Speaker 1: Got a real estate entrepreneurs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Michael Lopez looks like a real square, which normally
means he's into some kinky shit, normally involving a gerbil
and a nail gun some drywall screws.
Speaker 1: How what happens with those?
Speaker 2: I'd rather not say?
Speaker 1: Can I say? Sure, happen? New Year happd new it's
bad tie. I don't know why I started the New
Year singing because I just feel such a levity right now. Okay,
and it's bad TV and I'm dying. That's pat permission
to come aboard granted, little our little gift elf. Klein
is back. Hey, the studio is really been amped up
because Klen had to I think, evade taxes at the
end of the year.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had to spend some money.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so a lot of new stuff coming to the
Bad TV studio. Go to YouTube and check that out.
Kalen's doing great work. I have to tell you. Not
a great way to kick off the new year. I
sneezed and bent my tongue at the same time.
Speaker 2: I didn't hear the sneeze.
Speaker 1: No, it happened in the past. I'm actually in the
present carrying the wound of that catastrophic event. So if
it sounds like I have a lisp, I don't. That's gross.
I just bent my tongue.
Speaker 2: Dylan monitor that if it gets too annoying to hear,
I'll pick up the mantle.
Speaker 1: And I'm kidding. I think lisps are cute. So how
are you?
Speaker 2: I'm doing fantastic twenty twenty six. I feel good about
this year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, lots happened, you know politics. I was gonna
say the hell of a military I'm gonna no, no, no, okay,
a lot happened. We're gonna break down our entire Christmas
vacation at Patreon dot column Slash another podcast network, vacations
with the kids being around sick kids, Your father in
law almost died. I got deep into a health insurance
scam and it's so much stuff. So that's coming to
Patreon dot com slash. Another podcast network, Traders is this week.
We're going to be doing the first five episodes.
Speaker 2: First, like basically you can count on three weeks, three
weeks of free episodes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then that show's going behind the wall at
Patreon dot com slash. Another podcast network. Do you see
how it's already starting.
Speaker 2: And I want to say this to the listeners. Even
if you don't like Traders or whatever, give it a shot.
Try it because the way that Dylan and Ruby and
I and I guess Calen would be part of this,
the way that we recap it is not like any
other podcasters. We make it really fun, We analyze the
gameplay it, we make it good.
Speaker 1: So give us a yeah, we're like the game of
roses of Trader's recaps. Caylen, you ever seen Trainers?
Speaker 2: I have not. Oh, it's gonna be fun.
Speaker 1: He's in fine for him, he's in fine form. Calen
sat down with James Cameron over the weekend.
Speaker 2: Yeah he did.
Speaker 1: Did you tell him I thought Avatar was dog shit? No?
I did not.
Speaker 2: I did not get around to time. How would he
bring that up?
Speaker 1: He goes up to James Cameron. He says, hello, James Cameron,
fame director James Cameron. Dylan things Avatar, Fire and Ash
was a little overrated.
Speaker 2: Most critics say it's mediocre. They said it's just like
the first two.
Speaker 1: I got not high enough went to go see it,
picking my father up from Los Angeleson.
Speaker 2: I don't know how much weed you'd have to smoke
it have to last you four hours.
Speaker 1: Well that's the problem. I was pretty high in the beginning,
but trailers included we're looking at a four hour sit
in the movie theater. Dad's flight got delayed. I did
a double feat. Actually went to go see The Housemaid.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see it.
Speaker 1: Enjoyed it, honestly, can I say enjoyed it a little
bit more than Avatar?
Speaker 2: I bet you did.
Speaker 1: It was thrilling, and you know, Sweeney's boobs are in it.
You know, I'm not a you know, I'm not like
a Sweeneyhead or anything. I'm just not simply not.
Speaker 2: Hey, I got Patty's picks before we get it.
Speaker 1: We got it was a thrilling film.
Speaker 2: I got a film with Sweeney in it. If you're
a Sweeneyhead? Is that the name of her fans? Yes,
if you're a Sweeneyhead. Little pick by Ron Howard called Eden.
It's based on a true story that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I saw her screaming giving birth in my
living room. I was like, what are you watching? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Eden, give it a shot. It's a slow burn. Uh,
it's about two and a half hours long, but it's
definitely watch it on a Saturday.
Speaker 1: And do we have a new timer too that the
numbers are My god, yes, you got a new time.
He really blew the bank out, Holy cow. And listen,
we're not this is not a political show. So if
you have a problem with the American Eagle campaign, so
do we. And if you don't, we don't either.
Speaker 2: Whatever you believe, we do too.
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's get into below deck. We missed a
week of the show.
Speaker 2: Let me let me take this one for us. Still, Okay,
we want to address the episode that Dill, Kayla and
I neglected to recap. Now, I watched the episode, clearly,
both of you did it.
Speaker 1: I watched seven minutes of it.
Speaker 2: Okay, there's a reason this episode was placed the week
of Jesus' birthday. And it's not just because a bunch
of goddamn pagans work over at that Bravo you're.
Speaker 1: Saying, jeez, I getting.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's because the episode was awful. Okay, it was
awful and quite frankly, not worth our time to recap
and thus not worth your time to hear us recap.
Speaker 1: Did they throw the flowers to commemorate Bond's life in
this episode of the.
Speaker 2: One the tail end of the episode that you didn't
watch in our audience, the barnacle should not have to happen.
Speaker 1: I watched a fair amount of it, actually, maybe even
the whole thing.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, I want to say this about quality control,
which clearly Bravo does not.
Speaker 1: You're talking about QC.
Speaker 2: Okay. There have been times that Dylan and I have
recorded an episode, sometimes as long as an hour. We
both stared at each other and one of us said,
I don't think that was good, and you guys never
heard it. There's also been times that an episode was
somehow ended up in the back of an uber. But
that's a that's a whole other story.
Speaker 1: I probably, like I want to say, at least eleven episodes.
Speaker 2: That's a taiale for another time.
Speaker 1: Gore Vick's accord.
Speaker 2: But I digress. Yeah, if it doesn't meet the standard,
you guys don't hear it. But clearly Bravo wanted to
hear it. So here is the recap of what took
place in that episode. Okay, all right, Kathy, her dad.
Speaker 1: Left, Kaylin, Am I does my hairline super thin in
this camera? No? Sure, No, I don't know what I'm
gonna do. All of the stuff that you take makes
your genitals fall off, and then this stuff you sprang
on top it doesn't really work.
Speaker 2: I want you to gauge how knows go though? H Hey,
Kaylen was James Cameron?
Speaker 1: Okay, Oh it's such a good point.
Speaker 2: Is is Dylan's hair?
Speaker 1: Do I look like I'm balding? No?
Speaker 2: Kaylin, go ahead, you ask him what?
Speaker 1: No? No? No? See what I picked up on the
first no and the second note? Very different, drastically different. Right.
The tone changes when the investigator has caught you and
that's what just happened.
Speaker 2: Caln do you hate your kids? No? Okay?
Speaker 1: Truthful from the bowels of his art. Wow, can I
tell you well? I don't need him to tell me
my hair sitting I was. I was racing around the
house looking for something to cover this hideous scenop, but
I couldn't find it. My dear sister was on the
side of the yard. We had a lovely neighbor moment.
We'll get to the show in one second.
Speaker 2: My recap with the episode we did watch.
Speaker 1: Yes and then the show. My dearest sister was having
a moment with our neighbor over the fence, looking at
it was. It was a great moment, right, but she
asked the question, how's it going? Oh? No, dad dead, mom, dad,
dog dad, all within three weeks. Don't don't ask people.
Speaker 2: Don't ask unless you're ready for an answer.
Speaker 1: Don't ask. Okay, know the nose and don't ask.
Speaker 2: That's right, all right, go ahead, okay, recap of the
episode we didn't watch. Kathy. Her dad took off when
she was a little girl. Shock her. So she was
raised by another guy. Anyway, he died. Okay, here's the thing.
Sea rats grief on a boat lasts about as long
as a battery bought at a dollar store.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't last.
Speaker 2: No, they don't last long. I learned that one at Christmas.
By the way, I bought a battery for a toy
train for Quinton. It lasted like a half hour.
Speaker 1: Well that's why when you go to the ninety nine
storyed by batteries there are homeless people licking them. It's disgusting.
Speaker 2: I have one time I thought I got a real deal.
I bought aluminum tinfoil. You know, there were four sheets
of aluminum. I thought I got a deal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well they'd all been pulled to chase the dragon.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, that's how many sheets of aluminumore in there?
Speaker 1: No, I know it's a rip off.
Speaker 2: It sucks being poor, okay, all right, anyway, Josh plans
on finishing it.
Speaker 1: Being poor teaches you things, Okay, being a fat cat.
You're just up there, you know, I don't know what
you're doing. Probably bored, eating trout row and tossing yourself
into some sex trafficked young woman.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Getting once you're at the top. You're at the top.
The only way is down.
Speaker 1: That's it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're poor, you're looking up there, going I'm
going to get up there someday.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: Okay, anyway, all right. Josh plans on finishing out the
season serving family style, So he's gonna get do that
because he needs more time putting on that stupid clown makeup.
Joe didn't know it was V's birthday, despite him being
quote unquote all in his words not mine. Nate plans
on not taking no from Gail because he loves her.
During the tip meeting, Sandy and Josh bump heads over
that family style thing. Sixteen k from the charter guest
Will Big cheap os V returns and is happy to
be back, and Kermit asked Joe the Hoe to keep
his mouth shut about kissing Kizzy because you know, they're
going to celebrate the death of Bond.
Speaker 1: Bond, you know, yeah, yeah, not celebrate, but.
Speaker 2: Honor his death with their stupid briefs. Okay, they throw
a birthday party for v and then Kissy pretends to
still be cleaning Walking's deuce out of that shower drain
so she doesn't have to show up. Yeah yeah. And
then Kermit encourages Gail to be positive about love despite
you know, Nate fucking her over. And then they and
that birthday celebration with that bomber Fast tribute to Bond.
Speaker 1: Well it was beautiful.
Speaker 2: Some eyes the end on to the next episode zero.
Speaker 1: We're getting into the episode now, so what would you
you know what actually? Can I say really quickly a
couple thoughts on those truncated thoughts. I think Kizzy might
have borderline personality. I mean, like there's some really crazy
stuff going on. Joe, for sure, does 's just Joe's
just you know, but the love that Nathan has for
Gail is a little bit like putting a bird into
a cage that's too small, Like it just kind of
smushing it in there. You know, it's really really I
don't know. I want better for them, but I think
they're in love. They have a sa rat baby, so
you don't think they're doing I did judge love.
Speaker 2: I did this to a girl. This is many, many
years ago. We had broken. It was kind of the
on and off thing, very similar to night and at
some point I chased after her like psychotic, like I
must be with her. This is the girl meant for me.
And we got back together. We were together for like
four months and I'm like, god, I really want to
dump her. It didn't last.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to move on. To
move on, I want to tell you before we get
into the episode. Buzzballs were consumed by yours truly over
the holidays.
Speaker 2: Some of those Christmas ones.
Speaker 1: Two buzzballs were consumed. I went and I purchased Buddy
the Elf licensed maple buzzballs. I put something under your chair.
Speaker 2: You put something under my I put something under your chair.
Should I look down?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: Christmas is over, Dylan.
Speaker 1: I know, but this is a new sponsor. This is
really crazy. I don't know what we're gonna do.
Speaker 2: My god, I see these and I wanted to try it.
Speaker 1: Today's episode is brought to you by the rival Big Ships. Yeah,
lie Margarita, Yeah, okay, now sixteen percent alcohol. Now the
buzzball is a fifteen percent abvs are sixteen. So go
to Big STIPs Big SIPs dot com and enter in
promo code bad TV. Are you drinking right now?
Speaker 2: Well? I haven't been, but I don't mind taking a sick.
Speaker 1: Will you take a step just let us know how
the Big Sip is sure. Now, we don't want to
move on from Buzzballs, but this is a meritocracy.
Speaker 2: So we reached out to Buzzballs and they don't want
to collaborate with us, which is unfortunate for him, honestly,
because we pitched them.
Speaker 1: But it's such a good idea. We said, think about it,
Turkey sandwich Buzzball. It'll be perfect. It'll fly off the shelves.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie to yet. This is a better product. Yeah,
Big Zip Friday's coming your way. Smell your later, Buzzball,
Fuck you, this is a superior product. You're try it.
I think I'm going to start drinking again. I miss it.
It's been like a month.
Speaker 1: It genuinely is a well, it's it's still discussing, you know,
the way brisk iced tea has an unnatural lacker to it. Yes,
that's what this margarita has. That's discussed.
Speaker 2: Well. To each his own.
Speaker 1: I'll take thank you for sponsoring the show. Love the product.
All right, let's get into this episode. I thought the
same thing about this episode that I've thought about this season.
You've been judged and you've been come up lacking. This
whole season has just been rather meh. You know, we
have Asia, a great lynchpin for a good cast, but
we have this melodrama of these relationships. I mean, I'm
listening to some of these conversations and I'm like, you
guys are sa rats? What are we doing Romeo and
julieting this conversation about how you two have been fucking
for night teen days. You know, It's just we've got
diners and drive ins and dives to watch. We have
to we we got to get something out.
Speaker 2: Of this at Dylan seven seven pots. Okay, the level
of incompetence being exhibited by the exterior is quite concerning,
wouldn't you agree?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well really by one We'll also v had a
little bit of a flipout when that doc Gypsy threw
that line at her.
Speaker 2: True so well, he actually threw it at Max's head
and then he blamed it on V.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2: Kind of like a who's on first kind of thing.
I didn't do that to you, Yes you did. I
hate Max. I hope he gets fired this episode. There's
nothing like someone getting fired one day before they stop filming.
Speaker 1: Is that capital? Ah?
Speaker 2: Yes, I really not like him. I think he's just
an angry idiot.
Speaker 1: Okay. I don't know how your listening. We'd love to
have you.
Speaker 2: No, I don't want you on here. I don't even
know what.
Speaker 1: We couldn't understand.
Speaker 2: I couldn't understand that ned subtitles, which would be weird. Okay.
I loved how V dumped Joe the Hope. It was
just very clean, although he loved it too.
Speaker 1: No one was happier than Joe.
Speaker 2: He was that and I don't like it be a
happy either. Kizzie refusing to apologize and then openly flirting
with Joe.
Speaker 1: She's a psychopath.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think she was doing her makeup during the.
Speaker 1: During the Happy Birthday. Yeah, that was and just a
laundry list of gross things that Kizzy's done, and again
she's a young woman, but purposefully going into the bathroom
while they're singing Happy Birthday and listen. The editing is
the editing. But knowing what we've seen on display by Kizzie,
there's no way that she didn't intend to do that.
I'm gonna step out. That seems like such a kissy
thing to do.
Speaker 2: She also, while he was kind of telling Sandy initially
about Bond's passing, could not sit there in the galley
and eat finish her pete up get or whatever. She
got the fuck out of there.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, no, she is. She is a weird
is decaying a little bit. She cannot be around real feelings.
Speaker 2: Well, I liked it. I think I think it's high
time that Kermit step aside as the chiefs do and
move on to the land and enjoy her life with
a nice house with Scott and have little sea babies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just fucking suck his buttole Yeah yeah, yeah, and
joy her wort's not all right. We kick things off
with the gang very emotional about the ceremony for Bond.
No one is more emotional than the girl who lost
her boyfriend to a tragic accident. Kidding. Actually, the person
who's the most emotional is Joe the Hoe, who does
not know this dead guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, he doesn't know how the fuck he's going
to dump this girl up. Actually that's his problem now
without looking like a complete douchebag. So he's he's pretty upset.
I would recommend it a little. Did we know he
was going to get dumped that he kind of ride
it out and then slowly dumper through text after filming.
Speaker 1: Sure, like Nathan, who is also extremely upset because Gail
is departing the vessel.
Speaker 2: Now after that, we have Joe the Hoe, and it's
because he's so self absorbed and the only thing he
can think about is the situation and how it affects him.
Right ten minutes after throwing that reef in the water
to honor that dead guy, he thinks it's a good
time to tell v that he stuck his tongue down
Jizzy's throat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So he's gonna tell her tonight, you know,
on the evening of the ceremony of her literally.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of moot and futile to psychoanalyze sea rats,
but this is a bit of a psychotic, but it's
a sociopathic move, so not it's this weird thing where
like he wants the evening to be about them and
his big muscles in that shirt. It's so fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: Did you catch the apology though?
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: All right? Did you cat? All right?
Speaker 1: So this apology is incredible.
Speaker 2: Okay, So he tells the he got super drunk and
then he kissed Kissy quote unquote on accident, and he
doesn't want to lose v okay, and the kiss with
Kizzy Jizzy was meaningful, and he wants to h he
only did it wasn't meaningful, It wasn't meaningful, and he
only did it because he was drunk, right, and if
he was sober, he wouldn't do it. And I thought,
what a line in the sand to draw, I know,
because you're like, uh, you know, you're a married guy,
like honey, I fingered h two strippers and we do this?
Can we do this?
Speaker 1: Can we do this? Though? And just in twenty twenty six,
you go to the finger trough. We could do something else.
I porked two strippers at that's not good either.
Speaker 2: I I went down on two strippers at that bachelor party.
But the good news for our marriages. I was pretty drunk. Yeah, yeah,
so I definitely wouldn't have gone down on those prostitutes, sober,
you know, right, And I definite wouldn't pay him two
hundred dollars going down. And I also got a hand job,
but I wouldn't do that if Okay, yeah, so anyway, okay,
so sober me is a married guy who's happy.
Speaker 1: Exactly what I Okay, okay, so Joe. There's a lot
of pomp and circumstance surrounding just a time worn excuse.
I was drunk, that's right, So that all of these,
all of this glitter is surrounding him saying I got
drunk and I hooked up with somebody. He tells her that.
He tells her that the reason he's telling her is
because their relationship means so much. It's not even good lying.
It's like, I feel like he's on autopilot right now,
Like this is the fifteenth time he's done.
Speaker 2: I don't even know why he's doing it other than
the cameras being there and trying to look like a
good guy.
Speaker 1: Right, So we hit the Vans. Acious sings about eating
Scott's shitter, but more importantly, Kizzy and v you have
a little chat. Now Kathy is trapped in the car
and she's listening to this conversation. It's very awkward conversation
about I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, but also
if I had a knife right now, I'd kill you
and I wouldn't think twice about it. And Kathy's trying
to help, and she's going, there were no tongues or anything.
It was just a peck, and Kizzy goes, oh, no, no, no,
there might have been tongues. We were pretty drunk. Kizzy
seems to want to hurt the Oh as much as
she can with this little.
Speaker 2: Thing, especially later, especially later.
Speaker 1: With the her when she says, I don't.
Speaker 2: Care, no, when she says, oh, Joe had told me
that you were just like a short term thing.
Speaker 1: Oh right, the face to face, Yeah, that was like
a scene. That was like that scene in Heat, you
know Nero put she know in the diner. Kizzy and
obviously Kizzie and v Or not to the quality of
those those performers, right, but I think it makes up
for it that they were so close to one another's faces.
You know, they're really sucked in hating one another. But
we'll get there in a second. So Kathy says there
were no tongues, and Kizzy, I don't know. The mouse
is bleeding. It's going it's going to bleed. You don't
need to play with it anymore. Okay, it's really fucked up.
So we hit the club. Nathan gets wasted romantic. Now
I'm not a woman, but I think that there are
lots of women out there who can see themselves in Galen,
this moment where somebody's just on the verge of blacking out,
waxing poetic about how much they love you. And I
mean he was making out with somebody like four days ago.
Speaker 2: Yeah, to be fair, she was a little glossy in
the eyes too.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, definitely, definitely these two. I mean it's so.
Speaker 2: Well he takes her outside. I mean the club is
pop and everyone's making out. Yeah, and he takes her
outside and she gets emotional because she's been hurt so
many times by this guy. You know, but he only
did it because wade for wait for it, wait for it.
Here it comes to sea rat history. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
begin with a very depressing birthday photo with little Nate
with that little birthday hat. On there, and why would
he be Because he was subjected to a life of
a band of it. That's why he's a pig as
a grown up, you know, So why wouldn't he do that?
And he found it difficult to connect with others minus
five points, Well, can be a human being? Cry me
a fucking river, Nate, she's hot a idiot.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, can I get away?
Speaker 2: Can I get aware?
Speaker 1: I mean the fact that he says my parents got divorced.
I mean that's like saying I have a learning disability
because I am dyslexic. Yeah, now I get that it's
a learning disability, but also there are people who can't see.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, that's yeah, Nate, I got one for you.
I got one for you. Here's what happened. You were
hooking up with her, and then the show aired, and
then a bunch of hotties hit you in the DM
and said I'll fly out there and sit on your face. Yes,
and then you said okay.
Speaker 1: On your seventh houghtie, she actually took everything in the
hotel room, rob your block. And You're like, I think
I've been a mistake. I don't think I can trust
these people. I think I miss Gail. Luckily for you,
Gail is a sweetheart and she is she's a she's
in love with you and your hairline, you know. So Anyways,
v chats a bit with Kathy about how Kizzy is
a snake and then v oh, no, no, no kiss
He sees them chatting.
Speaker 2: No, this was awesome. Okay, So somehow Joe the Hoe
and KISSI are outside the club right and they're busy
doing the dosey hoe like they're outside like there are
a couple. If I'm a passer buyer, I'm like, oh,
these two are going to get it on.
Speaker 1: You know what they were doing. They were doing the
the the carnival maze during the finale of Greece with
Olivia Newton, John and John Travilta.
Speaker 2: Now we always say this, this is the lesson I'm
going to teach my kids because they love the movie Grease.
Speaker 1: Change Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the message change you are the final message of
that film for Olivia Newton, John Sandy, if you want
to get a man, turn into.
Speaker 1: A slut, well be sluttier right and smoke. Pick up smoking,
and do not be afraid to get an abortion if
you're not ready. That is the message of Greece. But
you know that dance they do and they're just dancing
back and forth. So that's what that's what Joe and
Kizzie were doing. And vcs it. She walks by, squeezes
Joe's ass and Kizzy and him kind of I don't know,
like first year philosophy in the quad start talking about
why the karma sends people that are your mirror image
and that's why she was sent to him. And you
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Speaker 2: You know, dyl Now that I don't drink anymore. When
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Speaker 2: Well, the sea rats all head back to that boat,
and uh, Nate gets a maybe out of gale. He
asked if he can sleep in or bunk and they
cozy up, and then someone should tell.
Speaker 1: Can't they go into the guest cabin?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, they go in the guest cabin forgive me?
Yeah yeah. And then someone should tell Kathy that a
millimeter of sheeting material does not obscure her entire family
from seeing the Frenchman from pounding away out of it.
Speaker 1: No, I mean talk about a jackhammer. I mean this
was so rapid. This was what how fast was the
millennium falcon goings? I mean this is at least a
parsac I mean it's so fast. Yeah, I almost blew.
Speaker 2: A hole through the wall. Thank god they made that
movie solo so we could get the backstory of how
that came to be.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I listen, we're just podcasters. But imagine
getting cast that guy who was not very well known.
He's like, I got the Han Solo movie. I mean,
this is a big deal. And then everyone sees it
and they go this made me want to reconsider being alive.
And it's like oh, man, I didn't mean to do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I'd argue though, like if he was cast.
Speaker 1: You know, they're a handsome kid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god, he looked nothing like Gonzolo.
Speaker 1: Well you know, there's a rugged, you know, Anglo Saxon,
white guy about him.
Speaker 2: But his agent was probably calling Tizzy and they go, yeah,
I know you haven't released Force Waking. I'm getting worthy
that you're you're killing Han Solo. Yeah, but you're making
a movie called Solo.
Speaker 1: Right, let's not air your dirty laundry. Okay, have you
seen glass Onion? No? I haven't. I'll never watch anything
by that moron ever again. I'll never watch a single thing. Okay,
thank you one of those? All right, So they bang fast.
Nathan asks her the question he wasn't going to ask
her because he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.
The question was, can you hang around in Europe for
a while and wait for me to get done with
work so we can start our love again. Listen, I
know you have a ce rep baby, but get that's
a ridiculous request. And and I think women know this,
but like you know, don't don't long don't long for.
Speaker 2: It's adventure though, Dylan, Remember these people they're not like us.
They're young, they're adventurous, they're in their late twenties. They
can have fun being.
Speaker 1: In Barcelona for a week and a half by yourself,
waiting around for a guy from fucking I don't know,
Brighten or wherever the hell he's from.
Speaker 2: Well, you're forgetting something, you know. This is production, Like,
let's take the fourth wall down here. She's been sitting
in a hotel room for a couple of weeks waiting
to get on this.
Speaker 1: Goddamn No, I don't think that's how a couple of weeks. Well,
all right, we'll see about see this is the thing,
like I don't want to talk about Gaila. Who cares?
They have a searep baby together? It's beautiful? A right?
Speaker 2: Can we get some the next morning? Yeah? Next morning? Okay,
I want to Can I handle this the of course?
Speaker 1: Please?
Speaker 2: Okay. Something takes place this very morning that I bet
a majority of our listeners have experienced, and that is
I bet you've dealt with this, Kayley. Oh yeah, this
you thought an issue Yah had been put to bed.
You'd fought with your partner, whether it be a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife,
you'd fought at it, there was a little blip, a
little something you thought it was.
Speaker 1: Can you say that again? Can you start over? I
tuned out?
Speaker 2: Oh okay, Well, say you've gotten in a fight with
your wife.
Speaker 1: You know what it was at dinner? I called him
a pussy hound and that was too I think it was.
It was grotesque, it was, it was grotesque.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Now I'm not saying that he wasn't a cocksman in
his earlier days, right right, But we don't need to
speak like that on this on this show.
Speaker 2: Definitely not.
Speaker 1: That's why I tuned out a little bit.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, let me start all right, let's start out. Okay,
imagine do you have.
Speaker 1: A slab that you can hit for that Did you
get one of those when you were dumping that money
so the government couldn't find it? Okay, all right, okay,
go ahead.
Speaker 2: Okay. You've gotten in a fight, an argument something with
your partner, someone you're dating. It's at night, maybe it
took place at dinner, and then you head back to
the apartment and after you've been fighting and you think
you resolved it, you think it's over, you think it's
in the past. Maybe you had makeup sex whatnot. You go,
you get a good night sleep, you wake up the
next morning. But oh, did you make a big goddamn mistake. No,
it's not over. It's not you're fucking you made a
big fucking mistake. It's not resolved at all. Oh wow,
you're fucking wrong. Yeah, it means it's just you've just
you've just touched the surface of it. It's got to
be discussed, and that's what takes place here. Va is
not over this kiss at all.
Speaker 1: It's so weird. I don't think I've ever experienced that.
Speaker 2: Oh, when I dated Lebanese Lana, we would fight like
cats and dogs, and then we'd wake up the next word.
I thought it would be resolved, we'd have good makeups
at you and then oh no, no, no, we fight
the whole next day.
Speaker 1: You know, I think that we should actually amend that
saying to we fought like cats and cats, because cats
and cats really tear each other up. Cats and dogs
just kind of play around and paw each other, you know, think, Yeah,
there's no real animosity between the cats and the dogs.
It's more a curiosity. You know. That would that be like,
you know what let's just leave it. Cats and dogs.
We're not going to change America. Yeah. No, Usually when
I go to sleep, I know if there's something bad
or not, I'm gonna I see what you're saying. That's
what happened here. Let's get to the next thing. Okay,
so we do. We get to scale departing.
Speaker 2: Well, hold on, this is where Vego's and dresses her
issues with Jizzy, and Jiz tells her, I got no
regrets and I don't feel bad about that.
Speaker 1: Kill No, hang, hang on a second, because Gailee departs first. Yeah,
Gail departs first, and we get we get a little
glance of aaceous morning coffee, very milky, way too much milk.
Did you see that?
Speaker 2: I didn't.
Speaker 1: What do you do You drink a coffee in the
morning or are you just monster energy zero sugar blue?
Speaker 2: Can I drink a diet coke in the morning?
Speaker 1: Okay, Caitlyn, you drink a coffee in the morning, you
put a lot of milk in there. I drink it black. Now,
I'm not sad I put milk in mine. I'm not
saying that you can't put milk, but I mean this
was this was almost bone white. Okay, so Kizzy, no, first,
Gale departs and she says, not all of her walls
that's the new microphone. She says, not all of her
walls have been broken down, and she says, you never
know what's gonna happen. We know, we know. No, mh
you have a searette baby.
Speaker 2: I hope they're still together.
Speaker 1: Do you not know?
Speaker 2: Well, now, I hope they're still together. Now we don't.
Speaker 1: No, No, I mean like in the Rags, it hasn't
been reported or anything like that.
Speaker 2: Uh, I haven't kept up with it.
Speaker 1: That's so crazy. You're you're always on the front lines
of this stuff. Hey, kay, we do a little research
for us. Let us know if Nathan and Gail are
still together.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't think they'd say if they were, they
could be living a heart right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so funny, never mind, we're not going to talk
about him saving people.
Speaker 2: Do you you We talked about it.
Speaker 1: I know, but did you hear that it was an
it was controversial. No, we'll talk about it controversial. It
was controversial.
Speaker 2: Everything in this.
Speaker 1: World is well okay. So anyways, we get to this
chat with Kizzie and V, and V wants to let
Kizzy know that she's she's not cool with what happened,
and Kizzie tells her very close, face to face that
she does not regret anything that she did, and she
spits in her face, essentially with words. Now. I hate
that the conversation devolves into them big sticking each other
about who Joe cares for more. You both are rags
that have not hardened yet. Okay, please just love yourselves
a little bit more. Don't fight over Joe the hoe.
My god, I know.
Speaker 2: Can you believe this?
Speaker 1: It's so sad, I can't believe it.
Speaker 2: So Kizzy says he liked her first. I believe yeah,
and then she also remarks that Joe had told her
that the connection with v was quote unquote seasonal. Uh
huh Oh that's gotta hurt, do you, little dirty fox? Yeah,
it's nasty moves like that though, Bravo really likes and
that will get you another season here.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Kizzy will be back.
Speaker 2: I think she'll be back today.
Speaker 1: What do you have from the news. I can't see
anything sooner than like September October, in which they were
still together. Oh that's great, I'll take September October still together.
There you go, Yeah, that's awesome. All right, Well, let's
get to the pre friend sheet. May day, we've got
a real estate entrepreneur.
Speaker 2: Michael Lopez looks like a real square, which normally means
he's into some kinky shit, normally involving a gerbil and
a nail gun some dry wall screws.
Speaker 1: How what happens with those? I'd rather not say, Can
I say?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 1: Okay? So you obviously insert the gerbil at the rectum.
That's obvious. It's scratching because it does not understand the
peril that it's in that would hurt most people, not
this Sickoh, he likes it, but he doesn't like it enough.
That's where the drywall screws and the nail gun come in.
The nail guns used to almost permanently, so the opening shut,
but you leave a little room because there's a tremendous
amount of pain that he's enduring and it has actually
crested the point of too much. Use the drywall screw
to actually end the gerbil's life because while you're extracting it,
it's so gross. Why are we laughing at this?
Speaker 2: I was gonna say a lot of children lessen, which
probably shouldn't get into it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my god, that was disgusting. It's a new year too,
all right. So their friend needs a vacation and they
will be joining later. But they're also going to be
They've requested really one thing, and that is a beauticle
hymn hand carved the king. Dare I say the God
the yahweh of Hams. Okay, Now, Nathan is a little Josh,
Josh excuse me, Josh is a little bit spooked by
this because Josh is in the culinary world. He knows
that he's not cut out for this kind of thing.
Speaker 2: He should call those soccer players that ate each other
on that mountain.
Speaker 1: No know, they have a brutish way of consuming me,
which anyone who is out there for that long would
Did you know what the bite force of a human
being can? You don't need to cook a thing. Really, Wow,
it's very crazy. The people that carve harmony betico are
extremely skilled. They're almost craftsmen, right. They take a knife
and they do to dead flesh what few others can.
Nathan is not one of these people. Yeah, excuse me.
Clown clown man is not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, which is shocking because I assume he's pretty
handy with a with a knife.
Speaker 1: It's not shocking. This is like asking a picture to
play shortstop. Okay, you just can't.
Speaker 2: Do it, okay.
Speaker 1: Or it's like asking a clown to carve the world
highest quality ham. I mean you need a very specific knife.
We'll get to the moment where he starts. But these
people have seen enough cooking shows to know this man's
butchering it. This man is treating this hamone like those
people did when they crashed in the andies.
Speaker 2: Yeah, remember that guy. He goes, he goes to see
if he can find help, and he goes, hey, hey
to his bestuddy, don't eat my sister.
Speaker 1: I didn't see it. Oh, what's that movie?
Speaker 2: It's been made about eighteen times.
Speaker 1: I know it has one, but I feel like there
was one in twenty twenty three or something.
Speaker 2: There was I forget what I was called. The one
with uh. The one was made in like nineteen ninety
three was called Alive Alive, which is ironic because pretty
much no one was.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so he says, don't eat my sister. He does.
Speaker 2: Yeah he had to he does.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Gosh, even requests like that, they just don't mean
much when you're dying. Oh gosh, that's heavy, all right.
So v kicks off an investigation. She talks to Asha,
and Asha hates to break it to her, but it's
pretty premeditated. What happened. They were flirting with each other
the entire evening. There was a sop that was starting early,
and it was kind of exponentially getting sooppier.
Speaker 2: Now I must say this is a misstep of management.
I know that Kermit has to kind of ride the
line of being a friend on a custodian of the truth, Yes,
but how does this help anyone?
Speaker 1: I just think that she doesn't like Kizzy so much
that she's willing to make sure that Asha does not
like Kizzy. She does not like Joe.
Speaker 2: It's gonna cause drama in the interior.
Speaker 1: Two weeks left, fair enough, Kizzie deserves it, all right.
So Nathan asks Crazy Max to clean the windows. Crazy
Max starts to sing a song. He's crazy. There's so
many lunatics on this boat. On all sea, rats are lunatics, right,
they're called to the sea far away from land. But Joe,
Kizzy Robes Pierre whatever the fuck he calls himself Nazi
hunter or whatever I mean, These are truly some of
the most sickohs, the sickest puppies we've had on the
show in a while. All Right, so V chats with Joe.
This is where she breaks up with him and I
we're all rooting for V right, but this is a
little bit kind of newly sober wellness energy if you
get what I mean. Yes, she's like a man died
to give me the world? Why would I accept? It's like, okay,
totally fair. But also, you guys haven't even you haven't
even done doggy Style yet. I mean, the bunks are
too small to even do that, So like, what are
you even talking about?
Speaker 2: You're not even a couple if you haven't had Doggie.
Speaker 1: Style, No, cale would you agree? I agree? Yeah, you're
not a couple if you've not done Missionary is it?
Cowgirl on Top on bottom and Doggy Stide? If you
haven't done those.
Speaker 2: Travel together, well obviously that too, right now, Dyl, you
touched on something though, Yes, I.
Speaker 1: Would say travel and doggy Style the two most important.
Speaker 2: So she dumps Joe because he's not meeting her standards
that Bond had said. Now Bond's dead, Bond will live
in her heart forever because he was the perfect guy.
Because Bond didn't live long enough to be a fuck up.
He didn't live long enough to get halatosis, leave poopy
and his undimmitted.
Speaker 1: Tax fraud without telling her.
Speaker 2: Guys, screw up. We can only behave so long. Okay,
there's not that many pets around the world that are
perfect people. Okay, most guys can only hang on for
so long and behave themselves. If you want to live
in a woman's heart forever, this is the advice whine
and dine a girl for three straight dates and then
tragically get run over by a runaway steamroller. Like in
the future. There's like AI and whatnot, I don't know,
and they're fast and they kill you, and then the
girl will forever think of you as the perfect guy.
Speaker 1: You fake your own death though.
Speaker 2: Oh you could do that too, and then forever she'll
be like, this guy took me out three times, and
she'll go, what if he had lived? Right? That's Bond
to her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So in that hypothetical, you're saying to actually get killed.
Speaker 2: Well, if you want to live in a lot of
girls hearts, because you could probably fit a lot of
dates in.
Speaker 1: In like well, you can only live in one girl's heart.
Speaker 2: No, you can have a bunch of them. They don't
know each other, but you have to die. Well I know,
but you can go on a lot of like three
dates with life. Oh, they can have a whole like
a bunch of girls that go this guy was amazing.
Speaker 1: Okay, you don't.
Speaker 2: They never meet each other though, so it's like a
romantic lemming. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But also I'm feeling like if you do this, you
know what. I don't want to get hung up on this,
but it does have a little edge of tomorrow kind
of tinge to me.
Speaker 2: But it's pretty cool. Imagine being like a lot of
people they get forgotten, like they die and then like
no one even remembers them.
Speaker 1: Well, to quote the disgrace Luis c K, most people
are dead, actually right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so not everybody gets statues and even those
people people forget.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Yeah that's why you know, you think
about legacy and it's like that's not important. Just focus
on your family, because like you think these gen alpha
fuxs are gonna give a shit about Louis Armstrong. Hell no,
I'm not going to know who Louis Armstrong is.
Speaker 2: But imagine if you're that dude that went on three days,
she'll be eighty.
Speaker 1: Right, and she goes, God damn it, god, god damn Yeah,
now you're when you're right, you're right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, good luck. Any guy dating V, you'll have to
listen to that fucking story for that's tough. No one
goes down on me like bond Okay, fuck it, I
want a divorce.
Speaker 1: So we get to the next day. Next day, Nathan
can't see himself with anybody with Gail. Enough, done with it.
Next storyline, V chats with Kathy about Kizzy being an
evil white Uh what an evil witch? And Kizzy over
here she's like the smoke monster from Friend Gully. She
just kind of like seep, seeing everywhere and overhears things.
It's like, how the fuck are you listening to this?
So the guests arrived, something happens with the lines. Max
thinks the lines are gonna drown in the water and
V's like they're ropes, they can't drown, and he's like,
you don't know what you're talking about. And then the
doc Gypsy hits her in the head. That's right, yeah, okay.
So we get to Titty Milk and one of the
charter guests is pumping right now and they want to
keep some fridge some titty milk in the fridge. Now,
Kizzy says, you know, I've always wanted to try it.
I think I'm gonna try some a little bit later.
Do not put your vile tongue anywhere near that elixir, okay, Kizzy.
That stuff is hard to come by. It's beautiful. It
is not for you, you know, it's for you vodka.
Speaker 2: Uh, you know. And then Kermit shares that she sucked
off one of her buddy's titty milk and.
Speaker 1: I call it sweet. It's just not it.
Speaker 2: Is not sweet, which makes me question whether or not
she did.
Speaker 1: Well maybe it's like, I don't know that being what
we're guys, so you know, maybe it's not as kind
of it's an tuned sweetness.
Speaker 2: May perhaps, yeah, but it was the most Kermit thing
that Kermit could do.
Speaker 1: Totally good for you, Kermit. They so many holes. I
thought it just came out of the middle.
Speaker 2: One lunch.
Speaker 1: Lunch be beautiful, well, the guests. As we're getting to lunch,
the guests want one spicy margarita every seven minutes until
they black out the acid reflux of that. I mean,
just think about that.
Speaker 2: Rough.
Speaker 1: Also shout out Matthew McConaughey, whose name I did not
spell in the notes because it's too tough. How do
you spell that? We get to lunch Pharaoh and walnut
salad with grapes. We have Andalucian chicken, polenta chips with parmesan,
and some type of Harry covert with quaile eggs. It's
just a marvelous lunch. I mean, this is the kind
of food that we all want to eat when we're
in Barcelona on a yacht. Right, this is damn near perfect.
I'd say ninety seven pots. And these people are really
really just lovely people, which is the exact wrong kind
of guests we want on this show. This show needs
to stop doing the There's got to be something off right.
It has to be like walking through a carnival. Okay,
we need derangement aboard these vessels. We need obscene egoism
aboard these.
Speaker 2: Kill So you can't have it so much because then
it wears on. Yet, we've had enough craziness. We've had
that dating crew.
Speaker 1: We've we said we loved it and we want more
of it. Next one. What else have we had.
Speaker 2: What we had a dude that took a ship in
a shower.
Speaker 1: It wasn't it wasn't sustained. It was just one ship
and we didn't even know who did it. There was
no confrontation. It was just a game of clue that
Asha hatched in our ots. It's just not enough. We
need okay, guy fiery if he didn't make it.
Speaker 2: How about that idiot that got so drunk that he
almost drowned.
Speaker 1: He was talking about Bond.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, he's.
Speaker 1: It's so fucked up. Because I love the and I'm
sure it's extremely painful. He flagged that killing and it's
just disgusting. It was a slip of the mind and
a slip of the tongue, which I will state again
it is wounded right now.
Speaker 2: Some would argue that humor is the best way to
get over grief.
Speaker 1: Dylan, right, this, this is not that. And you know that,
all right, the tender guests, this is what I'm talking about.
They arrived. One of the guys calls kissy, ma'am. Can't
have that. All right. We get to a jet ski
and there's one booze bag that wants to rip it
up after too many spicy marks. Now it's radio down
from the rat Kathy.
Speaker 2: The guest name is Robert.
Speaker 1: Robert. Uh, don't let Robert go on the jet ski
and supervised. He's had four spicy margarita's. Nathan relays it
to Max. Max says, how many spicy margaritas have you had?
It's like a bad cop, right, how many spicy have
you had? He goes, I think one for me, and
he just let by the way, Oh yeah, yeah, that's it.
This is if somebody hates you, you have to be
very careful with like the hard rules of Okay, you
can do things to wage war against your supervisor, your boss,
but you can't break the rules. This is the I mean,
it's the silver bullet. He ignored safety.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, for the second time.
Speaker 1: Right, So goodbye Max meanwhiles though Joe tries to real
Max in because he knows his leadership style. He says, Max,
come here, and like a collie in a field, he
takes the jet ski and just races off. The Harmon
arrives and the ladies are talking too much in Joshus
galley and dinner is going to be at eight to thirty,
and Choush is going to YouTube the harmone Eberiko carving technique.
Now he goes and endures a process that I think
a lot of us have endured that being a tutorial
YouTube video with too much head. Harmoni Barrico is one
of the I don't need that, right. So it's been
three minutes and thirty seconds. I need you to pull
the knife out and show me how to do this.
Josh watches the entire thing because he's a poet and
therefore he does not understand how to do this. He
goes upstairs and he begins to magicians apprentice his way
through this leg of high quality pork.
Speaker 2: I thought about this and as a chef, like a
little hack here, why not heat the knife and dip
it in butter? What well you heat the knife, wouldn't
I talk about wouldn't that slide through the meat faster?
Speaker 1: It's it's not about.
Speaker 2: Because it seemed like it was a little the meat
was a little bit tougher to actually cut through that.
Speaker 1: It's not about shortcuts. There's there's no butter, there's no heat.
This is pure technique. Okay, this is to the Spanish,
this is a sacred act. And Josh goes up there
with I think a chef's knife. I mean the kind
of that you have to have a long, beautiful kind
of whales tooth to do this properly. I'm gonna not
get so hung up on this. But the guests see
how bad this is and they're they're a little uncomfortable.
I mean, the hormone is sliding out of the the vice.
There's there's just cannon balls of harmone being dumped into
a bowl. The whole thing is just grotesque and frankly,
I don't think it should have been aired. All right,
So we get to some stuff on deck to wrap
up the episode. First off, Joe tries to kill Nathan.
He hits him in the head with a crank twice,
which is crazy, and he says he's his friend, He's
not hit him in the head with a crank, and
then the jetski flies off.
Speaker 2: Okay, I think it went to where that Malaysian jetliner went.
Speaker 1: To the power node that sucking all the metal from
the surface down towards it. They relaunched an investigation. We
gotta talk about that, okay. So Kizzie and Joe start
to practice their dance and her skirt comes up revealing
her entire ass. Now this is a bit of a
you know, a Seventh Heaven kind of gag, right, Not really,
that show is very Christian.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I knew the lady on it. I hate
her guts, she's a witch.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I just remember there was in there was an
episode about catching the kids smoking pot, I think, and
it was it was really not good. Anyways, Seventh Heaven
kind of gag happens where her entire ass comes out
and they both laugh about it. But Kizzie, if you'll notice,
turns toward him before completely covering herself. Again, I just
have kind of I've kind of had an It's just
not that interesting, you know, the hedonistic, manipulative twenty somethings.
You know, I want somebody with like one leg on
one leg, Yeah, like a real pirate, you know, somebody,
somebody who was survived listen, somebody who survived a pirate attack,
like a Captain Phillips kind of character. I mean, let's
just rethink the cat.
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny as I'm an older dude, I'm
turning into what like how women think they like dudes
that are of course attractive, but they're attracted to men
in power, like they think it's hot when a guy
like starts his own business or something like that, and
that's an attractive thing. I think women that have their
own businesses and stuff, like lady bosses, that's kind of hot.
Speaker 1: Oh you do do?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Not ugly ones.
Speaker 1: All right, that's the show. Obviously unattractive people. Men and
women are not attractive to people. That's why. I mean,
look at me. I look like a goddamn terrorist.
Speaker 2: No one wants me.
Speaker 1: We're disgusting creatures inside and outside.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the show. Subscribe to the
YouTube channel. Join us a pictureon dot Conversation on the
podcast network for APSPMZ and Traders coming soon. Real Housewives
of Salt Lake is wrapping up there as well. We
love you guys very much. Hope you have a lovely
twenty twenty six. I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat, say goodbye Jayalen. Yeah,
it was the Ger