Speaker 1: Welcome to Hell. It's me Satan. Uh well, well, well,
welcome back, Bestie's it's your mother. I'm here once again.
We made it through what was arguably one of the
hardest weeks of my life, very tough. Yesterday I had
a birthday, which is kind of fun. The Internet has
my birthday wrong, by the way, a few of you
have come out been like we have the same birthday.
The internet thinks I was moored on like August fifteenth,
that's on my birthday. It's April twenty eighth. But anyway,
you guys, before I happened to the episode, I need
to promote these two shows because if people don't come
to these shows and nobody's ever gonna let me on
a stage again, and then I'm gonna have to quit
comedy and then I'm gonna have to start prostitution. And
that's somehow gonna all be your fault. So I have
Raleigh on June seventeenth, and I have Nashville on June eighteenth.
Please come see me. Tickets are on my site at
Britney Schmidt dot com b ri I T T A
N Y s C H M I T T dot
com for tickets Okay, you guys, what a week. What
a week. I'm so excited to be here with you.
Happy Monday. The world is falling apart all around us,
but we're gonna act like it's not. We're gonna ki
ki for an hour and hang out. I'm gonna tell
you guys about my birthday. It was very chill, very
low key. Obviously, I was still very sad about Biggie,
so I didn't do much. My sister flew in and
we went to this little crab shack and Stuart called Krabby's,
and we just ate all of the crab that we
could possibly eat with our bare hands. I eat crabs
like a fucking savage. I have butter running down my
fucking arms. I'm one of the ones that puts a
bib on. I put a bib on because crab shrapnel
is flying everywhere. Nobody is safe around me when I'm
eating crab. It is my favorite food. And I don't
know what happened to crab during the pandemic, where all
of a sudden is like a bazillion dollars. Do you
guys remember when crab used to be like kind of
expensive at a steakhouse, But It wasn't a bazillion dollars.
It wasn't every US dollar you've ever made in your
entire life. This place Crabby and Stewart. They do crab
for two for one hundred dollars. The amount of crab
that you get it would be, like, I'm not joking,
one thousand dollars at a steakhouse. It is unbelievable. If
you guys live in Florida and you're anywhere near Stewart,
it's like this little sleepy, little fishing village and the
crab is amazing. So we went there did that. I
went with Max and my sister, and then my friend
Paige who lives here, and my friend Eva, who I've
made living here. So we just had like a nice, little,
very chill dinner, like I went in sweatpants. And then
the next day okay, so now my yes birthday was
two days ago, so the next day we went fishing.
Yesterday we went fishing. It was so fun. We had
a perfect day. The water was so calm. Did we
have some happy cabs mushrooms? Yes we did. And did
I find out my sister's way cooler than I thought she? Yes?
I did, because every time I was like, do you
want this? Do you do this? She's like yeah, She's like,
I'm a scientist. She's like, I work in a lab.
She's like, I have friends who make like you know,
so obviously we're all out here eating silicybin, mushroom caps whatever.
My sister works in a lab. She's like, I had
a guy make the whatever it's called she called. She
told me the exact rivet above it Sillicen, Sillsen, whatever.
I don't know. You can find it on the internet
or in my sister's brain, but not in mine. She's like, yeah,
I have like tripped balls before, and I was like,
who the fuck are you? I was like, are you
the coolest person ever? And you're just like not letting
me know because my sister's like, she's great, but she's
so much different than me. She's very like rigid and
buy the book and like our whole life. Was like
very much a rule follower and would like wrap me
out if I didn't follow the rules. So now that like,
I don't know, I'm like forgetting that we're almost forty
and we're like grown to fuck and we're not, you know,
tattling on each other. Anymore. It was always hurt just
tattling on me. I never had anything to tattle on
her about because she was such a good stewed in.
But no, she's like, I've done that. Yeah, it's like
I'm down. And then the girl on the boat had
edibles and they were ten milligrams, so it's like, Heather,
you cannot take that. You will lose it. And she's like, pretty,
I take this all the time. I have migraines and
it helps with my migraines. And I'm just like, oh
my god, if I took ten milligrams, I would lose
my mind. I was like, are you the fucking party
rock sister? And I'm the nerd narc? Now, maybe maybe
the tables have motherfucking turned And that's what happens. That's
what happens in life. Goes on long enough, and everybody
just changes their whole entire personality and they become different
people and then you're like, WHOA, this version's way cooler.
So we had the best day. We were on the water.
We weren't really catching any fish, but I didn't care because, like,
we were just on the water and it was so
nice and we were literally out there from eight thirty
until two, and then on our ride end, we're like,
let's just troll on the way and we had only
caught three bonita fish and they're beautiful, but they're not
good to eat because they're super bloody. And I'm like,
I'm not gonna like drain a fish. You know, that's crazy.
If you're gonna eat a fish, you should be able
to just like fill ay it and listen. You guys
probably don't know this about me. Well maybe you do.
I'm a little bit outdoorsy, like I can filet a fish.
I know my way around a filet knife all right,
but I don't know much about about ocean fishing or
deep sea fishing at all. But they were teaching me
about bonita fish and they said that they're really tough
and they're also very bloody, so you have to like
drain them, and even when you do drain them, they're
not great. So they're beautiful and they were like fun
to catch, but nothing to write home about. But then
on the way in, we caught a big mahi mahi,
which was very exciting. My sister reeled it in. She
lives in Wisconsin, so I was like, I'm gonna go
more often, like I had so much fun. But yeah,
she lived in Wisconsin. Lives in Wisconsin, so I was like,
let her land the big one, and she did and
it was really nice and really fun and we had
a great time. And now I'm in my sweats and
I'm hustling to give you guys a podcast before I
leave for the weekend because I'm going to Chicago and
Toronto to do shows with Reina Greenberg which are going
to be so much fun, and by the time this
is out, they will be over. But just know I'm
on the road with her the following week two. Also,
I'm doing the Boston and New York shows. I know
there's some tickets still for the late show at the
Grammercy Theater, so please come to that. And also, you guys,
since you might be on YouTube already, and if you're not,
you can click over there if you could do me
a big favor and go to my Don't Tell set.
Don't Tell, just release a set. I think I told
you bye you guys about this when I filmed it.
I mean, it is a It is a colossal bomb,
Like if I wasn't a dead pan comic and you
guys were able to see how how much I was
panicking during that set. I would have been I would
have been sweating like shack at the foul line if
I didn't know that we could fix it. In edits,
I was like baby Girls in her Bag. I was
like that set was supposed to be twelve minutes long.
It was eight minutes long because nobody laughed at anything.
But if you guys could go watch it and give
it a little love and push it up in the
algorithm and share it if you can, don't tell is
just an amazing platform. I want you guys to know
about it anyway. They highlight all of the up and
coming voices in comedy and you will be able to
find some of the best comedians you've never heard about
on there. And they have a great YouTube. So go
subscribe to that and watch my set, click it, like it,
comment on it because we want to like push it
up in the algorithm because they do put out so
many sets that it can get a little lost. But
I would love for you guys to see it in
comment and let me know what you think of it,
and then just know behind the scenes, Mama bombed. Okay,
they did fix it. You know. Here's the thing, you guys.
Movie magic. It can make it look good when it
wasn't good. Like I've seen people bomb irl, like hosting
Saturday Night Live, and then once it comes out on
Saturday Night Live site, it's all like laughing and it
sounds like they crushed, and I'm like, that's very different
than the experience we all had in the room. So
it's movie magic, you know. And and for me, thank
God for that, because a lot of times Mama will
sit up there and eat a dick and I just
have to not ma Mama, like this is what I
was born for.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: And then people are like in my comment and this,
here's the thing, here's the problem with having a gen
Z boyfriend. My boyfriend's also in the comments, reading the comments.
I don't really care about the comments. I saw a few.
I caught a few strays I always do. People are
always gonna call me a whore. They're like, she's ran
through someone, guys, like I can smell her uti from here,
and I was like, ken, you, it wasn't supposed to
go through the screen. But that's why I was wearing
a short dress because I needed to air it out.
Chad uh No, I always catch strays, but I you know,
I woke up and Max was like, people are pretty
mean to you on the internet. And I'm like, yeah,
welcome to hell, dude, Like, welcome to my whole entire existence. Anyway,
I'm a little fuzzy today. I'm a little bit fuzzy today,
but I'm here. Okay, So you guys wigged out at
me last week, rightfully, so, because you guys, when I
do this podcast, I am just I didn't know I
had ADHD until I started doing solo podcasting, and then
I'm like, I need a doctor. But I get on
like tangents and rants and then I forget like my
original thought. And I can't tell you how many scathing
dms I got. I'm just kidding there and scathing. They're
all very nice. You guys are so nice, but so
many of you are Like you were supposed to tell
us what we're doing for Skincare, that you're doing, and
then you just went on a rant about how collagen
topical collagen is a hoax, and then you told us
not to use metacube, and then you fell off the
deep end. Okay, I'm gonna tell you what I'm using it, and
I'm also gonna tell you I'm experimenting a lot right now,
so I'm finding things that work and things that don't work.
And here's what you guys are seeing on my skin
when I podcast that you need. And you're gonna be
so happy to hear this. It is a cheapy, cheapy
product that I am loving. Okay, it's called Lorel hang
out Weight. I wrote it down Lorirel Loomy Glotian, Loriel
Loomy Glocian. It is an illuminating glocian lotion. That's it.
I'm not wearing makeup. This is just a Glocian and
we love that name. Lorel Glotian. Don't use the metaicube.
I've tried it, and here's the thing. I was so
happy I had it yesterday because I didn't have any
aloe in the house and I got Mama God sun burned.
Like I really was applying SPF to my neck and
face because that's the money maker. And I forgot about
like forty percent of the rest of my body, Like
my upper thighs look like Ahi tuo u. They look
like bonita fish cut open, Like I'm like, are they
gonna start bleeding or blistering or what's gonna go on?
Because I was in the hot Florida sun for like
eight hours. That's not the right math, but you know
what I mean. And I was freaking out, and then
I put the metacube all over my body and I
woke up and it wasn't that bad this morning. So
it might not be good for you know, skincare, but
it did the trick for hydrating a burnt and bitch
after the fucking boat, you know. Okay, So no metacube,
skip it. I tried it. We don't like it, we
don't need it. Maybe that's just me personally. It made
me break out. It felt sticky, It didn't feel like,
you know, you want your skincare to feel like nothing,
like it's doing something, but also that like nothing is there.
I felt like I had a plastic bag over my head.
And while that makes me come, I you know, I
don't need that for skincare. That's not what I need
for skincare. Okay. So here's what else that I found
that I am loving and I'm freaking out about. And
it's cheap, and it's been around forever for a bazillion years.
It's Korean skincare, but it's called Medeca Cream, m Adeca Cream,
Medeca Cream. It's like thirty three bottles for a tube.
I bought like four tubes because I tried one I saw.
I'm like, I got into some corner of the internet
where everyone's like, I wish I knew about this years ago.
It's reverse aging. It makes your skin glow. It's and
I'm always so skeptical. I'm like, Okay, it can't be that.
It is that great. It is more than that great.
It is unbelievable. I use it head to tits twice
a day, and because it's so cheap, I don't feel
bad about using so much of it, you know, when
you're using something like a skinseuticles, which used to be
by the way, that used to be my bread and butter.
I loved that shit, and it is so nice. It
is top of the line, but it's so fucking expensive.
You're like, can I afford to even cover every square
inch of my face? Or should I just do the
problem areas? Or is everything a problem area? Is my
whole face a problem area? I need to call the
but beauty broker. But anyway, you feel no guilt about this. Okay,
So in terms of serums and vitamin C, you do
want to use vitamin C once a day. You want
to use that in the morning. That will help with
skin rejuvenation. And you know something else that my sister
told me about, but I forgot hang on, it might
be on my text. I think she texted me about it.
Dana Naana.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I just convinced her to get an iPhone, which is
a really big day because she's been a Samsung Giry
for a long time. Which why why, oh why?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Okay, my sister did say use She said, tell people
to take vitamin C because it boosts college information. So
simple but absolutely the best thing you can do. And
then she apologized for being slow because she had a migraine.
But that was last week. Except but we're over it.
We forgot right. Our minds are like a black hole
where things go out, they go in, and they never
come out. Okay, So vitamin C, use a vitamin C
once a day, whatever serum you're liking, use that. I
have a few. I didn't write them down because I
don't think any of them are remarkable. But I'm like
freaking the fuck out about the Medeico cream and the
Loreal Glocian and they're like cheap, and I love that
because I usually am like a pretty I usually spend
a lot of money on skincare, which is like great.
But then you guys are like, yeah, I can't afford
this because nobody can even afford fucking groceries. We can
barely afford to keep the lights on. You know, life
is a little bit tougher than it used to be.
Times are tough. And here's the thing. This is what happens.
This is what happens on the back end of you know,
it's not even the back end. We're six years out
of it. But COVID when they printed all that fake money,
they're like, here, we're just gonna put a trazillion more
dollars into the economy. It's like, yeah, what happens on
the back end. The dollar becomes watered down because we
all got stimulus checks and money wasn't real for a minute,
and now everything is inflated like a fucking balloon, and
nobody can afford groceries. So I'm happy to give you
guys some skincare that you might be able to afford
and use and love and just feel a little bit
better about yourself, because that's all that matters, is that
you feel a little bit better every single day. And
here's something I saw online this morning, and it was
like a cartoon. Maybe it was Ai. It's like a
little muppet being like giving your best each day is different.
And that really resonated with me, because your best yesterday
could be writing a chapter of your book. It could
be taking yourself on a walk. It could be going
to pilates. It could be picking up the kids. It
could be dropping off the kids, it could be going
to a sporting event, it could be whatever. Like, you
could have a full, full day and then the next
day when you're depleted and you're just a shell of
yourself and you're just like a tiny little husk, which
is what I've been feeling like a lot lately. And
my best is getting out of bed and remembering to
take my lexapro and not chipping my tooth on a
loaded fucking gun. That's the same person doing their best,
all right. Granted I don't have kids. I'm never gonna
have a day where I drop kids off. And well
maybe I will, but not anytime soon, because I don't
have them. I just have an iud that apparently a
man can smell through the internet. Oh no, that was
a uti whatever, it's made a potato, same thing. Anyway,
Life is good and God's got it. You know what
I mean? bestI Life is good and God's got it.
We're all losing our fucking minds here. We just have
to hang on for dear life and try and enjoy
before it's over. And the good news is when it's over,
I get to go see my homies. A Biggie Smalls.
I miss him so much. I will say they gave
me it when they sent his ashes back. I have
a little bit of an issue with the canister. I
got his ashes back, and I'll be honest, it looks
like a Stanley cup. It looks like a hard, coozy
white claw holder. And I did get a spreading tube,
but like I just thought, you know, it would be
a little nicer. It looks it's not great. And then
they gave me the little clay powprint and oh makes
me so sad, but they gave me the little clay
pop print. And his nails are so deep in it
because he was due for a manicure. You know, I
had him on the books for a manny petty and
he didn't make it. So I sent the picture to Chris,
and Chris is like, that's a nice reminder that we
never cut a fucking toenails, which I thought was funny.
And then this little circle necklace I'm wearing around my neck,
I got this gold I got his nose print in
a gold plated necklace, and that's that's really sweet and
really nice and also really sad. I was trying to
wear it with my I have my mom's engagement ring
that I got made into a necklace too, and then
I was wearing them together and I was like, I
don't want, like my neck to be a cemetery, you
know what I mean, Like, I don't want I don't
want this spooky stuff around here. So now I'm just
sticking to Biggie Bege has my well attention right now, Okay,
I want to tell you guys something funny because you're
my best friends. You're my best friends. I have no
other friends, so I am now in this privileged position
of dating somebody who is gen Z. And I don't
know if it's gen Z or if it's just his friends,
but I just want to tell you, guys, just so
you know that guys are just like girls. Guys are
just like girls. I have gotten close to one of
Max's friends, who I adore. He is wonderful, he's very sweet,
and he's handsome, and he is well I shouldn't say
that nobody cares. Well, you guys care. I want you
guys to care because he's single and he's an eligible bachelor. Okay,
so if there's any hotties in New York they want
to date this guy, let me know. But he's not
gonna be happy about that. I'm gonna have to cut that.
He's not gonna want me pimping him out. Let me
start fresh. Okay. He's really funny and he's really great
and he has a really dark sense of humor like me.
And so we get along great. And he is dating
for the first time in a long time. And he
and when I tell you we kiki like girls, we
kik like girls, He'll be like, what do I How
do I respond to this text? What do I say?
What do I do? He's like, she posted a story.
I saw it, but I'm not gonna look at it
from my main page. There's a man out there not
looking at your shit for his main page and looking
at it from a burner. I thought that was for
the crazy girls. I thought that was reserved for us.
I thought that was reserved for cuckoo nanner lady town.
But the boys are doing it too. And here's what
I mean. We need a quality because if the boys
are being girly, then the girls can be boye and
make more money. You know what I mean. I'm like,
if they are the psychoanalyzing text messages he was, I mean,
it was like phone a friend. It was like what
are those things called back in the seventies when they
used to have like party lines. It was like a
fucking party line of all of his friends giving feedback
on what to respond to a girl that he went
on one date with. And then she responded and she
gave him a blowoff text and he's like, I don't
know what to say, and we ran through every single
possible response together, and when I tell you the joy
it brought my heart to know that men's viral, the
way we spiral is finding balance, the world is healing.
Men are falling apart because they don't know what to
text you. And it made me so happy and also vindicated.
I felt vindicated because I'm like, how many times have
we been dating the wrong person or gone on dates
with the wrong person? And here's why I'm saying the
wrong person. Because the wrong person will make you act
like this. The wrong person will make you call everyone
in your contact list to see what their feedback is
on what text you should send next. The wrong person
will make you so insecure that you have to wrangle
your friends and family into responding to something that should
just be thumbed up. That's what the wrong person will do.
The wrong person will make you spiral into next year.
The wrong person will eat your whole YEurope, breadcrumbing you
and giving you shitty, little like morsels of hope. That's
what the wrong person will do. And it does it
to men, and it does it to women. The wrong
person will fuck your head up nine ways towards the weekend,
all right. And to see him going through this, I
was like, Oh my god, it's not just for the girls.
Falling apart is for the boys too. Twenty twenty seven
is the year, Well, it's not twenty twenty seven, whatever
fucking year it is. Who cares. It's all a simulation.
Nothing matters. We're all gonna die. But twenty twenty six
is the year of falling apart. And that is not
just for the girlies. That's for everyone. We're all allowed
to fall apart. I'm so glad we all have the
support systems to call each other and fall apart to
you know what. And unfortunately all of our support systems
are becoming chat GPT and or Claude, and I do
think at some point our entire existence is just gonna
be like the Spider Man meme of Claude and chatchept,
going like responding to each other's face. Like we can't
even process our own emotions. We can't even send text
messages anymore without running it through the system. That's that good.
We just found out about this shit like nine months ago,
and now we're also heavily reliant on it. We don't
even know how to respond to text messages without running
it through the system. That's not great. The AI monster,
the AI demon is coming for us. It's going it's
gonna eat us alive. But in the process it will
let us know how to respond to the fuck boy
or fuck girl. That's making our central nervous system a
little shaky. Okay, here's the other thing I'll say. When
you go on a date and you drink, and if
it doesn't go exactly the way you want it to
the next day is gonna be really hard in destabilizing.
And I hate that it would be hard and destabilizing
if you were sober. I've had dates go the way
I thought they were wonderful and then I don't hear
from the person for weeks and I want to fucking puke.
And that's I'm I don't drink, I don't have the
anxiety in the morning, you know, but I, uh, yeah,
I want to fucking puke. And I felt so bad
for him because he was going through the same thing
where he was anxious, and I was like, even if
his nervous system was calibrated right now, which it absolutely
is not, because he had five martinis last night. And
at the big old age of in your thirties, you know,
at the big old age of in your thirties late twenties,
that's when it all starts to hurt. That's when the
world starts to fall out from under you. After a
night of drinking. You know that invincibility that you once
felt when you drank turns into I am very, very
very vincible. My mortality is here, it's present, and a
lot of it's in my mind. I am going to
kill myself. That's what it turns into a night of drinking. Okay,
it used to be fun, Kiki, you wake up? Who cares?
Nothing matters? Fuck you, fuck that, fuck this. I don't
care if I fucked your man. I don't care if
you did. Da da da da da. And then you
get old and you turn into a big age where
it's not fun anymore, and we don't like that. We
don't like that. But anyway, I just wanted to let
you guys know that the guys are going through the
same stuff the girls are going through. And also I
will say I didn't love Max's advice to him because
Max was like, oh, I used to do this, so
I used to roll this shit. Do you know who
the fuck you're talking to? Why you said? And I
was like, okay, all right, easy killer. But it's true.
It's true. Listen, we both have a past, and he
doesn't judge me for mine, so I won't judge him
for his. But I will say this is very funny
and sweet and not sweet, but funny. It really made
me laugh. He told me the other day. He told
me the other day that when he was growing up,
girls blogged about him in high school like fucking gossip girl,
like they literally he was so hot and wanted that
he had a whole blog dedicated to him, and that
really made me laugh. Hang on, I want to see
if I can pull some of them up, because he
sent them to me and I was really really laughing.
Speaker 3: Hang on this.
Speaker 1: Our texts are just a lot of nudes and me
sending him like BDSM bondage, harnesses and pictures of me crying.
So in case you're wondering what it's like to date me,
that's pretty much it. Okay, well I can't find him,
but I remember what some of them said. One of
them said, max A is so hot. He's like the equator.
The closer you get, the hotter he gets. Another one
was like, I have a crush on max A and
I want to talk to him, but I don't know how,
like girls posting on a forum in high school because
he was that hot. He was that hot, and he's
still gorgeous, like obviously that's my motherfucking man. But okay,
you guys This story in the news this week really
made me laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh too,
And it just reminded me that all of us can
be pettier. Okay, there's this woman in Australia getting tried
for the murder of four of her family members, her
ex husband's family members, because she invited them to dinner
and she cooked death cat mushrooms and they're beef struggling
off and listen, death cat mushrooms are the edle's mushrooms
on the planet. And she invited her ex husband, his parents,
and his siblings under the guise of she had a
medical emergency that she needed to share with the family
that she hadn't shared with her kids yet, but she
needed their advice on how to do so. So obviously,
you know her and her ex have a good co
parenting relationship. They're going to do their best to keep
you know, the kids in mind front and center. And
they show up and she cooks a beef stroganof, not
a lunchtime food. That would have been my first ding
ding ding. I would have been like, Hey, I'm not
in the mood for a strogan off. That's gonna put
me into a fucking coma. It's gonna put me into
a food comma, not like a death comma, like they
did actually go into. So the only person that's and
by the way, she invited her ex husband and he
said not available. Everyone else showed up and there was
only one survivor. The only person that survived was her
ex sister in law, and her ex sister in law
told the court that she went. She told the family
that she had cancer, and she needed to tell her
kids that she had cancer. Basically, she's like, I found
a lump on my elbow and it's cancer, which, by
the way, elbow cancer is not the most threatening cancer
anyone's ever heard of. That's a pretty bad story. But
then she gets tried on stand and she's like, here's
I was reading the MPR article and it's like, here's
important fact. She talks shit about her in laws. Yeah,
everyone talks shit about their in laws. In laws are
notoriously the worst people in the world, especially if you're
the woman entering the relationship, because for whatever reason, boys men,
boys to men, men to boys, whatever, they always have
the weirdest fucking relationships with her mom, Like always, why
is there always like sexual tension between moms and their sons.
What the fuck is that? And why aren't we calling
the cops? Because I can't tell you I've never I
never had this relationship personally because my ex stepmom was
fucking tits, like she was the coolest lady ever and she,
like a normal didn't want to fuck her son. But
so many of my friends have are in relationships with
mama's boys that have like weird fucking relationships with their mom,
and they wouldn't date someone that their mom doesn't approve of,
and their mom approves of no one, and they always
feel like they're in competition for the son's attention whenever
they're around their mom. Like this mother son relationship needs
to be studied. And also I think some of these
moms need to go to jail, if I'm being honest.
So I think her poisoning this lady with some mushroom
caps was the nicest thing she could have done, because
like she should be tied to a basement freezer. Like
the way the way mothers interact with their sons, it's criminal,
it's weird. It's like, yeah, he sucked on your titty,
but like, get over it. It was a long time ago,
you know what I mean, Like I I don't know.
I dated a few Mama's boys, and I can't with
the Mama's boys. Like there's first of all, they're the worst.
They're always the cheaters. The Mama's boys are always cheating
because this is and I used to have a joke
about this. It's like build a bitch, Like they're going
around trying to build their mom They're like this one
wears Paisley, you know, this one goes to church on Sunday,
and this one's gonna fuck my dad. That's me. You know,
that was the joke anyway. But but they they are
the worst people. They're the biggest cheaters and they're fucking weird.
There was this guy that I dated in college, and
I say dated loosely because like we were not boyfriend
and girlfriend, but we were like seeing each other and
we liked each other. He was a basketball player, so
like whatever, he was busy fucking literally everyone, including all
of my friends. And then he got like mad at
me because I was fucking his teammates, and I'm like,
grow up, you know, that's like what we were doing. Yeah,
he had issues, but so did I. We that was
like peak alcoholism brit like I was a lunatic. But
basically I ran into him and his soap. Basically I
invited him to this basketball game and it was obviously
he was not playing. It was, uh, the Lakers were
playing the Bucks. And I invited him to this basketball
game and he's like, I can't go. I have to
meet with like my agent because it was the year
he was gonna get drafted and go play in the NBA.
And I was like, okay, cool, whatever I go to,
will call and tell me why I'm in. Will call,
and I'm like, that's fucking blank. I'm not gonna say
his name, but I was like, that's him, and I
was like hey, and he turns around and his mom
turns around and she's like, and who the fuck is this?
She didn't say that, but she meant it, you know
what I mean. I could see her just her eyes
were fucking cutting me in half. And she's like, and
who do you think you are talking to my son?
And I was like, yealled, shit is fucking weird. I
didn't say. She was just so mean. She was so
not nice to me, and like she didn't have any
reason to be nice to me or not nice to me,
but like, why would you just be nasty just to
be nasty? And then I remember he got this tattoo
and it said Dynamic Duo and I was like, what's
that And he's like, that's me and my mom and
I was like, that's me. That's what me and Jessica
call ourselves when we have a threesome. Like that's fucking weird,
that's crazy. Get that tattoo off your fucking arm, or
marry her, marry your mom because obviously there's not room
in this relationship for another woman. Anyway, that obviously didn't work.
But yeah, I just think this woman who just was like,
I'm gonna kill his family, and she tried to kill
him too. To be fair, I think I would have
rescheduled lunch until he came.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I think the main person, the main target, was missed there.
But I really appreciate what she did here. Do you
know how much hate you have to have in your
heart to cook a beef strogan off at eleven am
in the fucking hell pit of Australia, a hot dish
in Australia on any day before noon. She woke up,
she toiled, she sweat she forged for those mushrooms. She
forged for those mushrooms. You can't go to the store
and buy death caps. She she took up mushrooming. And
I know that's not the word, but who fucking cares.
You guys know what I'm talking about. She was like,
I'm gonna get She's like, I'm gonna get a fucking
what's it called, not a microscope? A magnifying glass. She's like,
I'm gonna get a magnifying glass. I'm gonna get a
pair of gloves. I'm gonna get a book of all
the deadliest mushrooms in the world. I'm gonna figure out
which climate and ecosystem they grow in. I'm gonna hike
in that climate and ecosystem until I find enough of
these fuckers to kill a family, and then I'm gonna
go home. I'm gonna wiped the flop sweat on my
forehead like shack at the foul line. I'm going to
take a shower. When I get out of that shower,
I'm gonna fire up the crock pot, and then I'm
gonna put the finest roast in that crock pot and
I'm gonna make the most divine gravy that people. By
the way, you do have to make this dish good,
because if you make it poorly, people won't eat it
and they won't want it. She's I'm gonna make the
most divine beef strogan off you've ever had. It's so
divine that you have to eat it before noon in
the middle of swamp heat. Dick fuck Australia while I
tell you I have elbow cancer. And here's the other
thing we're not thinking about. Because I do think we
need to give this lady credit. And I really like
to see women in men's fields, and a serial killer
is a woman in a man's field, and so I
want to give her her kudos. Okay, Because she also
had to make another beef strogan off for herself, and
she couldn't confuse the two because then she would have died,
and obviously we don't want that, because she's an evil
genius and a mastermind. So she made two beef strogan
offs and she kept them straight in her fridge. H
And she invited her family over and she said, you
know this, this loose skin on my elbow here that
you guys have been making fun of for all those years. Well,
just so you know, it's cancer and I'm dying. And
I was just wondering if you could help me tell
my children that I'm dying of elbow cancer because you
guys made fun of my loose elbow skin for years
and now I'm dying because of it. It doesn't that
feel horrible? So while they're eating their fucking slop. While
they're eating their fucking schlop, they feel a pit in
their stomach and they're like, we did make fun of
that loose elbow skin, and we are sorry. And that's
you know, we shouldn't have done that. It was just
a hard time in our family. And your elbowskin is atrocious,
unlike this beef strogging off, which by the way, is delicious.
And she says, thank you for finally appreciating me. You know,
I foraged those mushrooms myself in the forests, that's why
it's so fresh. And they said, wow, we really underestimated
you and we don't know why our son divorced you,
and we are so sorry. And she said good while
she ate her unpoisoned version of the beast beef strogan off,
and then just to look people in the eyes and
give them a hug and say goodbye, I love you.
I'm dying of cancer, so you're never gonna see me again.
And they're like, well, that's a little extreme. We'll probably
see you again. It's elbow cancer. I don't think it
could possibly be that aggressive, but we understand the sentiment
and you know, take care, and she just just the
evilest laugh. I'm never going to see you again. That
was a promise. And here's the thing, you guys, women's
and women in men's field, what a fucking what a
beautiful story. And I think that's a beautiful story. And
a lot of people are saying she got a life
sentence and that's not enough time. And I'm like, that's
too much time, because I think we really are undermining
the accomplishments here. All right, Well, I don't know what
just happened there. That was a tangent. I blacked out anyway, Okay.
I sent a few things to Mike because I wanted
to remember them, and that's how I remember things by
sending them to Mike. Okay, so there's PMDD. Girlies out
listen to this. And I know that because on my
last podcast, we used to talk about PMDD a lot.
I used to get that. I think it was specifically
more before I got my iud in and I was
on Lexapro. I would get like whooh, like there was
four days out of the month where it was an
absolute miracle. I made it out of those days. If
you get like super fucking suicidal or like I'm a
loser and I should die and everything is stupid and
there is no point, then all of a sudden you
start to bleed and you're like, Okay, everything makes sense now.
I want you guys to listen to this because I
think it sounds like, according to the Internet, this works,
and if it does work, I need you guys to
try it and report back. And if it doesn't, don't
be a fucking snitch, you know, like that ex sister
in law who was like she was pretending to have
cancer and then and then she fed us poison mushroom
fucking beef strogan off. Okay, for any of you who
have pmddcent symptoms which are like really really really heightened
PMS symptoms, like where you just want to fucking die
during or before your period, then I need you to
try pepsid ac and allegra together because I saw this
on Instagram reels and I want to play this because
I know it affects a lot of you, and if
this works, I want to be some sort of a doctor.
I am a healer. No, I just want you guys
to be happy in free and not feel like you
want to fucking die out a week out of the month. Okay, listen,
listen away. I just feel a.
Speaker 3: Wave of joy come over my brain and body.
Speaker 1: Like somebody pressed a button. I think I took it,
like maybe forty five minutes ago, took both of them,
maybe forty five minutes ago. I feel like hyper.
Speaker 2: Hi.
Speaker 3: My name is doctor Rubin. I'm a board sort of
fied aalgist, and I am so happy to hear that
she is doing much better at this time. This is
something that I'm seeing a lot on social media over
the past couple of years, where women are reporting positive
results for their PMDD symptoms when they take a combination
of two antihistamine medications Allegra also known as fectsofenidine and pepsid,
which is known as femotidine. Even though femotidine is an
anti acid, it actually works as an antihistamine. I am
an allergist who studies the abnormal immune system responses to
foreign substances, and so I'm going to give you my
perspective on how histamine may be related to pm and
tell you about what we know, but also highlight the
fact that there's a lot of issues related to women's
health where there's just not enough research out there. We
need to do more, and this is a call to
action because this significantly impacts a lot of women, as
PMDD is a severe form of PMS, likely due to
a hypersensitivity to the hormonal fluctuations that occur during the
menstrual cycle, with changes in estrogen and progesterone that are
cyclically happening and can cause debilitating symptoms potentially, and right now,
the standard of care does not involve antihistamines because there's
no clinical trials on this to really understand whether this works,
but there is some evidence to suggest that maybe it
does work because estrogen and progesterone interact with cells of
your immune system, like massed cells, which contain histamine. That's
the chemical that cause a lot of allergy symptoms, but
histamine does a lot of other things besides itching hives
and swelling. It can also regulate your mood hunger, it
can regulate your sleep. And so when you have these
fluctuations and estrogen and progesterone, it can affect mass self
activation and the number of histamine receptors where this chemical
combine to and create different actions on the body. So
when you take allegra and pepsid as different antihistamine collapses,
one that blocks the H one receptor and allegra and
one that blocks H two receptors in pepsid, this may
significantly improve symptoms for some women. Now, keep in mind
that antihistamines can have potential side effects. You should always
talk with your doctor if you're going to be starting
any new medications. This is something that does need to
be looked into more and more. A rareness needs to
be raised so we can have a better understanding of
if this works and how well it works, and how
we can change clinical practice with this.
Speaker 2: All the.
Speaker 1: Tend to take allegra and pepsid ac is it PMDD? Okay?
So I once I played that. I actually do remember
on the old podcast talking about antihistamines for PMDD, but
that was like a specific combination of antihistamine. So I
want you guys to try it and get back to
me and let me know how it works. If it works.
I sent it to a bunch of my girlfriends who
have PMDD And this is like crazy, how far behind
times we are with women's studies. Like if men had
a period and if they were in this much pain
all of the time, this shit would have been cured
fifty years ago. Like the fact that they're like, we
have no research to support any of this. They're not
even researching it because they don't give a fuck. They
don't give a fuck. And here's the thing. My sister's
a scientist and I talked to her all the time
about this and she's like, it is such a misogynistic
field still there. It is male dominated. She's a female
scientist working exceptionally well in her field, but she still
gets brushed to the back, thrown to the side, and
not taken seriously because she's a woman. Women are so
fucking smart. We can run circles around these fuckers, but
they just won't even let us. They won't even let
us do the studies in the labs. Like it's just
it's crazy how much further ahead we could be if
any woman was in charge of any of this, but
we're not, so we just have to sit there and
get kicked around. And and I just can't believe it's
the year twenty twenty six. Allegedly, you know, if you
listened earlier in this podcast, I said, it's twenty twenty seven.
Who cares? Allegedly it's the year twenty twenty six of
our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. So I saw this
the other day and I'm reading it to you guys now.
So the luteal phase occurring between ovulation and the start
of a period. It's roughly twelve to fourteen days, which
is all of the days. It's fifty percent of the
days of a month, driven by high progesterone fluctuating estrogen
leading to PMS symptoms in many women. What we go through.
And I don't know what the metric was. I just
saw this on Instagram and it was a doctor, so
I trusted him. But I shouldn't do that, because I
understand people can just put a lab coat on and
like a pair of glasses, and I'm like, a doctor
said this, So do your research. Do the research that
I didn't do. You know, I do my best to
not spread misinformation, but every once in a while it
seeps out of me. But it said for men to
experience what women go through in the luteal phase phase
each month, they would have to age one hundred years
for their body to understand the kind of drastic change
that we go through. And that is motherfucking crazy. Most
men don't age one hundred years ever in their life
like that, I mean, just the shit we go through
as women. I just want to give you a high five,
a round of applause, patch yourself on the back. I
mean the fact that we have to also, did you
guys see this? It was somebody with like a period
cramped simulator simulator on the street of New York City
putting it on men and being like, and we just
have to walk down the road and we're supposed to.
And then they say, why aren't you smiling? And I'm like, oh, gee, Hank,
I don't know why I'm not smiling. Maybe because it
feels like there's an automatic weapon going off in my
fucking uterus. Maybe it feels like there's I'm getting loaded
filled with caps from an AR fifteen right now, Hank.
That's why I'm not fucking smiling. The fact I'm on
two feet and I'm not horizontal for the rest of
my life is a miracle. People expect too much from us,
the rage, the fury. You guys, we're doing great. We're
doing great, aren't we. We are doing great. I'm gonna
share one more thing with you that I thought to
be incredibly healing, and it's a real thing. It's not
an Instagram thing. So one second. Okay, So this other
piece of advice that I wanted to talk about is
how important it is to find friends who love themselves
and love their lives. And listen, I'm not like the
Queen of I love myself. I'm not the Queen of
like I have an amazing life and everything is just great,
and you know, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. Okay,
but on a base level, I do really like myself.
I am confident in myself and in my abilities. And
I have noticed in the past when I bring people
into my life that don't really like themselves that much
and they don't really like their lives that much, they're
really challenging people to forge friendships with. And they will
take and take and take and take from you until
you don't like yourself and you don't like your life,
and then all of a sudden, you're a husk of
the person that you were when you met them, But
you can't get out because now you're relying on their
weird sort of suckibus energy where it's like you, guys,
become this. You just have to be careful for the
people that don't like their lives because if you're around
them long enough, they will make you not like yours.
And then they also secretly are like hating you or
whatever you like about your life, and they give you
like hater vibes and bad energy, and they fill you
with enough bad energy that you start to not like
your life. So you have to be very very careful
about the energy that you put in your life. It
is so sacred, it is so fragile, and that's why
they say you are the sum of who you surround
yourself with. So if you surround yourself with people that
hate your life, pretty soon you're gonna hate your life.
So just be very careful of the people that you're
letting in your life that they're not fucking haters, you know. Okay,
I want to talk to you guys about one more thing.
I did this forgiveness ritual that was so powerful to me,
and I want to share it with you guys in
case you guys are going through anything or if you
you know, all of us surely have someone in our
lives that we need to forgive, whether it's ourselves, our partners,
our parents, our friends, our business partner, like whoever it is.
This this ritual really cleansed me. I was holding onto
a lot of energy with the situation. And it's not
one that I've talked about publicly, but it was I
was holding onto a lot of energy and I couldn't
let it go, and I couldn't stop feeling bad about it.
And I did this forgiveness ritual and it shifted something
in me towards this other person that it was very powerful.
So I just want to share this with you. So
what you need to do when you're doing this ritual
is you close your eyes and you envision the person. Okay,
so yousion. You envision the person that you're having conflict with,
whether it is like an actual argument or if it's
like a resentment you never told them about or whatever
it is. Close your eyes, envision the person. Envision you're
in the room with the person and envision you're looking
them in the eyes. And then when you when you
have them locked in, you start to say I'm angry
at you for and you just go and you say
every single thing you're angry at them for, like I
am angry at you for betraying my trust, i am
angry at you for blah blah blah, I'm angry at
you for this, I'm angry at you for that, I'm
angry at how you went about it. I'm angry at
how you took no accountabilit I'm angry.
Speaker 2: That you do.
Speaker 1: But whatever it is, whatever the situation is, you say
I'm angry until you've expended the tank and you can't
think of another thing that you're angry at them for,
and then you move on to I'm sad that I
am sad that you didn't think I deserved better, I'm
sad that you didn't think that, whatever it is, I'm
sad that I'm sad, that I'm sad that I'm sad
that until the sad tank is empty, and this whole
time eyes are closed, you're acting like you're in the
same room with them. It's like an energetic healing ritual. Okay,
And then you say, I'm accepting that, I'm accepting that
we no longer have the relationship that we used to have.
I'm accepting that this thing was a fundamental change and
we're never going to be able to go back to
who we used to be. I'm accepting that. Bah bah
blah blah blah. Okay, I'm in denial that. I'm in
denial that somebody I love so much would do this
to me. I'm in denial of that I used to
think you were the world to me. I'm in denial
that da da da da da da da. Okay, until
you empty out the denial tank and then you say,
I'm negotiating that I think that if I do this,
then you'll do that. If I do this, then you'll
do that. Because you did this, then I did that.
Because any sort of negotiations, any sort of back and
forth you're having with them, and then the last one
if you you know whatever, for whatever reason, it didn't
come out the negotiating. I'm going back and forth about
whether or not I love you or hate you. I'm
going back and forth about whether you should be in
my life or you should not have a part in
my life, or you don't get a seat to the
show anymore. I'm going back and forth about whether or
not I can have people like you and mine like
those kinds of things. And you empty it all out,
and you pour it all out until you have nothing left,
and I'll be goddamned if you don't feel lighter and
better and just more free after you do that. I've
done this with a few people now. I did it
one in a guided situation with my hypnotherapist, and then
I've done a few more on my own. And here's
something really crazy that will happen in my experience. I've
had the person i've done it about reach out to
me like right after I do it, really shortly thereafter,
like within a week, three times out of three that
person's reached out to me. And so I think it's
like an energetic shift and healing that's like felt on
a vibrational plane. It's obviously not spoken in the flesh,
and you guys don't have the direct conversation, but it's
like a conversation that you can have on kind of
a conscious level with their consciousness and just free yourself
of whatever is holding you back. Whatever is imprisoning you.
Because resentments are miniature prisons within our body and when
we don't let go of them, they control us, they
own us, they wreck us. So do that ritual if
you're struggling with anyone in your life, and most of
us are struggling, but just take the time because it
is a form of self care to forgive people. Forgiveness
is a form of self care. And that's a bitch
because it's also fucking work and I don't like it. Okay,
I am going to roll into bad vice. We're bringing
it back, and you guys have and sending me stuff,
which is great because I need you guys to send
in for this in order for us to have an
interactive relationship. So please DM the Talkin' Schmidt Instagram with
your bad vice and I will do my best to
read yours. Uh Okay, so this one, Haybrid, I've been
a fan of yours for so long and I love
you so much. Thank you, love you too. I need
some bad advice. About eight months ago, I started talking
to this guy and at first he seemed like everything
I could want. Taller than me, I'm five nine, sweet,
not ugly, and we were on the same page about
a lot of By the way, if somebody who described
me as not ugly kill me and we were on
the same page about a lot of stuff like religion
and finances, well, then I got to know him. He's
a really nice guy, but there are a few things
I can't ignore. He's thirty four, which means he's ten
years older than me, but that isn't what bothers me.
It's that he's thirty four and living with his mother
run for the fucking hills. His best friend is his
ex girlfriend no who still wants him, and he's insecure
about the fact that I make more money than him,
when in an ironic twist, he doesn't have a job.
He's been training for a new career, but in the
meantime turned down everything else he's been offered because it's
beneath him or seems like a scam, like he's too
good to wait tables and stuff like that, even though
it would only be temporary. The more we've been hanging out,
the more disillusioned I've become with him. For example, the
last time we hung out, he lectured me on how
women are keeping themselves single and women objectify men based
on their bank accounts, and they objectify us based on
our bodies. So isn't fair fair bitch? Okay, but everything
he was saying was just broad generalizations that aren't even
really true. I could go on, but we could fill
an entire podcast episode on every single red flag this
guy has. I was wondering how I can end this.
We're just friends, but he's developing some feelings for me,
even though I've made it very clear we will only
ever be friends. I considered a slow ghost, but that's
just shitty. Any badvice is welcome. I also wanted to
say I love you, and it's inspiring how vulnerable you
can be. You've been a constant mechanism for regulating my
nervous system because you make me laugh and speak your
truth without giving two folks, and I love you for it.
I love you so much. Thank you. This means the
world to me. Honestly, you know they asked me what
I do and who are doing for? And it's you.
It's you, and it's anyone who's writing in anyone listening.
I read all of your dms. I know you guys
have sent me so much love in this last week
with Biggie, I honestly can't respond because then I reopened
that grief wound and I can't. Like I'm like comfortably
numb right now. So just no, I love you and
your support means the world to me. But I see it,
I love it, I appreciate it. I can't respond to
all of you. Okay, so this guy is a nightmare.
Good news is you guys aren't actually dating I don't
think um, you started talking to this guy. Yeah, so
you're not actually dating him, so you don't need to
break up with him. A thirty four year old that
lives with his mom. That's a non starter for me because,
like I was saying before, what are you doing with
your mom? Why are you hanging out with your mom
so much? It's fucking weird to live with your mom.
And imagine imagine having a kid, and you're like, oh, fuck,
the next eighteen years of my life I have to
shelter and feed this little motherfucker. And then it becomes
thirty four years. Thirty four years, that's not a gamble.
I'm willing to take. Your thirty four year old son
moves back in and is like, hey, where's the captain crunch?
Speaker 2: I got a boner, clean out my fucking clean my socks,
my crunchy socks, like I can't what No, get a job,
And that's the other thing, get a job.
Speaker 1: Nothing is beneath any of us. And I need to
say that, and I need to say that with all
my heart and my whole fucking chest. I will wait
tables again. And it's not to say I'm better than
this guy who's going to school to figure out what
his career is. But all of us need to be
humbled and know that nothing is beneath any of us.
Are we trained and qualified to do more than that? Maybe? Yeah,
But at the end of the day, money is money
and you need to get to work. You can't be
mad that I make more money than you when you
don't do anything except for judge people that work in
jobs that you deem beneath you. But is being a
contributing member of society beneath you? No, being a non
contributing zero is your whole fucking problem here. He's just jealous.
He's jealous and he's angry, and he's not I'm sure
he's not jealous of servers. He's jealous and he's angry,
And it is true that women objectify bank accounts. That's
like we've been objectified by our bodies for years and
years and years. But like, here's the thing. Money comes
and goes. It's never actually, it's never actually the sense
of safety that we think it is. But in our minds,
it would be nice to not have to work quite
so hard. It would be nice to have a man
that can provide for you. It would be nice to
do some of those things. And in the same right, like, yes, men,
women are objectified by men, but like also, like I
think it's a free country and we're all allowed to
do what we want and judge people and deep people
based on whatever we want. And it's a shame that
our bodies get so objectified by society at large. It's
not just men, it's everyone. It's women critique other women
worse than men do. Men don't even know what the
fuck's going on. If I came home today with red
hair down to my fucking kneecaps, Max wouldn't notice. It'll
be like, oh, you got a tune or something like.
You wouldn't even notice. Guys don't actually notice. They know
what they like and they're like Guzunglos like but what,
and then we're not allowed to want the safety of you. Also,
it's not always about the money, by the way, it's
mostly for me. It's not about the money. It's about
your ambition and how hard of a worker you are,
and how dedicated you are to making a fucking difference
if you're sitting on your mom's couch in the basement
playing Xbox, just getting mad at the matriarchy because we
want somebody who does a little something with their life.
Why don't you get off your ass and go throw papers?
Why don't you get off your ass and go fucking
work at a diner. And here's the other thing that's
crazy is he deems those jobs beneath him. But if
he did any of those jobs, he would feel better
about himself, because any of us doing anything makes us
feel better than sitting on our ass and doing nothing.
And I can say that confidently because I've sat on
my ass and done nothing and it feels fucking horrible.
That's why they say idle hands are the devil's workshop.
So I think you need to tell him that. You
say idle hands are the devil's workshop. Your axes in
love with you. Your mom might be too you need
to get out of the fucking basement, stop playing Xbox.
And also, we're not dating. That's all you need to do.
You need to be like, hey, I just want to
be very clear that we're not dating and this is
never going to turn into anything. I think we're different
on some fundamental levels. That's all you gotta say. Just
say fundamentally. I think we're going in different directions. Hit
him with it. We're going in different directions because you
know what you fucking are. You're fucking going in different directions.
All right, besties, I love you so much. I hope
you have a great week. Happy Monday. I will see
you next week. I'm going to do a really quick
Artist's Way. Oh and one more thing, I'm doing the
Patreon this week. I'm doing the pa this week. So
if you guys want a little extra tea, a little
scalding hot tea stick around, sign up for the Patreon.
I'm doing it real cheap, like one dollar. If you
guys can give mom a one dollar a month, it
would really really be so helpful. There's enough of you
where each of you. If you gave me one dollar
a month for the little extra hangout time, I could
really make this podcast something special, and I really believe
that we could do it together. So hang out if
you can on the Patreon and if not, I'll see
you next week. Okay, love you by Okay you guys, Hi,
what's up? Artists way, besties. We're gonna go a little
quick through this week. It's week two. We're only going
quick cause I have to get to the airport and
I don't want to spank flight. If you're still hanging on, great,
can you guys comment or DM and let me know
if you guys are enjoying this, if you're liking this,
if you're still hanging on. It's week two. This is
where people start to bail. We start to decide, you
know what, this is too hard. I don't like it.
We have a lot of voises in our head. Mostly
the sensor that comes in is like, this is stupid,
this is dumb, this is all not working for me.
It's not worth it. So if you guys could comment, DM,
let me know if you're still hanging on. I want
to make sure that I'm doing this for someone and
not just myself. Even if it is just for myself,
I'll keep going, but I just want to see if
any of you guys are are hanging on. So Week
two is all about recovering a sense of identity. And
here's the thing. When you start going sane, it feels
just like going crazy. Okay, So it's gonna feel things
are gonna feel really uncomfortable. You're sort of inner child
that's been squished down into a fucking well for so long.
It's gonna be like, ah, it feels very scary up here.
I've been in the dark for so long. I don't
know if I want to come out if you'l spooky
up here. So as we start to gain strength as creatives,
just remember so will our self doubt. Those voices are
going to get louder and louder, and they're going to
tell you how stupid this work is and how productive
it is and how it's just a waste of time
and how you don't have time for it and you know,
nothing really matters, and this is this isn't gonna work.
So so you're going to start to hear things being like, oh,
this is just temporary. Okay, fine, I did the morning pages,
but like, who cares, you know what I mean. So
there's a lot of alignment that's going on, But there's
also going to be a lot of voices telling you
that stumb it's a waste of time. Just know that's
all very normal and keep going. So buying into those
thoughts are going to keep you stuck, and we don't
want to be stuck, okay, So we can neutralize those
once we recognize them as a creative virus. Affirmations are
a powerful antidote for self hate, which commonly appears under
the mask of self doubt. So that's really important. The
self doubt is self hate, which is really hard to
accept for a lot of us because we don't. A
lot of us don't identify as self loathing. I do, obviously,
you guys know that about me. I do, but a
lot of us don't. A lot of us are in
our mindset like no, I'm good, I love myself, I
love my life, everything's good. So the self doubt that's
starting to perk up in the creative recovery, just know
that is a form of self hatred, and we just
need to take care of our little baby inner artist
and not expose it to too many outside threats. We
don't need, you know, our friends or family or relatives,
anyone kind of getting in the way of our emotional recovery, Okay,
and so the sense of safety and acceptance is the
most important thing. And there's something that we go over
in this chapter called poisonous playmates. Poisonous playmates are people
that you surround yourself with that are sort of squelching
out this inner artist that's trying to come out. So
imagine it's like a ground hog, remember that game Whack
a Mole. Like you're just like one of the groundhogs
popping out, and like someone's gonna be like bop and
just fucking hit you in the head. Those are gonna
be people that like sitting on the bench and being cynicist, cynicism,
having cynicism, skeptists, skepticists, skeptical, skeptical. You guys, my brain's
not working after yesterday. I was out in the sun
for way too long. But yeah, they basically realize that
here's the thing with creative recovery. Creative recovery is a
lot like recovery from drugs and alcohol. Were the people
that you used to party with aren't gonna want you
to get sober because what that does is that puts
up a mirror for them to get sober and for
them to realize they have a problem, and to also
realize that they could get well if they did a
few simple things. But they're not willing to do that
because they don't want that mirror shining on them. So
when you start to creatively recover the people around you
that you felt safe with, like the people that you
mocked bad actors on TV with, or the people that
you went to a play and you're like, ugh, that
was so cringe, or the people that you like, you know,
saw a piece of art out in the world and
they're like, I could do that, and you're like I
could do that too, And you start to get well
and you start to create and you start to be creative.
Those people are not gonna want to see you get well.
Those people are gonna want to keep you down. It's
like crabs in a bucket, right, So just remember remember that. Also,
remember creativity is blocked by our falling in with other
people's plans for us. So a lot of our creativity
throughout our lives has been blocked by using what our
parents tell us to do, doing what our partners want
us to do, rather than doing what our heart song
wants us to do. So just make sure you follow
that creative heart song because that's going to be really important.
And just remember the great Creator has gifted us with creativity.
Our gift back is to use it. So you have
to be an example through your own recovery. That's the
only way that I've found works in both creative recovery
and regular recovery. Like you just have to show people
you can do it and listen, Like, my recovery is
not perfect, whether it's drugs and alcohol or it's creativity.
I struggled with my morning pages this week. I'll be honest.
I did them, but I did like a page and
a half instead of three pages. So like I'm struggling
on this journey with you guys. I don't want you
to think that I'm doing it perfectly, but I'm doing
my best. And just like remember when you're doing those
morning pages, that is your time between you and God.
So it's really important. It's really important to not prioritize
getting coffee with your partner and you know, doing other
things in the morning. You need to have a little
routine and build this into it because it's it is
like a direct channel between you and God. Okay and
your own healing is the greatest message of hope for
anyone else. And this chapter is one of my favorite
chapters because it talks about crazy makers. Crazy makers I
have talked about before. I've had them in my life
throughout my life for a long time. Some of my
best friends have been crazy makers, like absolute crazy makers
and crazy makers. I've talked about this before, but those
are the personalities that create storm centers. They are often charismatic,
frequently charming, highly inventive, and powerfully persuasive, and for the
creative person in the vicinity, they are enormously destructive, you
know the type. Charismatic but out of control, long n
problems and short on solutions. Crazy makers are the kind
of people who can take over your whole life to
the fix of your uppers. They are irresistible, so much
to change, so many distractions. So crazy makers in this
is like it's a fun word, but I think in
real life these are actually clinically unwell. People like these
are people I've been so drawn to in my life,
whether they're borderline or bipolar or whatever they are, because
they're so unpredictable and they're so all over the place,
and they're so up and down, and it is it
does breed a sort of addictive relationship. And then when
you pour all of your energy into trying to predict
what fucking mood we might get today, or trying to
figure out where you fall in this person's good graces
or bad graces today, that can take away all of
the energy that you're supposed to be putting towards your creativity.
So these people are excellent for us to stay blocked.
But they're larger than life. They acquire that status by
feeding on the life energies of those around them. So
these are oftentimes famous people. In my circle, they're usually
famous people. I can think of a few. But what
I will say is just because in my circle they're
oftentimes famous people, that doesn't mean that I didn't have
them when I was growing up. When I was growing up,
my mom was the crazy maker of the house. And
these people will hijack your time schedule. They discount your reality.
No matter how important your deadline or how critical your
work trajectory at the moment, crazy makers will violate your needs.
Crazy makers triangular sorry, crazy makers triangulate those that they
deal with and What that means is pit people against
each other. They create drama, they create chaos like they
are always the epicenter of the nuclear family. They are
the nucleus of fucking insanity. Okay, they break deals, they
destroy schedules, they expect special treatment. They're expert blamers. Nothing
is ever their fault. It's always your fault, and they
believe that in their head to be true. Whether or
not they created a situation out of fucking dust, out
of thin air, they will one hundred percent have a
fucking point list of why it's all your fault. They
hate schedules, they create drama, they hate order. They deny
that they're crazy makers. If crazy makers are that destructive,
what are we doing involved with them? The answer, to
be brief but brutal, is we're crazy. We are that
crazy ourselves, and we are that self destructive. So yes,
as black creatives, we are willing to go almost any
lengths to remain blocked. As frightened and abusive as life
with a crazy maker is, we find it far less threatening.
The challenge of far less threatening then the challenge of
a creative life on our own. Using this fear as
our excuse, we continue to allow others to abuse us.
So you get into like this tortured tango with these people,
and here's the thing, you can two step right out
of that bitch. So if you have a crazy maker
in your life, start to Homer Simpson into a bush
with them. Just start to walk backwards, because I promise
you they will take every ounce of energy and every
ounce of your life blood until you throw in the
white towel. Okay. So skepticism is going to be the
inner enemy. That's going to be the key thing that
keeps us from ourselves. Like I said earlier, it's the
self doubt. It's the oh, but what if this doesn't work.
It probably won't work it, you know. It's you have
to be so talented to get ahead in this field.
There's a point zero is your one percent chance you
make it in this field. It's that skepticism. It's often
factually based fears that we've picked up along the way
to keep us from sort of creating at the highest level,
or any level at all. Okay. One of the things
most worth noting in creative recovery is our reluctance to
take seriously the possibility that the universe just might be
cooperating with our new and expanded plans. We've gotten brave
enough to try recovery, but we don't want the universe
to really pay attention. We still feel too much like
frauds to handle some success when it comes. We want
it to go okay. So here's the antithesis to this
is going to be attention. Paying attention to your life,
paying attention to the beauty, paying attention to the details.
Bad things can be happening to you, but the creativity
is in the paying attention. And sometimes it takes an
enormous amount of pain for us to pay attention. I
don't know if you guys have ever noticed that when
you have something horrifying happened to you, you remember every
single detail of the day. Like when Biggie died. I
remember where the moon was, I remember what it looked like.
I remember how the water, how the moon was shining
on the I remember the billboards that we were passing
on the way to the er. I remember everything. I
remember his little eyes, I remember the blanket he was in.
I remember everything about that. But oftentimes, if you want
to not have something horrifying happen in order for us
to pay attention. Then you just have to pay attention.
And one of the best ways to do that, I
think is when you're in your morning pages, to look
around and to be like, the beautiful lilies are blooming,
the lizard found his son.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I think we used to pay a lot more detail
to the life around us because we weren't so constantly
distracted by social media. So if we can stay off
our phones and just look at the life around us,
pay attention. God is in the details, and just remember
all of this work is working through God. And I'm
really proud of you guys for being on this journey.
I did do an artist state this week. I got
a paint by numbers and I did a little paint
by numbers and that was super fun. I'm sorry to
rush through this.
Speaker 3: I just have to go.
Speaker 1: I have to get out of a plane. But I
love you so much and I hope to see you
on the Patreon and I will talk to you in
five minutes. Okay.
Speaker 2: Bye,