Speaker 1: Us studious. Welcome to the Stillness Journal. I'm Maya, and
Speaker 1: to day I want to talk about something quiet and brief.
Speaker 1: The practice of letting people in. Not the loud kind
Speaker 1: of opening, not the kind that announces itself, but the small,
Speaker 1: daily kind, the kind or you lower a wall just
Speaker 1: a little and trust that the person on the other
Speaker 1: side will be gentle with what you have been hiding.
Speaker 1: If there is a part of you that has been
Speaker 1: keeping others at arm's length, this practice is for that part,
Speaker 1: the part that learned somewhere along the way that closeness
Speaker 1: costs too much, the part that decided quietly that it
Speaker 1: was safer to stay a little distant, the part that
Speaker 1: has been carrying the weight of being almost known but
Speaker 1: never fully known. We live in a world that rewar
Speaker 1: is the kind of self sufficiency, a world that admires
Speaker 1: the person who does not need anyone, the person who
Speaker 1: handles things alone, the person who appears from the outside
Speaker 1: to be completely fine. And if you are a person
Speaker 1: who has learned to look like that, you have probably
Speaker 1: also learned to keep the tender parts hidden, the soft parts,
Speaker 1: the parts that long to be seen. But staying hidden
Speaker 1: is its own kind of exhaustion. It takes a lot
Speaker 1: of energy to cure it. Which parts of yourself you show.
Speaker 1: It takes a lot of energy to translate your real
Speaker 1: feelings into the more acceptable version. It takes a lot
Speaker 1: of energy to perform being okay when you are not,
Speaker 1: and over time that energy adds up. It leaves you
Speaker 1: tired in a way that sleep does not fix. Letting
Speaker 1: people in is not the same as telling everyone everything.
Speaker 1: It is not the same as being an open book.
Speaker 1: It is not the same as having no boundaries at all.
Speaker 1: Letting people in is a much jedler thing. Letting people
Speaker 1: in is not the same as telling everyone everything. It
Speaker 1: is not the same as being an open book. It
Speaker 1: is not the same as having no boundaries at all.
Speaker 1: Letting people in is a much jetler thing. It is
Speaker 1: the willingness to be seen in small, imperfect way. It
Speaker 1: is the willingness to let someone notice that you are struggling,
Speaker 1: even if you do not need them to fix it.
Speaker 1: It is the willingness to receive a small kindness without
Speaker 1: immediately deflecting it. And for many of us, that willingness
Speaker 1: is hard. It is hard because we have been taught
Speaker 1: in subtle ways that kindness is suspicious that if someone
Speaker 1: is being gentle with us, they probably want something, or
Speaker 1: that if we let someone see us, they will leave,
Speaker 1: or that the soft parts of us are not really
Speaker 1: worth being seen. Settle in if you can, let the
Speaker 1: body find a place where it does not have to perform,
Speaker 1: let the shoulders release, let the breath go slow. You
Speaker 1: do not have to figure out how to let anyone
Speaker 1: in right now. You only have to notice that there
Speaker 1: is a part of you that wants to, and that
Speaker 1: wanting is already a kind opening. I think sometimes we
Speaker 1: keep people at a distance because we are afraid of
Speaker 1: what they will find. We are afraid that if they
Speaker 1: really see us, the tired parts, the confused parts, the
Speaker 1: parts that are still figuring things out, they will lose interest.
Speaker 1: So we put forward a curated version, the best version,
Speaker 1: the most together version, and we hope that the curated
Speaker 1: version will be enough. But the curated version, however beautiful,
Speaker 1: is still a kind of hiding. And the people who
Speaker 1: would love you best are not the people who love
Speaker 1: the curated version. They are the people who would love
Speaker 1: the one underneath, the one who is uncertain, the one
Speaker 1: who is soft, the one who sometimes needs help, that
Speaker 1: someone notices you are quieter than usual and gently asks
Speaker 1: what is going on, the way that someone remembers the
Speaker 1: small things you have told them and brings them back
Speaker 1: to you months later. That kind of being known is
Speaker 1: not weakness. I want to invite you, in this moment,
Speaker 1: to imagine being fully known by someone, not in a
Speaker 1: dramatic way, not in a confession kind of way, just
Speaker 1: in the everyday way. The way that someone knows you
Speaker 1: are tired before you say so. The way that someone
Speaker 1: notices you are quieter than usual and gently asks what
Speaker 1: is going on the way that someone remembers the small
Speaker 1: things you have told them and brings them back to
Speaker 1: you months later. That kind of being known is not weakness.
Speaker 1: It is the deepest kind of strength. Letting people in
Speaker 1: is not something you do once. It is a practice.
Speaker 1: It is something you choose again and again in small moments.
Speaker 1: The moment when you say I'm not okay instead of
Speaker 1: I am fine, The moment when you let someone see
Speaker 1: you cry, the moment when you accept the offer of
Speaker 1: help even when you are planning to do it alone.
Speaker 1: Each of those small moments is a wall coming down,
Speaker 1: and each wall that comes down to does not make
Speaker 1: you weaker. It makes you more reachable, It makes you
Speaker 1: more real, It makes you more available to the kind
Speaker 1: of love that does not require you to be perfect.
Speaker 1: And there will be times when you let someone in
Speaker 1: and they will disappoint you. That is part of being human.
Speaker 1: Some people will not handle your softness well. Some people
Speaker 1: will use what you share against you. Some people will
Speaker 1: simply not be able to meet you where you are.
Speaker 1: That is not a reason to close up again. It
Speaker 1: is a reason to choose more carefully the people you
Speaker 1: let in, and to keep choosing even after a wound,
Speaker 1: to stay open. You are allowed to test the windows.
Speaker 1: You are allowed to leave a door slightly ajar. You
Speaker 1: are allowed to let someone in slowly, on your own terms.
Speaker 1: I want to say something to the part of you
Speaker 1: that has been keeping everyone out. I see you. I
Speaker 1: know you are doing it to protect yourself. I know
Speaker 1: you learned somewhere that protection was necessary. I know that
Speaker 1: the walls you built kept you safe in a time
Speaker 1: when you needed to be safe. And I want you
Speaker 1: to know that the walls that kept you safe then
Speaker 1: do not have to keep you separate. Now you are
Speaker 1: allowed to test the windows. You are allowed to leave
Speaker 1: a door slightly ajar. You are allowed to let someone
Speaker 1: in slowly, on your own terms. You do not have
Speaker 1: to do it all at once. You can let someone
Speaker 1: in for five minutes. You can let someone in for
Speaker 1: one sentence. You can let someone in for the smallest,
Speaker 1: most ordinary moment. The point is not the size of
Speaker 1: the opening. The point is the willingness to make one.
Speaker 1: Even a tiny one is enough to begin. And the
Speaker 1: people who are meant to be close to you, the
Speaker 1: ones who can be trusted with the somp parts, will
Speaker 1: be gentle with your small openings. They will not push,
Speaker 1: They will not demand more than you have offered. They
Speaker 1: will simply be present in the space you have made
Speaker 1: and respect that you are trying. And in that respect
Speaker 1: you will find a little more safety. And a little
Speaker 1: more safety is a little more room to open. That
Speaker 1: is a kind of letting into, a quieter kind, a
Speaker 1: kind that does not require words. I want to say
Speaker 1: a few more things about what letting people in is not.
Speaker 1: It is not the same as needing someone to complete you.
Speaker 1: It is not the same as giving up your your
Speaker 1: own center. It is not the same as losing yourself
Speaker 1: in another person. Letting people in is the practice of
Speaker 1: being fully yourself and letting someone else be fully themselves
Speaker 1: and finding that you can be in the same space
Speaker 1: without either of you disappearing. It is also not the
Speaker 1: same as telling everyone your story. There is a kind
Speaker 1: of intimacy that does not require narrative. There is a
Speaker 1: kind of closeness that lives in shared quiet two people
Speaker 1: sitting in the same room, not talking, but fully present.
Speaker 1: That is a kind of letting into a quieter kind,
Speaker 1: a kind that does not require words. And sometimes the
Speaker 1: person you let in is not another person at all.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it is you. Sometimes the practice is to let
Speaker 1: yourself in, to allow yourself to be in your own
Speaker 1: life instead of standing outside of it, observing, to be
Speaker 1: present for your own feelings instead of narrating them, to
Speaker 1: be gentle with yourself in the way you have been
Speaker 1: waiting for someone else to be. That is also a
Speaker 1: kind of opening, a foundational and kind because you cannot
Speaker 1: fully let other people in until you have let yourself in,
Speaker 1: until you have given yourself permission to be here, fully
Speaker 1: in your own body, in your own moment, without apology.
Speaker 1: And if it feels scary, that is okay. Scary means
Speaker 1: you are doing something new, Scary means you are stepping
Speaker 1: into a slightly larger life, and the more you practice,
Speaker 1: the less scary it becomes. Not because the openings get smaller.
Speaker 1: For the days ahead, I want to leave you with
Speaker 1: a small practice. Pick one person this week, not the
Speaker 1: closest person, not the most distant, just one person, and
Speaker 1: offer them a small piece of your real self, not
Speaker 1: the curated version, not the version you usually show. Something small,
Speaker 1: a sentence about how you are actually feeling, a truth
Speaker 1: you have been holding, a softness you have been hiding.
Speaker 1: It does not have to be a big conversation. It
Speaker 1: can be a text. It can be a sentence over coffee.
Speaker 1: It can be the way you let your eyes meet
Speaker 1: theirs without looking away. The point is the honesty. The
Speaker 1: point is the willingness to be seen, even briefly, as
Speaker 1: you actually are, and if it feels scary, that is okay.
Speaker 1: Scary means you are doing something new. Scary means you
Speaker 1: are stepping into a slightly larger life, and the more
Speaker 1: you practice, the less scary it becomes. Not because the
Speaker 1: openings get smaller, because you get braver, because you begin
Speaker 1: to trust slowly that the soft parts of you are
Speaker 1: worth being known, and as you go through the rest
Speaker 1: of your day, I want you to carry this with you.
Speaker 1: The walls you built kept you safe, and they did
Speaker 1: their job, but you do not have to live behind
Speaker 1: them forever. You are allowed to leave a window open,
Speaker 1: You are allowed to let someone see the soft parts.
Speaker 1: You are allowed finally to be known, not for what
Speaker 1: you have accomplished, not for what you have gotten through,
Speaker 1: just for who you are, quietly, imperfect, tenderly. So go gently,
Speaker 1: go gently through the rest this day. Notice the moments
Speaker 1: where you feel like hiding, Notice the moment where you
Speaker 1: feel like letting someone in. And instead of automatically choosing
Speaker 1: the wall, try just once choosing the window.