Speaker 1: All right, yeah, hey, come on.
Speaker 2: Days not affuse no war with your house National Evangelis
tale rich you to admit which you feel in order
to heal home to affects of god distic abuse, because
your feelings do matters. Hi, everyone, and thanks for tuning
in today on this Friday January you married at seventeenth
of twenty twenty six.
Speaker 1: I pray that you have had a blessed stress free,
narcissistic free, abuse free weeks so far and not the
remainder of this week will continue to be so as well.
But if not, we're gonna be talking about a few
things today again. My name is doctor kl Richel Narck
Abuse No More. When we're here to help you admit
what you feel in order to heal from the effects
of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings do matter, Yes they do.
But before we go on with today's podcast, I'd like
to invite you to visit us on our website. I
got you know, why do I get that website back? Again?
I think? I you know what is? I have the website,
but I forgot the website address. Okay, it's knock Abuse
No More dot org. I do believe, all right, But
you can also email me at knock Abuse No More
at mail dot com, narck Abuse No More at mail
dot com, or email me at knock Abuse No More
at gmail dot com. And we are on every Monday, Wednesday,
and Friday at ten am Eastern Standard time, non am Central.
And what happened on Wednesday, I actually put the wrong
time in for the program and it came in late,
and I do apologize for that. But we're on every Monday, Wednesday,
Friday at ten am Eastern Standard Time, not am Central.
Or you can join us at the time of your
choice of various platforms such as Spreaker, I Heart Radio,
spite Us i'll say, Spider, Spotify, Spotify, iTunes, and various
other latforms. All right, so what are we talking about today?
We are talking about our personal bill of rights, our
personal bill of rights. Now we often hear about the
bill of rights when you're thinking about our US Constitution
and the bill of rights. But we were talking about
our personal bill of rights. Yes, everyone has a personal
bill of rights. If you are an adult, you have
a personal bill of rights. Now, as a child, you
have to go according to what your parents determine for you.
But as an adult. You have a personal bill of rights.
That means that I have the right to certain things,
all right, because I am fearfully and I am wonderfully
made by the Lord above, and so therefore I have
a personal bill of rights. And when you understand your
personal bill of rights, then it helps you to understand
how you do not deserve to be missus, abused, or
devalued by those that are narcissistic in nature. All right,
So we're gonna have We're gonna talk about a few
things because the knowing your personal bill of rights and
understanding your personal buil of rights helps you to build
that self esteem that you may be barely hanging on
too because of the abuse or the things that may
have happened to you. So we're gonna start off and
we're gonna try to get through all of these. It's
twenty five of these personal bill of rights. Number one,
I have a right to ask for what I want.
Oftentimes in relationships, many people remain silent and do not
express what they need in that relationship, and that relationship
will often suffer if you do not express your needs. Now,
will you get it from a narcissist, no, okay, or
if you get some of it from a narcissist, is
because they're gonna have you on a string where they
can play a puppeteer and dangle you from that string,
all right, for their own diabolical purposes. But you have
a right to ask for what you want in a relationship. Now,
rather you get it or not, that's up to that
other individual. But you do have the right to say,
this is what I need, and this is what I
want in this relationship, this is what's gonna make me happy,
and these are the things that don't make me happy
in this relationship. I have a right to ask for
what I want and what I need in this relationship.
Number two, I have the right to say no to
request for demands that I cannot meet. Many people find
themselves being people pleasers and bitter for it. They find
themselves saying yes, yes, yes to everyone and know to themselves,
and even when it's something that's impossible for them to meet,
they're still trying to meet it anyway. And one thing
when you're dealing with norcisis they're gonna place impossible demands
on you that they can ever they can never actually
meet themselves, but they expect you to meet it. So
you have the right to say no to demands that
you cannot meet. If you, for example, you have to
pay your bill, but this narcissist is expecting you to
pay theirs instead, well guess what. You have the right
to say no, I cannot meet that demand, and do
not allow anyone to put impossible demands on you. If
you cannot meet it, then say no. And also do
not feel this if you have to meet everyone's demands.
Their demands is for them, that's not for you. Number three,
I have a right to express all my feelings, positive
and negative. One thing, when you're dealing with narcissists, you
feel like you may have to walk on eggshells because
when you express anything negative for us, the way that
they're treating you, the way that they make you feel,
you're not happy, they're not keeping their word, or whatever
the case may be. When you express those things, then
were gonna talk about this in an upcoming podcast dealing
with narcissistic injury. Well, they become what we consider the
bruised ones. The narcissists becomes injured in their own minds,
and so far and therefore they can't handle it. But see,
when you're in a healthy relationship, you're able to express
your feelings, both positive and negative, because they are your feelings.
No relationship can be healthy without each person being able
to express honestly how they feel. Sometimes it may not
be so positive and sometimes it may be great. But
the thing is you should have the right to express
your feelings because they are your feelings. And when you're
in a relationship and you have to walk on eggshells around,
there's narcissist and not be able to express what. I'm
not happy with the way you treat me. I'm not
happy with the where you talk to me, I'm not
happy with the things that you're doing. And that person
cannot handle what you're telling them, then that is an
unhealthy relationship. Number four, I have a right to change
my mind. I have a right to change my mind.
Let me just say this. Sometimes things happen and you
can always meet what you wanted to do. For example,
I had planned on taking a trip and it was
not and all intentions I wanted to, but it was
not the perfect timing financial wise and with other obligations
that I had that I could take that trip, so
I had to delay it, had to say, you know what,
this is not the year for me to do this,
but I would do it again, do it the following. Okay,
you have a right to change your mind. The thing
is make sure that you express that to that person
instead of acting as if you didn't say anything. Because
this is what a narcissist will do. They will make
a promise and then when you mention that they broke
the promise, they will shift the blame and make it
seem like you're the problem when in actuality, they broke
their word. Now, there's nothing wrong with changing your mind,
but make sure that you verbalize that change to the
person that you initially made the agreement with. Let them know, hey,
you know, if something came and I'm not able to
do this and I really wanted to, but this is
not the time, and don't feel guilty about it. Number five,
I have the right to make mistakes and do not
have to be perfect. When you're dealing with narcissists, they
would bring up all your mistakes, all right, when you
did this, and you did that, and you didn't do this,
and you didn't do that, because they want to use
that as a way of guilty shaming, manipulating and controlling you.
And guess what, We all make mistakes. The narcissists make
plenty of mistakes that they never own up too, all right,
intentional or otherwise, However, we all make mistakes. Do not
allow someone to make you feel bad because you make mistakes.
We all make mistakes. And on the difference is is
that most people, normal people admitted, whereas the narcissists will
never look in that mirror that they're showing to everyone
else with the flashlight. They would never put that flashlight
in that mirror on themselves. They can see everything that's
wrong with everybody else. You know, when you think about
a narcissist, they're like TSA, Okay, they go through the machine.
So they got you going through the machine, X ray
in everything on your person, okay, on your body, all right,
But they would never walk through the machine themselves. Why
because they can't handle it. It bruises their ego, all right.
So you have the right to make mistakes. You do
not have to be perfect. And what I mean by
that is for those of us who are Christians, we
know that we're only made perfect through Christ. It's not
within our own self. We're only made perfect through Christ.
But you know, the Word of God also lets us
know that a righteous man falls seven times but gets
back up again. So that means that we're going to
make mistakes. If we weren't gonna make mistakes, Jesus would
never have had to die and come on across for
our and die for our sins. But we all make mistakes.
Number six, I have the right to follow my own
values and beliefs. One thing that narcissists do is they
try to force their opinions, their beliefs, their system of
twisted thinking on to everybody else. But you have the
right to set up for your values and beliefs. Now,
for me, I'm a Christian and I stand up for
my values as a Christian, all right. But one thing
that narcissists do, they will try to twist even that.
All right, you have religious narcissist and we're gonna be
talking about that in the upcoming podcast. These spiritual narcissists
that are actually spiritual demons trying to devalue you in
your relationship with God. You have the right to your
own values, You have the right to your own beliefs,
and the Narcissists try to make you second guess your values,
second guess your beliefs. And I'm not talking about anything
that goes against God, Okay, I'm talking about this is
for their own selfish, diabolical purposes. They're twisted, manipulative tools
in order to gain power and control over You're seven.
I have the right to say no to anything if
I if I feel that I am not ready, it
is unsafe, or if it conflicts with my values. And
this goes back to what we talked about earlier. You
have the right to say no. You know what. Open
up a dictionary. You know most people don't have dictionaries
these days, but I still do. But open up a
physical dictionary and put your picture next to the world no,
and say I have the right to say no. You
can do this mentally. Put this you put your face
next to it and say, I have the right to
say no if it's something that I do not feel
comfortable with, if it's something that makes me feel unsafe,
if it's something that goes against my beliefs, my values.
Sometimes you have to say no to them and yes
to you. Number eight and then we're gonna take a break.
I have the right to determine my own priorities. My
own priorities one thing. When you're dealing about with toxic narcissists,
they want you to always prioritize them and never prioritize yourself.
And so many times you might feel as this codependent
because we're gonna talk about codependency. When you feel like
I have to please everybody else, I have to do
for everybody else, I have to say yes to everybody
else and put myself on the back burner, that tends
to cause burnout. No, you sometimes have to prioritize you.
That means I have to do self care. When I
prioritize me, that means I'm giving myself self care. That
means that I'm showing myself some love. Okay, because when
you're dealing with people pleasers, they oftentimes don't love themselves
because they're so busy trying to love everybody else and
please everybody else and do everything for everybody else and
be everything to everybody else, that they put themselves last
and never place themselves first. And this is not selfishness.
This is saying that sometimes I have to prioritize myself
if I don't get my own self care. Then I'm
no good to anyone else. But the narcissist will make
you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself, your needs, and the
things that matters to you, while they do it all
the time. Because everything about the nariss is about me, me, me,
I I endever about you or we, There's nothing wrong
with prioritizing your needs. We're gonna take a quick break
and we'll be back in just a moment.
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you keeps because you love me like it. Nobady, you
stand up for me in the dock.
Speaker 1: And that's Riley Clemens fighting for me. All right. So
we're back and we're talking about that those personal bill
of rights that you are entitled to because of your
unique self that the Lord has made Number nine. I
have the right not to be responsible for the actions, feelings,
or behaviors of others. And what we're talking about here,
this is not saying that I'm not unempathetic or not
sympathetic towards others because that is how the narcissist is.
But the narcissists will make you feel like that their
happiness depends upon you, that their feelings depends upon you,
that their behavior is a result of you. No, you
are not re responsible for the way that they act, feel,
or think or behave. I have the right not to
be responsible for their actions. That means that I have
to be responsible for what I do, for how I feel,
and for how I behave, and so does the narcissists.
They are responsible for their own actions, for their feelings,
and for their behavior. But when you're dealing with the narcissists,
they tend to shift the blame to everyone else except
for back at themselves. Number ten, I have the right
to expect honesty from others. If you're dealing with the liar,
then there is no such thing as a healthy relationship.
And narcissists are not honest with themselves, let alone other people.
And another way that they are dishonest is when they
try to gas like you to make you doubt your reality.
That is a form of lying. It's a form of dishonesty.
They know that they've done something, but then they will
gaslight you to make you think, oh, it's because of
you that they did whatever they did, and instead of
them taking responsibility, they lie. Not taking responsibility for your
actions means that you are a liar. Making someone else
feel that they did something wrong when you know it
was you means you are a liar, and narcissists never
take responsibility for their own actions. Number eleven. I have
the right to be angry at someone I love. Yes,
you do. The Bible lets us know be angry, but
sin not. That means that I have the right to
get upset if someone does something wrong, if someone does
something to me, if the narcissist does something to me, yell, scream,
devalue me, what misuse me, abuse me, whatever the case
may be, I have the right to be angry about it.
But the thing is is to not let it call
you to be better. You can be angry at something
that someone does, but do not allow it to make
you sin. That means that I'm not gonna hold a
grudge in my heart. I'm not gonna be better in
my heart, but I'm gonna know who you are because
when you show me who you are, I'm gonna believe you.
So I don't have to accept that. I don't have
to accept how you treat misused, abuse, manipulate me. Number twelve.
I have the right to be myself, to be unique.
One thing. When you're dealing with toxic individuals and narcissistic,
controlling people, they want to change you into their own
personal image. And you are not them. You are who
God made you to be. They will always try to
compare you to someone else. Guess what, I am not
this person. I am not that person. I am who
God made me. Everyone is unique in their own way
because God didn't make us two of the same. It
even twins, even though they may look the same, they
have something different about them. Number thirteen. I have the
right to express fear, and what that means is that
they're there. Let me put like this, you put a
python in my face, I'm about to run. Okay. I
don't do snakes, all right, I don't do bugs. There's
just certain things that you will find me take off. Okay,
It's just certain things I'm not gonna deal with, all right.
I am afraid of snakes all right.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: In the word of God. It says that God did
not give us the spirit of fear above love, power
and a sound mind. All right, so we be we're
to be fearful of maybe things that can harm you. Okay,
So I have the right to be afraid of something
that can harm me, but I'm not gonna allow fear
to overcome me. That's what that scripture means, all right.
So basically, so basically, I have the right to express fear.
One thing that the narcissists cannot do is they cannot
handle when you express emotion. Okay, They're not empathetic creatures.
And when they do express some empathy, it is not
because it is genuine. They are unempathetic people. They can mimic, alright,
they mimic, but they do not have empathy. Alright. Number fourteen,
I have the right to say I don't know guess what,
because we know how their answers to everything. And sometimes
people feel like, oh, well you should know this. And
I'll be the first to say, despite all the education
that I've been blessed to have, I don't know everything.
No one knows everything. Okay. I am not Solomon. I'm
not the wisest woman in the world or whatever. Consulvement
was a man, but I'm not the wisest woman in
the world. Wisdom comes from God and knowledge comes from
him as well, when He gives us the wisdom to
know how to use the knowledge that we obtain. But
guess what, even then, I don't know everything. There's not
one person except for God who knows everything. So you
have the right to say I don't know. When it's
something that someone asks me, I will tell you you
know what, I don't know, but let me go look
it up. I will try to find out Number fifteen.
I have the right not to give excuses or reasons
for my behavior. And what does this mean. This does
not mean that you can ack them up and then
just oh, I don't have no answer for it, like
the narcissist. No, what this is saying is if I
choose to For example, sometimes I may not pick up
my phone. Do I have the answer to anyone because
I don't pick up my phone? No, I don't. This
is my house. I pay the bill, I pay the
cell phone bill, I pay the house, mortgage and everything else.
If I do not want to pick up my phone,
I will not pick up my phone because that's my right. Okay,
I don't have to give an excuse for it. I
do not have to let anyone know. Now this is
for me because I'm single, all right, so I don't
have anyone that I have to answer to except for God. Now,
if you're married and that that's a different story. Okay,
you need to take that other person into consideration. But
I do not have to give excuses or reasons from
my behavior. Sometimes people want you to do something you
just want. The only thing you have to do is
just say no, No, this is not something I want
to do. They go into uh prime, Well, why don't
you want it? You do not have to give an explanation.
It's just something I do not want to do.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: Do not allow anyone to back you into a corner
to give an explanation. If you do something you don't
want to do. As an adult, you have the right
to say no. Number sixteen. I have the right to
make decisions based on my feelings. That means that if
I don't feel that something is it's for me, then
I can say no to that. I have the right
to say no. People pleaser. If you know your people pleaser,
please learn the art of saying no. There are times
when you need to say no and you can't please
every one, so be comfortable with being able to say no.
Number seventeen. I have the right to my own personal
space and time. I give an example. I don't like
people calling me after seven really, I say eight o'clock,
eight o'clock. I really don't like people calling me after
eight o'clock. Okay, I'm winding down. This is you know,
it's in the evening time and the winter time, it's
night time, it is dark. But I really don't like
anybody calling me after eight o'clock. That's just one of
my pet peas or whatever. And then if somebody does
call me after that time, it depends on who it is.
If it's in my family, I pick up. Okay. Everybody
else is gonna go the voicemail unless you're a close
friend or whatever. But I really don't like to talk
late at night. That's my wind down time. I'm winding down.
I'm getting ready for you know, for bed. I don't
want to be on a long conversation at night. I
just know no, And that's just me. That's my personal space,
that's my personal time. I'm also the type of person
that I don't want you just showing up on my doorstep,
unless your family. I don't want you just showing up
on my doorstep. Please call in advance to let me
know that you're in the facility, and I can decide
whether I want to entertain or not. That's my personal space,
that's my personal time at the end of the day. Basically,
you need boundaries. You need boundaries, and there's nothing wrong
with having boundaries. We all need boundaries. Number eighteen. I
have the right to be playful. One thing that narcissists
oftentimes can't stand is somebody being happy if they're in
a little stink. They want you to be in this
thing too. But I will tell you the joy of
the Lord is my strength. That means that I have
the right to be happy. I have the right to
be playful. I have the right to just have joy,
unspeakable joy. Number nineteen. I have the right to be
healthier than those around me. What does that mean? That mean?
That's not saying that I'm trying to be better than somebody.
That means that, you know, what, if I feel like
that I need to be on a particular lifestyle, whether
it's plant based or rather a vegetarian, or rather I
eat meat or whatever works best for me. If I
don't want sodas, or if I don't want sugar or whatever,
if I want to go to the gym, you have
that right to be healthy. Because the thing is is
that me loves company, and sometimes people want you to
be just as miserable as they are, even if they're
not feeling all the way healthy or good. If you
decide to take a turn and be healthy, then they
have a problem with it. But you have the right
to be healthy. Number twenty. I have the right to
feel safe and be in a non abusive environment. And
this is so important for you to understand. You have
the right not to be abused. And there's someone where
they're abusing you physically, verbally, spiritually, whatever they're trying to do,
you have the right to not be in that environment.
You have the right to not be manipulated and controlled.
These are your personal bill of rights, and you have
the right to say no to anything that makes you
feel uncom the unsafe not good about you. We're gonna
take another quick break and we'll be back in just
a moment.
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All right, So we have gone through twenty bill of
rights that you are entitled to. Twenty one. I have
the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
The narcissist tries to isolate you from other people. They
and that's someone that does that is insecure and they
are abusive, all right, and it's not again. Abuse is
not always physical. Abuse is in many different forms. But
the thing is, you have the right to be around
people who love you, who value you, who will not
mistreat you or abuse you. And therefore, the narcissists can't
stand for you to be with people who support you.
They will make you feel bad just because you have friends.
And there's nothing wrong with having friends. There's nothing wrong
with having people that will love and accept you for you.
Number twenty two, I have the right to change and grow.
One thing that some abusers, and many of them are narcissists,
do is they expect you. They're in like a time
machine where they stay stuck. All right, you will find
that you could be sixty years old, now go back
to something you did at twelve years old. Okay, But
we all grow and we and we change. At least
we should grow and change for the better, all right,
So most the average normal person changes and grows.
Speaker 2: You know, with.
Speaker 1: Growth, we have maturity, and therefore we it produces often
changes in our lives. I'm not the same person that
I was when I was eighteen. I'm not the same
person I was when I was thirty, all right, with
the maturity. As we get older, we should develop more,
we should grow more, especially spiritually. In God number twenty three,
I have the right to have my wants and needs
respected by others. That means that whatever I want, whatever
I need, you know that that is something that should
be respected. That means you have to let people know
what your boundaries are, and if they can't respect those boundaries,
then they do not come within your space. You have
the right to say no to them coming in your space.
You don't have You don't have to allow everyone to
have access to you. Everyone does not need to have
access to you, because when you're dealing with someone that's abusive.
And we're gonna talk about forgiveness and the upcoming podcast too,
because just because I forgive you don't mean that I
have to allow you to have access to me. I
can forgive you from the distance, but I don't have
to allow you to have access to me when your
behavior has not changed. The only way that you can
have true reconciliation, and this is from He's deceased now.
But Pastor Miles, we don't have to have true reconciliation.
That means that there has to be the person that
is the guilty party within that dynamic. Is has to
have a change, repentance and change. Because without repentance and change,
there can be no true reconciliation. The only thing you
find yourself doing is going back into a toxic situation,
an unhealthy relationship, without there being any true repentance and
any true change. And the thing is, even with God.
Even with God, he requires us to be truly repentant.
That means that when I repent, that that means that
I'm going to change. You know, the Bible says that
if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just
to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
That means that I acknowledge that I did something wrong
and it's not gonna happen again. So without any true repentance,
that means that there would be no change, and without
any change, that means that my desires and my wants
would not be respected by that other person. So therefore
they feel that they have the permission to impede upon
you again without any change. Number where we're at, number
twenty four. I have the right to be treated with
dignity and respect. That means that you do not have
to take someone yelling at you, screaming at you, calling
you out your name, throwing up your past, throwing up
the history, or whatever the case may be. These these
are things that narcissists love to do. They feel that
they can disrespect everyone else except for or themselves. Wanting
to receive the respect, but they don't want to give
the respect. You do not have to allow anyone to
do that. The choice is up to you. We teach
people by We teach people how to treat us by
what we allow them to do to us. Last, but
not least, I have the right to be happy. And
sometimes you just gotta kick people out your life, you know,
let them go, Let them go. If they want to
be toxic, let them go, or either at least go
low contact. Sometimes you have to go low contact if
you have no choice, but to some and sometimes be
involved with this person, then go low contact. That means
that I'm not gonna call you every day, I'm not
gonna tach to you every day. I'm gonna go as
low contact as I possibly can because that's the only
way that I can have peace of mind and be happy.
And for those who need to go totally no contact,
then do so without feeling guilt because in order for
a relationship to work, it takes two people working at it,
and you don't want to be on this roller coaster
where it is. When we talked about the cycle of abuse,
because it is a cycle, and trust me when I
say that it will come back around. You might think
you if this person has not truly repented, truly changed,
truly gotten the help that they need, the cycle of
abuse will go round and round. All right, We are
up out of here at pray to today's podcast has
been a blessing to you and that you will know
that your feelings they do matter. This is doctor Ko
Rinch Until next times. The Experiences.
Speaker 4: A schools
Speaker 8: TOSSTSSSSSSSSST Communists pass