Speaker 1: This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
Speaker 1: I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
Speaker 1: demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I Am six forty.
Speaker 1: You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Speaker 1: Dr Wendy Walls Show. Heather, were you dancing to that song?
Speaker 1: I saw Heather Brooker shimmy wake into that song.
Speaker 2: That was my That was my stand up and stretch and.
Speaker 1: Like work it out a little bit seventh inning stretch. Yes, there, Roll.
Speaker 1: You're a Dodger fan or Yankee fan.
Speaker 2: No, I'm a Padre fan.
Speaker 1: So I want the Yankees to lose because I watched
Speaker 1: them sweep us in nineteen ninety. Oh, so it's retribution
Speaker 1: for you. Yes, Hey, what about you because you're New Jersey.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't carry the way about baseball. Oh I know.
Speaker 4: I just know that when the Dodgers, when people are
Speaker 4: doing fireworks and doing doughnuts in the middle of the
Speaker 4: road and traffic gets crazy.
Speaker 3: So I just like to stay in the house door
Speaker 3: in this sea.
Speaker 1: Let me let me tell you what happens to your
Speaker 1: husband when his favorite team loses. What happens, Oh, my gosh,
Speaker 1: I didn't even know this, So I didn't know male
Speaker 1: identity and mood is reels laughing are so closely correlated
Speaker 1: with their team, right, I mean, it's a bunch of
Speaker 1: shirts and they even change the guys all the time.
Speaker 1: This is a shirt you're cheering for. And so when
Speaker 1: the Yankees lost the first night, literally there was a
Speaker 1: I don't know what it's called where all the men
Speaker 1: are on the bases and then someone hits a ball
Speaker 1: really far away and then run home. Right, yeah, but
Speaker 1: there's like three of them. The bases are there, we
Speaker 1: go and.
Speaker 3: It's a walk off because they won.
Speaker 1: So it's a walk off Grand Slam home run.
Speaker 3: No idea what that.
Speaker 1: Meant, but anyway that that thing was happening, he didn't
Speaker 1: even wait until all the men walked around home. He
Speaker 1: just turned off the TV. He went straight to the
Speaker 1: bathroom started a hot shower, like like he was on
Speaker 1: the team in the team showers or something. And I
Speaker 1: hear this hot shower going forever, and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't even think he wants to talk to me, So
Speaker 1: I will just turn on comedy and I turned on
Speaker 1: Hassamanaj's new Oh it's so good his cos I think
Speaker 1: it is okay. He says, everybody says his name wrong,
Speaker 1: so I'll just join the chorus. But it's Hassan Manajh,
Speaker 1: not Hassan, Oh, Hassan Hassan. I think so. I don't know.
Speaker 1: He's trying to correct all the white people to say
Speaker 1: his name right. He has the greatest little bit about
Speaker 1: Basis Dan. He said, beasist Dan, or everybody that's not
Speaker 1: black American, not white American they're from. And then you enlist,
Speaker 1: like you know, twelve countries. And he says, we only
Speaker 1: want one of four. He goes, we want four things
Speaker 1: from our politicians. Number one a green card. Number two,
Speaker 1: we want our politicians to follow some religion, hopefully the
Speaker 1: one that makes you feel guilty after you masturbate. And
Speaker 1: then the third one I cannot remember what he said.
Speaker 1: And then the fourth one is and we want you
Speaker 1: not to bomb our home country. However, says his son,
Speaker 1: if you give us number one, we might let you
Speaker 1: do number four. It is so hysterical. I think he's brilliant. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm doctor Wendy Walsh. Welcome to my show. We have
Speaker 1: been digressing here. I want to talk about a few
Speaker 1: things today. I want to talk a little bit about
Speaker 1: mental health. I want to talk about this trend, not trend,
Speaker 1: this thing that's happening in our culture very commonly, which
Speaker 1: is that many adults are being diagnosed with ADHD for
Speaker 1: the first time in their lives and they're trying to
Speaker 1: figure out what that is. And sometimes it's a great
Speaker 1: like ah, that explains everything. And I also want to
Speaker 1: talk to you about workplace and workplace mental health. Right,
Speaker 1: so sometimes you might have a colleague who's having a
Speaker 1: mental health crisis. How should you behave? What should do?
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about it, but first in the news,
Speaker 1: So what is it that every celebrity around is having
Speaker 1: sex parties and importing young people.
Speaker 2: Let's go to.
Speaker 1: Puff Diddy, p Diddy, Puffy Sean Puffy Combs. First, he
Speaker 1: actually won something in court. He's in jail, you know,
Speaker 1: awaiting trial.
Speaker 3: He had.
Speaker 1: Judge basically, I don't know the legal terms wrap the
Speaker 1: fingers of the federal investigators who have been leaking all
Speaker 1: this information about his quote unquote freak offs. So you know,
Speaker 1: we had too much information in the public domain about
Speaker 1: what's going on, and I think that's not fair somebody's
Speaker 1: waiting to stand trial. Although the information was terrifying to us,
Speaker 1: I still think so. Anyway, he won this little judgment
Speaker 1: against the detectives. To zip it. Okay, stop telling people.
Speaker 1: Let's have a nice, fair trial when it comes up.
Speaker 1: But secondly, the founders of a abicrome, I can't even
Speaker 1: say Abercrombie and Fitch. Did you ever see the documentary
Speaker 1: on Netflix about them?
Speaker 3: No, but I did hear about it as.
Speaker 1: Bad as the Victoria's Secret guys and so. But they
Speaker 1: were doing it to young men, young male models. They
Speaker 1: were importing them into islands and private places, and then
Speaker 1: they would lure them in with drugs and whatever and
Speaker 1: make them perform sex acts. And so they're all arrested too.
Speaker 1: So I hope everyone has learned. Okay, all the young
Speaker 1: men out there who are seeing the old men go
Speaker 1: to jail, just stop all the nonsense. Okay, Yet, full consent,
Speaker 1: don't involve drugs and alcohol, don't transport people across state
Speaker 1: lines to procure sex. That's apparently all illegal racketeering. Okay,
Speaker 1: So that's in the news. Now, let's talk about something else.
Speaker 1: So the other day, who was on Bill Maher Megan
Speaker 1: Kelly from Fox Right. I used to know her very
Speaker 1: lightly when I would appear on Fox News sometimes she
Speaker 1: would be in the green room, and so long ago
Speaker 1: that she was pregnant at the time, so her kids
Speaker 1: are much older now.
Speaker 5: But she.
Speaker 1: She's very articulate, very smart. Rallied away with Bill Maher
Speaker 1: about why she believes President Trump would be the best
Speaker 1: choice for this country. But part of her argument, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to both commend her for saying some things
Speaker 1: that are scientific and truthful but also correct of you
Speaker 1: little things, is she thinks one of the biggest issues
Speaker 1: beside immigration is dealing with trans kids in our culture.
Speaker 1: And I mean there's so many other there's the economy.
Speaker 1: There's all kinds of things right that are going on
Speaker 1: that I think, And I'm just a big believer that
Speaker 1: the government should just stay out of everybody's bodies in
Speaker 1: any way possible.
Speaker 3: Maybe just stay concerned with your own genitals except vaccines.
Speaker 1: And here's why, because you have to be collective. When
Speaker 1: there's a virus running around killing people everywhere, and the elderly,
Speaker 1: we all have to be on the same team. We
Speaker 1: have to just get rid of that virus. We all
Speaker 1: to join the team. But anyway, I want to just
Speaker 1: say carefully and with great and deep love, that there
Speaker 1: are many young people who are coming out as either
Speaker 1: trans or non binary, are gender fluid. It's estimated that
Speaker 1: about two percent of human beings are born intersex, meaning
Speaker 1: they have biological characteristics of two. Say, it is possible
Speaker 1: to be born with a penis and some ovaries tucked
Speaker 1: up in there you don't even know about, and then
Speaker 1: at puberty woohoo, bress, Right, what happens? It is possible
Speaker 1: to be born with a vagina evolva and undescended testes,
Speaker 1: and then that testosterone charges ahead at puberty. Right, So
Speaker 1: we have to respect the two percent of intersex people.
Speaker 1: But also there are another group of people who might
Speaker 1: be diagnosed with gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria doesn't mean your trans.
Speaker 1: It means you have psychological distress. It's the distress it's diagnosable,
Speaker 1: not the gender identification. And so I want to say
Speaker 1: that you may be a parent, or you may have
Speaker 1: someone in your family who comes out as trans. What
Speaker 1: should you do? Please start with love. Just love them.
Speaker 1: It's a big deal for them to tell you. Thank
Speaker 1: them for trusting you. Listen, without judgment. This is not
Speaker 1: the time to say, now you're not a boy, you're
Speaker 1: not a girl. I know what you are. No, just listen,
Speaker 1: just listen, ask open ended questions. How long have you
Speaker 1: known so? What name or pronouns do you want me
Speaker 1: to use? How can I support you? I'd tell you
Speaker 1: a story when my youngest daughter was like three or something.
Speaker 1: She woke up one day and said, call me Ryan.
Speaker 1: My name is Ryan. And she went through her little
Speaker 1: wardrobe and she found only navy blue and brown and
Speaker 1: beige clothes. I don't know why they were there in
Speaker 1: a little girl's wardrobe, but there they were, and that's
Speaker 1: all she wore for two weeks. And we thought it
Speaker 1: was cute because she was a toddler. We called her Ryan,
Speaker 1: and then one day at the breakfast table, she said,
Speaker 1: I'm not Ryan anymore. Children experiment with gender. Gender is
Speaker 1: partly a cultural construct, I say it carefully, partly because
Speaker 1: there is a biological piece as well. It is not
Speaker 1: our job to tell anybody who they are or what
Speaker 1: they are. It is our job to educate ourselves about
Speaker 1: what gender means. It is our job to help and
Speaker 1: support people who are in distress about their gender monitor them,
Speaker 1: support their mental health, and it is important that we
Speaker 1: all stay flexible and open to change. What Megan Kelly
Speaker 1: said correctly on the show is that yes, there's a
Speaker 1: very small percentage of social contagion going on, and the
Speaker 1: solution may not be medical interventions. In fact, there are
Speaker 1: some gender doctors who say, you know, puberty may help
Speaker 1: provide the answer to the child, so blocking with puberty
Speaker 1: blockers might not be the thing to do. On the
Speaker 1: other hand, this is a decision for families and doctors
Speaker 1: and not politicians, and not to take this small group
Speaker 1: of humans and wave the flag as a big political item.
Speaker 1: I think it's important that we mostly have compassion, understanding
Speaker 1: and spend the time educating ourselves. Just want to say that, Okay,
Speaker 1: I love everybody, and I love I love diversity, gender diverse. Two.
Speaker 1: I notice as I'm being older and I'm my estrogen's
Speaker 1: going down, I like loafers more. Okay, I'm just saying
Speaker 1: I dress more man like. Does that mean I'm less
Speaker 1: of a woman. I don't know. I'm just saying, Kayla,
Speaker 1: you look so confused.
Speaker 3: We too out of nowhere. I did that first. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I wasn't expecting the outcome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a comfortable shoes one.
Speaker 3: You look great, Wendy.
Speaker 1: Okay, when we come back, there's new research on the
Speaker 1: flirting paradox. Did you know flirting can increase your mate value,
Speaker 1: but only under one condition. I'll explain when we get back.
Speaker 1: You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show and kf
Speaker 1: I Am six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 6: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: Kf I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
Speaker 1: with you. This is the Doctor Wendywall Show. Can we
Speaker 1: talk about flirting? So this morning I was lying in
Speaker 1: bed with my new husband, Julio, and I happened to
Speaker 1: take his hand and lace it into mine and I said, oh,
Speaker 1: it's good to see you're still wearing your wedding band.
Speaker 1: And he said, actually he gets hit on more when
Speaker 1: he's wearing a wedding band. Kayla, you are shaking your
Speaker 1: head over.
Speaker 2: There, just disgusting me.
Speaker 3: I can't hit on a married man.
Speaker 1: You know what that means.
Speaker 3: Is that they're desperate.
Speaker 1: No, it means they're woman approved. So what happens is
Speaker 1: married men will get hit on by single women, maybe
Speaker 1: just looking for sex, and then if they enjoy the
Speaker 1: sex and they get to know the person, then they'll
Speaker 1: be like, maybe I could just mate poach him, Maybe
Speaker 1: I could just steal him. Now I know, I know
Speaker 1: you're shaking you. I used to see wedding bands that
Speaker 1: go the other way, but there are there's actually some
Speaker 1: research to show. I read this study once. I thought
Speaker 1: it was so funny that the more expensive the jewelry
Speaker 1: on the wife. Now you would think that would make
Speaker 1: a mate poacher move right on end because she might
Speaker 1: be thinking, hey, I could get jewelry like that. It's
Speaker 1: the opposite. If a mate poacher sees a lot of
Speaker 1: expensive jewelry on the wife listen up husbands, she's less
Speaker 1: likely to mate poach because she thinks he's too invested
Speaker 1: in that relationship. It's not going to be easy to
Speaker 1: get him from that anyway. There's a lot of research
Speaker 1: on flirting in general and what is flirting. Well, In
Speaker 1: some ways it as you know, like somebody who flirts
Speaker 1: with a married man, it can increase the wedding ring,
Speaker 1: can increase someone's mate value because what our brain likes
Speaker 1: more than anything is shortcuts, right. So if you are single,
Speaker 1: this is the important part. If you're single and you
Speaker 1: meet another single person and you see someone flirt with
Speaker 1: that single person, that raises their mate value, right, they
Speaker 1: are approved by somebody else. You're picking up on the
Speaker 1: social cues about their suitability as a mate, and you
Speaker 1: see that there's a signal from other people that that
Speaker 1: is a good mate. So we rely on flirting as
Speaker 1: a way to assess if a partner is good for us.
Speaker 1: But guess what, there's some researchers who set up a
Speaker 1: study trying to figure out if flirting works when it
Speaker 1: comes to raising your mate value when you're in a relationship.
Speaker 1: Because I know people do this, right, They'll be Mary
Speaker 1: living with somebody and it gets a little boring, gets
Speaker 1: into the doldrums, you know, the six to twelve year run.
Speaker 1: And so they think, I'm going to make my mate
Speaker 1: like me more. And the way I'm going to make
Speaker 1: them like me more is I'm going to get them
Speaker 1: a little bit jealous. Right. So I remember last week
Speaker 1: producer Kayla was saying that she in the past has
Speaker 1: tried to make mates else as I have. But that's
Speaker 1: when you're single, that works, but not if you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship. So this is a recent study, recent meaning
Speaker 1: August of twenty twenty four. It was published in the
Speaker 1: Journal of Sex Research. It's called literally when your partner
Speaker 1: is being flirted with the impact of unsolicited attention on
Speaker 1: perceived partner desirability and make retention efforts. Oh, psychologists love
Speaker 1: that psychobabble. They love that psychobabble. So the research seemed
Speaker 1: to three or three experiments different kinds of experience to
Speaker 1: see if partners would be less attractive or more attractive
Speaker 1: if they received this unsolicited attention from others, And what
Speaker 1: they found was the opposite happens. They call it the
Speaker 1: flirting paradox. It boils down to what they believe are
Speaker 1: evolutionary mechanisms. So, once our partner becomes the target of
Speaker 1: sexual or flirtatious advance, is the research success that our
Speaker 1: motivation to maintain the relationship goes down. Uh huh. Suddenly
Speaker 1: our partner is less appealing to us if we see
Speaker 1: other people flirt with them. I know it sounds backwards,
Speaker 1: doesn't Kayla? You look confused? Here's why. So first of all,
Speaker 1: we feel jealous. Jealousy is a really uncomfortable feeling. We
Speaker 1: don't want to keep that feeling. The way to get
Speaker 1: rid of jealousy is to get rid of the partner
Speaker 1: or the relationship right or exhaustion, because what we have
Speaker 1: to do now that we know our partner is being
Speaker 1: flirted with, we have to monitor our rivals intentions. We
Speaker 1: might have to manipulate our life to make sure that
Speaker 1: we keep our partner away from the potential mate poacher.
Speaker 1: That is a lot of work, it is exhausting. So
Speaker 1: we also have to make guard. Make guard means your
Speaker 1: partner now there's another option out there, so you have
Speaker 1: to compete with that option by being extra nice to
Speaker 1: your partner, maybe buying them some presents, taking them on dates,
Speaker 1: spoiling them. You are mate guarding, right. The other part
Speaker 1: of me guarding is you have to make your other
Speaker 1: rival look really bad, So you have to think of
Speaker 1: all the bad things about You have to disparage them
Speaker 1: in some way, or you have to get into a
Speaker 1: fight with him. Honestly, one time, years and years ago,
Speaker 1: I had this boyfriend and I wanted to go see
Speaker 1: I don't even remember which rapper it was, whether it
Speaker 1: was Snoop or dray or something. I was really into it.
Speaker 1: It was in the nineties, and I said, take me
Speaker 1: to this concert, and do you know what he said?
Speaker 1: He's like, I just still want to have to go
Speaker 1: and fight. He said, everybody's gonna hit on you. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to fight. Literally. He didn't buy the concert
Speaker 1: tickets because he was worried about the Mate poachers. I
Speaker 1: didn't get to see my show that I wanted to
Speaker 1: go see. All right, And the other thing that devalues
Speaker 1: our mate. If we see someone flirting with them is
Speaker 1: that age old feeling of fear. They imagine that their
Speaker 1: partner might reciprocate. They think, oh, if that person is
Speaker 1: flirting with my partner, then maybe maybe they're into them.
Speaker 7: Right.
Speaker 1: So, when you're single, we do rely on flirtations to
Speaker 1: see who's attractive or not. We look to see who
Speaker 1: thinks they're great. But not when you're in a relationship.
Speaker 1: It devalues you. So don't use it. Don't use it
Speaker 1: as a way to try to keep your mate around
Speaker 1: or value. All right, when we come back, I'm taking
Speaker 1: your calls. Are we going to the phone's producer Kayla,
Speaker 1: pick up the phone. If you have a relationship question.
Speaker 1: The number is one eight hundred five two zero one KFI.
Speaker 1: That's one eight hundred and five two zero one five
Speaker 1: three four. Reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor,
Speaker 1: but I've written three books on relationships, did a dissertation
Speaker 1: on attachment style, and La to weigh in on your
Speaker 1: love lives. Kayla's going to the phones now one eight
Speaker 1: hundred and five to two zero one five three four.
Speaker 6: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 6: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KMI AM six forty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. This is the
Speaker 1: time of the show when you can call me with
Speaker 1: your relationship questions. The number is one eight hundred five
Speaker 1: two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred
Speaker 1: five two zero one KFI. Okay, Producer, Kayla, who do
Speaker 1: we have? First?
Speaker 3: We have Ruth with a question.
Speaker 1: Ruth, Hi, Ruth, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 8: Hi, Doctor Wendy. You have an amazing show and Kayla's awesome.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 8: Love how to talk about how the people in the
Speaker 8: room are responding to your questions? That makes it feel
Speaker 8: like we're right there with you.
Speaker 1: Oh, because you were watching on Instagram as well.
Speaker 8: No oh, I just listened religiously.
Speaker 1: So sweet, Ruth. I love to hear from you, but
Speaker 1: I know on the on the break, I go to
Speaker 1: Instagram ahead of time, so I'm already fielding some questions
Speaker 1: and talking to people online.
Speaker 2: So cool.
Speaker 1: Anyway, what is your question? Love?
Speaker 8: So you probably never had this question. So I have
Speaker 8: a son who's been married to a young lady that
Speaker 8: is five years now, and they came into a bump
Speaker 8: in the road and they had a not good conversation
Speaker 8: and he ended up leaving. I don't think of it.
Speaker 8: It was of history will though, But that's beside the point.
Speaker 1: What do you mean you mean you think she, your
Speaker 1: daughter in law, kicked out your son.
Speaker 8: Yeah. Ah, So the next morning she called in a
Speaker 8: missing person report, and so he left Thursday morning at
Speaker 8: twelve o five and then he showed up at my
Speaker 8: door Thursday morning. A week later. He walked over one
Speaker 8: hundred miles. He spent a few days on skid row. Anyway,
Speaker 8: when I called the police to report that he's been found,
Speaker 8: they called her and I also sent her a message.
Speaker 8: So she just got in the car and came down
Speaker 8: and my message was, please bring his you know, belonging
Speaker 8: so he can have his ID and you know, I
Speaker 8: can take him to the hospital. And you know, his
Speaker 8: first words to me were, am I in trouble? And
Speaker 8: I gave him like three big hugs and I said, no,
Speaker 8: going missing is not a crime. So he just kind
Speaker 8: of like started crying because he thought for sure he
Speaker 8: was in trouble.
Speaker 1: Okay, So what's your question? What do you want to know?
Speaker 8: My question is his wife came in, convinced him to
Speaker 8: go with her, and then she said, you know, go
Speaker 8: ahead and step out. I'm going to talk to your mom.
Speaker 8: And she just chewed me out, like from here to China?
Speaker 2: What was where?
Speaker 1: Her complaint.
Speaker 8: That this is all my fault because I didn't get
Speaker 8: him enough to help. I didn't get him enough medication.
Speaker 8: I didn't So.
Speaker 1: Okay, I get what's happening here. Okay, So your son
Speaker 1: how old is he? May ask? How old is he?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Where's this gone? Okay? So let me just say this.
Speaker 1: So this young man who had a falling out with
Speaker 1: his wife after five years, ended up walking one hundred
Speaker 1: miles to his mother's house, was missing, for a week,
Speaker 1: lived on skid row for a bit. This is somebody
Speaker 1: who is in a mental health crisis. The daughter in
Speaker 1: law is blaming the mother in law, saying you should
Speaker 1: have gotten him help earlier. They're no blames here, there's
Speaker 1: nobody to blame. It's where we are now, Ruth. Now
Speaker 1: is the time, okay, and the two of you need
Speaker 1: to be united front to get him the help he needs,
Speaker 1: not fighting over whose house he stays at, whether you
Speaker 1: provide clothes for him, or his idea or whatever he needs.
Speaker 1: He is an adult. Sadly, nobody has any jurisdiction over
Speaker 1: him anymore. Sadly, the way America is set up is
Speaker 1: that if he walks out the door tomorrow and decides
Speaker 1: to live on skid row with his mental health issues,
Speaker 1: there's not a whole lot you can do. If he's
Speaker 1: under the age of eighteen. Yeah, you have some things
Speaker 1: you can do. So I want you, Ruth to. I'm
Speaker 1: pulling you off the guilt train because I'm sure she
Speaker 1: triggered you, and every mother comes with lots of guilt, right,
Speaker 1: So the two of you need to get together as
Speaker 1: united front. You've got to find way to get him
Speaker 1: the mental health services that he deserves. Yes, marriage is
Speaker 1: it always takes two to tango, so we don't know
Speaker 1: her peace in all of this, But right now, it's
Speaker 1: about saving the life of your son and involving as
Speaker 1: many professionals as you possibly can, reaching out to therapists,
Speaker 1: reaching out to people trying to get him physically. If
Speaker 1: you need to drive him to therapy, do it. But
Speaker 1: he's got to be able to do it, because he's
Speaker 1: the adult. And sadly you don't have the ability unless
Speaker 1: you can prove that he can't take care of himself
Speaker 1: at all, and you want to get a conservatorship, and
Speaker 1: that's a long road through the courts. But in the
Speaker 1: short term, you guys have to come together to save
Speaker 1: his life. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hey, yeah, yeah, Okay, Producer, Kayla,
Speaker 1: who do we have next?
Speaker 2: We have Christy?
Speaker 1: Actually, Christy. Hi Ruel, Christy, Hi Christy. It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 9: Hi, doctor Wendy. How are you doing good?
Speaker 1: What's your question? Love?
Speaker 5: So?
Speaker 9: I am sixty and my husband sixty four, and basically
Speaker 9: we used to have a really good sex life and
Speaker 9: I think do it to Benepaud and that show, but
Speaker 9: I literally have like no sex drive and.
Speaker 1: I love menopause.
Speaker 9: Yeah, I just have no sex drive at all, and
Speaker 9: I'm just wondering what can I do with that.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not a medical doctor, but I will tell
Speaker 1: you there are lots of great medical doctors out there.
Speaker 1: I have one myself who specialize in menopause, and I
Speaker 1: could give you a laundry list of things that make
Speaker 1: a difference. There are estrogen patches, estrogen rings. There's hormone
Speaker 1: replacement therapy progesterone, testosterone and estrogen. There are estrogen suppositories.
Speaker 1: There is a Mona Lisa thing that's ay vaginal rejuvenation
Speaker 1: that builds more collagen ups in case there's any pain issues.
Speaker 1: There are so many treatments for menopause related sexual dysfunction.
Speaker 1: So I need you to reach out to a doctor,
Speaker 1: preferably a female doctor in her fifties who's going through
Speaker 1: it herself, and get one of those treatments, Christy, because
Speaker 1: you guys deserve sound like you still love your husband,
Speaker 1: sounds like you're still into it, so why not try there?
Speaker 1: And there are also many men and many treatments for
Speaker 1: men to want to say that, Christy. So again, I'm
Speaker 1: not a medical doctor. I can't give medical advice. I
Speaker 1: can just give you a laundry list of all the
Speaker 1: stuff that's available. So I hope you can reach out
Speaker 1: and find a professional who can help you. Thanks for calling, Christy. Okay,
Speaker 1: who do we have next?
Speaker 3: We have Jeremy with the question.
Speaker 1: Hi Jeremy, Hello, how are you good? It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 1: What's your question?
Speaker 7: So my question is, and this is more because I'm
Speaker 7: interested in somebody who was previously married and seems to
Speaker 7: have had quite it's an experience with that person, how
Speaker 7: do you get some a woman to be in her
Speaker 7: feminine energy? And this is coming from somebody who thinks
Speaker 7: you might have been kind of alpha widowed if you've
Speaker 7: ever heard that's herd before, How.
Speaker 1: Would you define feminine energy?
Speaker 7: That she feel most comfortable letting you leave, that she
Speaker 7: kind of you know, that feeling of like, oh, I
Speaker 7: see him as massolent enough where I like where I
Speaker 7: feel comfortable letting him be.
Speaker 1: So it sounds like the kind of relationship you want
Speaker 1: is a woman who's quote unquote you're calling it feminine
Speaker 1: energy allows you to lead and be the leader in
Speaker 1: what kinds of life choices would you like to lead her.
Speaker 1: Sorry what you said, you want to lead her, she'll
Speaker 1: be in her feminine energy. And by the way, there,
Speaker 1: I don't like the terms feminine masculine energy because there
Speaker 1: are lots of strong, mouthy, opinionated, independent feminine women and
Speaker 1: just as there are lots of soft, beautiful, compassionate, empathetic
Speaker 1: masculine men. Right, So the fact that we pay.
Speaker 7: So I already kind of like Tom Boyce is anyway,
Speaker 7: So I'm not against that at all. I just mean,
Speaker 7: you know, I just want to be the kind of person.
Speaker 7: And she he feels like, uh, she feels like she can,
Speaker 7: like like she doesn't regret being around owned. Why she
Speaker 7: doesn't feel like this is somebody who I who. I
Speaker 7: feel like I have to constantly make decision as for like,
Speaker 7: because a lot of girls don't like that. They don't
Speaker 7: like having aim to always be making every decision. They
Speaker 7: feel it's almost kind of a turn.
Speaker 1: Off if they have to make all I mean, if
Speaker 1: they have to lead, it feels a turn off to them.
Speaker 1: Is that what you're saying. Well, the answer, Jeremy is
Speaker 1: talk about it. Talk about what you would like, what
Speaker 1: I would like? Where can we find middle ground and
Speaker 1: I'm talking about the details. Hey, do you like it
Speaker 1: when I pay? Do you like it? If I drive?
Speaker 1: Do you like it if I make a plan? Would
Speaker 1: you prefer to do that? You just ask questions. Don't
Speaker 1: call it masculine feminine. Just ask the questions and communicate.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for calling, Jeremy. We have to
Speaker 1: go to a break. When we come back, I'm going
Speaker 1: to continue to take your calls. The number is one
Speaker 1: eight hundred five two zero one five three four. That's
Speaker 1: one eight hundred five two zero, one five three four.
Speaker 1: You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio.
Speaker 6: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 6: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: K I AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
Speaker 1: with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show, and
Speaker 1: I am taking your calls. The numbers one eight hundred
Speaker 1: and five to zero one five three four. That's one
Speaker 1: eight hundred and five to zero one KFI. Okay, Producer, Kayla,
Speaker 1: who do we have on the line. We have Kat
Speaker 1: with a Comment, Kat with a Comment, Hello, Kat with
Speaker 1: a Comment.
Speaker 10: Hi, how are you, doctor, Wendy did.
Speaker 1: What's your comment? Love?
Speaker 10: Did? I just want to yes, just a comment. I
Speaker 10: would listen to here every week, I want to tell you.
Speaker 10: And I'm seventy years old.
Speaker 1: I don't know you sound so much younger than seventy.
Speaker 10: Cat, I know people tell me that, but relationships aren't
Speaker 10: a priority for me right now. I'm really into my
Speaker 10: family and my grandchildren.
Speaker 1: Those are relationships. Any relationships every day?
Speaker 11: Yeah, So, anyway, regarding what you were talking about, people
Speaker 11: who are involved in a relationship or married and getting
Speaker 11: hit on by people that obviously know that that's the situation.
Speaker 11: The saying that I heard all throughout my life is
Speaker 11: no woman wants a man that other women don't want.
Speaker 1: Exactly, Kat, No woman wants a man that other women
Speaker 1: don't want. And that's why on the dating apps, Kat,
Speaker 1: you get these gorgeous guys who have a great profile,
Speaker 1: and their message boxes get filled with messages from like
Speaker 1: twenty women and there's so many women waiting in the
Speaker 1: wings for these dudes right because they know the other
Speaker 1: women are interested in them too. But yeah, we like
Speaker 1: men that are women approved, also women trained. Have you
Speaker 1: seen the new Alley Wong stand up specially, it's so funny.
Speaker 1: She talks about why she loves today, a divorce dad
Speaker 1: who's been pre trained by a woman. He's turnkey, she
Speaker 1: calls him. I love that too.
Speaker 2: I just watched that this weekend.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so funny.
Speaker 2: It's so funny. It's so profane. So if you're not
Speaker 2: ready for that, like get ready, but it was very funny.
Speaker 1: I laughed out loud. I watched it twice, but the
Speaker 1: first time I watched it, I was all by myself,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure my neighbors heard me because I was screaming.
Speaker 1: I'm not shocked by anything normally language or whatever, but
Speaker 1: that woman, she pivoted so well and shocked even me
Speaker 1: that I screamed a couple of times.
Speaker 2: And like, all the stuff she talked about is like
Speaker 2: right up your alley too, yeah, yeah, my relationships up,
Speaker 2: sex stuff like all of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm trying not to. I don't talk about sex
Speaker 1: unless it's in the context of relationships or her too,
Speaker 1: her too, Helo. You know the whole thing about Oh,
Speaker 1: I don't want to.
Speaker 2: I had no spoilers.
Speaker 1: The Pivot, The pivot, Okay, producier Kayla who do we
Speaker 1: have on the line.
Speaker 3: Well, we had Mike, but he got disconnected.
Speaker 1: Mike, Mike disconnected.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Unfortunately, Mike is having actually a mental health crisis.
Speaker 3: He says that his girl put him out.
Speaker 4: He's on his way to lax to catch a flight
Speaker 4: to Texas, and he told his job that he's having
Speaker 4: mental health struggles and he just wanted to know the
Speaker 4: best way to deal with his anxiety and mental health
Speaker 4: struggles while he has this in Texas.
Speaker 1: Okay, So for sure he needs to reach out to
Speaker 1: a licensed therapist. We're talking about a real mental health struggle, okay.
Speaker 1: And he needs to also tell his work that it's happening.
Speaker 1: He needs to inform HR. Nowadays, because of the Affordable
Speaker 1: health Care Plan, he can get mental health services. They
Speaker 1: can't fire him for having a mental health break, right,
Speaker 1: But it's important that he work with a licensed clinician
Speaker 1: who can help him work through this, not some kind
Speaker 1: of dating coach who's just gonna tell him how to
Speaker 1: get his girl back or any of that nonsense. If
Speaker 1: he's racing to a flight and racing to I don't
Speaker 1: know what's in Texas, maybe his hometown or something, some
Speaker 1: familiarity or someplace where he feels safer. He needs to
Speaker 1: work with a clinician, and there are lots of ways
Speaker 1: to get affordable therapy. Oh my gosh. Okay, Mike, we're
Speaker 1: here with you.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm sorry
Speaker 1: you got cut off. I hope you're still listening and
Speaker 1: you're going to get through this. Okay. This is very
Speaker 1: natural and normal, and a professional will help you get
Speaker 1: through it. All right, should we go to social media
Speaker 1: or do we have another call social social media? Let's see,
Speaker 1: we have so many that producer Kayla printed out. All right,
Speaker 1: dear doctor Wendy, how can I tell if I'm into
Speaker 1: a man for his access, money and power, or if
Speaker 1: I'm really attracted to him as a person. Okay, So,
Speaker 1: first of all, when people choose mates, it is impossible
Speaker 1: to say, well, you know, if you are alone naked
Speaker 1: on a desert island, I would still love you, because
Speaker 1: you're not in that situation. And actually you'd want a
Speaker 1: guy who could crack open a coconut and catch a fish, right,
Speaker 1: you have different skills. So if he's got to live
Speaker 1: with you in this life now, then yeah, you might
Speaker 1: be interested in his access, his money and his power.
Speaker 1: But relationships are about intimacy, and so how can you
Speaker 1: tell you spend some time being intimate? I mean talking
Speaker 1: about tender topics, talking about you know, your bodies, your fears,
Speaker 1: your dreams, talking about stuff that matters, right, not just
Speaker 1: oh we're gonna go here, You're gonna pay for this,
Speaker 1: you know, and he'll be saying that too. You've got
Speaker 1: to be the one that leads him to the place
Speaker 1: of vulnerability and authenticity, and then you'll know if he
Speaker 1: can get there, that you're attracted to that. All right,
Speaker 1: who do we have on the line, Kila? You have
Speaker 1: Alex with the question Alex Hi? Alex is doctor Wendy Hi?
Speaker 5: Yes, I was just I was just wondering for people
Speaker 5: who are getting like medication management or mental health issues,
Speaker 5: is the primary care would be a decent replacement for
Speaker 5: that or should be be seen like someone else, like
Speaker 5: that's more qualification.
Speaker 1: I guess well, I think I think it's very common
Speaker 1: that people might start with their own doctor. I'm not
Speaker 1: a medical doctor, so I can't given vice on medication.
Speaker 1: I'm a psychology professor. But I think that at the
Speaker 1: very least your primary care doctor can I know that
Speaker 1: they certainly can prescribe, but they can also send you
Speaker 1: to specialists. And in the psychological community, the big prescribers
Speaker 1: are licensed medical doctors called psychiatrists. So as far as managing,
Speaker 1: it might be a team effort, right. I'm a health
Speaker 1: psychology professor, and we talk about how it's a collaborative
Speaker 1: team that might work with you. So it's not a
Speaker 1: bad choice to begin with your primary care and then
Speaker 1: they may give you a referral to somebody else who matters.
Speaker 1: But thanks for calling, Alex. Alrighty, let me go back
Speaker 1: to social because there's a very interesting question here, dear
Speaker 1: doctor Wendy. I got into a work relationship with a friend. Oh,
Speaker 1: just a work relationship, not a love relationship at work,
Speaker 1: just a friendship.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I got into a work relationship with a friend and
Speaker 1: then she let me down as a friend. Is it
Speaker 1: possible to change a friendship to strictly a work relationship?
Speaker 1: If so, how Okay? So every friendship and every relationship
Speaker 1: has a contract. The contract is usually invisible, right, But
Speaker 1: obviously something happened where she broke the contract. Whatever the
Speaker 1: contract was, which was, you know, I don't know what
Speaker 1: the deal was, so now she's rewritten the contract and
Speaker 1: it's your job to follow it. Yeah, you can change
Speaker 1: the friendship. You don't even have to announce it. You
Speaker 1: just be less available. You just don't talk about those
Speaker 1: tender topics. You just don't, you know, let her trauma
Speaker 1: dump on you or whatever friend would do. Right. You
Speaker 1: can change the contract of any relationship in your own
Speaker 1: head to protect yourself any any time. All right, when
Speaker 1: we come back, you know, I got a few things
Speaker 1: I want to talk about. Well, one of them is
Speaker 1: there seemed to be a lot of adults calling me
Speaker 1: lately who say, like who say, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: just did this quiz on the internet and I think
Speaker 1: I have ADHD. Let's talk about what that could mean
Speaker 1: for you when we come back. You're listening to the
Speaker 1: Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're
Speaker 1: live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to
Speaker 1: Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live on
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on
Speaker 1: Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.