Speaker 1: This episode contains simulated emergency vehicles. Additional content warnings are
listed in the episode description. Listener discretion is advised. The
Collection of Moira Graves Episode two, The Relaxation Tapes by
d Henry Hanson. Well that's the last of them.
Speaker 2: You know, you could have helped me. Oh, don't give
me that I'm too tiny excuse. I've seen you carry
a ten pound bowling ball back to your little collection,
and just when I sat down, I swear it's always something.
I'm sorry, Kiki, I'll be right back. Oh my goodness,
you just about burst down the door, young man. Can
I help you?
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, miss, I didn't mean to give you a start.
I'm Clancy. I live in the house across the street
and saw someone and moved into the old murder old
house down the block, and I wanted to bring you
a housewarming gift. They're cardamom chocolate chip cookies.
Speaker 2: Oh that's very sweet of you, Clancy.
Speaker 3: I would have dropped by sooner, but I didn't want
to bother you while you moved. And of course there
were the rumors that you were sorry, never mind welcome
to the neighborhood.
Speaker 4: Rumors.
Speaker 2: I was what Clancy.
Speaker 5: Uh, it's okay.
Speaker 2: I've heard every rumor about me under the sun. It's
nothing to get yourself in a twist over.
Speaker 3: Well, some people were whispering that you were like a
witch doing I don't know, witch eat stuff I see?
Speaker 2: And what if I were to tell you that I was.
Speaker 6: Kid?
Speaker 7: You just made my day the look on your face. No, No,
I'm not a witch. I work with altered objects, sure,
but I'm not.
Speaker 2: Going to turn you into a newt or anything if
that's what you're afraid of.
Speaker 3: Oh, not afraid at all, ma'am. Actually I think that
stuff's pretty cool. I'm a baker by trade, but I've
always had an interest in the Uh hm, really, Jacob, Now,
what's the matter, Clancy, It's nothing. It's just the local
hoa president. I'm sure you'll meet him soon enough. He's
a real gem.
Speaker 2: You're not in trouble, are you?
Speaker 3: I will be if I can't have twelve trays of
macaroons done before tonight's meeting. He said he didn't need
anything for like a month, but the day of of course.
He Wait, if you work with altered items, you wouldn't
happen to have an oven that like makes instant bake goods.
Speaker 2: Right, No, I have a Samsung. Listen, Clancy. It's been
wonderful to meet you, but I just finished unpacking and
I still have things I need to get out.
Speaker 3: And I know I'm sorry. I'm just so stressed out
thinking about Jacob's wrath. I'm not thinking straight. I need
to relax a bit.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 2: Actually, I may be able to help you there, if
it's relaxation you want. I don't think I have anything
better in my collection than these tapes.
Speaker 3: Bertram Margally's Ultimate Relaxation Training.
Speaker 2: Though I warn you that while relaxation can be nice,
sometimes it's a dangerous distraction from reality, something these tapes
previous owner learned the hard way. What was his name,
oh right, Theodore, Theodore Peduski. He was quite the market
maven of the late eighties on Wall Street, though his
trades were a little less bull market and a lot
more bull hockey.
Speaker 8: Well, tell Higgins that if he wants to sell, it's
his call. I wouldn't, but maybe he sees something I don't.
I mean, he doesn't. It's pure worshit. But let him
think he does five hundred bucks, says he bottoms out
before dinner then maybe I could take his reservation at Cipriani.
Speaker 2: It was October twelfth, nineteen eighty seven, and Theodore was
on top.
Speaker 9: Of the world.
Speaker 8: I know, I know, I shouldn't count my chickens before
they hatch, but I think it's safe to say that
after my review last week, the promotion is mine. I'm
meeting with one of the board suits for lunch to discuss.
Speaker 2: A senior trader at Marx, Everts and Jamison, he had
spent the better part of the eighties establishing himself as
a Wall Street woundercan with a seemingly omniscient eye for
the market.
Speaker 8: Well, I have to run, but before I go, But.
Speaker 2: Unknown to everyone save for trusted few.
Speaker 8: Jeremy called earlier. Today, looks like they're gonna buy out Sheffield.
Better dump the stock.
Speaker 2: That keen eye wasn't a result of a mastery of
the market, but the product of a decade long insider
trading scheme, the likes of which the city had never seen.
Speaker 8: Nah, they won't flag it. Not when it's me making
the trade. I'm magic, remember, Okay, take care, Bud, your
magic right. They won't flag it. They never have before.
Why were they now It's not like you haven't dumped
ten times this much before. Just trust the system. Oh god,
do not. Now, everything's gonna work out. It's just lunch
with the board, not your performance review. You have a
bigger fish to fry. Who is it is this mister
Poduski's office.
Speaker 10: I'm one of the new interns. They sent me to
come collect your trade forms.
Speaker 8: Well, let yourself in. Why don't you I'm not a butler, Sorry, sir.
Here's the forms from the last hour. Make sure they
go straight to Bud Gifford. Got that, yes, sir, Good boy?
Oh man, I remember my intern days. Kind of miss him.
Running papers was a whole lot less stressful than what
I got on the dock at now. Stressed out, sir,
it's none of your business. Just take the forms and
bring them to Buzz.
Speaker 10: Sorry, sir, it's just if you are feeling stressed. I
have something that could help some of the other interns.
Turn me onto this guided relaxation thing. It really gets
you in a good headspace before a big meeting.
Speaker 8: Bertram Margolies Ultimate relaxation training. What kind of new age
crap is?
Speaker 10: Trust me, sir, It really relaxes you like nothing else.
If you want to borrow the tapes, if you can just.
Speaker 8: Take the papers and get out of my office, Yes, sir, Oa,
on second thought, leave the tapes. If nothing else, I
can have a laugh.
Speaker 10: Oh sure, here you go.
Speaker 8: Have a good day, sir. Sure, just be careful, sir.
The tapes are great, but too much relaxation could be
a dangerous thing. What was that a threat? Have a
nice day, mister Produski guided relaxation. What kind of hippie
does that kid think? I am, sir.
Speaker 3: I just received the message board. They're looking forward today's lunch.
Speaker 8: Oh there will be a car waiting outside in twenty minutes. Okay, fine,
let's see what you can do.
Speaker 4: Hello and welcome to Bertram Margali's Ultimate Relaxation Trainings. I'm
Bertram Margolis, and today we are going to unlock our
inner peace and find a state of calms together.
Speaker 8: What a load of none, you.
Speaker 4: May be thinking to yourself, what a load of nonsense.
But after just one take, I guarantee you will feel
fully relaxed and ready for anything, even lunch with the board.
Speaker 8: Wait what.
Speaker 11: Take a deep anne.
Speaker 5: And ow.
Speaker 4: Good. Now, imagine yourself in a forest glen, follow the
tree line up to the horizon.
Speaker 6: She wants to see Layman.
Speaker 8: Everyone wants to see ladies.
Speaker 6: I don't get it.
Speaker 12: A bunch of sad French people complaining about Helen HIMPI
deal or for three hours, like I don't get enough
of that at home.
Speaker 8: I bet you'd listen to the wife if she nagged
you in a fake French accent.
Speaker 6: Oh, monsieur.
Speaker 12: I swear every day it's something new with her. She
wants me to come home earlier, she wants me to
stop drinking.
Speaker 6: She even asked me to scale back on the blow.
Speaker 13: You're kidding.
Speaker 12: I swear it's like living with a fifth grade teacher.
I feel so wound up all the time. I mean,
it's already enough having to worry about our little operation
getting discovered at work, but at home.
Speaker 8: Ugh, you need to relax, man, stop worrying so much
about the missus and think about the yacht you're gonna
buy when you finally leave her.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's easy for you to say.
Speaker 12: I swear you've been on some cloud nine bowl the
last few days. At the board lunch yesterday you were
eerily calm. It's weird, you know, if they figure out
what we've been doing.
Speaker 8: It's all good man. I mean we're their cash cows.
They're not gonna do anything. I gotta give you those tapes.
Speaker 13: What tapes?
Speaker 8: Just some intern gave me these guided relaxation tape things yesterday.
I thought they were bunk, but they really chilled me out.
Speaker 6: Wait an intern gave you those tapes?
Speaker 14: Yeah?
Speaker 12: Why all the interns were out in Brooklyn yesterday for
a team building.
Speaker 8: Yeah, maybe this one didn't get the memo. All that
matters is I got these tapes and they work.
Speaker 6: Amen. Whatever gets you through the day.
Speaker 8: Hold on, I'm getting a page. Damn it, I forgot.
I'm supposed to get dinner tonight with a missus.
Speaker 12: Or my buddy Calvin has the hookup for a table
tonight at Limelight. Hey, you've been working hard this week
and you're obviously stressed.
Speaker 6: Why not take a load off.
Speaker 14: Well, it has been a rough day.
Speaker 8: Good morning, Janet. There's my sweet baby.
Speaker 5: You're a sweet baby.
Speaker 15: You left sitting out at the quilted Giraffe for three hours.
Speaker 16: Wait that was tonight, Shit, baby, I'm so sorry. I
hit that super sidetracked with work stuff. I've been super stressed.
Speaker 15: Oh you poor baby, you must have it so hard.
Speaker 13: Thank you.
Speaker 8: I knew you would understand.
Speaker 15: Oh my god, THEO. This is the third time this
month you've blown me off to go do god knows
what with God knows who. Do you know how embarrassing
it is to sit alone at a restaurant waiting for
you to show up. I could feel everyone's.
Speaker 16: Eyes on me.
Speaker 8: They were probably looking at how much of a knockout
you are.
Speaker 15: Oh stop, THEO, just stop.
Speaker 8: You're disgusting. It's true.
Speaker 15: You don't get to stand up your wife and then
come crawling home at what three am and expect me
to ball for your I don't even know if that
was a compliment. Great, And now you've woken up teddy.
Do you know how long it took me to get
him to fall asleep? He kept asking me, where's Daddy?
Speaker 5: Where's Daddy?
Speaker 15: What was I supposed to tell him? Sorry, sweetie, Daddy
isn't here right now because he's too busy living it
up downtown with his ass on the dance floor and
his nose in a bag of powder. I do you
ever think about what kind of example you're setting for
your son?
Speaker 8: I work hard, I work like so hard. Everything he
has is because I'm working my ass off for him,
for both of them.
Speaker 15: Don't you dare tell me you've given us everything. You
haven't even given us the time of day.
Speaker 8: Look after this week, when I get my promotion, I'm
gonna take us on a trip, maybe Turks and Caicos.
I mean, you like the Caribbean, right, you can lie
on the beach and we can all.
Speaker 15: Just I think a vacation is going to fix this.
Speaker 8: At least it will get you to stop harping on
me all the time. I'm yeah, where are you going, Janet?
What's this divorce papers?
Speaker 15: I've had them drawn up for a few weeks now,
but I thought.
Speaker 8: Good, wait, wait what I think? Maybe you're overreacting a little.
Don't you think I want.
Speaker 15: You out of the apartment by sunrise? You can say
goodbye to Teddy before he leaves for school, But then
I want you out.
Speaker 8: You're joking, I'm not ship Uh. I need I just
need to Uh? Where are they? Where are they?
Speaker 4: Want me out of my own daub.
Speaker 6: I want you.
Speaker 2: Out, not them all.
Speaker 8: I just need to. I just need to relax a bit.
Speaker 4: Welcome to tape two of Bertram Margali's Ultimate Guide to relaxation.
You must have had a hard day. There's no shame
in wanting to just relax a little bit. I want
you to imagine you are on a beach looking out
at the waves. Listen as they crash against the shore.
Let your breathing synchronize with the tide.
Speaker 9: Breathing and ow good.
Speaker 4: Everything is going to be okay.
Speaker 17: You don't need her anywhere.
Speaker 9: Breathe in.
Speaker 6: And yo you in there.
Speaker 12: Hey, I got the morning numbers from the trading floor.
Something looks a bit off, but I don't think, oh
my god, you look like crap.
Speaker 6: Hey, Bud, did you sleep here last night? Your office
smells like limelight.
Speaker 8: Uh yeah, Janet and I kind of had a little fight,
and uh, you know what, it doesn't matter. Today's a
new day and the beach has been raked clean.
Speaker 6: What does that even mean?
Speaker 8: It means that everything is just temporary.
Speaker 13: Man.
Speaker 8: You just have to take your lumps and flow with
the wind.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 12: Look, I don't know what's on those woo woo tapes
of yours, but I need you to snap out of it.
Jeremy's gonna call us in a minute to go over
our next round of trade.
Speaker 8: It's gonna be fine.
Speaker 6: Jeremy's chill, dude, what what planet are you on? Earth?
Speaker 18: To THEO?
Speaker 6: All right, that must be him now, Benner, answer it.
Speaker 8: Jeremy, my guy, how are you doing this fine morning?
You got the minutes from your last board meeting?
Speaker 13: Not even a hello, Theodore.
Speaker 6: Sorry, Jeremy.
Speaker 12: Theo's on some new age kick this week. I think
the stress of.
Speaker 6: Our little scheme is getting to him.
Speaker 19: Well, I don't blame him.
Speaker 6: Have you seen the reports from this morning's opening? I have.
Speaker 12: Things are looking a little shaky, but it's nothing we
haven't seen before.
Speaker 19: You don't think we haven't. Are you seeing the same numbers?
Something's off of the market. I don't know what, but
I think this has a chance to be bad, like
the oil crisis bad.
Speaker 8: You need to relax, man, didn't you hear, Bud? It's
nothing we can't handle.
Speaker 19: I'm sorry, but I don't think that's true. Something's in
the air today and it's got the board spooked. They've
been asking around the office all morning, thinking someone's been
leaking insider in from me.
Speaker 12: Oh wait, they're on to you. You didn't tell them anything, right, Jeremy,
You didn't tell them anything.
Speaker 6: No, I haven't told them.
Speaker 19: I lied and said that was some great abs, but
I don't think they put it.
Speaker 6: I feel like I'm going crazy, and calm down, Jeremy.
They've never suspected anything before, why would now be any different.
Speaker 13: I just feel it.
Speaker 18: Something's not right.
Speaker 6: I don't think.
Speaker 19: I don't think I can keep helping you.
Speaker 8: Whatever floats your vote, man.
Speaker 6: What No, no, no, you can't drop out of this.
You're in too deep. We're all in too deep.
Speaker 19: Sorry, Bud, But I know that if they come back,
I'm not gonna be able to Liela like that again.
If we just if we just bout now owed up
to it, I'll ard the FTC. Maybe look away on us.
Speaker 3: The FTC.
Speaker 6: You want to tell the Fens.
Speaker 19: If we don't and they find out, we're all going
to jail.
Speaker 13: It's a new millennium.
Speaker 6: Jeremy, listen to me. THEO and I we're not budging
on this. You better not tell the Feds. If you do, I'm.
Speaker 8: Sorry, man, I can't do this anymore, Jeremy. Jeremy, dude,
you were being way too loud.
Speaker 6: Did you even register what he just said? Jeremy's gonna
go to the fence and well, this whole thing sky high.
Speaker 8: Everything is gonna be fine. We just have to trust
the right path.
Speaker 6: With the hippie crap. Wake up. You want to go
to jail.
Speaker 12: You want to not see Teddy till two thousand and two,
because that's what's about to happen.
Speaker 6: We are going to prison.
Speaker 11: Shit.
Speaker 6: Yeah, man, we're in deep.
Speaker 8: This is really bad, isn't it catastrophic?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 8: We can't let no, no, no, we need to.
Speaker 6: We need to do something.
Speaker 8: I know. I just get out of my office. I
need to think.
Speaker 6: You have to work together on this. THEO we come up.
Speaker 8: Figure it out. Okay, get out. You take care of
Jeremy and I'll figure out how to insulate us on
our end.
Speaker 6: What do you mean take care of Jeremy? What do
you want me to do? I don't know. Just figure
it out.
Speaker 8: This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't
be happening. I need to, Uh, I need to, I
need I just I'm just gonna get my bearings and
then everything will work itself out. Not now, but I'm busy.
Speaker 10: I said, I'm whoa sorry, sir. I was just here
to drop off the mid David's You I thought you were.
Speaker 8: It doesn't matter.
Speaker 10: Give me those Are you all right, sir? You seem
a little frazzled.
Speaker 8: I'm fine, all right. You shouldn't ask personal questions at work.
Speaker 10: Know your place, kid, geeesh, Sorry, sir, I didn't mean
to over still lucky.
Speaker 8: I'm in a giving mood. I was actually just about
to put one of those tapes you lent me in.
They've been doing a pretty good job. I'm glad to hear.
I knew they would be just what you needed. And
you don't know me.
Speaker 10: Sorry, sir.
Speaker 8: I meant I can see that they're helping. You're damn right.
Those tapes are like some sort of magic. I hit
play and I'm just.
Speaker 5: Calm.
Speaker 10: They tend to have that effect. But I wouldn't use
them too much. Don't want you to get distracted.
Speaker 8: You gave the tapes to me, and I'm gonna use
them as I see fit.
Speaker 10: Of course, sir. Just don't let your guard down is
all you need, all your wits about you for the
end of the week.
Speaker 18: The end of the week.
Speaker 8: What the hell do you mean by that? What do
you know?
Speaker 10: Sorry, didn't mean to alarm you. Office gossip is all
word travels fast. I heard you were up for a promotion.
Speaker 8: Congratulations sir, Oh the promotion right, Thank you. Now, if
you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to look.
Speaker 10: Over those reports, right, sir, Have a good afternoon at Wait, yes, sir,
why were you.
Speaker 8: Here on the twelfth? I thought all the interns were
out for team building in Brooklyn. They were.
Speaker 10: I'm on a special contract. The work I do here
meant that I just couldn't join the rest of my team.
Speaker 16: I see.
Speaker 8: Will that be all, sir, Yes, and close the door.
Speaker 18: On your way out.
Speaker 8: Yes, sir.
Speaker 4: Welcome to tape three of Bertram Margley's Ultimate Relaxation Training. Today,
we are going to talk about when things go south.
What sometimes these things don't work out like we plan.
It rains while you're at the park, You miss your
last train. Your cover is about to be blown.
Speaker 8: Your cover did someone mess up?
Speaker 4: Assure you, if you keep listening to my voice, everything
will be oh okay. There isn't that better. No thoughts
about work or co workers or the FTCs, just pure relaxation. Now.
Speaker 5: Breathe in and out out.
Speaker 11: Breathe in.
Speaker 5: And out out.
Speaker 4: It's not too late.
Speaker 13: Breathe in.
Speaker 11: And doubt.
Speaker 4: You may be tempted the next time something doesn't go
your way to pop these tapes back in, but you
don't need to. You now have all the tools you
need to keep calm under pressure and find your inner peace.
Let it go, Let it all go?
Speaker 6: Wait? What ah?
Speaker 13: Wait?
Speaker 8: Did he say it was over?
Speaker 4: Shit?
Speaker 8: I still have another day until the meeting?
Speaker 16: And where is Bud?
Speaker 8: You better have taken care of Jeremy? Oh, Bud? Is
that you? Why weren't you at work yesterday?
Speaker 13: They know yet?
Speaker 5: What get to him?
Speaker 13: And then little House called that morning with a warrant.
Speaker 20: I'm able to get the incriminating down the garments both
of the before they got in.
Speaker 13: They're onto it. You don't need to watch your back.
Speaker 8: Where are you? And who's Frank?
Speaker 13: I'm home.
Speaker 20: I'm not coming into the oppicite today, probably not for
the rest of the week. I gotta lay low until
the blown.
Speaker 6: Over, Bud.
Speaker 8: Who's Frank? What you said? Jeremy tipped the feds off
before Frank could get to him. Yes, you know, Bud,
you did not hire an assass not you did it?
Speaker 20: And take everything you have in your office? Mind you
anyway I can us back to it and reddit. You
need to walk your back. I think we can still
go out of it, but we need to be smart.
Speaker 8: But I think you should come into the office.
Speaker 6: To read it.
Speaker 13: I'll call you tomorrow.
Speaker 8: Bud, Okay, shed it all, shred it all over here,
maybe because I'm.
Speaker 6: Step okay the shrudder.
Speaker 8: Come on, come on your piece of I can't do this.
I need, I need Where are the tapes? Were the tapes?
Speaker 19: Where are they?
Speaker 8: Thank god? I just need to sturn them over to
listen for a bit, lads, for a bit. This is
all gonna be fine. It's all gonna.
Speaker 5: Be a.
Speaker 4: Hello and welcome to Bertram Margoli's Ultimate Relaxation Training Drink.
I'm Bertram Margolis, and today we are going to unlock
our inner peace and find a state of calm together together.
But you already knew that, didn't you? Theodore? Now know
my name and how.
Speaker 5: There there?
Speaker 4: It's all right. I knew you would come back. They
all do. They just can't face the facts.
Speaker 8: Face er facts.
Speaker 13: Now.
Speaker 4: I'm going to give you a choice. You can take
the headphones off now and face yourselves, or we can
go even deeper. Ultimant Realize Vexation, Ultimate Relaxing but once
you make this choice, there's.
Speaker 5: No going back.
Speaker 4: So what will it be?
Speaker 8: I want ultimat Yes, Theodore, Yes you do.
Speaker 5: Now I do.
Speaker 4: Breathe in and out. Don't think about Bud or Jeremy.
You're too smart for Bud and Jeremy. Jeremy. Well, well
he's made his way out with the waves. You did that, Theodore.
Speaker 5: You, I did that.
Speaker 4: Good. Now all of the waves breathe in and.
Speaker 8: Esteemed members of the board.
Speaker 18: I thank you.
Speaker 8: For this promotion, and I promise to esteemed members of
the board. I thank you for this promotion promotion, problem promotion,
prom and I promised to I promise I promise to
What do I promised to do? Oh no, I can't remember. No, no, no, no, okay, now.
Speaker 17: Focus esteem members of the board. I take I tank,
I said, thank you for this? Why why can't I
get this right?
Speaker 20: Oh?
Speaker 8: You've reached cloud nine? Want to float with me.
Speaker 21: And the moderate Lawson? I represent Jannet Smith.
Speaker 8: Janet Smith, No, you mean Janet padou Ski, my wife.
Speaker 21: My clients have informed me that you have not yet
signed the board papers. We know that if you do
not submit these, but end of the day we will
be pursuing legal actions.
Speaker 8: I think you should just take a deep breath. Everything
is gonna be fine.
Speaker 13: To sign the document.
Speaker 8: She'll come around. We all just need to take a
step back and relax.
Speaker 21: I now have it on record that you re to
sign the document. I recommend you think representation. You'll be
hearing from my office to get later today.
Speaker 8: Bye bye. I recommend you seek representation. I recommend you
seek a joint how's it hanging.
Speaker 13: I'm calling today on behalf of the NYP. Do you
have a moment?
Speaker 8: I have an infinite number of moments.
Speaker 13: Right might our investigative on the body of one minute
Jeremy floating off the Corney Island boardwalk. He had been
shot twice and was carrying a document that implicated your
name and that of a one minuteter William Budd Mardin
and potential puffict. We need you to come to the
Corney Island preeing.
Speaker 8: Qu wait, Jeremy is Jeremy. That's not it. He's just floating.
We're all just floating. Not cooperate, will No, he's not
He's fine. We're all fine. Everything is fine. We just
need to relax. He's not dead. Everything is good.
Speaker 18: We're cool.
Speaker 8: Just breathe in and breathe out. I said, everything is good, Yo.
Speaker 20: You need to get out of town right now.
Speaker 8: Bud, where have you been?
Speaker 20: I thought I got rid of all the eviden No, no,
no cling when I climb one hair and the whole thing.
Speaker 8: Ki, Hi are you driving?
Speaker 13: I'm on the car phone. Fuck deal.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 20: I bet you didn't hear anything, but I did.
Speaker 13: Hire.
Speaker 20: I can hear her, hear me.
Speaker 6: No, I did?
Speaker 18: What did you do?
Speaker 13: Bud?
Speaker 20: I coodnt care of him? Heal, but they found the
red rod and play and there met getting it. Came
back that morning for red God. All right, up the
back off, I got the white man during the meal
and hold on that Lincoln with blank.
Speaker 13: They know we killed him. They know we've been doing
atie neal. They're coming from me.
Speaker 6: Ron.
Speaker 8: No, It's all gonna be fine. Everything's gonna work out.
We just need to center ourselves and find an inner peel.
They are coming for us.
Speaker 20: They can be coming workout.
Speaker 6: I'm gone.
Speaker 20: You can kill me up now, No one is. I'm
gonna wait. I'm right now. You can hang out and
wave to the back.
Speaker 8: You can get the bud. I am no Ippel.
Speaker 13: They're right on me. I gotta hate him.
Speaker 8: Take It'll be fine. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna
be it's gonna it's not gonna be fine. It's it's
not gonna be fine. It's it's really bad. This is
really bad. It's really really bad. I have to leave.
I have to go. Kim Kim, Yes, sir, I'm taking
my lunch early. Please hold all of my calls.
Speaker 4: Okay, sir, before you go.
Speaker 20: I just got a call from the lobby.
Speaker 4: They say there was someone from the NYPD.
Speaker 8: Here to see you.
Speaker 13: Crap.
Speaker 8: Tell them I'll be right down out the freight elevator,
down the street to the subway. I can still fix this.
Speaker 10: I can still Jesus Christ, Good afternoon, sir.
Speaker 8: Not now I need to leave. You seem to be
in a bit of a tizzy.
Speaker 18: Move now, I can't, sir.
Speaker 8: Look, you can't imagine the day that I'm having. So
get out of my way. Or ah, what call a
hit man? How do you know about that?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 10: I know a lot of things, sir. How to file
a report, how to get a coffee stand out of
a suit, how to drown a rat?
Speaker 8: Look, whatever you think you know? I promise you there's
more to the story. Which story, the insider trading or
the hit out of my way? I need to get
out of here.
Speaker 10: I'm afraid the time for leaving has passed.
Speaker 8: Sir.
Speaker 10: You had plenty of opportunities to leave, to fix this.
What when you could have called off? But at any
time you could have shown up for your wife. You
could have ended your trading scheme, but instead you hid.
Speaker 8: I didn't hide. I live in this office. I wasn't
hiding anywhere. Oh no, not even in.
Speaker 4: This You may be tempt at the next time something
doesn't go your way to pop these tapes back in,
but you don't need to. You now have all the
tools you need to keep calm under pressure and find
your inner piece.
Speaker 8: You did this to me, you and your tapes. Ever
since I've been listening to those things, everything has fallen apart.
Speaker 10: I assure you. Things were crumbling long before I gave
you those tapes, and I did give you every chance
I could to stop listening.
Speaker 8: Who the hell are you? Who the hell? Indeed, Sir,
screw this. I'm leaving. Sits down Theodore. I can't I
can't move. What did you do to me?
Speaker 6: Nothing?
Speaker 8: You didn't already do to yourself. Let me go. Oh,
don't be so dramatic. You need to relax. Here.
Speaker 10: I have a gift for you, a little gift to
celebrate your promotion. It's a new tape.
Speaker 8: No, no, get that thing away from me. I don't
want any more of your tapes. I'm done listening to
those things. Okay, then prove it.
Speaker 10: What prove you're ready to face your actions. I'll leave
the tape right here. I'll even load it into your
tape player for you. All you have to do is
choose not to press play.
Speaker 8: You can't just it doesn't work like that.
Speaker 10: I think I'm gonna head out. I heard the cops
are here, and I don't want to have this little
incident stained my resume. I'm just an intern, after all.
I'll see you soon, sir.
Speaker 8: No, get back in here and fix this.
Speaker 18: This is all.
Speaker 6: It's all just I need.
Speaker 8: I need, but but will no. But if Janet God
someone has someone help me.
Speaker 18: That's not my fault.
Speaker 8: None of this is my fault. I just need to relax,
Just just clear my head a little.
Speaker 18: Everything will be.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 4: Welcome to a very special edition of Bertram Mardley's Ultimate
Relaxation training made for the big Man on campus.
Speaker 18: Theodore.
Speaker 5: Now, I know things seem really.
Speaker 4: Bad right now, but I promise that will all be
over soon.
Speaker 5: All you need to do is breathe in and out.
Speaker 8: I don't know.
Speaker 5: I just breathe in and out. Good.
Speaker 4: Now, slow yourself down, Slow down your thoughts.
Speaker 5: You're breathing. Breathe in m h m hmm and out.
Speaker 11: Breathe in mm hmmm, breathe out. Breathe in.
Speaker 4: Now, hold.
Speaker 11: And release.
Speaker 18: Ah yah, boy, Patty, put your hands up.
Speaker 22: You want to arrest for the murder of Oh my god, sir, sir, Now,
wake up, sir, Wake up, sir, sir.
Speaker 8: Can you hear me?
Speaker 15: Hey?
Speaker 18: We need medical up your right away.
Speaker 2: Theodor Paduski was pronounced dead of a heart attack on
October sixteenth, nineteen eighty seven. Three days later, Black Monday
hit Wall Street like a truck and wiped out Theodore
and Bud's entire portfolio, not that they were around to
see it. That's awful in some ways, it is, but
there is a lesson to be learned from all of this.
What is it When we're up against a wall, we
can often turn to distractions things to make us think
were more relaxed. But most of the time, the only
way we can truly find solace is by facing our
problems head on.
Speaker 3: I think I understand. If you'll excuse me, I have
to go make a call.
Speaker 6: Hi Jacob.
Speaker 3: Sorry, Yeah, mister president. Yes, I know. The meeting is tonight.
And look about the macaroons. I don't think I'm going
to have enough time to make them. Yeah, I understand,
but you only gave me like a day's notice. Look,
I'll figure something out, but I'm sorry. I won't have
your macaroons next time. I'll need at least a week's notice. Yeah, no,
I that's fine. I'll see you at the meeting. So well,
Jacob said he's going to be reconsidering my zoning approval
for a backyard pizza oven. But I'm off the hook.
Speaker 2: How do you feel, honestly.
Speaker 8: Relaxed?
Speaker 2: See what I tell you?
Speaker 9: Now?
Speaker 2: How about this, I have my afternoon free if you want,
I can help you make a few more batches of
these wonderful cookies you brought over. If we work together,
we should have enough for your meeting. You do that
you went to the trouble of welcoming me to the neighborhood.
It's the least I can do.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 2: You're very welcome.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: It occurs to me that even if you had wanted
the tapes, I don't own a tape player, so they're
kind of useless.
Speaker 3: Honestly, Yeah, me neither.
Speaker 1: The Relaxation Tapes was written by d Henry Hanson, starring
Elisa Petrie as Moira Graves and d Henry Hanson as Clancy,
featuring JK. Robbins as Theodore, Jordan Horben as the Intern,
Jonathan Harden as Bud, d Henry Hanson as Bertram, Moretta
Mose as Janet Portland, Fitzgerald as Jerry, Aaron Brassey as Margaret,
James McGowan as the Investigator, and Brandon Ipock as NYPD Officer.
Directed by Elisa Petrie, Assistant directors d Henry Hanson, Jonathan Harden,
and Moretta Mose. Casting by Jordan Autumn Kalina, Sound design
and engineering by Marcia Dunbar, Additional sound design by Elisa
peatrire and Maretta Mose. Theme song by Jordan Corbin. Episode
art by Alissa Esteban, Production coordination by Elisa Petrie. Story
development by Alissa Esteban. The Collection of Moyer Grays is
produced by Moretta Mose and Lindsay Vaughn, and the executive
producer of the Collection of Moyer Graves is Alisa Petrie.
If you've enjoyed this episode, consider supporting us on Patreon
by visiting patreon dot com slash Lengthy Tingent. Learn more
about the Collection of Moyer Grays and other shows at
lengthy tangent dot com, or by following us on social
media links In the show notes, this has been the
Collection of Moira Graves presented by Lengthy Tinggent.
Speaker 8: We'll just edit that part out Lengthy Tgent