WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.480 --> 00:00:05.599 Welcome to break Free and Trust a redesign for living. 2 00:00:05.960 --> 00:00:07.080 Join me Chris and. 3 00:00:07.120 --> 00:00:11.560 Me Jacqueline for real conversations about life, death, and everything 4 00:00:11.599 --> 00:00:12.080 in between. 5 00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:14.919 Learn to connect with your intrinsic power to grow and heal, 6 00:00:15.039 --> 00:00:17.120 how to laugh at your own humanness and not take 7 00:00:17.160 --> 00:00:18.079 life too seriously. 8 00:00:18.160 --> 00:00:22.160 Through healthy conversations between the feminine and masculine, you learn 9 00:00:22.199 --> 00:00:24.920 how to harness the power of relationship and the mirror, 10 00:00:25.000 --> 00:00:28.000 to befriend your shadow, and to trust that any obstacle 11 00:00:28.039 --> 00:00:30.480 that gets in your way is there to help you grow. 12 00:00:30.600 --> 00:00:33.320 Together. Working at a practical levels, you learn to trust 13 00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:36.119 that everything that is happening is for you, your growth 14 00:00:36.159 --> 00:00:37.119 and ultimate freedom. 15 00:00:37.240 --> 00:00:40.679 Our circumstances don't matter, it's only how we relate to 16 00:00:40.719 --> 00:00:41.359 them that does. 17 00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:43.520 Get ready to be your friend the wisdom of your 18 00:00:43.520 --> 00:00:45.000 body and the power of your mind. 19 00:00:45.200 --> 00:00:47.799 Break Free and Trust starts. 20 00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:54.439 Now, and welcome to break Free and Trust are redesigned 21 00:00:54.439 --> 00:00:54.799 for living. 22 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:56.719 I'm Chris, I name Jacqueline. 23 00:00:57.320 --> 00:01:00.240 So here's an image that has never left me. A 24 00:01:00.280 --> 00:01:04.359 resentment is like drinking a little poison every day and 25 00:01:04.439 --> 00:01:07.319 expecting the other person to die. So let's sit with 26 00:01:07.319 --> 00:01:11.799 that for a second. It is absolutely absurd, and yet 27 00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:14.400 almost all of us are doing exactly that right now, 28 00:01:15.159 --> 00:01:19.760 carrying resentments towards people, places, and things. And some of 29 00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:22.519 those resentments we know about, but many more we don't, 30 00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:25.239 and they are quietly running in the background, and they're 31 00:01:25.239 --> 00:01:28.719 coloring everything we do. So Jack and I have come 32 00:01:28.760 --> 00:01:31.519 to believe that to truly break free, you have to 33 00:01:31.519 --> 00:01:36.719 become resentment free, not resentment managed, certainly, not resentment justified, 34 00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:40.359 just free. So why do we hold onto them? And 35 00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:43.000 what do we secretly think we're getting from them? What 36 00:01:43.079 --> 00:01:46.239 is that actually costing us to carry them? How do 37 00:01:46.239 --> 00:01:49.040 we finally let them go? The ones we know about 38 00:01:49.400 --> 00:01:51.319 and the ones we don't. All this and more in 39 00:01:51.359 --> 00:01:53.799 the next hour and for live years. The show will 40 00:01:53.799 --> 00:01:55.959 also be open to questions in the second half of 41 00:01:55.959 --> 00:01:59.319 the show, So calling at one nine three zero two 42 00:01:59.400 --> 00:02:01.840 eight one nine, or just write your questions in the chat. 43 00:02:01.840 --> 00:02:02.799 We'd love to hear from you. 44 00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:09.439 So you mentioned that image that resentment is like drinking 45 00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:14.560 poison and waiting for another person to die, and that 46 00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:17.639 it never left you, And then it's sort of you 47 00:02:17.680 --> 00:02:21.639 know that that image leaves even this place of really 48 00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:25.039 recognizing the insanity of what that means what does it 49 00:02:25.120 --> 00:02:29.000 mean to you? What does that metaphor really mean to 50 00:02:29.039 --> 00:02:30.080 you when you think about it? 51 00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:32.199 Yeah, I don't know if you like if you have 52 00:02:32.280 --> 00:02:35.479 this where they there's these powerful sayings, metaphors, symbols that 53 00:02:35.560 --> 00:02:38.240 sort of show up and they just get emblazoned in you. Yep, 54 00:02:38.439 --> 00:02:39.879 this is one of those ones for me, I mean 55 00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:42.280 one of the most powerful ones, because I think when 56 00:02:43.159 --> 00:02:46.520 this idea was first introduced to me, I was like 57 00:02:46.639 --> 00:02:49.280 a little ball of resentments. Like literally, that's how it 58 00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:50.080 defined myself. 59 00:02:50.319 --> 00:02:51.800 When was it first introduced to you? 60 00:02:51.919 --> 00:02:53.960 This is this is like probably what eight years ago 61 00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:57.159 when I'm sort of like in this, you know, the peak, 62 00:02:57.240 --> 00:03:00.520 the peak of my alcoholism and addiction, blaming the whole 63 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:04.479 world it was everybody else's fault but mine, resenting everyone 64 00:03:04.520 --> 00:03:07.840 and everything for not helping me or why I had 65 00:03:07.879 --> 00:03:11.080 my problems. And this was just presented to me by 66 00:03:11.080 --> 00:03:13.639 a friend, and it was I mean, I guess, in hindsight, 67 00:03:13.719 --> 00:03:15.719 was pretty close to me starting to do the work 68 00:03:15.719 --> 00:03:17.960 to get better. But I just remember sitting with it 69 00:03:18.000 --> 00:03:21.719 and just like thinking about it and realized how absurdly 70 00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:26.120 obvious it was, Like me sitting around being angry at 71 00:03:26.159 --> 00:03:28.759 people me wanting people to be different than they are, 72 00:03:28.919 --> 00:03:32.159 me wanting these situations different they are, wasn't doing anything 73 00:03:32.159 --> 00:03:35.319 to help those situations. It was just just basically like 74 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:38.280 a poison to my soul, making me sicker and sicker 75 00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:41.759 and sicker. And I saw it in that instance. I 76 00:03:41.800 --> 00:03:43.879 didn't do anything about it right away, but it became 77 00:03:43.919 --> 00:03:46.199 one of those things that I carried with me as 78 00:03:46.199 --> 00:03:49.080 I went forward and started started started to show up 79 00:03:49.080 --> 00:03:51.840 and in all the work I was doing, all all 80 00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:55.960 always seemed to center around resentments. Where am I carrying it? 81 00:03:56.159 --> 00:03:57.800 What am I wanting to be different? And how can 82 00:03:57.840 --> 00:04:00.240 I let it go? And that image every time come 83 00:04:00.280 --> 00:04:01.840 up where I'd want to hang on to it would 84 00:04:01.879 --> 00:04:05.080 be like, oh, I'm sipping that poison again. How absurd? 85 00:04:05.280 --> 00:04:07.360 And just I just gets picture myself with this little 86 00:04:07.400 --> 00:04:11.360 cup of black poison, drinking it and leering at someone saying, 87 00:04:11.360 --> 00:04:14.039 I'll show you right. It's just the absurdity of it 88 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:14.919 and just never left me. 89 00:04:16.439 --> 00:04:21.399 And am I right in? Assuming that? That's an interesting 90 00:04:21.439 --> 00:04:24.399 way to say that. Is it true that a lot 91 00:04:24.439 --> 00:04:29.839 of your work now as a coach actually centers around 92 00:04:29.879 --> 00:04:34.959 helping people to identify and surrender their resentments? 93 00:04:35.439 --> 00:04:37.439 Yeah, that and other things, but that that's a real 94 00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:42.879 critical piece that those resentments tend to be the like 95 00:04:42.959 --> 00:04:45.560 the little creaks or streams that leads to the bigger things, 96 00:04:45.560 --> 00:04:48.480 like the fears and the limiting beliefs. The resentments are 97 00:04:48.519 --> 00:04:51.199 sort of how are they? How they're obviously manifesting, So 98 00:04:51.759 --> 00:04:53.959 starting there and eroding those we get to the bottom 99 00:04:53.959 --> 00:04:54.759 of a lot of things. 100 00:04:56.360 --> 00:04:59.399 So you just said something really interesting, and as we 101 00:04:59.399 --> 00:05:04.560 were getting ready for this podcast, something about resentments came 102 00:05:04.680 --> 00:05:07.639 very clear for me. But I think you kind of 103 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:09.920 just alluded to it, so I'll let you go with it, 104 00:05:09.959 --> 00:05:15.079 which is that you start with resentments, but they're like 105 00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:19.600 the little creeks that lead you to places of limiting 106 00:05:19.639 --> 00:05:25.319 beliefs and fears. Yes, can you say more about that? 107 00:05:26.600 --> 00:05:28.160 I think I would see it the other way around. 108 00:05:28.720 --> 00:05:31.639 We have limiting beliefs, that fears that then that are 109 00:05:31.639 --> 00:05:34.759 the big ocean in the rivers that trickle up and 110 00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:38.639 manifest themselves in these resentments of how we you know, 111 00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:41.160 resentments of me effectively wanting someone to be different than 112 00:05:41.160 --> 00:05:43.399 they are. I think they should be different than they are. 113 00:05:43.920 --> 00:05:46.759 I think that situation should be different it is I 114 00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:49.120 think this should be different. It is, and I'm going 115 00:05:49.160 --> 00:05:51.399 to sit there and be angry about it. Well, it's 116 00:05:51.399 --> 00:05:54.360 coming from my belief system of how things should be, 117 00:05:55.040 --> 00:05:56.560 and I'm getting angry at the fact and not the 118 00:05:56.560 --> 00:05:59.680 way I think should be. So it's the first indication 119 00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:02.120 of well, how do I think things should be? Because 120 00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:05.839 that's the problem. How things are, how things are if 121 00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:08.000 I have a problem with them, that's where I need 122 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:08.560 to start looking. 123 00:06:09.199 --> 00:06:13.000 So do you think that resentments and resistance go hand 124 00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:13.399 in hand? 125 00:06:14.560 --> 00:06:19.480 They can, and often do. It's not a necessary insufficient condition, 126 00:06:19.560 --> 00:06:22.959 but for sure they do. It definitely goes with conflict. 127 00:06:23.439 --> 00:06:26.199 Whatever I resent, I'm in conflict with whether I'm resisting 128 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:28.480 it or not. But I'm definitely in conflict with it. 129 00:06:29.800 --> 00:06:32.720 And I can resist things that they don't resent. That's 130 00:06:32.720 --> 00:06:33.920 why that's why I say it. 131 00:06:34.439 --> 00:06:36.439 I guess for me, I would assume that if I'm 132 00:06:36.439 --> 00:06:39.480 in conflict with something, then I'm in resistance too. 133 00:06:40.439 --> 00:06:42.360 Yes, But I think if you can resist something and 134 00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:45.600 not resent something, that's true. Yeah, that's more what I'm 135 00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:49.639 trying to say. Like, there's you know, there's something happening, 136 00:06:49.639 --> 00:06:51.240 I'm going to resist it because I don't believe in that. 137 00:06:51.279 --> 00:06:52.839 But I did not resent it because I respect the 138 00:06:52.879 --> 00:06:55.560 other person, the other side's vision of why they think 139 00:06:55.560 --> 00:06:57.600 it's a good idea, and I could have mutual respect 140 00:06:57.639 --> 00:06:59.079 for it. Yet and I'm going to resist it because 141 00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:00.720 I think there might be a different way. 142 00:07:01.879 --> 00:07:07.439 Okay, so something I actually would continue to hold this 143 00:07:07.600 --> 00:07:09.959 idea of the creek to the ocean and the way 144 00:07:09.959 --> 00:07:13.000 that I saw it, because I see it differently. You're 145 00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:16.519 talking about trickling up, and I'm thinking more about trickling into. 146 00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:21.000 And one of the things that became really clear for me, 147 00:07:22.399 --> 00:07:26.600 maybe even in the last twenty minutes, is that our 148 00:07:26.680 --> 00:07:34.279 resentments are actually a reflection of the places that we're 149 00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:41.040 unwilling to look at in ourselves. They we tend to 150 00:07:41.160 --> 00:07:49.839 feel resentful towards people, places, and things when an event, 151 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:55.240 a person, a thing is actually tapping into a shadow 152 00:07:55.279 --> 00:07:58.399 piece of ourselves that we're unwilling to look at a 153 00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:05.839 place where we might actually feel weak, insecure, powerless, and 154 00:08:05.959 --> 00:08:16.160 resentment is almost it's almost like it feels anyways, not 155 00:08:16.240 --> 00:08:22.439 that it is. It feels empowering. Stepping into anger and 156 00:08:22.920 --> 00:08:29.600 blame feels far more powerful on the surface than asking 157 00:08:29.639 --> 00:08:35.000 the question what's getting triggered in me, what piece of me, 158 00:08:35.879 --> 00:08:40.879 what young piece of me, is being tripped up here 159 00:08:42.320 --> 00:08:46.759 that I then want to go and react and get 160 00:08:46.799 --> 00:08:52.399 angry with or carry resentment toward another person. And I 161 00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:55.559 had never really thought about it that way. And the 162 00:08:55.639 --> 00:08:58.360 idea of the insanity that you were speaking about in 163 00:08:58.440 --> 00:09:02.000 terms of resentment, which I find interesting, is we were 164 00:09:02.039 --> 00:09:07.120 just talking before the podcast about the French word for resentment, 165 00:09:07.759 --> 00:09:13.200 which is rassment or restaurants, which means to feel again. 166 00:09:14.799 --> 00:09:18.480 And the insanity of the process is that whatever it 167 00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:22.600 is that's tripping us up, when we carry around resentments, 168 00:09:22.960 --> 00:09:27.200 we're feeling it over and over and over again, the 169 00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:30.080 very thing that we're not wanting to feel that doesn't 170 00:09:30.080 --> 00:09:34.000 feel good. We are just simply on repeat in our 171 00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:38.759 minds and then in our bodies and in our overall experience, 172 00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:41.000 which is the definition of insanity. 173 00:09:41.200 --> 00:09:44.120 In a lot of ways, resentments now we're equating a 174 00:09:44.159 --> 00:09:44.960 form of insanity. 175 00:09:45.480 --> 00:09:48.879 Well, they are absolutely a form of insanity. And you 176 00:09:49.000 --> 00:09:53.039 talked about poison in that image. And you know, for me, 177 00:09:53.159 --> 00:09:55.840 when I think about resentments, I think about this korea 178 00:09:55.960 --> 00:09:59.039 that we teach often in our practice, which is a 179 00:09:59.120 --> 00:10:03.960 career for entering, and when when we speak to it, 180 00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:06.159 and we teach it. What we're really speaking to is 181 00:10:06.159 --> 00:10:11.879 this idea that any any anger that we experience that 182 00:10:11.919 --> 00:10:17.080 we don't actually express and share in a healthy way 183 00:10:18.440 --> 00:10:23.240 gets turned inward and it gets turned on us, and 184 00:10:23.399 --> 00:10:29.039 actually that experience ends up becoming disease because it is 185 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:31.879 poison for our body, because we end up eating ourselves 186 00:10:31.879 --> 00:10:35.519 from the inside out instead of actually dealing with the 187 00:10:35.600 --> 00:10:36.399 issue at hand. 188 00:10:38.200 --> 00:10:42.120 He said, you know that you presented that beautifully. He said, 189 00:10:42.679 --> 00:10:45.960 two things that were I'm just putting together now. So 190 00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:50.120 this idea of these resentments there are effectively this external 191 00:10:50.120 --> 00:10:54.799 projection onto the world that that create diseases than us. 192 00:10:54.840 --> 00:10:57.039 But we don't look at them, or we have a 193 00:10:57.080 --> 00:10:59.720 resistance to looking at them. And why is that Well, 194 00:10:59.720 --> 00:11:02.759 because in a certain sense they feel good. They allow 195 00:11:02.799 --> 00:11:05.600 us to feel morally superior. We take the moral high ground. 196 00:11:05.639 --> 00:11:09.200 We're holding them over people. It's almost just this internal 197 00:11:09.240 --> 00:11:12.840 sense of power over the world and other people that 198 00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:17.039 we are holding into ourselves that cuts us off from saying, hey, 199 00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:18.960 what's going on with the me that I'm doing these 200 00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:20.799 things right? That's why it obscures it. 201 00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:25.679 I think, yeah, and I think that as we carry 202 00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:30.039 resentments more and more. What we do over time is 203 00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:36.039 that we build a case against another person, an old 204 00:11:36.120 --> 00:11:40.039 memory and event, et cetera. And that case gets stronger 205 00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:47.440 and stronger, which actually becomes it feels it feels like strength. 206 00:11:48.120 --> 00:11:52.360 What it is is we're building harder and harder armor 207 00:11:53.519 --> 00:11:57.840 around our hearts, which then prevents us from being able 208 00:11:57.879 --> 00:12:01.559 to actually look inside and ask what part of me 209 00:12:02.440 --> 00:12:04.799 is feeling hurt right now? What part of me is 210 00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:11.480 feeling small, insecure, unlovable, unworthy, et cetera, et cetera, which 211 00:12:11.480 --> 00:12:15.840 we've talked about in many other podcasts, And we build 212 00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:19.120 this armor, as you said, of self superiority. But what 213 00:12:19.159 --> 00:12:22.080 we do over time is that we get further and 214 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:27.320 further away from what the actual issue is, yes, and 215 00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:29.000 it gets harder and harder for us to crack. 216 00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:33.600 That we locks us into our own subjective reality, which 217 00:12:33.639 --> 00:12:36.639 is false to begin with. But I almost like resentment 218 00:12:36.759 --> 00:12:40.519 is the disease of separations and n extremes have strutted 219 00:12:40.519 --> 00:12:43.360 with othering and isolation. Then it goes to dehumanizing and 220 00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:46.279 ultimately resentment leads to the endgame of like you know, 221 00:12:46.480 --> 00:12:48.960 genocide in the worst cases. But it all begins with 222 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:52.559 this resentment and then, as you said, becoming the persecutor 223 00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:55.600 the prosecution of the jury as to why the resentment stands, 224 00:12:55.759 --> 00:12:59.240 and building the case for it individually then collectively. But 225 00:12:59.279 --> 00:13:03.000 it's this disease resentment, and it creates separation. And again 226 00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:07.559 it's it's the antithesis of living spiritually in oneness is 227 00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:08.879 to hold resentments. 228 00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:21.720 Hmmm, so we have some really some really I'm going 229 00:13:21.799 --> 00:13:25.279 to change my words on that one. We both have 230 00:13:25.440 --> 00:13:30.320 lived experiences around what carrying resentments around looks and feels like. 231 00:13:31.399 --> 00:13:34.840 And you and I have really decided together that in 232 00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:37.840 our relationship. How did you say it? You said it 233 00:13:37.879 --> 00:13:40.600 at the very beginning. One resentment is too many? 234 00:13:40.840 --> 00:13:44.919 Yeah, yeah, And I jokingly say with my clients here 235 00:13:44.960 --> 00:13:48.159 like maybe this okay, exact formula for how many resentments 236 00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:50.799 you get to carry? Take your age multiplied by two, 237 00:13:51.480 --> 00:13:54.120 take away your birth here in times by zero. That's 238 00:13:54.120 --> 00:13:56.240 in how how many resentments are going to have or done? Which, 239 00:13:56.279 --> 00:13:57.519 of course the answer is zero. 240 00:13:57.360 --> 00:13:59.919 Right, it's not an of course the answer is zero 241 00:14:00.200 --> 00:14:02.320 to your math mind. I'm like, well, what is he saying? 242 00:14:02.399 --> 00:14:04.960 It's like zero is like the correct number, the only 243 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:07.399 number of resentments that is correct, is zero. You don't 244 00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:10.159 want to hold onto any of them, And man, does 245 00:14:10.200 --> 00:14:12.360 your ego ever want to hold on to them? But 246 00:14:12.440 --> 00:14:14.000 you can get resentment free. 247 00:14:14.320 --> 00:14:15.960 So why does our ego want to hold on? 248 00:14:16.360 --> 00:14:20.799 Because the ego, by definition is is is craze separateness. 249 00:14:21.279 --> 00:14:24.600 It's always trying to separate us from what we actually are. 250 00:14:24.759 --> 00:14:27.080 This sort of connected to everything. The ego thrives and 251 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:29.720 being separate to survive. So the ego is like, yeah, 252 00:14:29.879 --> 00:14:33.159 bring on the resentments. That's perfect. I'm gonna feel superior, 253 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:35.600 I'm going to feel better, and it's going to keep me. 254 00:14:35.799 --> 00:14:38.000 It's going to keep us over here. It's like gall 255 00:14:38.039 --> 00:14:40.480 them with his ring and Lord of the Ring. It's like, 256 00:14:40.519 --> 00:14:41.919 my precious, I can hold on to. 257 00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:47.039 These resentments, my precious. 258 00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:49.639 Yeah, it's like that's but that's the ego. The ego 259 00:14:49.720 --> 00:14:51.120 wants to hold these resentments. 260 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:59.720 So I think I would say differently, surprise, surprise. The ego, 261 00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:04.159 as we've said many times, serves a real purpose in 262 00:15:04.279 --> 00:15:10.720 terms of our survival. Right, It keeps us safe, doesn't 263 00:15:10.799 --> 00:15:18.120 keep us thriving, but it keeps us surviving. And the structures, again, 264 00:15:18.200 --> 00:15:21.320 as we've said many times before, the structures that the 265 00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:26.759 ego creates are so powerful, and what they're protecting. At 266 00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:33.519 the heart of what these structures are doing is any 267 00:15:34.360 --> 00:15:38.679 core wounding that we're carrying, any old story that we 268 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:44.759 have on repeat about our own value, about whether or 269 00:15:44.840 --> 00:15:48.360 not we're lovable, about our worth, our significance, whatever it 270 00:15:48.360 --> 00:15:53.279 looks like for you, whether we're understood, and the idea 271 00:15:53.559 --> 00:15:59.759 of resentments keeps us protected from feeling those things because 272 00:15:59.759 --> 00:16:07.320 as long as our anger is projected outward, then we 273 00:16:07.399 --> 00:16:10.240 don't have to feel what's at the heart of it. 274 00:16:10.919 --> 00:16:14.559 And what's at the heart of any resentment that we're 275 00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:21.600 carrying is that wound, that wound of not feeling validated, 276 00:16:21.720 --> 00:16:26.279 of not feeling loved, of not mattering, of being abandoned, 277 00:16:26.519 --> 00:16:30.960 of not being heard. And I think that that's what 278 00:16:31.000 --> 00:16:32.879 I was trying to say at the very beginning, which 279 00:16:32.919 --> 00:16:39.440 is a new awareness for me in my recent experiences 280 00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:45.440 around resentments, and recognizing that I was carrying a number 281 00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:50.200 of resentments that I wasn't really fully aware of and 282 00:16:50.440 --> 00:16:54.399 why it was that I was so afraid to actually 283 00:16:55.480 --> 00:16:59.840 speak those feelings. And what I got through at this 284 00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:05.880 course of it was this whole idea of it wasn't 285 00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:10.200 safe or okay for me to feel my feelings, because 286 00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:14.000 if I shared how I was really feeling, then I 287 00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:18.200 might be left or abandoned. Yes, and I say that 288 00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:23.839 really tenderly toward myself and to all of you, because 289 00:17:24.599 --> 00:17:28.359 I'm in the practice of feeling my feelings in my world, 290 00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:32.119 I feel my feelings all the time. If you asked 291 00:17:32.279 --> 00:17:34.720 Chris about whether or not I was good at feeling 292 00:17:34.759 --> 00:17:40.039 my feelings, he would say, I mean, I dive into 293 00:17:40.079 --> 00:17:46.000 those places willingly, but there was something in this recent 294 00:17:46.119 --> 00:17:51.920 experience that really eluded me, and I wouldn't touch it. 295 00:17:52.599 --> 00:17:54.200 I'd been carrying them for a long time. 296 00:17:54.359 --> 00:17:56.119 I just wondered, Jack is when we were talking about it, 297 00:17:56.119 --> 00:17:58.920 you said, you said something really live a couple of 298 00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:01.920 days ago. In this it is like you might have 299 00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:05.279 realized you're really good at expressing your feelings, but maybe 300 00:18:05.319 --> 00:18:08.720 not as good at feeling your feelings and recognizing the 301 00:18:08.799 --> 00:18:11.880 difference there. Maybe for the first time. I don't know, 302 00:18:13.039 --> 00:18:14.599 at least in this context. 303 00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:14.920 That just landed. 304 00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:18.880 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, those are different things. 305 00:18:19.319 --> 00:18:24.519 Yep, but I think that they're also yes and no, 306 00:18:25.319 --> 00:18:28.599 So I would say I actually have gotten really good 307 00:18:28.599 --> 00:18:34.200 at feeling my feelings and expressing them. But there's certain 308 00:18:34.279 --> 00:18:40.160 places where that's harder for me, certain places that touch 309 00:18:40.440 --> 00:18:46.000 a deeper wound that maybe I haven't looked at as much, 310 00:18:46.759 --> 00:18:48.359 where that becomes more challenging. 311 00:18:48.559 --> 00:18:50.599 And so you're saying linking it back to resentment, it's 312 00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:54.480 the resentment shows up when it's a situation where you're 313 00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:57.240 potentially being required to feel those feelings and the things 314 00:18:57.279 --> 00:18:59.000 that you don't want to feel them on, it gets 315 00:18:59.039 --> 00:19:00.000 projected out as a result. 316 00:19:04.319 --> 00:19:08.359 Maybe I think I would say it I had adjusted 317 00:19:08.359 --> 00:19:12.559 a tiny matter. Yeah, that's okay. I wasn't thinking about 318 00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:18.079 it that way, but I think if I was, if 319 00:19:18.119 --> 00:19:20.200 I was going to respond to that, I would say, 320 00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:26.839 when something touches a part in me that is really 321 00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:32.319 protected that I'm not yet willing to look at, that 322 00:19:32.400 --> 00:19:35.759 I haven't done the work to explore that I haven't 323 00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:39.160 gone into and been able to meet myself with compassion, 324 00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:45.400 that the knee jerk is to project it back out, yes, 325 00:19:45.799 --> 00:19:49.359 so that I don't have to look at it. And 326 00:19:50.680 --> 00:19:54.559 this most recent experience was really eye opening for me 327 00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:01.640 because I have done so much work on myself around 328 00:20:01.839 --> 00:20:05.319 self expression and around being able to sit in discomfort, 329 00:20:06.200 --> 00:20:08.720 and there was this real recognition that there was a 330 00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:13.799 huge blind spot and an opportunity to do deeper work, 331 00:20:14.920 --> 00:20:20.759 which for me, you know, maybe I've said this before 332 00:20:20.759 --> 00:20:23.759 on this podcast, maybe I haven't, but it used to 333 00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:27.519 be that I held this idea that our inner work 334 00:20:27.640 --> 00:20:31.640 was like layers of an onion, just keep peeling them away, 335 00:20:31.720 --> 00:20:34.400 and just when you think you've done, there's another layer. 336 00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:40.480 And when I did my amd eric training Marshall Wolenski, 337 00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:46.160 who is a fabulous teacher, he turned that on its 338 00:20:46.200 --> 00:20:49.240 back and he said, what do you have at the 339 00:20:49.319 --> 00:20:52.839 end of peeling an onion? And his response was, you 340 00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:55.640 just have a bunch of tears. What if we looked 341 00:20:55.640 --> 00:20:58.880 at it differently, What if our inner work was more 342 00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:02.640 like peeling the la players of an artichoke, and that 343 00:21:03.079 --> 00:21:06.599 every layer that you peeled got you closer and closer 344 00:21:07.640 --> 00:21:13.119 to the heart. And for me, the heart is remembering 345 00:21:13.160 --> 00:21:15.240 who you really are at the center of it all 346 00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:21.480 when all of these different layers peel away. And my 347 00:21:21.640 --> 00:21:26.599 experience over time has been that this work of going inside, 348 00:21:27.279 --> 00:21:33.480 which can sometimes be really tiring, has shifted and it's 349 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:36.680 become more of an adventure because at the heart of it, 350 00:21:37.319 --> 00:21:40.920 what we're really what we're really looking for is a 351 00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:45.759 remembrance of who we really are, and who we really 352 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:50.240 are isn't our resentments or a pain or our stories. 353 00:21:51.079 --> 00:21:54.759 It's what came before that. It's what came before we 354 00:21:54.799 --> 00:21:57.880 adopted all of these ideas about what's good and bad 355 00:21:57.920 --> 00:22:01.920 and right and wrong, and when we get to the 356 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:07.039 heart of that, there's no need for carrying those resentments anymore. 357 00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:10.559 You know, it's interesting that the analogy of the onion 358 00:22:10.559 --> 00:22:12.440 and the artichoke and the other one, I think that 359 00:22:12.599 --> 00:22:15.039 really resonates with me, and they're all valid, but it's 360 00:22:15.079 --> 00:22:18.960 like it's like, there were this this house with hidden 361 00:22:19.039 --> 00:22:22.519 rooms in it, right, and it's like it's you know, 362 00:22:22.519 --> 00:22:24.680 it's because sometimes the layer analogy is oh, okay, I 363 00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:26.400 see that layer and I have to go through this one. 364 00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:28.240 But it's like, okay, I've looked at all the rooms 365 00:22:28.279 --> 00:22:30.039 of the house. I'm good to go here, and it's like, okay, 366 00:22:30.039 --> 00:22:32.279 there's I didn't look in the attic because there it 367 00:22:32.359 --> 00:22:34.359 was hiding in there, and it just shows up in 368 00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:36.880 the weirdest times and the weirdest situations, and Okay, now 369 00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:39.519 I'm gonna go look in the attic and I'm constantly 370 00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:43.400 discovering new little rooms or hidden passageways in this house 371 00:22:43.799 --> 00:22:45.880 that show up in this work. 372 00:22:46.039 --> 00:22:47.680 Which sounds a hell of a lot more like an 373 00:22:47.720 --> 00:22:50.039 adventure than peeling the layers of an onion. 374 00:22:50.200 --> 00:22:53.319 Exactly. It's sleuthin now, that's right, and now honestly like 375 00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:56.039 you know, Moode jumping your head here. But for me, now, 376 00:22:56.079 --> 00:23:00.359 when a resentment does show up, it's it's more like, oh, okay, 377 00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:02.279 there's a resentment. Okay, I get to go looking for 378 00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:04.920 this thing now, like what is behind this thing in me? 379 00:23:05.160 --> 00:23:07.440 I want to find out? It's like that, it's an 380 00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:11.759 indication that there's, you know, a trail to this hidden 381 00:23:11.799 --> 00:23:13.759 part of me. That and there's many hidden parts of me, 382 00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:15.079 but it's a trail to go look for. 383 00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:20.640 M So how do we learn, I mean, you and 384 00:23:20.720 --> 00:23:24.519 I we can model here and we can we can 385 00:23:24.559 --> 00:23:28.200 talk about it in our home, et cetera, about how 386 00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:31.839 we work with resentments with each other, which might be 387 00:23:31.880 --> 00:23:36.839 interesting for our listeners. I'm not sure, but how would 388 00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:44.480 you guide another person to being able to release their resentments, 389 00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:48.079 to name them, to work with them, to let them go. 390 00:23:49.559 --> 00:23:53.559 Before we go there? Why do they want to do this? 391 00:23:54.200 --> 00:23:57.759 What's what's on the other side of what's resentment free? 392 00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:00.640 What's what's what's in it for them? Right? It's the 393 00:24:00.839 --> 00:24:01.319 my bother. 394 00:24:03.799 --> 00:24:07.799 So it's interesting because I listen to you give our 395 00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:13.599 introduction and there's something about the word break free in 396 00:24:13.640 --> 00:24:17.759 that that actually didn't resonate for me. I know, but 397 00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:21.240 it's curious, which I think I struggled with in the beginning, 398 00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:22.480 which is really interesting. 399 00:24:23.799 --> 00:24:24.640 I was trying to be clever. 400 00:24:26.799 --> 00:24:35.559 You're clever. What lies at the other side is freedom. 401 00:24:35.640 --> 00:24:39.200