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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Mindful Leadership Transforming Lives with your hosts saying,

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<v Speaker 1>this is where leadership meets purpose, presence, and passion. In

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<v Speaker 1>today's fast paced, high pressure world, we face a leadership crisis.

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<v Speaker 1>Too often, teams are led by managers who lack empathy, clarity,

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<v Speaker 1>and vision, leaving individuals uninspired, disconnected, and underwealue. But it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't have to be this way. Great leadership isn't born.

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<v Speaker 1>It's bill the endgame. Empower your leadership, inspire the world.

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<v Speaker 1>Every week, join me, your host saying, as we tackle

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<v Speaker 1>the gaps in leadership and life coaching head on learning

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<v Speaker 1>how mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and compassion can redefine success. This

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<v Speaker 1>isn't just another podcast. It's a mission to fill the

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<v Speaker 1>void left by in effective leadership. And it's not just

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<v Speaker 1>about leadership in business. Life Coaching for leaders and new

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<v Speaker 1>executives is at heart of this journey. Ready to rise

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<v Speaker 1>above the noise and lead with clarity, purpose, and impact.

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<v Speaker 1>Join a global movement dedicated to reshaping the future of leadership,

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<v Speaker 1>one mindful moment at a night, Let's begin.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to another episode of Mindful Leadership podcast on

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<v Speaker 2>the Transformssion Network. The podcast where it turns stress into strategy,

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<v Speaker 2>overthinking into clarity, and overwhelm into momentum. I'm your host, Singh,

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<v Speaker 2>the leadership coach who has watched a lot of busy,

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<v Speaker 2>talented people charged through their ear without once stopping to

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<v Speaker 2>ask whether they were charging in the right direction. Let's begin.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to start with a story about a man

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<v Speaker 2>I'll call him David. Devin was forty six, our senior

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<v Speaker 2>partner at a professional services firm. Two kids, one dog,

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<v Speaker 2>a marriage that he loves and does not pay enough

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<v Speaker 2>attention to, and a job that he is, in his

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<v Speaker 2>own honest words, crushing and being crushed by in roughly

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<v Speaker 2>equal measures. He came to me spring because his annual

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<v Speaker 2>review had gone well, bonus up battle affirmed, future was bright,

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<v Speaker 2>and he had walked out of the meeting feeling, in

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<v Speaker 2>his own words, like I had just been congress related

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<v Speaker 2>for running faster on a treadmill that nobody actually owns.

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<v Speaker 2>He actually said this, saying on paper, I am doing

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<v Speaker 2>everything right, and inside I cannot tell whether I'm growing

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<v Speaker 2>or just getting older inside the same routines. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know how to tell the difference anymore. I've thought about

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<v Speaker 2>that line a lot. I do not know how to

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<v Speaker 2>tell the difference between growing and getting older, and let

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<v Speaker 2>it said, because that is in fact what happens to

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<v Speaker 2>most of us. We confuse motion with growth, We confuse

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<v Speaker 2>more of the same with becoming more. And the only thing,

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<v Speaker 2>the only thing that lets us tell the difference is

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<v Speaker 2>one thing most known us of us. Make time for reflection,

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<v Speaker 2>not journaling for its own sake, not staring out of

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<v Speaker 2>the window. Not the vague spiritual idea of, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>taking time for yourself that gets scribbled at bottom of

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<v Speaker 2>a tootl list and never crossed off. I'm talking about

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<v Speaker 2>real reflection, structured, honest, the kind that produces an answer

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<v Speaker 2>you can act on by Tuesday. That is what I

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<v Speaker 2>want to give you this week, outside the usual set

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<v Speaker 2>frames work sequence, as a stand alone bonus episode, because

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<v Speaker 2>reflection diver deserves its own room. It is not a

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<v Speaker 2>substep of any other practice. It is a practice underneath

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<v Speaker 2>every practice without reflection, with every other framework I have

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<v Speaker 2>taught on this podcast eventually drifts so here the framework,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'll tell you upfront the word is the metaphor.

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<v Speaker 2>The word is mirror. Hold up the mirror, mindful, inquiring, recognizing, reframing, owning,

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<v Speaker 2>and realizing our mirror does not flatter you. A mirror

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<v Speaker 2>does not argue with you. A mirror does not, for

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<v Speaker 2>what matter, do anything for you. It only shows you

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<v Speaker 2>what is actually there, and then it stays there patiently

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<v Speaker 2>while you decide what to do about it. Now, that

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<v Speaker 2>is what reflection at its best is, And the six

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<v Speaker 2>letters in mirror are the six moves that turn act

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<v Speaker 2>of looking at yourself into act of growing from what

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<v Speaker 2>you see. So let's walk through it right first. The

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<v Speaker 2>difference between rumination and reflection is where we get it wrong.

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<v Speaker 2>I have to draw a line, and it is a

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<v Speaker 2>line a lot of high function people get wrong. Rumination

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<v Speaker 2>is what happens when you replay the same painful saying

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<v Speaker 2>in your head at two in the morning, hoping that

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<v Speaker 2>this time, somehow you'll think your way out of it.

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<v Speaker 2>The reflection is what happens when you sit with a

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<v Speaker 2>real question in daylight and let the answer rise. The

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<v Speaker 2>two looks similar from the outside, both involving thinking, both

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<v Speaker 2>involving looking inward. Both, if you describe them to a

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<v Speaker 2>friend or a coffee sound like I've been thinking a

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<v Speaker 2>lot about myself lately. The difference is now. Rumination is

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<v Speaker 2>a loop. Reflection is a spiral. Rumination ends where it started.

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<v Speaker 2>Reflection ends one floor higher than where it began. Most

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<v Speaker 2>people who tell me they reflect a lot are when

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<v Speaker 2>I look closely at the practice, actually ruminating. They are

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<v Speaker 2>not generating new insights. Then they are replaying old footage

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<v Speaker 2>with a higher volume. And the more they do it,

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<v Speaker 2>the worst the feeling, which is the cleanest possible signal

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<v Speaker 2>that practice is not in fact working. My friends, the

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<v Speaker 2>mirror method is in part a way to know which

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<v Speaker 2>one you are doing. If you finish a session of

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<v Speaker 2>reflection feeling lighter, clearer, and one inch closer to a decision,

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<v Speaker 2>you reflect it. Now. If you finish feeling heavier, more confused,

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<v Speaker 2>and one inch further from a decision, you reminute it.

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<v Speaker 2>The letters are how you stay on the right side

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<v Speaker 2>of that line, So let me walk you through. The

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<v Speaker 2>first one is the letter aim for mindful pause, and

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<v Speaker 2>it is the move that, when skipped, makes every other

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<v Speaker 2>movie possible. You cannot reflect at speed of your inbox.

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<v Speaker 2>You cannot reflect with eleven open taps in your head.

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<v Speaker 2>You cannot reflect with three slack channels blinking. The first

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<v Speaker 2>act of reflection is not thinking, It is stopping. And

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<v Speaker 2>the most people skip this step because stopping in our

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<v Speaker 2>culture feels like falling behind. It feels like the people

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<v Speaker 2>who are stopping are pulling ahead. So we do not stop.

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<v Speaker 2>We try to reflect while running, and we get the

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<v Speaker 2>cognitive equivalent of taking a photograph while sprinting. Well, the

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<v Speaker 2>image is blurry, and the bloody image is the one

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<v Speaker 2>we made decisions from. And as I've always thought, a

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<v Speaker 2>mindful pause is the deliberate creation, deliberate indulging creation, a

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<v Speaker 2>small window in which the engine is off, not of

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<v Speaker 2>your body, the engine of your reactivity, the voice that

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<v Speaker 2>wants to do something before it has finished seeing something.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's talk about Aisha. She was the chief of staff

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<v Speaker 2>at a fast going fintech brilliant, tireless. She came to

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<v Speaker 2>a session of ours one day visibly framed. She had

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<v Speaker 2>been reflecting on a hard week, she told me. I

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<v Speaker 2>asked her where she had done the reflecting. She said,

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<v Speaker 2>in the car on the way here between the two calls.

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<v Speaker 2>It is not reflection, what is the debris we carry?

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<v Speaker 2>I asked her just to do one thing before our

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<v Speaker 2>next session, set for ten minutes in the chair with

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<v Speaker 2>no device, no notebook, no music, no agenda, no meditating,

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<v Speaker 2>not problem solving, just sitting in the chair until the

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<v Speaker 2>chair felt like a chair and not a holding pen.

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<v Speaker 2>Between the meetings, she came back two weeks later and

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<v Speaker 2>told me it was one of the hardest ten minutes

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<v Speaker 2>of a professional life, and also that somewhere around minute

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<v Speaker 2>seven she had become aware of a feeling she had

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<v Speaker 2>been carrying for three months and had not previously named

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<v Speaker 2>a specific, locatable, nameable feeling, which turned out to be

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<v Speaker 2>the entry point for the most important conversation she had

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<v Speaker 2>with her CEO that year. The practice or the mindful

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<v Speaker 2>pauses this once this week, sit for ten minutes with nothing,

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<v Speaker 2>no notebook, no agenda, not to think, not to fix,

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<v Speaker 2>just to be in that chair until the chair stops

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<v Speaker 2>being the holding pen. My friend's mindful pause because you

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<v Speaker 2>cannot clearly see in water that they're still moving. The

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<v Speaker 2>second letter I is to inquire honestly, and this is

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<v Speaker 2>the letter that decides whether the next forty minutes are

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<v Speaker 2>going to be reflection or a theater. Now, most people,

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<v Speaker 2>when they sit down to reflect, ask themselves comfortable questions.

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<v Speaker 2>Am I working hard enough? Of course you are I'm

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<v Speaker 2>a good person. Of course you are. Did I dosage?

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<v Speaker 2>You always do your best by definition in the moment

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<v Speaker 2>you are in. These questions sound a reflection. They are

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<v Speaker 2>in fact self soothing. They prodressed up in reflecting clothes.

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<v Speaker 2>You finish them feeling reassured. And reassured is exactly the

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<v Speaker 2>wrong feeling for growth. Two. Inquire, honestly, is to ask

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<v Speaker 2>yourself the questions you have been quietly avoiding, the one

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<v Speaker 2>that if you sat across from a trusted mentor and

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<v Speaker 2>they asked it, you would flinch. Questions like what am

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<v Speaker 2>I tolerating right now that I know some way inside

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<v Speaker 2>I should not be tolerating. Where am I performing competence

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<v Speaker 2>to hide a real uncertainty? Who's approval? Am I still

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<v Speaker 2>chasing that I do not actually respect? What conversation have

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<v Speaker 2>I been postponing because I am of afraid of what

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<v Speaker 2>is on the other side of it? A founder I

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<v Speaker 2>coached sat down one Saturday morning to do some reflection.

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<v Speaker 2>He spent ninety minutes journaling. He came to the session

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<v Speaker 2>the following Monday very pleased with himself. He had filed

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<v Speaker 2>fourteen pages. I read that, and I told him Marcus

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<v Speaker 2>as gently as I could, that you had written fourteen

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<v Speaker 2>pages of self defense, beautifully argued, internally, consistent, completely useless.

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<v Speaker 2>Not one of the sentence has asked himself a question

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<v Speaker 2>he did not already know the comforting answer to. So

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<v Speaker 2>I asked him three questions that, Saraday, what is one

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<v Speaker 2>thing about your leadership this quarter that if your team

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<v Speaker 2>described it to me honestly, would actually sting who on

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<v Speaker 2>your team you have been quietly resenting and not addressing?

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<v Speaker 2>What are you afraid would happen if we told your

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<v Speaker 2>co founder the show about how you felt about the

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<v Speaker 2>last decision. He came back the following Monday. He came

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<v Speaker 2>in looking like he had not slept, and he had

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<v Speaker 2>a list of three actions, each one slightly terrifying each

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<v Speaker 2>one when he actually did them in the weeks that followed,

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<v Speaker 2>exactly was the right things? My friends? The cactus for

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<v Speaker 2>inquiring is this, write down three questions about your current

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<v Speaker 2>life that if a vice friend asked them across the table,

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<v Speaker 2>you would flitch, then sit with them for fifteen minutes.

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<v Speaker 2>Do not answer them quickly. The flinch is the signal

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<v Speaker 2>you are in the writer rop inquire honestly because a

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<v Speaker 2>mirror that flatters you is not a mirror, It is

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<v Speaker 2>a poster. The third letter recognize the patterns, and this

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<v Speaker 2>is the letter that turns reflection from a series of

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<v Speaker 2>one of insights into an engine of real change. A

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<v Speaker 2>single hard truth look at once will not change your life.

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<v Speaker 2>A pattern seemed clearly the first time, because the pattern

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<v Speaker 2>is the one thing you have been doing for years

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<v Speaker 2>that until this moment, you have been treating as a

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<v Speaker 2>series of unrelated events. That was a bad boss, that

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<v Speaker 2>was a bad relationship, that was a bad team. And

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<v Speaker 2>then some point, if you let the mirror stay up

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<v Speaker 2>long enough, you see the small, embarrassing frame thing. Those

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<v Speaker 2>three events had one variable in common, and friends, that

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<v Speaker 2>variable is you, me as the one staring at the mirror.

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<v Speaker 2>To recognize the patterns is to step back from single

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<v Speaker 2>incident and ask where else does this show up? When

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<v Speaker 2>have I felt this exactly before? What kind of situation

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<v Speaker 2>seems to keep me finding me? Or more honestly, what

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<v Speaker 2>kind of situation do I keep finding myself? In Renata,

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<v Speaker 2>a very senior executive I worked with came to me

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<v Speaker 2>convinced she had a bad luck with bosses problem three

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<v Speaker 2>jobs in a row, three difficult relationships with the person

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<v Speaker 2>above Quitt in an exercise where she wrote out in

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<v Speaker 2>some detail each of the three relationships what had gone wrong,

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<v Speaker 2>what had been said, what had not been said, and

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<v Speaker 2>then she read the three pages out loud. Halfway through

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<v Speaker 2>the third one, she stopped and she said, very quietly,

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<v Speaker 2>they are not the same person, but I am the

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<v Speaker 2>same person in all three rooms. And then she described

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<v Speaker 2>with the precision I will never forget the specific way

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<v Speaker 2>she had in all three jobs withheld a particular kind

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<v Speaker 2>of feedback from the person above her out of a

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<v Speaker 2>particular fear she had not previously named, and then watched

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<v Speaker 2>the resentment build until the relationship was unsalvageable. That was

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<v Speaker 2>not a bad luck with bosses problem. That was a pattern,

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<v Speaker 2>and the moment she saw it as a pattern, she

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<v Speaker 2>could do something about it, which she did in her

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<v Speaker 2>next job, and that job, by her own report, the

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<v Speaker 2>best professional relationship of her career. So the practice in

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<v Speaker 2>this right, take the most painful or persistent issue in

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<v Speaker 2>your current life, at your work, at your home, and

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<v Speaker 2>your friendship in your society. Write down two or three

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<v Speaker 2>previous times in your life when you felt the same

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<v Speaker 2>kind of pain. Then look for the variable that is

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<v Speaker 2>common across all of them. The variable almost always is

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<v Speaker 2>not other person. It is the thing you do when

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<v Speaker 2>you are in that situation, recognize the patterns, because the

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<v Speaker 2>same thing playing out a third time is no longer

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<v Speaker 2>a coincidence. It is the map. The fourth letter, reframe

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<v Speaker 2>the story. And this is the letter that takes painful

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<v Speaker 2>pattern turns and make it usable. Our pattern sine clearly

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<v Speaker 2>is not yet growth. It is just unflattering photographs. What

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<v Speaker 2>turns the photograph into growth is the story you decide

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<v Speaker 2>to tell yourself about the photograph. And here is the

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<v Speaker 2>thing most people do not realize. You are already telling

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<v Speaker 2>yourself a story about every pattern in your life. There

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<v Speaker 2>is say you did not pick up the story consciously.

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<v Speaker 2>It was given to you by your family, by your industry,

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<v Speaker 2>by your whole teacher, by some moment in your past

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<v Speaker 2>that wrote a sentence in to your head you have

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<v Speaker 2>been quoting ever since. Now. To reframe the story is

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<v Speaker 2>to notice the sentence you have been quoting, and to

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<v Speaker 2>ask whether it is true, Ask whether it is useful,

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<v Speaker 2>and whether on closer inspection, it is even yours. I

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<v Speaker 2>give example of David. For twenty years he told him

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<v Speaker 2>to the story that he was not a creative person.

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<v Speaker 2>That sentence had been said to him exactly once by

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<v Speaker 2>a high school teacher in two thousand and three, and

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<v Speaker 2>he had been quoting it unexamined ever since. He had

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<v Speaker 2>shaped with jobs he applied for, which projects he volunteered for,

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<v Speaker 2>which conversations he stayed quite in. He had built an

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<v Speaker 2>entire career around a sentence that by one tired adult.

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<v Speaker 2>On one back Tuesday, twenty three years earlier, we did

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<v Speaker 2>one exercise. I asked him to write down the three

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<v Speaker 2>pieces of work he had ever felt most proud of

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<v Speaker 2>in his career. Here now. He wrote them down. Then

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<v Speaker 2>I asked him, simply, were any of these creative? He

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<v Speaker 2>looked at the page. All three were creator. He sat

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<v Speaker 2>there for a long time. Then he said, with a

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<v Speaker 2>small laugh, and had something else underneath. I think I

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<v Speaker 2>have been operating an incorrect data for twenty three years now.

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<v Speaker 2>My friend's that refrain. I'm not a non creative person.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a creative person who was told once that I wasn't,

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<v Speaker 2>and I believe it longer than I should have changed.

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<v Speaker 2>What he applied for, what he volunteered for, what he

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<v Speaker 2>believed about himself in the meeting, and within a year

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<v Speaker 2>he had taken up the most creatively demanding project of

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<v Speaker 2>his career. In his own words, he was writing a

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<v Speaker 2>new sentence. Now, the practice to reframe is this. Take

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<v Speaker 2>the pattern you identified in the previous steps. Okay, write

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<v Speaker 2>down the sentence you have been telling yourself about it.

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<v Speaker 2>Then ask three questions, is it true, is it useful?

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<v Speaker 2>And is it my or did somebody hand it to me?

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<v Speaker 2>Then write a new sentence in your own words that

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<v Speaker 2>is closer to the truth as you see it. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>reframe the story, reframe the thought. Because the pattern is

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<v Speaker 2>the photograph, but the story is the caption, and you

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<v Speaker 2>are allowed to retrite the caption. The next letter, oh

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<v Speaker 2>own your part, and this is the letter where reflection

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<v Speaker 2>stops being an internal exercise and starts becoming a moral

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<v Speaker 2>You can pause, you can inquire, you can recognize the pattern,

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<v Speaker 2>you can reframe the story. And if you stop there,

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<v Speaker 2>you have done a lovely piece of internal work that will,

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<v Speaker 2>by Friday evaporate because inside without ownership is just content.

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<v Speaker 2>It feels good in the moment and it produces no change.

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<v Speaker 2>To own your part is to take the insights and

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<v Speaker 2>locate specifically, the piece of it that belongs to you,

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<v Speaker 2>not the piece that belongs to your birth, not the

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<v Speaker 2>piece that belongs to your parents, not the piece that

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<v Speaker 2>belongs to the broken system. Those pieces are real, Those

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<v Speaker 2>pieces matter. They are also almost always outside the territory

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<v Speaker 2>you can actually act on. Your part is the part

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<v Speaker 2>you can act on, and the practice of growth is

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<v Speaker 2>practice of pulling that part, your part, out of the

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<v Speaker 2>mess and naming it clearly. I coached you, Yulearanda. She

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<v Speaker 2>had spent six months in difficult dynamic with peer. We

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<v Speaker 2>did the pattern work, we did the reframe. She came

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<v Speaker 2>to a session with a beautiful articulated understanding of dynamic,

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<v Speaker 2>twenty minutes of careful explanation. I waited until she was done.

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<v Speaker 2>Then I asked her, that is great, Lena, is this dynamic?

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<v Speaker 2>What is part of what you belonged to? She looked

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<v Speaker 2>at me with something close to annoyance and said, I

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<v Speaker 2>just spent twenty minutes telling you. And I said, you

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<v Speaker 2>spend twenty minutes telling me about him, about them. What

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<v Speaker 2>is the part that belongs to you? And she finally said,

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<v Speaker 2>I've been waiting for him to apologize first. As long

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<v Speaker 2>as I'm waiting for him. I'm not actually a free

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<v Speaker 2>person in this I'm a hostage to whether he ever

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<v Speaker 2>does the thing he almost certainly never going to do. See,

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<v Speaker 2>that was her part, not the whole dynamic. Her part,

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<v Speaker 2>and the moment she named it, she could act on it.

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<v Speaker 2>But she did, and within a week in a conversation

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<v Speaker 2>that did not require him to apologize. First. The practice

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<v Speaker 2>of owning your part is this, take the insight from

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<v Speaker 2>the previous fol letters. Write down in one sentence the

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<v Speaker 2>specific part of this situation that belongs to me, not

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<v Speaker 2>the whole situation, the slice that is mine, the thing

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<v Speaker 2>I am doing or not doing that is within my

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<v Speaker 2>power to change. My friends, own you, because the territory

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<v Speaker 2>you cannot change is not where growth happens. Growth happens

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<v Speaker 2>in the territory you can. And then the sixth and

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<v Speaker 2>the final letter realign what matters. And this is the

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<v Speaker 2>letter that turns the whole exercise from contemplation into life.

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<v Speaker 2>Reflection at its best, ends with a small concrete adjustment,

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<v Speaker 2>not a fire planet, not a vision board, a small

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<v Speaker 2>adjustment to the next meeting, a different sentence in a

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<v Speaker 2>difficult conversation, a meeting you decline a meeting. You finally

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<v Speaker 2>schedule a boundary. You draw a boundary, you let go

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<v Speaker 2>off a practice, you start a habit, You stop something

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<v Speaker 2>small specific soon that aligns the next seven days of

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<v Speaker 2>your life with what the milature showed you. To realign

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<v Speaker 2>with what matters is to transplate insights into one microact,

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<v Speaker 2>just one. Because the temptation after a good reflection session

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<v Speaker 2>is to try to change ten things at one, and

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<v Speaker 2>ten things change at once, in practice is zero things

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<v Speaker 2>change at all. The discipline is to pick one. So

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<v Speaker 2>take a mindful pause, inquire honestly, recognize the patterns, reframe

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<v Speaker 2>the story on your part, and realign with what matters. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>there are three traps to flat one confusing reflection with renimination.

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<v Speaker 2>Remember that pitfall two trying to do the work without

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<v Speaker 2>the pause, and pitfall three ending without alignment. So there

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<v Speaker 2>are three small all name things. One tonight or tomorrow morning.

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<v Speaker 2>Sit in the chair for ten minutes with no device,

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<v Speaker 2>no note book, no agender, not to think, not to fix,

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<v Speaker 2>just to be with the chair. Notice what is there

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<v Speaker 2>when the noise lies down. In this episode, I'm sitting

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<v Speaker 2>with you, and you're noticing that the reason for your

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<v Speaker 2>ear has felt like. A motion without growth is that

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<v Speaker 2>you have not been entirely sure which direction growth was

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<v Speaker 2>supposed to point. Now that is the exact place for

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<v Speaker 2>which purpose factor assessment is built. A mirror is powerful,

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<v Speaker 2>but mirror only shows you what is in front of it.

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<v Speaker 2>It does not on its own tell you which way

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<v Speaker 2>you are meant to walk. The direction of travel is

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<v Speaker 2>what purpose factor assessment was built for. Mirror is not

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<v Speaker 2>a beautiful idea. Six small moves, twenty minutes, one correct

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<v Speaker 2>act on the other side, the kind of practice you

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<v Speaker 2>can build into Sunday night, and if you do, will

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<v Speaker 2>quietly change the shape of the next five years of

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<v Speaker 2>your life. Hold up the mirror, see what is there,

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<v Speaker 2>Do one small thing about it, then come back. The

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<v Speaker 2>mirror is patient. I'll see you next week. You're listening

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<v Speaker 2>to Saying on Mindful Leadership Transforming Lives on the Transformation Network.

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<v Speaker 2>Have a blessing.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for watching Mindful Leadership Transforming Lives with me.

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<v Speaker 1>Your host is saying, we are honored to have you

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<v Speaker 1>join us on this journey to explore the transformative power

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<v Speaker 1>of mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and authentic leadership. Tune in every

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<v Speaker 1>week on Transformation Talk Radio. Dot Com at Moon Pacific

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<v Speaker 1>on Tuesdays, where we will continue to explore how mindful

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<v Speaker 1>leadership can create a ripple effect of positive changes in

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<v Speaker 1>your life and lives of those who influence.

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<v Speaker 2>This show is.

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<v Speaker 1>Dedicated to helping you lead with purpose, presence, and passion,

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<v Speaker 1>whether you're navigating the complexities of business, building stronger connection

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<v Speaker 1>with your team, or striving to make a meaningful impact

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<v Speaker 1>in the world around you. For about the show, access

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<v Speaker 1>additional resources, or live deepot visits saying powerupoach dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Remember leadership isn't just.

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<v Speaker 2>About what you do, It's about who you are.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's continue to transform lives together, one mindful moment at

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<v Speaker 1>a time. See you next week.