Speaker 1: Meaning a light Man like this man letting butterfly flapping
Speaker 1: and wing big down in the forest.
Speaker 2: Man gonna cause the tree fold, letting five thousand miles away.
Speaker 1: Man, nobody seen nobody. You don't need to know. Man,
Speaker 1: we don't. It's like you followed another story and you
Speaker 1: got back to fect that that's still win. Man, don't
Speaker 1: black and dag on Panama. Man, Man, you don't don't matter.
Speaker 1: Man anyway, taking time to.
Speaker 2: Have me on recording? Now, by the way, are we Yeah?
Speaker 2: I just did you reminded me I should probably do that?
Speaker 1: Okay, great, Okay, We're just we missed out a whole
Speaker 1: bunch of ship where we were talking.
Speaker 2: Get a great bit. Uh, Shall we have a really
Speaker 2: unclear intro that will leave the audience confused and angered?
Speaker 1: Capture with our show where you feel like you walked
Speaker 1: into a deeply uncomfortable room and yeah, don't know whether
Speaker 1: you're half in half out, Like where should I be
Speaker 1: had right now?
Speaker 2: You should feel like you you took the wrong turn
Speaker 2: on a hall and instead of like walking in to
Speaker 2: see your accountant, you walked into like a white trash
Speaker 2: funeral and Grandma's you know she's she's spread out and
Speaker 2: like your brauns and Uncle Randma screaming at each other
Speaker 2: about a about a four thousand dollars life insurance policy.
Speaker 2: That should be the experience of listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1: So you turned the corner. You're in a white trash funeral.
Speaker 1: You're in the back rooms, and if this is going
Speaker 1: to be a nasty afternoon.
Speaker 2: One of my buddies, and it's generally, from what I've heard,
Speaker 2: a very positive job. But he started working at a
Speaker 2: funeral home and there are pros and comes to the job.
Speaker 2: The pros are you provide an actual, legitimate service in
Speaker 2: exchange for money. It's not a given in this world.
Speaker 2: The downside is as badly behaved as you think someone
Speaker 2: would act at a funeral, just ten x that. Like,
Speaker 2: there there's a whole behind the office system for marking
Speaker 2: troubled individuals. There's there's there's lying, cheating, forgery, right uh
Speaker 2: for for the smallest amount of money you can imagine.
Speaker 1: Because you would think it would be unidirectional. That everyone
Speaker 1: gets the idea that it's the funeral homes are taking
Speaker 1: advantage of people, but it could very well be the
Speaker 1: other way around. It's a divorce attorney you're dealing with
Speaker 1: people who are whose entire financial universe is blowing up
Speaker 1: before your eyes, and you're hoping that you're going to
Speaker 1: get paid, you know, like maybe maybe things get lost
Speaker 1: in the shuffle. Funny story, one of the agencies that
Speaker 1: I worked for years ago primarily dealt with funeral homes,
Speaker 1: but all the other sort of satellite organizations and companies,
Speaker 1: and they call it death care. You've got your healthcare
Speaker 1: over here, but then there's a death care industry, and
Speaker 1: the unfortunate news is death care is booming, and that's
Speaker 1: a sector, that's an industry, I guess you could call it.
Speaker 1: That is very attractive to investors right now because you're
Speaker 1: seeing it now, but you're going to see it even
Speaker 1: more in the future. Boomers just dying, and then there's
Speaker 1: going to be a lot it's a very real logistical
Speaker 1: problem considering the cemetery space you're going to need to
Speaker 1: facilitate all this because, as we were talking about before
Speaker 1: we went live, boomers, you know, they take their life
Speaker 1: and death very seriously. You know, we're talking about made
Speaker 1: up here in Canada, and I think the line we
Speaker 1: ended on was there's so many people who should be
Speaker 1: committing suicide that aren't. And that's a problem. And we
Speaker 1: were saying that boomers they cling on, they clean on
Speaker 1: right to the very end. But they're going to have
Speaker 1: money put aside for a big funeral, a big grave plot,
Speaker 1: and then what are you gonna do? Like this is
Speaker 1: gonna be the salad days for funeral homes. But you know,
Speaker 1: it's a strange thing to think, like you gotta think ahead,
Speaker 1: what are we gonna do with all these fucking corpses?
Speaker 1: But you know, that's what they're talking about their conventions.
Speaker 2: Weirdly, one of the other big problems is the desire
Speaker 2: to cling on to life so strongly that you just
Speaker 2: never make any plans whatsoever, like no will, because that
Speaker 2: would require you to admit that you were mortal, that
Speaker 2: you might not be around. Just no planning whatsoever. And
Speaker 2: uh yeah, man, it's uh, it's it's grim. But let
Speaker 2: me tell you. You say, it's like divorce, but only
Speaker 2: half of people need a divorce lawyer. One people need
Speaker 2: a guy to cart their corpse around. And so you know,
Speaker 2: if you're looking for for job security, it's probably a
Speaker 2: pretty decent bet. I as far as I understand the
Speaker 2: working conditions, are somewhat grim, but uh, you know what,
Speaker 2: every job is in some way humiliating and soul killing.
Speaker 2: So it's kind of just up to you, where are
Speaker 2: you apportion that.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say this. Jay Burden is such a
Speaker 1: pro and so good at this job of hosts. It
Speaker 1: sounded like he was teeing up for a sponsor ad.
Speaker 1: Read right there like I could death brought to you
Speaker 1: by James's fucking corpse eaters. I did not think that through.
Speaker 1: I got I got to talk about walking into a
Speaker 1: room that you don't know.
Speaker 2: If you're an advertising guy, you get halfway through and
Speaker 2: you're like, we can't advertise. This seems cannibalism. This what
Speaker 2: have we been advertising? We're looking for recruits, We're looking for.
Speaker 1: Why the funk? Not nothing? Nothing matters that. I'm just nihilistic,
Speaker 1: Don Draper.
Speaker 2: Nothing matters.
Speaker 1: Everyone dies, everyone's gay.
Speaker 2: You're drinking not to get through the day, but just
Speaker 2: to sort of numb the existential dread that all is vanity.
Speaker 1: Everyone mad men drinking. It's like, I just I didn't
Speaker 1: know we couldn't do that. Everyone in the office pretending
Speaker 1: that they're not drinking, and things like it's this is
Speaker 1: alcohol like a fucking gym Downey bit.
Speaker 2: I've got an idea of resurrecting mad men, you know,
Speaker 2: doing what we kind of do here, uh in the West,
Speaker 2: which is we take something that's successful and reboot it,
Speaker 2: you know, years later. But instead of being about you know,
Speaker 2: chisel jawed, clean shaven, high powered advertising executives, it's just
Speaker 2: the modern day version of that, which is like thirteen
Speaker 2: of the dimmest people you went to college, all on
Speaker 2: a Zoom meeting, you know, trying to figure out what
Speaker 2: they can steal from Canva and pass off as their
Speaker 2: own work. And they're also alcoholics.
Speaker 1: It's really just a documentary on what it's like to
Speaker 1: being an ad agency. Right now, you just describe my
Speaker 1: fucking life. How can I cheat shutter Stock? Okay? Do
Speaker 1: they still already allowed to pirate Adobe? It's like, I
Speaker 1: know there's a new version, but they don't really have
Speaker 1: anything that matters. It's AI, who gives a fuck? All
Speaker 1: I need is the Lasso tool.
Speaker 2: Really, I mean to that point, man, I have and this,
Speaker 2: for the sake of any Adobe account executive is satirical.
Speaker 2: It's a joke, but as someone who's only used pirated
Speaker 2: versions of Adobe software. I actually do not know the
Speaker 2: English name for any function because like I just learned
Speaker 2: it all pictorially, you know, so it's like, I don't know,
Speaker 2: it's cyrillic. It's like the R shape. What do you
Speaker 2: want me to say?
Speaker 1: It's so fucking funny, just and you just downloaded by
Speaker 1: acent there is an English version. It's like, fuck it,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna learn strill.
Speaker 2: Like man on per one hundred percent. It was like
Speaker 2: when I was like fourteen the first time I did it,
Speaker 2: and now it's like, well, I mean it's not like
Speaker 2: I look at the terms anyway, Like what is it?
Speaker 1: This is how the rest of the world does it.
Speaker 1: They get a cracked version of something that's English, so
Speaker 1: they have to learn English. And that's what got into
Speaker 1: this predicament.
Speaker 2: Yeah, really sick you're saying, is times is that I'm
Speaker 2: part of the problem.
Speaker 1: I'm saying every single person is a part of the problem,
Speaker 1: and they need to be aware of what part they
Speaker 1: have to play.
Speaker 2: You know, maybe maybe we can kind of we can
Speaker 2: align some interests here. Canada wants to kill people and
Speaker 2: Doobe wants to suck people dry and punish them harshly
Speaker 2: for pirting their software so so far made is like
Speaker 2: a therapy, right, it's medical treatment. Oh you've got ibs.
Speaker 2: Oh you're old.
Speaker 1: Oh you're a.
Speaker 2: White person, so just kill yourself. What if we added
Speaker 2: another additional criteria, which is that Adobe sends a box
Speaker 2: truck to your house, throws you in the back, and
Speaker 2: then takes you to Canadian doctor and kills you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I like that idea, just off the top.
Speaker 1: Right now, I'm going to give you my read on
Speaker 1: that idea, my gut reaction. I like it because I
Speaker 1: like the idea of being thrown in a truck and
Speaker 1: killed generally if Adobe is involved, sure, if Ike is involved,
Speaker 1: why not. See, I just really want I'm trying to
Speaker 1: get I really want to be thrown into a truck
Speaker 1: and slaughtered. And I think it sucks that the Canadian
Speaker 1: government's doing it because you get the sense they're going
Speaker 1: to give you estrogen before they do it, they're doing
Speaker 1: a pump you full of something.
Speaker 2: Just because also being killed in a gay way, which
Speaker 2: I think, you know, ultimately, if we're looking at you know,
Speaker 2: what is the deepest, darkest fear of man, It's like
Speaker 2: death is there, but really it's dying in like a
Speaker 2: gay way because like you think about it, like you know,
Speaker 2: men have always been, you know, involved in war and conflicts,
Speaker 2: and you know, the guys who you know saw their
Speaker 2: friends die kind of edit the stories, right, you get
Speaker 2: the like noble version of it, and you know film
Speaker 2: they kind of show you, you know, once you have
Speaker 2: you know, movies, what it's like. But now, thanks to
Speaker 2: like four k uh drone footage, we get to see
Speaker 2: the horrors of war, not only in some poor Russian
Speaker 2: conscript being turned into chef boyardy, but also we get
Speaker 2: to see the like, oh you you look stupid, which
Speaker 2: is just like to be on a state literally fate
Speaker 2: worse than death, and so the Canadian government euthanizing you.
Speaker 2: It's like, well you die, that's you know, not always
Speaker 2: a positive, but also that you're right, they are going
Speaker 2: to make you gay before they kill you.
Speaker 1: I'm there on what I assume is an operating table.
Speaker 1: I'm imagining like a lethal injection in a prison, because
Speaker 1: why why wouldn't they And then as I'm fading, as
Speaker 1: my eyes are dimming, I see a drone flying overhead
Speaker 1: recording it. And then before it goes back, I see
Speaker 1: they're taking out the lipstick to put lipstick on me.
Speaker 1: That's well, now I'm gaining from the world.
Speaker 2: Well, the uh this is this is super dark. But
Speaker 2: one of my my brother in law, actually has been
Speaker 2: writing or an article about euthanasia and so he's just
Speaker 2: been kind of interested in this topic and he pulled
Speaker 2: it was from the Atlantic, this article because what they're
Speaker 2: doing that's super cool in the Netherlands is that they
Speaker 2: are they're extending these sort of programs to minors. Right,
Speaker 2: if you're like sixteen, you can get it done. And
Speaker 2: the tone of it is, of course, you know, relatively neutral.
Speaker 2: They're like, uh, maybe it is cool to kill teenagers,
Speaker 2: which you know, I'm sympathetic to that argument. But there's
Speaker 2: this like sort of slice of life where you're you're
Speaker 2: seeing like the first one of the first kids get
Speaker 2: killed by the state and it's like, wow, this was
Speaker 2: such a dignified moment. And that's how they describe it,
Speaker 2: of course. And then the actual thing is that they
Speaker 2: just put GTA five on demo lode. So he's in
Speaker 2: his like crappy bedroom getting mutanized watching GDA five play itself,
Speaker 2: which is it's just the darkest thing I can imagine they're.
Speaker 1: Putting on a penns one demo thing. It's like it's
Speaker 1: like a trailer for the game.
Speaker 2: It came out of a checks box in two thousand
Speaker 2: and three.
Speaker 1: See I've been I've been nursing this theory for a while.
Speaker 1: That Jay Burns actually like almost forty. He's been making
Speaker 1: a lot of bank, a lot of cloud. I'm being
Speaker 1: this gen Z guy. No, he's a fucking unk. That's
Speaker 1: a unk reference right there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a I'm a as the kid say, I'm
Speaker 2: unked out.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, I wouldn't get gets up in the morning.
Speaker 1: Is bones creak?
Speaker 2: That is actually true. That's just a there is a
Speaker 2: point in your life as a man where you have
Speaker 2: to pick which part of your body doesn't work forever.
Speaker 2: And I have, I've I've rolled like a gnat one.
Speaker 2: I got knees. Tell you there's just no cartilage left.
Speaker 2: What are you up to?
Speaker 1: J What have you been doing with your knees?
Speaker 2: Part of it like a series of like injuries in
Speaker 2: kind of my adolescence. The other thing is like you
Speaker 2: just do like wrestling in jiu jitsu, your knees are
Speaker 2: just destroyed. And a smart person would say well, how
Speaker 2: about you either pursue alternate activities or do those activities differently.
Speaker 2: And my response is that sounds gay. So I'm just
Speaker 2: going to wake up every morning in moderate to severe
Speaker 2: pain and look longingly over at the shotgun in a
Speaker 2: corner and wonder if today's the day.
Speaker 1: Yeah. What's wild is that if I explain that to
Speaker 1: a younger version of myself, they might see that as horrific.
Speaker 1: But having gone through it, I think now I'm there.
Speaker 1: I think, Okay, it's not so bad. If I had
Speaker 1: to pick up part of my body and not to
Speaker 1: work again or just be rid of it'd probably be
Speaker 1: my penis. I'm just sick of the shit.
Speaker 2: Well, good news. You know when when you when you
Speaker 2: go to the doctor and you're euthanized live via drone footage,
Speaker 2: your organs will be redistributed, and there is there's a
Speaker 2: little somewhere out in the world, maybe a programmer or
Speaker 2: a graphic designer. It's gonna get your penis dimes surgically attached,
Speaker 2: so you will live.
Speaker 1: A graphic designer, he will squander it. Because you know
Speaker 1: when you're when you're young, in your teens, your twenties,
Speaker 1: and you hear a story about someone who got their
Speaker 1: penis exploded by a grenade or bitten off by a
Speaker 1: clown or something. You're thinking, Man, if that was me,
Speaker 1: I'd just kill myself. And now if I imagine becoming
Speaker 1: a Unich something happened chemical like at too few or
Speaker 1: too many vaccines, whatever it is, I'd say, Okay, I
Speaker 1: don't It's gotten me nothing but trouble my entire life.
Speaker 1: Now it can focus on I got a new smoker
Speaker 1: last year. I can refocus on that. There's so much
Speaker 1: ship in life that I can attend to if I
Speaker 1: was free of this fucking prison we call penis.
Speaker 2: I think you're I think you're onto something. There.
Speaker 1: See, here's here's the thing. Here's the thing, Jake, I
Speaker 1: gotta say this. I'm say this will start. I'm under
Speaker 1: you right because real eager beavers will recall Jay's been
Speaker 1: doing this for so long, such a wonderful show, a
Speaker 1: popular show. And you will recall that I used to
Speaker 1: be Jay's insane retard friend who used to come on
Speaker 1: this show all the time, and then Jay went and
Speaker 1: trade it up. He thinks that I wouldn't notice. He
Speaker 1: thinks that people wouldn't notice he swaps me out for Bird.
Speaker 1: I used to come on here and say all kinds
Speaker 1: of stuff Cleo.
Speaker 2: Say that I want.
Speaker 1: Cleopatra was made of water or whatever the fuck? You know?
Speaker 1: The World Trade Center was a pyramid. I used to
Speaker 1: say that. I used to be his guy for that DNA.
Speaker 2: I realized I might be spoiling this here, But I
Speaker 2: think what I should do is sort of a parent
Speaker 2: trap esque situation where I invite both you and Bird
Speaker 2: to speak to me separately, and then I surreptitiously record
Speaker 2: that conversation, but I never say anything. Yeah, kind of
Speaker 2: closing the loop. So that I've much like you have
Speaker 2: eliminated your penis as a vestigial organ, I will have
Speaker 2: eliminated myself as a podcast host as an ultimately vestigial
Speaker 2: Internet organ.
Speaker 1: First of all, I like that idea. Second of all,
Speaker 1: parent trap, another old ass reference, just another drop in
Speaker 1: the bucket.
Speaker 2: Yes, but when did this the second one came out?
Speaker 1: If you told me there's seven of them, I like
Speaker 1: Freaky Friday. They just keep doing them, and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if I bet there's twenty, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay. It came out in ninety eight, which was
Speaker 2: before I was born. But it's like, well within the
Speaker 2: range of what random DVDs did some member of your
Speaker 2: family have, so that on like Thanksgiving or Christmas when
Speaker 2: they were like, all right, kids, go do something. It's
Speaker 2: like the film you end up watching.
Speaker 1: Only houses that had just a collection of only bad movies.
Speaker 2: Oh, one hundred percent. It's It's why I've seen like
Speaker 2: the first Madagascar film probably one hundred times. It is
Speaker 2: just burned into my brain, never consciously, like never, never.
Speaker 2: You know, there's no consent given.
Speaker 1: It's like two copies of Howard the Duck.
Speaker 2: How yeah, why did you go back to buy a
Speaker 2: second one? Is this such high demand? You're like, oh,
Speaker 2: we can't. We can't just leave this on VHS. It's
Speaker 2: a classic. I'm gonna have it on DVD too.
Speaker 1: It's like found no one has Jurassic Park, no one
Speaker 1: has Terminator too? What the fuck are we doing? Because
Speaker 1: back then you're thinking, you know, we'll catch it on TV.
Speaker 1: I'll let the TV tell me when I'm in the
Speaker 1: mood to watch Terminator.
Speaker 2: Well, that's one of the other the other ones that
Speaker 2: I did very distinctly remember. Uh is like very very
Speaker 2: early in a digital era where like we were kind
Speaker 2: of first starting to like download movies onto like the
Speaker 2: whichever the first iPod that had that feature, the one
Speaker 2: that was like really big and square. Uh, but you
Speaker 2: would also run into the storage problem. It's like, oh, shoot,
Speaker 2: we forgot to download a movie that would take us
Speaker 2: like eight hours. So uh but we still have this
Speaker 2: and You're like, I think I've watched this movie like
Speaker 2: thirteen times, but I guess I'm you know, eight years
Speaker 2: old in a car for ten hours, So like, I
Speaker 2: guess this is my one option. But uh yeah, So
Speaker 2: I think what I'm saying is kill those people too.
Speaker 1: We should we should be killing everyone all the time.
Speaker 1: But I was going to ask you, what what was
Speaker 1: your favorite movie as young man? We're sewing the weeds
Speaker 1: on this already.
Speaker 2: You gave me a topic and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's a good topic anyway, that's not what I'm interested.
Speaker 1: What type of movies do you like?
Speaker 2: We've truly reached the like the seventh circle of podcasting. Hell,
Speaker 2: but uh, this is exactly that level of random VHS
Speaker 2: copies that I've seen probably one hundred times. It is, Uh,
Speaker 2: James and the Giant Peach like semi climation movie that's good.
Speaker 2: The Disney Robin Hood were like of the three VHS's
Speaker 2: my grandparents had, those were two of them. Just on
Speaker 2: repeat you.
Speaker 1: It's wild about the Robin. It's the one with the
Speaker 1: fox right and all the end. Yeah, I'm as a kid,
Speaker 1: I bet I remember seeing that movie so many times
Speaker 1: to this day. I don't know what it's about. I
Speaker 1: just remember certain scenes and as a kid. And that's
Speaker 1: kind of what's cool about. Once you have a kid,
Speaker 1: you start seeing the world through their eyes and you
Speaker 1: understand how they start building memories. But you'll watch the
Speaker 1: same movie over the course of many, many years and
Speaker 1: you actually you build your memories of it. But it's
Speaker 1: like remembering a dream. But for that like that movie specifically,
Speaker 1: I all remember is like what the fuck happens in
Speaker 1: that movie? I just remember a guy going like twelve
Speaker 1: o'clock and all as well, and like that's about it,
Speaker 1: and there's a dance scene and then I think there's
Speaker 1: an owl. But I've seen the probably forty times.
Speaker 2: This is another question as a father, dives have you
Speaker 2: gotten your Are your children old enough yet that you've
Speaker 2: gotten that Like, oh, you're gonna remember this in like
Speaker 2: a negative way. And there's kind of like formative you know,
Speaker 2: traumatic memories.
Speaker 1: Yet yeah, yes, yes, And I don't know if the
Speaker 1: traumatic yet. Time will tell. But I remember, well, I
Speaker 1: should say I remember in that I have memories from
Speaker 1: when I was very very young. I'm pretty sure I
Speaker 1: have memories from when I was a baby because I
Speaker 1: fell down the stairs as an infant and almost died.
Speaker 1: I remember that, and I confronted my mother about it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, something happened, and then she told me later
Speaker 1: that that is indeed what happened. So I'm like, that's
Speaker 1: a strange, but what caused that? Like, you can be
Speaker 1: jolted at a young age to remember something, perhaps if
Speaker 1: it's traumatic. But I remember from a very early age
Speaker 1: remembering certain things almost like moving through a dream, and
Speaker 1: you don't really have control over it, right, Yeah, you see,
Speaker 1: you remember things that they're traumatic, but then you just
Speaker 1: remember stuff. You just start recording, and I don't know
Speaker 1: what really causes it. So my son is three and
Speaker 1: my daughter is five months, so he's at an age
Speaker 1: where I know he can remember things, like you can
Speaker 1: start seeing that they'll remember things from day to day
Speaker 1: or things that happened last week and refer to them.
Speaker 1: That's kind of how it starts. But you're not really
Speaker 1: aware of like what memories they're making now that they'll
Speaker 1: remember in five years. But you can kind of see
Speaker 1: it in their eyes. If you pay attention and you're present,
Speaker 1: you'll see that they're paying very very close attention and
Speaker 1: there they seem to be recording in a way, and
Speaker 1: you'll get to know how their eyes and their faces
Speaker 1: look when they're doing anything. It's not like they're just
Speaker 1: watching TV like they're watching you, and it's there's I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's hard to describe, but I know he's
Speaker 1: recording something, but I don't know if it'll stick around
Speaker 1: or you know, you're trying and give them good memories,
Speaker 1: but something a lot of life is just boring. He
Speaker 1: might be doing it when I'm like driving around. He's
Speaker 1: in the back seat, but he's maybe he's just remembering,
Speaker 1: you know, this this area, looking out the window on
Speaker 1: this particularly gray day. There's something about this day, this context.
Speaker 1: It's raining. And then part of being a parent is
Speaker 1: if I think, if you're a good parents, trying to
Speaker 1: actually see the world through their eyes, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: but you can't control everything, which is the unfortunate reality.
Speaker 1: But hey, I'll remember it all. I have a very
Speaker 1: and if you ask yourself, do you have memories from
Speaker 1: when you are very, very young, because then your child
Speaker 1: or children will probably be the same.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I have a very formative memory of being attacked
Speaker 2: by a goat as a child.
Speaker 1: That'll do it.
Speaker 2: Just still don't like goats.
Speaker 1: Valley crash out for can you offer.
Speaker 2: Would it be medically assisted suicide for a goat? Or
Speaker 2: do we just kill goats? I feel like the number
Speaker 2: of genuine uses for such an animal in the modern
Speaker 2: day or pretty limited. They're not even as an adult,
Speaker 2: you know, just trying to look at it objectively, not
Speaker 2: particularly pleasant to be around. And I think that's more
Speaker 2: than enough basis to just issue with fautoi on those
Speaker 2: concept of goats.
Speaker 1: Here's how wild I'm being, Like, I really started pondering
Speaker 1: and staring off and distance have my window just now
Speaker 1: thinking that's like a teleological question, like can a animal
Speaker 1: really commit suicide? Doesn't have free will? You know like
Speaker 1: that that could be a real question if you want
Speaker 1: to pose it. I know you're just talking about killing
Speaker 1: the goat that molested you or whatever it was, but
Speaker 1: it's a question like can can an animal yearn for
Speaker 1: death or suicide like we would. I've seen some evidence
Speaker 1: that elephants can or they have the ability of choosing
Speaker 1: death now to prevent suffering in the future. Seen some
Speaker 1: bears do that, I think, or maybe that's just a
Speaker 1: meme I saw anyway, I don't. I don't know if
Speaker 1: or not.
Speaker 2: The classic example, right, it's the lemmings. Not true, just
Speaker 2: some like grip with a broom sticking them off a
Speaker 2: cliff or whatever. But according to my extensive research on
Speaker 2: this topic, h there are very few animals capable of suicide.
Speaker 2: But one that is is a creature called a tar Sears,
Speaker 2: which I will show you because let me tell you,
Speaker 2: it sure does look like a killing itself kind of animal.
Speaker 2: It's a haunting creature.
Speaker 1: Tar Sears.
Speaker 2: Yeah, doesn't doesn't this look like an animal would kill itself?
Speaker 2: Like I don't know what I was in business?
Speaker 1: Animal that knows how you're going to kill yourself?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Just an animal that sees time is if it's
Speaker 2: simply another dimension, it sees all the strength.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's an animal that's seen too.
Speaker 2: Much Like this is like what the navigators and dude
Speaker 2: look like it's just like grapes for eyes looking monkey like.
Speaker 1: Could party wants to know the real justification for why
Speaker 1: that is? But then Partony just likes whatever I come
Speaker 1: up with, and I think we know what.
Speaker 2: It's. He's seen too much that the series. You just
Speaker 2: seem weird in this world.
Speaker 1: And what would be even wilder is it that started
Speaker 1: off as a man and he chose to become an
Speaker 1: animal having seen what he saw.
Speaker 2: I like that idea, like like the Bornian tribes that
Speaker 2: believe that, like people in Orangutans are basically the same thing,
Speaker 2: but just Orangutans never got a job and that's why
Speaker 2: they look like that. I'm not gonna pretend that is
Speaker 2: one hundred percent accurate retelling about a little bit of folklore,
Speaker 2: but it's closed it off for government work.
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm pretty sure that's what happened in Planet
Speaker 1: of the Apes. Like the New Ones, it.
Speaker 2: Just immediately become people unce they developed the concept of
Speaker 2: a job.
Speaker 1: What was I was reading something that was you know,
Speaker 1: there's this interesting This is a total tangent, But there's
Speaker 1: this book I covered on the show I do with prudentialists.
Speaker 1: Do you even read and we did this a two
Speaker 1: part around this book called The Transformation of the World
Speaker 1: by Jurgen Auster Hammel, and that's the story of the
Speaker 1: nineteenth century and all the cultural and technological innovations that
Speaker 1: arose in the nineteenth century that a lot of people
Speaker 1: don't really think about, and how much so, like the
Speaker 1: entire concept of nationalism as we know it was really
Speaker 1: foreigned within the nineteenth century. But one claim he makes
Speaker 1: in it, and I want to stress test this one
Speaker 1: because I'm not sure if it's true, but he said,
Speaker 1: you know, the idea of a regular job kind of
Speaker 1: came about in the nineteenth century. And you hear that
Speaker 1: and you say, okay, wait a minute, what do you
Speaker 1: mean a nine to five labor It's not really that,
Speaker 1: but it's sort of like this abstracted idea of like
Speaker 1: like I'm just a ham and Egger, I'm just a worker.
Speaker 1: I'm just punching a clock. So the idea is that
Speaker 1: kind of came about with automation, mass production, stuff like that.
Speaker 1: But like a job as just not a trade, not
Speaker 1: something that you master, not something it's just like a
Speaker 1: thing you need to just have and do, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't really matter what it is it's you.
Speaker 2: Just invest don's immuted yourself.
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, I did that. We're talking about monkeys having jobs.
Speaker 1: The idea is that for a monkey to understand that,
Speaker 1: for a monkey to understand not just labor and work
Speaker 1: and toil, but like fucking nineteenth century you know, almost
Speaker 1: capitalist idea of having a job, and like, yeah, that
Speaker 1: would be really advanced for it. That would fuck it up.
Speaker 1: It would need to understand all these other subordinate ideas
Speaker 1: as well. That will just cascade from that.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that, you know, there's there's this kind
Speaker 2: of debate among reactionary circles about, you know, to what
Speaker 2: degree is you know, Darwinism the explanation for everything or
Speaker 2: is it sort of a you know, a capitalist frame,
Speaker 2: a liberal frame placed on the natural world. But I
Speaker 2: propose an alternate model, dimes, which is the uh the
Speaker 2: paradox tech tree version of evolution, where you gain some ability,
Speaker 2: you put some points in, and you become erratically just
Speaker 2: different organism. So for example, all humans before the nineteenth
Speaker 2: century were effectively orangutans. The job is invented, and now
Speaker 2: it's people like how we are Now that's the like,
Speaker 2: it's a breakpoint sort of an A B. And so
Speaker 2: you can have people you know who weren't even there, right,
Speaker 2: they were just doing their own thing. You know, maybe
Speaker 2: even in a tribal society. It's like, ah, now they
Speaker 2: figured out jobs. Now I'm a person. It's just kind
Speaker 2: of like a world spanning uh development.
Speaker 1: I don't know if the listeners understand what a phenomenal
Speaker 1: sleight of hand you just did. There were And I
Speaker 1: know Jay very well, so I can see what he's doing.
Speaker 1: I see the puppet strings. What he's basically established is
Speaker 1: that there's a strong correlation between how employed you are
Speaker 1: and whether or not you're a monkey.
Speaker 2: That is not exactly what I meant putting forth this
Speaker 2: idea and then now willing to die on this hill. Yes,
Speaker 2: that's exactly what I meant. I think we need more
Speaker 2: of that, which is hastily made conclusions and then a
Speaker 2: willingness to uh to kill, to sentence someone to gay
Speaker 2: drone youth in Asia support.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you you are singing my song. Brother. I
Speaker 1: love hasty conclusions, I love killing to do peanut butter
Speaker 1: and jelly.
Speaker 2: I need to make a confession to you. I stole
Speaker 2: one of your bits.
Speaker 1: And you you're welcome to you, not not anyone. Don't
Speaker 1: be listening to this thinking you can do it. But
Speaker 1: Jay can go on.
Speaker 2: So up at a bachelor party with some some more
Speaker 2: progressive friends playing a board game. Already on shaky ground.
Speaker 2: This one's called Secret Hitler, which, given my line of work,
Speaker 2: I like it already. It's basically just Mafia with the
Speaker 2: added like very cutting political commentary that.
Speaker 1: Just a cyber Can you imagine like a Mafia Hitler?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like we already tried this.
Speaker 1: Gus, I would say Italian hilar when I said no,
Speaker 1: I call myself. What I want is like Vito Corleone Hitler.
Speaker 2: Sorry continue, Yeah, yeah, I can see it. The facial
Speaker 2: hair would be slightly different. Uh, attitude towards usury maybe
Speaker 2: a little different, but whatever, we'll work it out.
Speaker 1: Uh. So you come to me the day of killing
Speaker 1: all the Jews asking me for a favor. When's the
Speaker 1: last time you find me over for dinner?
Speaker 2: Just moving past it, it's just Joe Pesci losing it
Speaker 2: about wooden doors and smokes actions, which not that I
Speaker 2: say it. That's basically just what Twitter is a bunch
Speaker 2: of Italians chipping out about.
Speaker 1: World I haven't seen every Joe Pesci rolled, but I
Speaker 1: bet there's one in there where he's just ranting about
Speaker 1: Jews in the Holocaust, like he's just got the voice
Speaker 1: for it. He's got to be in Casino in some
Speaker 1: deleted scene.
Speaker 2: Okay, Uh, well, in Casino, apparently Joe Pesci routinely uses
Speaker 2: anti Jewish slurs.
Speaker 1: He here's he doesn't but like, he doesn't say any slur.
Speaker 1: But I remember one of the famous scenes where he's
Speaker 1: yelling because Robertino's character is Jewish, and because he's Robert
Speaker 1: de Niro, of course he doesn't change any aspect of him.
Speaker 1: He's actually not a very good actor, but we'll put
Speaker 1: that to the side. But I remember Joe Peschi and
Speaker 1: enough of de Niro.
Speaker 2: Okay, the creator of the Dunk Caccino, that's al Pacino.
Speaker 1: Al.
Speaker 2: I think I'll send you a Joe Peci quote from
Speaker 2: Uh it is from this is from Casino. Uh. Not
Speaker 2: suitable for reading on air, but you know, I think
Speaker 2: we've all been there.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, that's the one I was gonna quote, right,
Speaker 1: because that's he actually doesn't say any particular slur. Produced
Speaker 1: he just calls him a Jew, which is so he's
Speaker 1: not like anti Semitic. He's just like describing him, which
Speaker 1: is like, yeah, but uh yeah, that's like the scene
Speaker 1: in the desert, but uh yeah, Joe, I don't even
Speaker 1: he got me thinking about Robert de Niro. I wanted
Speaker 1: to say that I've seen more good Alpatuna performances, and
Speaker 1: I've seen good Robert De Niro performances.
Speaker 2: Well, it also feels like he is like the quintessential
Speaker 2: actor in a negative way.
Speaker 1: When when he dies, they're going to say that when
Speaker 1: he dies, going to say we lost one of the greats.
Speaker 1: But then okay, go watch Wag the Dog with him,
Speaker 1: and what's his fucking face? He was in rain Man,
Speaker 1: Dust and Hoffmann, I believe, isn't that And it's like
Speaker 1: he sucks. He's actually a lot of the roles I've
Speaker 1: seen him, and he's dog shit and he's just not good.
Speaker 1: And he very clearly reads a teleprompter when he's on camera.
Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know, but if you look
Speaker 1: into the you know, behind the scenes stuff like he's
Speaker 1: known for. Just for people who don't know what that means,
Speaker 1: it means that there's a fucking screen off camera and
Speaker 1: he's reading his lines, which is to be just such
Speaker 1: a hack move. And you can if you look closely,
Speaker 1: even in heat, I can see him his eyes moving
Speaker 1: in a weird way sometimes as if he's reading his
Speaker 1: fucking lines. So I don't maybe Albacion does the same,
Speaker 1: but he covers it under enough relish and mustard that
Speaker 1: you don't notice it.
Speaker 2: Just drenched in uh, drenched in marina. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well he did sent him a woman and never
Speaker 1: turned it off. And he's just been you know, off
Speaker 1: the rails ever.
Speaker 2: Since Frozen comes to the man. Uh. We've enumerated all
Speaker 2: of his his numerous flaws, being Italian, being involved in theater,
Speaker 2: h being insufficiently anti Semitic, uh, and being short. But
Speaker 2: I will say, if we're talking about you know, if
Speaker 2: there's one thing we can say about him, it's that,
Speaker 2: even in his advanced age, he does not have a
Speaker 2: vestigial penis, because didn't he just knock up his like
Speaker 2: twenty three year old girlfriend not that long ago.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about Robert Genio, right, I think so with
Speaker 1: divorce from his wife, and maybe that was related. There's
Speaker 1: an odd time to get divorced so late in life.
Speaker 1: But yeah, maybe I know al Pacino is I would
Speaker 1: believe that if you told me Paccino did, just because
Speaker 1: he lives on a diet of cocaine and fucking booze.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, Robert de Niro welcomes seventh child at seventy nine, Like, yes,
Speaker 2: look man enough, like that's genetically impressive.
Speaker 1: But he's got a bad track record of fathering children.
Speaker 1: So you look at him and you say, another one
Speaker 1: of these. Look, how fucked up is this one?
Speaker 2: So his uh? According to the BBC, the probable mother
Speaker 2: is a woman named Tiffany Chen. What do you think
Speaker 2: for Joms, he went Asian?
Speaker 1: Yeah, he did the black and he went to the Asian. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's martial arts and whoa, yes, whoa, that is a
Speaker 1: she's got a German jaw. Does she look at that?
Speaker 2: I'm seeing a photo for built like a ford, like
Speaker 2: a tundra.
Speaker 1: Like she she she's got a nice Eastern European type
Speaker 1: head on her. I mean honestly, like you's saying, oh,
Speaker 1: she's an Asian with the Eastern European and it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you mean like an Eastern European. Okay, Oh, here's the
Speaker 1: one in Ralphia. Raphael de Niro. Okay, he looks kind
Speaker 1: of like a normal, normal type of Italian. I mean,
Speaker 1: these half blacks are actually look Sicilian.
Speaker 2: But okay, they're still together. Uh wow, he looks old.
Speaker 1: And he's out here. We were talking about this before
Speaker 1: the show. Oh, we were talking about Maid, of course,
Speaker 1: and I was talking about my grandmother who is in
Speaker 1: her mid eighties and she just had both of her hips replaced.
Speaker 1: And she's a boomer, and that's what we were talking about,
Speaker 1: boomers clinging to life. You'll never get Sony, these boomers
Speaker 1: to go for Maid because they have this grand spectacle
Speaker 1: for the end of life. But I can't imagine being
Speaker 1: in my mid eighties and getting double hip replaced. But
Speaker 1: if my hips are that, I'm just gonna be a
Speaker 1: guy who sits down. I'm just gonna be a guy
Speaker 1: who doesn't stand ever and like I'm gonna have this
Speaker 1: massive invasive surgery. No, I'm not doing nothing. So the
Speaker 1: idea of being his age but still going out and
Speaker 1: talk shows and having an opinion. If I'm eyighty five,
Speaker 1: I'm not having an opinion publicly on shit. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have my guys in the diner or on the porch
Speaker 1: and we're just gonna talk shit, What the fuck am
Speaker 1: I doing in an audience of young people doing my
Speaker 1: like old man laugh?
Speaker 2: Have you ever been to like an old, old, tiny
Speaker 2: like mechanic shop like ill have. He's on farms. We
Speaker 2: have like a track in the roof with like a
Speaker 2: chain attached to it, for like you know, picking up
Speaker 2: an engine out of a car and like moving it
Speaker 2: across the shop. You should exclusively operate on like old
Speaker 2: tiny gantries basically like just be like pulled around like
Speaker 2: an anvil or like a hunk of metal which is
Speaker 2: by chains, you know, just kind of wrapped under your
Speaker 2: arms or something. I feel like that's like a dignified
Speaker 2: way to serve out your later years, you know, just
Speaker 2: like a horrific kind of meat puppet of a man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't wait.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean again, like it's more and more parts
Speaker 2: of you become the stigule you need to replace them
Speaker 2: with like chains and industrial equipment and uh yeah, it's.
Speaker 1: Just the only chains and like evil spikes and ship
Speaker 1: I'm just like an eighty five year old spawn becoming
Speaker 1: a real like industrial type motherfucker in my winter years.
Speaker 1: That is on I wrong with what I would do
Speaker 1: because you talk about living a dignified life, I might
Speaker 1: go the other way. I might be sold. Dignity don't
Speaker 1: mean shit to me. I'm going to be an ass
Speaker 1: whole when I'm May five and can't tell me nothing.
Speaker 2: So going back to going back to this Robert De
Speaker 2: Niro kung Fu girlfriend. The writing standards on Yahoo Entertainment
Speaker 2: are astonishingly poor. So I'm going to read you like
Speaker 2: one and a half paragraphs.
Speaker 1: And Yahoo us fallen.
Speaker 2: It's over. Man. The couple's age difference has been a
Speaker 2: controversial topic of discussion among social media users across different platforms. Period.
Speaker 2: Tiffany Chen and Robert De Niro reportedly barren age difference
Speaker 2: of thirty five years period. Chen, who is a martial
Speaker 2: arts instructor, hails from a kung fu family. At the
Speaker 2: age of twenty six, she was inducted into a twoenty
Speaker 2: eleven Martial Arts magazine Hall of Fame. So, okay, whatever,
Speaker 2: that's not written super well.
Speaker 1: Every photo I see of this woman looks different.
Speaker 2: So according to this this article times, how tall do
Speaker 2: you think she is reported as being? And how tall
Speaker 2: is de Niro reported as being?
Speaker 1: Because I'm willing to bet just based on the tone
Speaker 1: and tenor of your question. She's gonna be staggeringly taller
Speaker 1: than him? Would I be writ in that assulsion.
Speaker 2: That is literally true if you look at photos of
Speaker 2: them next to each other. But this, this magazine, uh
Speaker 2: contends This magazine contends that. Yeah, okay, I'm just gonna
Speaker 2: I'm gonna pull this up, okay, because I want to
Speaker 2: show that the claim being made here, right, So shoot,
Speaker 2: let me put us like too many tabs for Robert
Speaker 2: Danier's personal life pulled up. This is real podcasting. By
Speaker 2: the way, we've evolved from what films have you seen
Speaker 2: into celebrity drama. Okay, so this is the couple right
Speaker 2: According to Yahoo, she is five seven and he is
Speaker 2: five nine and a half.
Speaker 1: Fuck, okay, is there someone now? Someone's multiple people are lying.
Speaker 2: Yes, namely I don't think she's a real uh. I
Speaker 2: think the martial arts family thing is that's bullshit.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, look look look at his posture there. Look at
Speaker 1: it's like he's telling it like it is. Is that annoying? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking he's a tough guy. Still. Yeah, yeah, like
Speaker 1: even like Clint Eastwood gets it. Clint Eastwood's not at
Speaker 1: their top looking like He's gonna kick Donald Trump's ass,
Speaker 1: which is what Denier probably really thinks.
Speaker 2: Oh don't don't you remember that? This is probably like
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three or whatever where he like did some
Speaker 2: sort of press conference in New York where he just
Speaker 2: kind of did like an old man scream yelled about
Speaker 2: Donald Trump. Do you remember this happened?
Speaker 1: Yeah, he hasn't stopped. I've still seen like he'll go
Speaker 1: on fucking Colbert tomorrow and probably the same thing. And
Speaker 1: every time we see something like this, what we always
Speaker 1: do in our community is asked, who is this for?
Speaker 1: It's not for us, but who is this for? Who
Speaker 1: is watching this and getting reinvigorates? It can only be
Speaker 1: people his age.
Speaker 2: I think it's either him or alternately forty six year
Speaker 2: old kung fu prodigies.
Speaker 1: It's for it's people. It's old boomers or middle aged
Speaker 1: Asian women.
Speaker 2: Which you know there's something to it.
Speaker 1: I guess it's so funny their age difference thirty five years.
Speaker 1: That sounds outrageous, doesn't it. But he's in his eighties.
Speaker 1: I assume if you told me who's one hundred and three,
Speaker 1: I'd believe it. But let's say his eighties she's forty five,
Speaker 1: and it would be so funny if they're still trying
Speaker 1: to make this argument. You hear all over the fucking
Speaker 1: economy of takes like he's predatory. The age gap is
Speaker 1: too much. It's like she's still forty fucking five years old,
Speaker 1: you bitches.
Speaker 2: Well, and to be fair, apparently she's a talented martial
Speaker 2: artist and he is also ninety and five feet tall.
Speaker 1: I tell you what, I don't know the difference between
Speaker 1: a talented and untalented martial artist. I'm going to keep
Speaker 1: it a buck. I I mean, if you just show
Speaker 1: me that, if he's shown me someone doing a karate
Speaker 1: kata fast enough, I'm gonna think that's fucking wild. Why
Speaker 1: isn't he fighting his way at the top of the
Speaker 1: mountain right now? I just, I just I'm impressed by
Speaker 1: all of.
Speaker 2: It, Dimes, I just want. I wanted to let it
Speaker 2: be known compared to anyone who is one hundred and
Speaker 2: fourteen like Robert de Niro, by comparison, you are a
Speaker 2: kung fu master because uh, like you think you could
Speaker 2: break a brick, well, yeah, karate chop. Uh you know
Speaker 2: grandma and you will break her like a karate brick
Speaker 2: just turn her into dust. And so maybe that's what
Speaker 2: her specialty is, beating the elderly. Which fact is.
Speaker 1: It might be easier to crack an old woman's skull
Speaker 1: than a.
Speaker 2: Brick some set, which you know what I think that
Speaker 2: the Canadian government has really they've gotten too focused on
Speaker 2: simply like the dying aspect of made. What they should
Speaker 2: do is volunteer you for a fatal and still useful
Speaker 2: part of society.
Speaker 1: They've gotten made. It's being done by all of these
Speaker 1: pudgy Indians, excuse the slur and what they you know,
Speaker 1: fucking it up, gumming up the works, screwing up the needles,
Speaker 1: not finding a vein, not doing it right. Let me
Speaker 1: in there with my yellow belt and I'll expedite this
Speaker 1: whole thing. I'll just karate chop all of these dopes,
Speaker 1: these pin heads, these rubes right into Valhalla, because that
Speaker 1: it's They would tell you that if you're killed by
Speaker 1: an Indian you don't go to heaven.
Speaker 2: You're reincarnated as a Pakistan.
Speaker 1: If you're killed by an Indian you don't go to heaven.
Speaker 2: Well, so on that point, dimes, have you seen this
Speaker 2: just epidemic of the like horrific uh security camp footage
Speaker 2: of India where it just seems like they're their biggest
Speaker 2: natural predator is uh like one to three foot deep
Speaker 2: pools of water and uncoded power lines.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, I haven't looked that deeply into it because
Speaker 1: I see stuff like that and everyone will take it
Speaker 1: for granted that these are unseerious people dying in unseerious ways.
Speaker 1: I understand that, But I remember hearing about the train thing.
Speaker 1: There's so many videos of Andi's being hit by trains
Speaker 1: in very obvious ways, almost like they're doing it on purpose.
Speaker 1: And then you learn that there's and I don't know
Speaker 1: if this is true or not, but you'd hear a
Speaker 1: story about how it's them. They got some kind of
Speaker 1: death cult thing about it, some kind of cargo cult
Speaker 1: worship about it. There's something else going on. It's not
Speaker 1: just ineptitude. So point being that I look at this
Speaker 1: stuff with them drowning in little pools of water and
Speaker 1: everything else, I'm like, Okay, is there some strange Indian
Speaker 1: reason for this? Is this part of a religion? Is
Speaker 1: this part of a ritual? Because it almost seems too
Speaker 1: far that they would just be that stupid it would
Speaker 1: need to be stupid but purposeful. But I don't know yet.
Speaker 1: And also, and people are seemingly willing to accept any
Speaker 1: explanation at all. I'll ask groc pulling from a lie
Speaker 1: on Reddit, and I go, yep, that's what it is.
Speaker 1: There's a movie released about it, and inde and then
Speaker 1: now they do it. I don't fucking know. I just
Speaker 1: trade screenshots of tweets like everybody else.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's the that's the illusion of an audience, right,
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, this this guy's people listen to him.
Speaker 2: He must know what he's doing. I'm like, I don't
Speaker 2: know how to break it to you. In the past
Speaker 2: forty five minutes, I've advocated for the extermination of old
Speaker 2: goats and a radical new theory of evolution based off
Speaker 2: of exactly two and a half seconds of thought. So
Speaker 2: I don't know. Man, At a certain point, it's kind
Speaker 2: of on you for listening.
Speaker 1: He's the great American thinker. They're calling him the great
Speaker 1: American thinker. Jay Burden, shoot from the hip, just say
Speaker 1: just say you can actually, in fact, just say shit.
Speaker 2: I made a middling career out of it. But to
Speaker 2: go back one of your bits, I stole right just even.
Speaker 1: Get to that.
Speaker 2: In this stupid game, and you know it's part of it.
Speaker 2: It's like, you got the liberals, you got the fascists,
Speaker 2: the fascists to say they look like Donald Trump. So
Speaker 2: you got to understand it's it's cutting social commentary. But
Speaker 2: the whole objective of the game is to get a
Speaker 2: certain number of policies. So we're playing the game. Isn't
Speaker 2: that fun? And so as a secondary part of the game,
Speaker 2: it's like, well, if you pass the liberal policy, you know,
Speaker 2: limb tard policy, if you will, you have to figure out,
Speaker 2: you know, like well what is it, like what what's
Speaker 2: the policy you passed? Similar with you know, the fascist policy,
Speaker 2: And you know, I end up passing fascist policy. You know,
Speaker 2: it's just the cards I drew. And so they're like, oh,
Speaker 2: what's your fascist policy? And I was like, you know what,
Speaker 2: this is a bit I stole from you. Mandatory second Amendment.
Speaker 2: Everyone at all times is forced to be armed. Guy
Speaker 2: with down syndrome, doesn't matter, gun in each hand from birth.
Speaker 2: And it killed. Let me tell you, get killed. And
Speaker 2: it was good. You know, if I feel like I
Speaker 2: got my you know, got to some kind of self
Speaker 2: affirmation none of that. But deep in my heart of hearts,
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's a four year old blood satellite bit
Speaker 2: and recycling.
Speaker 1: We tend to specialize in jokes that make you think.
Speaker 1: I mean, all those people went away thinking, you know what,
Speaker 1: that Jay Burton, he was onto something, because who is
Speaker 1: going to be against down syndrome gentlemen with guns? Find
Speaker 1: me a liberal that would be against that in principle.
Speaker 1: I bet you can't find one, and if you find one,
Speaker 1: you cleave them in half. I want nothing. I don't
Speaker 1: want to hear about them walking around. That's a great
Speaker 1: thing that anyone should like. He could run on that.
Speaker 1: Trump should have run on that. Come out, could have
Speaker 1: run on that, and she would, we'd we'd we'd be
Speaker 1: in fucking North Korea right now.
Speaker 2: All I'm saying is there are certain opinions that if
Speaker 2: you hold them, if you express them in public, you
Speaker 2: should be afraid to walk alone at night. And I
Speaker 2: think one of them is any sort of objection to
Speaker 2: the policy we just laid out, like that should be.
Speaker 2: It should be one of those things where it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: you know, I wrote a letter to the editor of
Speaker 2: the local newspaper about that issue. I hope no one. Uh.
Speaker 2: It puts me in a box truck, it puts me
Speaker 2: in lipstick and then kills me. That that should be
Speaker 2: the level of just terror in opposing this this sensible.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And if people don't like that idea, how about
Speaker 1: I fucking shoot you.
Speaker 2: Buddies with Down syndrome?
Speaker 1: How I got idea? How about I shoot people until
Speaker 1: I get what I want.
Speaker 2: It's a novel concept, but I think there's something to it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what politics used to be. You know, we
Speaker 1: used to be real countries where he said, we're gonna
Speaker 1: shoot people with weapons until they they shape up or
Speaker 1: ship about and we get what we want, and then
Speaker 1: we stop doing that. And here we are now every
Speaker 1: woman's obese and.
Speaker 2: A god fearing man with Down syndrome can't walk around
Speaker 2: with two guns surgically grafted to each of his palms.
Speaker 2: And it's the it's the death of the West. The
Speaker 2: Yahoo news has fallen.
Speaker 1: And and by the way we're gonna get We're gonna
Speaker 1: get the down center of guy with gun hands before
Speaker 1: a woman president. He's gonna be president first.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I vote for that. Yeah, because it's like, you know,
Speaker 2: there's there's an honesty in it. Uh, there's an openness
Speaker 2: to it. There's a there's the the sort of like
Speaker 2: element of like you're gonna tell him no, you know,
Speaker 2: and and honestly, like you see that meme you know,
Speaker 2: from from Mice and Men were you're like, oh, look
Speaker 2: at the rabbits Lenny, Well, guess what. Uh, sometimes you
Speaker 2: need a good guy with a gun. That is all
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what if the roles are reversed. What if Lenny
Speaker 1: shot the other guy in the back of the head.
Speaker 1: That's a happening.
Speaker 2: Lenny shot first.
Speaker 1: Why I don't know why I didn't do that. Everyone
Speaker 1: would love that ending. These are the things it seems
Speaker 1: like every fucking year there's some discord about they're taking
Speaker 1: Andrew Jackson off the money to replace them with Harriet Tubman,
Speaker 1: or they're making something gay and black. But what if
Speaker 1: you just wipe all that away. It's Goku on the money.
Speaker 1: That's the type of idea you'd be talking about with
Speaker 1: this guy and who's against that. Well, you shoot them
Speaker 1: and then you have America back. See, like the shit
Speaker 1: Shit Ship's iron life is ironic and it's simple if
Speaker 1: you let.
Speaker 2: It literally simple In the case of you know, our
Speaker 2: potential future president, and this is the this is the thing, right,
Speaker 2: you have people cowards, morons, idiots. They don't present who
Speaker 2: will present here's some kind of boring gay solution where
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, if you change this government program or
Speaker 2: you know, you take this money over there, you do
Speaker 2: that with it, you return to a gold standard, you
Speaker 2: stop fighting wars for Israel. That's all gay. What we
Speaker 2: need is a man with a sixty five IQ and
Speaker 2: two loaded weapons at all moments. And I think that
Speaker 2: that's how we cut through all of these secondary concerns
Speaker 2: and get to what's really matters, which is killing goats
Speaker 2: with Goku on the money. And yeah, really that's it,
Speaker 2: that's all that matters.
Speaker 1: Another year where Ron Paul get is wheeled out to
Speaker 1: talk about returning to the gold standard, and I'm voting
Speaker 1: for the guy who wants to get to the golden
Speaker 1: retriever standard.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, and I think we were talking about this.
Speaker 2: We should pardon you're an advertising man to pardon a
Speaker 2: rebrand for Ron Paul, which is I think that your
Speaker 2: attitudes about aging are completely correct, which is that we
Speaker 2: need to see that man in his We're gonna call
Speaker 2: it the spawn era, so it chains hooks, kind of
Speaker 2: a hell Raiser esque aesthetic, and I think that's really
Speaker 2: what's going to revitalize his career. Like, oh, eight didn't
Speaker 2: quite work, twelve was probably a little bit worse. But
Speaker 2: this is the cool rebrand that I'll bring back, The
Speaker 2: Ron Paul Revolution by you know, kind of a aping
Speaker 2: a beloved comic book and that one movie character.
Speaker 1: Remember Ron Paul he did. He's done so many rebrands,
Speaker 1: but he had one. It was the word revolution and
Speaker 1: the word love within revolution was highlighted and like Pink's
Speaker 1: millennial core right there. Yeah, And I just look at him,
Speaker 1: I say, you're not about love? Whatever? Do you know
Speaker 1: what is Ron Paul nobel love? Why is that even
Speaker 1: in the mix? Shut up enough? You did the one
Speaker 1: big rebrand. It fell flat on his face. Go away.
Speaker 1: He's old enough where he needs to plan well ahead
Speaker 1: of time his next getting up from the chair. And
Speaker 1: once you're doing that, you should just get out of there.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be sold. You guys like that wind up
Speaker 1: to stand up, and then that's a that's a bad
Speaker 1: position to be in if you're in Congress or driving
Speaker 1: a car or fucking anywhere again. Like I can't wait
Speaker 1: till I'm old and I don't need to do shit.
Speaker 1: I don't even care if I have money for retirement.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna have a porch even though there's
Speaker 1: no house attached to it, and I'm gonna be a menace.
Speaker 2: Well I think that really, that's what sort of uh
Speaker 2: ties all of these themes, you know, whether it's you know,
Speaker 2: your your your end of life care h your your
Speaker 2: gay government ordered suicide, uh, all of these together, it's
Speaker 2: that what every man wants is sort of heads to
Speaker 2: the tails. That is dying in a gay way. It
Speaker 2: is living out your your twilight years as a plague
Speaker 2: upon this earth, as a as a menace. And you
Speaker 2: know what, we were trash talking Robert de Niro, but
Speaker 2: he sure is living out that Nietzche and dream of
Speaker 2: just being a menace. So you know what, maybe we're
Speaker 2: just maybe times we're just player hayting. You know, we're
Speaker 2: outside the club. We're looking at a self actualized five
Speaker 2: four man and we just we hate it because we
Speaker 2: can't have it.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, make no mistake, I am a player hater.
Speaker 1: I hate all day. Hey people, I'm jealous. I'm bitter.
Speaker 1: I hate people who have a ship that I don't have.
Speaker 1: I would I think I think I'm hating him for
Speaker 1: the right reasons, but it could be that he's living
Speaker 1: in the dream and I also hate him the exact
Speaker 1: same volume. Nothing's gonna nothing's gonna stop this, Jay, you understand.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep and it's it's it's good. It's good
Speaker 1: to make fun of people when they're old, because would
Speaker 1: you do that, would do Roberto when he was younger? No,
Speaker 1: you could kick my ass. He can't kick my ass.
Speaker 1: Now you'll fall apart. Just like it's it's really good
Speaker 1: to call eminem a corny loser now because he is.
Speaker 1: And maybe he wouldn't do that when he's in his twenties.
Speaker 1: He's running around with flashing a gun but never shoot
Speaker 1: you know whatever, it is doing cool stuff like slaughtering
Speaker 1: women and nobody else the cool, cool, tough guy stuff
Speaker 1: like that. But now, like you know, he's kind of all,
Speaker 1: he's kind of wiser, and he's trying to, you know,
Speaker 1: look back on past good. Now's the time to just
Speaker 1: beat him with crowbars rhetorically, of course, call him gain there,
Speaker 1: what's he gonna do fight you. He can't, and I
Speaker 1: think it should increase the older that he gets.
Speaker 2: The dimes. We are fast coming up on time, and.
Speaker 1: I guess weird. I didn't know how much time. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: that's a good point. I came here not to discuss
Speaker 1: any of that stuff. I wanted to discuss a short
Speaker 1: documentary that I released recently titled how to Make a
Speaker 1: Canadian People, and it's available on YouTube and rumble and
Speaker 1: x and substack well dimes.
Speaker 2: Here's what I would say, What are you next week?
Speaker 1: What am I doing next week?
Speaker 2: Do you want to stan actually talk about that next week?
Speaker 1: It's yeah, because yeah, because you cap this off and hour,
Speaker 1: we'll do that next week too. Yeah, this will be
Speaker 1: the sizzle reel for that.
Speaker 2: Like idea that we would just start that off. There's
Speaker 2: no joking around all. We're incredibly self serious. Everyone's like,
Speaker 2: this isn't the same guy Like, yes, it is, no
Speaker 2: clarification needed.
Speaker 1: I'm using a very dour Irish accent.
Speaker 2: Both of us are. It just gets worse and worse,
Speaker 2: much like Robert de Niro's attempted an Irish accent.
Speaker 1: Is the entire time hole neck tears.
Speaker 2: Well, like I said, we'll have you on next week
Speaker 2: or whatever it's convenient for you. This is a ton
Speaker 2: of fun. But in the meantime, where can people find you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, my show is titled blood Satellite. You can find
Speaker 1: that at blood Satellite dot Ca. We're also on YouTube,
Speaker 1: blood Satellite clips on x at legally Ironic, and I
Speaker 1: write for the Vanguardist Journal. That's Vanguardist Journal dot subsack
Speaker 1: dot com. As we can also find the little show
Speaker 1: documentary that we're gonna be talking about next time in depth.
Speaker 2: Well, thanks again man. Like I said, we'll have you
Speaker 2: on soon. I never w at home. Keep your head up,
Speaker 2: good night.