Speaker 1: Helping leaders motivate their people to a higher level of
Speaker 1: performance through strong human relations, team building, and goalachieving. This
Speaker 1: is the seven Minute Leadership Podcast with your host Paul Fellavledo.
Speaker 2: Hello everyone, and welcome to the seven Minute Leadership Podcast.
Speaker 2: It's episode seven forty three. Today, I want to talk
Speaker 2: about a leadership skill that almost nobody puts on a resume,
Speaker 2: nobody teaches in a college classroom, and yet it may
Speaker 2: determine more leadership outcomes than nearly any other skill. Emotional control,
Speaker 2: not emotional suppression, not pretending you don't care, not becoming
Speaker 2: a robot. Emotional control the ability to feel emotions without
Speaker 2: allowing those emotions to take control of your decision, your communication,
Speaker 2: or your behavior. The reason this topic matters is because
Speaker 2: leadership is an emotional profession. Think about it. Every day,
Speaker 2: you're dealing with people who are stressed, frustrated, angry, disappointed, confused, worried,
Speaker 2: burned out, overwhelmed, or occasionally having the best day of
Speaker 2: their lives, and somehow you're expected to navigate all of
Speaker 2: that while maintaining your own composure. Leadership isn't a test
Speaker 2: of intelligence, It's a test of emotional stability. I've watched
Speaker 2: leaders lose credibility in less than thirty seconds because they
Speaker 2: lost control of their emotions. I've seen brilliant leaders destroy
Speaker 2: trust because they sent one angry email. I've watched managers
Speaker 2: spend years building relationships only to damage them during one
Speaker 2: emotional outburst. The scary part is that most leaders don't
Speaker 2: realize it happened, because emotional reactions feel justified in the moment.
Speaker 2: The employee deserved that, the customer was wrong, the board
Speaker 2: member was unreasonable, the situation was unfair, and maybe all
Speaker 2: of that was true. The problem is that leadership isn't
Speaker 2: measured by what happened to you. Leadership is measured by
Speaker 2: how you respond to what happened to you. One of
Speaker 2: the most important lessons I learned in emergency services is
Speaker 2: that panic is contagious. If the leader panics, everybody panics.
Speaker 2: If the leader loses composure, everyone feels it. If the
Speaker 2: leader becomes emotional, emotional becomes the operating system of the organization,
Speaker 2: and the opposite is also true. Calm spreads, confidence spreads,
Speaker 2: control spreads. Years ago, I had a phrase that I
Speaker 2: heard that's stuck with me. The person who controls the
Speaker 2: emotional temperature of the room often controls the outcome. Think
Speaker 2: about every difficult meeting you've ever attended. There's usually one
Speaker 2: person who raises the temperature. There's usually one person who
Speaker 2: lowers it. The leader's job is rarely to be the
Speaker 2: loudest person. The leader's job is often to be the thermostat,
Speaker 2: not the thermometer. A thermometer reports the temperature. A thermostat
Speaker 2: changes it, and unfortunately, many leaders become emotional thermometers. Someone
Speaker 2: gets angry, they get angry. Someone gets sarcastic. They get sarcastic.
Speaker 2: Someone becomes defensive. They become defensive. They simply mirror whatever
Speaker 2: emotion enters the room, and great leaders do something different.
Speaker 2: They create emotional stability. They become the anchor everyone else
Speaker 2: ties themselves to. Let's talk about something that makes people uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Your emotions are always teaching your employees every single day.
Speaker 2: When you're frustrated, people learn what frustration looks like. When
Speaker 2: you're under pressure, people learn how pressure should be handled.
Speaker 2: When you're criticized, people learn how criticism should be received.
Speaker 2: You're teaching emotional habits, whether you realize it or not.
Speaker 2: That means emotional control is not a personal skill, it's
Speaker 2: a leadership skill, it's a culture skill, it's an organizational skill.
Speaker 2: So here's a practical exercise I want you to try.
Speaker 2: The next time something irritates you at work. Don't immediately respond,
Speaker 2: don't send the email, don't make the phone call, don't
Speaker 2: walk down the hallway, pause, give yourself ten minutes. What's
Speaker 2: fascinating is how often those ten minutes completely change your perspective.
Speaker 2: The emotional brain wants immediate action, the leadership brain wants
Speaker 2: accurate action. Those are not always the same thing. One
Speaker 2: of the biggest mistakes leaders make is confusing urgency with importance.
Speaker 2: An emotional reaction feels urgent, a thoughtful response creates results.
Speaker 2: I once heard a pilot explain that during an emergency,
Speaker 2: the first job isn't solving the problem. The first job
Speaker 2: is controlling yourself, because if you lose control of yourself,
Speaker 2: you're probably not going to solve the problem correctly. Leadership
Speaker 2: works the same way. Before you solve the issue, solve
Speaker 2: yourself before you manage the situation. Manage your emotions before
Speaker 2: you address the conflict, address your mindset. That small shift
Speaker 2: changes everything. Now let's go one level deeper. Emotional control
Speaker 2: isn't about hiding emotions. People can spot fake leadership from
Speaker 2: a mile away. Authenticity matters. What emotional control means is
Speaker 2: understanding the difference between having emotions and becoming your emotions.
Speaker 2: You can be disappointed without becoming destructive. You can be
Speaker 2: frustrated without being hostile. You can be angry without becoming reckless.
Speaker 2: You can be afraid without becoming paralyzed. The emotion isn't
Speaker 2: the problem. The behavior that follows the emotion is what matters.
Speaker 2: This is where many leaders struggle. They believe their emotions
Speaker 2: are giving them permission. They're not. They're giving you information.
Speaker 2: That's a completely different thing emotions or data. Leadership is
Speaker 2: deciding what to do with the data. If your dashboard
Speaker 2: says the engine temperature is high, you don't smash the dashboard.
Speaker 2: Interpret the information, You evaluate the situation, then you make
Speaker 2: a decision. Treat your emotions the same way. Listen to them,
Speaker 2: understand them, evaluate them, and then decide. The leaders who
Speaker 2: rise to the top are rarely the smartest people in
Speaker 2: the room. They are often the most emotionally predictable. People
Speaker 2: know what they're getting, their team trusts them, their employees
Speaker 2: feel safe approaching them. Their customers feel respected, their peers
Speaker 2: feel comfortable collaborating with them. Why because they don't create
Speaker 2: emotional chaos. And here's the final thought I want to
Speaker 2: leave you with. Leadership is not tested when everything is
Speaker 2: going well. Leadership is tested when you're tired, when you're frustrated,
Speaker 2: when you're under pressure, when you're disappointed, when you've been criticized,
Speaker 2: when something didn't go your way. That's where emotional control
Speaker 2: becomes visible. That's where your leadership becomes real. Can be
Speaker 2: composed on a perfect day. The leaders people remember are
Speaker 2: the ones who remain steady during imperfect days. The leader's
Speaker 2: people trust are the ones who remain predictable during unpredictable moments.
Speaker 2: The leader's people follow are the ones who demonstrate emotional
Speaker 2: control when everyone else is losing theirs. So, as you
Speaker 2: move through your week, pay attention to your emotional temperature.
Speaker 2: Notice the moments where frustration, anger, fear, or disappointment show up.
Speaker 2: Then ask yourself a simple question, am I reacting or
Speaker 2: am I leading? Because emotional control is not about being emotionless,
Speaker 2: It's about making sure your emotions work for you instead
Speaker 2: of against you. The leader who masters emotional control gains
Speaker 2: something incredibly value, the ability to lead clearly when everyone
Speaker 2: else is thinking emotionally. This has been the seven Minute
Speaker 2: Leadership Podcast, and I thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: For more Paul fell of Alito Podcasts, visit paulfellowalito dot
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