Speaker 1: As the boat backs in it well, it slams into
the dock.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's Boto next to him. We lost dancing, and
Nathan's like, oh no, I couldn't hear because it was
so loud and the party was so crazy that we
slammed the fucking yacht into a century's old retaining wall.
And Sandy goes, yeah, this is a big deal.
Speaker 3: It's never happened to me before, Hilo, Welcome back TV.
Speaker 2: A brand new species of below Deck. It is below
Deck Mediterranean. I feel like we just I feel like
the body is not left to cool down.
Speaker 1: You know. I think you're referring to starting this new
season while the last one just said it, Yeah, that's
the churn of it.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's dare I say disrespectful to the
sea rats that we've just spent to see.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is the this is this is the
game that we play, This is what we're in, This
is the business we're in. Dylan, Yeah, you can't stop this.
This is the machine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm Dylan. That's permission to come aboard, granted, Klen,
what's up? So we're here for a brand new season
of Sandy and the Gang Kermit is back, and so
are Joe and Nathan.
Speaker 1: I knew you were going to start this way, Dylan. Yeah,
but I don't want the audience to be cynical about
this season just because these four knuckleheads are back, because
there's a positive side to this. Okay, there's lots of
sea rats, and I mean lots. And what do I
always say about sea rats? The more the better, the
more the better. Do you always say that about I
always say that about sea rats, The more the better,
more the better, like curiosity and wisdom, the more the better.
Like sex parties with no ugly people, the more the better.
Speaker 2: What's another thing?
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, pizza pizza.
Speaker 2: You can get sick of pizza though, good point, and
you you, honestly, you get sick of sex parties with
no ugly people. I mean, that's the thing. I don't
think so now at a certain point, these sick.
Speaker 1: People, I'll go home, I'll take a nap.
Speaker 2: No, I mean the lifestyle though, you know, eventually you start,
you know, I mean, look at Hugh Hefner. He's bringing
German shepherds into the bed. You get to a point
where you go, even this is not doing it for me.
Speaker 4: Anymore.
Speaker 1: It's a good point, thank you. Well, all right, the
point I always making, Why don't.
Speaker 2: We have two sides of the street. Why don't you
be your delusional, nonsensical optimist and I'll be the realist
on this side of the street. That's going to say,
I'm very concerned about not just Joe. Joe is the
fans who listen to us every week know are distained
for Joe. It's a middling Cocksman melodrama that we're just over.
Speaker 1: But Nate, I finish.
Speaker 2: Nate, I would say, is arguably worse. Nate is this
apple of Sandy's eye that is almost too incompetent for
the station. But more than that is just his management style,
the way he communicates with people, the insecurity, in the
position breeding. This just fucking bizarre lashing out here and there.
I'm not a fan of the the central like the
nucleus of med right now. Ashia's great, but Asha's married
to Scott. Like, I just think we need some turnover
with this. I don't want Joe and Nathan and Asha
and Sandy. It's just not it's not working.
Speaker 1: Bib, I agree with everything that just came out of
your pie hole.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 1: With that. With that, we still have six other fucking
sea rats marching on this boat.
Speaker 2: And and and gem or what's Jen Jen? Jen with
a G? That's right, okay, we got we got Jen
with a G. She's on Shutter Island from you know,
sun Up.
Speaker 4: I mean it's nuts.
Speaker 2: Got Joy, we got Luke, We got Joy. I love
Joy Joy, a woman after my own heart. My god,
what a masterful sea rat.
Speaker 1: It's competent.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Getting back to Nate for a second before I get
into I give it four pots. Okay this episode, you
give it four pots. This is an amazing start.
Speaker 2: I gave it four pat.
Speaker 1: Caitlyn, do you mind asking Ai Mode on your phone
if Nate and his beautiful baby mama are still together?
Speaker 2: You love Gail? I love Gail.
Speaker 1: He does not deserve her. He's an idiot.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 1: Also, I'll go.
Speaker 2: To patreon dot com for Summer House and Right Island
and the Eurotrip Breakdown and pmz's coming this week too.
Patreon dot com slash another podcast network. Okay.
Speaker 1: As a bosin, I would argue your only job is
to not smash the boat into the fucking side of
the dock.
Speaker 2: Can I say one more? Thing really quickly. I know
we've heard uh the patrons, and we have the best
Patreon Patreon ever, but we've heard that there's some issues
with the the sending it to We're going to fix
the Apple podcast thing. Oh yeah, well we'll get on that. Okay, Sorry,
I just wanted to get that out of the way.
Speaker 1: Ok okay, your only job as a bosin right in
the real world is to ensure that this very expensive
vessel does not smash into the side of Yes.
Speaker 2: You were talking about how important it is to not
crash the multimillion dollar vessel there.
Speaker 1: On, right, and this imbecile Yeah night one day one.
Speaker 2: It was really loud. That's why ah craud, ah crid.
I'm so in my head about this now. Yeah, you
fucking crashed the yacht.
Speaker 1: Okay, that to me would say that you need to
then leave the vessel and be fired. Yeah you need
to go Yeah, okay, all right, that didn't happen. But
I think in the real world you would be handed
your Actually they would just two other people would then
pick your body up and sway you back and forth
and then just hurl you off the boat into the wine.
Speaker 2: It would be a summer camp kind of fire.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what, it's a really good point. I'm
gonna give it six pots because we did crash the yacht.
Speaker 1: Yeah, normally that doesn't happen. I don't think it's ever happened.
Speaker 2: And this is what we say all the time, that
we will not fall victim to the gas lighting of
the cottage industry of vibes around the show. Okay, we
know that it's not a good vacation. We know that
it's subjecting upper middle class people too incompetence, so we
want our bosuns to put the vessels in danger.
Speaker 4: And because of that, I'm good with it.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, So we're gonna have to accept that Captain
Sandy is who Captain Sandy is. We're going to have
to accept Kermit who her persona is, which is she's
not going to have sex with anybody. She is going
to make gross statements about like eating shit and I
don't know, eating ass or whatever, and.
Speaker 2: Basically just eating shit and eating ass.
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't think Nate or Joe, one of the
two are not going to survive the next three episodes.
Speaker 2: It harkens back to that episode of Entourage where Ari
has to choose which Sclar brother to fire.
Speaker 1: They're twins, their twin so those two are very annoying,
by the way, because they finish the finish each other's sentences,
and they do it as a bit and I want
to choke both of them, and I'll choke either of them.
Speaker 2: I was in La Mille coffee and I was with
Little Lucy, and I.
Speaker 4: Go, oh, look, Sclar brothers.
Speaker 2: It's the Sclar brothers just hanging out, having a meet
and eating some croissants. But in this episode of Entourage,
one of the Scolar brothers cheats on the other Sclar
brothers wife and they bang, right. But the one that
committed the infidelity against the brother, the cane of the situation,
is a better agent.
Speaker 4: So Ri a.
Speaker 2: Goldfire, is the one that got his marriage taken apart. Anyways, Joe,
while he's a scumbag and a worse human being, I
do think can't not be better at this than Nathan,
who is a family man and cares about Cuban women,
and he's just he's a great guy. Right, he went
to Turkey, he got new hair.
Speaker 4: Its all great.
Speaker 2: He's not a good boson, Okay, So fire him.
Speaker 1: Is he still with gel?
Speaker 2: They announced their split last month?
Speaker 1: Oh great?
Speaker 2: Whoa Okay?
Speaker 1: For that reason and many others, I'm gonna give this
one hundred.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: There are so many lookers on this goddamn boat. I
am so excited for this season. And they're all single.
Speaker 2: Kaylee, Kaylee, Jim, Jen Cat Joy, Luke, Cool, Cooper, Joe, Nathan.
That's the cast.
Speaker 1: It's great. Those are all the series and a wonderful
group of first guests. There's a dude there, and I
always love old dudes that show up with They hang
on to that long hair. I don't know what they're thinking,
like keeping that young hair. It's like, oh my god,
holy shit, is that Jacob e Lordie? Is that Jacob
e Lordie over there? Oh no, oh Jesus Christ, it's
some old, fat, fucking white face, red face, fucking old dude.
Speaker 2: Oh gross, Oh no, oh no, I've once again confused
a six foot five, twenty five year old to don
is for a fat guy that runs X country shows
in Las Vegas. I did it again? How do I
keep doing it?
Speaker 1: He turns around, Yeah, yeah, you don't do that.
Speaker 2: To be on the flight back to La the the
what do we call them flight attendant.
Speaker 1: I don't know anymore. I get in trouble. I called
stewardess one time. Someone corrected me in that I'll never
listen to your show again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh dare, Yeah, well you know I would never
listen to us either. But this flight attendant sees this guy.
This guy's trying to get to the bathroom. The seatbelt
sign is on, sir, and they get into it right.
But he turns around. And even more perplexing than the
long hair of the old man is the long ponytail
with the ball top. That's one that I just he
spins around and there's that thing on the back, and
you just go, who I am?
Speaker 4: In economy?
Speaker 2: It is disgusting back here. I feel like I'm at
a fucking carnival that costs six hundred.
Speaker 1: I told you what they have to do just to
make I'm sure you know who you are and where
you are and where you stand in society is just
start throwing penis. Hey pigs, eat up fuck economy.
Speaker 2: Economy. Yeah yikes, Hey, hey, you know that Michael Jackson
documentary just came out it did you know what?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 2: You can't wind down and watch a salacious doc without
a good blanket, I agree with you. Okay, nothing makes
sitting around and relaxing better than Lola blankets.
Speaker 1: I agree. I had that wrapped around me while I
was watching that doc.
Speaker 2: You know, we've been getting up in the mornings. It's
been chilly with the baby. We wrap ourselves up with
a bottle and our child and we throw on whatever
we've been watching lately, whether it's Below Deck or a
Bravo show, and nothing completes that package more than a
Lola blanket.
Speaker 1: It's like being in a cocoon. You seen that movie.
Speaker 4: Lola is the world's number one shut up.
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wrap yourself in luxury with Lolo Blankets. Thank you for
sponsoring the show. All right, let's get into the first
minute of the show. Asha's ramen is on the way,
and again we've got this. You three is a family
are going to be the the you know, the strength
of character that gets us through this season. You're talking
to Nathan and Joe. Cut to Joe Nathan quite possibly
punching each other in the face. But Croatia is heading
to Croatia. Now, Asha does speak about you know, is
it an o lingus?
Speaker 4: Is that the correct term?
Speaker 2: I don't know, Aylan, Kaylyn, can you look that up?
Speaker 1: Is it as? I believe it's an lingus? Right because
I have no idea.
Speaker 2: Okay, you know what, Kay, you don't need to look
that up. It's fine. Nobody needs that on their computer.
Speaker 1: I love Croatia. It's sandy, it's a great port. And
a little fun fact is a little popular show used
to film here.
Speaker 4: Game of Wars?
Speaker 1: Oh, game of film? Oh wow, who gives a shit?
Speaker 2: Hey they they filmed Game of Thrones.
Speaker 1: He you know she brought this up like three years ago.
Speaker 2: Yeahs it is Analingus and the picture that they have
on Wikipedia for it is very graphic, very graphic. I
figured he was going to wade into those waters. How
could you not? With the Analingus Google search?
Speaker 1: Right, let's move on. Can I say this? Yeah, it
wasn't Game of Thrones like fifteen years ago at this point,
probably not that much, but at least ten.
Speaker 2: It ended probably six or seven years ago.
Speaker 1: Oh hey, you see that gelato stand over there. That's
the very spot where Demarus walked over into that funeral
pyre and didn't get burned.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 2: Cool?
Speaker 4: Do you know where?
Speaker 1: Do you know where the restrooms are? I need to
take a shit.
Speaker 2: No, they didn't shoot any doth Raki stuff in Croatia.
Oh what a stupid thing to say, right, No, but
a lot of King's landing was shot at Croix. I
believe the famous scene with Pedro Pascal in the mountain
was probably shot in crow a show.
Speaker 4: Right season three.
Speaker 1: Is Pedro Pascal the guy who plays the Mandelorian.
Speaker 4: He's the guy that's in everything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh god, I hate his voice.
Speaker 2: And he was also in that movie with Dakota Johnson
and Jake Captain America. Jake about what's that movie? You
know that movie we I'm talking about? Dakota Johnson plays
a matchmaker.
Speaker 1: It's got He's in too many things.
Speaker 2: Pedro Pascal plays and listen, we'll get into the show.
But it's Friday. We have rose. Just give us a break, Okay.
Pedro Pascal plays a bachelor that Dakota Johnson has fallen
in love with.
Speaker 1: What is the film Materialists? The Materialists.
Speaker 2: And uh he it's revealed in just the most bizarre way.
You should probably check out the movie.
Speaker 1: It's all the worse. You're selling the shit out of it.
Speaker 2: Pedro Mescal confesses to having undergone a surgery when he
was younger, wherein it was a Ronan Pharaoh type surgery
where they break his bones because he was so short,
and they added, oh yeah, yeah, that's how you tall inches.
So there's this big moment and then they end their relationship.
Speaker 4: It's get in the comments.
Speaker 2: Listen if you've seen material lists. I'm so sorry. I'm
so sorry that I just did that. Okay, we're in Croatia.
They shot Game of Thrones there. It's very very cool.
Nathan and Gale had a sea rat baby.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Carmen arrives first. Her wedding is just around the corner,
but she's got one more season to go. And then
the good news for all of us, she's got a
lot of stews and as Patty pointed out, the more
stews the better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the more sea rets the better.
Speaker 1: That's right. And then Nate arrives next, and you'll never
guess who's back on the boat, Joe.
Speaker 2: Well, are you fast warning through Caden and Gale being there? Well,
because this is what I wanted to address earlier on.
You know, we have this valley thing where we're watching
the show and it's just all these babies throwing up
and you know, postpartum and stuff like that. Now we've
got a bosin who and this goes to further my
point of the case against Nate being on the show.
We've got a bosin who bizarrely white nights in a
really aggressive way. That's not fun. But now we've got
his baby at a rental a block and a half away,
so we're not doing any ball of snake stuff with
him either. No, he's going to be phoning back to
the rental and going back. We're gonna the cameras are
going to go to that fucking rental numerous times throughout
the season. And it's like, but but actually, you guys
split up a month ago. Who fucking gives a shit
about this? We have babies. We don't need to see
the babies on below deck. We need to see fucking
runaways blacking out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, yes, I think fuck. I think producers need
to understand who they're catering this show for, and it
is not bums and dads that want to see family
home life. We do not want to see any of
this socking and fucking.
Speaker 2: Socking and thoughts socking and fucking ball of snakes. We
want to serve these guests lobsters, spring rolls one hundred times.
We don't want to check in on the fucking newborn.
All right, So charged season is coming up for the
Captain of the Game of Oarzations, Scott are getting engaged.
He has a lot of student's captain Sandy bringing Gail
back that led to baby Caden and also would lead
to their ultimate collapse and a split home.
Speaker 4: So thank you very much, Sandy.
Speaker 2: Nathan doesn't like how Joe dealt with women in the past.
Speaker 1: I don't like how you deal with women. You just
had a baby and you can't hang it together, you
immature son of.
Speaker 2: A bitch exactly, And also, who the fuck gives a
fucking shit. Obviously it's not great, but but dead horse,
you make it so much louder than it needs to be.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: Oh God, Joy Joy.
Speaker 4: She's been cooking in Kee chens for fourteen years.
Speaker 1: I believe.
Speaker 2: Oh no, she style did cooking when she was fourteen.
Speaker 1: Started out as a dish washer. I believe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll I'll get better at the French as well.
Speaker 1: Yes, but you don't need to though. The most important
part is she cooked for Leo and Rihanna, but mostly Leo.
I was wondering if Leo ever ate lunch outside of
the high school of the girl he was dating.
Speaker 2: You know, hey, he already is disgusting. Let's not make
accusations of criminality.
Speaker 1: Well, he needs to pull a clooney. At some point,
you got to get married, even if you don't want to.
Speaker 2: It's becoming a thing where it's like, we love you.
But this is so gross.
Speaker 4: M h.
Speaker 2: What are you putting on fucking bo's headphones listening to
Slipknot and banging twenty two year old? So you can't
do that forever? Leo, Okay, I know it helps you
get into character or whatever, but we've got to find
an international lawyer and we've got to get married. I
think everybody agrees. We all agree, all right, So she
says what she means, Joy's gonna be a pit viper.
Asha and Nathan speak on Joe Bradley. Aisha refers to
him as a crazy uncle. It's apped Cooper from South
Carolina gets there stun casting.
Speaker 1: He was apparently voted most likely to accidentally kill someone
on a boat. Apparently on his CVA. It looks like
he filled out his application while he was actually stepping
on the boat. I think they're messing with playing with
fire here with this guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Cooper sent in his application and at various different portions,
he just volunt tiered that he had CTE. He just
wrote it in and it was completely unnecessary. Nobody was
really asking about it. But yes, he was a former
football player, big guy, big South Carolinian guy, big fucking cornstock,
the human being. He's here to be a fucking c rat. Okay,
so we'll see what happens with Cooper.
Speaker 1: Who was that asshole that I hated like three seasons
ago that stole the He used to play a character
that he stole from a millerte commercial. Oh yeah, anyway, sorry,
I just I hated that guy.
Speaker 4: So yeah, what was his name?
Speaker 1: Culver? Colver?
Speaker 2: God, Culver, Oh God, that is a that is a
family that has too much money.
Speaker 1: Remember when they used to give us one star reviews
because I talked about what a loser he was. Keep
him coming.
Speaker 2: I welcome that me too.
Speaker 1: I love a one star every once in a while.
You know they're not fun. Yeah, oh wow, don't even
hide it.
Speaker 2: Fuck man. The craziest thing about Culver is and again, sorry,
I know it's we got to get into the show,
but I think he literally was with the hottest person
to ever be on it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he was so crazy. Keith Stone, Keith Stone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure he's doing great, though. I would rather
Culver than Nate or Joe and I'm being dead on it.
Oh no, all right, So Cooper, I want to say,
is a little bummed about being a c rat because
you could have been in the NFL. But being in
the NFL is not all it's cracked up to be.
Look at somebody like Aaron Hernandez. We meet the little
energizer bunny what is her name?
Speaker 1: K He's got a lot of energy. I don't know
if I'm gonna be able to tolerate that.
Speaker 4: Well, the good thing is you just watching on TV.
You're not dating or anything like that.
Speaker 2: But yeah, you know, Pat does not like people with
unnecessary amounts of PIP what what is it? Pep? I was?
Speaker 1: I went out, I brought my son out to lunch.
Speaker 2: He hates PEP. Doesn't like it at all. I don't
like it either.
Speaker 1: I went a good neighbor with my son and we
had lunch today and there was this fucking dude. It
was clearly across the room, but the place wasn't packed,
so you could hear his voice. He is having a
conversation with a group of people that were across the
other room, and so he shouting. He had a lot
of energy. And he ended every sentence no. But it
felt like that, and it was like, I don't know,
like eleven thirty in the morning and he's like, okay, oh,
you're gonna be military. Well, let me tell you something.
When you get there, you give it, You're all okay.
I'm like, this guy's got is? He like a fucking
like life coach. I fucking hated that guy. He had
too much energy and I couldn't wait. The family was
being very polite, right and when they left, he had
no one to talk to him. I was like, thank god,
enjoy being alone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, it's you walking Amendosino farms. They go, hey,
have you dined with us before? What the fuck are.
Speaker 4: You talking about?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Kick your pep out of my face if I
ever died? What an irrelevant fucking question.
Speaker 1: I'm about to pay twenty two dollars for a four
thousand calorie tune a fish sawich salad.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, the time crunch is seven hundred and navy calendaries.
Speaker 1: How'd you do that.
Speaker 2: To a salad?
Speaker 1: Hey?
Speaker 2: Have you dined with us before? All right, Luke, we
also meet and at this point, I'm going, can we
get some fucking chirons please.
Speaker 1: Like, I know, it's tough.
Speaker 2: So we're moving through these seat it's just crazy. We
got Jim and Cat.
Speaker 1: The thing that Jen has been a chief stew that's
the easiest part to remember though, She has been a
chief stew. And then just remember Kat for the person
that's been peed on before.
Speaker 4: Yeah, see write history.
Speaker 2: She fell asleep and there's a human being actually urinating
on her, which is beyond a crime. I mean beyond
the crime thrown in the back of a cruiser for
that kind of shit.
Speaker 4: Kat also reminds me of Kat.
Speaker 1: The rocket scientist I believe who we spoke season one
from seasons multiple times.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love her.
Speaker 1: She's not a fan of yours.
Speaker 2: I'm a fan of hers. You know, it's very rare.
We talk about it all the time. The number one
reason for me to not be a fan of you
is to not be a fan of me being Cat
of a special thing, because she's one of the rare
people that hates me, and I love her.
Speaker 4: Rocket scientists, that's funny.
Speaker 1: Nuclear physicists.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, So we get to the.
Speaker 1: Kurmit has her first meeting with her interiors, and she
gives shift appointments and does not appoint a seconds too,
despite Jen being a chiefs two before.
Speaker 2: It seems like all of the gals have impressive cvs.
So that's gonna set us up for a kind of
early low rung squabble in the game of wars. Okay,
and it's one that we relish and look forward to
and welcome with open hearts. This is a great aspect
of the show and they've cast this perfectly. But Jen
is not thrilled. Again, that's Jen with a G.
Speaker 1: I actually like her name. Are you you fucking kidding me?
We've had so many fucked out names here that I've
had to try and remember or pronounce correctly. Jen, Jen,
I like it, Caitlin.
Speaker 2: Have you ever heard of someone named Jen spelling.
Speaker 1: It with a G?
Speaker 2: Absolutely not? Okay, it's patently insane.
Speaker 1: Endor how hard that was to remember? Tattooing That was
fucked out?
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she wasn't even on the show, No, she was not.
Speaker 2: She hated her parents hated him.
Speaker 1: Do you check her out on open OnlyFans?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Five dollars? He's your feet okay, all right, Joe and
his guns arrive. He's been working out.
Speaker 2: This tank top is so goddamn infuriating. He's always trying
excuse me for being crassed. He's never not trying to
get pussy now ever, it's it's the only thing he
ever tries to do. Yes, showing up at this boat
with this tanked up on, knowing you're gonna have some
glances of some stews, it's just so fucking obvious.
Speaker 1: It's uh, well, it's funny.
Speaker 2: You're a karate kids trying to catch mosquitoes.
Speaker 4: That a thin air.
Speaker 1: I saw you do that too.
Speaker 2: No, I know, I know, I know, but he was faster.
Speaker 1: Well, he's Joe says he wants to do the boating
world until he dies. And I was thinking he loves
the boating world because he likes having sex with twenty
year olds. Yep, when he's an old, wrinkled old fuck
I think the open sea will be less attractive to him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe pick up some oil rig work. I don't
know what he's going to do, but yeah, I mean,
you know, it's just tired. Nathan and Joe are very
awkward straight out of the gate. And yeah, again it's
this dynamic where Nathan cares so much.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what did you call him a white King
White Night, White Night. Yeah. Then we get to sea
rats all chatting with each other about who they plan
on banging on the boat. It's an age old ritual.
I think it predates fire. I love it.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, oh for.
Speaker 1: Funny like how we all group up and go who's hot?
Who's hot?
Speaker 2: I would say this predates fire by probably two hundred
thousand years. Yeah. Sea reret's talking about who they're gonna
fucking slam because there's always been runaways, you know, people
that didn't belong to the village.
Speaker 4: So what do they do.
Speaker 2: They cast themselves out to the open waters of the
yachting industry, and they suffer for it. That's why we
watched the show. Luke had a couple of different jobs.
Speaker 1: Hold on, this is our first sea rat history.
Speaker 2: Can I be a little critical for a second? Okay,
it's certainly not our first sea red history. It's the
first sea rat history that peaked your interest, because we've
had plenty of sea red histories. In the first like
twenty minutes of the show, we're meeting the cast, but
this is this is your favorite?
Speaker 1: Okay, fine, fine, Sea red history. Yep, let's judge. This
one's a little murky. He tells us he's had so
many dreams. He wanted to be in the military, personal trainer, waiter,
see rescue. I don't think those are dreams so much.
His jobs, right, dell? Right? Like a job is being
a Walmart door greeter. Right, that's not a dream. It's
a job because you can do that being morbidly obese,
and all you have to do is one wave, one arm.
Speaker 2: Right, people come in, you go. You're killing yourself being here,
and that's it.
Speaker 1: That's right. Dream is being a backup dnswer for Beyonce
or something?
Speaker 2: Right. Uh so something's a job to right.
Speaker 1: Well, something smells very fishy about this wrap minus five points.
I smell compulsive. Liar, Liar, that's a fucking sturdy accusation.
Well we'll see, all right, team meeting.
Speaker 2: You imagine being a now I don't want to be
a coastal elitist. Okay, can you imagine being a work
in the register at Walmart? Just the horrors that would
come down the conveyor belt. Really, you're gonna do three
packs of peanut butter oreos?
Speaker 5: You?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a show.
Speaker 2: I would last.
Speaker 1: I would last an hour.
Speaker 2: I would I can't I just saw a woman in
a wheelchair. I can't even describe what she just bought.
Then this guy came through.
Speaker 1: I can't do I'd be murdered. They someone would kill me,
and then I'd kill myself. I don't know how that
would happened. But are we gonna get to the team
meeting where Sandy suggests they all do a practice run
of inflicting any possible trauma before they inflict any possible
trauma on pain.
Speaker 2: Skinny guys trying to get fun with coupons. It's like, sah,
there's no there's no coupon for vodka. And he just
lights up his cigarette and says, I'll wait. It's like, God,
damn it, get me.
Speaker 1: Out of here.
Speaker 2: Fuck, Hey, Waltons, you got enough money? Okay, pay your people,
all right? It's crazy, all right?
Speaker 1: So the boty docs without a hitch, thank god. And
then we get our second crete history. This is with
Jen Yeah, okay, born from wealth, wants to be a purser.
New York City girl went to a private school with
the privileged and want and then uh wants to be
a kid that her parents brag about, which begs the
question what are you doing here? And this is her
parents here, Joe, and I heard Jen is in Europe
and she runs a yachting company. Well, actually she's.
Speaker 2: No, it's more chisels.
Speaker 1: Off shower heads. But it's similar, not.
Speaker 2: So much running a company, more so kind of chiseling
the fluid remains of the people that she's waiting on. Oh,
I feel like such a fucking asshole right now. I
gotta say, we're disgusting. We are, yes, Oh my god,
you know I don't think we need to be this
this grotesque. I'm sorry, No, this is what we joke.
But it's a very real profession and you can make
a lot of money doing it. But every once in
a while someone does leave a mud pie and a
shower train, and that's There aren't a lot of professions
where you stumble into that kind of thing, okay, right, right, right, right. Also,
there aren't a lot of professions where you sleep in
barracks that are too small for.
Speaker 4: People above six foot two.
Speaker 2: But Jem is not that tall, so she's gonna have
a fine time fucking Where are we esus?
Speaker 1: All right? Well, the boat heads in for the night.
Speaker 2: Dockey Cooper can do a split.
Speaker 1: Oh good as a few party boats nearby make the
communication difficult. As the boat backs in it well, it
slams into the dock. Yeah, that's Boto next to him.
Speaker 2: We lost dancing, and Nathan's like, oh no, I couldn't
hear because it was so loud and the party was
so crazy that we slammed the fucking yacht into a
century's old retaining wall. And Sandy goes, yeah, this is
a big deal. It's never happened to me before. But no,
you're not fired. Okay, fact, I want you to get
out of this headspace.
Speaker 1: Okay, So when you're a boson, think about the other
jobs that they're supposed to do, which is throw out
the water toys. I think any knucklehead could learn how
to put a water toy.
Speaker 2: Any knucklehead could, But I would much rather greet and
or check out at Walmart than have to fold and
unfold that fucking slide.
Speaker 1: I understood hard work, But you can also gas up
the jet skis or something, and I don't know, but
your one job, as I said at the top of
the recap, is to ensure that the vessel is safe
and not slam into rocks or other hard materials that
might damage it. And he failed. Yes he did, so, yeah,
there you go.
Speaker 2: So the thing about Nathan doing this is that if
the yacht rams into a wall hard enough, it can
damage the boat. You know, yachts are one of the
it's the ultimate finicky kind of pest asset, right, So
people that drive Ferraris, you know, they drive Ferraris. Something
goes wrong, it's I don't have fucking thousands of dollars
to fix it, and it's like, oh, what what are
you even driving this for? Just get a Honda. You know,
it'll go two hundred and fifty thousand miles before you
even have to do anything. The yacht. If you bump
up against something, it could damage the structural integrity of
the multi million dollar vessel. You would think, you pay
this much money, would be a little bit sturdier, but no,
Sandy is genuinely concerned that what Nathan oversaw could render
the season null and void. That's how big of a
deal this is.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately or fortunately for Nathan and us and the production,
it's just a cosmetic thing where the fiberglass has been
massacred to a disgusting degree. It looks really really bad.
By the way, It's fine.
Speaker 1: I love how Sandy was able to deduce this with
a simple inspection with a flashlight.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you get down there.
Speaker 2: As long as you've got a couple of the dura cells,
you can figure out whether or not we're going to
be able to cast off.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think I think it's I think it's reparable.
You don't want to get a second pair of eyes
down there.
Speaker 2: Sandy grabs your flashlight. She goes, you know, this could
be a big deal. We've got a guy with long
hair bringing a bunch of strippers on the boat in
twelve hours, so what Nathan did could.
Speaker 4: Harm that. So we wake up.
Speaker 2: No, First, I want to talk about Sandy's tiger mom energy.
She says that it's very important to remain calm in
situations like this. You can't get to energized because then
you'll lose focus. Okay, we've got to get the flashlight
down there. We've got to see what happened. She tells
Nathan the same thing. I can't have you dwelling in this.
I need your confidence restored, Gause. Tomorrow we're gonna do
the same thing. And if you run into the fucking
wall again, all right, next morning, Day one and We've
got a new strategic. Oh no, a new strategy. Ashia
is going to help Docking.
Speaker 1: She's gonna She's gonna utilize Asia as extra eyes. How
many people do we need?
Speaker 2: What's going on? How many people do we need?
Speaker 1: What's going on?
Speaker 2: We have Coop, We've got Luke, We've got Joe, We've
got Nathan, We've got Sandy. Do we really need Asia
up here? I mean, what is going on with this boat?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: Asha used to be a decie yep. And then Sandy
meets with Nate to go over to make sure they
don't kill anybody today.
Speaker 2: Hi, I just wanted to reiterate how important it is
for us to not kill.
Speaker 1: Anyone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got it. Okay, do you because it seems
like you're you might not be that cognizant that killing
people is bad. Okay, But we get to our first
of the season. It's time for the.
Speaker 1: Shape May Angela and Matt, a bunch of porn stars.
Speaker 2: I think, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 4: I feel like Burt Reynolds right now.
Speaker 2: This is art. Okay, what we're doing here is art.
This is an award winning show in Las Vegas.
Speaker 1: Voted Best Show in Vegas every show there's voted best
show in Vegas.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's like the committee. It's like the world's best
cup of coffee. Okay, a homeless panhandler can give you
this award awarded best show in Las Vegas by the
late shift workers at White Castle. So this is X
country X rocks X. They have all these shows where
they're scantily claud women doing you know, gyrating at different
genres of music.
Speaker 1: It's a weird thing. I don't know how you take
the wife out for this on a night out.
Speaker 2: No, I think you'd probably a magic show might be better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely?
Speaker 2: Or what any you know married couple should do when
they're in Las Vegas, eat good food and gamble and
have you know, irresponsible sex with one another, you know,
perhaps create a baby and go to the Shania Twain
show the next night, not knowing that life.
Speaker 1: Has been conceived.
Speaker 4: That's what Las Vegas for. What are you going to
go back?
Speaker 2: Huh? I hate Las Vegas, I know, But why are
you going to head back? Well?
Speaker 1: I've been there enough?
Speaker 2: Could you could you live the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: That I'll tell you something, Okay, let me tell you
why Vegas sucks. The people that work there are mean
and that place is incredibly expensive and it depresses me.
No one should go there for it. Well, obviously I
just named a couple of reasons why I hate that place.
Speaker 4: Let me ask you, would you rather go to.
Speaker 2: The say Shells, No, Foxy Jacks and Pizza Shack included,
all expense po to Vegas, all expense paid trip to
the Seychelles.
Speaker 1: No, No, I'm not getting on little planes. I'd rather
go to Vegas and be depressed.
Speaker 2: You have to pay for everything you do in Vegas,
and you have to do a lot. You got to
go to top till off at one o'clock.
Speaker 1: I used to go with you two idiots to Vegas
twice a year for like four years. No, I fucking
fucking hate that place. How gross it to see a
twenty two year old sad girl dancing on a blackjack
table at four in the afternoon. It is so sad there.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, there are lots, there's a big spectrum.
Speaker 4: It's sad.
Speaker 1: You can see in Vegas.
Speaker 2: As I mentioned the panhandlers, they all have bunions because
during the summer months the concrete heats up to I
think two hundred and seventy five degrees, melts the feet. Yeah. No,
there's a lot of sad stuff. We've dwelled on it
long enough, I guess. Okay, so that's where they're coming from.
That's their home.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 2: Asia says that she's choosing to look at the incident
that transpired last night, what with the crashing of the vessel,
not as a bad omen, but rather we've set the
bar so low, oh, that we can only go out
from here.
Speaker 4: I think that's Tony Robbin's beautiful little hat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I absolutely respectfully disagree their sea rash means
there is no bottom. It's a black hole of incompetence.
You can still swirl to some other dimension of lowness.
Speaker 2: You know. NASA just released a simulation of what it
would look like to be swallowed up by a black hole,
and it did remind me of what the sea rats
are capable of doing to people.
Speaker 1: The guest Hold on, you didn't go over what the
guests wanted in their preference sheet meeting A Vegas themed dinner.
Speaker 2: I really miss that, unbelievable a Vegas themed dinner.
Speaker 1: I hope they remember to serve nachos because you know,
uh Keiko, that was his undoing from eight chargers.
Speaker 2: One of the great moments of Below Deck history was
Keiko Uh serving black people Domino brownies and chicken tenders.
Speaker 1: And nachos upon Hannah's suggestion to be fair to her
she was higher than Michael Jackson. Make him nachos. Knew
doc about him on Netflix three about the original.
Speaker 2: Three Hours to find out that once again, yes, he
was talented and also sucked little boys off.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you know what we don't.
Speaker 2: I don't mean, why did I say that?
Speaker 1: Because it happened.
Speaker 4: You know, people get very fed up with our Michael Jackson.
Speaker 1: I don't care the fucking guy. They have footage in
this dock where a boy says he would show us
pornographic magazines and give us booze. And they investigators go,
all right, what did it look like?
Speaker 2: Where was it?
Speaker 1: He goes, well, I'm sorry. They go, it was in
a suitcase and this and that. They go in this room,
Michael Jackson's secret room. Open up a suitcase filled to
the brim with pornographic magazines. There's the booze, there's semen
on the fucking mattresses. You tell me that's fucking normal
for a fucking thirty five year old to have five
year olds and his fucking.
Speaker 2: Normal for him to watch Goonies with a bucket of popcorn.
That's not normal. Okay, Okay, enough with this shit. Okay,
acking pedophile.
Speaker 1: Yes, fuck off people, Oh my god, Jesus fucking Christ.
Speaker 2: Rushing to see that movie. People are rushing to see
that movie. But the life of a pedophile who cares. Okay,
it's a moot point.
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm talking about Michael that way.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, snacks are ready, as is Captain Sandy
to undock. I want to see the fucking snacks please. Okay,
she's doing onion tarts. I want to see a French,
a really talented French cook.
Speaker 4: Make a fucking onion tart, please, my god.
Speaker 2: Nathan and Joe start with the micromanaging, and Nathan is
already being a dick, and we get to Joy being
a little dragon. Asha and her need to work well
together for the season. The way that you work well
with Joy is you do exactly what she tells you
to do, or she's going.
Speaker 4: To flip the fuck out. I'm excited for that, me too.
Speaker 2: So we do a simple table scape and we've got
some feuding already between Kaylee and.
Speaker 1: Jim Tablescape Wars. Okay, yeah, well, I mean Jen bites
her tongue, but she doesn't like the way that it's
being done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Tablescape Wars is the show that comes on when
you fall asleep to.
Speaker 1: Is It Cake? Oh God, you're telling me we don't
live in the best time ever. We have a show
called is It Cake?
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm telling you we don't in the best time ever.
I would say probably the most important exhibit or reason
why we don't is because we have a show called
is It.
Speaker 4: All Right?
Speaker 2: So yeah, Jen is not thrilled about this.
Speaker 5: And meanwhile, Matt and Nate we got some good old
fashioned locker room talk about women's tits look more firm
after birth.
Speaker 2: This is one of these moments where an old creep
corners you. And I've had this experience, you know, many times.
But God, I don't even know if I should tell
this story. It's so repulsive.
Speaker 4: Is it a wedding?
Speaker 2: The bride's father was. He was pretty merry, he was
celebrating a big day. It's his daughter's marriage. He was
blacked out. He came up to me and he said,
you gotta make a baby, I go, okay.
Speaker 1: Got it.
Speaker 2: No, you really have to because it's it's my favorite placed.
Fucking this man, this tax paying homeowning man is coming
up to me. His wife was grabbing him, trying to
pull him away from me because she knew you'd gotten
a little torque. Sorry, we're all over the place. Okay,
we don't need to do this, that's fine, but yeah, okay,
the old creepy guys are the worst. It's so uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I know because I came near. Well, I was gonna
say I I would never know what my wife's boobies
look like, because in her fourth quarter she would have
hit me over the head of a fucking frying pan
if I came here. Just say fourth quarter, fourth quarter,
the fourth Uh well, I called the fourth quarter, fourth
trimester or whatever.
Speaker 4: Okay, fourth quarter, the fourth trimester. Episode title.
Speaker 1: Lock it in, Matt, you sound like a pig. Grow up.
Speaker 2: God damn it. It's perfect when they get pregnant because
they get oh god, all right. So in the galley,
Jem is referring to Kaylee as a fucking bitch. As
I mentioned, she's already on shutter Island. Calm it down,
we get to dinner, and I fear the joy is
just too good for below deck. She's just one of
these chefs now. I think her personality makes her a
She's gonna be good because she's such a firecracker. But
she's just an excellent chef.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, though, I believe they show
a shot of her eating food with her hands that
she's cooking with. I assume it's done. I don't want
to see it.
Speaker 2: What are your thoughts on that it's done? I mean, really,
professional kitchens have just an ungodly amount of spoons right
for tasting.
Speaker 1: So it's you know, okay, I assume it's done. It's fine, Yeah,
it's done.
Speaker 2: Okay. Joe text is mom. Oh, we get assless chaps
for a full moon, and then we get to dinner,
but not before Joe texts his mom and says that
Nathan is on the boat.
Speaker 4: So now you know, we've we've got.
Speaker 2: A little edible thing going on right now.
Speaker 4: So what are we doing?
Speaker 2: Texting mom, We're coming to the boat in the black
tank top, trying to show off the guns to the
women aboard the vessel, and we're also texting mom that.
Speaker 4: The school bully is here.
Speaker 2: On the boat.
Speaker 4: It's just not a good look.
Speaker 2: Dinner. First course Avar never heard of this, eggplants spread
with bell, pepper and zucchini, a seemingly kind of desert
storm ratitui. I don't know what in Iberian rat to. Actually, really,
this was an exciting dish, one that really showed off
a lot of simplicity and a lot of confidence in
what she was doing. It was a vegetable driven kind
of wonder. Yeah, yeah, really really lovely stuff. Jim starts
to go around the boat and gather allies in her
fight against the energizer Bunny. She talks to Kat. I
think Kat is a little too cool for school. She's
not gonna bite on this. But second course is squidding
champagne risotto with a second course for those that do
not want the seafood. Now, we just came off of
a seven course dinner where in a picky eater was
just not served courses. Here we have an actually talented
chef going okay, so they don't like seafood. What I'm
gonna do is make something else, not tell them to
go fuck themselves. Amazing, It's incredible the professionalism I would
give this course, which which or the dinner, which ends
with a raspberry and coconut parfe with gold leaf a
strong eighty one pots.
Speaker 4: I don't know what else she can do.
Speaker 2: Strong showing, Yeah, very strong showing. So Jem is an
issue and decides to call her mother as well. She
tells her mother that Kaye is a fucking bitch.
Speaker 1: It's embossing her around.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to listen to a fucking word, she says.
Speaker 1: Now, I'd argue in some circumstances, this is the best
way to complain about someone that you don't like, which
is you're not directly sharing it with them. You're sharing
it with someone that's not on the boat, your mother,
and they get to hear what you think about them.
Speaker 2: Right, perfect delivery. It's like putting a pill for a
dog in a treat.
Speaker 1: Well, you're not. You're not hurting their feelings, you're not
getting them in trouble with the boss. You're sharing it
with someone that would not directly affect your workplace environment
and still getting the message that someone has a problem
with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, let's see how it goes. Kaylee does not
seem to be too pleased. She calls Jem a bitch,
and we move to the guests changing and people going
down to get ready for tomorrow's extravaganza, and we have
a real Game of War's moment.
Speaker 4: Where did I miss something?
Speaker 1: Well, I was gonna say. The guests make an announcement
that Ellie, one of the other guests a will, was
Playmate of the Month, and I was like, of what,
as you point out Dylan, the last I heard he
had sex with a dog.
Speaker 4: Well, he didn't have sex with the dog.
Speaker 2: He wanted one of the victims of his whims to
have sex.
Speaker 1: With a dog. No, no, no, I have had sex
with the dog.
Speaker 2: Oh did he? Yeah? He did?
Speaker 1: He said they have sexual needs too.
Speaker 4: Okay, this has been a disgusting episode.
Speaker 1: We don't I watched the twelve parter on tel.
Speaker 2: Too many parts we rap with Game of Wars stuff
with Joe and Nathan. Nathan feels Joe hat on his heels.
This is part a knowing of the incompetence that is
coursing through you, also mixed with Joe actually being on
your heels. Nathan is not a good headspace and for
that reason he's going to go to Captain Sandy and
rat on Joe.
Speaker 1: I don't know what about.
Speaker 2: But this is not starting off on a good foot.
And remember this is all because Joe was a player
on the last butts. Okay, get in the comments, let
us know what you thought about the episode. Join us
a pictureon dot com, Slash another podcast network, Four Real
Housewives of Rhode Island, the last part of the summerhouse Reunion,
and more. We love you guys so much for listening,
and get ready for a new season of Below Deck.
Speaker 4: Bet I'm Dylan.
Speaker 2: Say goodbye, Pat Sagodbye lest the Pointed