subconscious you don't

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<v Speaker 1>even realize how much you're letting other people's opinions affect

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<v Speaker 1>how you make decisions. I know that for me in

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<v Speaker 1>my younger years that was definitely true, where I got

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of input from a lot of other people

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<v Speaker 1>who never had to live with the repercussions of my choices,

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<v Speaker 1>instead of just saying, what do I really want to do?

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<v Speaker 1>So let's start there. How can you go from being

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<v Speaker 1>a person like that to being a person who is

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<v Speaker 1>able to make and then be satisfied with those choices

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<v Speaker 1>after you've made a decision, well.

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<v Speaker 2>The cues start with thing like you started with the

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<v Speaker 2>program andy of walking away and going why didn't I

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<v Speaker 2>think of that at the time.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to be able.

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<v Speaker 2>To do that, And my methodology is developed to allow

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<v Speaker 2>the individual tap back into the brain in the way

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<v Speaker 2>it's already designed to have us make good decisions and

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<v Speaker 2>literally practice or go back to practicing listening to their

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<v Speaker 2>own thoughts, feelings, and ideas and reversing the dependency on

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<v Speaker 2>listening to others or a dialogue in their head that

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<v Speaker 2>has them second guests themselves. That is my whole purpose,

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<v Speaker 2>That is my life's work.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you give strategies to people on how to make

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<v Speaker 1>a decision? Do you have tools or is it really

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<v Speaker 1>a person has to figure out what works for them

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<v Speaker 1>to make a decision and then kind of roll with it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's both. You're right on target.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't ever tell anyone what to do. I teach

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<v Speaker 2>them how to listen to themselves for what to do,

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<v Speaker 2>and that tapping into the brain with a method I

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<v Speaker 2>teach is important because this is what the brain does.

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<v Speaker 1>I love the brain.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're triggered by a person or a situation or

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<v Speaker 2>your thoughts, there is a triggered feeling. If you pause

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<v Speaker 2>with yourself long enough, the brain automatically uses how you

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<v Speaker 2>feel in the moment and every time you felt that

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<v Speaker 2>way before, configures that information in nanoseconds and spits out

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<v Speaker 2>words or ideas of what you could do for yourself

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<v Speaker 2>so you don't feel those ways again that didn't work

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<v Speaker 2>for you.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's a protective device, your brain. It's there to

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<v Speaker 1>protect you from things that are upsetting or things that

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<v Speaker 1>hurt you in the past, and use the.

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<v Speaker 2>Way you are upset or feeling or darn, why didn't

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<v Speaker 2>I listen to myself to make different decisions to listen

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<v Speaker 2>to yourself. I just give you a method to go

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<v Speaker 2>back and practice what didn't get practiced enough growing up

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<v Speaker 2>now as an adult at any age, and emerge with

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<v Speaker 2>confidence and reading yourself, not other people or listening to

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<v Speaker 2>a voice that had you second guess yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>How long does it take someone to gain confidence in

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<v Speaker 1>this way? Because for me it was a slow process.

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<v Speaker 1>But the more that I made decisions on my own,

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<v Speaker 1>the easier of the process.

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<v Speaker 2>God.

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<v Speaker 1>And now, to my husband's great chagrin, occasionally I will

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<v Speaker 1>make decisions they probably are a group, you know, a project.

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<v Speaker 1>So you know, now I'm very certain. Even if I'm wrong,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm still certain. So how do you build that muscle?

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<v Speaker 2>Since the method is built in neuroscience and how we

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<v Speaker 2>all can read our emotional instincts, it takes practice. So

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<v Speaker 2>if I were a golf coach and you were a

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<v Speaker 2>golf pro and you would work with someone else for

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<v Speaker 2>thirty years, I would come in and say, I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to teach you a new coach and I would break

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<v Speaker 2>down the steps of how to perfect that new.

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<v Speaker 3>Swing the golf or would go out and practice every

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<v Speaker 3>day all weeks long, until that swing became automatic and unconscious.

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<v Speaker 2>In fact, the definition of self help is doing a

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<v Speaker 2>new behavior over and over again until becomes yours.

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<v Speaker 1>The book, so oh, go ahead week week week. So

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<v Speaker 1>it's just it's a matter of repetition, and you gain

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<v Speaker 1>confidence every time you make a choice and go what

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<v Speaker 1>is your thought on this, doctor mckimnon. I saw this

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<v Speaker 1>the other day on a video, and I believe the

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<v Speaker 1>woman who was talking is a professor at Harvard, I think,

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<v Speaker 1>And she said something, you know, second, guessing your choices

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<v Speaker 1>is a waste of time. It's instead of worrying about

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<v Speaker 1>making the right choice, worry about making the choice right

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<v Speaker 1>do you address like, once you've made a decision, how

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<v Speaker 1>to just move forward with that decision.

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<v Speaker 2>The brain automatically allows you to move forward if you're

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<v Speaker 2>listening to yourself and not reading other people or your

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<v Speaker 2>second guessing yourself. This practice of tapping into the brain

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<v Speaker 2>the way it's already designed to have you make excellent

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<v Speaker 2>decisions that those words, those ideas. Once you make a

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<v Speaker 2>decision of what to say or do and say or

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<v Speaker 2>do it, you walk away and you don't think about

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<v Speaker 2>it anymore. The brain doesn't keep bringing it up. You

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<v Speaker 2>don't second guess yourself. So included in the method is

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<v Speaker 2>if you learn to listen to yourself and then secondarily

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<v Speaker 2>make a decision of what you do then or later on,

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<v Speaker 2>it completely resolves the trigger for the feeling for the brain,

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<v Speaker 2>It resolves second guessing, and you walk away back to

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<v Speaker 2>being in the moment, enjoying what you're doing instead of

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<v Speaker 2>the alternative. And I'll tell you what the brain does.

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<v Speaker 2>The brain adapts to what feels better, not what feels worse.

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<v Speaker 2>So when you practice this new method for weeks, all

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<v Speaker 2>week long, until it becomes yours. Your brain is going

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<v Speaker 2>to go to the new methodology, methodology of pausing, listening

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<v Speaker 2>to your first thoughts, feeling their ideas, and the way

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<v Speaker 2>you didn't get enough practice before. It's going to do

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<v Speaker 2>it all the time because the end result is self

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<v Speaker 2>reliance and not second guessing yourself anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>Doctor Helen mckibbon is my guest. Her book is called Drop.

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<v Speaker 1>Where why did you call it drop? I'm curious about that?

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<v Speaker 1>It's Drop? And then what's the subhead? I just had

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<v Speaker 1>this drop making great decisions? Where did Drop come from?

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<v Speaker 2>It came from developing a method based in neuroscience and

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<v Speaker 2>mind body medicine of how do you even notice your trigger?

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<v Speaker 2>The body lights up physically if you take the time

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<v Speaker 2>to pause and go back to neutral instead of immediately

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<v Speaker 2>reacting to a person or a situation. That's when the

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<v Speaker 2>brain is configuring every time you've felt that way before

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<v Speaker 2>with how you feel in the moment, and it spits

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<v Speaker 2>out these words or ideas are instinct and that's what

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<v Speaker 2>we listen to. So Drop is that pause and getting

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<v Speaker 2>back to neutral and listening to the brain's configurings for

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<v Speaker 2>what to say or do next.

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<v Speaker 1>Our emotional inst doctor Helen mckibbon. I put a link

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<v Speaker 1>for people to buy the book and a link to

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<v Speaker 1>your website on my blog. Very very interesting stuff and

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<v Speaker 1>I appreciate your time today.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh I appreciate yours. Thank you for having me, and

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<v Speaker 2>thank you to your listeners as well.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, that's doctor Helen mckibbon.