Speaker 1: You can hear our programming on screaker dot com, Spotify, iHeartRadio,
Google podcast, Castbox, dot Fm, Deezer, podcast Addict.
Speaker 2: And Podchasers. No, I swear I will sound proof it
down there as always. Thank you for listening to the
P three podcast Network.
Speaker 3: I'm so excited Bob forgot to press the button on
this so I get to do this. The following podcast
is by Mothers for mothers, but not our mothers, especially mine.
She's controlling. Listener Discretion is advised but encouraged. Please take notes.
You could learn something, yo.
Speaker 1: Kiro hold on, I gotta go creek over here.
Speaker 4: That young Meason told me that she's not sure what happened.
But Fox said the B word the other day.
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, you bitch.
Speaker 5: Yeah, But we found out what it was because I've
been trying to figure it out because there's like he
sounds like he's saying ship when he's saying go ship,
go ship, go sit. But he sometimes calls himself Foxy
or but he always puts a B in front of
the apps, so it's Foxy.
Speaker 4: So what sounds like F in front instead of B?
Speaker 1: Bitch, bitch, pitch facts h instead ship?
Speaker 2: No shit fish.
Speaker 5: My fish died the other day, so he was trying
to tell her about that, mommy.
Speaker 4: It's something about mommy's bitch dive, but she got new bitches.
I don't bitch died, but she got new bitches.
Speaker 5: You play with the cats, and I'm sure they had
a bitch toy. It's cats have fish toys. Yeah, that's
how do you work it?
Speaker 2: That's adorable.
Speaker 4: How do you work with kids that small?
Speaker 6: Though?
Speaker 4: And not like I know it sounds like they're saying
because word.
Speaker 7: But when I hear a kids say something, I'm like, okay,
I misheard you or you're mispronouncing something.
Speaker 8: I mean, it took me well to figure it out.
Speaker 4: I'm like, what the hell could he be trying to say?
Speaker 5: That sounds like I could not think of anything until
I literally got my new fish and I put it
in the tank.
Speaker 4: Oh oh look, bitch, bitch money lise bitch. And I'm
like that bitch and I'm like going, oh my god,
you're gone. How do I wait? What?
Speaker 8: Enough?
Speaker 2: Oh? Thank god? Uh oh that was in my.
Speaker 4: Eyes what he said. That's what he said.
Speaker 1: So Eaton's mother's nephew, cousin Eaton's cut used to say firefuck,
so we would get him to say firefuck.
Speaker 2: It was entertaining.
Speaker 1: All right, good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to
another episode, episode five.
Speaker 2: If I am not mistaken, correct me if I'm wrong,
I know you will five.
Speaker 1: Zero, Episode five of Dungeon Mystery Theater. Mommy's and Monsters.
Mother knows best because.
Speaker 4: We do not. I know nothing.
Speaker 8: Speak for yourself. I'm not a mother.
Speaker 2: We switched it off every other one anyway.
Speaker 5: I guess it depends on the monster, on whether Mommy
or monster comes first.
Speaker 2: Oh my, oh my, a second.
Speaker 4: It took me a second to giuse to that one.
Speaker 2: Like I said, shut up, No, it.
Speaker 4: Just takes me a second to comprehend what's going on.
Speaker 2: Shut up.
Speaker 4: If it was me, I'm pretty easy. So mommy comes first.
Speaker 6: Taco what they doney.
Speaker 5: And you are going to have a talk about proper
taco throwing and throwing your taco at them.
Speaker 9: And I would take her out of the chair so
she's not throwing it anymore.
Speaker 2: She's eating eating it.
Speaker 4: But she's got flor from catch doough. She's got to
feed her robes. Even though he's in the kitchen.
Speaker 2: Talking about.
Speaker 4: We're not gonna take that.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, we're not going there.
Speaker 2: No shutting that tower right now, fur.
Speaker 6: Bro, God.
Speaker 2: Just making it worse.
Speaker 6: I'm just looking pictures solid.
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, this is a family podcast.
Speaker 7: I can't My snake is solid and my gears metal solid.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna say that requires batteries.
Speaker 4: There's she's throwing.
Speaker 2: There's so much taco.
Speaker 4: Throwing it on.
Speaker 1: It's everywhere, Taco everywhere. It's in my rights.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Spencer.
Speaker 1: I want to note right here, right now that I'm
that burt for future podcast.
Speaker 8: I didn't even push.
Speaker 2: I just about something.
Speaker 1: That's usually how it works with you, Tracey.
Speaker 2: You open your mouth and something comes out, and.
Speaker 8: I did that plan that happens.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure that's how the pharaoh goblin was invented.
Speaker 4: Yeah, break you you.
Speaker 2: Pull her around watt throwing it at you directly. Yep.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would have got an attacking right now. Oh
my god.
Speaker 2: And that is the end of monsters and mommies forever.
Speaker 8: My little Patchy.
Speaker 10: Possibly wean a vacuum Patchy maybe here?
Speaker 2: Who who?
Speaker 1: But I still wanted to turn That man is playing Gallagher,
that woman is playing pony down.
Speaker 11: Good evening, everyone, and welcome to episode number five The
Dungeon Mystery Theater Mommy's and Monsters mother knows Best. I,
of course am VP three podcast networks, hardest working DM Babo,
and I I have some.
Speaker 2: I realized something after last week's episode.
Speaker 1: I did not give a fact last week, so this
week you get and our floppy egg White just remembered
that they don't have a fact either. Anyway, I did
not give a fact last week, so you guys get
two facts from me this week. The first fact is
Mondays are hard and Tuesday's the shit because I'm usually
off on Tuesdays. No, that's not actually my fact. I'm
sorry now. My fact from from two weeks ago was
supposed to be that this world is completely a creation
of my own mind. And I am slowly working on
a deity list. And when this episode releases, the P
three podcast Network's kickstarter will be up for specifically for
Mommies and Monsters.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: I'm doing a lot of things with this kickstarter, including
asking for special guests. If you donate a certain amount
of money, you can come and be a guest on
Mommies and Monsters via via Discord via Discord only.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you can't come to the house.
Speaker 2: You can't physically come to the well.
Speaker 1: We could hold it at a place, but then we wouldn't
get won't.
Speaker 2: Fair.
Speaker 4: I will absolutely bite you. I'm gonna think my teeth
into you. It between you and me, though it might
let go and then they have my teeth in their
arm forever. I like it.
Speaker 2: But no, there will be various levels.
Speaker 8: Uh.
Speaker 2: Some of them will include drawing.
Speaker 4: Some of them will include put it out here right now.
Speaker 9: If we got enough money, I will draw a full
lingerie calendar with our characters.
Speaker 4: Oh shit, I forgot to send that to you.
Speaker 2: M Okay, we have a new stretch cold Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 4: I'm thinking possibly not wait, how old is Okay? She's okay, I.
Speaker 2: Had a I also would like the team hockey poster.
Speaker 9: Okay, okay, let me no, no, no, no, we're gonna,
We're gonna. I'm gonna do a lingerie one because I
had drawn characters in lingerie and it's like one of
my favorite things to do, drawing all the lice and ship.
Speaker 4: But I could also do a swimsuit edition.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: You know what, No, there is gonna be that is
one of the stretch goals, officially, thank you. I was
trying to think of other stretch goals and I was
going to actually use before games tonight to work on it,
but somebody was soaring so loud, I couldn't even think.
Speaker 6: Please.
Speaker 4: You were playing a video game when I walked in.
Speaker 6: Don't you scoring.
Speaker 2: To learn for me to think about what I wanted
to think about.
Speaker 4: Don't you dare blame her?
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, yeah.
Speaker 6: About her.
Speaker 2: No, No, you were not actually you were out. You
were unconscious. Baby.
Speaker 12: I woke up and we had two extra people in
the house, and I was like, it took.
Speaker 4: Me a minute to realize I sleep. Like I came in,
I was like saying hi to everybody. Ship you're napping.
Speaker 2: And the baby, the baby was curled up in the corner.
Speaker 1: And then Apache the dog comes running in starts licking
the baby.
Speaker 2: Like wakes the baby up, and she's like patchy. Yeah.
Speaker 4: That's the first word she says when she gets up
in the morning.
Speaker 1: Is I am joined tonight by the lovely folks.
Speaker 2: You hear are faroh goblin, our floppy egg white, our
leather jacket, our fairy princess, and our fish goblin.
Speaker 4: I missed in the hermit lives under the bridge, and.
Speaker 1: The hermit that lives under the bridge, which is currently
actually in the kitchen, Beard Knoll, Oh, that's the hermit.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's a dwarf Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 2: I was also thinking troll. Alright. Alright, So that being said,
ladies and gentlemen, my second fact is that, as.
Speaker 1: I said before, when this episode goes up, we will
have to take Starter live.
Speaker 2: If we make goal.
Speaker 1: A little a little bit of of of a heads
up on what will be happening, everybody.
Speaker 2: Will be individually miked.
Speaker 1: If we make gold, yeah that's gonna be dangerous. Well,
but everybody will be individually miked. Everybody will be running
their own recording software and we'll be combining it.
Speaker 8: That way.
Speaker 1: It actually makes for a much cleaner podcast, It really does.
It makes very much cleaner, cleaner podcast. But you can
listen to Greetings Adventures and that's a great proof of it. No,
they did not, They were individually might but they actually
have a splitter. Yeah, it all goes to one.
Speaker 2: They don't. They don't. They don't edit all the stuff together.
They go to one.
Speaker 1: And I could do it that way, but that's about
a thousand. That's if we beat all of our stretch holes,
because then you will have a like solid setup in
a locked desk.
Speaker 4: Would you say solid?
Speaker 1: You will have a solid setup in a locked desk.
And that's how well I'll have like a briefcase type
desk thing. At least that's how I planned it in
my head. That aren't going to be hauling it home
every night. But that being said, yeah, so we are
going to start with once again the person with the
most children in the room, which would be no, no,
physically in the room with me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, ready, you're not ready?
Speaker 1: Okay, fine, then I guess we'll start with the leather
jacket tonight.
Speaker 6: Is nobody else ready? Way?
Speaker 9: Way, wait before we continue fortune cookies because I forgot
episode four.
Speaker 4: So episode's fortune was faith is law? Good thing?
Speaker 9: We don't have any paladins in this group. Uh, today's
the fortune. Great things are made of little things.
Speaker 2: I mean you guys, have you had a lot of
fun with that cobold episode to he was little?
Speaker 4: But you may have made a little thing, you know.
Speaker 1: All Right, So I guess since it appears our leather
jacket isn't ready, I literally said.
Speaker 4: I was ready, but nobody listens.
Speaker 13: Hi.
Speaker 4: My name is Moody.
Speaker 7: I play l And my mom fact today is that
Elle is really good at crazy shut up and this is.
Speaker 4: It's my life.
Speaker 6: Oh, this is a talent shut up.
Speaker 7: That was really crazy like crazy good at. And this
is a skill that she shares with her mother. All Right,
shut the fuck up, I'm trying.
Speaker 4: To speak, so she all right, she just wants to
make sure Patty is quiet so you can talk, all right,
Can I help you?
Speaker 7: All right?
Speaker 14: I am the fairy Princess Ivy, and I play Jasper Ferd.
And my mom fact is that Jasper loves Koala so
freaking much.
Speaker 5: She has a whole room nothing but Koala stuffy and
Anna is very concerned.
Speaker 2: So she has a shed full of bones and stones and.
Speaker 4: Now she has a room full of koalas I am concerned.
Speaker 1: Which, if you think about it, bones and stones could
totally be a euphonism for something else, and it would
make sense that Darla provided them too. She who okay, okay,
all right, you never know, maybe the Kouala thing will
come up.
Speaker 2: Maybe it won't.
Speaker 4: Fish Oh shit, I know we picked one.
Speaker 9: Yeah, so I've be sitting to my right so she
got to pick, they got to pick for me, Yes, okay,
on the double check.
Speaker 4: Sorry.
Speaker 9: And today's mom in fact for Anna is, after entering college,
she impulsively got her nipples pierced.
Speaker 4: She only regrets it a little bit.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, then faroh goblin, I am the pharobovelin.
Speaker 4: I forgot to do my homework, So we're just gonna
go with this.
Speaker 5: I played to Marla Dampler, your friendly neighborhood.
Speaker 4: Barbarian who's not very good at being friendly. She sometimes
is a bit too friendly.
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, oh, I actually was gonna pull
out of my pocket or pooch.
Speaker 4: My favorite animal happens to be our.
Speaker 5: Darling's favorite animal happens to be apossum because it hisses,
sometimes driels when it plays dead, and has an awesome
pooch to keep all the fancy things in.
Speaker 11: Okay, okay, last was certainly not least our.
Speaker 4: Fluffy egg white. I'm Lias.
Speaker 12: I played Violet Shirty, and my mom fact is she
collects you on your rock forever she goes, and her
most surprized rock in her collection is a boulder she
stole from a rare rock museum, and.
Speaker 4: It's rumored that they are still looking for it to
this day.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, all right, So how is Violet feeling
after last episode?
Speaker 2: Her kids are gone stolen by y. She's angry.
Speaker 4: She's angry that a man stole her children.
Speaker 1: M and that anger will get worse, believe me. All right, So, last.
Speaker 2: Episode, you guys found the twins.
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, in an almost flawless copy of Dungeons and Daddies. Sorry, guys,
they got taken magically by an entity that you.
Speaker 2: Don't know who it is. Yeah. The difference is.
Speaker 1: His voice wasn't mutial, like like modulated or anything like.
It isn't Dungeon and Daddies. That was his actual voice.
So we ended the episode while you guys were still
in the tavern. Uh, the tavern known as Dragon D's.
So another fact for today, because uh, I did not
get the receipts actually written fully out yet because I
lost them. They got wet, so they all kind of disintegrated. Yeah,
I got I had him stored somewhere and they got wet.
I know, but I will give you a little piece
off of those receipts. Your kids told the person that
was collecting the information about them that they had a
disease called ligma, and when when the man asked, what
is ligma?
Speaker 2: Uh, they said ligma.
Speaker 15: Balls about how close you keep.
Speaker 4: Getting to me?
Speaker 1: Well, okay, so I'm I'm I'm my hip hurt and
I have to stand.
Speaker 4: I understand, but I'm slowly losing personal space.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, I will, I will pade.
Speaker 4: My face. I guess I'm not happy about it.
Speaker 12: You see, if he was normal high, it won't be
a problem.
Speaker 1: You know what table level got it? So as this
this light from around you fades.
Speaker 4: I had a note for today's game about finding out
what's in the paper. That's not a pencil.
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 4: I don't know. My note taking to kind of crappy.
Speaker 2: Lately week anyway, And.
Speaker 4: I mean she's still better than all of us.
Speaker 2: It doesn't take much.
Speaker 4: The way allowed to read until he left. I'm taking
notes on my computer. We didn't find out what that was.
That's what didn't find out what's in the paper? Okay, Hey,
let me know. Spencer's reaction to the loud as sneeze.
Speaker 2: I just like.
Speaker 1: It'll probably be Jesus, he startles easily.
Speaker 8: Yeah, let me know.
Speaker 9: Let me know, because I know I have loud sneezes,
so I want to know what his reaction was.
Speaker 4: You currently have baby.
Speaker 6: In his bag.
Speaker 2: Okay, there's a mosquito.
Speaker 4: Well, your mom's a mosquito. My mom's a mosquito that
found the fire too close to the zappie lamp and
now she's old dust.
Speaker 2: Those cartoons are.
Speaker 1: Like, all right, So you guys have the piece of
paper and you open it up and it just says
for letting me get away, and then turns.
Speaker 2: To ash in your hand, that motherfucker.
Speaker 1: And then the ash kind of forms a word in
a couple of words in the in the air, and
it says, not like you really had.
Speaker 2: A choice, get bitch. So here the the gentleman.
Speaker 1: As that light fades and you and you read that
note and it turns to ash in your hands. One
of the like like waiters from this Dragon D's runs
up to you and says, there's a couple of gentlemen
outside that are looking to make your acquaintance. They have weapons,
it's probably not going to be good acquaintance. And they
appear to be surrounding a giant metal beast.
Speaker 12: Not the fucking fan they're gonna fuck with an runs out.
Speaker 8: He mentioned the van might be in danger.
Speaker 4: She runs out.
Speaker 2: Okay, you run up? Are you guys running after her?
Speaker 4: Hot sauce at the table? She runs out, and she
instantly yells, don't touch the van.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's see. Is there hot sauce at the table?
O evans, Yes, there's hot drops at the table.
Speaker 4: And I take the hot sauce and already end of
my joiner, Now.
Speaker 2: What you want?
Speaker 4: I just slathered the end of my tire iron hot sauce.
Speaker 2: And have you ever heard of a hot sauce called
the bomb?
Speaker 4: Maybe?
Speaker 2: I know you.
Speaker 1: It's one of the hotter hot sauces out there. This
is probably close, if not on par with that.
Speaker 4: Okay, it's pretty hot sauce.
Speaker 1: So you run out after after slathering your rod hots on?
Speaker 4: Just a tip? No, I'm joking, more than just a tip.
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: Does anybody else do any sort of preparation at all,
like preparation age?
Speaker 4: Definitely not. We don't want them to feel better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you want to cause burning, not eat.
Speaker 8: They need they need.
Speaker 5: Some preparation age after they end up with the burning.
I'm about to give them.
Speaker 1: So you guys thrown out. Everybody just just make me.
Everybody just roll a perception? Did you really not have
your dice out?
Speaker 2: Fish? What the fuck?
Speaker 6: I know we have dice.
Speaker 2: They're playing guns and dragons, I know.
Speaker 4: And I only have my mini dice in here right now.
Speaker 2: Well not even my.
Speaker 8: Mini my my like microdesk.
Speaker 2: What I mean?
Speaker 4: No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 8: Fine.
Speaker 4: If you said perception or percental.
Speaker 1: Perception, fifteen, sure I got fifteen, okay, fifteen, shut up,
seventeen seventeen do I.
Speaker 4: Have this plus three?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Twenty yeah, okay, two?
Speaker 1: Okay, then everybody but Darla notices that these people seem
sort of like they have darker skin, almost shadowy skin.
Speaker 4: You notice they're black, Yeah, that you can say it.
Speaker 1: They're a dark High. So they are darker elves, but
they are not Drow. They are dark skinned elves, but
they are specifically not Drow. That is what I was
trying to avoid. The Shu Dark High are a race
of elves, and I'm only dropping D and D law
or not lore for this world. D and D will
lower the Dark High are Drow or not draw they
are They are dark skinned elves that worship the raven queen.
In D and D terms, specifically, do you want to
look him up?
Speaker 2: They are m D They are.
Speaker 1: In several different manuals, my favorite being Mordecaian's Home of Monsters.
Speaker 2: I believe what black people, it's s H A D
A R space K. All right, so did you find him? Okay?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh wow.
Speaker 4: We want to look at the poem.
Speaker 8: Are you gonna make it bigger?
Speaker 4: That's what she said.
Speaker 2: I mean that's what he said. Ah, I'd like it.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I feel like there would be better.
Speaker 9: I'm just saying I I personally thought, with your reactions,
that would have been something a little better.
Speaker 4: I want to see dick and balls, all right, So okay,
back to game. I'm threatening a guy touching my.
Speaker 1: Vane and they are and they have weapons drawn. One
of them has a warp pick. Uh aimed at one
of the tires and his boat swing.
Speaker 8: Oh you fuck her.
Speaker 4: I'm decking him in the face.
Speaker 5: I didn't need a hyph perception to still swing at him, right,
I just didn't.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, can I do them? You can I
swing at him because that was the first one coming in.
Speaker 2: You get you get first, you get first gifts.
Speaker 4: Okay, attack no Bobert like one you roll in that one.
Speaker 2: What are you? What are you using? Yeah?
Speaker 4: I mean I I was literally just going to come in.
I was gonna hold on deck him in the face.
Speaker 1: Okay, your fist misses him and goes through one of
the side weapons side windows.
Speaker 4: Fuck was coming.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: Do I do I break the window?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Uh no, because most of these windows are that kind
of weird like plastic.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm into it.
Speaker 5: We'll see where people are punching windows non stuff, but
they still can't break it because you need like a
special tool.
Speaker 8: Gotcha.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you might break your hand, but we'll see about
that here in a minute, all right, and then uh
let's roll for initiative.
Speaker 4: Please dice, you're failing me.
Speaker 5: Oh ship, you know what my sensories, you'll ride it
every feeling.
Speaker 4: These are just the ones that ever meant to be.
So we all rolled bad, didn't we?
Speaker 8: I have a sixteenth nine?
Speaker 5: Okay, I also got no I got I can't do
Sometimes I might be a little stop something.
Speaker 2: That's niche.
Speaker 4: Niche Jesus.
Speaker 2: First up is one of the enemies.
Speaker 1: Fish, the man that you swung at tries to swing
back at you with that heavy pick m.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately you and him have the same lot.
Speaker 9: M here the one he did don't hit the van.
Speaker 2: So I need you to pick a number one of sex.
Speaker 1: Uh two, and Tracy, you are kind of be the
current owner of the vand I need you to pick
a number one through six seven?
Speaker 5: Sorry five here.
Speaker 11: Seven it is number one of six picked seven?
Speaker 4: All right, Star, you mean one through seven.
Speaker 2: We know you meant one.
Speaker 4: I mean counting wise. She did count on from six.
Speaker 2: And fourth.
Speaker 4: No no, no, no, no, no one through six? What
comes next?
Speaker 2: Seven?
Speaker 9: So so in four K world, congratulations, you know how
to count?
Speaker 4: Fast is afraid of seven to seven? That was literally
popped out before I even died.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Five, So he does not hit you, Sam, and he
does not hit the van.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 2: He instead dips one of his own friends right in
the face.
Speaker 4: We love seven helped.
Speaker 1: My god number that nine points of damage into the
face of number two.
Speaker 4: You're kind of glad he didn't do that because that
was hurt.
Speaker 2: He rolled He rolled max damage Ivy, you are up.
Speaker 4: Okay, Yeah, it's jugular.
Speaker 14: Jasper is gonna remember her feelings she had before and
get her thorn.
Speaker 1: All right, rolling attack, you're gonna yeah, that was two
episodes ago.
Speaker 4: Do I add anything to that?
Speaker 1: It's gonna be your magical attack modifier, which is I
believe plus six.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so puay.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you whip out your thorn whips, and which
one are you going for? There are four of them?
Speaker 1: Two okay, So you would go on to a guy
who just took a war pick to the face and
and he's he's kind of he he is going like
this from the war pick, and he sees you coming
and goes and he dodges it, just barely.
Speaker 2: The Liz, the one that.
Speaker 4: The one that biffs and hits his friend.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna.
Speaker 4: Yell at him.
Speaker 12: I swear if you were any worse at this, you'd
be doing our job for us.
Speaker 2: Kick. I will roll a singing bow for him. Okay,
you can go ahead and roll your de four damage.
Oh he failed it one?
Speaker 15: All right?
Speaker 2: All right, brings up number two.
Speaker 1: He is gonna he's gonna swing at mock. He's actually
gonna move up and swing it.
Speaker 2: Liz for insulting him.
Speaker 1: God, what I would give for Killer Blue right now?
I don't think A seven hits your umber class.
Speaker 2: Sorry eight eight Moody, you were up.
Speaker 4: Elle's just gonna run.
Speaker 1: So there are four total, one, two, three or four.
One is holding the war pick to you know, well,
to his friend's face. Two is currently up in Lizza space.
Three and four are towards the back with bowse out.
Speaker 4: Elle's gonna run towards one of the closer ones.
Speaker 1: Okay, fine, so.
Speaker 2: You go to one.
Speaker 7: That's we'll go towards the ones that are actsing each
other right now.
Speaker 1: Okay, so number one go ahead and want attack or yeah,
we're one attack, it's twenty. You will have advantage because
you are flanking with fish fish, so you can roll
twice and take the better stop.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the first was better. It was a sixteen.
Speaker 2: I don't have anything, Yeah, you do? You add?
Speaker 1: So you're using I'm guessing you're gonna use your pocket knife.
Oh you're tasing him? Oh yeah, oh okay, yeah, you
hand him with this taser. So taser is special damage.
And the reason it's special damage is because there's no
stats for a kaser in Dungeon and Dragon. So it
is two D six worth of electricity damage on here.
Speaker 2: Oh one four, it says.
Speaker 1: That's right now, I had a one D four plus
a saving throw that's right, that's what it was saving
three to not piss himself.
Speaker 7: Benny gets electrocuted extra because of the electricity in his piss.
Speaker 4: Electric piss.
Speaker 2: Well, uh yeah, damage is.
Speaker 1: Two okay, that is okay.
Speaker 2: So he's going to take an additional three points because
that's what I was doing.
Speaker 1: So he's going to take a total of six or
five points of damage.
Speaker 2: Sorry.
Speaker 1: Uh. That is going to bring up number three, who's
going to use his bow and he is going to
fire at I think he's going to fire at Darla.
Darla is the unknown entity here because she's not gone yet.
Speaker 2: Fish, you are on deck.
Speaker 1: Darla does a twenty two hit a class does, all right,
So it's going to be a dece four of damage
because he has a hand crossbow.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, a whole three points of damage. All right, Fish,
you were up.
Speaker 9: Okay, I'm gonna take out my jumper cable.
Speaker 8: Now all right?
Speaker 4: Your hand hurts, Yeah, my hand hurts.
Speaker 2: You are not Normally I would have you roll at disadvantage,
but you are planking, so it's just okay.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and there's still a guy in front of us.
Speaker 2: Then yep, you have number one right by you.
Speaker 9: Okay, I'm going to try and make it easier for
EL to hit him next.
Speaker 4: So I'm gonna try and wrap it around his neck
and hold him to me. Okay, so kind of like
grapple him.
Speaker 6: I guess.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so athletics or acrobatics, whichever is better for you.
Speaker 4: Athletics.
Speaker 2: I also forgot your seak attack damage. I'm sorry you're so.
I rolled it for you, just so you didn't Where
did I win? You got another free.
Speaker 9: I might have to go out to my car and
get my other bales because that's another one.
Speaker 4: Love no, and normally they're better than this. It's because
they've been sitting in my car unused. You're eky about it.
Do you want the opposite to my one?
Speaker 9: Sure, I'll use the bubblegums. You're HoTT and candy, all right?
Speaker 2: So you failed? You don't. I'm not gonna do anything.
I'm only gonna do one net one per player per session. Okay.
That causes horrible problems.
Speaker 4: Can I keep all my net ones? I feel like
that's accurate to my character.
Speaker 2: I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1: I just don't want to be I don't want to
accidentally kill somebody with a net one. That's my whole
reasoning mind. All right, Tray, you are up. Can you
rage against the machine for us?
Speaker 5: So I am planning on raging because like I came
running outside hit with the girl, and I just I'm barreling,
raging towards the guy that shot me.
Speaker 1: All right, so it is a plus two to your
damage and you're gonna charge. So go ahead and yeah,
go and roll your attack. Big money, good money, nor lammies.
Speaker 4: Can I take back what I said just like a
minute ago?
Speaker 1: One?
Speaker 4: We're all sucking up.
Speaker 12: Here, not me?
Speaker 2: Epis hi? Last one?
Speaker 13: Hi?
Speaker 4: Everyone? I next, I try these you make advice. Congratulations,
everyone dies.
Speaker 2: The fixed correctly, thank god.
Speaker 1: If you want to take all of them at once,
then it will be a random chance on everyone. So
instead of instead of biffing yourself so badly that you
you skid across the.
Speaker 2: Cobblestone, you trip, but you managed to catch yourself just barely. Okay,
And you are now standing in front of the guy
with the boat. Okay, you're standing in front of him.
You attacked already, you missed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, uh so that is going to bring actually number
four up, which is the one right next to him.
Speaker 2: He drops his bow and draws out a short story.
Speaker 4: Maybe I forget him to drop it just because.
Speaker 5: He was a hot mess, just bubbling doors, because you
imagine this woman just come flying at you like and then.
Speaker 2: Just eighty one percent of the time it works.
Speaker 4: Do you want me to punch this guy for you? No,
I want to punch him.
Speaker 2: Look ninety nine point eight two one percent of the time.
Speaker 4: You just made that number up.
Speaker 2: Pretending to sin on my test, but not pretending I
actually did. Works. Who I am okay? She is okay,
we are okay, they are okay.
Speaker 4: Speaking for yourself. I'm not okay.
Speaker 1: We might stab somebody later today, miss not o okay? Anyway,
all right, so what's happening?
Speaker 2: I don't remember who?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 4: I failed?
Speaker 5: She humbled, and the guy dropped his sing, brought up
his story to attack you.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he rolled up a sort of attack you,
and he missed. He missed because I rolled a six
and giving me. I'm giving me. I'm being This is bad.
Speaker 1: This comment is going to take forty five minutes anyway,
top of the round, number one, Number one is going
to swing at fish.
Speaker 2: Okay, does a twenty one hit your armor class?
Speaker 8: I believe that is a.
Speaker 4: Year definitely h yes, why is it tiny?
Speaker 7: Hee?
Speaker 2: Oh, there we go.
Speaker 1: You're gonna take four points of damage as this war
pick just kind of grazes your shoulder.
Speaker 8: Cool new scar, and then it's gonna bring up baby.
Speaker 14: I'm gonna try again with that thorn whip, all right,
because it's the only thing I know.
Speaker 4: That is a.
Speaker 2: Yes, that is a twenty two. Sorry, I leaned forward.
Just write and call with.
Speaker 13: Her her day one Nichol number one.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, we are nickel and diving these guys tonight, Liz.
Speaker 12: I gotta stand in my face, uh right, yes, yes, yeah,
that's what you said.
Speaker 4: There's a guy in my face.
Speaker 2: Yes, there's a guy in your face.
Speaker 12: When like inch closer to his face and I'm dead
in the eyes and be like, what cat is tougher
than you?
Speaker 8: Damn roll damage number two.
Speaker 1: Uh you just notice that his nose starts bleeding just
a little bit.
Speaker 2: Because it is.
Speaker 1: Psychic damage number two. Damn, which is the one that
just got insulted. You're fired.
Speaker 2: There's a forehead arm of class. Okay, Moody stab something.
Speaker 4: Okay, just gonna stab. I guess the same guy she tases.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4: Ruled in nineteen on the die.
Speaker 1: I do not understand that getting it's open. You've had
h This is time we're stabbing because you asked stab
tasee whatever you are, you will stab there.
Speaker 4: All right? That is a three four?
Speaker 2: What is now seven? And then added D six to
that as well.
Speaker 4: What that's crazy? Oh that's right. What that's a two?
Speaker 14: So nine.
Speaker 4: Nine is a good number.
Speaker 8: So how do you kill this guy?
Speaker 7: She's gonna like go for the gut and be like
and then she's gonna like swing it up and.
Speaker 4: Get him right in the face.
Speaker 2: All right. That brings up number three?
Speaker 4: He did?
Speaker 1: Who is in Tracy's face? M Tracy? Does he ten
hit your hermer class.
Speaker 4: Which is not seen a mess?
Speaker 8: All right, Fish, you're up?
Speaker 4: Okay, hum.
Speaker 2: Fuck it.
Speaker 9: I'm gonna take the clamps on the jumper cable and
grab his arm.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm throwing dice.
Speaker 4: Now there we go.
Speaker 6: It's an angel twenty all right.
Speaker 1: You snap out with these with these clamps, and you
cramp clamp onto his arm and you squeeze, probably right
at the end to dig in those those teeth that
are on that are on these jumper cables. Yep, I'm
gonna say go ahead and roll me a d D
active game or two.
Speaker 2: D four two D four of damage your strength modifier.
Speaker 4: So this so jumper cables are actually one D.
Speaker 1: Six okay, But because of how you're doing it, that's
as a whip.
Speaker 2: Gotcha, that says a whip.
Speaker 1: So because of how you're doing it, I'm gonna say
it's two D four okay, which is like syche damage.
Speaker 4: Four, So four okay, plus four okay?
Speaker 9: Thank you trying see these nicer gray Because I just
rolled back damage and you said plus strength.
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter because plus strength is five.
Speaker 2: Another five, oh okay.
Speaker 1: So so as you do this, you clamp it around
his wrists and then you yank down and you rip
out his wrists, You rip out the veins in his wrists,
and he bleeds out on the gross.
Speaker 2: Trey.
Speaker 4: I'm away from.
Speaker 2: Number freeze in front of him.
Speaker 5: That is a I believe, Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 4: Thirteen plus two is fifteen.
Speaker 2: Okay, fifteen points of damage? Number four, number three.
Speaker 4: Do I get any extra extra damage?
Speaker 2: You don't need extra damage, You don't need str damage.
Speaker 4: But he burns?
Speaker 2: Yes, but he dies?
Speaker 4: But does it burn?
Speaker 1: He dies like clawing at himself because it's burning so badly.
Speaker 4: Thank you, lick the blood up that Okay, that brings
up number four.
Speaker 2: And he takes out.
Speaker 4: Yes for looks at her best friend.
Speaker 14: I legit did that too, by the way, I know,
I guess for looks at her best friend like.
Speaker 4: It's like an intimidation thing.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you can roll on intimidation.
Speaker 5: Okay, look at him and yeah, it's my intimidation.
Speaker 4: Ooh nineteen.
Speaker 1: Okay, then roll me a constitution check real quick con
savings there just because it's.
Speaker 4: Very spicy, that's a twenty plus.
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, you're fine. This is like mild sauce to you. Okay.
Speaker 1: So he turns, he looks at you, his sword raised
like he's about to attack you. He spins the sword
into his hand and says, the raven mother will kill
you for me and will then us and stabs.
Speaker 2: Himself in the.
Speaker 6: Wha.
Speaker 4: He was a little bitch.
Speaker 2: I mean, he literally committed sepiku.
Speaker 8: But you know, yeah, that's.
Speaker 4: Why I'm calling him a little bitch. Couldn't die with dignity.
Speaker 1: I mean, technically, hot sauce in the blood is not dignity.
Speaker 2: Anyway, he came to his skull basically and the other
guy's like, nah, I'm.
Speaker 4: Good, No, I'm out for that ship.
Speaker 2: So as this guy falls, her starts to fall. You
see his swords start to glow.
Speaker 1: And he stands straight up, his back arched, head to
the sky.
Speaker 2: Her eyes, his eyes glow.
Speaker 1: Red for just a moment, and the eyes meet each
of you one at a time. Then it fades and
he falls to the ground dead, and that is We're
gonna leave this session tonight. Mommy's and Monster's mother knows best.
Speaker 2: Again.
Speaker 1: Please check out our Patreon at www dot patreon dot
com slash P three network. If you guys have any
you guys can find me on Twitter at falcon Jay Moody.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you can find me on Twitter. We're all over
the place at Moody Spine four hundred. That's usually a
tag for everything.
Speaker 1: You can find the P three podcast Network on Facebook
at a slackoff. That is, at a slackoff a s
L A C K O F F.
Speaker 4: Not a jack off.
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, again, thank you so much for joining us,
and we'll see you in two weeks.
Speaker 6: Bye.