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<v Speaker 1>Hello, I'm Beth, and this is social Leopards. Making a

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<v Speaker 1>big move geographically can be life changing. And today's story

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<v Speaker 1>is about a man who moved along with his family

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<v Speaker 1>from Massachusetts to Oregon and how that impacts the way

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<v Speaker 1>he now views life in general. As someone who moved

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<v Speaker 1>around a lot when I was growing up, it struck

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<v Speaker 1>a chord and I hope you enjoy the way this

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<v Speaker 1>story unfolds. When I started this season of reflections, the

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<v Speaker 1>first story I shared was about Stephanie Clebbins, who went

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<v Speaker 1>through a lot as she decided to shift her career

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<v Speaker 1>life around to find better balance. This story is also

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<v Speaker 1>about finding better balance, and it's written by substat dot

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<v Speaker 1>com creator skipk and Cannon, and he actually has several

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<v Speaker 1>articles about how this big cross country move impacted his family,

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<v Speaker 1>his cultural views, and his community. And with that, I'll

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<v Speaker 1>begin reading what you hear when the noise stops. How

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<v Speaker 1>moving from Boston to rural Oregon forced me to confront

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<v Speaker 1>who I really was beneath all the noise. I'm standing

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<v Speaker 1>in the driveway holding a chainsaw, trying not to look

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm about to lose a limb. Kevin, my friend

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<v Speaker 1>who comes from generations of loggers is explaining something about

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<v Speaker 1>kickback and the saw break. While I not an agreement,

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<v Speaker 1>the truth is six months ago, I couldn't tell you

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<v Speaker 1>the difference between a still and a steelhead. Now Here,

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<v Speaker 1>I am preparing to cut firewood because I live in

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<v Speaker 1>a house heated by a wood stove, and winter is coming.

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<v Speaker 1>Winter is always coming. It was a ninety degree day

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<v Speaker 1>in June. But the hardest part about moving from Boston

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<v Speaker 1>to rural Oregon isn't learning to use new tools or

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<v Speaker 1>being snowbound after winter storms. It's the quiet and what

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<v Speaker 1>you hear when the noise finally stops. When people back

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<v Speaker 1>in Boston heard I was moving to Oregon, they'd not approvingly.

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<v Speaker 1>At Least, you're going to a progressive state, they'd say,

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<v Speaker 1>as if they knew both my politics and my destination.

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<v Speaker 1>They were wrong on both counts. I'm a libertarian, and

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<v Speaker 1>I landed in a part of Oregon that wants to

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<v Speaker 1>secede to Idaho. But the real shock wasn't cultural. It

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<v Speaker 1>was discovering that my entire sense of self worth was

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<v Speaker 1>built on a foundation I didn't even recognize until it crumbled.

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<v Speaker 1>I used to believe my worth was measured in productivity.

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<v Speaker 1>That if I wasn't worried about boosting revenue, managing clients,

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<v Speaker 1>or outworking the competition, I wasn't pulling my weight, not

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<v Speaker 1>just at work, but in life. I ran a business

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<v Speaker 1>I shared with two partners, was co authoring a book,

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<v Speaker 1>and was accustomed to fielding urgent calls that only I

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<v Speaker 1>could answer. I knew exactly where I stood in the

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<v Speaker 1>pecking order, and that clarity was reassuring. There's something soothing

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<v Speaker 1>about being needed all the time, about having your phone

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<v Speaker 1>buzz with decisions only you can make. When COVID decimated

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<v Speaker 1>my wife's business, we decided if there was ever a

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<v Speaker 1>time for change, that time was now. We settled in

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<v Speaker 1>a small town along the Rogue River, about an hour

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<v Speaker 1>north of the California border. I used to fantasize about

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<v Speaker 1>peace and quiet. Then I got it, and I realized

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<v Speaker 1>the noise had been covering up restlessness, self doubt, and

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<v Speaker 1>the uncomfortable realities of aging. In the stillness, I heard

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<v Speaker 1>myself clearly for the first time in years, and it

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't always flattering. That emotional reckoning was the hardest part

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<v Speaker 1>of this transition. Here, nobody cares who I used to be.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just another dude at the hardware store seeking assistance

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<v Speaker 1>navigating his latest plumbing misadventure. The loss of professional identity

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<v Speaker 1>was more disorienting than I expected. Without the constant validation

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<v Speaker 1>of being needed, I had to confront a heavy question,

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<v Speaker 1>what was my value? If I wasn't useful in that way?

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't productive in the old sense. But gradually I

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<v Speaker 1>found worth. I realized presence might be a different sort

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<v Speaker 1>of ambition. But in that uncomfortable space, I started to

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<v Speaker 1>see things I'd been too busy to notice before. The

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<v Speaker 1>first thing I noticed when things slowed down was my marriage.

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<v Speaker 1>Out here, there's more room for eye contact. My wife

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<v Speaker 1>and I might fight more now, but we also talk

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<v Speaker 1>and spend more time together. Our marriage grew more settled

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<v Speaker 1>and deeper, like a river, instead of the constant churn

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<v Speaker 1>of a tide pool in Boston. We managed a family

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<v Speaker 1>here were forced to coordinate almost everything. Living rural means

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<v Speaker 1>planning trips off the mountain for shopping and errands. Things

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<v Speaker 1>that used to be quick individual decisions now require discussion.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't just run down the street for milk and

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<v Speaker 1>be back in five minutes. We have to be prepared

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<v Speaker 1>and the same page for needs both routine and extraordinary.

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<v Speaker 1>Having go bags and escape routes in case of wildfire

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<v Speaker 1>tends to forge a symbiotic working relationship. She probably sees

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<v Speaker 1>more of who I am now, and it's not always great,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's honest. The noise that used to fill our

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<v Speaker 1>days had been masking things. Not always bad things, necessarily,

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<v Speaker 1>but real things, the parts of ourselves that only emerge

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<v Speaker 1>when there's space for them. I was afraid she'd be

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<v Speaker 1>isolated and lonely. My wife's gregarious. She has a touch

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<v Speaker 1>of the Blarney, having been raised less than ten miles

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<v Speaker 1>from Blarney Castle, and has always been the social director

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<v Speaker 1>amongst her friends. I worried that losing her large social

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<v Speaker 1>circle would take a toll, but she'd already emigrated from

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<v Speaker 1>Ireland and moved to Maryland before Florida, and eventually to Boston,

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<v Speaker 1>adapting to new places and making friends each time. She

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<v Speaker 1>proved more resilient than I expected, and I should have

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<v Speaker 1>known better. Shame on me for underestimating a tough woman

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<v Speaker 1>who'd built a life from scratch in a new country.

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<v Speaker 1>She misses her friends, but she's made new ones and

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<v Speaker 1>found her rhythm. Community isn't just about proximity, It's about

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<v Speaker 1>shared purpose. Our daughters adapted even faster, probably because they

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<v Speaker 1>didn't carry my assumptions about what places should offer or

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<v Speaker 1>what success should look like. My youngest daughter was painfully shy.

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<v Speaker 1>When we arrived at preschool, she met a girl who

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<v Speaker 1>was a year older and took an immediate liking tour.

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<v Speaker 1>Without that friendship, we might never have gotten my little

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<v Speaker 1>girl brave enough to walk through the school doors. My

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<v Speaker 1>oldest daughter fell in love with her first grade teacher

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<v Speaker 1>and now consistently talks about becoming a teacher herself. Kids

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<v Speaker 1>don't need their environment to validate their existing identity. They

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<v Speaker 1>adapt to whatever makes sense locally. Ballet lessons, Fourth of July, parade, floats,

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<v Speaker 1>daily post office visits. It's all just background music to them.

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<v Speaker 1>Watching them, I realized something about acceptance that I'd been missing.

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<v Speaker 1>They weren't trying to preserve who they used to be.

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<v Speaker 1>They were just becoming who they needed to be. That

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<v Speaker 1>same flexibility, it turns out, runs deeper in this community

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<v Speaker 1>than i'd expected. I see it in the people who've

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<v Speaker 1>become my teachers here. Kevin, who was teaching me the

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<v Speaker 1>art of chainsaw maintenance sans the zen represents something I'd

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<v Speaker 1>rarely encountered in previous circles. His family has been in

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<v Speaker 1>logging for generations. When the timber industry collapsed, they didn't leave.

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<v Speaker 1>They adapted, started tree services, learned new skills while keeping

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<v Speaker 1>the old ones. There exists a willingness to reinvent here

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<v Speaker 1>that has nothing to do with credentialism or career advancement.

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<v Speaker 1>His approach to teaching reflects that same practical wisdom. Using

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<v Speaker 1>the saw isn't rocket science, Kevin tells me while I'm

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<v Speaker 1>strngruggling with chain sharpening. But it'll hurt you if you

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<v Speaker 1>don't respect it. The culture shock wasn't about rural versus urban.

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<v Speaker 1>It was about discovering a community organized around different values

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<v Speaker 1>than what I'd known. The Northeast has always focused on

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<v Speaker 1>credentials and polish. Here I learned to appreciate people who

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<v Speaker 1>could actually fix things when they broke. Rural organ didn't

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<v Speaker 1>convert me to some pastoral ideal. It gave me the

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<v Speaker 1>context to recognize something I'd been conditioned to overlook. In

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<v Speaker 1>the calm, I started to understand that humility might be

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<v Speaker 1>more valuable than I thought. Sometimes it takes a new

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<v Speaker 1>place to hear the voice you've been drowning out your

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<v Speaker 1>whole life. The parts of myself that needed space to surface,

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<v Speaker 1>the eagerness to learn, to be helped, to not have

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<v Speaker 1>all the answers were always there, I just couldn't hear

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<v Speaker 1>them over the noise. I drive a ram truck that

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<v Speaker 1>feels less like a costume. Now I can back up

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<v Speaker 1>a trailer without too much cursing or danger of a

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<v Speaker 1>jackknife situation. I saw logs, split wood, sharpened chains, and

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<v Speaker 1>maintain the chainsaw. These aren't grand in great transformations, but

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<v Speaker 1>small recognitions that my identity wasn't as fixed as I thought.

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<v Speaker 1>The mountain views grew on me gradually, not instantaneously or

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<v Speaker 1>in some dramatic revelation. The people are more interesting and

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<v Speaker 1>skilled in ways I love. I've made friends, and though

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not much for night life anymore, it's good to

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<v Speaker 1>know that I have people to call if I need

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<v Speaker 1>help with a busted pipe or want to grab a beer.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm still a city boy. We may not stay here forever.

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<v Speaker 1>I want my daughters to experience more of the world,

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<v Speaker 1>different types of communities. I could have a third act

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<v Speaker 1>left in me yet, but I had to let go

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<v Speaker 1>of the belief that a slower life is a smaller life.

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<v Speaker 1>This isn't a love letter to rural living. It's an

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<v Speaker 1>admission that I discovered parts of myself didn't know were there.

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<v Speaker 1>The mountains didn't change me, they offered me room to

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<v Speaker 1>figure out what mattered. Sometimes the quiet teaches you things

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<v Speaker 1>the noise never could. The end. My first thoughts as

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<v Speaker 1>I read this story were around the quiet truth surrounding

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<v Speaker 1>such a big move, and how Skip shows a sense

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<v Speaker 1>of humility, curiosity, and openness. It's almost as if his

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<v Speaker 1>new surroundings were prompting him to migrade as mindset over time,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, where listening became more important than speaking. I

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<v Speaker 1>love the idea that identity isn't fixed, and that our

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<v Speaker 1>very environment can offer a mirror for possibilities we forgot

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<v Speaker 1>to even imagine. Sometimes the best revelations come out of

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<v Speaker 1>those most ordinary of moments, that sound of a chainsaw,

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<v Speaker 1>the comfort of friends nearby, the steady presence of a

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<v Speaker 1>mountain skyline. I felt a sense of freedom as I

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<v Speaker 1>began to realize that your story doesn't have to match

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<v Speaker 1>everyone else's ideal. The value of A life isn't measured

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<v Speaker 1>by its speed or its accolades, but by the way

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<v Speaker 1>it makes room for growth and connection. I experienced my

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<v Speaker 1>share of community culture changes as I moved around growing up.

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<v Speaker 1>At first, of course, I was too young to really

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<v Speaker 1>identify or recognize the subtle shifts on how life was

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<v Speaker 1>lived as we entered a new community, and I think

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<v Speaker 1>I was very resilient, much like Skip kind of explains

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<v Speaker 1>about his children. I think the first time I really

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<v Speaker 1>understood was this move from Louisville, Kentucky, to Central Illinois.

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<v Speaker 1>I got to school as a fresh faced sixth grader

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<v Speaker 1>among a bunch of snarky, judgmental peers, and they quickly

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<v Speaker 1>did what sixth graders will do. They started to make

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<v Speaker 1>fun of my slight Southern drawl and my propensity to

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<v Speaker 1>use the word y'all, and it was a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>a tough TRENI now, that's very kid oriented in my perspective,

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, just to kind of paint the picture,

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<v Speaker 1>I was also sporting these wire rimmed glasses and really stringy,

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<v Speaker 1>straight blonde hair. Imagine a young female John Lennon look.

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<v Speaker 1>But because I was a kid, I did make adjustments

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<v Speaker 1>and soon found the things about Central Illinois that made

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<v Speaker 1>life more bearable. I found a very small circle of

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<v Speaker 1>friends who weren't judgy. I found ways to integrate into

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<v Speaker 1>the community without totally losing my earlier little identity that

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<v Speaker 1>was still forming and growing. I spent a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>time listening rather than acting, especially in that first year

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<v Speaker 1>following the move. I know that reflecting back on a

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<v Speaker 1>time when I wasn't sporting a fully formed frontal lobe

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<v Speaker 1>and coping through the lens of a preteen isn't a

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<v Speaker 1>parallel to the story Skip shares about his move. But

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<v Speaker 1>reading stories like this still kind of bring up a

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<v Speaker 1>lot from my past that I can then reflect upon.

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<v Speaker 1>And sometimes I do find a new appreciation for all

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<v Speaker 1>of these abrupt shifts in my childhood, because ultimately they

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<v Speaker 1>did shape the way I migrated into true adulthood. Later

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<v Speaker 1>in life, I made a move to Central Indiana. My

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<v Speaker 1>ex husband had a unique job opportunity there, and to

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<v Speaker 1>keep the story short, my life had sort of imploded.

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<v Speaker 1>I was in California at the time, so it simply

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<v Speaker 1>made sense, almost seemed like a sign that it was

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<v Speaker 1>time to move to make sure the kids we shared

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<v Speaker 1>were in a better situation with both parents co located,

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<v Speaker 1>and though I moved from a mid size city to

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<v Speaker 1>a mid sized city, that West Coast culture and climate

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<v Speaker 1>is vastly different from the Midwest. Lucky for me, I

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<v Speaker 1>had lived in the Midwest before, so it was more

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<v Speaker 1>like a return from once I came kind of story

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<v Speaker 1>in that sense. In retrospect, that was absolutely the best

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<v Speaker 1>move I ever made. I'm grateful for this last move

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<v Speaker 1>because it brought me closer to my mom and my

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<v Speaker 1>kids seemed to really be throw in Indiana, and ultimately

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<v Speaker 1>I had the good fortune to meet a great guy,

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<v Speaker 1>which I guess did require one smaller move sixty miles

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<v Speaker 1>northwest after we married. That was five years into the relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>and I didn't solidify the move until my youngest graduated

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<v Speaker 1>from high school. I also feel confident that this is

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<v Speaker 1>the place I'll retire and live happily ever after, So

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<v Speaker 1>that carries a small comfort in its own right to

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<v Speaker 1>anyone listening. Even if your life hasn't involved a major

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<v Speaker 1>geographical change, there are opportunities to appreciate where you are

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<v Speaker 1>right now. I hope you find a moment today to

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<v Speaker 1>sit with your own quietness, to let the noise fall

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<v Speaker 1>away and to listen for the voice that's been waiting

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<v Speaker 1>for you to hear it. Whether you're in the city

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<v Speaker 1>or the country, surrounded by bustle or blanketed by silence,

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<v Speaker 1>this story encourages us to seek to discover something new

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<v Speaker 1>about ourselves. Maybe, like Skip, each of us can find

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<v Speaker 1>that the most meaningful changes aren't dramatic. They're gentle recognitions

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<v Speaker 1>that give you permission to become more fully who you are.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for sharing this time with me today, with its

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<v Speaker 1>quiet lessons and unspoken invitations. But before I sign off,

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<v Speaker 1>let's talk briefly about next week. Next week, I'm returning

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<v Speaker 1>to the main topic from the beginnings of this podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be again exploring the topic of loneliness, featuring an

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<v Speaker 1>essay from Ryan Delaney. It's a reminder that pausing our

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<v Speaker 1>digital obsession may be the key to a more authentic

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<v Speaker 1>connection in our own communities. I look forward to sharing

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<v Speaker 1>it with you. Until next time, Take care,