WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.960 --> 00:00:06.000 I pulled the car into a spot just after ten, 2 00:00:06.200 --> 00:00:09.240 engine ticking down. As I switched off the headlights, Rin 3 00:00:09.240 --> 00:00:11.599 tapped at the same quiet, anxious rhythm on the windshield 4 00:00:11.599 --> 00:00:14.039 I've known since moving to Seeattle nearly a decade ago. 5 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:16.160 Three nights in a row, I had stayed late at 6 00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:18.559 the office, deadlines piling up for the state route project, 7 00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:20.359 and as I climbed the stairs, I wondered if mea 8 00:00:20.359 --> 00:00:22.239 would be curled up reading or may be waiting for 9 00:00:22.359 --> 00:00:24.760 me with a glass of wine. But the living room 10 00:00:24.839 --> 00:00:27.440 lights were off. The air in our apartment had that 11 00:00:27.519 --> 00:00:29.760 open window chill, just a faint trace of Me's perfume 12 00:00:29.839 --> 00:00:32.880 lingering near the entryway. Her shoes, black ankle boots she 13 00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:35.479 wore to work, were missing from the tray. That stopped 14 00:00:35.560 --> 00:00:38.560 me on instinct. I checked my phone. Nothing from her 15 00:00:38.600 --> 00:00:40.880 since lunch time, just her usual hope your day's not 16 00:00:41.000 --> 00:00:44.079 insane text, followed by a photo somewhile Jeremy Man looking 17 00:00:44.159 --> 00:00:46.920 muror she found a few blocks down. Only as I 18 00:00:46.920 --> 00:00:49.159 slipped off my own shoes did I noticed something folded 19 00:00:49.159 --> 00:00:52.560 neatly on the bench. Appelle green'scarf mere favored left deliberately 20 00:00:52.560 --> 00:00:55.840 instead of tossed. I raar my thumbel on the soft edge. 21 00:00:56.359 --> 00:00:58.600 She teased me about it, a little color therapy in 22 00:00:58.600 --> 00:01:02.000 this monochrome life of yours, mister architect. At that moment, 23 00:01:02.039 --> 00:01:05.040 my phone buzzed and I flinched. It was a text 24 00:01:05.040 --> 00:01:08.560 from Mia. Don't wait up ca golight there. I stared 25 00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:12.159 at the words, reading then twice. That was it. Mia 26 00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:14.359 almost never sent texts like that. She usually should call, 27 00:01:14.439 --> 00:01:16.760 or at least joke about being held hostage by artists 28 00:01:16.760 --> 00:01:19.799 on a caffeine banda for installation nights men, chaos and 29 00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:23.079 group meals. Sure, but this abrupt sort of warning. I 30 00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:25.480 wandered through the kitchen, spotted a half empty mug on 31 00:01:25.519 --> 00:01:28.040 the counter, her lipsick print at the rim, her work 32 00:01:28.079 --> 00:01:30.799 barged still on the table she'd left in a hurry. 33 00:01:31.840 --> 00:01:35.200 I tried to unwind Mico with some leftover tie, opened 34 00:01:35.239 --> 00:01:37.719 a bottle of cabernet we've been saving. But has sat 35 00:01:37.719 --> 00:01:40.079 at the table alone, picking at noodle's picturing me at 36 00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:44.040 the gallery. I imagined her gliding between canvasses, coaxing volunteers, 37 00:01:44.120 --> 00:01:47.439 schmoosing the cranky new artist Lucas. Was it? I'd met 38 00:01:47.480 --> 00:01:50.439 him only briefly, those gallery knights used to feel like 39 00:01:50.480 --> 00:01:53.480 extensions of us. She text me mid chaos, sending photos 40 00:01:53.519 --> 00:01:55.879 of some wild sculpture or an inside joke between us, 41 00:01:55.959 --> 00:01:58.120 and I'd show up after work, squeezing her hand as 42 00:01:58.159 --> 00:02:01.599 we'd critique the Arkard's outfits. The space between our walls 43 00:02:01.599 --> 00:02:05.079 felt exciting attention rather than a wedge. But to night, 44 00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:07.640 I replayed one moment from the last Friday opening, needle 45 00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:10.120 stuck on a detail I couldn't let go. I'd gone 46 00:02:10.120 --> 00:02:12.319 to the snack table for another glass of punch and 47 00:02:12.400 --> 00:02:15.039 heard me his voice quieter than usual behind the insulation wall. 48 00:02:15.639 --> 00:02:19.680 Not confrontation, not laughter, just low and intent. I called 49 00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:23.159 only no, not yet after to night, then a soft 50 00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:26.520 hush laugh I barely recognized. I etched closer and saw 51 00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:29.479 her and Lucas's heads together over some print out. As 52 00:02:29.479 --> 00:02:32.039 I approached, she tucked the paper away, her whole demeanor 53 00:02:32.120 --> 00:02:34.159 changing as she greeted me. Broke her in an awkward 54 00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:37.439 introduction to Lucas, a rising star. Later may have brush 55 00:02:37.479 --> 00:02:39.919 off my curiosity, said it was just work talks, so 56 00:02:39.960 --> 00:02:43.639 boring you'd fall asleep. Maybe she was right, Maybe I 57 00:02:43.719 --> 00:02:47.159 was letting exhaustion spin stories. But that detail gnawed at me. 58 00:02:47.199 --> 00:02:49.120 The way she looked relieved when I interrupted. The half 59 00:02:49.159 --> 00:02:52.520 smile between them quick to evaporate. I should have pressed her, 60 00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:54.919 but I let it slide, not wanting to sound possessive. 61 00:02:55.520 --> 00:02:57.479 Up in our bedroom, I pulled off my tie, sat 62 00:02:57.520 --> 00:02:59.240 on the edge of the bed, fall on my knee. 63 00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:03.120 I couldn't quite sleep. Lethel routines her breath even beside me. 64 00:03:03.360 --> 00:03:05.159 The weight of her arms slung over my chest had 65 00:03:05.159 --> 00:03:08.840 become unreliable. I thought about how lately Mia fell asleep 66 00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:10.719 long after I did a screen, lighting up her face 67 00:03:10.719 --> 00:03:13.639 as she scrolled or messaged, or worse, how I'd wake 68 00:03:13.719 --> 00:03:15.400 to the sound of water at three a m. To 69 00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:17.639 her whispering in the bathroom, at the door nearly closed. 70 00:03:18.199 --> 00:03:21.280 I rationalized gallery stress, new exhibitions, a sudden burst of 71 00:03:21.319 --> 00:03:24.439 inspiration among her artists. But to night I lay awake 72 00:03:24.439 --> 00:03:27.000 a long time, feeling a question tightened behind my ribs. 73 00:03:27.599 --> 00:03:30.960 I was being paranoid, I told myself. Creative people kept 74 00:03:30.960 --> 00:03:32.960 odd hours, and if I want to trust, I had 75 00:03:32.960 --> 00:03:35.919 to offer it back. Still, with every minute I didn't 76 00:03:35.960 --> 00:03:38.879 hear the door open, I wondered what exactly was I missing? 77 00:03:39.479 --> 00:03:42.759 It's strange. For years, I never doubted us. The early 78 00:03:42.840 --> 00:03:45.000 days came back to me in vivicolage as the kind 79 00:03:45.039 --> 00:03:48.039 only nostalgia and sleep deprivation can conjure. I met me 80 00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:50.319 here at a fundraiser for the Seattle Modern, back when 81 00:03:50.360 --> 00:03:52.599 my firm have wrangled a cheap contract to overhaul the 82 00:03:52.639 --> 00:03:55.719 main atrium. She broken up a circle of architects fussing 83 00:03:55.800 --> 00:03:58.199 over structural loads with a single question, do you ever 84 00:03:58.199 --> 00:04:01.240 build something just because it's beautiful? I was hooked, even 85 00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:04.360 as I fumbled through a defensive answer. We started slow 86 00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:06.719 in the early thirties, way both burned out in a 87 00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:09.759 little wary She introduced me to her mob of art friends. 88 00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:12.639 I took her to firm mixers. Our shared life built 89 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:15.319 itself around movement, her gallery openings and pop ups downtown, 90 00:04:15.400 --> 00:04:18.160 my odd hours wrangling permits, annual road trips to Vancouver 91 00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:22.519 or Portland. Portland was a favorite. A warehouse turned museum, 92 00:04:22.600 --> 00:04:24.720 two bottles of wine and a fight over warhall versus 93 00:04:24.720 --> 00:04:27.240 basket that ended in tangled sheets in an apology expressed 94 00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:30.759 through room serve as pancakes. Our apartment reflected these layers. 95 00:04:30.759 --> 00:04:34.360 Tall windows, battered Eamesknock chairs, Mere's scavenge from an estate sail, 96 00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:37.240 a real assarminicutch lamp in the corner. Her big splurge 97 00:04:37.759 --> 00:04:41.279 art was everywhere, nearly every piece I could tide to story. 98 00:04:41.319 --> 00:04:43.800 The Paul Davis print we found on our first anniversary, 99 00:04:43.879 --> 00:04:46.639 a local painter's explosive red and gold abstract that led 100 00:04:46.639 --> 00:04:48.519 to a late night argument about money and ended up 101 00:04:48.519 --> 00:04:51.600 brightening the hallway anyway. Once, in a minor flood of 102 00:04:51.639 --> 00:04:54.319 marital goodwill and low key professional pride, I convinced me 103 00:04:54.319 --> 00:04:56.519 as boss to let me design the galley's new sculpture 104 00:04:56.519 --> 00:04:59.959 garden for a few months. Long hours overlapped her, talking 105 00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:02.680 through artists, some budgets, misketching concepts at the kitchen counter. 106 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:05.560 I remember the way she used to lean over my shoulder, 107 00:05:05.720 --> 00:05:09.279 arms around my neck, offering wild suggestions, some brilliant, some 108 00:05:09.519 --> 00:05:13.560 entirely unbuildable. Mia was the spark. I've always been methodical, 109 00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:16.199 prone to falling silent. Her laughter, an appetite for companies 110 00:05:16.199 --> 00:05:18.959 stitched me into a wider circle. If I didn't always 111 00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:20.839 love the crowds, I grew to cherish the people. Her 112 00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:23.079 book club and prompted dinner parties were a couple swap 113 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:25.720 stories late into the night, saplus bottles at Montepuschino and 114 00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:29.079 French Bird scattering the counter. Every few weeks, Mia would 115 00:05:29.079 --> 00:05:31.439 gral our friends for gallery crawls to start at herrors, 116 00:05:31.600 --> 00:05:33.399 then wind our way through three or four shows in 117 00:05:33.439 --> 00:05:36.480 a single night, arguing and debating, always ending somewhere with 118 00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:39.800 cheap Peter. We traveled a lot for people convinced they'd 119 00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:42.800 never be able to take a proper honeymoon. City weekends, 120 00:05:42.839 --> 00:05:45.879 men penthouses with four to ceiling glass or ape gambols, 121 00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:49.279 and neighborhoods with two mini dogs and espresso bars. Last 122 00:05:49.319 --> 00:05:52.399 November Vancouver was our backdrop, a pre Christmas escape, heavy 123 00:05:52.439 --> 00:05:55.519 on food and ferry rides, lighter on relaxation than intended. 124 00:05:56.040 --> 00:05:59.319 I remember me standing at a gallery window, distracted. She'd 125 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.439 received yet night the call from her director, and when 126 00:06:01.480 --> 00:06:03.600 she hung up, she tried to smile, but couldn't quite 127 00:06:03.639 --> 00:06:07.040 reach her eyes. Maybe I'm stagnant, she said, after too 128 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:10.079 much gin I half asleep, made a promise to take 129 00:06:10.120 --> 00:06:12.639 her somewhere wilder next time, missed until now the quiet 130 00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:16.040 plea behind her words MONI was I won't pretending after thought. 131 00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:20.319 Our salaries combined left as comfortable, especially with no kids. 132 00:06:21.000 --> 00:06:23.720 Miss sometimes joked, see aren't you glad? My parents daste 133 00:06:23.759 --> 00:06:26.639 for gallery. Wine came with divorce lawyer money. Her mother 134 00:06:26.720 --> 00:06:29.560 lived up north, father somewhere soon ear both had remarred. 135 00:06:29.800 --> 00:06:33.199 MEA's tolerance for family squabbles hovering near zero, she kept 136 00:06:33.199 --> 00:06:36.519 the peace by keeping her distance. Direct conflict made her queasy. 137 00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:38.879 She smooth over tension and a dinner conversation rather than 138 00:06:38.920 --> 00:06:41.639 that a subject han carefully deflecting with wit or changing 139 00:06:41.639 --> 00:06:45.000 the playlist. Lately, though it wasn't just our side tension 140 00:06:45.040 --> 00:06:48.519 she avoided. Weeks would pass where our communication, normally all 141 00:06:48.600 --> 00:06:51.680 quick jokes, half conscious touches, running commentary on whatever had 142 00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:53.720 happened to our half of the frind group flattened out. 143 00:06:54.360 --> 00:06:56.639 I had assumed it was the gallery's latest push, or 144 00:06:56.639 --> 00:06:58.399 that I was simply consumed by long night and a 145 00:06:58.439 --> 00:07:01.680 project boss with the social skills of Turnip. Now each 146 00:07:01.759 --> 00:07:04.160 new silence felt like something that had grown between us, 147 00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:07.000 independent of work of stress, and every night I came 148 00:07:07.040 --> 00:07:09.040 home to a lit up apartment, missing Maya's laughter. My 149 00:07:09.079 --> 00:07:12.879 worries sharpened. Friday, the gallery's open house, I made a 150 00:07:12.959 --> 00:07:15.279 point to text me that morning, asking what snacks would 151 00:07:15.279 --> 00:07:17.800 win me points at the artist's table. She sent a 152 00:07:17.800 --> 00:07:20.839 dozen you ridiculous memes in return. Then if you bring cheese, 153 00:07:21.000 --> 00:07:23.519 you get to pick the music. I bought two pounds 154 00:07:23.519 --> 00:07:25.879 of beeches Flagship on the way to the gallery, picturing 155 00:07:25.879 --> 00:07:29.000 her face when she saw I'd remembered when I arrived. 156 00:07:29.000 --> 00:07:32.000 The space robed with chatter, paintings glaring under halch and lights, 157 00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:34.920 cocktail dresses mixed with oversized hoodies, and fifty year old 158 00:07:34.920 --> 00:07:37.839 Doc Martins A scanned for me a part performance on 159 00:07:37.879 --> 00:07:40.720 my part, part real curiosity. I found her deep in 160 00:07:40.759 --> 00:07:43.720 conversation with the new face Lucas, near the storage closet. 161 00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:46.319 As I got closer, I caught only the end of 162 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:49.160 her sentence, who text you after? Instead of glancing up 163 00:07:49.199 --> 00:07:51.959 immediately mea finish her point, as if I didn't exist yet. 164 00:07:52.399 --> 00:07:56.319 Lucas's posture was close conspiratorial. When she did spot me, 165 00:07:56.360 --> 00:07:59.160 her voice reached public volume. Oh, Jordan, come meet Lucas. 166 00:07:59.160 --> 00:08:02.879 He's about to revolutionized my insulation calendar. Lucas shook my hand. 167 00:08:02.959 --> 00:08:05.800 Eza ferred had then excused himself with an apologetical smile. 168 00:08:06.399 --> 00:08:09.160 Mia laid her palm on my arm. Familiar enough, He's 169 00:08:09.160 --> 00:08:11.439 got some while work. Quit until you see it all installed, 170 00:08:11.480 --> 00:08:14.000 she chirped. I asked what they'd been whispering about. She 171 00:08:14.040 --> 00:08:18.240 snorted and said, gallery logistics, dead lines, nothing but pure tedium. 172 00:08:18.319 --> 00:08:21.399 Rescue me from group texts, please. I shrugged it off. 173 00:08:21.959 --> 00:08:24.839 If I seemed stiff, she didn't push. The Rest of 174 00:08:24.879 --> 00:08:27.959 the evening, I let myself play a port were filling glasses, 175 00:08:28.040 --> 00:08:30.360 taking the centur as every other spouse at these things, 176 00:08:30.560 --> 00:08:32.960 nodding at abstract paintings and pretending to know more than 177 00:08:33.000 --> 00:08:35.639 I did. I tried not to watch Mia, but I did. 178 00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:37.519 She was in her element, charm me every one, but 179 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:40.799 also slightly apart from the rest. Later, as I carried 180 00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:43.000 empty wine bottles to the recycling I caught a glimpse 181 00:08:43.000 --> 00:08:45.679 of her texting from the service hallway. The glow on 182 00:08:45.720 --> 00:08:48.200 her face, the way she ducked her head made me pause. 183 00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:51.679 When we got home, I broached it, you're logging overtime. 184 00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:53.600 Is everything blowing up at work again? Or do I 185 00:08:53.639 --> 00:08:56.440 need to fear for my cheese budget? She rolled her eyes, 186 00:08:56.440 --> 00:08:59.000 pressed a kiss to my jaw, and replied, honestly, my 187 00:08:59.039 --> 00:09:01.879 in box could eat me alt it's nothing exciting. She 188 00:09:01.960 --> 00:09:04.559 tapped her phone bed, already pulling at her I let 189 00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:07.919 it drop. Over the weekend, she spent hours tapping out messages, 190 00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:10.720 always stepping into the bedroom or even the bathroom. I 191 00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:13.399 found myself making jokes. Tell Lucas's memos are cutting into 192 00:09:13.399 --> 00:09:16.240 my scrabble time, to which she laugh It's just gallery people. 193 00:09:16.320 --> 00:09:19.480 Nobody faun trust me. She set her phone face down, 194 00:09:19.559 --> 00:09:22.120 nudging me to start a movie. I told myself this 195 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:25.240 was fine. I'd always prized independence, being able to hunk 196 00:09:25.240 --> 00:09:27.000 it down for days with a sketch bet or drafting 197 00:09:27.039 --> 00:09:29.559 at trusting me to do her thing. Still, I couldn't 198 00:09:29.559 --> 00:09:32.039 shake a sense of drift when me canceled on a 199 00:09:32.200 --> 00:09:35.159 monthly dinner party, her own invention, she claimed a work emergency. 200 00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:37.600 Alone at the bar with Jess and Tom, a most 201 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:41.120 dependable couple friends, I made excuses for her. Jess shot 202 00:09:41.159 --> 00:09:43.759 me a look over her old fashions galleries running you 203 00:09:43.799 --> 00:09:46.440 both into the ground. Pop. But Tom mutter it's the 204 00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:48.600 third time she's missed. Hope she gets a brick soon. 205 00:09:49.039 --> 00:09:51.200 I drove home, half convinced I was blowing things out 206 00:09:51.240 --> 00:09:54.440 of proportion. Maybe every couple has seasons, nights of pot 207 00:09:54.480 --> 00:09:58.000 little pockets of loneliness. Maybe this was one of those phases. 208 00:09:58.679 --> 00:10:01.159 So for a few days I said said nothing. I 209 00:10:01.240 --> 00:10:03.399 told myself to be better, to quit worrying, to give 210 00:10:03.399 --> 00:10:06.240 her the benefit of the doubt. But silence is heavy, 211 00:10:06.320 --> 00:10:08.720 and after a while everything small became another beat on 212 00:10:08.759 --> 00:10:12.480 a string I couldn't stop threading. A week passed Mee's 213 00:10:12.519 --> 00:10:15.720 hours shifted. I'd wake before dawn and find her already 214 00:10:15.720 --> 00:10:18.519 out of bed, half dressed, in the darkness, sending e mails, 215 00:10:18.519 --> 00:10:21.240 A grinding coffee quietly in the kitchen. One night she 216 00:10:21.279 --> 00:10:23.519 got home after midnight, she tipped her straight into the shower, 217 00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:27.039 emerging foggy and preoccupied. Once I lit two mugs of 218 00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:29.759 coffee and set them at the table, but she breezed past, Sorry, 219 00:10:29.799 --> 00:10:32.360 have to run meeting the ship ro at eight, The 220 00:10:32.440 --> 00:10:34.759 rich sual faded, the mugs grew cold before I remembered 221 00:10:34.759 --> 00:10:37.279 to pour them out. I watched her calend to full 222 00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:39.639 up with back to back events. Vondriza's should normally have 223 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:42.240 baked me to attend with her outwalks she'd organize for 224 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:45.080 her book club. Now she r s vp'd maybe more 225 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:48.320 often than not know She texted through dinner, citing last 226 00:10:48.320 --> 00:10:51.919 minute pere disasters. Director was breathing down her neck. When 227 00:10:51.960 --> 00:10:54.480 I asked her she wanted company for gallery events. She smiled, 228 00:10:54.480 --> 00:10:58.360 almost briefly, it's just politics and stress. You'd hate it. Meanwhile, 229 00:10:58.639 --> 00:11:01.600 my own anxieties started eating at my work. A sharp 230 00:11:01.639 --> 00:11:05.879 eyed colleague, Peyton, stopped me after a meeting Brawford. Everything good. 231 00:11:06.039 --> 00:11:09.159 You've seemed a little distracted. I laughed it off, telling 232 00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:11.600 her we were just in renovation hell. But the question lingered. 233 00:11:12.200 --> 00:11:14.200 Then came the bank statement for our joint account e 234 00:11:14.240 --> 00:11:18.200 mail notification. Pining at lunch, I scrolled through groceries, wrent 235 00:11:18.320 --> 00:11:20.480 the odd bar tab, then stopped at two line items 236 00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:23.559 Bloom Hotel, Same Berttique Place, Downtown Debuty twice in the 237 00:11:23.600 --> 00:11:26.600 last month. The time stamps went early morning's. They were 238 00:11:26.639 --> 00:11:29.360 evening transactions days when we acclaimed she was at Lake 239 00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:32.679 Gallery in stalls. My mind lurst for a normal explanation. 240 00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:36.120 Miss sometimes booked events spaces. Perhaps she'd paid up front 241 00:11:36.120 --> 00:11:39.480 for a visiting artist or hosted a collector. Still hotel 242 00:11:39.519 --> 00:11:42.360 felt wrong. I pocketed the question for a day, trying 243 00:11:42.360 --> 00:11:45.240 not to let a color every conversation that evening as 244 00:11:45.279 --> 00:11:47.559 we could. She whisking the negrette, medizing pepp as. I 245 00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:50.720 watched as her phone buzzed along the counter. Normally she 246 00:11:50.759 --> 00:11:53.679 ignored notifications during dinner to night. She slid the phone 247 00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:56.080 into her back pocket, cleansing side was before stepping out 248 00:11:56.120 --> 00:11:59.039 to the balcony. Through the glass, I saw her speak quickly, 249 00:11:59.080 --> 00:12:02.720 face turn away, fingers pressed to her lips. Five minutes later, 250 00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:05.759 she returned as if nothing had happened. I tried to 251 00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:09.159 catch her off guard. Who was that she shrugged a 252 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:12.159 gallery team. It never ends? When I pressed, you sound 253 00:12:12.200 --> 00:12:14.080 like you're running the CIA half the time, the way 254 00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:15.919 you take your phone every which she just s met. 255 00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:19.000 If only the CIA paid overtime? Can we not talk 256 00:12:19.000 --> 00:12:22.519 about work for one meal? Fine, I thought, Except the 257 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:24.440 next time her screen lit up, I caught just enough 258 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:27.720 a priview from out reading to night, same place. My 259 00:12:27.799 --> 00:12:31.080 stunk turned. I wanted desperately for it to be innocent. 260 00:12:31.879 --> 00:12:35.919 MIA's mood became brutal, snap reactions over nothing, the laundry, 261 00:12:35.919 --> 00:12:40.159 not finish, keys, misplaced crick apologies, trailing sharp words. When 262 00:12:40.159 --> 00:12:42.759 I tried to initiate plans movie night, just us Sunday 263 00:12:42.759 --> 00:12:45.120 brunch at the oyster baro sheo'ld vaguely suggest next week, 264 00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:48.559 dissolving even her own offers with last minute emergencies. I 265 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:52.200 felt myself retreating. Some nights. I made excuses to sleep 266 00:12:52.200 --> 00:12:55.759 on a couch, blaming marathon walk weeks. Once I woke 267 00:12:55.799 --> 00:12:57.399 at three a m. To find me a side of 268 00:12:57.399 --> 00:12:59.440 the bed empty. She was hunched over her laptop in 269 00:12:59.440 --> 00:13:03.039 the hall, face drawn. I watched, silent, unsure if comforting 270 00:13:03.080 --> 00:13:04.519 her would help, or if I just get brushed off 271 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:07.080 by the spike of her stress. Then a new pattern 272 00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:09.799 emerged in petitions from our core group went to me solo, 273 00:13:10.399 --> 00:13:13.279 what club happened without MEA trivia night? I think sincere too. 274 00:13:13.480 --> 00:13:16.360 She bailed twice in a row. Jess finally asked Artwright, 275 00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:18.799 is she mad at us? Or just totally under water 276 00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:22.360 at work? And mumble excuses feeling stupid, as if everyone 277 00:13:22.360 --> 00:13:26.039 saw us falling apart but me. It all accelerated. Mia 278 00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:28.240 changed her social media have as fewer posts of us, 279 00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:31.159 more moody photos of gallery lighting, arty images of express 280 00:13:31.240 --> 00:13:35.080 or drinks captioned midnight installs, and endless caffeine, no tags 281 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:38.240 with our friends. Her phone became an extension of her hand. 282 00:13:38.320 --> 00:13:41.120 She took it everywhere, even into the shower. Once I 283 00:13:41.159 --> 00:13:44.480 borrowed her charger, and she stared like o chaspist. At work, 284 00:13:44.519 --> 00:13:47.360 I got nothing done, missed a deadline for the first 285 00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:51.360 time in years. Boss called me in concerned, disguised as toughness. 286 00:13:51.440 --> 00:13:54.320 Take care of whatever is eating you, Jordan, I nodded, 287 00:13:54.360 --> 00:13:57.480 shame burning through me. A madd new clue. Another beauty 288 00:13:57.480 --> 00:14:00.399 cotel charge pops up, same as before, late evening. This 289 00:14:00.559 --> 00:14:03.840 time I broached it. Hey, the joint cowd flagged something 290 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:06.679 bloom hotel. Were you booking space for the gallery? She 291 00:14:06.720 --> 00:14:10.519 looked start old eyes darting, then too casual, though, write 292 00:14:10.519 --> 00:14:12.559 the gallery did a pop up meet there? Sorry, should 293 00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:15.320 have worn you. They haven't reimbursed me yet. She smiled, 294 00:14:15.399 --> 00:14:18.799 changed the subject, but the answer felt too smooth, too fast. 295 00:14:19.519 --> 00:14:21.759 Days later I ran into Emma, mutual friend in a 296 00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:24.960 coffee shop near Capitol Hill. Hey, I saw me the 297 00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:27.519 other day with that artist Lucas. I think he guy's 298 00:14:27.559 --> 00:14:30.720 grabbing lunch over here now, I blinked, I don't think so, 299 00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:33.720 must have been for the gallery. Emma shrugged. They looked 300 00:14:33.720 --> 00:14:36.720 pretty entertained anyway, While my heart may deserves some fun. 301 00:14:37.240 --> 00:14:40.159 That afternoon, I asked me softly, almost playfully, about her 302 00:14:40.200 --> 00:14:42.480 lunch plans. Would have joined you if you told me 303 00:14:42.559 --> 00:14:45.759 you were nearby. She met my gaze only briefly. It 304 00:14:45.879 --> 00:14:47.840 was just a desk lunch to day swamped. I barely 305 00:14:47.879 --> 00:14:51.600 looked up between emails. No hesitation, no flicker of a gautcha, 306 00:14:52.279 --> 00:14:55.759 just a flat statement. I hunted for cracks and found none. 307 00:14:56.159 --> 00:14:58.559 That night, doing dishes, I noticed a folded receipt in 308 00:14:58.600 --> 00:15:01.480 the trash, a nut else spot I recognized from happy 309 00:15:01.559 --> 00:15:04.120 out with my colleagues, expensive enough that may always refer 310 00:15:04.200 --> 00:15:06.720 to it as a special occasion. Only the date and 311 00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:08.960 time stamped on it corresponded to when she said she'd 312 00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:12.000 been stuck working late at the gallery. Tipped twenty five 313 00:15:12.039 --> 00:15:15.279 percent in me as unmistakable handwriting. I turned the paper 314 00:15:15.279 --> 00:15:17.200 over and left it on the counter as an experiment. 315 00:15:17.960 --> 00:15:20.399 The next morning it was gone. If there was an 316 00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:22.919 innocent explanation, meal wasn't in a rush to share it. 317 00:15:23.480 --> 00:15:27.159 Days blurred, I started making list mental inventories of every shift. 318 00:15:27.159 --> 00:15:29.840 Her clothes changed, her schedule grew odd, her skin smell 319 00:15:29.919 --> 00:15:33.320 faintly of something unfamiliar. I developed the sort of obsessive 320 00:15:33.320 --> 00:15:36.080 awareness I normally reserved for design, lay her in clues, 321 00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:39.960 arranging timelines, tracing connections. The facts didn't form a picture 322 00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:42.759 I liked. One week, May came late to a happy 323 00:15:42.759 --> 00:15:44.799 hour at my firmer gathering. She would have relished once, 324 00:15:44.919 --> 00:15:47.639 lapping up industry gossip and deflecting awkward questions from my 325 00:15:47.679 --> 00:15:50.759 boss with sparkling wit. She texted at the last minute, 326 00:15:50.919 --> 00:15:55.039 sorry running behind shipment disaster. She appeared just before dessert, 327 00:15:55.279 --> 00:15:58.480 red cheeked and apologetic, but distant. When I tried to 328 00:15:58.519 --> 00:16:00.440 engage her with the story from my office, she only 329 00:16:00.440 --> 00:16:03.639 half listened, eyes flickering over her phone. When pressed, she 330 00:16:03.679 --> 00:16:06.039 claimed she was coordinating an art loone with the collector 331 00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:09.240 on London time. She made her exit, quickly, promising she'd 332 00:16:09.240 --> 00:16:11.799 make it up to me. That promise joined a growing 333 00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:15.720 pile of similar ones. Other things stuck out. She dropped 334 00:16:15.720 --> 00:16:18.200 her standing yoga class, one she once insisted mattered for 335 00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:21.679 her sanity. Invitations from our closest friends gathered dust on 336 00:16:21.720 --> 00:16:24.559 the fridge. Tom and Jess asked about us less frequently, 337 00:16:24.600 --> 00:16:27.559 but they look sad enough. At home. We became polite 338 00:16:27.600 --> 00:16:32.240 col tenants, fewer spontaneous touches, our piles of shared books. 339 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:36.519 Once dojured and swapt freely remained untouched. We slept side byside, 340 00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:39.679 but even that felt like act. She started to fall asleep, 341 00:16:39.720 --> 00:16:42.159 clutching her phone. There were moments when part of me 342 00:16:42.200 --> 00:16:44.919 still wanted the simplest explanation that I had missed a crisis, 343 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:47.240 that she simply needed space, that her career was in 344 00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:50.879 some sudden silent free for maybe I'd been so focused 345 00:16:50.879 --> 00:16:52.679 on my own stress as I'd stopped being a partner. 346 00:16:53.240 --> 00:16:55.559 But when I gently broached the night away Vancouver again, 347 00:16:55.840 --> 00:16:58.120 just as Kip rerissett as she shook her head, closed 348 00:16:58.159 --> 00:17:01.440 her eyes too much, coming up maybe after this cycle, 349 00:17:02.120 --> 00:17:04.200 almost as if she was into the question or feared 350 00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:06.799 what a night away would reveal. One night, in an 351 00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:10.240 unguarded moment, I asked her, are you happy? She looked 352 00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:12.319 out the window, then at the half painted canvas on 353 00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:15.240 the wall, one we picked out together. I don't know, Jordan, there, 354 00:17:15.240 --> 00:17:18.359 really don't. I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, wanting 355 00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:20.240 to ask what that meant, afraid to hear the answer. 356 00:17:20.839 --> 00:17:23.200 The next week, May finally broke the pass and invited 357 00:17:23.240 --> 00:17:25.319 me to Gallery Pop up a kind of return to routine. 358 00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:28.440 Let's play tourists together. I promise it'll be fun again. 359 00:17:29.119 --> 00:17:31.519 I agreed, instantly, eager for any sign we might crawl 360 00:17:31.559 --> 00:17:34.559 back from the brink. The space was mob new insulations, 361 00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:37.039 gleaming artists flitting from one wine glass to the next. 362 00:17:37.720 --> 00:17:40.319 May agreed in me with a forced cheerfulness, Quickly launching 363 00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:44.039 into introductions. I noticed Lucas immediately. He seemed less nervous, 364 00:17:44.039 --> 00:17:46.240 more at ease, flashing me a practice smile as me 365 00:17:46.279 --> 00:17:49.519 gust about his expansive vision. The whole thing felt staged, 366 00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:51.400 but I told myself maybe this was her way of 367 00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:54.759 keeping us close, not pushing me out. Lucas played along, 368 00:17:54.960 --> 00:17:57.759 his manners impeccable, asking after my work and referencing things 369 00:17:57.799 --> 00:17:59.960 me had clearly told him my ol fated kitchen rena 370 00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:03.519 plans a last trip. During me a speech to the donors, 371 00:18:03.559 --> 00:18:05.240 She thanked my team and all those who make this 372 00:18:05.319 --> 00:18:08.599 kind of dedication possible, which drew applause. She shot me 373 00:18:08.640 --> 00:18:12.240 a look and grinned. I almost relaxed. Maybe all the 374 00:18:12.279 --> 00:18:14.799 secrecy had been for a promotion or a surprise project. 375 00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:17.920 That night, she was affectionate, pulled me close As we left, 376 00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:20.039 kissed my neck, promised to leave her phone in the 377 00:18:20.079 --> 00:18:23.039 other room. I miss you, you know, she said, looking 378 00:18:23.039 --> 00:18:25.559 as tired as I'd ever seen her. I woke the 379 00:18:25.559 --> 00:18:27.759 next morning to the sound of careful packing zippers and 380 00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:31.559 rustle of clothes. Mia was stuffing an overnight bag, whispering 381 00:18:31.559 --> 00:18:34.799 into her phone. Sorry, gallery, shipments coming early. I have 382 00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:36.720 to be there. Won't be back until late to night, 383 00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:39.920 maybe tomorrow. She pecked my cheek, sent a hotel soapin 384 00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:42.400 stress on her skin, and vanished. Before I could protest, 385 00:18:43.039 --> 00:18:46.039 the door thudded shut, leaving in emptiness I could barely name. 386 00:18:46.599 --> 00:18:49.079 That was the moment I finally admitted I didn't believe her. 387 00:18:49.720 --> 00:18:52.799 Days of rationalizing, arguing with myself had collapsed into a single, 388 00:18:52.839 --> 00:18:55.839 heavy certainty. Whatever was happening, I didn't understand it, and 389 00:18:55.880 --> 00:18:59.079 I couldn't pretend otherwise. I waited a few hours, pacing, 390 00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:02.759 unable to work. The apartment seemed unfamiliar, as if histary 391 00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:06.119 had been erased, every object suddenly neutral. I thought about 392 00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:09.400 calling Maqueulda's friend, some one with no patience for self delusion, 393 00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:12.880 but the word stuck. By midday, my patients cracked. I 394 00:19:12.920 --> 00:19:15.599 threw on a jacket, slipped out, and drove downtown. Mind 395 00:19:15.599 --> 00:19:18.160 a blur, I told myself, I just wanted to see 396 00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:20.640 the gallery installation, maybe catch me in the middle of 397 00:19:20.640 --> 00:19:24.079 her emergency. But instead I popped across from the Bloom Hotel, 398 00:19:24.119 --> 00:19:26.160 across the street from rains like glass doors and a 399 00:19:26.240 --> 00:19:29.400 revolving line of guests and staff. My heart drums are hard. 400 00:19:29.400 --> 00:19:32.200 I thought it might deck outside my chest. I barely 401 00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:34.759