Speaker 1: Let me finish. This is the first time I committed
Speaker 1: a hate crime.
Speaker 2: Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate bath.
Speaker 2: Any rest ship, any trash ship. You're a worst friend?
Speaker 2: Do you want to know why you're all fucked up?
Speaker 1: You're looking at the fucking problems you hang around with.
Speaker 1: You're listening to your Worst Friend with Shane and Matt.
Speaker 2: I'm Matt.
Speaker 1: I'm joined today by my friend and co host, a
Speaker 1: guy whose mic sounds as good as it has ever sounded.
Speaker 2: Shane. Oh yeah, thanks for the mic, man, I really
Speaker 2: appreciate that. Can you get me a computer next? Yeah? Really?
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: Uh, you go to your Worst Friend dot com. You
Speaker 1: can follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram at worst
Speaker 1: friend Cast.
Speaker 2: I'm two weeks behind.
Speaker 1: On posting pictures on Instagram. By the way, I work
Speaker 1: so hard on those fucking pictures, and I'm up till
Speaker 1: like four in the morning, like go go to make
Speaker 1: sure they get done. And then the next day it's
Speaker 1: just defeat ust where I'm just like it's done. I
Speaker 1: don't have to do anything more.
Speaker 2: No, you do.
Speaker 1: You have to post that thing, so go do it,
Speaker 1: nothing more to do. I'm told I am the king
Speaker 1: of getting to where I can see the finish line
Speaker 1: and just going so great. I'm gonna lay down right
Speaker 1: here and not do anything else.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do that thing where I see the finish
Speaker 2: line and then I speed up, and then I fucking
Speaker 2: trip and scrape my knees and try and get back
Speaker 2: up and trip again and get trampled over by the
Speaker 2: three black guys behind me.
Speaker 1: Com slash Worst Friend Cass. You get a bonus episode
Speaker 1: every week, access to everything ever recorded, entirely commercial free.
Speaker 1: So that's cool if you want to do that. Don't
Speaker 1: breaking news, breaking news, breaking news. Pete Rose is dead.
Speaker 2: Oh the gambling. So what do you know about Pete Rose?
Speaker 2: Oh dude, he ruined baseball where he fucking destroyed the sport.
Speaker 2: He rotted it from the inside out. He's a fucking
Speaker 2: he's the fucking blackheart of baseball. What do he actually
Speaker 2: know about Pete Rose? Oh dude, I know he was
Speaker 2: a fucking crooked, shady, no good son of a biscuit.
Speaker 2: And I know he fucking stole all the MLB's proceeds
Speaker 2: and the money that was supposed to go to charity
Speaker 2: that he took that he got from gambling, and then
Speaker 2: he was he threw every game, and then he's not
Speaker 2: allowed in the Hall of Fame because he's was an
Speaker 2: alleged and avowed Nazi.
Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna say, because he's white. We
Speaker 1: have too many of them in there. We don't need anymore.
Speaker 1: Now on every last name has to end with a Z.
Speaker 2: Is Mark McGuire in the Hall of Fame?
Speaker 1: Okay, So that's an interesting conversation. Okay, Mark McGuire also
Speaker 1: is not in the Hall of Fame. He is not banned,
Speaker 1: but the voters won't put him in. They won't put
Speaker 1: him in. They won't put Sammy Sosa in. They won't
Speaker 1: put Barry Bonds in.
Speaker 2: Barry Bob because yeah, he fucking like beat up a
Speaker 2: bunch of prostitutes. Right, No, I don't know none of
Speaker 2: those things. They were smoke crack and beat up a
Speaker 2: bunch of prostitutes.
Speaker 1: No, they were all just steroid users.
Speaker 2: Oh really, I thought Barry Bonds was a fucking crackhead.
Speaker 1: No, Barry Bonds is probably the best example. Look at
Speaker 1: his head ready, can you see my screen.
Speaker 2: All of the skull malformation?
Speaker 1: Oh man, you see this means even though he's the
Speaker 1: home run king, that he's more subservient.
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, I'm not talking about like phrenology. I
Speaker 2: was just saying his head is all different now because
Speaker 2: he did Royds. Yes, that is correct.
Speaker 1: Here's a comparison with Bonds's head.
Speaker 2: That's fucking crazy. Yeah, that is noticeable. Yeah, he doesn't
Speaker 2: even look like he has the same face. He looks
Speaker 2: like he cut off Magic Johnson's face and put it
Speaker 2: on he. Uh, that's probably the best picture right there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was whoo and he was. But he he
Speaker 1: looks like he's got puffy, fat guy face.
Speaker 2: He's not.
Speaker 1: He was jack ash shit during this time. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: looks almost like Charles Barkley kinda.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So Barry Bonds is the greatest baseball player of all time,
Speaker 1: but he won't He likely won't get into the Hall
Speaker 1: of Fame for a while because he did steroids. But
Speaker 1: he if he had retired in the first half of
Speaker 1: his career.
Speaker 2: He probably would have been a Hall of Famer. What
Speaker 2: about Jackie Robinson him?
Speaker 1: No, No, he has to go in the little wing
Speaker 1: on the side, the back, around the back.
Speaker 2: He has to wait for Frank Sinatra to vote him in.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, you guys in that league. You
Speaker 1: go to the back of the museum. Okay, there's cotton
Speaker 1: baseball from one day Rosa Parks showed up in all
Speaker 1: catcher gear and stood in the front of the museum
Speaker 1: and said, I ain't going nowhere.
Speaker 2: Then we let yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then we let
Speaker 2: blacks in the Hall of Fame. That was what happened.
Speaker 2: That was a good day for America, bad day for sports.
Speaker 1: So Pete Rose is the all time leading hit king.
Speaker 1: He has more hits than anyone in the history of baseball.
Speaker 1: Okay the way he his number is four two hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty six hits. Now a good season, not even
Speaker 1: anymore nowadays.
Speaker 2: Not. Let's look at the stats from this year.
Speaker 1: Real quick, this is good, this is this is I'm
Speaker 1: promise you we're not going to turn this into fucking
Speaker 1: sports talk.
Speaker 2: But uh, let me just look.
Speaker 1: So the hit leader this year had two hundred and
Speaker 1: eleven hits, right, Okay, you got to be a great
Speaker 1: player to get two hundred hits.
Speaker 2: You just have he he's the leader. Well that's what
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 1: So two hundred yes exactly, yes, Well, but you know
Speaker 1: it could be a down year or something like that.
Speaker 1: So two hundred hits in a season is a great season.
Speaker 2: It's really good.
Speaker 1: To get to Pete Rose's number, you would have to
Speaker 1: have a really good season for twenty one years, okay,
Speaker 1: never slump and always get two hundred hits, and you
Speaker 1: would still be like, I don't know, fifty six hits short?
Speaker 2: How many years do you play? A lot when.
Speaker 1: Guys played longer back then, But it's a testament to
Speaker 1: how well you could play. A lot of guys also
Speaker 1: tried to play later in their career and we're fucking
Speaker 1: dog shit.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's just a testament to how easy baseball is.
Speaker 1: It's not crazy to think that, if I'm being honest. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not crazy.
Speaker 2: It's not easy.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, right, let's reclarify. It's not easy to
Speaker 1: play baseball. It is less physically demanding than other sports.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like if I like lumberjacks, they do their job, right.
Speaker 1: We just like we're not talking ESPN on a fucking
Speaker 1: you know, Thursday afternoon before Sports Center comes on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's real sports here. It's just I feel like
Speaker 2: the only reason that football players and fighters have to
Speaker 2: call it a call it a career, you know when
Speaker 2: they're twenty nine is because they keep getting brain damage,
Speaker 2: not because sports are hard to do when you're old
Speaker 2: or anything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know what, you start getting injured if
Speaker 1: you don't have a player you can't rely on. You
Speaker 1: can't have them on your team. In baseball, your bat
Speaker 1: slows down. You don't run as fast anymore. Do you
Speaker 1: run as fast as you did when you were twenty?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: Faster? Really? No? Oh? Okay? I ran you give me
Speaker 2: a week, dude, I'll fucking smoke mild back.
Speaker 1: You know, it's so crazy. I ran the forty in
Speaker 1: high school and I was unbelievably slow. It's forty yards.
Speaker 1: You see how fast you could do it. I like
Speaker 1: if I ran my number in the NFL, they would
Speaker 1: be like, this guy is a commentator or something, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: kill him, murder him. I ran a five point eight
Speaker 1: forty right, five point eight seconds the top guys in
Speaker 1: the NFL, the fastest ever recorded is four point two.
Speaker 1: I am only one point six seconds slower than the
Speaker 1: fastest guy in the NFL.
Speaker 2: That's when it comes. One point six seconds.
Speaker 1: Well it is, but it doesn't feel like it, right,
Speaker 1: if you say it, if you go like a one
Speaker 1: point ready, there you go.
Speaker 2: That was it? One point six seconds? You did it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I had a similar thing where when I was in
Speaker 2: the Marines, I used to run the three miles really fast.
Speaker 2: So they they train you in uh, the delayed entry program,
Speaker 2: like when you join up in high school or whatever,
Speaker 2: and you're like hanging out with the recruiters, they prepare you,
Speaker 2: like by they're supposed to do a mile and a
Speaker 2: half I think for the like the recruits or the
Speaker 2: entries or whatever. But my recruiters would run us three
Speaker 2: miles and then I just got used to that as
Speaker 2: my regular amount. So by the time I got to
Speaker 2: the Marines, I could run three miles easily. And then
Speaker 2: I was just you know, I could do it even
Speaker 2: easier after boot camp. And then I got to my
Speaker 2: school battalion in Camp Pendleton, and I was I would
Speaker 2: have been still eighteen. Yeah. So I met this guy
Speaker 2: who was a fucking asshole. I don't even remember his name.
Speaker 2: I only knew him for a couple months for that school,
Speaker 2: but he was like a track and field guy in
Speaker 2: high school, I guess. And I did a PFT one
Speaker 2: morning and I guess he wasn't there, but he heard
Speaker 2: me say my time out loud and I was nineteen
Speaker 2: minutes and he's like, you ran or three miles in
Speaker 2: nineteen minutes and I was like yeah. He's like, that's
Speaker 2: seriously an Olympics speed. You're lying, you're making that up.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, dude, are you fucking kidding me? The
Speaker 2: staff sergeant guy was right there, you know, he clicked
Speaker 2: the watch and everything at the halfway point. How could
Speaker 2: I have faked it? Did? Someone picked me up in
Speaker 2: a car and this guy fucking refused to believe that
Speaker 2: I could do it? And I don't know that it
Speaker 2: was is even a feat, especially now with you know
Speaker 2: how athletes keep getting better and better. But I always wondered, like, okay, well,
Speaker 2: if let's say eighteen minutes is the the Olympic time,
Speaker 2: would it really be that hard to shave a minute off?
Speaker 2: And similarly, with the motherfucking vaulting or the sprinting or whatever,
Speaker 2: how hard could it be to shave a second off? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never been much of a runner myself.
Speaker 1: I fucking hate it, Like my hell is just gonna
Speaker 1: be on a treadmill with no headphones or anything like that.
Speaker 2: It's so boring to me, it's so boring.
Speaker 1: I can here's the difference, though, I can run all
Speaker 1: day if you just give me a basketball to dribble
Speaker 1: along with it, like I like doing something, maybe I guess,
Speaker 1: and but a goal to me isn't like so I
Speaker 1: was looking at your about twenty years old. I understand
Speaker 1: you're eighteen, but like, if you can see what I'm
Speaker 1: looking at.
Speaker 2: This is the thing.
Speaker 1: You were probably about an intermediate right three miles. I
Speaker 1: would even say maybe a little more advanced, because I
Speaker 1: think everyone probably slows down, right, Yeah, so yeah, you
Speaker 1: were in between there probably. That's impressive. That's very impressive. Actually, well,
Speaker 1: I think that especially because like three years earlier, you
Speaker 1: looked like a slug.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I looked like fucking Sam Kinnison after the accident.
Speaker 2: The thing is about you not liking the running for
Speaker 2: running sake. That that that's like how I always talk about,
Speaker 2: like your path is your goal. You know. I think
Speaker 2: I've kind of had an internal like vibe for that
Speaker 2: my whole life, because my run the goal would would
Speaker 2: sometimes be like I'm just going to run until I
Speaker 2: can't anymore. That's the goal like I'm just going to
Speaker 2: run as much as I can, you know, and I
Speaker 2: could just go and go and go and go and
Speaker 2: go and go. I think the longest I ran before
Speaker 2: the Marines was like seven miles. And yeah, I didn't
Speaker 2: need I didn't need like to win the game. I
Speaker 2: didn't need any of that stuff. I just really enjoyed, like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm going to go further than last time,
Speaker 2: or you know, like I'm just gonna I'm just going
Speaker 2: to keep going like that. That just felt like so good.
Speaker 2: Was like oh, it was like that was exciting. And
Speaker 2: I wasn't really thinking about anything during the run, just
Speaker 2: like whatever's on my mind, you know. But for basketball,
Speaker 2: you are like strategizing the whole time. It's like it's
Speaker 2: like running chess.
Speaker 1: So I get I agree with you in playing a game, yeah,
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. I mean, just give me a basketball
Speaker 1: and I'll just run around a track by myself, dribbling
Speaker 1: it the whole time, and I'll tire her out, obviously,
Speaker 1: and I'll go to a smaller thing. But I won't
Speaker 1: be bored. I am so fucking bored all the time.
Speaker 1: It's crazy to me. It's crazy how fucking bored. I am,
Speaker 1: like I have to put my headphones on to go
Speaker 1: downstairs and piss and then fucking come back up and
Speaker 1: take them off.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm like that a lot of the time. Actually,
Speaker 2: Like sometimes, yeah, I just need my thoughts. Like so
Speaker 2: I was painting all weekend and getting the house ready
Speaker 2: for a party, and yeah, I listened to like I
Speaker 2: don't know, five albums in a row, like just different
Speaker 2: bands or whatever on my AirPods, and eventually I was like, Damn,
Speaker 2: I just need some fucking silence, you know, I just
Speaker 2: need quiet.
Speaker 1: I've I've when I've like had to super concentrate to
Speaker 1: pay attention to something. I will go to a quick silence,
Speaker 1: but I have to really need to dial in or
Speaker 1: like I've been editing audio and I know people are
Speaker 1: going to say, I know, that's why it sounded like that.
Speaker 1: It's not it's the tech. Hopefully I worked it out.
Speaker 1: But I've been editing audio while having I have two
Speaker 1: pairs of headphones in, Like I'll have one over here
Speaker 1: and then one is a podcast I'm listening to, and
Speaker 1: I'll if I need it to be quiet, I'll stop
Speaker 1: it playing over here, and then I'll edit and I'll
Speaker 1: cut and then I'll go back to playing it and
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's crazy that which I mean, it's
Speaker 1: extreme alter Why what would drive you nuts about that?
Speaker 2: So, like I sometimes I'll be doing the multitasking thing
Speaker 2: where it's like I'll be working on something for my job.
Speaker 2: I'll be working on something on my phone and then like, uh,
Speaker 2: you know, I'll get an im or something at work
Speaker 2: and it'll require like thirty seconds of concentration and then
Speaker 2: I can get back to what I'm doing on my phone.
Speaker 2: And then this will happen like three or four times
Speaker 2: in a row, like over the course of a couple
Speaker 2: of minutes, and I'm like, all right, one task is
Speaker 2: ending right now, you know, Like I'm only I can
Speaker 2: only do one thing. I can't. I can't. I can't
Speaker 2: keep going back and forth like this. It pisses me off. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: The boredom pisses me off more the idea like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm gonna be sitting here and doing nothing.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I can't get it out. Are you
Speaker 2: scared of being bored? I'm no.
Speaker 1: I think I'm scared of unclouded thoughts. Am I scared
Speaker 1: of them. No, I'm scared of fucking I'm scared of them.
Speaker 1: I'm scared of them building a housing project behind me.
Speaker 1: I'm not scared of my thoughts, but I don't like them.
Speaker 1: I'm not a huge fan.
Speaker 2: I used to go to your house a lot, and
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure there is a housing project right behind you.
Speaker 2: Not a housing project. There's like a big empty lot
Speaker 2: that leads over to a housing project. There's not.
Speaker 1: There's a big quick check, okay, and that.
Speaker 2: Leads to the housing project.
Speaker 1: There's no housing project. Enough about the housing project. Back
Speaker 1: of the museum, buddy.
Speaker 2: Sorry.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing about Pete Rose, right, Oh, he
Speaker 1: was great. He had all these hits, he did all
Speaker 1: that good stuff. We'll get back to our fucking brains
Speaker 1: in a second.
Speaker 2: Don't care about my brain. But he was also.
Speaker 1: Betting on baseball. And the problem is, and why you
Speaker 1: can't bet on sports, and why it's so taboo and
Speaker 1: why it's so bad, is because the only thing you
Speaker 1: have that keeps people watching sports is the fact that
Speaker 1: it's not predetermined.
Speaker 2: It's whatever, it's the the what is it? The the
Speaker 2: integrity of the game. Yeah, well, it's the that they're
Speaker 2: watching the game because even when it's like three to
Speaker 2: zero bottom of the ninth, there's still a chance, right
Speaker 2: like that that team could come back and win at
Speaker 2: the end of the game. And that's why sports can
Speaker 2: be so sure. And and if you're at the end
Speaker 2: of the game there and you bet on your team
Speaker 2: to lose, well, then there's really no incentive for you
Speaker 2: to win this game for your fans, is there no? Exactly?
Speaker 1: And if it's predetermined, if they were to tell you
Speaker 1: before the game, like, hey, by the way, Chiefs are
Speaker 1: going to win the Super Bowl today, but we have
Speaker 1: a real exciting one plan for you, you'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: who gives a shit? Then, like what I mean, cool,
Speaker 1: I'll watch the game. But it's not any different than
Speaker 1: watching wrestling at that point. It's a little different, it's not.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's a different sport. Yeah, it's outside sometimes
Speaker 1: wrestling's outside.
Speaker 2: What oh my god, dude, they they just they have
Speaker 2: no limits. Man, They're just fucking disgraceful. First they shit
Speaker 2: on their interns and now they have a fucking sporting
Speaker 2: event outside.
Speaker 1: I got gen back and all women for men. The
Speaker 1: other day, you beat the shit out of her and
Speaker 1: let an alleyway something.
Speaker 2: What do you do?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I got her back for all men,
Speaker 1: and she was like, what do you want to watch?
Speaker 1: And she was gonna put on some true crime horse
Speaker 1: shit right, She's like, oh, look a girl gets murdered
Speaker 1: in this one. It's like, oh interesting, cool. Instead I
Speaker 1: made her put on on Netflix the Vince McMahon documentary.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah. I didn't watch it, but I heard
Speaker 2: he shit on a girl. So it starts off.
Speaker 1: Really for wrestling fans, and it's a shame because those
Speaker 1: things you have to get them into it. But it
Speaker 1: starts off with fucking Vince is like, Hey, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: buy all these other wrestlers and blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: I don't give a shit about any of that. By
Speaker 1: like episode three or four, you hit the era in
Speaker 1: which I liked wrestling, which was sixth, seventh, and eighth grade.
Speaker 2: Stone Cold. It was the rock, it was all that shit. God,
Speaker 2: you were fucking fucking weirdest kid in my elementary school.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I was the weird one. There's this kid
Speaker 2: in my elementary school. So okay, And when I was
Speaker 2: in sixth grade, I was actually cool. I like I
Speaker 2: had a really cool teacher and he was a family friend,
Speaker 2: so he like he was like really nice to me
Speaker 2: in class. And I became cool for one year of school,
Speaker 2: just in that one that one year because my teacher
Speaker 2: like built me up, you know, he made me like,
Speaker 2: he made me like a little cool guy. And then
Speaker 2: all the other kids liked me for that one year.
Speaker 2: And then I had to go to junior high or
Speaker 2: upper elementary school as they called it in New Jersey.
Speaker 2: And yeah, then I was a fucking castigated reject.
Speaker 1: But they call it middle They call it middle school.
Speaker 2: Oh do they I went well where I grew up
Speaker 2: in South Brunswick, they called it upper elementary school. Okay, yeah, okay, okay, anyway,
Speaker 2: the motherfucking uh yeah that year, uh no, the year before,
Speaker 2: I was still a reject. Actually fifth grade, I hung
Speaker 2: out with my stepdad, Greg's nephew, this kid named Ben.
Speaker 2: He Ben looked like Kingpin. No, like he was like
Speaker 2: rotund and had just like square to everything, like square ahead,
Speaker 2: square shoulders, square hips, just blocky looking son of a bitch.
Speaker 1: Right cartoon Kingpin, not Vincent Dianafrio.
Speaker 2: Correct, Yeah, okay, okay, fair, fair yeah, And so he
Speaker 2: and he always had like a Triple H shirt or
Speaker 2: Chris Jericho shirt on, and it was always like had
Speaker 2: holes in it, and the iron on image was always
Speaker 2: like cracked to shit and broken apart. And it's like, dude,
Speaker 2: he just came to the WWF like six months ago.
Speaker 2: How long have you had that shirt?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: But go ahead, no, no, I was.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, that's what happens when you dry
Speaker 1: a Walmart shirt cracks like that, Like I know, I
Speaker 1: know a thousand percent the kid you're talking about where
Speaker 1: it's just see, we didn't have that. We had Fat John,
Speaker 1: Big John, I won't say Simeon was his last name.
Speaker 1: Big John was our guy whose mom had a lot
Speaker 1: of money and she would take came to all these
Speaker 1: events and shit. And I was friends with Big John.
Speaker 1: So I got into wrestling because I got to go
Speaker 1: see wrestling events live.
Speaker 2: And I went to the oh yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: We went to the the Times Square Cafe, the WWF
Speaker 1: Times Square Cafe. We stayed at a hill in up
Speaker 1: in Times Square. That was because she's got no no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no, she did not, she did not, But
Speaker 1: uh yeah, I was big into wrestling for three years.
Speaker 1: You get to high school and it's like, oh wait,
Speaker 1: there's legitimate posing around. No, no, no, no, no, I
Speaker 1: can't be into man in spandex anymore.
Speaker 2: Well, see, this is how I know I'm kind of
Speaker 2: a sexual deviant, you know.
Speaker 1: Because do you know how I know I have two
Speaker 1: hundred and forty episodes I have?
Speaker 2: Well yeah, and also because I had that thought you had, like,
Speaker 2: oh man, there's some serious pussy I could nap. I
Speaker 2: had that like fourth or third grade. You know, it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: I could be banging any of these hoes. You know,
Speaker 2: I can't be letting them know I'm into wrestling. So
Speaker 2: I could only hang out with Ben, and he liked wrestling,
Speaker 2: So I guess I had to just kind of like
Speaker 2: by proxy, get into wrestling because I had to have
Speaker 2: something to talk to him about.
Speaker 1: But my small talks your strong suit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I remember. I got a couple of wrestling
Speaker 2: magazines and shit, and I liked the how sometimes they
Speaker 2: had blood. But anyway, this kid, Ben, the final straw
Speaker 2: was one day I noticed, and I'll tell you how
Speaker 2: I noticed. But one day I noticed his forearms in
Speaker 2: his hands were covered in warts, not moles or like
Speaker 2: lesions or or you know, bliss. There's fungal warts like
Speaker 2: shit with root systems and stuff like sprouting out of
Speaker 2: his fucking hands. And the way I noticed this We've
Speaker 2: talked about this before, but he was the first person
Speaker 2: in my life I encountered to ever just go up
Speaker 2: to people on the playground randomly and go stuck it
Speaker 2: and cross his hands in front of his crutch and
Speaker 2: make like an X right above his dick, you know.
Speaker 2: And I when I was staring at his you know,
Speaker 2: because he would like thrash, you know, he'd thrash his
Speaker 2: hips for it and be like suck it and make
Speaker 2: this X with his forearms. And I was looking, you know,
Speaker 2: like as he was thrusting his pelvis, I was like, God, damn,
Speaker 2: wi are his fucking arms covered in those brown masses
Speaker 2: you know, those fuzzy spider things. And yeah, I asked
Speaker 2: my mom. I was like, why does Ben have those
Speaker 2: those brown lesions on him? And She's like, those aren't lesions,
Speaker 2: those are warts, and I was like warts. So yeah,
Speaker 2: that's when I decided I didn't like wrestling anymore, okay,
Speaker 2: because it was for warp people. Yeah, it's a warp thing.
Speaker 2: You know, it's like it's for yeah, it's for the
Speaker 2: wart men.
Speaker 1: I had crushes on girls as young as preschool. There
Speaker 1: was a girl named Sarah that I had a crush on,
Speaker 1: and then I got to kindergarten and there was a
Speaker 1: different girl named Sarah. So I'm just like, if we're
Speaker 1: talking about like who was searching for pussy first.
Speaker 2: It was me. But that's you know, I don't you
Speaker 2: know when I was born, I was like, let me
Speaker 2: get back of that. I was, I said the same thing,
Speaker 2: but mine was a C section, so it was weird. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they're like, you weren't in the pussy at first. Just
Speaker 2: let me try it, just so I know what it's
Speaker 2: like to be born.
Speaker 1: So Pete Rose interesting crossover, showed up at multiple wrestling
Speaker 1: events and got fucking beat up by guys because you know,
Speaker 1: he wasn't allowed anywhere near the Hall of Fame.
Speaker 2: Oh was that staged or like legit? Like he just
Speaker 2: got the shit kicked out of him everywhere he went.
Speaker 2: Every time he tried to do sports. Vince McMahon him up.
Speaker 1: Vince McMahon, the guy who pioneered the WWF, is a
Speaker 1: The integrity of the game means everything to him. Okay,
Speaker 1: so no, yeah, uh. Pete Rose eventually started gambling on sports,
Speaker 1: eventually started gambling on baseball. Then it was found that
Speaker 1: he was gambling on baseball. He lied about it for years.
Speaker 1: They told him in the early two thousands. I think
Speaker 1: it was because I was watching ESPN down the beach
Speaker 1: with my family. My dad was so fucking pissed off
Speaker 1: at me, so fucking pissed off. We had a two
Speaker 1: bed like motel room down at Seaside, right and we
Speaker 1: would do this and it was we were I was
Speaker 1: in you know, eighth grade or seventh grade or something
Speaker 1: like that, and would have made my brother in third
Speaker 1: grade whatever. So we went down the beach for like
Speaker 1: four days. It was a vacation we went to one year,
Speaker 1: which we never did anymore after the fire, Like we
Speaker 1: just you know, we didn't do it. We go down
Speaker 1: the beach and I stayed up the whole night just
Speaker 1: watching TV real low. And it was we only had
Speaker 1: one room. It was two beds. It was my mom
Speaker 1: and dad in one bed and my brother and I
Speaker 1: no home own, no diddy, separate it in another bed.
Speaker 1: And I would just lay towards the end of the
Speaker 1: bed and just watch TV all night, and then I'd
Speaker 1: be tired the next day and wouldn't want to get
Speaker 1: up and go to the beach at seven in the
Speaker 1: morning because fucking who wants to? And I would go
Speaker 1: go on vacation and you never even leave the hotel room.
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah blah blah blah. I would catch a
Speaker 2: lot of shit for that.
Speaker 1: But I was watching in the early two thousands Pete Rose. Actually,
Speaker 1: interestingly enough, there was a thing on ESPN that I
Speaker 1: was watching down the beach where it was like, hey,
Speaker 1: if Pete Rose just admits he gambled on baseball, we'll
Speaker 1: let him into the Hall of Fame. It'll be like
Speaker 1: you were an all time great. Your plaque will say
Speaker 1: you gambled on baseball, but that your numbers count weird
Speaker 1: thin well, I mean, they want to put asterisks on
Speaker 1: the steroid user ones, so.
Speaker 2: Dude, don't do that.
Speaker 1: But the point is they told him that, they said, hey,
Speaker 1: come on out. Interesting fact, the commissioner of Baseball that
Speaker 1: banned Pete Rose, I believe.
Speaker 2: Hu Jim Gordon and Pete Rose.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, yep, Paul Giamanti's father.
Speaker 2: Oh man, fucking what a Family of Rats. Huh.
Speaker 1: I love Paul Giamatti first of all. Second of all,
Speaker 1: he didn't snitch on Thomas Hayden Church. I don't think
Speaker 1: in Sideways.
Speaker 2: I don't even know what that movie is. That's about wine.
Speaker 1: He was a wine queer and he's bringing his friend,
Speaker 1: Thomas Hayden Church for like a bachelor party. But it
Speaker 1: wasn't supposed to be crazy. It was just supposed to
Speaker 1: be let's just drink wine. And then Thomas Hayden Church
Speaker 1: just goes pussy crazy and starts getting pussy everywhere and fucking.
Speaker 1: Paul Giamatti's hanging out with Virginia Madison and he's like
Speaker 1: you ever seeing any black guys and mirrors, and Virginia
Speaker 1: Manson's like, ironically I have in Chicago. And they both
Speaker 1: kind of, you know, grunt and do their weird kind
Speaker 1: of fugly but attractive enough for Hollywood faces into the camera. Well,
Speaker 1: Thomas Hayden Church is just balls to asshole deep on
Speaker 1: Sandra O in a motel room.
Speaker 2: So you said Paul Giamatti was acceptable for Hollywood.
Speaker 1: He's a he's a he's an ugly. He's as ugly
Speaker 1: as you'll get in Hollywood, I would say, but it
Speaker 1: is still like if he was a middle aged dad,
Speaker 1: you would still be like that guy's fine. He's not attractive,
Speaker 1: but he's he's fine.
Speaker 2: He's a normal looking dude. He looks like a leftover
Speaker 2: prop from the eighties sequels of Planet of the Apes.
Speaker 2: He looks like a chimpans he looks like an albino chimp.
Speaker 2: That that that you nare?
Speaker 1: Uh let's see hold on, No, especially when he's thin,
Speaker 1: he looks good.
Speaker 2: Dude, you're a fucking weird person. It look look look,
Speaker 2: he looks like he looks like Tim Curry getting electrocuted.
Speaker 2: You're right, he does look like Tim Curry. And Tim
Speaker 2: Curry's not attractive. The guy's known for playing fucking clowns
Speaker 2: and evil mean guys.
Speaker 1: The only people who thought Tim Curry was attractive was
Speaker 1: probably skunk Pussy in high school.
Speaker 2: Oh god, I know. And she's she fucked me. You know,
Speaker 2: she's not a good judge of guys, No, very bad
Speaker 2: judge of character too, not just look chacter, real real
Speaker 2: bad judge of character. Yeah, you know, Like, but that's
Speaker 2: the thing is like she was a bad character herself.
Speaker 2: You know, That's why she was interested in me is
Speaker 2: because shit attracts shit. I don't know, is that how
Speaker 2: that works? Oh yeah, dude, Yeah, like shit attract shit.
Speaker 2: You ever notice, like if you're walking through like a
Speaker 2: field and there's one pile of shit, you're more likely
Speaker 2: to see more piles of shit.
Speaker 1: Because it's the shitting field.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, dude. It's either where the cow shit or
Speaker 2: the dog shit, or the people shit or where the
Speaker 2: people who are shiit just go to be shit.
Speaker 1: What was that movie about murder the killing fields? This
Speaker 1: is the shitting fields.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're likely.
Speaker 1: To find Shane and Matt and all of their high
Speaker 1: school girlfriends there.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I only had one or two girlfriends in high school. Actually,
Speaker 2: I just fooled around with a bunch of like fat
Speaker 2: skanky girls.
Speaker 1: And not all of them. Some of them were just skanky.
Speaker 2: True.
Speaker 1: Not all of them are fat or fat. Some of
Speaker 1: them weren't skanky. Uh.
Speaker 2: It's a ben diagram situation. You have fat on one side,
Speaker 2: skanky on the other, and then there's overlap.
Speaker 1: So they tell Pete Rose, all you have to do
Speaker 1: is just admit to it. Just say you bet on baseball,
Speaker 1: come out do it. We'll put you in the Hall
Speaker 1: of Fame. Pete Rose comes out and he goes, I
Speaker 1: did I bet on baseball? I bet on my own team.
Speaker 1: Never against my own team. Now here's the thing that Ever,
Speaker 1: if he's the manager and he bets against his own team,
Speaker 1: that's bad because he can like, you know, manipulate in
Speaker 1: the lineup or whatever to you know whatever. So he
Speaker 1: comes out and he says, I bet on baseball.
Speaker 2: I did. I admit to it.
Speaker 1: Finally after all these years, and baseball went, You're not
Speaker 1: getting in the fucking Hall of Fame now, you dumb asshole. No,
Speaker 1: and they still won't let him in, and now he
Speaker 1: just died.
Speaker 2: That's very sad. Baseball is an abusive ex boyfriend.
Speaker 1: It really is a black one that really all wallop you.
Speaker 2: Well just because I fuck you again. We together.
Speaker 1: I gotta come in here every day and go to
Speaker 1: the back of the museum.
Speaker 2: I really am not getting that. I get it. It's
Speaker 2: like a back of the bus thing. But the back
Speaker 2: of the museum is the best part of the museum.
Speaker 2: No it's not. Yeah it is. No, it's where they
Speaker 2: keep all the naked stuff.
Speaker 1: Oh Jesus, no, that's not where they keep all the
Speaker 1: naked stuff. When was the last time you were in
Speaker 1: a museum?
Speaker 2: Oh? Boy, like eighth grade? Okay?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you and Kiki never just go to museums.
Speaker 2: Do you not have anything near you? We have some.
Speaker 2: We keep on saying like we should go to the
Speaker 2: museum here and look at the stuff. But whatever, Yeah,
Speaker 2: fuck it right, you look at it online? You know.
Speaker 1: That's how I feel about travel, truthfully. Oh no, Jen
Speaker 1: really wants to go to Ireland, and I just point out,
Speaker 1: I'm like, there's fucking tons of pictures on Google of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Ireland. I don't know, dude, Ireland might be okay,
Speaker 2: but they're like, I don't know. I think my wife
Speaker 2: Kiki wants to go to Ireland too, actually, And it's like,
Speaker 2: what's with girls in Ireland? If you're gonna go anywhere,
Speaker 2: you got to a fuck place like Thailand or the Philippines,
Speaker 2: or India or someplace he goes, or south somewhere in
Speaker 2: South America where you can just fuck a bunch of
Speaker 2: people for no money.
Speaker 1: That's what you think your chick should want to do.
Speaker 1: All women who desire travel, why would you go to
Speaker 1: Ireland with some redhead girl with freckles all over his
Speaker 1: nont go to Ireland, go to Thailand where you can
Speaker 1: fuck a lady boy. You're streaming in at her it's
Speaker 1: at a fucking Hibernians or whatever their organization is called,
Speaker 1: where it's all Irish people.
Speaker 2: You just made my case from me that they have
Speaker 2: lady boys exactly. It's the best of both worlds. It's
Speaker 2: for both of you. It's for a couple.
Speaker 1: The balls are shrunk, but the dick still works, so
Speaker 1: you just still get fucked by it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can suck it too if you want, But
Speaker 2: don't let me see.
Speaker 1: Some fucking last named fucking Joe or some Yeah. Fuck,
Speaker 1: I don't know, man. I I have no desire to
Speaker 1: leave this country ever. Oh really, yeah, none whatsoever.
Speaker 2: I mean, I like this country, but I like to
Speaker 2: like you, don't. I mean, it's like your house. You
Speaker 2: could you just stay in your house all the time. Yeah,
Speaker 2: one thousand percent. Yes. I don't want to even go
Speaker 2: out back to take a shit.
Speaker 1: I mean, when I have to shit, obviously I go
Speaker 1: back there. And you don't want to dirty up your toilet.
Speaker 1: It's disgusting. That's for guests.
Speaker 2: What was that thing from Seinfeld?
Speaker 1: A girl he was dating secretly put something of his
Speaker 1: in the toilet and he was freaking out because he
Speaker 1: didn't know what it was. And then at the end
Speaker 1: he found out it was the toilet brush, and he's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that can be replaced toilet brush. You can use a
Speaker 1: toilet brush, right, Yeah, I use it all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I wouldn't. I mean you use it to
Speaker 2: what clean the toilet.
Speaker 1: I think people think it's supposed to be more of
Speaker 1: like a like it just sitting there thing like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is just the stuff, but we don't actually use
Speaker 1: this to clean anything. It's a one time use type thing.
Speaker 1: Well that's how they see it. I don't agree. I
Speaker 1: would think if you scrub the toilet with your toilet
Speaker 1: brush and then you flush, and then you flush again
Speaker 1: and get more fresh water and kind of toile it
Speaker 1: and clean it out and really rub it on the sides.
Speaker 1: So you are in agreement with these people who say
Speaker 1: a toilet brush is not for use in toilet cleaning.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it is, but it's a one time use.
Speaker 2: You throw it out every time. It's like, you don't
Speaker 2: throw it out every time, you don't use it as
Speaker 2: a regular item, use it for when guests come over
Speaker 2: like all right before if you haven't been keeping up
Speaker 2: on your toilet, man, and so you use it right
Speaker 2: before to get the thing nice and spotless, or for
Speaker 2: a shit emergency. Come on in, Kevin.
Speaker 1: I'm just scrubbing the shit off of the back of
Speaker 1: the toilet right now. I'll throw the brush away. Just
Speaker 1: make sure you throw the brush away, Shane, make yourself
Speaker 1: at home. What do I look like some kind of animal?
Speaker 1: Of course, I'm gonna throw this brush away. Let me
Speaker 1: just scrub this hardened shit off off under the lip
Speaker 1: of the toilet. Making it a lip is even grosser.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. It's like a mouth eating my ship. And
Speaker 2: that's the thing, dude. Like it's cheap. It's like eleven bucks, right,
Speaker 2: every time you gotta clean ship out of the toilet,
Speaker 2: you spend eleven bucks.
Speaker 1: No, I'm I'm especially because we have the cleaner in
Speaker 1: the bathroom. So I'll hit the sides with some cleaner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: got scraping it all off and then rinse it off
Speaker 1: in the toilet and put it back where the toilet
Speaker 1: brush goes.
Speaker 2: Fuck you don't, dude, Okay, so here, okay, you don't. Okay,
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this can't bother you that much. I'm
Speaker 2: not a pig. I am not a pig. It's a
Speaker 2: toilet brush. It's meant for cleaning the toilet. I'm going
Speaker 2: to explain to you the way I clean my plunger.
Speaker 2: And and I'll say this in advance your teeth. Yeah,
Speaker 2: with my tongue. No, if you cleaned your toilet brush
Speaker 2: as I clean myront plunger, I'd be like, all right,
Speaker 2: that's fine. But the way you're describing cleaniness thing you
Speaker 2: plunge with it, it's covered in shit.
Speaker 1: You turn it upright, quickly, run out your front door
Speaker 1: and hose it down in your front yard while your
Speaker 1: neighbors watch.
Speaker 2: No, what you're describing as a kind of taking a fork,
Speaker 2: wiping your ass with it, wiping it off with a napkin,
Speaker 2: and then putting it back in the cutlery drawer. That's
Speaker 2: what you're describing doing here. No, no, no, no, So
Speaker 2: the fucking the brush or the plunger. Right, when you
Speaker 2: use the plunger, you plunge all the shit down, right,
Speaker 2: you do the steps like you say, you run the
Speaker 2: clean water of it, You rinse all the ship particles
Speaker 2: off the fucking toilet or off the plunger in the toilet.
Speaker 2: Then you take the plunger, you hold it above the toilet.
Speaker 2: You let all the driplets of water drip into the
Speaker 2: toilet once it stopped dripping long enough for you to
Speaker 2: gently maneuver it over to the bathtub.
Speaker 1: No, no, you're even worse. That's easy, even worse. That
Speaker 1: is a thousand percent worse. And I'll tell you a secret.
Speaker 1: Even done, I'll tell you a secret on the Patreon.
Speaker 1: Please remind me to tell you that.
Speaker 2: Okay, then you you, you get your bottle of bleach.
Speaker 2: You douse the shitty part of the plunger in bleach,
Speaker 2: and you know it's working because the wood starts to
Speaker 2: change color. Then you rinse it off with the hottest
Speaker 2: water setting. Then you leave it there. Then you repeat
Speaker 2: the bleach step, and then you put it back. That's
Speaker 2: how you clean your plunger. If you did your brush
Speaker 2: that way, I'd be like, all right, that's that's fine.
Speaker 2: You really want to leave it there though, right next
Speaker 2: to where you shit. That's gross.
Speaker 1: There's remnants of shit in your tub.
Speaker 2: No, dude, you've just bleached the tub. And after all, all.
Speaker 1: Right, if I put shit on my finger and then
Speaker 1: rub the little bleach on top of it. Would you
Speaker 1: lick my finger?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Dude, how about if I didn't put bleach on it?
Speaker 2: No, because cleans all the shit? Sure? Oh man. One time,
Speaker 2: my wife, fuck, I forget what we spilled. We spilled
Speaker 2: something like spaghetti sauce or red wine or something when
Speaker 2: we had carpet years and years ago. That's bad.
Speaker 1: Have you ever spilled oil on tile or hard like
Speaker 1: motor oil?
Speaker 2: No, like like cooking oil. And I'm thinking on like
Speaker 2: tie I have, I have I oh, and I like
Speaker 2: I was slipping for fucking days.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, okay, so you spilled pasta or something
Speaker 1: like that, right, yeah?
Speaker 2: And we had a stain and I went to work
Speaker 2: one day and I came back and my wife was
Speaker 2: like freaking out and she's like, I tried to clean
Speaker 2: this stain and I met I think I messed our
Speaker 2: carpet up. And it's like this, like it looked like
Speaker 2: she tie died a section of the carpet. And I
Speaker 2: was like, what the fuck did you do? And she's like,
Speaker 2: I just I thought it since it's a white carpet,
Speaker 2: like I could use bleach because you use your bleach
Speaker 2: on whites, and I was like, did you fucking just
Speaker 2: pour bleach right on the carpet And she's like yeah,
Speaker 2: and then it started to change color and I didn't
Speaker 2: know what to do, so I just started sopping it
Speaker 2: up and I was like, sopping, how much did you pour?
Speaker 2: She's like, I mixed it with a you know, I did,
Speaker 2: Like it says on the bottle. I poured a quarter
Speaker 2: cup into a measuring cup and then I filled it
Speaker 2: the rest of the way to one cup with hot water,
Speaker 2: and then she made dinner with that measuring up. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my God, Jesus Christ. And yeah,
Speaker 2: we had like these bleach stains on our carpet that
Speaker 2: we had to cover up with a rug.
Speaker 1: Like years, I have to be honest with you, I
Speaker 1: hold no, it will against that I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: own enough white clothes to know how to use bleach.
Speaker 1: I will say this as a thirty six year old man.
Speaker 1: I have no idea how to use bleach. I would
Speaker 1: have to look at the directions because I really I
Speaker 1: don't own white clothes.
Speaker 2: I own nothing. Nothing I own would ever have to
Speaker 2: be bleached. Maybe I know bleach because of the Marines
Speaker 2: I did a lot of bleach cleaning in the Marines,
Speaker 2: and yeah, dude, bleaches. I oh man, oh fuck. In
Speaker 2: boot camp, they used to do this thing called scuzzing
Speaker 2: the decks right every night. We would have to do
Speaker 2: it just as part of cleanup. So they would cover
Speaker 2: the whole floor, which is like cement in water, either
Speaker 2: from a hose or from a bucket or something, the
Speaker 2: whole floor. And it's like a football field sized room
Speaker 2: that everybody shares, you know. It's our huge space for
Speaker 2: eighty people to live in, you know, but you know,
Speaker 2: you could run back and forth. There's a lot of room,
Speaker 2: and they would fucking yeah, they would have us put
Speaker 2: the bunks on the sides or like stack it all
Speaker 2: on one side and then all on the other. And yeah,
Speaker 2: we would have to line up like on all fours,
Speaker 2: you know, like hands and on our feet, you know,
Speaker 2: like we're doing mountain climbers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, except your mountain climbers looks like you're either dancing
Speaker 1: like Trump or jerking two guys off.
Speaker 2: Oh your butt's up in the air, you know, so okay,
Speaker 2: all right, yeah, yeah, it's like you're gonna get plowed
Speaker 2: from from ninety degrees, you know, from the sky.
Speaker 1: You're just waiting for someone's drone landing your asshole. Drone
Speaker 1: fuck yes it drone fuck yeah, buck strike Yeah. But
Speaker 1: the uh, the whole point is you're cleaning.
Speaker 2: But they would do it as punishment too, and sometimes, yeah,
Speaker 2: if it was punishment especially, they would mix bleach with
Speaker 2: the water. And I remember scuzzing the decks and you're
Speaker 2: supposed to like so there's all this water pulled up, right,
Speaker 2: and then the door at the end of the squad
Speaker 2: bay is open, and you run in a line as
Speaker 2: a team. It's like twelve for fourteen. It's a whole
Speaker 2: line of people all lined up and you're running like
Speaker 2: in a relay, right. It's like first team goes three
Speaker 2: seconds later, the next team goes, and you're like catching
Speaker 2: these waves of water and pushing them out the door.
Speaker 2: And this is how we clean the floor every night.
Speaker 2: And sometimes when the bleach was mixed with that shit,
Speaker 2: it would get in your fucking eyes, it would get
Speaker 2: all over your skin and do that shit burns. It
Speaker 2: doesn't just burn your eyes, it burns your skin. Have
Speaker 2: you ever gotten battery acid on your skin?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: May I've gotten bleach on my skin? Like again, I
Speaker 1: don't necessarily use it. But I know what you're talking
Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, it's nasty maybe, And this was when
Speaker 1: I was younger. Is it like, does it feel like
Speaker 1: your skin dries out instantly?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then it's like if you don't treat it,
Speaker 2: like if you don't wash it right away, it really
Speaker 2: does feel like it's burning from under your skin, like
Speaker 2: the burn is coming out of you. And it sucks. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it really sucks. But yeah, bleach, bleach. The point is
Speaker 2: bleach is fucking dangerous. Man, it'll yeah, words of the wise.
Speaker 2: Don't just pour it on the clothes. That's why there's
Speaker 2: like a special dispenser on your washing machine for it. Like,
Speaker 2: if you just pour it on the clothes, it'll just
Speaker 2: eat through them. You know what you do?
Speaker 1: You pour it into a fucking gatorade bottle and then
Speaker 1: you piss to top it off, and you shake it
Speaker 1: up real hard, and you throw it at a synagogue.
Speaker 1: You hand it to a homeless guy, tell them it's
Speaker 1: regular gatorad.
Speaker 2: He opens it. Uh, oh, mustard gas lemon doesn't look
Speaker 2: this way anymore. It's okaque now.
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: That what happens? If isn't that how something must be gas.
Speaker 1: Is it? It's ammonia and bleach, right, uh huh yeah,
Speaker 1: And there's enough ammonia in piss.
Speaker 2: I don't know if there is enough ammonia and piss,
Speaker 2: but there's enough ammonia and the ammonia that comes in
Speaker 2: the bottle that say ammonia. Hmm, okay, fair enough. Uh?
Speaker 2: What was I going to talk to you about? He rose?
Speaker 1: And now? Oh hey, oh go ahead, what? No, you
Speaker 1: were gonna say what? Nothing? I wasn't gonna say nothing.
Speaker 1: Have you seen some of the storm shit, the hurricane stuff?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, people are dying, and Florida's under the coast
Speaker 2: with Atlantis. Your mom's in Jersey, right, Oh yeah, she's
Speaker 2: next to you. Was she in North She was in
Speaker 2: North Carolina at one point though, right, And Florida.
Speaker 1: Florida's bad. But all the stuff I'm seeing is I
Speaker 1: think either's some levy he broke or something broken. Damn
Speaker 1: was it? Yeah? Okay, okay, And that one the footage
Speaker 1: I've seen of that is fucking crazy, harrowing.
Speaker 2: Hi. Yeah, I've been seeing it at the on the
Speaker 2: weather channel at my office. That's all they have on
Speaker 2: at work. So yeah, I did see some crazy shit.
Speaker 1: I've been watching it on Twitter, and I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: this is Kamala Harris's fault. That's what Twitter tells me,
Speaker 1: at least. Well, she was the Damzar, the damn the
Speaker 1: damns are Yeah, fucking.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's what Oh yeah, maybe that's what it was.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's what she was saying, I'm the Damnsar, I'm
Speaker 2: the Damzar in six different accents. Uh, i am the Damzar.
Speaker 2: I wonder not sart talking like.
Speaker 1: Thank you can come or come again, Indian guy. That
Speaker 1: was fucking I would vote for, I'd vote for.
Speaker 2: Do you think she appropriates that accent every time she's
Speaker 2: around her her maternal relatives, she just starts ounding like
Speaker 2: a pooh oh, buppy, Oh, I'm so good to see
Speaker 2: you again. Uh hold on, I got Oh this is
Speaker 2: a sad one. Can you see this?
Speaker 1: But it's nice forgotten dogs rescued after hurricane.
Speaker 2: First of all, you forget them first off, bad pet on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're locked in a cage and they're holding on
Speaker 1: like fucking Auschwitz survivors, like please help me, help me. Hey,
Speaker 1: if you're leaving and you know you can't take your dogs,
Speaker 1: which you shouldn't have those dogs. But say you just
Speaker 1: can't take them. You got I think you got to
Speaker 1: open the gates and let them.
Speaker 2: Go right, let them out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what the fuck they're in like a fucking Titanic
Speaker 1: situation when they were in the bottom storage and it
Speaker 1: was filling up, Like, get am out of there.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I always wonder about some people, like uh, leaving
Speaker 2: their pets behind and making those decisions, like we have
Speaker 2: the snakes, right, but it's already like part of our plan,
Speaker 2: you know. It's like we had devise this planet a
Speaker 2: couple summers ago. During the fire thing, It's like, all right,
Speaker 2: we have to evacuate if she goes crazy, Like you
Speaker 2: get the kid, get him situated, get him in the car.
Speaker 2: I'm grabbing these snake houses one at a time, putting
Speaker 2: them in the back seat, and we're out of here.
Speaker 2: You know. It should take a couple of minutes to
Speaker 2: just pick these whole houses up and just leave with them.
Speaker 2: Like they're snakes. Yeah, they're just they're They're not like
Speaker 2: a sentient creature like a cat or a dog. But
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna let my snakes die in a fire,
Speaker 2: you know, to be fucked up. What would you do?
Speaker 1: Would you put them both in one container, and no,
Speaker 1: I would.
Speaker 2: Take both terrariums, probably because it would be a hassle problem.
Speaker 2: I mean, even if they bite you, it's not a
Speaker 2: big deal. Have you ever had to take them to
Speaker 2: the vet or anything? Nope? Oh well that okay, that
Speaker 2: doesn't help.
Speaker 1: Then I was going to ask, like, how how do
Speaker 1: you normally transport them?
Speaker 2: If you have, how would you have you had to
Speaker 2: just pick them up, just grab them? No, I know,
Speaker 2: but you know, Okay, so yeah I would. Uh. That's
Speaker 2: the thing is, like, I guess I could if the
Speaker 2: situation wasn't so dire, I could take the time actually
Speaker 2: to just get them out of their houses. But I
Speaker 2: just I assume it would be such a high stress situation.
Speaker 2: And if they're so for instance, right like if one
Speaker 2: of them, if they're curled up in a ball in
Speaker 2: their house, chilling, sleeping, whatever, it's totally cool. Just go
Speaker 2: in grab them. They're not going to care, they're not
Speaker 2: going to do anything, they're not going to bite you.
Speaker 2: They're just gonna stay rolled up in a ball. But
Speaker 2: if they're like out and they're hungry and they're kind
Speaker 2: of bobbing their head around and they look like maybe
Speaker 2: they're hunting. If you reach your hand in, they're gonna
Speaker 2: think your food and they're just gonna bite instantly, right
Speaker 2: they like, they don't think, they just bite immediately and
Speaker 2: then as soon as they realize that you're not food,
Speaker 2: they let go. But it's like a super stressful thing
Speaker 2: for them when they bite something and it's not a
Speaker 2: meal because they want to constrict and then they can't constrict,
Speaker 2: and it's yeah, when they get stressed out, it just
Speaker 2: makes them act even more erratic. So you're just supposed
Speaker 2: to just leave them alone if that happens. So if
Speaker 2: one of them was out and about, I would just
Speaker 2: grab the whole house. I wouldn't worry about reaching my
Speaker 2: hand in there. But normally you would put them in
Speaker 2: a pillowcase, tie off an end of the pillowcase, very
Speaker 2: very tight and secure so they can't escape, and you
Speaker 2: could just keep them close to you in your car,
Speaker 2: you know, if you're driving and your body heat will
Speaker 2: keep them warm, or if you have to like leave
Speaker 2: them somewhere where it's going to get cold, they'll be
Speaker 2: good for a while. They'd be good for a day
Speaker 2: or two, you know, not a crazy cold temperature, but
Speaker 2: like fifty sixty degrees. They could probably survive for a
Speaker 2: day or two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's really unfortunately if you burn alive in
Speaker 1: a house.
Speaker 2: Fire, right, Oh so yeah, would that be yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, I mean we lost a hamster in our
Speaker 1: house fire a little and my cat, the cat was inhalation.
Speaker 2: Well, your cat saved your life, so that's almost like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm not saying I'm I would be glad my cat
Speaker 2: was gone, but I would be like, oh, you know,
Speaker 2: like he's a hero. Yeah, he this one deserves a metal.
Speaker 2: Oh it was so bad.
Speaker 1: The fireman that came in on our back door when
Speaker 1: I was little, that was like we had.
Speaker 2: This like got a cat kit.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, they did come out and go we found
Speaker 1: a cat in the basement.
Speaker 2: It's dead. And I was like Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: I specifically thought to myself, Oh, I hope it's the
Speaker 1: other one and not the one that it ended up being.
Speaker 2: Oh man, and then you fucking did you look at
Speaker 2: that other cat with resentment for the rest of its life? No,
Speaker 2: not really, No, he was fine.
Speaker 1: I didn't really deal with him too much though, but
Speaker 1: I wanted my cat to live. So, but the back
Speaker 1: door is where my mom kept our litter box. So
Speaker 1: the fucking fireman came in and trapes through it and
Speaker 1: just walk through cat shit and drug it through the
Speaker 1: entire house.
Speaker 2: What a douchebag.
Speaker 1: Everything all already destroyed by smoke damage, by water damage,
Speaker 1: by all that shit, and cat shit just smeared all
Speaker 1: over the fucking house.
Speaker 2: He probably did it on purpose. He's like, look, I
Speaker 2: smeared shit all over the house. Now I'm gonna go
Speaker 2: tell him his cat's dead. Check us out. I know,
Speaker 2: guy watched this. We had ten more minutes. That would
Speaker 2: have been such a good way to end this shit. Yeah,
Speaker 2: let's just say something else that's funny. Go ahead.
Speaker 1: I can't. I'm struggling here. I can't figure it out.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's funny anymore. I'm looking at pictures
Speaker 1: of hurricanes.
Speaker 2: Tell me about another pet you had that died. Oh no,
Speaker 2: I'll tell you about my new pet. Oh yeah, didn't
Speaker 2: you take him to the vet? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So we took David to the vet today, first time,
Speaker 1: and there were three things I wanted him to have
Speaker 1: checked out. I wanted to see if he was a big,
Speaker 1: fat lard ass, because he's a big cat, real big
Speaker 1: and heavy fifteen.
Speaker 2: It was my guess came in at ten even. Oh, okay,
Speaker 2: that's not huge, No, not at all. I think he's
Speaker 2: just a big fluffy boy. Uh. The next piece of
Speaker 2: him was he is very goofy.
Speaker 1: I think I explained this to you, gets very snotty
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, because his face is real flat,
Speaker 1: almost like a pug or something like that. So this
Speaker 1: asshole is always crawling under stuff and you know, always
Speaker 1: digging his nose into dusty shit and whatever. So he's
Speaker 1: always got all this filth and dust on him. I
Speaker 1: gotta try and wipe off and clean off of him.
Speaker 1: And then he's got the eye or the lack thereof,
Speaker 1: if you will, And I want to know.
Speaker 2: I was asking him. I was like, what is behind this?
Speaker 1: Is there like a gross little mutant eye behind it?
Speaker 2: Or is it just a hole or what is it?
Speaker 1: Like? Imagine you just open it, you could see his brain.
Speaker 1: Because I don't want to fucking hurt him. But sometimes
Speaker 1: it drips and it's really gross.
Speaker 2: Okay, so it is puss. Uh, It's it's not puss.
Speaker 2: Puss would be an infection. It's just like mucus and
Speaker 2: goo and all this and that. Whatever. I thought they
Speaker 2: were the same thing. Man. Honestly, I thought mucus every time.
Speaker 2: I thought every time I blew my nose it was puss.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I think puss is specifically infection.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, you're right, Okay. I just like that word
Speaker 2: puss because it's really close to puss. Pussy. Yeah, you
Speaker 2: gotta pussy pussy. I want to eat your pussy. I
Speaker 2: want to eat your pussy pussy.
Speaker 1: H All the fucking ladies at this place loved David.
Speaker 1: They loved his name. They thought it was the funniest
Speaker 1: fucking thing in the world.
Speaker 2: It's a good name. I like carson names for cats,
Speaker 2: thank you.
Speaker 1: It was a lot better than his former name, Fetti Wop.
Speaker 2: Obviously, I thought that was a good name too, though.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I like, that's a good name for like
Speaker 1: a pit bull with one eye.
Speaker 2: I don't know what if the cat, like, what if
Speaker 2: you just didn't hear the cat's old voice at his
Speaker 2: old house.
Speaker 1: What if you're too quick to give him a Russian voice.
Speaker 1: But he's a purple British cat. He's not thugged out.
Speaker 1: He couldn't even be Jamie Kennedy and fucking Malibu's most wanted.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's fucking lucky to be Idris Elba.
Speaker 1: He's an extra on the Crown. Okay, Like, yeah, he's
Speaker 1: he's the new lead in Ridgardtson for Ridgerdson.
Speaker 2: Uh what did we call it?
Speaker 3: I titled the episode it anachronistic, Uh asked, fucking.
Speaker 1: No, anachronistic aristocratic fuck fest. I think it was the
Speaker 1: name of the last Patreon episode.
Speaker 2: That's so good. Yeah for trademark that or Brest dress things.
Speaker 1: I don't know that you still press things. Uh they
Speaker 1: still make vinyl?
Speaker 2: Which who is it for? Is that for cool guys
Speaker 2: or is it for dicks?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's for fucking kids. It's like, uh, it's for kids,
Speaker 3: it's for cool guys, it's for some dicks. Like a
Speaker 3: lot of people listen to vinyl, not even because of
Speaker 3: what I thought before, where it's like, oh, it's the
Speaker 3: more raw, pure way to listen to it, which it's not,
Speaker 3: because vinyl degrades and it's and like you maybe you're
Speaker 3: talking about the experience of a shitty piece of fucking
Speaker 3: semi plastic that's gonna break over time. Maybe that's what
Speaker 3: you really like, but no, like, if you want the
Speaker 3: true integrity to the sound. You actually need digital and
Speaker 3: preferably like a digital medium burned onto a physical medium.
Speaker 3: CDs just for some reason, sounds so fucking good when
Speaker 3: you compare it with like a high quality stream or
Speaker 3: even a download.
Speaker 2: A fucking CD just hits difference, hits better. I think
Speaker 2: you just did what they do, no, because it's it's
Speaker 2: actually I watched a SI Show video about this. This
Speaker 2: is a fact, like digital audio is the best way
Speaker 2: to listen to music because it can perfect convey what
Speaker 2: the producer and the artist are trying to get you
Speaker 2: to hear. You can still have shitty speakers or headphones
Speaker 2: and that can impede the process. But with just a
Speaker 2: pretty decent sound system these days, you can hear almost
Speaker 2: anything exactly the way it's supposed to be heard. Whereas
Speaker 2: with old music physical formats, it was always like your
Speaker 2: there was like this competition right like they were. They
Speaker 2: were making albums more bass heavy at a certain point
Speaker 2: in time, So then the people making the stereos made
Speaker 2: the stereos come with a bass boost, and then they
Speaker 2: just started to automatically boost the bass on all their
Speaker 2: portable listening devices and stuff.
Speaker 1: That's that's why I can't use Beats headphones because all
Speaker 1: I listened to is talking stuff and the beat it's terrible.
Speaker 1: I've returned them. I've bought in returned Beats headphones twice,
Speaker 1: and I'll fall for it again at some pointint I
Speaker 1: know it well.
Speaker 2: You will because doctor Dre he sells a fucking hard bargain,
Speaker 2: by my fucking hip bone.
Speaker 1: You're saying two different things, though.
Speaker 2: I want you to know that. No, So I'm saying
Speaker 2: digital like on a stream is perfect, right you? But
Speaker 2: but but but with a CD. So I have the
Speaker 2: experience of listening to certain albums as a CD for
Speaker 2: a long time, then listening to digital for a long time,
Speaker 2: and then going back and forth. And yeah, I saw
Speaker 2: this on a SI Show video. I think there is
Speaker 2: something to this last part, but I'll have to double
Speaker 2: check it. But in my experience, so maybe there is
Speaker 2: something different. Maybe I'm saying that, uh the other thing
Speaker 2: about you know, like, oh, you're doing this with vinyls.
Speaker 2: Maybe I am saying I prefer CDs because of this,
Speaker 2: But there does seem to be a better like a
Speaker 2: balance to your your headphones when you listen to the CD.
Speaker 2: So if I listen to tools lateralas on my air pods, right,
Speaker 2: or just regular headphones. There might be certain frequencies pitches
Speaker 2: that are like they're crystal clear, right, you can hear
Speaker 2: them perfectly, especially on air pods. But then you listen
Speaker 2: to them on the CD and you're like, oh, nope,
Speaker 2: I hear that thing. I hear that chime that I
Speaker 2: missed last time. It's like, maybe it's a product of
Speaker 2: me not getting digital out of a big stereo system
Speaker 2: like I have out of CDs. I've never like played
Speaker 2: a download out of a big stereo just a CD.
Speaker 2: But but yeah, like at least with headphones, there is
Speaker 2: more clarity when it comes to a CD. I don't
Speaker 2: know why. Maybe it's like an artifact of using a
Speaker 2: digital media player and the machine is like constantly having
Speaker 2: to catch up, you know, like reading data or something.
Speaker 2: It's maybe it doesn't match the speed of the laser
Speaker 2: on a CD player. I'm not sure, but there does
Speaker 2: seem to be like less scratchiness and stuff, less less
Speaker 2: like interference or missing frequencies when I listen to a
Speaker 2: CD than on digital. You're right, go ahead, But yeah,
Speaker 2: from what I understand, digital way better than vinyl. Vinyl degrades.
Speaker 2: Cassette's degrade. Anything analog is going to degrade. Even a
Speaker 2: CD will degrade.
Speaker 1: Actually, I'm gonna half disagree with you, but not really.
Speaker 1: CDs are not compressed most.
Speaker 2: Ah, that's right, they are not compressed. That's probably why
Speaker 2: they sound so much fucking better.
Speaker 1: Most audio, most digital audio formats are compressed, except for
Speaker 1: flack files, which is what that fucking weirdo Neil Young
Speaker 1: was trying to push for. Those are those are lossless files,
Speaker 1: which means like they don't squish it and put it
Speaker 1: within a range or anything like that.
Speaker 2: Huge huge files. They are huge files. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I remember downloading some flack music before because it was
Speaker 2: the only way to get a certain album. And it's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna listen to just this, I'm gonna convert
Speaker 2: it to an MP three, you know, because this is
Speaker 2: going to take up half a gigabyte of storage for
Speaker 2: six songs. I remember downloading.
Speaker 1: I was trying to download some kind of porn movie,
Speaker 1: something on Biza or not one of those, you know,
Speaker 1: one of the fruit maybe even later once yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: not real, not recently. Hold on, I'm starting my Lime
Speaker 1: wire up.
Speaker 2: But yeah, you know, And I.
Speaker 1: Waited hours, hours hours for this point. I mean I'm
Speaker 1: edging the whole time, probably just looking at the car,
Speaker 1: big turgid dick, just full.
Speaker 2: Of blood, not big at all, gorged, just engorged, and
Speaker 2: I'm just like, oh God, do this go. Gotta get
Speaker 2: it ready, gotta get ready.
Speaker 1: Fucking I finished the download and I'm like, nice, this
Speaker 1: is gonna be great tugging material. And I fucking double
Speaker 1: click to open it, and like Windows Media Player, some
Speaker 1: horseshit comes up. No fucking video. It was just like
Speaker 1: a flag file or something. Oh fuck, the hottest, most
Speaker 1: uncompressed fucking blowjob audio you've ever heard in your life?
Speaker 2: Nice? Yeah, so you united to that? I did?
Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, like a girl, I jerked off to audio only. God.
Speaker 2: I remember looking at all the porn stuff on Kazan
Speaker 2: and stuff as a kid and being like wanting to
Speaker 2: because you had to do like the guessing game, right,
Speaker 2: Like eventually you learned like okay, m A or MV
Speaker 2: four or what you know, m A V or whatever,
Speaker 2: those videos will play when I try and download them,
Speaker 2: but you know, QTE and f l A C like
Speaker 2: those to not play. But I remember like, yeah, you
Speaker 2: would waste so much time on a download, and then
Speaker 2: it would be some unsupported file format and you'd be like, fuck,
Speaker 2: you know, I wasted my whole afternoon. I could have
Speaker 2: been cherking to the fucking Henna Montana that wasn't out
Speaker 2: when I was a kid. I the worst was I
Speaker 2: started getting these song downloads that was just like the
Speaker 2: first verse recut for three and a half minutes or
Speaker 2: however long the song was. But it was cut perfectly,
Speaker 2: but you thought, are they singing the same verse again?
Speaker 2: Like it wasn't like a deliberate like like a click
Speaker 2: or anything, so you could hear it was repeating.
Speaker 1: So I downloaded all these songs. I remember Queens of
Speaker 1: the Stone Age was was one, fucking Seether was another one,
Speaker 1: and the songs just were it was. It was like
Speaker 1: whatever the first verse is, and then it would go
Speaker 1: like and I was like, Wow, they're just doing that
Speaker 1: same verse again and again. This is a weird song.
Speaker 2: That's cool. No, I was an asshole, and it made me.
Speaker 1: Really sad when I found out that people were ripping
Speaker 1: me off when I was just trying to get music
Speaker 1: for free.
Speaker 2: Ripping you off for free? Yeah, But I mean, like
Speaker 2: maybe that was there. That was I mean, it could
Speaker 2: have just been a cyber weapon. I think you probably
Speaker 2: got Manchurian candidated and you don't even realize it. But
Speaker 2: like maybe it could have just been somebody's dream, you know,
Speaker 2: like take the best part of the song and make
Speaker 2: it the whole song and then share it with the world.
Speaker 1: I'm this is a new version, going back to the
Speaker 1: beginning of what we were talking about. I am very
Speaker 1: much like fucking whatever the new kids are. I just
Speaker 1: heard someone say this recently. Jenn't put on Spotify, which
Speaker 1: for me, I'm like, all right, not normally a music guy,
Speaker 1: let's play some hits. She'll play some hits. But once
Speaker 1: I get through, like the first chorus, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: look this up. Play this instead. I don't ever finish
Speaker 1: a song.
Speaker 2: And you are, Oh my god, it's just like my
Speaker 2: fucking wife. Goddamn you, goddamn you both. Well, how does
Speaker 2: she feel about cleaning the shit in the tub? Oh dude,
Speaker 2: she doesn't like it.
Speaker 1: See yeah, me and your wife two fucking apples. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: the worm over there is fucking biting everybody.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. And you dude, she's always she's always
Speaker 2: on some worm shit. She's always like, she's always she
Speaker 2: got a phobia fucking worms. Dude. Like one time, there
Speaker 2: was like some lasagna noodles that had been in the
Speaker 2: cupboard for I don't know a year, and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 2: we could use them. She's like, you gotta check it
Speaker 2: for worms. I was like, why the fuck would there
Speaker 2: be worms in there. She's like, it's been there a
Speaker 2: long time. And I was like, that's not Worms don't
Speaker 2: just materialize in pasta.
Speaker 1: You know, I've heard that too. I've heard you can
Speaker 1: get worms if you eat raw pasta.
Speaker 2: Oh I I looked it. I wasn't just gonna eat
Speaker 2: the hard noodles like crackers.
Speaker 1: I still don't want to eat something that even if
Speaker 1: you cook at worms start coming out of it, or
Speaker 1: if you don't cook it, worms just grow inside.
Speaker 2: Do you what does that mean?
Speaker 3: Dude?
Speaker 2: How do you think RFK rose to prominence as the
Speaker 2: least favorable, least likable Kennedy. How do you think he
Speaker 2: got to that point with that voice? You think it
Speaker 2: was fucking not killing bears in the middle of Central
Speaker 2: Park and then taking them hunting all day and then
Speaker 2: dumping them back in Central Park or some shit like that.
Speaker 2: Like no, it comes from being a man and eating
Speaker 2: raw pasta that I claimed I cooked.
Speaker 1: All right, we're gonna wrap this one up. Go to
Speaker 1: your Worst friend dot com. Follow us everywhere on Twitter
Speaker 1: and Instagram. At worst Friendcastpatreon dot com. Slas worst Friend Cast,
Speaker 1: you get a bonus episode every week, access to everything
Speaker 1: ever recorded, entirely commercial free.
Speaker 2: For your Worst Friend a met I have a brain
Speaker 2: worm and it's telling me that I'm shamed. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 2: We'll see you next week. You know all of us
Speaker 2: all run noble.
Speaker 1: You know I'm really gonna miss you got when the
Speaker 1: show's over.