WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.359 Doctor Jen, How is your Friday going thus far? 2 00:00:04.519 --> 00:00:07.599 Good? It's hot here in San Diego. 3 00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:09.039 It is a bit warm. 4 00:00:09.240 --> 00:00:12.160 It is one hundred and four in Sante yesterday and 5 00:00:12.279 --> 00:00:14.640 I think one hundred and two right now, I believe 6 00:00:14.679 --> 00:00:15.400 in Santy today. 7 00:00:15.439 --> 00:00:16.440 Yeah. 8 00:00:15.640 --> 00:00:19.519 Oh well, I just looked up Pacific Beach and it's 9 00:00:19.559 --> 00:00:22.079 seventy nine. But that is very hot. 10 00:00:21.879 --> 00:00:24.600 For the beach town and for writers. 11 00:00:26.039 --> 00:00:28.000 I we have like eighty percent humidity. 12 00:00:28.519 --> 00:00:29.960 So that's that's the thing. 13 00:00:30.920 --> 00:00:32.600 It is us that we're not used to. 14 00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:34.159 That is true. That is true. 15 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:36.600 Any discomfort at all for you people out near the beach, 16 00:00:36.679 --> 00:00:37.200 and I did. 17 00:00:37.119 --> 00:00:37.719 Mean you people. 18 00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:42.479 I played beach volleyball last night for two hours and 19 00:00:42.560 --> 00:00:46.759 it was so humid. Ye were cautiful sunset that way. 20 00:00:46.799 --> 00:00:49.159 It was seriously was though. I don't remember the sand 21 00:00:49.240 --> 00:00:51.079 ever sticking to me that much in my clothes, and 22 00:00:51.119 --> 00:00:52.640 I was like, oh my gosh, we're not used to 23 00:00:52.640 --> 00:00:53.200 that out here. 24 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:55.280 Okay, Well that answered that question because I asked if 25 00:00:55.280 --> 00:00:56.439 you were naked, but you weren't. 26 00:00:56.960 --> 00:01:00.920 Oh, playing beach volleyball. Yeah, you said you've done that 27 00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:04.760 before only at black speech once. Yeah, but that's not 28 00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:08.239 my in the volleyball was not very good. I play 29 00:01:08.359 --> 00:01:11.040 like good volleyball with people who are good volleyball players. 30 00:01:11.120 --> 00:01:12.719 So, oh, are you pretty serious about it? 31 00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:16.079 Yeah, oh yeah, you don't know. Yeah, I only play 32 00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:19.400 two persons, so beach volleyball, so like you got to 33 00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:22.120 you can't half ass when you've only got when you're 34 00:01:22.120 --> 00:01:23.120 covering half the court. 35 00:01:23.760 --> 00:01:24.879 I didn't realize you did that. 36 00:01:25.760 --> 00:01:27.519 Oh yeah, it's one of my favorite things too. 37 00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:27.840 Yeah. 38 00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:29.879 I actually a lot of this summer I missed the 39 00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:31.840 group I play with just because I was traveling and 40 00:01:32.200 --> 00:01:35.640 had work conflicts. And then now I played, I realized 41 00:01:35.680 --> 00:01:37.079 I was like, oh my god, why is my back 42 00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:42.760 so sore? I played three times in six days. So yeah, 43 00:01:42.840 --> 00:01:44.719 I would, you know, just a group and we set 44 00:01:44.799 --> 00:01:47.719 up our own nests and play and we're mostly you know, 45 00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:53.040 late forties, fifties, and but yeah, we only we solely 46 00:01:53.079 --> 00:01:55.879 played two on two, so you've got to be and 47 00:01:55.920 --> 00:01:58.120 we've got we only play on men's nest, which means 48 00:01:58.120 --> 00:02:00.719 I can't swing or do anything, and so you know, 49 00:02:00.760 --> 00:02:02.439 and some of the men, well you know, can pound 50 00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:06.159 the ball down. But yeah, it's great, one of my 51 00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:07.480 favorite things. 52 00:02:07.799 --> 00:02:10.680 Well that's awesome, Yes it is. 53 00:02:10.759 --> 00:02:12.560 So you are officially an empty nester. 54 00:02:13.319 --> 00:02:17.599 Oh yes, well okay, so yes, technically, but I must 55 00:02:17.680 --> 00:02:21.479 tell you that my boys, Dylan and Gavin are both 56 00:02:21.479 --> 00:02:24.560 home this weekend as of last night. So Dylan is 57 00:02:24.599 --> 00:02:27.120 home for his professional show in Oceanside called Stranger Sings, 58 00:02:27.159 --> 00:02:29.719 which is a I think it's the ocean Side Playhouse 59 00:02:29.719 --> 00:02:32.159 that it's a parody of Stranger Things. He is Michael 60 00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:36.520 or Mike Funny. Yeah, so he's a big part and 61 00:02:36.840 --> 00:02:39.560 he's doing so well with that. But he's so he's here. 62 00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:43.080 And then Gavin is at Fullerton, so an hour and 63 00:02:43.080 --> 00:02:44.840 a half away with no traffic, and he came in 64 00:02:44.919 --> 00:02:47.800 last night his girlfriend Maya, who is home for the 65 00:02:47.800 --> 00:02:51.680 summer from Stanford, who just finished an internship from Monterey Bay. 66 00:02:51.680 --> 00:02:54.000 It's as she is just a smart person, man, she 67 00:02:54.080 --> 00:02:56.639 is smart as a whip. But but she is home 68 00:02:56.680 --> 00:02:58.960 for the next three weeks. So he of course will 69 00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:02.680 be home on the weekend. But once October twenty first 70 00:03:02.759 --> 00:03:06.400 hits and Dylan's show is done, he will go back 71 00:03:06.439 --> 00:03:08.599 to school. Gavin will have already been back to school. 72 00:03:08.639 --> 00:03:11.759 We will officially be well, we are official, but we 73 00:03:11.800 --> 00:03:13.680 will literally be empty. 74 00:03:13.719 --> 00:03:16.319 Nestary literally will be there except you too. 75 00:03:16.439 --> 00:03:19.159 Yeah, yeah, how are you feeling about that? 76 00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:23.520 Oh strange. I love when they're home. I love when 77 00:03:23.520 --> 00:03:26.879 they're home. I don't know when or if I'll ever 78 00:03:26.919 --> 00:03:27.479 get used to it. 79 00:03:27.479 --> 00:03:30.479 People tell me I will, but hey, it's the next 80 00:03:30.560 --> 00:03:32.240 chapter in their lives, you know, And and it's a 81 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:34.879 good thing. I thank god that there, that they are 82 00:03:35.919 --> 00:03:38.479 pursuing their passion so amazing. 83 00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:40.759 Yeah, yeah, but it's it's weird. 84 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:43.680 You did your job to help them fly. 85 00:03:44.520 --> 00:03:45.560 Yeah, I mean. 86 00:03:45.560 --> 00:03:50.879 My pocket books still doing some job. But ye, yes, 87 00:03:52.039 --> 00:03:53.439 well thanks for asking about what they're doing. 88 00:03:53.479 --> 00:03:54.439 Well, you know, it's funny. 89 00:03:54.599 --> 00:03:56.800 Gavin just told me about an exercise that he did 90 00:03:56.879 --> 00:04:00.479 in a classroom with his professor and he loves this professor, 91 00:04:00.759 --> 00:04:03.840 loves this person. And he said that a few weeks 92 00:04:03.879 --> 00:04:05.639 ago he had said, Hey, we're going to have you 93 00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:06.360 guys in socks. 94 00:04:06.360 --> 00:04:07.599 It's a team building. 95 00:04:07.400 --> 00:04:13.039 A lesson, and you guys are going to have to 96 00:04:13.080 --> 00:04:17.040 have two partners help one blindfolded partner, and you have 97 00:04:17.160 --> 00:04:19.680 to guide them physically, in other words, from either side 98 00:04:19.720 --> 00:04:24.040 of this little walking his path, and they have to 99 00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:28.240 avoid stepping on mouse traps. And I said to him, 100 00:04:28.279 --> 00:04:30.079 I go, just so you know, he's just doing that 101 00:04:30.079 --> 00:04:32.040 to scare you. There's no way he is legally going 102 00:04:32.120 --> 00:04:35.319 to put mouse traps, active mouse traps on the floor 103 00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:37.439 with you having nothing but socks. He goes, Yeah, that's 104 00:04:37.519 --> 00:04:38.720 kind of what I thought too, he goes, But I 105 00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:41.240 do wonder, he goes. Then I asked him and he said, no, No, 106 00:04:41.319 --> 00:04:43.319 they're real. And he said, I think you still just 107 00:04:43.360 --> 00:04:45.240 messing with me. So it was real. 108 00:04:45.480 --> 00:04:46.240 They actually did it. 109 00:04:47.920 --> 00:04:51.600 Nobody nobody got zapped, nobody got snapped. But I said 110 00:04:51.639 --> 00:04:53.040 to him, I said, my god, how does he get 111 00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:54.560 away with that? And I'm not even gonna question it. 112 00:04:55.160 --> 00:04:56.920 Gavin loved it. He said it was so much fun, 113 00:04:56.959 --> 00:04:59.399 he said. You know, he said, and after doing it, 114 00:04:59.439 --> 00:05:04.199 I realized would be so much harder to let somebody, 115 00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:07.040 if you're not paying attention, let somebody actually get snapped 116 00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:08.839 by the trap than it is to have them avoid it. 117 00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:11.199 That's the whole team building exercise. Look out for your 118 00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:13.079 teammates and yeah, and. 119 00:05:13.040 --> 00:05:15.600 How to do it, and how to communicate clearly, how 120 00:05:15.639 --> 00:05:17.639 to work as a team, how to put someone else's 121 00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:19.439 interests above your like all sorts of stuff. 122 00:05:19.480 --> 00:05:20.720 It's great, Yeah, but. 123 00:05:20.759 --> 00:05:23.399 He said, he was so I was racking his nerves 124 00:05:23.439 --> 00:05:25.920 watching one other team of the other of the other teams, 125 00:05:26.360 --> 00:05:28.360 because he said about three or four times on that 126 00:05:29.079 --> 00:05:32.360 path that course, he thought, oh my god, he's going 127 00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:34.199 to step on it. They're not going to help them. Well, no, 128 00:05:34.360 --> 00:05:34.959 he didn't do it. 129 00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:35.360 But so. 130 00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:39.519 You know what, I'm imagining doing this at a couple's 131 00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:42.600 retreats for couples who are just like on the verge 132 00:05:42.600 --> 00:05:46.920 of divorce, right, and how they'd be like, yeah, no, no, 133 00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:49.519 I think he needs to step on this. I need 134 00:05:49.639 --> 00:05:52.199 I think he needs to feel the pain I've been feeling. 135 00:05:52.759 --> 00:05:55.639 I could totally see. It's this very like resentful way 136 00:05:55.639 --> 00:05:59.560 of being passive aggressive, and you want to hurt your partner. 137 00:05:59.680 --> 00:06:01.439 And I think that would be a great indicator of 138 00:06:01.439 --> 00:06:02.800 whether or not you should stay married. 139 00:06:03.399 --> 00:06:07.800 Yes, that's yes, very good. Okay, that's my next venture. 140 00:06:08.120 --> 00:06:12.279 I'm gonna go get the U r L now. Anyway, 141 00:06:12.319 --> 00:06:14.000 mouse trap marriage something. 142 00:06:14.439 --> 00:06:16.160 Yeah, if you've if you're at the point in your 143 00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:19.439 marriage where you've reached the mouse trap, the mousetrap marathon. 144 00:06:19.759 --> 00:06:21.839 This is do or die. 145 00:06:22.360 --> 00:06:24.160 My god, that'd be so fun to put something like 146 00:06:24.199 --> 00:06:27.079 that together. Yes, it would, but I don't want to 147 00:06:27.079 --> 00:06:28.959 deal with couples that are on the verge of divorce, 148 00:06:29.000 --> 00:06:32.160 because that is sticky and not fun. 149 00:06:32.600 --> 00:06:34.120 And you don't want to deal with couples who would 150 00:06:34.120 --> 00:06:35.199 sue you if they step. 151 00:06:34.920 --> 00:06:35.600 On the mouse trap. 152 00:06:36.199 --> 00:06:41.959 Yeah. Yeah, we got the whole legality thing too. Yeah, 153 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:43.439 I have a good topic for you. 154 00:06:43.560 --> 00:06:44.839 Yeah. 155 00:06:44.879 --> 00:06:47.560 My friend Brian, who listens to the show sometimes and 156 00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:50.639 we've done shout outs to him before, he wrote this 157 00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:52.639 to me. This is actually almost a month ago he 158 00:06:52.680 --> 00:06:55.800 wrote it. He texted to me and he said, Hey, 159 00:06:55.839 --> 00:06:58.240 there's this thing going around like wild on Twitter. Not 160 00:06:58.279 --> 00:07:01.279 sure it's seen it, but in my be a good 161 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:06.040 topic for your podcast. And so it's somebody that wrote 162 00:07:06.120 --> 00:07:09.600 I think I destroyed our relationship trying to compliment my boyfriend. 163 00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:13.160 So this is a woman writing this online. My boyfriend 164 00:07:13.160 --> 00:07:15.079 and I are both twenty eight years old and together 165 00:07:15.120 --> 00:07:18.120 for two and a half years. Yesterday night we were 166 00:07:18.360 --> 00:07:21.480 Last night, we were drinking and one thing led to another, 167 00:07:21.800 --> 00:07:24.879 and I tried to compliment him by saying he is 168 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:27.839 not someone who I would hook up with or be 169 00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:31.560 a friends with benefits with. But Mary, I thought everything 170 00:07:31.680 --> 00:07:35.839 was fine, but he seemed extremely distraught. After that, I 171 00:07:35.920 --> 00:07:38.680 realized how he understood it and tried to clarify it, 172 00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:41.879 but it seemed but he is still the same. This 173 00:07:41.920 --> 00:07:43.959 morning he told me that he needs space to think 174 00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:46.079 for a while and left the house. All my friends 175 00:07:46.120 --> 00:07:48.319 tell me I messed it up, and guys tell me 176 00:07:48.360 --> 00:07:51.279 it's not a compliment and most men will understand it differently. 177 00:07:51.560 --> 00:07:54.199 I think I destroyed our relationship and panicking right now. 178 00:07:55.319 --> 00:07:57.519 So what's your take on it? 179 00:07:57.920 --> 00:07:58.680 Well, here's my take. 180 00:07:58.720 --> 00:08:02.279 To be brutally honest, I would understand even if I 181 00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:04.639 were upset, and once you explained to me what you meant, 182 00:08:04.680 --> 00:08:07.560 I completely get what she's trying to say. It's not 183 00:08:07.639 --> 00:08:09.160 that she's not sexually attracted to him. 184 00:08:09.199 --> 00:08:09.480 She is. 185 00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:11.160 It's not that she doesn't think he's hot. 186 00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:11.680 She does. 187 00:08:12.360 --> 00:08:15.600 She just thinks more of him than just a hookup. 188 00:08:15.800 --> 00:08:19.759 So there's emotions involved. But even I'm going to say 189 00:08:19.800 --> 00:08:21.240 this now, this is going to be brutal, I think, 190 00:08:21.279 --> 00:08:26.879 and I hope I'm wrong, but this guy should understand 191 00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:29.040 after she explains it, and if he doesn't and now 192 00:08:29.040 --> 00:08:32.440 he needs space, there's more going on, yeah than just that. 193 00:08:32.519 --> 00:08:34.679 I totally agree with that, because I was like, what 194 00:08:35.000 --> 00:08:36.399 that seems a bit extreme. 195 00:08:36.480 --> 00:08:37.360 It's very extreme. 196 00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:41.039 So I hope for her sake it's not maybe I'm wrong, 197 00:08:41.120 --> 00:08:43.279 maybe you're wrong. Yeah, but I don't think that we are. 198 00:08:43.399 --> 00:08:45.159 I think that there is more going on, and I 199 00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:47.360 think she needs to look at that. I mean, if 200 00:08:47.360 --> 00:08:50.120 this dude comes back, say, you know, a day or 201 00:08:50.159 --> 00:08:52.320 two later and goes, look, I was an idiot, I'm sorry. 202 00:08:52.360 --> 00:08:53.039 I totally get it. 203 00:08:53.080 --> 00:08:54.279 I love you. That's different. 204 00:08:54.600 --> 00:08:56.879 But if it goes on for too long, to me, 205 00:08:57.000 --> 00:08:59.919 that is just an excuse to I don't know. 206 00:09:00.120 --> 00:09:00.919 There's more going on. 207 00:09:02.039 --> 00:09:06.879 Yeah, yeah, I agree. And so then Brian shared this 208 00:09:07.080 --> 00:09:11.320 one response of somebody online said from a dude, the 209 00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:14.120 girlfriend here meant well and intended it as a compliment, 210 00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:16.480 but I could totally see why the boyfriend felt hurt 211 00:09:16.480 --> 00:09:19.000 by it. To him, it feels like she's telling him 212 00:09:19.039 --> 00:09:20.440 he's the boring. 213 00:09:20.240 --> 00:09:25.919 Choice she's settling for after having fun with sexier, cooler guys, 214 00:09:26.519 --> 00:09:29.799 and that taps into something deep that's interesting to me, 215 00:09:30.039 --> 00:09:34.159 Like that boring interpretation never crossed my mind, and I 216 00:09:34.200 --> 00:09:34.919 feel like it's. 217 00:09:34.960 --> 00:09:37.480 So missing the mark of how most women, if they 218 00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:41.720 would say something like this me, it means you are safe, 219 00:09:41.879 --> 00:09:46.720 you are trustworthy, you support me, We have depth of 220 00:09:46.759 --> 00:09:50.600 emotional connection. We also then have you know, ideally sexual 221 00:09:50.679 --> 00:09:52.720 chemistry and we attracted to each other. But like you 222 00:09:52.799 --> 00:09:55.879 have this depth of who you are and who you 223 00:09:55.919 --> 00:09:58.840 are for me, that you're somebody I would marry and 224 00:09:58.919 --> 00:10:03.399 not somebody that I would like dismiss mentally, emotionally and 225 00:10:03.600 --> 00:10:06.600 just want to get some sexual gratification from. But to me, 226 00:10:06.679 --> 00:10:10.240 that has nothing to do with boring. Like you could 227 00:10:10.279 --> 00:10:14.399 have somebody who's stable and reliable and trustworthy and still 228 00:10:14.399 --> 00:10:16.600 be a totally freaking fun person. 229 00:10:17.039 --> 00:10:17.279 Yep. 230 00:10:17.840 --> 00:10:20.919 So I'm with you on what you just said one 231 00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:25.639 hundred percent. There is one caveat, and I don't unless 232 00:10:25.639 --> 00:10:28.320 there's more to this. The only way that I would 233 00:10:28.360 --> 00:10:30.039 take it the way that that person just said, I 234 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:32.000 would take it as boring and you're not that this 235 00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:35.120 and that you're not exciting is if they've already in 236 00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:39.639 this relationship stopped having sex. If they've stopped having sex 237 00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:42.120 and you say that, then it's kind of like yeah, 238 00:10:42.159 --> 00:10:44.720 as a guy, I would be like, wait, what Other 239 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:47.440 than that, I don't take it that way at all, yes, 240 00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:48.279 or if. 241 00:10:48.159 --> 00:10:51.720 You have been told in your past, because I feel 242 00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:56.320 like everybody is projecting their own shit into this and 243 00:10:56.440 --> 00:10:59.440 like so like even the person that wrote that that, like, oh, 244 00:10:59.559 --> 00:11:02.519 is interman, is that he's that she's saying he's boring? 245 00:11:02.600 --> 00:11:10.159 Like I think no, armand dorma Luski on x, that's 246 00:11:10.159 --> 00:11:13.399 who wrote that post. I think that guy maybe has 247 00:11:13.440 --> 00:11:16.399 been told he's boring before or has an insecurity about it, 248 00:11:16.440 --> 00:11:18.519 and therefore that's why he read that into it. 249 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:22.080 Maybe I don't know, but without armand Dormluski whatever, man, 250 00:11:22.120 --> 00:11:23.919 it seems to me you've been getting laid quite a bit. 251 00:11:23.960 --> 00:11:25.399 So I don't know if he has that kind of problem. 252 00:11:26.039 --> 00:11:29.080 You're like, just saying your name is enough for me. 253 00:11:29.320 --> 00:11:30.240 Right, what's your name? 254 00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:32.240 Armand armand. 255 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:35.240 Okay check please. 256 00:11:36.559 --> 00:11:39.080 No, But yeah, I agree with you projecting their own 257 00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:40.480 I think we all do it. 258 00:11:40.519 --> 00:11:42.360 I mean I don't. I shouldn't say we all. What 259 00:11:42.559 --> 00:11:44.799 most of us do? I I know I have. 260 00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:46.799 Well, what most people don't do is that they don't 261 00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:48.679 realize they're doing it, and they are so sure that 262 00:11:48.720 --> 00:11:52.440 their interpretation is fact instead of realizing its interpretation. 263 00:11:53.519 --> 00:11:56.840 You know, I absolutely agree with that one hundred percent. 264 00:11:57.120 --> 00:11:58.960 I remember back in the day, and now I do 265 00:11:59.080 --> 00:12:01.919 stand by this. I will tell you that way back 266 00:12:01.919 --> 00:12:04.759 in the day girlfriend of mine. I was enamored with her. 267 00:12:05.000 --> 00:12:07.200 I at the time would have married her had she 268 00:12:07.240 --> 00:12:10.519 said let's go. Does not mean I regret where I'm 269 00:12:10.519 --> 00:12:12.879 out in my life. Now I don't. But at that 270 00:12:13.240 --> 00:12:16.360 time I was really in love. This woman was great, 271 00:12:16.840 --> 00:12:18.759 and we were sitting on the front lawn of my 272 00:12:18.840 --> 00:12:23.000 house and I remember her and now there had already 273 00:12:23.039 --> 00:12:27.600 been indications though here's the caveat that I was putting 274 00:12:27.600 --> 00:12:29.879 her on a pedestal and I was doing so much 275 00:12:29.919 --> 00:12:33.559 for her, and just I think in your twenties, you're 276 00:12:33.559 --> 00:12:36.759 not going to respect the other person if you've got 277 00:12:36.759 --> 00:12:39.480 insecurities yourself. Because why would they love me this much? 278 00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:41.399 Why is he who I thought was so hot? Because 279 00:12:41.440 --> 00:12:44.200 that's the story I got later, you know, treating me 280 00:12:44.279 --> 00:12:46.320 like a queen like this. But what she said to 281 00:12:46.360 --> 00:12:51.360 me was she just goes, I'm content, and to me, 282 00:12:52.200 --> 00:12:56.279 I went content. I didn't say this, I went out okay. 283 00:12:56.559 --> 00:13:00.279 But I took that as a complete like, I'm not 284 00:13:00.440 --> 00:13:02.519 super hot for you, I'm not in love with you. 285 00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:02.759 I'm not. 286 00:13:02.840 --> 00:13:05.399 That's exactly how I took all of that, based on 287 00:13:05.559 --> 00:13:09.159 our past couple of months, and so it led me 288 00:13:09.320 --> 00:13:10.919 to to later. 289 00:13:10.759 --> 00:13:13.320 On I just asked her what the word content meant 290 00:13:13.320 --> 00:13:13.639 to her. 291 00:13:14.279 --> 00:13:16.600 I don't remember. This is what's weird. I don't remember 292 00:13:16.639 --> 00:13:18.200 what I said after that. I just know that I 293 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:21.480 wasn't a jerk or anything. I was just no, I 294 00:13:21.519 --> 00:13:23.600 do remember, that's right, this is coming back to me. 295 00:13:23.919 --> 00:13:25.759 We took a drive in my jeep and it upset 296 00:13:25.799 --> 00:13:27.519 me a little bit. I'm like, hey, so content, I mean, 297 00:13:27.720 --> 00:13:30.360 you know, just just content and she's. 298 00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:31.039 Like, well, yeah, you know. 299 00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:33.519 And then that's when we did get into you know, 300 00:13:33.600 --> 00:13:36.639 her like, well, you know, you put me on this 301 00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:39.399 pedestal and I don't know, you just treat me like that. 302 00:13:39.720 --> 00:13:41.799 And I went and I do remember this now, and 303 00:13:41.879 --> 00:13:45.159 I said, I forget what she said. I said, well, 304 00:13:45.159 --> 00:13:46.799 look are you saying you want to see other people? 305 00:13:46.799 --> 00:13:48.840 Somehow we got to that and she said, I don't 306 00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:51.759 have anybody in mind, but but you know, like I 307 00:13:51.759 --> 00:13:53.480 don't know maybe, and I go and I just looked 308 00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:55.399 at it. I go, I go, you know what f that? 309 00:13:55.720 --> 00:13:59.279 I go, You're mine. And the funny thing is, I'd 310 00:13:59.320 --> 00:14:01.799 never been like that before. I was so happy, go lucky, 311 00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:05.240 pass it, doing everything for like everything. Yeah, it actually 312 00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:07.519 kind of turned her on. She goes, well, where was 313 00:14:07.559 --> 00:14:08.519 all of this before? 314 00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:11.519 And I, Oh, she wanted you to be like possessive. 315 00:14:12.039 --> 00:14:14.799 That's what's funny about Listen, I'm telling you, doctor Jen. 316 00:14:14.919 --> 00:14:19.960 At that age sometimes yes, but not overboard and so right, well, 317 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:20.320 that's what. 318 00:14:20.440 --> 00:14:22.879 Because I know it's the whole idea that like, oh, 319 00:14:23.080 --> 00:14:24.440 somebody's jealous. 320 00:14:24.519 --> 00:14:27.360 That's so romantic, right, unless it's overboard. Nless, it's all 321 00:14:27.360 --> 00:14:28.960 the time and they can't get over it, that kind 322 00:14:29.000 --> 00:14:31.080 of thing every move you make, right, And I've been 323 00:14:31.080 --> 00:14:33.559 through that too before, not from my well, from my 324 00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:35.759 into but from an ext that was the stripper. 325 00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:37.919 Oh my god, she was nuts. 326 00:14:37.960 --> 00:14:39.639 At first I was like, oh, she's really into me, 327 00:14:39.639 --> 00:14:41.960 and then it was like she's psycho. But either way, 328 00:14:42.759 --> 00:14:46.080 this other girl, Yeah, that was that's when I made 329 00:14:46.080 --> 00:14:48.600 the decision that she is just not as into me, 330 00:14:48.679 --> 00:14:51.519 not even close as I was into her. So I 331 00:14:51.639 --> 00:14:54.240 was like, hey, I'm gonna let you go. And it 332 00:14:54.320 --> 00:14:56.120 was painful. God, that sucked. 333 00:14:56.759 --> 00:15:02.000 Oh yeah, I mean that's it's glad you had the 334 00:15:02.399 --> 00:15:03.679 self respect to do it. 335 00:15:04.559 --> 00:15:08.159 Yeah, I mean I at that time, in that moment, yes, 336 00:15:08.759 --> 00:15:11.840 I just was not going to settle for someone that 337 00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:15.120 I was so into who was not into me. But 338 00:15:15.200 --> 00:15:19.039 again back to this email, I do not think from 339 00:15:19.080 --> 00:15:21.399 the female side that that's what that was at all. 340 00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:25.240 I'm with you one hundred percent unless there was no intimacy. 341 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:28.399 Otherwise that was just a total compliment. And I think 342 00:15:28.440 --> 00:15:30.039 he's got some things he's got to deal with. 343 00:15:30.120 --> 00:15:35.200 Yeah's interesting because it's like, we do you know the 344 00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:43.120 version of romantic intimacy and marriage that has been cultivated 345 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:46.360 in the past, probably about one hundred years or so 346 00:15:46.440 --> 00:15:50.240 in the United States, really, and it didn't exist before. 347 00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:53.799 Really, is this idea that your romantic partner and then 348 00:15:53.840 --> 00:15:58.360 your future spouse should be all the things that we 349 00:15:58.480 --> 00:16:00.600 should be, all the things they should be, all the 350 00:16:00.679 --> 00:16:03.080 things they should be. They should be the friends with 351 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:05.080 benefits that we'd want to hook up with and have 352 00:16:05.159 --> 00:16:08.000 crazy nights butt, and they should be stable and reliable 353 00:16:08.360 --> 00:16:11.480 and trustworthy. And we should have all these hobbies in common, 354 00:16:11.879 --> 00:16:14.240 and we should want to watch the same shows, and 355 00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:16.279 we should be able to have the depth of emotional 356 00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:20.000 and vulnerable conversation that we want, and we should parent 357 00:16:20.159 --> 00:16:22.840 in the same way. And and it's just kind of 358 00:16:23.679 --> 00:16:26.080 endless and almost impossible. 359 00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:31.039 It is God, I that I know is that and so. 360 00:16:31.039 --> 00:16:36.120 Your feelings fulfilled in that way, Clint, and you think 361 00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:40.639 you're that person, but it puts you know, it puts 362 00:16:40.679 --> 00:16:45.159 a lot of pressure on relationships and on ourselves and 363 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:49.879 on our partners. So figuring out how to you know, 364 00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:52.360 in a healthy way to be like no, you know what, 365 00:16:53.000 --> 00:16:55.480 Like you have this person in your life that that 366 00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:57.240 is really good for this, or you have this group 367 00:16:57.320 --> 00:16:59.799 of guys that's good for this, or goodest group of women. 368 00:16:59.840 --> 00:17:02.320 And yes, of course I want to hear about these things, 369 00:17:02.320 --> 00:17:05.160 but I think they're better suited give you the support 370 00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:07.119 you need, or these people are better suited to go 371 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:09.480 wine tasting with you because you love wine and you 372 00:17:09.559 --> 00:17:11.799 love staying out late. And so I mean, you've got 373 00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:14.680 to compromise and make sure you already you always are, 374 00:17:14.920 --> 00:17:19.920 you know, doing meaningful quality time things together and cultivating 375 00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:23.680 your life together and working on communication and connection. But 376 00:17:24.119 --> 00:17:25.880 like it's okay to have other people, you know, it 377 00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:29.559 takes a village and that's okay instead of putting all 378 00:17:29.599 --> 00:17:32.480 of the weight on one person to fulfill all of 379 00:17:32.519 --> 00:17:33.799 these things in your life. 380 00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:38.359 Yeah, I mean I think I've always go by the 381 00:17:38.400 --> 00:17:40.960 eighty twenty rule. We've talked about that before, where eighty 382 00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:43.279 percent good, twenty percent not. And I think I think 383 00:17:43.279 --> 00:17:44.880 that's a decent balance. I mean, but no one's ever 384 00:17:44.920 --> 00:17:47.119 going to be a hindre percent. That's just my opinion. 385 00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:51.680 Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, things like that, like thinking eighty twenty. 386 00:17:51.920 --> 00:17:53.599 Some of it depends on like how do you how 387 00:17:53.640 --> 00:17:56.319 do you measure things? How do you wait things? Because 388 00:17:56.359 --> 00:17:58.599 maybe you're like, wow, we only have one thing that's 389 00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:00.680 not working for us, and all these other things are amazing, 390 00:18:00.680 --> 00:18:03.799 but that one thing actually means a toun to me 391 00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:08.440 and weighs heavier than other things. So I guess it 392 00:18:08.440 --> 00:18:11.000 would just depend on how people measure that for themselves. 393 00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:13.519 Yeah, and I didn't actually think about it in those terms. 394 00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:15.799 But of course, once again you throw the smarts into 395 00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:18.759 this conversation, and now I'm gone, huh, she's. 396 00:18:18.640 --> 00:18:21.160 Right, yeah, because it's not like a one like you 397 00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:23.480 just have a list and each thing counts for you know, 398 00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:26.640 one point, you could easily have something you're like, this 399 00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:29.799 does matter to me, however these other things rank higher 400 00:18:30.759 --> 00:18:34.480 so and that you know could change with age and priorities, 401 00:18:34.519 --> 00:18:37.920