WEBVTT

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<v Speaker 1>La Joya Cosmetic Surgery Center is the place to go

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<v Speaker 1>We can't say enough great things about their Board certified

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<v Speaker 1>right now.

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<v Speaker 2>Free consultations too. The very best in the business is

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<v Speaker 2>in our own backyard. How lucky are we?

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<v Speaker 1>Make sure you tell them that Lori Kane after Dark

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<v Speaker 1>sent you. We love everything about La Joya Cosmetic Surgery Center.

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<v Speaker 1>Go to Glamfam dot com. Hello, welcome to Lori Kane

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<v Speaker 1>after Dark. Thank you so much for choosing our podcast

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<v Speaker 1>to listen to or watch. We really appreciate it. It

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<v Speaker 1>means a lot to us. All three. Let me see

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<v Speaker 1>you may ingest thou may ingest satchel of Richard's Oh

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<v Speaker 1>that's kind of cute.

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<v Speaker 3>Do you like that?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's not so like out there like that one

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<v Speaker 1>shirt you wore, like I bleach my butt for this

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<v Speaker 1>or something.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh I bleach my butthole for this.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Anyway, Welcome to Laura Kane after Dark. We love having

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<v Speaker 1>you here with us. Elvis is here, Eric Rimmer's here,

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<v Speaker 1>my co host producer, Brian is here.

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<v Speaker 4>What I got to see everyone's tamu picks.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you care to give a comment of any kind

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<v Speaker 1>without giving anything away? I don't know. Go ahead.

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<v Speaker 4>I think each of you have one really good item,

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<v Speaker 4>well what really good in quotations. However, I think as

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<v Speaker 4>a whole, I think Laura's is probably better ship. But

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<v Speaker 4>I think both of you could up it quite a bit.

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<v Speaker 4>I think what I saw overall, Oh, I only showed you.

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<v Speaker 4>I think I think that's it.

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<v Speaker 1>And I didn't show you all of it, and there's

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<v Speaker 1>a whole storyline.

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<v Speaker 4>I think you guys can both do better so far

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<v Speaker 4>from what I've seen.

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<v Speaker 1>That's two people.

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<v Speaker 3>Now, Oh shut up, key.

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<v Speaker 1>I this is my Christmas present from you, Brian, thank you.

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<v Speaker 4>Let me Eric, let me give you a piece of ice.

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<v Speaker 4>Your bottoms need to be ramped up in I guess

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<v Speaker 4>i'd say offensiveness.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, oh shit.

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<v Speaker 4>Laura's got your beat in that category.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I can't even wait. This is our

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<v Speaker 1>hideous TMU Christmas Contest, second annual. The loser, which means

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<v Speaker 1>the person who well the winner is the one who

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<v Speaker 1>bought the worst stuff for the other person. The person

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<v Speaker 1>who loses has to put on the all the garb,

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<v Speaker 1>hold all the stuff whatever, go to Vonn's and walk

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<v Speaker 1>around the aisles and talk to people on video and

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<v Speaker 1>we will show it to you. And it is so

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<v Speaker 1>freaking awkward. I had to do it last year in

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<v Speaker 1>the Chicken Sox and man, oh man, your faces were

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<v Speaker 1>you guys wanted to die just ride along with me.

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<v Speaker 1>But it was pretty funny. But I'm gonna love seeing

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<v Speaker 1>you walk those aisles.

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<v Speaker 3>And I will love seeing you walk those You're scared.

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<v Speaker 1>I see it in your eyes. You're a little frightened

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<v Speaker 1>because of what Brian said. Now Eric does though, Uh, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>well good. I'm happy for him that he on one thing.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, I only have one thing of yours I thought

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<v Speaker 4>was particular.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't show you everything, but I.

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<v Speaker 4>Think you probably show me your best.

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<v Speaker 1>You can zip it right now. I'm over it.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm about right.

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<v Speaker 3>I think I think Brian's right too.

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<v Speaker 1>What that I don't even know.

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<v Speaker 3>You probably showed him the best you've got.

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<v Speaker 4>I think both of you did.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh no, I didn't.

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<v Speaker 4>I bet you did.

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<v Speaker 1>It's in the presentation also, and I it really is.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not whatever, Okay. Anyway, that's coming up, not this

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<v Speaker 1>coming Monday, but the Monday after that. Coming up on

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<v Speaker 1>Monday or Tuesday or next week, Comedian Mal Hall is

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<v Speaker 1>coming into the studio to judge our stand up comedy contest.

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<v Speaker 1>We've been talking about it for months and months. You

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<v Speaker 1>guys have been chicken to do it because the loser

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<v Speaker 1>has to do uh set at an open mic night,

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<v Speaker 1>and you both refuse to do it, like wholeheartedly. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I still do so well that we'll have to figure

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<v Speaker 1>that out. But I mean I tried. I was at

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<v Speaker 1>my mom's house and I tried to Okay, all right,

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<v Speaker 1>let's start pen to paper, let's just start writing stuff

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<v Speaker 1>out ideas blank paper. I couldn't figure out how to

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<v Speaker 1>craft uh a stand up joke.

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<v Speaker 4>I mean this was your idea.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, I know it sucks to be but I'll

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<v Speaker 1>figure it out.

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<v Speaker 4>I just want to point out this is one of

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<v Speaker 4>those things where if we all do bad, it doesn't

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<v Speaker 4>make it funnier.

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<v Speaker 1>It makes it awkward for everybody, which makes it great.

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<v Speaker 3>Taking the stage and open my night, Laura Case.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh. Well, Mal Hall comedian will save us

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<v Speaker 1>because hopefully he'll bust up some jokes. He's so funny,

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<v Speaker 1>he's so he is skyrocketing, He's going to be huge.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean he's shopping one of his live shows to

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<v Speaker 1>Netflix right now. He has a residency at the Lafayette Hotel.

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<v Speaker 1>The coolest place.

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<v Speaker 4>I just went there actually again place it's awesome. Uh

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<v Speaker 4>for dinner or for I went to their restaurant. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>kyot that place is hella expensive, but damn is it good.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? How much did you spend?

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<v Speaker 4>I think there were two of us and it was

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<v Speaker 4>like two hundred bucks.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, but worth it?

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<v Speaker 3>Uh?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, the atmosphere and that you know, did you walk

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<v Speaker 1>around the browns and stuff?

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<v Speaker 4>Oh, it's crazy busy because that's also like people treat

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<v Speaker 4>that place as just an actual bar to go to.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's a bar, a restaurant, there's a pool, it's

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<v Speaker 1>a hotel.

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<v Speaker 4>There's a jazz club. Yeah, well, there's two restaurants. There's

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<v Speaker 4>also a bowling alley.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, that's like so random.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it's a it's cool. I love that place. I know,

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<v Speaker 4>so busy. Though it's very expensive too.

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<v Speaker 1>They redid it all right, and it's okay. So anyway, Malhall,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so excited that he agreed to do this. So

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<v Speaker 1>you guys do your homework, and you know what, after

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<v Speaker 1>we do our add for the fabulous Dune Jewelry. I

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<v Speaker 1>think we should. I'm going to do a little test

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<v Speaker 1>on chat GBT just so you know. I'm not going

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<v Speaker 1>to use that because there's it's going to be so

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<v Speaker 1>bad and so obvious. We'll see. But now let's talk

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<v Speaker 1>about Dune jewels.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's talk about them.

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<v Speaker 1>I am so excited to get my mom, sister, niece,

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<v Speaker 1>and my best friend gifts from Dounjewelry dot com Because,

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<v Speaker 1>first of all, poor thing, is this allergies or is

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<v Speaker 1>this probably? Oh no, I almost I forgot your allergic

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<v Speaker 1>to nuts?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh no, do you need a tissue? Okay? All right, anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>so Dunejewelry dot com is very special. They have necklaces

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<v Speaker 1>everything bracelets, rings, and what's so special about it is

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<v Speaker 1>you get to pick the element that goes into the ring.

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<v Speaker 1>They have a sand bank which sands from all over

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<v Speaker 1>the world, Dubai, Canada, the Rocky Mountains because my sister

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<v Speaker 1>wanted some because my dad loved the Rocky Mountains. And

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<v Speaker 1>her design that she picked. You get to pick four elements,

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<v Speaker 1>so she picked the flower his birth flower. They have

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<v Speaker 1>like dried flowers, they have pebbles, they have sand, they

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<v Speaker 1>have turquoise and mother of pearl. I mean, you can

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<v Speaker 1>design the most beautiful piece of jewelry. It's going to

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<v Speaker 1>mean so much beautiful. Oh my gosh, I love mine

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<v Speaker 1>so much and I'm going to get one made with

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<v Speaker 1>my dad's ashes for my mom and sister and myself

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<v Speaker 1>and my niece. And it's Dunejewelry dot com is a

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<v Speaker 1>very special place started by a very special woman, yea

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<v Speaker 1>strong woman who Holly Holly Daniels Christiansen. We interviewed her

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<v Speaker 1>last week and she told her story and her business

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<v Speaker 1>has just gone through the roof and deservedly so, because

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<v Speaker 1>it's a great play. Here's the little boxes that they

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<v Speaker 1>come present, beautiful, very nice. It's gonna be a great

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<v Speaker 1>gift and listen to this. If you put in promo

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<v Speaker 1>code Laura Caane fifteen Laura Kane fifteen, you get fifteen

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<v Speaker 1>percent off your order. So browse around donjewelry dot com

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<v Speaker 1>and look at all the beautiful things that you can

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<v Speaker 1>get and think about someone special in your life or

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<v Speaker 1>maybe yourself. Get yourself a Christmas present. Dunjewelry dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Laura Caane fifteen for the promo code, and I can't

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<v Speaker 1>wait to show you my jewelry one night.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, I can't wait to see it. Ohm, not wait

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<v Speaker 3>to see it.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you guys so much for being sponsors of Laura

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<v Speaker 1>Kane Dark. We sure appreciate it. Okay, So now, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>also on Monday, we're going to tell you what's in

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<v Speaker 1>the big, fat, fun, fabulous box. We are a holiday box. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>last year it was over one thousand dollars worth of stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>This year we have all kinds of things and we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to tell you what's in it on next week

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<v Speaker 1>and we're going to tell you how you can win it.

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<v Speaker 1>And so that's coming next week anyway, you both claim.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh first, let me do this real quick. I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>going to show you how obvious it is if you

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<v Speaker 1>use chat GBT to write stand up because I did.

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<v Speaker 1>I tried this. I tried it honestly because I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>how am I going to do this? Why don't I

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<v Speaker 1>just use this? So I'm going to say stand up

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<v Speaker 1>routine about being broke?

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, Oh I can do better than check tvt on ape,

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<v Speaker 4>that's for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>Here we go. This is the first This is the

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<v Speaker 1>first BALLI Hey, everyone, how's it going? So let's talk

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<v Speaker 1>about being broke. You know you're really broke when your

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<v Speaker 1>bank account looks like a horror movie, just a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of negative numbers and a sense.

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<v Speaker 4>Of dread that doesn't really quite make sense.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean the other day I went to the grocery

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<v Speaker 1>store and had to make a decision do I buy

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<v Speaker 1>a loaf of bread or a gallon of gas? And

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<v Speaker 1>I thought, well, I can always make toast on my

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<v Speaker 1>way to work.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 1>Then there's the classic broke person move that all just

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<v Speaker 1>have water at restaurants. You're just sitting there pretending you're

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<v Speaker 1>on a health kick while you're really just don't want

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<v Speaker 1>to explain why you're ordering the free stuff. See this

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<v Speaker 1>is bad. Oh wow, this is not working. You're really

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<v Speaker 1>gonna have to be creative.

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<v Speaker 4>Actually, I put while you guys are talking, I actually

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<v Speaker 4>had put a couple of things in. Okay, mine is

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<v Speaker 4>significantly better.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, Well, what did you put in there to make

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<v Speaker 1>it better?

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<v Speaker 4>Like?

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<v Speaker 1>What was your topic?

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<v Speaker 4>I just put, right me, a short stand up comedy

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<v Speaker 4>routine with observational humor.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, so it was pretty vague.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and I got there's a couple of good ones here.

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<v Speaker 4>Some of these are not that great, but they're a

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<v Speaker 4>lot they're a lot better than that. These punchlines at

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<v Speaker 4>least make sense, like this one's like you ever notice

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<v Speaker 4>how phone chargers are like relationships. They start out strong,

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<v Speaker 4>always there for you, fully supportive. Then a couple months

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<v Speaker 4>in they're they They're loose, unreliable, and you've got to

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<v Speaker 4>twist them into weird positions to get anything out of the.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, better than what I got? Okay, read one of

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<v Speaker 1>the bad ones.

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<v Speaker 4>Uh, some of some of these they all make sense.

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<v Speaker 4>They're just something are not that funny. Then there's coffee drinkers.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm one of them, and let me tell you, coffee

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<v Speaker 4>people are the worst in the morning. Don't talk to

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<v Speaker 4>us until we've had our coffee? What are we were wolves?

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<v Speaker 1>Like?

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<v Speaker 4>Caffeine is the only thing holding us back from attacking

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<v Speaker 4>you for blinking too loud boom, But it still makes sense.

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<v Speaker 1>It makes sense, but it's not so funny at all.

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<v Speaker 1>Chat gbts ai is just.

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<v Speaker 4>Not funny than.

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<v Speaker 1>What I have from my brain.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I'm going to surprise you guys, and it's happening.

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<v Speaker 4>Does not laugh at jokes.

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<v Speaker 1>Stand up comedy isn't like, hey, three men walk into

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<v Speaker 1>a bar. No, it's like you said, observational humor like.

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<v Speaker 3>Sorry, I hope I'm alive next week to do by

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<v Speaker 3>comedy routine for Bellhall? Are you to like?

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<v Speaker 1>Are you okay?

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<v Speaker 3>Like?

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<v Speaker 1>Is your throat?

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<v Speaker 3>Uh? Not yet? But let's wrap this. Oh my god,

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<v Speaker 3>probably get over bait. No, no, no, no idea. Laura

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<v Speaker 3>was gonna try to poison me tonight.

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<v Speaker 1>You need to finish the podcast.

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<v Speaker 4>No, keep it going, Come on here, wait, there are

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<v Speaker 4>more boy. He does look like he's dying.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's just see how bad it gets.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh god, are you going.

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<v Speaker 4>To roll the dice of this?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 4>Eric, I you need to go. That's fine, I'll cover

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<v Speaker 4>for you.

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<v Speaker 3>Thank you. She loves to take a crap shoot with

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<v Speaker 3>my health.

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<v Speaker 4>You're fine, she doesn't really sound fine.

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<v Speaker 3>Fine, okay, Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, So now we're going to take uh, we're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna do a spelling bee, because I believe both of

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<v Speaker 1>you individually have once claimed that you're very good spellers.

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<v Speaker 1>I know he has. I just claim okay, but no,

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<v Speaker 1>you're you just claim that you're super smart.

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<v Speaker 4>I have never said that. Well, you are super smart,

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<v Speaker 4>thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. So I'm just gonna give you a couple of words.

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<v Speaker 1>They're not, like, incredibly hard, but I just want to

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<v Speaker 1>know if you can spell them right off the bat.

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<v Speaker 1>How about the word occasionally occasionally?

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<v Speaker 4>Wait? Are we holding these up for.

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<v Speaker 3>You to know?

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to spell it out for me now, Eric,

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<v Speaker 1>you go first.

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<v Speaker 3>Occasionally O C C A s I O N A L.

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<v Speaker 1>L Y good boy, Brian, same.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's why I had O C C A S

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<v Speaker 4>I O N A.

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<v Speaker 1>L y Okay, good. Rhubarb rhubarb, which I've never had

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<v Speaker 1>in my life.

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<v Speaker 3>Eric, you haven't rhubarb r h u b A r

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<v Speaker 3>B good.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's what I had to r h U B

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<v Speaker 4>A r B. I don't think I've ever actually had

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<v Speaker 4>to spell that out in any context ever. So that

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<v Speaker 4>was a guess.

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<v Speaker 1>That's good, good guess, mischievous, mischievous, Brian, you go first this.

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<v Speaker 4>Time, m I s c h E v I O

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<v Speaker 4>U S.

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<v Speaker 1>Nope, Eric, let's see to.

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<v Speaker 3>M I s c h I E v o U

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<v Speaker 3>s oh.

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<v Speaker 4>Was an I?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I goes first. Oh, oh, rhythm. I always get

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00:16:05.320 --> 00:16:10.840
<v Speaker 1>this one always, Eric r h y t h M

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<v Speaker 1>good same. Yeah, okay, rhinoceros.

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<v Speaker 4>Brian, Okay, I'm pretty sure I got this wrong to

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<v Speaker 4>r h I n O c e r O U S.

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00:16:28.360 --> 00:16:29.919
<v Speaker 3>Wait. I didn't even finish writing it.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you gave me like no time either. Wait, hold on, okay,

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00:16:34.440 --> 00:16:36.440
<v Speaker 4>you go, rhinocerous.

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00:16:39.480 --> 00:16:40.159
<v Speaker 1>You were close.

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00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:43.440
<v Speaker 3>I know there's an H in there somewhere.

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00:16:43.600 --> 00:16:47.039
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's right after r Okay, you what did you put?

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00:16:47.320 --> 00:16:51.399
<v Speaker 3>I wrote r I n O s O r h

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00:16:51.480 --> 00:16:55.240
<v Speaker 3>A U s oh. I don't think that's totally wrong.

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, I think the walnuts are having some effect.

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00:16:57.559 --> 00:17:04.160
<v Speaker 1>Our h I n O c e O s.

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00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:07.079
<v Speaker 4>There's no U in there. Really just added to you

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<v Speaker 4>and that was it.

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<v Speaker 1>Hippopotamus. Hippopotamus. That's a very long word, Bryan. Oh, he's

325
00:17:23.480 --> 00:17:25.319
<v Speaker 1>not done, Eric, h.

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00:17:25.359 --> 00:17:28.000
<v Speaker 3>I p p O p O t O m U

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00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:29.839
<v Speaker 3>S what.

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00:17:33.079 --> 00:17:35.640
<v Speaker 4>H I P P O p O t t A

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00:17:35.960 --> 00:17:37.480
<v Speaker 4>m U S bingo.

330
00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:38.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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00:17:38.599 --> 00:17:39.079
<v Speaker 3>That luck?

332
00:17:39.319 --> 00:17:40.119
<v Speaker 1>It was an a.

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00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:42.200
<v Speaker 3>Oh you know what? Sorry, that wasn't a.

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00:17:42.559 --> 00:17:43.839
<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah, now it's there.

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00:17:44.759 --> 00:17:46.480
<v Speaker 3>I see. Let even read my own writing.

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00:17:47.319 --> 00:17:54.000
<v Speaker 1>I see it. Okay, how about wait one of these? Uh,

337
00:17:54.039 --> 00:17:56.599
<v Speaker 1>this is not this is not hard siege?

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00:17:57.119 --> 00:17:58.480
<v Speaker 4>Oh spell a loft time?

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00:17:59.119 --> 00:18:01.640
<v Speaker 3>Wait s E I G E.

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00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:04.240
<v Speaker 1>What is it again?

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00:18:06.039 --> 00:18:08.640
<v Speaker 3>Wait? C oh s I E G.

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00:18:08.839 --> 00:18:11.759
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, okay, there you go. Yes, I caught that. I

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00:18:11.759 --> 00:18:12.640
<v Speaker 4>was like, that's not right.

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00:18:13.279 --> 00:18:16.000
<v Speaker 1>Okay, occasionally.

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00:18:17.160 --> 00:18:18.880
<v Speaker 3>You already asked us that one I did.

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00:18:18.920 --> 00:18:20.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh that was the first one we did, Laura, Oh

347
00:18:20.440 --> 00:18:23.799
<v Speaker 1>my god, I'm telling you I am losing my mind. Okay,

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00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:27.599
<v Speaker 1>so that was That was dumb and boring. Now we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to play a game called mind in the Gutter?

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<v Speaker 3>Do I have to who? You have to write?

351
00:18:31.319 --> 00:18:35.160
<v Speaker 1>No, you don't. I'm going to give you this game.

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00:18:35.519 --> 00:18:38.319
<v Speaker 1>Sounds super dirty, but it's not. You're just trying to

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00:18:38.599 --> 00:18:45.759
<v Speaker 1>figure out what word I am explaining. Okay, Okay, here

354
00:18:45.799 --> 00:18:49.559
<v Speaker 1>are your clues. Your name is your buzzer?

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, okay, I'm just gonna say the answer.

356
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<v Speaker 1>I get fingered a lot. You like to lick me

357
00:18:58.640 --> 00:19:02.559
<v Speaker 1>and suck me. After you lick me with your mouth,

358
00:19:02.920 --> 00:19:04.599
<v Speaker 1>I become sticky.

359
00:19:05.880 --> 00:19:06.640
<v Speaker 3>Good.

360
00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:10.240
<v Speaker 4>I don't really finger those I know what I don't know?

361
00:19:13.559 --> 00:19:17.480
<v Speaker 1>Is it getting worse or this is hang in there?

362
00:19:17.880 --> 00:19:18.279
<v Speaker 1>We only have?

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00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:20.559
<v Speaker 4>Ah, my god, Laura, you are the worst friend ever.

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<v Speaker 3>If I die, it's not.

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<v Speaker 4>On.

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00:19:26.119 --> 00:19:26.799
<v Speaker 3>I have a home.

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00:19:27.359 --> 00:19:29.000
<v Speaker 1>Do you mean I have allergy stuff?

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00:19:29.279 --> 00:19:30.440
<v Speaker 3>Do you have like a ben and droll?

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00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:33.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Hold on? Okay, you played this game with.

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<v Speaker 3>Brian?

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<v Speaker 4>Yes?

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00:19:36.519 --> 00:19:38.759
<v Speaker 3>Or is the worst okay ever?

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<v Speaker 4>Gets sick in front of Laura?

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<v Speaker 3>Don't ever get second. If I throw up, you're really

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<v Speaker 3>gonna that'd be funny in the show. I am hard

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00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:52.680
<v Speaker 3>and shiny. You slide your finger into me. You can

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<v Speaker 3>fiddle with me when you're bored a ring good, Brian.

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00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:05.960
<v Speaker 3>I am always active and can't stay still. When I'm excited,

379
00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:10.319
<v Speaker 3>I beat faster. I'm usually on your left side. Hey, buddy,

380
00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:12.559
<v Speaker 3>don't get annoyed and leave me.

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00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:19.440
<v Speaker 4>On your left side. Well, watch.

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00:20:20.799 --> 00:20:21.359
<v Speaker 1>How's it going?

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<v Speaker 4>I got one yes.

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<v Speaker 1>Gels?

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00:20:28.440 --> 00:20:29.839
<v Speaker 3>Oh that probably?

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00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:32.960
<v Speaker 4>I can't believe we are Oh.

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00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:39.000
<v Speaker 3>Well, Laura tried to kill me on the air, so, oh.

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<v Speaker 4>My god, and then she was like, no, no, no, you

389
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<v Speaker 4>can't leave you if you're gonna die if you do

390
00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:42.319
<v Speaker 4>it here.

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00:20:42.279 --> 00:20:44.839
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, just die on, Just die on the air, because

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00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:46.880
<v Speaker 3>now that's good for ratings.

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00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:51.039
<v Speaker 1>When one of your songstresses. Just pretend Carrie Underwood had

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit of an allergy attack while she was

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<v Speaker 1>on stage.

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00:20:54.359 --> 00:20:56.680
<v Speaker 3>I wouldn't rush up to help her.

397
00:20:57.119 --> 00:20:59.880
<v Speaker 1>She would the show would go on. She would work through,

398
00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:00.519
<v Speaker 1>Yes you would.

399
00:21:00.599 --> 00:21:02.599
<v Speaker 4>If she had eaten something that was she was allergic to,

400
00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:04.920
<v Speaker 4>the show would end those they show up like three

401
00:21:04.920 --> 00:21:05.799
<v Speaker 4>hours late. Anyways.

402
00:21:06.279 --> 00:21:08.119
<v Speaker 1>His nose is running, okay.

403
00:21:08.920 --> 00:21:10.440
<v Speaker 4>I can hear him struggling to breathe.

404
00:21:12.440 --> 00:21:13.319
<v Speaker 3>Here you read.

405
00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:19.839
<v Speaker 4>You feel bad yet, Laura?

406
00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:21.039
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I'm starting to.

407
00:21:24.680 --> 00:21:27.119
<v Speaker 3>Children sit there and stare at me. Read the fucking guards.

408
00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:29.200
<v Speaker 4>Can't you hear how his voices changed to.

409
00:21:31.000 --> 00:21:32.720
<v Speaker 1>We'll do a couple more. Then this will be like

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<v Speaker 1>the shortest podcast we ever.

411
00:21:34.279 --> 00:21:35.319
<v Speaker 4>I guess the show must go on.

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00:21:35.359 --> 00:21:43.160
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, Eric, I sit right between your.

413
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<v Speaker 3>Legs, my dick and balls.

414
00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:51.799
<v Speaker 1>I have two legs more than you. If you ride

415
00:21:51.799 --> 00:21:55.000
<v Speaker 1>me too long, you might walk funny a bike. If

416
00:21:55.000 --> 00:22:01.640
<v Speaker 1>you whip me a horse, yay. Oh uh. Even if

417
00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:06.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm small, I can handle a threesome. Some people aren't

418
00:22:06.839 --> 00:22:10.920
<v Speaker 1>capable of getting me erect. It's okay to fall asleep

419
00:22:11.039 --> 00:22:12.000
<v Speaker 1>while you're inside me.

420
00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:16.799
<v Speaker 3>After you said no one ever, after you get.

421
00:22:16.599 --> 00:22:19.400
<v Speaker 1>Me up, you should tie me down.

422
00:22:20.359 --> 00:22:20.559
<v Speaker 4>Tent.

423
00:22:21.079 --> 00:22:23.559
<v Speaker 3>Yes, oh, look at you, Brian.

424
00:22:25.759 --> 00:22:29.799
<v Speaker 1>I'm having a long hard stick. All the holes are

425
00:22:29.880 --> 00:22:36.200
<v Speaker 1>open to me. I'm a long hard stick. When needed.

426
00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:41.559
<v Speaker 1>Golf club, I go straight into the hole. A quick job,

427
00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:45.720
<v Speaker 1>just a couple of moves. If not, pull out and

428
00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:48.400
<v Speaker 1>try again, I won't stop until the job is done.

429
00:22:50.680 --> 00:22:54.920
<v Speaker 3>Plumber pool stick key.

430
00:22:55.519 --> 00:22:58.240
<v Speaker 4>Oh oh wait, that doesn't really happen.

431
00:22:58.440 --> 00:23:01.000
<v Speaker 1>What yes?

432
00:23:01.119 --> 00:23:01.599
<v Speaker 3>Oh god.

433
00:23:01.960 --> 00:23:05.039
<v Speaker 1>If I start dripping water, that means there's a problem

434
00:23:05.079 --> 00:23:09.440
<v Speaker 1>with me. Sink grab me, play with me, and I'll

435
00:23:09.480 --> 00:23:14.359
<v Speaker 1>spray out excitedly. Oh oh's If you're under me too long,

436
00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:19.160
<v Speaker 1>you'll you will start to shrivel. Shower, You'll need a

437
00:23:19.240 --> 00:23:24.200
<v Speaker 1>towel after you're done with me. Shower pool similar you're

438
00:23:24.240 --> 00:23:32.119
<v Speaker 1>on the faucet. Oh, I'm long and round with a

439
00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:33.000
<v Speaker 1>hole in the middle.

440
00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:33.960
<v Speaker 4>Donut.

441
00:23:35.119 --> 00:23:40.160
<v Speaker 1>I can be soft or rigid. When people need me,

442
00:23:40.519 --> 00:23:41.559
<v Speaker 1>they will suck on me.

443
00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:42.880
<v Speaker 4>Pass fire.

444
00:23:43.640 --> 00:23:46.880
<v Speaker 1>If you blow into me, I will make a strange sound.

445
00:23:47.240 --> 00:23:49.000
<v Speaker 3>Balloon whistle a straw.

446
00:23:49.119 --> 00:23:57.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I'm white, long and hard. You can move me

447
00:23:57.480 --> 00:24:01.640
<v Speaker 1>up and down, but you're better not. When you play

448
00:24:01.720 --> 00:24:06.359
<v Speaker 1>with me, you really ignite my flame firestarter. When I

449
00:24:06.440 --> 00:24:09.640
<v Speaker 1>get hot, I'll flare up and you'll feel uncomfortable.

450
00:24:09.759 --> 00:24:11.519
<v Speaker 3>Light Laura caaneen.

451
00:24:13.000 --> 00:24:13.799
<v Speaker 1>A candle.

452
00:24:14.519 --> 00:24:16.359
<v Speaker 4>Oh, you can move me up and down, but you

453
00:24:16.400 --> 00:24:16.839
<v Speaker 4>better not.

454
00:24:18.279 --> 00:24:20.240
<v Speaker 3>Just I don't understand.

455
00:24:21.319 --> 00:24:23.039
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I'm feeling bad.

456
00:24:23.559 --> 00:24:26.839
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you should give progressively less like enthusiastic about these

457
00:24:26.880 --> 00:24:28.559
<v Speaker 4>dirty little like.

458
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:31.119
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to think of like anything fun. There's no

459
00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:33.279
<v Speaker 1>fun to be had at this moment.

460
00:24:34.200 --> 00:24:36.480
<v Speaker 3>I love how Laura tries to kill me on the air.

461
00:24:36.839 --> 00:24:37.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah I did.

462
00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:40.920
<v Speaker 1>I really honestly didn't mean to, and I thought that

463
00:24:41.079 --> 00:24:43.119
<v Speaker 1>maybe it was just your face looking.

464
00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:45.440
<v Speaker 4>A little swollen. Actually, look at cheeks.

465
00:24:46.920 --> 00:24:49.920
<v Speaker 1>His eyes are like two dots from.

466
00:24:50.079 --> 00:24:51.920
<v Speaker 4>This angle's cheeks look pretty swollen.

467
00:24:53.440 --> 00:24:56.359
<v Speaker 1>Are you having a hard time breathing a little?

468
00:24:56.480 --> 00:24:56.759
<v Speaker 3>All right?

469
00:24:56.920 --> 00:24:57.200
<v Speaker 1>Are you?

470
00:24:57.920 --> 00:24:57.960
<v Speaker 4>No?

471
00:24:59.240 --> 00:24:59.480
<v Speaker 3>Laura?

472
00:24:59.599 --> 00:25:03.200
<v Speaker 4>We should this, Eric, I'm sorry.

473
00:25:03.400 --> 00:25:05.599
<v Speaker 1>I didn't mean to try to kill you.

474
00:25:05.880 --> 00:25:07.400
<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna I forgot.

475
00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:13.000
<v Speaker 1>Oh wow, anyway, well.

476
00:25:12.920 --> 00:25:15.880
<v Speaker 3>You guys, somebody just slid down into fourth place.

477
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:22.000
<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, I'll accept that. I'll accept that. Okay, I'm

478
00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:26.160
<v Speaker 1>sorry this was so short. Eric is dying and needs

479
00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:29.759
<v Speaker 1>to lay down. Hopefully we'll be back on Monday.

480
00:25:29.960 --> 00:25:31.880
<v Speaker 3>Hopefully I'll be back. Everybody pray for me.

481
00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:33.720
<v Speaker 1>We may need to go to urgent care.

482
00:25:34.599 --> 00:25:37.480
<v Speaker 3>Laura. If anybody who's watching this, Laura tried to kill me.

483
00:25:37.599 --> 00:25:38.799
<v Speaker 1>You want me to give your mouth to mouth?

484
00:25:39.039 --> 00:25:44.640
<v Speaker 4>Okay, yes, no, sure, in this state you.

485
00:25:44.599 --> 00:25:46.440
<v Speaker 3>Could do anything to Oh my god, I know right.

486
00:25:47.359 --> 00:25:50.519
<v Speaker 1>Okay, we are. We'll be back in full force. No

487
00:25:50.759 --> 00:25:53.640
<v Speaker 1>nuts on Monday and Tuesday. Next week.

488
00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:54.039
<v Speaker 3>It's going.

489
00:25:55.880 --> 00:25:58.240
<v Speaker 1>There'll be lots of nuts, but none ingested.

490
00:25:58.799 --> 00:26:01.640
<v Speaker 3>Four does does Elvis still have nuts?

491
00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:02.160
<v Speaker 4>No?

492
00:26:02.200 --> 00:26:03.359
<v Speaker 3>There go okay, fo.

493
00:26:03.920 --> 00:26:11.160
<v Speaker 1>Okay, wow. Sorry. We love Eric so much they tried

494
00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:11.920
<v Speaker 1>to poison Yeah.

495
00:26:11.799 --> 00:26:13.559
<v Speaker 4>So much that she tried to keep making him go

496
00:26:13.640 --> 00:26:14.000
<v Speaker 4>through it.

497
00:26:14.880 --> 00:26:17.720
<v Speaker 1>I try because I thought he was being like dramatic,

498
00:26:17.799 --> 00:26:19.599
<v Speaker 1>but he's.

499
00:26:19.400 --> 00:26:21.799
<v Speaker 4>Like I can't really breathe. She's like, oh you baby,

500
00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:23.480
<v Speaker 4>you stop faking it.

501
00:26:23.839 --> 00:26:25.559
<v Speaker 1>I really did think he's being dramatic, but now I

502
00:26:25.559 --> 00:26:28.279
<v Speaker 1>don't not at all. I'm getting worried. And you know what,

503
00:26:29.880 --> 00:26:32.319
<v Speaker 1>love you for listening and watching, love your podcast.

504
00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:35.839
<v Speaker 3>I love you all. Thank you for watching me for

505
00:26:35.880 --> 00:26:39.640
<v Speaker 3>five years and we'll see on the other side.

506
00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:41.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh not like a blie.

507
00:26:41.799 --> 00:26:45.440
<v Speaker 3>Will you get just made into it necklace type of ring,

508
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:48.200
<v Speaker 3>because that's probably coming sooner than listen, Brian, I'm putting

509
00:26:48.200 --> 00:26:48.799
<v Speaker 3>you in charge.

510
00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:48.960
<v Speaker 4>Of my ass.

511
00:26:49.160 --> 00:26:50.519
<v Speaker 1>What elements do you want with it?

512
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:53.680
<v Speaker 4>What type of ring for to be like fingers or

513
00:26:53.680 --> 00:26:54.359
<v Speaker 4>something else?

514
00:26:54.640 --> 00:26:56.519
<v Speaker 1>Do you want to okay? Ring or a necklace or

515
00:26:56.559 --> 00:26:59.640
<v Speaker 1>bracelest I don't care what you do. What's your burststone?

516
00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:01.759
<v Speaker 3>I have to? Okay?

517
00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:08.119
<v Speaker 1>Okay? Anyway, so pretty and I'll you know what your service.

518
00:27:08.799 --> 00:27:12.039
<v Speaker 1>I'll have ashes in a bowl just like mine, with

519
00:27:12.160 --> 00:27:14.920
<v Speaker 1>a little scuper and little fun little bags, and people

520
00:27:14.920 --> 00:27:17.160
<v Speaker 1>can take a little piece of you, perfect and they

521
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:20.240
<v Speaker 1>can have your own, their own jewelry made at doing jewelry.

522
00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:22.359
<v Speaker 4>I'm going to have a sword made out of your ashes.

523
00:27:23.079 --> 00:27:26.319
<v Speaker 4>So cool, stab Laura with it? Killing?

524
00:27:29.240 --> 00:27:32.720
<v Speaker 1>Are you okay to drive you? To drive you home? Okay?

525
00:27:33.319 --> 00:27:34.880
<v Speaker 3>Are you going to get home? You're not staying up

526
00:27:34.920 --> 00:27:37.680
<v Speaker 3>my house? God forbid try and kill me in my sleep.

527
00:27:38.480 --> 00:27:39.160
<v Speaker 1>I am home.

528
00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:41.759
<v Speaker 4>Oh no, if you took him home.

529
00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:43.559
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, how would you get back?

530
00:27:43.720 --> 00:27:47.079
<v Speaker 1>I would I don't know. I'd figure it out, Eric,

531
00:27:48.000 --> 00:27:48.519
<v Speaker 1>I'd make.

532
00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:50.359
<v Speaker 3>Her uber at a high rate.

533
00:27:51.079 --> 00:27:56.759
<v Speaker 1>I'd walk, I'd do anything to save your life. I

534
00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:00.880
<v Speaker 1>already said, love your podcast, your podcast, Okay, love you

535
00:28:00.960 --> 00:28:05.079
<v Speaker 1>my sweet favorites. Bye, guys, hopefully by would Well, I'll

536
00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:05.480
<v Speaker 1>be back.
