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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everybody, Welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. This is

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<v Speaker 1>the Bible teaching ministry of Rick Warren. Hey, We're so

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<v Speaker 1>glad you're here with us today. We are continuing in

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<v Speaker 1>a series called Talking about Stuff That Matters Now. In

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<v Speaker 1>this series, Rick looks into the scriptures and he's unpacking

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<v Speaker 1>what it means to live in community, have real conversation

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<v Speaker 1>about what matters most, and face discouragement with courage and faith.

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<v Speaker 1>It's honest, hopeful. So stay tuned. You won't want to

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<v Speaker 1>miss a second. And now here's part one of a

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<v Speaker 1>message called forming healthy Friendships.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, in spite of the fact that today the

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<v Speaker 2>world is more connected by technology than ever before, we

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<v Speaker 2>are far more connected than previous generations, there is an

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<v Speaker 2>epidemic of loneliness in our world. I don't know if

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<v Speaker 2>you've been reading about it' sean. I probably read twenty

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<v Speaker 2>thirty forty articles this week on the epidemic of loneliness

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<v Speaker 2>all around the world. The fact that over half of America,

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<v Speaker 2>in poll after pol has said I'm lonely. And these

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<v Speaker 2>are at every age and stage of life. Little children say,

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<v Speaker 2>great school kids say, I'm lonely, teenagers say, I'm lonely.

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<v Speaker 2>Young adult SAM lonely, middle aged married couple say I'm lonely.

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<v Speaker 2>Elderly people SAM lonely. Over half of Americans at every

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<v Speaker 2>single stage and age of life, say I'm lonely. That's

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<v Speaker 2>an epidemic. We've never had those numbers ever in the

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<v Speaker 2>history of the United States of America. It's worse than

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<v Speaker 2>some other countries. In Britain, the number of British citizens

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<v Speaker 2>who say I'm lonely has now risen to sixty eight percent.

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<v Speaker 2>It's such an epidemic that the Prime Minister of England

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<v Speaker 2>last year appointed a new cabinet officer called the Minister

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<v Speaker 2>of Loneliness. I'm not making this up. They have a

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<v Speaker 2>cabinet Minister for loneliness because sixty eight percent of the

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<v Speaker 2>Brits say I'm lonely, and we find this in country

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<v Speaker 2>after country after country. I was talking to our high

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<v Speaker 2>school pastor Jason this week. He told me he was

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<v Speaker 2>recently at a high school a student camp, and they

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<v Speaker 2>asked kids who were lonely to stand up, maybe a

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<v Speaker 2>thousand kids at this camp, and he said about eighty

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<v Speaker 2>percent of the kids stood up, saying I experience loneliness.

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<v Speaker 2>On a regular basis. Part of it is social media itself.

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<v Speaker 2>Rather than going out on a Saturday night, you stay

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<v Speaker 2>home and you look at your your screen on what

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<v Speaker 2>everybody else is doing, and you talk about it, and

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<v Speaker 2>there's this fear of missing out fomo, fear of missing out.

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<v Speaker 2>That's a plaguing generation Z, which is the first generation

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<v Speaker 2>to actually grow up without having screens, you know, phones

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<v Speaker 2>all of the time. Now, the Bible has a lot

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<v Speaker 2>to say about loneliness. In fact, it starts in the

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<v Speaker 2>first couple chapters when God says it is not good

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<v Speaker 2>for man to be alone. So the first thing God

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<v Speaker 2>said was not good about the earth. God hates loneliness, loneliness.

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<v Speaker 2>If you have loneliness in your life, that is not

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<v Speaker 2>part of God's plan for your life. We were made

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<v Speaker 2>in the image of God, which means we're relational. And

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<v Speaker 2>because we're relational, human beings are social creatures. We're made

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<v Speaker 2>to be together. We're better together. We're not made to

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<v Speaker 2>be solitary. And so the Bible has a lot to say.

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<v Speaker 2>I went through all of the scriptures this week that

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<v Speaker 2>deal with loneliness, with friendship, friendliness. There are literally hundreds

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<v Speaker 2>and hundreds and hundreds of verses in the Bible about

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<v Speaker 2>the importance of you having friends. You need them not

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<v Speaker 2>just for your happiness, you need them for your health.

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<v Speaker 2>Studies have shown that the fewer friends you have, the

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<v Speaker 2>sooner you're more likely to die. That it is unhealthy

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<v Speaker 2>for you to not have healthy friendships in your life.

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<v Speaker 2>So God made us for relationships, and we're going to

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<v Speaker 2>look today this weekend at a ton, literally a ton

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<v Speaker 2>of Bible verses on how to form healthy relationships. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>there are a lot of different kinds of friendships, but

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<v Speaker 2>specifically I would categorize a couple being close friendships and

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<v Speaker 2>casual friendships. If you want to write this on your outline,

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<v Speaker 2>casual friends, Okay, casual friends in your life may be

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<v Speaker 2>the result of my circumstances when I have you know,

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<v Speaker 2>meet people at work, or I meet people at school,

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<v Speaker 2>or I meet people in a neighborhood, or I meet

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<v Speaker 2>people you know in some sports, you know, kids in soccer,

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<v Speaker 2>what like that. Those are typically casual relationships because they're

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<v Speaker 2>just people that you happen to bump been to, you

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<v Speaker 2>run into. Those are the casual relationships that come as

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<v Speaker 2>a result of circumstances. But your closest friends should not

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<v Speaker 2>be the result of circumstance. They should be the result

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<v Speaker 2>of choices, my choices, not my circumstances, but my choices.

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<v Speaker 2>Your close friends should not be accidental. You should choose

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<v Speaker 2>them wisely, because you can't be close to everybody. Now.

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<v Speaker 2>The fact is, the closer I am to people in

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<v Speaker 2>my life, and the closer people are to me in

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<v Speaker 2>my life, the greater the impact. The greater the influence

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<v Speaker 2>they're going to have on my life. The people who

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<v Speaker 2>are closest to you are obviously going to influence your

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<v Speaker 2>life a whole lot more than the people who are

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<v Speaker 2>simply casual acquaintances. Now, if that's true, and the people

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<v Speaker 2>who are closest to you better be influencing you for

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<v Speaker 2>good and for God, because it's dangerous. So I should

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<v Speaker 2>choose my closest friends wisely. Now, the Bible has a

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<v Speaker 2>lot to say about this. There on your outline, I

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<v Speaker 2>just put one verse Proverbs chapter twelve, verse twenty six

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<v Speaker 2>says this, A righteous person is cautious in friendship. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>you're choosy, you're selective. You don't just arbitraries. Anybody can

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<v Speaker 2>be close to me. A righteous person is cautious in

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<v Speaker 2>friendship because the ways of evil people can lead them

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<v Speaker 2>to do wrong. Now, what I want us to look

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<v Speaker 2>at this weekend is forming healthy relationships. And I want

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<v Speaker 2>us to do a couple of things. I want us

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<v Speaker 2>to look at the kind of people you should not choose,

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<v Speaker 2>because the Bible has a lot to say about that

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<v Speaker 2>kind of people should not be your closest friends. And

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<v Speaker 2>then look at the kind of qualities you should look

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<v Speaker 2>for in your closest friends. And then I want to

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<v Speaker 2>give you some building blocks, the eight or zero building

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<v Speaker 2>blocks of how do you build healthy, lifelong friendship satisfying

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<v Speaker 2>friendships in life. Now assisting me is going to be

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<v Speaker 2>Pastor Kurt Johnston. And Kurt talk about four different circles.

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<v Speaker 2>He says, you know, on the outer circle, or your

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<v Speaker 2>casual friends, there's a that's your biggest circle, so there's

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<v Speaker 2>room for a lot of them. Now, you don't spend

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of time with these people, but they're your

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<v Speaker 2>casual friends. But you don't see him that much, so

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<v Speaker 2>there's a limited influence you on them and them on

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<v Speaker 2>you a little bit. In in the next circle, in

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<v Speaker 2>is what he calls your close friends, and there's not

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<v Speaker 2>as much room for as many because you can't be

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<v Speaker 2>a close friend to everybody, and so you don't have

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<v Speaker 2>as many in that circle. But you have more time

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<v Speaker 2>spent together with your close friends, and there is increased

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<v Speaker 2>influence you on them and them on you. But Dinny

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<v Speaker 2>said there's an inner circle that's right around you that

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<v Speaker 2>he calls your core friends. I'd never heard this far,

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<v Speaker 2>but I like this phrase, your core friends. And you

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<v Speaker 2>only have room for a handful of those three, four,

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<v Speaker 2>five or so of your core friends. You get lots

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<v Speaker 2>of time spent together. There's high influence on each other

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<v Speaker 2>out while I like Kurt's circles. This is exactly what

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<v Speaker 2>Jesus did. Jesus loved everybody. He fed the five thousand,

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<v Speaker 2>he trained one hundred and twenty, He discipled twelve, he

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<v Speaker 2>mentored three. I'll say it again, Jesus loved everybody. There

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<v Speaker 2>was nobody Jesus didn't love. He fed the five thousand,

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<v Speaker 2>he trained one hundred and twenty, he discipled twelve, he

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<v Speaker 2>mentored three. Only Peter, James and John got to go

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<v Speaker 2>in the Garden of Casemone. Only Peter, James and John

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<v Speaker 2>got to go up on the Mount of Transfiguration. Only Peter,

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<v Speaker 2>James and John got to see Jesus heal Peter's mother

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<v Speaker 2>in law. Was Jesus playing favorites? Yes he was. He

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<v Speaker 2>was spending the maximum amount of time with those who

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<v Speaker 2>would bear the maximum responsibility. Later in the Book of Galatians,

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<v Speaker 2>Paul says Peter, James and John. He calls them different James,

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<v Speaker 2>but Peter, James, John the pillars of the church. Obviously

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<v Speaker 2>it worked. He invested the maximum time with the people

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<v Speaker 2>who bear the maximum responsibility. He had the greatest impact

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<v Speaker 2>on the people he spent the most time with, and

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<v Speaker 2>they ended up being leaders. So you need to go

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<v Speaker 2>home and make this circle list because some of you

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<v Speaker 2>are stressed out because you have too many vdps and

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<v Speaker 2>you don't have enough VIPs in your life. You know

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<v Speaker 2>the difference. Vps are very inspirational people. VIPs very inspiration.

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<v Speaker 2>Vdps are very draining people. Now, don't look at them.

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<v Speaker 2>Be cool. When you have more vdps, then you have

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<v Speaker 2>VIPs in your life. That's called stress. Friend, when you

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<v Speaker 2>have more draining people in your life, and if the

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<v Speaker 2>draining people are the closest, guess what you're You're out

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<v Speaker 2>of energy. You're out of gas. So while this is

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<v Speaker 2>a message that I want to teach parents how to

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<v Speaker 2>help their kids have healthy relationships, all you big grown

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<v Speaker 2>up kids need this too. And you need to go home,

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<v Speaker 2>and you need to be more intentional about your friendships.

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<v Speaker 2>And you might go home and say who's in my

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<v Speaker 2>casual circle and write their names in, and who's in

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<v Speaker 2>my close circle, and who's in my core? And should

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<v Speaker 2>they be there? Should somebody else be in my core.

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<v Speaker 2>If you'll do this, you will find your fulfillment level

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<v Speaker 2>going up in your stress level going down, because my

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<v Speaker 2>guess is you've probably got too many of the wrong

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<v Speaker 2>people in the wrong circle. So church is going to

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<v Speaker 2>help me with this message. Now, first I want us

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<v Speaker 2>to look at what the Bible says you're not to

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<v Speaker 2>choose as close friends. Who are you to not choose?

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<v Speaker 2>Because the Bible says a righteous person is cautious in

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<v Speaker 2>friendship because they can influence you if they're really close.

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<v Speaker 2>And God says that there's some people that you should avoid.

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<v Speaker 2>Now this is just a partial list. I'm only going

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<v Speaker 2>to give you five or six people. There are others.

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<v Speaker 2>You could go through the Book of Proverbs and get

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<v Speaker 2>all the rest of them. But let me just give

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<v Speaker 2>you five or six people who should not be your

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<v Speaker 2>closest friends according to what God says. Now, before I

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<v Speaker 2>say that, would you agree that the wrong people can

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<v Speaker 2>pull you down? If I'm standing here on this stage

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<v Speaker 2>and you're standing down there, is it easier for me

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<v Speaker 2>to pull you up or for you to pull me down?

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<v Speaker 2>There's no question. Okay, it's the law gravity. It's easier

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<v Speaker 2>for you to pull me down than to pull you up.

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<v Speaker 2>This is why I don't believe in missionary dating. You know, well,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to bring him to the Lord through our

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<v Speaker 2>dating life. I'm sure that's what he's thinking, Praise the Lord.

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<v Speaker 2>So have any of you ever seen anybody messed up

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<v Speaker 2>by the wrong friends? Yeah? Yeah, of course you have,

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<v Speaker 2>so I don't have to make this point to you.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, it's true that there's some people you shouldn't

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<v Speaker 2>have as you're close friends. Look up here on the screen.

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<v Speaker 2>Proverbs eighteen twenty four says this, these are friends who

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<v Speaker 2>destroy each other. Have you ever seen a couple of

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<v Speaker 2>friends destroy each other? Yeah? They weren't real friends. They

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<v Speaker 2>were competing with each other, they were fighting with each other,

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<v Speaker 2>they were nagging at each other. They were detrimental to

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<v Speaker 2>each other, they were pulling each other down. Those aren't

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<v Speaker 2>real friends. So let me just give you a partial

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<v Speaker 2>list of five or six kinds of people should not

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<v Speaker 2>be your closest friends. Number one, We're not going to

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<v Speaker 2>spend a lot of time on these because I want

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<v Speaker 2>to get to the positive stuff. Number one. People who

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<v Speaker 2>like to argue. Really, that's what the Bible says. People

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<v Speaker 2>who like to argue should not be your closest friends.

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<v Speaker 2>Have you noticed that some people love conflict. They get

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<v Speaker 2>energized by it. Fighting makes them come alive. It's like

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<v Speaker 2>they're not even alive unless they're in the middle of

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<v Speaker 2>a fight, and they're always against something. There's that kind

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<v Speaker 2>of warrior spirit of They just like to fight. And wherever

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<v Speaker 2>they go they cause conflict. They're irritating, they're agitating. God says,

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<v Speaker 2>you don't hang out with those kind of people. Proverbs

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<v Speaker 2>twenty verse three. Any fool can start arguments. The honorable

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<v Speaker 2>thing is to stay out of them. Circle the words

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<v Speaker 2>stay out. Somebody starts getting in an argument in your office,

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<v Speaker 2>walk away says the wise thing the honorable. The wise

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<v Speaker 2>thing is to stay out of them. Number two. Here's

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<v Speaker 2>another one. This is really gonna be touchy. People who gossip, Well,

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<v Speaker 2>they just went all my friends. You say, you know

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<v Speaker 2>you're thinking that people who gossip. Did you know that

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<v Speaker 2>God hates gossips. He hates gossip. He hates gossiping. He

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<v Speaker 2>says it's detrimental. He says the gossiper is the friend

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<v Speaker 2>to the sabatoo. They sabotage relationships. Gossips are destructive, and

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<v Speaker 2>the Bible judges the sin of gossip very, very harshly.

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<v Speaker 2>What is gossip? All right, let me give you a definition.

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<v Speaker 2>Gossip is sharing information when you're neither part of the

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<v Speaker 2>problem nor part of the solution. Uh oh, sharing damaging

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<v Speaker 2>information when you're neither part of the problem nor part

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<v Speaker 2>of the solution. And for Christians, the worst part is

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<v Speaker 2>when we hide gossip as a prayer request, I'd like

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<v Speaker 2>for you to pray about this. What I heard about

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<v Speaker 2>so and so it's been on my heart to pray

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<v Speaker 2>about this. Well, don't use prayer as an excuse to gossip.

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<v Speaker 2>The Bible says in Proverbs twenty verse nineteen, stay away

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<v Speaker 2>from gossips. They can't keep a secret and they tell everything.

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<v Speaker 2>So stay away from people who like to argue, stay

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<v Speaker 2>away from people who gossip. Number three, you're just stay

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<v Speaker 2>away and not have his closest friends. People who flatter others.

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<v Speaker 2>People who flatter others. Now, what is flattery? Flattery is

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<v Speaker 2>false praise. Flattery is insincere compliments. Flattery is the person

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<v Speaker 2>who kisses up to the boss at work and then

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<v Speaker 2>behind them says the exact opposite about that boss. They schmooze.

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<v Speaker 2>They they you know, they lay it on. They're kissing up.

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<v Speaker 2>They're hypocritically appealing to ego. And when you see people flattering,

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<v Speaker 2>whether it's a girl or a guy on the school

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<v Speaker 2>campus kissing up to the most popular person, or whether

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<v Speaker 2>it's an adult doing it in an office situation or

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<v Speaker 2>a sales situation, the Bible says you need to run

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<v Speaker 2>the opposite way, stay away from flatterers. Proverbs twenty nine,

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<v Speaker 2>verse five says this flattery is a trap. Evil people

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<v Speaker 2>get caught in it, but good people avoid it and

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<v Speaker 2>are free. I don't have time to go into this,

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<v Speaker 2>but the Bible says that people who flatter you actually

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<v Speaker 2>hate you. That flattery is disguised hatred, and they'll say

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<v Speaker 2>one thing to your face. Well, look at these verses.

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<v Speaker 2>You ever met any people like this? Here's a verse

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<v Speaker 2>Proverbs sixty four, verse two. They are friendly to my face,

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<v Speaker 2>but they curse me in their hearts, and they delight

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<v Speaker 2>in telling lies about me. Their entire reality shows built

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<v Speaker 2>on that verse where they say something to your face

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<v Speaker 2>and flatter you, Oh, you look so great. And then

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<v Speaker 2>or here's another one. Look at this verse Psalm one

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<v Speaker 2>O nine, verse five. For being friendly and kind, they

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<v Speaker 2>paid me back with meanness and hatred. Mean girls, mean boys.

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<v Speaker 2>This happens on every campus, but it happens in adulthood.

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<v Speaker 2>The Bible says, stay away from people who flatter you.

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<v Speaker 2>Number four. You should stay away and not have as

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<v Speaker 2>your closest friends people who can't control their temper. The

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<v Speaker 2>Bible has a lot to say about the rajaholic, the rajiaholic.

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<v Speaker 2>Now you could be two different ways to express rage.

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<v Speaker 2>Be a mute and be a martyr, or be a

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<v Speaker 2>manic and be a you know, Mount Vesuvius. Everybody's either

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<v Speaker 2>a skunk or a turtle. And when you get angry,

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<v Speaker 2>turtles pull into a shell and pour me and they

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<v Speaker 2>you know, everybody hates me, nobody loves me. I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 2>go eat worms and you have a pity party and

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<v Speaker 2>you invite me myself and eye. Or you can be

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<v Speaker 2>Mount Vesuvius, or you can be a skunk. When a

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<v Speaker 2>skunk is upset, they let everybody know it and they

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<v Speaker 2>stink up the whole place. The Bible says, people who

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<v Speaker 2>can't control their temper they should not be your closest friends. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>they're hot headed, you know short few that. They they're volatile,

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<v Speaker 2>they're rash, they blow up quickly, they're easily upset. Here's

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<v Speaker 2>what the Bible says, Parbus twenty two, verse twenty four

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<v Speaker 2>and twenty five. Don't make friends with hot tempered people

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<v Speaker 2>with a hot tempered person. Don't associate with anyone easily angered.

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<v Speaker 2>They get ticked off at everything. You have to walk

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<v Speaker 2>on eggshells around them. Or don't associate with those who

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<v Speaker 2>are easily angered, or you'll learn to be like them

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<v Speaker 2>and not able to change. Anger, like a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>other emotions, is contagious. Loneliness is contagious, Depression is contagious.

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<v Speaker 2>A lot of things are could be a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>emotions are contagious. He said. If you hang the people

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<v Speaker 2>you hang out with, that's what you're going to become light.

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<v Speaker 2>Now you say, well, I don't know anybody hot tempered people.

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<v Speaker 2>Are you listening to talk radio because they're all on that.

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<v Speaker 2>Are you watching talk TV? There are some shows you

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<v Speaker 2>if you find your blood pressure rising, you just shouldn't

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<v Speaker 2>listen to. All they're doing is feeding rage inside you.

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<v Speaker 2>Here's one people who steal or shoplift. Now, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know many adults who know people who are shoplifting, but

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of teenagers know teenagers who are shoplifting. But

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<v Speaker 2>there are people who are stealing their office blind and

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<v Speaker 2>everybody knows it. Thieves, the Bible says, are self centered,

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<v Speaker 2>and if they steal from others, you know what they'll

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<v Speaker 2>steal from you, So you don't want them to be

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<v Speaker 2>your closest friend. People who steal or shoplift, look at

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<v Speaker 2>this verse up here on the screen, Proverbs one, verses

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<v Speaker 2>thirteen to fifteen. This is what they say. They say,

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<v Speaker 2>Come on, let's take all kinds of valuable things. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>you know all the resources at the office. Let's fill

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<v Speaker 2>our houses with stolen goods. Come join us. We'll share

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<v Speaker 2>the stolen goods. But do not go along with them,

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<v Speaker 2>and don't do not do what they do this is,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, just stay away from most people. Wow.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks Pastor Rick for such an amazing message today.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>Rick says that it's vitally important for children to understand

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<v Speaker 1>that even before the universe was created, God had them

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<v Speaker 1>in mind, and that He has a special plan and

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<v Speaker 1>purpose for their life. That's why Rick created The Purpose

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<v Speaker 1>Driven Life devotional book for Children. This is an inspirational

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<v Speaker 1>resource that uses the principles found in Pastor Rick's life

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<v Speaker 1>changing bestseller, The Purpose Driven Life, but it delivers them

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<v Speaker 1>as one hundred devotions that speak directly to the challenges

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<v Speaker 1>kids face and gives real world applications to help them

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<v Speaker 1>discover their purpose. It's paired with powerful scripture passages and

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<v Speaker 1>engaging illustrations, and young readers will thrive on the biblical

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<v Speaker 1>wisdom that has helped millions of people throughout the world.

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<v Speaker 1>You'll want to get a copy for all of the

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<v Speaker 1>children that God has placed in your life. Kids, grandkids, nieces,

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<v Speaker 1>even kids in the neighborhood. They'll all be blessed by

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<v Speaker 1>this amazing resource. Be sure to request your copy of

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<v Speaker 1>The Purpose Driven Life one hundred illustrated Devotions for Children

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<v Speaker 1>when you give a gift to Daily Hope. Just go

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<v Speaker 1>to pastorick dot com to get your copy of this

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<v Speaker 1>great resource. That's pastorick dot com. Or you can text

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<v Speaker 1>the word hope to seven oh three oh nine. Again,

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<v Speaker 1>that's the word hope to seven oh three oh nine.

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<v Speaker 1>And we thank you so much for your support. It

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<v Speaker 1>helps us share the hope of Christ with people all

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<v Speaker 1>around the world. Be sure to join us next time

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<v Speaker 1>as we look into God's word for our daily hope.

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<v Speaker 1>This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and

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<v Speaker 1>your generous financial support.