Speaker 1: Because the first course is octopus and gobblegoole aka Pat
doesn't eat octopus.
Speaker 2: Ben's solution is to serve him nothing.
Speaker 1: Imagine imagine for above it, imagine for a move it.
Speaker 2: You go to a prefixed menu.
Speaker 1: Now you've sent in ahead of time that you don't
eat certain things, So you show up.
Speaker 2: And you just skip entire courses.
Speaker 1: They put plates down in front of the rest of
the guests, and because you said you're a vegetarian, the
meat dish will be for them.
Speaker 2: And not for you. You can drink your drink.
Speaker 1: Hi Loan, welcome to Back TV. I'm Dylan. That is Pat.
Speaker 3: I am so glad you're back.
Speaker 1: DELI me too, Man, Dare I say I missed America?
I really did. We'll break the whole thing. Okaylen's here too,
by the way, hekay, we'll break the whole vacation down
the patroon dot com slash another podcast network along with
do I need to watch I've missed so much. I've
been completely unplugged. Essentially. I've heard Pray tell of dark Side,
Danny coming out drinking a couple of.
Speaker 3: Co to ketch up on the valley. No, just jump
right in, Okay, yeah, don't worry about it, Ruby and
I and Calee. He held it down, caught up.
Speaker 1: Yes, I want to thank all three of the Musketeers
for really really holding it down. And yeah, what about
Well I saw the first part of the reunion must TV.
Speaker 3: Oh they did a great job at the Summerhouse part
one of their reunion.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And then evidently I've heard that Liz is bad now,
which was.
Speaker 3: A Liz is very evil? Oh yeah, she's scary. Really,
she's like Joe Peshi and Goodfellas, Like she's shooting spider
ping poo boom pow ping po boom, scary stuff her
like Italian came out very very very scary.
Speaker 2: Little taste of.
Speaker 1: What uh.
Speaker 2: What APS will look like? Incredible vacation.
Speaker 1: How blessed are we that we got to go to
Italy for two plus weeks?
Speaker 2: Right, don't go up places, no.
Speaker 1: But.
Speaker 3: You're gonna share that on APS. I went to a
bar mitzvah.
Speaker 1: Yes, where the was that your first mitzvah?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I think so.
Speaker 2: What a joyous occasion.
Speaker 3: It was wonderful, and everyone got so fucking drunk that
they demanded that the bar stay opened. The parents that
were throwing the bar mitzvah and they actually got in
a fight with the manager and it was a really
fun time. I never knew that would happen at a
bar mitzvah, but I'll share it on APS.
Speaker 1: Do you lift the little child up in the air?
Speaker 3: My buddy Jesse did. He said, come on, let's do it,
and I wisked out and he did it, and he
lifted the chair up. I don't even think he knew
the girl.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I didn't. I'm a bad jay. I didn't
get a bar bot.
Speaker 3: I got to tell you these thirteen year old Jalen did.
Speaker 2: He's not even Jewish.
Speaker 3: These thirteen year old boys and girls. Maybe they've been
fed a heavy diet of TikTok. They're not how to dance.
Speaker 1: These kids, Oh dude, they can do the douggie. Their
hips are looped up. I mean it's crazy.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: You gotta give it to him, all right. So let's
get into the finale of Below Deck season eighty. I
you know, this show, if you put it together in
all its seasons, is it beating Wheel of Fortune yet?
Speaker 2: I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's been on for a while and they've
been doing it just doesn't end first season. It's twenty thirteen,
so we're.
Speaker 2: Going on thirteen years if my mask stands correct. What
did you think of this episode?
Speaker 1: It was a bizarre break from our normal programming.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was odd because remember they did a full
charter one day was completely fast forwarded and encapsulated into it,
I guess a twenty second reel, and then we ended
the season in one single.
Speaker 2: Episode said goodbye to the goodbyes.
Speaker 3: So overall, I truly enjoyed the season. Seeing Ben's arc
was very entertaining.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like a Batman story.
Speaker 3: Wow, it was crazy.
Speaker 2: It was that nuanced.
Speaker 3: Extremely life is not black or white, Dylan, it's nuanced.
Speaker 2: No, in living color, it.
Speaker 3: Is not binary. Batoola is still not on the show,
but one of my favorite moments was at the tail
end of the show when she thanked Jason in his
happy She made it through the season and now she
can say a big fuck you to her parents, and
then I believe she waved up the bird to both
the parents who are not there. I would have said
to Batool, if she really wanted to say fuck you
to her dad, she should follow the true trajectory of
most Sea rats on this show and show her bunghole
on OnlyFans. That's the real fuck you.
Speaker 1: No, can't can't ever wish for that. But it was great.
After a Tool's speech, the cast of the show got
the staff to remove her because they weren't sure who
she was.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, Now, Dylan, I always say, a great episode
has people we hate. Now I had to turn around
on Brooklyn Pat at the tail end of the episode
because the tip was so nice and he was polite. Now, Brandon,
I do hate. Brandon is a real fraud. I don't
think he has any money and it's this is all
show it but don't know it or whatever that expect.
I don't know. He doesn't have any money. He just
comes on here, cobbles together nine other people that he
doesn't really know, but they can all shake together about
three or four grand and he comes on here to
look like he's a millionaire, but it's not.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 3: Now, I do want to say this about Brooklyn Pat again.
I don't really have a problem with Pat, but just
a few notes here. If you remember Dylan, his only
foods that he eats are pasta pizza and peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches. But not the crunchy peanut butter. And
oh he eats burgers too. Oh that's right now, So,
according to his diet, the next time he should vacation,
it should be at chucky cheese. That fucking loser.
Speaker 1: Well, I was gonna say you and him are kindred spirits.
Speaker 3: I don't show up on this boat and say that
I'm a finicky eater like that would imply that I
don't like shellfish. It's not that I eat like a
four year old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay anyway, um Also, uh, Brooklyn, Pat,
I know you're a finicky eater, but you're a chubby motherfucker.
Speaker 1: For when you and pot and pizza all the time.
It's gonna you know, it's gonna tack a couple of
libs on. Okay, Well, I've done enough, You've you're going
forever and you're not sorry.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay. Overall, I enjoyed
the season. I enjoyed the episode Brandon, You're still a
weasel and yeah, and Ben, I really want you back.
You are truly entertaining. I'm gonna give it one hundred knots.
Speaker 2: Calen, how many knots do you give it.
Speaker 3: I'll give it ninety nine knots.
Speaker 2: Uh that's low for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I thought it was a great episode.
Speaker 2: I loved.
Speaker 1: My favorite part of the episode was Jason hearkening back
to the first episode where he sat Joel, Ben and
Daisy down and said, it is the strength of the
character is at this table that it's going to lead
this season to a success.
Speaker 3: Well, it's worth reminding everyone that he had hand picked
those three sure, yeah, to not make the same mistakes
that he had made the prior season.
Speaker 1: A lot of fun always ends with the wimber. I
kind of dare I say, want to try to do
a cliffhanger? Uh? Finale of a Below Deck season. It
just feels like the last fifteen minutes of these seasons
never really have. You know, when you're you're making a
margarita perhaps or something like that, and you just get
a bone dry line. It's bone dry. Oh, and there's
no juice to squ juice to squeeze. It's like a caterpillar
got in here sucked.
Speaker 2: All the juice out.
Speaker 1: Oh. Usually what this is like, give it zero pops? Wow?
Speaker 3: The last fifteen minutes. Because I take notes, I usually
just put my pencil down.
Speaker 2: You don't take notes with a pencil.
Speaker 1: Was that a metaphor?
Speaker 3: Hey, I want to talk about med because I saw
some comments because they can't stand Captain Time share Captain Sandy.
They can't stand her so.
Speaker 1: Much Tuesday the viewing public audience.
Speaker 3: Yes, I want to share. It's not like I worked
for Bravo. They also saw that Jill the Hoe innate
or on this season.
Speaker 1: But when you told me that, I mimicked the voice
of the Barnacles as well. I hate that guy Joe
more than most people we've had on this show. He's
just boring. It's not even like I dislike him, it's
just like, you're so one note and boring.
Speaker 3: Let me set this up for everyone, and I don't
think I'm spoiling anything. I watched the first episode. It
don't worry about it. The first episode is very, very good.
There's a chef on there. Her name is Joy. She's
everything but joyous. Okay, okay, and it's like being named happy.
And then you, I don't know you are a serial
killer or something. Yeah, And then there's a bunch of
other really good looking people that are crazy sea rats
on there. And I think my impression is that either
Nate or Joe aren't going to make it out of
the first three episodes, so we won't have to put
up with them.
Speaker 1: Long marvelous. All right, well let's get into the finale, okay,
and Kay, how you doing?
Speaker 2: I'm okay great.
Speaker 1: So last we left off, Jowow had woken the engineers
and attempted to lock Chef Ben and Ben's bedroom, which
is confused behavior and I'm with Ben. Who you know,
pot kettle, he's actually a wanker.
Speaker 3: Also, yeah, fucking wankae, fucking wanka, Yeah, fucking whanka. Now,
Daisy on the after show had noted that this was
all just for Jua, all for show. Something tells me
those two, didn't you see.
Speaker 1: A certain pattern with Jua where you know, Juel gets
emotionally manic about the women that he's trying to, let's
just say, dump his seed into or on, you know,
wherever wherever he usually Well, we'll get into it this episode,
but I believe a quote was I feel so honored
that Daisy has entrusted me with her emotions. And then
when the camera stopped rolling. You know we've heard this
with Serena, We've seen it with I think one other person.
Speaker 2: Now we've seen it with Daisy.
Speaker 3: How about that girl that her poor o her boyfriend
had died in that drowning incident or was crushed by
an elephant something like that. And he, uh, no, that
was Joe. Oh, I thought jo was in that. Forgive
me no, I'll now go ahead, thought.
Speaker 1: But he yeah, he usually turns to dark side Joel
pretty quickly. But I was going to say that the
pot calling the kettle black thing. Ben is a wanker.
But what what are you doing going up there and
breaking the door of this bedroom for and.
Speaker 3: To look like a triumphant hero.
Speaker 1: Yes, so he goes up to Daisy and he goes, hey,
I just want to let you know I went downstairs.
I woke up the mutants, and I attempted to lock
Ben in his room, all for you and your emotions.
Speaker 3: Well, he's rewarded, like all great warriors are rewarded, Dylan
a cigarette.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, his true reward is air
quote kettles.
Speaker 2: Oh that's the grand prize.
Speaker 3: And a little spit swapping nicktine and nicotine and whatever
feral dog meat they'd served at Foxy Jacks's. I'm gonna
miss Foxy Jackson.
Speaker 1: Me too, me too.
Speaker 2: I'm really I'm really gonna miss that.
Speaker 1: But I think Foxy Jackson is an above board institution, right.
Speaker 2: So they'll serve you.
Speaker 1: Above board for where we are as different than above
board for I don't know, let's say the developed world. Sorry, sorry,
the double wide pizza shack. That's where the dog meat goes.
When you get a meat lovers. They can't source all
of the meats the Canadian am they can't get it.
So what they do is they throw a little terrier
on it, thinly slice, perfectly cooked. If you knew what
you were eating, you would say no, but you're consume it.
Speaker 2: It's delicious, it's salty. Hey, pat, Hey, how are you?
Speaker 3: Hey?
Speaker 2: I'm great man, how are you.
Speaker 3: I'm doing wonderful.
Speaker 1: I'm doing and really good actually because I'm sleeping on silk.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, in America, by the.
Speaker 1: Way, yep, silk in America. I am the Sultan of
America with Blissy. Okay, everyone knows that pillowcases are disgusting.
They can be they can be bad for your skin,
they can trap odors, they can mess up your hair.
That's where Blissy comes in. You can get healthier skin
in weeks, reduces fine lines and wrinkles and sleep creases,
and it also helps prevent breakouts. You know, the drool,
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thing about Blissy. Okay, I hate a hot pillow. There
is nothing more obstructive to a good night's sleep than
a hot pillow.
Speaker 3: Since I've been sleeping on my Blissy pillow, I walk
out sometimes and people mistake me for being twenty years younger.
Speaker 1: Dylan, Yep, because you are a listener, Blissy is offering
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That's b l i ssy dot com slash bad TV,
and use code bad TV to get an additional thirty
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deserve silk. Go to Blissy dot com slash bad TV. Uh.
Daisy is flipping out about this bed thing, and I
gotta say. Daisy started off the season and we were like,
who is this Daisy? We were lulled into a sense
of security, And this is what happens with Daisy pretty
much every season. She doesn't wear seasons. Well, by the
end of season. By the end of the season, Daisy
just fractures and starts to really mole Hill and Mountain
everything she possibly can. And it did's you're reminded, Okay,
this is Daisy. But you know what, I'm good with
another season of Daisy. Let's keep this carousel going. Sure, yeah,
for sure.
Speaker 3: I'm curious. I don't want to see this. I'm just curious.
Insert Kermit in this season as instead of Daisy. Would
we I've had the same outcome of the fights, And.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I say, I prefer Daisy over over Kermit, because
Kermit gives you no conflict. Kermit just gives you good
vibes and jokes about eating ass or something.
Speaker 3: That's about right.
Speaker 1: You know, I love testicles.
Speaker 3: No, okay, yeah, gotcha.
Speaker 1: Got okay.
Speaker 2: It's fucking all right.
Speaker 1: Everyone's flipping out about this bed thing, and I get that.
There's like it's clarified that it's a twenty four hour turnover,
so it's it's a bigger deal. But it's a bed.
What are we losing our minds about? It's a fucking bed. Okay, Now,
the two of them, Jua and Jason both text Captain Jason,
Jua and Ben both text Captain Jason in the middle
of the night, boys, why don't we wait for the
boost to wear off before we come.
Speaker 3: This only happens with three people that have sat at
a bar at Bravo con and bonded about being on
a television Right, Okay.
Speaker 1: This is the text, Hey, boss, just wanted to let
you know that Ben bitch closed door asshole last night.
Can you believe? Just wake up and have a conversation
with the CEO of the boat. Essentially, so we wake
the next morning to Captain Jason doing his rounds of interrogation,
calls a team meeting.
Speaker 2: But beforehand there's.
Speaker 1: A moment of Shakespeare in Betrayal here wherein Ben is
talking to the thing in the galley and he says,
can you believe those decades? And she says, well, to
be fair, I would be upset to a rank breaking.
The two of them have been thickest thieves. They've been
gassing one another. He's been feeding her whatever extraterrestrial you know,
resources she needs to continue living, and she's been gassing
him up the same way. And then he comes in
he needs her support. She breaks rank. Well, guess what
you're back to dishwasher. You are washer dishwasher? Yes, all right.
Speaker 3: I don't think that was impetus for her. I think
it was just reality smacking her in the face that
she would not get sous chef this season.
Speaker 1: But well she got a knife, which is a bad idea.
But we'll get to it. So Jason brings the gang up.
Are we ready for this meeting of the mind?
Speaker 3: I think so. Remember he specifically handpicked these sea rats
for their quote unquote professionalism. I do want to say this.
Don't let Captain Jason recommend a contractor for you because
you'll he'll fucking build your house without a fucking roof.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, yeah, no, everything will be.
Speaker 3: Ply with Jason. Your contractor installed my toilet upside down?
You know the fuck we do that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah? You want me to pee into the bottom
part of that? How am I supposed to do that?
I can't sit on that.
Speaker 2: Jesus, which you know we'll get to.
Speaker 1: We'll get to bidets when we start, when we break down, Italy,
I there's nothing I can't do.
Speaker 2: I can't do it.
Speaker 1: Are you a bidet person?
Speaker 3: No? It's weird. I could get used to it that you.
Speaker 2: Have a perky little buttthole.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what's funny. My daughter the other day,
six year old, she's asking all these weird questions. Thank
god she's off the god topic. She goes, hey, what
did we do to wipe our butts before toilet paper?
And the true answer, I don't know. I don't know
how far back she was going in human history.
Speaker 1: Medieval times.
Speaker 2: I think it was just hands.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think men would wipe their ass with their hands
and then smack their children and their wives with the
same hand. I think that's why it was such a
do they call it the Dark Ages?
Speaker 3: I told her a great grandmother used to shit in
a hole, and that's why she should be happy to
be living in this time.
Speaker 1: It's a great it's it's it's about forest perspective with
raising children.
Speaker 2: You know, you don't know how lucky you are, right,
you have toilet paper?
Speaker 1: All right, So again we get back to this this
first meeting. It's your stature and leadership are going to
be the most important ingredients to the success of this boat.
Now this recalls from me. So we're sitting down with
the heads of the department, where we're a mere hour
and a half to two hours away from charter, guests
coming on this vest and.
Speaker 2: There's been this.
Speaker 1: The new cast of SNL, I think is doing a great,
great job, and I think there's so many of them
are very very funny. There's only forty two of them, right,
there's forty three of them.
Speaker 2: But and all work this back around.
Speaker 1: But there's a Tucker Carlson impression on Weekend Update that
I cannot stop watching.
Speaker 2: I've watched it seven hundred times. If you haven't seen it.
Speaker 1: You have to run, don't walk. But in the sketch,
he does this thing where he goes, what's going on?
What are we doing? What's going on? And when I'm
watching Captain Jason.
Speaker 2: Doctor these three before the charter, I'm thinking.
Speaker 1: What are we doing? What is going on?
Speaker 3: I couldn't agree more. I'll say this, I think all
these captains at some point fancy themselves potential life coaches
or what are those Tony Robbins type characters?
Speaker 2: Life coaches?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, life coaches. And so the whole premise of
this meeting is because, let's face it, he should just
point out that they're all who they are, they're all
fucking old, and just say, look, you're all damaged sex
addicts with wavering moral compasses. Yeah, let's knock this one out.
Meeting adjourn, there is.
Speaker 1: No true North to any of you elder Sea rats,
so there's nothing we can do about this. Right, the
compasses are broken. But we end with a mandate nothing
passive aggressive, absolute unity.
Speaker 2: Okay, can I do?
Speaker 1: We've got a gay guy and his friend coming on. Okay,
we have to smash it out of the pack for them.
We're doing the seven Deadly Sin dinner where one person
is just not going to eat any food. I can't well.
Speaker 3: His buddy keeps complaining about him not eating and having
to serve him food.
Speaker 1: I want to do it.
Speaker 3: Meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhiles Ben tells the balk and Biscuit what happened.
Alicia and Barbie are annoyed that they have to read
you to the guest cabin. And oh, Eddie hot boxes
Jenna in the laundry dungeon. He toots in that very small,
confined area. It's called hot boxing. I want to say this, Eddie,
you pig, grow up. You can hold it in for
a minute until you get out of there. Hold it
in for thirty seconds. A little known in fact here
women hold it in for like thirty years in some circumstances.
That's how classy they are.
Speaker 2: I tell you something.
Speaker 1: All right, Um, we're going to do a long recap
of the trip and air travel and all that stuff.
But yesterday I was.
Speaker 3: Sure you couldn't pay me ten thousand dollars to do it.
You all expense paid, and then ten grand on top
of it.
Speaker 2: We'll talk about it, Okay.
Speaker 1: On our ten hour flight from Rome to Chicago, I
was served some kind of chicken dish. Okay, that did
things to my gastro intestinal system that were truly demonic.
And so from Chicago to Los Angeles, I was, let's
just say, I was fighting for my life. Now, what
does one do when they're on an airplane and they
have gassy stuff going on? You just you have to Otherwise.
There's only so much Eva Longoria does Spain that I
can watch without crying from gas vanes. So I just
let I start leaking it, okay, And I understand it's
disgusting and I shouldn't do that. The flight attendant comes
by and says, do you guys need to change her?
I smell something, oh, I said, I said, you know
what we do. Could you stop the cart for us?
I get up, I turned around. The woman behind us
is almost in tears, covering her nose.
Speaker 3: Okay, you are so lucky to have a baby, if
not just that you wanted.
Speaker 1: To bring it out of reasons, I did it.
Speaker 3: I just to have that as an.
Speaker 1: Excuse, darling little Lucy. Okay, and so I could openly rip,
but I would have started to cry. There was nothing
I could do. It was the Italian chicken. I couldn't
do anything.
Speaker 3: I honestly believe that's why a lot of fat guys
bring dogs to restaurants. They can blame it on the dog.
Speaker 1: All right, So this meeting goes well. The first thing
Ben says is, hey, I don't like that. I don't
like what just happened. But he sits down with Joelle.
They bro out with their wingers on. Daisy is not involved,
but we do get to Daisy and Ben who have
a chat. It goes well. Somehow this turns into Ben
calling himself a snake charmer. It's about Ben apologizing for
being such an egomaniac, and then it quickly turns into
Ben philating himself about the management of one Balkan biscuit,
and Daisy says, I really appreciate the apology, by the way,
I hate her.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's focus up.
Speaker 1: Okay, we got a charter. Let's just focus up. So
I want to say, we haven't seen the Samurai bust
at really at all. And I could have done with
a lot more of that this season.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: It was a giant. I couldn't place it in a dynasty,
which dynasty it belonged to, but it was.
Speaker 2: An Oriental statue of some kind.
Speaker 3: Of Is that the thing that the Balkan biscuit?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Is it, Alicia work?
Speaker 1: Are you not supposed to say oriental when referring to statues?
Speaker 3: I think you can say.
Speaker 1: Want all right, So we get to promotion talk, and
Ellie is getting to the point where if you put
her blood in a Peatrit dish, it could turn into
a violet space alien. But it is not her fault
because Ben is the one that floated this asinine and
dare I say, inappropriate, what's going on? Why why did
you tell this Madiac who we love?
Speaker 2: Ben on the show many times.
Speaker 1: That she could be sous chef.
Speaker 3: She was.
Speaker 1: Listen in the Game of wars in the world of
meaningless hierarchy. I too think that Ellie should be promoted
to sue chef. Okay, let's just promote her to head chef. Okay,
might as fucking well, because have we seen what Ben's doing?
Speaker 3: Okay, here's what I would have said if I'm Ben,
because she seemed very confused, I would have said two words,
dish soap, sorry.
Speaker 2: Just hold it up and just jink it a little
bit in his face.
Speaker 1: All right. So, yeah, she's insane for thinking this is
a possibility. But Ben is the one that said this
is a possibility. And when your boss says, you know,
you could possibly get this, you go, oh, maybe it's
not such an insane idea. So the guests arrive, Alicia
has not shaved her knees, and there's a dude from
Brooklyn there. Jenna nails that impression.
Speaker 3: Huh oh yeah, knocked it out of the park.
Speaker 2: Knocked out of the park.
Speaker 1: South African is doing Brooklyn Nights.
Speaker 3: That's great, Pat, Pat, Pat, Pat, I like you, Yeah,
really embracing that New Yorker. New Yorker. You know how
much Dylan and I hate this. Listen, I'm promiraish. Oh hello,
I love music and fiddles.
Speaker 1: Oh hello, there you have any potato?
Speaker 3: I love to cure people with rocks. Where's me, Lucky Jurn.
Speaker 1: My favorite way to cast down an adversary is with
a rock.
Speaker 3: Where's you get it? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Fuck off?
Speaker 3: Dial it down, you fucking loser, right right right? Jesus Christ,
don't don't you love how they amp it up?
Speaker 1: Who are you?
Speaker 3: Who are you?
Speaker 1: Forget?
Speaker 2: Forget about it?
Speaker 3: Forget about it all right.
Speaker 1: With canon tomatoes in this summer, with our entire family.
How are there so many of you? Now?
Speaker 2: Catholicism's crazy?
Speaker 1: All right? So the joy of these guests right out
of the gate, there's a glow to them when they're
looking at their.
Speaker 2: Bedrooms and their bathrooms.
Speaker 1: Right now, this is before being subjected to what this
show subjects people to, which is lunch. Now we've got
a seafood extravaganza that has been ordered.
Speaker 2: Now this is one of those.
Speaker 1: I'm always amazed that people can recall the person that
you know, those those illusions with the stairs where they
look like they're going.
Speaker 3: What's that painter?
Speaker 1: People know that person. I've heard so many people like
this is a ubiquitous name. I'm like I know a
lot of niche stuff. I'm so surprised that you just
rattled off this name. K's looking it up.
Speaker 2: But this lunch was that in a meal on below decks.
Speaker 1: So we've got Ben absolutely catastrophically failing to do a
seafood extravaganza while with a guest who could not be
pleased with literally anything you gave him in the world
of seafood extravaganzas very confused.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm glad that we do actually have tape rolling
here because Ben would have thought he was insane. When
there is lobster on the table, there is shrimp, and
then when Brandon.
Speaker 1: There's also dragonfruit though, oh yeah, so what are we doing.
Speaker 3: Branding on what's going on? I love when Brandon pull's benicide.
He's like, hey, I just wanted to let you know
I'm not a rabbit. Oh power play, Brandon. Power play.
You couldn't just say hey, could we have more protein,
because that would have been the mature thing to do.
But the power play that says he's lower than you
is to make that little sniper mark there, because that
means that you're better than.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. It was really pathetic stuff from Brandon
because it was this kind of like you actually didn't
get a second callback kind of performance of below deck guest,
you know what I mean. Yeah, like he was doing
his best to do it, but he was too non
committal and trepidacious to go all the way right because
he doesn't live it.
Speaker 3: Yes, embrace the character. And also, every really serious rich
person I know are too terrified to look like a dick, right,
they overdo nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not all the way true for me. There's
a lot of rich assholes out there. But if they're
going to be an asshole, going to be an asshole. Kaitlin,
who's the person that did the paintings, mc escher, mc
es sure, thank you. Okay.
Speaker 2: So let's get to the meal though.
Speaker 1: So we've got well, we should say that it's going
to be a seafood extra extravaganza with a Brooklyn who
only eats burgers, which is just a perfect pairing in
the culinary arts. So first up, we've got zucchini, which
everyone knows that a good seafood extravaganza starts off with
infomercial ribbons of zucchini, you know, one of those Hey,
I'm an I solicit trans prostitutes, and I'm here to
sell you this gadget for only thirty nine ninety nine,
which you can pay in ten installments.
Speaker 2: But anyways, we start with that. Then we get to shrimp. Okay,
that's seafood. That's seafood.
Speaker 1: And we've also got a tie salad, some kind of
salad with a vinaigrette, and a fruit salad. And then
we get which is not seafood. Then we get lobster,
which is seafood. Then we get a burger, which is that. Oh,
then we get a sloppy fisherman's platter of heavily spiced
local grouper or something which looked disgusting. Seafood extravaganzas are
mostly raw bar it's cold, it's clean, it's shucked. There's
no zucchini really ever.
Speaker 3: No, okay, I'll say this about Grouper two. They're the
marine version of the garbage trucks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: One of the most horrifying memories I have is people
throwing white bread into a doc with pods of carp
and it was it was like Werner Herzog describing a chicken.
The stupidity behind the eyes is it's like a black hole.
Speaker 3: If you dangled a loaf of bread in front of
those fish, they jump on your boat, into your boat.
That's how dumb they are. I've seen it happen.
Speaker 1: Actually, all right, so it doesn't matter to the Primary
that none of this well, well, the Primary gives some
great notes. He says, I love protein but not fish,
and I love seafood, but I'm not gonna eat lobster
and the shrimp's okay, but this was not what I
was hoping. And if you could just get us a
burger that would be great to round out the seafood extravaganza. Again,
where are these stairs going? What's going on? Zero pots?
So Ben walks down after the dressing down and he's as,
these people do not like fancy foods like salads. Now
we get some really cool Slama shots and then Smash
Cut do what I thought was a magician's dinner. It
was actually the seven Deadly Since.
Speaker 3: No, No seven Deadly Since happens later, but this was
like a bizarre cake thing. Then they went scuba diving,
and then Jason wears underwear of Brandon's face on it.
This was the fast forward of an entire day that
we skip over.
Speaker 1: And then we get to the dinner.
Speaker 3: Right then we get to day two, which begins with
breakfast where Brandon orders a bagel that takes an hour
and a half to get to his table.
Speaker 1: I didn't get any of that, Oh you didn't. It
was weird the recording. I was like, what's going on.
Speaker 3: I can help what's going on? I can help us
through that, Okay, and.
Speaker 1: Caitlyn, just let us know if we're doing it too much.
I think we'll do it probably fifteen more times.
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll let us know. Don't worry, we're gonna hit this.
Speaker 1: So that's the goal, that's the rule.
Speaker 3: Okay. So this was actually a very entertaining part of
the show. So it's breakfast, Brandon orders a bagel, okay,
and so Daisy goes down to the galley and says,
I need a bagel. So they put the bagel in.
The bagel comes out of the toaster.
Speaker 2: Silly quickly.
Speaker 1: Do you think I should smoke the rest of this
joint before I go to the box? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Man, okay, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: I couldn't figure out the punch things. I think I
voted for a homeless guy for Mayo.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just watch out. Many in LA. They're pretty specifically
they want your they don't want your ID, but they
want your signature to match, okay, to match. Okay, So
they order that goddamn bagel Brandon. It's done. It's sitting
in the galley. The radios go dark for some reason
for about twenty minutes. Ellie makes an effort to use
the radio but realize it's not getting to anybody, but
she doesn't make any more effort at that. Forty five
minutes later, Daisy walks down and says, is that fucking
bagel still sitting there? And alw He says, I tried
calling you. Why don't you fucking walk it up to him?
She's like, I don't run this galley, you fucking bitch.
Speaker 1: I cannot believe that I missed that.
Speaker 3: Oh it was delightful. Wow, okay, and I think then oh,
when Ben went to take a shit, so when he
comes out, he missed all that. And then he's like, well,
what happened, yaby?
Speaker 2: How long are your bowel movements?
Speaker 3: I'm very quick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like a girl.
Speaker 3: I'm hot, like like like fruity pepple.
Speaker 1: Going on, Kaylin, how long are yours?
Speaker 3: Ten minutes Okay, in and out for me, I got
too much work to do.
Speaker 2: Get in the comments. Let us know how long yours are.
Speaker 3: I don't know how much time I have in this life.
You know how they say if you brush your teeth
three times a day, that's like it eats up like
I don't know, like seventy two hours. I don't have
that kind of time.
Speaker 2: To spend over the course of your life.
Speaker 3: No, over a year or something. It's going on all right, anyway.
The bagel finally gets there, and Brandon says, this is
the best bagel I ever had.
Speaker 1: Anyway.
Speaker 3: Dinner theme seven Deadly Sins seven.
Speaker 1: Where do they source the bagels on the Seashells?
Speaker 3: Probably the same place where they got those cakes that
we glossed over store or bought.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, same purveyor as you can get a storebock cake.
Speaker 3: Brandon loved the store bought cake.
Speaker 1: Storebock cake, store bought bagels, fresh turkey, fresh dog meat.
M You can use a coupon for pretty much anything.
Oh it's written. The coupons that you use around the
Seashells are kind of like survivor icons, you know, the
you know those what do you call them again?
Speaker 2: In the comments us. Now, God, my sister would be
losing her mind right now.
Speaker 1: The things you find where they make you safe?
Speaker 3: What are those called?
Speaker 1: Don't look it up. Let's drive the fans crazy. Get
in the cars.
Speaker 3: Okay. I've been at war with the nudes In Corporation
because they don't fill enough jam in the double. Anyway,
they mailed me up. I was so excited because they
mailed me a letter addressed to me one fucking coupon
for a single nuts and Cottage Cheese double and listen
to PMC. I sent them a strongly worded email threatening
to boycott that company with all my legion of followers. Yeah,
and I am awaiting a response.
Speaker 1: And everyone should boycott Nudsen Cottage Cheese because nuts and
cottage cheese is fucking disgusting. Now, Nudes and sour cream
is among the most goaded, but nuts and cottage cheese
is a snotty, disgusting mats And I just wish more
for you because there's a lot of great cottage cheese
out there. Let's get to the seven Dead least.
Speaker 3: I want to say this everything in the comments.
Speaker 1: Let us know your favorite cottage cheese. Are you a
good person. Are you a Trader Joe person?
Speaker 3: Well, I explained to them nuts and that they will
send me two cases strawberry or peach. I do not
want pineapple.
Speaker 1: No, God, no, it's forty eight hours pineapple and cottage
cheese feels way too Grandmother from Requiem for a Dream,
Way too mommy little helper kind of thing, you know
what I mean?
Speaker 3: Right? I love this theme. I think it's the first
time they've ever done this. Seven Deadly Sins.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm good with the theme.
Speaker 1: I don't was. I was less enthused with some of
the packages. So we've got a little each guest doing
their own representation of seven Deadly sin. I believe that
one of the women did greed and she just kind
of pretended.
Speaker 2: Like she was cold, which was odd. What's going on?
Speaker 1: And then we get to gluttony. No better than pizza
face Pat right, who starts shelling dollar bills, which was
an interesting choice.
Speaker 3: That would be greed.
Speaker 1: That would be greed. You just eat, just eat, Just
shove shit in your face, right, Shove those PPM jays
in your face.
Speaker 2: That's gluttoning.
Speaker 1: Haven't you just seen that movie Love seven? You're a
dark guy, that's why you like that movie Dark Fella.
All right, So first off, octopus aka Pride. Okay, okay, Now,
because the first course is octopus and gobblegole aka Pat
doesn't eat octopus. Ben's solution is to serve him nothing.
Imagine imagine for a moment. Imagine for a moment. You
go to a prefixed menu. Now you've sent in ahead
of time that you don't eat certain things, So you
show up and you just skip entire courses. They put
plates down in front of the rest of the guests,
and because you said you're a vegetarian, the meat dish
will be for them and not for you. You can
drink your drink.
Speaker 3: Here's what I would have done. First course, when they
get their octopus. Ah, he gets chicken fingers right right,
Second course mac and cheese exactly, Third course an ice
cream cone with chocolate swirl right right.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Ben at some point goes.
Speaker 1: He doesn't even eat seven things, but Ben, he eats
seven things, cut a PB and J into fours and
course it out.
Speaker 3: Mazzarella sticks come on.
Speaker 1: So anyways, pasta is up next, he does eat that,
and the third course is I believe steak, which Patrick
does not eat. So again, he gets nothing. Now he's
pretty cool about just missing entire courses. But it's relayed
back to Ben. Hey, this is insane, according to just
common sense. And Ben's solution is to Now Ben's flipping out.
He's going, I'm tired of people questioning my creative interpretation
of my work. I'm gonna serve him a pizza on
a cake stand.
Speaker 2: Now, Ellie goes, I think that's a bad idea, and
he goes.
Speaker 1: What's the difference between a play to the cake stet?
Speaker 2: And Ellie says one.
Speaker 1: He's up. Okay, all right. Next course is lamb chops
with a pesto cream and a walnut crumble. Now, I
don't know how you make pasto brown, but I know
it is a sin. And Ben did it. Okay, dessert
is a bond. Bond a really just a tragically awful
final meal to round things out, twelve pots and we
get to the next day day breakfast and goodbye, thank
you for coming. There's when does jennigator strike right here? Okay,
so gets her stripes back. Good for you, booboo. We
knew it was coming. But Carmen says to the sea rats,
you were the best charter I've ever had. Now. When
I was watching this, I was very confused because it
would seem to me like this was a day charter,
so I wasn't. I was a little like, how could
this be this meaningful?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 3: I mean even if it was two days, you could
still question that, Yeah, they bought they gave store bought cake.
Speaker 1: It was three days, you could question it, four five,
any amount of time spent at the behest or at
the mercy of these sea rats, you could go, how
the fuck is this this important?
Speaker 3: So the tip was thirty four grand, so whack that up.
There was eight people there, right, Yeah, okay, so what's
eight and thirty four basically forty two hundred each one
hundred four grand each, let's say, right, yeah, per person
two days, that's two thousand each. You know how much
does a store bought cake? I don't know. I mean
to back out two hundred bucks if you eat the
whole fucking thing yourself. Yeah, I know you're in the whole.
What thirty too much?
Speaker 1: It's too much? All right, Let's get to the tip meeting.
The tip is a big whopping thirty four, which will
make it two hundred and thirty five thousand dollars for
the whole season. That's some cheddar. Well, with inflation, it's
not that much. And it's important that this is cut
fifty different ways because the Chernobyl people get this money too.
I think maybe not let us know.
Speaker 3: I won't let long what.
Speaker 2: Juel and Daisy go on a date?
Speaker 3: Yeah, she tells us with juoo, she's not used to
date night guys. Nice guys. Don't worry Daisy. You haven't
broken your streak.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, you're in grave danger.
Speaker 3: She says. Uh, we'll see where it goes after the
cameras are gone. Answer, nowhere cameras are gone?
Speaker 1: Yeah right, yeah, yeah, it would be so scary to
see once the cameras are down. How the word cuddle is,
how he interfaces with the word cuddle. Yeah. I don't
know that you'd be that down when the cameras aren't rolling.
Speaker 3: I honestly at this point don't understand why they can't
have a forty minute reunion.
Speaker 2: Me neither.
Speaker 1: I mean it's I think Andy has suffered or experienced
the same challenges that we've experienced when trying to nail
down Sea rats. And I say that with all earnesty.
I know that he's Andy Cohen and we're us. But
I still think these Sea rats know no figure, no,
no nothing. Okay, So yeah, it's a little tricky getting
Sea rats from fucking Ones and Monica Ones in you
know whatever. Butthole place done it before. I know we
should do it. If fucking Southern Charm gets a three
part reunion, we can get one reunion.
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 2: So it's disrespectful.
Speaker 1: So we go and party. We actually go to kind
of kind of a swanky place and we get a
toast from Batool, which was really beautiful. She said, I'm
gonna do only fans I hate my parents, and they
say who are you? Jenna definitely did yeah, yeah, yeah,
who are you?
Speaker 2: Alicia gives a toast to she had problems with Jenna.
What what?
Speaker 1: I don't even Alisha has been so off at sea.
Speaker 2: These little moments that we.
Speaker 1: Get of her are perfect. I think Alicia's so funny,
such a nutbag. This made no sense to me. And
Alicia's favorite artist said that you can grow flowers where
dirt used to be. Now that's such a derivative and
meaningless aphorism. I looked it up. I couldn't find because
so many people have said it or something akin to it. Yeah,
it was tough to pin.
Speaker 2: Down which artists quote unquote.
Speaker 1: Now we wrap in an odd way, we say goodbye
to the goodbyes, and Ellie gets handed a knife. As
I mentioned, bad idea.
Speaker 2: What's she gonna do with that?
Speaker 1: You've learned a lot, Mabe, and that's why I'm giving
you a note.
Speaker 2: And I'm telling you that.
Speaker 1: I think that Sue Chef could be perfect for you
in the future. And then she holds the knife up
and he goes, oh, Now, I.
Speaker 3: Don't know why. Now I think I would have said,
hold on, now, is anyone that we work with here,
You're a.
Speaker 2: Chef, don't tell anyone.
Speaker 1: You can have it. You can fuck have it, I
promise you. Because he's he's in the most heated moments
in the kitchen, things start to grow out.
Speaker 2: Of the back, the hips, the head.
Speaker 1: Other people haven't seen it, so I understand why he's
so secureful.
Speaker 3: I want to say this. We got to speak with
the Balkan Biscuit, who is a lovely person, maybe not
under pressure.
Speaker 1: While I was gone no no.
Speaker 3: When we had our sea rat con oh yeah, and
the Balkan Biscuit has graduated from cooking school and has
now followed that career path.
Speaker 1: I think and we love Ellium. Uh, it's it's fun
to call her a violent space alien. All right, that's
the end of the season.
Speaker 3: I love you to each other. I'm pretty sure it
did not work.
Speaker 1: Out for Daisy and Joelle.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Bravo hit us up and asked us if we
want to interview Eddie. I don't think the Barnacles want that.
We can.
Speaker 1: We will talk to Bravo pr and get as many
Sirat interviews going as we possibly can. Love you guys
all so much for supporting us and listening. Reminder Patreon
dot com, Slash another podcast network. The summerhouse Reunion is
Part two and part three will be there along with
Real Housewives of Rhode Island. We will be back next
week with a brand new season. Is it next week
or are they taking some time off?
Speaker 3: No time off?
Speaker 2: Yep, it's wheel of fortune.
Speaker 1: We'll be back. I love you Pat and Kay and
Rubes for holding down the fort. Very happy to be
back stateside in the Pat Cave. I'm Dylan saying goodbye, Pat,
say goodbye later. Du It's Kaylins the pot Deferent