Speaker 1: I sat alone at our kitchen island, the stem of
Speaker 1: my one last press type between my fingers, a faint
Speaker 1: print when my lipstick hats smushed red against the rim our.
Speaker 1: Apartment was unusually silent, Nor Dannel flipping through mail by
Speaker 1: the entry away, no ordeer of floating in from his
Speaker 1: many bluted speaker, just the hum of the dishorsher and
Speaker 1: the glow of the undercabinet lighting. My phone sat down
Speaker 1: in front of me, played and replied the night's voice. Mails,
Speaker 1: friends calling, teasing, half in laughter and half in concern.
Speaker 1: Lore tell Daniel will survive without his grilled eggplant, but
Speaker 1: what's the excuse this time? And promotion drinks don't let
Speaker 1: us down? And the last minute texts from Daniel himself,
Speaker 1: white on black in the messages app last minute shifted
Speaker 1: the new Jiminey the tips so sorry, love you, the
Speaker 1: love you with an exclamation mark, a compromise maybe between
Speaker 1: guilt and reassurance. A tiny dark splast stained the marble counter.
Speaker 1: I doubted, absently staring past my reflection in the window glass,
Speaker 1: trying to decide if I was being petty or if
Speaker 1: an actual a colt beneath my ribs to night was
Speaker 1: supposed to be different. A marker, I'd landed the project
Speaker 1: management slot I'd been flown toward for months. But here
Speaker 1: I was not out with our Friday group, not clinking
Speaker 1: glasses with Daniel, but talking back to thin air and
Speaker 1: half finished voice mails. I got up to pour another
Speaker 1: half glass. Daniel's jacket was still flung across the back
Speaker 1: of the kitchen chair, A little mess he made and
Speaker 1: forgotten when he'd come home, and a rushed two hours earlier,
Speaker 1: just swinging by to change spin class would't teach itself.
Speaker 1: I'd barely caught his mouth against mine before he was
Speaker 1: sliding off his old shirt, padding into the bedroom for
Speaker 1: work out gear. Twenty minutes tops and he was at
Speaker 1: the door again, still damp from the quickest of showers,
Speaker 1: his hair spike of water. No time for the abitious
Speaker 1: off smile of the cheeky you going to wear that
Speaker 1: lipstick out on me lorn page. I should have left
Speaker 1: it alone, but after an hour I found myself fingering
Speaker 1: his jacket, folding it with the intent to toss it
Speaker 1: on to his side of the bed, if only so
Speaker 1: the apartment wouldn't look so lopsided. When he came home.
Speaker 1: The scent hit me. Show up expensive and familiar, not
Speaker 1: Jim's weet or the neutral detergent. We liked something floral
Speaker 1: and deliberate, not mine. I held the collar close, then
Speaker 1: tugged the lapell inside out. I half laughed at myself.
Speaker 1: Who was I becoming those women on forums who on
Speaker 1: stitched jacket linings, looking for betrayal in every thread. I
Speaker 1: pressed the jacket to my face again, let the questioning
Speaker 1: burn for just a second longer, before tossing it gently
Speaker 1: back over the chair. I forced myself to wash up,
Speaker 1: brush out my hair, scroll Instagram for thirty slope minutes,
Speaker 1: thinking he works with a dozen women, showers, locker rooms,
Speaker 1: client Hug's god lorn, get over yourself. Still, the perfume's
Speaker 1: trace lingered, soft and insistent as a memory. I couldn't
Speaker 1: quite fall away. I wondered how easily I'd once swallowed
Speaker 1: out Daniel, My Daniel, who coached people through fitness plateaus,
Speaker 1: who paid rent on time out of freelance paychecks, who
Speaker 1: said our alarms ten minutes apart. So I never had
Speaker 1: to feel rushed in the bathroom. Maybe it was just
Speaker 1: the restlessness of pride to the afterglow of a hard
Speaker 1: won promotion turning bittersweet in the echo of an empty apartment.
Speaker 1: Maybe I was just tired. But as I let the
Speaker 1: phone's notifications fade into in red silence and counted off
Speaker 1: steps from kitchen to living room, my footfall in the
Speaker 1: wood flow allowed in Daniel's absence, I couldn't stop replaying
Speaker 1: the sharp chemical sweetness as someone else's perfume, and the
Speaker 1: wondering crept and again, gentle, but an yielding. Is this
Speaker 1: just stress or something else entirely, something that's been growing
Speaker 1: unnoticed until now. It's strange how quickly a person's mind
Speaker 1: skips from certainty to noise. Half asked, the firm lines
Speaker 1: of trust blur. For years, Daniel and I have spoken
Speaker 1: about trust as if it were a living things, something
Speaker 1: you water shield feed, the core principle holding us together
Speaker 1: when everything else feels maddeningly unpredictable. We met nearly six
Speaker 1: years ago, both soaked in sweat and laughter abar class
Speaker 1: on the Saturday morning, each pretending not to be wrecked
Speaker 1: by the cord exercises. I remember him exaggerating the burn,
Speaker 1: holding his own thigh and groaning, God, this is harder
Speaker 1: than resisting cops. After ten poem, I snorted over my
Speaker 1: mat and blurted commitment issues. He laughed by the post
Speaker 1: class granola bar line. Our jokes had tangled thens into
Speaker 1: something genuinely flirtatious. We discovered we both lived on opposite
Speaker 1: ends of the same street, him in a tiny studio
Speaker 1: he'd marked his lugurious by New York Cat's standards, me
Speaker 1: in an equally crant third four walk up above a bakery.
Speaker 1: That first coffee date never felt forced. It was two
Speaker 1: people who weren't supposed to fit. He the playful, motivated
Speaker 1: fitness junkie media ancient, over achieving analyst, finding a rhythm
Speaker 1: as easy as walking pace. The next year, those routines
Speaker 1: knitted themselves into our days. We moved twice, once into
Speaker 1: a slightly bigger rental with questionable plumbing than here, a
Speaker 1: four four two bedroom with more sun than noise and
Speaker 1: enough space for his foam rollas in my over ambitious
Speaker 1: spice rack. Dinners with our city friend group became tradition,
Speaker 1: pre immediates ales Olympic level sarkism. Tom and Elina somehow
Speaker 1: still in the city and still made to everyone's disbelief,
Speaker 1: Joe note would be stand up comic, way less funny
Speaker 1: when sober. Ifan simone who rarely said more than five
Speaker 1: words but always brought the best cheese. We cooked, traded
Speaker 1: stories that our apartments become second homes to each other.
Speaker 1: Every Friday was reserved, no matter what, and Daniel was
Speaker 1: always the first RSVP, the one prodding people along with
Speaker 1: memeso logistics. He'd say, consistency keeps people close. With this light,
Speaker 1: self deprecating tone, just the barest challenge to keep us
Speaker 1: showing up. It wasn't perfect, No city marriages. Daniel's career
Speaker 1: was freelanced by necessity, a patchwork of group classes, private training,
Speaker 1: and most recently, his tenure at the This new sleek
Speaker 1: gem was subscription everything. I envied his freedom, even as
Speaker 1: I worried for his stress. He envied my security, even
Speaker 1: as it often meant I came home dead eyed and drained.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I collapsed into him, letting his broad chest took
Speaker 1: up my muttering about coworkers and the next impossible deadline.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you join our friend's post workout while I fell
Speaker 1: asleep beside my slack notifications. Still we bounced short shots
Speaker 1: on the fridge, Google calendars, unifying the chaos, the bitter
Speaker 1: sweet satisfaction of shared bills and split grocery runs. Even
Speaker 1: our vulnerabilities were kind of ritual. My need for affirmation,
Speaker 1: Daniel's need for routine. I used to joke about him
Speaker 1: hiding his stress and kettlebells and playlists he liked to
Speaker 1: cure in a nightly Spotify queue, each of us adding
Speaker 1: three songs once we were both home, forcing some overlap.
Speaker 1: Ye'll love this new rye X track sweety utolerate country
Speaker 1: music for me, remembered it was mundane and sweet and
Speaker 1: always ours. There had been one explicit promise, hammered out
Speaker 1: in a crowded craft beer bar before we signed the
Speaker 1: first lease. We never lie, not about money, not about time,
Speaker 1: not about needing something different. If it ever feels off,
Speaker 1: we say so deal. Daniel had smiled, reached across the
Speaker 1: sticky table, said, whatever happens, we tell each other, even
Speaker 1: the dumb stuff, even when work is help. Especially then,
Speaker 1: I remember thinking this is what adulthood could be, a
Speaker 1: partnership where truth was the actual currency. The city can
Speaker 1: soften you. Though weeks past ambitions swell and crest, I
Speaker 1: did worry about those times. When I crashed into bed
Speaker 1: steering over a project, and Daniel slept cold beside me.
Speaker 1: He kept his phone fist down, which had occasionally rub
Speaker 1: him about. He'd always answer, I just don't want work
Speaker 1: interrupting us lor the trainer's dump text. All day long,
Speaker 1: money became another background note, a melody. We didn't play
Speaker 1: aloud unless necessary. We pulled our accounts during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: promising to flag any strain, never let pride make us stingy.
Speaker 1: I tried to believe nothing could sneak through cracks like ours. Sometimes,
Speaker 1: after especially empty weeks, I checked my reflection in the
Speaker 1: bathroom mirror, in us myself. Are you missing something or
Speaker 1: just worried you are? To night? The gap between what
Speaker 1: had built in my mind almost sat heavy in my chest,
Speaker 1: felt wider than usual. Friends all out together, Daniel ghost again,
Speaker 1: the egg of celebration and mourning, uncertainty threading through every beat.
Speaker 1: But I kept coming back to that perfume. I tried
Speaker 1: to laugh it off, to picture Danne or clowning around
Speaker 1: in a weight room waving a towel. Someone has brits
Speaker 1: to death, but the image barely held together. Would I
Speaker 1: have notice if tonight wered about me. Did I only
Speaker 1: see what I wanted because I was alone? Or because
Speaker 1: something real was slipping beneath my feet. When Danield did
Speaker 1: get back, while past midnight, he was all easy smiles
Speaker 1: and self effacing apologies. The gin duffel thudding onto our
Speaker 1: hall bench. Big turn to night, he said, flopping next
Speaker 1: to me on the couch, still bright eyed, cheeks flushed,
Speaker 1: as if he'd just run a tank. Everyone wants training
Speaker 1: advice at the same day and time. I'm a star now, babe,
Speaker 1: who needs a day off. He pressed a lingering kiss
Speaker 1: against my temple closeness, normalcy, comfort. He'd already showered at
Speaker 1: the gin by then, or said he had, but he
Speaker 1: made a show of pulling me into his laps, mell
Speaker 1: of conditioner and something still so betraying from his skin.
Speaker 1: I told myself not to worry about the lost hours
Speaker 1: or the tiny cut of floral fragrance still caught in
Speaker 1: a closet air. I told myself tomorrow would ease the tension,
Speaker 1: a Saturday together, coffee refilled and maybe finally a long talk.
Speaker 1: But when I woke, Diana was gone. A text blinking
Speaker 1: on my phone cover Jeremy's ating class don't hate me,
Speaker 1: tell the pillow, I love it. I went about my
Speaker 1: day the kind of blissfully vague Saturday, New York's mistake
Speaker 1: for rest his if my muscles went bracing for some
Speaker 1: unknown blow. On Sunday, I joined pray you for coffee
Speaker 1: that myself grin over my own freshly mint a title
Speaker 1: and bit my tongue when she asked if Daniel was
Speaker 1: really okay lately or just jim obsessed. Home that afternoon,
Speaker 1: I found Daniel in the kitchen, halfway through a fresh
Speaker 1: batch of meal, prep three chicken breast lined on a
Speaker 1: bamboo board, rice steaming, chopping carrots with the necessary force.
Speaker 1: I learned from experience to watch his hands more than
Speaker 1: his face when he was tense. If he kept pausing,
Speaker 1: stretching his fingers, he was overthinking something. When I came
Speaker 1: up behind him, wrapping my arms around his middle cheek,
Speaker 1: pressed his shoulder, his muscles tents just for a moment,
Speaker 1: like a dismelling smoke. The sund again sweet and artificial,
Speaker 1: wrapped around his clothes. You picking up fancy clients or
Speaker 1: just raid in the gift shop. I tried to joke,
Speaker 1: keeping my voice light. He laughed, flicking order off his wrist.
Speaker 1: He'd be amazed what peoples prey on themselves post spin class.
Speaker 1: I live in a lizo cloud. He reached back, tapped
Speaker 1: much in, let his eyes meet mine. Want me to
Speaker 1: buy you something stronger. His words were playful, a little forest.
Speaker 1: His smile landed on my lips, but not quite in
Speaker 1: his eyes. I let it go, I thought. I leaned
Speaker 1: into his back and breed, telling myself that loving some
Speaker 1: one meant believing the best version until proven otherwise. Maybe
Speaker 1: there was no story here. Maybe I was filling in
Speaker 1: the spaces left by too many misd dinners, too much loneliness.
Speaker 1: But somewhere beneath my ribs, a coil of unease went tighter.
Speaker 1: Over the next week. I tried to let works tidal
Speaker 1: wavebury any stray misgivings, clanned emails, new on boarding, the
Speaker 1: relentless pressure to prove myself worthy of the title. I
Speaker 1: clawed toward. Daniel kept odd hours, which I accepted. He
Speaker 1: was a freelancer. That was a compromise the city extracted
Speaker 1: from us. Monday night, I got home to text about
Speaker 1: him staying late to help a new hire get up
Speaker 1: to speed. Photos from the smoothie bar, crowded with trainers
Speaker 1: and brightly branded tanks. Tuesday, he joined me for a
Speaker 1: late night dinner, his mood high. Stories flickering between Jim
Speaker 1: Banter and city gripes, but there were unspoken silences when
Speaker 1: he answered the phone in the other room or disappeared
Speaker 1: on to the fire escape with apod's barely visible. Was
Speaker 1: that really a client call? Was I supposed to be
Speaker 1: comforted that he was so in demand? Wednesday, pre launched
Speaker 1: a group chaff for Friday dinner. Guess who reserved the
Speaker 1: new Italian Place? Mandatory attendant Lauren bring Daniel O suffer
Speaker 1: Birds to Caxile. I saw the notification flash, half expecting
Speaker 1: Daniels giflet an rfvpee. Instead nothing. The conversation trickled on
Speaker 1: restaurant choices, drink perrings, cheerful antagonism. Later, when I texted
Speaker 1: him privately, you saw priism by, he replied, sorry, might
Speaker 1: be wiped Jim's schedule as nuts will know later. Not
Speaker 1: a no, but not his trademark enthusiasm either. By Thursday morning, Prey,
Speaker 1: you texted just me a little more pointed as d
Speaker 1: o K. He was weirdly cagy in the chatch. Usually
Speaker 1: he makes the spreadsheet before any one else. I told
Speaker 1: her he was probably just exhausted, but a tiny bell
Speaker 1: went off inside me. Daniel hated missing these things. He
Speaker 1: called them ours social insurance, the metabolism of friendship, he claimed,
Speaker 1: was more important than physical health. I started running through
Speaker 1: root Jack's grocery receipts calendar invites his chin social feet.
Speaker 1: Not because I didn't trust him, I told myself, but
Speaker 1: because I needed to plan the upcoming weekend and he'd
Speaker 1: grown so vague. His group class calendar looked right on
Speaker 1: the website Stille. I noticed a few oddities on our
Speaker 1: share checking account. Daniel had befrawn forty five dollars with
Speaker 1: the memo fitness Apply, then another thirty eight dollars at
Speaker 1: a juice bar of miles from his supposed work route
Speaker 1: the next night, a late transaction, sixty dollars for a consultation,
Speaker 1: but the gym didn't require trainers to front costs for clients.
Speaker 1: None of the amounts were huge, not exactly red flags,
Speaker 1: but Daniel noticed every ten dollars happy hour. Why get
Speaker 1: secretive about such small up flows? I screenshutted the records,
Speaker 1: thinking maybe I was overreacting. Still that evening, as we
Speaker 1: brushed our teeth together, I half joked blew the budget
Speaker 1: on hand, chalk and green juices. Ha. He grinned at me,
Speaker 1: two pistefulm on his voice. Airy perks of helping rookies out.
Speaker 1: They buy a sip and smile. You want me to
Speaker 1: bring you one next time? No itch of defensiveness, just
Speaker 1: as regular smirk. But I heard the thin edge in it,
Speaker 1: a practiced non and some more than the banter. I
Speaker 1: craved the playlists, though a nightly soundtrack subtly warped. Daniel
Speaker 1: used to keep up in they beats and throwbic dance tracks.
Speaker 1: Suddenly it was all sir peapop ballads, almost all by
Speaker 1: female artists I had never heard of, Renasaweyama Fauchet, a
Speaker 1: few Yeo pop entries, their lyrics all longing and late
Speaker 1: night rendezvous. When I texted him about the change, he
Speaker 1: sent a wink, trying to expand your taste, Babe, you
Speaker 1: have to keep up at Jim Trend's again, almost convincing.
Speaker 1: Almost Friday rolled around and I left work buzzing with
Speaker 1: the din of my teen's congratulations flowers on my desk,
Speaker 1: A bottle of prosecco, even my bosses awkward back pat.
Speaker 1: I left early to meet Daniel at home, picturing us
Speaker 1: walking to dinner hand in hand, may be sharing a
Speaker 1: cap of Priya and Drona. The apartment, as usual, was empty,
Speaker 1: Daniel's gym duffuested by the door. A text last minute
Speaker 1: cover loved so sorry, kept miss it the exclamation mark again.
Speaker 1: I loosened my braid, stirred myself down in the bathroom mirror.
Speaker 1: Was this how resentments are arded? Wasn't I supposed to
Speaker 1: give him space, celebrate his hustle as much as he
Speaker 1: celebrated mine. I plucked Daniel's hoody from the towel rack,
Speaker 1: hoping for his set, something familiar, But the floral note
Speaker 1: was there again, not quite like before, richer, more deliberate.
Speaker 1: I found myself open in our checking up again, scrolling
Speaker 1: to another fifty dollars withdrawal, annoyance and insecurity, nipping at
Speaker 1: each other. I checked his Venmo with transfer out titled
Speaker 1: juice bar w slash n. The only aim I knew
Speaker 1: was an old college friend now living in Boston. I
Speaker 1: told myself, you'd drive yourself knuts if you keep hunting
Speaker 1: for bad news. I shut my phone, focused on the
Speaker 1: bottle of whine. I promised myself would last. I tried
Speaker 1: to forget at dinner, pre kept shooting me pointed glances.
Speaker 1: I gave my most convincing smile, saying Daniel was swamped.
Speaker 1: He'll show, I lied, as if conjuring him could make
Speaker 1: it true. That night, Daniel got home laid. He looked
Speaker 1: too fresh for someone just off work, hair damp, faced
Speaker 1: to shaven, new t shirt. He threw his arms around
Speaker 1: me as if nothing had gone warm, chattering about kill
Speaker 1: amoscle group classes and the new manager being a harness.
Speaker 1: He asked about my night, my friends, my promotionlessen just
Speaker 1: to shade too intently, is laugh bigger than usual. I
Speaker 1: pressed my lips against his jaw, searching for something tied
Speaker 1: sweat or just love. But when he slid away to
Speaker 1: take a coal in the bathroom, I heard another voice, low, laughing, feminine.
Speaker 1: I couldn't make out her words, but caught Daniels. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I miss you too, not long now. When I post
Speaker 1: the door open, he turned fun already tucked away face
Speaker 1: bink spam collar, he said, waving it off. Ye know
Speaker 1: how it is. The Gem's on every list. His smile
Speaker 1: tried to meet my suspicion and swallow it hole. I
Speaker 1: let it ride, not trust exactly, but inertia. I reason,
Speaker 1: maybe he's helping some one, encouraging a new member. He's
Speaker 1: always been the councilor type. The next few days were
Speaker 1: a blur. I worked late, dan Ol ran morning and
Speaker 1: night sessions, bounced and after hours with half finished stories
Speaker 1: about the new tea manned ambitious rookies. I asked, who's Maya?
Speaker 1: You mentioned her sometimes? He pause, then just a flicker, said,
Speaker 1: new trainer just joined. She's hilarious, classic gem overrchiever. He'd
Speaker 1: get along, he smiles, but off for more. I realize
Speaker 1: distantly that I'd never met any of Daniel's new crew
Speaker 1: except in passing, never at our place, never at Groot dinners.
Speaker 1: I tried to talk myself down from worry, telling myself,
Speaker 1: you're being controlling, Loren. Not every friend needs to be
Speaker 1: your friend. Thursday night, I got boulder work was a
Speaker 1: jokee Mill's late meeting's hands. I texted Daniel after seven,
Speaker 1: want me to bring takeout to the gym so you
Speaker 1: don't subsist on protein bars. Not then eight o'clock, still nothing.
Speaker 1: Nine o'clock finally reply eight with tim sorry so so wiped,
Speaker 1: can't wait to see you later. You mean everything. Affectionate, insistent,
Speaker 1: but wrong, somehow, like he was reassuring me no himself.
Speaker 1: When he walked through the door at almost midnight, I
Speaker 1: put on a bright face, forced the energy of a
Speaker 1: partner not growing angry. Did you close the gin down?
Speaker 1: He yawn, changing the subject you want to watch a movie?
Speaker 1: Before I could press, he looked away when I asked
Speaker 1: about his day, cat glancing at his phone, until finally
Speaker 1: he shuffled into the shower. I wanted desperately to trust him,
Speaker 1: but when I tried to Jin's front desk the next day,
Speaker 1: calling and casually asking if Daniel would be around for
Speaker 1: a dropping class, the staff member said he'd left ages ago,
Speaker 1: long before he'd claimed to be finishing up for the night.
Speaker 1: My heart skipped, confused, scared. That night, Daniel came home
Speaker 1: bags in hand, claiming he'd grabbed food with the team.
Speaker 1: I couldn't quite believe him. The contradiction pinballed in my mind,
Speaker 1: keeping me restless past to him. Our social group started
Speaker 1: to notice Friday rolled around again the usual tax call
Speaker 1: for dinner, and again Daniel hesitated, pre pulled me aside
Speaker 1: a brunch, Gentle but insistent. Is everything okay? At home?
Speaker 1: You look like hel do? He's always missing? Now? Is
Speaker 1: he troubled? Do you know? There was no accusation, but
Speaker 1: the pressure in her eyes was unmistakable. I think he's
Speaker 1: just stress. I lied, You know how guys are retreat
Speaker 1: and brewed, then exploded in meal prep. I tried to laugh,
Speaker 1: felt my chest tighten, but my patience ran out. On
Speaker 1: a rain soop. Wednesday evening, I left work early, excitement
Speaker 1: and nose mixed. Deciding to surprise Daniel after his late shift.
Speaker 1: I dropped into the gym just as classes ended, expecting
Speaker 1: to find him corraling new members, maybe even to meet
Speaker 1: this mysterious Maya. The front desk manager, bright an overly
Speaker 1: chipper appeared at a schedule. I think Daniel left half
Speaker 1: an hour ago. He's not teaching any more to night.
Speaker 1: She looked me up and down, offered a forced smile.
Speaker 1: You just missed him. I stood there, clutching my umbrella,
Speaker 1: half wet, half huming my mind spawn What was I
Speaker 1: supposed to do? Now? Wait in the street stock him?
Speaker 1: What kind of person does that. I left, stung and embarrassed.
Speaker 1: When Daniel came home an hour later, he smelled like
Speaker 1: vanilla candles, sweet, cloying, nothing I recognized. He dropped his
Speaker 1: bag by the door and launched into another round of excuses.
Speaker 1: Team dinner ran late. Sorry, honestly, wasn't paying attention to
Speaker 1: my phone. He wrapped me up, nuzzling into my hair,
Speaker 1: but I was rigid, heart drumming with suspicion. Later I
Speaker 1: heard him on the phone again, voice soft attention in
Speaker 1: his words, Yeah, I'm sorry, it's been crazy, not long
Speaker 1: out promise. He clicked the door closed as I pretended
Speaker 1: to shower my spy and burning with silent questions. The
Speaker 1: next day, I brought up Maya, asking off hand if
Speaker 1: he wanted to invite her on the team to our place.
Speaker 1: She seems fun, if she's anything like what you describe.
Speaker 1: He stiffened, just slightly, putting away groceries. Not sure they'd
Speaker 1: a dinner party type, he said, dismissive. It's just work,
Speaker 1: war work, always work. I let it drop, hidden and
Speaker 1: of throwing in my finger tips as I stacked the
Speaker 1: dishwasher and replayed every strange half conversation, every odd evasive moment.
Speaker 1: That night, I fell asleep scrolling through daniels Spotify account.
Speaker 1: His playlist was loaded with melancholy love songs again, crescendos
Speaker 1: and heartbreaks, every LERCCDA message. I added an old favorite,
Speaker 1: Terretha Franklin, a kind of test. The next night it
Speaker 1: was gone, replaced by a song called Underneath It All.
Speaker 1: I couldn't make sense of it, so obvious, I almost
Speaker 1: thought I was imagining it. I tried talking to Priya
Speaker 1: instead of voicing my actual worry. I started with work stress,
Speaker 1: letting my voice crack just enough that she could hear
Speaker 1: something truer underneath. I just feel out of sync. Do
Speaker 1: you ever have that? She watched me, knowing skilled at patience.
Speaker 1: Let me know if you need help, was all she said,
Speaker 1: squeezing my hand before she left for the subway. Left alone,
Speaker 1: my mind spun in loops. Was Daniel cheating? Or was
Speaker 1: I just paranoid letting anxiety fill the blank spaces left
Speaker 1: by his absences and my own exhaustion? I didn't know.
Speaker 1: All I knew was that when I pictured saying something
Speaker 1: out loud, actually confronting him, the words knotted in my
Speaker 1: throat more terror than mage in the thought of being
Speaker 1: proven either right or wrong. By the end of that week,
Speaker 1: everything snapped. Daniel came home Friday night, all false casunless.
Speaker 1: He dropped his phone face down, whipped out a half
Speaker 1: melted pint of ice cream, and switched on an old movie.
Speaker 1: I waited until the opening credits to bring it up.
Speaker 1: Does Meyer ever talk about her clients outside of work?
Speaker 1: He hesitated, then shook his head. Work's work, nothing interesting.
Speaker 1: She's seeing some one else anyway, He looked relieved to
Speaker 1: say it. That night, I crept back into our shared
Speaker 1: checking account. There was a month old transfer, this time
Speaker 1: to mis Fitness Consultancy, one hundred twenty dollars flagged in
Speaker 1: the memoirs of her special sessions, but the gim front
Speaker 1: descandled all transactions, not trainer's direct accounts. I sat in
Speaker 1: the dark, knees pulled to my chest, feeling the city's
Speaker 1: glow through the window. I told myself tomorrow i'd stop guessing.
Speaker 1: I'd ask directly. Whatever it took before I could work
Speaker 1: up the courage, Daniel announced on Saturday, let's get away.
Speaker 1: Borrowed a friend's cabin, just us, no phones, no group chat.
Speaker 1: You need to break its your celebration week. He looked eager,
Speaker 1: almost desperate. I wanted to say no, but his hand
Speaker 1: came to rust on my back, a comfort I hadn't
Speaker 1: let myself craven weeks. We drove north, The air turned clear,
Speaker 1: the roads washed with golden leaves, city worries scraping away,
Speaker 1: mile by mile, Dan, He'll put on our old playlist,
Speaker 1: back to Indy rock, inside jokes, sneaking in them. For
Speaker 1: a moment, I wanted to believe this was the answer,
Speaker 1: an escape, not a retreat. At the cabbin, he made dinner,
Speaker 1: opening wine he'd hidden in the trunk, dear in the
Speaker 1: meadow outside the window. We laughed about nothing about old
Speaker 1: group dinners, about my terrible triad yogre. We made love
Speaker 1: bright and slow, the way we hadn't in months. In
Speaker 1: the glow of the fire, I heard myself say, I
Speaker 1: don't want to lose you. I just sometimes I feel
Speaker 1: distance and I don't know if it's you or me.
Speaker 1: He held me forehead to mine, voice trembling. I've been stupid,
Speaker 1: just trying to feel you. You're doing so well, lour,
Speaker 1: I get in my head. Work is hard right now,
Speaker 1: I don't always know where I fit. I promised nothing bad,
Speaker 1: no secret, not from you. I wanted to believe him.
Speaker 1: I did. I felt guilty for every suspicion, the finances,
Speaker 1: the perfume, the music, all reasonable, may be all excusable.
Speaker 1: That night I fell asleep on his chest, heart lighter
Speaker 1: than it had been in months. The next morning, the
Speaker 1: drive back was all sunlight and possibility. Daniel humb along
Speaker 1: with the playlists, drumming the steering wheel. I arrest stop.
Speaker 1: His phone buzzed. I was barely listening as he shrugged
Speaker 1: his jacket off to use the restroom, but then the
Speaker 1: screen lit up white white in the cup holder. Missing
Speaker 1: you already so well. It wasn't the words but their timing.
Speaker 1: We just left the cabin. Who could possibly miss him already?
Speaker 1: He came back seconds later, snatched the phone so quickly
Speaker 1: as handshook work drama. He mumbled, Phil survive. He kissed
Speaker 1: my cheek, but I couldn't meet his eyes. That night,
Speaker 1: back in our apartment, I couldn't hide my attention. Free
Speaker 1: A text a quicker how isier? Getaway? Then the dam broke.
Speaker 1: I called her, this time telling as much of the
Speaker 1: truth as I voice. Something is happening, Priya. I think
Speaker 1: he's lying to me. I don't want it to be that,
Speaker 1: but I can't breathe not knowing any more, she listened
Speaker 1: steady as ever. O, k lor, you want me to
Speaker 1: call or tax need company? No, I need help. I
Speaker 1: need to know what's real. Prayer Ever, my shield started
Speaker 1: poking around. She soon found blurry photos in public posted
Speaker 1: Daniel crushing those late night classes with Meyer again, a
Speaker 1: caption late tagged at the gim Meyer always just out
Speaker 1: of frame private accounts, but her profile picture was a
Speaker 1: minimalist flower logo. I stared at it, remembering the bathroom shelf,
Speaker 1: Daniel's new expense of bath jowl, the brand of rose shaped.
Speaker 1: I can not my work. I pulled up our shared
Speaker 1: acount's transaction list again, with dread mounting. I saw more
Speaker 1: transfers small regular to Maya's business name, unmatched any gym
Speaker 1: classes listed in the public calendar. Still, I told myself
Speaker 1: he could be helping her at loaning money, covering a
Speaker 1: work friend in trouble. That's Daniel, But the excuse is
Speaker 1: tangled in my throat. I called the gym as a
Speaker 1: potential client, asking when Daniel would next be teaching the
Speaker 1: men scene. Flustered Daniel, He's off the schedule until next week.
Speaker 1: He had a few days off for ALM. Family stuff.
Speaker 1: Family stuff, the thing he never mentioned. Three times he
Speaker 1: told me he got in each time, supposedly pulling extra shifts.
Speaker 1: My mind darted for a dozen explanations. Was he picking
Speaker 1: up freelance work elsewhere, meeting someone being paid under the
Speaker 1: table for private consulting. I tried again to talk to him,
Speaker 1: referencing Maya's name. I've never met her, but you mention
Speaker 1: her more than any one. What's she like? He bristled,
Speaker 1: voice rising, Why are you so interested? She's a friend?
Speaker 1: Lor you get jealous over nothing sometimes? He walked out,
Speaker 1: full clamp to his ear, coats swinging behind him. I
Speaker 1: texted pre again, my nerves raw. She offered to come over,
Speaker 1: but I needed Daniel to be gone, needed quiet to
Speaker 1: stare down the evidence. That night, Daniel got home past you.
Speaker 1: He fumbled the keys, music playing quietly from his phone
Speaker 1: when he tiptoed to the bathroom. I unlocked the device.
Speaker 1: Our paskets always shared until now. I opened his messages.
Speaker 1: The latest thread was pinned my emoji and all the
Speaker 1: conversation was brutal in its clarity, hard emojis, can't wait
Speaker 1: to see you again after dark photos. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to see receipts for hotel rooms near the gem. My
Speaker 1: hands shook so hard the phone nearly slip from my group.
Speaker 1: He came out of the shower, humming that new Playliss song,
Speaker 1: wet hair freshed his shirt, oblivious. My heart finally clear,
Speaker 1: thud it in my chest. This is it, It's been
Speaker 1: here all along. What happens now? What do I do
Speaker 1: now that there's no maybe left? Only truth spread open
Speaker 1: like a wound, raw and blinding under our kitchen lights.
Speaker 1: I set the phone down, quiet as a thief and
Speaker 1: let myself fall onto the couch, Cold, awake, breathless, I
Speaker 1: stared into the city night, while Daniel flicked off the
Speaker 1: lights behind me, calling out bed soon. I didn't answer.
Speaker 1: I didn't eat you, not yet, because tomorrow I would.
Speaker 1: My phone buss quietly on the coffee table, A sudden
Speaker 1: break in the hush, pray again, sending a late night
Speaker 1: mima raccoon with its hands on its cheeks, captioned when
Speaker 1: your intrision is on levels not yet recognized. Besides It
Speaker 1: almost made me laugh, but mostly made me ache. I
Speaker 1: typed back, fingers stiff, keeping it together. Talk soon. I
Speaker 1: thought I might be able to sleep, might just drift
Speaker 1: and light exhaustion drag me under, but my mind wouldn't slow.
Speaker 1: I lay in bed, waiting for the familiar weight of
Speaker 1: Daniel next to me, but he state sprawled on the couch.
Speaker 1: I listened his sighs, his rustling as he checked his
Speaker 1: phone over and over, the faint squak of the floor
Speaker 1: bows as he crept quietly to the kitchen for water
Speaker 1: somewhere around for ahem. I heard muffle from behind the
Speaker 1: bathroom door, a voice that wasn't his tinney quick laughing
Speaker 1: too softly to make out another call. Or was he
Speaker 1: listening to a save message. I rolled, pulling the sheet
Speaker 1: over my head as if it could shield me from
Speaker 1: the fatch pressing at my back. When he finally came
Speaker 1: to bed, he didn't touch me. He settled with a
Speaker 1: faint gap between us, a careful stillness, and his shoulders
Speaker 1: like if he didn't move nothing wild if I wanted
Speaker 1: if he was awake, wondered if he confess, wondered if
Speaker 1: I wanted that at all now? Or if it would
Speaker 1: just break something neither of us could fix. Morning blurred
Speaker 1: between my fingers. I rose before my alarm, showered with
Speaker 1: the hot water all to myself, and moved through every
Speaker 1: virtual thinking, this is the last time it will feel normal.
Speaker 1: Cinnamon in the coffee k news on, just loud enough
Speaker 1: to fill a room, but not enough to demand attention.
Speaker 1: Daniel got up late, rubbing his eyes and shivering in
Speaker 1: the kitchen. His hair was still damp when he poured
Speaker 1: his coffee, eyes refusing mine. Did you sleep okay, I asked,
Speaker 1: my voice, feathering the air between us. Yeah. His answer
Speaker 1: was automatic, not even close to convincing. He turned the
Speaker 1: mug in his hands and looked out at the slanting sunlight.
Speaker 1: Couldn't settle. I nodded, waiting for him to add something, anything,
Speaker 1: but he focused on string honey into his cup like
Speaker 1: the motion could carry him through the next minute. I
Speaker 1: need to talk to the landlord about the hull heater,
Speaker 1: I said, nonsense, avoidant, he grunted an agreement, still not
Speaker 1: facing me. Between spoonfuls of yogurt. I forced myself to
Speaker 1: speak quietly. Can we have dinner to night? Just as
Speaker 1: nothing special? I feel like we haven't you know, just
Speaker 1: sat together. The effort it took to sound cashle nearly
Speaker 1: broke me a pause. Yeah, I think I'm free. He
Speaker 1: wouldn't look up. Voice pushed so softly I almost missed it.
Speaker 1: I'm round alpha six. Wan't take out? Or should I cock?
Speaker 1: I wanted to say, I don't care, I just want
Speaker 1: my husband prison. Instead, I said, whatever's easiast? I just
Speaker 1: need to see you to day. Sure, he said, then
Speaker 1: I'll do something nice. He squeezed my shoulder, brief and
Speaker 1: ginger in apology or a plea, or maybe just the
Speaker 1: only touch he still thought he was allowed. When he
Speaker 1: left for the gym, I watched from the window as
Speaker 1: he crossed the street head down. Hans shoved in his
Speaker 1: battered jacket, The city reflected in glass and puddles, everything
Speaker 1: to ordinate to match the ruin I felt looming. He
Speaker 1: paused to check his phone again at the corner. I
Speaker 1: wanted to bang on the glass to make him look
Speaker 1: up and wave, to pull him back into the safe,
Speaker 1: stupid week day routines that suddenly felt like luxury. Instead,
Speaker 1: I picked up my own phone and call Priyer. She
Speaker 1: answered on the thorough rain, forced bright and guarded all
Speaker 1: at once. Hey lady, you okay? This morning? I held
Speaker 1: my breath, then let it out. Can I come over?
Speaker 1: Of course? She said, no hesitation. Her apartment was blessedly warm,
Speaker 1: little kitchen crowded with tiny succulents and mugs that didn't match.
Speaker 1: She pushed a plate of time at me, then poor coffee,
Speaker 1: then waited. I fiddled with the crust until my throat loosened.
Speaker 1: I checked Daniel's phone last night. I said, barely above
Speaker 1: a whisper. There are messages, there's a hotel, it's Maya.
Speaker 1: It's not I'm not crazy, Priya, It's exactly what I
Speaker 1: was afraid of. Priya's face didn't change, but she reached
Speaker 1: for my hand, squeezing hard. B lor I shook my head,
Speaker 1: words tumbling out. I kept hoping he was just work
Speaker 1: or ego or stress, something stupid that we laugh about
Speaker 1: next month. But he's been lying to my face for
Speaker 1: weeks months. Maybe do you want to confront him, if
Speaker 1: she asked quietly. Tears prickled under my lashes. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I want. I want him to say something real for once.
Speaker 1: I want my life back. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: a suspicious person. Priya, I really don't. She knelt beside me,
Speaker 1: wrapping her arms tight. Listen, even before you say anything,
Speaker 1: you know it's not you who did this. You can
Speaker 1: be angry or sad or whatever. You don't have to
Speaker 1: perform sainthood right now. I shook out a half bitter laugh. God,
Speaker 1: I don't want drama. I just want the truth. Is
Speaker 1: that so much? She met my eyes. And if you
Speaker 1: get it, what then then I decide what my life is?
Speaker 1: I said, quick and brittle, both star two. She nodded
Speaker 1: to night to night. She refilled my coffee, scattering the
Speaker 1: silence with small questions about work and family, helping me
Speaker 1: anchor to the surface of my life. I left her
Speaker 1: place feeling steadier, but also half petrified. Daniel, my Daniel,
Speaker 1: would have to face this. I wasn't sure if I'd
Speaker 1: be angry or if I'd just collapse under the weight
Speaker 1: of it. On the train home, as girl threw old
Speaker 1: photos in my phone Hymn Sumburn on the Jersey Shore,
Speaker 1: I smashed into a photo booth a string of both
Speaker 1: the cakes lit up for my friends. I looked for
Speaker 1: signs for crack snow one saw then I found only joy.
Speaker 1: Too clear, two defenseless to have lived on a fault line.
Speaker 1: I tried to distract myself through the afternoon, cleaned everycounter,
Speaker 1: emptied and refilled drawers straight in the spice rack, then
Speaker 1: the bookshelf in Daniel's closet. The fresh laundry still carried
Speaker 1: that faint, expensive sweetness, proof of things I couldn't think.
Speaker 1: I lingered, holding a shirt to my face. Was it
Speaker 1: worth the show of normalcy? Was this clinging to help
Speaker 1: or just habit? I debated, calling the gym again, badgering
Speaker 1: the manager, demanding schedules, exposing myself as a jealous wife. Instead,
Speaker 1: I clicked through Facebook and Instagram. MEA's profile was still loft,
Speaker 1: but another trainer, Roberto, had tagged the night ELL's picture again,
Speaker 1: Daniel face wide open with laughter, Maya's face nearly of
Speaker 1: Gibb behind his shoulder, her hand visible on his back.
Speaker 1: Day in time, last Wednesday, ten fifty six pum the
Speaker 1: night had come home, telling meeting dinner ran late, My
Speaker 1: hands shook hard her. With every new pixel of evidence,
Speaker 1: there were more tact posts, now random Jim's stories, always
Speaker 1: showing Daniel and Meyer at the fringes of group events,
Speaker 1: never quite close, but always in shot. Sometimes Daniel's arm
Speaker 1: found its way round her for a joke, his smile
Speaker 1: huge and emburdened. Every image was a punch, a new
Speaker 1: angle of betrayal, right where I'd least wanted. Around five,
Speaker 1: Daniel texted home soon, picking up groceries. Any cravings. I
Speaker 1: considered saying what I actually wanted, but replied, maybe something
Speaker 1: light sell. Oh, whatever you feel like, he replied with
Speaker 1: a heartened monsieur, I see you soon. I left my
Speaker 1: phone on the counter, stared at the wall for a second,
Speaker 1: then pulled myself together and started setting the small dining table,
Speaker 1: just as I would any other Thursday. Not performing, I
Speaker 1: told myself, just making it easier to start in neuful ground.
Speaker 1: When Daniel came in, he carried a brown bag and
Speaker 1: a warry, soft smile, Hey chest night off. I grabbed routssary,
Speaker 1: bread and stuff for salad. We unpacked in silence, moving
Speaker 1: around each other with awkward care. He tried to fill
Speaker 1: gaps with small talk weather, new jim equipment, a funny
Speaker 1: thing the neighbor's dog had done. I nodded, non committal,
Speaker 1: setting plates. Finally, over a forkful of greens, I said Dan,
Speaker 1: I have to ask you something. Please don't lie. He
Speaker 1: froze mid bite, lowering his fork. The silence stretched. I
Speaker 1: pressed on, hot thrushing. I know about my I know
Speaker 1: what you've been doing. I know about the messages, the hotels.
Speaker 1: Thou know about the money. Please tell me what's true.
Speaker 1: He stayed, very still, breathing uneven. Then very quietly, you
Speaker 1: look through my phone, yes, I said, steady as I
Speaker 1: could manage, because I had to. You won't telling me anything.
Speaker 1: He pressed his hands over his face, elbows on the table,
Speaker 1: as if he could wipe the world away. Or He began,
Speaker 1: then stopped. Was any of it real? I asked, unable
Speaker 1: to keep the edge from my voice. Was it just
Speaker 1: the last few months or has it been forever? Why
Speaker 1: did you let me sit here, working, worrying, celebrating alone
Speaker 1: while you wallwed. He looked up, eyes raw, lips pressed high.
Speaker 1: It started not the way you think I was spiraling.
Speaker 1: You were always winning at work, always looking ahead. I
Speaker 1: felt small, she noticed, that's all. At first. I never
Speaker 1: intended it. He broke off. I shook my head, tears
Speaker 1: hot at the corners of my eyes. You took our money, Daniel,
Speaker 1: You lied about work. You let me cover everything while
Speaker 1: you played out somewhat fantasy relief from your own insecurities.
Speaker 1: He flinched. I tried, voice rising with a bitterness. I
Speaker 1: barely recognized. You don't know how it was r I
Speaker 1: felt invisible to you, useless. He joked about breasticks and
Speaker 1: spreadshets and didn't see I was drowning. He shoved his
Speaker 1: chair back, pacing the living room. Mya listened. She's thought
Speaker 1: I was interesting. She liked my ideas for the trainer's,
Speaker 1: my playlists, my stupid jokes, and you just what let
Speaker 1: me believe everything was fine? I asked, trembling. He stopped,
Speaker 1: hand pressed flat to the wall. He never noticed when
Speaker 1: I was home, not really. He were always solving some
Speaker 1: one else's problems. I told myself I'd fix it before
Speaker 1: it meant anything. That it wasn't physical at first, but
Speaker 1: it was for I'm not making excuses. I'm so ashamed.
Speaker 1: I white tears away, trying to siften my voice. I
Speaker 1: believed everything you ever told me. I believe nothing could
Speaker 1: happen to us if we just talked, if we just try.
Speaker 1: My hands on the table were called fist clenched. Did
Speaker 1: you want me to find out. Did you care at all?
Speaker 1: His voice crumpled. I didn't want to hurt you. I don't.
Speaker 1: I can't explain why I did any of this, but
Speaker 1: I can't take it back either. I stared at him,
Speaker 1: the shape of his body as foreign as a hotel
Speaker 1: room bed. The truth gaped between us, ugly and fast.
Speaker 1: Do you love her? Or did you just need someone
Speaker 1: to clap for you? He turned away, silent. I heard
Speaker 1: the waiver in his breath. Answer enough. I pressed my
Speaker 1: hands flat to the table, trying to ground myself. He
Speaker 1: need to leave to night. My voice, though thin, was absolute.
Speaker 1: I can't look at you, not right now. I can't
Speaker 1: begin to know how to fix this for if I
Speaker 1: want to. Daniel sagged, head bowed. I'll go, he said.
Speaker 1: He went to the bedroom, stuffed clothes and tore the
Speaker 1: trees into a bag. Was slow, uncertain movements. I sent
Speaker 1: Praya a text. It's done. He's leaving. Please come, she
Speaker 1: answered instantly, on my way. Just before Daniel left, bag
Speaker 1: over his shoulder. He paused in the hall, not quite
Speaker 1: able to turne back to me. I'm so sorry, lorn
Speaker 1: I never meant to break us. I nodded, unable to speak.
Speaker 1: The door shut gently behind him. Fifteen minutes later, Prey arrived,
Speaker 1: arms already open. I let myself crumble for a few
Speaker 1: blessed moments into the arms of some one whose loyalty
Speaker 1: was clean and sure and asked nothing of me but honesty.
Speaker 1: We sat in the living room. She poured us wine,
Speaker 1: turned on every lamp, and let me two silence. If
Speaker 1: I needed it. I froze our joint bank cards, move
Speaker 1: bills back to my own account, all in a fog
Speaker 1: of practical necessity. When the group chap Pingdollen asking about dinner,
Speaker 1: I send a quick, shaky but deliberate message. Can't make it,
Speaker 1: need it. At home, Daniel text you once. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: for everything. I'll be gone a while. I turned off
Speaker 1: my phone, numbed by the edges of the night, letting
Speaker 1: the realization settle in fits and starts. Priya me tea
Speaker 1: check e mail, the small reduced blocks of friendship. I
Speaker 1: was glad for her presence, but equally grateful for the
Speaker 1: moment she let me be alone inside my head, measuring
Speaker 1: wreckage and slow staving increments. After she left, pressing a
Speaker 1: final fearce hug into my shoulders, and saying you know
Speaker 1: where I am. I was left with the hush of
Speaker 1: an apartment and eat of Ault's good illusions. For a
Speaker 1: long time. I sat at the kitchen, island wine, untouched,
Speaker 1: looking at the reflected dock of the windows, the city
Speaker 1: lights far off from bright. I deleted Daniel's playlist, the
Speaker 1: pop ballads evaperating from the queue, one touch at a time,
Speaker 1: quite settled round me. Not a comfort just yet, but
Speaker 1: no longer suffcating. I walked the length of the apartment,
Speaker 1: lights switched off room by room, until only the blue
Speaker 1: haze from the city carried through the windows, the faint
Speaker 1: hum of life going on, endless and merciless. I let
Speaker 1: the sound fill me, let it rise over the silence,
Speaker 1: and for the first time time in a very long time,
Speaker 1: I opened my own music, something soft, something I did
Speaker 1: not have to share with any one. I let it play,
Speaker 1: the unfamiliar melody trembling in the air, and I sat
Speaker 1: down to listen, tears running down my cheeks and drying
Speaker 1: in the open and guarded, harsh, the city glow at
Speaker 1: methu glass, waiting, unsympathetic but full of possibility. I didn't
Speaker 1: know what would come next. I only knew the next
Speaker 1: breath was mine alone. The city's blue, static and sheer
Speaker 1: glass still pressed at my window. When I finally rose
Speaker 1: from the kitchen island. My legs move more from the
Speaker 1: memory of purpose than any real will. The clock takes
Speaker 1: somewhere into the morning, pree as once in the apartment,
Speaker 1: replaced by that old hush again. I loaded Daniel's plates
Speaker 1: into the dishwasher, his favorite mug into the drawing rack,
Speaker 1: and let the tap run longer than usual, as if
Speaker 1: the water could clean more than just dishes. The wine
Speaker 1: sat and touched a shadow on the marble, and the
Speaker 1: apartment absent his careless messes felt almost hotel sterile. My
Speaker 1: chest ballooned with relief and panic at once. No more
Speaker 1: guessing or spying, no more maybe clinging to each exchanged look,
Speaker 1: but also avoid so sharp it left me eumurred. The
Speaker 1: first coal started at Donna, Daniel's brother. Then I muted
Speaker 1: four smell from his mother. Words clipped and worried, Each
Speaker 1: bus send a spike down my neck. I silenced the phone,
Speaker 1: but left it near, as if some message from Daniel,
Speaker 1: anything clear and final. My tumble in I didn't answer,
Speaker 1: couldn't shape my mouth around explanations I hadn't yet accepted myself.
Speaker 1: My own mother, always late to technology, texted softer, love you, proud,
Speaker 1: call if you need. I copied back a simple heart.
Speaker 1: It felt like both a truth and a lie. I
Speaker 1: turned over Daniel's playlist again, just to check. I hadn't
Speaker 1: imagined to leading it done. Not a single song we
Speaker 1: shared over the years. I remembered every time he'd said
Speaker 1: music is memory, and wondered how long it would be
Speaker 1: before that ida stopped ringing in my ears like accusation.
Speaker 1: The practical details bled into the morning call in the bank,
Speaker 1: freezing the joint credit cards, changing streaming passwords. Prayer texted
Speaker 1: Miss Greenscher from the group chat, a flurry of concerned questions,
Speaker 1: not about Daniel, but about me. I responded with the
Speaker 1: bare minimum in EA time, not up for company, and
Speaker 1: felt the old scaffolding of our social ritual strain but
Speaker 1: not quite collapse. The city outside roared along horns and
Speaker 1: trash tracks, oblivious inside, I flinched at every familiar noise,
Speaker 1: each creek, suggesting Daniel might suddenly reappear. Keys at the door,
Speaker 1: as if nothing had snapped the night before, the consequences
Speaker 1: began to ripple in ways I couldn't anticipate. Around noon,
Speaker 1: Elena called her voice a blend of confusion and forced cheer.
Speaker 1: Do you want to reschedule dinner for next week? Or
Speaker 1: do you want to take a break from hosting for
Speaker 1: a bit? No pressure? Lore the unspoken question why hadn't
Speaker 1: Daniel said anything? Why the sudden freeze? I heard myself answer,
Speaker 1: let's wait, things are in flux. I knew I'd just
Speaker 1: written a warning incode for every friend in the group.
Speaker 1: I tried to work Hemia's piling, sluck Channel's pinging, but
Speaker 1: my folks refused to stick. My inbox was a blurw
Speaker 1: of congratulations and urgencies that now felt like relics from
Speaker 1: a different life. I tried replying to a few sentences,
Speaker 1: coming out clipped in brittle, then close my laptop and
Speaker 1: let my head sink into my hands. The promotion, which
Speaker 1: had glittered for just a moment, now felt almost embarrassing,
Speaker 1: A bit of vanity paid for a heartbreak. By four,
Speaker 1: the apartments hush already felt too complete, a kind of verdict.
Speaker 1: I moved Daniel's bear shoes into the front closet. When
Speaker 1: singers each thud marked his absence. My hands trembled on
Speaker 1: the shoelaces with every item I touched. Old routine surfaced
Speaker 1: him swearing at lost socks, the two of us laughing
Speaker 1: over a snatched shoelace, baking cinnamon rolls that ended up
Speaker 1: like cocky pucks because he'd iboled the flower. Small mundane joys,
Speaker 1: each now lined with a jail. Every few minutes, Daniel's
Speaker 1: name blinked back from my phone history. No new messages,
Speaker 1: but the suggestion of apology, trailing for old notifications. Once
Speaker 1: I nearly dialed, driven by the urge for one more
Speaker 1: round of explanation, one more turn at asking why until
Speaker 1: something made sense. I didn't. There was too little left
Speaker 1: to rescue, too much that would only wind again. I
Speaker 1: knock came at my doorge's past five. My stomach dropped.
Speaker 1: I opened it to Tom, our most loyal friend in
Speaker 1: our groups. Unspoken referee. He shoveled his weight and looked
Speaker 1: past my shoulder. Gentle but insistent. Priya called me. She
Speaker 1: said you might be having a rough go. He held
Speaker 1: out to take out container somosis and called neodle salad,
Speaker 1: our shared comfort food. I just wanted to check you
Speaker 1: don't have to say anything. I stood aside in silence,
Speaker 1: let him drop the container on the kitchen counter. He
Speaker 1: didn't ask about Daniel just started talking about ridiculous, distracting things,
Speaker 1: his absoltest crash his cat's diet and open myket bar.
Speaker 1: He bombed so hard even the barton to clapt in sympathy.
Speaker 1: I let him fill the air, nodding, grateful for details
Speaker 1: that belonged to some one else's world, even for a
Speaker 1: little while. Eventually he's quinted at me, lowering his voice. Listen,
Speaker 1: whatever happened, We're here for you've even if you never
Speaker 1: want to talk about it. He left the summosis and
Speaker 1: a stray fortune cookie. If you decide yekneed backup, just
Speaker 1: text per you will hand us all down anyway. I
Speaker 1: squeezed his hand and promised i'd let him know when
Speaker 1: he left. I locked the door twice. My phone vibrated
Speaker 1: Daniel's brother again, then Daniel himself just I'm sorry, and
Speaker 1: a few minutes later, I'll give you space. I blocked
Speaker 1: a number, almost as an experiment, wanting to feel line
Speaker 1: finally actually crossed. The relief was tremulous. They doubled back
Speaker 1: on itself raw's a skin knee. Late that night, after
Speaker 1: scraping a meal together and letting dishes pile, I curled
Speaker 1: up with the takeout and flipped on the local news
Speaker 1: for background noise. Though the first time in years, I
Speaker 1: didn't text Daniel good night, didn't wait for his to arrive.
Speaker 1: The kitchen light off, shads crowding in. I counted off
Speaker 1: the hours of his absence. The next morning, Friday, the
Speaker 1: routine pressed up against me, with logicalless urgency each hour
Speaker 1: coffee laundry. When I opened the hamper, one of Daniel's
Speaker 1: old sweatshirts, forgotten to softwith where caught me off guard.
Speaker 1: I hugged it with niece to my chest, firm in it.
Speaker 1: The scent, now a mixture of detergent in that stubborn
Speaker 1: expensive floral perfume. I pressed my face into it until
Speaker 1: breathing grew hard, only letting go when the urge to
Speaker 1: saw passed like a tide going out. My email pained
Speaker 1: with updates, harp paperwork for the promotion, a calendar invite
Speaker 1: for a team celebration, Already a specter of Daniel missing
Speaker 1: from my plus one. I checked the shad budget one
Speaker 1: more time. Our joint account, once lovely with Petty scuobl
Speaker 1: was of a smooth's and sudden takeouts blurges now frozen.
Speaker 1: Old Daniel's atis locked out. The new power was embittering.
Speaker 1: My test felt both stronger and stripped bare. In the
Speaker 1: late afternoon, pre called I'm outside, no arguments. I let
Speaker 1: her in, let her claim the couch and the remote
Speaker 1: and the task of just being there. She scolled past
Speaker 1: Daniel's usual programmes, choosing an old show she knew I loved.
Speaker 1: Through the stilted dialog, We've formed almost normal conversation until
Speaker 1: she finally broke the surface for as gentle as water.
Speaker 1: You want to talk about it at all? I can't
Speaker 1: stop replaying everything, all the years, all the dinners and
Speaker 1: secrets and promises. It doesn't make sense, I said, not
Speaker 1: sure what answer I wanted. She shook her head. Betrayal
Speaker 1: never does or half the time it's about the person.
Speaker 1: Half the time it's about what we missed, what we
Speaker 1: let go. She tucked her legs beneath her, meeting my eyes.
Speaker 1: Do you want company to night? I can drag over
Speaker 1: John and Elina or just us. I shook my head.
Speaker 1: I won't quiet, but thank you. I pressed her hand,
Speaker 1: grateful for her anchoring, for her refusal to make this
Speaker 1: about empathy or rage or healing. We sat side by side,
Speaker 1: silence so long I could hear her breathing. Just before leaving,
Speaker 1: she pressed a posted note unto my fridge, Ye get
Speaker 1: the first move. No one else. The hour's dulled and
Speaker 1: then sharpened, daylight sliding oranges and grays along the hardwood.
Speaker 1: I found myself opening the hallway closet just to prove
Speaker 1: Daniel's jacket and shoes were really gone, that he wouldn't
Speaker 1: magic ald tumble and apologizing again, everything swept back to
Speaker 1: old normal. Each confirmation landed with a jolt of loneliness,
Speaker 1: a reminder that absence was now the rhythm of every
Speaker 1: space in the apartment. Daniel texted around midnight, this time
Speaker 1: from a new number. Please let's talk just once. I
Speaker 1: left it and read and plugged my phone and went
Speaker 1: to bed, heart broken, certain that answer, and even just
Speaker 1: with anger, would dragged me back into some one else's story.
Speaker 1: But consequences have a way of rippling past the walls
Speaker 1: he draw. Saturday dawned with more than digital ghosts. At
Speaker 1: noon into calm, buzzed. I half thought of hiding, but
Speaker 1: habit propelled me to answer. It was Daniel too, thin
Speaker 1: eyes red rimmed, a weak's beard showing he held nothing,
Speaker 1: not even a coat, his hands up and almost pleading.
Speaker 1: I braced myself in the door frame, bore discourage to
Speaker 1: his Can I talk to you just for a minute, please,
Speaker 1: lore His voice was lower, hoarse. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I want that, I said. I can't promise any not
Speaker 1: even anger. He nodded, arms hugging his chest, spying bent
Speaker 1: into the threshold. Just a minute. I need you to understand.
Speaker 1: We stared at each other. Finally, something in his stance,
Speaker 1: less demand, more defeated help, spurred me to step back.
Speaker 1: He hovered in the doorway, then took two slow steps in,
Speaker 1: eyes brimming but not quite broken. He didn't cry. He fidgeted,
Speaker 1: turning the cough of a sweatshirt round and round. You
Speaker 1: don't owe me anything, not after what I did. But
Speaker 1: I need to own it to you, not just out loud.
Speaker 1: I stayed against the far counter, arms folded tight. He lied.
Speaker 1: He took my trust an oomine and threw it away.
Speaker 1: It wasn't just a mistake, Daniel it was every day,
Speaker 1: every story, every time I felt crazy and you let me.
Speaker 1: He nodded, had ducked almost to his chest. I know,
Speaker 1: I know I did that. I kept waiting for the
Speaker 1: guilt to make me in it sooner than Maya and
Speaker 1: the lying. But every day I didn't, I got more afraid.
Speaker 1: I convinced myself fixing it was possible if I made
Speaker 1: you happy enough. In between, Do you love her? His
Speaker 1: hands shook No, not really. I liked being chosen that
Speaker 1: like the way she looked at me, I told myself,
Speaker 1: if you were too far away, too busy to accomplish
Speaker 1: for someone who was just hustling jim shifts and fighting
Speaker 1: late birls, I hid where I felt small. He hesitated words, tripping.
Speaker 1: She was never important the way you are. I hate
Speaker 1: myself for needing a validation. My heart tangled, anger, relief, pity,
Speaker 1: all useless languages. Here you wanted to hurt me, he
Speaker 1: shook his head. Never. I wanted to fix it before
Speaker 1: you found out. But I couldn't stop wanting at the attention,
Speaker 1: the escape from my own disappointing self. Every time I
Speaker 1: lied felt more impossible to stop that. I had this
Speaker 1: story in my head lore that as long as I
Speaker 1: came home to you, I wasn't really betraying anything by word,
Speaker 1: I said flatly every time. Daniel blinked, tears, clothes, but unfallen.
Speaker 1: I know I'm not asking for forgiveness, just for you
Speaker 1: to know that losing you that's the only thing that
Speaker 1: finally broke through. I wish I've realized it mattered this
Speaker 1: much before I could ruin it all. The apartment was
Speaker 1: silent except for our breathing, his jagged, mine, short and thin.
Speaker 1: I don't know what happens now, Daniel. I don't know
Speaker 1: how you fixed this, or if I want it fixed.
Speaker 1: What you did it shattered everything I thought was strong
Speaker 1: about us, about me, he called eyes. I'll give you
Speaker 1: a tever space he need. I won't fight for the
Speaker 1: old normal he deserved to choose. I'll cover my share
Speaker 1: of the rent, whatever's left, and then I'll leave you alone.
Speaker 1: I unfolded my arms, turned away so I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: to see his brokenness. It was too costly to aid him,
Speaker 1: too raw for absolution. You need to go, Daniel. I
Speaker 1: mean it. No messages, no late night apologies. He broke
Speaker 1: your last promise. Theres nothing left now but space. He hesitated,
Speaker 1: searching my face for a sliver of hope or reprieve.
Speaker 1: I stayed blank, immovable. He nodded, swallowing back whatever words
Speaker 1: had crowded his mouth. He stepped into the hallway, the
Speaker 1: door closing behind him, slower than I thought possible, each
Speaker 1: footful vanish until the stairwell had eaten him completely. I
Speaker 1: waited a long moment before finally sliding down to the foe,
Speaker 1: back against the closed door, heart pounding with loss, in
Speaker 1: something like relief, the fall out spun out in tiny,
Speaker 1: necessary flames. Grouped dinners, canceled, joint bank statements mailed under
Speaker 1: my own name, fragile emails to both families, my side,
Speaker 1: proud and protective Daniel's mother straining for a neutral dignity
Speaker 1: and how simple. I'm sorry, Lauren, he's lost, not you.
Speaker 1: Friends arrived with food and sharp stories, never pressing, but
Speaker 1: always present. I boxed as belonging sneakers, extra headphones, a
Speaker 1: tangle of favorite T shirts, and set the box in
Speaker 1: the entryway, labeled to my cleanest script. Daniel pre texted
Speaker 1: you ready for fresh air or more hiding. I left
Speaker 1: her on reef for now, needing the hush to echo
Speaker 1: a little longer, one sharp. How after Daniel's departure, I
Speaker 1: opened the whollway window and let the city's evening in
Speaker 1: hail sweep in Raymond headlights blur out the faint send
Speaker 1: of summer time, Brest just beyond reach. The world pressed
Speaker 1: forward indifferent, but the air tasted fresher than I had imagined.
Speaker 1: Sitting on the wood boards, I steadied my hands and
Speaker 1: pressed play on a new playlist, mine alone. No share
Speaker 1: jokes occurded nostalgia. The music uns pulled through the silence,
Speaker 1: unfamiliar and quietly fierce against a hush. I let it
Speaker 1: build just for me. The city led a jagged necklace
Speaker 1: along the sky line, and in that glow I felt
Speaker 1: the first trace of space I could fill. However, I
Speaker 1: chose a beginning drawn from Ruin, not because I wanted it,
Speaker 1: but because it was mine to claim. With every passing hour,
Speaker 1: the apartment began to feel both like a crime scene
Speaker 1: and a place of small, stubborn resilience. I opened a
Speaker 1: window wider than usual, letting Saturday unwind around Meatrok's packing
Speaker 1: up in the alley, a neighbor shrieking a laugh across
Speaker 1: the cultia out of the hint of some one's grilling
Speaker 1: bleeding through the air. For the first time in what
Speaker 1: felt like years, I wasn't checking the clock to pivot
Speaker 1: pluns around. Daniel wasn't waiting for the sound of his key,
Speaker 1: pretending disappointment was a form of patience. The freedom was
Speaker 1: jagged and raw, but it was real. Prea texted around
Speaker 1: mid day, Elina wants to know if she should make
Speaker 1: you sup or Margarita. The offer made me ache I
Speaker 1: texted back, neither, moving. I hear tomorrow, I'll provide the popcorn. Companionship.
Speaker 1: I realized didn't have to be a performance. Now friends
Speaker 1: could fit around my sorrow without trying to paper it over.
Speaker 1: But each hour also surfaced new scenes of consequence. For one,
Speaker 1: the gem called a polite Tenny voicemail on my phone. Hi, Laurin,
Speaker 1: this is Brittany, the membership coordinator at POWRAP, just doing
Speaker 1: a customer satisfaction follow up. We haven't seen Daniel on shifted.
Speaker 1: I deleted it, handshaking, unwilling to hear the full context.
Speaker 1: If they were full up for Daniel at work, if
Speaker 1: my or any one else was forced to adjust, that
Speaker 1: was no longer my territory. I minded myself fiercely that
Speaker 1: world was never truly shared. Financial relics lurked everywhere while
Speaker 1: to pay reminders and over seats stuck to the fridge,
Speaker 1: the gym's logo gusting from a reusable bag in the pantry.
Speaker 1: Each reminder felt like a dare. I sat at the table,
Speaker 1: loped out of our shared budgeting app and we entered
Speaker 1: my own information making everything that could be just Lauren
Speaker 1: Brand utilities, even Spotify small grown up details. But every
Speaker 1: click shipped another old marker of ust into something pointedly singular.
Speaker 1: One by one, mutual friend's message with cautious cod concern,
Speaker 1: joelmost Earnd a gift of a skeleton drinking tea with
Speaker 1: still here for you drama or not. Elenady made a
Speaker 1: photo of us all smashed together on the high line,
Speaker 1: loss ful, Daniel's arms sin surround my shoulders, my face
Speaker 1: turned up to the on. She simply asked, save this
Speaker 1: or delete. I breathed out of type save. I'm not
Speaker 1: ride in the past, just living with the nail. Even
Speaker 1: Daniel's absence began to mutate. I fountasts he'd always handled,
Speaker 1: resetting the Wi Fi swapping a laundry load, falling to
Speaker 1: me again, clumsily at first, but without the irritation I'd
Speaker 1: once felt. The burden now was an in the silence,
Speaker 1: not the division of labor. Yet even as I stumbled,
Speaker 1: nothing fell apart. I dusk. The city's rhythm was a
Speaker 1: pulse outside, to car horns and laughter, someone's music bleeding
Speaker 1: down the hall. I poured myself tea, stared at the
Speaker 1: window at the glowing superstore sign across the avenue, and
Speaker 1: facedake of not being missed, of having no one to
Speaker 1: plan for. It was both a relief and a form
Speaker 1: of grief I hadn't known would cut so clean. The
Speaker 1: real crescendo came that evening, one last moment demanding actual reckoning.
Speaker 1: I was bagging up the first round of Daniel's clothes,
Speaker 1: careful not to lose myself in the fabric, when my
Speaker 1: phone rang again. The number was unknown local. On instinct,
Speaker 1: I answered, I, expecting a telemock eater, maybe Daniel in disguise,
Speaker 1: But the voice was a woman's low and deliberate. Hi,
Speaker 1: is this Lauren Page, I hesitated, but answered, this is Lauren.
Speaker 1: A pause, Then this is Maya. I nearly dropped the phone.
Speaker 1: He flashed down my back. I moved to the bedroom,
Speaker 1: shut the door, and held the phone so tight my
Speaker 1: fingers ached. Maya's words came quick, apologetic but businesslike. I
Speaker 1: shouldn't be calling, but Daniel told me he'd left. I
Speaker 1: wanted to say I'm sorry. He never should have brought
Speaker 1: you into our mess. It's over on my side too,
Speaker 1: and I made the clear to day. If you need
Speaker 1: anything cleared up with the Jim, if you want the fax,
Speaker 1: let me know. My breath felt sharp at the ages
Speaker 1: I managed. I don't think I want to know more details,
Speaker 1: but thank ye. I hope you take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: I nearly hung up, but found myself asking hol on.
Speaker 1: Her sigh was quick and bitter. Three or four months,
Speaker 1: I pulled away a few times. He made a sound temporary,
Speaker 1: a crisis. He never talked about you accept when I pressed.
Speaker 1: I ended it this morning for real. She sounded older
Speaker 1: suddenly than Daniel had described, less the sudactive shadow, more
Speaker 1: just exhausted. Thank you for calling, I said, hearing my
Speaker 1: own voice like it was coming from the bottom of
Speaker 1: a well. She paused, you didn't do anything wrong, whatever,
Speaker 1: he implied, then softer take care, Lauren. The line went dead.
Speaker 1: I sat on the bed for a full ten minutes,
Speaker 1: foam press to my knee, breathing shallow and metallic. It
Speaker 1: was everything I'd already known, but clearer. No romance, just
Speaker 1: need hurt. People heard in each other in a loop.
Speaker 1: I went to the bathroom's blushed water on my face,
Speaker 1: stared myself down in the mirror. I looked different, older, drained,
Speaker 1: but also a little freer, like the strain of sustaining
Speaker 1: hope had ashed me overnight, but also carved away every
Speaker 1: last illusion. It was late by the time I braced
Speaker 1: to finish the job. I packed Daniel's remaining things, a
Speaker 1: toiletry bag, his battered kindle, a stack of gin fliers
Speaker 1: and old birthday cards. I set them by the door,
Speaker 1: texted Prey quietly done and Sandeline in emoji hart declining
Speaker 1: to morrow's dinner plan. Both replied with simple affirmations, no pressure,
Speaker 1: no platchutes, only proof that love could be gentle, not demanding.
Speaker 1: When the apartment settled again, I watched the light fade
Speaker 1: out of every window. I turned on a single lamp
Speaker 1: mid tea, and for the first time settled into the
Speaker 1: full company of my own solitude. The walls no longer
Speaker 1: pressed in. I could hear my heart beat, the tap
Speaker 1: of my spoon, the shuffle of neighbors threw thin walls.
Speaker 1: I wanted to mourn the life I'd built, wanted to
Speaker 1: rache or break something, but all I felt was spent, hollowed,
Speaker 1: and strangely ready. With hands steadier than I expected, I
Speaker 1: drafted an email to Daniel, you're things or box bydy entry.
Speaker 1: I'll be out from eight to ye tomorrow, windows open
Speaker 1: with the spare key by the mat. Please do not
Speaker 1: come back after I'll change the locks by next week.
Speaker 1: I didn't threaten or beg I didn't ask for answers
Speaker 1: or forgiveness. I gave him logistics to goodbye, as plain
Speaker 1: as any invoice, and as vinyl, I pressed sent, deleted
Speaker 1: his contact, then turned every notification off for the week end.
Speaker 1: On n impulse, I emailed the landlord about lock replacement,
Speaker 1: adding my own name as the sole leaseholder. Concrete steps, final,
Speaker 1: and sure. Each click was a kind of medicine, unpleasant
Speaker 1: but working none the less. There were tears, hot private,
Speaker 1: sharp little spikes that had nowhere left to prick, but immered,
Speaker 1: But they were not the same tears as before, they
Speaker 1: were cleaner. Alone in my quiet, strapped down living room,
Speaker 1: I let myself sit, then finally stretched out, watching patterns
Speaker 1: of city light stroked the ceiling. The world went on on,
Speaker 1: carrying and dazzling outside my window. And this time, when
Speaker 1: I reached for my phone, I did not search for
Speaker 1: Daniel's name, did not open the old playlist or the
Speaker 1: message threads where life had gone brittle with lies. I
Speaker 1: turned instead to a blank screen and tied out a
Speaker 1: new list groceries, books to borrow, people to tixt, not
Speaker 1: out of habit, but out of true, mutual wish plans
Speaker 1: that were nobody's but my own. I put the kettle on,
Speaker 1: then walked to the windows and drew them wide open.
Speaker 1: Late spring poured in, full of gloomy promise and distant music.
Speaker 1: I press play and a song. I chose for myself
Speaker 1: a new sound, blunt and and complicated, throwing right beneath
Speaker 1: my skin. The city's noise tangled with melody, and for
Speaker 1: the first time since everything had broken, I felt my
Speaker 1: lungs fail, not with someone else's secret or someone else's longing,
Speaker 1: but with air my own, sharp and hole in my chest.
Speaker 1: The night shimmered, and I stood there, letting it in.
Speaker 1: That was the real closing of our chapter, not with
Speaker 1: slimming doors or final words, but with a simple and
Speaker 1: wavering truth. I was still here. I was choosing quietly
Speaker 1: but absolutely everything that came next.