Speaker 1: You're watching Chewing the Cud. He's River Scott and Mike
Speaker 1: Benyon Brow.
Speaker 2: And I ended up covered in Oh hello, you're watching
Speaker 2: Chewing the Cud, your lighthearted weekly look at the world
Speaker 2: through a glittery kaleidoscope. I'm River Scott and with me
Speaker 2: today is someone who was called the love bug. But
Speaker 2: the antibiotics have kicked in since then. Hi, Mike, how
Speaker 2: are you doing? I'm all live butti's apparently, but are
Speaker 2: they working?
Speaker 1: That's the main you know, the rash is gone.
Speaker 2: Oh that's good. It's oh, well done there ear infect
Speaker 2: you're still leather and they're the ones you can't drink on.
Speaker 1: Well, the thing about anti buttis is you can drink
Speaker 1: on them all, you just shouldn't.
Speaker 2: Oh well, that's true for most things. I suppose. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: you can't drink and drive, Well you can, but you shouldn't. Exactly,
Speaker 2: Like okay, fair enough. I thought that was like a
Speaker 2: proper thing, like it's stopped them working if you drank.
Speaker 1: Now, No, has no impact on antibuses as well.
Speaker 2: So aside from an exciting list of sdis what are
Speaker 2: you bringing us this week? Mike?
Speaker 1: Well, this week I'm bringing you a romantic and lovely
Speaker 1: story that involves well it's a dick measuring contest really,
Speaker 1: and then I'll help you entice your lover in Crafty Queens.
Speaker 2: We even have a game you can play along with us.
Speaker 2: But on screen now you can see our contact details.
Speaker 2: It's at the cud TV on your social media of choice,
Speaker 2: and if you want to catch up with previous episodes,
Speaker 2: you can binges on the YouTube's just look for Chewing the.
Speaker 1: Cud and you can see names of people have reached
Speaker 1: out and sent us some lovely Valentine's messages. Look, there's
Speaker 1: no one there going on the bottom of the screen.
Speaker 1: But now it's time for River in the showbiz.
Speaker 2: So first up, former professional rugby player Campbell Johnston, who
Speaker 2: was the first All Blacks player to come out in
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three, has married his partner Ben Thompson in
Speaker 2: New Zealand.
Speaker 1: Upset, you're upset, Yeah, this is not single.
Speaker 2: Well that we live in the future, that doesn't mean
Speaker 2: anything anymore. And I mean he's probably got good thighs.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's maybe that's what it's all about.
Speaker 1: I'd like to see his hacker, you'd like to see
Speaker 1: his hacker.
Speaker 2: Well, anyway, let's carry on. Yeah, I got distracted from
Speaker 2: a moment the way a moment there. So Campbell, who
Speaker 2: is forty four and looking quite good for it, and
Speaker 2: his now husband Ben who's thirty seven, released a quote
Speaker 2: saying we had a day with just the two of
Speaker 2: us when photographers videoed and photographers getting ready together in
Speaker 2: a hotel. Then we went out to Castle Hill Station
Speaker 2: and held our ceremony on top of a mountain.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: Just very sweet, isn't it. Yeah? Oh, I mean that's
Speaker 2: not really mountain climbing gear, but they said that on
Speaker 2: top of us is kind of it. Why does it
Speaker 2: say Woman's Day?
Speaker 1: It was sponsored by a woman Day that the article.
Speaker 1: Why because they don't have Hello magazine. I don't know
Speaker 1: New Zealand fair enough.
Speaker 2: But I mean that's very sweet and apparently he said
Speaker 2: it was literally just the two of us and the
Speaker 2: photographers and the videographer on the hill, So that was
Speaker 2: quite cool. I mean you also need the celebrant or
Speaker 2: someone as well, really married, unless like the was one
Speaker 2: of the ones holding the camera. Yeah, we didn't even
Speaker 2: have a celebrant. He says in the quote that I
Speaker 2: didn't read that far down, so Okay, all right, I'm
Speaker 2: not sure that counts. Does that count?
Speaker 1: Is that marriage or is that just an agreement?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's just a picnic it. Yeah, let's just going
Speaker 2: to the top of very well. But anyway, he also added,
Speaker 2: we also thought it should be a moment just for us.
Speaker 2: That was really special because we got to enjoy the
Speaker 2: day together.
Speaker 1: I mean, knowing people that have got married and not
Speaker 1: regretted it, basically, they've always said that when they were
Speaker 1: getting married and the actual day, they would take time
Speaker 1: away just themselves. That's nice just to be together and not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then I mean, I wonder, what's the point
Speaker 2: in the day if you if you're going to go, oh,
Speaker 2: this is all awful, excuse us, Well, we go and
Speaker 2: do something we'd much rather do over there.
Speaker 1: I think it was less about this is awful. I
Speaker 1: think it's just about having time together on their day.
Speaker 2: But surely the idea of a marriage is that you've
Speaker 2: got the rest of your lives together forever. It's kind
Speaker 2: of change to each other.
Speaker 1: It's divorce. It's fine, don't have to that's great.
Speaker 2: I bumped into a mate of mine. We chatted about
Speaker 2: someone we used to go to university, too, and like,
Speaker 2: oh they're married now, I'm like, oh, that's nice. And
Speaker 2: it's like, well, it's an open relationship. Oh well, you know,
Speaker 2: twenty first century. Good for them. It's like, no, they
Speaker 2: hate each other, but they've got a mortgage and two cats,
Speaker 2: so what can you do. And they were always cheating
Speaker 2: on each other. So just now they don't have to pretend.
Speaker 2: I'm like, love wins.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Jesus, what's that phrase? That a stage? It's no
Speaker 1: longer love, it's just company.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what they say about. Well, it's a same
Speaker 2: sex relationship, isn't it, because it's always same sex for
Speaker 2: the rest of your life. And anyway, on that hilarious note,
Speaker 2: let's move on.
Speaker 1: Cool.
Speaker 2: So, the non binary star of trans horror film I
Speaker 2: Saw the TV Glow has changed their name. Okay, Jack
Speaker 2: Haven now, which is nice. It's a good name. Apparently
Speaker 2: it was inspired by their great great uncle, who's a
Speaker 2: singer and songwriter, Haven Gillespie, which I'm not familiar with,
Speaker 2: but that doesn't mean anything. There they are, that's that's
Speaker 2: Jack Haven. The great great grand uncle was known for
Speaker 2: the Christmas hits Santa Claus Is come into town.
Speaker 1: So yeah, everyone's famous. In somewhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. So this is Jack Haven who said I'm
Speaker 2: non binary. I always felt a little bit boy, a
Speaker 2: little bit girl, a little bit neither, which is kind
Speaker 2: of how I got to the whole non binary thing.
Speaker 2: So that makes sense. Yeah, glad, I'm doing it right.
Speaker 2: Always good to know. I don't think.
Speaker 1: Anyone's doing it right. I think everyone's doing it right,
Speaker 1: if that makes sense.
Speaker 2: No, quite a few people it wrong, but never mind. Anyway,
Speaker 2: they are using they them as of late, and it
Speaker 2: feels right. And apparently it was scary af to come out,
Speaker 2: and they've really been putting it off, but they felt
Speaker 2: they owed it to themselves and to all of us
Speaker 2: who struggle with gender and heterosexual people. I suppose. Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 2: well done them, Good luck with all of that. They
Speaker 2: seem young.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it's at that age where anyone called Jack
Speaker 1: as go just jack.
Speaker 2: Ah. I feel not to be particularly sassy about this.
Speaker 2: If you go in non binary, you should be a
Speaker 2: bit more inventive with your names. Like I'm called River,
Speaker 2: like that was I mean, even that is like the
Speaker 2: default one in the is the find and replace thing
Speaker 2: in the in the in the trans starter kit.
Speaker 1: When I first introduced to the idea of river, right,
Speaker 1: please tell me the last name is song.
Speaker 2: No, Well, I like the rhythm though, river Song, because
Speaker 2: there was River Song, there was River.
Speaker 1: Tam, River Phoenix, Riverdance.
Speaker 2: Riverdance, River Island. Yeah, all the good ones. Yeah, River Trent.
Speaker 2: That actually sounds like a good name until you know
Speaker 2: that it's it's a horrible river where lots where most
Speaker 2: of the drugs that come into the UK come in,
Speaker 2: apparently along with River Trent. Yeah, so I'm told. Anyway, anyway,
Speaker 2: talking of people with completely normal names, Duncan from Blue
Speaker 2: Duncan James, it seems like cheating again. It's just two
Speaker 2: first names, there's no surname, and they never trust someone
Speaker 2: with two fun now exactly. Anyway, he's got a boyfriend, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I know, someone called Rodrigo Race Rice.
Speaker 1: Yah.
Speaker 2: Anyway, he's a he's a flight attendant who speaks multiple
Speaker 2: well you'd have to speaks multiple languages, and his Instagram
Speaker 2: bio says that he's into healthy eating, fitness and all
Speaker 2: things good for the mind, body, and God Jesus. I
Speaker 2: mean all right, I mean I suppose I could listen
Speaker 2: to him talk about stuff that's good for the mind,
Speaker 2: body and soul. If he looks like that, good lord.
Speaker 1: It's what you'd be expected from Duncan from Blue.
Speaker 2: Really yeah, I mean it's just all.
Speaker 1: Right, expecting a twink.
Speaker 2: Two pretty people I don't know are in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Good for them. I find it hard to get moved
Speaker 2: by any kind of like, oh, celebrities in a relationship. Good?
Speaker 2: You know, good lord.
Speaker 1: I think it's less about the story, more about the pictures.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm alright with that. So he's got an Instagram?
Speaker 2: Has he got an OnlyFans? That is the more important question.
Speaker 2: Can we see Rodrigo Rice getting railed by Duncan from Blue?
Speaker 1: I think yes would be the answer to that.
Speaker 2: All the other way around, you know, or both? Why not?
Speaker 2: Let's let's take it in turns.
Speaker 1: Exactly what switches all about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if they need someone to hold the camera, I
Speaker 2: am available.
Speaker 1: And I will not be holding the camera.
Speaker 2: But I mean, no, good for them. I suppose they've
Speaker 2: been dating since twenty nineteen, which is good. I yeah,
Speaker 2: I can't even keep a plant alive, let alone of relationship.
Speaker 2: But that's not the point. They met a couple of
Speaker 2: years ago in Belgium. Apparently Duncan was doing a gig
Speaker 2: with the boys and he met Rodrigo at the after party.
Speaker 2: Really what that is I couldn't possibly comment on that.
Speaker 2: We're just going to move on from that. I saw
Speaker 2: him across the bar and he was just see there's
Speaker 2: a thing there the quotes got there's there's those three
Speaker 2: dots that mean something that we didn't need to include
Speaker 2: being cut out here, and it's like I saw him
Speaker 2: across the bar and dot dot he was just my type,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, and he was getting railed by three
Speaker 2: or four other people, but there was room for me,
Speaker 2: so I had to go. And it turned out he
Speaker 2: was just my type. But the pr person's edited there
Speaker 2: possibly our eyes met across a crowded twink something like that. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I've been riding about like, oh, dad, how did you
Speaker 2: meet other Dad?
Speaker 3: Well, anyway, you know your uncle Steven markin Well, so
Speaker 3: people asked when when they found out they were dating people, Oh,
Speaker 3: did you know Duncan was famous and in blue and
Speaker 3: apparently not in.
Speaker 2: Brazil where he's from. Blue ants are famous, So it's
Speaker 2: either yeah, I mean, is that how if that was
Speaker 2: the other way around, if you were dating some hotty
Speaker 2: from Brazil? And then and then you went over to
Speaker 2: meet their parents or whatever. You went over to spend
Speaker 2: time with them, and they're like, oh, actually I'm actually
Speaker 2: quite famous. Would that be weird?
Speaker 4: Do you think?
Speaker 1: I don't think so.
Speaker 2: Now, getting papped and getting photos of you taken with you.
Speaker 1: I don't think he's unhappy about him being papped at
Speaker 1: that point in time.
Speaker 2: No, he just seemed quite happy. Yeah, I mean it
Speaker 2: would be, wouldn't you. Anyway, that's all from Showbiz this week.
Speaker 2: Crashing on because I'm getting distracted by attractive people not
Speaker 2: wearing much again, so that there's a theme from the
Speaker 2: show or my life anyway, stay right there. As coming
Speaker 2: up after this short break, we see what Mike's googled
Speaker 2: as he's going to be in the buzz. Welcome back.
Speaker 2: You're watching Chewing the Cod and now it's time for
Speaker 2: about eleven minutes of dick jokes with Mike in the buzz.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about trends?
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm immediately suspicious, so trepardacious.
Speaker 1: Okay, I like it.
Speaker 2: What is about nude dating trends for twenty nude dating?
Speaker 1: Nude?
Speaker 2: I'm less interested?
Speaker 1: Well, it might be one of the new trends.
Speaker 2: Nudity is a fun I like that.
Speaker 1: I do enjoy it. The police ten they get very
Speaker 1: upset when M not that kind of anyway. So there's
Speaker 1: a whole raft of new trends for twenty twenty five
Speaker 1: when I'm talking about dating, right, And the first one
Speaker 1: that called out is called micromancing, which sounds a bit
Speaker 1: like necromancing to me.
Speaker 2: I thought it was just romancing. Mike, are you? Is
Speaker 2: this your's a plea for help? Are you? Only?
Speaker 1: Now we know I am? But which is small act
Speaker 1: of romance? All right? I'm doing small scale lovely things
Speaker 1: run big gestures.
Speaker 2: This sounds like the kind of dating, that kind of
Speaker 2: romancing I would have to do because I'm poor. This
Speaker 2: feels like I can't afford to take you out for
Speaker 2: dinner and like shower you with presents. But here's a flower.
Speaker 2: Yeah flower, yeah, your favorite flower, favorite flower, and now
Speaker 2: shut up and be grateful until I can afford to
Speaker 2: buy you another one.
Speaker 1: Exactly. I know your favorite thing to eat his chicken nuggets,
Speaker 1: So I bought you four. The next trends coming out
Speaker 1: is something called fanning, sorry, fan Fanning, Fanning as in
Speaker 1: Dakota Fanning as in going oh my god, I love
Speaker 1: this thing, so that all the idage of opposites attracted, right,
Speaker 1: flipping that on its head and finding someone that's very
Speaker 1: into the same sort of things that you are.
Speaker 2: So the new dating trend for twenty twenty five is
Speaker 2: to find someone who's interested in the same things.
Speaker 1: That you're not interested, like super into the same sort
Speaker 1: of things.
Speaker 2: So just a Bronie's thing. This feels like a Bronie's thing.
Speaker 1: Bronie's could be a thing. So if you're a Bronie
Speaker 1: thing very and you find another Bronie, that's the idea.
Speaker 2: That's what they still do. Yeah yeah, or furries it's
Speaker 2: furries and stuff. Anyway, Sorry, I feel like I am
Speaker 2: misunderstanding this and I'm going to need you to explain it.
Speaker 1: It is about finding something that you have an intense
Speaker 1: interest in and find it's all with the same intense interest.
Speaker 1: It's not soon going oh, I like to go the gym.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I like the gym too. There's people
Speaker 1: that go, I like to do two sessions in the
Speaker 1: gym a day for an hour of time, and the
Speaker 1: other person going, yeah, me too, Like that's super intense enjoyment.
Speaker 2: Of something. I like eating my body weight in chocolates
Speaker 2: and wanking myself cross eyed.
Speaker 1: So that's all you have to is find someone that
Speaker 1: also really likes that.
Speaker 2: All right, if you're into that kind of thing, drop
Speaker 2: me a message at coud TV or Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I think we're going to get a lot of
Speaker 1: messages from a lot of people saying yes, I like
Speaker 1: that too, because it's quite a common one.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh, well, I'm sorry. I'll get better. I'll get
Speaker 2: better hobbies shallow, how dare.
Speaker 1: You not kink sharing? But me a little bit.
Speaker 2: I also watch a lot of Star Trek if that helps.
Speaker 1: Have you heard of soft launching.
Speaker 2: I want to make a tic joke, but I can't
Speaker 2: get there.
Speaker 1: Launching to make a we can't get there.
Speaker 2: Yes, but I've got some pills for that now me too.
Speaker 1: Well, it's this idea of not going public with a relationship,
Speaker 1: of going oh not being Facebook official if that makes
Speaker 1: a an age appropriate reference, same reference.
Speaker 2: I remember Face Party, That's how old I am.
Speaker 1: I remember Face Party two and being very disappointed when
Speaker 1: I went on it.
Speaker 2: Because no one was having a party on your face exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So self launching is the idea of just being public,
Speaker 1: but not being overly romantic with each other and being
Speaker 1: together but not everywhere we are together, which are casual dating.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I'm that that does feel like someone
Speaker 2: who's not sure they actually want to be with you,
Speaker 2: like they're just looking to see if there's anything better
Speaker 2: before they kind of commit. But also, no, that's it. Actually, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's it. I thought I had more on that thought,
Speaker 2: but no, like they're just like, let's soft launch this,
Speaker 2: shall we just in case one or both of us
Speaker 2: find something better in the meantime. Where's the romance in that?
Speaker 1: There's always a new shag, a better shag, just waiting
Speaker 1: around the corner. And that's why you keep going out?
Speaker 1: Ninety nine? But moving on?
Speaker 2: And how have the last twenty six years been for you?
Speaker 2: Since I can't remember?
Speaker 1: Moving on? Do you have anybody modification tattoos or piercings?
Speaker 2: None that I can show you on the on the telly.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm intriguing. Now. Is it a tattoo?
Speaker 2: No, I don't have any. I keep wanting tattoos, but
Speaker 2: I keep changing my mind.
Speaker 1: So I have a tattoo, but it hurts. So I
Speaker 1: only got to dot because I.
Speaker 2: Keep changing my mind. So I think it's Sharpie would
Speaker 2: do it like just I can just draw on myself.
Speaker 2: It'll last a few days and then wash off. Fantastic.
Speaker 1: Well, this is the story about lady who is so
Speaker 1: in love with something that she wanted its name tattooed
Speaker 1: on her. Oh lord, what do you think that could be?
Speaker 2: There's the lady. I mean I could see it in
Speaker 2: the headline, so kind of spoiled a little bit there.
Speaker 1: Oh god, yeah I read it. So yeah, this is Tasha.
Speaker 1: All right, there's twenty three and spent just over fi.
Speaker 1: I would quid getting the word weatherspoons tattooed across the stomach.
Speaker 2: I mean she could have spent that money on therapy
Speaker 2: or booze, literally anything else.
Speaker 1: The weatherspoons literally yeah, she yep, there we go. She
Speaker 1: didn't go for the logo. She went for it in
Speaker 1: a metal.
Speaker 2: Font, which only raises more questions if I'm honest. But
Speaker 2: I also know, because I don't actually want the answer
Speaker 2: to any of it, there's any answer you could give
Speaker 2: me that would be anything that I would want to know.
Speaker 2: And I kind of am annoyed that even that there's
Speaker 2: brain cells that are now dedicated to that memory and
Speaker 2: I'm never getting them back, am I.
Speaker 1: I've wasted neuronswer there's a lot of money spent on
Speaker 1: getting a word written on the stomach.
Speaker 2: And I bet and has that. Let's call him a
Speaker 2: gentleman that runs Weatherspoon's seen it is she? Is she
Speaker 2: getting like free? No?
Speaker 1: Is she She's getting publicity from it?
Speaker 2: That's it. I feel it's that. It's that again, is
Speaker 2: that you mustn't be afraid to dream a little bit bigger,
Speaker 2: like good for her.
Speaker 1: Stop dreaming if your dream is getting the tattoo of
Speaker 1: weatherspoons across your stomach, stop dreaming, wake up.
Speaker 2: Just you know, there's that whole thing about how the
Speaker 2: world might be ending, and like civilization is collapsing. Sometimes
Speaker 2: I feel like we deserve it, Like maybe this is
Speaker 2: it just.
Speaker 1: All civilizations Rome Greeks went slightly a bit too crazy and.
Speaker 2: They didn't tattoo weatherspoons across their stoma.
Speaker 1: Don't know that's true, thank god. And if you have
Speaker 1: any tattoos across your body of names like Benny and
Speaker 1: Roe show with us at the cud TV. And that
Speaker 1: brings us to our story of the week now Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day and parental connections aren't that often?
Speaker 2: No, well, I mean my mum used to send me
Speaker 2: a Valentine's card every year when I was like small. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It stopped when I was about sixteen, and that was
Speaker 2: that was harsh because that was the last time one
Speaker 2: sent me a Valentine's card. But that's I mean, is
Speaker 2: it better that it stopped and that she's not sending
Speaker 2: them anymore? Or is it? Would it have been better
Speaker 2: if they she kept doing it now that I'm.
Speaker 1: Years old, I think if you know it's from you,
Speaker 1: So if it's signed love mum.
Speaker 2: Well I recognize a handwritter. I used to forge your
Speaker 2: handwrite in to like sign my report cards and ship
Speaker 2: for school. Not difficult, yeah, I mean it was mostly
Speaker 2: for getting out of Pe. I'm quite I was quite
Speaker 2: good at gcs's. They were quite easy. Yeah, it was
Speaker 2: just getting out of Pe. Like, sorry, I can't do it, stug.
Speaker 2: Got a note from my mum. Here you go, I've
Speaker 2: got the next three weeks worth in my bag if
Speaker 2: you want them as well.
Speaker 1: I used to flatly refuse to do it.
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: There's not much they can do if you refuse to
Speaker 1: get changed. I worked this out so and they're going,
Speaker 1: they're going, Might you getting changed?
Speaker 2: No? I I yeah, I used to avoid it. I
Speaker 2: think actually I got a B at GCS in Pe,
Speaker 2: and I think that's just because the Pe teacher had
Speaker 2: absolutely no idea who I was, because I'd never done
Speaker 2: anything any of his classes. So we just played it
Speaker 2: safe and gave me a bee.
Speaker 1: Fair enough. Well, Brian Johnson, who's forty seven, has spent
Speaker 1: two million dollars in US I.
Speaker 2: Know this not yeah, all right, brilliant, bring it on.
Speaker 2: I am back on board. You lost me with the
Speaker 2: Weatherspoons tattoo, but I am back. Okay.
Speaker 1: So he spent over two million dollars bioor hacking his body, right,
Speaker 1: and he now says that he has the fitness of
Speaker 1: an eighteen year old, right, Okay, so much so that
Speaker 1: he now measures his sexual potency against his son, who
Speaker 1: is ninety.
Speaker 2: Don't say against his son against his Oh.
Speaker 1: So they have.
Speaker 2: I've seen so many twink relationships that are those two
Speaker 2: people too? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Late, only the dad is forty seven.
Speaker 2: I mean he looks haunted, but.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he spent two million dollars on trying to look young.
Speaker 1: God look haunted too.
Speaker 2: His son's kind of cute though, is.
Speaker 1: I enjoy his son?
Speaker 2: But apparently erection test with his own dad. Ah, what
Speaker 2: does that mean?
Speaker 1: So they have an app that measures their their the reality,
Speaker 1: shall we say, overnight, and they're not turnal actions. And
Speaker 1: apparently the sun lasts two longer like in a tube
Speaker 1: and it has tests.
Speaker 2: His son lasts two minutes longer.
Speaker 1: Longer than his dad. Right, we don't know how long
Speaker 1: his dad lasts.
Speaker 2: I don't care. I mean, yeah, two minutes is about
Speaker 2: right for a nineteen year old. I think, as I recall,
Speaker 2: there's plenty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he said that, you know about his son.
Speaker 1: You need to raise children to stand tall, be firm
Speaker 1: and upright.
Speaker 2: I think that's just.
Speaker 1: There's a lot to digest.
Speaker 2: There isn't that there really is. That's that's terrifying. I've
Speaker 2: actually seen the Young's Twitter, or he claims with the young.
Speaker 2: I bet it's not because it's all very My dad's great.
Speaker 2: Everything my dad and I do together is fantastic. I'm
Speaker 2: very on board with him taking my blood and it's
Speaker 2: and now measure it like Jesus Christ. And the stupid
Speaker 2: thing is he's still gonna die. It's not like he
Speaker 2: can avoid it like you got all that money, and
Speaker 2: he's like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna live forever, like all right,
Speaker 2: but you're not. And yeah, you just like a haunted twink.
Speaker 1: Now like a lot haunted when it hit twenty though,
Speaker 1: don't it.
Speaker 2: I mean that's true, but I just oh dear like again,
Speaker 2: it's it's in the same category as Weatherspoon's lady.
Speaker 1: It's just like you've made choices. Yeah, and sometimes we
Speaker 1: wish you hadn't. But that's all from the buzz this week.
Speaker 2: Thanks for that, Mike. That was it was, wasn't it. Yeah? Anyway,
Speaker 2: don't go. If you're still with us, don't go anywhere.
Speaker 2: As coming up, we have a game for you to
Speaker 2: play along with in our game of the week. Welcome
Speaker 2: back to Chewing the Cod with Me, River Scott and Mike,
Speaker 2: Benny and Rowe. Now this is part of the show
Speaker 2: where we play a lovely game and this one is
Speaker 2: for the strategically single.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's not my strategy though, is it.
Speaker 2: Do you think it's your face or your day of
Speaker 2: the week. Okay, so this game is called Gubbing Me Up. No,
Speaker 2: it's not the Gobby Game Show. Apparently, Mike is going
Speaker 2: to sing some songs at me, and I'm going to
Speaker 2: guess what they are. Can that be fun? Probably? All right,
Speaker 2: this is already a lot more fun than I was
Speaker 2: expect Oh so sorry, yes, well no, wait wait wait,
Speaker 2: actually hang on, it's getting into the zone.
Speaker 1: Okay, hit me?
Speaker 5: Oh ma.
Speaker 1: He hello love.
Speaker 2: That's yeah. I was just I just wanted to let
Speaker 2: that sit there for a minute. That is Nelly and Kelly.
Speaker 2: Uh I remember what it's called. It's the one where
Speaker 2: she's texting him from a spreadsheet video. I can't remember
Speaker 2: what it's called. Sure, why not?
Speaker 1: By hour?
Speaker 2: You sound? I know, I know there's a reason for you.
Speaker 2: But you sound like you've had a stroke.
Speaker 1: Well I have. You can't see it because it's kin
Speaker 1: I see well loved.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's when a man loves a woman. I think
Speaker 2: Luther Vandross but better? Is that right? Oh? I thought
Speaker 2: it was go me, yay me?
Speaker 1: Okay, next one? Hollo hot.
Speaker 2: Wow? Yeah, this is sixpence, not the richer. And is
Speaker 2: it kissed Me Beneath the Melted Twilight or some hip Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's from one of those. Let's take an ugly girl
Speaker 2: and take her glasses off and put her hair down
Speaker 2: and suddenly she's pretty films. I remember that in the nineties.
Speaker 2: Uh you started another one? Okay, carry on?
Speaker 1: Whoa oh.
Speaker 2: Wow that was Yeah. That was some kind of foghorn
Speaker 2: rendition of I Will Always Love You, I imagine. Was
Speaker 2: that the Whitney Houston or the Dolly Partner version? Mhmion.
Speaker 2: That's why I didn't get it straight away. I was
Speaker 2: thinking Whitney Houston. Sorry, my bad. Yeah, next one, if
Speaker 2: you've got more in you, yeah, I remember all dire
Speaker 2: dead eyes of a killer, right, come on, get on
Speaker 2: with it.
Speaker 5: Other than oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's this is a hell of a playlist you've
Speaker 2: got going on here? Oh crazy thing my love? Uh
Speaker 2: not a clip? Sorry, it's not Elvis, is it? What?
Speaker 2: Quinn Quinn?
Speaker 1: Who?
Speaker 2: Quinn Quinn quin.
Speaker 1: Quinn?
Speaker 2: Have you calling the queen clam rude? Yes, I know
Speaker 2: it's a queen. I was aiming for comedy, but hey,
Speaker 2: never mind.
Speaker 5: The lah well Lola fire fire hole.
Speaker 2: It's like a muppet's been shaved. It's really weird watching.
Speaker 2: I'm going to nightmares about that.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: Can I have that one again? Please? What is the
Speaker 2: power of love?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 2: Is that seal? Someone like that?
Speaker 1: Power?
Speaker 2: Love? Oh? Was that the one who got the dude
Speaker 2: who got arrested. I can't remember his name. I can't
Speaker 2: remember what was his name? Some power of love anyway,
Speaker 2: that guy, dude?
Speaker 1: What Frankly.
Speaker 2: Hollows Right, we've got another one for me?
Speaker 1: Hello? Ah oh.
Speaker 2: Wow, no again? More better? I don't know.
Speaker 5: Who a loss oft fall?
Speaker 2: No nothing on that one. See. This feels a lot
Speaker 2: like kind of visiting granddad in the home and just
Speaker 2: he's gone. But since the stroke, he's just been like
Speaker 2: completely non Compocompassmentis this is just that kind of he's
Speaker 2: just singing to himself when we go along and we
Speaker 2: chat to him and no one's any idea what's happening?
Speaker 2: And then we leave. Yeah, anyway, so what what?
Speaker 1: What? At last? At last? At last?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, sure, why not. It's not gonna get any weird, there,
Speaker 2: is it? Yes?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: That that is? Uh? Is it an Lennox? That yourhyth mix?
Speaker 2: It's uh, nothing compares to you? Is it not any Lenox?
Speaker 2: No O'Connor, Yeah, goother one? All right, Yeah, give me more.
Speaker 2: I'm back on board now.
Speaker 5: Who m hm mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Now in the stream, all right, yeah, fair enough, that's uh.
Speaker 2: Tom Jones isn't it no.
Speaker 1: Farm?
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, yeah, yeah, No, I don't know how you
Speaker 2: do Kenny Rogers either, I think actually, if I remember rightly,
Speaker 2: the reason I'm thinking of Tom Jones is that they
Speaker 2: did a Red Nose Day version that was Barry Islands
Speaker 2: in the Stream, that was Tom Jones and Dolly Parton
Speaker 2: or someone like that, and it was like the cast
Speaker 2: of Gavin and Stacey. So I was right. I was
Speaker 2: just differently right. But yeah, come on one more, at
Speaker 2: least probably two or three more, Come on another one? Madonna?
Speaker 2: All right again again I didn't get that one? Now,
Speaker 2: not getting me? No, sorry, you've lost me again? Oh
Speaker 2: h have you got any more any better ones? Oh?
Speaker 2: Not a clue? Sorry, Babes a gun I lovely.
Speaker 1: And boobs lovely?
Speaker 2: I thought, all right, well that is definitely enough of that.
Speaker 2: Stay tuned because coming up after this short break we
Speaker 2: get our craft on in Crafty Queens. Welcome back. You're
Speaker 2: still watching Chewing the Cod with me, Riverscott and Mike,
Speaker 2: Benny and Rowe, Well you might not still be watching.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have blamed you for wandering off anyway. If
Speaker 2: you are still with us, we're going to learn how
Speaker 2: to become seductive through the art of craft in crafty queens.
Speaker 1: So underwear. Do you find underwear seductive and sexy.
Speaker 2: On myself or on other people?
Speaker 1: Either?
Speaker 2: Or sometimes? I mean I quite like it when they
Speaker 2: leave it on the bench in the changing rooms while
Speaker 2: they go and have a shower.
Speaker 1: Because that gives you access to it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can have a quick, a crafty sniffle. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: fair enough, that kind of thing. This is.
Speaker 1: This has been inspired by Rhianna, the songer, songer, The songer, songer, singer.
Speaker 1: I'm a songwriter, Rhianna who has brought out her own
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day underwear. Why because she can and people will
Speaker 1: buy it.
Speaker 2: She's already a billionaire, and one thing about money, you
Speaker 2: want more of it.
Speaker 1: So we have we have a picture of the underwear
Speaker 1: that she's brought out.
Speaker 2: I mean, all right, I quite like the bow and arrow.
Speaker 1: I have one to be a little bit of danger.
Speaker 1: So I thought, you know, we'd take inspiration from Rhianna
Speaker 1: and create our own seductive sexual underwear. Okay, okay, So
Speaker 1: the first thing I've given you is a pair of
Speaker 1: basic black pants.
Speaker 2: They are quite basic.
Speaker 1: They're very basic. So we need to judge these up. Yes, Now,
Speaker 1: the first thing we need to do is take them
Speaker 1: away from being quite a boring pant and make them
Speaker 1: into something that a lot of people enjoy, which is
Speaker 1: a jockstrap. Right, okay. So I've given you a pair
Speaker 1: of scissors, okay, and the key rule is not to
Speaker 1: cut the elastic band at the top, otherwise your pants
Speaker 1: will fall off.
Speaker 2: Oh what a shame.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And so the first thing I wants to do
Speaker 1: is you want to cut out the crutch? So do
Speaker 1: you want to cut the fabric so that the crotch
Speaker 1: is left to right? Okay? So if you just go
Speaker 1: up from the leg, I'll show you on mine.
Speaker 2: Is it worth mentioning that I'm really bad at.
Speaker 1: This kind of thing? That's perfectly fine, all right, because
Speaker 1: I'm not good.
Speaker 4: So first thing I do is cut up the crotchy
Speaker 4: bit scene like this, So upper leg, upper leg right
Speaker 4: up to the elastic band, but not through the elastic
Speaker 4: not through the elastic band, because will fall off.
Speaker 2: All right, I am with you so far. Oh they
Speaker 2: don't cut easy, do they? Or is that? Have I
Speaker 2: got shitty scissors?
Speaker 1: Possibly a little from amb.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't trust me with anything sharp like are you
Speaker 2: accident pro yeah, okay, and also just easily distracted, which
Speaker 2: is not good when I'm waving blades around.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm glad, I'm over here.
Speaker 2: All right, I've done that. And now it's kind of
Speaker 2: weird almost like chaps, kind of flappy bits at the front.
Speaker 2: That's it, yeah, yeah, go on.
Speaker 1: So the next thing we want to do is you
Speaker 1: want to cut round the top right round towards the
Speaker 1: back to the seam. Don't cut through the scene.
Speaker 2: Right and the seam is the stitchy bit, the stitchy bit,
Speaker 2: yeah right, right here we go. All right.
Speaker 1: Then once you've got to the scene, you want to
Speaker 1: go down the scene down the sea.
Speaker 2: See this is why I don't wear underwear stuff like this.
Speaker 2: It's far too fiddley.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean to be fair. It's not often that
Speaker 1: you'll cut your pants up to make a jock strap.
Speaker 1: I mean to be fair, because you can just buy
Speaker 1: a jock strap, all.
Speaker 2: Right, show off, someone's got disposable income.
Speaker 1: So you want to follow that scene round and then
Speaker 1: you want to take it round to the front as well.
Speaker 2: Right in one in, one go in one go right.
Speaker 2: So when I get to the seam at the back.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you should be left with this.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of sniggering going on in the gallery.
Speaker 1: Right, There always is a lot of sniggering around the gallery.
Speaker 1: That's what they do.
Speaker 2: There's a bit fell off. Is that good?
Speaker 1: It depends which a bit fell off?
Speaker 2: But yeah, that's what they all say.
Speaker 1: Okay, now you want to do the same thing again
Speaker 1: on the other side.
Speaker 2: God, this is gripping television. It is. I've got a
Speaker 2: mate who does a cabaret show where they staple five
Speaker 2: pound notes themselves. He's a bit weird if I'm honest.
Speaker 1: How much do they make for this something? Have a
Speaker 1: lot of five pound notes at of shooting?
Speaker 2: But well they do it at a touch garden and
Speaker 2: stuff like that, so people bring them money and they
Speaker 2: stable them to themselves and stuff.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm just thinking whether it's something I could viably
Speaker 1: do for myself.
Speaker 2: But I right know, I think it was easier when
Speaker 2: before we use plastic money, back when it was like paper.
Speaker 2: Probably a bit easier, but much easier to clean the
Speaker 2: plastic money.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, you've got to be careful when you're cleaning.
Speaker 1: When you of course, in case you get caught doing it,
Speaker 1: because that's law and brink.
Speaker 2: That was a joke, wasn't it.
Speaker 5: It was?
Speaker 1: I didn't say it was funny.
Speaker 2: I'm really pleased I spotted that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, not everybody else did.
Speaker 2: It's about worry, right, another thing's fallen off, So I
Speaker 2: think I'm good.
Speaker 1: Okay, So now when you lift up your your remaining pants,
Speaker 1: you should have this kind of effect. Yes, you do nothing.
Speaker 2: Well done.
Speaker 1: Now what we need to do is cut out the
Speaker 1: middle bit of the bomb.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're cutting out the middle bit up to
Speaker 1: the scene, but do not cross any scene. Right, I
Speaker 1: have the scene on this so so just be careful
Speaker 1: not to cross the bit way to.
Speaker 2: All right, all right, I think I can. How do
Speaker 2: I start cutting?
Speaker 1: My tip is to pick up the middle bit and
Speaker 1: chop a bit off. Oh dear, so you have a
Speaker 1: hole in the in the bum?
Speaker 2: Yeah, these are ship scissors. I think that's definitely. Usually
Speaker 2: it's a poor workman that blames his tools, but also me,
Speaker 2: and that's fine. Are we going to model these?
Speaker 1: I'm not because of the court injunction that stops me
Speaker 1: getting nude on TV again.
Speaker 2: All right, maybe I'll put you on my only fans
Speaker 2: I can. I'll wear them cross promotion. I can wear
Speaker 2: them on my only fans, and anyone who's not traumatized
Speaker 2: can can and watch the making of right Here.
Speaker 1: They could. Yeah, did you say you had three people
Speaker 1: that scratch your own fans? One of them was your mom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so at least two people might might be interested.
Speaker 2: I don't want my mum thinking she can make these
Speaker 2: for me and then cutting up any pants and give
Speaker 2: them to me. I'm not really a jockstrap kind of guy,
Speaker 2: you know, person. I'm only a jockstrap kind of person I.
Speaker 1: Am, and I'm not. I understand them, just don't find
Speaker 1: them that they're not.
Speaker 2: They're not particularly complex pieces of equipment, so no.
Speaker 1: I mean, I understand the allure, shall I say? I
Speaker 1: just don't find myself comfortable in them.
Speaker 2: I prefer a speedo or something nice and tight and bulgeous.
Speaker 2: I don't think bulgous is a word, but I'm enjoying it.
Speaker 1: I like, I like a bit of support around the
Speaker 1: posterior about right. That's perfect. I mean that's not the
Speaker 1: word I use for him, but perfect for what we're
Speaker 1: raiming for. They're clean. Yeah, I wasn't gonna give you
Speaker 1: by pants to cut up.
Speaker 2: Mostly you needn't say they need to be your so
Speaker 2: they didn't need to be clean.
Speaker 1: Well, I didn't have anybody else's pants to hand. You
Speaker 1: could have the dogs, but it doesn't really wear them.
Speaker 1: So so that's that's the outline. We're not going to
Speaker 1: make this very Valentine's Day and lovely and get some
Speaker 1: roses on it to make it pretty, make it sexy?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: Do or sexier? And how do we do?
Speaker 2: How am I going to make this even sexier, even sexier,
Speaker 2: even sexier? Yes, okay, sure, so.
Speaker 1: I've given you a glue gun some roses.
Speaker 2: It's a very silly thing. I do have both a
Speaker 2: glue gun, but roses.
Speaker 1: I am a decent amount of space away from you.
Speaker 1: I am safe and accepted the whole water pistol. So
Speaker 1: all you're going to do is a little bit of
Speaker 1: glue on the newly created jock strap and then popping
Speaker 1: a flower, a.
Speaker 2: Little rosebud on your jock strap. Exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so it's just gonna However, however the wim
Speaker 1: takes you.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's got a bit of snot. It was a
Speaker 2: bit of preglue dribbling all over the place.
Speaker 1: It does that it's just very drippy.
Speaker 2: It reminds me of an X and mine. It was
Speaker 2: a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: I should call him.
Speaker 2: No, let's not go that far.
Speaker 1: So do you do a lot of crafts at hope?
Speaker 2: No, not at all.
Speaker 1: I asked that question to everybody doing it, and everyone
Speaker 1: says no.
Speaker 3: The question that comes up is why why do you
Speaker 3: not or why I'm asked if you would just well, no,
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 2: I understand the joy of crafting, but I just don't
Speaker 2: have the connection between the bit of my brain that
Speaker 2: wants to do something and the bit of my brain
Speaker 2: bit of my body that can do the thing. Okay,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, I'd love to do that, and I
Speaker 2: can imagine it and it looks fantastic, and then I
Speaker 2: try it and it looks like the dog's been at it,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, okay, maybe not. Then I'm quite liking that.
Speaker 1: I have gone with the ideal age of more is more,
Speaker 1: more is more, maur.
Speaker 2: That's that's maths.
Speaker 1: And so that you've got a lovely strap for your jock,
Speaker 1: so you can seduct find someone, and.
Speaker 2: So I will. I will wear these on my only fans, okay,
Speaker 2: And so if anyone wants to watch me wear them?
Speaker 2: Just go look at go find my only fans and
Speaker 2: if you want, you can buy them off me. Once
Speaker 2: I warn them, you'll ball sweaty and stanky, and maybe
Speaker 2: a little bit of pre come in there too. Why not,
Speaker 2: because I might as well make some money out of
Speaker 2: this if I'm not getting.
Speaker 1: Paid fair enough. Yeah cool, Remember that if you can't
Speaker 1: get any pen or any vagien or anything in between,
Speaker 1: you're probably making these. So yeah, where are your pants?
Speaker 2: Well? I thought I should probably give them a go
Speaker 2: the out. Would you like to see?
Speaker 1: I will say yes, embrace yourself, embraced, don't run over
Speaker 1: the pants, that's okay. Are they comfortable? Are they supporting
Speaker 1: what you feel they should be supporting? Do you feel sexual?
Speaker 1: Let's let's say yes, let's say yes.
Speaker 2: Let's say yes.
Speaker 1: Fine, we're talking about package to hold. That's almost the
Speaker 1: end of the show. But on screen now you can
Speaker 1: see how contact details. It's at the coud TV on
Speaker 1: your social media, and if you want to catch up
Speaker 1: with previous episodes, you can always binge us on YouTube.
Speaker 1: Just look for Chewing the Could.
Speaker 2: Thank you for watching, and we will see you next week.
Speaker 2: Bye bye.