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Speaker 1: I grew up among Christian people in the Midwest, Polite,

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soft spoken, avoiding outbursts of anger. We only raged inwardly.

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We weren't complainers. We knew we weren't a great civilization

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like Greece. But their god Zeus was often violent, a

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god of thunder and lightning, liable to wreak destruction at

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any moment. We were gentle, as our God told us

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to be. We believed in an orderly world. This all

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came crashing down last Monday night at JFK when I

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boarded a Delta flight to Seattle around five pm. I

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consider JFK to be as close to a prison camp

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as I care to get. The Delta terminal is vast

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and crowded, ugly, endless lines at ticketing TSA agents whose

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badge entitles them to freely express hostility and contempt, miles

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of concourses lined with souvenir shops, the smell of bad food.

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Naming the airport for our late, lamented president did him

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no service. We boarded the plane and sat at the

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gate for awhile, and then pulled out and sat on

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the tarmac. A massive storm was moving east. The pilot

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came on the horn every fifteen minutes to apologize for

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the delay and say that air traffic control had no

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idea when, if ever, we might leave. Five became six

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p m. And then almost seven, when suddenly he said

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we were clear to go, and the plane sprinted toward

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the runway. But something changed. We were too late, and

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we returned to the gate canceled. We spilled out on

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to concourse. B got into a mighty river of canceled

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people heading for a Delta's service desk, and got into line.

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The line seemed to stretch a half mile and move

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about a quarter mile an hour. Maybe less complex negotiations

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were taking place far ahead of us. Word was passed

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down the line that Tuesday flights were selling out, that

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I might not reach Seattle until Wednesday. News passed that

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it might take hours to retrieve checked luggage. I saw

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some families with little kids looking for a friendly area

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to bed down for the night. Some older kids seemed

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to see it as an adventure. The parents did not.

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I felt for them. You've taken the kiddos on a

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trip to the Big Apple to visit Grandpa and Gagam,

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and you saw Coney Island and the zoo you picnic

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in the park, and now you've exhausted their hospitality, and

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your credit cards were worn thin, and you must now

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face a night sleeping on the floor. The allure of

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travel ended a day ago, and now you are in Alcatraz.

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Your children will grow up wanting never to leave their rooms.

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I had it for baggage claim, and there was a

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scene of emotional turmoil. Long lines had turned into a

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mob facing three uniform Delta ladies who had no idea

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where or when or if your luggage might appear. It

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might be two or three hours. One of them said,

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if you're rebooked, your luggage will be automatically routed to

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the new flight. She said, but most of the mobsters

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had not been rebooked. They were New Yorkers who wanted

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to grab their bags and go home. Give us your

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claim checks and we'll have people look for them two

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or three hours. The New Yorkers could not accept this.

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She tried to explain that dozens of planeloads of people

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were in the same boat. It was a huge storm.

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You can't fly into thunder and lightning. The New Yorkers

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didn't buy this. It was a Greek drama. Before my eyes,

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women drawn to a career in travel and the prestige

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of a nice uniform, facing a horde of murderous barbarians

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demanding the release of hostage luggage. I am eighty two

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years old. I'm a college graduate and episcopalian, a former

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radio broadcaster, the author of novels, essays, sonnets, limericks, and

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my days of standing in long lines for hours ended

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long ago. If when I die, I face a long

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line at the gates of Heaven, I will consider alternatives.

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I left the terminal, got a cab rode back to Manhattan,

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took an elevator to the twelfth floor, opened the door,

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and crawled into bed next to my wife, who recognized

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me right away as the love of her life. A

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man can ask for no more. Luggage became the last

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thing on my mind. Let God and my travel agent Camille,

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find a way. I closed my eyes. There is no place,

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no place like home. Think hard before you leave it.