Speaker 1: And welcome to Cindy Stoppo Toughest Nails on w VZ
Speaker 1: News Radio ten thirty. And I'm in the studio tonight
Speaker 1: with Sammy and Sammy. Who's our handsome guester.
Speaker 2: Doctor Jeff Guardia.
Speaker 1: Is that right?
Speaker 3: That's correct? You can call me doctor Jeff.
Speaker 1: I think that's good. We like that. Sure, okay, doctor Jeff.
Speaker 1: It is okay, Doctor Jeff. Tell us a little about yourself.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm a board certified clinical psychologist. I'm a professor
Speaker 3: of behavioral medicine. I'm also a clinic director, working with
Speaker 3: people with all sorts of mental health challenges. And I
Speaker 3: also consult to several global law firms. And let's see,
Speaker 3: I'm married, I'm a father of I'm like the old
Speaker 3: man in the shoe. I have so many kids. I
Speaker 3: don't know what to do.
Speaker 4: I have six children thirty two, thirty one, twenty three,
Speaker 4: twenty two and eight. Whoa, yeah, so I love being
Speaker 4: a family man, but I have to work.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: Wait eight and then the oldest is twenty.
Speaker 3: Three, yes, oh no, the oldest is the oldest is
Speaker 3: thirty two, thirty two, and the youngest thirty two down
Speaker 3: to eight years old.
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh my god, when'd you get a life?
Speaker 3: My life is working, Cindy, don't get me started. I
Speaker 3: work like you. I work about I work about seventy
Speaker 3: eight hours a week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a little bit more for me. I'm working off
Speaker 1: three hours sleep last night and three the night before.
Speaker 1: Clients in Singapore last night and the night before clients
Speaker 1: in UK. So needless to say, Singapore is twelve hours different. Right,
Speaker 1: So it was my mato. We started, we didn't get it.
Speaker 1: We didn't get done until like three o'clock. I'm so tired.
Speaker 3: But well it's a blessing, isn't it. Well, it's a blessing.
Speaker 1: I can absolutely say my job is fun and rewarding.
Speaker 1: Your job is. I would say, well, I actually need
Speaker 1: you on my job sites to deal with these hundreds
Speaker 1: of guys that I work with that are crazy, right,
Speaker 1: but we're good crazy. But then there's bad creates.
Speaker 3: Well, you know what, you know what's really interesting, Cindy.
Speaker 3: You know you know I know of your incredible work,
Speaker 3: and you know what you do for a living and
Speaker 3: what you do with Sam and so you know, when
Speaker 3: I was speaking to Alva, who is my manager, and
Speaker 3: she said, you've got to be on Cindy's show. You
Speaker 3: just got to do it. I said, yeah, but I'm
Speaker 3: not a builder or what have you. But she said,
Speaker 3: and she reminded me, you know you've done real estate.
Speaker 3: I was a real estate broker for several years, as
Speaker 3: a matter of fact, had a gig called the real
Speaker 3: Estate Doctor. And I would actually work with the most
Speaker 3: difficult clients there were because I understood who they were.
Speaker 3: I understood, you know, what a lot of their challenges were.
Speaker 3: So I would get a signed by Corkoran or a
Speaker 3: Halstead at the time, all of the very difficult clients
Speaker 3: to do the deals with and get them through the deals.
Speaker 3: And I loved I loved doing it.
Speaker 1: Well, let me explain to you. I got to radio
Speaker 1: after TV about nine years ago, and I couldn't talk
Speaker 1: about construction every Sunday night. So for me to renew
Speaker 1: my contract, I said, we're having I want to talk
Speaker 1: about whatever goes on between the foundation and the roof.
Speaker 1: That means a lifestyle show. Think about this, right, I
Speaker 1: build these beautiful homes and you come by them, and
Speaker 1: I want you to make beautiful memories and have a
Speaker 1: wonderful you know, raise your children. But we all know
Speaker 1: reality's reality, right, and kids get involved in drugs, and
Speaker 1: there's domestic violence, and there's mental health issues, and there's
Speaker 1: so much that goes on between the foundation roof and
Speaker 1: Tava's nails became about what goes on. It's we do
Speaker 1: construction still, but I like to do the more of
Speaker 1: the lifestyle shows what's going on. And I got to
Speaker 1: be honest, this is a great show for you and
Speaker 1: I to have because I feel as though we all,
Speaker 1: I think we all know this with any common sense.
Speaker 1: We don't have enough mental health providers. And I don't
Speaker 1: see being in construction where we really got that far
Speaker 1: with addiction and alcoholism. And I've been around it for
Speaker 1: thirty seven years in construction, the worst of the worst,
Speaker 1: right union, non union, and we're thirty seven years later
Speaker 1: and we're no better than we were thirty seven years ago,
Speaker 1: with less doctors to treat. And I always said, look,
Speaker 1: and I understand dual diagnosis because there's always an underlining
Speaker 1: problem typically and then we go to the drugs and
Speaker 1: the booze.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: So I never had a drink in my life, but
Speaker 1: that was my choice because my att to was if
Speaker 1: I never tried it, I won't know if I like
Speaker 1: it right, right, So I just never tried it. But
Speaker 1: I was very nervous to my own kids.
Speaker 3: Well, the Surgeon General must be so proud of.
Speaker 1: You, No, because I still smoke my four cigarettes to night.
Speaker 1: But I got everybody has something that they do. It
Speaker 1: can't be misperfect, right. But my problem with the mental
Speaker 1: health is that there's no one helping these people. So
Speaker 1: I once said to one of my clients, doctor Shrini Play.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know him, but you can
Speaker 1: look him up. And I said, Trini, these people sit
Speaker 1: on your couches forever. And he said the some do.
Speaker 1: And I said, well, why don't you try this Instead
Speaker 1: of working on a person's weaknesses, why don't you try
Speaker 1: to work on their strengths, Because if you find what
Speaker 1: somebody's strengths are, this is what I've done personally my
Speaker 1: whole life. Is the only way to get rid of
Speaker 1: my weaknesses or my insecurities was to work on my strengths. Right,
Speaker 1: What did I bring to the table. And I took
Speaker 1: those strengths and I worked on those to make them stronger,
Speaker 1: and before you know it, the insecurities or weaknesses just
Speaker 1: fall away because you just you're building off the strengths,
Speaker 1: and you would think that Trini play, I must have
Speaker 1: said something that went to the moon. And he's like,
Speaker 1: you know, Cindy, I never looked at psycho are that way.
Speaker 1: We're so busy trying to keep the drama and the
Speaker 1: drama and the this and the that and work on
Speaker 1: that and get rid of that. So but my point is, no.
Speaker 3: That's but that's very sound. It's very sound because what
Speaker 3: we talk about all the time now is looking at
Speaker 3: what the person's strengths are versus their deficits. So when
Speaker 3: I work with patients, quite frankly, I never talk about
Speaker 3: what it is that they can't do. I talk about
Speaker 3: what it is that they can do and how to
Speaker 3: strive for that. What are the things that make you unique?
Speaker 3: What are the things that make you stand out in
Speaker 3: the crowd? What are what are the things that make
Speaker 3: you that very special person? And you know, the funny
Speaker 3: thing is, I've got to tell you this joke. I mean,
Speaker 3: it's a true story. So I say to my wife
Speaker 3: the I don't know, maybe three weeks ago, we're all
Speaker 3: sitting around and we have a good good neighbor, a
Speaker 3: friend and his wife and this guy he can grow,
Speaker 3: uh you know, he grows plants, he does you know,
Speaker 3: he does food. He raises chickens and all these farm animals.
Speaker 3: And if there's an apocalypse, you know, that's the guy
Speaker 3: that you want on your side. He builds, you know,
Speaker 3: I'm sure he's not a builder like you, but he builds,
Speaker 3: you know, and so on. He's great with his hands.
Speaker 3: So I say to my wife, you know, honey, you
Speaker 3: know when the apocalypse comes, you know, this is the
Speaker 3: kind of person you know, maybe you should have married.
Speaker 3: And she says, oh, well, you know, I think you're
Speaker 3: perfect for me. I said, well, what am I going
Speaker 3: to do for you with the apocalypse? She says, well,
Speaker 3: you're a great communicator. And I was like, really, really.
Speaker 1: A great communicator, but you but you.
Speaker 3: Are making a point, and I interrupted you.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, my question And I want to have
Speaker 1: this you to come on the show so bad because
Speaker 1: I've got so many questions, and I know my listeners
Speaker 1: do too. Is we don't have enough psychiatrists to go around,
Speaker 1: and the.
Speaker 3: Sich psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, we don't. That's absolutely right.
Speaker 1: And the ones that are good are aging. And now
Speaker 1: we've got everybody wants to do this on zoom. And
Speaker 1: my problem with that is if you're a good psychiatrist
Speaker 1: and you're seeing somebody for the first few times, my
Speaker 1: attitude is they've got to be in your office. You
Speaker 1: can read body language. You got to see as they're
Speaker 1: foot tapping when they're talking to you, are they nervous?
Speaker 1: Are they hands moving? Like the first couple of times, okay, doc,
Speaker 1: like you know, see my kid on zoom right, or
Speaker 1: see my mother or my father. But at the beginning,
Speaker 1: like let's have a person to person meeting. Hold that thought.
Speaker 1: We got to go to break I'm Sinny Stumble and
Speaker 1: you listen Toughest Nails on w BUZ News Radio ten
Speaker 1: thirty and welcome to Sindy Stumble with Toughest Nails on
Speaker 1: w WBC News reading you ten thirty. Thank you. I'm
Speaker 1: a little taled, doc. So that is my issue, right
Speaker 1: that we don't have enough mental health providers. What was
Speaker 1: the saying part.
Speaker 2: Of that to have somebody come into your office in
Speaker 2: person life the first.
Speaker 1: Correct and not to do the zoom right away. Right,
Speaker 1: get to know the patient then you can do the zoom.
Speaker 1: Let's figure out what the personality disorder is I love
Speaker 1: that one too. Everybody's got a personality disorder, Well, what's
Speaker 1: the personality disorder? All right, that's the way we ask
Speaker 1: it for. I don't know what's wrong with you.
Speaker 3: Listen, I hear exactly where you're coming from. And I
Speaker 3: do have a lot of patients who say, Wow, I'd
Speaker 3: love to sit with you in person. These days, that's
Speaker 3: really a lost art. And think about it, right, how
Speaker 3: many people now have offices where people actually come and visit.
Speaker 3: They come less and less and less. It's easier for
Speaker 3: them to just hit a button on a computer and
Speaker 3: bam they're there, Bam they're out. They don't have to
Speaker 3: commute for an hour or an hour and a half.
Speaker 3: It saves the environment. So we've had to make the shift, Cindy,
Speaker 3: from being able to read the full body language sitting
Speaker 3: in an office with someone to now focusing in on
Speaker 3: what we have in front of us. So instead of
Speaker 3: reading the full body, now we really zoom in no
Speaker 3: pun intended on how their eyes are moving, or how
Speaker 3: where their eyebrows go, or whether they're smiling or not smiling,
Speaker 3: or the intonation or the prosody of their speech. So
Speaker 3: necessity is the mother of invention. And I'll tell you
Speaker 3: most strengths will not go back to in person visits
Speaker 3: because it's so much easier to work from home. It's
Speaker 3: so much easier to be at their office and not
Speaker 3: have a bunch of people coming into their waiting rooms.
Speaker 3: We've had to deal with COVID, God forbid. We have
Speaker 3: to deal with bird flu, hopefully not knock on wood.
Speaker 3: We don't. So look, the future is now. This is
Speaker 3: the way it is. We had Dick Tracy back in
Speaker 3: the day with the TV watches. Now we have therapy online.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 1: And you think personally because you're of an age where
Speaker 1: you've gone the other way too. It's not like you're
Speaker 1: a new psychiatrist or a new psychologist. You've done the
Speaker 1: old way, you've done the new way. What do you
Speaker 1: think is better the always or the new ways?
Speaker 3: And I loved, Yeah, I love the old way of
Speaker 3: sitting with people, you know, going to an office and
Speaker 3: working you know all day, you know, seeing people you know,
Speaker 3: shaking hands, touching a shoulder. I think all of those
Speaker 3: things are really important. But the fact of the matter
Speaker 3: is we're in the year twenty twenty five. We are
Speaker 3: in the future. This is what we have, and so
Speaker 3: we take it and we squeeze everything that we can
Speaker 3: out of it and make it work.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's the answer. That's the answer I'm still looking for.
Speaker 3: Well, wouldn't it wouldn't it be great if I could
Speaker 3: be sitting in your iHeart studios with you? I mean,
Speaker 3: that would have been wonderful. But it was so much
Speaker 3: easier for us to just say, all right, let's get
Speaker 3: on the computer, let's get on teams or whatever the
Speaker 3: case may be, and let's you know, let's let's steamyard
Speaker 3: and let's just go ahead and get this done. And
Speaker 3: probably the only time in your busy schedule that you
Speaker 3: could fit me in and that I can fit you.
Speaker 3: And if I had to travel an how to get
Speaker 3: to you, I wouldn't have been able to do today.
Speaker 1: Yep. Correct. But again, when you're in the studio with me,
Speaker 1: whether you're a celebrity, whether you're an athlete, you're a politician,
Speaker 1: you're a normal person, whatever you are is we get
Speaker 1: to know each other. And actually a lot of friendships
Speaker 1: have been in the studio right because it's you're right
Speaker 1: here with us, and we're laughing and we're hanging and
Speaker 1: we're going off to commercial and we're you know, the
Speaker 1: stuff's coming out here. That is the the fun stuff.
Speaker 1: It's always the background stuff, right, it's always the back
Speaker 1: end of what we talk about.
Speaker 3: Well, Cindy, here, here, we are right now. And as
Speaker 3: the late great Val Kilmer said, I'll be your huckleberry online.
Speaker 1: How many new patients you're taking on? Anybody? Were not? Really?
Speaker 3: No, No, I take new people on all the time.
Speaker 3: But you know, the majority of my work now is
Speaker 3: working at the global law firms, working at the broadcast
Speaker 3: centers and so on. So most of my folks and
Speaker 3: I actually sit in an office where I actually see
Speaker 3: people who come in, broadcast people who come in. But
Speaker 3: for the most part, you know, it's you know, working online.
Speaker 3: So I see new people, I hold on to old people,
Speaker 3: you know, people coming go. Some people I see them
Speaker 3: for two years, years at a time, or a couple
Speaker 3: of sessions, and they come back two years later. So
Speaker 3: it's one big, happy therapeutic family.
Speaker 1: Okay, next question, is everybody a little crazy? Is it good? Crazy?
Speaker 3: Everybody? Everybody's a little bit crazy, everybody's a lot crazy.
Speaker 3: I mean, we've been through a pandemic, we're going through
Speaker 3: very very difficult political times right now. A lot of
Speaker 3: people are not very happy with the way the world is.
Speaker 3: You know, we have all of these possible issues coming
Speaker 3: up with perhaps another pandemic that financially, people don't feel
Speaker 3: really good with the way things are, and so I
Speaker 3: think people are getting a little bit more depressed, a
Speaker 3: little bit more anxious, a lot more anxious. We see
Speaker 3: depression and anxiety increasing in society. But it's really important,
Speaker 3: and you talked about this earlier. We don't have enough
Speaker 3: shrinks to go around, and therefore that's why we have
Speaker 3: to be our brothers and now sisters keepers. What you
Speaker 3: do on your show is provided vice for people, for
Speaker 3: for people. I know, that's what you do. You know,
Speaker 3: we have family and friends who help us out, so
Speaker 3: we all have to be there for one another one way,
Speaker 3: one way or another. But I really do believe that
Speaker 3: we're all emotionally challenged.
Speaker 1: Yeah I'm not.
Speaker 3: Yes, you are.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not.
Speaker 3: You're you're you're a little you're you're you're a little
Speaker 3: bit you're a little bit different. And I really like it.
Speaker 1: So here's the big one.
Speaker 2: What do you take emotionally challenge means to you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's get let's what we think what is emotional there?
Speaker 3: Well, you know, Sam, I think you know. I did
Speaker 3: a very quick analysis of your mom, uh and I
Speaker 3: see her to be a very headstrong, future thinking person,
Speaker 3: very very good values. But she does things her way.
Speaker 3: It's her way or the highway, and those people who
Speaker 3: are around her love her for that because of the
Speaker 3: strength of her character. She manifests that through the work
Speaker 3: that she's done around the world, and people wouldn't have
Speaker 3: it any other way. And so that emotional energy that
Speaker 3: she has makes her very different. Some people might see
Speaker 3: it as a little challenging for themselves, as we all
Speaker 3: may be challenged in that way by different people's personalities.
Speaker 3: So to me, it's a badge of honor to be
Speaker 3: able to say, yeah, I'm a little bit different, and
Speaker 3: you either like it or you don't, but it is
Speaker 3: who I am. We call that being authentic.
Speaker 1: Oh that's me a thousand cents.
Speaker 2: So that makes her emotionally challenged.
Speaker 5: I guess emotionally challenge means that, you know, there are
Speaker 5: things that she feels that perhaps she can do better,
Speaker 5: or some things that she likes or she does doesn't like.
Speaker 3: But I think we all strive to make ourselves better,
Speaker 3: no matter what the accomplishments are in life.
Speaker 1: And I don't agree with that. I think most people
Speaker 1: don't want to make themselves better. I don't think most
Speaker 1: people want. Look, I will never understand from twenty six
Speaker 1: years old to this age. Now, I've suffered from severe
Speaker 1: crippling panic attacks. Now, going back to twenty six, you
Speaker 1: went to a psychiatrist and the first three questions, we
Speaker 1: are ever sexually molested?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Physically, no emotionally no? Oh wait man, hold on, three
Speaker 1: days before my mother got a period. That doesn't count. Okay,
Speaker 1: then no, So why do I have these? She couldn't
Speaker 1: give me an answer. Within forty five minutes, I walked out.
Speaker 1: I said, it's nice knowing you. I asked her, could
Speaker 1: these be genetic? Could they be hormonal? Both answers to
Speaker 1: those questions were absolutely not. Panic attacks are not genetic,
Speaker 1: and they're not hormonal. They're PTSD. I said, okay, I'm leaving.
Speaker 1: She's why you're leaving because we're not going to get anywhere.
Speaker 1: You and I because you're.
Speaker 3: Not because you didn't agree.
Speaker 1: And my common sense was she asked me three questions,
Speaker 1: and I said, lady, you can take an excavator in
Speaker 1: my brain. You're not going to find anything in there
Speaker 1: that I'm hiding in a corner of my Brain's just
Speaker 1: not going to happen. I know it's not there. She
Speaker 1: calls me twenty years later after seeing me on TV
Speaker 1: apologize like I remembered her, which I didn't, And she said,
Speaker 1: I'm called to apologize. Let you know that after you
Speaker 1: left my office, I got another woman that was kind
Speaker 1: of as strong as you were, a bit older. And
Speaker 1: after that I went into hormone and genetics on panic attacks,
Speaker 1: and you're right, they can be genetic, el hormonal. The
Speaker 1: good news or the bad.
Speaker 3: Can they can be hormonal.
Speaker 1: And I said to her, my mother had them, my
Speaker 1: grandmother had them through birthing years.
Speaker 3: There you go, there you go.
Speaker 1: But when I was twenty six, it was no right.
Speaker 1: But all that I thought were going to break. I'm sinning,
Speaker 1: stumble and you listen to WBZ News Radio ten thirty.
Speaker 1: It'd be right back and welcome back to tap his
Speaker 1: nails on WBZ News Radio ten thirty. And I'm Sindy
Speaker 1: and I'm here with Sammy and I'm here with doctor Jeff.
Speaker 1: So my point is doctor Jeff that they were wrong.
Speaker 1: I was right at twenty six my common sense was
Speaker 1: smarter and sharper than the doctor psychiatrist, and twenty years
Speaker 1: later calls me to apologize and then tells me, well,
Speaker 1: I just want to know one thing, Sindy, are you
Speaker 1: a menapologetic? Go no, you sure well? The doctors say
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not now yet She goes, well, you
Speaker 1: want the good news the bad news? Of course, give
Speaker 1: me the bad news first. Why give me the good
Speaker 1: news and the bad news? That doesn't make sense to
Speaker 1: my brain, she said, When you go through it, they'll
Speaker 1: either absolutely disappear or they're going to get horribly worse.
Speaker 1: They got horribly worse. Okay, there's where you are. So
Speaker 1: what do I do? Live with them? Bing goo? I'm
Speaker 1: strong enough to fight them, strong enough to lift to them.
Speaker 1: Anybody else would have jumped off this iHeartMedia building and
Speaker 1: laid it on their head. They couldn't have done what
Speaker 1: I've done by dealing with the Wow.
Speaker 3: Look, first of all, I congratulate you and I honor
Speaker 3: you for doing that. I think it brings us back
Speaker 3: to the point that we all have emotional challenges. Uh,
Speaker 3: and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We have to
Speaker 3: break the stigma of that. You're talking about, that you
Speaker 3: had those panic attacks at some point is an emotional challenge.
Speaker 3: I will tell you, Sam and Cindy. I will tell
Speaker 3: you that I deal with obsessive compulsive disorder, I deal
Speaker 3: with hypochondriasis, and I deal with general life anxiety. These
Speaker 3: have been my challenges, Doc. What's hypo an absolute a
Speaker 3: hypochondriasis an absolute and unreasonable fear of getting illness, Like
Speaker 3: I have a hangnail on my you know, off my finger,
Speaker 3: and then I shake someone's hands and I'm afraid maybe
Speaker 3: they had a hangnail and maybe a germ from their
Speaker 3: hangnail got on my hangnail. Sounds crazy. You know these things, hi, hypochondriac, hypochondria, hypochondriac.
Speaker 3: You know they're just alterations on the same term.
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, Now I think with pan.
Speaker 3: Attack, I think I think we all have challenges. I
Speaker 3: really do.
Speaker 1: I think with panic attacks, if you just said of me,
Speaker 1: if I just said one time in the middle when
Speaker 1: they start, God take me, you want me, I'm all yours,
Speaker 1: I don't think another one would hit my body because
Speaker 1: when it comes, I think I'm dying and I don't
Speaker 1: want to die, so I can't say it. No, I
Speaker 1: have to. Literally, if I could just say that once
Speaker 1: to myself, Okay, I'm all yours, I'm all yours. I'm
Speaker 1: going down. It comes the big one. I'm going down. Okay, Edith,
Speaker 1: I'm Colm whatever what was his name from? Uh, I'm coming.
Speaker 1: So if I could just say that once and probably
Speaker 1: laugh at myself and say, Okay, God take me, I'm dying,
Speaker 1: that's it. But the fear of dying is what causes
Speaker 1: the panic, of course, because you think you're the first
Speaker 1: one you have that you're going to die, right so,
Speaker 1: but you never died, better never died. But I will
Speaker 1: die one point on.
Speaker 2: But it's not going to be from that.
Speaker 1: We don't know what's gonna be from. But the point
Speaker 1: is that she no, she didn't get them, thank God,
Speaker 1: thank God. Like now you only hope that your kids
Speaker 1: don't get.
Speaker 3: Them, right right, Well, my kids are dealing with severe
Speaker 3: anxiety that was genetically passed down. But I think it's
Speaker 3: that nature and nurture thing going on to Cindy and
Speaker 3: so you know, we.
Speaker 1: Didn't have anxiety. We went around going by did.
Speaker 3: They did they did? They just didn't. They just didn't
Speaker 3: label it. They didn't have a name for it, just
Speaker 3: like we see all these supposed kids on the autism spectrum.
Speaker 3: Oh what's going on? Why are all these No, we
Speaker 3: just didn't have a label for it. We weren't diagnosing it.
Speaker 3: And thank god we're able to do that because these
Speaker 3: kids can get early intervention and just do great things
Speaker 3: later in life.
Speaker 1: So you think we had a lot, We had a
Speaker 1: lot of that when I was going to get in
Speaker 1: the seventh school, I I don't remember one.
Speaker 3: Listen, they may not have had the president we have now,
Speaker 3: but they had Nixon, right.
Speaker 1: I just don't remember my friends running around going on
Speaker 1: I got anxiety. I don't even have anxiety, by the way,
Speaker 1: I don't even know well, but they didn't.
Speaker 3: They didn't. They didn't even they they didn't have a
Speaker 3: label that you know, they called it. Oh, I'm a
Speaker 3: little bit nervous. I worry a lot that the word
Speaker 3: Do you remember that term nervous breakdown? Yes, we don't
Speaker 3: use that, I do, right, Well, you do, you do,
Speaker 3: but a lot we don't use it clinically anymore. What
Speaker 3: we say is, maybe the person is having a severe
Speaker 3: panic attack. Maybe they're having a depressive episode. Maybe they're
Speaker 3: in an anxiety state, but we don't use the term
Speaker 3: nervous breakdown. But in fact it's all the same. It's
Speaker 3: always been there. A lot of the stress that we
Speaker 3: have today, a lot of them. We've had parallel stressors
Speaker 3: in the past. Maybe not to where we are through
Speaker 3: a pandemic or where we are politically, but there were
Speaker 3: challenges back then.
Speaker 1: Too, agreed. But I think people I think my generation
Speaker 1: we could handle adversity. We handled This generation can't handle nothing.
Speaker 1: It's like a bunch of aliens between the age of
Speaker 1: twenty nine, twenty eight to like that, thirty nine, that
Speaker 1: ten years the worst. And I think the new kids
Speaker 1: coming up that are sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen twenty, they
Speaker 1: got a direction they're going. I think you're going to
Speaker 1: see a different generation, but you're lost.
Speaker 2: But that's the generation that wants to better themselves.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Doc, he's probably done more.
Speaker 3: I agree. I agree with Sam. I think where there
Speaker 3: is no beauty, you've got to find some beauty. Lord
Speaker 3: to have mercy. Listen to me now, and so when
Speaker 3: we look at these different generations and talk about all
Speaker 3: and you talked about this. Instead of looking at all
Speaker 3: of the deficits as to what it is that some
Speaker 3: of these generations cannot do, Let's take that page from
Speaker 3: Sam and look at what it is that they can do.
Speaker 3: They have certain things that they can do. They may
Speaker 3: not want to take on the responsibility that your generation
Speaker 3: and my generation took on, but they are able to
Speaker 3: do things that perhaps we were not able to do.
Speaker 3: What So we have to look at well we okay,
Speaker 3: I will. We have certain generations now who may not
Speaker 3: want to work as hard as we work coming up. Also, however,
Speaker 3: they also know how to be involved in more stress reduction,
Speaker 3: how to have more work life balance. Okay, to enjoy
Speaker 3: that live.
Speaker 1: Let me hold you, Let me hold that work life balance.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. You come in my office
Speaker 1: and you say you want work life balance, there's a door,
Speaker 1: and don't let it hit your ass on the way out.
Speaker 1: Work life balance, no, no, no no, Go to work, make
Speaker 1: something of your life. Then you can have work life balance.
Speaker 1: Right now, you need to pay your price, pay your dues,
Speaker 1: go to work, work hard. You're never going to twist
Speaker 1: my brain on that because that's what I did. So
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: What was that observation I had earlier, your way or
Speaker 3: the highway.
Speaker 1: Exactly, but I think it was Morally, I think my
Speaker 1: way is the right way.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: So if my way is I'm the responsible, reliable, dependable morally,
Speaker 1: they are doing the right thing for everybody at all times.
Speaker 1: I expect you to have those values. I got those
Speaker 1: values passed down to me.
Speaker 3: I believe. I believe everyone should work hard and achieve
Speaker 3: as much as they can. And the point that I'm
Speaker 3: making is that perhaps you have a generation that may
Speaker 3: not want to work in the same way that we do,
Speaker 3: and they work in a different way. So instead of.
Speaker 1: Well, don't cry you can't pay your rent, and don't
Speaker 1: cry when you try to do this and do that
Speaker 1: and you're living on your mind daddy's basement.
Speaker 3: Okay, I agree, But we also have a generation may
Speaker 3: be more involved in startups and thinking out of the box.
Speaker 3: So again I'm looking.
Speaker 1: I respects. I respect that if you are kids into
Speaker 1: technology or whatever. Look, I believe kids need a job,
Speaker 1: whether it was a paper route back in the day.
Speaker 1: Whether I don't agree, I don't believe. You know, Florida
Speaker 1: passing a law that children should be young, kids should
Speaker 1: be working night shifts and going to school the next day.
Speaker 1: I don't believe in that at all. But a part
Speaker 1: time job after school or weekends, yours chores? Wait a great, Okay,
Speaker 1: well you great, you'll have healthier kids. We did agree
Speaker 1: we did something wrong. We did something wrong our generation
Speaker 1: of your thirty two year old. I don't know wh
Speaker 1: your thirty two year old is, but whatever, because I
Speaker 1: think that our generation found out things that we didn't
Speaker 1: know were happening till we got older, and probably you were.
Speaker 1: You were subjected to a lot more coming out of
Speaker 1: school and becoming a psychiatrist or psychologist.
Speaker 2: I have a single friend that hasn't put themselves in
Speaker 2: therapy and wanted to better themselves. At least that's who
Speaker 2: I choose to surround myself with.
Speaker 1: Okay, so everybody needs a therapist. I'm going to hire
Speaker 1: a full time therapist just for this family. Jeff, want
Speaker 1: to come work with Sea Stumble because yes, I do, Okay.
Speaker 3: I do. I want to travel with you guys too
Speaker 3: and help you with, you know, dealing with the psychology
Speaker 3: of some of your very interesting customers.
Speaker 1: My customers. Oh, they all need you to Okay, they're
Speaker 1: just millionaires. And billionaires. Right, you know when I say
Speaker 1: millions buy six seven hundred million. Okay, there's that. What's
Speaker 1: that thing called thank you very much? I think of
Speaker 1: all times. Right now, we're going off to break again
Speaker 1: and this is Cindy Stumble with Toughest Nails and we'll
Speaker 1: be right back and welcome back to Toughest Nails on
Speaker 1: WBZ News Radio ten thirty And I'm Cindy Stumpo when
Speaker 1: you're here with Sammy and doctor Jeff, Doctor Jeff, go ahead.
Speaker 3: So we were talking a little bit about you know
Speaker 3: what came first, the chicken or the egg with abuse? Right?
Speaker 3: And I think it really always does start with the
Speaker 3: mental health challenges because you may have you know, you
Speaker 3: have people who are social drinkers, people who may smoke marijuana,
Speaker 3: people who occasionally dabble in substances but don't become addicts
Speaker 3: or you know, it doesn't destroy their lives. It's not
Speaker 3: the first thing they do.
Speaker 1: Okay, So let me hold you there from the kid
Speaker 1: that goes on in parties and then goes off to
Speaker 1: call partties again, goes off and lives the real world.
Speaker 1: Never guess, doesn't get addicted. It moves on. Is there
Speaker 1: a genetic component to addiction. Let me stop you right
Speaker 1: there and ask you that question, right what are the finding.
Speaker 3: So well, the person who lives their lives, they get
Speaker 3: into it just as part of a development of life,
Speaker 3: you know, partying in college and so on, and then
Speaker 3: they go on and do amazing things. These are people
Speaker 3: who don't have the who are not at risk for
Speaker 3: substance abuse. But then you have others where the partying
Speaker 3: never stops, and what we do know is that perhaps
Speaker 3: it is a self medication for issues, you know, having
Speaker 3: to do with unresolved psychological traumas or unresolved emotional issues,
Speaker 3: and therefore are much more at risk to continuing to use.
Speaker 3: The other thing is with people who perhaps have not
Speaker 3: been diagnosed. That's why the importance of the dual diagnosis.
Speaker 3: Not been diagnosed with a depression or an anxiety, and
Speaker 3: therefore they may self medicate, and then we see that
Speaker 3: person as being an addict. But when we do get
Speaker 3: them into treatment, what we see is, hey, maybe instead
Speaker 3: of giving them adderall, or perhaps giving them an antidepressant
Speaker 3: instead of the cocaine, then we realize that they don't
Speaker 3: really need that street drug anymore, and that being on
Speaker 3: a proper medication, getting psychotherapy, working through the issues are
Speaker 3: really important to them. And that's why it's so important
Speaker 3: for anyone getting substance of use treatment that they also
Speaker 3: have a twelve step program, that they're also in therapy,
Speaker 3: that the families are involved so that they can get
Speaker 3: the proper support and figure out what are the dynamics
Speaker 3: in the family or in that person surrounding.
Speaker 1: What does the word personality disorder mean? I hear that
Speaker 1: used all the time. Is that the waste basket too,
Speaker 1: we can't figure out what you are.
Speaker 3: I think when people use that term personality disorder and
Speaker 3: whomever they're talking about does not have a personality disorder,
Speaker 3: then it does become a waste basket sort of diagnosis,
Speaker 3: not knowing what the person is going through or whatever
Speaker 3: their issue may be as far as a neurosis. But
Speaker 3: there are real personality disorders and these are lifelong, entrenched
Speaker 3: ways of living one's life where they do not take
Speaker 3: responsibility for themselves as far as how they behave with
Speaker 3: other people. They're not able to understand that they have
Speaker 3: an issue. Instead, they are pushing it onto the world
Speaker 3: as having an issue. And by the way, not all
Speaker 3: people or not many people with personality disorders are bad people.
Speaker 3: These are people who perhaps come from trauma, but those
Speaker 3: personality disorders are extremely off putting to everybody else.
Speaker 1: So what are we going to do? Doc, We're going
Speaker 1: to blame our parents and not grandparents for our problems
Speaker 1: that we have in life. That's what you want me
Speaker 1: to believe, Like, that's what the world everybody look When
Speaker 1: I talked about panic attacks at twenty six, even when
Speaker 1: I talked about them on TV at in my forties
Speaker 1: on HGTV forty eight, forty nine, fifty, people are still going, Wow,
Speaker 1: Cindy Stumple was panic attacks, Like, isn't she embarrassed to
Speaker 1: say she has them? I've been vocal about panic disorder
Speaker 1: since twenty six years old. I didn't wasn't trying to
Speaker 1: hide it. I didn't care because maybe if my mother,
Speaker 1: my grandmother spoke about it, by the time it came
Speaker 1: down to me, there would have been a cure, right
Speaker 1: or maybe not? I don't know. But so you can't
Speaker 1: intimidate me by saying, oh, she's weak. I've had guys
Speaker 1: say that to me. Oh, well you're a week you've
Speaker 1: got panic attacks, buddy, I will put you in my
Speaker 1: back pocket. That's how weak I'm not. Okay, back to
Speaker 1: the hell down, like I'm not. Don't ever tell me
Speaker 1: a press like me is weak. Use she has panic attacks, right,
Speaker 1: but they are they. I do have them, But don't
Speaker 1: ever tell me I'm weak from them.
Speaker 3: I will.
Speaker 1: I will absolutely like come right at you, right, because
Speaker 1: to be so strong to have them and to live
Speaker 1: with them, a weak person would literally, like I said,
Speaker 1: jump off a roof. It takes as strong to be
Speaker 1: able to prevail through those things in their lives. Right.
Speaker 1: So I'm just saying everything now today on social media,
Speaker 1: which is a nothing that kind of bothers me. If
Speaker 1: you don't start off your opening, well, I was raped
Speaker 1: and I was this, and I was that, But I'm
Speaker 1: gonna teach you how to make a million dollars a month? Hello,
Speaker 1: Like did I just say that straight? And if you
Speaker 1: were not sex I was sexually molested thing, I was raped,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna teach you how to make ten million.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna teach you how to make ten x. What's
Speaker 1: what the opening of that?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: People really buying into that as a psyche, really going,
Speaker 1: oh my god, let me say I've been through this
Speaker 1: and that, but I'm going to teach you how to
Speaker 1: jow's crazy that all sounds to me.
Speaker 3: Well, I think there are people who have learned, learned,
Speaker 3: who have been through so many many things and have
Speaker 3: been able to climb out of that and perhaps feel
Speaker 3: that because they've been through it, that makes them an
Speaker 3: expert in a way that came.
Speaker 1: I didn't finish what I meant. They have nothing to
Speaker 1: show for it, they have no net worth. They're talking
Speaker 1: to talk and having walk the walk. So I really
Speaker 1: don't want to hear you on social media how you
Speaker 1: went through this and went through that, And I'm going
Speaker 1: to teach you how to make a million dollars a
Speaker 1: year or a month or a week, and it's probably
Speaker 1: going to get to trillionails very soon. Right, it's a
Speaker 1: big joke to me. And these kids are listening to
Speaker 1: this and listening and listening and listening and feeding their
Speaker 1: brains all this negativity that comes through their social media. Right,
Speaker 1: So it's now it's like to a place like if
Speaker 1: you didn't have trauma, then you didn't live life. We
Speaker 1: all have some trauma, Like now it doesn't have trauma
Speaker 1: if you are right, And I would say if you
Speaker 1: were sexually molested, you were a parent. Listen, every kid
Speaker 1: deserves to grow up and feel loved and safe. So
Speaker 1: all a child needs is to feel love and safe.
Speaker 1: If you give that kid that, you're given the kid
Speaker 1: everything that he needs.
Speaker 3: Those are essential ingredients, of course, and being there for
Speaker 3: your child, providing them the foundation, as you said, from
Speaker 3: the foundation to the roof, of giving them the love
Speaker 3: that they need, listening to them, understanding and being there
Speaker 3: for them when they need that hug, when they need
Speaker 3: that love, when they need that ear, when they need
Speaker 3: the validation. I think goes a very very long way
Speaker 3: in helping a child grow up to having a stronger
Speaker 3: mental psyche.
Speaker 1: Now you have all those kids, right, and they must
Speaker 1: be all different, No, truly.
Speaker 3: They're all different, that's right.
Speaker 1: Can you tell as a as a doctor that you
Speaker 1: know which ones like at a young age? Can you
Speaker 1: read them at a young age? You know who's going
Speaker 1: to be your more healthy ones, the ones that are
Speaker 1: going to strive, the ones that are not going to
Speaker 1: strive as much, who's got the tenacity? Who doesn't? Can
Speaker 1: you read them?
Speaker 3: I think I think yeah, I think as parents, I
Speaker 3: think all of us uh in seeing who our children are,
Speaker 3: what their resilience may be. What are some of the
Speaker 3: things that may be more difficult for them, what are
Speaker 3: some of their foiables. I think we are able to
Speaker 3: put in our own head and do some future forecasting
Speaker 3: that our our kids will go in a particular in
Speaker 3: a particular direction. For example, the one who's in law school.
Speaker 3: I knew that because she's a lot like you, tough
Speaker 3: as nails. We call it the green eyed monster. She
Speaker 3: actually has green eyes. I knew that she I knew,
Speaker 3: I knew she'd end up in law school. You know.
Speaker 3: The other one who was.
Speaker 2: Well, what's her what's her birthday?
Speaker 1: What's her birthday?
Speaker 3: Uh? It is uh March first, pis she is.
Speaker 1: She's a sensitive one, too.
Speaker 3: Loving, but but she covers it all up with that
Speaker 3: tough as nails, Not that you know anything about that,
Speaker 3: with that tough not, with that tough at nails exterior. Right,
Speaker 3: you can't you can't get through? Right?
Speaker 2: Are not as usually as emotional as cancer?
Speaker 1: No, cancer are the worst. We just helicoptering everybody. We
Speaker 1: have twenty two nipples, not two nipples.
Speaker 3: And that is absolutely true. My wife is a cancer.
Speaker 3: And I can tell you that.
Speaker 1: Oh you got the best wife, loyal and a great mom.
Speaker 1: And she does only for her family, and she loves
Speaker 1: her roof over her house, and she loves her family.
Speaker 1: And we're going to break.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 1: I'm Sindy Stumbling. Listen Toughest Nails on WBZ News Radio
Speaker 1: ten thirty and welcome back to Toughest Nails on WBZ
Speaker 1: News Radio ten thirty. And I'm Sindy. I'm here with Sammy.
Speaker 1: I'm here at doctor Jeff, Doctor Jeff. How do people
Speaker 1: reach you?
Speaker 3: Well, people can email me at doctor Jeff Gardier at
Speaker 3: gmail dot com. That's d R j E F F
Speaker 3: G A R D E r E dot com, Doctor
Speaker 3: Jeff gardiir just go on Google. You can find me
Speaker 3: that way too. I'm all over the place.
Speaker 1: I found you in Google. I was doing my homework
Speaker 1: on you, you were doing your homework on me. But here,
Speaker 1: doctor Jeff. What I'd like I'd love for you to
Speaker 1: be back quite a few times throughout the year. I
Speaker 1: think people need to hear from you. I'd love people
Speaker 1: to know your story, how you got to where you
Speaker 1: got to. So will you be Toughest Nails doctor mental doctor?
Speaker 3: I would love I would love to do it. I'd
Speaker 3: actually like for us to share our stories together. I
Speaker 3: think that would be a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: You got it. Okay, folks, have a great, safe weekend,
Speaker 1: and we'll see you next day.
Speaker 3: Night.
Speaker 1: This is Cindy Stumbo Toughest Nails on WBZ News Radio
Speaker 1: ten thirty