WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.760 --> 00:00:05.440 Welcome to Mortgage Talk with Mark Harriston, the program that 2 00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:09.000 not only talks about mortgages, taxes, and interest rates, but 3 00:00:09.080 --> 00:00:12.199 Mark and his guest talk real estate trends and your home. 4 00:00:12.439 --> 00:00:15.039 He also answers your mortgage questions to help you make 5 00:00:15.080 --> 00:00:17.839 the right financing or refinancing decisions. 6 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:19.800 Now here's Mark Hairston. 7 00:00:19.960 --> 00:00:24.160 Happy to everybody, and welcome back to Mortgage Talk with Mark. 8 00:00:24.760 --> 00:00:27.760 And today we are not talking about the mortgage business 9 00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:30.039 on certain levels. On certainly we're going to because I'm 10 00:00:30.039 --> 00:00:32.399 going to talk about some personal experiences in my business 11 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:36.320 relative to this conversation today. And I'm with a good 12 00:00:36.320 --> 00:00:40.000 friend of mine. I've known Scott probably fifteen years, maybe 13 00:00:40.079 --> 00:00:43.240 maybe a little bit longer. I've done some personal coaching 14 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:46.119 with him, and he's extraordinary man. As a matter of fact, 15 00:00:46.159 --> 00:00:48.560 I wrote down four things that I know Scott to be. 16 00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:52.079 Uh oh yeah. A speaker and a keynote speaker as 17 00:00:52.119 --> 00:00:55.880 well for corporations. He's also a coach, either group coaching 18 00:00:55.960 --> 00:00:59.479 or personal coaching for business leaders. Primarily, he's an evangelist 19 00:00:59.520 --> 00:01:03.399 and past true and finally he's an author of a 20 00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:05.640 book that we're going to dig into a lot called 21 00:01:06.319 --> 00:01:10.599 Can I trust you. The silent question. Everyone in business 22 00:01:10.599 --> 00:01:13.120 at asking. It's very true, the silent question. It's a 23 00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:15.560 very deep conversation today we're going to have. So I 24 00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:18.000 want torod my buddy Scott, Scott Carly and kind of 25 00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:20.560 tell us your background and what you want to share 26 00:01:20.599 --> 00:01:20.879 with us. 27 00:01:20.959 --> 00:01:23.319 Well, thanks, Mark Man. It's great to be here. And yes, 28 00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:25.760 we have known each other a long time. I had 29 00:01:25.799 --> 00:01:28.560 a lot of friendship, a lot of laughs. Oh yeah, yeah, 30 00:01:28.760 --> 00:01:29.120 I remember. 31 00:01:29.159 --> 00:01:30.079 It was also funny. 32 00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:33.799 Yeah, I remember when you were in one of my 33 00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:37.959 niche networking group classes and we just we had a 34 00:01:37.959 --> 00:01:40.599 great time. So it's good to be here today. Yeah. 35 00:01:40.760 --> 00:01:45.400 My background is a theology. All my formal training is 36 00:01:45.400 --> 00:01:48.519 in theology. In my twenties, I was an evangelist. 37 00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:49.640 Did you go to Bible College? 38 00:01:49.680 --> 00:01:51.959 I did. I went to a private college in Houston, 39 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:56.040 another private college in Stockton, California. And after I left 40 00:01:56.079 --> 00:01:59.120 college there, I became a youth pastor in La Then 41 00:01:59.159 --> 00:02:02.920 I became a youth astor in central Louisiana. Married a girl, 42 00:02:03.079 --> 00:02:06.599 a girl from my home church, and then we started 43 00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:09.280 traveling as an evangelist, which means. 44 00:02:09.080 --> 00:02:11.800 We went bear of good news, the bear. 45 00:02:11.680 --> 00:02:13.599 Of good news. We went to church to church around 46 00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:17.159 the country, and over the ten years that I did that, 47 00:02:17.240 --> 00:02:20.960 I went to forty seven states. Wow, and you know, 48 00:02:21.039 --> 00:02:24.319 preach for ten years. But I've it became real obvious 49 00:02:24.360 --> 00:02:28.319 that I was good at helping churches and their leadership 50 00:02:28.360 --> 00:02:32.360 teams and their organizational staff and develop outreach programs. So 51 00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:34.560 that's really what I built my reputation around. 52 00:02:34.840 --> 00:02:37.560 Awesome. Awesome. Now the book itself. I don't know if 53 00:02:37.560 --> 00:02:41.120 you've written other books, but this is a very interesting 54 00:02:41.159 --> 00:02:43.680 book called Can I Trust You? Because this is on 55 00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:47.719 the back of everybody's mind in business and personal relationships 56 00:02:47.719 --> 00:02:50.719 and dating, you know, So break down a little bit 57 00:02:50.759 --> 00:02:53.400 for us why you wrote the book and why is 58 00:02:53.439 --> 00:02:56.199 it so important to everybody to kind of understand. 59 00:02:56.800 --> 00:03:00.719 Yeah, trust is a big deal. And over a period 60 00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:03.800 of time, I just became more and more aware of 61 00:03:03.840 --> 00:03:07.400 this fog thing called trust, but I didn't really know 62 00:03:07.439 --> 00:03:09.800 how to put my finger on it. And I read 63 00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:12.560 some great books that really helped me to understand it. 64 00:03:13.080 --> 00:03:15.639 But one of the things that I couldn't find anybody 65 00:03:15.680 --> 00:03:19.439 had was a way to score trust. You know, I 66 00:03:19.520 --> 00:03:21.400 trust you or I don't trust you. Is it a 67 00:03:21.520 --> 00:03:24.360 yes or a no? Or is there a gradient? And 68 00:03:25.520 --> 00:03:30.599 somewhere along the way I started thinking about the FIKA financial. 69 00:03:29.919 --> 00:03:31.680 Score that we use in the mortgage space. 70 00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:34.280 That's right, we all have a fight. Yeah, if you 71 00:03:34.280 --> 00:03:35.919 go to your credit card and look at it, it'll 72 00:03:35.919 --> 00:03:39.919 say you know what your your Yeah, yeah, that's right. 73 00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:42.759 That's right. And and the idea is it scores you 74 00:03:42.800 --> 00:03:45.800 on six or seven different areas. And when when trust 75 00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:49.479 is high, when you're when your fight A credit score 76 00:03:49.560 --> 00:03:52.879 is high, then doors open, they'll loan your money. Things happen, 77 00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:55.759 you get lower rates on all kinds of stuff, more credits. 78 00:03:55.800 --> 00:03:58.520 That's right, that's right. But when when your fight A 79 00:03:58.599 --> 00:04:02.159 score goes down because it's got some glitches in it. 80 00:04:02.439 --> 00:04:05.039 Did you miss some payments so you're you don't have 81 00:04:05.159 --> 00:04:07.520 enough cash on hand or whatever, then it goes down, 82 00:04:07.879 --> 00:04:11.319 and so your opportunities go down as well. Well. Trust 83 00:04:11.400 --> 00:04:14.080 is the same way. You know, when when you have 84 00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:18.240 a strong trust credit score, then doors open for you. 85 00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:21.240 People welcome you in and they want to bargain with you, 86 00:04:21.279 --> 00:04:23.480 they want to do business with you. But when you 87 00:04:23.519 --> 00:04:27.759 get glitches in your trust, then your score goes down. 88 00:04:27.959 --> 00:04:30.439 People start ghosting you, they're not picking up the phone, 89 00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:32.360 anymore that I don't want to talk with you. They're 90 00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:37.439 distancing themselves. So I figured out the five different areas 91 00:04:37.879 --> 00:04:39.720 where trust is scored. 92 00:04:40.439 --> 00:04:42.040 Yeah, five different areas. 93 00:04:42.040 --> 00:04:45.680 Five different areas where trust is scored. And most of 94 00:04:45.720 --> 00:04:49.920 the time when people are scoring you, it's unconscious. They're 95 00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:51.079 not even thinking about it. 96 00:04:51.240 --> 00:04:53.199 I'm feeling it, but they can't put a finger that's. 97 00:04:53.079 --> 00:04:55.800 Right, And I help people to put a finger on 98 00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:56.360 love that. 99 00:04:56.439 --> 00:04:58.399 I love that. And we were talking before the show. 100 00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:00.240 I was remember a speaker one time. So you know, 101 00:05:00.279 --> 00:05:04.360 there's different levels of trust. As an example, you may 102 00:05:04.439 --> 00:05:07.120 trust a friend or even a relative, you know, to 103 00:05:07.240 --> 00:05:09.680 house sits your home while you're on vacation or whatever 104 00:05:09.720 --> 00:05:11.720 and watch your dogs and walk the dogs, and you 105 00:05:11.759 --> 00:05:13.759 can trust them to do that. But you're not going 106 00:05:13.800 --> 00:05:16.319 to trust them to manage your money. Okay, You're going 107 00:05:16.360 --> 00:05:18.720 to trust somebody else most likely to do that. So 108 00:05:18.879 --> 00:05:20.639 it depends on the situation too. 109 00:05:20.759 --> 00:05:24.000 And that's why there's five different areas of trust. Because 110 00:05:24.160 --> 00:05:28.000 you're right, it's not a blanket thing. I trust you 111 00:05:28.240 --> 00:05:32.680 with anything and everything. Anybody who says that is not 112 00:05:32.759 --> 00:05:36.160 really thinking that through. That's when they haven't had that experience. 113 00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:38.160 And you mentioned a minute ago. Also the economic factor. 114 00:05:38.480 --> 00:05:41.360 You know, the teams and business as an example, or 115 00:05:41.959 --> 00:05:44.360 you know, most always have on some level of team 116 00:05:44.480 --> 00:05:48.160 or assistance or something. And as long as we're our 117 00:05:48.199 --> 00:05:51.360 capabilities and we produce results, it really builds trust up. 118 00:05:51.399 --> 00:05:53.199 But once that trust is broken, it's kind of hard 119 00:05:53.199 --> 00:05:53.800 to get it back. 120 00:05:53.959 --> 00:05:56.720 Oh yeah, I mean right now, if you started thinking 121 00:05:56.720 --> 00:05:59.079 about it. You you know, where you work, you may 122 00:05:59.160 --> 00:06:01.560 have somebody who you know, you've asked them for the 123 00:06:01.639 --> 00:06:03.439 last three weeks to get a report done, they still 124 00:06:03.439 --> 00:06:05.560 don't have it back to you. Well, if you've got 125 00:06:05.560 --> 00:06:10.240 a high steak client and a high stake project and 126 00:06:10.360 --> 00:06:13.519 you really need to get things done and this person 127 00:06:13.720 --> 00:06:16.000 is not delivering, you're going to replace them. You're gonna 128 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:19.600 get somebody else to do that because you need to 129 00:06:19.639 --> 00:06:23.120 have elite high trust with that person that they will 130 00:06:23.160 --> 00:06:26.439 get those reports out and keep the speed of business 131 00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:27.480 flowing fast. 132 00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:31.279 Yeah. Amen. Amen. So you mentioned the five type Do 133 00:06:31.279 --> 00:06:34.199 you say five types of trust or the Clive categories? 134 00:06:34.560 --> 00:06:37.399 I call it about five signals or categories of trust, 135 00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:40.639 and they're let's explore that. Yeah, they're really simple. The 136 00:06:40.639 --> 00:06:43.720 first one is you know your vibe, body, language and 137 00:06:44.079 --> 00:06:46.480 how you show up. When you walk in the door, 138 00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:49.680 you bring a vibe with you and it's by your 139 00:06:49.720 --> 00:06:55.720 appearance and your attitude. Fifty five it's of humor, your smile. 140 00:06:55.959 --> 00:06:58.839 I mean, just by walking in with a smile, you 141 00:06:58.920 --> 00:07:02.240 can change the energy of a room. Fifty five percent 142 00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:05.800 of our communication is body language. I mean, how you address, 143 00:07:05.920 --> 00:07:09.319 how you're standing everything, You're sending me a signal, yeah, 144 00:07:09.439 --> 00:07:10.279 a good one, or about it? 145 00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:13.279 That's interesting, Yeah, go ahead. 146 00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:16.839 The second one is your motives, your motives and intentions, 147 00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:21.399 and you know very quickly based on behavior, not always 148 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:25.439 just what you say, but I'm watching your behavior, and 149 00:07:25.480 --> 00:07:29.160 your behavior is going to tell me about your intentions, 150 00:07:29.279 --> 00:07:31.959 your motives. You know, why are we here? What are 151 00:07:32.040 --> 00:07:34.720 you really trying to get from me? And in sales, 152 00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:37.399 that's a big deal. In sales, there's a funny term 153 00:07:37.439 --> 00:07:39.279 we use called commission breath. 154 00:07:39.319 --> 00:07:40.439 That's right, that's right. 155 00:07:40.279 --> 00:07:44.160 And commission breath is when people pick up immediately you 156 00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:47.079 don't care about me. All you want is the commission 157 00:07:47.439 --> 00:07:49.199 and whatever you have to say or do well that 158 00:07:49.800 --> 00:07:52.040 drops your trust credits go down way low. 159 00:07:53.000 --> 00:07:54.360 Yeah, And I want to hit on that just for 160 00:07:54.399 --> 00:07:56.079 a minute, because I know, a lot of your background 161 00:07:56.079 --> 00:07:59.120 has been in networking, professional networking. Yeah, you know, and 162 00:07:59.480 --> 00:08:01.560 when I meet somebody myself too. I've been to a 163 00:08:01.560 --> 00:08:04.360 lot of those events, if you will, and you can 164 00:08:04.439 --> 00:08:08.519 kind of tell pretty quick what somebody's intent is, yeah, 165 00:08:08.600 --> 00:08:10.759 you know, because they're trying to push something on you 166 00:08:11.360 --> 00:08:16.199 or without being curious. I think it's more important to 167 00:08:16.199 --> 00:08:19.199 be curious about the other person than about what we're about. 168 00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:23.160 That's absolutely correct and a great way to demonstrate good 169 00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:28.279 intentions are to be interested. Yeah, and when you come 170 00:08:28.319 --> 00:08:32.440 into a conversation and you're interested in you know, some 171 00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:35.600 salespeople call that doing discovery and just finding out what's 172 00:08:35.639 --> 00:08:39.080 going on and just be interested in a person something personal, 173 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:43.919 then your trust credit score goes up and their defenses 174 00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:45.200 come down, right. 175 00:08:45.519 --> 00:08:47.720 Most more comfortable. So what's the third one? 176 00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:50.879 Well, the third one has to do with your morals 177 00:08:50.919 --> 00:08:53.919 and values. And so you know, we have we have 178 00:08:53.960 --> 00:08:57.960 a moral compass and our integrity, do we walk our talk? 179 00:08:58.879 --> 00:09:01.240 Are we on the same page about what we think 180 00:09:01.399 --> 00:09:04.080 is right or wrong? And it's just the truth that 181 00:09:04.200 --> 00:09:07.600 if if you and I don't have the same values 182 00:09:08.080 --> 00:09:11.080 and morals, uh, we don't have to have exactly the same, 183 00:09:11.120 --> 00:09:13.960 but we're not going to walk together very well if 184 00:09:14.000 --> 00:09:16.720 you if you have and so people are people are 185 00:09:16.759 --> 00:09:19.720 scoring that, and I like to use the term scoring it, 186 00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:25.240 not judging it. They're just scoring where your values are 187 00:09:25.240 --> 00:09:26.879 compared to our values. 188 00:09:27.399 --> 00:09:29.600 When you say they're scoring it, is there actually a 189 00:09:29.679 --> 00:09:31.440 number associated with that? 190 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:34.120 Yeah? On the Trust Credit score. You know, if you 191 00:09:34.120 --> 00:09:36.200 buy the book, you're going to see a trust credit score, 192 00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:40.879 And in it, I recommend that you you score people 193 00:09:41.000 --> 00:09:42.720 on a scale of one to ten in each of 194 00:09:42.759 --> 00:09:46.559 those five areas, one being I don't trust you at all. 195 00:09:47.559 --> 00:09:51.639 Run ten. I have watched you for quite a while 196 00:09:51.879 --> 00:09:54.279 and your behavior, work with you or worked with you 197 00:09:54.399 --> 00:09:58.200 for a while, you live with you? Yeah, yeah, and 198 00:09:58.360 --> 00:10:01.840 ten ten is high? You know I do trust you. Now, 199 00:10:01.960 --> 00:10:05.840 it's important to remember that trust is fluids. It doesn't 200 00:10:06.360 --> 00:10:08.759 It's not like you've scored once and it's that way forever, 201 00:10:09.120 --> 00:10:13.000 because our behavior can change our score. So you score 202 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:15.879 people in all those five areas, and then you total 203 00:10:15.879 --> 00:10:19.039 them divide by five. Now, just like a fight a score. 204 00:10:19.480 --> 00:10:20.960 I have a trust credit score. 205 00:10:21.720 --> 00:10:25.360 Yeah, but you I think you would recommend that you 206 00:10:25.399 --> 00:10:26.559 score yourself first. 207 00:10:27.159 --> 00:10:30.080 Well, I think that it's important to be self aware. 208 00:10:30.159 --> 00:10:34.360 Yeah, what I would call self trust. Yeah, I trust myself. 209 00:10:34.480 --> 00:10:36.840 Yeah, and just see what signals you're sending out. 210 00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:37.799 Yeah, exactly. 211 00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:41.399 And it's not a bad idea. Not don't use a 212 00:10:41.399 --> 00:10:44.360 family member, but maybe use somebody you work with that 213 00:10:44.679 --> 00:10:47.080 at least kind of likes you and say score me. 214 00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:50.000 This is huge, this is there. It was going to 215 00:10:50.080 --> 00:10:53.360 be yeah. Yeah, But you know, I think it's people 216 00:10:53.879 --> 00:10:56.399 mature and maybe get older and mature, have gone through 217 00:10:56.440 --> 00:10:59.120 a lot of life. Their their score can change. Obviously 218 00:10:59.480 --> 00:11:04.600 of course, because their integrity position may have changed. They 219 00:11:04.720 --> 00:11:07.159 relate to people in a more loving way, possibly a 220 00:11:07.240 --> 00:11:07.960 more caring way. 221 00:11:08.039 --> 00:11:09.480 Well, can I talk about that a little bit? 222 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:10.159 Absolutely. 223 00:11:10.759 --> 00:11:12.840 So you know, I mentioned to you that I was 224 00:11:12.919 --> 00:11:15.320 an evangelist and then I was a pastor for ten years, 225 00:11:15.559 --> 00:11:18.639 built a great church in the Panhandle of Texas, built 226 00:11:18.639 --> 00:11:24.159 a thirteen thousand, yeah squarefoot worship facility. I mean, we 227 00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:28.559 were doing great, and I had a huge trust credit 228 00:11:28.600 --> 00:11:31.559 score around the country with churches and. 229 00:11:31.559 --> 00:11:33.799 People, and you're the lead pastor there. 230 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:37.120 I was the lead pastor there, and so it's great, 231 00:11:37.799 --> 00:11:42.000 But I let a relationship with a staff member crossed 232 00:11:42.039 --> 00:11:46.080 the line and I went too far, and man, it was. 233 00:11:46.440 --> 00:11:50.080 It was terrible. And and after just a few weeks, 234 00:11:50.600 --> 00:11:53.840 I went to my wife and told her I crossed 235 00:11:53.879 --> 00:11:57.440 the line. She freaked out. And then I went to 236 00:11:57.440 --> 00:12:01.360 my church board told them about it, and they accepted 237 00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:06.960 my resignation. And then my denomination took my license away 238 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:10.879 as a pastor. Wow, And as a minister. There's no 239 00:12:11.039 --> 00:12:16.559 restoration process in that denomination, pretty conservative, none, none, And 240 00:12:16.639 --> 00:12:22.320 so I submitted myself, really, but I submitted myself to 241 00:12:22.519 --> 00:12:25.879 five pastors around the country to do some restoration. And 242 00:12:25.960 --> 00:12:28.399 here's what's cool, Mark, Because I had such a high 243 00:12:28.440 --> 00:12:32.279 trust credit score before that incident, a megachurch in central 244 00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:35.519 Louisiana brought me in into a non minister or position 245 00:12:36.159 --> 00:12:38.960 and an over a period of two years, helped to 246 00:12:39.000 --> 00:12:42.000 restore me and my family and try to get us 247 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:46.120 back together. And it was it was incredible. But because 248 00:12:46.159 --> 00:12:51.960 of that too, oh that's the understatement. Eventually I had 249 00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:55.320 to get into the business world because in the ministry 250 00:12:56.320 --> 00:13:00.600 there just wasn't much opportunity in a full time position. Yeah, 251 00:13:00.919 --> 00:13:05.120 So I had to start all over in a city Austin, 252 00:13:05.159 --> 00:13:09.759 Texas where nobody knew me and build a business. So 253 00:13:09.840 --> 00:13:13.279 I know what it's like to build trust from the 254 00:13:13.320 --> 00:13:17.759 ground floor up. And today I'm known all over Austin 255 00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:21.240 as a change energizer and now all over the country 256 00:13:21.320 --> 00:13:24.480 as a change energizer. And I've helped people to rebuild 257 00:13:24.519 --> 00:13:27.600 that trust. And that's what that's why I wrote the book, 258 00:13:27.799 --> 00:13:32.399 because if you're in business or not, trust is the 259 00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:36.679 gatekeeper of everything you do. It's powerful. 260 00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:39.360 Yeah, not to go into detail, obviously, but tell us 261 00:13:39.440 --> 00:13:43.360 a little bit more about what you learned about rebuilding 262 00:13:43.399 --> 00:13:47.840 trust possibly, or the restoration or relationships with others possibly, 263 00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:52.759 or are just in general about this huge subject of trust. Yeah, 264 00:13:53.000 --> 00:13:56.159 because it's such a people to use words like trust 265 00:13:56.279 --> 00:14:00.000 or love, you know, and but they don't. It's too loose, 266 00:14:00.519 --> 00:14:02.320 you know, it's a very very deep conversation. 267 00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:05.799 It is loose. And that's why there's five categories, five areas. 268 00:14:06.080 --> 00:14:09.840 Two that we didn't mention. One was your expertise, your 269 00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:12.960 skill set, what you're you're trained in, what you have 270 00:14:13.080 --> 00:14:16.039 knowledge in, you you're you're certified in. And then the 271 00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:18.159 last one is your track record. You know, can you 272 00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:19.919 actually do it? You know, just talk about it, but 273 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:22.799 you actually do it, walk the walk. Yeah. So in 274 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:26.759 in rebuilding what I call fractured or broken trust, and 275 00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:30.960 we call that trust rehab. Uh, you you just have 276 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:34.039 to It is behavior, you know. Covey in his book 277 00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:38.000 The Speed of Trust says, you can't talk yourself out 278 00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:41.360 of a problem that you have behaved yourself into, but 279 00:14:41.519 --> 00:14:46.200 you can behave yourself back into trust, and often faster 280 00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:50.919 than you think. Well, my my primary concern my my 281 00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:53.519 wife and I didn't make it okay and the divorce 282 00:14:53.799 --> 00:14:56.000 we we got, we went through a divorce and to 283 00:14:56.159 --> 00:15:00.639 this day she has not recovered. And some of that, 284 00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:03.879 you know, after twenty five years, falls off of it 285 00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:07.639 being my responsibility. Now that's her responsibility, that's right. But 286 00:15:08.159 --> 00:15:12.679 my kids were very important to me, and so I 287 00:15:12.840 --> 00:15:17.960 worked very proactive in my relationship with them to rebuild trust. 288 00:15:18.799 --> 00:15:22.000 And I believe that I was successful. We have a 289 00:15:22.080 --> 00:15:24.960 great relationship good to this day. 290 00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:25.519 Good. 291 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:29.720 You know. So it's it's something but something you have 292 00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:33.159 to work at and it it is a long process. 293 00:15:33.519 --> 00:15:35.919 Brick by brick man, Yeah, brick by brick. And because 294 00:15:35.919 --> 00:15:39.840 of something like what I did, I have to make 295 00:15:39.879 --> 00:15:43.279 sure that there's nothing that they ever see or that 296 00:15:43.399 --> 00:15:46.279 I do that makes them wonder what's dead? 297 00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:49.519 Up to right, that's right. Well, and that's that brings 298 00:15:49.559 --> 00:15:51.000 up a point And I was just thinking about this 299 00:15:51.039 --> 00:15:53.679 while you were speaking. Is part of that trust building, 300 00:15:53.759 --> 00:15:56.080 at least initially. And I've known you a long time, 301 00:15:56.720 --> 00:16:00.440 but I trust you more now because as you were 302 00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:04.000 transparent with me. You know, transparency is part of that. Yeah, 303 00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:06.480 you don't got to tell your whole story to everybody, 304 00:16:06.519 --> 00:16:10.039 but you're on the radio man. Yeah, so that's a 305 00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:13.600 pretty big transparent position right there. I appreciate that. Yeah, 306 00:16:13.639 --> 00:16:14.759 it takes a lot of courage. 307 00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:17.639 Well, it wasn't easy to do that, and I don't know, 308 00:16:17.720 --> 00:16:20.440 maybe a year or so ago, the bandage got ripped 309 00:16:20.440 --> 00:16:24.799 off of that, and it just made me realize that 310 00:16:25.159 --> 00:16:28.919 I need to find a way to share my story 311 00:16:29.720 --> 00:16:32.440 without making, you know, anybody feel bad about it. That 312 00:16:32.679 --> 00:16:35.639 was on the other end of that. And so that's 313 00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:37.639 what I've tried to do. I want to I want 314 00:16:37.679 --> 00:16:40.759 to say, you know, to deal with Christians. You know, 315 00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:44.480 I'm I'm a very devoted Christian. I'm in church every week, 316 00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:47.960 i have home groups at my house. I'm known for 317 00:16:48.039 --> 00:16:50.600 all of that, and I had to rebuild that trust. 318 00:16:50.919 --> 00:16:54.039 But Christians aren't perfect. Christians make mistakes. They make mistakes 319 00:16:54.120 --> 00:16:57.679 in big ways. And I remember an old saying church 320 00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:01.679 is not a museum for saying, it's a hospital for sinners. 321 00:17:01.720 --> 00:17:02.039 Amen. 322 00:17:02.320 --> 00:17:06.720 And we all, we all have a fluid area of 323 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.559 how well we do thank goodness for the grace of God. 324 00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:16.400 She absolutely, Yeah, So let's move into the Christian community 325 00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:21.640 around this conversation, you know, because what should Christian how 326 00:17:21.640 --> 00:17:23.720 should we kind of know what we should be doing? 327 00:17:23.799 --> 00:17:27.680 But how do Christians respond when trust is broken, either 328 00:17:27.720 --> 00:17:30.920 in a relationship like a marriage or the church leadership 329 00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:31.480 or whatever. 330 00:17:31.880 --> 00:17:33.319 Yeah, that's a that's a great question. 331 00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:36.039 I'll give you an example. Okay, I'm Catholic, and we've 332 00:17:36.119 --> 00:17:38.359 had a lot of scandal in the Catholic church, you know, 333 00:17:38.599 --> 00:17:41.480 and a lot of people have left because they're because 334 00:17:41.519 --> 00:17:43.799 of the sins you know, of the church. So it's 335 00:17:43.799 --> 00:17:46.759 been a big problem with that in my denomination too. 336 00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:49.680 But share what you know about that, not that but you. 337 00:17:49.640 --> 00:17:52.799 Know, yeah, yeah, sure, Well with any person, whether it's 338 00:17:52.839 --> 00:17:55.720 your family, your church, whatever it is. As Christians, you know, 339 00:17:55.759 --> 00:17:59.240 there are times when people are going to break covenant 340 00:17:59.279 --> 00:18:01.599 with you or or they're gonna do they're gonna have 341 00:18:01.640 --> 00:18:04.359 a behavior. There's just wrong, and it could be lying, 342 00:18:04.400 --> 00:18:06.920 it could be stealing, it could be pornography, it could 343 00:18:06.920 --> 00:18:11.640 be a relationship with somebody that they shouldn't have. And 344 00:18:11.960 --> 00:18:15.359 one of the things that Christ teaches is repentance. And 345 00:18:15.400 --> 00:18:19.119 repentance means where you know, first John one to nine, 346 00:18:19.160 --> 00:18:22.319 if we confess our sin, he is faithful and just 347 00:18:22.480 --> 00:18:25.880 to forgive us and to cleanses from all unrighteousness. So 348 00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:28.160 there's a kind of a process that has to go there. 349 00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:29.720 Number one, you have to confess it. You have to 350 00:18:29.720 --> 00:18:32.079 own up to it. I did this, it was wrong. 351 00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:35.759 I take full responsibility for it. So that's huge if 352 00:18:35.799 --> 00:18:38.839 you want the church to, you know, bring you back 353 00:18:38.880 --> 00:18:42.000 in and you want to accept that that that has 354 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:44.400 to happen. But then repentance is and I won't do 355 00:18:44.440 --> 00:18:47.480 it again. And the part of I won't do it 356 00:18:47.519 --> 00:18:51.440 again sometimes requires accountability. Sure, where there are people that 357 00:18:51.480 --> 00:18:54.279 you hold yourself accountable to and whether it's you know, 358 00:18:54.319 --> 00:18:56.079 if you feel like alcohol is a bad thing or 359 00:18:56.119 --> 00:18:59.279 you feel like that you know something else is, then 360 00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:02.799 find people who can keep you accountable. I mean drug 361 00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:05.720 rehab and all of that. It's not that you haven't 362 00:19:05.759 --> 00:19:10.680 been forgiven, but now you have to let you have 363 00:19:10.759 --> 00:19:13.920 to get control over those things and said, instead of 364 00:19:13.960 --> 00:19:16.839 those things having control over you. Doesn't matter what you 365 00:19:17.319 --> 00:19:20.440 what you're doing, what you are. So as a Christian community, 366 00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:24.400 I think it's important for us to forgive. But it's 367 00:19:24.440 --> 00:19:28.519 also chances, second chances. But it's important for people to 368 00:19:28.640 --> 00:19:33.480 know everybody is still watching your track record and you 369 00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:36.640 just you have to get control over those things instead 370 00:19:36.680 --> 00:19:38.240 of them having control over you. 371 00:19:38.440 --> 00:19:40.839 Yeah. I came across a scripture of Isaiah forty three, 372 00:19:40.920 --> 00:19:44.119 eighteen nineteen says, forget the former things do not dwell 373 00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:47.599 in the past. I am doing a new thing. Yeah, 374 00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:50.279 you know, so people can be redeemed and change. Yeah, 375 00:19:50.480 --> 00:19:54.920 let's face it. And in business too. You know, it's 376 00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:57.720 not just in the church communities, and it's across the board. 377 00:19:57.960 --> 00:20:00.920 Oh yeah, but this question you're a asking this book, 378 00:20:01.000 --> 00:20:04.000 you know, can I trust you? Is sort of is subliminal. 379 00:20:04.039 --> 00:20:06.480 I mean, we were thinking about it all the time. 380 00:20:06.359 --> 00:20:12.559 And people are asking that question consciously or unconsciously, mostly unconsciously, 381 00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:16.240 and they you know, but but in their mind, and 382 00:20:16.279 --> 00:20:20.039 they're looking for the signals, those five signals to let 383 00:20:20.119 --> 00:20:22.200 them know, you know, I think I trust him? 384 00:20:22.359 --> 00:20:25.000 Yeah, and repeat those real quick for us again. The five. 385 00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:27.839 So the first one, yeah, the first one is your 386 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:31.359 your body language and and you show up. The second 387 00:20:31.359 --> 00:20:34.000 one is your intentions and motives. And you know what, 388 00:20:34.119 --> 00:20:34.839 why do you break that? 389 00:20:34.920 --> 00:20:37.640 How do you see that? How do you see somebody's intentions? 390 00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:40.400 Well, it's like that commission breath, and you know what, 391 00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:42.839 what are their real intentions here? Are they really interested 392 00:20:43.000 --> 00:20:45.759 in me and helping me and getting what we need 393 00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:47.839 to do or or is it something else? Yeah? 394 00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:49.559 Is it a win win or is it a win 395 00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:50.839 lose win win? 396 00:20:51.000 --> 00:20:53.279 Yeah? Is it a win win, Yeah, that's a good 397 00:20:53.319 --> 00:20:55.839 way to look at it. Yeah. The third one is 398 00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:59.960 about your values, your integrity. You know, do you walk 399 00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:03.319 your talk? Are you do we share the same core values? 400 00:21:03.319 --> 00:21:06.519 And do you even have core values? The next one 401 00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:09.640