1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,519 Speaker 1: Hello, I'm welcomed stories all the time. Glad you are here. 2 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,960 Let's get into it, these frantic moments between life and death. 3 00:00:13,519 --> 00:00:15,720 But having Elani's in his ear the entire time made 4 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:18,280 it worse than it had ever been before. The old, 5 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,519 worn out screens, buttons and switches on the ancient reliant 6 00:00:21,519 --> 00:00:24,160 hovered beneath the tips of his fingers, beckoning, telling him 7 00:00:24,199 --> 00:00:25,920 without words that there was a solution somewhere in the 8 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,760 perfect pattern of strikes and presses. But the metal and 9 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:31,399 plastic were cold, and behind him, his partner was hot 10 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,399 with fury. Waking a hand through his hair, Cedric whipped 11 00:00:34,439 --> 00:00:37,119 around to face her. She ate her arms crossed over 12 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:38,799 her chest, like she was trying to hold the crief 13 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,920 inside her short, dark hair, hon in her face, stuck 14 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,520 to her forehead with sweat. In some places, he found 15 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,679 it so odd that in the floating tinkin which took 16 00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:49,359 them through the frozen emptiness of space, Olanis could be sweating, 17 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:51,240 and it made him stare at those strands for longer 18 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,840 than was polite. Cedric. She snapped, and he met her eyes, 19 00:00:55,039 --> 00:00:57,320 only realizing once he did that he had been avoid 20 00:00:57,359 --> 00:01:00,320 in doing so for a reason. Alani's usually saw full 21 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,799 and bright with life, was hollow, and it left him reeling. 22 00:01:03,399 --> 00:01:07,359 What he answered tonestly, first you want me to try 23 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,439 to fix things, and then when I do, you tell 24 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,959 me to stop. Why don't you just go sit down 25 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,319 Olani's or try to get some sleep her joel worked. 26 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,480 The captain goes down with his ship right. His anger 27 00:01:19,519 --> 00:01:21,319 was like a flash fire, the leash on his temper 28 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,959 non existent lately. Stop being so fucking melodramatic. She flinched, 29 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,200 but he felt no remorse for it. We've got at 30 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,799 least two days of oxygen left, and frankly, calling yourself 31 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,879 a captain of anything when your ship is probably worth 32 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,079 more and scrap is a bit too generous. Just just 33 00:01:37,159 --> 00:01:40,000 let me work, okay, you're just bleeding more air out 34 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,879 into space. I've told you this a dozen times now. 35 00:01:43,519 --> 00:01:45,640 If there is a clog, I'm trying to dislodge it. 36 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:47,920 Losing a few minutes of air to bring the whole 37 00:01:47,959 --> 00:01:50,359 system back online is a fair trait, if you ask me, 38 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,400 look at me, Cedric alan Is demanded, and when he did, 39 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,840 he found that she was still just as hollow. We 40 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,560 both know it's not a blockage. The best thing to 41 00:01:59,599 --> 00:02:01,359 do is to go low power and wait for someone 42 00:02:01,359 --> 00:02:04,120 to respond to the beacon. Ye know, the military isn't 43 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,239 going to just leave a derelict gunship floating add there, 44 00:02:06,879 --> 00:02:09,240 and once they figure out that they've lost contact with us, 45 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,319 they'll send somebody else, and then they'll be close enough 46 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:15,719 to hear our distress. His laugh was cruel. The fact 47 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,400 that you think that even a single one of those 48 00:02:17,439 --> 00:02:19,639 assholes at Vanguard's station is going to give us one 49 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,400 thought is sort of sad. So again, let me work 50 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,400 unless you are ready to. I don't know, except your 51 00:02:25,439 --> 00:02:27,479 fate was some cliche bullshit. Just get out of here. 52 00:02:28,039 --> 00:02:31,000 Olani's turned her face away. The lights have a flickered, 53 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,520 but that was nothing near. Then she left down the 54 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,639 hallway and back to her quarters. Her steps are going 55 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,759 through the ship's interior like a heart beat, until her 56 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,759 door shut behind her and things were still. He lowered 57 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,280 his head into his hands and exhaled slowly, knowing that 58 00:02:43,319 --> 00:02:46,080 his thundering heart, which was demanding he breathed harder, was 59 00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:49,240 just another mechanism to drive him closer to suffocation. It's 60 00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:51,719 just like you to let her die. Let me guess 61 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,080 if things get too dire. You'll just kill her yourself 62 00:02:54,159 --> 00:02:57,080 so you can have a few more preciure, slumfuls. Cedric 63 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,199 turned in his creaking seat slowly to see his wife, 64 00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:02,840 water along, green and beautiful, sitting across from him. The 65 00:03:02,879 --> 00:03:05,319 bundle in her arms was still, but from the way 66 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,560 she strained almost unbearably heavy. That's what you're good at, 67 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,560 after all, She continued, bouncing the thing in her grasp 68 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,840 absent mindedly. A puddle of briny sea water pulled round 69 00:03:14,879 --> 00:03:17,199 her feet, slowly dripping from the tendrils of her hair 70 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,879 and her silk clothing. The shirt, even wet, was all 71 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,360 the large. Let us all die so you can go 72 00:03:22,479 --> 00:03:25,319 on right. She tried to sleep at first, but it 73 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,240 served no purpose. Alanie's overanalyzed every lungful of air she 74 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,280 pulled in, every grown and shifting of the ship beneath 75 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,879 her feet, and the increasingly frantic sounds of her only 76 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:35,919 crewmate on the flight deck looking for something. They both 77 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,360 knew he would never find the solution. One of the 78 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,479 things that she kept thinking about the most was how 79 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,280 much she ated the name of the fucking ships she 80 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,599 had bought from an auction years ago and restored slowly 81 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,960 until she was able to take conscription work. Wiliant had 82 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,919 been painted on the side and fading brick red, and 83 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,080 Olanie's had kept it as a homage to the years 84 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,319 the ship had spent under someone else in a different life, 85 00:03:55,719 --> 00:03:58,400 but now it felt like a joke. The reliance warp 86 00:03:58,479 --> 00:04:01,039 drive had failed in one spectaculargy, throwing them out of 87 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,360 hyperspace as such force that she had been thrown against 88 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,800 the console and knocked unconscious. When she awoke, Cedric had 89 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,879 been nearly frozen in shark sitting in front of the 90 00:04:08,879 --> 00:04:11,400 status screens and flicking through the report again and again, 91 00:04:11,479 --> 00:04:14,479 as if on autopilot. We aren't reading oxygen tank one 92 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:18,120 or two, he had told her robotically, whereon reserves? Maybe 93 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,319 eight irs? If were lucky, either the tanks had been dislodged, 94 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,839 or the ship was damaged in such a way that 95 00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:26,560 it wasn't able to utilize the main life support system. Normally, 96 00:04:26,639 --> 00:04:28,720 it would have been an easy spacewalk to determine if 97 00:04:28,759 --> 00:04:31,040 the tanks were gone were reparably damaged, but the extra 98 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,399 energy it would cost them, both mechanically and to their 99 00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:35,879 physical bodies would be a death sentence to at least 100 00:04:35,879 --> 00:04:39,399 one of them, well, a slower one anyway, because from 101 00:04:39,439 --> 00:04:41,680 what Lannies could tell, they were both going to die. 102 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,800 Fucking reliant, she thought, poking the bloody lump on her 103 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:47,600 for had under the sweep of her binds from where 104 00:04:47,639 --> 00:04:49,959 she had been knocked out. I saved the ship from 105 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,079 getting melted down and turned into godas and this is 106 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,279 the thanks I get. Life hadn't been bad for Alanie's 107 00:04:55,519 --> 00:04:57,800 all things considered, but she had felt since the day 108 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,519 she turned it in that she was destined for more 109 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,879 than the latch she was given. It's what spurred her 110 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,959 to buy a ship with her enlistment bonus, and what 111 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,120 made her start taking risky jobs once she was out 112 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,439 of the military and on her own. She was so 113 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,480 sure that one day, one job was going to make 114 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,600 this gray and neutral life of hers come into full colla. 115 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,560 Maybe she would save a life, or, like she thought 116 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,319 in her wildest dreams, be the first ship on the 117 00:05:17,319 --> 00:05:19,920 scene to save an entire crew. But all the captaining 118 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,720 the Relion had taught her was that there were very 119 00:05:21,759 --> 00:05:24,600 few heroes in the world. Her and Cedric had towed 120 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,399 in an unknoble number of ships that were cold and 121 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,519 dark inside the still and silent crew floating lifelessly, but 122 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,480 they had never saved a single soul, which made her think, 123 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,800 not for the first time, why Cedric had even taken 124 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:37,680 the job of her. Alanie's didn't pay much, and the 125 00:05:37,759 --> 00:05:39,639 quarters she had given a mechanic left a lot to 126 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,560 be desired, But Cedric was desperate to get off herth, 127 00:05:42,639 --> 00:05:44,439 so much so that she hadn't seen a man relax 128 00:05:44,519 --> 00:05:46,639 until the pale blue dot was fading away behind them. 129 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,360 They barely knew each other even now, at least who 130 00:05:50,399 --> 00:05:53,800 they really were, and in turn, Alanis had little interesting 131 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,600 to say about hers. She had no tragic backstory, no 132 00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,759 loss loves. That was the problem. She had nothing. She 133 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,160 was nothing, and now she never would be. Her knots 134 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,920 were kept her up, kept her from possibly sleeping through 135 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,240 the inevitable suffocation and dying peacefully. She was sick with 136 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,560 the idea of going out of existence the same way 137 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,399 she had lived in it, quiet and eventful and without 138 00:06:15,399 --> 00:06:18,879 a fight. They had round seven hours left, She had 139 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,519 to decide how many of them she was going to 140 00:06:20,519 --> 00:06:23,079 spend laying and the hard mattress in her quarters staring 141 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,240 at the yellowing ceiling. Alani's had just closed her eyes 142 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:28,360 when she had the worrying that indicated that Cedric had 143 00:06:28,399 --> 00:06:31,000 activated the distress beacon. It made her sit up in 144 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,720 bed surprised. They were both well aware that they were 145 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,279 in empty space and the chances of anyone passing close 146 00:06:36,399 --> 00:06:38,319 enough to find them was slinten on, and he had 147 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,519 refused to even consider wasting the extra power. Although they 148 00:06:41,519 --> 00:06:43,160 both knew it was going to be that which took 149 00:06:43,199 --> 00:06:46,399 them out, oxygen was always going to be the culprit. 150 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,120 It wasn't the strange that her crewmated a change of 151 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,959 heart about maximizing their chances for rescue, and it gave 152 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,959 her a glimmer of hope that maybe he wouldn't run 153 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,279 her off again if she tried to join him. There 154 00:06:56,319 --> 00:06:58,920 was a strange, aching emptiness that eclipsed her fear of death, 155 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,000 and that emptiness was the knowledge that they might each 156 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,399 die alone. Not quite strangers, not quite friends, but they 157 00:07:04,399 --> 00:07:07,959 were both still human at least. Alanie's didn't bother putting 158 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,720 her shoes on, and the chill of the sheet metal 159 00:07:09,759 --> 00:07:11,560 four led up through the soles of her feet into 160 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,120 the core of her body as she made her way 161 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,959 back out of the command deck. Cedric had abandoned the 162 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,480 diagnostic screens and was at the main system screen. Now. 163 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,759 He seemed stiff, his shoulders pushed back and his neck forward, 164 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,480 But it wasn't like she could fault him for feeling 165 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:28,040 that way, Cedric, she spoke into the quiet. He didn't turn, 166 00:07:28,199 --> 00:07:31,399 but she knew he hurt her. What's the status? I 167 00:07:31,439 --> 00:07:34,360 thought you were sleeping, was all he said. Alani's knew 168 00:07:34,399 --> 00:07:37,920 that meant it's all the same, No, she responded, simply 169 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,959 coming up beside him. On his screen was something curious, 170 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:45,240 the drive signature of another ship, a rescue in recovery ship. 171 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,879 What is this? She breathed, sinking into the seat next 172 00:07:48,879 --> 00:07:51,360 to him. He didn't move aside to let her see better, 173 00:07:51,439 --> 00:07:54,360 but her pulse was pounding all the same, Cedric, did 174 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,560 someone answer the beacon in such a short time? They 175 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,480 weren't coming for us. They were in hyperspace heading to 176 00:08:00,519 --> 00:08:02,399 the rack of a civilian transport ship when they caught 177 00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:05,920 the beacon there. He blew out of breath, fidgety and 178 00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:09,759 nearly vibrating with anxiety. Data dropped out of hyperspace when 179 00:08:09,759 --> 00:08:12,240 they heard it. But the coms aren't working right either. 180 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,279 I don't think they can hear us, But I heard 181 00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:18,519 them pretty clearly, so that's it. Alani's was in disbelief. 182 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:23,439 We're going to be okay now, No, fuck no, we aren't. 183 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:26,600 He licked his lips, breaking his hands through his hair. 184 00:08:27,279 --> 00:08:29,319 Maybe I don't know from what I heard from them. 185 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,120 The civilian ship they are on their way to hasn't 186 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,399 communicated or shown any signs of life for over twelve 187 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,519 hours now, so if they can confirm that we're alive 188 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:37,639 over here, they'll just course and come to us instead. 189 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,559 But they don't have enough fuel over both. There are 190 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:41,240 a few ways I could hail them without the coms 191 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,240 being up, but we'd be sentencing that other ship to 192 00:08:43,279 --> 00:08:46,559 death if they are still survivors. Alani swallowed hard, pass 193 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,960 a lump in our throat. But if they haven't received 194 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,720 confirmation of signs of life, it's a transport. Alani's. If 195 00:08:51,759 --> 00:08:54,279 the ship lost life'spport, or whatever happened to them was 196 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,360 isolated to one part the ship, and the survivors have 197 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,759 no way of getting to any sort of communication, who's 198 00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:00,399 to say they would even know how to use it. 199 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,320 We can't of her rescue just to save ourselves, She 200 00:09:03,399 --> 00:09:05,879 felt a stump drop to her feet. How many are 201 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,960 aboard the transport? When Cedric looked over at her finally, 202 00:09:09,039 --> 00:09:12,559 his pupils were pimpricks between eighty and one hundred passengers. 203 00:09:13,159 --> 00:09:15,480 Tilting her head towards the ceiling, she let the hearty 204 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:17,879 wash over her in one intense way before tucking it away. 205 00:09:18,399 --> 00:09:20,919 There was no time for such things. I wish you 206 00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:23,600 hadn't told me. She closed her as to keep penny 207 00:09:23,639 --> 00:09:25,440 errant tears at bay, but it made her nearly jump 208 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,480 out of her skin. Wh Cedric spoke next, hissing in 209 00:09:27,519 --> 00:09:29,399 her ear so closely that she felt his breath on 210 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,279 her skin. Why wouldn't I My blood is already on 211 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,879 your hands. Why not a fewtisn' more or a hundred more? 212 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,279 Selfish murderer? The words he spoke so fast that it 213 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,679 sounded like he was on fast forward, and Cedric's tone 214 00:09:40,759 --> 00:09:42,679 was so full of venom that she reeled back as 215 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:46,039 popping wide open. Is that what you think? Al Annie 216 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:49,360 snapped in shock. Cedric was back fully in his seat, 217 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,360 mountain no longer against the shell of her ear. A 218 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,480 question in his exhausted eyes, what are you talking about? 219 00:09:54,519 --> 00:09:56,759 Do you think I'm a murderer. There was a thread 220 00:09:56,759 --> 00:10:00,240 of hysteria in her voice, Ollie on the t hill, 221 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,200 and of the horrible things he had said. The nickname 222 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,399 made her flinch. No, we both know the right choice here, 223 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,879 and unless have completely misjudged you, I'm sure we're on 224 00:10:07,919 --> 00:10:09,679 the same page. But if that's what you called me 225 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,039 just now, His gaze shuddered, looking over her shoulder for 226 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,279 a long moment before putting his attention back on her fully, No, 227 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,240 I didn't. What are you talking about? She stood so 228 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,559 quickly that her chair locked into place, but free spinning 229 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,320 made a few jerky rotations on its own. I need 230 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:28,320 a second, Olani's blurted out, clenching and and clenching her fists, 231 00:10:28,399 --> 00:10:30,240 the bump on her forehead only adding to the all 232 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,240 consuming migrints starting to set into his skull. The door 233 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,039 to her quarters was a few feet away when she 234 00:10:35,039 --> 00:10:37,519 felt hands on her shoulders like ice coal vases, and 235 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,279 Cedric's voice in her ear again, so close that he 236 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,440 might as well have been speaking against her skin. Olani's 237 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,240 hadn't even heard him behind her. The metal floors didn't 238 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,840 lend themselves well to sneaking, but she swallowed the alpafet 239 00:10:48,879 --> 00:10:51,279 before it to the escape her lips. You'd really let 240 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,840 me die for a bunch of strangers, Cedric whispered sharply. 241 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,320 It's your fault that I'm even here, and now your 242 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:01,000 content to just let me die? Monster murder whipping around. 243 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,120 She tried to grab at him and hold him in place, 244 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,279 but her crewmate was nothing but empty ere when she 245 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,200 did so, except she could see the dark ginger of 246 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,919 his head over the back of his seat back at 247 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,519 the front of the ship, seemingly oblivious. Quivering with anxiety, 248 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:15,840 her trust in her own sanity bleeding away. But a second, 249 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,399 Olani's guard the handle of the door and pulled, But 250 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,399 right before she stepped inside, she heard her partner speak again, 251 00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,720 the vitriol in his words replaced with an unending sorwer, 252 00:11:24,279 --> 00:11:26,600 did you know that I had a daughter? His words 253 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:29,159 hit herlike the crack of a whip echoing in the ship. 254 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,799 With how loudly he had to speak so she could 255 00:11:30,799 --> 00:11:32,960 hear him, but Helani simply entered the room and shut 256 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,480 the door behind her. At that point she had no 257 00:11:35,519 --> 00:11:37,679 idea if it was actually Cedric speaking or just the 258 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:40,639 ghost of her own despair, Her weight falling back against 259 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:42,759 the closed door, she slid to the floor, had fallen 260 00:11:42,759 --> 00:11:45,279 into her open palms and silent sobs racking her body 261 00:11:45,919 --> 00:11:47,919 like the quaking of the earth she had left behind. 262 00:11:48,519 --> 00:11:51,600 Did you think she'd listened to you, Sarah asked her husband, 263 00:11:51,759 --> 00:11:54,799 now walking pointless lines across the ship. You can't delude 264 00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:57,720 your sins by confessing them at the end, Sedric, drink 265 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,919 them down and be done with it. He didn't resp 266 00:12:00,039 --> 00:12:02,120 bonde to her, the silence of her steps reassuring him 267 00:12:02,159 --> 00:12:04,480 that she was just a figment of his slowly deteriorating mind. 268 00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:06,840 It was too soon for the lack of oxygen to 269 00:12:06,879 --> 00:12:09,120 be noticable enough that he would hallucinate so vividly, but 270 00:12:09,159 --> 00:12:11,759 he figured he had already been teetering on his mental breakdown, 271 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,000 and the slow march towards the end was what finally 272 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,519 sent him over. The thing was a part of him 273 00:12:16,519 --> 00:12:18,960 wished it was real. He'd take her in any form, 274 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,960 living and warm or dead and soap with seawater. The 275 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,960 biggest regret of his life was not drowning with her 276 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,120 mausav in the Atlantic on a boat he was too 277 00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:29,080 inexperienced to drive, but had been rented out to him anyway. 278 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,600 He had scraped the old thing against a jotting bit 279 00:12:31,639 --> 00:12:33,480 of coral, but paid it no mind until it was 280 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,440 too late. Sarah was nine months pregnant and he weak 281 00:12:36,519 --> 00:12:39,240 to keep floating until Reski eventually came once the rental 282 00:12:39,279 --> 00:12:41,919 wasn't returned on time. It was supposed to be their 283 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,840 last blessful trip before they became parents, but she had 284 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:48,000 begged him to not let her drown fade. I know 285 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,759 you're thinking about it, Sarah's ghost exhaled. I hope it 286 00:12:51,799 --> 00:12:54,879 torments you every minute of every day. Outside the stars 287 00:12:54,879 --> 00:12:58,240 wheeled by Bright and gerrishon col Vaquium of Idol, Cedric 288 00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,840 didn't turn to look back at the specter of the 289 00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:02,320 time terrible beloved things she carried in her arms. But 290 00:13:02,399 --> 00:13:05,080 he couldn't let that comment pass by. Of course, if 291 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,919 fucking does Sarah? How many knights had he dreamt it? 292 00:13:07,919 --> 00:13:10,679 At her all alone on the floor of the ocean, unreachable, 293 00:13:11,279 --> 00:13:13,240 an empty grave that he could never mourn, at a 294 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,480 nursery that he locked and never enters again. The dilapidated 295 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:18,600 hunk of the Reliant and his futureless insides were an 296 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,440 answered prayer compared to all of that now, though he 297 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,960 was sick with the thought of spending eternity a lifetime 298 00:13:24,039 --> 00:13:27,039 and more away from her and their daughter. He had 299 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,159 severed himself from that man husband unexpecting father, only to 300 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,320 have that identity come crashing back down on top of 301 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:35,039 him in his final ears, a morning veil he could 302 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,080 never shirk, and when he tried to exercise himself of 303 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,080 those locked away pots of him to the only person 304 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,759 around Alanies had shut the door, leaving his spotted cry 305 00:13:42,799 --> 00:13:45,639 for help bouncing around the air around him, unheard, unacknowledged. 306 00:13:46,279 --> 00:13:49,320 If only Daddy had been stronger, She cow to the bundle, 307 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,399 her voice echoing and reverberating around him. If only he 308 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:55,879 could have held us up longer. Oh, now you've tricked 309 00:13:55,879 --> 00:13:58,600 another woman into trusting you, and she's going to die too. 310 00:13:59,159 --> 00:14:02,039 As the minutes past, Sarah had grown grayer and more gaunt, 311 00:14:02,159 --> 00:14:04,840 the tendrils of her dark braids dribbing along with her clothes, 312 00:14:05,519 --> 00:14:07,360 and when she stepped into his line of vision, it 313 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:09,679 terrified him so much that his stomach turned inside him. 314 00:14:10,159 --> 00:14:12,080 At least you have the chance of saving this one, 315 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:15,320 but you won't. Better to save a possible group of 316 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,320 nameless faces than her hum. She moved closer, and he 317 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:21,120 turned his head so far away that his necker. More 318 00:14:21,159 --> 00:14:23,279 than anything, he dreaded seeing what was in her arms, 319 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,480 had seen it in his nightmare for years now, had 320 00:14:26,519 --> 00:14:28,480 wondered if Sarah clutched her stomach a she ate the 321 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,960 sandy bottom of the sea to hold their daughter into eternity. 322 00:14:31,559 --> 00:14:33,240 He knew he was going to be sick, and the 323 00:14:33,279 --> 00:14:35,200 logical part of his mind railed at him. For all 324 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,720 the extra energy and oxygen the act of perging would 325 00:14:37,799 --> 00:14:42,720 use the beacon word SA gretched, and then the oxygen 326 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:46,399 alarm began to sound. Alanis found Servit passed up cold, 327 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,320 curled round the toilet like it was an effigy, the 328 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,000 smell of bier in the thinning air. She left him 329 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,480 like that, feeling her heart cracking loudly enough that for 330 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,480 a moment it drowned out her fear and choking sorer. 331 00:14:56,039 --> 00:14:58,440 Her head was full of whispers, now hissing like a snake, 332 00:14:58,759 --> 00:15:00,759 rattling in her brain like the water of a copper head, 333 00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:03,440 dry and rasping at the inside of her ears. The 334 00:15:03,519 --> 00:15:06,159 voice was still that of her crewmate, but seeing him unconscious, 335 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,279 sick in the corner, of his sluck mouth helped her 336 00:15:08,279 --> 00:15:10,320 come back to the reality, as bleak as it was. 337 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,480 She went to her ragged a cracked leather captain's chair 338 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,200 and took in the screens and diagnostics. The din of 339 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,720 the oxygen alarm was unavoidable, and she tried to put 340 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,840 it at the back of her mind. It was lost 341 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,600 on her how her vision seemed to swim, and no 342 00:15:22,679 --> 00:15:25,480 matter how quickly she sucked in air, she never felt satisfied. 343 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,840 But there was still that pure, distill utchingly human seed 344 00:15:28,879 --> 00:15:31,440 of hope in her that she couldn't quite silence. She 345 00:15:31,519 --> 00:15:33,759 mused on the transport ship that would receive the salvation 346 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,480 her and said it could be denied about the passengers, 347 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,519 and hoped that the rescuers might mention a smaller ship 348 00:15:38,559 --> 00:15:40,799 they had passed up in order to save them. The 349 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,240 idea of her existence being forgotten. The instant she breathed 350 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,200 at last made her chest tight with panic. All Annie's left, 351 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,320 no legacy, no children, no contributions to society. In nothing. 352 00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:52,480 Did you know that I had a daughter? Cedric, or 353 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,559 at least a voice that took his identity had said. 354 00:15:55,159 --> 00:15:57,279 It made her sad more than any thoughts about her 355 00:15:57,279 --> 00:15:59,399 own wasted life to think of his little girl waiting 356 00:15:59,399 --> 00:16:02,080 for him back at home. Cedric had taken so little 357 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,840 time off that the idea that he might actually have 358 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,039 a child as hard for her to comprehend. But maybe 359 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,960 he and the mother were estranged. Now her rickety ship 360 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,559 was going to steal any feature that you may have, 361 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,200 and the truth settled over her like an icy second skin. 362 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,840 When she exhaled slowly and she could see her breath 363 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,679 in the air, it occurred to Olannie's that it wasn't 364 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,960 just her guilt making her child. The ship was actually freezing. 365 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,960 Are you going to just let him die on the 366 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,679 freezing bathroom floor covered in vomit? The voice rasped, Are 367 00:16:26,679 --> 00:16:29,120 you really going to just let him die? Her eyes 368 00:16:29,159 --> 00:16:31,879 flicked to the screens again and back. The image of 369 00:16:31,879 --> 00:16:34,600 a tiny girl with auburn hair played across her mind's eye. 370 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,600 Her finger tips flew across the keyboard and then stopped. 371 00:16:38,279 --> 00:16:40,559 She ran to get Cedric off the bathroom floor, sucking 372 00:16:40,559 --> 00:16:42,559 in ir audibly. When she reached him and shook the 373 00:16:42,559 --> 00:16:45,200 man awake. He was groggy as he sat up, and 374 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,120 she went a cloth in the sink to clean his face. 375 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,000 When he was fully conscious again. He watched her with 376 00:16:50,039 --> 00:16:53,360 careful eyes. She pretended she didn't see away. The corners 377 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,559 of his lips were blue, his clothes, Cedric said simply, 378 00:16:56,639 --> 00:16:59,879 and Olnis nodded, helping him to his feet. Then an 379 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,840 expectedly he pulled her into his arms, and that moment 380 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,720 of pure human connection rocked her. It wasn't until the 381 00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:07,720 sob escaped her and in answering one came out of 382 00:17:07,799 --> 00:17:09,559 him that she realized how much she didn't want to 383 00:17:09,599 --> 00:17:13,400 be alone. Tell me about your daughter, he furrows gazed, 384 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,480 once again, going distant as he looked out the bassroom 385 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,160 door behind her, before he shook his head hard. I 386 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:22,240 can't she's dead. There were a million things Lannis wanted 387 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,400 to say to him, words of comfort and understanding, even 388 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,680 though she couldn't understand the depth of his loss at all, 389 00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:31,720 but words were precious commodity for them now. Instead, she 390 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,319 took him by the hand and led him to the 391 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:35,359 open door of her quarters, and they lay on top 392 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:38,759 of the black duvet forehead to Forehea and Hans linked together, 393 00:17:38,839 --> 00:17:41,160 held to their chests as if in prayer. They had 394 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,519 so few breaths left, so they shared them ice clothes, 395 00:17:43,559 --> 00:17:45,519 a scant warmth of their bodies, barely enough to keep 396 00:17:45,519 --> 00:17:48,720 the nuns away. You're shaking, Cedric told her, and she 397 00:17:48,759 --> 00:17:51,559 nodded weakly. I'm not afraid any more, she told him, 398 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,839 a blatant lie, but one that she desperately wanted to believe. 399 00:17:55,519 --> 00:17:58,319 I just wish it wasn't so cold. He didn't know why, 400 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,640 but Sir didn't come into the room with him and Alanie's, 401 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,920 but just stood outside the door, keeping a silent bit 402 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,720 of vigil over him. He untangled himself from the last 403 00:18:05,759 --> 00:18:07,839 human in the world he would ever touch, stumbling to 404 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,920 the machine room in the back of the Reliant, hoping 405 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,839 to bypass the energy a limitter and get the ship 406 00:18:11,839 --> 00:18:14,599 warm enough that Olanais was comfortable at the end. It 407 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,720 was such a pointless, silly thing, but it was all 408 00:18:16,759 --> 00:18:20,039 he could give her. It was hard, his arms and 409 00:18:20,079 --> 00:18:22,519 hands didn't want to obey him at his vision's wand doubles, 410 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,039 But with more strength than he thought he had left, 411 00:18:25,079 --> 00:18:27,759 Cedric turned the wrench and the temperature began to climb. 412 00:18:28,279 --> 00:18:30,039 He stumbled as he tried to make his way back 413 00:18:30,079 --> 00:18:33,720 to Oloney's quarters, hitting a storage rack hard. Something rolled 414 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,920 against his feet, bumping into him. As he sank to 415 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,960 the ground, Haynes short circuited him, but when he forced 416 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,799 his eyes open once more, Sarah was there again. He 417 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,920 drew an air like a bellow's, gagging on the smell 418 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,799 of decay and Brian and the sight of her flesh 419 00:18:45,839 --> 00:18:48,559 melting off those cheap bones he had ORed. She pushed 420 00:18:48,559 --> 00:18:50,640 a rap bundle at him, and to his horror he 421 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:54,200 heard it stir take her. Cedric moaned and tried to 422 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,160 crawl away, but there was nothing left in him take her, 423 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,960 so he did. Cedric took the way heavyweight of his 424 00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:03,319 daughter into his arms and forced himself to look into 425 00:19:03,319 --> 00:19:05,400 a vase the color of bleach bone for the first 426 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:09,359 and the final time. The baby slept and was beautiful. Weedlessly. 427 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,279 He looked back up to his wife, but when he did, 428 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,039 the horror of her was gone, and when he looked 429 00:19:13,079 --> 00:19:15,480 back down at his baby, she was gone. To The 430 00:19:15,519 --> 00:19:18,119 weight in his arms then was instead a silver tank full. 431 00:19:18,799 --> 00:19:20,960 His vision was going, and he couldn't read the label, 432 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,680 but he knew in his heart had to be oxygen. 433 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,759 When the ship had first been thrown out of the 434 00:19:24,759 --> 00:19:26,839 warp drive, they had torn apart the ship for tanks 435 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,799 just like these, but the only ones they had were 436 00:19:28,799 --> 00:19:31,119 stored in the airlock with the spacesuits, and the damage 437 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,319 to Reliant jolted the air up door open just enough 438 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,039 for the vacuum to take over, and everything had been 439 00:19:35,079 --> 00:19:37,640 lost in an instant. The one he held must have 440 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,480 been looked over, hidden under some shelf or piece of machinery. 441 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,880 We would only give him an ire at most, and 442 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,599 they both had come to terms with the fact that 443 00:19:44,599 --> 00:19:46,960 brescue was not coming. But maybe Sarah had given him 444 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,519 this for a reason, so he would try. He owed 445 00:19:49,559 --> 00:19:52,680 her that much. Sedric crawled through the saltwater puddle his 446 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,480 wife had left, pulling the first aid kit from the 447 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,680 wall until he found the mask an attachment howse he 448 00:19:56,759 --> 00:20:00,000 was looking for. Then, using the door from his leverage, 449 00:20:00,039 --> 00:20:01,799 he made it to his feet, followed the trail of 450 00:20:01,839 --> 00:20:04,759 ocean water back to Olannie's quarters, tank h mask in hand, 451 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,319 and collapsed into the bed beside her. Not cold was 452 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:10,519 all she could manage. Her eyes opened with only a sliver. 453 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,319 Both of their breathing was just rattling in their chests 454 00:20:13,319 --> 00:20:16,079 and agonal him, but Cedric managed to fix the mass 455 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:18,519 to the tank, pull his crewmate into his lap. And 456 00:20:18,559 --> 00:20:21,400 strap the mask over her face. She watched him with 457 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,920 quiet now open eyes, but didn't make a sound. Exhausted, 458 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,759 he moved her back to the mattress and laid next 459 00:20:26,799 --> 00:20:29,599 to her, once more terrified, the grimly accomplished, knowing he 460 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,240 had given her the last bit of oxygen left. He 461 00:20:32,319 --> 00:20:34,640 wanted none of it. He just wanted to go back 462 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,880 to Sarah, even if the way there was the endless, airless, 463 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,519 quieter space. Cedric closed his eyes and took Colline's hand 464 00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:43,039 in his again. Her skin was warmer now, but she 465 00:20:43,079 --> 00:20:46,079 didn't stir. It wasn't until he concentrated on the ribber 466 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,920 quarrying of the distress beacon to lull him into a 467 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,519 final rest that he heard it. The pat in the beacon 468 00:20:50,599 --> 00:20:52,359 was making now instead of the steady being. It had 469 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,920 been three short pangs and three long over and over again, 470 00:20:56,519 --> 00:21:00,759 anesso as proof of life. What did you do? He whispered? 471 00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:02,559 He was rolling down his face but too weak to 472 00:21:02,559 --> 00:21:06,640 sit up. Al Annie's what did you do? She didn't answer, 473 00:21:06,839 --> 00:21:09,279 and he didn't let her go, But as the world 474 00:21:09,319 --> 00:21:11,359 went dark, he carried the one thing he hated most 475 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:15,279 into the ether. It Cedric knew he was dead, floating 476 00:21:15,279 --> 00:21:17,960 in the abyss of nothingness. But there were fits and 477 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,319 starts of clarity that he didn't understand. Things he shouldn't 478 00:21:21,319 --> 00:21:24,160 have been able to see, moments that never actually happened. 479 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,880 In Betting. In his memory, he felt himself pulled from 480 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,119 Milanie's bed, and he felt a thoud pair of fingers 481 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,759 and knots from house, Then the hiss of an airlock, 482 00:21:31,839 --> 00:21:34,240 a punch of freezing air, and now pressing brightness on 483 00:21:34,319 --> 00:21:37,160 his eyelids that he couldn't agamore. When his eyes opened, 484 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,440 he found himself in a white room, a strange man 485 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,359 in what looked like scrubs, checking the machines he was 486 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,279 hooked up to you to beatific smile on his face 487 00:21:43,279 --> 00:21:47,119 when he saw that Cedric was awake. Welcome back. Cedric 488 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,440 asked over and over about Alannie's but the nurses that 489 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,599 looked over him would just share uncomfortable looks and tried 490 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,359 to get him on a different subject. Cedric felt a 491 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,200 welling of dread, but he tamped it down until the 492 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,799 doctor finally came. After silently checking over him. The doctor 493 00:21:59,839 --> 00:22:01,759 and an older man, sank into the chair next to 494 00:22:01,799 --> 00:22:06,039 his bed. You're incredibly lucky, he said bluntly. Once we breached, 495 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,119 we were sure that you were both dead. But I 496 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,960 want you to know that your crewmate choosing to go 497 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,119 on her own terms is no less honorable. There's no 498 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,799 way to tell if she would have held out until 499 00:22:13,839 --> 00:22:17,519 we arrived. Anyway, it didn't make sense he had given 500 00:22:17,519 --> 00:22:19,440 her the oxygen so she would be the one here. 501 00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:22,480 Too exhausted for open grief, he closed his eyes and 502 00:22:22,559 --> 00:22:24,839 was back in the open water alone under the night 503 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,319 sky sun bent skins screaming from the sault, wishing that 504 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,680 he was just brave enough to let go. What do 505 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,960 you mean on her own terms? The doctor's lips thinned, 506 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,799 as if he didn't want to say, but gave Sadric 507 00:22:34,839 --> 00:22:38,319 the truth. YE might not remember. Hypoxy can do that 508 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,200 to the mind, but Alanni's mc dowell took her own 509 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,680 lifeih and elation from an acettleinge tank. If it's any solace, 510 00:22:44,759 --> 00:22:48,720 I'm sure she went easily. I've heard it's like drowning, blissful, 511 00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:52,559 and that is the end. Thank you for listening, and 512 00:22:52,599 --> 00:23:06,279 I will see you in the next one.