Speaker 1: It's here, the fourth installment of the greatest adventure ever
told for the medium of podcast and then comic book.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: Aubers and Dragons presents Chronicles of Calamity Issue four on
Indiegogo now. Now that our heroic team are assembled, it's
time for them to face off against their most deviant
opponent yet, their own ineptitudes and also a demon horse.
Funding now on Indiegogo. With amazing art and almost as
much laughter as there is Gore, Chronicles of Calamity brings
you a hyper violent crescendo that you will not want
to miss.
Speaker 2: Have no idea what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Missed out on the first three issues. Fin not wastrel.
We're offering all four issues in digital format. That's right
to the digital. But if you fear technology, as you should,
we've got gobs of physical holding your hands per It's available,
gobs of them. I tell you, go to indy Gogo
now to see what ethereal delights await you. Chronicles of Calamity.
The legend doesn't shut up.
Speaker 2: This is not don't expect to be breads on your life.
Speaker 3: Down. It's turned a straight from the g.
Speaker 2: Don'ta min because you'll find no be survived inside courst.
Speaker 4: Hey everyone, and welcome to Authors and Dragons side Quest,
the every other week non game in which well we
do something other than play a game, which sometimes includes
playing a game, but that won't be this week. My
name is Rick Quilteririon. Joining me today are MK Gibson, E. M. Kaplan,
Steve Weatherill and Robert Bevin.
Speaker 2: Hello, everybody who side Quest introductions are getting increasingly comfilated.
Speaker 5: I hear the Drew's fingers. Uh, there was a problem
with his surgery, and it just got worse, Like he
put the wrong fingers on the wrong hand. Now they're
facing the wrong way, so that to redo it all.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's oh well, it'll joined us next time.
Speaker 5: We wish him well.
Speaker 4: Nothing worse than a backwards hand job.
Speaker 3: So I've had for anyone listening outside of context, Drew
is fine. He didn't actually have surgery.
Speaker 4: He'll be wondering why he's getting get well cards. Right.
Speaker 5: This is the carryover joke I did from Question Office
whenverybody's got the bucket. I went into like you know
I for example, like like when I took over for John,
like John was getting sicker and sicker every time he
wasn't there, and I was warning the show. So that's
just my carryover joke, and I think it's all funny.
Speaker 6: So fuck me is just giving a reach around.
Speaker 4: One of these weeks, kipping's gonna kill one of us off,
and like we're gonna be wondering why people are sending condolences.
Speaker 3: Oh, like, what's this GoFundMe? What's going on?
Speaker 2: Why I'm dying? All right, well we should probably clarify
what we're actually doing on the side.
Speaker 5: Here for mister Bevin Part two.
Speaker 4: I don't know this is your map.
Speaker 5: We're here for?
Speaker 6: What?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 5: What are we here for?
Speaker 3: You're asking me nobody knows we're.
Speaker 6: Here audience questions And I'm hoping you'll pretend I'm dead
so that people will start buying shingles.
Speaker 5: It's what he would have won it by the time
this airs. And will we passed? My birthday? Says my
birthday wishes for you all to buy my books. And
if you have time left over, please get some shingles.
Speaker 2: So books, yeah, not just I mean you can.
Speaker 5: It's just good shingles.
Speaker 2: It's his birthday, there is he says.
Speaker 5: All right, yeah, but we're here for some questions. Every
ready for the first question.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's do questions.
Speaker 5: Yeah, this correctly?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 2: Hang on, I see you've set up some sort of
visual accompaniment to.
Speaker 5: The did I did well? There we go zack of
all trades or zach out for the abbreviations. What's the
stupidest hill that you're gonna die on?
Speaker 2: I think answers in this chap. I'm gonna die on
Blueberry Hill just to really fuck up everyone's day.
Speaker 5: What hot take does anybody have about anything that you're
gonna say? I I know, no, I will die on
this hill.
Speaker 6: Ah, Brendan Fraser sucks you son of a ditch well conversation.
Speaker 3: That it comes out winging.
Speaker 6: That's why that's caught.
Speaker 4: What dying on a hill is Steve chose violence.
Speaker 2: He chose you be very uh dedicated to to Brandon Fraser.
You've had a gripe with that man for some years now.
It's even made into your books. I think fuck Brendon
Fraser is written in one of.
Speaker 6: Your er We talked about that last night. Found out
Gibby hasn't read the shorts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I see, Yeah, then that's that's why he doesn't
hate Brandon Fraser.
Speaker 5: He asked me why I'm why I'm a fan of his,
and like.
Speaker 2: Why are you a fan of is? If I told
him to No.
Speaker 6: I asked, how do you not know that I don't
like Brendan Fraser.
Speaker 5: Because I just didn't know that. I I I thought, okay,
here I find him to be universally beloved, So I
guess that never came into mind. Also, I hadn't read
the shorts. I write a lot of things under under
the un doesn't mean I believe those things.
Speaker 6: No, I'm talking about me. I talked about out this frequently.
Speaker 2: Is Seri's cannon that he despises Brendon Frame.
Speaker 5: God have I missed this, guys, because it's like I
could understand things like Monkey Bone or you know some
people doing don't like the Dazzle, but like you know
the Mummy and you.
Speaker 6: Know, man, these are all fun, that's all fuel.
Speaker 5: Uh, the one where Joe Pesh is the homeless guy
to take care of with honors.
Speaker 6: I don't even know that.
Speaker 2: Georgia of the Jungle, Blast from the Past, that was fun.
Speaker 5: Flash from the Past, great.
Speaker 6: Movie, Because are hurting me with every title.
Speaker 2: We should have. We should have a Brendan Fraser movie Nights.
Speaker 3: See now, I know that Bevin has hated Brendan Fraser
since before his return with the Whale and all that stuff,
and even now and now it makes it harder because
you know he's even more.
Speaker 5: That's Academy Award winner Brendan Frasier to you.
Speaker 2: So yeah, so glad he bounced back from his troubles
and his back in the butt, like just like, nope,
fuck him.
Speaker 6: That's offensive to me.
Speaker 5: So was thor So like Marvel movies. So yeah, Emily,
what's your what's your? What're you gonna die on?
Speaker 3: This is? This is gonna be a very gen X
kind of answer. But I'm kind of mad about so
many things that I'm like, there are no hills that
I would probably die on. I would just slay whatever.
Speaker 5: Everything that could really piss off a fan, gutter just
like everyone else.
Speaker 3: That I could piss off a fan. I can't do that.
I'm I'm lovable, God damn it.
Speaker 2: We need we need somebody on this podcast to be lovable. Gibbie,
stay away from them hills, Emily. We've got too many
dead hills on this podcast.
Speaker 5: Steve, do you have any I.
Speaker 2: Got a new one today. Actually, I was looking through
some of the new D and D artwork.
Speaker 5: I saw that on slacks.
Speaker 2: I think this might be like my Ghostbusters twenty sixteen
is a shit movie hill, like, oh, you're going to
die on that hill. It's like, no, I'm just going
to be correct on this hill. But I think the
new D and D artwork there's something about the style.
I'm not sure what the style is called. It's very
soft and past and everybody looks very kind of wispy,
and oh, aren't we having a great time. I'm like, no,
give me. I want to see like muscular dwarfs with
their veins popping out being enraged. I don't want to
see them baking fucking cookies for each other. There's good,
I understand, Like, you know, you don't want to you
want it to be accessible, so you don't want it
to be like two hyper grimm duck matcho and not
everything needs to be forty K. I get that, But
as this has just gone right out the other fucking side,
and I think there's something about it is I just
feel weaker and less. I look at it and I
just feel weak and like I don't want to go
on an adventure.
Speaker 5: I you're not wrong. I feel that way a little
bit myself when I see it, because here's the thing
that's it's not the D and D for me. We
were talking about this right before the for you guys
saw reckon, I were chatting about about it. I'm not
gonna be grudge somebody I know exact clearly, but it's
but it's not for me. There which I grew up in,
like we're you're not, you're not. You are marching through
like oceans of blood and death and pain to get
to like the thing at the end. And it's not
like let's all open up a latte shop and scones
and talk about our rabbits.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say, it's kind of like remaking Conan
the Barbarian with Michael Sarah, but but then I realized
I would watch.
Speaker 2: That funny at least, But there's nothing to get funny
about this. It's just, hey, we're just hanging out in
our fantasy world. It's like, fuck, you go fight an
orcut put your oven mits down and fight an orc.
But and it's not just the like the fact that
they are in scenarios where it just doesn't seem very
inspiring or adventure like. It's more like it's just the
art style. It's very very tepid, very weak, very it's.
Speaker 5: Very fluffy it is. It has a soft pastel field,
doesn't have that hard angle, and that I.
Speaker 4: Didn't think the game is called Dungeons and Dragons. There's
no hint of dungeon there.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Kitchens and cookies, hoy, it.
Speaker 5: Does kitchens and fantasy kitchens and cookies.
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying there isn't room for that. There
absolutely is room for that, of course, but you've taken
don't backtrack s die on the hill. No, I mean
that could be a separate thing. Do kitchens and cookies
do like a game kitchens and cookies? It will be
fucking great for the people who like that. But if
I and I saw, like the dwarf is there baking cookies.
Oh and what surprise, he's got a little cat walking
around his legs. Yeah yeah, but no, I like cats,
but people are just weirdly obsessed with cats. And here's
the thing. I know, there's like some American controversy, stupid rumors,
but dwarfs actually would eat cats. And that's the hill.
I'm gonna die in the fan to see world the
Dwarlf would not have a pet cat. That cat would
be in a sandwich pretty fucking quickly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like, because you're a tall person and
I'm sure you really should shut the hell up.
Speaker 2: Well, we know you're a dog. Passon, Emily.
Speaker 3: So yeah, she annoyed me today though, so I was
picturing her on a spit.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 4: No, it feels like officially admitting to be to being
a D and D dwarf.
Speaker 5: No one, no one is knowing if John Wick was
about a cat, that move would be over in fifteen
minutes because no one would fucking care. We all will.
We will all go to bat and murder people for
our sake of our dogs. We would not do that
to a cat.
Speaker 2: I am being a little bit sad. I do have
a cat. I love it very much, to love the cat,
But I do think I do think this cab session
is going a little bit too far.
Speaker 4: So Minu is part comic book NERD, part fuck you Bob,
because I know you hate the Fantastic Four. But my
hill die on which I argued far too many times online,
is the thing can take the Hulk.
Speaker 2: Oh that is I'm curious.
Speaker 6: Yeah, come on, I don't give a ship.
Speaker 4: Okay, So the Hulk is strong is stronger, true, but
the Howks are fucking moron and every time they do
it they do they do a comic batch up. The
thing pretty much just tries to punch it out with them,
and that that would be like me punching that Mike Tyson.
I'm gonna lose. But he's also a lot smarter than
the Hulk. So no, if, if, if Mike Tyson is
coming after me, I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna
I'm gonna run over with a bus or something. I'm
gonna like, you know, play it's smart.
Speaker 6: Listening.
Speaker 4: That's just a metaphor.
Speaker 5: Rick Wales to find you intelligent too on Twitter.
Speaker 7: Now what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: I'm not.
Speaker 6: I'm not answering my door for the next year against
the viewers of this podcast.
Speaker 5: I think my hill I have many many Unfortunately, I
live on hills. I live on far because I am
just a natural walking contrarian and I know that I'm
a a lovable asshole. So I I've got fo too
many hills to die on. But one of my favorite
ones to really just piss off, like one I think
most musicals are stupid. This definitely includes what's that stupid
time warp thing? Rocky Horror? I hate it, I hate uh.
I think find most Christopher Nolan movies to be kind
of pretentious and overrated. That includes The Dark Knight. I
don't enjoy it. But the one I really want to
throw the nerds face today is that The Princess b
is overrated and the story of how Wesley became the
dry pirate Roberts would have made a much better movie. There,
I said it. Every girlfriend I've ever had, like, oh,
this Princess Bride? How many times I had to watch
the fucking Princess Bride because my girlfriend hush and Jesus
God damn it. You know, yeah, I get the comedy
and the jokes and the walking. Wesley for five years
became an ex sword fighters, were almost murdered every day
as a pirate. That would be an amazing movie. Why
are we not watching that?
Speaker 6: And how is it better? So much better than the
guy that's been training his whole life?
Speaker 5: Right, that's my point. What what kind of artificial steroids
is Wesley been on? What kind of pirate?
Speaker 6: You know?
Speaker 5: Like, what what did he learn?
Speaker 4: I will admit that there is that part of me
that when he gets back, it's like, you know, he's
he's wound his old girlfriend, and nobody bothers to bring
up that this dude almost certainly has like you know,
has the blood of hundreds of women children.
Speaker 5: What have you on about his hands? Also when I
loot them? Like you know, nothing wrong with Robin right,
But I look at it back in the day. I
look Wesley and Wesley, you could do better.
Speaker 4: I'm just saying we totally lost on that one.
Speaker 5: I think Wesley could do better.
Speaker 4: The Internet has judged you, has judged your stupid, stil
thedant as a fuck you, because now we've pretty much
lost Gibbe his voice, well.
Speaker 5: No, a good thing. We have the voice recording where
I'll say it at a third time, Wesley, you could
do better. I'm just saying it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Robin Right from Wonder Woman was way more attractive
than as Princess butter Cup.
Speaker 5: Oh, we have confirmation. So everybody take it out on Emily,
who doesn't have a hill to die except for that one. Okay,
moving on to the next question, Seldrianna asks what's your
favorite smell.
Speaker 6: To stop after after I scratched my.
Speaker 4: Okay, the next question alongside.
Speaker 2: There's no topic that I can't give a real answer
to this one. Let's move on.
Speaker 5: Come on, we'll give me a fake that have so
many we got an hour to fill, so we're not
moving on.
Speaker 2: It's all right.
Speaker 6: Cookie is big by dwarves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, cookies fucking cat hair in them. I like the
smell of actually, they like the smell of a pint
on a hot day. I know that's probably very predictable. Also,
just when you get a whiff of cigarette smoke when
you've quit smoking for a while, that's a good one
memory that fucking stinks. But you know, at the same time,
I could mainline.
Speaker 8: That, Bevan, what's your real answer? Or are you just
gonna piss off Steve? You don't want to hear his
real answer. It's worse than the bulls, I guarantee.
Speaker 5: Do you have real answers or Bevan?
Speaker 2: The bulls was his dumb answer.
Speaker 5: Also, I'm not hearing him at all, so sorry.
Speaker 6: No, I thought I was done with the balls things,
so I didn't have time to think of anything else.
Speaker 5: All right, Well, An, you want to jump back by
something else, we'll have Emily's Emily, what's your favorite smell?
Speaker 3: Oh, there's a lot of good stuff. Let's see, I
used to grow mint in my garden and also some
rosemary and you know citrus.
Speaker 5: It's pretty good.
Speaker 2: I woant have changed my answer to after Bevin scratches his.
Speaker 3: Bulls at a sprig of rosemary in there.
Speaker 5: In his balls, just like it's like one of those
like like Raphael paintings of bevans.
Speaker 6: Un after you sniff the figures and if you're listening,
there's another painting for you, A holly berry's down there.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Rick, what's your favorite smell?
Speaker 4: I'd say it's a tie. When I'm when I'm cooking
my when I'm cooking cooking my chili recipe, it's like
a three or four hours my children. I just love
how that how that smell fills the house. But okay,
generally speaking, like every year we grow tomatoes here and
I really love the smell of tomato plants.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, there's so stinky.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but like guess he's just he's just checking his
Italian card. I understand. Yeah. I think for for me,
I have it's mine's a weird package smell. So when
I was a kid. One of my most peaceful time
it's when I would get up. I'm a morning person.
I hate to admit it, but I love getting up early.
And when I was a kid, I got up early
and go for bike rides on h When we're camping,
I'd come back and there's that smell of like pine,
wood smoke, and bacon all kind of like mixed together,
like that outdoorsy like we're cooking some fresh bacon on
an open fire out there. Uh, that's the smell of
the pine and the cold air and that crisp leaves smell.
It's just that wood smoke, that that campfire smoke. That
combination is just like if I could put that in
a candle, like bacon, wood smoke and pine, you know,
like just just just ship. It doesn't get more mainly
than that. It just put a pair of tessels on
the side.
Speaker 4: And so so if your farm is ever burning down,
know that gets somewhere. Gibbie is like, oh, I love
how that smell.
Speaker 5: Just pleasuring myself to your your misery comes back to balls. Yeah,
all right, next question, unless you bob that was all
the time anything confirmed?
Speaker 6: My answer?
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 5: How do I can just balls. Got okay? All right,
next question back to mister zach Strange.
Speaker 6: My own like my fingertips after my own brand.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were especially selected premium bull.
Speaker 5: Smell, not just that generic brand for me, range organic,
my own nuts.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: All right, go into a restaurant. This is not like
a coke and PEPSI fing Go to the restaurant to say,
would you like.
Speaker 5: Which one?
Speaker 2: Do you want to generic bull smell? No, give me
Bevan will give me nothing.
Speaker 5: Oh, what would an unnecessarily grim slash gritty reboot boot
of this podcast look like?
Speaker 3: How could we get more grim?
Speaker 2: Jesus Christy Right, Well, by the time, by the time
you've heard this, because this is miss Sidecurst is going
to go out before the last episode we recorded. But
I made a joke on the last episode that made
me sat, Yes you did.
Speaker 4: I think. I think a grim gritty reboot with this podcast,
which is go around this would just go completely around
the circle and we'd essentially just be playing a game
of My Little Pony or something.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Actually that yeah, that was a good point. I said,
of all the child murdered death and it would be
like just yeah, it would be it would be cookies
in Canada.
Speaker 2: Would you breaking out kitchen and cookies, kitchen and the cookies.
That's that's the only way we can go. We go
and a lower we come right through the ceiling of
that merry little dwarf making cookies for his friends.
Speaker 5: You could turn this into like if you, if you
in the spirit which it's intended, you could have like,
you know, Steve's like, you know, stands character secretly plotting
to assassinated everyone, emily trying to like slowly season people act.
She's trying to cook them move Actually you know, you.
Speaker 4: Know something I played in a game link that one
time and it fell apart because we drove the DM
nuts because in the in the week between games, all
of us were sending so much subterfuged to the guy
that he's finally I'm done. He's like, oh, your characters
are scumbags.
Speaker 6: Game's over. Yeah, Georcier's comments would no longer just be
in sinuation.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, that's he's not joking probing the hole.
Speaker 2: He's just yeah, oth fling dragons with none of the
nuances and subtledly You've come to expect.
Speaker 5: For us, like there's a lovable perversion, and there's just grus.
Speaker 3: Cardia would be wearing other people's faces.
Speaker 5: I'll just see that. That's in the sphere of the
question I enjoyed. Technically speaking, you are, that's right, yeah, quality.
Speaker 2: I didn't see that. I can see that happening. That
doesn't seem too far out of reach of the next trajectory.
Thanks time.
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh that's the things like that. That particular episode,
it's one of my I have a lot of favorites,
but that opening when you guys are sitting in the
bed and she's just getting the calling you all or
trying to sleep and just watching your skin in the
wall and putting it on her own face, and I
forget who I asked him trying to go back to sleep,
Like no, what I just are.
Speaker 2: No, nobody's that grim duck, Like I can't sleep unless
she's skinning an animal in his face.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was the stampede of John's episode where Claudia's
just said, there can I cut these things face off?
I'm like, fuck, I guess give me a roll for it,
and like you start hacking up its body and you
got a little more refined with your thing. You peel
the face off and they're all sitting the giant Willie
walk a bed watching you guys. And that was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my favorite. My favorite moment from that episode in
particular was Stan killing Dad when Johns are all running out.
Speaker 4: I missed that one.
Speaker 5: Ah, this is quality wig great.
Speaker 2: You listen to this. You go listen to it again.
It's still out there on the incident. It's a good time.
Speaker 6: In fact, you should.
Speaker 5: We need to booth the ratings back ye, play him
back through again, play them on the podcast again, share
with your friends, let him run and repeat, or go
when you go to work in the morning, just click
up several of the browsers and let the YouTube runs
on repeat. Trust me, it'll help us all in the
long run. All right, So to be right for the
next question, Yes, from our friend blicks, what is the funniest,
most awkward, or brilliant thing you've done to squirm your
way out of something? Now, this could be sexual if
you want it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it was funny.
It was definitely awkward. But friend set me up on
a blind date one time, and let's just say we
weren't really compatible. Well, okay, let let me just say, well, yeah,
let's let's let's just say she was kind of into me.
I wasn't into her, okay, and but I didn't want
to like just basically be like rude, and so instead,
my brilliant idea was to spend a whole night pretty
much just flirting with waitresses and like everybody else that
I could, just to kind of like give the.
Speaker 5: Ideas into an alpha chad pretty.
Speaker 4: Much pretty much. And at the end it did not work.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, he went home with like twelve white
waitresses and a woman.
Speaker 4: No. Like. The next day, I was just like, Okay,
I got I got out of that one, no problem.
And I get a call from the friend who had
sent me up and he's like, oh, she wants to
see you again. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christian.
Speaker 2: Whoa, she's really attracted to your comfidence.
Speaker 3: Like wow, this guy's so charismatic. Everyone loves him.
Speaker 5: And ever since then, that's how Rick has lived his life.
Like I learned that lesson once you are like Melo Gibson,
not drunk, just some sugar tates to everybody.
Speaker 2: I'm actually I'm terrible at breaking out of things. I
have a kind of twisted sense of propriety, So I
generally don't have any hilarious plans to get out of things.
I just sort of like.
Speaker 5: What was the awkward moment you had to get out of?
Is this funny, most awkward or brilliant? You know that's fine.
Speaker 2: I won't get out of an awkward moment. I'll just
see it through doggedly like a shit sinking.
Speaker 3: Okay, just fixate that, bring it to the foreground.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to lean into this awkward thing.
Speaker 6: I'm trying to think of something, but I usually just
don't show up.
Speaker 5: Emily, guys, do you have one.
Speaker 3: It feels like this happens every day, something horribly awkward.
But the one that comes to mind is I congratulated
someone on her pregnancy.
Speaker 5: Oh no, I.
Speaker 3: Know, why would I do that? Why did it come
out of my mouth?
Speaker 2: Because it's funny?
Speaker 3: Well it is now, But but she was wor one
of this pregnant She said she was Mormon. I mean,
come on, my chances were good.
Speaker 5: Yeah, cast some more stones there there's another hill.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that was so awkward. And then uh and
then then it turned out that she had a miscarriage,
so she kind of looked pregnant.
Speaker 5: Oh, this just gets darker.
Speaker 3: No, I know. But then I said, really stupidly, I
met your friend. Congratulations on your best friend. She's having
a baby when she was thank god.
Speaker 4: But we kind of dwell the awkward. Does anybody have
funny or brilliant?
Speaker 5: All right, I've got I've got one. This one's a
little bit of a tail. So buckle in. If I've
told I think I've told people this in the past.
If you haven't heard it, I apologize. I apologize who
have heard this? And anyway, no feeling the lily. So
when I would was I. After I drank out of school,
I had to join the military. I had no options
left in my life. I had wrecked my truck, lost
my girlfriend. I was one dead dog away from a
country song. My life is pretty much insanable. So my
only option we left was joining the Air Force, which
but the first thing you got to join the military
you have to go up to basically a testing station
where they like runing through like your physical stuff. You
got your physical and all do all this dumb shit.
But so I'm of the MEPs. It's the testing station
in Pennsylvania, and uh, we're up there in the morning
and I really have to go to the bathroom because
I've had some coffee in the morning, several cigarettes, and
anybody who like knows what I'm talking about, like, I
got a poop and I've got to go now, But
they won't let me be because I haven't taken the
year analysis yet and this is it's starting. It's starting
to hurt. So I'm waiting and waiting a bentual I
get to the point where I take the your analysis,
has I pee in the bottle? I have to shut
off one valvel opening another one. That's a pain in
the ass when you're trying to like, you don't want
to poop yourself. You got a piece, so fine, I
fill the bottle up. I start walking to the stalls
and the guy goes, where are you going? I said,
I'm going to go to the bathroom, like not in here,
you're not. I'm like, it's the bathroom. It's like wearing
a testing gun here, like, buddy, I've got it go.
He's like, not in here, you're not. So I asked
the person running the thing, where's the next nearest bathroom
I can go to? They give me the most rudimentary
directions in these context style of buildings, and I'm like, left, right, left, right, Fine,
I follow the direction.
Speaker 4: They gave me.
Speaker 5: I get to the room I walked in, and I
am in a rectangular room. At one to the left
one door leading to a doctor's office. To the right
is the one room, hollow door bathroom work one. It's
just a single person bathroom, and lined the entire way
around this rectangular room are girls waiting for the gyoncological exam.
Oh God, yes, So I'm going to go into this
bathroom and destroy it because what has been brewing me
for the last homever is leathways. So going to the bath,
I'm like, ladies, uh make a hard right going to
the bath to shut the door, and I realized there's
no fan. This room is very like again, it's a
hollow door. This is one of those like uh like
more like like it's a camper style building. It's like
one of those like little trailers they bring off our
kids kind of thing, you know. So it's like it
is very clear what I am doing in there, and
I am let the faucet run, and I do my
business very loudly, very grossly. I can hear snickering. But
then when I'm on I have to sit there because
I'm not leaving this room because there's no I've been
here fifteen minutes sweating, and there's no way every girl
in there doesn't know what I've just done.
Speaker 2: He's still in there to this day.
Speaker 5: So I eventually like said, you know what, I have
to face the music. It's I could take seven steps
and make a hard left and get out of there.
I open the door and all the girls are gone, like,
oh my god, I got out of it. I got
out of this holy crap. Fantastic. We fast forwards to
the end of day and I'm sitting there waiting for
my recruiter to come pick me up, and several girls
walk in. They're all talking. They're talking about the guy
that shit up the bathroom. They're making so much fucking
fun of them, and they're like, you should have heard
to this guy.
Speaker 7: Now.
Speaker 5: Where I realized was like, yeah, he was wearing this
flannel shirt. He had glasses on. I put my contacts
back in, put my hair into my hat, and take
my my flannel shirt off and I'm trying to stuff
it behind my back. But that sounds disgusting. What kind
of guy would do something like that. That sounds like
we loser, right, And I am doing just trying to
do bluff check, bluff check, bluff check, because like every
girl knows, yeah, they heard me and they heard me well,
and I'm just trying to be as cool as possible
to get out of this awkward situation.
Speaker 6: That's pretty good. I should always carrying easy to down
and remove disguise with me.
Speaker 3: And that is how I met your mother.
Speaker 5: Got later, I awkwardly got I awkwardly got of that situation.
There you go, Blach, Are you happy? My poop story
is for you? Mister Bevan? Did you ever come up
with something?
Speaker 6: No, I mean I'm still thinking that just like a
show up or I'm already there, I just leave. It
can be awkward, but it's particular.
Speaker 3: I feel like I feel like you lean into some
of your your awkward situations like crash crashing down the
care crashing down the escalator or whatever.
Speaker 6: That wasn't awkward, it was just painful that too.
Speaker 5: Yeah, all right, well the next question then, no, you're
fine man. All right, back again to mister Zack of
all trades. What education do you guys have and what
education do you need to be a writer.
Speaker 6: Oh lord, I've got an English degree, but I certainly
didn't need that to be the writer I am.
Speaker 2: Yeah, same here, I'm I did a right of English
and A levels, but I did a media based degree,
more based around filmmaking and stuff. And I don't know,
I've got so many writers in my Facebook feed and
editors and there's so many as like I've got strong
opinions on the Oxford Coma and like, oh bad grammar
really turns me off from like you can be the
most educated about the English language there's ever been and
you can still have the literary charisma of Joe Biden
humping at speaking Spell.
Speaker 6: It's just.
Speaker 4: It doesn't.
Speaker 2: It's like it doesn't.
Speaker 5: Oh I know where the comic goes, algoes.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's amazing how all these writers, Because if you're
a writer, you're gonna get a bunch of writers friending
on Facebook and uh but yeah they post the most
boring ship And I thought, iane no desire to read
anything you write.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: A little while back, like like Bob was making fun
of basically writing memes and memes and how they suck,
and he was one, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I don't get me wrong, I mean,
you know, this part of the artistry is getting all
that stuff right to make sure your voice is conveyed
as it should be. But the people who like really
focus on that and a really smug about it. They
do that there tends to be an inverse sort of.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it is so shitty to say as well,
because you know, I'm an indie, you know, same as
you guys. And my background was I I don't have
a degree in English. I can't finished a four year
school because I went to college and I fucked up.
So I eventually finished my Air Force degree. I have
an Intelligence studies degree from the community, from the College
of the Air Force. But my background and writing came
from like, well, I've always loved writing. I took a
lot of creating and writing courses, but what I started
it's like anything else. When you start playing a sport,
you start studying the sport, you watch games, you see
how it's broken down. When I got really got into writing,
more so than my college and younger days, I didn't
just read a story. I broke the story down. You
read a few books out there, how to Save the
Cat and things like that, but it's kind of when
you're watching a movie. You're watching a show or reading
a book. You're not just reading it, you're looking at
how the sault just made, Like, oh, by this by
chapter five? Roughly, you want the inciting incident. You want this.
This is a three acts and you just practice practice, practice.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 5: What you really need is an eye for detail on
a creativity. But also, more than anything else, I would say,
the commitment to do it, because a lot of people
start writing, but then you got to realize that it's
a process and that it's like there's draft one, draft two,
draft three, promotion, editing, more editing. Ah, it's a never
ending process.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I have a master's degree in Fine Arts and
Creative writing, but I didn't get that so I could write.
I got that because I didn't know what the hell
else to do with my life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mostly have a degree because I didn't want
to get a job.
Speaker 3: Evis, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have a master's and uh it was well, okay,
I was supposed to have a master's psychology, but instid
I have a master's in human resources because they closed
the department and forgot I was the last, the less
psychology student, and since they didn't want to be sued.
They basically were like, what if we give you our
next closest like Masters, And at that point I was
just like sure, needless say, neither one of those would
have really liked, you know, helped as a writer. The
education you need to be a writer is read a lot.
Speaker 6: Yeah, well that is true.
Speaker 5: Well, psychology will help. I mean, like we were discussing
some of Evan's characters last night. Was one of his fans,
and like there's a psychology to them that he clearly
gets across, Like and I just understanding of why a
person thinks away and why they make mistakes this way
and it feels organic, you know. But again that comes
from like what you said, read a lot, write a lot,
practice a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean most of my stuff is you fall
in love with certain authors in the way they write,
or even TV shows and the way they talk. Most
a lot of what I know from dialogue is by
watching Blackad and Red Dwarfs, got some of the greatest
bad naje fucking out there, and then you just kind
of learn how to translate what you really like about
this stuff into your own story and the mechanics of it.
Like I did English Lit I did English language. I'm
no good at English language. I'm not great at spelling,
I'm not great at grammar. But I loved English Lit
because you're reading all these people who are well their
editors are good at it. But more importantly, they're interesting
and you know, can tell us fucking story and a
relatable character. And yeah, so yeah that the translation. I understand.
There is like mechanics to it, and education can help
with that, but I don't think it's necessarily no matter.
Speaker 4: No amount of education can make you interesting if you're
boring as fuck.
Speaker 3: Right, the good stories come from childhood trauma.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, the.
Speaker 5: Rest of us, well things you like, you guys hit
this head and they don't had many many times. And
I'll just be blunt. I've read a lot of books
and I won't name any writer, but it's this is
technically accurate, and I am bored to tears. This is
I can feel the structure and there's there's no soul
to it. It's just feels very.
Speaker 3: It's like technical writing. You and I have both done that, Yeah.
Speaker 5: I mean technically, I mean it suck the joy right
of something, But I like, these characters are doing exactly
what you expect these characters to do in this situation,
and it's following such a formula, and it's following such
a pattern of behavior that it's like it and it's
just there's a clinical, clean feeling to the style of
the pros. And some people get again, you visual based
or you prose based. You know how people how many
people purple up their prose because they don't know how
to like actually carry a scene. You know, you look
at the difference. I will just use talking the difference
night and day between Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit.
The Hobbit actually feels like a story and Lord of
the Rings does not, in by comparison, but you know
it's and then also he'll write, he'll fill in many
chapters of like what they had for dinner that day? Yeah,
it's you know so, but we evolve with the times.
Speaker 2: Well I don't even think like evolve with the times.
Everybody's trying to kind of like again they say, this
is how you got the right book and this like
you shouldn't purple up your pros. It's like I still
read Mervin Peak, the Gorman Gast trilogy that is basically
just a whole break of purple prose, and I don't
think there's a better anybody better at sketching a fantasy
character in the way they talk and move in places
to the Mervin peak and there's basically I'm sure there's
a story in there somewhere, but I don't give a fuck.
It's it's great up, it's great writing. I wouldn't give
a fuck if he was like missing the occasional, you know,
grammatically and correct thing, because division and the voice is
I think should be more important than that. Because if
you want generic bullshit, just go watch TV. It's light.
Speaker 5: Well, I say, I learned a lot because that's one
Drew and I have had some conversations because he and
I will just grew up watching television and like I
can't speak to you. I know, he and I had
this conversation, so we kind of frame very visual in
our style. So if I can't see the scene as
if I'm watching a show or a movie, I can't
write it. So I actually take time to block out
my scene sometimes, like I'll on a sketch paper, like
the answers are here, they walk there. I love, like,
you know, the sork And style walk and talk. You
can start having a conversation as they felt walk down
a hallway, so you can transition your characters point A
to point B, because I read a lot of writers
people walking around like they run like a written like
a play. They walk into the room, they stand by
the couch, they have their dialogue and the same sets
and the next scene and it does it does it
feels stiff?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Nothing, Nothing kills an action scene more for me if
I'm reading it and visually in my head, it's just
a mess, like people are teleporting all over the place
that you know, all all of it's that that that
is my thing is like, yeah, I'm visual as well,
like grow watching action movies. Yep, you know that's how
I plot out my action scenes like like that. And
when I read an action scene from somebody who obviously
is not very good writing it, that usually just kills
the book for me.
Speaker 5: I always I will recommend to any writer who wants
to do like an action scene. Like obviously, when you
watch Diehard, you think, okay, John McLean, he's a one
in army, He's doing all this shit, great, fantastic steps
on glass, it's gross. Whatever. Don't forget the Al Palell
character because John McClean his human moments when he came
when he was on the walkie talking with Al, who's
basically his const getting him through this together. You need
those heart moments. You can have the action, you can
have the humor, don't forget the heart, because you need
those little things where it's just every once in a
while to remind the person, the character that they are people.
Speaker 2: So I think that getting back to the parameter is
the question what education do you need to be a writer?
Go watch Die Huts, Watch don't be a pedantic para.
Speaker 5: There's that famous story where the guy, the guy Mario
Puzo who wrote The Last Don which became The Godfather.
He helped write the screenplay for that, and obviously the
Godfather is the Godfather. So he went but he you know,
he got tasked. You want to write some more things?
He's like, I don't feel confident. So he went to
he went to a school to learn how to do
better screenwriting. And what script did they give him in
the class to practice on the fucking Godfather? Like he's like,
well this is this is a circle?
Speaker 2: You know, like he that one write what you copy?
Speaker 6: This guy?
Speaker 5: And said, well, ship I wrote that that was an accident.
Speaker 2: So yeah, there is a lot of copy and this
guy is involved. That's the education more on than that.
Speaker 6: Must have felt great, though.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's just like write a I got an A
and walk out of the classes.
Speaker 4: And handed it out and be like, oh, hey, look,
the guy wrote this is the same name as you.
Speaker 2: Just style it out. Wait till the professor starts asking
questions about it. Nobody goes, actually, your interpretation is incorrect.
You'll be like, is it motherfucker? Is it correct?
Speaker 5: You throw your fist, and they're like, bender at the
ends club, walk out, freeze, fream. Okay, we're right for the.
Speaker 2: Next question to do it. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 5: Seldrianna asks where do you go to think toilet?
Speaker 3: Like any mom, I go to the freaking bathroom.
Speaker 6: Yeah, question doesn't have what I'm shaving. Yeah, yeah, it's
a bathroom, either the toilet or the shower.
Speaker 3: Universe.
Speaker 2: I I just tend to zone out. He really annoys people.
I can start to have like a really deep fault
while you're talking to me. I think this is probably
a medical problem, but yeah, what is.
Speaker 5: Your doctor about this?
Speaker 2: I'm not saying like the person I'm talking to is
like not interesting, and like the job I do to
make my living is definitely important because I need to
be paid. But you know, sometimes I'll just be like,
I'm having quite an interesting thought right now.
Speaker 6: Ship yours off right now?
Speaker 3: Sit an absence caesar seizure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe I don't know. I haven't started it shipping
myself in public yet.
Speaker 6: Uh.
Speaker 5: I like I go for drives. I I music and
either a bike ride or a drop with music. That's
when I like kind of like zone out out and
like just have my my thoughts, especially when working on
a project. Do you like long bike.
Speaker 3: Rides or do you about in the country?
Speaker 5: Uh, semi rural? You know, I live in an early
rural area right now, so it's like every we're my
little developments. Every house is like on an acre next
to other house. But then I've got a lot of
country back roads that I just go on, like these
long bike rides. I put my earbuds in and just
just bike for ten or twelve miles and just let
my music because if I'm trying to think, I won't
play an audiobook or I just really want to think,
just let music play. Shuffles on Spotify and it's just
before I know it, Like I start talking to myself
or start to thinking about scenes, or start to think
about whatever, and I just come to those conclusions. So yeah,
I like I like my house feels confined. Even though
I work from home, I feel like I need to
get out.
Speaker 2: So I kind of enjoy my own company in the
car a lot. But I do just spiral into some
unhitt ship, So I don't know, it's it's like useful thoughts.
I'll be sitting there doing like a Morgan Freeman monologue
about Handy defrayin give me.
Speaker 5: Give me, okay, give mession.
Speaker 2: No I can't. I'm not in the car. There's things
I can do in the car.
Speaker 5: Close your eyes, you're in the car right now. No,
I'll do Morgan Freeman. Can you'm your impression.
Speaker 2: I can't do it all and like you. Basically, the
punchline of the joke was like Handy do free. But
it took me a good like ten minutes of talking
like Morgan Friedman to myself to get there. It was
worth it. But you know, I had a great time,
but I can't do that's ship in real life. Gibbie, Well,
you're good, it's got it's for the car. There's a
car moments I have to hide in my car.
Speaker 5: Don't you think a weird name in British? You called
the auto or something or something? You know the auto?
Speaker 2: Oh no, it's just a car.
Speaker 5: Do you put gas in or you put petrol in it?
Speaker 2: Because well we put petrol in it because it's petrol car.
Speaker 5: I I you know what, I felt your smile over
that microphone.
Speaker 2: I want to put gas at it unless it's the hybrids, you.
Speaker 5: Know, jaild. This is a paraphra because it was a
long question I pulled the Unfortunately Drew's not here. But
how to centaurs wipe their butts tree trunks?
Speaker 2: How horses wipe their butts?
Speaker 6: You know what?
Speaker 2: Maybe like in central bars they do just have like
a post that they can I mean horses have got tails, right,
that's that's got to be for something.
Speaker 5: I like to think centaurs have a buddy system.
Speaker 6: You scratched my I'll scratch your.
Speaker 5: You wipe my butt, I'll wipe your swords. I like
to think that, you know, they they've evolved past such things. Hey,
it's we're pored horse. We ship where we stand. Sometimes
you got to claim on Hey, Budy, I got your back.
It's kind of like your mom would like you we
get that thing your face right there, she locks your
finger on her thumb and wipes it off. Same thing,
but just you know, you watch your watch your fail.
Speaker 4: They have very strong tail muscles. They do that and
then they do a little helicopter actually with the depleting
it off.
Speaker 2: That's how hippos do it. Spread them up. Yeah, there's
a video out there, please google. Yeah, it's it's hilarious.
Wish I was a hip hope horses are see. That's
that's something i'd say to myself and the car horses.
I've got a kind of diet.
Speaker 5: Well, like the friend thought he was a hippoi. Seven
miles of ship.
Speaker 2: Morgan hip, I'd get like an hour drive out of
that easy.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 2: If horses have a diet, right, that makes their their
horse minea kind of quite dry. So they're probably like, yeah,
there's not a lot of hors like omnivores, right, So yeah,
you're right.
Speaker 5: The people horse pots, you know, Yeah.
Speaker 2: There's got to be some kind of innovation for him,
Like it's some kind of like I don't.
Speaker 3: Know, a big day.
Speaker 2: Then it's the d and d fucking universe, Gibbie. So
probably somebody casts wipe my ass and then his president
you know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, uh, the answer this was actually and so of
those who are like Christopher Walking did an amazing schedule
SINAI Live many many years ago where he was he
was the administrative of a hospital and one of the
one of the doc Chris Parnell played a doctor interviewing
who was centaur and all of his questions were centaur based.
One of the questions was how do you wipe your ass?
And that actually came up in that episode. So look
up Christopher Walking centaur and your next four and a
half minutes will be very well fulfilled.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad somebody answered it, and I'm glad it's
Christopher Walken. Not the first person I would afford to
go to with a with that kind of question, but.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Even asked him like is there centaur porn?
Speaker 2: And what I'm like?
Speaker 5: And he's like, well you might, but bear in mind
there will be a horse penis of aall like, fair.
Speaker 2: Enough, it's not quite versatile actor.
Speaker 5: I suppose a good actor, all right, next question, that's
the end. That's what I ended with.
Speaker 2: Hey, we should have let them talk about bullsmore.
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 5: That was the end of the question.
Speaker 4: Question, Why haven't you guys asked us more questions?
Speaker 5: No, they did. Unfortunately I prepped this last week when
we were supposed to do and like a few more
questions came. I can go to the score right now
and grab them if you want, you can ask him
out loud.
Speaker 2: All right, hang on, I mean, you've done this nice
presentation and a thing it seems like.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but unfortunately not have time to write them into
those nice presentations. The rest will just be asked in general.
So we're left off.
Speaker 2: Left to go in real time?
Speaker 5: Where are the game questions?
Speaker 4: Everygo?
Speaker 5: There's a section. Yeah, by the way, Zach, every time
you do a woodchuck could chuck?
Speaker 6: Would?
Speaker 5: I'm just going to bang you from that point forward? Okay?
Speaker 2: And then already been answered anyway.
Speaker 5: From our friend blicks. Do you ever pantomime a character
when writing or speak dialogue out loud to get a
feel for things. Yeah, he's doing work, freeman.
Speaker 2: But when I was talking about me zoning out this
used to when I was married, like, really, piss off
my wife. I'd be sitting there thinking, well, we're doing
grocery shopping. This is boring, and then she'd be like,
what are you doing. I'm like what they said, You're
staring at that guy like you want to kill him.
I was like, Oh, I was just thinking of a
really cool action scene in my head with some like
cool one line. Apparently I've been like muttering and like
staring at this guy, which you know that happens a lot.
I'd kind of just zone out into the pantomime obvious
scene in an inappropriate place again. And I may have
some mental health problems.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't do anything like boys out loud or anything,
but I will, just, like Steeve said, sometimes think of
a funny line or something when I'm doing other things
and giggle to myself.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that that also pisses used to piss up. So
what are you laughing at me? I'm hilarious I do that.
Speaker 5: I come downstairs with my wife like I'm the fucking
funniest guy, she said, I know whatever. Like I I
will congratulate myself all the time, and sometimes I walk
around with a I won an Audiobook Award one of
the SOBA Awards in like twenty nineteen for Best Humor,
one of my villain's books, and I will walk around
with that thing in the house and show it to
anybody whenever they say I'm not funny. So I do
it all the time. I was funny once five years ago.
Speaker 2: I used to do that when I was like getting
paid regularly to do a comedy geeks.
Speaker 6: With like a ship?
Speaker 2: What do I write for maxim whatever?
Speaker 5: Cracked?
Speaker 2: Yeah, somebody say you're not funny. It's actually I'm a
professional comedian. I mean, technically that's not true at all,
but it is the most annoying thing you can say
in that situation.
Speaker 5: Ellie, do you do you sound out your characters?
Speaker 3: I mean, I guess I do.
Speaker 5: One of the things that you really want Southern on that,
I guess I do.
Speaker 3: I guess I do. But one of the things that
I do for sure is make my dog talk to me.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you peasant?
Speaker 5: Oh is that is that? Is that the voice for Kira?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Pretty much.
Speaker 2: Wait a minute, your dog?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's my dog, or she said. As soon as
I got out of my chair, this little ship is
not afraid of anything. She will come and sit in
my chair and I'll be like, haha, I'm Emily, I'm
watching true crime hachem, Like, I don't think.
Speaker 5: White woman watching true crime.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't think it helps our relationship for me making
her voice.
Speaker 2: But that's okay, Well it sounds like it. It's the
dog's problems going at.
Speaker 3: It's a little feisty, Rick, do you.
Speaker 5: Make Emily's dog talk?
Speaker 4: I definitely do with my own dogs and cats, and yeah,
I mean as far as characters go, yeah, I'll I'll
do it with Bob and and Steve do. But occasionally
it will it will escape verbally.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, yep, all right, we've all got the same
mental illness. Then this is fine, you know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I do it all the time. I will say
a line sometimey it'll say it out loud because mostly
if it's a line that's supposed to be a cool
sound dialogue like that, does this actually sound like somebody
would say? Because for all the writers out there, uh,
people have us the the and they stutter and they
talk like that. You can't write that ship into a
U and at least that's not well. And also they
don't do Shakespeare's soliloquy. So you have to find that balance.
So you have to sometimes say things out loud does
this sound right? Yeah, And sometimes you've got to say
a cool line, like you know, each ship motherfucker. You're like, well,
what they say that? Or is that just too elly?
Speaker 4: He just did the middle of.
Speaker 2: Parents even they get school.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I'll talk to the dogs in their voice, asking
them questions about my books, and sometimes they answer me
back in their voice, and I don't know where the
because both dogs have their own voice. All three cats
have their own voice. Yeah. So and my wife and
I had to real voices that we can both kind
of emulate. Said, you know, one person can do an
Australian accent, the other one can't. That voice is out.
Speaker 2: So I had the opposite problem once side a girlfriend
once and she was really funny. She was like an
actual proper comedian, and she had a voice for her
cat and she warned me about it, and I thought,
all right, okay, everybody talks to the cat. But it
was a really good voice and she was kind of
like ventuilicous level good at it. That she'd have an
argument with the cat and then as it came on,
I'd start like, I'd be talking to the cat and
she'd be answer, and I think, and I would stop
having arguments of the cat and her cat with such
a prey the cat a lot of really problematic views.
But you know, dude, you can't say that and out
of like, what do you talk about?
Speaker 4: Mad?
Speaker 2: The cat isn't saying that it's your girlfriend.
Speaker 5: But I do that a lot really talking. Yeah, you
realize that's not the dog got to you and like,
oh ship, that's right, my bad. So apparently we all
have that same disease.
Speaker 2: So that's yeah, yeah, okay, that's reassuring.
Speaker 5: Uh, this question is from I, you know, I don't
I think. I think it is our friend Hannah's lizard.
I look at the icon, but a lot of people
are changing. I don't know why they're doing this. Everybody's like,
there's just a letter in three dots these days. In instance,
I don't know what the thing. I don't think why
the kids are doing this. But from h dot dot dot,
who I think is Hannah's lizard.
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 5: What's a common trope that still draws you in as
a reader?
Speaker 2: Oh? You know, I'm right, that's I don't like the
word trope now, to be honest, but I just started reading.
It's a little bit of a I guess palate cleanser
from the kitchens and cookies world of fantasy we're living
right now, which is fine for you to like. I
started reading David Gemmel, who is one of the original
cheesy heroic fantasy authors, and he's good, but he is
cheesy like proper cheese, but he's very good at what
he does. I think he's one of the best examples
of cheesy heroic fantasy. And I'm reading Druss the Legend,
who is just all muscle, chaotic, good barbarian, and he's
just basically it's him, and he teams up with a
smooth but priggish, barred character and once you get barbarian
and Bard together, that works. Or even Elf is having
an argument with a dwarf. I'm there, you know, I
will watch that until the dwarfs come home. But I
don't think in the New Dungeon Dragons elves are gonna
have arguments with dwarfs that probably are just going to
get along very nicely.
Speaker 3: I'm home, Steve, But.
Speaker 5: I think Steve also relates himself to the door. I mean,
this is the man that likes Beast from the x Men.
I think he I think he sympathizes with the dwarf
flight of the fantasy realm.
Speaker 2: So I'm I do have Scottish ancestory. I relate very
much to that.
Speaker 5: There's a trope that annoys the shit. I mean, not
every dwarf was Scottish. I know, we stone started it
way back when. Maybe they're German. Maybe you know, maybe they.
Speaker 2: I've met people from you don't know that dwarfs.
Speaker 5: I don't care. Now, I've seen tall Scottish people. That's no.
Speaker 2: I mean spiritually that dwarfs doesn't Matt.
Speaker 5: They're hard working, they're industrious, they don't like the elves
very much. They could be German.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're drunk, angry proletariat. Well yeah, they're uh, very
much the very much my talent.
Speaker 5: What about the rest of you? Any any tropes, themes,
things that like still draw you in As a reader.
Speaker 2: I just have the grave what you said, Actually, ratings
kind of sucks readings for nerds.
Speaker 5: I just write books. I want your money, nerds. I
don't read your ship.
Speaker 2: I read this ship.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm a sucker for heaven and hell. Like when
the biblical once you start, if you want you to
tie biblical anything into uh some kind of like fantasy
like story, Uh, supernatural doesn't matter like I for some reason,
maybe it's my old uh like deeply problematic Protestant upbringing
like I. It still pulls me in. Every time you
throw an archangel, a demon, anything like that. I'm I'm
I will get. I will definitely give a second glance
every time.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: True, I'm actually trying to think of a trope that
I won't read. M Yeah, I'll read. My My bar
for reading is pretty low. I'll read any kind of
anything basically, like even though where you never really book
from me? Yeah, yeah, of course.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, that's what I thought.
Speaker 2: Yeah, to me, like getting tired of a trope would
be get like getting tired of rock music. I might
give it a rest for a little while, but you know,
I'm not just going to abandon rock music because I'm
glide of that trope. Yeah. So I don't really think
there's like Emily, I don't think there's any trope that
really puts me off.
Speaker 5: There are certain tropes that, like the cotton deconstruction, should
move and over and over on certain things, like I
get it. You know, we're all edgy these days, we're
all little. Yeah, everything sucks and sometimes you know, sometimes
I just want a heroic figure to be heroic, and
sometimes I want a villainous character belines and I don't
need to justify their villainy sometimes. I mean that being said,
you know, Magneto is a great example of justifiable villains,
and sometimes so's the Joker just chaos, you know, yeah,
like they both have a place that's true.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like deconstruction. It can be done very
well and it can be like, oh, we aren't we
edgy today, sir. But yeah, you know, I think there's
kind of it becomes an aching for a sincerity that's
not in the current zeitgeist.
Speaker 6: M M, all right, I've got one. I'm gonna cheat
a little bit because I don't get to read a lot,
but I still occasionally get movies and TV and stuff.
And a trope I really like in movies and TV
is fake movies or TV shows within the actual within
the movie, just you know, they'll have a trailer for
something or an advertisement for something stupid. Like one of
my favorite examples was in Seinfeld when Elaine really wanted
to go see the movie Sack Lunch. Am I the
only one that's seen this?
Speaker 5: I'm but.
Speaker 6: Everyone else wanted to go see the English Patient, but
she wanted to see sack Lunch. And it's got a
movie poster of a family inside a brown paper bag.
She's she's fast. Are they really small or is there
a really large sack? You know, all the all the
trailers that come at the beginning of it's actually.
Speaker 5: Ringing a bell? And wasn't she with her? She was
with that white haired but right over the top. Yes,
and yeah he made her go to see the English Patient.
She was bored.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but yeah, sack Lunch gets me every time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do like fake ads, fake movies as world
building is. Uh yeah, it gets me every time. And
also I fucking love it when people break the fourth wall. Uh,
that gets me every time.
Speaker 5: All right, unless we if we have one more question.
Lets somebody wants to answering the gibber answer that question?
Am I just getting older? Forgot?
Speaker 6: Not?
Speaker 4: Not really? But I mean the truth of the matter is,
I mean there's certain tropes I can't stand that like
drive me nuts, like like like the whole it's like,
you know, I've got to drop on the bad guy.
Oh oh look he just grabbed my loved ones holding
a gun and says drop your weapon. Yeah, I hate
that fucking trope because like, like literally that's like you
know that like back back when the CW was doing
the Arrow First, that was like literally every week you
would see that.
Speaker 5: Oh speak, just a piggyback on that. The next person
writes when the villain talks to the heroes like we're
not so different. You and I go to hell, go
fuck yourself, get an original piece of dialogue. Stop it.
Stop doing that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh yeah. When people say like, what have I
told you? I'm like, what have I told you?
Speaker 4: To? Get?
Speaker 2: Fuck a snake? Oh?
Speaker 6: I had.
Speaker 4: I had fun with kind of Love Love Crafty and whatnot.
And one of my last books, you know, there's the
whole like basically kind of like the whole like Dagon
thing where it's like, okay, you know, you know eat
like you know, the townspeople eating the flesh of the
ancient god like you know, and becoming its thralls. I
had fun with that were basically in one of my
books Creatures trying to do that. You know, it's like, oh,
eat of my flesh and you will look, you know,
you will gain power. No have I mentioned I'm really delicious? No, seriously,
take a bite. I taste really fucking.
Speaker 5: Good, tastey. Who is that a Regno? That's right? All right, last, last,
last one, last question before we close this out from
our friend see dot dot dot again. I don't get.
I don't get what this is about. I don't know
what you kids are, what kind of drugs you're on
these days? Understand why you're cheating your user names to
like a letter in dot dot dot.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 5: Maybe I should, but I don't.
Speaker 2: Just expanded the window.
Speaker 5: It's just no, it is no, no, I have motherfucker
it is. It is the There is a thing going
on where certain users are just changing. I don't maybe
there's maybe this is a flag at half mass thing.
I don't understand what it's for anyway. Uh, what is
your favorite get excited slash pumped song? This is the song?
Speaker 4: Is?
Speaker 5: This is your get up? This is like, this is
your this is your montage to like have a kick
ass that day? What is your what is your get
excited pump song?
Speaker 2: It's a truss up between the local h cover of
Wolf Like Me or Fella Tech nineteen eighty five, both
of them just a nice, hot hitting guitar not bad.
Speaker 5: Not bat Emily, What you got? What's your get pump song?
Speaker 3: I like that? Uh fire starter song by Prodigy, great one, it's.
Speaker 5: Cool, Rick, what you got?
Speaker 4: I don't know if I have a favorite. I mean
have a few favorites, so like there's certain songs that
here and they do get me pumped up, but I
can't really say that, like you know that there's one
I would pick, and now I'm blanking on all of them.
Speaker 5: It's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 6: BEVN.
Speaker 5: Do you a favorite get pump song? Suki by Unrest Nice? Uh,
I've too. I've got a slow burn one, not a
slow but like I'm waking up and I'm gonna have
a great day. White snacks. Here I go again on
my own. That one always does it and the other
one be uh but once I'm up and running, it'd
be slip knots before I forget. I love that opening guitar.
I love that one that that every time Nice drums.
Speaker 6: Yes, that was lots of duality.
Speaker 5: That's a good one. That's the Fingers in my Eye song, right, yeah.
Speaker 4: Oh there? What's what's God? What's the band? Prevail Gasoline?
That's uh that slaps pretty hard.
Speaker 5: So no one's gonna pick Barbie girl. All right, fine,
fuck you guys.
Speaker 2: All right, well it depends what we're getting pumped up for, Giffy,
that's like, okay, let's let's we got a minut or two.
Speaker 5: What are getting pumped up for? Is it to write?
What's your get? What your I need to write song?
This is the song I need to put it. Put
me in a writing mood.
Speaker 4: I literally do not listen to music when I write.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I have to use because like the silence
of my brain starts going crazy if I don't have
some kind of distraction.
Speaker 6: So that is the distraction.
Speaker 5: Not for me, silence is my biggest distraction.
Speaker 2: I do like now, I I use music and stuff
to make kind of boring what go by. But I
fear if I need to properly concentrate, I can't have
music on mhm.
Speaker 5: I guess I'm the crazy one.
Speaker 4: Then.
Speaker 5: Well on that note, Rick walk us out bye. Well
this Sidequest everybody.
Speaker 4: This has been authors at Dragon side Quest, and we're
gonna wrap it up now because Gibby just told me
to walk us out of here. So we'll be back
next week with the more authors and Dragon's goodness, whether
it's Dicey Bassard's, whether it's a more interesting guest than
we are, what have you? Until then?
Speaker 6: Bye bye bye.
Speaker 5: Pray for Drew.
Speaker 2: Hashtag Pray for Drews Authors and Dragons brought to you
under Creative Commons license, meaning you are free to share
this material so long as credit is given to those
who created which is us people. You just started to
play the game opening and closing themes performed by the
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