Speaker 1: Adventist Radio London. Inspiration for the song.
Speaker 2: Discussion as always with me is Angela. I was about
Speaker 2: to say Pedro, but Pedro's just stuck out, so with
Speaker 2: me and Pedro's got some business to take care of,
Speaker 2: is Angela. Thank you so much Angela for staying and
Speaker 2: I wanted to know how you're weak has been and
Speaker 2: say hello to the folk.
Speaker 1: Yeah, good evening and welcome to Talking Points. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: been it's been a busy week. I think this is
Speaker 1: like it feels like the story of my life, constantly
Speaker 1: busy and been feeling really quite tired actually, but I
Speaker 1: think maybe it's just quite Maybe it's just the weather
Speaker 1: as well. We've had a lot of rain this week
Speaker 1: and a bit on and off I think as well.
Speaker 1: There's been this been a few kind of days of sunshine,
Speaker 1: which kind of thinks, oh, actually, maybe it's not quite
Speaker 1: so bad after all, and then suddenly there's like a downpour.
Speaker 1: So I've been caught and caught out a couple of times,
Speaker 1: even though I am want to carry all my bits
Speaker 1: and pieces of my umbrella and everything.
Speaker 2: But I was just gonna say, I mean, you're you're
Speaker 2: my desert Island person.
Speaker 1: Really but you know what kind of there was, like
Speaker 1: it comes it almost takes you really by surprise, before
Speaker 1: you before you know it, before you've even got your
Speaker 1: umbrella up. You know, you're kind of staking way. But yeah,
Speaker 1: but yeah, but apart from you know, so it's been
Speaker 1: a busy week, but a good week, I guess. But yeah,
Speaker 1: we're glad it's kind of come to the end and
Speaker 1: the weekend again, you know, I know we say this
Speaker 1: most weeks. I feel really shocked that this year has
Speaker 1: flown past. And in my mind I'm thinking, we're at
Speaker 1: the end of the year, almost at the end of
Speaker 1: the year already, you know.
Speaker 2: And we are, we are almost. It's I mean, when
Speaker 2: I start counting down to Christmas, people scream at me, well,
Speaker 2: we really are on the countdown, Yah, Christmas, and you
Speaker 2: know to twenty twenty five. Who I mean, honestly, God's willing.
Speaker 2: Of course, we don't want to take anything for granted,
Speaker 2: but my goodness, the year has flown and yeah, we're
Speaker 2: about to discuss twenty twenty five, believe it.
Speaker 1: Or not, which is which is Yeah, it's wild, but
Speaker 1: you know, another week has passed. Thankful to have made
Speaker 1: it through safely and here we are another week, and yeah,
Speaker 1: looking forward to today's conversation. Yeah as always, as always.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we time to have some very deep and meaningful
Speaker 2: discussions here and talking point. And I mean, I know
Speaker 2: we've had feedback from our listeners of the same. They've
Speaker 2: really garnered a lot from the programs, and I hope
Speaker 2: that we can continue in that same vein as we
Speaker 2: continue to plan and put programs together. But yeah, I
Speaker 2: think maybe it's for doing weekly programs and monthly programs
Speaker 2: that it just does feel that the time flies. And yeah,
Speaker 2: here we are on the cusp of another year. To
Speaker 2: be honest, but my week has been good. I've got
Speaker 2: a slight headache, and I think that's maybe I'm not
Speaker 2: drinking enough water. Some days better than others. But thankful
Speaker 2: for or another week, and thankful for his blessings, his showers,
Speaker 2: even you know, the sunshine. It's been a mixed bag
Speaker 2: really throughout summer, if you want to call it that.
Speaker 3: And.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's continuing throughout the next on this new season.
Speaker 2: Just mixed bag of sunshine and rain and cold and
Speaker 2: mild weather, and it's difficult to dress for it. And
Speaker 2: obviously people are coming down with colds and flus at
Speaker 2: this time of year, so just be vigilant, vitamins and
Speaker 2: all that good stuff.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say another, I was gonna say outbreak,
Speaker 1: whether that's not the right word went I went past
Speaker 1: as that. But COVID is making a bit of a
Speaker 1: resurgence to gain with another strain. Quite a few people
Speaker 1: then recently have actually you know, got COVID again testing again.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, here we are. So I think, you know,
Speaker 1: the idea of wearing a face mask will be maybe
Speaker 1: something I'm going to probably start doing as well. Kind
Speaker 1: of back on public transport again coming into London and
Speaker 1: just yeah, everybody's people. People go to be coughing and
Speaker 1: spluttering around you. So and I think the.
Speaker 2: Things that we did, maybe not in the height of
Speaker 2: the pandemic, but the things that we do to keep
Speaker 2: you know, keep well, we should continue to do, you know,
Speaker 2: be mindful with your coughing and sneezing, covering and washing
Speaker 2: or that others should never really go out the window
Speaker 2: and we shouldn't become complacent at all. So yeah, we
Speaker 2: do need to take care of ourselves and be mindful
Speaker 2: of others. Absolutely absolutely well. Waiting patiently as always in
Speaker 2: the wings is our no stranger to Talking Point, author, speaker, psychotherapist,
Speaker 2: and honorary Talking Point member. And I like to throw
Speaker 2: that in there. And then she's accepted the cap or not,
Speaker 2: I'm not sure, but she rears it well and it's
Speaker 2: a pleasure to have you. Thank you for accepting our invitation, Allison,
Speaker 2: and you're back with us to talk bringing down strongholds
Speaker 2: with concluding the conversations that we started, believe it or not,
Speaker 2: at the beginning of the year. And we've run through
Speaker 2: a number of topics for persons who have missed them.
Speaker 2: You've missed something, go find them on speaker dot com.
Speaker 2: You can find those and a library of our recorded programs.
Speaker 2: But Allison, thank you for joining us. How are you doing,
Speaker 2: I'm doing I'm doing good. Thank you, Senia, Thank you
Speaker 2: Angela for having me back. It's good to be back.
Speaker 2: I love our discussions. I love how stimulating they are.
Speaker 2: So hopefully today promises to be another enjoyable, stimulating conversation.
Speaker 2: Good to be back. Thank you, Thank you for coming,
Speaker 2: thank you for accepting our invitation. As always right, So
Speaker 2: let's pray and then we'll come back and we'll sort
Speaker 2: of tie everything together and launch into our conversation. Definitely, Father,
Speaker 2: thank you for another week, thank you for another sabbath,
Speaker 2: Thank you for all that you've done. We are grateful
Speaker 2: for your mercies that are renewed every morning.
Speaker 1: Lord.
Speaker 2: As we are about to launch into another deep and
Speaker 2: possibly triggering conversation, we want to ask that your Holy
Speaker 2: spirit rain completely and you take charge in Jesus' name.
Speaker 2: Amen and Amen Amen.
Speaker 3: Amen.
Speaker 2: Gee, you reminded me we did this offline, but you've
Speaker 2: reminded me that there's a lot of interesting days coming up.
Speaker 2: Or we've had mental health. We're in a stay ten
Speaker 2: ten and obviously it's Black History Months, and so we're
Speaker 2: talking mental health, we're talking black history. We're talking it
Speaker 2: all really and trying to tie in our conversation tonight.
Speaker 2: The theme for Black History Month is reclaiming your Narrative.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'reclaiming narratives. So really it's about I guess that's
Speaker 1: to do with recognizing and correcting the stories of our
Speaker 1: black history and our culture. I mean, there's so much
Speaker 1: within that, and I've been seeing some quite interesting takes
Speaker 1: on that and some interesting, you know, events that are happening.
Speaker 1: But I guess sometimes you know, we're told different stories,
Speaker 1: or our stories I feel like been eradicated or told
Speaker 1: in a very different ways. Sometimes, you know, people aren't
Speaker 1: necessarily knowing their true history or their true selves or
Speaker 1: what have you, and you know, they're not being taught that.
Speaker 1: And I kind of sometimes think the generations that are
Speaker 1: coming and maybe seeing things less and less, they're understanding
Speaker 1: things less and less. You know, the stories aren't being told,
Speaker 1: and I think it's really important that we do highlight
Speaker 1: those stories, highlight those people, highlight those pioneers, highlight those heroes,
Speaker 1: you know, from the times past right up to the present,
Speaker 1: future and the future going forward, so that actually we
Speaker 1: can really recognize our and be proud of our culture
Speaker 1: and our heritage and those people have walked towards us,
Speaker 1: which I think what bring is quite nice into our
Speaker 1: topic as well today because we're talking about dealing with rejection,
Speaker 1: and I think rejection can come in so many different
Speaker 1: ways that sometimes actually does change the narratives of our
Speaker 1: story and our history, whether that's for ourselves or as
Speaker 1: a kind of you know, from a cultural perspective, we
Speaker 1: recognize our places within society and how people are viewed
Speaker 1: in different ways, so I think that will tie quite nice.
Speaker 1: And so the idea of claiming your self and your
Speaker 1: story and your history is a really important one. And similarly,
Speaker 1: it's was World Mental Health Day this week as well,
Speaker 1: and interestingly they the thing for this year celebrates on
Speaker 1: every year the tenth of October is actually to highlight
Speaker 1: the importance of addressing mental health with your workplace. And
Speaker 1: obviously that you know, again for most of us we
Speaker 1: are working, and most of us we are relating to people.
Speaker 1: You know, it's good, you know, so dealing with your
Speaker 1: mental health is an important thing because if things are
Speaker 1: not great within the workplace, that has actually have a
Speaker 1: really big impact on your mental health. And I guess
Speaker 1: linking in you as yourself for some so many people,
Speaker 1: you know, they work as a means to an end.
Speaker 1: So to try to have kind of a positive environment
Speaker 1: that they work in, a positive experience with their work
Speaker 1: is really important. But again, the challenges that they may
Speaker 1: be facing could be because they may feel rejected in
Speaker 1: their workplaces. They may feel rejected as people, they're not
Speaker 1: able to bring their authentic selves to their situation. And also,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm saying that people going into work, our
Speaker 1: workplaces have become our homes have become our workplace as well,
Speaker 1: So again how we position ourselves within our homes and
Speaker 1: how we can kind of balance everything is really important
Speaker 1: as well. So yeah, we love to speak about mental
Speaker 1: health on this program. It's definitely, you know, something that
Speaker 1: we want to highlight consistently and constantly. And you know,
Speaker 1: the rais of the importance of having conversations and not
Speaker 1: being afraid of dealing with and speaking about mental health difficulties.
Speaker 1: And you know, throughout this series that we've done with Alison,
Speaker 1: you know, there's so many barriers, the strongholds that have
Speaker 1: kind of hinder us and you know, stop us sometimes
Speaker 1: from you know, having full productive lives. You know, again
Speaker 1: different there's different angles and different perspectives on it. Ultimately,
Speaker 1: and by God's grace and with his help and recognizing
Speaker 1: who we are in God's eyes as well, can help
Speaker 1: us with that. So yeah, there's a kind of LinkedIn
Speaker 1: quite nicely in some ways. You know, it's funny actually
Speaker 1: because sometimes you know, some of these things you forget
Speaker 1: sometimes how much is intertwined with each other. You know,
Speaker 1: we are who we are as people wantously it's Black
Speaker 1: History Month, and you know what that spans and what
Speaker 1: that represents our mental health. It's all linked in. Everything
Speaker 1: we do is going to affect us. So yeah, So
Speaker 1: there's a couple of things that have been that are
Speaker 1: happening this month, and there are a few things for October.
Speaker 1: We all come to those for future shows as well.
Speaker 2: So because we want to, we want to maybe do
Speaker 2: an entire show surrounding Black History Month, and that's something
Speaker 2: in the in the process of planning. So hopefully we
Speaker 2: can put all the players in place. Oh saw my
Speaker 2: peas there tank Twister. But yes, we are looking to
Speaker 2: do a program fully on that topic and hopefully we
Speaker 2: can get that off the ground. And you know what,
Speaker 2: it's Black History Months. But this is a conversation that
Speaker 2: we really should be having all year round and every opportunity. Similarly,
Speaker 2: mental health we do that well. And Allison, we were
Speaker 2: speaking again, I believe this was offline about how relationships
Speaker 2: and we're talking about rejection, we're talking about narratives, and
Speaker 2: naturally we're talking about mental health because it mental health
Speaker 2: really just intertwines with every aspect of our life, every
Speaker 2: facet of our life. And I don't know if you
Speaker 2: want to dip into it now or we do that later.
Speaker 2: But we were talking about how much of this topic
Speaker 2: in particular sort of resonates with you, and Angela alluded
Speaker 2: to that that you've written a book dealing specifically about
Speaker 2: relationships in the workplace, and so that's something that we
Speaker 2: hopefully bring you on again. Goodness, don't get sick of us.
Speaker 2: We hopefully bring you back on again to discuss in
Speaker 2: more detail and maybe we can do a deep dive there.
Speaker 2: But rejection, mental health, it's just relationships. It's just something
Speaker 2: that you know, you tackle, you address, you notice, you recognize,
Speaker 2: and it brings for really deep thinking and kind of
Speaker 2: understanding your place in all of it. So, yeah, looking
Speaker 2: forward to the presentation and looking forward to kind of
Speaker 2: unpacking that. But tell us a little bit about how
Speaker 2: how this particular topic. So it's bringing down strongholds as
Speaker 2: we've touched on on on several issues. We've touched on anxiety,
Speaker 2: stress and worry, we've touched on depression, we've touched on trauma.
Speaker 2: But you said to me that rejection really opened up,
Speaker 2: you know, other opportunities. It's also you know, lent itself
Speaker 2: to a book. I hope I'm not running ahead of myself,
Speaker 2: but it's also something that you kind of dealt with personally.
Speaker 2: Share a little bit of insight on that before we
Speaker 2: go into the presentation, if you don't.
Speaker 3: Mind, Okay, thanks Anya. Yes, rejection really is. It's a
Speaker 3: big topic. It's a big topic for for most people,
Speaker 3: but it's a huge topic for me. You know. The
Speaker 3: book I've just finished and it's been it's been kind
Speaker 3: of it's going to be published by Stanbroke Press and
Speaker 3: hopefully that's going to be out soon. So I was
Speaker 3: actually commissioned by the press to to write on dealing
Speaker 3: with rejection on the back of this series. So they
Speaker 3: picked up Rejection. And you know, when I was asked
Speaker 3: to write this this book and it's you know, practical
Speaker 3: steps to dealing with rejection, I thought, oh my goodness,
Speaker 3: of all the topics that I have talked about, you know, actually,
Speaker 3: when I was preparing to do the series, this topic
Speaker 3: was the one that really took its toll on me
Speaker 3: because I have faced rejection really harshly in my life,
Speaker 3: within my within family, in the work place, with you know, socially,
Speaker 3: and so I've got very painful stories to tell about,
Speaker 3: you know, how I have experienced rejection, a lot of
Speaker 3: which is actually in the book that's going to be
Speaker 3: published by Stanboro Press. So yes, it did.
Speaker 1: It did.
Speaker 3: It's almost like, you know, I thought, well, you know,
Speaker 3: I've done the series, I've talked about all of these things,
Speaker 3: but it's almost like God had some more work for
Speaker 3: me to do on myself on this topic. And you know,
Speaker 3: it's been by far one of the probably the most
Speaker 3: painful topics for me because it's it's taken me to
Speaker 3: places where I've been triggered. I've had to kind of
Speaker 3: reflect and think about my rejection. But I've also been
Speaker 3: very grateful, right because I have been able to see
Speaker 3: how I got enabled me to thrive, even in the
Speaker 3: face of doors being shut in my face, so I
Speaker 3: could spend the whole evening I it'd probably be you
Speaker 3: feel free when the book's out to come back and
Speaker 3: that you talk about that book. But rejection, rejection really
Speaker 3: is a grassroot problem because people are abundant. Because people
Speaker 3: are rejected, they go through depression, they go through anxiety.
Speaker 3: All of the things that we've talked about that have
Speaker 3: people have anger problems, trauma, low self worth, all of
Speaker 3: those All of these things can stem from rejection, rejection.
Speaker 3: So rejection is really a grassroot problem. It's one of
Speaker 3: those things that causes havoc in relationships and we end
Speaker 3: up kind of kind of having difficulties with how we
Speaker 3: relate with ourselves, and sometimes we are self rejecting as well.
Speaker 3: So it's a huge topic. It's one that's taking me
Speaker 3: on the journey and one that's exposed a lot of
Speaker 3: a lot of strength that I have as well as
Speaker 3: a lot of vulnerabilities that I have as well. And
Speaker 3: I'm sure that probably as we talk about it this
Speaker 3: evening and as we read the book eventually when it's
Speaker 3: published in a few months time, we will be able
Speaker 3: to relate to our own journeys of rejection and maybe
Speaker 3: be thankful for the redirection that rejection has brought into
Speaker 3: in our lives. So yes, it's a huge topic. We
Speaker 3: all experience it, We will all experience it at some point.
Speaker 3: We will at times be rejecting of other people as well.
Speaker 3: But I think a lot of it depends on how
Speaker 3: we respond to it and how harsh that rejection is
Speaker 3: and who that rejection is from. So yes, it's a
Speaker 3: big topic and I'm looking forward to talking about it
Speaker 3: in the spirit of talking about black history. We know
Speaker 3: that as a race, you know, black people have experienced
Speaker 3: rejection in so many ways, and you know we could
Speaker 3: be here talking about that all evening as well. So
Speaker 3: it's got a mental health dimension and it's got a
Speaker 3: black history dimension, which are all relevant to the show
Speaker 3: this month and today.
Speaker 2: Perfect Alison, Well, why don't I just let you continue
Speaker 2: and just take us through the presentation.
Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, So we're just gonna do a bit of recap.
Speaker 3: It's been it's been a times a heavy going series,
Speaker 3: one where we've learnt a lot, we've shared a lot.
Speaker 3: But just by way of recap, we started off with
Speaker 3: an introduction to the series, bringing down Strongholds, and we
Speaker 3: just talked about what strongholds are. We talked about where
Speaker 3: this series has come from. We'll have a look at
Speaker 3: the text, which is from Second Corinthians, Chapter ten, verses
Speaker 3: three to five, and it says, for though we walk
Speaker 3: in the flesh, we do not walk against the flesh.
Speaker 3: For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but
Speaker 3: mighty in God, for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments,
Speaker 3: and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge
Speaker 3: of God bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience
Speaker 3: of Christ. So that's been the key text, the key
Speaker 3: key scripture that we focused on throughout the series. And
Speaker 3: when we talked about the strongholds, when we did the
Speaker 3: first session, we talked about the fact that you know,
Speaker 3: Paul was this was in the Book of Corinthians. So
Speaker 3: Paul was writing to the people of Corinth, which is
Speaker 3: an in Greek city, and he used the analogy of
Speaker 3: a stronghold, a very strong fortress that was used to
Speaker 3: strategize for war, and he used that to talk to
Speaker 3: really describe what spiritual strongholds can look like. And in
Speaker 3: that he was kind of thinking about strongholds having very high,
Speaker 3: fortified walls, and he compared the walls to the walls
Speaker 3: of lies that kind of build in our minds when
Speaker 3: we go through difficult experiences and we tend to take
Speaker 3: on negative thoughts and negative beliefs or believe in lies
Speaker 3: that will hold us down and stop us from growing,
Speaker 3: from progressing, from meeting our full potential. And then within
Speaker 3: these strongholds, you'd have towers, and you'd have towers where
Speaker 3: you know, people would kind of gather together and strategy
Speaker 3: eyes and think about how to fight their opponent, and
Speaker 3: these towers he likened to our imagination, so unhelpful imagination.
Speaker 3: So if you think about like walls of lies and imagination,
Speaker 3: that's unhelpful. And then within the towers, you know, you'd
Speaker 3: normally typically have captains who would then do the strategizing
Speaker 3: and try to bring down the enemy. And he likened
Speaker 3: that to the captive thoughts that we have in our
Speaker 3: minds when we're held in a stronghold. So a stronghold
Speaker 3: can be kind of something that protects us, but in
Speaker 3: this context always talking about what the enemy kind of
Speaker 3: designs to hold us captive or to bring us down.
Speaker 3: So when we talk about a stronghold, we're thinking about
Speaker 3: a fortified place, but we're also thinking about are from
Speaker 3: a spiritual perspective, where a particular cause or belief is
Speaker 3: strongly held. We're talking about wards of resistance in the mind.
Speaker 3: We're talking about arguments that are raised against the truth,
Speaker 3: the character and the knowledge of God, and a fortress
Speaker 3: that lies in the mind, including maybe things that are
Speaker 3: factually true, but that things that are not necessarily the truth,
Speaker 3: as in the what's written in God's words, anything that's
Speaker 3: an obstacle to our wholesome purpose, growth and fulfillment in
Speaker 3: life and anything that holds us captive. So in the
Speaker 3: very first session, we talked about what strongholds are, and
Speaker 3: then we went on to talk about worry, fear, and
Speaker 3: anxiety as a stronghold, and we talked about, you know,
Speaker 3: some of the kind of symptoms for anxiety and how
Speaker 3: that can manifest us a stronghold. We went on after
Speaker 3: that to talk about depression and how that looks medically
Speaker 3: and how that looks as a stronghold. And then we
Speaker 3: talked about knowing your wealth and this is about self
Speaker 3: worth and how low self worth can manifest as a stronghold.
Speaker 3: And then we went on to talk about trauma and
Speaker 3: that was that was quite heavy going and how trauma
Speaker 3: can be a stronghold. And here we are today talking
Speaker 3: about rejection. But I want to suggest that rejection can
Speaker 3: cause us to experience anxiety, worry, year depression, trauma, low
Speaker 3: self worth, anger, all sorts of things. So that's why
Speaker 3: it's such a it's such a big topic. So I
Speaker 3: just want to kind of ask the question just for
Speaker 3: people to think when we talk about rejection, what what
Speaker 3: do we actually mean by rejection and how how have
Speaker 3: people seen it manifested really in life. One of the
Speaker 3: things that springs to mind is I think about I
Speaker 3: don't know if people came across the story of a
Speaker 3: young I think she was about ten years old. She
Speaker 3: was a young athlete who performed I think it was
Speaker 3: somewhere in Ireland, and after they did the performance, medals
Speaker 3: were being given out to a group of young girls
Speaker 3: about the same age, and this young black ten year
Speaker 3: old and I'm using this example. That many examples, and
Speaker 3: we'll talk about some of them, but I'm using this
Speaker 3: one being Black History Month, because she was the only
Speaker 3: black child in that group of athletes, and when the
Speaker 3: medals were being given out, she was passed over. And
Speaker 3: the rejection that this child felt. Actually, if you watched
Speaker 3: the clip, you noticed straight away how that seemed. And
Speaker 3: you know, the trauma potentially that this child might might
Speaker 3: experience or might have experienced. Obviously, that's something that's going
Speaker 3: to be edged in her mind for a long time.
Speaker 3: But even when there was an up roa, nobody was
Speaker 3: willing to kind of own up or apologize or say, well, okay,
Speaker 3: you know, we we missed we missed this girl. It
Speaker 3: was the wrong thing to do. When her mother complained,
Speaker 3: nothing was done about it until there was a social
Speaker 3: until it went viral on social media, and so many
Speaker 3: people talked about it. So this this rejection wasn't only
Speaker 3: felt by this young girl, obviously it was felt by
Speaker 3: her mother, her family, but anybody who has experienced a similar,
Speaker 3: similar type of kind of rejection was being triggered as well.
Speaker 3: So that's just one example. So I don't know, you know,
Speaker 3: people have apply for jobs and get rejection letters. People
Speaker 3: ask for certain favors and get denied, that get denied.
Speaker 3: I mean, we experience rejection all the time, sometimes on
Speaker 3: a very intense scale, but other times in very kind
Speaker 3: of regular, day to day ways that we are all
Speaker 3: aware of. So what does it mean to be rejected.
Speaker 3: It can mean being dismissed, It can mean being on
Speaker 3: the mind, It can mean not being validated, being turned down,
Speaker 3: not being accepted, being pushed away. So normally it involves
Speaker 3: one person being intentional about not including another person. So
Speaker 3: it's often a conscious decision to reject somebody. And there's
Speaker 3: so many reasons why people reject other people. But from
Speaker 3: the time when we're born, from the time when we're
Speaker 3: conceived and we are babies. We can either experience rejection
Speaker 3: from the very people who are supposed to be providing
Speaker 3: the validation, the law of the security, the support, and
Speaker 3: for many many people they go through rejection from their
Speaker 3: primary caregivers. We have what we call attachment styles, and
Speaker 3: we've got there's four main attachment styles. We've got the
Speaker 3: secure attachment style, which is where a parent or a
Speaker 3: caregiver is actually quite supportive and emotionally available for the child,
Speaker 3: and so that child has a positive relational kind of
Speaker 3: model or template, and so they grow up in a
Speaker 3: secure environment thinking feeling safe in the world and feeling like, yes,
Speaker 3: that it's fine to trust people. The world is a safe,
Speaker 3: safe place and relationships are safe. But then we also
Speaker 3: have ambivalence or preoccupied anxious attachment, and this is where
Speaker 3: the caregiver or the parent is inconsistent with their affection
Speaker 3: for the child. So then what then happens is that
Speaker 3: the child has a negative self image. They will seek
Speaker 3: attention then by sometimes all act top, sometimes they'll exaggerate
Speaker 3: their emotions. But what's happening for this child in their
Speaker 3: minds is that they're being rejected, right, And so they
Speaker 3: will try to find a way to be accepted by
Speaker 3: the caregiver or by the parent. Another attachment style is
Speaker 3: the avoidant attachment style, and this is where the caregiver
Speaker 3: is outright rejecting, very critical nothing the child does or
Speaker 3: says is good enough. And what happens to the child
Speaker 3: is that they're having negative relational model and see themselves
Speaker 3: as unworthy or unacceptable. In the child's mind that being rejected,
Speaker 3: they don't feel that they're good enough. They think they're defective.
Speaker 3: Some thing's got to be wrong with them, because the
Speaker 3: way children and young people think, they don't see the
Speaker 3: adults as the one having the problem. They see themselves
Speaker 3: as the ones with the problem. And then lastly we've
Speaker 3: got the disorganized attachment style. This is where the caregiver
Speaker 3: is abusive and then the child becomes fearful, aggressive, lacks empathy,
Speaker 3: and generally feels unsafe in relationships. So, out of the
Speaker 3: four attachment styles out there three attachment styles that point
Speaker 3: to the child or the young person being rejected. So,
Speaker 3: as we can see, there's a lot of rejection around us,
Speaker 3: rejection in our narrative, and sadly, for a lot of
Speaker 3: people that's happening in the various spaces where they're supposed
Speaker 3: to feel safe and validated and accepted. And so what
Speaker 3: happens when people are rejected? What's the impact of kind
Speaker 3: of poor attachment or rejection on the individual even as
Speaker 3: they grow up to become an adult. The person with
Speaker 3: the secure attachment will be confident, will be reciprocal in relationships,
Speaker 3: will be resilient, will feel safe in relationship, and will
Speaker 3: be quite balanced. Somebody who has an anxious, preoccupied, ambivalent
Speaker 3: attachment style will be kind of fantasizing, emotionally hungry, trying
Speaker 3: to seek attention. They will have turbulence in their emotional journey,
Speaker 3: and they'll be lacking the kind of nurturing that they need,
Speaker 3: and so they'll experience a lot of instability in relationship.
Speaker 3: Somebody who's had an avoidant or dismissive attachment style is
Speaker 3: likely to isolate themselves, to be quite ambivalent, emotionally distant,
Speaker 3: wanting to have a connection with people, but then not
Speaker 3: feeling like they can trust anybody. So these people can
Speaker 3: tend to be very independent, will probably do things for
Speaker 3: other people, but will not allow other people in because
Speaker 3: they're fearful that they're going to be rejected, and then
Speaker 3: the fearful or avoidant attachment where there's a lot of
Speaker 3: maybe abuse, physical abuse, emotional sexual abuse. That person's going
Speaker 3: to grow up with a lot of internal conflict. There's
Speaker 3: going to be a lot of drama, there's going to
Speaker 3: be a lot of unpredictable behavior. Again, ambivalent, and people
Speaker 3: like this tend to try to escape, right. So sometimes
Speaker 3: when you see people who are addicted to kind of
Speaker 3: substances alcohol, drugs, there trying to escape or anything else
Speaker 3: for that matter, maybe trying to escape these chaos that
Speaker 3: they have been used to. So you know, we can
Speaker 3: see that whether or not we're accepted from childhood has
Speaker 3: an impact on how we behave relationally day to day
Speaker 3: and has an impact on how we respond to respond
Speaker 3: to things that happen around us. So what are some
Speaker 3: ways or areas in life that we can experience rejection?
Speaker 3: Just think about it for yourself. You know so many
Speaker 3: ways in which we can experience rejection. I would say,
Speaker 3: we all have a story, and I just want to
Speaker 3: kind of talk about David. I think a lot of
Speaker 3: people know of David in the Bible. If at least
Speaker 3: you know the story of David don't goliave. David was
Speaker 3: rejected on many levels. He was rejected by his family
Speaker 3: when when there was an audition for a king and
Speaker 3: his dad had to present all of his children, David
Speaker 3: was held back and he wasn't presented as a candidate
Speaker 3: because they didn't think that he was either good enough
Speaker 3: he was ready. So that's like a form of rejection
Speaker 3: where he was past passed over. He was rejected by
Speaker 3: his brothers when there was the contests of the battle
Speaker 3: between David and Goliath, and before that, you know, his
Speaker 3: brothers had been faced with fighting this giant, and you know,
Speaker 3: he turns up and his brothers just say, go away.
Speaker 3: You know, who do you think you are? You can't
Speaker 3: do anything. So he was just dismissed as insignificant. He
Speaker 3: was rejected at work. He was rejected by King Saul
Speaker 3: when he actually offered to fight for Liar. He just
Speaker 3: wasn't actually regarded as anything. And then eventually when he
Speaker 3: fought and won and he was being celebrated by the
Speaker 3: people who said, well, David has killed his ten thousand,
Speaker 3: then Saul has killed his one thousand. Saul got obviously
Speaker 3: jealous and tried to kill him. So it didn't matter
Speaker 3: what he did at work. He wasn't he was he
Speaker 3: was rejected. So he was rejected by his family, he
Speaker 3: was rejected by his brothers, he was rejected that work,
Speaker 3: was rejected by his spouse. David eventually had the task
Speaker 3: of reclaiming the Act of the Covenant and bringing that
Speaker 3: back to Jerusalem. And you know when he brought it back,
Speaker 3: there was a lot of celebrating, he was dancing, and
Speaker 3: his wife just basically made it full of him. Instead
Speaker 3: of encouraging him and celebrating with him, she rejected him.
Speaker 3: So that's David's story. That's like a kind of like
Speaker 3: high level overview of some of the ways in which
Speaker 3: he was rejected. And I guess at this point, I'm thinking,
Speaker 3: what's your own story, what's your own story? How have
Speaker 3: you been rejected?
Speaker 2: Yes, as always food for thought there and already very
Speaker 2: heavy hitting, already very heavy hitting my own, if I may,
Speaker 2: my own rejection story. I mean, like you said, I
Speaker 2: think everybody has one, and perhaps most of our most
Speaker 2: of us have more than one rejection story, as David did.
Speaker 2: I mean, probably rejected on all levels from someone at
Speaker 2: some point. And I'm supposing that when we get onto
Speaker 2: the meat of the matter, we'll discover how these differences
Speaker 2: may impact how we react, how we rebound. But I'm
Speaker 2: just thinking rejection from potential suitors, rejection from from jobs
Speaker 2: that you know, I thought I was a shoe in for.
Speaker 2: I thought I was up next for the promotion, didn't
Speaker 2: get it, Rejection for opportunities that I thought I deserved.
Speaker 2: I mean, the list is very, very long. But what
Speaker 2: maybe even scares me here is that you're saying that rejection,
Speaker 2: even at childhood stage, could have such an impact on
Speaker 2: your trajectory as a parent. I look at that and
Speaker 2: I think, oh my goodness, where would Jay say, as
Speaker 2: my son, I sit on that, on that list, and really,
Speaker 2: is there redemption after you have maybe been rejection, have
Speaker 2: witnessed or not witness but experience rejection at that level.
Speaker 2: Is there any way forward? And I really look forward
Speaker 2: to hearing that because so many may have that story
Speaker 2: of being rejected very very early on, rejected from their
Speaker 2: primary caregivers, rejected when they didn't even do anything wrong,
Speaker 2: didn't do anything to deserve it, and that's had an
Speaker 2: impact on them so many years on, and maybe they
Speaker 2: have no chance of correcting it, of rectifying it. Maybe
Speaker 2: parents have moved on, you know, all that kind of stuff,
Speaker 2: and I'm just like, as a parent, that's hit home
Speaker 2: for me, and maybe it's done that for the parents listening.
Speaker 2: But how to make sure that we're creating that space
Speaker 2: for our children at those tender ages beyond? You know,
Speaker 2: I'm talking about growing up, grown up, rejection jobs, all
Speaker 2: that kind of business that I've experienced. But really you
Speaker 2: can take it all the way back and you could
Speaker 2: be talking about a child and their mother, you know,
Speaker 2: and not getting that support from very from that very beginning,
Speaker 2: and that can set them up for failure. But god,
Speaker 2: I don't know if that.
Speaker 3: But god, but.
Speaker 2: I don't know what what's you I see you nodding
Speaker 2: your head probably, but yeah, it's your take on it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting because actually one of the things the
Speaker 1: thoughts that came to mind was, and I was gonna say, Alison,
Speaker 1: in your work, you know, people come with the challenges
Speaker 1: that they're currently facing. I wonder whether people recognize the
Speaker 1: underlying causes that you said, you know, rejection is like,
Speaker 1: you know, a ground root course. It's almost like it's
Speaker 1: actually said can start from I guess whenever, But I
Speaker 1: wonder whether you know, I suppose once you work with
Speaker 1: somebody on reflection, they you know, you may realize that
Speaker 1: actually it has been something it has been a form
Speaker 1: of rejection of whatever it was that actually is really
Speaker 1: now impacted. But I wonder whether people actually recognize it
Speaker 1: as that, you know, So I'm curious to kind of
Speaker 1: yeat to know whether that's actually they see it as
Speaker 1: being rejectioned or is it a lot more when you
Speaker 1: kind of delve in a little bit more that you
Speaker 1: think are actually maybe that's what it was.
Speaker 3: I think I can say it obviously as a therapist,
Speaker 3: I can see, I can, I can, I can connect
Speaker 3: a lot of things to rejection, but no, most people don't.
Speaker 3: And I just want to say that this whole rejection
Speaker 3: thing really started from the fall. So it's a it's
Speaker 3: a weapon that the enemy uses to really bring down
Speaker 3: people and and you know, make people feel a sense
Speaker 3: of isolation. It's exactly what he did to add a
Speaker 3: man if when he convince them that, you know, God
Speaker 3: just doesn't want you to be as good as him.
Speaker 3: So there was a kind of there's a sense of
Speaker 3: you know, ida'm and if feeling well be rejected there
Speaker 3: and that's what that's the seed that he sows in
Speaker 3: a lot of our relationships, and you know, that makes
Speaker 3: our relationships. Some of our relationships fall apart. People don't
Speaker 3: often and it becomes a vicious cycle because when you're rejected,
Speaker 3: it's likely that you will reject others as well. And
Speaker 3: then the impact of that rejection is felt very deeply.
Speaker 3: And when we're talking about who is rejecting obviously, if
Speaker 3: it's coming from primary care give us, if it's coming
Speaker 3: from parents, people that we trust, that leaves a very
Speaker 3: very big wound. And if we're not self aware and
Speaker 3: we're not aware of the impact psychologically, in emotionally, spiritually
Speaker 3: of that rejection, that will manifest in so many different ways.
Speaker 3: So you know, sometimes it takes a long time for
Speaker 3: people to connect the dots in therapy, but you know,
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, once they do connect
Speaker 3: the dot, then they feel empowered to turn that narrative
Speaker 3: around from feeling dejected because of rejection to thriving in
Speaker 3: the face of the rejection. So God uses even the
Speaker 3: rejections that we experience to turn our narratives around and
Speaker 3: to reclaim the narrative that He's purposed for us.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I can imagine a lot of this gets internalized
Speaker 1: and sometimes I guess it could be so it's almost
Speaker 1: I think you're subconscious. Yeah, we're probably dealing with rejections
Speaker 1: all the time without even recognizing it as being a
Speaker 1: rejection person. But actually the internalization of what it was was.
Speaker 1: So it could be somebody might say something to you
Speaker 1: in a shop, for instance, and okay, you know, just
Speaker 1: the way in which they're spaking to you. It may
Speaker 1: feel that way, but you just kind of think, oh,
Speaker 1: that's just part of what it is. But you know,
Speaker 1: without us saying recognizing you might be thinking about it,
Speaker 1: you're ruminating about it, it's in your mind, you start
Speaker 1: to overthink it and what have you, and you know,
Speaker 1: then it's like a sense of vicious cycle and then
Speaker 1: in terms of how you then maybe respond to somebody
Speaker 1: else as similar sort of things. So, yeah, that's really interesting.
Speaker 1: But like you said, I guess if you can, I
Speaker 1: guess that's the importance of having that conversations about things
Speaker 1: and really sort of self reflection and self awareness is
Speaker 1: going to be really key to recognizing some of this
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's not always a bad thing to be rejected.
Speaker 2: That that's true. And I was even thinking if not
Speaker 2: only a conversation for that person who is feeling rejected,
Speaker 2: but it's conversations for people who maybe inadvertently or on
Speaker 2: purpose rejecting others and really causing that kind of pain.
Speaker 2: And I mean maybe as a parent that's why I'm
Speaker 2: sort of honing in on this, but these are conversations
Speaker 2: that we need to have with parents parents to be
Speaker 2: you know, how critical and how important their relationship is.
Speaker 2: And I mean, I know most people will say, you
Speaker 2: know what, I know this already, but sometimes it's it's
Speaker 2: it's hearing it again and understanding the dynamics of it
Speaker 2: that will really drive it home. How you know, how
Speaker 2: you treat your child from the time you bring him
Speaker 2: or her into the world, you know, can have such
Speaker 2: a major impact on where they end up and how
Speaker 2: they process life. So yeah, not only to the rejected,
Speaker 2: but for those of us who have people in our
Speaker 2: care who you know, have people in our spaces as managers,
Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera. So yeah, I'm sure we'll dig
Speaker 2: deeper into that, but it's it's a conversation for both
Speaker 2: ends of the coin, I would say.
Speaker 3: And I just want to say that there's always opportunity
Speaker 3: to heal. Right, So you know, when we go through
Speaker 3: ruptures in our relationships, it's not about you know, because
Speaker 3: we will all go through None of us is perfect,
Speaker 3: and we will all go through periods we hurt each other.
Speaker 3: But the important thing is to offer each other the
Speaker 3: opportunity to heal, to be able to apologize, to be
Speaker 3: able to offer that space to heal in that relationship.
Speaker 3: So it's this isn't for parents to feel bad or
Speaker 3: to feel guilty. It's just to be aware. And where
Speaker 3: there's been problems where we've either directly or indirectly rejected
Speaker 3: another person our children, you know, we can offer that
Speaker 3: healing by acknowledging where we went wrong, by offering space
Speaker 3: for them to express themselves so we can validate them
Speaker 3: and heal each other through that interact of that relationship.
Speaker 2: Perfect well said.
Speaker 3: Okay, so we're looking now at rejection as a stronghold.
Speaker 3: And as we've said, the truth is that rejection is
Speaker 3: just a part of life.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: It happens to everyone. It doesn't matter how smart, how handsome,
Speaker 3: or how capable you are. We all face rejection in
Speaker 3: some way or another. However, Rejection becomes a stronghold when
Speaker 3: it causes us to be caught in a cycle of
Speaker 3: negative beliefs, thoughts, and emotions and to continually behave in
Speaker 3: ways that reinforce this negative belief so that keeps us
Speaker 3: in a negative or in a vicial cycle. So the
Speaker 3: cycle that becomes a stronghold looks like this. Because we
Speaker 3: have been rejected, we develop core beliefs about ourselves or
Speaker 3: about the world, about other people that are quite negative,
Speaker 3: such as, you know, I'm defective, I'm stupid, something's wrong
Speaker 3: with me. And then because of that lens through which
Speaker 3: we view ourselves or how other people view us, we
Speaker 3: will have thoughts about ourselves that are not great and
Speaker 3: will have feelings obviously as a result that you know,
Speaker 3: we might feel low, we might feel anxious, we might
Speaker 3: feel sad, we might feel anger, frustration, and then we
Speaker 3: will behave in ways that align with our thoughts and
Speaker 3: our feelings, which will only reinforce the thoughts and feelings
Speaker 3: again and keep us believing those negative core beliefs. So,
Speaker 3: you know, when we have negative views about ourselves, or
Speaker 3: we have negative views about the world or negative views
Speaker 3: about the future, that can keep us in a vicious cycle,
Speaker 3: and that can be what rejection does. If somebody has
Speaker 3: been rejected a number of times, especially by significant people
Speaker 3: in their lives, they start to believe this lies really
Speaker 3: about themselves, which can be quite detrimental. So what does
Speaker 3: the cycle of rejection look like? We get pushed away, dismissed,
Speaker 3: or rejected, and then we feel disconnected or isolated, and
Speaker 3: then what we start to do is we start to withdraw.
Speaker 3: So if you go into a community and you know,
Speaker 3: somebody kind of makes you feel like, actually, you don't
Speaker 3: belong here, why are you here? You start to you don't.
Speaker 3: You wouldn't naturally connect with that group of people, with
Speaker 3: that community, You wouldn't feel a sense of belonging, and
Speaker 3: so that makes you want to stay by yourself, withdraw
Speaker 3: from the from the group. And then by withdrawing and
Speaker 3: isolating yourself from everybody else, you will reinforce that feeling
Speaker 3: of being isolated, and your perception of other people will
Speaker 3: be that they're invalidating. And so that's just going to
Speaker 3: be back to that space of feeling rejected, feeling disconnected,
Speaker 3: and that's that cycle can just keep going And how
Speaker 3: does it then impact us? So what are the negative
Speaker 3: effects of rejection. There are very many. They impact us
Speaker 3: on a mental health level, on a spiritual health level,
Speaker 3: on a physical health level, and on an emotional health level.
Speaker 3: So that impact the whole person on all aspects of
Speaker 3: our being. And so when we're rejected, we feel unloved. Obviously,
Speaker 3: we don't feel a sense of acceptance and belonging. We
Speaker 3: have low self worth because we don't see ourselves the
Speaker 3: way you know, God who created us, sees us and
Speaker 3: he says you're fearfully and wonderfully made. We don't see
Speaker 3: ourselves as that. We see ourselves as defective or you
Speaker 3: know what. We feel guilty, we feel ashamed, and so
Speaker 3: our self worth drops. We have a sense of insecurity, fear, anger,
Speaker 3: We are untrusting of other people, and we carry a
Speaker 3: lot of guilt and shame. And all of these things
Speaker 3: have negative, huge negative impacts on our emotional health, physical health,
Speaker 3: spiritual health, because then it's very difficult for us so
Speaker 3: even trust God and relate to him with a clear mind,
Speaker 3: and then our mental health obviously obviously suffers. So rejection
Speaker 3: is a big, big deal when it's experienced in a
Speaker 3: very negative way. So strongholds of rejection and Wolves of Life.
Speaker 3: We talked about kind of like a stronghold in like
Speaker 3: a fortress with very high, strong walls. What do the
Speaker 3: walls look like? What what do the lies look like?
Speaker 3: What do they sound like? Sounds like I'm not good enough,
Speaker 3: I don't belong. Other people's success is a reflection of
Speaker 3: my own failure. It's not with me trying every everyone
Speaker 3: else will find faults in me. Right, And then what
Speaker 3: happens is that we experience really challenging emotions like gear, anger, frustration, depression,
Speaker 3: and obviously with that our mental health will suffer. So
Speaker 3: in terms of like what what problems do? People then
Speaker 3: have various anxiety disorders, social anxiety, all of the anxiety
Speaker 3: disorders that we've we've talked about earlier in the series,
Speaker 3: social anxiety, panic attacks. Some people will then suffer from
Speaker 3: obsessive compulsive disorder. We have mood disorder. We have people
Speaker 3: suffering from bipolar, from clinical depression, sadness, all the different
Speaker 3: types of depression out there can be as a result
Speaker 3: of rejection as well. We have complex trauma. People who
Speaker 3: have had neglect and being ignored or abandoned like consistently
Speaker 3: throughout their lives or in their formative years will suffer
Speaker 3: complex trauma or childhood trauma, low self worth, and various
Speaker 3: types of personality disorders are there, so you can start
Speaker 3: to see the kind of impact. So those are the
Speaker 3: worlds of lies, tell us of unhelpful imagination. We're talking
Speaker 3: about rejection as a strong le.
Speaker 1: What do they look like.
Speaker 3: You're imagining yourself as less than others, right, So because
Speaker 3: you're rejected, in your mind, you're less. If you could
Speaker 3: kind of draw a picture to yourself, yourself compared to
Speaker 3: other people, you draw yourself probably a lot smaller than
Speaker 3: everybody else. Right, You're imagining yourself reducing in the presence
Speaker 3: of other people. You see yourself as always having to
Speaker 3: place others to get their validation or approval, and you
Speaker 3: have a negative perception of yourself, your ability to relate
Speaker 3: with other people, and your prospects for the future. So
Speaker 3: it's really really important that we're mindful how the people
Speaker 3: in our environment influence our own perception of ourselves, and
Speaker 3: that we don't internalize other people's rejection of us and
Speaker 3: then become self rejecting ourselves as well. All of this
Speaker 3: can happen in our imagination. All of this can happen
Speaker 3: because somebody has been rejecting, and then our minds take
Speaker 3: us on the journey that tell us, you know, where
Speaker 3: a lot less than other people were not good enough
Speaker 3: and we're not capable of doing X, Y and z.
Speaker 3: So what do the captive thoughts look like? So we've
Speaker 3: talked about the walls of lies, we've talked about the
Speaker 3: towers of unhelpful imagination. Now we're thinking about the captains
Speaker 3: in these towers, the thoughts in our minds, in the
Speaker 3: towers of our minds, what do they look like when
Speaker 3: we've been rejected? The thoughts like I'm only as good
Speaker 3: as the last person as the last approval I received
Speaker 3: from somebody else, or the thoughts like if I'm not welcome,
Speaker 3: it means there is something wrong with me, or thoughts
Speaker 3: like I'm not good enough, or thoughts like other people
Speaker 3: are more important and more special than me, or thoughts
Speaker 3: like because I was not accepted, I'll never be able
Speaker 3: to achieve or be as good as somebody else. Right,
Speaker 3: And we have to remember, it's really important that we
Speaker 3: remember that our thoughts are not always true, Our thoughts
Speaker 3: are not always factual, and our thoughts are not always
Speaker 3: a reflection of reality. Our thoughts are just mental events
Speaker 3: in the mind. They're not real. The only start to
Speaker 3: become real when we act upon these thoughts as if
Speaker 3: they're true.
Speaker 2: Alison Only. Oh sorry, Angela, I was just saying, you've
Speaker 2: highlighted there how our reaching rejection is and so many
Speaker 2: of the topics that you've discussed. You know, it has
Speaker 2: such a rippling effect. One thing kind of dominoes into another,
Speaker 2: and you're talking about how rejection can affect your spiritual, emotional,
Speaker 2: your mental health. So it's a big deal. And I
Speaker 2: guess we hinted at that at the very beginning, how
Speaker 2: rejection can just have such a far reaching impact, and
Speaker 2: I think that's come out and that portion of the
Speaker 2: presentation that you've just shared, Angela. Sorry, we were about to.
Speaker 1: Say it was interesting as well. Like you, how you've
Speaker 1: framed it in terms of our imagination kind of plays
Speaker 1: a really big part of that. And I guess it's
Speaker 1: how we I guess it's the way in which we
Speaker 1: respond to whatever's possibly happened, but we can create that
Speaker 1: to be even more so than it maybe is. You know,
Speaker 1: the messaging that we tell ourselves. I mean, I know
Speaker 1: I speak to and I speak to so many students
Speaker 1: who sort of, you know, they have this kind of
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome and they don't think they're good enough to say,
Speaker 1: be at this university. And I'm like, but you are
Speaker 1: at this university, so whatever you did, you're definitely good enough.
Speaker 1: And whilst now you sort of maybe struggling because they
Speaker 1: feel like I was struggling because it's all the reality is,
Speaker 1: it's all new. You know, they're trying to get to
Speaker 1: grips with everything, and it's just like, well, you are
Speaker 1: good enough. But they're telling themselves all of this messaging
Speaker 1: and you know, you think to yourself, well, you wonder
Speaker 1: where that's all coming from. But in some ways they
Speaker 1: it almost feels that they have rejected their own abilities,
Speaker 1: their own skills. They're not recognizing all the actual things
Speaker 1: that they actually can do and have built this into something.
Speaker 1: And sometimes it sort of step back and just to
Speaker 1: remind them, actually, it can't be that. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: it's not that bad, but it can't that bad, or
Speaker 1: you can't that bad because you are here, you've been
Speaker 1: able to do this, You've got this fast. So it's
Speaker 1: interesting how we can we can create things and as
Speaker 1: you said, it's a deception. It's the lies that are
Speaker 1: being fed us whatever, you know, whether it's we've been
Speaker 1: told that or actually we start to tell that ourselves.
Speaker 1: So I think that's really interesting there as well. And
Speaker 1: you can see that playing out in so many different ways.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm guilty of that myself.
Speaker 3: You know, I think we all are. I think all are.
Speaker 3: But it's I think what the enemy tries to do is,
Speaker 3: you know, if he can get us to be self
Speaker 3: reject rejecting, that's even more powerful than being rejected by
Speaker 3: somebody else, because when you reject yourself, then it's very
Speaker 3: difficult to get out of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I always think to myself, you know, Satan
Speaker 1: is trying to destroy God's greatest creation, and if you
Speaker 1: can break down, as you said, that sense of self
Speaker 1: and who we are in God's eyes, then yet you
Speaker 1: know he's that's that's the most distructive thing that's going
Speaker 1: to be because you know, it takes us so far
Speaker 1: away from who we should be and who we are
Speaker 1: and how we've been created. Yeah, rejection. And I guess
Speaker 1: I've never really necessarily thought of it that way. And
Speaker 1: I guess sometimetimes I said, we just deal with it
Speaker 1: and kind of go about it, but not necessary recognizing
Speaker 1: how deep that actually can be for us in so
Speaker 1: many different ways.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, Alison, if I could ask you to just
Speaker 2: go back, it's maybe one more slide, But you spoke
Speaker 2: about what the thought is and I felt that needed repeating.
Speaker 2: Our thoughts are not always true, they're not always factual,
Speaker 2: and they're not always reality. How true that is because
Speaker 2: we can just build up, like you said, Angela, a
Speaker 2: whole system around us of thoughts and misconceptions and ideas
Speaker 2: that are just completely false, completely against what God says
Speaker 2: we are, what God says we can do, against His
Speaker 2: purpose for us, and we then live our lives half full,
Speaker 2: you know, we live our lives without achieving what He
Speaker 2: wants us to achieve because we've just lived our lives
Speaker 2: based on lives.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think sometimes maybe it's just perceived rejection as well.
Speaker 1: Maybe we've actually not been rejected, but we've created that
Speaker 1: sense of that sense of rejection, and that perception believes
Speaker 1: that to be the case, but maybe sometimes it actually isn't.
Speaker 2: And I'm sure we're going to get to that as well.
Speaker 2: But how one person's rejection doesn't define us. Yeah, it
Speaker 2: doesn't define us. If I'm rejected by one guy doesn't
Speaker 2: mean that, you know, I'm unlovable. It doesn't mean that
Speaker 2: there's not another potential suitor around the corner. But suddenly
Speaker 2: we've we've made that the bee all at end all.
Speaker 2: In fact, whenever I think about this topic, it brings
Speaker 2: me back to the sad and tragic death of Elien
Speaker 2: and them. And again, maybe we'll we'll dig a little
Speaker 2: deeper there. But that was just the result of some
Speaker 2: young man feeling that he couldn't live or she couldn't
Speaker 2: live without him, and therefore he decided to take her life.
Speaker 2: And it was Ellien who tragically stepped in to try
Speaker 2: to defend her friend and died as a result. But
Speaker 2: we've got to again, maybe going back to parenting, but
Speaker 2: we've got to teach our children how to deal with
Speaker 2: those thoughts and how to deal with rejection, because, I mean,
Speaker 2: life goes on, and the younger you are that the
Speaker 2: more potential you have to get past it. I mean,
Speaker 2: but wherever you are in life, as Alison, you've said,
Speaker 2: you know, with God we can we can do all things.
Speaker 3: And you know, if we look at Christ you know,
Speaker 3: I think he was the most rejected of humanity in
Speaker 3: the in the harshest ways, and that did not define him.
Speaker 3: The rejection was not what defined him. What defined him
Speaker 3: was actually who he is and his God. And you know,
Speaker 3: he came to save humanity, and even in the face
Speaker 3: of all of the rejection, he didn't he didn't turn
Speaker 3: away from who he truly was. And that's why we
Speaker 3: had followed him as an example, because there will be
Speaker 3: every type of trial or situation or rejection that he
Speaker 3: will have experience that we can relate to and look
Speaker 3: to him for guidance on how to respond. But you know,
Speaker 3: like I said, and you know, unfortunately, time will not
Speaker 3: permit for us to exhaust. You know, everything about rejection
Speaker 3: is such a huge topic. When the book is published
Speaker 3: by the publishers. You know, I'll let you know so
Speaker 3: you can talk about it. There's so much in there,
Speaker 3: and we can actually thrive in the phase of rejection
Speaker 3: because rejection, as we'll say in a minute, can can
Speaker 3: open up other opportunities, right and can take us to
Speaker 3: different directions that we would never have thought about. So
Speaker 3: it's sometimes a blessing, it's sometimes a gift, depending on
Speaker 3: our attitude and our respond to it.
Speaker 1: I was going to ask you just as you made
Speaker 1: that last point, just made me think sort of, you know,
Speaker 1: why do some people view it in such different ways?
Speaker 1: Because for some people, rejection may seem like, actually, this
Speaker 1: is an opportunity to prove to change. Actually may be
Speaker 1: the best thing for me. They recognize that while some
Speaker 1: people see this as you know, it's completely discouraging to them.
Speaker 1: It will set them back, you know, it's the worst
Speaker 1: thing that could possibly happen. I mean, I guess that's
Speaker 1: human nature, but I mean, why is it that people
Speaker 1: do view it so differently? From that respect?
Speaker 3: Some people are so some people are wired to be
Speaker 3: more resilient. Some people have the support network that will
Speaker 3: actually help them be resilient and get through rejection. Some
Speaker 3: people have the attitude, some people have the self awareness
Speaker 3: that's necessary to get past the rejection. So there's a
Speaker 3: number of factors that can contribute to how a person response.
Speaker 3: But being aware, so just education and sometimes it's been
Speaker 3: aware of why people have been why people are rejecting us. Right,
Speaker 3: So a lot of the time we are not the problem,
Speaker 3: even though we are being rejected. You know, the problems
Speaker 3: lies within the insecurity of the person who is rejecting us,
Speaker 3: not with us. You know, if people are really happy,
Speaker 3: people are really secure, people will be a lot more
Speaker 3: accommodating and a lot less rejecting and a lot less critical.
Speaker 3: So if we view it as well, I'm not necessarily
Speaker 3: the problem here, then we will be able to bounce
Speaker 3: back and keep going. And actually, you know, like you said, Angela,
Speaker 3: if you think about it, like most of the hugely
Speaker 3: successful people in the world, I mean, in the book,
Speaker 3: I write about Walt Disney, I write about Oprah Winfrey,
Speaker 3: I write about Victor Franco, I write about Djokovic. All
Speaker 3: of those people have experienced really harsh rejection, but their
Speaker 3: resilience has been what's define them and taken them forward.
Speaker 3: So you know, yes, like you said, people can choose
Speaker 3: to to to explore other opportunities and to to be
Speaker 3: more persistent in moving forward when they're rejected. And I
Speaker 3: guess part of this is to help people do that,
Speaker 3: to help people deal with the rejection in very practical ways,
Speaker 3: to give them the tools that they need to keep
Speaker 3: going even in the face of doors being shot in
Speaker 3: their faces.
Speaker 1: Something like that. You know, it's very key especially say,
Speaker 1: like in the job search, you know, again working at university,
Speaker 1: students are graduating, you know, and I remember having a
Speaker 1: conversation with a student who was like, you know, I've
Speaker 1: never not got something before, you know, and it was just,
Speaker 1: you know, I thought I did really well at this
Speaker 1: interview and I didn't get it. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're going to face that a lot. But what can
Speaker 1: you take from that? You know, the reality is, you know,
Speaker 1: this petition, there's lots of people vying for this, all
Speaker 1: those things, and you know, not to see that rejection
Speaker 1: is a completely negative thing because there's still lessons to
Speaker 1: be learned from what have you. But again, that was
Speaker 1: something completely new for her in the context, I guess,
Speaker 1: so again recognizing that the self awareness and really preparing
Speaker 1: yourself to see how you can you know, bounce back
Speaker 1: from that, you know, she said, up your resilience and
Speaker 1: everything else. But yeah, I guess there's so many different areas,
Speaker 1: Like you said, there's so many different areas that it
Speaker 1: can impact that lue. You don't necessarily know where that
Speaker 1: will take you and obviously how you respond to it
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, okay, all right, so now we're looking
Speaker 3: at bringing down the stronghold of rejection. I think this
Speaker 3: is it's important. So you know, we've looked at what
Speaker 3: it is. We've done a recap and we've looked at
Speaker 3: how the stronghold of rejection kind of is cultivated and
Speaker 3: how is kept alive. And now looking at you know,
Speaker 3: how do we bring down, you know, the stronghold of rejection.
Speaker 3: I like to go back to the to the scriptures,
Speaker 3: to the word of God, because you know, that's that's
Speaker 3: the truth. You know, that's the truth, and that's what
Speaker 3: we need to focus on in order to bring down
Speaker 3: the walls of lies. We need to focus on the
Speaker 3: truth and the truth of God's words. In Jeremiah, chapter one,
Speaker 3: verse five says, before I formed you in the womb,
Speaker 3: I knew you before you were born. I set you apart, right,
Speaker 3: So you know, if God set us apart, then that's
Speaker 3: that's a very important truth to hold on to. He's
Speaker 3: got a purpose for us. And you know, if we
Speaker 3: trust him, we believe in him, then he's the most important,
Speaker 3: being the most important person, and it doesn't matter who
Speaker 3: rejects us. We know that we are special and with
Speaker 3: the set apart even before we were born, so how
Speaker 3: do we bring down the strongholds of rejection. We need
Speaker 3: to be aware of ourselves and those people around us.
Speaker 3: So it's really important to not connect ourselves to things
Speaker 3: and people who do not appreciate us who we are
Speaker 3: and what we bring to the table. I'm not saying that,
Speaker 3: you know, if somebody doesn't care for you know, how
Speaker 3: good we are in a certain sport or in a
Speaker 3: certain thing, we should just ignore them. But we need
Speaker 3: to be We need to assess the level of connection
Speaker 3: or intimacy we have with different types of people depending
Speaker 3: on how much they can appreciate what we actually bring
Speaker 3: to the table. And we need to be aware of
Speaker 3: the gifts and talents and the beauty that we actually
Speaker 3: bring to the table because God has given us gifts,
Speaker 3: power and authority to live out our lives with purpose.
Speaker 3: He says in Some one three nine, we're fearfully and
Speaker 3: wonderfully made. So you know, I think there's a scripture.
Speaker 3: I like to think of this scripture in the Bible
Speaker 3: that says do not cast your pells to swine. I
Speaker 3: think sometimes the problem is we don't even know that
Speaker 3: we've got pels. So we need to be aware of
Speaker 3: those pells that we have, and we need to kind
Speaker 3: of nurture them, cultivate them, and just just be careful
Speaker 3: how we connect with the people around us. What type
Speaker 3: of energy do they bring? Do they dampen our what
Speaker 3: we bring us skills, our talents, or do they encourage
Speaker 3: us to be better versions of ourselves? Do they validate us?
Speaker 3: So we need to think about who we're connecting with,
Speaker 3: and we need to work on getting rid of any pain,
Speaker 3: any bitterness that comes with being rejected. So it causes
Speaker 3: offense when we are rejected, right because we think, you know,
Speaker 3: why would you reject me? Like, you know, like Angela said,
Speaker 3: you know, some students said, you know, I've never been
Speaker 3: turned down for anything I don't understand, and that can
Speaker 3: be quite offensive to some people. But it's really important
Speaker 3: that we remember that rejection is an everyday thing. Everyone
Speaker 3: faces rejection, and we try not to be overcome by
Speaker 3: the offense of being rejected because if we focus on
Speaker 3: the fact that it's offensive, it's going to lead us
Speaker 3: to feeling bitter, to feeling angry, and that's not going
Speaker 3: to help us move forward. So instead, we need to
Speaker 3: refocus on the truth of God's description of us. As
Speaker 3: his child, created in his image for good works and
Speaker 3: with a special purpose. And we need to get up
Speaker 3: and we need to keep going. Right. The person who
Speaker 3: rejects you does not have the final say about you.
Speaker 3: God does. God's the one who has the final say
Speaker 3: about you. Right, So let's not get talking being bitter
Speaker 3: on feeling offended because we were rejected. We need to
Speaker 3: just recenter, regroup, understand who we are and whose we are,
Speaker 3: and focus on the purpose and the destiny that God
Speaker 3: has for us. We need to accept the reality of rejection.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So, like I've said, We've said so many times, you know,
Speaker 3: it's a reality that comes to all of us. So
Speaker 3: let go of your pride. Who you know? Do they
Speaker 3: know who I am?
Speaker 2: How?
Speaker 3: How dare you reject me with all of these talents
Speaker 3: that I bring to the table. Well, that that kind
Speaker 3: of level of pride will keep you in a place
Speaker 3: of pain because you're going to be stuck in trying
Speaker 3: to figure out why people have rejected you. But it's
Speaker 3: really important to keep moving, get out of the place
Speaker 3: of rejection so that you can get over it. So
Speaker 3: be open too and embrace other opportunities. It's really important
Speaker 3: that we understand that God always has another possibility. Right.
Speaker 3: God always has another plan for you. He has a
Speaker 3: purpose for your life, and He's got a plan for
Speaker 3: your life. God is a god of impossible possibilities. Just
Speaker 3: because one door shots doesn't mean that, you know, God
Speaker 3: is just not capable of finding or offering other and
Speaker 3: even better ways. He says, your thoughts are not my thoughts.
Speaker 3: My thoughts for you are higher and greater than your
Speaker 3: thoughts for yourself. So let's just focus on the one
Speaker 3: who can make all things possible. And instead of asking
Speaker 3: why you have been rejected, ask what next? Right you
Speaker 3: didn't get the job or you know, Dear Allison, We're
Speaker 3: very sorry to you know, thank you for applying for
Speaker 3: this position, having gone through all the applic applications, you
Speaker 3: don't meet the expectations.
Speaker 1: What next?
Speaker 3: Rather than I can't believe you know? My CV says
Speaker 3: AMD all of this criteria, how dare you not? You know,
Speaker 3: not employ me or recruit me? And also consider your
Speaker 3: rejection as a redirection and open your mind to new possibilities.
Speaker 3: There's always new possibilities out there, there's always alternatives. Or
Speaker 3: when I work with clients in therapy, it's one of
Speaker 3: the things I like to say is that they always alternatives.
Speaker 3: There's always another way of doing things. And God says again,
Speaker 3: for I know the plans I have for you, declares
Speaker 3: the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
Speaker 3: plans to give you a hope and a future. So
Speaker 3: in summary, just to pick up key points, we all
Speaker 3: experience rejection from others at different points in our lives,
Speaker 3: and rejection will cause us to experience challenging thoughts and feelings.
Speaker 3: The impact of rejection on us will depend on what
Speaker 3: we choose to believe. What we choose to believe, right,
Speaker 3: It's all down to us what we choose to believe.
Speaker 3: Rejection becomes a stronghold in our lives when we believe
Speaker 3: and act on thoughts that are contrary to the truth
Speaker 3: of what God says about you. Rejection becomes a stronghold
Speaker 3: in our lives when we believe and act and thoughts
Speaker 3: that are contrary to the truth of what God says
Speaker 3: about you. Also, choosing not to believe a lie about
Speaker 3: ourselves when we're rejected will open our minds to our
Speaker 3: true wealth and value in God and the possibilities of
Speaker 3: living our lives in line with God's purpose. Choosing not
Speaker 3: to believe a lie about ourselves when we are rejected
Speaker 3: will open our minds to our true wealth and value
Speaker 3: in God and the possibilities of living our lives in
Speaker 3: line with God's purpose. And finally, just to summarize, we
Speaker 3: can absolutely bring down the stronghold of rejection by choosing
Speaker 3: not to dwell on the fact that we have been
Speaker 3: rejected and by seeking God for other possibilities and other opportunities.
Speaker 3: So going to leave us with a few words of encouragement,
Speaker 3: and some of these are quotes from the Bible. From
Speaker 3: the Internet, I just picked up a few quotes. One
Speaker 3: is by Aristotle and it says, it is our darkest
Speaker 3: moments that we must focus to see the light. It
Speaker 3: is during our darkest moments that we must focus to
Speaker 3: see the light. And another quote says, often rejection is
Speaker 3: about the misalignment between you and others, not an indication
Speaker 3: of your word of value. And just on that, I
Speaker 3: just want to say that I think it's very important
Speaker 3: to consider that sometimes when people reject us, sometimes it's
Speaker 3: because they don't have the capacity to appreciate all of
Speaker 3: what we bring to the table, so they are rejecting
Speaker 3: because they're not able to take in or to appreciate
Speaker 3: who we are and what we bring. And if somebody
Speaker 3: doesn't have that capacity, there's no way they're going to
Speaker 3: embrace us because they just can't. Right. And so it's
Speaker 3: not because there's a problem with us.
Speaker 2: There's a saying sorry to direct that if you don't
Speaker 2: appreciate what I bring to the table, I'm happy to
Speaker 2: dine and learn.
Speaker 3: I like Sanya, thank you. And another one says, every
Speaker 3: time I thought I was being rejected from something good,
Speaker 3: I was actually being redirected to something better. So are
Speaker 3: you feeling rejected? I just want to encourage you that
Speaker 3: the Lord will take care of you, and he will
Speaker 3: take you in some of some Bible texts, like we've
Speaker 3: seen Jeremiah chapter one's five, before I formed you in
Speaker 3: the room, I knew you before you were born. I
Speaker 3: set you apart. Another text says, I've said before you
Speaker 3: and open door, and no one can shut it right.
Speaker 3: So sometimes in life we think those have been shut
Speaker 3: in our faces. But when God has opened the door
Speaker 3: for you, even though people might reject us, he will
Speaker 3: still navigate us to that door, to that open door,
Speaker 3: and he says, I will never leave you. I will
Speaker 3: never forsake you. And he says again, fear not, for
Speaker 3: I have redained you, I have called you by name,
Speaker 3: and you are mine Isaiah forty three, verst one. So finally, Reverend, remember,
Speaker 3: don't focus on those who walked away, but focus on
Speaker 3: the one who never left. His name is Jesus, and
Speaker 3: he will never leave us, or he will never forsake us.
Speaker 3: So we will win this battle. Why because the weapons
Speaker 3: of our warfare are not connel, but mighty in God,
Speaker 3: for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments, and every high
Speaker 3: thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing
Speaker 3: every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. And
Speaker 3: when we know the truth, and if we know the truth,
Speaker 3: indeed the truth will set us free John eight thirty two.
Speaker 3: Because if the sun sets us free, then we will
Speaker 3: be free. Indeed, that brings to an end my presentation
Speaker 3: today on dealing with rejection. Thank you back to Usenya.
Speaker 2: Thank you Allison Angela. Did you want to add anything,
Speaker 2: did anything kind of jump out at you in that
Speaker 2: segment You're on neut.
Speaker 1: But I'll kicked it off. I guess I was just
Speaker 1: kind of thinking in terms of you know, and I'm
Speaker 1: glad that obviously you've ended with some Bible text, because
Speaker 1: I guess I was thinking about you know, there's two
Speaker 1: questions that came to mind. You know, are there kind
Speaker 1: of obviously we deal with rejection, so they on different levels,
Speaker 1: the depth of them, et cetera. But are they kind
Speaker 1: of what are the kind of I don't know if
Speaker 1: you can say, of the healthy ways of dealing with rejection,
Speaker 1: because obviously, if they have such an emotional impact on us,
Speaker 1: you know, we've got to process that, We've got to
Speaker 1: kind of be able to move through it and move on.
Speaker 1: But how does one do that in a sort of
Speaker 1: practical way? But so I like the fact that you've,
Speaker 1: you know, you reminded us of the promises that God
Speaker 1: has given us, you know, but what are some of
Speaker 1: the other things that one can do to sort of
Speaker 1: say actually, And this is kind of leads in maybe
Speaker 1: into my second question. You know, how do we develop
Speaker 1: the resilience to be able to deal effectively with a
Speaker 1: reject rejection of whatever sorts, you know, to be able
Speaker 1: to then see that sometimes the rejection is not always
Speaker 1: a terrible thing. It might actually feel better because I
Speaker 1: was one of the It says, you know, the rejection
Speaker 1: may just be opening the doors for something much better.
Speaker 1: I guess there's two kind of questions linking in there
Speaker 1: on that.
Speaker 3: Very good question. So practically, and this is another thing
Speaker 3: that's in the book that I've just written on rejection.
Speaker 3: There's sections after every chapter and you know, dealing practically
Speaker 3: with rejection and how we can support other people who
Speaker 3: are going through rejection, So you know, finding somebody save
Speaker 3: and trusting who will empathize with us and who will
Speaker 3: validate us so that we can heal. Because rejection happens
Speaker 3: within the context of human relationships, and rejection will be
Speaker 3: healed also within the context of human relationships. So we
Speaker 3: need to be first of all aware of the triggers.
Speaker 3: So sometimes we've been through rejection that's kind of had
Speaker 3: a really huge impact on our mental emotional health, and
Speaker 3: a lot of things will trigger those negative feelings that
Speaker 3: are associated with the rejection. So let's become aware of them.
Speaker 3: Don't try to suppress what you felt when you were rejected.
Speaker 3: Acknowledge how bad it made you feel, and find somebody
Speaker 3: to express that too. So sometimes it might just be
Speaker 3: maybe talking to a friend who will understand who you're
Speaker 3: close to. Sometimes you need to go to therapy and
Speaker 3: do some deep work in therapy. Sometimes maybe journaling writing,
Speaker 3: you know, writing how you felt. But find an outlet
Speaker 3: to acknowledge and validate the emotions that you felt. When
Speaker 3: you experience a rejection and you know, do something about it,
Speaker 3: get some help if you if you need to get help,
Speaker 3: you know, be around people who will celebrate you, right,
Speaker 3: be around people who are authentic, who will correct you
Speaker 3: in love, and who will celebrate you. Sometimes we are
Speaker 3: around people who are very critical, or sometimes we can
Speaker 3: be around people who can be quite maybe passive aggressive,
Speaker 3: and that's really very unhealthy when you've experienced really harsh
Speaker 3: reject rejection. So I think one of the first things
Speaker 3: is self awareness so that you can stop that cycle
Speaker 3: and so that you can stop yourself from being self
Speaker 3: rejecting as well. But finding an outlet, finding people that
Speaker 3: you can talk to, people that who will validate you,
Speaker 3: and also soothing doing things that are kind of self soothing,
Speaker 3: so you know, being kind, compassionate to yourself. Watch what
Speaker 3: you say to yourself. Some people are very good at
Speaker 3: kind of labeling themselves negatively, like I'm so stupid or
Speaker 3: you know, it just sounds like a figure of speech,
Speaker 3: but what you're doing is you're self rejecting. So watch
Speaker 3: what you say to yourself and use, you know, what
Speaker 3: God says about you to repeat that about yourself when
Speaker 3: you talk about yourself or when you refer to yourself self.
Speaker 3: So do things that you enjoy doing, you know, you know,
Speaker 3: if you like to play musical instruments, if you like
Speaker 3: to go to the spa, show yourself some self love
Speaker 3: and self compassion, because that's really really important to build
Speaker 3: your resilience. Those are just some of the practical things
Speaker 3: you can do. The other question, it's.
Speaker 2: About building resulting into it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so you kind of you did kind of
Speaker 1: answer that. Yes, I was just thinking, yeah, is that
Speaker 1: But I like it and I like also as you
Speaker 1: said about you know, it's not necessarily that you have
Speaker 1: to deal with it yourself. It is during on the
Speaker 1: support of others. And I guess in terms of flipping
Speaker 1: that then in terms of how we can support other
Speaker 1: people who are doing it. You know, what practical advice
Speaker 1: would you give to us somebody who is trying to
Speaker 1: support somebody, you know, and the common ones I guess
Speaker 1: would be, you know, things around relationships, as you said,
Speaker 1: is a romantic relationships or a breakdown of it could
Speaker 1: be a breakdown of a relationship for instance, or sort
Speaker 1: of like in the job search and job hunting, especially
Speaker 1: in this kind of climate as well. You know, we're
Speaker 1: kind of you know, what do we call it, the
Speaker 1: oh something crisis? I can't remember the cost of living
Speaker 1: crisis living, you know, so and obviously over COVID, so
Speaker 1: many people lost their jobs due to the situation, so
Speaker 1: I guess, you know, and then trying to find something else.
Speaker 1: You know, there's a lot of people they've been in
Speaker 1: jobs for many, many years and then suddenly they're thrown
Speaker 1: back into the job market trying to apply. So what
Speaker 1: can you know, what can people do to help support
Speaker 1: those who are having to deal with that, which for
Speaker 1: so many people it could be quite a new experience
Speaker 1: and definitely a painful one at times as well.
Speaker 3: Obviously, you know, one of the first things to do
Speaker 3: is to just you know, be available to listen, and
Speaker 3: that's just listening without rushing to offer your own you're
Speaker 3: advice or what you think they should do. So, you know,
Speaker 3: be available to listen, and that means validating how they feel.
Speaker 3: You know, it's it's okay to feel this way. It's
Speaker 3: normalize how they're feeling. And then maybe if you're if
Speaker 3: it's appropriate, you know, share how you have been rejected
Speaker 3: as well in the past, you know, because I think
Speaker 3: sometimes it can be quite feel quite isolating if we think, well,
Speaker 3: there's something wrong with me. You know, nobody is going
Speaker 3: to take me on. But if people can, if you
Speaker 3: can relate, if people can relate to your own experiences
Speaker 3: as well, share those and then empower the other person
Speaker 3: by you know, thinking through with them, you know, practical
Speaker 3: alternatives of what they can do, not just tell them,
Speaker 3: but you know, maybe be socratic, ask them, you know,
Speaker 3: what have you thought about what else might be available?
Speaker 3: Have you thought about other options? You have you thought
Speaker 3: about where to go to get additional support so that
Speaker 3: they can start building their resilience and thinking about alternatives
Speaker 3: as well. And then you know, just you know, practical
Speaker 3: things that you can do with them. Maybe you can
Speaker 3: accompany them to a job center or you know, do
Speaker 3: something fun with them. But you know, just being available,
Speaker 3: being able to listen, validating, normalizing, all of those things
Speaker 3: are helpful.
Speaker 2: Alison, what would you say to a and it may
Speaker 2: be very much what you've shared already, but what would
Speaker 2: you say to a young person that is feeling rejected
Speaker 2: and really feeling that feeling anger and resentment to the
Speaker 2: point that they want to retaliate or to hurt themselves
Speaker 2: or to hurt others. I mean, because I feel like
Speaker 2: we're dealing with a generation who don't really process as
Speaker 2: they ought to, maybe because they don't have the right
Speaker 2: port networks around them, maybe because of the games and
Speaker 2: all the maladies in society.
Speaker 1: At the moment.
Speaker 2: I mean, we can, we can point fingers all day
Speaker 2: if we like, but the fact of the matter is
Speaker 2: we need to start finding solutions for these problems. And
Speaker 2: that's why for me talking point is so near and
Speaker 2: dear because it's bringing these conversations to the forefront. Because
Speaker 2: a lot of this starts with having healthy conversations, you know,
Speaker 2: talking about the issue, dealing with the issue, bringing the
Speaker 2: players into into the room, the you know, the stakeholders.
Speaker 2: So just to our young people, if you.
Speaker 3: If you are young, young people probably slightly different from yes,
Speaker 3: we will deal with the older people, not old old
Speaker 3: than young, but I think with the younger people it's more,
Speaker 3: you know, being available, it's more being interested in them,
Speaker 3: and what they do is less talking and more more
Speaker 3: being with them. And I think that's something that you know,
Speaker 3: older people find very difficult. They just find it easier
Speaker 3: to tell young people. But our young people, we have
Speaker 3: to remember, have a lot of information at their fingertips
Speaker 3: and a lot of what we might be saying might
Speaker 3: not be new to them. But what would be new
Speaker 3: to them is that kind of sense of belonging that
Speaker 3: they have that they're not experiencing that's making them feel
Speaker 3: rejected and lonely. And so you know, being accepting of
Speaker 3: them just as they are, and you know, and taking
Speaker 3: a real interest. Right, so if they're into football, what
Speaker 3: team do they support? When are the games having a
Speaker 3: shared kind of point of conversation on their terms, not
Speaker 3: on our terms. So because remember, if they're feeling rejected,
Speaker 3: it means that you know, if you're all you're doing
Speaker 3: is telling them what to do, is is indirectly you're
Speaker 3: just criticizing them, which is rejecting, which you're just reinforcing
Speaker 3: that message. So it's it's really for example, sometimes when
Speaker 3: we have we do therapy with younger people, which we
Speaker 3: try to mirror how they're addressed, how they're they're expressing themselves,
Speaker 3: how they're sitting, you know, and sometimes you know, we
Speaker 3: might lower ourselves to kind of sit on the ground
Speaker 3: with them and do you know, do what they do,
Speaker 3: be part of them, and make them feel a sense
Speaker 3: of actually I feel comfortable. I feel like I really
Speaker 3: kind of belong here with this person. So I think
Speaker 3: with the young people, it's more the being than the talking.
Speaker 1: I think also a lot of it, and this is
Speaker 1: going back to what we're talk a little bit of
Speaker 1: it at the beginning about you know, parenting and kind
Speaker 1: of the preparation, you know, having these conversations as well
Speaker 1: out you know that things aren't always going to and
Speaker 1: then kind of feeds into a lot of things are
Speaker 1: always going to work out. There may be times where
Speaker 1: you will whatever we call it, because I guess rejection
Speaker 1: kind of comes to different forms. So you know, you
Speaker 1: might not get that job or relationship may not work out,
Speaker 1: or you may not get the grades that you wanted,
Speaker 1: you know, so that means you may not get into
Speaker 1: the job or the university or the college of whatever
Speaker 1: you want to go and do. So I guess the
Speaker 1: more that we kind of have those conversations and don't
Speaker 1: sort of shy away from that. Yeah, this is the
Speaker 1: realities sometimes, the harsh realities of life that we're going
Speaker 1: to go through.
Speaker 3: The devil is the hush, But you're still loved. Right.
Speaker 2: Oh that's the word, isn't it. I don't want to
Speaker 2: say magic word, but but there is some some mystery
Speaker 2: to it. But it's the overarching principle that love, our
Speaker 2: love for each other and God's love for us that
Speaker 2: really helps us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because society is so fixated on, you know, achieving
Speaker 3: this and achieving that, and you know, but the reality
Speaker 3: is that we all have talents. You know, the Parable
Speaker 3: of the talents talks about everyone has. If it's not one,
Speaker 3: it's two, it's fine. But God is gracious and we
Speaker 3: are all good at something and we need to be
Speaker 3: loving and accepting. And you know, if someboding is not academic,
Speaker 3: they will be good at other things. So it's just that, Yes, Angela,
Speaker 3: it's really important that we have those real conversations and say,
Speaker 3: you know, life's not always going to embrace your. People
Speaker 3: are out there not always going to embrace you, but
Speaker 3: here in me, you're always loved you're always accepted, and
Speaker 3: you know, just just come and talk to me, and
Speaker 3: I'm here for you. There will be people who will
Speaker 3: always love you and accept you for who you are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's also on the flip side as well.
Speaker 1: We talked about, you know, being rejected, but sometimes thinking
Speaker 1: about how we approach people and things how we come
Speaker 1: across because inadvertently we could be the one doing the
Speaker 1: rejecting in terms of the way we talk to people,
Speaker 1: how we say things. So again, it's important for us
Speaker 1: to be mindful as well. And you know, if we
Speaker 1: see those challenges within ourselves, to be self aware reflects
Speaker 1: on that to think, actually, how can I approach things?
Speaker 1: How can I talk about something different? Because our criticisms,
Speaker 1: our judgments, you know, could be this part of the
Speaker 1: problems as well.
Speaker 3: So yeah, and different people will be impacted differently, So
Speaker 3: what we think might not be a big deal might
Speaker 3: actually be quite a big deal for somebody else.
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, that's a word at the moment, doesn't it.
Speaker 2: Being mindful and just being conscious of other people and
Speaker 2: how I think of even the workplace. You know, Yes,
Speaker 2: there's some hush and hard messages that need to be
Speaker 2: delivered but it's how you package it, it's what you say,
Speaker 2: it's how you say it. Building relationships, even in terms
Speaker 2: of our young people building relationships and understanding them and
Speaker 2: them understanding us, will foster that environment where you can yes,
Speaker 2: say no, or you can say it can't be yours,
Speaker 2: or you say it's not your time, or whatever it
Speaker 2: might be. It's rejection, but because of how it's packaged
Speaker 2: and because of how how you've presented it, all because
Speaker 2: of who it's coming from, it doesn't hit as harshly
Speaker 2: as it probably could have. So that for me, Angela,
Speaker 2: you took the words out of my mouth in terms
Speaker 2: of not only being rejected, but being the one saying
Speaker 2: saying no or saying you know, you're not the right
Speaker 2: fit for the right person for me, and you know,
Speaker 2: being able to do that sympathetically.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean you talk about that in the workplace.
Speaker 3: That brings me to my the other book which I published.
Speaker 2: See, that's what I was.
Speaker 3: That was that was the cue for me to talk from.
Speaker 3: And you know the title of that book, it's on Amazon.
Speaker 3: It's Relating for Success and it's you know, achieving optimum
Speaker 3: organizational growth and effectiveness through positive relationships. So you know,
Speaker 3: you know, I've been in leadership and management in quite
Speaker 3: big organizations as well and had the privilege of managing
Speaker 3: or leading. I like to use leading rather than people,
Speaker 3: And I pride myself always in those relationships in people
Speaker 3: feeling blessed that they have me as a leader, because
Speaker 3: you know, we spend so much time at work in
Speaker 3: those work relationships, and you know that bound to impact
Speaker 3: on our mental and emotional wellbeing. And so your manager
Speaker 3: or your leader and your colleagues have a huge role
Speaker 3: to play in terms of your your mental and emotional wellbeing.
Speaker 3: So those organizational relationships and making sure those relationships ships
Speaker 3: are constructive and positive, it's really really important. And that's
Speaker 3: what that book is about.
Speaker 2: I think for me, if we're to conclude what I
Speaker 2: what I really will put from this is that rejection
Speaker 2: is redirection. I really love that, you know it rejection
Speaker 2: takes the form I mean, sometimes I get really offended
Speaker 2: when the bus driver doesn't stop at the bus stop
Speaker 2: for me. I have to be really honest. If I'm
Speaker 2: there and I'm running to the bus and I'm not
Speaker 2: being and I can't see the reason for him to
Speaker 2: be driving off, I'm right there. Why are you driving off?
Speaker 2: You know, we're all in this together. But he may
Speaker 2: have his own agenda, he may have time keeping and
Speaker 2: all that to worry about. And I'm like, I'm very,
Speaker 2: very upset about this. But when you think about it,
Speaker 2: maybe like you said, this is this is an opportunity
Speaker 2: to sit back down and talk to the person who's
Speaker 2: come next to me.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not.
Speaker 2: It's an opportunity to do something else, or I've just
Speaker 2: missed out on disaster. Because God's timing is in everything.
Speaker 2: So you know, it's about how we look at things.
Speaker 2: It's about perspective, and that for me is what I
Speaker 2: will take away from the discussion today. And like we
Speaker 2: said at the top, these conversations need to happen, need
Speaker 2: to happen regularly. If you've missed any of the series,
Speaker 2: then you know you can find it on speak and
Speaker 2: this will also be available on Spreaker and Alison, I'm
Speaker 2: not sure if you're taking you're taking new clients or whatever,
Speaker 2: but we can also make the information available two persons
Speaker 2: as how they can get in touch with you and
Speaker 2: also how they can get your books. If anybody wants
Speaker 2: an information and contact the station and will be sure
Speaker 2: to pass that information along. But yes, that for me
Speaker 2: is the crux of this matter. God has a plan
Speaker 2: for us all, and we need not see rejection as
Speaker 2: the end all. It may be God redirecting us. It
Speaker 2: could even be him telling us, all right, it's time
Speaker 2: to step step up our game. You didn't get this
Speaker 2: job because you didn't fit the criteria, you didn't have
Speaker 2: the right skill sets. Go and study something, Go on
Speaker 2: and get yourself better so the next time you can,
Speaker 2: you'll be the one that we picked out of the lineup.
Speaker 2: So let's not always think of it as negative. In fact,
Speaker 2: let's never think of it as negative. It's God. It's
Speaker 2: got aligning our steps. He's directing our path.
Speaker 3: I think you know the scripture that says all things
Speaker 3: work together for good for those who love God and
Speaker 3: those who are called according to His purpose, really comes
Speaker 3: to fall here, because you know, I can tell you
Speaker 3: of several occasions where I've been passed over at work
Speaker 3: for a promotion, or I've been made redundant, and I've
Speaker 3: only been thankful for those open men. All things do
Speaker 3: work together for good for those who love God and
Speaker 3: those who are called according to His purpose.
Speaker 2: And you don't if you have final words and then
Speaker 2: if you could just close us out.
Speaker 1: Well I was just going to say that, but that's
Speaker 1: a perfect one, I guess, you know, to recognize that,
Speaker 1: you know, God is in control, and sometimes we just
Speaker 1: have to we have to believe that. Sometimes we're just
Speaker 1: not going to see You're not going to see it,
Speaker 1: to be honest, but that's where our trust and faith
Speaker 1: in God has to come into play, as she said,
Speaker 1: to know that, you know, he's got under control, he's
Speaker 1: got the best for us, and sometimes that has just
Speaker 1: given us a bit of a reality check, he said,
Speaker 1: to say, you know, okay, we've got to step back,
Speaker 1: we've got to reflect, we've got to look and actually,
Speaker 1: as you said, rejection can be redirectioned. So yeah, definitely
Speaker 1: want to thank you Allison for bringing those insights to us.
Speaker 1: As always, it's been quite interesting and it gives me
Speaker 1: a lot of food for thought, because again, sometimes it's
Speaker 1: about how we approach things and how we respond to things,
Speaker 1: and actually looking at things in a different way can
Speaker 1: shape how we're then going to move forward as well
Speaker 1: in a more positive way. So yes, thank you very
Speaker 1: much for today's session for having me. Thank you, thank
Speaker 1: you always welcome, and of course I haven't. I was thinking, no,
Speaker 1: I haven't said it, but I'm going to say, there'll
Speaker 1: always be a part two to three.
Speaker 2: Yes, when the book is out. When the book is out, said,
Speaker 2: you've got to come back and just give us a
Speaker 2: bit more deep dive on the topic. And yeah, we're
Speaker 2: looking forward already.
Speaker 1: Okay. So yeah, so we've come to that time. It's
Speaker 1: been goodness. How time flies, as we say, but how
Speaker 1: time flies. We were having great conversation and really interesting topics.
Speaker 1: So thank you for joining us on Talking Point Didons
Speaker 1: again next week with another interesting topic that we'll be discussing.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to say good night, enjoy the rest
Speaker 1: of the evening and enjoy the rest of the enjoy
Speaker 1: the week it's to come. So let's pray the close
Speaker 1: and then we'll say good night. Father God, I want
Speaker 1: to thank you for this opportunity, dear Lord, to discuss
Speaker 1: a topic that impacts so many people. Dear Lord, Dear Lord,
Speaker 1: is very easy sometimes to feel the rejection of situations
Speaker 1: that happen to us and things around us. But Dear Lord,
Speaker 1: I want to pray you that we can be reminded
Speaker 1: of how much you love us, how much you care
Speaker 1: for us, and how much you have got everything in control,
Speaker 1: and that you want the best for us. Dear Lord,
Speaker 1: there are so many promises within the Bible, in your
Speaker 1: word that tell us exactly that, Dear Lord, and I'm
Speaker 1: praying that whoever's listening to our show today that well,
Speaker 1: they will delve into that and recognize that actually, you
Speaker 1: have got everything control, and there are so many ways
Speaker 1: that you can show us that. Even though we may
Speaker 1: feel rejected, it may just be a redirection, and there's
Speaker 1: always alternatives. There's always other ways to overcome, and Dear Lord,
Speaker 1: you want the best for us, then may be a
Speaker 1: better way. I thank you, Dear Lord, for Allison and
Speaker 1: the role that she plays in supporting people and to
Speaker 1: helping them to make differences and change in their life.
Speaker 1: Dear Lord, and I pray that we as well can
Speaker 1: be those people to other people. We can support others,
Speaker 1: we can help others, and we can help people draw
Speaker 1: closer to you. I thank you for blessing us with
Speaker 1: this platform, Dear Lord, and I pray that those who
Speaker 1: are listening will be blessed. I thank you for hearing
Speaker 1: and answering our prayers. Dear Lord, and thank you for
Speaker 1: being such an awesome God and loving us so much
Speaker 1: and caring for us and know that you have the
Speaker 1: best for us. Thank you for this day, dear Lord,
Speaker 1: and the week that we're about to start. I pray,
Speaker 1: Dear Lord that it'd be a blessed one and that
Speaker 1: we can come again for another conversation. Thank you to
Speaker 1: Lord for here in our prayers. Amen.
Speaker 2: Amen, thank you, andles. Thank you Alison once more, Thank
Speaker 2: you for taking the time out again to join us,
Speaker 2: and we look forward to speaking to you on another program.
Speaker 1: All right, take good care, bye players.
Speaker 2: Bye by Adventist Radio, London.
Speaker 1: Inspiration for the song