WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:03.759 You're listening to KFI AM sixty on demand. 2 00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:08.080 Joshua, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. 3 00:00:08.919 --> 00:00:12.199 My lord, Hello, I have been a student of yours 4 00:00:12.359 --> 00:00:14.560 for forty years, and I have one question for you. 5 00:00:14.599 --> 00:00:18.399 There's one thing that challenges my pay and that is 6 00:00:18.719 --> 00:00:19.760 the suffering of the innocent. 7 00:00:20.760 --> 00:00:24.440 Okay, well, that that weighs on a lot of people, obviously, 8 00:00:25.120 --> 00:00:28.960 But tooth academically, it's it's easier to look at and 9 00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:30.800 I know that when you're going through pain, or when 10 00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:34.159 you see a child dying or something like this, that 11 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:38.600 it becomes a whole different question with emotions involved. 12 00:00:38.640 --> 00:00:40.719 But if you're looking. 13 00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:46.240 Strictly, strictly with scripture, there is no one innocent. For one, 14 00:00:46.880 --> 00:00:49.560 there's no such thing as an innocent. Scripture says that 15 00:00:49.880 --> 00:00:51.960 all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. 16 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:52.200 All. 17 00:00:53.359 --> 00:00:56.079 It doesn't say everyone except this group or everyone that 18 00:00:56.159 --> 00:01:00.759 group now innocent by human standards. Becomes kind of contest 19 00:01:00.799 --> 00:01:04.000 of well, I'm not as bad as that person, so 20 00:01:04.040 --> 00:01:07.359 it stops being innocent, and it's it, it starts being 21 00:01:07.400 --> 00:01:11.680 well less guilty than the last person. Now, having said that, 22 00:01:11.680 --> 00:01:17.840 that's theologically and academically looking at you know what innocence is. Uh, 23 00:01:18.040 --> 00:01:20.760 And there's oftentimes and you may have heard this on 24 00:01:20.840 --> 00:01:23.799 the program that if you go and you listen to 25 00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:26.200 the program, you'll hear people call up and say, well, 26 00:01:26.200 --> 00:01:28.599 this happened to me, and why bad things keep happening 27 00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:30.920 to me? And you spend enough time and you start 28 00:01:30.920 --> 00:01:31.719 to unravel them, and. 29 00:01:31.719 --> 00:01:32.879 You'll see where. 30 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:36.319 Where you play a larger part and the things that 31 00:01:36.359 --> 00:01:38.079 go on in your life than you think. Now everybody 32 00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:42.359 blames God, but really you you sit there and drink 33 00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:44.439 broken glass and then complain to God that you have 34 00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:48.159 blood in your stool, there's an issue. It's really Uh, 35 00:01:48.519 --> 00:01:50.159 it's really about the things that you do in your 36 00:01:50.239 --> 00:01:54.959 life as well as being in a world with others 37 00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:58.120 that do wrong. So you can, for instance, be a 38 00:01:58.159 --> 00:02:02.359 wonderful driver and you know, play by the rules, and 39 00:02:02.439 --> 00:02:05.519 someone else can drink and t bone you when you're 40 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:11.280 in an intersection and cause harm or death. So what 41 00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:15.800 you do in this life reflects on others as well. Now, 42 00:02:15.879 --> 00:02:19.960 all of those things are really by human standards. When 43 00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:22.280 people say, well it's not fair or how can bad 44 00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:26.319 things happen? Well, really, the concept of bad is defined 45 00:02:26.360 --> 00:02:30.599 by what has to be defined outside of just what 46 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:34.280 your desire of good and bad is, because it has 47 00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:35.919 to be bigger than that. There are some people that 48 00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:38.560 think that it's okay to harm children. Well, it's not 49 00:02:38.599 --> 00:02:41.680 okay to harm children. Why because God says it's not 50 00:02:41.879 --> 00:02:44.680 okay to harm children. And there needs to be a 51 00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:49.080 transcendent law giver that's above all those things to begin with, 52 00:02:49.319 --> 00:02:52.599 from what you can even judge what good and bad is. 53 00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:56.840 So these standards that you're using, in one sense, are 54 00:02:56.840 --> 00:02:59.120 God's standards. You're saying this is right or this is wrong, 55 00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:03.240 and the bad things are happening. But also God says 56 00:03:03.280 --> 00:03:05.039 that there are times where there are things in your 57 00:03:05.080 --> 00:03:07.400 life that you may think are bad. There's a lot 58 00:03:07.439 --> 00:03:12.639 of things that come with pain in life. The hedonistic 59 00:03:12.840 --> 00:03:15.520 belief system was that that which felt good was good 60 00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:18.319 and that which felt bad was bad. But you know 61 00:03:18.400 --> 00:03:20.520 in this world that not everything that feels bad is 62 00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:23.599 bad and not everything that feels good is good. So 63 00:03:23.680 --> 00:03:28.599 you start looking at the standard differently and how it 64 00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:32.800 plays a part in your life. You know, the sweat 65 00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:35.560 of your brow when you're working could be tiresome or painful, 66 00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:37.599 but it's productive and helpful. 67 00:03:37.919 --> 00:03:38.960 Saying if you work out. 68 00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:41.680 When you work out, you're actually tearing your muscles apart 69 00:03:42.120 --> 00:03:46.000 and letting them grow back together. It feels like destruction. 70 00:03:46.199 --> 00:03:49.800 And there's all kinds of things in your life that 71 00:03:49.879 --> 00:03:53.039 don't feel good or may seem bad that aren't. Now 72 00:03:53.080 --> 00:03:58.560 when truly horrible things happen, everyone looks at the person 73 00:03:58.599 --> 00:04:02.919 that they perceive to be innocent and says, this person 74 00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:05.840 didn't deserve it. However, you need to look at the 75 00:04:05.879 --> 00:04:08.719 other person that's causing it or the other things that 76 00:04:08.759 --> 00:04:12.479 are going on, to see what decisions were made there 77 00:04:12.840 --> 00:04:17.040 in inflicting that on someone else. If everyone went by 78 00:04:17.079 --> 00:04:20.600 the will of God, there wouldn't be any of those. 79 00:04:21.399 --> 00:04:23.639 Sure there would be hurricanes, there would be earthquakes and 80 00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:28.160 things like that, but those still have ecological purpose on 81 00:04:28.199 --> 00:04:36.120 this earth. What doesn't have ecological purpose is creating higher towers, 82 00:04:36.199 --> 00:04:38.319 or living closer together, or all kinds of things that 83 00:04:38.519 --> 00:04:43.279 actually cause problems and not just necessarily natural disasters. So 84 00:04:44.319 --> 00:04:48.040 really it's about understanding that this is not the best world, 85 00:04:48.360 --> 00:04:50.800 but the best way to the best possible world, which 86 00:04:50.839 --> 00:04:58.199 is Heaven. Terry, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. 87 00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:02.120 Good morning, Hi. I have a life situation going on 88 00:05:02.199 --> 00:05:05.839 right now, what's going on? I have a sixty five 89 00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:09.560 year old sister who's been alcoholics since were teenagers. She 90 00:05:09.720 --> 00:05:13.639 married mid thirties to an alcoholic. He's now mid seventies, 91 00:05:14.360 --> 00:05:17.680 just getting out of detox today. Actually, they had twin 92 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:20.600 girls who are now twenty eight. Both of them are alcoholics. 93 00:05:20.759 --> 00:05:24.480 Oh boy, they're also down and out. Okay, my husband 94 00:05:24.519 --> 00:05:26.279 and I just hear a little history. Took these girls 95 00:05:26.279 --> 00:05:28.160 in when they were three. These guys got them back 96 00:05:28.199 --> 00:05:31.560 when they were ten, so that was just holy help. Anyway, 97 00:05:31.639 --> 00:05:36.959 my sister's on her deathbed now and the girls, of course, 98 00:05:37.000 --> 00:05:40.480 are devastated, and she's my rock. I mean, it's just far. 99 00:05:41.199 --> 00:05:44.639 But my question to you is you are all forgiving? Correct? 100 00:05:45.800 --> 00:05:48.199 Do you take her to heaven? And my other question 101 00:05:48.319 --> 00:05:52.800 is these girls, one of them can't walk and refusing 102 00:05:52.839 --> 00:05:55.959 all medical treatment and I mean we even got her 103 00:05:56.079 --> 00:05:59.480 into the ear with the doctor. Bottom line, she refused 104 00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:03.639 any test. So I feel completely helpless with them. So 105 00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:06.160 between those two questions, maybe you can help me. 106 00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:08.879 Wow, well, there's a lot going on there. That is 107 00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:13.720 the death depending death of your sister involved. Is the 108 00:06:13.720 --> 00:06:14.800 alcohol involved in that? 109 00:06:14.920 --> 00:06:15.399 Oh yes? 110 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:20.959 Completely? Heart attack? Several struggles. Now she's just emaciated completely well, 111 00:06:21.079 --> 00:06:24.319 a wheelchair bound for the last three years, but drank 112 00:06:24.439 --> 00:06:26.240 until the day she went. As far as I. 113 00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:29.839 Know, as far as forgiveness, God forgives all, but only 114 00:06:29.879 --> 00:06:34.279 reconciles with those that reconcile with God. So there is 115 00:06:34.279 --> 00:06:37.759 a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. You can forgive somebody, 116 00:06:38.199 --> 00:06:40.480 but it doesn't mean you reconcile. You can forgive something 117 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:42.560 that does somebody something horrible to you, doesn't mean you 118 00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:46.639 let them back into your home. Forgiveness is for you, 119 00:06:47.399 --> 00:06:48.759 not for the person you're forgiving. 120 00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:50.480 So in. 121 00:06:52.160 --> 00:06:55.319 You know, human human case, in God's case, God forgives 122 00:06:55.360 --> 00:06:58.720 because it's righteous and just to those that ask. 123 00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:01.680 So when it comes to. 124 00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:05.759 Her, you know final place is she going to be 125 00:07:05.800 --> 00:07:08.680 in heaven? That depends on where her heart is and 126 00:07:09.040 --> 00:07:13.160 if she's received me in her life. And it's not 127 00:07:13.879 --> 00:07:16.639 if you're asking, does somebody in the state of sin. 128 00:07:18.120 --> 00:07:18.920 Not go to heaven? 129 00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:21.000 Well, everybody is in a state of some kind of 130 00:07:21.040 --> 00:07:24.480 sin when they die, So it's a matter of where 131 00:07:24.519 --> 00:07:28.439 they are in their life and their heart specifically, not 132 00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:32.000 just the circumstances or the things they've brought on and 133 00:07:32.680 --> 00:07:36.519 God judges those things in context, and it's not some 134 00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:40.439 sort of, you know, some sort of gray scale where 135 00:07:40.439 --> 00:07:42.720 it's like, I'm sorry, if you just rank you know, 136 00:07:42.879 --> 00:07:45.439 this much less you'd get in. It's not about that. 137 00:07:45.480 --> 00:07:49.360 It's about where someone's heart is and have they received 138 00:07:49.399 --> 00:07:51.759 And in this particular case, when it comes to addiction, 139 00:07:53.639 --> 00:07:57.839 it's not the traditional act of rebellion where somebody can 140 00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:01.160 stop and doesn't. This is something that has a foothold. 141 00:08:01.199 --> 00:08:04.680 It's given the enemy a foothold. So first and foremost 142 00:08:04.720 --> 00:08:07.600 you have to not you have to trust God for that. 143 00:08:07.720 --> 00:08:10.800 Continue to pray, pray with her, to be available to her, 144 00:08:11.639 --> 00:08:14.879 and to ask her outright if you'd like and say, 145 00:08:14.959 --> 00:08:18.680 you know, where's your heart with God? If you'd like 146 00:08:18.759 --> 00:08:21.920 to get her better equipped for that. As far as 147 00:08:22.120 --> 00:08:26.480 the children are concerned, if they're in a state where 148 00:08:26.519 --> 00:08:29.720 everyone in their life, in their immediate family is in 149 00:08:29.759 --> 00:08:34.840 this state of you know, disrepair, completely falling apart due 150 00:08:34.840 --> 00:08:38.039 to alcohol, and they still don't see a need for it, 151 00:08:38.120 --> 00:08:41.039 they're going to be a tough nut to crack to 152 00:08:41.080 --> 00:08:44.519 try and get them to see their need for help. 153 00:08:46.600 --> 00:08:48.639 The best thing you can do in times like that 154 00:08:49.120 --> 00:08:54.919 is just not be a negative support, and that is 155 00:08:54.960 --> 00:08:59.519 somebody who just in your desire to show love to 156 00:08:59.639 --> 00:09:02.320 family members or loved ones when they're going through things. 157 00:09:02.360 --> 00:09:03.840 Sometimes people do the wrong things. 158 00:09:03.879 --> 00:09:05.960 They give them money when they shouldn't be giving them money, 159 00:09:06.279 --> 00:09:10.159 or sometimes even giving them shelter when they don't need shelter, 160 00:09:10.519 --> 00:09:13.639 because really they're just using it as a place of 161 00:09:14.200 --> 00:09:18.600 stops in between doing what they're doing. So it becomes 162 00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:20.919 difficult for you to weed out terry and to kind 163 00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:22.879 of filter as to what is the best thing to 164 00:09:22.919 --> 00:09:26.399 do and how you can help them, but never do 165 00:09:26.559 --> 00:09:31.080 anything that would perpetuate their illness or somehow. 166 00:09:32.360 --> 00:09:33.879 Continue them down that path. 167 00:09:33.960 --> 00:09:35.720 You have to do things that are going to keep 168 00:09:35.759 --> 00:09:40.320 them away or direct them away from those things, and that's. 169 00:09:40.159 --> 00:09:48.000 Going to be difficult. Sherry, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. Hi, 170 00:09:48.120 --> 00:09:48.879 Jesus Hi. 171 00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:53.519 I have a question about the practice of shamanism. Is 172 00:09:53.559 --> 00:09:55.720 that mutually exclusive to Christianity. 173 00:09:56.200 --> 00:10:00.519 Yeah, Shamanism and Christianity in their purest forms not mix. 174 00:10:01.320 --> 00:10:05.559 And unfortunately a lot of times people adhere to certain 175 00:10:05.600 --> 00:10:09.399 things and then they become Christians and well they're new Christians, 176 00:10:09.440 --> 00:10:13.320 they kind of continue to do everything they were doing anyways, 177 00:10:14.039 --> 00:10:18.080 but call themselves Christians, and so throughout the centuries, actually 178 00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:20.840 this has taken place and created whole new belief systems 179 00:10:20.919 --> 00:10:24.480 because people kind of were either forced to be Christians 180 00:10:24.720 --> 00:10:28.240 or socially were Christians or whatever, and they adapt all 181 00:10:28.279 --> 00:10:32.679 these other things. Well, the Shamanism takes many different forms, 182 00:10:32.759 --> 00:10:36.799 way too many for us to actually get into any 183 00:10:36.919 --> 00:10:40.639 real detail on the program, but they adhere to some 184 00:10:40.759 --> 00:10:44.879 things that absolutely would be Christian healing. You know, doing 185 00:10:44.919 --> 00:10:49.279 spiritual healings is not opposed to Christianity or vice versa. 186 00:10:50.679 --> 00:10:55.480 Shamans believe they can communicate with the spirit world Christians 187 00:10:55.559 --> 00:10:59.159 can pray to God. So there might be similarities where 188 00:10:59.159 --> 00:11:02.320 people would go, Oh, they don't really contradict. The shaman 189 00:11:02.360 --> 00:11:05.759 believes in the supernatural, believes all these things. But they 190 00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:10.440 also deal with images of animals, dealing with omens and 191 00:11:10.519 --> 00:11:13.639 spirit guides and all these things. They deal with trances, 192 00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:19.840 putting people into trances for all kinds of reasons, or 193 00:11:20.039 --> 00:11:25.399 these vision quest type things that would completely contradict stuff 194 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:28.279 that takes place in scripture or what scripture calls you 195 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:30.919 to do. Is there some reason this pops up in 196 00:11:30.919 --> 00:11:31.399 your life? 197 00:11:32.200 --> 00:11:35.360 Well, I'm an anthropology student and I have an interest 198 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:40.960 in shamanism, and as far as trances go, I'm also 199 00:11:41.080 --> 00:11:43.840 a massage therapist, and so I'm really interested in the 200 00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:48.000 healing arts, the healing aspects of shamanism. And when I 201 00:11:48.720 --> 00:11:53.000 think when people when you give massages, it induces a 202 00:11:53.000 --> 00:11:56.720 trans white state for a somatic therapy. 203 00:11:56.919 --> 00:11:59.720 Okay, you're you're kind of stretching, because one could be 204 00:11:59.759 --> 00:12:03.879 an actual physiological response to what's going on and where 205 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:09.000 shamanism is talking specifically, and sometimes even using drugs or 206 00:12:09.120 --> 00:12:13.279 what Scripture refers to as sorcery translates from the word 207 00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:17.000 pharmacia in the Greek. It actually means it's where you 208 00:12:17.039 --> 00:12:20.080 get the word pharmacy. Now, a lot of the sorcery 209 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:23.120 or those types of vision quest things in Scripture were 210 00:12:23.879 --> 00:12:28.080 provoked by the use of drugs and stimulants, different than 211 00:12:28.120 --> 00:12:31.720 a physical reaction to being put in a RESTful state. 212 00:12:32.840 --> 00:12:36.519 Because Scripture also talks about proper meditation as well. So 213 00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:39.720 there's times of meditation, or there's times with connecting with 214 00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:44.000 God or spiritual things, fasting, prayer, all these things. Okay, 215 00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:48.759 I'll put to you this way. For the lack of time, 216 00:12:49.519 --> 00:12:51.639 is that there's going to be similarities in things, but 217 00:12:51.679 --> 00:12:56.759 it doesn't make them compatible. For instance, in logic, they 218 00:12:56.759 --> 00:13:02.240 call this category informal logical fallacies when things don't mix 219 00:13:02.519 --> 00:13:09.000 right logically. For instance, all cops carry guns. Does that 220 00:13:09.080 --> 00:13:11.200 mean that everyone that carries a gun is a cop. 221 00:13:11.879 --> 00:13:13.879 No. So, although there's going. 222 00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:17.519 To be similarities between Shamanism and Christianity, and there are 223 00:13:17.559 --> 00:13:20.559 spiritual aspects to the both of them, and there's good things, 224 00:13:20.600 --> 00:13:23.600 and there's healing, there's things like that, they aren't really compatible. 225 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:28.720 There are similarities and in part of the quests and 226 00:13:28.759 --> 00:13:32.600 some of the attributes, but they ultimately in their truest form, 227 00:13:32.799 --> 00:13:35.159 do not mix. One is going to be watered down 228 00:13:35.279 --> 00:13:38.480 or changed completely for you to be able to interchange them. 229 00:13:39.080 --> 00:13:41.679 Shamanism is I think it's wonderful that you're studying it, 230 00:13:41.759 --> 00:13:46.000 and as an anthropology student, I think it's a fascinating study. 231 00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:50.360 But it as far as melding completely with Christianity or 232 00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:54.000 your Christianity, it doesn't work that way. And I know 233 00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:56.240 that in this takes place a lot in school. This 234 00:13:56.320 --> 00:13:58.320 is one of the important things about going to college, 235 00:13:58.320 --> 00:14:01.080 and going to school is exciting diffferent parts of your 236 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:05.639 interests and curiosities. But what ends up happening is if 237 00:14:05.759 --> 00:14:09.200 something becomes sexy or interesting and people try and cram 238 00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:11.919 it into their belief system, and that doesn't always work. 239 00:14:12.919 --> 00:14:14.159 There are some things, like. 240 00:14:15.639 --> 00:14:18.519 You know, that you could practice that wouldn't cause a problem, 241 00:14:18.559 --> 00:14:25.080 but something like this in its truest form, absolutely would. Flora, 242 00:14:25.159 --> 00:14:26.519 Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. 243 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:28.600 Hi, good morning, Hi. 244 00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:29.360 How can I help you? 245 00:14:31.080 --> 00:14:31.559 I have a. 246 00:14:33.039 --> 00:14:38.240 Dilemma with a family situation. I have a nineteen year 247 00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:45.080 old who has a friend that I'm not very I 248 00:14:45.080 --> 00:14:47.679 don't want to be judgmental, but I don't feel he's 249 00:14:47.720 --> 00:14:53.000 a good influence on my son, and it situation is 250 00:14:53.039 --> 00:14:54.120 getting awkward. 251 00:14:54.799 --> 00:14:57.679 Okay, well tell me about the kid. 252 00:14:57.679 --> 00:14:58.960 Why don't you like the kid? 253 00:14:59.279 --> 00:15:05.639 Okay, about twenty three years old. He's been incarcerated twice. 254 00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:08.360 I'm not sure what the first time was for, but 255 00:15:08.440 --> 00:15:12.000 I know the second time was for stealing a car. Okay, 256 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:19.240 that's no, it's not And I just don't I just 257 00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:21.840 don't think he's a good influence on my son. I 258 00:15:21.879 --> 00:15:26.759 think he he is trouble. But if the situation got 259 00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:31.639 awkward because yesterday we were out and my step son 260 00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:34.519 invited him over while we were gone, and he knows 261 00:15:34.559 --> 00:15:39.360 he's not supposed to have friends over were out. So 262 00:15:40.039 --> 00:15:44.320 this young man was outside our home talking to him 263 00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:49.080 when we arrived, and so I immediately told him that, 264 00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:54.559 you know, he needed to tell his ask his friend 265 00:15:54.600 --> 00:15:58.559 to leave. And so my husband was kind of upset 266 00:15:58.600 --> 00:16:00.120 with me because I guess he was in there. 267 00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:01.159 That I was. 268 00:16:01.320 --> 00:16:08.960 So I said it openly and his he feels that 269 00:16:09.000 --> 00:16:13.120 I should give this kid a chance, and I don't. 270 00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:16.080 And I don't know at what point do you say, Okay, 271 00:16:16.120 --> 00:16:18.320 this person is not good, I don't want them around, 272 00:16:18.919 --> 00:16:21.039 or we need to give you know, as Christians, we 273 00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:24.240 need to not be judgmental and see, you know, if 274 00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:30.360 this kid's going to change. So that's my dilemma. I 275 00:16:30.360 --> 00:16:33.679 don't know how to handle it. I don't know. I 276 00:16:33.720 --> 00:16:34.519 don't know what to do. 277 00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:39.840 You know, it's interesting, you there's a judicial system where 278 00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:44.480 people are incarcerated from time to time, and the frustration 279 00:16:44.759 --> 00:16:48.799 is that people do their time and they're supposed to 280 00:16:48.799 --> 00:16:50.840 be let out and the system is supposed to say 281 00:16:50.879 --> 00:16:53.360 that they're ready to come back into society, but no 282 00:16:53.399 --> 00:16:56.000 one seems to want to let them do So, Okay, 283 00:16:56.000 --> 00:16:59.759 and I get that. I get the reasons why, because 284 00:16:59.799 --> 00:17:03.440 this system's faulty, and all too often the system puts 285 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:05.720 people back on the street because they don't have space. 286 00:17:05.640 --> 00:17:06.480 Or what have you. 287 00:17:07.599 --> 00:17:09.519 I would be curious as to why he was in 288 00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:12.960 jail the first time, and I would say that it's 289 00:17:13.000 --> 00:17:15.880 completely legitimate for you to bring this boy over to 290 00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:18.799 your home and sit him down with your son and 291 00:17:18.839 --> 00:17:21.920 your husband and say, you know what, I acted kind 292 00:17:21.920 --> 00:17:24.079 of short with you the other day, and I wanted 293 00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:28.160 to explain myself. I would like to know more about 294 00:17:28.160 --> 00:17:30.119 your situation, because all I know is this, and I 295 00:17:30.119 --> 00:17:35.200 think that's why I reacted that way. And you're a 296 00:17:35.279 --> 00:17:37.440 friend of my sons, and I want you guys to 297 00:17:37.440 --> 00:17:39.880 be able to have a relationship and friendship and all 298 00:17:39.920 --> 00:17:43.160 of that stuff. But this is my home and this 299 00:17:43.279 --> 00:17:46.319 is my child, and I'm concerned as to why you 300 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:48.960 were in the first time and what you think you 301 00:17:49.079 --> 00:17:55.880 learned from both of these trips to jail, and if 302 00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:57.200 I can have your word that you're not going to 303 00:17:57.200 --> 00:18:02.160 bring that stuff around my home and at least it 304 00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:04.400 gives you an opportunity. I know it sounds like a 305 00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:08.839 corny Brady Bunch moment, but but parents will do all 306 00:18:08.920 --> 00:18:14.079 kinds of heavy duty lifting outside of the situation, but 307 00:18:14.319 --> 00:18:18.799 nothing that is uncomfortable inside. So instead of going, okay, 308 00:18:18.799 --> 00:18:21.640 and we're going to chain down our son, take away 309 00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:24.079 his phone, do all these things so he now he's 310 00:18:24.119 --> 00:18:27.039 in prison so that he can't have contact, it's face 311 00:18:27.079 --> 00:18:29.559 it and then see if you get a reading, an 312 00:18:29.599 --> 00:18:32.119 honest reading, not just of wow, it's scary because the 313 00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:37.319 guy's been to jail because nobody was an angel. Now, 314 00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:41.759 I'm not saying everybody had to steal a car and 315 00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:46.240 that's not, you know, a great thing to have done. However, 316 00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:49.519 I do know people who have stolen cars in their 317 00:18:49.559 --> 00:18:54.160 youth and are perfectly wonderful people that you would invite 318 00:18:54.200 --> 00:18:58.200 to your home. Okay, so I think that your initial 319 00:18:58.200 --> 00:19:01.400 reaction is a wonderful one, one of protection for your home. 320 00:19:02.039 --> 00:19:06.240 I'm curious as to why your husband is your husband 321 00:19:06.279 --> 00:19:07.720 pretty relaxed about the situation. 322 00:19:09.160 --> 00:19:13.720 Well, I kind of feel that that that is another 323 00:19:13.799 --> 00:19:16.960 underlying family issue. I kind of feel like he's comfortable 324 00:19:17.000 --> 00:19:20.839 with letting me be the bad guy, and he sits 325 00:19:20.880 --> 00:19:21.640 back and. 326 00:19:23.720 --> 00:19:24.440 Allows me. 327 00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:30.240 You know, he he doesn't like conflict, so especially you 328 00:19:30.279 --> 00:19:35.480 see if that's the dilemma with blended families. Also, he 329 00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:38.039 doesn't like to have conflict with my step son because 330 00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:42.599 he's always he's always uh holding that guilt that he 331 00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:47.200 doesn't want to alienate him because he didn't really he 332 00:19:47.279 --> 00:19:51.359 wasn't with his son, he didn't really raise him. So 333 00:19:51.480 --> 00:19:54.200 now that they have a relationship, as you know, he's older, 334 00:19:54.680 --> 00:19:57.720 but the guilt is always there. So he does not 335 00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:02.000 like to have conflict with him. And and I honestly, 336 00:20:02.200 --> 00:20:06.039 I think then he he wants to avoid it, so 337 00:20:06.119 --> 00:20:07.519 he allows me to be. 338 00:20:07.559 --> 00:20:13.200 The Well, technically, technically you're the parent, and so that's 339 00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:16.960 a whole different layer of you know, confusion and frustration. 340 00:20:17.079 --> 00:20:24.200 So technically you are the disciplinarian in this context. Also, 341 00:20:24.480 --> 00:20:28.759 just to shed a little light on how males work, 342 00:20:29.359 --> 00:20:33.400 and a lot of women don't understand this, is that 343 00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:40.279 men women fight differently than men. Women fight emotionally, and 344 00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:42.720 if you're honest with yourself, you know that that women 345 00:20:42.759 --> 00:20:44.359 will fight emotionally with one another. 346 00:20:44.759 --> 00:20:47.759 I have to agree that I do my I'm right 347 00:20:47.799 --> 00:20:51.440 off the cuff, I'm you know exactly where I'm coming 348 00:20:51.440 --> 00:20:52.680 from exactly. 349 00:20:52.279 --> 00:20:56.039 And that's that's it's a wonderful trait actually, and men 350 00:20:56.279 --> 00:20:59.000 tend to learn at a very young age that the 351 00:20:59.079 --> 00:21:02.599 slightest thing can get go to fisticuffs or a physical 352 00:21:04.200 --> 00:21:09.599 altercation immediately as young boys. They learn that young girls 353 00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:12.319 won't sit there necessarily pull hair and go through all 354 00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:15.400 that stuff on the playground, but boys will scrap and 355 00:21:15.519 --> 00:21:17.400 throw things and punch each other in the face at 356 00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:20.480 a very young age. And so a lot of men 357 00:21:21.400 --> 00:21:26.200 come across to their wives sometimes as being laxadaisical, or 358 00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:29.839 lazy or too relaxed about certain situations, whereas a lot 359 00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:33.160 of men know they're just kind of balancing it saying, 360 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:35.880 you know what, I have a first gear and I 361 00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:38.559 have a sixth gear, and I will go from zero 362 00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:42.599 point one into a physical altercation because that's the world 363 00:21:42.680 --> 00:21:46.200 that I was taught as a boy. That always, no 364 00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:49.319 matter what, even if you try and rationalize it and go, well, 365 00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:52.359 you know what and be diplomatic, boys will throw punches. 366 00:21:53.000 --> 00:21:57.480 And that doesn't happen in most cases to women. And 367 00:21:57.519 --> 00:22:00.680 so a lot of times women don't understand that, and 368 00:22:00.759 --> 00:22:03.079 they'll go they'll run up to somebody in a public 369 00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:06.680 situation start yelling, and the man's like, honey, honey, stand down, 370 00:22:06.759 --> 00:22:10.119 stand down. Because the man, because a woman's going, no 371 00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:13.079 one's gonna sit, you know, haul off and punch me. 372 00:22:13.559 --> 00:22:16.160 And it's good that you don't think that the world 373 00:22:16.200 --> 00:22:18.640 shouldn't be that way, but the guy is going. You 374 00:22:18.680 --> 00:22:21.000 know what, this can go from you being upset because 375 00:22:21.039 --> 00:22:25.119 someone pushed you to an all out brawl with police 376 00:22:25.160 --> 00:22:29.039 involved in one second once a man gets involved. So 377 00:22:30.319 --> 00:22:34.519 sometimes men tend to be a little too relaxed because 378 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:37.079 of the fear and concern the way they were brought up. 379 00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:40.640 Always things can go from zero to sixty because now 380 00:22:41.319 --> 00:22:44.160 when men get involved, now it becomes a pride issue 381 00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:50.920 and you know, testecular fortitude comes in and you know, 382 00:22:51.000 --> 00:22:52.680 are you saying that I'm a wimp and all this 383 00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:55.960 stuff and it gets blown out of proportion. So sometimes 384 00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:59.599 that affects it. But really truth is, he didn't raise 385 00:22:59.640 --> 00:23:03.200 the boy, but you are the parent in this circumstance, 386 00:23:03.240 --> 00:23:05.599 and what you say goes now. He needs to support 387 00:23:05.640 --> 00:23:09.519 you as your husband to give you the strength and 388 00:23:09.559 --> 00:23:14.400 the tools you need. So in this case, I think 389 00:23:14.680 --> 00:23:19.720 confronting the situation head on and being reasonable with this 390 00:23:20.559 --> 00:23:24.279 twenty something year old and saying, you. 391 00:23:24.240 --> 00:23:25.359 Know, you come in my house. 392 00:23:25.519 --> 00:23:28.400 I have fears and concerns, and you've got to understand that, 393 00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:30.759 and he'll probably probably will go yeah, absolutely, So I 394 00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:34.200 just want to know who you are, and you know 395 00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:36.720 how long? If have they known each other all of 396 00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:40.640 these things and asked that said, okay, well, you know, 397 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:43.599 we'd be happy to have you around in this context. 398 00:23:44.359 --> 00:23:47.359 But if I hear anything, I'm going to put an 399 00:23:47.400 --> 00:23:51.000 end to it. And not because I'm trying to be 400 00:23:51.559 --> 00:23:53.400 the lord of all, but because I care very much 401 00:23:53.400 --> 00:23:56.319