Speaker 1: Brittany continues to just Brittany out. You call somebody ever
hear I'm ficked by camp with.
Speaker 2: Them, Oh, set home by, I'm fucking my kids. Well,
I'm fucking.
Speaker 1: Hi alone.
Speaker 2: Welcome to bad TV.
Speaker 1: I'm Dylan.
Speaker 2: That is fat great to be here.
Speaker 1: We are here to break down the worst show that
Provo has going, but our favorite.
Speaker 2: I love it. I love the Valley.
Speaker 1: This episode kind of ventured into those murky waters of Oh,
I don't like this. I just went through this six
months ago.
Speaker 2: I don't need this in real life.
Speaker 1: In real life, I'd argue.
Speaker 2: That this show is a created as a deterrent to
not get married or have children. Yeah, and i'd always the.
Speaker 1: Dare program for Rearing families adults.
Speaker 2: I dare I say it's possibly, quite possibly a platform
to promote being a single gay man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he gets a butt fuck.
Speaker 2: All day Martini. He's at eleven am sex whoever you want.
I guess that's the butt fucking right.
Speaker 1: That isn't fucking yeah.
Speaker 2: Vacation and goddamn peace. Not chase your fucking wife around?
Speaker 1: Going right? Do you like me? Now? The gay man
still will cry because he's at a crossroads. Do I
marry this man? Or do I see him deported?
Speaker 2: I don't think he cares.
Speaker 1: Actually no, no, we'll get into all of it, but
first we should say pager dot com, Rhode Island Reunions
will be there. Our whole Rhode Island season is there.
We just covered Summerhouse.
Speaker 3: After Math, Aftermath, amazing, rivening forty two minutes television hear
the breakdown with Ruby rubstpatroon dot com, Slash another podcast network.
Speaker 1: Let's get into our sniffs what bump bumps?
Speaker 2: Oh damn it, it's fine, I forgot to put it.
Speaker 1: Let's get into our rotten house. Okay, okay, we could
say crab boils before major reconstructive surgery. That could be
a rating system. Let's say go ahead, take the wheel, dolly, okay,
how many would uh? What did you think?
Speaker 2: This was a tough episode to get there?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2: Spent a lot of time at that dinner that didn't
work out, the birthday parties go They were trying to
make something that wasn't happening. And dare dare I say
even if that party did happen with no rain on
the beach, it would still suck. I am still nine
morons eating fish tacos, staring at each other.
Speaker 1: I have I know these are your snaves, but I
work in I've worked in podcasting for a long time
and produced a fair amount of them, and people have
come to me said, we have this idea for a show. Yeah,
that sounds horrible in my head, and they go, well,
we have a lot of money. I go, let's do it.
But you sit there and you go, my god, it's
so bad. I know these are your sneeves, but I
think the producers at this resort have a similar feeling
when if you're in Mexico and there's nine cast members,
be it rain or shine. If you've got the goods,
you've got the goods. There is no lull, there's no
awkward silence, there's no people looking around going what are
we doing here? This is so fucking boring. This cast
needs a little bit of a lift.
Speaker 2: I guess I said. What I would have done as
a producer is I said, all right, the staff who's
not working tonight, free drinks, free food, have them dress
up ten to fifteen, get them over at ten to
fifteen of them dress up to the nines, come on
over for some free fish tacosh, mix it up.
Speaker 1: Who's not going to come over for free fish tacos?
Speaker 2: I mean, Danny will be annoying him. He'll be smacking
ass to say, go get daddy a drink. Absolutely, we
need some fun here they I know that they have
to sign off on things and whatnot, but it's just
it really is so low energy and just so boring.
It's why not just allow some of the civilians of
this resort to hang out there?
Speaker 1: But see, you know that's that's the straws that were
grasping at like, we can't do that. This is the show,
this is the cast. We can't welcome in the off
duty resort workers. That's not a reality.
Speaker 2: Don't you remember when Rock of Love season one? I
guess it was the two final No okay, well, there
was a part where Brett bought the two brought the
two lucky ladies that were the two finalists. Oh their
dad's in no, no, no oh. He brought them town
to probably the same resort, and one of the lucky
ladies she wanted to fuck one of the girls that
greeted her at the hotel. I remember the girl was
so hot. She was doing like some kind of Symbolic Dancer,
and she was like, hey, screw bread I want to
fuck her.
Speaker 1: I remember about that show where that one of the
ladies they went to go see Brett perform and she
was so overwhelmed by her alcoholism actually that she blacked
down and threw up all over the toilet. In the
band was like, my god, I think she stayed around
for like three weeks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember that. I think she drives a forklift now,
oh yeah, she lived well.
Speaker 1: She drives it well. One of the wizards of the
joysticks that you see on the social media's go.
Speaker 2: Ahead anyway, this episode sucks. Zero cocaine bump.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go ahead and give it zero cocaine bumps
and absolutely no crap before major reconstructive surgery, because it
is not okay to throw a woman going through severe
postpartum to pre in front of the cameras and make
her fly to Mexico with a four month.
Speaker 2: Old with her sister and brother in law, and she
is signing up to get a paycheck. She should not
have filmed this season, but she is here for the paycheck.
Speaker 1: There's nothing she can do. She's unemployable. I get it.
It's a rock and a hard place. It's just not
great TV. I feel for Kristin. What she's going through
is so difficult. I don't want to travel with my
with a four month old. And I'm a guy. I
know we get the postpartum blues, but nothing compared to
women they actually gave birth. So what she's going through
is just fucking brutal.
Speaker 2: I want to give Luke some advice because I think
I think I'm out of the woods at this point.
I have a three year old.
Speaker 1: This famous last words, but I do think you are.
Speaker 2: I think I am been there, done that. Luke right,
what he's doing here is just a fool's errand which
is trying to logic his way out of this.
Speaker 1: What are you doing logicing your way out of it?
Speaker 2: And asking the friend and for her take. The more
he talks is like throwing dry wood on a fire.
You're trying to put that fire out your only Uh,
you can't use dry wood. No, that's one of the
worst things you can use. To quote Mickey, who was
Rocky's corner man about the mount get out of their
rock right, get out of there, because Rocky was getting
his face beating the ship out of he was trying
to help him out. Get out of their rock, Luke,
get out of there, say nothing, Rub her on her
back and say nothing. Indoor, indoor, Get through it.
Speaker 1: Don't be a wimp.
Speaker 2: Did I already say zero bumps? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2: Okay, Can I start as right? Go ahead? Okay, I'm
gonna we bounce around everywhere.
Speaker 1: I guess I want to stop at Danny's.
Speaker 2: Okay, well we start there. Santa Coretas sucks. Oh yeah,
and Danny.
Speaker 1: You know, it's so crazy that they edit out the
spider people that are crawling in the hills.
Speaker 2: It's amazing. One eat the birds that have legs. They
eat the.
Speaker 1: Birds, they eat what what few deer roam those hills?
Speaker 2: They eat the deers haven't been around for.
Speaker 1: Well. A fawn works its way into the fold every
once in a while. But they have evolved to know
that the back bent people, the people that walk on
their hands with their backs pointed towards the ground, are dangerous,
so they edit all those people out. But it's interesting
that Danny's humored is just crushing at the house, right.
He does so well with toddlers. He just farts he
makes fart noise. Oh, he's such a great depth.
Speaker 2: And she loves the hell out of him. Yeah, she
loves all right, let's go over to Jason and Janet's house.
Jason is still recovering from that mission where he saved
six soldiers from enemy fire. Also took a bullet. Oh,
I'm sorry, wrong.
Speaker 1: Note now that was Loan Survivor right.
Speaker 2: No, he Jason actually tripped over his own feet on
the basketball court.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, a lot of callback. Now, we never could
get the words done. Nick really nailed that. That was
that was Yeah, Nick was really good at wrapping that.
But yes, he did tear his a c l during
a pickup basketball game. And that's I don't think that's
uhgyz Alia quite level of you feel good? I feel hot,
fire Mark.
Speaker 2: Have you seen her freestyle?
Speaker 1: No, you've never seen her freestyle.
Speaker 2: It's good.
Speaker 1: Oh it's summertime. Summertime, baby, and you know what summer mean.
You gotta address and you gotta address how you dress.
Speaker 2: Oh, well, you shouldn't know how you dress all the time.
Speaker 1: Right, but when summer comes, you got to change how
you get dressed. You got to get pieces that feel lighter,
more breatheable things that are easy but still put together,
and what is the perfect place for that?
Speaker 2: Quints Quints.
Speaker 1: They focus on high quality essentials that feel and look amazing.
Think breathable linen, soft organic cotton, well made basics without
the luxury markup. Okay, Quince is spectacular.
Speaker 2: Oh boy, let me know when you need a personal
testimony deal, because I got one.
Speaker 1: I would like it actually right now.
Speaker 2: Okay. So I bought a Quinn's shirt. It was a
dress shirt. I wore it at a party. This was
last Saturday. My wife and I went. I went up
to this bar. This house. Party had like a bartender
and stuff. A pretty cool girls kept coming up to
me and go, Pat, take a shot with me. That's
what this shirt did. I felt so handsome and so
cool in this new shirt because it fit my body perfectly.
I have broad shoulders, but for some reason, these sh
it's just like fit my body and need it look hot.
Speaker 1: They take Pat's broad, powerful, masculine so shoulders and they
taper down to his delicate, sexy little waist. Okay, that's
what quins does. It's magic.
Speaker 2: I don't want to put this in Maybe it should
be in the disclaimer. But if you wear this shirt,
people might come up to you.
Speaker 1: Elevate your summer wardrobe. Okay, okay, I thought, okay, elevate
your summer wardrobe. Go to quins dot com slash bad
tv for free shipping on your order in three hundred
and sixty five day returns.
Speaker 2: Now available in Canada too.
Speaker 1: That's cute you I n ce dot com slash bad
tv for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five
day returns. Quints dot com slash bad TV. Thank you
for sponsoring the show. Oh go ahead, vamp, I have
to pull it ou.
Speaker 2: Oh okay. Then now Kristen visits brit and apparently Kristen
was up all night taking passport photos of the baby.
And then Britt's up to me.
Speaker 1: Can you just stop showing a second.
Speaker 2: Quite closer?
Speaker 4: I feel time of months? Tiger months.
Speaker 2: Sin's trying with the five months when the green lay
starting at the way train mes she no fans get
see on the pants or raped or bitch who didn't
like go like, there's your face one.
Speaker 4: Of my face gets talking about to stalking. We win
now win win a win now window win now Winna
been good like she got holes one cold got hands
on to take at coaches gimmage, and that's not total.
There's many know the turl and sling.
Speaker 1: No came, okay, gotta give a camero point.
Speaker 2: You don't.
Speaker 4: You gotta two being up fright, I don't train crack.
Speaker 2: We go to the said you don't think you do it?
Speaker 1: Okay, can you imagine you threw an N word in there.
Speaker 2: Imagine there is a zombie apocalyp and pats like the
leader or.
Speaker 1: Whatever, and I look at the way, Sorry, you're the leader.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm the leader because I'm a survivalist. You know,
I'll probably survive. You're and we're up on a hill. Okay,
we just like survived the first like the first wave
of the zombies, right, and I look around. I go,
all right, everybody, name your skill for survival it. Iggy's
there and she starts doing that.
Speaker 1: She's a survivor list too.
Speaker 2: Well, No, she made the first wave somehow.
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe she did that confuse the zombies or something.
It's so crazy when you're in public life, how like
you have to commit to like she she did a
rap song and they're like, okay, you're going to do
this and She's like, I.
Speaker 2: Guess I personally thought that was awful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well you don't know rap, that's why you
thought it was awful. Okay, So let's get to the
meal train. Let's talk about the meal all right.
Speaker 2: So Nia, by the way, Britt really hates Nia. She does,
and she thought that that baby train stuff was really
just for shit because after the Mommy makeover happened, she
never checked in on Now.
Speaker 1: We defended Nia to a certain degree last episode, and
our fans they didn't come after us. They just had
different takes on it. And I think a lot of
people don't like Nia. And it's not because she's beautiful.
It's because she's a fake, monstrous human being.
Speaker 2: I think need a little more time to sit on
that one, yeap sit on it.
Speaker 1: I think that maybe monstrous is a little too intense.
But capable of monstrous, I think is an easy thing
to say about Nia. Perhaps the Spider people are staying
away from their home because she's the queen of them.
She sets up this meal train on camera very loudly
in front of a ring of people. Then after the surgery,
nothing that that doesn't make any sense, that's not.
Speaker 4: It.
Speaker 1: That's that lego set does not get built.
Speaker 2: It is a great point.
Speaker 1: Okay, So.
Speaker 2: Nia is although didn't Nia have a conflicting uh, a
different version of their communication.
Speaker 1: No, she just said that she's sorry that she didn't
reach out. She's got four four kids crawling on her
all the time.
Speaker 2: Oh that's yeah, that's not good.
Speaker 1: No, no, it's not. Now. Kristin Well, Brittany says that
Nia is a performative strength pulling monster, and Kristin is
the fly in the teeth that are closing it. Okay,
Kristen's like Nia fandom, It just it weirds. I don't
understand it. I don't get where it's coming from.
Speaker 2: It's not fandom, it's a it's an alligance, an alliance
that she seeks.
Speaker 1: I think Kristin has come from such a rat like exists.
Excuse me, Christen's come from such a rat like existence
in the past, what with being a waitress. It's sir
for so many years and don't come for me. You know. Look,
they literally hung out in alleyways and smoked. Okay, if
rats could smoke, that's what they'd do. Okay. There were
broken bed frames by them all the time. She sees
Nia and she's like this angelic, radiant Christian woman seems
like a good kind of thing to aspire to, but
it's just this very desperate cling to the image of
her that's very bizarre. But yeah, I don't need to
get too deep into the valley fair enough.
Speaker 2: I found this was funny. This part was funny. Britt
thinks that despite what she said, she said, Danny and
Nia are great people, and they're fake as fucking Danny
is an inappropriate drunk, but they're great people, which I'd
argue are conflicting.
Speaker 1: They're conflicting again the legos that's not getting built. And
can I say that if we do dive too deep
into the psycho babbles of these people, we should just
say something along the of like we've hit Van Allen, right,
because then you're going too deep in the valley and
people that are not from here. When you go north
into the San Fernando Valley, you start to encounter a
lot of shopping carts chained to telephone poles, and that's
when you've gone too deep, because why would you chain it?
Speaker 2: I just wondered why that.
Speaker 1: Let's get to the two stars of the show, Jasmine
and Zach Jasmine beautiful ass put an ass.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna say, all right, so, yeah, we're at
bumpy and they get butt facials. I never knew this existed.
Jasmine's ass. I'm a huge fan. Zach's ass looks like
an ant hill where the answer they won't enter because
they're they're very concerned.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it looks like answer are weary of the structural
integrity of the hill and they won't go in there
because it's so flat. And I do feel bad for
him as a gay man. The rumps in the gay
community are just fucking fire. And then you get to
Zach and it looks like a bunny slope.
Speaker 2: I'm sure it looks way better. He even to his
own admission, said that it looks that way because after
two decades of getting plunged like a clog sink, you
know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Okay, right, that's why it.
Speaker 2: Looks that way.
Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna go toilet just because there's
shit in the toilet. Well, they're shit and asses. That's
how asses are. They have shit in them.
Speaker 2: I didn't want to be crass, Dylan.
Speaker 1: I lost my train of thought because of the lewd analogy.
You just put forth.
Speaker 2: Oh, Jasmine's ass was beautiful.
Speaker 1: Yes, we already said that.
Speaker 2: Oh right, uh oh.
Speaker 1: If you were a gay man with means and you
have an ass that looks like this, you get enhancements.
And the problem with Zach is that he doesn't own
any furniture and he lives in a box with holes
in the dry wall, so he's in no position. Maybe
next season make those enhancements. Yet a girl can dream.
So Zach brings up that Danny was lying about drinking
at the house, and this is well trod, right, he
lies about drinking, that's right, because he's an alcoholic, and
he's also fearful of scorn. We get into why he
is not marrying Benji, who is about to be thrown
ruthlessly out of the country by little Stephen Miller. I
think Steven Miller himself is going to come knock. He's
a big fan of the valley. He can't wait to
throw Benji out.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's right, Yeah, yeah, he wants to get him
out of here.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. When Stephen Miller was a young man and
making those speeches about how the janitors are disgusting, he
was thinking about Benji and Mexicans right.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, but Benji wants to have kids, and
although Zach says over and over again that he wants kids,
one day, he's still on the fence when he really
thinks about it.
Speaker 1: Zach has a I would say, quasi decent relation reason
for not wanting to get married, and it has to
do with kids, And we should on Zach constantly. But
I do think that that's a very good reason to
be hesitant about marrying somebody. You gotta be in alignment
on that issue. Now he does weep while a woman
is rubbing his ass, and it's very awkward. I should say,
as much shit as we give these two, who are
just bad television, do not have it farm ball players.
This was actually a pretty good scene with the two
of them.
Speaker 2: It was pretty fun. Okay, I wanted to look up
where Bumpy was.
Speaker 1: Do you want to go?
Speaker 2: I want to call that person you want to do?
Not do this right now? No, I'm not going to.
I just hey.
Speaker 1: Today's episode is brought to you by Loomy Gummies. Loomy
gummies are the greatest. I took one the other day
during a movie. My favorite thing to do on planet Earth. Literally,
one of my favorite things to do on planet Earth.
You take a Loomigummy, you go see a future film
in the theater. It's bliss, it's heaven on Earth.
Speaker 2: Dylan, I had the same experience. I went to go
see Mandalorian and grogu yep, and uh it made me
like the movie.
Speaker 1: Did you take watermelon sorbet?
Speaker 2: I did? Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a really good flavor. It's a really delicious flavor.
You know, we gotta hit Loomy.
Speaker 2: Up.
Speaker 1: I need some more Loomy. Okay, I'm running a little low.
Speaker 2: I'll call them.
Speaker 1: Please call them, and please, if you're listening, listen to this.
Most sedibles get us way too high, okay, but not Loomy.
It's consistent, mellow, and super delicious. We love them and
you will too, Okay. Loomi Gummies are available nationwide. Get
a lumigummies dot com that's l u m I gummies
dot com and use code bad TV for thirty percent
off your order. Again, that's l umgummies dot com. Code
bad TV, Loomigummies dot com code bad TV. Okay, they're
the best, They're literally the best. Today's episode is also
brought to you by row.
Speaker 5: Row Row Row Row Your body into the place you
wanted to be. Gl P one listen, Okay, you can
get GOLP once on row. Okay, go on row and
get them Look at my body, look at his body.
Speaker 2: I lost twenty pounds.
Speaker 1: There's this crazy thing where, like you know, no, the
people are talking about how difficult it is to lose weight.
What with do you hear about Crumble cookies. They just
released a drink that's one hundred and eighty six grams
of sugar. Okay, we say it all the time. The
food in this country, it's actively trying to take us down. Okay,
So use Row, go on row and help yourself feel better.
It's a very difficult thing to do. A lot of
us don't have time to just be at the gym
for three hours a day.
Speaker 2: Hey, del, my wife and I personal testimonies. We both
lost weight on ROW, so I can speak to this. Yeah,
please support this sponsor for us.
Speaker 1: Rose Free Insurance Checker makes it easy to see if
you're covered. Just submit your insurance card and Row handles
the rest. No paperwork, no waiting on hold, no confusing
phone calls. Row offers a multi month membership option. Okay.
In addition to multi month Medications helps members prepay and
save on their GLP one medications.
Speaker 2: Okay, so listen, m listen up.
Speaker 1: We use this, pat uses this and you should too.
Speaker 2: Very affordable. It was quick and easy. Within a week
I had the medication. Within three weeks I started seeing results.
Speaker 1: Go to row dot co slash bad tv to see
if you qualify. That's ro dot co slash bad tv.
To get started, go to row dot co slash Safety,
row dot cos slash safety for boxed warning and full
safety information about g LP one medications. Okay, because you
know you, I mean, your thumbs get a little out
of control sometimes, I know. I mean, we had a
fifteen minute conversation with a a hotel worker that we
had to cut a large amount. Well not we didn't
cut the entire thing out, but I think that you
called I think you called the wind and said that
you were Chinese and that you wanted to get the
suite or something like that. I think that's what happened.
Speaker 2: Anyways, we know I said I was a whale, if
you were a whale said hold on, let me get
you through.
Speaker 1: Also, i'd like to say we'll likely do this podcast
until one of us dies. It'll be me first, I
would imagine. But I have to not live in a
place where this can be done. We've talked about it before.
I'm probably going to leave Los Angeles eventually. I can't
be in cities where this is availab.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's a real business. I just looked
up on Yelp and I can't find it. Does enlist it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny, like if we ever did move
to like a forested area, I would miss pink Berry, right,
but I wouldn't miss that next to the Pinkberry is
a place where Zach got his ass rupped down while
he cried about Benji thrown out of the country by
Steven Biller. Okay, let's meanwhile, Meanwhile, we.
Speaker 2: Pounced around the valley as everyone is preparing to go
to Mexico.
Speaker 1: FaceTime with Nia. Nia's got makeup on. During the FaceTime,
I am starting to really think Nia might be bad news.
Speaker 2: All right, fine, I'm open to this. Yeah or well prepared? Yeah,
well prepared, calculated.
Speaker 1: She has a roy Cone kind of energy. I don't
it spooks me. FaceTime with cast member glam.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, I was gonna say at Danny's place their
daughter was that Adelaine, Yeah, she takes after daddy. They
both hate Janet with the passion of seven sons.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And also, if you look close enough, Adelaide pounded at
natty light and then she hid it under the couch,
just like Daddy.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And then Adelaide said, what are you talking about?
I had like four of those ice drinks. God, she
is so advanced for her age. She's also a vicious alcoholic.
It sucks, It really does, it really does. But we
also get to Janet, who asked Jason if if she
can film, and he don't keep talking. She asked Jason
if she can go to Mexico, and he says, yeah,
you're about to get thrown off the show. Yeah, please
go to Mexico and film. You're not gonna get a
third season regardless, but this can't hurt, so yeah, please
do Yeah, he said, go ahead.
Speaker 2: Pussy, pussy, pussy, pet.
Speaker 1: Pet.
Speaker 2: He can't fucking go to Mexico. He cannot get out
of bed, he has he just tore his a c
l this this is like six weeks later, dude.
Speaker 1: It's a really serious injury. I don't know if you
know how serious the injury is okay.
Speaker 2: If there was an earthquake and the house was collapsing,
could he stand up and run out of the house.
Speaker 4: Not?
Speaker 1: Well, no, pat, your knee is not. His knee is not.
It's kind of like floating right now. This part and
this part are not really attached all that. Well, it's
kind of a big deal. Let's put it this way.
If there was an earthquake and he planted that foot
to go run, his knee would just gross. Things would
happen all over again in a wheelchair.
Speaker 2: Then Brittany does it.
Speaker 1: Brittany definitely does it. Yeah, all right, So let's get to.
Speaker 2: Airport.
Speaker 1: Airport, Britney is wheeled in and we land in Port
of Iarta, and Kristen is losing it and I completely
understand why she's upset. Evidently a fan took a picture
of her and her naked child while she was in
an airport bathroom. Not okay, don't take pictures of me
and my child.
Speaker 2: I'd punch you in the fucking face, with or without
clothes on.
Speaker 1: Do not do that.
Speaker 2: But I want to say this, and I'm not saying
in any way that would be right. However, when you're
I don't think they were fans. I think they're probably
just curious bystanders wondering what the fuck are these people
doing with eight camera cameras.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, maybe I don't know that there are a
ton of fans in part of our article, but yeah,
elbow to the head whoever did that. I wish this
was I listen. I wish at a time like this,
I wish this was behind a paywall. But I do
think that Christin. I get that it's complicated because she's breastfeeding.
I think that Kristin could benefit from some pharmaceutical help,
some maybe some therapy. I don't know what she's doing,
but it would hurt.
Speaker 2: It hurt the milk.
Speaker 1: It would hurt the milk.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, you can't fuck with that shit.
Speaker 1: You can't.
Speaker 2: You're saying, like, take like a Xanax to chill out
or something. Maybe, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to evolve. I'm trying to evolve. I'm trying
to be open for people to take, you know, prozac
and solonopin or whatever the hell it is so lofty.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: She just seems like it's something that you can get through.
You just gotta you gotta get through it, but I
don't know from what I've heard, it can kind of
stick around. She's not She's really not in a good place.
She's racked with anxiety.
Speaker 2: I find myself questioning and I shouldn't come at me.
I apologize. I'm not a dude. I have not walked
in a woman's shoes after baby. Oh I am a dude. Yeah, sorry,
that's right.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Is she amping this up a little bit as a storyline.
Speaker 1: I don't think she is. I think she's literally spinning
out of control from the stress of the trip and
just making it this fucking massive thing.
Speaker 2: Because she does not want to be here. She keeps
saying things like I'd rather be home because I don't
want to miss this moment. I'd argue you could say
that about any moment in your childhood.
Speaker 1: I think that she's using that, and there's it's a
half truth. I think that she doesn't want to film
because who the fuck would want to film, right, But
also she doesn't want to film because there's a little
Howard Hughes thing going on where she doesn't want to
go outside. She doesn't want to go on this trip.
Speaker 2: She just she just fucking gave birth.
Speaker 1: She doesn't want to have to do this, but unfortunately
she was at Alli Rat for so long she can't
do anything else. Yeah, so I fail for it. Yeah,
I feel for it too. It's not a fun thing
to watch. But the babies. The babies get on one bus.
This is this is the kind of thing that like,
it's a little triggering. Okay, Kristen is trying to sleep
this child and they arrive and this guy just blows
a fucking conkshell and wakes the baby out. Like I
would fucking lose it. I just I'd be like, why
the fuck are we in part of ionnor right now?
We have a fucking child against Ali Rat.
Speaker 2: Went to uh during spring break. We went with another
couple and the kids up to a UH up to
a wine town and we went to a Michelin's star
restaurant with the fucking kids and it was the most
miserable fucking experience.
Speaker 1: Nope, they they do not. And I used to always
rip on our friends for saying, Nope, not doing it.
It's like, bring the kid. I always used to think,
be Dutch about it. Leave them outside, they're gonna be fine.
Take them to the tapas bar. We're going to be
having a good time. Yeah, seven thirty, it doesn't matter.
They can sleep. No, no, no, no, you're negotiating with
terrorists when you bring children to restaurants.
Speaker 2: After saying terrorists you can negotiate with they want something.
Speaker 1: It's a really good point. They're worse than al Qaeda,
is what you're saying.
Speaker 2: That's my point.
Speaker 1: I feel like something that we glossed over pretty quickly
was Jesse's credit card got declined.
Speaker 2: We did because they never touched on it. Again. God,
that guy's a loser.
Speaker 1: He's a bit of a loser. Lacy finds something in
him though, Oh yeah, the way that Buffalo Bill finds
things in people.
Speaker 2: Put the lotion on the bus cood. Yeah, she wants no,
I said, I did I say this last episode she
is using him to be on TV.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I want her to continue to do it.
I want her on OC. I want if Lacey was
the nail in Tamra Judge's coffin. Oh my god, what
a beautiful parallem.
Speaker 2: By the way, they just ran the trailer for OC,
I am so upset that Emily and fucking Meatball are back.
I'm like, no, I thought they got kicked off there
was a dumb posts. You can't believe the internet.
Speaker 1: Emily and Meatball are back, yeah, and Tamer's back m hm,
and Vicky's on of course, and Jen Jen back Yep,
Katie's gone.
Speaker 2: Katie's gone, and there's a one more newbie.
Speaker 1: What about Gretchen? No, she's gone, she's gone. Gretchen came
back for a season.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not good TV.
Speaker 1: I thought she was fine TV. She's better TV than
fucking Tamer and Meatball and Emily get in the comments,
let us know, all right. So Tom says we're here,
let's booze it up and deliver and say okay. Luke says, yeah,
sounds good. And that's when Kristen goes, hey, buddy, got
a fucking four month old? Okay, will you handle that
before you start getting wasted with Tom Schwartz, who lives
across the street from Wiener Stenzel and a shotgun house,
too many steps dating a twenty seven year old? Okay,
different lives. You want to go live that life. Fucking
live that life, okay. And then she starts crying. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I feel I feel like you're really coming down on
me right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she is she is, Okay, I'm still checking in
those rooms. I think I wish God, I wish Ruby
was here. Do you see the interview with Danny where
he had the leather pants on.
Speaker 1: No, I guess we'll gloss over that that he had
leather pants on, leather pants on. He's really feeling himself.
Speaker 2: They are this is.
Speaker 1: You see Danny with his shirt off at the pool, and.
Speaker 2: Then we see Swarts with his shirt off at the pool. Hello, dad, bod.
Speaker 1: Different right, Schwartz is not a dad. Switch those bodies
now it works.
Speaker 2: Danny and Nia.
Speaker 1: Danny is constantly working out, He's got four children. Nia
is constantly and glam she's got four children. They spook
me out. I'm fucking I sh'ld have a body like
that when you have four kids.
Speaker 2: I told you someone said the Righteous Gemstones is based
on their church.
Speaker 1: Makes sense, all right. So Lacy and Jesse have a
chat one of the highlights of the episode. Jesse's like,
it's gonna be an hour and a half drive. She goes,
I know I've been there many times. She just brutalizes him.
He is a chicken filet. I love her just dominating him.
Speaker 2: There is no reason for her to be with him
other than this was the easiest way to get on
reality TV.
Speaker 1: Kristin and Luke fight some more, Can't do It, Bad Tv,
Bad Watch. I don't know if it's because we have
really young children. I have a one year old, You
have a two year old and a five year old.
Anybody with grown children.
Speaker 2: I don't know, let us know.
Speaker 1: Is watching Kristin and Luke hard for you? Is it
triggering for all parents?
Speaker 2: Like it's just I hate that word trigger, But I
will say it does bring back some of the worst
times of my marriage. Yeah, because I'll share a moment.
I'll show this was two years ago when my wife
truly hated me, and I used to talk about it
on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was laying on the couch on a Saturday and
my wife was in the kitchen. I think both kids
were sleeping, and uh, my wife goes, can you do this?
I guess said I'm busy, and she goes, what are
you doing? And I said, I'm ordering viagra and she went, ugh,
I'm ready. That's when she was in her phase of
truly hating Patty.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Ugh, disgusted right with even the thought of sleeping with
her husband.
Speaker 1: Yep, and it's this thing where you are. I don't need.
Speaker 2: Viagara every time, it's just occasionally.
Speaker 1: Well, when you're in the doldrums of your wife hating you,
you probably need a little chemical enhancement because it's it's
when you're when you're in the thrust, the thrusts of it,
the thrusts of it, you go, oh, what are we doing?
We we hate each other right now, We're not supposed
to be doing this. It's not what people hate each
other do. But yeah, it's just very triggering when you
haven't slept, when you're just tapped, you turn into a
different human being. You're just you're not the same person.
Speaker 2: Sleep deprivation makes you a dick, makes.
Speaker 1: You a dick. So while the boys drank, Kristin is
with the baby and expresses the presence that mothers tap
into more so than guys. You're only gonna She's only
going to be this age once. Now we mentioned it,
it's a half truth. You just want to more than anything.
You want the lights down, you want room service ordered.
And if and I'm not commenting on the weight or
anything like that, I'm just saying, if there was a
cheeseburger in front of you with French fries and no
one was bothering you. The crying wouldn't be as bad. No,
it would be bad, but it wouldn't be as bad.
You have to film.
Speaker 2: I agree, And also I'm glad they actually showed her
sister trying to help, because sometimes they would cut that
part out in the past and make it look like
Kristin and Luke were just by themselves with the baby
for better dramatic fashion. Yeah, yeah, all right, So we
get to well, meanwhile, the girl's note that Luke is
being pretty helpful to Christen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and very patient.
Speaker 2: And I thought about it and I was like, the
fucking bar is so low for them. And I'm speaking
of because the following girls were talking we had burgers. Well, no, Jack,
it was Jack's Jesse, Yeah, Jason. And then if you
want to throw in the new guy, Brandon. So Luke
is like a superhero.
Speaker 1: He's the Clark Kent of this group, and he sucks.
Speaker 2: He still sucks.
Speaker 1: Brittany continues to just Brittany out, you call somebody ever here,
I'm fucked by cat Win, oh set home by I'm
fucking kids, fucking She sounds like it is freestyling. I'll
suck a fucking cramp leg down and then I'll suck
a fucking dick.
Speaker 2: I don't care.
Speaker 1: I don't bring him over here. I fucking care. By
the way, I know, Brittany, you were just dating a
guy who asked you for forty dollars.
Speaker 2: I do not understand the Lala appeal. Obviously she's got
a huge podcast, she's beloved in this universe, but her
and like Brent are having like, uh, who can sound
sluttier on the show, Like I fucking I don't know, Dix,
I'll get slapped in the face with fucking cox in
my buck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think we Oh oh Laala did?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I fucking kids hit the fucking do editing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Lala's just I don't know if it's a slutty thing,
but it's just Lala's like overtly sexual a lot of
the time. Yes, I would know good relationship with a
cock slapping in the face. What is that cock slapping
you in the face after.
Speaker 2: There's no need? I get it?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Fuck that light guard roll there. I don't know. I'm
fucking horny. Rouse suck him right now, right, Oh, you're
trying go ahead.
Speaker 1: See all right, So Danny asks for or excuse me,
Zach asks for a shower cap at the bar from
a Hispanic hotel.
Speaker 2: Hold on, you're jumping through the day. We go to
the pool. Schwartz jumps in the pool. That's when he
gets the Holy Dad bough Jesus fucking Christ from you
or from the cast from me? Eating too many corn dogs, man, yeah, yeah, yeah,
all right, and then corn dogs are good. Then Swartz
is excited for his fucking birthday, although his girlfriend's there.
And then he he asks the guys, hey, man, don't
fucking you come from me, Man, don't come from my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I think Schwartz is a lot smarter than he lets on.
I think Schwartz's when we compare him to the pantheon
of these people, I think he's a.
Speaker 2: Rocket sign more calculated. Yeah, probably.
Speaker 1: He lets he lets words slip sometimes where I'm like, ooh,
that was a fancy one, or demonstrates that he has
like an understanding of a nuanced like personal dynamic, and
I'm like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then he does that that oh yeah, yeah,
well he did it. Here he goes, hey, guys, don't
make fun of her. My girlfriend being dumb like Lalla
did earlier. That's not cool, man, you just come for me.
She's not dumb. It's just because she sounds dumb. It's
not because she's stupid. It's because it's because she's on drugs.
Speaker 1: So leave her alone. We get up to not the
fund Zone, the no Fun Zone, the rainy night Um,
Chris and Luke fight some more, and and Kaya is crying.
Really really this was a brutal scene because we had
a callagy baby. I don't know if it's Collic. She's
in a new place. She's just crying again.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, fuck it.
Speaker 1: I understand why you guys tried to do vander Pump
Rules again because this, I mean, you failed. But this
is just crazy, all right. So we get to Schwartz
a palooza. It's not a palooza as Tom would like one.
He's on too much Molly to know what a is,
and too they had to move.
Speaker 2: It inside Stocks more than his townhouse.
Speaker 1: Yes, So Danny shows up and uh, Jesse and Michelle
both agree your outfit is fucking disgusting. You look like
a father in a Orlando looks go the this was
a this was a look in I want to say
twenty eleven maybe, Uh, the very tight pants with the
Chelsea boots and the flowing top.
Speaker 2: That what do guys dress like? It's the they dress
in the same attire. What the year that they got
the most badge?
Speaker 1: He dresses like he was raking in pussy at a
Justin Bieber church. That's how he dresses. He dresses like
he's part of the gospel band at a church where
everybody's fucking each other in Santa Monica. And it's plain
to see. It's just plain to see. This party is
dead and we bounce around just dead things. I'll do.
Speaker 2: I'll do a couple of me. Kristen comes over to
the table to bum everybody out.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile the girls make fun of Jesse being a cock
for Lacey, and then Kirsten argues with Luke and she
kind of exaggerates about things that he said that he
didn't say. And then Luke gets advice from the guys
and Danny says, look, look, look, look, listen to me.
Listen to me. Yeah, stay stay, stay united front because
they'll come for you. Also, always hide empty liquor bottles
in the laundry basket.
Speaker 1: They'll ever find him there, Yeah, don't don't put in the.
Speaker 2: Trash, look in the trash.
Speaker 1: Don't put it in the trash. He starts screaming. Then
Nia comes over, Honey, honey, you're doing it again. She's
Catherine Keener from get out. She's like, honey, okay. So
the entire episode turns into basically a crisis hotline for
Luke and Kristen. Right, that's what Toma Palooza has turned into.
Speaker 2: There is one little, one little piece that I think
Janet wishes got a little bit more attention. What's that
her admission that she's bisexual?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, oh boy?
Speaker 2: Does she want to stay on this goddamn show?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Janet is a bisexual.
Speaker 2: Hey, she'll fuck Michelle.
Speaker 1: Michelle is her dream girl.
Speaker 2: And you know what, Jason's okay with it. And you
know what, she's okay with Jason fucks guys.
Speaker 1: Hey, yeah, she's okay with Jason fucking Guys'. Hey, Janet,
let's experiment. Let's watch your husband get plunged like a sink,
which is what you said earlier. Let's have let let
let's do this report back after you've seen your husband
get split like a log. I don't think you'll find
it that attractive? Can I ask you? Rolling back? And
I don't mean to be crude about homosexual male intimacy.
It's I'm sure it's beautiful at times, fun at times,
gross at times like regular sexes. Okay, but when we
roll back to Kristen and Luke, this is what they're
like at four months. I know that everybody struggles with
this stage, but they're not married. Marriage Really, if you
take it seriously, that kind of commitment can get you
through it. We're fucking married. What are we We're fucking married.
This is what we gotta do. They are not married.
What percentage chance do you give their survival survivalists?
Speaker 2: That's a hard question. I will say it's this is
where you're in the trenches and yeah, this is where
you build the foundation. If you get through this together,
then you're stronger together. Many people are not strong enough,
and this is where you break up. This is where
you hear like, wow, they broke up with the kid
one years old, and there's here so many of those.
It's because they fucking could not get past this stage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so common. I'm telling you, I've got friends
starting to get divorced. It's like, whoa, it happens. So
Janet's a bisexual, great Kristen is going to bed and
we head.
Speaker 2: We're in the hallway.
Speaker 1: We're in the hallway. This is what Laala quickly says,
I wouldn't know a good relationship. Slap me in the
dick with a face. What we what we get in
the hallway. Luke is at this point he's just given up.
I can't do anything with this this person. I'm just
gonna go get fucked up right. And he sits in
a chair. He's bereft, he's down trodden, he's set. And Brittany,
Kristen's friend comes up. Up fellow mama, the worst person
Luke could possibly talk to about this.
Speaker 2: And he does his best. He says, you know what,
take care of yourself tonight. I'm okay, I'm just gonna
sit here now. Talk to me.
Speaker 1: Come on, I'll talk to you. If you won't talk
to me, come.
Speaker 2: On, let's out. Well, my wife's being a bitch me. Hey,
don't come out to me that way. I'm up.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna dan fucking call her bitch. You goddamn little
fucking weasel.
Speaker 5: Huh.
Speaker 1: You won't go fucking fishing. Huh you rap fuck not
a good person to talk to. Okay, Luke, are you
did you for one second think you were going to
get any compassion from a fellow woman who's been through this,
who's also her friend. Talk to a plant, dude, buzzsaw,
talk to a plant. Just don't jerk off in it.
Speaker 2: I hope the season gets fun.
Speaker 1: Me too. In the comments, let us know you thought
about the episode in the city starts next week. That's
a fun one. Sorry, we're jumping in. I don't know
how many episodes it is, but I feel like we're
jumping in sixty percent of the way.
Speaker 2: Not much has happened, Honestly, it's just kind of getting
go when we're starting to learn some of the characters.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, alright, cool cool. Fellow bachelor contestant on that
show as well, Whitney.
Speaker 2: Really yeah? Do you remember her? I do? I? God,
damn it, I do with you next season.
Speaker 1: I think she might have been on nixt season.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's very pretty, very pretty.
Speaker 1: All right, get in the comments. Love you see you
next week.
Speaker 2: Bye bye.
Speaker 4: Streets.
Speaker 1: The pe.
Speaker 6: Assasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst Eight years old.
Speaker 4: All the street sign your head,