WEBVTT

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<v Speaker 1>Friends. Before we start the episode, just a quick update.

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<v Speaker 1>There will be no new episode on the fourteenth of May,

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<v Speaker 1>as I'll be away on that date, but there will

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<v Speaker 1>be a brand new episode on the twenty first. All right,

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<v Speaker 1>let's get into the episode. I want to start this

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<v Speaker 1>episode with something a lot of people have already experienced,

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<v Speaker 1>the moment where nothing about you changed except how you looked,

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<v Speaker 1>and suddenly everyone treated you better. Strangers smiled at you,

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<v Speaker 1>people listen when you spoke. You got more opportunities, more patience,

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<v Speaker 1>more forgiveness, more interest. But it's the same personality, same intelligence,

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<v Speaker 1>same humor, same you, different treatment, And for a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of people, that moment isn't hypothetical. It's what happens after

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<v Speaker 1>a glow up. And the reason that experience feels so

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<v Speaker 1>disorienting is because it exposes something we're not really supposed

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<v Speaker 1>to say out loud. People don't just respond to who

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<v Speaker 1>you are, they respond to how you look. And once

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<v Speaker 1>you see that shift happen in real time, you can't

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<v Speaker 1>unsee it because suddenly every compliment feels a little different,

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<v Speaker 1>every opportunity feels a little suspect. You've seen the difference,

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<v Speaker 1>You've lived the before and you're living the after, and

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<v Speaker 1>that changes you. So today we're talking about glow ups,

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<v Speaker 1>pretty privilege, and the psychological whiplash of being treated like

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<v Speaker 1>you matter only after you fit the standard. Because this

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<v Speaker 1>is not just about beauty. This is about perception, bias,

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<v Speaker 1>power and what it does to your identity when the

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<v Speaker 1>world suddenly decides you're worth more than it did before.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to a brand new episode of Beauty Unlocked, the podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>If you're new to Beauty Unlocked, I'm Carissa, host of

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<v Speaker 1>this circus. Welcome friends. If you've been a long time listener,

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<v Speaker 1>you know all about the shenanigans and utter fuckery that

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<v Speaker 1>is Beauty Unlocked.

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<v Speaker 2>Or would.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a very specific kind of story that keeps coming up,

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<v Speaker 1>not because people love telling it, but because once you

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<v Speaker 1>see it, you can't unsee it. Someone loses weight or

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<v Speaker 1>clears their skin, changes their style or gets cosmetic work done,

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<v Speaker 1>and suddenly their life changes more attention, more validation, more

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<v Speaker 1>romantic interest, more professional opportunities. And people notice that shift.

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<v Speaker 1>They talk about it, They compare the before and after,

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<v Speaker 1>they try to make sense of what changed, because it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't just feel like transformation, it's exposure, the realization that

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<v Speaker 1>nothing about who you are changed, and yet the way

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<v Speaker 1>people treat you did. Because if the world starts treating

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<v Speaker 1>you better without you becoming a better person, then what

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<v Speaker 1>exactly is being rewarded, and more importantly, what was being

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<v Speaker 1>withheld before? So before we go any further, I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like I need to say this. This is not about

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<v Speaker 1>blaming people for wanting to look better. This is not

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<v Speaker 1>about pretending appearance doesn't matter. And this is definitely not

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<v Speaker 1>about shaming anyone for participating in beauty culture, because we

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<v Speaker 1>all participate in it one way or another. That's not

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<v Speaker 1>the point. The point is the system those changes exist

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<v Speaker 1>inside of, because there is a difference between changing how

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<v Speaker 1>you look and realizing that how you looked was quietly

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<v Speaker 1>shaping how you were treated the entire time. And once

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<v Speaker 1>people experience that shift, it doesn't just feel validating. For

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of people, it feels unsettling. So let's get

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<v Speaker 1>into it. If we want to understand why glow ups

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<v Speaker 1>feel so powerful, we have to start with one of

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<v Speaker 1>the most well documented biases in psychology, the halo effect.

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<v Speaker 1>I've spoken about this before, but we're going to talk

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<v Speaker 1>about it again. First studied by psychologist Edward Thorndyke in

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<v Speaker 1>the early twentieth century. The halo effect describes our tendency

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<v Speaker 1>to assume that if someone has one positive trait, they

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<v Speaker 1>must have others. So if someone is attractive, we are

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<v Speaker 1>more likely to assume they are intelligent, kind, competent, trustworthy, capable,

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<v Speaker 1>even when we have zero evidence for any of those things.

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<v Speaker 1>Decades of research in social psychology have confirmed this bias

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<v Speaker 1>across contexts, education, hiring, dating, even criminal sentencing. Attractive people

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<v Speaker 1>are consistently rated more favorably even when their actual performance

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<v Speaker 1>is identical to others. And this is where things start

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<v Speaker 1>getting uncomfortable, because it means that when someone has a

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<v Speaker 1>glow up, people don't just see them as more attractive,

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<v Speaker 1>They start seeing them as better, smarter, more capable, more

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<v Speaker 1>worthy of attention, which leads to a very uncomfortable realization.

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<v Speaker 1>The opportunities weren't created by the glow up. They were

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<v Speaker 1>already there. You were just locked out of them before.

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<v Speaker 1>We tend to talk about pretty privilege. It's just a

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<v Speaker 1>social media concept, but it's not. It's measurable. Research in labor,

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<v Speaker 1>economics and social psychology has been showing this for decades.

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<v Speaker 1>Economist Daniel Hammermish, who literally wrote the book Beauty Pays,

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<v Speaker 1>found that more attractive people tend to earn more money

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<v Speaker 1>over time. He calls it the beauty premium, and it's

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<v Speaker 1>not small. Some estimates suggest that attractive individuals can earn

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<v Speaker 1>thousands more per year than they're less attractive counterparts, simply

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<v Speaker 1>because of how they're perceived. And on the flip side,

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<v Speaker 1>there's also a penalty, sometimes called the ugliness penalty. Lower wages,

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<v Speaker 1>fewer promotions, less opportunity, and it's not just about money.

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<v Speaker 1>Classic studies in social psychology, like the what is Beautiful

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<v Speaker 1>is Good research by Karen Dion and her colleagues found

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<v Speaker 1>that people consistently assume attractive individuals are more intelligent, more competent,

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<v Speaker 1>and even more morally good before they've said a single word.

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<v Speaker 1>Think about that we are assigning character based on appearance,

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<v Speaker 1>and that bias doesn't stay in theory. It shows up

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<v Speaker 1>everywhere in classrooms where teachers give more attention to certain students,

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<v Speaker 1>in hospitals where some patients are taken more seriously than others,

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<v Speaker 1>in workplaces where competence gets filtered through appearance. There's even

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<v Speaker 1>research showing that attractive defendants in court are more likely

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<v Speaker 1>to receive lighter sentences than less attractive ones. Same behavior,

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<v Speaker 1>different outcome. So when someone experiences a glow up and

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<v Speaker 1>suddenly feels like the world opened up, they're not imagining it,

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<v Speaker 1>they're not being dramatic. They're stepping into a different category,

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<v Speaker 1>a different set of assumptions, a different level of access,

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<v Speaker 1>because what changed wasn't just how they looked, it's how

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<v Speaker 1>they were being read, and perception is everything. Now here's

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<v Speaker 1>where this gets psychologically messy, because glow ups don't just

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<v Speaker 1>change how people see you. They change how you see yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>and not always in a clean, empowering way. Psychologists have

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<v Speaker 1>a term for what happens when your internal sense of

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<v Speaker 1>self no longer matches how the world is responding to you,

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<v Speaker 1>cognitive dissonance, first introduced by psychologist Leon Festinger. Cognitive dissonance

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<v Speaker 1>describes the mental tension that occurs when two realities don't

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<v Speaker 1>line up, and that's exactly what a glow up can create.

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<v Speaker 1>Because your identity was formed in one social reality, and

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<v Speaker 1>now you're being treated as if you belong to another

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<v Speaker 1>same person, different response, and your brain has to reconcile

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<v Speaker 1>with that. There's also something called self discrepancy theory, developed

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<v Speaker 1>by E. Tory Higgins, which explains how distress happens when

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<v Speaker 1>there's a gap between how you see yourself and how

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<v Speaker 1>you believe others see you. And after a glow up,

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<v Speaker 1>that gap can get very wide, very fast, because internally

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<v Speaker 1>you still feel like your before self, but externally you're

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<v Speaker 1>being treated like someone else entirely more desirable, more valuable,

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<v Speaker 1>more worthy of attention, and that disconnect it creates tension, suspicion,

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes even grief. And this isn't just anecdotal. Clinical research

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<v Speaker 1>on people who experience significant weight loss has found that

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<v Speaker 1>even after major physical changes, many individuals continue to identify

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<v Speaker 1>with their former bodies and report a lag in self

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<v Speaker 1>perception where their internal identity hasn't caught up to how

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<v Speaker 1>others now see them. Some studies also describe a sense

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<v Speaker 1>of disorientation in social interactions, where people struggle to reconcile

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<v Speaker 1>new attention, new treatment, and a new social position with

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<v Speaker 1>an older sense of self. So when people say I

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<v Speaker 1>still feel like the same person, they mean that literally,

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<v Speaker 1>but the world doesn't respond to them like they're the

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<v Speaker 1>same person anymore, and that's where things start to fracture

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<v Speaker 1>because you're forced to confront something uncomfortable. If people are kinder, now,

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<v Speaker 1>were they always capable of that kindness? And if they were,

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<v Speaker 1>why didn't you get it before? This is where the

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<v Speaker 1>glow up narrative starts to crack, because it's not just

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<v Speaker 1>a story of gain. It's also a story of loss,

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<v Speaker 1>a loss of innocence, loss of trust, loss of the

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<v Speaker 1>belief that people see you for who you are. Sociologist

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<v Speaker 1>Irving Goffman wrote about how identity is shaped through social interaction,

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<v Speaker 1>how we come to understand who we are partly through

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<v Speaker 1>how others respond to us. So when those responses change,

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<v Speaker 1>suddenly your sense of self doesn't just evolve, it destabilizes

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<v Speaker 1>because you're left trying to make sense of something that

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't fully add up. You haven't changed, but the way

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<v Speaker 1>people respond to you has. There's another part of pretty

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<v Speaker 1>privilege that doesn't get talked about enough, and that's the cost.

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<v Speaker 1>Because what people don't tell you about a glow up

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<v Speaker 1>is that it can feel like trading one kind of

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<v Speaker 1>invisibility for another. Before you're overlooked, dismissed, not taken seriously,

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<v Speaker 1>passed over, and then after you're scene but not necessarily understood,

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<v Speaker 1>not necessarily respected. Now you're visible, but flattened, reduced to

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<v Speaker 1>how you look. Psychologists have studied this through something called

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<v Speaker 1>objectification theory, developed by Barbara Fredericksen and Tomey Anne Roberts.

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<v Speaker 1>Their work shows that women in particular are often treated

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<v Speaker 1>less as full people and more as bodies to be evaluated,

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<v Speaker 1>to be looked at, judged, consumed, and the more attractive

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<v Speaker 1>you're perceived to be, the more intense that can become.

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<v Speaker 1>So instead of being ignored, you're watched. Instead of being dismissed,

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<v Speaker 1>you're scrutinized. Instead of being underestimated, you're mischaracterized. Suddenly you're objectified, sexualized, envied, judged,

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<v Speaker 1>and in many cases, not taken seriously. There's research showing

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<v Speaker 1>that highly attractive women can actually be penal in professional settings,

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<v Speaker 1>especially in roles that require authority or competence, because in

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<v Speaker 1>those contexts, beauty gets read as a contradiction. You can

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<v Speaker 1>be attractive or you can be taken seriously, but often

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<v Speaker 1>not both. So the same system that rewards beauty also

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<v Speaker 1>limits you through it, you're not just seen as a

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<v Speaker 1>person anymore. You're seen as an image, a symbol. Something

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<v Speaker 1>to look at, not necessarily someone to listen to, and

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<v Speaker 1>that creates a different kind of pressure, because now you're

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<v Speaker 1>not just navigating being unseen, you're navigating being seen in

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<v Speaker 1>a way that doesn't reflect who you actually are, and

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<v Speaker 1>that can feel just as distorting, just as limiting, just

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<v Speaker 1>in a different way. The reason glow ups hit people

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<v Speaker 1>so hard emotionally is because they don't just reveal something new.

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<v Speaker 1>They confirm something you already knew, even if you couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>fully name it at the time, because we are all,

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<v Speaker 1>in one way or another, taught the same message that

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<v Speaker 1>how you look affects how you're treated, that fitting the

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<v Speaker 1>standard gets rewarded, and not fitting it comes with consequences,

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes subtle, sometimes obvious, but always there. So when a

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<v Speaker 1>glow up changes how people respond to you, it doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>feel like a random shift. It feels like proof proof

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<v Speaker 1>that the kindness, the attention, the opportunities were never unconditional.

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<v Speaker 1>They were contingent on presentation, on esthetics, on how closely

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<v Speaker 1>you matched what society rewards, and psychologically that lands differently

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<v Speaker 1>because it doesn't just change how you see others, it

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<v Speaker 1>changes how you interpret your entire past. Rejection starts to

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<v Speaker 1>look different. Missed opportunities take on a new meaning, and

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<v Speaker 1>suddenly your life story gets rewritten through a different lens.

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<v Speaker 1>Not I wasn't good enough, but I wasn't seen as

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<v Speaker 1>good enough, And those are not the same thing. Here's

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<v Speaker 1>the part where people usually want a clean resolution, a takeaway,

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<v Speaker 1>a way to fix it. But this isn't one of

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<v Speaker 1>those topics that wraps up neatly. Because you can't unlearn

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<v Speaker 1>the fact that appearance affects perception and you can't fully

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<v Speaker 1>control how you're perceived. What you can do is become

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<v Speaker 1>aware of the system, aware of the bias, aware of

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<v Speaker 1>the ways you might be participating in it, even unintentionally,

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<v Speaker 1>because the halo effect doesn't just affect how others see you,

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<v Speaker 1>It affects how you see them, who you trust, who

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<v Speaker 1>you listen to, who you give the benefit of the doubt.

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<v Speaker 1>And once you see that clearly, you start making different choices,

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<v Speaker 1>more conscious ones. So the next time you see a

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<v Speaker 1>glow up story or experience one yourself, pause before you

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<v Speaker 1>immediately label it as self improvement, because what changed wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>just you, It was how people treated you, and those

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<v Speaker 1>are not the same thing, and that difference says a

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<v Speaker 1>lot about how the world works. Beauty does open doors.

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<v Speaker 1>That part is real, but it doesn't create value. It

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<v Speaker 1>changes who is recognized as having it, and that should

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<v Speaker 1>make you rethink everything you were taught about worth. I

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<v Speaker 1>hope you enjoyed the episode and that it gave you

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<v Speaker 1>something to sit with. My loves until next time, my

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<v Speaker 1>love buckets, take care of yourselves and each other, and

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<v Speaker 1>stay curious always. I'll be back with a brand new

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<v Speaker 1>episode on the twenty first of May. Mm Bye, my goodness.

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<v Speaker 1>That was a That was a juicy kiss.

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<v Speaker 3>Link clap cla lin kia lin kick clap cla clap clap.

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<v Speaker 2>Clate, kick clack cl Please kick them, please kick them,

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<v Speaker 2>please geck them